Reddit Stories - BETRAYED_ STANDING by my spouse through SICKNESS, only to be replaced when illness struck again_

Episode Date: August 17, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #betrayed #standing #sickness #illness #marriageSummary:In this emotional tale, a spouse stands faithfully by their partner during sickness, only to be replaced when illness strikes again. The story delves into themes of loyalty, betrayal, and the complexities of marriage.Tags:redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, betrayed, standing, sickness, illness, marriage, loyalty, betrayal, relationships, support, commitment, love, heartbreak, emotional, narrative, truestoryBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Supported my spouse throughout his illness treatment, but he betrayed me with his new partner. After falling ill once more, he returned to our shared home. Throughout the majority of our union, my spouse, a 39-year-old male, was the one in need of care and support. And I, 37F, had a very happy relationship. We had good jobs, decent money, two kids, and loved each other. Then he got diagnosed with a rare form of CNCR and we went through years of painful treatments and recovery together.

We moved to a small house to be close to the Research Center where he underwent treatment. His parents paid half of the down payment on the house. The other half was from our savings and investments. In the divorce he gave me the house and took all of his medical debt. We have been divorced a year, but now his CNCR has come back and he needs treatment again at the same research hospital. He wants to stay in what is now my house while undergoing treatment and his parents expect me to house him and look after him because he was generous in letting me have the house without taking his rightful share from the equity. When we were married

and he was undergoing treatment, it was new stuff that was expensive and also very physically draining on him. We were lucky that both our jobs were supportive and flexible, but with his health issues, little kids and expenses, we had to downgrade our lifestyle a lot. That plus the physical changes in his body made him very depressed. Whenever he felt a bit better, he'd go stay in his hometown. It's a small town where most of his family and a lot of his childhood friends live. I was doing all the caretaking of him, while also dealing with insurance complications. I was also managing the kids, the entire household and my full-time job. We had helped from friends and but it was very hard. I wasn't happy about him spending his healthy days away from us,

but it was good for his mental health so I didn't feel like I could object. While he was staying there he had reconnected with his high school girlfriend. A couple years ago he admitted to me that he was sleeping with her and I filed for divorce. He had fully recovered from his CNCR by then. There are other aspects around the cheating that left me very heartbroken and feeling betrayed. His giving me the house and taking all the debt was an apology of a sort. His parents feel that I owe him for getting the house and should let him stay there for the two to three months his treatment is at the facility. I do want him to be well and I don't want my kids to lose a loving father. But I can't deal with having him around me, especially not if I end up being his nurse and

caretaker again. I am still very bitter about how our marriage ended. A lot of people close to me are telling me that I should support him for the sake of my kids. Wibta if I say I can't do that? Edit. They announced their engagement the day the divorce was finalized. That still hurts so much. I am struggling with this so much. I don't think I hate him, a part of me still loves him as an old friend.

I definitely wouldn't want my kids to suffer the devastation of losing their father. He loves them and is loved by them. When I look at it as an outside observer, I can understand what he was going through and falling in love with someone else. During the worst parts of his illness I was frequently cleaning up after him, his vomiting, his loss of bowel control. I pulled muscles and injured myself helping him move. He found that emasculating. So I can see how he'd find it appealing that someone still saw him as the old him when he was healthy and strong and I became the nurse figure. So I tell myself that and I don't hate him.

But I went years without sex because he was sick. The loss of libido was an expected temporary side effect of his medication. I accepted that and made do with being celibate. I feel guilty talking about how painful it was because I should be grateful he survived and that is so trivial given the situation. But I would masturbate in hiding, didn't even get a vibrator because I didn't want him feel bad or awful for not being able to do it. And all this time I was making do thinking he wasn't able to, he was sleeping.

sleeping with a whole another person. And that disloyalty still makes me cry. Relevant comments where O.P. has replied, commenter, even without the cheating and whatnot, caretaking is a full-time job and it's very taxing emotionally, mentally, and physically. You're not his wife anymore. You have no obligation to do this. Oh, O.P., the last time I did it out of love, I can just not do it now. It was very difficult. The big upside to me in getting divorced was not having to deal with that anymore. As difficult as it is to take care of a sick person, dealing with the insurance bureaucracy and keeping track of all the medical contacts and treatment details is a pretty big logistical nightmare. Commenter, maybe for the sake of his

children you could allow him to stay there, but he or his parents pay for a nurse or aid to care for him. You are certainly not obligated to help him in any way, but your children are old enough to know he's ill and if you choose not to help him, it will likely adversely impact your relationship with your kids. If not now, later, especially if something happens to him and he dies. If you don't help him, I fear they will blame you for not helping him by at least allowing him to stay there. OOP, I hadn't started thinking on those terms yet, but yes, you are right, I have to measure how my kids will react to this. I haven't told them yet that he is sick again. They were very little back then and only knew that dad was sick and got better. Now my oldest is big enough to

understand cancer and what that means. My ex has been the fun Disney dad since we separated. They adore him. Commenter, the chances of his parents being unaware that their son was sleeping with his high school girlfriend when he came home is zero-o-op. Oh, they knew and supported him. They were always good to me so it wasn't like they wanted to break up my marriage, but they were in whatever makes him happy because he survived cancer. I think he received some side-eye for this from people who knew what we went through. And my ex-in-in-laws did damage control by making overly gushing social media posts about how the GF always looked out for him and made him laugh when they were kids and did it again when he was going through a hard time. As if her comedy skills are what cured

his cancer. I was just the background made slash nanny slash assistant character that can be ignored. Sorry, I am still bitter and I keep regurgitating the same stuff. About the in-laws, they are my kids' grandparents, the only loving grandparents my kids have. They dote on my kids and drive hours to spend time with them and take them places. I resent them, but they are good grandparents. Update 1. The Sunday after I made the post to Ida, my ex-in-laws picked up the kids for a zoo trip. They sometimes come to pick them up to entertain them and so I thought nothing of it. A few hours later a very teary and contrite mill dropped off two bawling kids with me. She told them their dad is sick and will die if he doesn't stay with us and go to the hospital. We hadn't

had a talk with the kids yet about the diagnosis and she dropped it on them that he is dying from cancer. He is not dying. It's a painful treatment, but he'll recover. I was so furious I was raging. I called the ex and tore him a new one. He was shocked too and we together exploded at his mom. She broke down and cried begging me to not take away her grandkids from her, as if I'd trust her after this. X and I together talked to the kids, him on video, and assured them that yes, he is sick, but he'll be fine. He just needs to go to the hospital and they'll make him better like the last time he was sick.

The kid settled after that, but my oldest has been at me crying and begging to make Dad come live with us. I promised them I'd talk to Dad and figure out what's the best thing to do. I swallowed a lot of bile to talk to him about why he was doing this. We had a pretty long and detailed discussion. The bottom line is that he's broke. He still has a decent job but his credit is ruined. He has a lot of debt and he stupidly got the cheapest insurance that barely covers anything.

Fiancé is no help either. She's worse off financially. So he needs a place to stay. He can't afford this otherwise. His parents are funding some of his medical payments and are already stretched. He was financially all right when we broke up so I have no idea. what happened in such a short time. Anyway, X and his GF moved into my daughter's room. My daughter happily gave it up to her dad and is sharing her little brother's room.

Both kids are over the moon happy to have their dad in their home. My daughter keeps checking on him every few minutes to make sure he's still okay. Mill traumatized my kid, I'll never forgive that woman for this. I let the GF move in with him because I was too angry to care about who came to look after him as long as it wasn't me. I didn't know how I could bear having her in my home, but it appears to be more misery for her than me and that strangely makes it more tolerable for me. She is teary-eyed and crying all the time.

It's only been three days, but I am so annoyed I want to shake her and tell her to pull it together. The current treatment plan is for three months. I am counting down the days. I am thankful for the many people who gave me great advice on my last post. I wasn't expecting things to go this way, but they played me by manipulating my kids.

I'll slowly pull myself and the kids away and move, but for now I've to deal with this for my kids' sake. Relevant comments where Op has replied. Commenter encourages Op to open up a can of petty and gives a list of suggestions. Commenter 3. Ask if the GF can look after the kids for day your ex doesn't have treated. Then go out on a date looking a million bucks. If you don't date, they don't need to know that. Just go out with girlfriends.

If you do date, don't come home that night, op, I've done number three two times already. I haven't dated yet since the divorce. I want to, but online dating scares me and my social life revolves around my kids. I am pretending to have plans just so I am dressed and out and feel good about myself. I didn't leave the kids with them though. I managed to arrange sleepover for kids with their friends on those nights. I have been amazed by how much love and support my kids and I are receiving from our neighbors and friends. I told a few close people what's going on and I suppose most people know now.

I have received a lot of offers for help, people can be kind. We got invited to a camping trip on Easter weekend and I am taking kids to that. X-Mill was making noises about having kids over and I've shut that down. Commenter, you are a saint op, not a saint no, I am just trying to protect my kids and my sanity. I am keeping myself very busy and staying on task. I am working hard to avoid thinking things because that way is misery. This is very petty of me, but I have to admit that seeing they are not doing well has been somewhat mollifying for me, emotionally.

Commenter, might be worth looking into dating events that companies run, might be a smoother way into the reintroduction to dating world, when you're ready, then dating sites. I haven't done online dating, but a friend of mine just married her husband who she met at a dating baking class, have a look at what's in your area. Oop, I need to look into dating events. I didn't know this was a thing. I need a detailed guide on how to do these things now. Update 2, my ex and his fiancé moved out today. His treatments went very well this time around. He had to deal with General weakness and nausea, but no vomiting and voiding like the previous time. It's amazing how much medicine improves and changes. He'll need monthly shots for a while and I agreed to house him

for a weekend next month but after that he's on his own. The stay went well, we had no drama really. I kept myself busy and kids and I traveled a lot. They both managed the rest of the stuff all right and things worked out. My kids are happy and back to their normal stuff. I had a talk with my daughter about how grandma exaggerated things to get her way and that is not okay and she understood. She has shown no interest in visiting her grandparents and I am happy about that. The last week of his stay, his fiancé went back to their town to take care of some stuff since he was doing pretty well on his own. He and I had a few long detailed conversations. They were cathartic in some ways and saddening and maddening in others. I think I got some closure,

at least I am not feeling the bitterness the way I used to. I may make another post about what he told me, his reasoning and justifications. On another positive note, all that dressing up and going out I've been doing has worked out for me. I met someone. We've been on two dates and it's going great so far. This is my first time dating since the divorce so I am keeping my expectations muted, but still it is very exciting and fun. Update 3. I tried writing about our conversations, but the process of thinking about it and analyzing it is very depressing. When we had the talk, I felt much better than I do looking back at it now. Then my new date invited me on a trip during the Memorial Day weekend. One of my close neighbor friend encouraged me to go while she

watched my kids. I was pretty excited about this vacation, my first adult-only vacation in over a decade. I didn't want my overthinking about my ex to make me depressed during the trip, so I put that on hold. The trip went well and I am pretty optimistic about this new relationship. Sorry to you guys for taking so long with this. But now that I feel happier, I can have a more grounded take on my ex's views. To start with, he was again very apologetic about what he put me through and that I deserved better from him. When he was going through his cancer treatment while we were married, I was extra careful with his feelings and being calm and patient with him. That had become so much of a habit that even when he told me about his affair, I still treated

him with kid gloves. I was firm about wanting divorced and refused to consider his insistence on working it out, but I swallowed my anger and didn't go off at him. But this time I got to properly express my hurt and anger at him and that was very, very cathartic. He took it okay for the most part but also was stung by it and got defensive. He took it. He took it. He took told me in some detail about how he and his GF got together. She was his high school girlfriend. She came from an abusive background and in high school he had helped her and did a lot to encourage her to move out of that situation.

When he moved away to go to university and she stayed their small town, the long-distance thing dissolved their relationship. He wanted a more big city life and a few years after college he met me. When he was visiting his parents home more while recovering, he reconnected with her. At that time she was struggling to leave an abusive relationship. It again was like their high school days where she was in trouble and he was the night in shining armor. I suppose that can be very attractive to someone who's been facing weakness and their own mortality.

When he was home I was waiting on him hand and foot. I didn't even know that he could have enough energy to do all the leg work for this other woman and was spending quite a bit to help her. That's where his currently being broke comes from, she was in financial trouble, and he solved all her problems. He is quite proud of how much he helped her and doesn't agree with me that he took something away from me and making me work for him while he put his energy away from our family.

I don't want to say that I don't support helping someone escape abuse, but I can't help feeling exploited. His response was that he did a favor by spending time in his town because that lessened the burdens on me. It is true that when he went away life got easier by a lot. I had more time, I could focus more on kids, We could cook anything, eat anything. But if he had that kind of energy, then he could have helped me, you know?

But he says that I was always stressed out and upset. My attitude was a drain on him. I resent that because I remember how careful I was around him, how much I made myself pliable to be his nurse. He brought up examples of how once I was so upset I went to the balcony to scream. The time I snapped at the kids and then cried about it. He had stories of how I was pushy and difficult. He wasn't making it up, I have my faults, but I did work hard and tried my best.

I didn't realize that my help and support wasn't good enough for him. I didn't make him feel good. I just did the shit work. I think he resents me because he feels he owes me. He likes his GF because she owes him and is dependent on him. Relevant comments where Op has replied, commenter, why would he even think he could justify his actions? Oop, he sees himself as a good guy. He downplays the cheating as a small failure that happened multiple times as he was helping the GF.

And I am the stubborn one for not being willing to work through it. Up on getting closure, I felt a touch of closure from being able to say a lot to him. Thinking back, I think he genuinely expected me to see him as the good guy once he gave me all the explanations. He was frustrated when I wouldn't. I really like the guy I am seeing. For the first time in a very long time I was with someone who did all the work of planning and pulling off a trip and I had to simply enjoy myself. You really appreciate it when you haven't had something like that.

Update 4. I introduced my BF to my kids this past weekend. We've been spending so much time together and talking almost every day and I finally felt ready to bring him into their lives. I gave my ex a heads up that I am dating and will be introducing the guy to our kids. He went very quiet on the phone then asked details about who he is, etc., and I gave those to him. He tried to dissuade me from letting kids meet my BF, says it's too soon and it's not healthy for the kids and whatnot. As if I got the choice to make such a call when he got his GF into my kid's life. Anyway, I finished the call annoyed.

Last night he calls me back to discuss my BF. Apparently, he looked into him. Which is fine by me, there's not much for him to criticize. there. So he asks me if I am with my BF for money. To say I was furious is an understatement. My BF is in a lucrative career and he may be a couple tax brackets above me, I don't know for sure, haven't talked finances with him. But I do pretty well myself and I've supported myself and my kids and even my lousy ex and this is what he asks me. I retorted that no I am not with him for his money, I am with him because my ex-husband dumped me after exploiting me.

He got upset at that and says that I have a barbed tongue and people think I am so nice but don't see how verbally abusive I can be. So that's nice. All I've done for him and he is no problem being cruel to me again and again. Update 5, I received a few messages asking for updates. But things have been calm so there are no updates. My current relationship is going well. We are working on building our blended family.

My two kids and his son get along really well. well, they are tight together. We have been thinking of buying a house together and selling mine. I am both excited and nervous about doing that. X didn't act up after that last argument. He's been more aloof than before, but that's preferable so I don't care. Things are well on his side too as far as I know. Update 6, my BF and I bought a new place together. I've sold the house and I am rather relieved to leave that place. I liked having a home but there were too many bad memories there and the emotional baggage of my ex-in-laws thinking they still have a claim on the place.

I will miss my old neighborhood though. I had a lot of supportive friends there. My kids love the new place, it's bigger, with a bigger yard and nicer schools. As we were clearing out the house I told my ex to pick up a few of his things still left behind. He had a few boxes of pictures and kids' artwork and some small things. and I left them in the garage for him to come pick them up. He came to get them and ended up full on crying over the memories. We didn't talk or interact in any way. I just gave him water and left him alone to calm down. But honestly, I felt such visceral rage at his crying. I thought I was over this and

past his past and I am happy with my life now, but at that moment I felt so much anger and it upset me that I am still not fully past what he had done. His relationship with his fiancée, his relationship with his fiancée, has ended and I do feel a bit bad about that. They were supposed to be married in July and that didn't happen. Then I heard from some mutual friends that she has moved back with her abusive ex. They have kids together and there was a lot of pressure from her family to reconcile. And yes, her family is abusive too. My ex had helped her against them when they were first dating and they've always held that against him. So she stayed with ex while he was digging her out of her financial crisis. Now that she's in the clear she goes back to the guy who put her in that hole.

In a way my ex, and by extension me, helps him deadbeat out there make a lot of savings. In that part, I feel angry on ex's behalf. I mean I hate him for my own reasons, but he did try to help his old friend and high school sweetheart and she screwed him over.