Reddit Stories - BETRAYED and Broken_ From INFIDELITY to HEARTBREAK, My Spouse Moves On_

Episode Date: October 1, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #betrayed #broken #infidelity #heartbreak #spousemovesonSummary:Read a heart-wrenching tale of betrayal and heartbreak as a spouse moves on from infidelity. Explore the emotional turmoil and consequences of broken trust in this gripping narrative.Tags:redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, betrayal, broken trust, infidelity, heartbreak, moving on, marriage, relationships, emotional turmoil, consequences, trust issues, cheating, emotional healing, forgiveness, lovelost, movingforwardBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse ended our marriage upon discovering my infidelity. Now she is seeing someone new and I am devastated but slowly recovering. It has been 90 days since the revelation with my spouse. 34 F of 10 years. We have four kids. I was caught in a one-time physical affair with a random girl at work who showed me some attention. The thrill of being desired by someone led me to end up straying.

My wife and I both have terrible communication issues and also previous traumas from childhood and past relationships. I am someone who needs to feel wanted and desired, and love to be loved. Unfortunately my wife has severe intimacy issues and struggle to show any form of affection or desire for me. No excuses, I did a terrible thing and regret it immensely. In the immediate aftermath, she was calm and visibly emotionless, simply telling me it was over, and that I needed to move out of the marital home. Whilst I was looking for somewhere else to live, we spoke for hours, more openly and honest than either of us ever have. At that time she told me she had never felt closer to me, and we had mind-blowing segs multiple times a day,

which has never ever been the case during the marriage. We talked about reconciling, how it might look, what I needed to do, and in the beginning things looked pretty good. Once I found an apartment and moved out, things rapidly changed, she became very cold to me, and pushed me away. It was difficult to process because things were looking good initially. We had a family holiday booked prior to D-Day, which we went on to keep a good routine for the kids. During the holiday I was virtually ignored, I've never felt lonelier when surrounded by my family than this. Upon our return we had a big bust up about it and went semi-n-see, although we had to communicate with regards to me seeing the kids and finances, etc.

During one of my days with the kids, I look after them in the marital home whilst she works. I discovered through my eldest daughter that she had been seeing a man, and he had been coming to the house. I confronted her about it, and she texted to me that she had sought him out prior to the holiday and had begun an emotional and physical relationship with him, despite telling me that she had no interest in this at the moment, and wanted to work on herself at this time. My world has come crumbling down as now he has met all my kids, slept with her in my bed and moved a bunch of his things in, in a little over a fortnight. I was making great progress with my healing program, seeing a therapist multiple times a week, joining a male support group, seeking help for my various trauma issues, etc. And now feel like everything is back at square one.

I still hold out hope for a future with my wife, but it seems more distant than ever. She tells me she loves me and that she always will, because I am the kid's dad, but that she feels she can never trust me again and that at the moment she cannot see us being back together again. I am using guidance from my group, therapist, and this group to work on my issues and become the best dad I can be, whilst growing and healing. I have made it very clear to my wife that I will always be open to reconciliation, if and when she ever wants to, but this new relationship has really damaged me. She says it wasn't to hurt me, but to try and become the person she is, and not the person she was during our marriage. I guess I'd like to ask other W.S. how they dealt with a similar situation, and BPEs who have experienced similar what your thought processes were. Thank you. Update 1, wanted to post a small update after this post. Firstly, I questioned her over a few things about her new relationship, she answered them honestly, but felt I was interrogating her, which with

hindsight I probably was. She said they genuinely didn't know of each other until after I moved out, and I believe that. He is at the house every day, sleeping in our bed, beers in our fridge, playing with our kids, it hurts like nothing I have ever imagined, and yet I feel guilty for feeling this way, because she didn't cheat on me, I cheated on her. I can't allow myself to believe my marriage is over, I have to cling on to hope somehow, which I know goes against the process of healing, but she says she loves me still, and I love her, only wonder if the love she feels will soon fade and move to the new man. Edit, this group of peers and observers has helped me so much in my growing and learning.

I have certainly felt things I've never felt before, I guess that's the clarity and adversity feeling, and I'm slowly learning to feel them and process them rather than acting on them immediately, but it's proving challenging. Today is my day with the kids, she is meant to go to work, she decided she didn't want to and stayed here with me and the kids. I've cooked with her, discussed making plans for a family day out which she was receptive to, and talked about everything and anything. Sadly, she's been texting him throughout, but I understand it. She's sleeping now and I can't focus on anything but looking at her. She said she didn't know if she wanted to get divorced as she doesn't plan to

remarry. I said, what about Renu vows semi-jokingly? She said no, she would want to marry again, I allowed myself to dream that it might be with me someday. Every day is one percent better than the last. I am not a bad person. I just did some bad things. Literally immediately after posting this, I noticed a message pop up on her phone. I can't see the full text contents.

To be honest, I don't want to, but his name had hard emojis on it. I was always just in her phone as, my name's surname initial. And he referred to her as babe. I know I should just be able to accept. this and get over it, but every little thing like this just reignites the pain. Update 2, I am the wayward scum that ruined everything.

Since the breakup I have tried to do everything I could to understand the problems I have with myself, show true remorse, understand and empathize with the pain and hurt I have caused my wife and children, and taken the necessary steps to begin my journey to recovery. I'm in therapy, group counseling, I've also been referred to the GP for potential BPD diagnosis. After reading numerous books recommended here, podcasts, blogs and videos, I realized that I had been doing everything wrong. I love bombed, I talked about my feelings too much, I pleaded and bargained. Last night after a particularly difficult phone call with my kids where they wanted to play

with the new man rather than me. I broke down, I begged her to reconsider, she very calmly told me to respect her decision, and that she just wanted to be listened to. This was the wake-up call, I needed to realize that my efforts had been the wrong ones. I honestly believe she has jumped into a new relationship too quickly, especially as she identifies herself that she has numerous emotional and mental health issues that she needs to address, but she seems happy, and I have to learn to accept that, and foremost, listen to her. She said that for even a remote chance of R, I am reliant on her new relationship failing,

and that in itself isn't healthy, and she won't sabotage. it just because. She's having her needs met by someone else now, because I destroyed her feeling of safety, trust, and loyalty. She said she loves me still, but also that she feels herself falling in love with a new man. We have a need for daily contact because of the kids, which prevents NC, and every time I see her, I just want to express my remorse, tell her about the progress I'm making and show her that I can be fully committed to our, but because of the new man. Fulfilling her needs, she doesn't want to hear it. I already know what replies I'm going to get, and am deserving and prepared for them. I just want someone to tell me that I can get better,

and that maybe someday, there can still be hope for R, because the alternative is just too much to think about. Thank you, and I'm sorry. Edit, she told me she had joined an online dating site during the time we were considering R, and spoke to a dozen or so men before finally meeting this one. He is also a BS and they have bonded over it seemingly. I have no reason to believe otherwise. I am coming to the realization that she has chosen her path, to feel whole, real, and happy, and that I must live with the consequences of my actions, and make sure I can be a better man and father than I was. I'll always cling to some hope, otherwise I fear I may lose myself to the guilt, shame, and sadness forever.

It's taken a little while, a lot of pain shopping, self-doubt, shame, guilt, anger, and a whole range of other emotions, none of which compared to those that I have caused my wife, to finally come to terms with the fact that she has moved on and is happy. My goal is to continue to learn, grow and heal, and rid myself of this sickness that has plagued my life for too long. I have been in darkness for three months and it has had a massive negative effect on my health, physically and mentally, and I know this has had a knock on effect on my kids. I am a very goal-driven and motivated person, and I will do this.

I will always cling on to some hope for our with my wife, and if I am ever offered the gift, I want to be in the best place to accept it. I tried, I really did. We filed the divorce papers today, it's over. She dangled the carrot of saying the only way she'd remarry is if it was to me again, but she also said she wasn't looking for anyone else, and that changed in two weeks. I really hope she finds happiness and love in her new relationship, and that my kids will always keep me in their hearts. I suspect this will be my last post here.

Thank you to all BS and WW for their inspiration, support and kindness. I'm sorry. Update 3 So Today marks three months since D-Day 2. It feels like a lifetime has passed, So much has happened in such a short space of time. My wife finally told me that she is in love with a new man and is choosing him over us. Maybe it was selfish of me, but I needed to hear that closure, if you will. We have begun the financial separation, and surprisingly to me this was the moment when her anger finally came out. She has been remarkably emotionless on the outside, although I'm sure she has been battling her feelings internally.

I believe the realization that she is going to struggle without my financial support has brought the anger out of her, and things have turned spiteful, with threats of violence from family members and verbal abuse. Of course I will always financially support my children. Anyway, I want to take this chance to self-reflect on the past three months and offer up some things I've learned, things I've done wrong, and things I've done right, to maybe offer some insight to other WWs who are not being offered the gift of our surround yourself. with people who love you and bring you joy. I'm not talking about men who tell you your ex is to blame and you are perfect, but people who understand you, support you, and bring your focus back. I made the mistake of shunning everyone and retreating into my whole, which led to loneliness and depression.

Your true friends will make themselves known. Do not go through this alone. Occupy your mind with things you enjoy, things you never even knew you enjoyed, and things that bring joy to others. Like many, my self-esteem and self-respect nose dived after the breakup. Take time to remind yourself of your positive traits. I am a good father, a hard worker, motivated and bring joy to others. Make a list, put it on your bathroom mirror, and in big letters at the bottom put it's okay not to be okay now, but no one day you will be better. You will not believe it at first, but every single day will be better than the last. You are

are good enough. Reach out for help. In addition to your friends and family, you must be proactive in your recovery. I have always been against medication for mental health, there is a stigma attached to it, especially in men, but I realized that lack of sleep, rapid weight loss, and horrifying mood swings were not in my control, and saw my GP for help. Antidepressants have got my sleep back in routine, a slightly better appetite and the wide gap between the ups and downs has narrowed. Get therapy yesterday. I honestly cannot underestimate how important this is. Get one that has experience with infidelity trauma and relationships. I have learned so much about myself. My codependent nature, my attachment style, my love language, and my perception of

myself and others, and without first understanding something, how can you ever learn to overcome it? Do it now. Understand, learn, challenge. and resist. Some people say they don't know why they cheated, and initially that may be true, so make it your mission to find out why, and then be proactive in finding out what you can do to prevent it again. It might be addiction, it might be for validation, it could be many things, but without understanding and learning about it, you could be doomed to repeat. I did with both of my marriages, and at 40 years old I'm not going to do it again. Challenge your belief system. I've cultured a belief system from my childhood that being happy is reliant upon the happiness of others.

The thought of being happy by myself was foreign to me. Similarly, the notion that being content and stagnant is a negative. It's not. You must challenge these beliefs, and it starts with your actions. Do things differently, which in turn will change your feelings and emotions, and eventually your beliefs. Resist. We're all here, because you're all here. because we broke boundaries.

But do you even have your own? I didn't. I did whatever people asked of me, because I'm a people-pleaser, I feared rejection and judgment from others, so I would put myself in a position I didn't want to be, just to avoid feeling that way. Remember, no is a complete sentence.

One day you will need to forgive yourself. You did a bad thing, but you are not a bad person. Sorry for rambling, I know I said I wouldn't post here again, but this community has been so important to me these short months, and it would be remiss of me not to share my journey with others. Edit, I totally get why she is doing what she is doing. She has always bounced from relationship to relationship as a coping mechanism, a way to avoid dealing with breakup trauma and the issues she continues to have. A new relationship is exciting, full of passion and romance and desire, it's why what happened with me happened, so I totally get it and understand it. On the outside our relationship was good, I did truly love and desire

my wife all the time, but I felt it wasn't reciprocated. I should have been strong enough to effectively communicate my need for affection and desire, but I didn't, leaving myself feeling unwanted and unloved. I was once told that she didn't want to make love with me and only did because she felt she had to as my wife, and would just lay there and wait for me to finish. This made me feel like I was a SEGS offender and I retreated even further for fear of rejection. All things we should have been strong enough to overcome, but we didn't, and here we are now. I'll always hold out hope that one day my wife will come back to me, but I also realize that it is unlikely, and that I mustn't allow that to be the driving force in my recovery and healing.

I have a plan and a goal for my immediate future, and as a very motivated, goal-driven individual, I intend to exceed them. I will make sure that if an opportunity to further my own journey presents itself, I will be in the best mental state to fully appreciate it, cherish and nurture it and grow together. Thank you again, faceless, nameless stranger, you may never know the weight your words carry. Update 4. Just over three months post-DayW.S here. Separated from wife, now deep in limerence slash love with her new partner, No R.

You deserve to be miserable. I can't seem to shift the feeling of never being happy again, no matter what I do, whatever things I try to bring me joy, I simply cannot allow myself to feel any kind of happiness when something happens that should make me feel good. All I feel is guilt for allowing myself a moment to feel good, how dare I feel this what after what I've done, right? It's not about you, selfish, then I feel selfish about caring about my feelings, when all I should be focusing on is my self. spouses feelings and recovery, showing humility, remorse and compassion, even though we're not an R. Stop making yourself a victim. It's having a real effect on my day-to-day life, even spending time with my kids, which should be the ultimate joy, is really hard, because of the all-consuming guilt and self-hatred for what I've done. Get over it, we're finished. I guess I'm asking if

this is normal, and if it ever changes. If so, how? Are we WSS deserving of happiness, or are we consigned to a life of shame, guilt and sadness? B.S. Do you want to see your W.W.'s happy, regardless of R? I just want to feel okay, someday. I expect that if you're reading this, it's probably already too late, but on the off chance you are here and you haven't yet become a wayward, please, I implore you, don't do it, and read on. Just stop and think for a second. Think of all the year of reversible damage you are going to cause.

Not just to yourself, or your partner, but your children, your AP's partner and children, your close family and friends, everyone you know is going to be damaged, and for what? A quickie with an office colleague? A grope in a motel. A text conversation with an ex. Is it worth causing so much devastation for? I am a wayward, I cheated on my wife on two separate occasions. One emotional affair three years ago, one on S in May.

She left me after the second one, and rightly so. Let me tell you what does this cost. My wife, my marriage, are gone forever. I've lost my home, I live in a crummy bedroom in a shared house in a nasty part of town. My financial security, I pay significant child maintenance, and have to work 80-plus hours a week just to make ends meet. full and uncontrolled access to my four beautiful, innocent children. I get to see them four hours a day for three days a week. I can't kiss them good night, or watch them sleeping, or see their faces in the morning before they leave for school.

All our shared friends, my family-in-law. I'm just that cheating idiot now. My mental health, my physical well-being and my own self-respect. Yet I deserve all of it. But the biggest loss wasn't mine, it was hers. She lost so much more. Ask any BP what an affair cost them. It'll make my list seem paltry in comparison.

The anxiety, the sleepless nights, the daily triggers, the complete rewiring of their neuro pathways, their safety, trust in others, heightened insecurities, self-esteem, self-worth, and that barely scratches the surface. So please, whatever problems you are having with your relationship, with yourself, with your job, or whatever is going on inside your head that makes you think stepping outside the relationship slash marriage is the answer and okay, stop. Please, I'm pleading with you, just don't do it. Communicate with your partner, get therapy, check the infidelity subredits and read some of the posts from BPs and see what it has done to them, do whatever you need to do to not do it. Don't be me, because I don't want to be me anymore either.

Update 5, I haven't participated in this sub for a while, and even left the as one after infidelity sub as I felt it no longer held any relevancy to my situation, but wanted to post a little update for other wayward to find themselves in the position of life without her today marks six months since D-Day, and incidentally my 40th birthday. A great deal has happened in the month since my last post. The relationship between me and my BS has been one giant roller coaster. At times it was as vicious, hurtful and spiteful as you could imagine, and that others, there was genuine care, remorse, regret, sadness, and joy felt and shown by both parties. We both said and did things we regret,

out of character, from a place of anger, frustration, and fear. We also reminisced on the good times and expressed the love we had for each other that you'd expect after 10 years and four kids. I'm happy to report that we are both now in much better places, apart, but better. We have both reflected on our marriage and realized how toxic and abusive it was at times, on both sides, and even without infidelity, it was unlikely to last much longer, and if it did it would have been an unhappy and unfulfilling one. Our communication now is friendly, we talk almost daily about anything and everything, and even if it's still tinged with some sadness, it brings me great peace to know they are thriving. BS is still with their new partner, and they are very much in love.

The partner is a good man, takes good care of BS and is a good role model for our children. I recently met a new woman who has shown me a completely different kind of love, something completely foreign and bizarre to me. My children think they are wonderful and this brings me great joy. I am very much a happy man. I have learned so much through self-reflection, therapy, these subredits, YouTube, etc. That I have been able to put into practice in my new relationship. Being open and honest with my feelings, setting boundaries, being transparent and accountable, and living without fear of abandonment or the need for validation and other codependent traits.

It's been liberating. For both me and my BS, this new happiness has made us much better parents. Taking the anger and frustration we had for each other away and replacing it with joy and peace has been reflected in our joint love for the kids. They see their parents happy and thriving and this brings them joy and happiness too. I guess ultimately what I'm trying to tell other waywards in a similar position is, just because you haven't been given the gift of our, doesn't mean you shouldn't do the work, because that work will prepare you for what comes next, and next could be exactly what you've always wanted.

It is often said that waywards live in darkness, and this is true. But it's always darkest right before dawn. Do the work, your dawn is coming.