Reddit Stories - BETRAYAL Unveiled_ CONFRONTING the Sibling's Partner's Cruelty Towards NEWCOMERS_

Episode Date: June 13, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #family #betrayal #confrontation #newcomersSummary: When confronting the sibling's partner's cruelty towards newcomers, a tale of betrayal unfolds. Secrets are revealed, trust is shattered, and relationships are put to the test. Will the truth bring closure or tear the family apart?Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, betrayal, confrontation, family, relationships, secrets, trust, closure, drama, loyalty, honesty, communication, forgiveness, emotions, challenges, supportBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

Siblings partner continues to make unkind remarks about newcomers to the country. When I eventually chose to confront her about it, my spouse's relatives believe I am the one at fault. Just to provide some context. Bit of background, I, 30F, moved to the UK nearly seven years ago from the U.S. I was able to get a U.K. passport from my father who immigrated to the U.S. where he met my mother. She actually fled to the U.S. from South America because of political persecution. She doesn't like talking about it and I don't push. After university, I decided to live and travel throughout Asia and the Middle East for a few years teaching English and poor, and sometimes dangerous, areas before I finally made the decision to go back to my roots and move to Europe for good.

The transition wasn't easy. I remember arriving at Heathrow with just two suitcases and a backpack, not knowing a single person in the country apart from some distant relatives who lived way up north. I found a small flat in London that cost way too much, but it was all I could find on short notice. I spent the first few months just trying to get my bearings, figure out the tube system, and understand why everyone kept asking if I wanted a cuppa, turns out it's just tea, but I felt stupid having to ask. I worked a bunch of random jobs at first, barista at a coffee shop near Piccadilly, hostess at a restaurant in Covent Garden, even did some dog walking for rich people in Kensington.

The pay was crap but it helped me get by while I looked for something more permanent. Eventually I found a decent job that didn't mind my weird mix of experience. The people there were nice enough, though I never really connected with anyone on a personal level. I've always been proud of my mixed heritage and the fact that I've been fortunate enough to experience different cultures. A lot of people back home would just assume I was white until I told them about my background, which was always an interesting conversation starter. Here in the UK, people are more likely to ask where I'm really from which gets annoying after the hundredth time, but whatever.

Anyway, a while back I met the love of my life at a friend's birthday party. He was this tall, somewhat awkward British guy who kept making terrible puns all night. I thought he was just being friendly at first, but then he asked for my number at the end of the night. We went on a few dates and hid it off immediately. He was different from the other guys I dated. We got married after dating for a couple years in a small ceremony. We decided to buy a house in the countryside and as we are getting things ready with the

mortgage's family was kind enough to let us move into their home for the time being. This was a massive change for me, but I didn't care as I grew to be a part of his family, including his only brother, Matt, who I consider to be the brother I never had. His parents were incredibly welcoming from the start. His mom would always make sure to cook food she thought I'd like, though her attempt at tacos was hilariously bad. She used ketchup instead of salsa. His dad would constantly ask me questions about America and my travels, sometimes the same questions multiple times because he'd forget he already asked, but I didn't mind. They made me feel like I belonged. My husband and I were there whenever Matt went through

breakups and gave him dating advice whenever he was seeing someone new. There was this one girl who kept showing up at his workplace even after he broke things off, we had to help him figure out how to handle that situation without it escalating. Another time he dated this girl who seemed great until she started trying to convert him to her weird cult-like religion. We all laugh about it now, but it was pretty concerning at the time. We'd hang out almost every weekend watching movies or playing board games or whatever. He's basically my best friend now too. I remember this one time we stayed up until 4 a.m. trying to beat this really hard level in some video game while my husband had fallen asleep on the couch hours before. Matt's the kind of guy who would drop everything to

help you move or pick you up if your car broke down, no questions asked. Eventually he met Vicky at some work function. I think it was a Christmas party or maybe it was someone's leaving due, I can't remember exactly. But he was really excited about her and kept texting my husband asking for advice on what to say to her. When we first met her we thought she was sweet, down to earth, and didn't take herself too seriously which is what Matt needed. They seemed really happy together and I was genuinely happy for them.

The first time we properly hung out with her was at this pub quiz night. She knew a surprising amount about 80s music which helped our team win. She brought homemade brownies which were actually pretty good, even though she put nuts in them and I hate nuts, but I ate them anyway to be polite. She seemed to fit in with our little group perfectly. But over time she started to display questionable behavior traits that made me uncomfortable. I tried to ignore them at first because I didn't want to cause problems between my husband's family and me. It started with small things, like how she'd always make these little comments about how I didn't sound American or how I was pretty for a Latina.

I just laugh it off because I wasn't sure if she was trying to be offensive or just didn't know any better. I remember this one time we were all having drinks at this new cocktail bar that opened up near my in-law's place. They had these fancy drinks with weird names and when the waiter came over, Vicky loudly said I'll have anything that's not as foreign as her accent while pointing at me. Everyone kind of awkwardly laughed and I just smiled and ordered my drink, but it felt really off. Once at the dinner table, I said something about being Latina and she said, Well, at least you're not a dirty Indian. Mind you, my husband, Matt, and I are all for some dark humor, but that comment almost knocked

me off my chair. In fact, I don't think we all think she said what she said because it was so out of the blue. She was obviously trying to be funny, so we all laughed, but it was. was obvious that it made us uncomfortable. I should have said something then, but I didn't want to cause a scene. I remember looking at my husband across the table and he had this uncomfortable expression on his face. My mother-in-law quickly changed the subject to something about the neighbor's new car, and we all just moved on. Later that night, I asked my husband if he thought the comment was weird, and he agreed but said maybe she just had a strange sense of humor and didn't mean

anything by it. Another time, I took my husband to Turkey for his birthday and I sent a video to our family group chat of him's son tanning by our hotel's pool with the sound of the call to prayer echoing from the blue mosque and I, Sophia. I thought it captured the essence of Istanbul perfectly. As a response she texted, that sound would freak me out clearly suggesting that it sounds like a suicide boomer. I can see how that would fly over people's heads but I knew what she was talking about. It made me feel sick to my stomach that she'd make a joke like that about something so culturally significant. I get it. She has never been to the Middle East, so as someone who has lived there I took the time to educate her on what the call to prayer is and how it's actually

beautiful. I sent her a voice note explaining the cultural and religious significance of the call to prayer and how millions of people find comfort and meaning in it. I even sent her a few links to articles about the history of it and the skilled Muesins who perform it. I tried to be patient and educational rather than confrontational. But she just replied with Loloch and changed the subject to something about a sale at some clothing store. She never actually seemed interested in learning about other cultures or my experiences. Every time I'd try to share something about my travels or heritage, she'd either make some uncomfortable joke or just not engage at all. There was this other time when I brought some homemade empanadas to a family dinner.

I'd spent hours making them from scratch using my grandmother's recipe. Vicky took one bite and loudly asked if I'd put dog meat in these like they do in your country. I was so shocked I didn't even know how to respond. My mother-in-law quickly jumped in and said they were delicious, but the damage was already done. I just laughed it off at the time, but it really hurt. I kind of forgot about these incidents for a while. We'd see each other at family gatherings and stuff and things were fine, I guess. Not great, not terrible.

Just kind of there. I'd be polite but not overly friendly. My husband suggested maybe I should try to connect with her one-on-one, but I never really felt comfortable doing that after all those comments. Then nothing happened for like a month or so. During that time, we were busy with the house purchase anyway. There were all these issues with the survey and then the sellers tried to back out at the last minute but then changed their minds again.

The whole process was a nightmare and we had to extend our stay with my in-laws which was a bit awkward but they were super cool about it. My father-in-law even offered to help us with some of the renovation costs as a wedding present, which was incredibly generous. I got distracted with work stuff too. My boss assigned me this massive project with an impossible deadline and I had to stay late at the office most nights just to keep up. My husband would bring me dinner sometimes which was sweet, but I was basically a zombie for a few weeks there. So I didn't have much energy to deal with Vicky or her comments during that time.

However, it wasn't until yesterday when I've had enough of her closed-minded remarks that she clearly tries to pass off as lighthearted jokes. As I mentioned, the family has a group chat where we send memes and jokes to each other at times. My husband usually sends dad jokes that make everyone grown, my mother-in-law sends cute animal videos, and Matt mostly posts about sports stuff. As you can image, Vicky sometimes doesn't know how to read the room and sends inappropriate memes to the family. One time she sent this meme about disabled people that was just straight-up mean, not even funny. Everyone just ignored it and kept posting other things. Another time she shared some political thing that she thought was hilarious but was actually pretty offensive to immigrants.

My husband privately messaged Matt about it, but as far as I know, Matt never said anything to Vicky. Yesterday she sent a meme that was a picture of a huge group of immigrants on an inflatable raft in middle of the ocean with a caption that said, Where's Jaws when you need him? I was in the middle of making lunch when my phone buzzed with the notification. I opened it, not thinking much of it, and then just stood there in the kitchen, completely stunned. I couldn't believe she would send something like that to a group that included me, someone whose parents were both immigrants, whose mother literally fled her country for safety. It felt like a direct slap in the face. My husband thought it was too much and so did his mom.

I saw my mother-in-law had reacted with a shocked face emoji, which was something because she usually tries to be positive about everything. My husband was sitting across from me at the kitchen table and I could see him frowning at his phone. He looked up at me and said, that's really inappropriate. I, on the other hand, was like hell to the absolute and definite fuck no. My hands were actually shaking and I spilled some of my coffee on the counter. I was this close to going on the group chat and calling her out for the bigot she was in front of everyone but my husband stopped me so I decided to spare the drama and DM her. I took a few deep breaths, took a screenshot of the meme, and sent her a private message. I told her that was a fucked up joke especially considering that she knows that both of my

parents were immigrants wherein which my mom had to flee her own country. I tried to explain why joking about people drowning or being eaten by sharks when they're fleeing for their lives isn't funny, it's cruel and dehumanizing. She immediately started apologizing and saying that she didn't know which I found hard to believe. We've known each other for a year and we've discussed this before so either she's lying or stupid. I'm thinking both, honestly. She always acts like she forgets these things when it's convenient for her. She sent a flurry of messages saying things like I'm so sorry, I didn't think and it was just a meme someone sent me, I didn't create it and I would never want to hurt you personally. Notice how she was more concerned about hurting me personally than about

the fact that she was joking about actual human beings dying. That says a lot about her character if you ask me. She immediately deleted the meme off the chat along with the jiff of her giggling about it as a response to my mother-in-law reacting with a shocked face emoji. But the damage was already done. Everyone had seen it. Everyone knew what kind of person she was now. I didn't respond to her messages right away. I needed time to cool down and process my feelings. My husband suggested we go for a walk to clear my head, which helped a bit. When we got back, I had more messages from her asking if I was okay and if we could talk about it. I still didn't respond because I wasn't ready.

This morning she sent me a long paragraph about how she is upset that she upset me and that she loves me and that I'm like a sister to her. The message was full of these emotional statements about how much she values our relationship and how she never meant to hurt me. She said she was educating herself and wanted to do better but didn't actually specify how or what she was doing to educate herself. I appreciate her apologizing and all, but it really gives me the ick to associate with anyone who thinks it's funny to joke about wishing death upon a certain type of people.

It's not just a tasteless joke, it reveals something fundamental about how she views certain groups of people. It shows that deep down, she doesn't see immigrants as fully human, worthy of the same dignity and respect as everyone else. I haven't responded to her message yet. Part of me wants to give her the benefit of the doubt, but another part of me feels. feels like this is a pattern and not just a one-time mistake. She's shown this side of herself multiple times now, and each time she acts surprised when called out, as if she had no idea

her words could be hurtful. My husband thinks I should at least acknowledge her apology, even if I don't fully accept it right away. He says ignoring her completely might make things even more awkward, especially since we're still living with his parents and have to see Matt and Vicky regularly. He suggests maybe telling her I need some time and space to process everything before we can move forward. I talk to a friend from work about it, she's also an immigrant, and she was furious on my behalf. She said I shouldn't have to tolerate that kind of behavior from anyone, family connection or not. She thinks I should be direct with Vicky about how her jokes affect me and make it clear that I won't be around her if she continues with that kind of humor. So would I be the awe if I flat out call her a racist slash biggiveness?

it the next time I see her and distance myself from her or should I just accept her apology and drop it? I don't want to cause problems in the family since we're literally living with my in-laws right now, but I also don't want to just let this slide like I've done with her other jokes. Edit I just realized I forgot to mention that we're living with my in-laws while our house purchase is being finalized. I brought that up before without any context, so it got a lot of people confused. Update, a lot of you were asking why I didn't call her out the first time she made a racist comment. I guess I was just trying to keep the peace and give her the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe that was my mistake. When you're the outsider in a family dynamic, it's hard to know when to speak up and when to let things go. I was still trying to find my place and didn't want to rock the boat too much. Some of you suggested I might be exaggerating or making too big a deal out of this, but I want to be clear that these comments weren't just slightly offensive, they were straight-up racist. I don't think there's any context where joking about sharks eating immigrants is funny, especially when you know someone's family were immigrants themselves.

And to the person who said it's just British humor, no, it's not. My husband is British and he was appalled by it. Anyway, a lot has happened since my original post. Last I left it, I said that Vicky sent a long paragraph with a dramatic apology saying, that I am like a sister to her but after reading a few comments I realized a few points. First off, how can she consider me as a sister when she clearly doesn't know me and never even cared to know me? If I was really like a sister to her, she would have made an effort to understand my background and experiences instead of making jokes at my expense. Secondly,

Vicky is only apologizing because she got called out and not because she realized that the meme she sent was out of line. I could probably forgive her if this was an isolated incident, but it wasn't. As I mentioned, she made racist comments many times before but never got called out for it and now that she is she's all of a sudden apologetic? If no one have ever said anything, I guarantee she would still think those kind of jokes are okay. I took some time to think about how I wanted to handle this. I talked it over with my husband again and he was supportive of whatever decision I made. He said he would back me up either way, which I really appreciated. I also called my for advice, without giving too many details because I didn't want to worry her, and she reminded me

that I don't have to be friends with everyone, but I do have to find a way to coexist peacefully with people I don't like sometimes. I ignored her apology at first, but when Sunday came around and she and Matt were planning to come for our family dinner day she texted me again asking if we are okay, and the only reply I could give her was, I accept your apology, put it that way. I wanted to be honest without being confrontational, but I also wanted her to know that things weren't just automatically back to normal because she said sorry. I'm not sure what reaction I expected from her, but I thought maybe she'd understand that she needed to give me some space and time. Instead, she took my response as a personal attack. It didn't take long for her to cry to mad about it

who then called his mother to bitch about how mean I was being and how they are scared to come to dinner for fear of what I might say or stir up a bad atmosphere. Can you believe that? She makes racist comments, she sends inappropriate memes, she barely apologizes, and somehow I'm the bad guy because I'm not falling over myself to forgive her instantly. I told my husband to explain to his mother that I am not one to cause a show especially in their house that they were so gracious to let us stay in while we were moving house. I have accepted Vicky's apology and will be civil meaning if she wants to speak to me I will listen and answer but I will not go out of my way to speak to her.

I think that's more than fair given the circumstances. My husband talked to his mom and she seemed to understand, or at least she said she did. She mentioned something about how these things happen in families and how we all say stupid things sometimes, which wasn't exactly the response I was hoping for, but at least she didn't pressure me to pretend everything was fine. The day of the family dinner arrived and I was anxious all morning. I kept thinking about what I would say if Vicky tried to talk to me or if Matt made some comment about the situation. My husband suggested we arrive a bit late to minimize the awkwardness,

so we decided to visit a friend first and show up just before dinner was served. Our friend had just gotten a new puppy and wanted us to meet it, so we spent about an hour playing with this adorable little terrier mix. It actually helped take my mind off the upcoming dinner, which was nice. We grabbed coffee afterwards and then headed back to my in-laws. When we came back there was Matt and Vicky sitting on the couch. The moment I walked in Matt had this uncomfortable smirk on this face. The kind of smirk you make when someone you hate walks into the room and makes I contact with you and you have to be nice about it.

It completely caught me off guard because I thought Matt and I were close. Vicky gave me a high in the voice of a mouse and immediately started having a staring contest with the floor which was fine considering I made zero I contact with her throughout the whole evening. My father-in-law tried to break the tension by offering drinks and talking about some football match that had happened earlier, but the atmosphere was clearly strained. When we were at the table I was chatty and made it out to seem that I was unbothered. Meanwhile Vicky was across the table acting all quiet and sad and making the situation awkward. She barely touched her food and kept giving these little sighs like she was the most dejected person

in the world. Every time someone laughed at something, she'd forced this weak smile that screamed feel sorry for me. I focused on having normal conversations with everyone else. I talked to my mother-in-law about the garden she was planning for the spring, discussed a new Netflix show with my father-in-law, and asked my husband about some work thing he'd mentioned earlier. I was polite but distant with Matt, answering his questions but not initiating any conversation. I completely ignored Vicky unless she directly addressed me, which she only did once to ask me to pass the salt. Eventually, she texted Matt under the table saying that she wanted to leave once dinner was finished.

I know this because Matt is terrible at being subtle and I could see him reading her message and then nodding at her. They made some excuse about having to get up early the next day for something or other, which was obviously a lie because Matt never gets up early for anything. Mill and Phil knew the reason why Vicky and Matt left so quickly and they became upset. They had a go at my husband about why I can't let it go and how I was the one that made Vicky uncomfortable with the way I did not speak, let alone look at her once the entire time. My mother-in-law kept going on about how we're all family here and sometimes we need to forgive even when it's hard. She doesn't understand what it's like to be on the receiving end of

those kinds of jokes. My husband tried to defend me, saying that I was being civil and hadn't done anything inappropriate. He reminded them that I was the one who was hurt by Vicky's comments and memes, not the other way around. But they seemed more concerned with making sure everyone was comfortable at their dinner table than with addressing the actual problem. The next day, my father-in-law pulled me aside while I was making coffee and told me that while he understands I'm upset, I should try to move past it for Matt's sake. He said he doesn't think Vicky is a bad person, just a bit stupid sometimes and doesn't think before she speaks. I just nodded and said I'd think about it, but honestly, I'm getting tired of being the one who has to be the bigger

person here. I always found her to be the type that constantly plays the victim but now I feel like she's trying to rope the family into thinking that I am the odd just because I refuse to let a stupid joke that was a mistake to post-slide and play nice for the sake of peace in the family. It's a classic case of Darvow, deny, attack, reverse victim, and offender. She's making herself out to be the victim when she was the one who made racist comments in the first place. Now, I don't know what to do as everyone in the family is thinking that it is. is up to me to fix this even though I wasn't the one who stupidly posted a shitty joke on the family group chat. My husband is kind of caught in the middle, he agrees with me in private but doesn't

want to cause more drama with his family, especially while we're still living under their roof. I might update again if anything significant happens, but right now I'm just trying to avoid being in the same room as Vicky while not making it too obvious to my in-laws. It's exhausting having to manage everyone else's feelings while my own feelings are being dismissed as an overreaction. Edit. Some people have asked about Matt and whether I've tried talking to him directly. I haven't yet because I'm afraid it would just turn into him defending Vicky and make things worse. But maybe that's the next step.

I don't know.