Reddit Stories - Assumed RESPONSIBILITY for my INCAPACITATED sibling FOLLOWING the demise of our parents, sought

Episode Date: July 1, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #siblingsupport #familyresponsibility #griefjourney #supportsystem #copingmechanismsSummary: Following the demise of our parents, I assumed responsibility for my incapacitated sibling. It has been a challenging journey filled with grief, but with the support of our family and coping mechanisms, we are navigating this new chapter together.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, familyresponsibility, siblingcare, griefsupport, familybond, caregiving, copingstrategies, supportnetwork, familydynamics, siblinglove, bereavement, caretaking, emotionaljourney, familyunity, personalresponsibility, siblingrelationshipBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Assumed responsibility for my incapacitated sibling following the demise of our parents, sought assistance from his sponsors as I held down two occupations, only for them to contact welfare authorities and attempt to intervene. Take him away. Hi, Reddit. I am not sure if I am the A-hole here. My friends are split.

Some say I did what I had to do. Others say I should have been nicer. My parents died two years. years ago. It was a car accident. It was very sudden. I was 23 then. My brother, Alex, was 18. Alex is disabled. He has a condition that means he needs a lot of care. He cannot live on his own. He uses a wheelchair most of the time. He can walk a little bit with help, but it is hard for him. He also has trouble speaking clearly, especially when he is tired or upset. He needs help with getting dressed, making food, and personal care.

He can feed himself if the food is cut up, but it takes him a long time. He also needs someone to be there for his medical appointments and to manage his medications. He will never be able to work a job that pays enough to live on. When our parents died, I became Alex's legal guardian. There was no one else. Our other family lives far away or they are too old. I was still in school at the time, trying to finish my degree. I had to drop out.

There was no money left after the funeral costs and paying off some of their debts. My parents did not have life insurance. Their house was a rental. So, we had to move. I found a small apartment. It is not great. It is on the ground floor, so Alex can get in and out with his chair. is the main good thing about it. I work two jobs to pay for our rent, food, Alex's medical

supplies, and everything else. My first job is at a grocery store during the day. I stock shelves and work the cash register. It pays minimum wage. My second job is cleaning offices at night. I usually work from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m., sometimes later if it is a big office. I get home very late. tired all the time. Alex gets lonely. During the day, when I am at my first job, he is mostly alone. We have a support worker who comes for two hours, three days a week. That is all we can afford from the government disability money he gets. It is not much. The worker helps him with his lunch and some basic exercises. The rest of the time, he watches TV or plays games on his tablet. Before my parents died, they were very close to their friends, Carol and Rob.

Carol and Rob are Alex's godparents. They were always around when we were kids. They promised my parents they would always look out for Alex. They said it many times. Don't worry, they would tell my mom, if anything ever happens to you, we'll make sure Alex is taken care of. My mom and dad believed them. I believed them too. After the funeral, Carol and Rob were sad. They helped a little bit with sorting some of my parents' things. They brought over food a few times. Then, they started to visit less.

They said they were busy with work. They have their own kids, who are grown up and have left home. They live in a big house about 30 minutes away from us. They are comfortable. Rob has a good job as a manager at a company. Carol does volunteer work. Last month, things got really hard. The rent went up.

Alex needed a new part for his wheelchair, and it was expensive. I was looking at our money, and I just did not know how I was going to make it work. I was so stressed. I had not slept properly in days. I thought about what my parents said about Carol and Rob. I thought about their promises. So, I called Carol. I asked if I could come over to talk to her and Rob.

She sounded a bit surprised but said okay. I arranged for a friend to stay with Alex for a few hours. When I got to their house, they offered me tea. We sat in their nice living room. It was quiet. I told them about how hard things were. I explained about the rent, the wheelchair part, and how I was working two jobs but still struggling.

I tried to be calm. I laid out the facts. I said, I am finding it very difficult to manage everything on my own. Alex needs more support than I can give him right now, especially with my work schedule. Then I asked them for help. I was specific. I asked if they could help contribute a small amount each month towards Alex's care costs. I suggested maybe $200 a month. Or, if not money, if one of them could maybe spend one afternoon a week with Alex. It would give him some company, and it would give me a break, or a chance to pick up an extra shift at the grocery store for a few hours if they had a sale on or something.

I told them, my parents trusted you. You told them you would always be there for Alex. Carol looked at Rob. Rob looked at his hands. Then Carol said, well, this is a lot to spring on us, I said, I know, and I am sorry. But I don't know who else to turn to. Carol then got a strange look on her face. She said, you know, your parents would want you to stand on your own two feet.

You are an adult now, you know. It sounds like you are trying to use guilt to get us to pay for your responsibilities. I was shocked. I did not expect that at all. I said, that is not true. I am not trying to use guilt. I am just stating a fact. You made promises.

and I am doing everything I can. Being an adult doesn't magically create more money or more hours in the day. Rob then spoke up. He said, we have our own lives to think about, our own retirement. We helped you when your parents died. We did our part, he said it very flatly. I felt my face get hot. I said, your part?

What about Alex's part in your life? He is your godson. He misses you. He asks about you. Carol then said, louder this time, don't you try to manipulate us with Alex? It is your job to look after him. We have sympathy, of course we do, but you are a young woman. You should be able to manage. Maybe you need to budget better, or find a better paying job. I stood up then. I said, budget better? A better job? Do you have any idea how hard it is out there? I am doing everything I can.

I came here asking for a little help, not for you to criticize me. My voice was shaking a little, but I did not yell. Carol stood up too. She said, I think you should leave. You are being very disrespectful. We were good friends to your parents. We don't deserve to be spoken to like this in our own home just because you can't handle your life. I picked up my bag.

I said, fine. I understand. You have made your position very clear. I walked to the door. Before I left, I turned back and said, I hope you remember what you told my parents. And I hope you think about Alex. Then I left.

I cried in my car. I felt so stupid and so angry. When I got home, Alex was happy to see me. I did not tell him what happened. Since then, it has been about two weeks. I have not heard from Carol or Rob. I managed to borrow some money from a friend to cover the wheelchair part. I am working even more hours at the grocery store when they can give them to me,

meaning I sleep even less. My friend who I borrowed money from says I was right to ask them and that they are terrible people. Another friend said I should have been more grateful for their past help and not brought up the promises because it made them defensive. She said I might have gotten some help if I had been more humble. So, Reddit, Ida for asking them for help and for how I reacted when they said no and accused me of using guilt. Was I disrespectful? Update 1, Hi everyone.

Thank you for all the comments on my original post. Most people said NTA, and that Carol and Rob were the assholes. Some people gave advice on looking for other resources for Alex, and I'm looking into the those. It takes time. A lot of people were angry on my behalf, and that felt not good, but like I was not crazy for feeling upset. So, a few things happened after I made that post. About a week ago, I was at the grocery store, at my checkout. It was a busy Saturday morning. I looked up, and Carol was standing in my line. She had a full cart of groceries. I had not seen her since I went to her house. My heart started beating fast. I just focused on the customer

I was serving. When it was Carol's turn, she came forward. She did not say hello. She just started putting her things on the belt. I said, hello, Carol, in a normal voice, like I would do any customer. She looked at me, and her face was hard. She said, very loudly, so other people in line could hear. Oh, so now you are speaking to me? After you stormed out of my house and insulted us? I was mortified. My cheeks went red.

I kept scanning her items. I said, quietly, Carol, I am at work. This is not the place, she said, even louder, it is never the place for you to be respectful, is it? You just want to use people. Your parents would be so ashamed of how you are behaving, trying to make you. make us feel bad for your problems. My supervisor, supervisor, who was working on the next register, looked over. Some other customers were staring. I just wanted to sink into the floor. I kept my

voice low. I said, please, Carol, let's not do this here. She then said, and spreading stories about us. We know you have been talking. People have told us. Making us out to be monsters. I had not told anyone their names or specific details that could identify them easily in my original post, but I guess they figured it out or someone they know saw it and told them. Or maybe she was just guessing. I finished scanning her items. I told her the total. She paid with her card.

As she was waiting for the payment to go through, she leaned in and said in a lower voice, but still angry, you are a nasty, ungrateful girl. Rob and I are very disappointed in you. We are done with you. And we are done with Alex too. If this is how you are going to be. I just looked at her. I did not say anything.

I was shaking. My hands felt cold. She took her bags and her receipt and walked away without another word. Supervisor came over after Carol left and the line had gone down a bit. She asked if I was okay. I said I was fine, just a bit flustered. She said that woman seemed very aggressive. Do you know her? I just said she is an old family friend. We had a disagreement. Supervisor nodded and said, well, if she causes trouble again, you let me know. I thanked her. I was upset for the

rest of my shift. When I got home, I just sat on the couch for a long time. I did not tell Alex. He could tell I was sad, though. He kept patting my arm. The next day, Rob called me. I was surprised he called. His voice was calm, but not friendly. He said, Carol told me she saw you at the store. I said, yes, she was there, he said.

She was very upset by your attitude. And we are very upset that you seem to be telling tales about us, I said. I told her that was not the place for you. that discussion. And I am not spreading tales. I described a situation, Rob said, well, Carol gets emotional. But the point is, we feel you are burning bridges. We were always fond of Alex. But your behavior is making it very difficult for us to have any kind of relationship with either of you. I asked him, what behavior, Rob? Asking for help when I am drowning? Reacting when I'm accused of things that are not true. He sighed, like I was being difficult. You were very

accusatory when you came to our house. You brought up old promises in a way that was designed to make us feel guilty. That is not how you ask for help, I said. So how should I have asked? Should I have begged? He did not answer he just said, Carol is very hurt. And frankly, so am I. We thought better of you. We have decided. that it is best if we all have some space. We will not be contacting you again. And we would appreciate it if you did not contact us, I said. So that's it?

After everything? After all the years with my parents? Alex is your godson. That means nothing? Rob said, it means we wish him well. From a distance. You have made it clear you do not respect us or value our past kindness. Then he said, goodbye, and hung up before I could say anything else.

So that is where things are. They have cut contact. Carol made a scene at my job. Rob called to tell me it was my fault. I feel like I am in some kind of bad dream. I did not want this to happen. I just wanted some help. I am still working my jobs.

Still tired. Now I also have this extra layer. of anger and sadness. My friend who said I should have been more humble still thinks if I had just apologized for my tone when I went to their house, maybe they would have helped. I do not know anymore. I really do not. Update 2. Hello again. It has been about two weeks since my last update. Things have not gotten better. They have gotten worse. After Rob called and said they wanted no contact, I tried to just focus on work and Alex. I was upset about what happened, but I thought, okay, at least now I know where I stand with them. No more false hope.

Then, last week, I got a call from Alex's Disability Support Coordinator. Her name is Social Worker. Social Worker helps us manage the few government services Alex gets. She sounded serious on the phone. She said she needed to schedule a home visit. because they had received an anonymous report expressing concerns about Alex's well-being and care. My stomach dropped. I asked her what kind of concerns. Social Worker said the report mentioned that Alex was often left alone for long periods, that he was not getting proper nutrition, and that his living environment was neglectful. I was horrified. I asked Social Worker if she believed this. She said it was their policy to follow up on all reports, but she also said that in her

interactions with me and Alex, she had not had those concerns. Still, she had to come and do an official assessment. The visit was scheduled for two days later. I was a wreck. I cleaned the apartment even though it was already clean. I made sure we had good food in the fridge. I was so scared they would find some reason to say I was not a good caregiver. Alex could tell I was stressed. He kept asking if I was okay, in his way. I told told him everything was fine, but he knew. When social worker came, she was professional. She looked around the apartment. She talked to Alex alone for a bit, with me just out of earshot, but in the same room. She looked at his medication, his food supplies, his wheelchair. She

asked me about my work schedule and how Alex manages when I am not there. I explained about the support worker who comes, and how my friend sometimes checks in on him. I should showed her my work schedule. I told her I was doing my best. I was honest that it was hard, but that Alex was my priority. After about two hours, social workers said that she did not see any signs of neglect. She said the apartment was suitable for Alex's needs, that he seemed well cared for, and that she understood I was in a difficult situation doing it all alone. She said the report seemed to be unfounded. She did say that ideally, Alex would have more social interaction and support hours, but she knew that was a funding issue. She promised to see if

there were any other small services we might qualify for. She told me she would file her report stating there were no immediate concerns. I was so relieved I almost cried. After social worker left, I sat down and thought about who would make such a report. There is only one answer, Carol and Rob. Who else would know enough details to make claims like that, even if they twisted them? Who else would be so cruel? They know I leave him when I work, because I have to. They know I struggle with money, so the nutrition claim is a low blow. I did not have proof, but I was sure it was them. It felt like such a betrayal. To try and take Alex away, or to get me in trouble with social services, just because they were angry with me. It is one thing to refuse to help. It is another

thing to actively try and harm us. A few days after social workers visit, I was talking to an old neighbor of my parents. Neighbor. She still lives on their old street. She is elderly, but very sharp. She sometimes calls to check in. I told her vaguely that I was having some issues with some people. She then said, is it Carol and Rob, dear? I saw Carol at the shops the other day. She did not look happy to see me. And she said some rather unpleasant things about you. I asked what Carol had said. Neighbor said, oh, just that you were being very demanding, and that you were not coping well since your parents passed. She said you were blaming everyone else for your problems and that you were making Alex's situation sound worse than it was to get

sympathy and money. She even said she was worried about Alex being with you. It was quite nasty. I told her I did not believe a word of it, that you were a good girl doing her best. So now they are not just reporting me to officials. They are spreading rumors and bad-mouthing me to people who knew my parents. People I have known my whole life. I was so angry. I wanted to call them and scream. But I thought about what Rob said on the phone, about me burning bridges and making it difficult. If I called them angry, they would just use it as more proof that I am unstable or aggressive. So, I did not call them. Instead, I wrote everything down. What happened at their house? The scene Carol made at my work. The phone call from Rob. The report to Alex's support

coordinator. What neighbor told me. I put dates in times as best as I could remember. My friend said it is good to have a record if they keep escalating. I also called social worker, Alex's support coordinator, back. I thanked her for her professionalism. I then told her that I suspected Alex's godparents, Carol and Rob, I gave her their names, were behind the anonymous report due to a recent falling out where I had asked them for help and they had refused and become hostile. I told her about Carol at my workplace and the rumors. Social worker listened patiently. She said she could not confirm who made the report due to confidentiality, but she noted my concerns. She said if any more reports came in, this context would be useful. I feel like I am constantly

looking over my shoulder now. What will they do next? It is a terrible way to live. I am trying to find a new job, a better one, but it is hard with my schedule and needing to be there for Alex. The stress is making me tired all the time. Alex notices. He tries to cheer me up, but it is hard to pretend everything is okay. This is not the life I wanted for him, or for me. Update 3. It has been three weeks since my last update. The situation with Carol and Rob has gotten even worse.

I did not think it could, but it has. After I found out they were spreading rumors and likely made the false report to Alex's disability services, I decided to try and create some distance. I focused on my work in Alex. I started to document everything, like I said. About two weeks ago, I was at home with Alex on a Sunday afternoon. It was my day off from the grocery store, and I did not have any office cleaning scheduled. We were watching a movie.

Someone started banging on our apartment door. Not knocking, but banging, hard. Alex got scared. He does not like loud noises. I went to the door and looked through the peephole. It was Carol. And Rob was standing behind her, a bit back. My heart sank.

I did not want to open the door. The banging continued. Carol started shouting, I know you were in there. Open this door. We need to talk about Alex. Other people in our apartment building started opening their doors to see what the noise was. I was embarrassed. I felt I had no choice but to open it, otherwise she might because even more of a scene or someone would call the police thinking something bad was happening. I opened the door a little bit, keeping the chain on. I said, Carol, what do you want? You cannot come here shouting like this. She looked at

furious. Her face was red. She tried to push the door open more, but the chain held. She said, let us in. We need to see Alex. We are his godparents. We have a right to see him. Rob stepped forward then. He said, Carol, calm down. But he did not look calm either. He looked angry too. He said to me, we just want to make sure he is okay. After that report, we were worried. I could not believe he said that. After what report, Rob? I asked him, the one you made. Carol yelled, we did not make any report. How dare you accuse us? We are good people. We care about Alex, unlike you, who is clearly struggling to cope. Some of my neighbors were watching. I have a I felt so exposed. I said, you need to leave. You are upsetting Alex. He can hear you shouting.

Alex had wheeled himself closer to the door behind me. He looked very frightened. He was trying to say something, but his words were jumbled because he was so upset. Carol saw Alex. Her voice changed slightly. It became a bit fake sweet. Oh, Alex, sweetie, are you okay? Your sister is being very difficult. We just want to see you. Alex shook his head. He was scared of her. I said, Carol, stop it. You are scaring him. You both need to go now, or I will call the police. That made Carol even angrier. She started screaming, you ungrateful brat. We try to be concerned, and this is what we get. Your parents would be disgusted with you. They would want us to be involved with Alex.

She then lunged at the door and tried to force it. The chain strained. I pushed back hard. Rob pulled her back a bit. He said, Carol, that's enough. We're making things worse. But Carol was out of control. She was crying and shouting now.

She's keeping him from us. She's poisoning him against us. He needs us. It was a full-blown meltdown. She was sobbing and yelling at the same time. I managed to slam the door shut and lock it. Alex was crying. I went to him and tried to comfort him, but I was shaking too.

Carol kept banging on the door for a few more minutes, shouting things. Then Rob must have pulled her away, because the noise moved down the hallway and then stopped. One of my neighbors, a kind older man named neighbor, knocked gently a few minutes later. I opened the door, still shaking. He asked if we were all right and if I wanted him to call the police. I thanked him and said I thought they had gone, but if they came back, I would. He said he and his wife would keep an eye out. Alex was very distressed for the rest of the day. He had a hard time sleeping that night. I was furious and scared. This was not just rumors anymore. This was harassment at my home.

The next morning, I went to the police station. I told them what happened. I told them about the history, the false report, which I suspect they made, the scene at my work, the rumors, and now this. I showed them the notes I had been keeping. The officer was sympathetic. He said they could issue a formal warning to Carol and Rob for harassment if I wanted. He also suggested I could apply for a restraining order if there be behavior continued or got worse. He said because Carol had tried to force the door, that was

serious. I asked him to issue the warning. I gave him their address. I do not know if the police have contacted them yet. I hope it makes them stop. But part of me feels like it might make them even angrier. A few days after I went to the police, I got a letter. It was from a lawyer. It said that Carol and Rob were concerned for the welfare of their godson, Alex, and that they believed I was unfit to be his sole guardian due to emotional instability and financial irresponsibility. It said they were exploring their legal options to ensure Alex's well-being, which might include seeking visitation rights or even a change in guardianship. I felt like I was going to be sick. Guardianship? They want to take Alex away from me? After they refused to give even $200

a month or spend a few hours with him? Now they want to fight me for him, using lawyers? The letter was full of lies and accusations. It twisted everything. It said my request for financial help was extortion. It said Carol's seen at my work was because she was distraught by my coldness. It said their visit to my apartment was a welfare check because they were so worried. I took the letter to a legal aid clinic.

A young lawyer there read it. She said it was mostly threats and accusations, and that it would be very hard for them to get guardianship given Alex as an adult and I am his legal guardian with no actual findings against me. But she said they could make things very difficult and expensive if they pursued it. She said I needed to respond to the letter through a lawyer. The legal aid clinic can help me with that, but it will take time. So now I have to deal with this legal threat. I am trying to find a lawyer who can properly represent me if it goes further. This is on top of everything else.

The stress is incredible. I am not sleeping much. I am worried about Alex. He is more withdrawn since Carol and Rob came to the apartment. He keeps asking if the angry lady is coming back. My friend who told me to be more humble with Carol and Rob initially has now completely changed her mind. She said they are unhinged and that I need to protect myself and Alex however I can. I feel so alone in this.

Every time I think it cannot get worse, it does. Update 4. It has been a few weeks since the lawyer's letter from Carol and Robb. This will probably be my final update for a while because things are ongoing and very stressful. There has been no improvement. None at all. The legal aid lawyer helped me draft a response to Carol and Rob's lawyer. Our letter stated clearly that their accusations were false.

that I was Alex's legal guardian, and that he was well cared for. It said their harassment was causing distress to both me and Alex. It also mentioned the police report I filed after they came to my apartment and Carol's behavior. We stated that if they continued to harass us or make baseless legal threats, would seek a restraining order. We sent that letter about two weeks ago. We have not had a formal reply from their lawyer yet. But Carol and Rob have not been quiet.

Last week, Rob showed up at my evening job, the office building where I clean. He waited for me in the parking lot when I was leaving around 11.30 p.m. It was dark. I was walking to my car. He stepped out from between two parked cars. I was so scared I almost screamed. He said, we need to talk. Without lawyers. Without yelling, I said, no, Rob, we have nothing to talk about. You need to leave me alone. You are not supposed to be here. I started to walk faster towards my car. He followed me. He said, you are being unreasonable. Carol is a wreck. You have done this to her. She loves Alex. I got to my car and quickly unlocked it. I said, she has a terrible way of showing it. And you both have a terrible way of respecting my decisions and my boundaries.

Stay away from me and my brother. He tried to grab my arm as I was getting into the car. He said, just listen for a minute. I pulled my arm away hard. I yelled, get away from me. I jumped in my car, locked the doors, and started the engine. He banged on the window once, then stepped back as I drove off. My hands were shaking so much I could barely steer.

When I got home, I called the police again. I told them Rob had confronted me at my work, in the dark, and had tried to grab me. They asked if I was hurt. I said no, but I was scared. They said they would log the incident and that it added to my harassment claim. They again suggested a restraining order. The next day, I spoke to the legal aid lawyer. She was very concerned.

She said Rob's actions were a serious escalation. She is helping me apply for a restrain. straining order against both Carol and Rob. We have a court date for a temporary order next week. I will have to go to court and explain what has been happening. I am terrified of this, but I know I have to do it. Alex knows something is very wrong. He sees how stressed I am. He is quiet and sad a lot. He draws pictures of monsters, which he never used to do. I try to reassure him, but I think he understands more than I realize. His speech therapist said he has been more anxious in his sessions lately. Carol has also been trying to contact me. She has left several

voicemails on my phone. I have not listened to all of them. The ones I did listen to were a mix of her crying, then yelling, then begging me to let her see Alex. She said I was cruel and heartless. She said my parents would never forgive me for keeping Alex from his loving godmother. She said Rob was only trying to talk sense into me and that I overreacted by calling the police on him. It's like she has a completely different version of reality in her head. I have blocked their numbers now, but she sometimes calls from no caller ID so I have to pick up in case it is work or something about Alex. As soon as I hear her voice, I hang up. My supervisor at the grocery store, has been very understanding. I told her a bit more about what was happening, that an old

family friend was harassing me. She makes sure someone walks me to my car if I finish late. My night job supervisor was less understanding. He said he did not want drama at his workplace. I am worried he might try to find a reason to fire me if Rob shows up again. There is no good way to end this update. My hope of getting any support from them is long gone. Now my only hope is that a restraining order will make them leave us alone. But I am scared about what they might do next, even with an order. I am just trying to keep Alex safe and keep us afloat. It is much harder than it was before I asked them for help.

That is the saddest part. Asking for help made everything a thousand times worse. Final update, this is the last update I will be posting about this situation. It has been a few months since the original post, in about six weeks since my last update. I went to court for the temporary restraining order. I had to stand up and tell the judge about everything that Carol and Rob had done. The lawyer from legal aid was with me.

Carol and Rob were there with their lawyer. Carol cried a lot during the hearing. Rob just looked angry. Their lawyer tried to say I was exaggerating and that they were just concerned godparents. But I had my notes, the police incident numbers, and the letter their lawyer sent. The judge granted the temporary restraining order for me and for Alex. It means they cannot contact us, come to our home or workplaces, or be within a certain distance of us. There will be another hearing in a few months to see if it will be made permanent.

After the hearing, as we were leaving the courtroom, Carol shouted at me down the hallway. She called me a liar while her lawyer and Rob had to pull her away. It was another scene. Since the restraining order was put in place, they have not directly contacted me or Alex. That is a relief. However, the quiet feels strange, and I am always worried they will try something indirect. My financial situation is still very hard. Working two jobs is exhausting. Alex is aware of the tension, even though I try to hide it. He is still more anxious than he used to be. He asks about the angry people sometimes. I just tell them they cannot bother us anymore and that he is safe.

I hope that is true. Thank you to everyone who offered support and advice in the comments on my previous posts. I appreciate it more than you know. I will not be updating further as I need to focus on moving forward, whatever that looks like now.