Reddit Stories - Betrayed_ ABANDONED by Spouse After Refusing to SURRENDER Keys at Family GATHERING_

Episode Date: October 8, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #betrayed #abandoned #spouse #keys #familygathering  Summary: A Reddit user shares how their spouse abandoned them after refusing to surrender keys at a family gathering, leading to feelings of betrayal and abandonment.  Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, betrayed, abandoned, spouse, keys, familygathering, relationships, marriage, betrayal, family, emotions, personalstoriesBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse erupted in anger at my family gathering and abandoned me when I refused to hand over the vehicle keys. Now he insists on attending therapy for our marriage only if I agree to his terms. Beg for his forgiveness first. I 34F and my husband 35M have just gone through the biggest fight we ever had and it seems like divorce is inevitable. We have been together for seven years and married for two. No kids yet, but I recently found. found out I am pregnant and it's so early in the pregnancy that only my mom 58F knows as of now.

About two months ago everything was fine in our relationship. We live in Toronto in a condo and we just got a puppy a couple of weeks ago. We obviously had the usual spats like most couples here and there but nothing unmanageable. Recently my husband has got it into his head that we should move to Calgary. Due to its cheaper cost of living and the raising expenses in Toronto, it was worth considering. I was not and still am not 100% sold because one thing my husband refuses to consider in this decision is that we have a lot of family here. If anything were to happen I know we have support from them and out there we'd be on our own.

More info, we are very close with my family. My mom, brother 32M and Sill 27F live about 20 minutes away and we see them and my extended family very often. We are not so close with his family. He has no communication with his sisters and only tolerates his parents. His parents never really accepted me because of my religion and despite trying with them several times it came to the point where only he communicates with them. I try to push him to mend those relationships because I think he needs it.

Family kind of fell apart when he was 17 and he seems to really like being around family ESP when he's with mine. So I figure with my pregnancy maybe we can start from scratch with his side of the family and building that relationship again. He was actually on board with my messaging his sisters and letting them know I was pregnant. The problem, on Saturday my brother had a barbecue and we and our new puppy went over. About a week before the barbecue my husband told my mom about Calgary. My mom was not a fan as she didn't think it was a good idea for us.

I wasn't thrilled either because we have nothing planned and I felt there was no need in mentioning it yet as we didn't even know when and if we were going to go. During the barbecue I asked my husband not to mention it because I saw how upset it made my mom and I wanted to have a good time. He promised me he wouldn't. Now a bit more background, my brother got married last year and had his reception this year in May after his wife got her visa to come to Canada. My mom helped with the finances for both events. My brother feels like it's not fair that he got a wedding and reception and I didn't get either. We got married in City Hall and didn't do a reception and got our condo instead. So during the barbecue we were talking and my brother said we should think about it and throw a little party. Tbh I would consider it now but my brother doesn't know I'm pregnant and I don't feel like I want to do that now.

I'd rather focus on our future with the baby. During this conversation when my brother said think about it, my husband says in front of everyone fuck that I don't want to feed those people, we are going to Calgary. I was very upset at this because firstly he wasn't supposed to mention Calgary and secondly the way he said it was so rude. My husband noticed my mood changed and asked me what was wrong. When I told him privately why I was upset he got mad at me for my feelings and decided he wanted to leave the barbecue.

Keep in mind we came in one vehicle and we had the puppy with us and all his stuff. The barbecue was pretty much done so really we were going to leave soon anyways but my husband made a production of looking for car keys and making a grand exit. When he couldn't find the keys, he kept rudely asking me to give him the fucking keys. We were by the front door and I told him to go outside and calm down, give me a few minutes to pack up the puppy and we could leave together, but he was adamant. When I didn't give him the keys, he raised his voice and started swearing more, and that's when my brother came to see the commotion.

He got into a verbal argument with my brother and my sill dragged my brother away, but words were still exchanged. I was crying at this point because he's never been this way in front of my family. I gave him the keys and he ran to the car. I went after him to get to calm down and wait for me, but he drove off while I was standing right there. The neighbors saw and it was such commotion.

I know in hindsight I should have just given him the keys, but in the moment I really didn't think along those lines and I was worried about how it would look that he just drove off and left me and our puppy behind and I'd have to ask one of them for a ride home. When I tried to call him on the drive, he said it was all my fault that I caused his character to be assassinated in front of my family. My maternal grandparents live with my mom and heard the yelling too that I don't respect him

and I should have just obeyed him. When I got dropped off my mom was afraid to let me be alone with him, but I told her I'd be okay and thought we could talk it out. In trying to talk, he continued to say it was all my fault, but I felt that he was to blame too as he could have just left and called an Uber or gone for a walk instead of raising his voice and bringing the unwanted attention. I didn't like that he didn't consider for one second how his pregnant wife and puppy were going to get home.

Talking led to more fighting and erring of a lot of dirty laundry. All the repressed feeling and resent bubbles over and things from past fight surfaced. This back and forth of arguing and talking has been going on for the past two days. We both haven't gone into work and are questioning if we should be together. I don't know if divorce is the answer here, but what I'm really wondering is if he's right.

right? Was it my fault and was I being disrespectful? Do we try to reconcile or let this relationship go? Any insight is appreciated and thank you in advance. Additional info, hi everyone, thank you very much for everything that you have said. I have literally read every single comment and thought I should provide more info. One, it should say husband blew up at a barbecue. Two, neither of us drinks. This happened while sober. Three, some people are wondering if we see my family too much and it might be a lot for my husband to handle. We see them maybe once a week or once every two weeks typically on the weekend. Often it's only a drop-in to say hello or grab some food. More often I drop in on my own. Four, some people think my family might be too involved in our

relationship. My husband has often said that my family has done more for him than any of family has. And in fact, when he first had the idea of moving to Calgary, he suggested that we tell my mom right away and move her out there with us. My husband is willing to have my mom move in with us to assist with child care. Also, my extended family has experienced a lot and are very knowledgeable when it comes to life lessons like buying a home and it's always my husband's idea to seek them out and ask for their advice before we do something. Five, my husband knows I'm pregnant as we have been trying for a few months. He was the first person I told and my mother second. Six, yes, I did say that he's never blown up like that in front of my family before,

but he is in front of me many times. Sometimes our arguments go to the point where he says that he's going to leave or start shouting at me angrily. I'm not going to say I'm completely blameless as I do shout back, but at the end of most of them, I end up crying apologizing and then we are good again. Seven, for those wondering about culture being at play. We are both first-generation North American. He was born in the USA and I was born in Canada. He's a dual citizen. We are both of South Asian descent but come from different religious backgrounds. Neither of us is particularly religious but we respect that our parents are. Update, we have been talking and arguing on and off since all of this has gone on and I even showed him a lot of the comments. He thinks the comments

are not worth putting stock into because everyone who commented was not there in the situation. I asked him to read my post and tell me if I made an error in recounting what happened, but he didn't find one and felt that I was accurate. I suggested we do counseling as I suspect that this blow up has some roots in his anger issues which have been unresolved since his family sort of fell apart. He goes back and forth agreeing to do counseling and then saying that he doesn't want to. He thinks that I need to be the first to apologize and beg for his forgiveness and then he can apologize for the subsequent things that he did after. When he says obey he means it in the traditional sense where women in the relationship

are subservient to their husband. For those who wondered about our financial situation, it's not good. He lost his job two months ago and has put in to return to his former place of employment. He's still the process as it takes time even to be rehired. This time he has been home while I continue to work. He had received a huge retro pay before all of this and promised to buy me a ring with that money. When he lost his job the smart thing to do was use that money to help ensure we could get by and that's what we have been doing. But that also meant my ring got put on the back burner. I'm not going to lie that I wasn't

annoyed by that because my ring has always been on the back burner but I also know that the smart thing was to hold on to that money to get us by. During our arguments, I finally was able to express how I've been feeling in our relationship. I let him know that for the last seven years I felt like he was very dismissive and devalued how I felt about anything. Whether the issue be big or small, anytime I expressed my feelings towards something I was often met with comments like I don't want to hear it or was brushed off. So for the course of our relationship, I've often had to push down my feelings so that it wouldn't cause a rift between us and these last few days all of that bubbled over. He felt that I was explaining all of this out of the

blue and under the influence of my mother. I tried to explain that it feels out of the blue for him because each time I tried to express myself in the past, he shut me down so now for him it's the first time. He believes I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. That the trivial things he does or certain behaviors he exhibits are not as bad as things could be. For example, when I say he has some anger and attitude issues to work out his reply is that I should be grateful that it's only that minor and that he's not actually being physically abusive. that the girl who gets beaten and starved and raped has it worse than my problems are. I don't think that's a fair comparison to make.

I'm not saying those women have it easy, of course not, but problems in our relationship that matter to me should be considered important too. He asked me to make a list of the issues I have with him. And with each item he provided one or two examples where he proved otherwise, but what he doesn't seem to grasp is that it's the overall lack of effort in our marriage that bothers me. One example of this is that I work longer hours than he does. Also my commute is about an hour if not more. So during these two months while I'm at work and he's home it bothers me to come home and see his lunch plate sitting on the table.

I don't get why he can't pick up after himself especially if he is home all day. He says that's a minor thing but I think it boils down to respect. I'm the one who was at work all day and is tired when I come home so to leave it for me makes me feel disrespected. His response to this is to show me videos of women saying they put up with their husband's minor flaws because of what he provides. TbH I know this is a minor flaw and if we were sitting together I have no issues grabbing his plate with mine when we get up from the table but I feel like it's different when he's home and I'm working. We eventually got to the point where he started crying and said he didn't know that I thought he was such a terrible person and he can't believe that I've been miserable for the last seven years. That we should get a divorce because I'm so unhappy. He also said that he tried his best with his limited means and it saddens him that it's not enough for me.

That despite his lack of knowledge he tried to make my life easier and give me opportunities to use my knowledge and skills to help our family. This is where my heart starts to break for him because I know that he was at a disadvantage due to his family falling apart. He didn't get to learn certain skills or have a role model to look up to. I feel pain when he says those things because I know I'm the only person in his corner to help him. I just feel like not everyone grows up with the same opportunities as everyone else, but if you want to succeed in life, then you got to put in some effort and hard work. If you don't know something, learn it. If you're unsure about something, find someone to ask.

Eventually we ended up at a stalemate. I said I thought counseling would benefit us and especially him, and he says that he would only do it if I apologize to him for letting this fight go on for too long. That I should have begged for his forgiveness already and be a good wife. Then and only then would he consider therapy? I feel like I couldn't look myself in the eye if I did that. I know some people thought I should have just given him the keys that day, but in the heat of the moment that didn't happen.

I feel like there's a million and one things he could have done differently too. So I shouldn't be the one to apologize. And his actions after that day due to his uncontrollable anger are far worse than my not giving him the keys. During this stalemate he starts to say that once he says, he leaves me, I'll have what's coming to be because I'll be 34 and single and alone. I won't be able to find a man and I'll look back and regret this. I really feel like despite my better judgment, I tried my best to salvage whatever I could of this relationship. But if he can't

give me effort to try to work on it, then we are doomed. I am seeking out counseling for myself as I know that there's a lot for me to talk through. I don't know about the baby yet. I have my age to consider and that I've always wanted to be a mom. I have my family to support me if I do end up being a single mom. What I want to know is, at any time during all of this should I have done something differently? Next story, family never invited me to events and always forgot about me. This Christmas they planned a cabin trip without me, and my nieces accidentally told me. So I, 29M, am an oops baby, something that my family has constantly reminded me of since I was little, because it's funny. My brother, 44, sister, 42, sister, 39, were all planned by our parents.

I was the result of a drunk and fun night on New Year's Eve, according to my dad. I've never been close to my siblings due to the large age gap. My parents will never mean, but never went out of their way to show me the same love that my siblings get, at least that is how it's always felt. For instance, when I was younger I was in choir. I used to love to sing, but no one in the family ever came to see me sing. I was told we are busy or we have other plans, so I gave up singing. But I remember them going to my other siblings dance things. So I gave up on doing anything other than working on my computer and playing with my friends.

I stuck to just getting good with computers and in doing so, ended up in a good job where I've been working for almost 10 years now. Started at the bottom of IT and now I've worked my way up to be in. a manager for about 15 people. However being in IT means I have to occasionally miss out on family events as well as some holidays because where I work it's 24 to 7 split into 12-hour shifts. Due to this, over the years, I've been accidentally forgotten to be invited because we figured you were working without actually asking me. This has been a recurring issue with my family. Forgetting to ask me to join them or making excuses as to why I wasn't invited. However, one thing I could

always rely on was being able to show up on Christmas Eve, that's when we celebrate Christmas, and still feel like I belonged, even if it was later in the evening. Most of the love I felt came from my nieces, who always think of me as the cool uncle and are always happy to see me. Happened to stop over at my folks yesterday and while there I saw my nieces, folks tend to watch them on the weekends that's a whole different story. But my nieces started asking if I was excited for Christmas as we get to hang out in a cabin this year. I looked confused and and asked my mom what they were talking about and she looked obviously embarrassed

and said everyone made plans back in June to celebrate in a rental cabin in Vermont for Christmas. L.O.L. I kid you not, she looked at me and said we all figured you had to work again and couldn't get the time off. So everyone figured you wouldn't mind missing one Christmas. Had they said something, I could have taken the time off. To say I was an am heartbroken is an understatement.

Like I get I'm an oops baby and not really ever thought of much, if ever, but to just be left alone for the Christmas on purpose, I mean, how does a family do that to someone? I just turned around, hugged my nieces goodbye and left, didn't even say goodbye to my mom. I pride myself on being a strong individual, especially on how my family has always treated me. But not going to lie, I actually cried on the way home. Never in my life have I felt so rejected, especially by people who are supposed to love me. I couldn't even ask her when they plan on telling me or if they planned on telling me. What would happen if I showed up after work

and no one was there? I just left, I probably should have, but I was hurting too much to really care at the moment. Now here's my dilemma. I have a new girlfriend, Zoe 27F, and by new, I mean we've only been going out and seeing each other since just after Thanksgiving. I sent her a text when I got home telling her what happened as I had to talk to someone. She kind of knows about my family, being in such a new relationship I didn't want to unload all my baggage on her. But she does know that me and my family don't have a standard type relationship. Anyway, she has invited me to go with her to celebrate Christmas with her family. I haven't given her an answer yet. In previous relationships, I slash we were together months

before the invite to Christmas ever came up. However, this is the first relationship where it's only been a few weeks. So asking people have read it for their advice. Would going with Zoe to her families be a good idea? Being that this is so new, is there a potential downside? Would it be better to be gracious and thank her for the invite but decline? Or accept the invite and go? By the way, I do have to work Christmas Eve again this year, but not Christmas Day, so that's a plus, I guess. L.O.L. I've rambled enough. Sorry this thing got a little too long. Update 1, December 29th, 2024. First, thanks for those that commented on my first post. Wasn't really sure if I should go or not, but it was the best decision I ever made.

When I told my GF that I would love to go with her, she was really happy. I did what others suggested and bought a really nice bottle of wine for her family and a few gifts for my GF. I expected a bit of awkwardness when we arrived but none of that happened. When we arrived and I met her family, I was treated just like I belonged there. I had a great time. We had some really great food and played some games. And overall it was a great experience and much different than any Christmas I ever had with my family. Speaking of which, they slash mom called me while I was at my GF's family. I don't think they were happy about it by the tone of her voice, L.O.L. When they called, we were in the middle of playing Pictionary, and everyone was having a good time.

She asked where I was, and I told her. I wished her a Merry Christmas and hung up the phone, and then turned it off. I wasn't going to let her slash them ruin a good time. When it was time to go, everyone thanked me for coming and said they hoped I had a good time. I don't think I could wipe the smile off my face even if I wanted to. It was such a nice and loving group of people. I know this relationship is still super new, but the amount of love I received from my GF and family really makes me hope that this works out. I've never felt in my whole life what I felt on Christmas. As someone posted on my first post, it felt like a hallmark movie of sorts. I know it's just all the new feelings, but if anything I've learned, I deserve more than

what little my family gives me. Thanks again, everyone, for talking me into going. Best ever. Update 2, January 7, 2025. Still getting lots of requests for an update. So here to give a final update of the fallout. Again, want to thank everyone for their kind words and taking the time to comment. Felt good to know so many kind people are on Reddit. Well, I finally had a talk with my mom and dad yesterday after work. I told them the amount of disrespect and dismissiveness I've received from them and the rest of the family will no longer be acceptable. That for years I've put up with the mental and emotional abuse from them, thinking that is what family was.

However, after spending time with my girlfriend's family, I realized how toxic they are. Of course my mom tried to gaslight me into saying I was overreacting and making things sound worse than they actually were. So I pointed out time after time how they disregarded me, made me feel unwanted and forgotten. How I was always was treated as an afterthought, because I didn't fit into their perfect family picture.

Christmas being a prime example, I told them at least for the foreseeable future that I won't be coming to any family-related events and I'll call them. Don't call me. That I deserved better, that I deserved more than what they've been giving me. I pointed out how she got upset

that I was having a good time with someone else family, proves my point. Maybe in time we can try to rebuild some kind of relationship, but for now, I'm walking away and putting myself first for once. My dad nodded his head understanding I think for the first time how they've treated me. Mom started crying and I had to walk away and it was clearly a guilt trip. Also texted my brother and sisters as to keep Mom from manipulating what was said.

The older two think I'm being petty and overreacting too, but I expected as much. By my youngest sister, niece's mom, seems to understand and said I was still welcome to see them if I wanted. outside of that, not much else. I've been invited to Easter dinner by my GF and her family, so looking forward to that. I know it's a ways off but nice to know that I apparently made a good impression that they've invited me back. Thanks again for all the comments. It really helped me.