Reddit Stories - ABANDONED by Blood, CHERISHED by Heart_ Our 19-Year JOURNEY with a Foster Child_

Episode Date: November 17, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #fostercare #parenting #family #relationships #heartwarmingSummary:A touching story of a 19-year journey with a foster child, exploring the themes of abandonment and love. The ups and downs of fostering and the deep connections formed over time are beautifully depicted.Tags:redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, fostercare, parenting, family, relationships, heartwarmingBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Nurtured our foster child as part of our family for 19 years, but now her biological guardians who deserted her have reappeared and she's choosing them over us. Greetings, all. My spouse and I, 47F and 47M, have an adopted daughter Lily, name has been changed for privacy reasons, who turned 21 a few weeks ago. We adopted her when she was just two years old because her biological parents, Becca and Harry, 46F and 47M, weren't ready to raise a child all on their own.

Becca and Harry were old friends of ours and they'd never been very keen on having kids, so we were very surprised when Becca announced that she was pregnant and that she was keeping the baby as well. But after the baby was born, they started having a lot of fights over petty things and would often come to my wife and me separately for advice or just a rant about what's been bothering them. This went on for a long time until it finally got to a point where they couldn't even talk to each other without fighting and so Becca decided that she wanted a divorce. We tried our best to convince her to give their marriage one last chance back then, but she'd made up her mind. We'd all been friends since college and lived close by

as well so we were also really upset about what they were going through and did our best to help but we couldn't fix their relationship for them. We also had a lot on our plate at the time since my wife and I were trying to conceive but were struggling to get pregnant so it was just a messy time for all of us. But then one night, Becca and Harry showed up randomly and asked us to watch Lily because they'd decided to patch things up and stay together instead of getting a divorce and heading out on a date after a really long time. We were happy for them and so we agreed to watch Lily for the night but then two days passed and they still hadn't come back for Lily. I made several frantic phone calls and texts and was about to call

CPS on the third day when I finally heard back from Harry who told me that he'd been offered a job in Switzerland and he decided to take it up. He also said that he wanted my wife and I to adopt Lily because having a kid had been a mistake and they no longer wanted to be parents. They were done with this and since they knew that we've been struggling with getting pregnant, he wanted to help us out as well by letting us have Lily. I was appalled that they were abandoning their daughter because they weren't up for the job anymore and let them have it on the phone but that wasn't going to make them change their minds. So after a few days of contemplating, my wife and I decided to adopt Lily because none of this was her fault and she deserved to be loved

like any other kid. We informed Becca and Harry about our decision, but we also told them that they couldn't reverse this even if they wanted to so they should think things through and they seemed sure enough so we went through with the adoption process and soon enough, Lily was legally our daughter. We also cut Becca and Harry off because even though they'd given us Lily, we couldn't just continue to be close friends with people who had abandoned their daughter two years after having her because it was a tiring and thankless job. It was shameful that they'd not only failed as parents, but they'd also failed as friends

because the least they could have done was be transparent with us, but they chose to lie to my wife and me. After we adopted Lily, the two of them only returned for all the legal paperwork and then we never heard from them for a long time until recently. We raised Lily and stopped trying for another child because Lily was all we needed to complete our family.

She fit in like the last puzzle piece and we've never thought of her as the daughter we adopted, she's always been our own. Of course, she was still always aware that we're not really her birth parents, but she didn't know the full story until she turned 18. Even after the truth was out, we didn't change, and neither did she. It was all going smoothly until eight months ago when Harry reached out to me on Facebook and told me that he and Becca were back in town and were desperate to meet Lily just once. We hadn't spoken in almost 19 years so naturally I was skeptical about letting them see Lily, let alone spend time with her.

But Lily was an adult and I believed that she could make her own decisions for herself, so I told her that her biological parents were here and wanted to meet her. She took a few days to think about it, but she agreed to meet them because she was curious to know more about these people and her own past, so I arranged a meeting between them because Lily felt awkward talking to them herself. My wife wasn't happy about any of this, but we couldn't exactly stop Lily from meeting her bio parents either because she was an adult and her own person now, so no matter how weird we felt about this, we just have to suck it up and deal with it. After that first meeting, Lily told us that they wanted to build a relationship with her for real this time and she wanted to give them a chance. We didn't stand against that because, like I said, she was free to do what she wanted to.

It's done a little that she was going to keep in touch with these people who had abandoned her when she was just two and they hadn't even bothered to check up on her for 19 years but I decided not to say anything. It's been almost six months since then and as far as I know, she's been meeting Harry and Becca for lunch every weekend. Lily lives on campus but her college is a four-hour drive away and it's not practically possible for my wife and I to drive down to see her every weekend so we try to make it every two weeks instead. We weren't happy that Becca and Harry got to see her more frequently than we did, but we couldn't help it either, and we hoped that she wouldn't hold it against us either. We were really pumped about seeing her next weekend, though, since Lily was graduating, and we were expecting her to invite us to the graduation ceremony. But she dropped a bombshell on us two days back when we were on a call, and I just casually mentioned how her mother had already picked out her dress for the ceremony, and she told me that we weren't actually invited to the ceremony. She said that she'd already given the two tickets that she had to Harry and Becca and she hoped that we'd understand. I was literally numb for a few seconds after that and didn't even hear what she said next.

The last thing I remember her saying is that she wanted to give them a chance to be parents again and was counting on me to be more empathetic and compassionate towards Harry and Becca. I didn't take that well at all. I told her to go to hell and then disconnected the call as soon as she said that because I didn't even know what to say to her. She tried to call me several more times but I didn't answer because I was having a full-blown breakdown over what my daughter had just said and couldn't even bring myself to speak. My wife had been out at the time so I didn't even have her by my side to help calm me down and I ended up sobbing uncontrollably for the next half an hour or so. When I finally had the courage to check my phone again, I found a text from Lily saying that she was sorry for what she was doing to us, but she really just wanted to reconnect with her biological parents and give them the joy of parenthood that they'd never experienced. I couldn't understand why she was choosing those people over us who had literally raised her and taken her in when her own parents hadn't bothered about her.

Harry and Beckett didn't even deserve the first chance at parenthood that they got, let alone a second one. I didn't even want to speak to my daughter, not even to change her mind because I was beyond devastated. I waited for my wife to come back home and when she did, I told her what had happened and had broken into tears once more while I was talking to her. Surprisingly, she took it a lot better than I did and even consoled me even though she looked equally upset with Lily's decision. She told me that we'd done our best as parents to raise her but now that she was an adult, we didn't have any control over her and she could do whatever she wanted to. I protested and said that we were the ones paying for her college tuition and yet

she'd invited Harry and Becca who had never even lifted a finger to help us out financially even though I could tell from their Facebook profiles that they were a lot more financially well off than they were. I went off on a rant about how unfair all of this was but my wife only had one thing to say and it put everything into perspective. We couldn't force someone to love and respect us no matter what we do for them so now, the only way forward for us was to sever with her gracefully and with dignity for our own sake. Two days back, I couldn't believe that she was even suggesting that we give up on Lily but after I calmed down the next morning, I could see that there wasn't much else that we could

do. I didn't even want to cut her off to retaliate but just so that it wouldn't hurt anymore and so, I called her up and told her that her mother and I had decided to cut her off because we couldn't just sit by and watch her pick Harry and Becca over us after all that we'd done. It hurt and while we wished nothing but the best for her, we were too old to be hurting like this and couldn't tolerate this degree of disrespect. She was free to invite whoever she wanted to her graduation ceremony and we were also allowed to be offended by that.

When I told her this, she started sounding really panicked and nervous and told me the real reason behind her decision which seems just as strange now as it did back when she first told me. She told me that the only reason she'd agreed to let Harry and Becca a. attend the ceremony over us was that they'd promised to pay off her entire tuition if she let them attend as her parents and get photos clicked with them and also went back to Switzerland with them for a few months after she graduated so that she could spend some time with. Becca's mother who had Alzheimer's and had lately been asking for her granddaughter, referring

to Lily. She said that she'd return all the money we'd spent on her tuition so far and we'd end up saving a lot of money in the process and she'd also be able to do good for some old lady with Alzheimer's. She could have just invited all four of us, but she said that then it would have been really awkward and weird for her to explain her family situation to the people at her college since nobody knew she was adopted so she just hadn't invited us because she'd assumed that we'd be understanding about it. And she hadn't told me about the real reason earlier because she didn't know how to bring

it up without sounding materialistic. But even after she explained her reasoning, I wasn't satisfied and stuck to what I'd said because I don't think it's fair to my wife and me to be left out of such a huge milestone in our daughter's life just because she'd feel weird about explaining two sets of parents to her friends. So I told her that my decision still stands and if we're not invited to her graduation ceremony then we're not part of her life anymore, that's it. My wife also agreed with what I said and I don't think I'm being too unreasonable. I'm not telling her not to accept anything from her biological parents and neither am I asking her not to go to Switzerland with them

for Becca's mother's sake. All I'm asking of her is to invite her mother and me to her graduation ceremony, but she's been saying that I'm being really unreasonable and putting her through a lot of stress just before an important event. Ida for demanding that my daughter invite my wife and me to her graduation ceremony along with her biological parents who abandoned her 19 years ago. Update 1. Hey, everyone.

First of all, I just want to thank everyone for the kind messages and comments and to everyone. who took out time to give me advice on how to deal with this situation. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. It's been really helpful and informative because this is a really complicated situation and we weren't sure if we were being reasonable with what we were asking of our daughter. But now we know that we were being perfectly fair and we've stuck to our guns. There are still three days to go before the graduation ceremony and we still haven't concluded what is going to happen. My daughter and I last spoke 24 hours ago and I told her point blank that she was being disrespectful and selfish right now and that if she wanted us to continue being a part of

her life then she had to make a choice. She could either choose to include us or to leave us out, but the choice had to be hers. She sounded really distraught on the phone and it broke my heart, but I wasn't going to back down because she wasn't a child anymore and she needed to know that her words could hurt and her actions had consequences. So she can't just exclude us from important life events because it's embarrassing and then expect us to be all right with that. Update 2. So there's just one day to go for the ceremony and by today, my wife and I had pretty much given up any hope of being invited. But an hour ago, Lily called us up and told us that she'd finally managed to buy two more tickets because someone else's parents wouldn't be able

to attend and now she could invite us all. She sounded really upset on the phone, but she did apologize to us for whatever she'd said and done and told us that she wanted to have a serious discussion tomorrow after the ceremony. So she asked us to book a hotel nearby and stay overnight. I know this is what I wanted all along, but I have mixed feelings now. I'm still going to attend, but I just feel unwanted and it almost feels like she's only inviting us because she feels obliged to and not because she actually wants us there. I know I sound like a bitter old dad right now, but that's just how I feel and I truly regret ever passing on that message from Harry to my daughter all those months back when he initially got in touch with me. I feel like they're taking over the role of parents and I just can't stand it. My wife is throwing herself into work like never before and I know that she's hurting as well, but unlike me, she keeps her emotions to herself and I honestly envy her right now because I'm afraid that when I finally see Lily.

I'm either going to start crying like a baby or I'll be so angry and hurt that I'll end up ruining the ceremony for all of us. I also don't know how I'm going to react when I finally meet Harry and Becca because it's been 19 whole years since I came face to face with them. I don't like them, never have ever since they abandoned Lily, and now that they're back, I find myself hating them more than before because they're the ones who stirred up so much trouble for our family by returning. I know part of this is on Lily as well, but I just feel like things were going so well for all of us before they came along and ruined it all. I honestly just hope that Harry or Becca don't try getting too friendly with us just because we used to be close before they left because I don't think I even want to speak to them. It's bad enough that I'll have to sit through the entire ceremony knowing that they're also there, celebrating something that they played no part in but I'll just have to accept it and make my peace with it if that's what Lily wants us to do. Frankly speaking, I just want to be there for Lily. I don't care what people think of me for this, but at the end of the day, she's still my

daughter and even if she makes a couple of bad choices here and there, I still love her too much to just cut her off. Update 3. Hi, everyone. So my wife and I finally came back home today after spending the weekend with our daughter. Lily, Harry, Becca, my wife, and I went out for lunch after the ceremony. We didn't interact much at the graduation itself and only got together after it ended and it was just for Lily that we went out altogether.

The other day, as soon as I saw her in her robe and cap, I felt all my anger and hurt melt away instantly. All the confrontations and discussions could wait for another day because I wanted that day to be all about my daughter and her achievements. After that, at the restaurant, it was uncomfortable and awkward and honestly, you could cut the tension in the room with a knife but Lily's the one who got the conversation going and before we knew it, Harry and Becca were sharing their life story with us to explain their side and why they were back here all of a sudden. All those years ago, Becca's parents had also

moved to Switzerland with her. With time, they'd started and expanded their business and soon, they were making big bucks. They wanted to get back in touch with us so they could at least contribute somehow to Lily's education and cover the cost of raising her but they were too ashamed. of themselves to actually contact us and even when they tried to, they realized that we'd moved out of the house we used to live in and had changed our numbers as well. As for social media, I wasn't even on Facebook until a few years ago and my wife still isn't. We've just never been too big on social media and neither had we bothered to keep in touch with our other friends from college so nobody knew of our whereabouts which is why Harry and Becca couldn't find us

and neither could they apologize and make. Amends. It was only let me. It was only less than last year that they found us on Facebook while randomly searching since they did think of us and Lily really often, as did we, and found me there. They wanted to reach out to me but didn't out of fear and shame about what they'd done. But then they had to contact us to put them in touch with Lily when Becca's mother got diagnosed with Alzheimer's and began asking for her granddaughter. Becca was inconsolable when she was telling us about how she just wants to give her mother the one last meeting with her granddaughter before she passes on and if it's possible, She'd even want us to visit her because Becca's parents knew how tight-knit our group of friends was and it was a great experience.

It was often her house that we crashed at after-night outs. I felt awful for her and so did my wife so we ended up consoling them and put all our differences aside for old time's sake. They told us that they would love to have us over for a couple of weeks, at the very least, so that we can spend some time with Becca's mother because her situation isn't looking too good right now and they've spent the past six months traveling back. and forth every couple of weeks just so they're able to bring Lily to Switzerland just once. And as it turns out, Lily's initial decision to leave us out of the ceremony was her own and hasn't been influenced by them. In fact, they'd even wanted us all to be present at the event but nobody in Lily's circle was aware of her complicated family situation which is why she'd been hesitant to have us all here at once. She admitted that it was a bad decision that she made and

she was being selfish by not thinking about how we'd feel if she left us out. She was just embarrassed that she'd have to explain why she had four people attending her graduation when she told them it'd just be her parents and she felt like she owed it to Harry and Becca more because they were already so distraught but even she felt like she was doing something horribly wrong by leaving us out. She apologized to my wife and me and it was just a really tearful and emotional reunion in general for everyone involved. Harry and Becca also apologized for dumping lily on us without any prior warning or discussion all those years ago and said that we were the only people they trusted but they just couldn't deal with guilt so they tried

to be sly and they truly were sorry about what they put us through all these years. They admitted that they were young and didn't know what they were doing so they ended up making one bad decision after another and now that they were in their 40s, they'd realized over time how badly they'd messed up and would do anything they could to make things right with us once again. And I know a lot of people aren't going to like what's coming, but we decided to forgive them and even agreed to visit Becca's mother once because that lady had made us all many a hangover cure for us to turn our backs on her. It's been almost two decades since we stopped talking and now that I'm in my 40s, I just can't hold on to this anymore and want

to end this animosity. I know it's a huge deal, but I truly think they've grown up and have changed for the better. And they're the ones who gave us Lily, the greatest gift we could have ever asked for, even if the way they did it was messed up. As for Lily, we obviously forgive her. What she did was incredibly stupid and selfish, but she's just 21 and when she realized that she'd messed up, she wasted no time in making things right either. We're all planning to go to Switzerland in a couple of weeks and while I don't suppose we'll ever be as close as we used to be, I'm sure that this is for the best.