Reddit Stories - BETRAYED ABANDONING My MARRIAGE When She Revealed Her Lover's Secret Man

Episode Date: November 13, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #betrayed #abandoning #marriage #secretchildSummary:A Reddit user seeks advice after discovering their wife's hidden secret child with her lover. Feeling betrayed, they contemplate abandoning their marriage and struggle with the difficult decision ahead.Tags:redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, betrayed, abandoning, marriage, secret child, relationship advice, infidelity, family secrets, emotional turmoil, coping strategies, betrayal trauma, marriage counseling, difficult decisions, heartbreak, trust issues, relationship challenges.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.This episode includes AI-generated content.

I hope you enjoy this story. Left my marriage upon discovering she was two months pregnant with her lover's child. It had been more than three years since our last conversation. My ex-wife. She reached out to me last week and asked to speak with me. We had a one-hour phone call and the conversation brought this sad, miserable relationship to its ultimate end. This is my story. I found this forum a few weeks ago and have been reading avidly.

It has made me sad reading the outpourings of so many broken hearts. I am sorry to say it has also brought some comfort knowing I am not alone in my situation. I haven't posted before because what comfort or advice can I offer when my own marriage failed so badly? But after my conversation with my ex last week, I realized there are so many similarities in all our stories. A series of checkboxes and almost all of them are checked off. That is what compelled me to share. We met in Tien. I was 22, she was 27.

She was in her last year of nursing school and I was in my last year of military service. We were both working doing deliveries at a local pizza place for extra money. We hit it off and became friends and after a very memorable party one night became much more. She pursued me in truth. But I was attracted to her and more than happy to reciprocate. When my military time ended, I took her out to a nice dinner and proposed. I was so completely in love with her by that time. Our first year of marriage was great.

I got along great with her family and my family loved her. We did almost everything together. Then in year two things started to change. I was working full time and going to school at night working on a degree in civil engineering. I tried to make the time we had together special. romantic. But nothing changed the fact that there was a lot less of it. I could feel her pulling away and losing interest in me. So, I dropped out of school. I made a judgment that my marriage was more important, and I told myself I could always go back later. Things didn't really improve.

I had learned something about her. She is like a kid who tires of her toys quickly. She becomes bored with it and moves on to a new toy. I tried to keep her engaged and keep things interesting. Gifts, vacations, different kinds of romantic bonding. It was like bailing out a sinking ship. She offered little in the way of help or encouragement. It's exhausting to try and save a relationship when you are doing it alone. Then the cheating behavior began. This you guys all know well. She checked off the boxes. protective of her phone and laptop. More frequent absences from the home.

A complete withdrawal from intimacy. Affection from her went to zero and even hugs and kisses from me were coldly received. I've read this so many times in other posts here. It's like cheaters don't want to cheat on their AP with their spouse. I knew what was going on and I was highly motivated to catch her. We lived in an at-fault state. But she covered her tracks well. I couldn't prove it.

I think she noticed I was checking out of the marriage. All my attempts at initiating affection, or heck even talking to her for that matter, stopped. After that she tearfully confessed to an inappropriate relationship with a co-worker. She swore it was never physical. She made a lot of promises and apologies. I had never heard the term trickle truth before coming here. But I suspect I was served up a hot bowl of it. With a side of blame shifting, she wanted to work on us.

She wanted counseling for us. I believed her, or at least I chose to believe her. My heart and my intellect were not on speaking terms. We went to M.C. for a few weeks. That seemed to make her uncomfortable because the counselor asked some very probing questions about the EA. I think she suspected, as I did, there was more to it. She discontinued after four sessions. But we seemed to be doing better.

It was almost like I had my old wife back. I was very happy and decided to put all my unproven suspicions behind me. This lasted about six months until the cycle began to repeat itself. Once again, she checked all the boxes like before. I confronted her about it twice. She blew it off as stress on her part or immaturity. a favorite thing for her to throw in my face over the whole relationship because of our age gap on my part. Intimacy between us stopped as she lost all interest in it and in me. And then it

happened. I came home and found her at home early. She was sitting on our bed crying. I sat with her and asked her, almost begged her, to please talk to me. She told me she was pregnant. For a fleeting moment I was overjoyed. Then my brain began to engage. I suddenly remembered how long it had been since we had intimacy. I could see it in her face. I asked her how far along. Eight weeks. It had been over four months since we had last been intimate. I got up and left the room. She ran after me. Looking back and comparing the conversation that followed against the accounts of people's experiences on this very sub-form. I am amazed how W.S. all say the same things. It was just that one time. It didn't mean anything. I only ever loved you. Of all the lies they tell that last

one stings the most. I told her I was leaving the house and would be back in one hour. Then I would listen to what she had to say. I was shaking, furiously angry and in all honesty, it probably would not have ended well for either of us if I stayed. I drove to an empty parking lot and cried my heart out. I think I mean that literally because something inside me broke during that hour. My heart died. It turned to ice. And it still is to this day. When I went home, I was cold, emotionless. I didn't need to act like a gray stone. I had become one in truth. She insisted we could get past this. She saw how happy I was when she first told me before I realized. She commented on how we had wanted to start a family. She threw the baby's innocence in

my face and how he or she would need a father. This went on for nearly 20 minutes as I sat and stared at her in complete and emotionless silence. Finally, she looked at me and asked me to please say something. I told her she is asking for reconciliation but nearly every word she is telling me is a lie. I told her if she wants me to even think about it, she needed to start by telling me the truth. The version of the story I was told after that is it was the same AP all along. Even from the prior year. It was always an only physical. She never loved him. She loved me. He is not interested in having any kind of relationship with her other than physical. He is pressuring her to terminate the pregnancy. She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to.

to. She wanted a family and wanted it with me. I told her our marriage is over. It's been over for a year and a half, but I was just now finding out about it. I told her to pack whatever she needed for three days and to please leave the house. I told her I'd meet with her in three days to discuss what came next. She refused to leave. She kept trying to talk to me. Ordinarily her tears would have broken my resolve. But I looked at it. her that night and felt nothing. The part of me that Loves had died. I went into the guest bedroom and locked the door. The next day, I spoke to several lawyers and hired one of them. The paternity of the child was more than enough proof for an at-fault divorce. I had no desire

to wait that long and we discussed uncontested and mediation. When I got home, she actually tried to initiate with me. I was shocked and disgusted. I told her that was. would never happen again. We agreed on an outline for divorce. The biggest asset was our house. The majority of our debt was her student loan. I gave up my ownership interest in the home so she could sell it. She was going to keep the baby and I wanted her to have that money. I wanted nothing but to walk away free. In the end I kept nothing other than my Jeep, my military sea bag full of clothes and a few tools, firearms, and military mementos. Mostly things that were mined before we married.

Everything in that house, everything she had touched was just tainted to me. I wanted nothing from this marriage but to bury it in the past. The divorce finalized 13 months later. I saw her twice during the mediation. We barely spoke. She was very pregnant then. I thought that would be hard to see, but I felt nothing for her.

No love, no hate, nothing. She was a stranger to me. I moved to Florida and took a job as an underpaid but also underworked civil servant. I have a very simple life now. I bought and renovated a small house on the Gulf Coast. I bought a boat and go fishing almost every weekend. I have very few friendships and have dated very little. I have trust issues now.

I really don't enjoy the company of other people. I find myself suspicious of the attentions of women, especially ones I'm attracted to. I'm 27 years old now. I'm very physically fit and some girls find me attractive. But the idea of an intimate relationship with someone, trusting them to that level, I don't think I can do it. Not for a long time anyway. I am the opposite of the man I used to be in almost every way. All my love now is reserved for a happy black Labrador retriever named Stormy.

She goes almost everywhere with me. I'm not exactly happy. I still got upset when something triggers me to remember my ex and all that happened. I still sometimes feel a tremendous and overpowering sense of loss. I know I have lost nothing because I really had nothing. But I can't help how I feel. The beauty of my job is I mostly work alone. and in the outdoors and I can often take my dog to work with me.

If I haven't found happiness in divorced life, at least I found peace. I'll take it. Last week the past I thought I'd buried two years ago reached out from the grave. She called my cell. I don't know she got my contact info. It couldn't have been too hard. I wasn't exactly hiding. We spoke for an hour.

It was amicable at first and she made it sound. as though she just wanted to see how I'm doing in catch-up. But the hidden purpose of the call was to feel me out about some kind reconnection. She gave birth to a healthy baby girl two years prior. Paternity was never in question because of the timing. The AP wasn't present for the birth and has had little interaction with his daughter. The life of a single mother is hard and although she was getting support from the AP, apparently she had to take him to court for it.

She was lonely and unhappy I told her I was sorry to hear she was unhappy but it was not my problem I told her she had broken my heart and it was still broken today I told her in as many words I did not love her, could not love anyone and wanted nothing to do with her

I said to her that she made all the choices for all of us for her, for me, and for her daughter she left me with but one choice and that was to walk away from her. I asked her not to contact me again. The final similarity between all of our stories on this sub is this. A selfish person made a selfish choice and damaged the lives of three people, one of whom had not even been born yet.

If there was one thing I wish I could make cheaters understand before they make the selfish choice, is that they are hurting everyone around them and possibly everyone around their AP. But if they are already selfish enough to, cheat, it's likely they won't care. Update 1, I posted my story here a few weeks ago. In the three years since we separated and divorced I've made a new life for myself. But it has been a solitary life. One that is absent of friendships and trust. After reading and conversing with many of you guys I realized, I should not be giving her so

much power over my life. He was right. I thought I was living my new life on my own terms. I wasn't. By keeping myself closed off and mistrustful I was still making payments on an emotional debt I didn't even owe. When I left my ruined marriage behind, I said I took nothing with me. That wasn't exactly true. I still had my wedding ring. I don't know why I held onto it for this long. I kept it in a cigar box with a few other mementos. I attached no emotional significance to the ring, but in retrospect I wonder if its very presence in my home was a siphon on whatever positive energy I might be building. The day before yesterday my dog stormy and I went fishing in the gulf for gag grouper. December 31st was the last day of the season. On a whim I took my

wedding ring with me. I threw it into the Gulf of Mexico. It's now at the bottom of Sawani sound about 15 miles west of long cabbage key. When that little sliver of gold sank below the placid blue-green water of the Gulf, I felt like it took an enormous load off my shoulders. And like an anchor, that ring sank that emotional load into the sand bottom some 70 feet below. You guys were all correct. It is not enough to survive infidelity and divorce. It's time to live again.

I have started dating again. A local girl I had met casually. We went to a party together last night and had a great time together. I owe you folks a debt. Your comments and PMs made me realize something I didn't even see myself. To the new folks who are just starting down this road, listen to the advice you will receive on this sub. These people have been where you are now. Don't spend long mourning what you think you lost.

That grief is a weight that you care carrying for nothing. The people you carry it for betrayed you. Freedom begins the moment you realize all you need to do it, put it down. It's time to live again. Update 2. For the past three years I have declined to pursue any kind of dating or relationships. I finally decided to open myself up to finding love again and started dating. I have been seeing a girl a year younger than me.

She has ever been married. It has been going pretty well, we've been. been getting more serious and having relationship conversations. It was in one of those she dropped a bombshell on me. She told me she was very interested in polyamory relationships and could never be satisfied with just one partner. I hate to admit this but I needed to have that concept explained to me. That is how not into it, or just old-fashioned I am. She explained we could have multiple partners as long as it was only physical and we always came back to each other for emotional bonding. First off, I thanked her for being up front about it. When this kind of

thing is kept secret, it's trouble. So kudos to her for honesty. I told her I was very attracted to her, enjoyed her company, and would be very happy to be one of her partners in the short term. But when it comes to building a relationship, we'd both be better served looking elsewhere. She said she was sorry because she really liked me but understood. It was a pretty surreal conversation for me. Am I a dinosaur? Are there women out there who even want faithful men? Or is the concept out of date? My wife had an affair and my next girlfriend wanted to go on a double date with her, and some other guy and me, set up with one of her friends. Update 3. Today is my anniversary. Not my wedding anniversary. That day comes and goes without notice.

Three years ago today I received the finalization of my divorce. I shared my story on this sub last year. If you care to read it, you can find it on my profile. Someone even put it on YouTube surprisingly. But the short version is my once beloved, and now ex-wife had a year and a half on again-off again affair. That resulted in her getting pregnant with her AP's daughter. When the secret could no longer be kept, she told me it could be our baby and we could be our baby and we could raise her together. And some other stuff about how sorry she was and it would never happen

again. There could only be one answer to all that. And today is the three-year anniversary of my response. I'm fine. In truth, she rarely crosses my mind anymore. I'm not sad. I'm not really happy either. The truth is I'm just sort of okay these days. I'm just fine, I guess. I really can't describe it in any other way. So, and this is the question I'm really struggling with, why does everyone tell me I'm not? My sister and her best friend came to visit Florida before school started. They are both attending the University of Memphis this year. I am so proud of her. They spent two days at my place before going down to Tampa. We had a talk while they were here and she said she was worried about me. She is convinced I'm not over everything that happened.

She told me I seem so different now that she barely recognized me. I'm still the same guy I said to her. She thinks I'm unhappy. But, I'm not. I'm just fine. Without my knowledge, her and her friend set up a dating app on my phone and went hunting for dates for me. They started talking to two women, then told me about it, and insisted I continue the conversations. After they left, I deleted all of it.

then lied to her about it. I feel bad about that, but I really don't want her to worry. I want her to know I'm fine. I'm close friends with my boss and his wife. She tells me it's not good for you to be alone all the time and you would be a great catch. She has tried to set me up with friends but I'm just not interested. So I ended up telling her I'm seeing someone. I hate lying about it and I really appreciate their concern.

but I'm fine. Really. I've had two short relationships and one fling since my divorce. The fling the girl turned out to be married. I was furious. I told her in no uncertain terms what I thought of her. One relationship we just were not a match. The other died of indifference. Mostly on my part. I'm just not comfortable around people in an intimate way like that. I just am not interested in a relationship. Maybe I just have nothing to give to one. I am different from how I used to be. I used to be sociable and outgoing. Now, not so much. Is that bad that I've changed? I can still make emotional bonds. I love my sister to death. I love my dog. My dog is awesome. She is my best friend, fishing buddy and all-around partner in crime.

She is the ultimate ride or die. But in social situations now I feel so uncomfortable and awkward I just want to leave. If that normal, I don't know. I feel most comfortable on the boat far enough out in the Gulf you lose sight of land. Under a wide open sky with no one for 20 miles in any direction. I'm not emotionless. I'm just not emotional. I don't really get angry or sad, or happy.

I'm just fine all the time. Maybe that is quite different from the old me. But is that bad? There are a lot of folks on this sub who have survived infidelity. How are you doing? Are you healed? Do people tell you you're not? How would you even know?

Betrayal leaves us different than it finds us. Who you were before is not going to be who you were after. That doesn't seem hard to grasp, does it? The people who are asking are worried about us, I know. And we love them for that. But really, we're just fine. Update 4. My divorce became final three years ago today.

I don't think about it much anymore. I loved my wife. She was the love of my life. I say that now almost by a rote. I don't even really remember how that felt. Sometime I can't even picture what you. she looked like. She was supposed to be the most important person in the world, and now it's been just 41 months since I last saw her, and sometimes I can't even remember her face.

The night she told me her terrible secret, that he had been having an affair and that she was pregnant by him, I remember that clearly. She had rejected all affection for me for months. I shouldn't have been surprised, I guess. The red flags were there. I knew but I wouldn't admit. I've posted on Reddit about the events leading up to that night in the aftermath before. I really don't think about it much and speak of it even less. But tonight being the three-year mark, I guess I'm reliving it. That doesn't make me sad or anything. Maybe I'd be better off at it did.

I've been pretty unemotional since the night of D-Day. It was like the whole world got quiet. All voices and sounds became muted in my head to a low buzz. At the same time all things became crystal clear to me. The future, the present, the past all became an inexorable succession of events leading to an inevitable conclusion. The wife I loved was gone. The life I hoped for was lost. It never even existed.

It was all done, and over and now just a mundane exercise in awaiting the end of the process. I didn't even yell at her. I wasn't even angry. I was just numb. I just told her it was over and I was filing for divorce. Two weeks later I was gone. Even now thinking back on it, it does not make me angry. No pain, no heartache, no longing, just nothing.

The lesson I'd take from all of this is that the world is an impermanent place. All things pass. Even the things that seem so important at the time are only fleeting. Just let them go. Love, people, everything is passing by us like no more than trains in the night. With us for a brief time then fading into the distance. Don't hold on to what's been lost. Admit that it is lost and let it go.

To cling to what's gone is vanity. And it only hurts you. Update 5. So now I have a new life in a new state, USA, and feel like I'm doing okay. but my family and friends keep telling me that I might need help because my personality is so radically different from the man I used to be. There is some truth to that. I am aware of it. I used to be happier and more outgoing. Now I just prefer the company of my dog. I don't foster friendships, haven't dated much, and in general prefer to keep to myself. But I don't feel

anything is wrong with me. I went through a traumatic event, yet. Yes. But it makes sense the equilibrium you settle into after might be a far country from where you were before, right? My sister visited me a few months ago and after three days was begging me to get help. So I started individual counseling. Some of the counselor's advice has seemed good, but the whole thing seems to be heading down a rabbit hole. One of the first thing she asked to me was when was the last time I felt truly happy or sad. I had to think about it for a moment and realized it had been a long time. The last time I had really felt any strong emotion was the night my marriage ended. Since then, I've just been okay. After discussing

it for a few sessions, she said I had PTSD with a flat effect and is referring me to a psychiatrist and a neurologist. She is also talking about psychoactive medications that based on internet research have some undesirable side effects and are kind of expensive. I have a bad feeling this thing is getting out of control. She's talking about doctors, hospitals, strong medications and suddenly I'm thinking maybe it's okay to just be okay. I am seriously considering a different therapist of just forgetting this whole thing. Any advice would be appreciated.