Reddit Stories - BETRAYED by a Close Friend_ Left Out of WEDDING for Being Single, then ENTRUSTED with His Home_

Episode Date: September 6, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #betrayal #friendship #weddingdrama #trustissues #homecaretakerSummary:A Reddit user shares their experience of feeling betrayed by a close friend who excluded them from their wedding for being single, only to later entrust them with the responsibility of looking after their home.Tags:redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, betrayal, friendship, weddingdrama, trustissues, homecaretakerBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Close friend excluded me from his marriage ceremony because I am unattached, then requested me to oversee his residence while he is away on his post-wedding trip. His future spouse attempted to justify the situation when I declined. For about 11 years now, I've, 37M, been pretty close with, let's call him, John, 38M. We met at a job in my mid-20s and were pretty regular company up until the pandemic, where our hanging. out, including a circle of mutual friends, has taken a decline but is an extinct. John and his partner, Let's Call Her, Jane, 36F, have been together for about eight years now, engaged for a little under two years, both with a child from previous relationships.

So they have taken trips with their kids near yearly, and I've been happy to help visit John's, now there, home and check on things, take care of their animals, etc. While they're gone. I've helped them out with other projects slash tasks over the years and most recently picked up Jane from the airport returning from a work trip and got her home this past winter during a snowstorm because my vehicle could handle it. Generally, I have been present and helpful on top of our base friendship. About five weeks ago, I find out from a mutual friend their wedding is coming up and invites one out a while ago, everyone in our circle but me invited. As a gay guy, I've experienced being iced out of some of my straight friends' lives and events in ways minor and pronounced, but this one has definitely been something that has had me thinking about my time and energy with people.

I decided I would take the hint and begin to distance myself. Three days ago, John texts me asking if I am around and early to mid-August. I say I am. John asks if I wouldn't mind visiting like I have before to look after the animals and property, I said, sorry, I can't. He calls to talk about it. We run through the same conversation, polite but a bit tense, so I finally say I just won't be visiting your home. After a moment of silence, I bring up that I'm disappointed that I appear to be the only person in our group of friends not invited to his wedding, and that I can't be helping like I have before if I'm just a background friend at this

point. I wrap up the call positively and sincerely with me wishing them a good wedding and trip, and that maybe we can grab drinks soon. Jane reaches out two days ago sending follow-up texts saying John is upset about what I said and with her because she made the final calls about friend invites and that I am taking this the wrong way. There is only so much capacity in that the others in our friend group have partners that took up space. She adds that she hopes I'll change my mind and help out them out because it would put John's mind at ease. I'm not entitled to the company of others or invitations to anybody's events, but am I wrong for setting my own boundaries in response to theirs?

I try not to frame my friendships as transactional, but they obviously want something out of me here despite they're not inviting me and then avoiding even bringing it up with me until they needed help with covering their honeymoon. Comments where OPP has replied, hang knit mittens. This sounds like a really one-sided friendship and that they are taking your friendship for granted. Why would you keep putting time and energy into them? OOP, like I said, we've been pretty close up until now, and I've happened to have the availability when they need it often enough where we've been close enough before that I

didn't mind or feel taken advantage of. Johns helped me as well in the past, and try not to hold other people's lives and familial commitments against them. But I was trying to paint a concise picture, given the character limit, of being, I thought, close. This situation, like I said, definitely changed my perspective given the other friends invited, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't making their wedding about me. They approached me after excluding me. So far people seem to agree, which I'm relieved about. Fianney Pony, NTA Jane reaches out two days ago sending follow-up texts saying John is upset about what I said and with her because she made

the final calls about friend invites and that I am taking this the wrong way. There is only so much capacity in that the others in our friend group have partners that took up space. What a bogus excuse. If your friends need someone to check up on their animals and property when they are on their honeymoon after a wedding you weren't invited to, they can ask another friend or family member. The audacity of some people astounds me. I am believer in putting the same energy into a friendship as you experience. Goop. I don't pretend to be super savvy about wedding etiquette and I realize that.

every wedding is different and lines have to be drawn about who can come or not. But yeah, my mutual friend reaching out to me to coordinate plans for our friend group during the weekend of the wedding to find out I wasn't invited definitely stung and felt awkward and my friend was in disbelief as well. VLOX, NTA. Not even a little bit. And then to ask for help like it's no big deal. SMH what did your friend group have to say about it?

Hoop, definitely some surprise. The only reason I found out was because one of them, who lives a bit further away, reached out initially trying to coordinate some plan slash get-together surround the weekend of the wedding. Assuming I'd been invited since me and John were close. I've let him follow up with the others, as I didn't want to interject so close to the wedding and make it about me. Update, yesterday afternoon, a few days after John made the initiating contact that led to this altercation, he reached out by text telling me the following. I want to take you up on that drink tomorrow if possible. And I want to apologize for my royal fuck-ups in person. I agreed to meet.

After we kicked off with a round of shots, John's first line was that he failed me as a friend in this situation. With non-family invites, Jane apparently seemed very preoccupied with a philosophy of couples over singles at the wedding, and he had previously voiced that he felt it was exclusionary and silly. But I guess Jane prioritized couples on the first round of friend invites and told John that it will be easier to fit in others after receiving RSVPs. John backed out and says he felt that going along with her initial plan of inviting the rest of our circle, who are, God bless them, coupled up, and not me, and had faith the RSVP thing would materialize. She ended up using the bit of space to plug in some more family. John admitted he basically folded and fell ashamed enough that he could not find a way to tell me. He knew reaching out to me about that favor was a risk but took it anyways because he wanted

someone he could trust, and my response was a materialization of everything he feared would happen, and in his words, deservedly so. He told me a wedding should be a gathering of your family and company who have been a part of your lives and who you want to be part of your lives, and I fit that bill to him by any measure. He, trying to accurately paraphrase, said I've done more than most of the people on the guest list for him and his family over their relationship, including help making memories with trip coverages and helping build their back deck with him to share meals and host events over the last six years. He got visibly upset when he said, with the shot and the drinks we were sipping on kicking in, that he can't believe Jane even considered holding my single-slash dating status against me after I got her home safely during a snowstorm earlier this year, and that he can't believe Jane even considered holding my single-slash-dating status against me after I got her home safely during a snowstorm earlier this year, and that he can't. He did not more adamantly confront that bullshit reasoning the instant she voiced it. He is even more pissed for Jane reaching out to me in the manner she did after my original

phone call with him. John acknowledged it would come off as hollow at this point, but after a few exchanges with Jane said there would be no more nonsense and I would at least get a proper invite and plus one if I wanted. And they would make it work if it was even desired by me at this point. He said he is not going to try to do panic damage control but will be up front with our circle. One has already dropped the wedding and I guess another couple has said something else by his reporting like he was with me for his faults because he and Jane deserve the blowback

and he needs to earn trust back if it's at all possible. He has also made it Jane's problem to find a friend who can come out nine days in a row to care for the home and pets. With a smirk, he said she's having a hard time securing it and may likely have to hire help. I told John the first really appreciated his owning up to this and it was good to see the friend I had shined through here. I told him that I have always appreciated him and Jane's friendship. So it hurt when I was excluded and not even addressed. I felt that close enough anyways, and I obviously don't mean to complicate his wedding. I've always thought him and Jane were great for each other. Earnestly, I have supported them as best as I can, and I've been confused

about what I have done or haven't done to be iced out. I also admitted it's hard to trust Jane again if she has been weighing the validity of my presence based on my relationship status and added, with some humor, it's not like I haven't been trying and you guys haven't met some of my previous long-term partners. He said he doesn't get it either, and she has at least one good friend who is single that she may have burned a bridge with as well over the wedding philosophy she had. I said the friendship is going to be changed and informed by this, at least very different for a while. And I know that you and Jane had a disagreement leading to this, but that I hope that the wedding goes on to be a good celebration. I informed him it feels best to take a pass on the

invitation. But he said if there was a change of mind, up to the last minute, to let him know, which was kind and he wasn't desperate slash pushy about it. John said the fault is his for not stepping up on my behalf, that he is sorry, and while he feels, I wouldn't expect otherwise, and I agree, he is very lucky to have her in his life and thinks their marriage is a positive development for them. He even told her this whole situation will have him questioning and second guessing her judgment on social matters with his friends for the foreseeable future. By his reporting, but a credit to their relationship, this was quite a blow to her to hear from him, but one she accepted and apologized for after their arguments about the subject. Before we parted ways in the

parking lot, we gave each other a bro hug, and John's voice broke a bit when he said he is sorry one last time. And I think mine did too when I forgave him. It was legitimately surprising and therapeutic to have John be so frank and accountable, but not unlike the friend I've known for most of my adult life. It was bittersweet, being all things considered a make-up, but also a breakup of sorts to what was previously an unquestioned and assumed strong trust and camaraderie. Maybe we can get there again. It seems possible, and it'd be nice. I'm sitting here after week of big feelings stewing on a different shade of big boy feelings now. Thanks for processing with me, Reddit.

Additional information from OOP. A lot of people had good things on the range of the spectrum to share with me, and I've done my best to respond to people without getting too consumed and doing other things that need to be done. I was happy for John to talk with me. Maybe commenters are right and they see me as something else than I thought we were as friends. and maybe I've got some work to do to assert myself, and that I have been a dormant up to this point. I know I've got some soul searching to do about me as a person and how I see myself with John and Jane,

and maybe my other friendships as well. This relationship felt a lot closer and authentic in a different time, but it's hard to paint a fuller picture of that after a situation like this. Things change. As tempting as it is to accept the invitation and be there for John, I think I trust my my instinct to let this be. And if John meant what he said, and if Jane comes around, they'll make the effort to follow up. I will be putting some distance for a while, and time will tell. I'm glad we got a chance to talk. Because if it is the end, I feel good about giving

him a chance to own it. And as I've gotten older, I appreciate the hard work of taking on uncomfortable stuff. I made some plans for that weekend with a couple other friends, which I'm looking forward to. Thanks for words and insights, read it. Next story, let my wife sleep through every night since our baby was born. Found her crying when I asked for a five minutes break, she thought I was going to take our kids away from her. Hey, guys. Five days ago, my wife, 25F, gave birth to our second child, our daughter, and then our son, 3M, came home two days later. For the past five days, I, 25M, have put myself on baby duty every night and giving my wife a full night's sleep as well as getting the kids up and ready for the day. Yesterday morning, I had gotten the kids ready to go out after pulling another all-nighter.

I don't mind it as it gives me some one-on-one time with baby girl and gives me a chance to get my run back with Radon, as well as gave my wife the chance to get herself ready at her own pace as she's still recovering. She's doing amazing, but started to feel bad about me not getting any sleep. I told her it's okay and I'm fine with it. But last night, before I put our son to bed, I asked my wife if she could watch the kids for a moment while I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she had obviously been crying. I immediately went into panic mode, but she calmed me down explaining that her mini-bee moment was caused by her feeling like she wasn't doing enough and that she felt horrible that I was

choosing to stay with our daughter rather than getting any sleep. I understood her and she sent me to bed when she woke up this morning after I got a night of intermittent sleep. I know I shouldn't feel like an awe, but I always overthink and, as a dad, I never feel like I'm doing enough for what I do compares to what my wife does. She's amazing and just went through childbirth and I just want to give her the time she needs to recover. Ida.

Comments where Op has replied, commenter one. Let me make sure I have this straight, this thread is about both parents feeling like jerks because they feel like they aren't doing enough to help the other parent rest. This has to be a humble brag, right? Nah, and let your wife know not to worry. She did the heavy lifting the last trimester, really the whole pregnancy, and that you are happy to carry the load a bit until you can't, and by then she should be rested enough that you two can walk forward together. Oop, a bit of both, but I truly do feel like I need to be doing more. I want to prove that not every man is doing just the bare minimum and that I can take care of our kids and be trusted just as much as mothers are by default.

Update, November 1st, 2024. Hey, everyone. So, a lot of people saw my last post. I mean a lot and too many people commented to get to every comment and respond. I apologize for that and I thank you all for the supportive words. I do not, however, appreciate any slander towards my wife. For a little context, I felt like T.A. Because I made my wife cry while leaving her with the kids,

regardless of her telling me that it was only for a trip to the bathroom and be necessary for me to sleep in our own bed. Secondly, I currently have six weeks off of work for child bonding. So work is no sweat as of now. Thirdly, whomever commented that we should take shifts, you all get cookies. We discussed taking shifts starting tonight with me taking the night slash early mornings. And finally, there is a whole host of backstory on why we're both a bit emotional. This is our second child, but our third pregnancy.

If our daughter is our rainbow baby who we thought we wouldn't have not just for the reason mentioned, but we nearly divorced two years prior in a particularly nasty way. A commenter found one of my previous posts and asked why I stayed with her. For context, almost two years ago, we were drinking at a friend's birthday party and some very hurtful things were said that couldn't be taken back. Even after sobering up, I was too hurt to move on and I told her I wanted to divorce. We both knew it was because alcohol was the problem and she swore she would get help. The idea that we needed CC and IC was also thrown in.

We both uncovered problems that needed resolving. Long story short, we focused on fixing the problems in ourselves and our marriage and started breaking generational cycles. Unfortunately, a lot of roadblocks came our way during our healing. My good friend of 10 plus years cut me off for choosing to give my wife another chance. Her mom got arrested. We moved into a smaller house. Another friend tried to break us up. My father passed away.

I could go on, but you get the point. Fast forward to October 2023. We are such a spot that we have both been sober since that party and we were more in love with each other than ever. And we talked about a second baby. We find out that she's pregnant mid-October and start planning a reveal for Thanksgiving for family. Then, a few days after Halloween, she miscarries.

This is where the feeling of not doing enough comes. comes in. I am at work, 35 miles away, when she needs to go to the hospital, and the person who she thought was her best friend for 80 years chooses not to go with her, so she had to go by herself on top of trying to wrangle and stay strong for a rambunctious toddler. I felt horrible and even with therapy, I haven't really been able to move on from that. So when she got pregnant with our daughter, I did every little thing for her with gusto. Obviously leading up to, and exceeding past, birth. evolving into a mantra of I will be the best husband and father I can humanly be.

Which leads to another common comment I've been seeing. Her mini-bee moment. We both have a dark sense of humor and make light of our pain before helping each other through a problem. So her saying that she had a mini-bee, she was just breaking the ice of her problem. Leading to the related problems some people seem to have. A little bit of crying is not a mental breakdown. A, you have no right to say someone is or isn't going through something, regardless of circumstance. And, B, I downplay because privacy.

But I guess I need to say that while I went to the bathroom, and our son was in his room and our newborn was fast asleep, my wife sobbed at her hands and knees fearing that she might fall down that path again and I was only taking on so much responsibility because she's afraid I'm only preparing to take them in case she does spiral. When someone posts something a bit vague, it's not necessarily for ulterior motives. This post was made to answer any questions people had regarding the other one and to give background on our marriage so, I may not update again. I do sincerely thank everyone who was kind in the comments, especially all the moms who mentioned the five days thing.

It gave my wife a laugh and some relief. Additional information from OOP based on the friendship with that good friend of 10 plus years. OOP, upon reflection and consulting with my therapist, we believe the friend that cut me off was trying to get me to leave my wife for her. That's what the friend who was trying to break us up was trying to do as well. My wife usually is a great judge of character and she has a very big heart and she really has come a long way. I didn't want to have to put all her growth in the post, but I can rattle some stuff off. She went to AA, she learned how to drive, she started setting boundaries. with friends and family. She was the one who ended the friendship with her ex-BF, just to name a few

accomplishments. Comments where OOP has replied, Commenter 1, sending you both so much love. It sounds like you've been through the ringer, but are hanging in there. Stay strong, you're doing great. Oh, O-op, it's been a rough year. Yeah, but we're making it through. Thank you for the kind words, commenter too. OOP, thanks for the update. I'm so glad you managed to have a conversation with her about this. You're a good husband and father, and she will appreciate all the support you're giving her. I'm glad the five days' suggestion made her laugh. That's just what you need to do. Keep joking with her if that's what she enjoys. Just continue to be there to support her. And make sure you

look after yourself as best you can. Stay strong, you're doing a fast. job. You'll both be okay. OOP, something she told me was, you don't get an achievement for getting X amount of sleep. All I can say is therapy has done wonders.