Reddit Stories - After 25 Years of PLEADING, He FINALLY PROPOSED... But I Said No!_

Episode Date: September 9, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #proposal #love #commitment #decisionsSummary: A woman shares her story of waiting 25 years for a proposal, only to turn it down when it finally happens. She grapples with her decision and the impact on their relationship.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, proposal, love, commitment, decisions, marriage, engagement, rejection, selfdiscovery, communication, longterm, patience, emotions, personalgrowth, honesty, adviceBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Companion ultimately popped the question following a quarter-century of my pleading. However, I was not pleased, so he retracted it. Presently, he is ousting me, and I am grappling to secure employment at 52 years old. Yesterday after dinner my, 52F, boyfriend of 30 years, 53M, proposed to me. He just walked towards me holding a box and said to open it. It was a ring and I had pictured this moment. a million different times but never thought I'd be so apathetic. My boyfriend then said that he was

retired now and wants to kick back and enjoy life with me, and would love to do it all with me as his wife. A nice speech and all but from the five year of our relationship onwards, I had been making clear my deep desire to marry, and was consistently dismissed, given empty promises, gaslit. We had been through the gamut with therapy and one counselor implied that me telling him we needed to go to therapy and getting his but on the couch still means. means nothing if his mind has been made up. I was in denial about the fact he was just giving me the false illusion of progress to stall. My boyfriend and I have four kids. The oldest three are adults, while the youngest is 15F, was sleeping over elsewhere when this all went down.

All of our kids went to a private school filled with typical Southern soccer parents. I had to endure PDA moms jabs about me not sharing a last name with my kids. Pre-teen years were hell because the other kids would taunt my kids by saying your dad would rather sin and go to hell than marry your mom. My BF's mom would tell him marriage would be selfish on my part. It is just a piece of paper. My BF ended up rising up the ranks until he became an executive. I was a psalm so I felt like there was always a power imbalance, exasperated by the fact I could be tossed any time. I partly did stay because I wanted my kids to have the best life and because I felt lucky and proud to be partnered with such an intelligent, successful man, but also because I loved him.

These past few years my boyfriend's career has taken a downturn. He will never be poor, but the company he was part of took a nosedive during 2020 and he had made enemies out of associates slash board members. He decided to step back from his role and take the generous severance agreed upon. Now he is living off his investments and wants to relax. I did not like how his career ended and how he treated people and had been deciding whether I wanted to leave and find somebody else after our youngest turns 18. So the proposal was a shock because I should hope that he noticed I have avoided conversations about the future as of late. He rattles on about downsizing our house so we can travel and also cutting back on our other expenses. But we're not married so it's all his money

slash house anyway. He did notice my eye roll and was offended. He asked what's wrong and I said that suddenly now that he's downsizing I'm good enough to marry. He got mad and said that now that he's downsizing and no longer an executive, I suddenly think our relationship is disrespectful and started implying I was a gold digger. I was so angry I walked out and said I might just go out looking for a respectful relationship because I don't know what respect is anymore. Ida. Comments, President underscore Pug, and you didn't leave earlier because? Celtic Arch, seriously. If you start saying you want to get married at year 5,

you dump him if he doesn't show he's going to make an effort by the end of year 6. Could be sunk in cost fallacy. March Crow, she literally addressed this though. She wanted a better life for her kids than she would have been able to give them on her own since she was a psalm, likely didn't have her own money or it was limited. That's a real concern. She also mentioned being in the South, the safety net. of resources down here is rotted through. And also that she genuinely did love him and enjoyed

much of the relationship. A big part of what keeps people stuck in dead-end relationships is this exact reaction the comments section is having. At literally every stage of a bad relationship, people blame women. I get I'll probably get down voted for this, but like, she did give her reasons. And she's also not asking about those reasons. She's asking if she was an offer rolling her eyes and not being about it. Obviously NTA. She feels how she feels now. Celtic Arch, if she didn't have kids at your five, she should have left him. People don't change after five years of ignoring you, no matter how much you love them or enjoy the relationship. Okay, underscore okay. If she didn't have a pre-nup before having kids, a pre-pre-preg?

While living with someone who kept demonstrating how little her happiness meant to him, she shouldn't have had them. I mean, she shouldn't have had unprotected sex with a guy who didn't want to marry her, if that's what she needed to be happy. Unless she lived in a common law state and was considered legally married at the time for the purposes of alimony and child support. Or, at least, unless she was staying with him while getting a degree and work experience to support herself and the kids. Anything else is Fantasyland. I wish men and women both had to receive a little booklet and pass a test demonstrating basic knowledge of the legal realities of marriage before getting married, or before not getting married and having kids. It's incredibly risky for both

partners. If I can't have sex with you, I'll just have it with someone else. Famous last words of Prince Charming. I feel for this woman, but come on. She lived and had four kids with an asshole. She's not the asshole, but she is the one who didn't look after her own interests, or those of her children. Hot underscore at 892, wowza. What did he expect? What did you expect? Like seriously you wanted a marriage but you stayed half your life with someone so set on making you the bad guy for wanting that until recently? Why would you stay with someone like that? Why would you reproduce with someone like that? Several times? It's just disappointing for your kids to suffer that much bullying for this. Like all for nothing.

I'd coo the asses. But unfortunately for him he kind of missed his chance. And unfortunately for you, you put yourself in a box. Whiteris' 7252012 this. I want to feel sorry for her, but she 100% played herself. She was his wife in every way except the one that really mattered. This dude is trash but she acted like the dumpster smelled like roses. So I hope that it all works out for her in the end.

Update 1, at the time of my original post, my boyfriend and I had not spoken since the engagement fight. I've been with him long enough to know that when he goes and closes the bedroom door before I get in that's a signal that I should sleep in one of the guest rooms so I did that. However this morning I broke the ice. I told him about how dismissed I felt over the years. I also said that we are both in our 50s and these last few years have taught us that people at work who kiss the ground you walk on one day can easily turn on you the next. And true

partners in life are valuable and hard to find. So I wished he'd treat me like I'm valued. Instead he treats me like he thinks prettier, better, and just as loving is always around the corner. I apologized for the eye roll but told him that if he wants marriage, I want a quick, committed timeline and genuine happiness from him to be marrying me. I don't need a big party. He listened to me and finally asked if this was about the money slash security. He told me that being an executive's girlfriend required things of me, but if I wanted to work I could have. He said he doesn't think I'm grateful enough for the position in society I was in due to his career. But that he's not mad about the eye roll he said he didn't succeed by being that

sensitive. He went on to say I was not as prisoner so I can leave at any time. But to remember he won't tolerate being made my prisoner either via manipulation. He said that for what it's worth, the engagement ring is mine and I could do whatever I wanted with it. He will also not be accused of not providing for his daughter, so be assured he won't shirk child support. But that he felt what I said before was emotional blackmail. So he no longer wants to go forward with marrying but says if I'd like to travel with him, that's fine. Him traveling is non-negotiable and so if I wanted to get a job, it would have to be a remote job. It was a sad conversation and I spent a few hours alone after that. I felt I had nothing to lose so I just asked him if he would support me getting an associates,

but that most associates for technical careers were in person. He then dropped the bombshell that if I wasn't traveling with him he wasn't going to go those periods without sex. I was astounded by his callousness because he's back to take it or leave it. We fought again with me saying we're all feeling the effects of age. I've supported him through health issues and if he thinks he can just find somebody who is that loyalty I've shown him, he's wrong. At this point I'm looking for ways out. I can't say I haven't been tempted to say I'll travel with him and try to get a remote job but also realize how resentful I am that he continues to need to have the power in the relationship. I don't think I'll ever know my value truly, but something telling me there has to be

better out there, at least in a partner. Comments, convivial cat, O ODA, to yourself. I'm an old, 65-plus lady, and I have seen this scenario happen so many, many times. And it has never been a good thing for the woman involved. In fact, it has been an outright tragic disaster. Poverty is knocking on your door, op, and it wants in. You have screwed yourself over in so many ways. The biggest of which was not to work over the last 30 years. You have no investments, no Social Security units earned, no 401k retirement, and no property. You made another huge mistake by not just grabbing that ring and immediately marrying your BF, thereby cementing your ability to share in some of his investments, social security, etc. I don't care how unappreciated you felt. It was a moment in time,

and now it's gone. A good lawyer may help, depending on where you live. but it is in no way guaranteed. If you had immediately married, when he proposed, and he lived at least ten more years, you would have been able to get widows benefits. But, not now. Now you get nothing. Do you have any money at all?

Your own bank accounts or credit of any kind? At your age, it is a cruel world without credit or money. You had better hope that one or more of your adult children will take you in, or you could quickly find yourself homeless. I'm sorry to be so brutal, but I don't think you have any clue how terrible things can get for you unless you can find a way to make an actual living. Even if you do, don't expect to ever retire. You, as many women are, will be working until you die. I'm so very sorry.

Mango Affair, this is the most brutal, eye-opening response I am reading as a 32-year-old woman who was on the fence about considering holy shit. Coconut's kitten, people try to say marriage is just a piece of paper but it's a whole thing. bunch of legal protections. Glowdirt and social acceptance too. There's a reason LGBT folks fought and still fight, so fucking hard for legal and equal recognition of their unions, their children and their families both in law and in name. Electrical underscore risk underscore 1,646, you have three adult children and one who is almost grown, you both sound like y'all have been waiting for the finish line of all the children being 18. Do your children know all of this is happening? These decisions will greatly affect your family dynamics going forward. You don't want

to blindside them at Christmas, let your kids know. Did he ask because you have had a foot out the door for a while and everyone knows it? Griffin 880, if she has a foot out the door she is doing a really shitty job at it. Life is going to wreck this woman if she leaves this dude. She hasn't prepared at all to be on her own. Katana 1369, so you wasted 25 years on a man who was never going to marry you. Quiet underscore Village underscore 1,425. Yes. 25 years it's time to just leave. Staying with him is pointless. He will need to pay child support, but unfortunately since he's living off severance and interest good luck with that. He planned everything out just right. Update 2. It's been over a month since I last posted and my life has changed drastically. For those who didn't

see my previous posts, my boyfriend of 30 years proposed after I had begged him for 25 years and I had rolled my eyes because it took 25 years and him not being an executive anymore. In response, he retracted the proposal. I really wish this update could have been positive. But I'm not doing well. But what remains is hope. Hope in the kindness of others, my grown kids, employers, courts, even my kids' dad. Hope and the value of love that I've given so far. freely to my kids' dad. Because I was raised to believe even those who don't appreciate the love I've given them will eventually self-actualize and pay it back. Here's what has happened since. Since my kid's dad accused me of trying to keep him an emotional prisoner, I tried to show him I valued his

freedom. I gave him his space and showed that I could live life without trapping him. I started doing that right after our discussion. His reaction was anger. After our talk, he started glaring and picking fights over everything the speed at which I did housework, my spending, within his allowance, and cut it to nearly zero. Asked for the ring back during an argument. I took the comments to my posts to heart. In particular, advice telling me that if badgered I should refuse to leave the house. Just a few days after our conversation about the engagement he picked a fight and accused me of ignoring him. He said he wanted me out. I said no I deserve to be here. He responded by having a lawyer send me a notice telling me to vacate that day. I happened so quickly I was

too shocked to react. My kids were torn between Dad's bluffing and tried to leave. But now he's filed to evict. It's up to the courts now. I've tried looking for legal aid, but the person I talked to was cold and implied that my status as a mom and partner won't protect me from eviction. I've tried sending out applications for office jobs. But was told by friends to be kind to my because if one rejection comes, something better will be along. My adult kids suggested I apply for SNAP, food stamps, and I have an out of shame. They said if I do and Dad and I no longer live together the government will help me collect child support.

My grown kids said they can't risk upsetting Dad. My oldest told me a gas station was hiring night shift. And he'd try to help once he graduated. Just when I decided to just be grateful for the job, they rejected me after a an interview where I feel I spoke well. That hurt. But I keep having hope because every day there are new remote and non-remote jobs posted, saying they'll train the right candidate. I am applying to every corporation it seems. With hope that one of them will take a chance on me, give me an interview that I will ace. See me for somebody pulling herself up. I know my boyfriend

wants me to beg. But I don't know if that would make him drop the suit. I just don't know anymore. I am in my corner of the house trying to keep things normal and applying like it's a job. I don't know what else to say, but that ends my update for now. I maintain hope and dignity. Comments. Commenter asks if she's talked to a lawyer about common law marriage. The woman at the legal aid place I visited said there's no hope of me making a common law claim because it's Arkansas. And because around the time my second was born my boyfriend made me affirm in writing that despite living together we are not married, not holding ourselves to be married, and I should not expect him to give me any support, besides support from minor children, if we break up.

Unless, of course, we did end up marrying and registering a marriage with a state, which he promised at that time to consider. He did this when he expected to take a job in a common law state, but that didn't end up happening since he got promoted here. Commenter suggests Amazon warehouse work as they literally hire anyone whoop. I just think for me to be committed is something I need to be passionate about it and it would likely be in a marketing field. At this time I just don't think it would be a good fit for my needs and where I want to go from here. I have applied to around 100 marketing jobs for big corporations and small ones as well as remote. Ideally, I'd like a remote position since I work better when I am comfortable

in my setting. Oop, my skills of competency are mostly around marketing and maybe something like investor relations, which my boyfriend's sister was in for around eight years before she got married and changed to another role. I love creating beautiful imaging and speaking to people, even if they are strangers, I know it doesn't come off that way because I've been through a lot emotionally lately. I don't think I would be a personality fit around tradespeople. We would likely have nothing in common ever and they run the gamut in terms of background that made them choose trades over an office job that climbs the corporate ladder. Commenter provides some temp suggestions, Oop.

Thanks for the suggestion. I have been up and applying for more jobs again, but was hoping to have a job where I wouldn't necessarily have to be in person because I still have a 15-year-old at home. She turns 16 soon, and her dad promised her a car, but he's known to retract or delay gifts so I don't know. I am also concerned because a lot of parents who send their kids to daycares are often the ones who go to work sick,

and then their kids are also sick and are sent to daycares. I don't have the best immune system and have suffered from health issues and sensitivities as of late, so I do not want to get something and worse to pass it on to my daughter. Oop, his former colleague sent him a letter and signed, saying how they were glad the board of directors pushed him out. He wants to leave the country soon to travel. I don't think he cares. Some of the women in my group have heard my story and either said they support me but cannot do so employment-wise or reputation-wise, or gave me coupons for blowouts and Botox and then after I continued to show how desperate I was for help, they have

been planning events without me. Flannel underscore smoothie, seems like she's not the only family member held financially hostage. Schneemacher, I mustered it up an apology yeah, some people are criticizing the kids as well, but the grown ones aren't completely independent yet. They're all under that jackass thumb. Yacy Mina 84 to 87, they might also not be that financially stable to house another adult for an unknown amount of time and cover all her expenses. Not to mention a lot of time cohabiting with parents or in-laws can be extremely stressful too. Sodden with idiots, I commented on that first post that she was so screwed financially. Being a psalm is risky, but being a psalm without the

legal protection of marriage is insanely risky. She needs to take whatever job she can get and not be picky about it. I don't think she's yet facing the reality of her situation. Heptila, I don't think she's yet facing the reality of her situation. I don't think she's ever faced the reality of her situation. Raney reminder, the murder hobo is not the issue here I cannot imagine how this woman's friends and family let her agree to this 25 years ago. If a friend of mine told me this was their plan, I would sit them down and have a damned intervention right that second. Because this situation, where she's left penniless and on the street in the Arkansas winter, was always how this was going to go. I do sort of love the detail that the ex got a

letter from his colleagues about what a piece of shit he is. Though, Lanky Amphibian 1554, that's hard to believe, isn't it? His colleagues got together and committed a nastygram to paper? Wrote dear Ups boyfriend, this is your official notification that you are a piece of shit and we are glad you don't work here now. Worst regards, yours sincerely, everybody you ever worked with like. I would pay money to read that letter. Miss Meg's 1492, on one hand this woman was emotionally abused for years. On the other I just want to bang my head against a wall. She should have just gone along with the proposal and legal marriage, big if it would have ever happened, so she would have had a dog in the fight. Me thinks her ex-partner is a lot less financially well-off

than he is portraying. That heckler over there, if there's one thing people need to teach their kids more, it's that marriage has relatively little to do with romance. It's security, particularly where children are involved.