Reddit Stories - BETRAYED How My Husband SHATTERED Our Marriage With An Affair Post Birth EMOTIONAL

Episode Date: May 31, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #marriage #betrayal #affair #emotional #relationshipsSummary: A heart-wrenching tale of betrayal unfolds as a husband's affair post-birth devastates a marriage. The emotional turmoil and shattered trust lead to a painful journey of healing and forgiveness, highlighting the complexities of relationships and the resilience of the human spirit.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, marriage, betrayal, affair, emotional, relationships, trust, healing, forgiveness, resilience, human spirit, post-birth, husband, wife, family, love, heartbreakBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse ruined our relationship long ago by being unfaithful after our child was born. Is there any chance for us to move forward? I feel like I'm at a crucial point in our situation. To my marriage. There was infidelity on his part several years ago shortly after the birth of our child. He claims there was nothing physical, just an emotional affair. I was devastated.

With the work of a therapist and a focus, on activities I enjoy, running, volunteering, reconnecting with friends, I was able to build my self-confidence back up. Although our relationship has never recovered to the way things were before the affair, things have been peaceful in our house. But recently I've realized that I want more from my marriage, our child is older and not as dependent on me. I'm stable in my career. We are debt-free. I feel healthier and more in control of my life than I ever have. libido has come back stronger than ever. I have a zest for life that I haven't had since before the affair. But my husband seems content with the way things are. He doesn't put any

effort into spending time with me. There is no intimacy on his part. He does not initiate sex. T.B.H, he does not seem very interested in me. I have talked to him about my needs and how I'm feeling. He claims he has low testosterone but won't do anything about it. He doesn't want to go to any sort of counseling. He stated that he doesn't feel the urgency to fix anything in our marriage. At this point in our marriage, we should be enjoying our new freedom, no debt, no small children. I want to travel, go on adventures and have sex. Lots of it. He is just not interested. Is there hope? Should I keep trying to talk to? to him, we have weekly talks to no avail, he's just getting annoyed at this point. What have others

done to successfully turn a situation like this around? Comments where O.P. has replied, Did husband take responsibility for his cheating? He accepted responsibility for the hurt he caused me but refused marriage counseling. He didn't think it was that big of a deal because there was no physical aspect. I chose to forgive and continue on with the marriage for several different reasons, kid, finances, fear. You are right, focusing on myself after the affair has allowed me to think about what I want and need in a relationship. This is currently not it. But I don't want to just throw in the towel without trying everything I can. Hence I'm here on Reddit seeking advice. Sounds like he never came back from the affair. Who was it with? He wouldn't tell me so I don't

know. Then all of this is very much unresolved. No accountability. and he hasn't even told you who it was. How do you know it was only emotional? I had no proof it was physical. We had a life and a young child. He apologized. Did I slash do I still have my suspicions? Yep.

But at the end of the day, I can't make him tell the truth. I can only make my own decisions. And I decided to accept his story. Was it a mistake? Probably. But hindsight and all that. Later that night. Thanks everyone for your input.

We had another convo tonight. Same old same, can't commit to doing the work because he doesn't know how much work it's going to entail. What about our kid? We're great co-parents. Blah, blah, blah, blah. All sprinkled in between I do love you. I know it's time for me to stop chasing and just walk away. It's so damn scary though.

Update 1. I had a final talk with my husband. Here is a synopsis of our conversation. 1. I told him that I refuse to live like this any longer. I want a husband not a roommate slash co-parent. His response is that we owe it to our son to provide him with a two-parent household. Two, I told him that we owe it to our son to be happy so that he knows what happiness looks like. I don't want to normalize this environment for him.

Husband doesn't understand why he can be content to live like this, but I can't. Accused me of being insecure because I can't live without a man. 3. Husband says that we should continue to carry on like this for our son and maybe the relationship will improve with time. I responded by saying that our marriage has never really been good and I don't want to go back to that. I want to try to work toward something better. 4. He says that he believes that he believes that.

that I like being miserable and asks me several times, why can't you just be happy? Five. Husband then admits to me that he never wanted to get married and have kids, but that is what normal people do, so he went along with it. This was an aha moment for me as I always knew something wasn't right about our marriage. I was never settled and always had to fight for my needs.

Six. I asked husband to move out of the house so we can start separation. He refused saying that it would be a lot of my needs. too hard on him. I obviously can't leave because I am the main caregiver of our son and I am not willing to uproot him. When we separate, I'd like my son to continue to have this home as his primary residence. Seven. After the aha moment came an intense wave of sadness. I am now questioning everything in my life. I started to cry and he got frustrated and left. Eight, we have not said anything to each other since. We briefly will discuss household duties and childcare, but that's it.

Husband has been helpful around the house, with son's school activities slash schedule, very attentive to our son, polite and not nasty, planning family game nights and things we can do together as a family. Most of the things I begged him to do for the last 16 years. This is just confusing and infuriating, why now when I have one foot out the door? I really don't know what to do at this point. He doesn't want me to leave but won't stop me if I do. He won't leave but has stated verbatim that he refuses to work on our marriage. I am totally confused. I am seeking advice. Please note, just leave is not an option for me. I'd have to leave my son. That is not an option. Update 2. Husband and I no longer have any sort of relationship. We are co-parents and roommates.

Husband refuses to work on marriage but doesn't want me to leave as he thinks our child will suffer. You can read my previous posts on the current state of my marriage on my Reddit page. Husband and I both have good paying jobs that allow us to pay all monthly bills, save for retirement and emergencies, and still have a bit left over for fun. We have a household budget tracker that shows that we pay roughly equally into household expenses, even though he makes more than me. I recently got a second part-time job that will allow me to invest in myself, new professional headshots, going on vacations by myself slash with friends, therapy, etc. I do not want this income to be included in our household income. Husband thinks my new income should count towards our household income and as such,

I should be paying more proportionally into household expenses. As far as I'm concerned, since I no longer have to put any effort into our failed marriage, I can instead start to focus on working on myself. This includes spending money for my part-time job on things-slash experiences that will make me happy. My question is, Ida for not using the money I earn for my part-time job toward our household? Edit to add, my second job will be done from home in the evenings. There is no need for my husband to help me with childcare slash additional tasks around the house. Comments where Op has replied.

If he suddenly got a bonus or raise, would he include that money in the household budget? Probably not. I suspect you're right. I know he has received bonuses from his job, but I've never seen a dime. He has purposefully kept our finances separate and kept me in the dark about what he earns slash spends. He, of course, has always had access to all of my financial info. More info on son and responsibilities. There are no childcare costs. Our child is a teenager. I edited my post to state this. My part-time job will not require him to do anything extra. It's all online and can be done in the evenings after our kid is in bed. My husband traveled for work two to three weeks per month for most of our marriage. He also travels several weeks per year with friends. I never asked for compensation for basically raising our child.

and maintaining our household by myself. The thought of compensating him for the situation his choices have put us and makes me feel away. Don't mean to take it out on you. Their relationship now. He stated he's committed to reviewing our options for the marriage after our child is out of the house. For now, he thinks we should both continue to live together and co-parent. We are low conflict, just not affectionate with each other. I can't speak for him, but I have zero desire. or energy to even think about finding someone else. After 16 years of marriage, I'm questioning everything in my life. OOP is voted entier.

I have contacted a divorce lawyer just to see what my options are. He was so helpful. We'd approach it as an uncontested divorce, splitting everything 50 to 50. I'm going to reach out to a few more for pricing. My heart breaks at the thought of not seeing my child every day. We have a very good relationship and I'm the person he talks to about stuff. But I do not want him to think that this is healthy for me. It's not.

I'm constantly questioning my worth and what I did wrong. I've also reached out to a few therapists. As far as my income from my part-time job is concerned, I'm going to use it on me. I told him that if he gets a part-time job, he can use the money however he wants. He is not happy but I can't concern myself with his happyness. anymore. Thank you all for your honest feedback. Final update. Hi everyone. It's been a while since I've posted in this community, over a year, but wanted to give you an update since you all were kind enough to offer advice on my earlier posts. What a difference a year can make. If you've

read my previous posts, you'll know that I was in a really shitty situation this time last year. My marriage had ended years ago and I was in the throes of grieving it. I contemplated suicide, but, thank goodness, I was able to talk myself out of it. Since then I've separated from my husband, purchased a house, got a new job, ran a marathon, met a new man and traveled quite a bit. It's been a wild and busy year. I won't get into all of the details of the adventures I've had, but if you'd like to know more, just message me. Now that I've slowed down, I'm sitting down. I'm sitting there. here on the eve of Thanksgiving reflecting on the year. A few of my thoughts. One, they say

marriage is hard and divorce is hard and to choose your heart. Divorce is definitely much harder and it's something I would not celebrate unless the person is in danger. Two, there are times where I wonder if I did the right thing. Not because I miss my ex, but because I was safe or married. It's less scary facing the devil you know than the devil you don't know. Ultimately, I know I did the right thing. 1. Cannot live with constant disrespect from their spouse and expect to be well mentally. But I will always wonder if I could have held out a bit longer, at least until our child was in college and out of the house.

3. There really is no perfect person out there waiting for you to find them. There are a lot of imperfect people who are either doing the work or not. I constantly check in with myself to ensure I'm one of the ones doing the work. For, unfortunately, there are more folks not doing the work, I get it it's hard and painful. It's slow going and takes an incredible amount of strength-strength to really look at your own issues. Strength to leave relationships that do not work for you, regardless of who is at fault and strength to be alone. Five, we always want the story to be a victim-slash-villain scenario, but the reality is in most cases it's not. Don't get me wrong, there are times when someone clearly is a victim.

But barring abuse, most of the time we are so blinded by our ego that we fail to see the role we play in the demise of our relationships. My ex is not a bad person, he just wasn't the person for me. In my haste to get married and have kids, I ignored this very glaring fact. And in my haste to get over my separation, I ignored that with the new man I got involved with four months after my separation was formalized. 6, which brings me to the present. The new relationship I was in recently ended in a similar way that my marriage ended. They say that the universe will keep sending you the same lesson until you learn it. More true words have not been spoken.

At least I can recognize this now. And when you know better you can do better. F-Y-I it's not the universe, it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me. I went right back to what I know. Seven, and finally, the one thing I've learned to know in my life are the constants. My health, my incredible family, the amazing girlfriends that have stood by me and my own kick-ass attitude. I know I will always take care of me and that is so comforting. Recently one of my BFFs confided in me that she's thinking about divorcing her husband.

She explained the situation to me and then asked me what she should do. I gave her the most honest answer I've ever given anyone in my life. I don't know. I'm a very Not her and I cannot possibly understand the situation she's in. But I did promise her that whatever decision she made would be the right one for her and that I would support her 110%. For anyone that's contemplating a major life change, please know that you really do know what is best for you. Please trust yourself to make the decisions you need to make knowing that you will be there

to take care of yourself. I wish you all the adventures, self-love and friendship than your heart can handle. Happy holidays and thanks. Now on to the next story. Story 2. Boyfriend and I had planned an expensive vacation to celebrate our anniversary, but he dumped me for not getting his humor. Me, 19F, with my 22M boyfriend. He just dropped a bomb on me and I'm struggling to cope.

So, long story, but I, 19F, have been with my now ex, I guess, boyfriend, 22M, for about a year and a half now. He's been drinking a lot lately, like every night, really, and going out to the bars 3x a week. Which is fine. I mean, he gets his college work done and we don't live together, but this past Sunday, he was coming over and said he was grabbing us some beer on the way, and it hit me that I hadn't hung out with him sober since. Well, I couldn't even remember. So I told him no, thank you, that I wouldn't be drinking at all.

When he came over, I told him I was concerned about how much he was drinking. and that it was a bad habit to make. He agreed, although sullen. I wasn't angry, I mean, he had made me quit smoking cigarettes B.C. It was bad for my health, so it was my turn to make sure he stayed healthy as well. But since that day, he had been extremely distant from me. He would still ask to hang out, but when we were together, it was just like we were in the same space but not really hanging out. He would be on his phone, be short with me, etc. I noticed right away and asked what was wrong, and he said he'd just been feeling blue lately. Okay, no problem.

People feel blue from time to time, so I gave him some space. I've been extremely busy this week working 40-plus hours, juggling nursing school, and getting all my work done by this Friday because I rented us a cabin in Gatlinburg to celebrate our anniversary. I mean, I have paid upwards of 300 to 400 plus for this trip. So the date comes around, and he asks if we can get dinner and if he can take me to Sephora, and he lets me pick out some things. So obviously, he's been distant, but we must be okay if he's putting in this much effort, right?

Wrong. I mean, it's only been four fucking days of him being down. We get back to my place, and he's back to short replies and playing a video game in my living room, and every time I try to get near him, he's just pulling away. I mean, he doesn't like cuddling in general, but it's our anniversary, so I leave him B. I did say to him, hey, I know you're feeling down, but I've had to initiate every kiss and hug today, and it's kind of an important day, so I would appreciate some effort here. Later that night, his friends called and stopped by real quick, and it was just a 180 in his

attitude. He was back to himself, happy, and joking. And then, when they left, we went outside. and he just went right back to being very cold towards me. And I think in that moment, I realized that something was seriously wrong. So I asked him, it must have been the millionth time, what's wrong and that I loved dinner and I appreciated the presence, but what I really wanted was him.

And he just sits down and says that we don't click anymore. He tells me he thinks that I just don't get his humor and that he can't marry someone who doesn't get him. I'm stunned. I mean, I was floored. We have had such an amazing relationship up till this point. Hands down, everyone looked up to us. I asked him what he wanted to do, that I could cut down on work and we could set up days

actually to get out of the house and go on adventures, and he just said he didn't know anymore. Cue some silence of me quietly crying. He asks me to please say something, and I don't and then says that he thinks he should go. I told him I thought that was a good idea, and that was that. So hello Reddit, I got dumped by my initially flawless boyfriend on our anniversary, one day before a huge, expensive trip I had paid for us and four days before my fucking birthday. I spent last night bawling. My best friend is driving five hours to stay with me in the non-refundable cabin I have booked,

and I am just in pieces. I don't even know where it went wrong. I mean, I thought I was a really good girlfriend. We never fought, I've been paying for it. almost everything for the past six months since he doesn't have much money at the time. I have constantly doted upon him with gifts, I've helped him all semester with school and his planner, I mean I can go on and on. And to end a year and a half relationship over such a bullshit excuse? The only thing that's changed during the last year is that I was partying with him and drinking

and generally just going out every other night. I didn't have a job, I was a bit reckless. And this year, I really buckled down and got three jobs to afford a vacation, ironically, because he has an internship in Bangkok for two months this summer, and I had planned on spending two weeks with him. I started nursing school, and I only drink every few weeks now. Maybe he only really felt bonded to me when we were fucked up together? I don't know. I'm grasping at straws.

Since then, he texted me high once, which I opened and didn't read. He then texted me saying, Do you want to talk? Which I didn't respond to. And he's called me twice. To which I ignored both calls. I need space. I mean, even if he comes back around, how do I forgive him for leaving me in just the absolute most cruel way I can think of?

He changed his profile picture of us to just him and his friends and stopped sharing his location with me. I later replied once to his request to talk, saying, I need a few days in some space. But I do have to know, are you willing to work this out, or are you just done? He said he wasn't sure yet and added, I hope you do know I care about you. I'm sorry, op. I think a few days will be good for me to try and figure all of this out. I replied, you left me on our anniversary.

Days before, a huge, non-refundable trip that I had bent over backward to make happen. and four days before my birthday. I love you. I really do. But I'll come to you when I'm ready to talk. His last message read, I thought you wanted me to go last night. I didn't want to have that conversation with you last night.

I'm so sorry, op. I love you too. I'm just stunned still and angry. I need some kind words and advice. Update, so. where do I even begin? This past week has definitely been one of my hardest. After he left me, we essentially went no contact until Monday. I kept myself as busy as I could. Cleaned my entire townhome. Went out Thursday night to the bars. Went to Gatlinburg with my friends instead and had a good time.

Came back Saturday and went to a party. Sunday, I got coffee with more friends. And then he comes Monday. When he got back from going to his parents, we had our final talk. I showed up with his things already packed into a box, knocked on the door, and we went up to the roof. I was smoking a sig, and he asked if I was smoking again and told me it was bad for my health and gave me the e-sig we had bought together, saying to use that from now on instead. I didn't cry during our talk. I told him that leaving me that way was callous and cruel, that feeling distant is common in a long-term relationship, and that you stick it out, you don't just leave after feeling that way for two weeks. That the way he ended things was borderline unforgivable.

He refused to believe that, saying, I can't help when I feel what I feel, and blamed me for asking him what was wrong on our anniversary, consequently causing him to break down, tell me I don't get his humor. He went on to say that one too many of his jokes went over my head, that humor is a big part of him, and that he's always having to explain his references to me. That he still loved me and cared for me and that there was nothing I could have done differently, that I was the best girlfriend he's ever had we just weren't compatible. I said after a year and a half, you don't suddenly end a relationship over a few jokes that I didn't get, and in the end, he just wasn't willing to work on us, which he agreed.

I told him this was his only chance to change his mind, and he said he was sticking to his decision. I told him his things were packed in my car and to come get them, he said he would meet me in his apartment, and I refused, telling him that he would be the one carrying his things. He went and got them, and handed the Polaroids on top to me. I handed them back, saying to trash them, and he asked if I was sure there wasn't one I wanted to keep. I said no. He went through a couple before tossing them in the garbage. His room was still the same, no pictures of us had been taken down. He walked me out to my car, he lingered, and then walked off later, texting, I'm so sorry

op. I hope you know this isn't easy or fun for me. I hope you're doing okay. I didn't respond. I unfriended him on everything. I took his contact out of my phone. I changed my Netflix passcode. I changed my FB status to single. And in one drunken fit, I paid for Tinder gold. He's kept me on everything and watches what I post. Eventually, I'll block him and give him no contact. Yesterday was my birthday, he texted me saying happy birthday, and all I said was thank you. Then I admitted mornings were hard and that I perked up little by little throughout the day, and he agreed.

Then I thanked him again, and that was that. Then today, I took my roommate's dog for a walk throughout campus. I was sitting down to cool off from the sun when I saw him also walking down the sidewalk. He walked up to me and chatted for a few minutes, asking how I was, what I was up to, etc., and then went off to the library to study. I have some dates lined up throughout the week, girls' night tomorrow after class and a few parties to attend. Friday, I'm going home to Nashville to be with friends and family. I'm going to be okay. I know I am. I'm surrounding myself. with friends. I'm forcing myself to go out on dates. I don't want a relationship, just something

new to keep me busy. I'm going to Florida with some of the Greek life during spring break. I'm walking for a couple of hours every day again to lift my spirits. I'm slowly cutting him out. It's my first breakup. He was my first love. I never expected to feel physically heavy in my chest. I didn't expect the feelings to come in waves. One moment, I'm on top of the world with endless energy, the next, I'm struggling to get out of bed. But I do. Every day. I go out, I call my friends, I talk to a new guy, and I creep on animal shelter websites debating to get a puppy.

It hurts like hell, but it's not what I expected it to be like. It's a pain I know I'll heal from.