Reddit Stories - BETRAYED_ Ending a 20-Year Union as INFIDELITY UNRAVELS Our Marriage_

Episode Date: September 10, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #betrayed #infidelity #marriage #divorce #relationshipsSummary:A devastating tale unfolds as a 20-year union shatters due to infidelity. Amidst heartbreak and betrayal, the unraveling of a marriage reveals deep-seated secrets that forever change the lives of those involved.Tags:redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, betrayed, infidelity, marriage, divorce, relationshipsBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Following 20 years of matrimony, I am initiating a divorce from my spouse due to her engaging in liaisons with numerous individuals without my knowledge while we were apart during our university days. My spouse, a 44-year-old female, and I, a 43-year-old male, have been married 20 years. We started dating in high school when I was a junior and she was a senior. We were long distance for her first two years of college while I was in high school and did one year at Community College. Then we went to college in the same city for a year, and have lived

together since. We got married the summer after I graduated college. Our marriage has been pretty great so far, but I annotated a divorce after I discovered that she was sleeping with multiple other men for the two years we were long distance. Just after Christmas, we got together with a few friends of hers from college to catch up, have dinner, and hang out. We talked about a lot of stuff and my wife mentioned that we met in high school, not that we dated, just that we met. Her old college room commented that it was crazy that we met in high school, had a few wild years in college, then ended up together. I played along and commented that I didn't know if my wife was as crazy as I was. The roommate started to tell a story, but my wife cut her off and

said she was uncomfortable about it. I sensed something was up, so I said that we actually started dating in high school and were together for my wife's entire time at college. All of my wife's friends got real quiet and the rest of the dinner was awkward. On the way out, one of her other roommates took me aside and said I should have an honest conversation about what happened at college. I asked my wife on the way home and she kind of blew me off. I told her it was important that she was honest with me and again she said it wasn't important. When we got home, I told her I was going to stay at my brother's house until she was ready to talk about what happened in college. The next day she came over and admitted to Sleep Ting with several men during her first two years at

college. She said she didn't consider it a big deal at the time because we were long distance and she didn't think a high school romance would last. I pressed for more details and she said it was at least 10 different men including at least three guys she introduced to me as friends when I came to visit on weekends and one guy she was still in contact with. I told her that I wanted a divorce and would be starting the paperwork as soon as I could, which I did on January 2nd. Her family and most of my family is telling me I shouldn't throw away my marriage over a few mistakes. I've stood by my belief that cheating on me with multiple men for years is unacceptable no matter when it happened and the fact that she continued to maintain relationships with these guys

right in front of me was an unacceptable amount of disrespect. We have two children, but they are 17 and 19 and I believe they will understand why I need to end the marriage. Am I wrong for leaving? I feel like I'm going crazy with the amount of people telling me to overlook years of infidelity and decades of lies. Edit, holy shit, I'm glad I did this with a throwaway because the response here is unexpected. I obviously can't answer every question slash comment,

but I wanted to provide some detail for common questions. The reason I posted this is that my wife and a few friends have been saying it's common to sleep with other folks when you're in a long-distance relationship and that I'm kind of the odd one out for not sleeping around. I felt like I was being gaslit, but I wanted an outside perspective. We live in a state with a waiting period to finalize a divorce, so I felt it was a reasonable idea to get some insight before things are finalized. After these comments, I see a handful of folks saying it's normal to sleep around during a long-distance relationship, but it seems to be a significant minority. We saw you,

each other a couple of weekends a month during the two-year college period. I lived about three hours away from her college, so it was long-distance but not like cross-country. This was not a situation where we went months without seeing each other. The three guys I met while she was in college were meetups that happened during parties. The subject of me being a boyfriend didn't really come up, so I honestly don't know if these guys knew anything. The one guy were still in contact with married a mutual friend from college. This is not some guy she secretly messages on the side. It's somebody we've talked to regularly for years.

I've talked to him a few times since I've learned about my wife. He said he didn't know we were dating at the time and has since blocked my wife on social media. Some folks have asked how the roommates didn't realize at our wedding that the timelines didn't work out. The main reason is that my wife and I had a very small ceremony with just close family in Texas, then went back to the East Coast to have a big party with friends. The typical reception slash sharing details about how we met stuff didn't really happen, so her roommates didn't realize we started dating before college. It sounds like they thought we only dated for the year we were both in the same city,

then moved and together. I was open to therapy or some kind of attempt to save the marriage, but her insistence that this whole thing is common and I'm the one who's out of line is just too much for me. The only time she showed any remorse or even offered to reconcile is when I started filing paperwork. In the last week she's gone back to saying she's right and I'm overreacting. This is also why I'm feeling like I'm being gaslit. It seems obvious that this is a major issue, but I've got my wife and others telling me it's normal and I'm overreacting. I'm not getting a paternity test unless my kids want to get one. I don't have any doubts that they are

biologically mine, and no test will make them not my kids. I love them more than anything in the world and my wife's infidelity won't change that even if one or both of them is not biologically mine. They've been my kids for 19 years and they will be my kids until I stop breathing. Final edit, hey y'all, I've been reading a bunch of the responses, but things are getting crazy and increasingly unhinged, so I probably won't be checking in more. Here are a few more answers to common questions I've seen. We were definitely exclusively dating at the time. First, dating culture was a lot different 20-ish years ago and exclusive was kind of the default for most people. Second, we had a long and difficult discussion before she left for college about

continuing the relationship long distance. She specifically wanted to stay together and even joked about her dad coming after me if I started sleeping around with girls at my school. Finally, at my senior prom, she was not able to attend and was very upset when I proposed going with a platonic female friend of mine. As a result, I ended up skipping my prom and hanging out with her instead. While we never said the word exclusive, I think the above reasons, combined with the general relationship before she left, are enough to assume exclusivity. Based on some comments here, I followed up with the friend that said I should have an honest

conversation. She told me that ten guys would be on the low end and that her biggest concern was that there was apparently at least one pregnancy scare that I didn't know about. I honestly don't think that really changes much. It's less about the number for me and more about the fact that she seems incapable of recognizing why this was wrong or why I feel betrayed. Thank you all for the helpful responses, even those that disagree with me. I will still be open to therapy if she's willing, but I honestly feel like it would be more

about us being successful co-parents and finding closure than saving our marriage. Additional info on if the wife is willing to work to repair the marriage. It would change a lot if I felt that she wanted to fix this. Throughout our conversation about it, she repeatedly dismissed my feelings and told me I was overreacting to totally normal behavior. She didn't show any regret or consideration for how it hurt me until she realized I was serious about divorce. Then she got defensive and angry.

She didn't offer to fix things in any way until I started the paperwork and notified her that I had a lawyer. I think we can navigate being parents. Our kids are older and I've been putting away money for college slash post high school for a long time, so a lot of the custody and monetary issues that come up shouldn't be a big problem. We're also both financially stable and make good money. On the timing of everything. I've hired a lawyer, he drafted an intent to separate, and sent her a copy certified mail.

As far as I know, that's not any legal divorce paper with the state, but rather a part of the process to ensure that she has an opportunity to hire her own lawyer if she wants to contest it. Actually going through the divorce will likely take months. I'm not really moved out. I've been crashing at my brother's place while I make arrangements for a more prementant living scenario. As far as timing goes, the dinner happened on the 26th. I went to my brother's house that night to cool off and give her a chance to think about things. We talked several times over the course of four to five days and she made it clear that she didn't believe she didn't anything wrong. If there was any kind of remorse slash basic consideration of my feelings on her part,

I probably would have waited. However, she didn't so I found a divorce lawyer and he had boilerplate intent to separate agreements that we filled out and sent over the same day. Even now, we're obviously not legally divorced and I don't even know if there is a legal concept of separation in my state, but I've made it clear this is happening and started the process. Update 1, February 5th, 2024. I wanted to provide some updates here as my original post got a lot of traction. First, let's talk about the things I learned about the situation in college. After talking to my wife in sessions and texting with two of her roommates,

it's clear that her roommates knew something was up in college. They said they though the situation was weird and likely involved cheating. My wife had told them that we both had some wild times in college and worked it out before we got married, so they never really brought it up. The roommate who pulled me aside recently was uncomfortable with the fact that my wife clearly didn't talk it through with me, and wanted me to know. As far as being introduced to guys she slept with, apparently that was not intended. For one of the guys, he ended up dating and then marrying one of our mutual friends from college. This is the guy she was in contact with. In the other situations, she initially blamed me in the

counseling session, but has now agreed it was bad. When I went to visit her, she planned to hang out in the room or just hang out together alone, but I wanted to go to a few parties because in HS and community college, I didn't really have parties to go to. She didn't expect me to meet the guys, but they were at the parties and she felt she didn't really have a choice. I still think this is kind of shitty, but it's not as bad as her intentionally parading me in front of the guys. Most of our discussion in therapy has been talking about why I think it's a big deal and she doesn't. She initially said that none of these guys were in relationships with her and it was mostly one night stands or FWB. Since she didn't view them as romantic relationships, she didn't see

the big deal, her words not mine. My opinion is that we never said that was okay and she actively prevented me from doing the same. After digging into this across two sessions, and my wife talking to some friends, she now agrees that it was a breach of our trust-slash relationship. This is the shared understanding that has helped us talk about this situation more honestly and helped us get from arguing to talking, which is why I'm optimistic about co-parenting. Now, here's why I'm 100% set on divorce. Two things came up that make me want to leave the marriage. First, about 10 years ago, we went through a really rough patch and had a dead bedroom for about two years. She had expressed that our sex life was becoming boring,

so I tried to spice things up, nothing crazy, just role play and like Spencer's gift-level sex toys. Apparently, she had been hung up some sexual experiences that happened in college that she is not comfortable talking about and wanted me to try them. But when I did it made her feel awkward and guilty that it made her think of other men while she was with me. The fact that she's saying these experiences were meaningless, but they're still impacting our marriage tells me they meant more than she wants to say. Second, she admitted that she has been flirting with co-workers on business trips since the pandemic ended. She says she has never slept with anybody, but it got as far as going on a date with one of her male co-workers. That was the absolute

deal-breaker for me. We have told our children that were getting a divorce. We told them it was due to some bad decisions that we made in college that were having trouble moving past. My 19-year-old, who is in college, asked me if I cheated on my wife while she was away at college. My wife got a little shaken up, but admitted to the kids that she's the one who cheated. We have agreed to not share any additional details with the kids. I reinforced that both us will be there for the kids and that we are in therapy to help make sure we handle this in the best way for the family. I also told the kids that if they wanted to talk to either of us or a therapist about it, that I would fully support it. We've started talking to a mediator about how to proceed with the divorce, and unless things change, we should be able to have an amicable divorce.

We're both financially stable on our own, we have no major debts and our kids are older, so custody isn't a major issue. This has been a shitty couple of months for me, but I'm doing okay now and I honestly am grateful that my last post blew up because it both validated some of my feelings, but also motivated me to go to counseling with my wife. comments where OP has replied Historical Pi 50-52 Sorry O-P but this is for the best She's been keeping you in the dark for over 20 years She says she has never slept with anybody But it got as far as going on a date with one of her male co-workers

If you believe this then I got a bridge on Mars to sell you Dead bedrooms for young couples usually mean someone is getting somewhere else Boop. I don't really believe it, but I also don't think it's worth it to dig into it more. I'm going to get an STD panel done to make sure I'm safe and I really don't need to know anymore. If it was just a date, we're getting divorced. If it was more, we're still getting a divorce, so pushing the issue won't do anything but make it harder for us to co-parent. I'm also reasonably sure that she was cheating during our dead bedroom situation.

We were having sex like once every two to three months, and we usually have sex two to three times a week. Again, I have enough to know it's time to move on and I digging more into it will only make the divorce harder. No underscore 1-7777-7-77. Has she even apologized for everything she put you through? Especially the part where she went on a date with some asshole? GOOP.

Before our counseling and at the first appointment, she was not apologetic. In the second appointment, the focus was for me to explain the effect it had on me. She has expressed remorse and apologized repeatedly since that session. It's too little too late, but she's not some kind of emotionless monster. Muffugly 13. I'm super curious to know what kind of sexual things she was hung up on from her past that she felt uncomfortable doing with you. That alone seems very red flaggy.

Boop. I didn't really want to dig into it too. much. Right before the dead bedroom stuff started, she was asking to experiment with new stuff in the bedroom. It was mostly BDSM kind of stuff that was a little more intense than I was comfortable with. At the time, 50 Shades was popular and she got into some other smutty kind of reading. I attributed the change in sex to that, but my guess is that some of the guys she was with in college were into BDSM stuff. Maybe it was a combination of the two. She hasn't admitted to cheating during that time, but I'd be willing to bet the dead bedroom at home was because she found

another person to do kinky shit with. When asked about why the daughter thought he cheated. To be fair, my 19-year-old daughter had some issues with shitty boyfriends who have either cheated or dumped her suddenly to be with somebody else. I'm also the one who left the house. Given her experience with men and the fact that I'm the one who left the house, it makes sense that would be her first thought. When cheating came up, my wife made it clear. that she was the one who cheated. Tbh, I'm not really too concerned about the narrative here. From what I can tell, she hasn't said anything bad about me to our kids. In addition, given her admission of recent flirting slash cheating and the fact that she's ready to file a joint,

amicable divorce after six weeks and three counseling sessions, I think she was ready to move on before I was. It makes the logistics of the divorce easier, but it hurts a bit to realize she's having an easier time walking away from a 20-year marriage than I am. Oop when told not to be surprised if she starts dating again. I'm pretty sure that she's already looking. We've had one meeting with an equitable divorce mediator and she specifically stated that we are married until the divorce is final and any adultery that happens before that date could jeopardize the amicable divorce settlement.

It seems kind of dumb to me since we're getting divorced due to infidelity, but my STBX was visibly grumpy when that came up. I also imagine that the fact that I'm living in the guest room isn't helping her prospects. At the end of the day, I'm doing my best to try to accept that our marriage is over and I've been going to therapy on my own. In addition to our couple's therapy, to help deal with it. I'm mentally prepared for the fact that there's a good chance I see the co-worker she only dated again, but I'm also hopeful that I can find a place and be ready to move out before the divorce is finalized. If everything goes well and we can create a plan with the mediator, we will be divorced by summer,

I will be in my own place, and she can just date whichever co-worker she wants. Now on to the next story. Story two. I want a free car. My boyfriend and his family seemed to think I'll give it to him for free. So I, 23F, won a brand new compact car and a raffle I entered a few weeks ago at a trade show I was at for work. which is awesome, but I already have an older car that I really like, and I just finished paying it off, so I can finally pay the cheaper liability-only insurance. My car still has a lot of life on it,

it only has about 100K miles, and if I were to choose a brand new car it would not be the one that I won. I did some research, and after taxes and shipping I can make about 14 to 15K from selling the car. That money would be an incredible just start after graduating college, it would more than triple my savings. My boyfriend, 25M, of a little over a year has been without a car for a few months. He's been struggling a bit financially so he hasn't gotten a new one yet, but he can walk to the grocery store, he gets a ride to work, and I drive anywhere else. It's worked out fine and I really don't mind. He helps out with gas and driving. For background, he lives with friends, I live with my dad for free, so I'm able to save up money. I definitely

see a future with him, but we aren't at the point where we've talked about moving in together yet, but we are very serious. I went to a gathering at his parents' house last night. His whole family has been wonderful and welcoming to me, and everyone congratulated me on winning the car. But everyone, including my boyfriend, seemed to think the logical and obvious step was to either give it to my boyfriend, or give him my car and keep the new one. I don't plan to do either of these things. It would be different if we were married or living together and our money was mixed together, but it's not. We aren't at that point in the relationship yet. I don't want to give him what would essentially be $15,000 in cash. It doesn't make any sense. If I'd won the money instead,

there wouldn't be any talk of just giving it all to him. That car and the resulting money should be mine. It's not my responsibility to provide him with a free car, whether it be my $5,000 car that I really like, or this brand new one. For the dinner at his family's house I just stayed quiet because I was so shocked at their assumption and didn't want to rip it away from him in front of his entire extended family. How do I break this to him and his family that this car and the money from it is not in any way his? Update 1, April 14, 2016.

I just found out I won a new car and a raffle I entered at a work function. I planned to sell the car to make about $14,000 but at my boyfriend's family gathering everyone seemed to assume I'd give him the car because he doesn't have one. So the day after the family gathering where everyone assumed I'd just let my boyfriend used the car for free I had to drive into the city where I won the car to sign a bunch of paperwork and pay some fees. We both had the day off so I texted my boyfriend and asked if he'd like to come along so we could walk around the city and go out to eat afterwards. He agreed and I picked him up. We hadn't talked about the night before at all. He asked general questions about what it was I had to

do today, and I explained that and then I explained how the taxes on the car were going to be several thousand dollars, but luckily I could cover them with my savings until I got the money for selling the car, and hopefully it would come out to around $14,000 to $15,000. Based on my brother's calculations. He was quiet for a minute and asked you don't want to keep it. And I said no, that I was happy with the older bigger car I currently have. It better suits our needs and I can pay cheaper insurance on it because it's paid off. He said that he didn't realize the taxes would be so much. It was awkward in the car for a moment and I finally just asked, did your family think I'd give you the car to use? He said his mom told everyone right before I got

there that we, meaning BF and I, won the car and that he'd finally have something to drive. He said that he didn't think I'd do that, but he assumed I'd want to keep the new car simply because it was new, and that maybe I'd let him use my old car if he took over the insurance payments. But then he very quickly said that he did not realize the taxes would be more than a few hundred dollars. I guess his train of thought makes sense given what he assumed about the cost. He agreed that it made the most sense to sell the new car. I asked if he was going to explain that to his mother, and he said that he would, and that

she views the two of us like a married couple already, because she wants that so badly for him and has been heavily pressuring him to propose to me. That I did not know. Neither of us are at a point where we're even remotely ready for that. We're happy with where we are right now. He promised he'd talk to his mom and explain everything to his family and that he wouldn't let any of them think less of me. I was worried about that.

So he waited patiently while I dealt with the company running the raffle. It ended up taking over three hours. And then we had a nice time strolling around the city and I treated us to a very nice dinner.