Reddit Stories - BETRAYED by Blood_ EXCLUDING Family from my WEDDING for Love's Sake_

Episode Date: June 15, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #weddingdrama #familyissues #loveoverfamily #betrayal #relationshipsSummary: A Reddit user faced backlash for excluding family from their wedding to prioritize their partner. Despite being betrayed by blood, they stood firm for love's sake. The post sparked a heated debate on family dynamics and loyalty in relationships.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, weddingdrama, familyissues, loveoverfamily, betrayal, relationships, familyloyalty, weddingetiquette, familydynamics, controversialdecisions, socialnorms, personalboundaries, prioritizinglove, standingfirm, challengingtraditions, emotionalconflictBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I chose not to include my folks or sibling in my wedding celebration since they consistently placed his health concerns above my special occasions. However, now my sibling has confessed to fabricating it all. Attention Hey guys, I, 28F, recently got married to Jamie, 29M, without inviting my parents or my brother Neil, 25M. I wasn't going to post about this, but my phone has been blowing up with texts from family members calling me selfish, and I just need some outside perspective on whether I handled this situation

poorly. Some background, I grew up in what appeared to be a normal middle-class family in a suburban neighborhood about an hour outside of Chicago. We lived in a four-bedroom house with a decent backyard, took occasional family vacations to nearby states, and generally seemed like any other family on our block. But things changed dramatically when I was nine years old. When Neil was seven, he was diagnosed with asthma after having trouble breathing during a soccer game. The diagnosis wasn't particularly severe according to his doctor, but from that point forward, everything in our household revolved around him and his health needs. My parents transformed overnight from treating us relatively equally to making Neil the absolute center of their universe. Throughout my childhood

and teen years, my parents consistently missed my achievements and milestones because of Neil's supposed health issues. When I was 12, I performed a piano solo. at my school's winter concert. I had practiced for months, perfecting a piece that my teacher said was usually reserved for more advanced students. The morning of the concert, my parents promised they would be there in the front row. By evening, they cancelled last minute because Neil had an asthma flare-up. I found out later from my grandmother that he was playing video games when she called to check on him that night. The flare-up mysteriously resolved once my recital was over. For my 16th birth, my grandparents flew in from Florida specifically to celebrate with me. They arrived two days early

to help set up a small party at our house. My parents had promised to pick up my cake and decorations from the party store, but on the day of the celebration, they took the car with the cake in it and didn't return until late at night because Neil suddenly needed to go to urgent care. My grandparents tried their best to salvage the party, ordering pizza and making a quick run to the grocery store for a generic cake, but I spent most of the evening worried. about whether my brother was okay. Later I found out he had just had mild seasonal allergies that could have been treated with over-the-counter medication. The custom cake my parents had ordered was mostly eaten by Neil during the hospital visit, only a few slices were left and

that two were eaten by my parents. The pattern continued when they missed my high school graduation. I was valedictorian of my class of 430 students, maintaining a perfect GPA despite working part-time to save money for college. Instead of watching me give my speech, they stayed home because Neil was having a panic attack about his finals, even though his exams weren't scheduled until the following week. My best friend's parents saved a seat for me at their family dinner afterward and gave me a card congratulating me on my achievement. College was another struggle entirely. While my classmates had financial support from their families, I worked two jobs to put myself through school. I waited tables at a diner on weekends and worked as a lab assistant on weeknights,

often studying in the hours between midnight and 4 a.m. before classes started again. I managed to maintain a 4.0 GPA in chemical engineering, but it came at the cost of my sleep, health, and any semblance of a social life. Meanwhile, my parents had saved a substantial college fund for Neal because of his potential medical expenses, even though his asthma was well controlled by then with a simple inhaler that he rarely needed to use. When I decided to pursue my master's degree, I did so with virtually no family support. I applied for every scholarship and grant available, and still had to take out loans to cover the difference. When I finally earned my degree after two grueling years of advanced study and research, my parents promised they would attend the ceremony.

I was so excited that they would finally see one of my achievements that I reserved seats for them in the front section and made dinner reservations at a nice restaurant afterward. But the morning of, I got a text saying Neil had a migraine and needed their support. That night, he posted pictures on Instagram from a party at his friend's apartment, clearly feeling fine and having fun while my parents sat beside him monitoring his condition. For years ago, I met Jamie at a professional conference where we were both presenting research. He comes from a big, closed-knit family that shows affection openly and celebrates each other's accomplishments with genuine enthusiasm. For my first birthday after we started dating, he threw me a surprise party with friends from

work and his family members who had already started treating me like one of their own. I actually cried when I walked in because no one had ever made that kind of effort for me before. His family immediately welcomed me, attended my work events, and celebrated my achievements in ways my own family never did. When I received a promotion at work, Jamie's parents, sent flowers to my office. When I published my first research paper, his sister framed the first page and gave it to me as a gift. These gestures felt so foreign to me that I almost didn't know how to respond to them at first. When Jamie proposed last year after three years together, we started planning our wedding. Honestly, I couldn't imagine my parents being there without somehow

making it about Neil. I pictured him having an episode during our vows or my mom rushing out during our first dance because Neil texted that he needed something. After discussing it extensively with Jamie over several weeks, we decided not to invite my parents or brother. I didn't make this decision lightly. I spent many nights lying awake wondering if I was being petty or vindictive. But ultimately, I couldn't bear the thought of looking out from the altar to see empty seats where my parents should be, or worse, watching them leave in the middle of the ceremony because Neil suddenly needed attention. Jamie supported my dad. decision but made it clear he would support me equally if I changed my mind. We decided on a

relatively small wedding with about 80 guests, mostly Jamie's family and friends from both our professional and personal lives. I invited my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins but specifically asked them not to mention it to my parents or Neil. Most of them understood, having witnessed the dynamic over the years. The wedding was beautiful and stress-free, exactly what I had hoped for. Jamie's family stepped up in every way, his dad gave me away, his mom helped me get ready that morning, and his sisters were my bridesmaids. My grandparents danced with me and told me how proud they were.

For once, I had a special day that wasn't overshadowed by someone else's needs. My parents found out about the wedding through social media when my cousin posted some photos from the reception. Within hours, my phone was flooded with angry text messages. and voicemails. My mother called me ungrateful and said, you've always resented your brother for things he can't control. My father accused me of deliberately humiliating them in front of extended family. They've been telling everyone who will listen that I've always been an attention-seeking drama queen and that I'm punishing them for being good parents to a sick child. I didn't want to

hurt my parents, but I also didn't want my wedding day ruined by the same dynamic that's affected every other important event in my life. Jamie thinks I did the right thing, but some family members are saying I should have given them a chance to be there for me on such an important day. I've been second-guessing myself since the wedding, wondering if I made the right choice or if I've irreparably damaged my relationship with my parents.

Part of me feels guilty, but another part feels justified given their history of putting meals often questionable needs above everything else in my life. Ida Update 1. I wasn't expecting this much response to my post. I've been reading through everything and trying to process it all. Several people mentioned something called medical abuse by proxy regarding Neil's situation,

which I've been reading about, and it's giving me a lot to think about. I never considered that what was happening in our family might have a name or be a recognized pattern. Things have escalated since my original post. My parents are now claiming that Neil was hospitalized due to stress over being excluded from the wedding. According to them, he had such severe anxiety upon learning he wasn't invited that he experienced difficulty breathing and had to be taken to the emergency room. However, my cousin Kay saw him at a baseball game that same day, laughing and having drinks with friends in the stands.

I didn't know this until Kay mentioned it to me during a phone call to discuss the family fallout from the wedding. Jamie's mother, who has been a pediatric nurse for over 30 years at a children's hospital specializing in respiratory conditions, tried to mediate the situation. She called my mom hoping to find some common ground and perhaps arrange a post-wedding celebration that could include my parents and Neil. During their conversation, she gently suggested that Neil's supposed medical issues didn't seem to match his active lifestyle. He goes hiking on weekends, plays in two recreational sports leagues, stays out late drinking with friends,

and recently ran a 10k according to his social media. My mom immediately hung up on her and then called Jamie's sister to complain about his mother's interference in family matters. This interaction made me remember something from high school that I had almost forgotten. When I was 17, I had saved up for months for my part-time job to buy a dress for homecoming. It was more money than I had ever spent on clothing, but I was nominated for homecoming chord and one of the looks special. The night of the dance, as I was getting ready, Neil suddenly had severe abdominal pain. My parents rushed him to the ER, leaving me behind with instructions to stay ready in case they came back in time. I waited in my dress

for hours, repeatedly checking my phone. My date eventually gave up and went to the dance without me. I missed the homecoming court ceremony entirely. The diagnosis? Gas. Not appendicitis, not a bowel obstruction. Just gas that could have been treated with over-the-counter medication. By the time they got home, it was too late for me to go, and my dress stayed in the closet with the tag still on. I never wore it. My aunt, my mother's older sister, initially called me to say I was humiliating the family by not inviting my parents to the wedding. But after we talked for a while about specific incidents over the years, she admitted, your mom has always made everything about Neil. She recalled a family reunion three years ago where I just received a major promotion at work

that included leading a new research team. When I tried to share the news during dinner, my mom dismissed it as no big deal and immediately changed the subject to how Neil had gotten a part-time job at a local grocery store. My aunt said she had noticed the pattern for years but never felt it was her place to say anything.

After the wedding, Jamie's family organized a small get-together at their house for family members who couldn't make it to the ceremony. During dinner, my father-in-law stood up and gave a toast. He talked about how proud they were to have me in their family and listed specific accomplishments of mine that he admired, including my academic achievements and professional success. I almost couldn't handle it because I wasn't used to being recognized that way.

It felt alien to have someone acknowledge my hard work instead of minimizing it or changing the subject. I'm still processing all of this and trying to figure out what kind of relationship, if any, I want to have with my parents moving forward. Jamie has been incredibly supportive, reminding me that prioritizing our happiness on our wedding day wasn't selfish, especially given the history of my parents' behavior. His family has continued to stand by me, even as some of my own relatives have insisted I should apologize for excluding my immediate family from the wedding. For now, I've muted my parents' messages and am taking some time to think about everything.

The past few weeks have been emotionally exhausting, and I need space to sort through my feelings without the constant barrage of accusations and guilt trips. Update 2. It's been about a month since my last update, and quite a bit has happened. I met with my cousin Kay for coffee yesterday. She's been one of the few family members who has consistently supported my decision about the wedding, and during our conversation, she revealed something I never knew. Years ago, Neil had confided in her that he often faked or exaggerated his symptoms to get attention.

According to Kay, when they were teenagers at a family gathering, Neil had gotten drunk and admitted that he deliberately caused problems on days when I had important events because he was jealous of any attention I might receive. He told her that our parents were so quick to believe anything was wrong with him that it became almost a game to see what he could get away with. Kay said she hadn't told me this before because she didn't want to come between siblings, but after seeing how the wedding situation unfolded, she felt I deserved to know. What was even more shocking was what Kay showed me next. She had text messages from my mother from the week before our wedding.

In these messages, my mom was planning to create some kind of distraction at the wedding. This was before they even knew they weren't invited. She wrote that she was concerned about Neil needing extra support on a day when I would be getting attention. She mentioned possibly having him feel unwell during the ceremony so they could remind everyone of what really matters. reading those messages felt like a punch to the stomach. They confirmed everything I had suspected but never wanted to believe. After seeing these texts, Kay shared them with some family members who had criticized my decision. Many of them have since apologized to me, including my uncle who admitted he'd noticed

the differential treatment over the years but never felt it was his place to intervene. Kay and I spent hours talking about other incidents from our childhood that now make more sense with this new context. There was the time Neil mysteriously sprained his ankle at a family picnic the same day I was supposed to perform a choir solo at a community event. Or when I received a scholarship to attend a prestigious summer science program at a university three hours away, but couldn't go because Neil had a sudden flare-up that required my parents' constant attention throughout the summer. When I suggested they could drop me off and I would take the bus home at the end of the program, they insisted that was irresponsible and that family needs to stick together during health crises. I've tried reaching out to Neil directly, but he isn't responding to my messages. Kay thinks he might be feeling guilty and defensive after she confronted him about the texts.

She told him she was disappointed that he would participate in something that would ruin my wedding day, and he apparently became angry and accused her of taking my side against family. Jamie continues to be my rock through all of this, reminding me that none of this is my fault and that I deserve to have a wedding day that was about our love and commitment, not about managing my brother's invented crises. His mother suggested I might benefit from therapy to unpack everything that's happened, and I'm considering it. After years of doubting my own perceptions and wondering if I was the problem, it's overwhelming to have confirmation that I wasn't imagining things. My father left me a voicemail yesterday accusing me of tearing the family apart

and making Neal's health worse with my selfish behavior. He said that a real daughter would apologize and make amends immediately. I haven't responded. Kay shared that she's had to distance herself from certain toxic family members to protect her mental health, and that sometimes that's the healthiest choice, even if it's painful in the short term. For now, I'm focusing on adjusting to married life with Jamie and finding joy in building our life together. It's strange to realize that what I thought was normal family dynamics growing up was actually a form of neglect and manipulation. I'm trying to learn how to accept appreciation and recognition without feeling guilty or waiting for it to be under. mind. Update 3, it's been two months since my last update, and there have been some significant developments that I wanted to share. Most surprisingly, I received a long email from Neil yesterday.

I wasn't expecting to hear from him directly, especially after he ignored my previous attempts to reach out. His message completely caught me off guard. In his email, Neil apologized for years of manipulation and actually defended my decision not to invite our parents to the wedding. He admitted that he had been part of a toxic family dynamic that consistently undermined my achievements and centered his supposed medical needs above everything else. Neil explained that he's been in therapy, initially for anxiety and depression, but the process has led him to confront the unhealthy patterns in our family. He said that as a child, he noticed being sick was the only time our parents showed real emotion or concern.

What started as minor exaggerations about his asthma symptoms gradually evolved into a pattern of manipulation that became difficult to break, even as he got older and understood what he was doing. According to Neal, our parents rewarded his illnesses with attention, special treats, and exemptions from responsibilities. Over time, he learned that the worse his symptoms appeared, the more focused they became on him. He admitted that by high school, faking illness had become almost automatic whenever he felt insecure or noticed I might be receiving positive attention. When Kay showed him our mother's texts about planning,

a crisis for the wedding, Neil said he felt physically ill. He wrote that it was one thing to realize his own participation in the dysfunction as a child and teenager, but seeing our mother actively plotting to disrupt my wedding day made him recognize how deeply entrenched the problem was. He acknowledged that our parents created an environment where my milestones were never valued and expressed hope that we could build a real sibling relationship without our parents' dysfunction between us. He mentioned specific incidents he regretted, including the homecoming dance night, and the science competition where he pretended to be sick knowing how important those events were to me. What struck me most was his recognition that our parents' actions hurt both of us in different

ways, him by making him dependent on appearing sick for attention, and me by consistently neglecting my achievements. He wrote that he's been working with his therapist to establish healthier relationships and develop a sense of self-worth that isn't tied to illness or crisis. Unfortunately, when our parents discovered Neil had apologized to me, apparently he left his email account open on a shared computer during a visit home. They threatened to cut off his financial support if he sided with me. Despite graduating from college three years ago with a business degree, Neil is still financially dependent on them. He lives in an apartment they pay for and drives a car they purchased, working only part-time at a friend's startup that hasn't become profitable yet.

Despite their threats, Neil seems determined to resist their manipulation this time. He said he's looking for a full-time job and planning to move to a cheaper apartment that he can afford on his own. He asked if we could meet for coffee sometime to talk more about everything, which I'm considering. I've shared Neil's email with Jamie, who is supportive but also protective. He suggested meeting Neil in a public place initially and taking things slowly as we figure out what kind of relationship might be possible moving forward. In other news, Jamie and I are moving to Boston next month for his job at a research institution there. which feels like perfect timing for a fresh start away from all this family dysfunction.

I've accepted a position at a biotech firm that aligns perfectly with my research background. Neil has expressed interest in visiting us once we're settled. I've declined my parents' recent attempts to contact me, which have alternated between angry accusations and tearful pleas for reconciliation, always centered around their feelings and Neil's supposed health deterioration, never acknowledging their role in creating this situation or how their behavior has affected over the years. Thank you to everyone who commented and shared similar experiences. It's been eye-opening to realize this wasn't normal family behavior, and that I wasn't wrong to protect

my wedding day from it. I'm still processing everything and working on not feeling guilty for setting boundaries, but I'm in a much better place than I was when I first posted here.