Red Scare - Valentine's Day Love Line

Episode Date: February 13, 2021

Another year, another round of answering your pressing love and sex questions.

We had a really good riff just now, we blew it. We're going to do it again. No, we won't. There's a reason God intervened on the recording button. We're back. We're back. It's back for reals. You're of the ox, strong like wool.

Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Do you have any plans? I don't know. That's up to my boyfriend to surprise me. Right. That's a threat. No, I don't care. Does Eli listen to the pod?

I think he lies and says he doesn't, but he probably does. He listens to all of our guest episodes with men. Right. He likes that. I mean, we don't need him to. Yeah, it's fine. I'm fine with Dan not listening. We're going to get a hotel room.

That's cute. That's nice. Not be revealing the location, but that's usually what I do for fun and leisure. That sounds great. Maybe I'll get a hotel room. And we already, the gifts come in the mail, and then we just kind of give them to each other.

Oh, cute. I'm wearing a bracelet. Oh, that's really pretty. Is that my boyfriend gave me? I got him, I forgot, like a candle or something. I got him a Jem's poster framed. I got him a candle that says psychoanalysis that Bella Freud makes.

Oh, yeah. Wait, she's the granddaughter of Sigmund. Or maybe great, or maybe even great, great. And he has a son who's a great, great grandson who's a model. Yeah, Jimmy Lux Fox, who follows me on Instagram. Oh, yeah. Cool. He hasn't liked my pics in a while.

He's probably busy. So we're doing a love line. We received an overwhelming deluge of questions that we're not going to answer, like 80% of them. Yeah, probably. So sorry. We got a lot of, yeah. And a lot of very lengthy voice memos,

to which I say, if you really have that much to say, you should start your own podcast and just keep it. Give advice instead of taking it. Keep it short and sweet. But it's good to have so many young storytellers out there. It's great to have so many, oops. It's great to have so many sinister homosexual fans with depressed sounding cadences.

Always nice to hear from her. Go on to hack their lover up in a bathtub. Really proud of the fan base we've cultivated. No, it's always nice to hear their charming, gay voices. I just picture all of them wearing muscle shirts. And they're huge, and they're on a tiny phone. And some kind of novelty belt. They all dress like Kyle Brown in my head.

Hey, Anna. Hey, Dasha. I'm going to roll that beautiful bean footage. OK. I'm a little nervous to ask this, but here it goes. So I'm trans. And I've heard a lot of the guys that I've dated in the past are straight passing or identifiers mostly straight.

I think I'm attracted to a more straight passing man because it validates my transness. And also, that's the two I'm attracted to. But I wasn't able to wake up in the past. Hence why I'm calling you now. So I was wondering whether you guys thought I should work more to be attracted towards more feminine men if my issue is just

going for the wrong guys? Or if you think that I'm just dated fitting them? Yeah, I'm kind of confused. And I just wanted to hear your opinion. I love you guys. Thank you. OK. Well, being trans would and straight

would mean that you would have to state straight men who, ideally, are transamorous in some fashion, I guess. But I don't think the issue is that the men you're dating are not effeminate enough. Or I guess the insinuation is that you should date that you might have better like dating gay guys, which I don't think is true. Yeah.

Well, first of all, dating gay guys is one thing. But dating effeminate straight guys is a whole nother thing. Those guys suck. They'll denounce you to the DSA. You want to stay as far away as possible from the effeminate, iffy, straight male allies. I think there's a lot of conflation with sort of sexuality

and presentation and affect in this caller's question. Because, of course, they would date straight men, if they're a trans woman. And I don't think effeminate men would necessarily treat you better. Nor do I think that you should sort of cater your desires because you won't be able to anyway. Yeah, it's not only that it's inadvisable

to change your preferences. But you're not going to have any luck because those are your preferences, and they're essentially more or less here to stay. So I would just say keep at it, sister. Yeah, the right guy is definitely, definitely out there. He'll come around. Yeah, most men are shitty.

So it's not. I hear you when I say wanting a partner who projects a kind of masculinity would affirm your own femininity. But it's all just a gamble out there. Yeah. I mean, listen, in the words of one of my intellectual and spiritual heroes, Quentin Crisp,

there is no great dark man. Being a woman in trans or not is fundamentally about being disappointed. I'm not even trans. I'm just treated as a woman. I'm really trans passing, and I ate a lot of shit until now. But to quote Quentin Crisp again, in an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast.

So if you waited out long enough. Oh, wow, I've never heard that. It's a really good one. I told Dan Alegretto that, and he's like, I'm not going to read that book. And then he carried it around in his backpack for four years. But yeah, I think if you waited out long enough, you're very lucky because you don't have a biological clock

that's constantly ticking. So you can be like 40, 60, 85 when you find love with a brawny, straight guy. I think it'll happen much sooner. Yeah, and I would also say maybe don't close yourself off to more effeminate men because you never know who will be a good, compatible partner for you. Just stay away from women, really least.

Happy Friday, y'all. I'm wondering what your thoughts on having verbally promiscuous relationship with someone that works on the same team as you. So some really quick additional context. He is in a relationship, and he's not my direct manager, but has a leadership role on the team. So I'm wondering if you guys think it's potentially

career suicide or no biggie, all fun and game, since this is all back and forth messages. And I have no intention of materializing this in real life. OK, thanks. Interesting. I think she needs to lose the verbally-boner-killing words like leadership and team, like the boardroom talk. I mean, do you think that's how they're sexting as well?

Yeah. A corporate jargon. I'm going to circle back into your policy. I don't think it's career suicide, per se. Yeah. But it seems ill-advised, if only because this person is in a relationship, and if they are found out by their spouse or partner, it would just

complicate their personal and professional life. And even if they're not your immediate superior, I don't know a lot about office culture, politics, admittedly. But it seems like it would jeopardize maybe professional opportunities for you. I mean, you're also kind of fucked because you've already embarked on this verbally-permiscuous

relationship. It's already too late. If you try to pull the plug, he might grow angry and vindictive. Punish you anyway. So stay vigilant. Yeah. And also, I don't buy that things that start out verbally promiscuous don't eventually move into regular promiscuous.

They're going to end up knocking boots at some point. Ostensibly, they're not currently in an office environment together because everything is remote, is what I'm assuming, unless she works. It's like an EMT or something. Yeah, they're like slapping each other. Unless they're essential workers of some sort.

I really hate the word slack. It feels like flesh slapping during an anticlimactic sex act. And it's supposed to sound leisurely, even though you're trying to outperform your worker, your fellow workers, like staying late at the office and like slacking people. I'm going to slack you so hard.

Did we answer that question? Keep at it. Yeah, you've made your bed. Rune that other woman's relationship. You've made your bed might as well lie in it. Maybe it'll serve you well. Just like a Kamala Harris. Yeah, totally.

Wait, didn't she fucked a Willie Brown? She fucked her way to the middle of the arguably top of the Democratic hierarchy. She's trying for her. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. It's cool. People used to have affairs at the office all the time.

Why not? Yeah, and I think he would probably get in more trouble than you. Yeah, career, what career? We're all disposable box concerts. Yo, any advice for sliding in the end? Your friend Maddie is like a 10 out of 10. So if you can give any advice for sliding in those DMs,

that'd be great. Thanks. Oops. Oops. My advice is Wall Street Bets at Ho. Yeah, if you want to get in Maddie's DMs, you better get on Wall Street Bets. You better have a nice stock tip for her.

She also likes planes, boats, and other spectrum style interests. She's also in charge of our merchandising. So maybe if you drop a pretty penny on the redscaremerch.com, you might get a nice note from Maddie that way. Show her you appreciate all the effort she puts into managing our merch storefront that keeps getting slapped with all sorts of suits and notices.

Luckily, she thrives in that kind of adversarial environment. So maybe insult her in her DMs to try to provoke her into responding. Maddie's not the typical woman because you can really talk to her like a man. She likes that locker room talk. She's very special, definitely. But if you're asking DMs in general, I would open.

I wouldn't. I think I would. Do people still slide into your DMs or not so much anymore? Yeah, but it feels like people who have such a detached sense of reality or like Algerian guys who've been saying hi to me for six months over and over. So that wouldn't be the tactic I'd recommend. Are people sliding in your DMs?

Yeah, occasionally, not so much anymore. I think it's because I have a boyfriend, also I'm old. But sometimes they do, and sometimes I'll even get a dick pic still, which I find less offensive than when guys slide into my DMs for non-amorous reasons or backhandedly amorous reasons and are like, hey, can you recommend a reading list? I'm not doing your homework, you little faggot.

Yeah, it's mostly stuff like that. I know one earnestly has slid into my DMs in a while. They'll do it ironically or to troll me or to ask me for shit. Some guy slid into my DMs the other day and was like, I'm also Jewish and a drummer. And I was like, cool, but OK. Because that's what you're looking for in a partner.

I'm looking for a much younger, less solvent Jewish drummer who lives in Iowa or Minnesota. He should find his own podcast to date. Hey, and I'm Dasha. This is Brian, calling from California. So I'm 38, and I'm single. And I haven't dated in about four years because I was in a terrible accident.

I was trying to help a woman jump start her car on the side of the road. And I hit by a drunk driver. And I lost my right leg from about the knee down, which I guess technically means I'm retarded now. That's basically been my excuse for not dating. And I've been in law school, which has kept me really busy, but I graduate this semester.

And I feel like I should try to date again after that. Because my life is not all bad. I do have my own podcast. It's called Cat Sound, the podcast. But I can't go to sleep with that in my bed at night. You know what I mean? But yeah, so I have this one leg. And I guess my question is, am I limited to only dating women

who have one leg? Or could I date a woman who has one arm? You have some other kind of mutation, something like that. Anyway, love the show, see you in hell. He's asking how developmentally challenged his future wife can be, like how low IQ before it becomes predation. He's living proof that no good deed goes unpunished. That's why you should never help a woman jump a starter car.

Hey, man, women got you into this mess, so I don't think. They're going to not get you out. You sound great. You sound like you have a great sense of humor, good taste in podcasts, your own podcast, which I won't be listening to. You went to law school, which is great, because you're hopefully going to make a bunch of money

as a lawyer, which will really endear you to women. Women love cripples. They love a man with a limp or no leg, like a jacked up scar. The right guy, one leg, no problem for me, honestly. Yeah, I would date a one-legged guy when, yeah. If he had a huge dick. If he had two legs, if you know what I mean.

The third leg became a second leg. Yeah, I had one leg that was pretty ripped and had a huge dick, and it was like a lawyer. I'd probably date him, no problem. I'd even sponge bath his stump. I don't care. Women don't care about this. That's the one good thing that we have going for us.

We really don't care about that kind of stuff too much. Some women do, but for the most part, I think if you men have a lot more room on the table to bring things. To be hideously ugly. Yeah. What was the question if you should date? Yeah.

I mean, I think his problem is not the fact that he's missing a leg. It's that he's kind of rusty because he's been out the game for four years. And what a huge trauma to lose your leg and everything. And how do you bring that up at dinner? Yeah, right. Well, I was watching that TLC show.

It's called My Feet Are Killing Me, instead of fat people. No, well, sometimes. But it's about people who have pediatric deformities and gross feet that they need surgical intervention on or other maladies that have to do with the feet. And it made me really, really grateful to be able-bodied and to have not just normal feet, but objectively pretty nice feet.

I know that you start to think about that. Really take it for granted. And we're only slightly, like, Chernobyl-y challenged. And but a lot of people on that show are in relationships. So it's just, and they, I think it's worse to have, like, a horrible gross foot than no foot at all. Yeah, probably one, like, really gross foot. Good luck.

Good luck out there. Yeah, you sound you sound like a good guy. Hey, girls, big fan. I'm just wondering, what does Valentine's Day mean to you? Oops, sorry. What is that? The game is like. Abner J. Oh, I have no idea what that is.

Like a blues record that was beloved by, like, the vice sucked for a while. But it's a good record, like, vice magazine. It's kind of like hipster, like. Yeah, yeah, I see. Yeah. It's OK. I, like, listen to, like, Smith Westerns and stuff like that.

That's cool. Yeah. I've seen them play a bunch of times. It's, like, really pathetic. I've seen the Smith Westerns play. I haven't heard, why haven't heard that name in years? I know. I heard them in TJ Maxx and it jogged my memory.

And I was like, what? I remember the song and then I, like, looked it up and I was like, oh, yeah. Good for them. What does Valentine's Day mean to us? There is no ethical consumption under capitalism. That's right. It's an anti-leftist holiday.

Yeah, it's a corporate sham to get you to buy things. No, it's cute. I love the vibe. It's nice to have a boyfriend and to give and receive little gifts. It's not my favorite love language. But, you know, I think it's a nice holiday and a nice excuse to do something.

Post Christmas, it's nice to have, like, something festive. Because after the New Year, winter can be a real drag. Yeah, it is. I think that's the utility of Valentine's Day. It's, like, the kind of intermediate milestone holiday between the actual holidays and, like, the joys of spring and summer. Exactly.

Because otherwise, we'd all just, like, crawl into a fetal position and die from, like, a seasonal affective disorder. And, like, I don't want anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. No, not for us. Or Easter. Well. That's for you. I like Easter.

I like Easter, too. But it's just, like, a little out of my league. Sure. So V-Day's, like, fun and nice. Yeah. I like lingerie. I like perfume. I like candles.

I like strawberries. Garlic girl. I like, you know, I like all that goo goo gaga stuff. Yeah. I guess that's what. It's close to my birthday, too. Yeah. So I have positive associations with it.

True. President's Day, which used to mean more than it does. Yeah, I have no time for that, either. Hey, Anna Hagashah. Shopee Valentine's Day. Lately, I've kind of been on this kick. And I think I'm going to be absent. I don't know for how long, for a while.

Not just because I've, like, had a big turn to religion lately, but because I just hate sex. Sorry, this is a too personal question, but have you guys ever just, like, willingly not had sex for a long time? How did it go? OK. Have you ever willingly not had sex for a long time?

No. Have you ever unwillingly not had sex for a long time? No, not like in it, not like as long as men go without sex. You haven't had a real dry spell. No, I don't think so. I've been, like, fucking and sucking since I was, like, 14 without stop. Nobody stopped, yeah.

I did take a vow of celibacy when I was working on my movie, The Scary of 61st, which will premiere at Berlin Hell Festival. Congratulations. Thank you. And it was, I, like, took a full vow of celibacy where I wasn't even, like, fapping or having sex and so that I could, you know, like a box

or really channel my energy into executing a creative goal, which took a tremendous amount of will. So I felt like I would be wise to maybe save up some of my libidinal reserves or something. Did it work? I mean, you made the movie. I made the movie, yeah, but by the end of it, I was really, like, lonely and horny.

Yeah. I definitely felt very, like, it definitely felt like a torment by the end. Yeah, I should probably try this at some point. It was, like, two months, maybe total. Yeah, that's not. I feel like men go, like, six months, six years. Yeah, I know, I know.

Six decades without sex. I know. Yeah, I mean, I've gone, like, a month or two without, like, probably, I'm trying to think, if I don't know. Yeah, it's hard. Prior to that, like, I hadn't probably gone more than a few weeks. Yeah, but I've never taken a vow of abstinence,

just because it would never occur to me, like, similar to, like, you know, I don't think I would ever, like, you know, do anything, like, like, intermittent fasting or anything like that. Like, I don't think I could ever just, like, commit to anything like that concrete. Right.

Which, like, I admire people who can, but it's just, like, not something I ever think of. But I don't, you know, Mike Tyson said to, like, not come before fights or whatever, like, during his training. And I don't, I wonder how much of this actually works. Well, I think we had another question to this effect, but it was too long.

But it was about no fap. And I think it's very different for men and women. Yeah. I think it makes sense that if you're a high-T boxer. Yeah, it's hard, yeah. That it would make you more, like, aggressive and a more ferocious fighter to have, like, pent-up aggression from not coming.

What I will say is that I know I can go weeks, months, years without sex and, like, not shoot up a school on, like, many men. Like, I think I would be totally fine. Definitely. I fully anticipate this will be my future when I'm, like, 50 or 60, because I'm not trying to, like, be one of those, like, gross,

like, plastic cougars who's, like, lurking around, trying to, like, fuck Greek Kavana boys or something. I mean, never say never, Anna. I don't know. What is it? When people say that women hit their sexual prime in their 40s and men hit their sexual prime when they're 18, what do they mean?

Is that true? That's what I hear about. I don't know what sexual prime really refers to. I don't know if it, like, level. Like, peak horniness? I can't be peak horniness, right? Because I'm only getting less horny. Yeah, me too.

And I don't foresee my middle age being particularly horny. Rife with horniness, yeah. And I am kind of perplexed by that kind of woman. I think they mean desperate, maybe. Yeah. I don't know. You hit the wall of your, like, reproduction, sexual prospect.

Yeah. Yeah, I suspect by the time I'm in my, you know, 50s, at least, I probably won't even really want to have sex that much, it seems. Yeah, definitely not. Like a relief. I want to be dead by the time I'm 50. I want to be like Roseanne, like, riding a golf cart

through like a macadamia farm with a bunch of animals. Cool. Yeah. Sex when I'm 50. It's like looking like an Alice Neal painting. They're like a Picasso, one breast is here, and the other one's like across the room. It's hard to, yeah, it's hard to feel horny

when you don't feel sexy. Yeah, that's a big one. But I feel like that's the problem. Like now anybody can buy sexiness because you can just like look really hot into your 40s and 50s with the help of like various cosmetic fixes. I saw Nancy Pelosi on the news, back to back footage from 2005 and 2015, and believe it or not,

she used to look like a human being in 2005. She hadn't taken on that leathery appearance yet. Yeah, that like paraffin bath lizard look. And I was like, wow, like you once had sex, but no more. I wonder how long she's gone without having sex. A decade. A hundred years. A hundred years.

That's the source of her power. Yeah. Someone has to make Nancy Pelosi come. Who's it going to be? So that she'll loosen her vice grip. Establishment. Yeah, which brave red scare listener? The guy with the one leg.

Please, Pelosi. Make her squirt. Make Nancy Pelosi squirt. Yeah, OK. Hey, so I'm a frequent listener. OK, sorry. I'm a frequent listener. And I was just wondering, in your professional opinion,

how often do people actually have sex? Like, I don't know. I'm 20. I'm in a relationship now, and it just freaks me out. Like, how often am I expected to do this? It's just like daunting, honestly. How often should this guy have sex with his girlfriend, Anna? I'm just kidding.

I think sex is like food. You know, different strokes for different folks. You do it at your pace. If you want one meal a day, that's perfectly fine, healthy. Thank you. You want half a meal a day, a handful of nuts. Yeah, there's no standard. It's really, it's up to you and your partner.

Yeah, there's no, I don't know. Early on in a relationship, probably like every day or more, and then five years down the line, like once a month. Yeah, enough to keep it interesting and affirm your bond. Yeah. But certainly at the beginning of a relationship, probably I at least would prefer to have sex like every day. Yeah, that's usually how it goes.

It's like the normal standard. I don't know, there's no, god, I sound like such a lib. Whatever you consent to is the right answer. There's no right answer. Your boundaries are valid. Yeah, I mean, it's also possible that your story is valid. It's also possible maybe you're not in the right relationship if you are feeling like you're having sex more than you'd like to,

because it never feels good really to have sex when you don't want to. Yeah, totally. It's going to be quite unpleasant. To make a long story short, we can't answer that question because we're not a statistics podcast. Yeah, next question. Shay and then Dasha, I'm actually pretty happy right now, but I have this one issue in my relationship that I feel like maybe you can give some insight on.

So basically, I just started dating this guy and like very in love. It's like genuinely perfect, but there's this one thing that is bothering me. Basically, it's just that like his calm tastes literally disgusting and I've never tasted anything like it before. So I just wanted to know like if you guys swallow and if you have any. He is vegan, so maybe that has something to do with it. But he asked me like how it is and I was like, it's great. Obviously, he lies directly to his face, but just want to know if you have any experience.

Thanks, love you guys. The rants had come. No, but there's that old wives tale that if they eat a lot of pineapple, which is vegan. Yeah. That helps, right? And typically, I think being vegan doesn't make your calm taste bad. I'm going to Google this. It's my understanding.

But maybe he's the kind of vegan where he like eats like chips all day or something. I think if you're eating like a healthy, balanced diet, your calm should taste basically normal. Yeah, you don't have to swallow. You could just get it on the face. Yeah, that's a good idea. I guess you don't have to put it in your mouth. But once it gets in your mouth, it's irrelevant whether you swallow or not because the taste buds are activated.

I think she just means, yeah, taking a load in the mouth, which I mean, it's not, my advice would just be it's not that even if it's disgusting, it's like a second of having it. Yeah, to make someone's whole day. You can get over it. My hot take is that when people don't like each other's tastes or scents, they don't really like each other that much. I think it's maybe a pheromonal issue or he has some pheromonal illness. I don't even know how you would broach that like, hey, bro, I wouldn't say anything.

I would just redirect if I really didn't want it in my mouth or I would just fun game. You have to gamify it and you're like, Daddy, come over, come over here, come in that dumpster over there by the desk in the office. I love it in the toilet just so you can flush it right after. Yeah, or I would just like be a good sport about it and take that load. Yeah, I think, yeah, either you take that hit on the chin metaphorically speaking or you make, you know, kind of like divert his attention, exactly. Next.

Hey, and I hate that of the pod, sorry, that's the full my Valentine's Day question is how much anal sex do you think a straight woman in her 20s should have? Yeah, I don't know, my boyfriend's really into it right now and I'm kind of wondering what that means and what you guys would do if you were in the same position. Thanks. She sounds incredibly hot, can I just say? She has that demute, more sandpaper dipped in she sounds morbidly depressed and incredibly hot so I can see why your boyfriend keeps trying to fuck you in the ass.

You sound like you have green eyes. Yeah, if you could follow up with a pic. Similar to some of these other questions, I think, you know, it's really up to up to you. Yeah. How often should a woman in her 20s be having anal sex, occasionally, you know, if you don't probably not every day, definitely not every day. Yeah, as a treat, yeah, if you enjoy it or don't mind it enough for the gratification

of your partner, I would say once a month, twice a month, somewhere in that range, like a nice kind of keep it special. Yeah. So you don't want to, you don't want to cheapen anal sex, you don't want to like lower the price. Exactly. That's not good. It's also, you don't want to like loosen the sphincter muscles too much because it's

not healthy. No, it's not healthy to do it too much. It takes a bit of prep, you know, so it's not something you just want like on the table whenever and shouldn't feel like up for grabs, it should be like after he buys you something nice or takes you up for ice cream. No, don't, don't have anal sex after making sure unless you're vegan. Yeah, after a nice big chili dinner, he took me to Chipotle. Yeah, if you're concerned, if you're concerned about it, you're probably having it too much.

I'll say that. Yeah. Yeah. Lots of them. When is ex sexual activity too much questions, which is better than the is 32 and 47 and serious age gap or whatever the fuck we usually get. How do I find love on Tinder? Yeah.

Did you hear that the woman who started bumble was a billionaire? No. This one is a bumble. Yeah. Or prior. Or IPO'd. Fuck. Yeah.

Okay. That's like crazy. A billionaire? A billionaire. Well, I don't know. I mean, I feel like all these like valuations are totally like junk, it's like the Kylie Jenner thing. But still.

Yeah. Crazy. Yeah, profiteering off of women's sexual misery, good for her, feminism at work. And she stole her idea from the Tinder CEO, I think, because they were dating and then they broke up and then she started bumble. Wow. Yeah. Real girl boss.

Real girl boss. Shit. Yeah. They should like make a documentary about her. Anyway. The idea being that women can, women have like the preferential matching option. Yeah. They make the first move.

I see. On bumble. Yeah. It is a good idea. I guess. It's like my worst. Anyway. Hi, I'm Natasha.

Love the show. I'm calling in because I have a question for you. I'm wondering if you think that there is any way that someone can be in a non-monogamous or polyamorous relationship without it being super fucking cringe. Yeah. Love to hear your thoughts. Love you guys. Bye.

Yes. If you're having an affair and it's totally secret. Yes. Otherwise. I would second that. That is the only, the only dignified way to do non-monogamy is to have a highly passionate covert affair that no one ever finds out about. Yeah.

Totally. You know, you know, the worst, I think the most painful like scenario for me to think through in like these like ethically non-monogamous sort of a polyamorous relationships isn't even being the person who's jealous of another person, but being the one like I would totally be the person who would try to smooth things over and pretend everything was cool for the benefit of the other people, you know, cause I'm like a peacekeeper and I was just like, no, no, it's okay. I don't care.

It's fine. You guys can hang out tonight. Cause I literally wouldn't care. And then they'd be like, are you sure? And it would be like, you know, I think being like the kind of like middleman peacekeeper would be truly cringe. There's lots of legislating for sure. Yeah.

I think if you want to be ethically non-monogamous, you want to not be in a relationship. Yeah. Basically. Yeah. Just be single and hook up with people or have an affair. Exactly. All tried and true historically. Yeah.

We don't need a new thing. Yeah. I'm thinking now of, you know, cause often it seems polyamorous arrangements are, if I think it's more cringe to sort of introduce a third, like to be kind of like a polygamous sort of like a woman with two boyfriends or a husband and a boyfriend or a man with two girl, whatever, or versus being like some kind of twisted thrupple where the three of you are all truly like in a triple relationship together. So gross.

I think like being a woman who has two boyfriends or like a husband and a boyfriend is a lot like having twins, like they're bound to be physically smaller than if you just have one. Is that true? No, but I'm just like, every time I think of like, um, thrupples of that, um, orientation or whatever, I think of like the guys, the woman being like large and in charge and having like a wrist tattoo or something and the guys looking like Mackenzie war, you know. Totally.

Anyway. Yeah. Well, it seems like needing to would imply a deficiency on both their parts. Definitely. Hate to burst your bubble. Like you really only need one person in a, in a partnership. Yeah. And if he wrongs, you cheat on him.

Very simple. Easy. Hi, Anna and Dasha. So, um, basically I'm in college and my boyfriend's coming to visit me for Valentine's Day, but I've recently, while we've been long distance for the past month realized that I don't want to be with him anymore. And I realized that like a few days before he was coming. So should I make him not come like the day before or, uh, I think you should see him.

It sucks. You're in a rough spot, but I think, um, your feelings might change. Yeah. And you kind of, oh, it's yourself into him to maybe see it through. Yeah. And it would also be more tactically wise because once you see him, you can always be like, well, after seeing you, I realized my feelings were not pure and faithful. Exactly.

Whereas if you break up with him on the eve of your meeting, it just looks, looks calculated and weird. And. Agreed. Yeah. Just see him act really happy to see him and then get progressively more disappointed. Yeah. Time to practice your furrowed brow.

You're crying. It's like looking at pictures of AOC. It's, yeah, it's unfortunate, but it happens. You're in college, you know, don't beat yourself up. You have two more years of being chaotic, you're responsible for, he'll get over it. Hey, I'm Dasha question for you. Is it ever okay for dudes to, uh, go see prostitutes ever necessary or allowable? All right.

Thanks. Is it okay for dudes to go see prostitutes? Yeah. Go see. It's funny. Um, yeah, definitely that's what they're there for. Yeah. This is, this pose is kind of like a dilemma because prostitutes exist for dudes to see

them, but also, and I think no woman I know would be cool if she found out that her dude was seeing, was seeing or had seen prostitutes. Yeah. Well, that wouldn't be in my criteria of it being okay. Yeah. I think I contrary to popular belief, I'm not a swerve. Um, and even though sort of transactional sex is not my preference or ideal, I definitely think that there's a time and a place to see a prostitute, to see a prostitute, usually

a nice hotel or, if you're ever in Eastern Europe or East Asia and you're alone for long stretches of time, or if you're like a very high power businessman who just doesn't have the time to maintain relationships, true, but wants to, you know, pay for an experience. I think that's fine. It's not the best. It's not the worst either. It's not the worst, it's like, there's, yeah, there's many contexts in which it's more okay than others.

Yeah. You're slightly better than rapists and pedophiles in like the nine circles of men or trash. Men are just dog, but yeah, I don't think it's, you know, that unethical. Yeah. Yeah, just make sure you wear two masks. I literally wear two masks, but like I'm asked to go to sleep. Oh yeah. Cause it like really like, uh, blocks out the light in your room.

No, not even. I just like need total darkness. And I like the, I wear a sleep mask to it and I like the kind of squeeze, the autistic squeeze on my face. Yeah. Exactly. Oh fuck. I can't tell if we, this might be the same one.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So. Oops. Oops. Sorry. Hey girls.

Love the show. This is Sean from Marlins. I've got a question about COVID being, I mean, probably getting a lot of these at the moment. Um, so me and this lady started dating around Christmas, but we went back into lockdown over here and it's been very difficult cause we only got a couple of, you know, normal dates in before things shut down and we didn't quite, you know, get close enough. And but we've been talking loads over video and you know, texting loads and a lot of calls. So and it looks like it's going to be a business like this for another three, four weeks.

And I was just wondering if that's one advice on how to kind of, you know, let them know that I'm, that I'm, you know, not, it's not just a tonic, uh, dynamic that I want. I'm interested in what we're going to be able to do physically without being creepy. You know, it's a tricky balance, but I'd love to hear what you ladies have to say. Love the show. Um, and, uh, yeah, have a nice day. Three or four weeks, what planet is he living on? It's an illusion.

It's going to be like three or four more years of this shit. Ireland. Like lockdown. Well, maybe they're under a really strict lockdown. Cause New York's like, I don't think he, yeah, I don't know exactly what's the situation is, but I think he's talking about like quarantining measures, but I think, I mean, we touched on this when we did the first love line post lockdown and there was lots of people sort of talking about whether or not they should quarantine with their significant others and

stuff like that. And I think, um, COVID dating is definitely more challenging, but really if you like someone, you there's, you have clarity about how to proceed. I think like all this COVID stuff is just another layer of excuses that people heap on situations where they like don't really like the other person that much. It sounds, I'm sorry to say, like she is kind of stringing him along in this limbo. And especially if he feels like he can't even sort of articulate a romantic sexual physical dimension to their relationship without it being creepy, it seems, it sounds

like she's established a kind of friend zone. And I wouldn't maybe waste my time because I think if you really met someone, the COVID would be irrelevant. It was all the way, I mean, also, you know, to be fair, Irish guys never sound creepy because they sound so jolly and mischievous. Totally. He sounds hot. Yeah.

We'd have sex with you. Just tell her that lockdown measures and I'm dabbling in a fuck you. But if I'm misreading and that's not the case and you are maybe just hesitant to be untoward or something, I would just go for it and say like, I wish I could see you so that I could boop and boop. I think go for it. Yeah. I had a dream about you is always a good way to initiate some kind of to take a temperature

on people's sexual interests. Let me like, well, you know, actually I was coming all over your face. I had a dream about you and you were going through my wallet. What do you think it means? But yeah, especially if you guys had met prior and gone on dates, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't sound like she's lamenting the lockdown for keeping you apart. So she probably isn't so interested, but I wish you well. Yeah.

Hi, Dasha and Anna. So my question is, why do I hyper focus on my ex's sexual history? Not even like in a slut sheenie way, but more so in a, I feel inadequate and or cuppy way. What would be the underlying reasons for that? Because I tend to like, even if they're, if they're men that I believe could be objectively like, I guess inferior to me, even when it's men like that, I still feel like compelled to poke around more, you know what I mean? And ask.

And it's not healthy because it is affecting my relationships with these women because we've broken up generally, interestingly enough, this tends to come to a head Valentine's Day because I've never actually made it to a relationship. Say we start in March or whatever. It's never actually made it to where we're together by the following February. Have you guys had experience with men like this? How, I mean, obviously probably, I feel like not you guys, but like the women I interact with like shit, but why?

I try to be respectful about it, but at the same time it's hard when it's like a underlying conscious kind of thing. So I guess the question is, am I fucking cuss for focusing on it? Thank you. Have a lovely day. And he sounds like he's like zooming through the hall like a binder full of papers. He sounds like he listens to Weezer. Are you saying he sounds aspergan?

He sounds, yeah, well, well meaning. What does it mean though that he pokes at it? He asks them about their sexual histories. Yeah. He's fixated. He's negatively fixated on his partner's previous sexual partners and yeah, badgers them about it incessantly until they break up with them. It sounds like it's just not garden variety narcissism like your past or your future over

her future, but her past over your past, like, you know, what do you mean, like her past is more relevant than his past, right? Yeah, and it's, you know, it's this fixation that whether or not it's like, you know, whatever the rationale for it is whether whether or not he's judging them, whether or not he's judging himself. I think it sounds like he's insecure. And so he kind of can't help but fixate on previous sexual partners. Yeah, I would add a layer to that and say the insecurity also is a defense mechanism

against attaining intimacy. Interesting. It's like a fake proxy and security. Right. Yeah. But yeah, this doesn't sound good. I mean, I don't think that it's ever kind of like useful or valid to like prod into a woman's sexual history.

She should be, she should volunteer to tell you herself because she's BPD and devulches. Yeah. Needless details about her past to provoke you into breaking up with her. There's definitely like a threshold of kind of innocent interest to take, you know, like have you ever blah, blah, whatever, but it sounds like what he really desires is to be cucked, judging by him using that term twice and sort of fixating on his sexual inadequacy sounds like he probably has like a secret wish that he wants fulfilled. Yeah.

Maybe. Yeah. Maybe he's gay. Maybe he's gay. Yeah. That's what he wants to hear about. All these hot guys. Yeah.

I would really recommend therapy, you have to get to the bottom of that with a licensed professional. Yeah. We'll get you on the hook for years. It's only going to run you a couple hundreds of thousands of bucks to get this issue sorted out analysis four times a week. He sounds young too. Yeah.

That's it's, I think that's the kind of thing that fades away more as you get older and practice it. He needs to practice being present. Okay. You need to be mindful and present live in the moment, eat, pray, love, every day is a gift. That's why they call it the present. Hey ladies.

So I've been in a sort of slow motion exit from a rocky six year on and off relationship for the past year and throughout I managed to stay more or less on good terms with my ex who I'm close to still and I know her family and I'm fond of them and we sort of grew up together over the past several years. So I, there's a deep attachment even though I don't want the relationship anymore. So I'm seeing someone else now who I really like and though I've told her about it, feels sort of weird and dishonest to have this close, albeit platonic relationship with my ex for so many years, especially when I suspect you would get back together in a heartbeat.

So should I blow up this stable friendship with my ex for the sake of this current relationship? I trust myself not to have any conflicting feelings, but I worry that it could drive a wedge between me and this new girl, especially since the old relationship could be pretty turbulent at times. At the same time, feels cruel and maybe sort of pointless to effectuate a heartbreak with my ex after all this time and effort to let things down lightly. Her mom still sends me books and a card on my birthday, for instance. So what to do?

In general, staying friends with an ex, especially a long-term one, possible, self-illusion, you tell me. All right, cheers. You should become a voice actor. Thank you for scripting what you wanted to say really came across with a lot of clarity. Yeah. That was sincere, but it wasn't sarcastic. I definitely think it's possible to maintain a friendly relationship with an ex.

I think he's thinking about it in too much of like a binary. You don't need to kind of have a heartbreak with your ex. What's problematic is when he said that his ex would probably get back together if he wanted to. He means he would probably get back together. I don't know. I think he's emotionally stringing his ex along, perhaps in lieu of like another option and maybe because he likes the attention and the intimacy.

Like the stability, yeah. It sounds like he has the really odd and off again tumultuous relationship hasn't really concluded around its course, but that there ought not to be a reason just to kind of break it off cleanly rather in your new relationship, you'll kind of ideally sort of become less close to your ex and establish healthy boundaries and kind of navigate it as it goes. I don't think, I think it's more weird to just kind of hard break things off with your friend ex because of your new relationship. Yeah.

It is like weird and abrupt and cruel. I mean, my like best friend in the whole world is my ex, who I dated for five years and who I lived with and now he's like married to a wonderful woman and any woman who would have an objection to that if there's truly nothing going on in your friends is not really a worthwhile partner. But also any woman who does have an objection to that might have a legitimate objection if there's like some weird underlying emotional valence because people have like feminine intuition, which it sounds like there is.

Yeah. So I, my advice to him is to ask his girlfriend what she thinks because it sounds like she hasn't really been consulted in the matter. I mean, he doesn't have to make like a whole like, you know, production out of it. But like if she has no problem with him hanging out with his ex or like maintaining a friendly rapport, like then there's no problem and he's overthinking it and it's in his head. Right. Unless his ex is secretly pining for him, in which case that will become clear and do

time anyway. Yeah. But even that's not a threat, you know, like that's, that's inherently less threatening if it's unreciprocated than him pining for her, you know, it's not a threat, but it is cruel. Yeah. It's annoying and like needless, but yeah, I don't know, I would, I would probably. It's not a real friendship if one party is longing to be romantically reunited with the

other. Yeah. It's like weird in one side. I think he has to do like a searching moral inventory and ask to speak to the manager within and negotiate where his feelings lay and then figure out how his girlfriend feels about it. Yeah. And that's my honest and sincere answer.

That's well, well said. Hey, I'm Natasha, Bill here and I'm a big fan of the show. I was wondering if you guys had any advice for people who kind of maybe had like a rough upbringing or like a bit of a traumatic upbringing for people, maybe they have trouble, I guess letting people into their lives. I know I do. I'm going to therapy for it, but it's kind of still just a rough thing to deal with. Now.

Yeah. I just wondered if you had any tips. Thanks. He doesn't sound like he had a rough or traumatic upbringing. Hey guys. Thanks. Well, you know, you never know. It's good at hiding it.

No. I believe him. Um, yeah, you have to just go for it. It sucks. It's the hedgehog's dilemma. Wait, what? It's from Neon Genesis Evangelion, but that's when like the hedgehogs, they want to be close, but closeness can hurt because the hedgehog has spikes.

Oh, that's so sad. The yogic. The yogic's dilemma. Yeah. Um, uh, yeah, being close to people, letting them into your life is always a risk and often ends in sorrow and pain, basically a hundred percent of the time, either due to betrayal or death. Yeah.

Yeah. Best case scenario is one of you dies before the other one. Exactly. Um, so it's, yeah, inevitably tragic and painful, but also totally worth it to open yourself up to, to love. Yeah, I mean, in the, in the words of our first truly neoliberal president, Ronald Reagan, I think he said this, he trusts, but verify, cool, like you have to, um, you have to like, you know, give it a shot.

And I, I, I had a kind of rough and traumatic upbringing, but I like always assumed that meant you let people into your life way too intensely. And then it like, uh, uh, like, uh, explodes in your face. I think it's, yeah, you both, both, both occur depending. It's like, yeah, uh, the two, it's like a barbell to like, it's overweight on the end of the spectrum. They're like, have sex with somebody on the first date or you like don't have sex with anybody for many years.

Yeah. Um, yeah. I think women tend to, um, men tend to put up more walls. True. Yeah. Not at all, but women tend to sort of exhibit more of the, the, the borderline ish characteristic. Yeah. Klingy.

Yeah. Um, no, my advice is this though, um, I think like people who have experienced some sort of, uh, dysfunction or trauma in their youth generally have better instincts for other people because they had to, or not had to, they, they, uh, or forced to develop critical distance at an early age against their will, um, and see the world for what it is. So like your instincts are probably already pretty good, considering your rough upbringing one would hope. So just like, you know, lean on those, yeah, or, yeah, or you're so traumatized that you're

basically like, uh, um, a walking target for people to prey on and exploit for molestation. But it sounds like you have the, the opposite problem where you're maybe a little too, too vigilant. Yeah. Not you, the, the caller. Uh, next question. Hi. So I've kind of like a weird story and a weird question, um, the backstory is that I'm engaged

to this really sweet man, he proposed to me after two weeks, um, I was looking at his Marriott and he's been evidently kidnapped to me in New Year's, MDMA, you know, as it goes. Um, we've been living together for a month and a half and everything's going well, but there is one issue. I have kind of a blood clotting condition, which makes me bruise really easily. So there's this problem of, uh, sex bruises. I mean, he's not super rough, but it's enough that I basically look like a domestic beast

victim with my sleeves off. It's fine now because it's winter, but we're worried about what to do when it comes to spring and summer. Like, how do we explain this to friends and family and coworkers? Like it, it's really obvious that they're fingerprints, so like, do I try cover up or do I just own it? I don't know. Um, it sounds like you're loving every moment of this week.

Annoying brag. Um, if you're so concerned about it, march yourself to your local Alta and get some of that Kim Kardashian West body makeup and slather it on, but I, I don't know, this sounds like she wants the world to know. She's sexually active. How can we let our friends and family know that I'm having a lot of sex? Oh my God, are you okay? Is he hitting you?

I mean, why is he grabbing her arms so much during sex anyway? Maybe, I don't know. I thought we liked that when they were restraining her, but you know, if you're so concerned about the bruising, you should probably get the blood clotting disorder checked out and monitored knowing sure she, I don't know, it sounds like she wants everybody to know. She wants her racist. Well, that's why she got engaged two weeks after meeting someone. Yeah.

I don't know if you caught that backstory, but she was living at a hotel. They did MDMA together. Then they got engaged and now they're cohabitating. Congratulations on dating Hunter Biden. You definitely seems like the kind of girl who would make a big deal about her sex bruises. Yeah. I mean, who lives in a Marriott? Yeah.

Interesting detail. I mean, congratulations on the sex. As always, congratulations on the sex. He coverups a good option. Also, you can wear longer sleeves in the summer too. It's not. Yeah. You can wear like a lace peasant top.

I'm sure you'll get creative and just looks like a piece of meat and like cheesecloth that like one of those Polish or Eastern European meat markets. I don't know. I think just like let your freak flag fly. Most people don't inquire into others bruises and polite society and to be honest, it doesn't sound like your relationship will last until the summer anyway. And you just tell people that you fell off your bike delivering weed or something. Hey girls, I met my girlfriend a couple months ago and I liked very much, but she's been

kind of a fashion disaster. And so I've been buying her a lot of cool clothes. You know, like I got her this really cool blue dress. It's really great. And you know, a bunch of other stuff, but it's Valentine's Day and I don't really have any ideas. So I was wondering if you guys had any suggestions on some apparel that might be a good gift. I considered maybe getting like a, kind of like a silk PJ set, you know, just the classic

black or white or I thought maybe, I thought maybe jewelry, but I don't know if jewelry is like Valentine's Day, when I say jewelry, I'm thinking my earrings. I don't know if a ring is Valentine's Day either. I also considered maybe getting a, like what do they call it, the bras that are kind of like the see-through material, but not too see-through, just the kind of very vogue, just kind of just relaxingly sexy kind of thing. I'm not sure what they're called, so I just wanted to know if you guys have any suggestions on some cool clothing.

Thanks. Is he describing a sheer bra, like a mesh bra, is that what he's talking about? I was, what kind of a closet homosexual are you thinking of, what mesh is? I'm trying to figure out if he's gay or Jewish. Right. It's like one or the other, both, I guess, all of the above. Yeah, he could be both, though if he was Jewish, he probably wouldn't be deliberating about what gifts to get.

Jewelry's nice for Valentine's Day, yeah. We don't know her, obviously, so we can't speak to her taste, which you said was low, apparently, so you're kind of. That's good. Yeah. That means you would have a higher success rate. Easy buy, lingerie, sure, that's perfume. I mean, all of these things are very specific, so you have to be prepared for rejection.

Maybe a nice gift card. Yeah, to Costco, she can pick out whatever she wants, pinwheel sandwiches, or like a tray of like a shrimp cocktail. Nice called shrimp. Yeah, you know, like a pajama set is always nice, as long as it's not like a checkerboard pajama set. Yeah, just something a little more luxe. Yeah.

Like tap shorts, those are sexy. Tap shorts are cute, definitely. A short robe that's cut above the knee. Or a long robe. A long robe, it's really nice. I got a very nice robe from the Q Gardens gift store, actually, that Rachel, I can't say her last name, Prophet Pizza on Instagram, Rachel Tajik. Oh, Tashian.

She has a Korean last name. Tashian, exactly. Yeah. I've realized just now, I never said her last name out loud, but she has a newsletter where she called opulent tips where she like recommends stuff and she recommended these gorgeous like floral print silk, silk and robes from Q Gardens. That sounds really nice. So I'm always in the market for robes.

I bought two robes in the last month, I'm really becoming a robe girl. Yeah. We're becoming like gray gardens, like robe hags. Maybe get her a nice scarf. Yeah. A hijab and a bio, which is like a very modest robe. The best gift Eli's ever gotten me was a robe from a Sunset Tower Hotel because I really wanted that robe.

Yeah. It's Terry inside, but it's like a kind of like pussy pink, like dusty pink. I think I've seen you wear it. Sateen cotton on the outside. It's great. I like love this thing. That's lovely. He's gotten me like far nicer things, but this is like the one gift that really like

speaks to me. So I think a robe is good. Just like make sure it's not like a cheap Amazon like full Terry robe that like fat men wear in the sauna. Robe is great. Yeah. I really like that it aimed for a high, high price point. Yeah.

And, you know, get that gift receipt. Hey, Ann, hey, Josh, um, throughout my dating life in the past, you know, hover many years, I personally have noticed that the hotter the girl is, the crazier they are. And a lot of my friends have also like said the same thing, you know, the hotter they are, the crazier they are or whatever. I've even seen this in my friends that are girls like the hotter they are, they're really hot ones are just insane. Not that it's good or bad, but I was just wondering if you two believed in this hot

crazy correlation or if it's just all like in my head. And if you do believe in it, do you think that it's worth it to try to date less attractive women, hoping that they're not as fat shit? Um, yeah, that's about it. Thanks. Love the pod. See you later. Oh my God.

Yeah. Someone's discovered BPD pussy. I just picture him like, um, telling his less attractive female friends, oops, um, like about his, um, hot crazy thesis and being like, but not you. You're like so dependable and even killed. Um, I don't think that I don't, I think that there is a correlation, but it's not that hot girls are crazy, it's that it's hot to be crazy, you know, you know what I mean? Crazy people are hot.

It's not that hot. People are crazy. Yeah. It's that it's attractive to encounter someone who is kind of, um, uh, provocative and reckless and radically free. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

They start to look hotter in your eyes. Yeah. Even though they're like missing a limb and ranting and raving on the subway, um, yeah, that's probably true. I also think that like within a normal kind of bell curve of attractiveness, I'd say like having some more crazy characteristics enhances kind of sexual desirability. Yes. Men love that shit.

Exactly. They're like so stupid and gullible. It's great. You can really use it to your advantage. I mean, I've definitely acted more kind of like unhinged and tragic than I am for male attention. Yeah. It's always worked.

It always pays off. Um, I don't, I wouldn't say that there's a correlation between, I'm sure there's a correlation between hot and certain kinds of crazy that are the more kind of over expressive types. There's plenty of like ugly women who are crazy. That's for damn sure. Just nobody wants to date them. My Twitter mentions are full of a. Yeah, that's true.

I think craziness is probably pretty evenly distributed amongst attractive and unattractive people. It's probably also like a bell curve. Should he date less attractive women? Sound like you don't want to. It sounds like he enjoys dating hot, crazy girls. Yeah, he's loving it, clearly. And he's probably young enough to like handle it

for another few years. And there are lots of attractive women who are well-adjusted. Maybe not a lot, but they're definitely out there. There's a non-negligible amount. I mean, it's more negligible than not, but it exists. I think we answered his question. They're valid and they exist.

This is the last one, but wow. How long have we been going? An hour, 15 minutes. Long time consumer, first time contributor. I was calling about like death drives and relationships. I'm six months into what is definitely the best relationship in my life. And I'm finding that I have a tendency to sort of amplify,

I guess, like my shadow side or just the part of me that's a little bit self-destructive and it seems to be some sort of like testing mechanism as if I'm trying to, you know, do some sort of lame version of, will you be with me at my darkest? And it's just very unnecessary. It's not serving me at all.

And I was wondering if you had any experience with that. Is it common? If you do have any experience with it, do you have any insights on how to make that shit in the butt? Because I love this trick. Anyway, thank you all. Your voices are so needed right now. Finding a podcast was like finding the table,

but I always wanted to sit at. Best of everything to you all. Bye. He's like Marilyn Monroe, if you can't handle me, I'm just, you don't deserve me, I'm just. Exactly, also a good example of, this is kind of when people say that hot girls are crazy. I think what they're actually talking about

is like the propensity for shit testing and attractive women being able to sort of get away with more and possibly testing those limits and thus exhibiting behaviors that look to other people like being crazy. Yeah, that's well said. Or what this person calls sort of like an enhanced death drive or relationship with his shadow or whatever.

But it sounds like he's being mindful of these patterns that he has. And I think it's, honestly, he sounds like he just wants like a depth of connection. He sounds a little BPD to me. Well, you said it, Anna, not me. He sounds M BPD, that's male BPD. Yeah, that is a borderline trait.

I don't know if I would diagnose him, but that is typically what BPD people do. Shit test people. Yeah, I mean, everybody shit tests people a little bit. Yeah, everyone, I mean, we, some people get upset sometimes or like overdiagnosing of BPD here on this pod. But I think that I at least feel like in authority due to having kind of like wrestled with BPD-esque traits

in my early 20s. And I think a lot of women, I think BPD is a spectrum, basically, and all women are all infected. And, you know, obviously not everybody, no one wants to be abandoned. It's just that some people are more sensitive to abandonment triggers and sometimes react and lash out in more like self-destructive and less productive ways.

And that sounds like this collars problem. Yeah, I just think you have to be careful that when you're doing the little BPD shit test routine that you're not actually deliberately creating a situation where you can like preemptively reject someone because they fail your test or to force them into rejecting you by becoming kind of impossible. And that's clearly motivated by him getting close

with someone and then it's a defense mechanism as well of like pushing someone away. So you don't have to actually risk getting close to them. Yeah, and my thing is like, okay, he says he's in the best relationship of his life. It's this young relationship, times are tough and you have nothing else going for you. So you may as well ride it out.

I mean, like, I think like the future is now, you know, people should stop postponing the future. I watched a set of really great films over the week called, one of them was called Intersection, which is kind of a schlocky, yuppie, like 90s Richard Gere film with starring Sharon Stone and this woman, Lolita Davidovich is like, they're like in this triangle,

but it's based on a French film about this guy who's like separated from his wife. I love Richard Gere. Me too, he's great. That trifecta Harrison Ford, Richard Gere and Michael Douglas. They don't make them like these. Just like a slutty leading man of the 90s.

But there's a really great French film that it's based on called The Things of Life, which is about this guy who's separated from his wife, who gets, you know, spoiler alert into a fatal car crash and his life flashes between his eyes as he's like, he has to like choose between his old life with his wife and his new life with his like hot young lover, basically.

And the point is that like, you know, it's like the Tony Soprano principle, like more is lost to indecision than wrong decision. Like you can't keep postponing the future. Right. You can't keep self sabotaging in hopes of finding something more adequate. Yeah.

Like you could. Cause life is living with inadequacies. Yeah. No, I mean, you could and probably should even do it in your 20s, but after a certain point it just becomes lame and pathetic. Right. And like, you know, nothing,

nothing is permanent except for death. Yeah. So. And, you know, you're also probably not that interesting and your demons are not particularly notable. Yeah. And everyone suffers and my advice would be to practice some like true kind of empathy with just a kind of

cognizance of other people's experiences and subject hoods and that it'll inform the way that you treat them and the way that you treat yourself. Yeah. Just like try to do something that you wouldn't normally do for once and see how it goes. Yeah.

Cause it's like nothing's going to happen. Nothing bad is going to happen. At worst you'll be romantically disappointed and you'll break up at sex and love addicts anonymous. They used to say if you want something you've never had before you have to do something you've never done before. Amen. It's like one of those blocks that they sell

like decorative hanging wall or that they sell at home goods. Like that says like life is sweeter when you have a sister. Yeah. I love that thing. Yeah. We should make those and talk of as much.

We get sued anyway. Yeah. But no, my parting advice to everybody is like, yeah, don't flatter yourself. You're not that interesting. You're not that special and life gets a lot easier to live once you acknowledge this reality. Right.

And that's when you can really kind of reach great heights of creativity and emotional discipline. Well said, Anna. Happy Valentine's Day, y'all. Happy Valentine's Day. See you in hell. See you in hell. See you in hell.

See you in hell. See you in hell.