Reddit Stories - ASSISTED my folks MONETARILY and signed on their home loan, then they OVERLOOKED

Episode Date: July 7, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #familydrama #financialsupport #mortgagehelp #parentingwoes #communicationbreakdownSummary: I assisted my folks monetarily and signed on their home loan, then they overlooked my efforts causing tension in our relationship.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, family, drama, financial, support, mortgage, help, parenting, woes, communication, breakdown, tension, relationship, assistance, oversight, homeloanBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Assisted my folks monetarily and signed on their home loan, then they overlooked my special day and requested $2,000 for father's celebration. Consequently, I ceased all support and compelled the liquidation of their assets. Their house. Ever since I started working my first full-time job after college, I became an unofficial financial support system for my parents. It started small, helping with the utility bill here, a grocery run there.

Over time, this escalated. My parents were not, to put it plainly, adept at managing their finances. My father worked, but his income was inconsistent, and my mother did not work outside the home. They lived beyond their means, a fact that became clearer to me as I got older and understood more about money. About ten years before my 35th birthday, so when I was around 25, they were on the verge of losing their house. They had a mortgage they were struggling with, and they needed to refinance or find some way to secure it. I had a good job by then, a solid credit score. They asked me to co-sign on a

new mortgage agreement for their existing home. I was hesitant. I understood the risks involved in co-signing. They presented it as a temporary measure, something to help them get back on their feet, and assured me that they would manage the payments. They emphasized that it was just my name on the paper to secure the loan due to their poor credit, and that it wouldn't cost me anything. I agreed, under the condition that they were solely responsible for all payments and that they would work towards getting my name off the mortgage as soon as possible, perhaps through another refinance when their financial situation improved. This agreement was verbal, a common theme in my dealings with them. The house itself was a standard suburban three-bedroom, two-bath place, but it was their

home. I never lived there after co-signing. I had my own place. Over the decade between co-signing and my 35th birthday, I continued to provide financial assistance. This wasn't just pocket money. It was substantial. There were car repairs for their two vehicles, insurance payments I covered, property taxes on the house I co-owned that they couldn't make on several occasions. There were direct cash transfers when they claimed they couldn't afford groceries or essential medication. I helped pay for a new roof one year, a new water heater or another. I also contributed significantly to what they termed family emergencies, which often seemed to coincide with a desire for a vacation or a new large purchase they couldn't strictly afford. I kept records of these larger

contributions, not out of any initial mistrust, but because they were significant sums and I needed to track my own finances. Looking back, these amounted to a considerable figure, well into six figures. The requests for money became more frequent as the years passed. My own financial stability seemed to be a cue for them to ask for more. If I got a promotion or a bonus, word would somehow get to them, and soon after a new request would appear. I tried setting boundaries. I would explain that I had my own financial goals, my own future to plan for. These attempts were usually met with guilt-inducing statements from my mother, remarking on all they had done for me as a child, or how family should support each other unconditionally. My father would usually remain silent, letting my mother do the

talking in these situations. The pattern was that I was expected to give, but there was little reciprocity in terms of respect for my time, my efforts, or my own life events. My birthdays, for instance, forgotten or acknowledged with a last-minute, cursory phone call. If I mentioned any personal achievements, they would be met with a brief acknowledgement shifted back to their needs or problems. It was a one-way street. I was the financial provider, the problem-solver, but not much else in their eyes, or so it felt. I paid for my younger sister's college tuition for two years when they couldn't. A sum of around $30,000. They promised to pay me back. They never did. I covered emergency medical bills for my father, totaling around $15,000 after his

insurance fell short. Again, a promise of repayment that never materialized. I even funded a significant portion of their 30th wedding anniversary celebration, a party they insisted on having despite their financial state, because my mother said it was important for their social standing. That was another $10,000. I kept receipts, bank transfer records, e-mailed, where these sums were discussed. Not because I planned any of this, but because these were not trivial amounts. They were significant financial transactions. The house I co-signed on was a constant source of low-level anxiety for me. I would check periodically to ensure the mortgage payments were being made, as any default would affect my credit. There were a few close calls, instances

where I had to step in and make a payment myself to avoid a late fee or a negative mark on my credit report. Each time, I was assured it wouldn't happen again. Each time, I was skeptical. My name was on that title, as a joint tenant with rights of survivorship, as per the bank's requirement for me co-signing the loan. This meant I legally owned a share of the house. At the time, it seemed like a formality to secure the loan. The week of my 35th birthday arrived. I wasn't expecting a large celebration. I never had one for my family. I never had one for my family. But I thought, perhaps, this year might be different. A milestone birthday.

I had mentioned it a few weeks prior, not making a big deal of it, but just a casual comment. I decided to arrange a small dinner at a local restaurant. I invited my parents, my sister, her husband, and a couple of close friends. I made the reservation, confirmed it. I sent out texts a few days before as a reminder. On the day of my birthday, I received a brief text from my sister in the morning. Happy B-day. Nothing from my parents.

As the time for the dinner approached, I got a text from my sister saying she and her husband couldn't make it. Something about a last-minute work issue for him. My friends did show up, for which I was grateful. We waited for my parents. They never arrived. They didn't call. They didn't text. Nothing. The empty chairs at the table were quite noticeable. My friends tried to keep the mood light,

but it was difficult. I paid for the meal and tried to put on a brave face. Later that night, I called my parents. The call went to voicemail. I left a message, just asking if everything was okay. The next day, I received a text from my mother, sorry we missed your dinner. Your father wasn't feeling well. No further explanation. No apology. Just that. This was not unusual. His health was often used as a reason for their absence or for needing something. About a week later, my mother called me. Her tone was cheerful, as if nothing had happened. She started with some small talk, then got to the point. My father's 60th birthday was in a couple of months, and she was planning a big party for him.

She described the venue she wanted to book, the caterer, the guest list. Then she said, we're a bit short for the deposit and initial payments. We were hoping you could help out. We need about $2,000. I sat there, phone to my ear, listening to her detail the plans for his extensive celebration,

a week after they failed to even acknowledge mine beyond a forgotten dinner reservation. The contrast, the sheer audacity of it, was stark. The years of financial contributions, the forgotten birthdays, the cosine mortgage, the constant expectation that I would provide, all of it coalesced in that moment. I didn't say much on the phone. I think I just said, I'll see what I can do, and ended the call. For years, I had complied, I had given, I had overlooked. This time, something was different. The casual disregard for my birthday followed by a demand for a significant something.

for my father's party was a line too far. A couple of days later, my mother texted again, asking if I had sent the $2,000. I went to my banking app. I typed in my mother's account details, the ones I had used countless times before. In the transfer amount, I entered $1. In the reference field, I typed, for Dad's Party. Then I sent it. Immediately after sending the $1, I went into my phone contacts. I found my mother's number and blocked it. I did the same for my father's number. Then my sisters. I blocked any family members who were primarily conduits for my parents. I went on to social media platforms where I was connected with them and removed and blocked them there too. It was a systematic process. I didn't send any explanation. I didn't

engage in any arguments. I simply cut off communication. The next step was the mortgage. I was a co-owner of their house. My name was on the deed and the mortgage. I contacted the bank that held the mortgage. I explained that I was a co-signer and co-owner and wished to protect my interests. I inquired about the process for freezing any remorging or changes to the loan without my explicit, written consent. The bank informed me of the steps, which involves submitting a formal letter and documentation proving my stake. I spent the next few days preparing this. I send it via registered mail, with return receipt requested.

The effect of this action would be to prevent them from borrowing more against the house or selling it without my signature. Given their history, I suspected they might try to leverage the property further if they were in financial difficulty, and I was no longer willing to be silently complicit or liable. The weeks immediately following these actions were quiet for my end. I expected an explosion, calls from unknown numbers, emails, messages through third parties. Some of that happened. My aunt, my mother's sister, called me a few times.

I didn't answer. She left voicemails, which I listened to. They were a mix of confusion, then anger, then attempts at guilting me, saying my mother was distraught. I didn't respond. The $1 transfer obviously caused a reaction. My mother apparently called my sister in hysterics. My sister then tried to contact me, but her number was already blocked. The primary effect of freezing the mortgage at this initial stage was internal. I knew I had taken a step to protect my financial interests, but it didn't trigger an immediate external event with my parents, as they weren't actively trying to refinance at that exact moment, as far as I knew.

It was a preventative measure. Life continued. I focused on my work, my friends, my own life. The absence of their calls, their requests, their manufactured dramas, was noticeable. It was a significant reduction in stress that I hadn't fully appreciated until it was gone. About three months after I blocked everyone and froze the mortgage, I received a certified letter. It was not from my parents, but from a mortgage broker. It was a standard notification letter addressed to all parties on the current mortgage, including me. The letter stated that an application had been made to refinance the existing mortgage on my parents' house. It also sought to add a home equity line of credit. My parents were attempting to remortgage and extract equity from the property.

Crucially, the documents indicated that my signature was apparently not on their initial application to this broker, or they were attempting to proceed without my direct involvement. Perhaps hoping the broker wouldn't rigorously check all ownership details or that my freeze notification hadn't fully propagated through all systems. My earlier action of formally notifying the current lender and placing a cautionary hold had likely flagged this new attempt, or the broker was doing due diligence that uncovered my stake in my prior communication with the original bank. The letter was likely a legal requirement, ensuring all registered owners were informed of such an application. This was a clear indication they were trying to circumvent my involvement and access the equity in a property I co-owned, without my consent. The equity existed in part because the property had appreciated over the years, but also because I had prevented defaults and contributed to its upkeep. If they succeeded, they could burden the property with more debt, debt that I would be partially responsible for if they defaulted again, and it would diminish any actual equity I held.

So here is where I am. They have tried to go behind my back to refinance a property I co-own. This is after years of financial exploitation, culminating in the birthday incident and their demand for more money. My initial actions were to cut contact and secure the mortgage from unilateral changes. Now they've forced my hand further. I have a legal share in that house. I also have records of substantial sums of money they owe me.

which I previously just wrote off as lost causes. Given their latest action, I am considering my options. What should I do? Am I justified in taking more aggressive steps to reclaim what is mine and remove myself from this situation entirely, even if it means significant consequences for them? I'm not looking for reconciliation. I'm looking for a way to finalize this separation of my life from theirs, especially financially, update one.

It has been approximately four weeks since my original post. I want to start by acknowledging the input I received. Many comments and private messages echoed similar sentiments regarding the situation. The general consensus was that my parents' actions were indeed over the line, and that I was justified in taking steps to protect my financial interests. Several questions arose regarding the specifics of the situation, which I will clarify now as they were pertinent to my decision-making process. When I co-signed the mortgage 10 years prior to my 35th birthday, I was added to the title of the house as a joint tenant with rights of survivorship.

This was a requirement from the lender because I was taking on the mortgage obligation. It meant I was not just a guarantor, I was a legal co-owner of the property. At the time, I was 25, and while I understood it gave me a stake, the primary focus then was simply to help them avoid losing their home. My parents had emphasized that it was just a signature to help them, and we never discussed the implications of co-ownership in depth, such as how a future sale or buyout would work. This was a significant oversight on my part, driven by youth and a desire to assist. Many asked for a breakdown of $200,000. I have been going through my financial records meticulously. The $200,000 is an approximate but conservative estimate.

Major items include around $45,000 in direct cash transfers to their bank account over approximately 10 to 12 years, typically for bill shortfalls or unexpected expenses. These were usually in sums of $300 to $1,000 at a time. $30,000 for my sister's college tuition, which they had agreed to repay. $15,000 for my father's out-of-pocket medical bills following a surgery. $10,000 for their 30th anniversary party. Approximately $25,000 in property taxes and homeowners insurance payments I made for their house over the years when they claimed they couldn't afford them. This was to protect the asset and my credit rating tied to the mortgage. Around $20,000 for major home repairs. $12,000 for the roof replacement and $8,000 for a new HVAC system and water heater.

Car-related expenses, I estimate around $18,000. This includes paying off a loan on my mother's car, $7,000, plus numerous instances of covering expensive repair bills and insurance for both their vehicles. Miscellaneous loans and support. The remainder comprises smaller loans for things like appliance replacement, debt consolidation assistance they requested, and other ad hoc financial crises, all of which were never repaid. I have bank statements, scanned receipts for major repairs, and e-mailed chains where many of these amounts

and the promises of repayment were discussed. As stated before, I received a certified letter from a mortgage broker. My prior notification to the original lender, the one holding the current mortgage, had indeed been logged. When my parents approached a new broker for refinancing and a heelic, the title search conducted by this new broker would have revealed my name as a co-owner. Standard procedure then requires all legal owners to be notified and to consent to new liens or changes in mortgage.

The letter I received was likely a result of either the new broker's due diligence or a notification triggered from the original lender's system due to my earlier protective measures. It was clear they had initiated this process without speaking to me first. Reading through the comments confirmed my own assessment. My parents' attempt to refinance without my consent was a serious breach of trust and a direct threat to my financial interest in the property. It was not just about the money, it was about the continued pattern of entitlement and disregard for me as an individual with my own rights and financial well-being. The advice I received,

coupled with my own resolve, led me to the conclusion that passive measures were no longer sufficient. They had escalated the situation by attempting this remortgage. I decided that I needed to extricate myself from this financial entanglement completely and recover what I was owed, to the extent legally possible. One. The first step I took was to consult with a real estate attorney. I found one specializing in property disputes and partition actions. I laid out the entire history, presented my documentation regarding the co-ownership of the House, the mortgage I was on, and the records of the substantial financial contributions I had made over the years. My lawyer reviewed the documents related to the House title and the mortgage. He confirmed my

rights as a co-owner. Two, my attorney immediately drafted and sent a cease and desist letter to the mortgage broker that had notified me of the refinance application. This letter formally stated my co-ownership that I did not consent to any refinancing or additional liens on the property, and that any attempt to proceed without my explicit written consent would be met with legal action. This effectively halted their remortgage application with that specific broker. Three. Simultaneously, my lawyer prepared a formal letter to my parents. This letter was sent via a certified mail with return receipt. It outlined my position. It referenced their recent attempt to refinance without my consent. It formally stated my desire to terminate the co-ownership arrangement.

It offered them two options, option A, buyout my legal share of the property. My share would be calculated based on current market value, minus the remaining mortgage principle. The letter specified that a professional appraisal would be required to determine fair market value. Option B, if they were unable or unwilling to buy out my share within a specified time frame, we proposed 60 days, I would petition the court for a partition sale. A partition sale is a court-ordered sale of a jointly owned property, with the proceeds being divided among the owners according to their respective interests. The letter made it clear that I was serious about pursuing this.

4. Included with the letter regarding the property was a separate, detailed accounting of the approximately $200,000 in past expenses I had covered or loaned them, for which I had records. The letter stated that while some of these were gifts at the time, many, like the tuition and medical bills, came with explicit, albeit verbal, promises of repayment. Other items, like covering their property taxes on a house I co-owned, were expenses I incurred to protect my interest in their asset, which I now sought to recover as part of the overall financial disentanglement. It stated my intention to pursue these debts through legal channels if a reasonable settlement could not be reached in conjunction with the property resolution. We understood that

recovering the full $200,000 might be difficult, especially the portions that could be argued as gifts, but including it all was a negotiating stance and a reflection of the total financial imbalance. The items with clear repayment promises, sisters' tuition, dad's medical bills, were stronger claims. The cease and desist letter to the mortgage broker stopped that particular refinance attempt in its tracks. The broker confirmed receipt and stated they would not proceed without consent from all legal owners. The delivery of the certified letter to my parents caused the predictable uproar, though I heard about it secondhand. My sister, despite being blocked, managed to get a message to me through a mutual acquaintance.

The message conveyed that my parents were devastated, couldn't believe I would do this to them, and that my mother was making herself sick with worry. There was no acknowledgement of their actions, no apology, only indignation and attempts to make me feel guilty. I did not respond to this indirect communication. My parents did not respond directly to my lawyer's letter within the first couple of weeks. My lawyer advised this was not uncommon and that the next step, if they continued to ignore the demand would be to file the partition action in court, update 2. It has been approximately

nine months since my first update and nearly a year since my original post outlining the birthday incident and my initial actions. The process that followed the dispatch of my lawyer's letters has been protracted and, as expected, not amicable. Following the initial 60-day period given in my lawyer's letter for my parents to respond to the buyout or sale demand, they did eventually respond, not directly, but through a lawyer they retained. Their lawyer's initial response was an attempt to downplay my claims. They argued that many of my financial contributions were gifts, that my name was on the mortgage purely as a facilitator, and that forcing a sale of their home was an aggressive and

unnecessary action. They made a lowball offer to buy out my share, a figure that was significantly below even a conservative estimate of its value based on local property assessments, and it did not address the separate $200,000 debt claim at all. My lawyer and I rejected their offer. We had already commissioned an independent appraisal of the property, which valued it at $450,000. The remaining mortgage principle was approximately $150,000. My legal half-share of the equity, therefore, was roughly $450,000. $150,000. $250,000. 2 equals $150,000. Their offer was for $50,000. Negotiations, through our respective attorneys, went back and forth for several weeks. They were unproductive. My parents' sides seemed unwilling to accept the reality of my legal co-ownership and the actual market value of the property.

They also flatly refused to discuss the $200,000 in past debts, their lawyer stating those were unenforceable claims based on familial goodwill. while some of it undoubtedly was, parts of it, like the funds for my sister's education and specific large sums framed as loans, were more robustly documented. Given the impasse, my lawyer proceeded as planned and filed a petition for a petition sale with the court. This legal action formally requests a judge to order the sale of the property and the equitable distribution of proceeds among co-owners. The filing of this petition seemed to escalate matters from their perspective. The court process for a petition sale is not swift. There were filings, responses, and eventually a court date was scheduled. My parents' lawyer attempted to delay proceedings, arguing hardship

and claiming they were trying to secure funds to buy me out, but they never presented a credible offer. Regarding the $200,000 debt, my lawyer advised that pursuing the full amount through a separate lawsuit would be costly and the outcome uncertain for parts of it. However, he suggested we use the more documented portions of this debt, around $60,000 relating to direct loans with repayment discussions and specific large bill payments I covered for them with an understanding of reimbursement as leverage in any final settlement regarding the House. The strategy was to focus on the clear win, the House equity, and see if some of the debt could be recovered as part of that wider negotiation. One, after several months and a couple of brief court appearances, which I attended

but my parents did not, only their lawyer was present. The judge reviewed the evidence of co-ownership, the failed negotiations for a buyout, and the appraisal. The judge ruled in my favor and ordered the partitioned sale of the property. The court appointed a neutral third party, a licensed real estate agent slash broker, often called a referee or commissioner in these sales, to manage the sale of the house on the open market.

This meant my parents could no longer control the sale process or the price. Two, the court-appointed agent listed the house. It took about two months to get a solid offer. The house sold for $435,000. This was slightly below the initial appraisal but a fair market price given the need to sell. From this amount, the remaining mortgage of approximately $148,000, it had reduced slightly over the months, was paid off first. Then, legal fees for both sides associated directly with the sale and the partition action itself were deducted. Three, after the mortgage and essential sale-related fees, approximately $270,000 remained. My legal share as a 50% co-owner was $135,000. Before the final distribution, my lawyer engaged in a

final round of negotiation with my parents' lawyer regarding the outstanding debts, specifically the more documented $60,000 portion. Faced with the final. the reality of the house being sold and funds being available, and perhaps to avoid further legal costs of me pursuing the debt separately, my parents' lawyer agreed to settle a portion of that claim from their share of the proceeds. They agreed to me receiving an additional $40,000 from their share as settlement for past debts. So, from the house sale proceeds, I received my $135,000 share plus $40,000, totaling $175,000. My parents received the remaining. remaining $95,000. This was a significant reduction from what they would have had if they had

managed their finances or bought me out fairly earlier. Four. With only $95,000 from the sale, and having to pay their own legal fees from that amount, which were not insignificant due to their attempts to fight the petition, my parents did not have enough to purchase another home in the same area, nor did they have a good credit history. They had to move into a small rental apartment. The loss of the house they had lived in for decades was a direct consequence of the chain of events starting from my decision to no longer fund their lifestyle and their subsequent attempt to remortgage without my consent. The financial strain also led to other consequences for them. The $95,000, after legal fees and moving costs, likely dwindled quickly.

I heard indirectly, through the same acquaintance my sister had used before, though I did not solicit this information, that they had to sell one of their two cars, an older SUV, because they couldn't afford the insurance and potential repairs. My father's sporadic work apparently became even more so, and they were struggling significantly. Any savings they might have had were likely depleted during the legal fight or consumed by the debts they had accumulated elsewhere. Essentially, their financial foundation, which had long been propped up by my contributions and then by the equity in the house, crumbled once those supports were removed. Five, once the funds were transferred to my account, my involvement in their lives was completely

severed. There were no further communications. I had my money, my name was off the mortgage and the deed, and I was free of the financial obligations and emotional drain they represented. I have not looked back. My life has been considerably calmer and more focused on my own goals. I have used the recovered funds to bolster my own investments and am considering buying a property for myself. One that will be solely in my name. The entire process, from the birthday incident to the final financial settlement, took a little over a year. They lost their house, a car, and their financial stability as they knew it. I walked away with a portion of what I was owed and, more importantly, my financial independence from them fully secured.