Reddit Stories - AGAINST My Wishes_ Partner Seeks BLESSING from Long-lost Kin for MARRIAGE AGAINST My Will_

Episode Date: June 16, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #familydrama #marriage #partnerconflict #familyapprovalSummary: A partner seeks blessing from long-lost kin for marriage against their significant other's wishes. Tensions rise as the family drama unfolds, testing relationships and loyalty in the face of conflicting desires and expectations.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, familydrama, marriage, partnerconflict, familyapproval, loyalty, conflictingdesires, relationshipdynamics, familyties, consentissues, personalboundaries, communicationbreakdown, emotionalstress, moralquandary, culturaltraditionsBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

Partner requested approval from my distant relatives to wed me despite my instruction to avoid reaching out to them following their previous actions against me. B.F. and I have been together for about two years now. Well, he counts it as two years but I only count about a year and a half because we were just friends with benefits for the first part. Not that it really matters much for this situation, but it's just one of those little things we kind of joke argue about sometimes. He insists we were dating from the moment we first hooked up.

I say it wasn't official until he actually asked me to be his girlfriend. He's my first serious relationship since my divorce. Yeah, I'm already divorced at 22, it's complicated and I'll get to that. Things have been mostly good between us. He's super sweet most of the time, thoughtful, has a good job, and gets along with a few friends I have. He's traditional in a lot of ways, very family-oriented, wants to do things properly, calls his parents like twice a week, spends holidays with his family, that kind of stuff. I should mention that I don't speak to my parents. Haven't spoken to them since I was 16. I won't go into detail about why right now,

but trust me when I say they're horrible people and me never speaking to them again is them getting off lightly. Seriously. The shit they did was awful and I've spent years trying to deal with it. I still have nightmare sometimes. When I was 16, I managed to get out by literally marrying my best friend, that's the legal age for marriage in our country. He knew what was happening, saw all the shit firsthand, and wanted to help me escape. We agreed that marriage was basically the only way I could legally get away without being dragged back home. I'd tried running away before and that didn't end well at all. We stayed married through college for financial reasons, easier to get loans and stuff that way, but divorced

about five years later. We're still really good friends. I took his last name permanently to avoid any connection to my parents. Actually, he's the one who set me up with my current BF in the first place. When I first started dating my BF, I made it clear I didn't talk to my family. I didn't give details, just said we were estranged and I had my reasons. He seemed to accept that and never pushed for more information, which I appreciated. He would occasionally mention in his own family gatherings and invite me, but never made a big deal when I'd change the subject if he asked about my childhood or family stuff. I've wanted to tell him the full story for a while now, but it's really hard to talk about. Like, physically hard. Every time I tried, my throat would

close up and I'd start panicking. My therapist, when I could still afford one, called it a trauma response. I'd planned to write it all down for him eventually, but kept putting it off. I guess I was scared of how he'd react or that he wouldn't believe me. Or maybe I was just scared to relive it all again. So fast forward to a few months ago. My mom somehow found me on Facebook. I deleted my old account years ago, but made a new one back in November and completely forgot about privacy settings. She messaged me right before Christmas asking if her and dad could see me on Christmas day. Just seeing her name pop up gave me a panic attack. I literally threw my phone across the room and had to take one of my anxiety pills to calm down. My BF was there when it happened and saw me

freaking out. He picked up my phone and asked what was wrong. I was still pretty out of it, but managed to tell him it was my mother contacting me. This confused him since he knew I was a from my parents but didn't know details. I'd only ever said I don't speak to them and left it at that. He started asking questions, wanting to know why I was so upset over a simple message. I told him that she had found me somehow, but I wasn't going to respond. I explained that I have my reasons for not speaking to them which I'm not ready to talk about yet, but I promised I'd tell him when I was ready. He seemed to understand and said that was good enough for him and he'd wait until I felt comfortable. I blocked her on Facebook, changed all my privacy settings,

and tried to move on with my life. The whole thing did rattle me for a couple weeks after, I was jumpy and had trouble sleeping. My BF noticed but didn't push me to talk about it. He was actually really supportive, made me tea when I couldn't sleep, held me through a couple nightmares, that kind of thing. It made me feel like maybe I could eventually tell him everything. My BF and I moved in together about three months ago. Things have been good for the most part. Last week he mentioned our anniversary was coming up and asked if I wanted to do something special. I was thinking maybe just a nice dinner at home, but he insisted on taking me out somewhere fancy.

I agreed because he seemed excited about it and I figured it would be nice to get dressed up for once. So tonight was our second anniversary, or year and a half by my count, but whatever. He took me to this really fancy Italian place where we had our first official date. It's way out of our usual price range, but he said he'd been saving up for it. He was acting kind of nervous all night, checking his phone a lot, fidditing with his silverware, that sort of thing. I thought maybe he was worried about the bill or something. Everything was going great until dessert came and he suddenly got down on one knee next to the table. People around us started noticing and a few pulled out their phones to record, which I had

but whatever. I was shocked but happy for like five seconds, until I actually processed what was happening and saw the ring. It was my nan's ring. I recognized it immediately. My nan was the only good person in my family, and she always told me she wanted me to have her ring someday. But she died when I was 14 and the ring went to my parents. I haven't seen it in over six years. I felt like someone had dumped ice water over me. I just froze, staring at the ring while he was saying something about loving me and wanting to spend his life with me. I don't even remember his exact words because all I could think was how the fuck does he have

my nan's ring? I asked him where he got it. That's when he told me he'd gone to see my parents. Apparently, when my mom messaged me back in December, he secretly wrote down her name and contact info. Then a few days later, he contacted her, saying he wanted to ask for their permission to marry me. He'd gone to their house, met them both, and they gave him my nan's ring to propose with. He said it like he was proud of himself for being so traditional and thoughtful.

I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. He knew I was estranged from them. He knew I had serious reasons for not talking to them. He knew I'd promised to tell him when I was ready. But instead of respecting that, he went behind my back and fucking contacted them. I don't even remember exactly what I said. I know I was crying and probably yelling. People were staring.

I told him no and that I never wanted to see that ring again. He kept trying to explain but I couldn't even look at him. I left him there and took an Uber home. When I got back to our apartment, I started throwing his stuff into a suitcase. I wasn't even thinking clearly, just grabbing whatever I could find that belonged to he showed up about 20 minutes later trying to talk to me, saying I was overreacting and that he was just trying to do the right thing. I told him to take his shit and leave, that I needed space. I didn't officially break up with him I don't think, but I told him to go stay with his sister for a while.

He left eventually, still looking confused about what he'd done wrong. Now he won't stop calling and texting. His messages keep switching between apologizing, though it's clear he doesn't understand what he's apologizing for, and telling me I'm being irrational. He says it was just a surprise and I'm ruining a special moment. His sister, who I'm actually friends with, is also messaging me asking what happened. She says he showed up at her place crying with a suitcase and won't tell her what's going

on except that I kicked him out. It's driving me crazy. I haven't responded to any of them because I don't know what to say. How do I explain this without having to tell the whole story? But maybe I have to tell the whole story now because of what he did. I knew he was traditional and family-oriented, and I get that asking the parents for permission is part of that for him. But he knew this was the one thing I asked him to respect about me.

He knew how upset I got just from seeing a message from my mom. He promised he would wait until I was ready to tell him about my parents. And instead, he went behind my back. He betrayed my trust in the worst possible way. Through his messages and voicemails, I can tell my parents fed him some bullshit story about, me. His texts mention how they're actually nice people and how they told him I ran away because they grounded me or some crap. He's talking about my dad walking me down the L someday and my parents meeting our future kids. It makes me physically sick to read that stuff. One of his messages

said, They just want to reconcile. They miss you and want to be part of your life again, another said, everyone makes mistakes as parents. You can't hold a grudge forever. It's like he thinks knows better than me about my own fucking life. The worst part is he told them all about my life now. Where I work, what I do. He gave them information I've spent years hiding from them. Though thankfully he says he didn't give them my direct contact info or address. But still, they know what city I'm in now, what company I work for. They could find me if they wanted to. I feel so betrayed. He's known me for two years. He knows me for two years. He knows. He knows. He He knows I'm not some unstable person who makes shit up. But after one meeting with my parents,

he's convinced himself that I'm the one lying or exaggerating. I love him. Or I did. I don't know anymore. Just this morning I was thinking about our future together, and now everything feels tainted. I love my nan and having her ring would have meant so much to me under different circumstances. But knowing how he got it just makes it feel wrong. I don't even know if I'm being clear here. My thoughts are all jumbled up. I've been typing and deleting and retyping for hours. I keep thinking maybe I'm overreacting. But then I remember what my parents did, and I know I'm not. What he did was a massive violation of trust. Please help me figure this out. I need someone to put things in perspective or just give me some advice. Normally I'd talk to a therapist about this kind of

stuff, but it's the middle of the night and I haven't been to therapy in years. I know this is long and probably a mess, but I'm not thinking clearly right now. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Any advice would be appreciated. Edit for clarification. Some people in the messages are assuming I never told him anything about my family situation. I did tell him I was estranged from them, that it was for serious reasons, and that I would explain when I was ready.

He agreed to wait. That's what makes this so much worse. He knew enough to know it was a big deal. He just decided his tradition was more important than my boundaries. Edit 2, a lot of you are telling me I need to just tell him what happened. I know that. I've been trying. It's not as simple as just spitting it out.

When you go through certain kinds of trauma, especially as a kid, talking about it can literally trigger panic attacks. I'm not being dramatic. I'm not withholding the info to be manipulative. I physically struggle to say the words. That's why I was writing it down for him instead. Edit 3, to those saying I'm overreacting, you have no idea what my parents did to me. If you knew, you wouldn't be saying that.

And no, I'm not going to share those details here. The fact that I got married at 16 just to escape them should give you some idea of how bad it was. Update, four people. saying I need to communicate better, yeah, no shit. I get that I should have told him everything sooner. Not being able to talk about trauma isn't an excuse, but it is a reason. Anyway, a lot has happened in the last few days, so here's what went down. After I made my post, I spent most of the night just crying and reading all his texts. I didn't reply to any of them because I knew I wasn't

in the right headspace. The next morning, I called out sick from work because I still couldn't stop crying. My B.F. tried to come by the apartment, but I didn't answer the door. He left flowers in a note saying he was sorry for surprising me, but that he still didn't understand why I was so upset. I decided I had to tell him everything. If only so, he'd understand why I reacted the way I did. I wasn't sure I could do it face to face without breaking down, so I thought about having someone else there for support. I called my ex-husband, the one who helped me escape, because he was there for everything and knows the whole story. I figured if I froze up, he could help explain. When I called him, I found out something interesting. My ex told me that my BF had

actually asked him about my parents about six months ago. My ex had told him it was up to me to tell him when I was ready, and my BF had said he understood and would wait. My ex didn't tell me about this conversation at the time because I just asked my BF to move in with me and he didn't want to ruin that for me. He apologized for keeping it for me and promised not to do that again. This made me even more upset because it meant my BF had been thinking about contacting my parents for months. It wasn't just an impulsive decision after seeing that Facebook message. He'd been planning this behind my back for a long time. My ex came over the next day and we talked for hours about what to do. He was pretty pissed at my BF and offered to just tell him to fuck off permanently on my

behalf, but I said no. I figured my BF deserved to at least know why I was so upset, even if we couldn't fix things between us. So I asked my ex to stay while I talked to my BF, and he agreed. I texted my BF asking him to come over so we could talk. He replied almost immediately saying he'd be right there. When he arrived and saw my ex sitting in our living room, he got really pissy and asked why he was there. I explained he was there for emotional support while I told him what happened with my parents. My B.F. wasn't happy about it but sat down anyway, though he kept glaring at my ex like he was the problem. I took a deep breath and started by saying exactly what my parents did to me in the bluntest way possible. I won't write it here, but trust me,

it was bad. Before I could even finish explaining everything, my BF interrupted me saying, they told me you'd lie. He actually fucking said that to my face after I just opened up about the worst experiences of my life. My ex told him to watch how he was speaking to me, and my BF said he'd speak to me however he wants and told my ex to stay out of it. Then he turned back to me and told me he knew the truth and implied I should be grateful he stayed with me despite my issues. According to him, my parents said I was mentally unstable, refused to see doctors, and got caught breaking the law as a teenager. They supposedly grounded me and I ran away rather than face consequences. It's complete bullshit. I've never been arrested or in legal trouble in my

life. I've been in therapy multiple times when I could afford it. My parents were the unstable ones. But he was so convinced by whatever story they fed him that he wouldn't even listen to me. I started crying again, and my ex stood up and told my BF he had 30 minutes to pack his stuff and get out, and if he said another word to me, his time went to zero. My BF. looked like he was going to argue but then just stormed off to the bedroom and started throwing his stuff in bags. He packed up and left without another word to either of us. After he left, my ex stayed with me for a while to make sure I was okay. I was a mess, obviously. I thought this person loved me and would believe me, but instead he chose to believe my abusers after one meeting

with them. My B.F., ex-BF now, I guess, texted me later that night saying he was sorry for how things went down but he still thinks I'm not remembering things correctly about my childhood. He said my parents seemed genuinely nice and concerned about me, and that I should consider healing the relationship with them. He actually had the nerve to say he was just trying to help me by bringing them back into my life. I didn't respond. The next day, I checked my work voicemail and found out my mother had called their asking for me. Apparently they tried to come by but I wasn't in. My boss thought it was weird but took a message. This means my ex-BF definitely gave them enough information to find my workplace.

So to recap, my ex-BF knew I haven't spoken to my parents in a decade, that I got married at 16 to escape them, that I still have nightmares about what happened, and that I would tell them when I was ready. Despite all that, within days of my mom contacting me, he sought them out and asked permission to marry me based on his gut feeling about them from a few text messages. He believed their lies about me over everything he knew about me from our relationship. And he gave them information about me including my full name, job, workplace. I'm scared now that they're going to keep trying to find me, especially since my ex-BF has probably told them we broke up. My ex-husband has offered to stay with me for a while just in case, which I've accepted. I'm looking into whether I have grounds for a restraining order, and I'm also thinking about moving and changing jobs.

I just started to feel settled and safe in this city, and now that's all ruined. My ex-BF sister reached out to me too. She was horrified when I told her what happened, not the details about my parents, just that he went behind my back to meet them when he knew I was estranged for serious reasons. She apologized for her brother and said she would have never thought he'd do something like that. She offered to help if I need anything, which was nice of her. I've been staying home from work for a few days, just trying to process everything. My boss thinks I have the flu.

I need to go back tomorrow, though, because I can't afford to lose my job on top of everything else. I'm going to talk to HR about not accepting calls from my parents and maybe changing my extension. I still can't believe this happened. I trusted him. I loved him. I thought he loved me too. But when it came down to it, he was. He didn't respect me enough to believe me about my own life.

He thought he knew better than me about my own family. He betrayed me in the worst possible way. Sorry if this all sounds dramatic. It's been a really fucking awful week. I just wanted to update because so many people asked for one. I guess the situation is resolved and that we're definitely broken up, but now I have new problems to deal with. I'll update again if anything major happens, but for now I'm just trying to figure

out what to do next. Thanks again to everyone who offered advice. Edit to the update. A few people asked about the ring. He still has it as far as I know. At this point I don't even want it anymore. It would just remind me of all this. I know my nan wanted me to have it, but I think she'd understand. Edit 2. To the people sending me DMs asking for details about what my parents did, please stop. I'm not going to share that with strangers on the internet. It's traumatic and private. The point is that it was bad enough to warrant cutting contact permanently. Edit 3

My ex-husband is just a friend now, so stop with the comments suggesting something is going on between us. He's literally engaged to someone else. He's helping because he's a good person who went through all this with me the first time around. Not everyone has ulterior motives. Edit 4 Some have asked why I don't just move cities again. It's not that simple. I have a decent job here,

I can't afford to just pick up and leave. Finding a new job, new apartment, etc. takes time and money. I'm figuring it out, but it's not an overnight thing. Final edit for now, I have an appointment with a lawyer next week about the restraining order situation. I'll update if there's any significant development, but I'm going to step away from this post for my own mental health. Thanks for all the support and advice.