Reddit Stories - BETRAYED_ His Secret Plan to Bring His Mother into Our Home WITHOUT My CONSENT_

Episode Date: June 10, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #familydrama #secrets #betrayal #motherinlawSummary: A man's secret plan to bring his mother into their home without his partner's consent leads to betrayal and family drama.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, familydrama, secrets, betrayal, motherinlaw, home, consent, drama, relationships_advice, secretsrevealed, familyconflict, trustissues, partnerproblems, communicationbreakdown, unexpectedtwistBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

Spouse desired his mother to come live with us for a couple of years without consulting me, and when I declined, she began sending messages about family privileges, followed by a phone call. Whitewashed. Hello everyone. My husband and I have been married for almost two years and our son is 10 months old. We live in Canada. I grew up here while my husband immigrated when he was a student. My parents lived nearby which has been invaluable during my pregnancy and since.

My mom comes over regularly to help us out. My husband and her are on good terms too, so it's been going well. His parents live in another country. We have visited them once since we got married, that was seven months ago. The time prior to that was our wedding itself which took place there. My husband had been talking about my mill visiting soon for a long visit which I was happy with. We recently moved into our new house. I've done a good job decorating it. We have a large guest room, and I was looking forward to hosting her especially since it would

make my husband happy. A couple of days ago he was complaining about how detailed her visa application was. I told him I was surprised it was so thorough. He told me that it's because while regular visa forms allow a stay of six months max, this one allows two years. I asked why would she meet a stay of more than six months? He said that she had been thinking of winding up her medical practice and basically retiring, and this would then allow her to stay for a longer visit if we all decide that it works. I was stunned. I told him he should just do the regular app because his mom won't be staying for anywhere close to six months. I had it in my mind that she'd be staying for like a month. That's how long we stayed for when we went there. He said that's his mom, she tells him how

alone she feels. She can't go to my bills because he lives with roommates, and we can't just put a timer on her visit here. He said she's been looking forward to helping us out with our son. I told him we don't need help we manage fine on our own and with my mom's help. I wanted to host his mom as a guest not as a part of our household. He complained that how was it fair that my parents could visit whenever they wanted while his can't. I was hurt by that because my parents have helped us out a lot and I asked him if he wants us to limit how often my mom comes to visit. He said no, that's not what he meant, that he likes her but it wasn't fair to his parents. My reply was that when my mom comes, she goes at the end of the day. That wouldn't be the case with his.

I ended it by saying he should look into the easier regular form because she can't be thinking of staying for that long. He chose to sleep on the couch that night and has been cold with me since. I hate that. We've never been cold to each other like this. I talk to my mom too. She said that having his mom live with us for long stretches would definitely affect me. That this is worth fighting for. I haven't seen him working on the application since.

Last night he went out when his mom called. When he came back, I asked him how she took it. He told me he had told her he's looking into what application best suits her. He asked me if I'd changed my mind. I said no. He just shook his head and started watching TV. Ida? Comments where op has replied, commenter one.

NTA. Was he planning to move his mother in your home for two years going on forever without even having a conversation about it? Boop. He said that he was doing the two-year application just so we have options once she's here, and said it'll be a collective decision. I told him there's no need. I have my decision already, I will not be okay with anything more than a couple of months, even that's pushing it in my mind, let alone more than six months.

That's actually where I thought I may have been the awe he was talking about options and I kind of just shut him down. Commenter too. NTA it sounds like they planned on her fully just moving in with you. It's likely that after she was there and established, that she simply would not leave. This is definitely a hill to die on. You will end up with her living with you indefinitely if you don't put a time limit on it. One month is quite reasonable.

Tell your husband that if she would like to live closer to you guys, you can help her find affordable housing and then she could be equally as involved as your parents are. It would mess up your family dynamics as well as your marriage and I doubt that your parenting styles will be the same. Her moving in for more than a month will be the death of your marriage. Oop, a lot of comments have said that we can help her get an apartment. I don't think that's a good idea. There's going to be a language barrier. She won't be able to drive. There's a lot of reasons that won't work.

I am very sure that if we go down that route she will end up being a guest in our house very soon after. Update 1, March 11, 2025. Thank you for the feedback in the original post. Yesterday when he came back from work I tried to start the conversation again. He had been giving me the cold shoulder since all this started. I told him I'm his wife of two years and the mother of his child. This isn't how we're going to communicate. We started talking after that.

I held my ground that his mom staying with us for so long wasn't tenable. If she wanted to visit Canada for longer than a couple of months, she would have to live in her own apartment, learn how to drive, or use public transport. She's used to being driven by a hired driver in Pakistan, and a whole bunch of other changes that she'd need to get used to. That I don't see myself changing my mind on this so he needs to be honest with her and himself and not go down the wheel keep our options open route. He said that he knows her living with us for an extended stay would require some changes on our part,

but he was asking me to do this as a favor to him, that I claim to love him, and yet can't do him this favor for his mom. I actually started sobbing when he said this. It was so hurtful that he was using this as a litmus test for our our love. I said her being around for years would ruin our parenthood with our first child, that I want us to raise our child the way we see fit, not his mom. Also, all the intimate moments we have, our sex life, everything would suffer. My parents are Pakistani too, I know this will happen. He again asked me to just not shut the door completely, that he'll tell his mom

the stay can only be for a month or so, and I can let him know if I think the change wasn't too much. and we landed on a compromise that for now they'll do the regular visa app that only allows a max stay of six months. If I changed my mind, he'll do the super visa. He then had a long call with his mom, which his older sister also joined. It actually lasted an hour and a half. He was in the backyard for the call and came back in to grab a chair it was that long. Also, from what I could see, he was mostly listening for that convo. When he came back in, he was, he was, he came back in, he was He told me to just not answer any calls or messages from his mom or sister. Meanwhile, I've received like four missed calls and 20 messages from the mostly Islamic quotes

about the rights of parents. I've told them that I can't talk right now since I'm busy with my son right now. I asked him how it went, he said as well as he expected. But he's not giving me the cold shoulder anymore. I do feel guilty because, like I said, I was actually looking forward to host her for a month. and I think this whole thing may have caused irreparable damage not just to my relationship with my Mill and Sill, but my husband's relationship with his mom and sister. I've told my Mill I'll call her back in a couple of hours, once my husband's back. I'm dreading that conversation but I know what my

boundaries are. Thank you for the feedback, it helped. Edit, also, one thing that I had to clarify a few times last post. A lot of people were like this is what happens when you marry outside your culture. My husband and I are both of Pakistani descent. Just that I was born here, while he immigrated here as a student. But he's been here for like a decade now too. Comments where Op has replied, Commenter 1, She is not your son's parent and has zero rights to him. Boop, I think those Islamic quotes were about their rights as parents to my husbands, and by extension mine, hospitality and care, which I mean I get it, but I don't know if this is how those principles were supposed to be applied. Definitely not going to get into a religious debate with her.

Comment her too, good for you op. Do not go on that call with your mill by yourself. Your husband must be on that call and he better not cave to what she wants. O'op, oh. I was just going to stick with the one-monthish plan in the call. Why do you think I shouldn't talk to her alone? Just asking because I was considering getting this all done with before he comes home. Commenter too, I agree to stick with the one-month plan, but it doesn't sound like she's happy with you. I think it's best to have your husband on the call so A, he knows everything she says to you B, so it doesn't seem like you're the bad guy refusing to let her stay indefinitely and that your husband is also on board with it and see,

so he can do the work of holding the line with his mother and show that he is able to stick up for you. Maybe it'll be fine, but I can just picture. your mills saying nasty things to you and then telling your husband she didn't say them and that you're overreacting. It's his side of the family and it should be his job to mediate. Oop, yeah, I think I'm going to wait and do this with him. Thank you for the advice. Update 2, March 12, 2025. This is just for those people who had given me a lot of great advice on holding the line and had asked for an update to my phone call with my mill. I spoke to my mill since her missed calls and text messages were asking me to call her. I figured I should be the one

to call, not my husband, but I put my phone on speaker so that my husband who was lying on the couch could also hear it. She said that my husband had told her he thought it would be best as she restricts her trip to one month since it was her first time in Canada and because we were really busy with my son. She said that ever since my husband had gone to Canada as an 18-year-old, he'd always wanted her to visit for a long duration and now all of a sudden he was asking her to restrict it when she wanted to help with her grandson and said she knew I must be the reason why. I said it was a joint decision because of the circumstances but she wouldn't hear of it. She said if her visiting for more than a month was so outrageous to us, then that's fine she'll

limit her stay but I should know that in Pakistan in-laws live in the same house with the married couple like my sill does. And that she had thought I was in touch with my Islamic and Pakistani roots when I was getting married because that's what my husband had told her, but she was disappointed at how whitewashed I was. At this point my husband asked me to give him the phone, but not before I told her that I was totally comfortable with how in tune with my heritage I was, and that apparently so was her son, told her my husband had just come and handed him the phone. My husband went in the yard to talk, but I was so angry I decided to eavesdrop. He was talking to both my mill and Phil. He told them that he hadn't fled to Canada in the middle of the night as a student.

they both had seen him off at the airport. And that when he had introduced me, hadn't kept the fact that I was born and raised in Canada a secret either. That they can't expect to treat us like a couple in Pakistan. Then he listened a whole lot for like half an hour, I gave him a chair again, and kept telling them that it's different now. They ended the call with him saying that we were both really looking forward to her visit, that we'll make sure it's a great 30 or so days, with us and her grandson.

He apologized to me on behalf of his mom, and asked me to please let her lecture go and still be on board with the one-month plan. I'm looking forward to it much less than I was, but I said fine. Thanks a lot again for the advice. Along with my mother I was able to get good advice from here too and I think I've managed to resolve this issue. I know myself I know my mill staying over for years wasn't something I could deal with and knowing a lot of people agreed was really helpful.

Update 3, April 3, 25. After I had updated here last time, I was fully committed to graciously hosting my mill for 31 days, and not a day more. Since then we had one unpleasant exchange on Ede a few days ago. I had posted about it on the subreddit regarding mill issues. This is what I had posted, my mill is going to be visiting near the end of April for a month. For context, we live in Canada, I was born here, my husband immigrated a decade ago, we got married two years ago, and our son, is 10 months old. My in-laws live in Pakistan, my parents moved to Canada from Pakistan a year before I was born. My mill had initially planned on staying longer, but I had put my foot down and told

my husband I couldn't deal with someone living with us for longer than a month, so she's had to cut short her plan and didn't take that wheel. I had actually posted about this somewhere else previously, and had been to take a look at this subreddit. I had made my piece with the one-month stay and was fully planning on being cordial during it. Yesterday, we had celebrated Eid at my parents' house. It was our first Eid with our son, and we were also happy about it, getting to dress him in his cute little traditional Kurdishawar. I sent her some pictures of the event because she always asks us to send her pictures. Her reply was not what I expected. She started lamenting how far we were from them, and said that this is the problem with marrying someone not from Pakistan,

that the parents suffer as a result, how unfair it is that my parents get her son and grandson to themselves. My heart literally shrank reading it. I knew she missed us, but to hear her say she essentially regrets our marriage was so hurtful. I just left her on Reed. I showed it to my husband, he sincerely apologized and thanked me for not responding to her.

I have to host her for a month. How am I supposed to do that now? I would have normally asked my mom for advice on this stuff since she's more well acquainted with dealing with someone from Pakistan, but I actually feel she'll lose it at my mill when she visits if I share this with her. I just wanted some advice and partly wanted to vent. I'm trying to compartmentalize this because we're still celebrating Eid today with some friends and I don't want this to bring me down. Any advice would be appreciated. Today's update today, my husband told me that her visa application had been rejected. They're applying for the notes regarding the decision, but according to him it's futile, that it was always a 50 to 50 shot, that the most common reason for rejections is having insufficient ties back home which makes them think the applicant won't go back,

that he had thought having my fill remained there would have fixed that, but apparently not. I'm NGL, it's like a huge weight has been lifted off me. I'm trying to act disappointed, but I was dreading her visa. visit. He said she was inconsolable when he spoke to her earlier, that she had asked him to look into us moving to Pakistan, I love Pakistan, but never going to happen. When he shut that down, she gave him his uncle's number who lives in the UAE for job leads so we could move to the UAE, again, I'm sure it's a great place but no, so that we could be a two-hour flight away from them and have our family grow in an Islamic environment. He told her it's going to be difficult,

but agreed to talk to him. I was a bit angry about this. I was a bit angry about this. I told him there's no way we're moving to the UAE. He said, of course, we're not. We've built a life here. He has a great career here, but he didn't want to completely shut down his mom. I personally disagree with that. I think she deserves the truth, but whatever. I'm going to talk to her to commiserate tomorrow. It's too late in Pakistan now, because again, while I was no longer looking forward to hosting her, I was fully committed to doing so. Unfortunately this does mean that most of our family vacations will have to be in Pakistan now since they can't visit us here.

We already need to go there in December because they're planning to have his brother's wedding done then. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice here. It sucks that we have all this bad blood now for no reason, like I'm sure she hates me now, and while I've tried very hard to forget what she said about my upbringing and heritage, I can't, and I see her in a whole new light now. I'm going to be comforting to my husband about this, but maybe it was for the best. Comments where Op has replied, commenter one, this must be so difficult for you.

As you said your mill has bred bad animosity unnecessarily, but I think a possible Band-Aid could be a two-to-three-week vacation once per year or so to Pakistan so she can meet her grandson. You could possibly sink your visit with a minor Islamic holiday so she can experience a holiday with him physically there. Just a compromise update me,oop. Yeah, that's going to be the plan now. A couple of weeks' vacation in Pakistan is great, but I'm just concerned my husband would want all our vacations to be there now. Like I want us to have vacations, just our family, somewhere else too.

But that's for later, at least this problem is sorted, I'm so relieved. Commenter too, instead of every vacation being in Pakistan, consider planning some holidays to meet eels in some other locations. to which they can travel. Oop, that's such a great idea. I'll bring it up for sure when the time comes. Thank you. Oop clarifies on her family's passports and citizenships.

Oop, my son and I are only Canadians. My husband is a dual citizen. And I'm going to have my son's documents with me at all times and the Canadian consulate's number saved. I hate thinking about it, but I'm not taking any risks when it comes to him. Update 4 April 4th, 2025. Our phone call went well for like the first two minutes when I expressed how sorry I was that she wouldn't be able to come, and the visa officer should have been more considerate.

It went downhill soon after. She said that this probably means she'll never be able to visit Canada, and a few weeks a year isn't enough, that my parents have gotten to be close to us for two years, now it should be their right, and asked if my husband called his uncle about a job in the UAE, since he wasn't answer her texts. I said I don't know, but it won't work anyway. We live in Canada. We've started a family here. We have a support system here. My husband has a great career here, but we will definitely have as many vacations together as possible so she could spend time with my son. She then went on about how my sill, her daughter, has been living with her in-laws since she got married, how bad her mill is,

how lucky I was to have such loving in-laws who just want to be close to us, and I should be more grateful. I told her I'm grateful for my son, my husband, and for everything we have, told her I needed to go and ended the call before I said anything more to her while she's still down in the dumps about the visa. I texted my husband this immediately before she gets to him. He's probably not going to be happy since he wanted us to let her be comforted by the UAE idea but it can't anymore. She needs to be told that we're never moving. I'm only going to call her on important occasions now like Eid and to send pictures if my husband asks but that's That's it. A sincere thank you to the visa officer who made the decision. Sorry for the repeated updates. NGL this may have been meant to be a rant too. She's just so rude now all the time, it's so unreasonable. Also, based on a comment that my son may automatically be a Pakistani citizen after all, I called the Pakistani consulate and when I explained the situation the lady there said my son is technically a Pakistani citizen. Then I asked about myself because it hit me,

my situation when I was born would have been similar to my sons, she said I was a citizen too. I'm going to be looking into how this could affect our visit before we attend my Bill's wedding in December in Pakistan. Thanks again, I won't be posting anymore. This issue is done as far as I'm concerned.