Reddit Stories - BETROTHAL BETRAYAL_ UNVEILING Misused Marriage Funds_

Episode Date: August 9, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #betrothal #betrayal #unveiling #misused #marriagefundsSummary:A Reddit user seeks advice after discovering their partner has misused funds meant for their upcoming wedding, leading to doubts about their relationship. As the truth unravels, the user must navigate feelings of betrayal and uncertainty about their betrothal.Tags:redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationshipadvice, marriageproblems, financialbetrayal, weddingdrama, trustissues, deceptionunveiled, loveandmoney, budgetmanagement, financialdispute, secretspilled, dishonestpartner, marriagefundscandal, uncoveringthetruth, betrayedtrustBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Canceled my betrothal after discovering that my partner had covertly utilized our marriage funds to make an initial payment on a $100,000 luxury car. Subsequently, I learned that he had also reached the limit on his credit card. Our credit cards and lied about it for months. I need some outside perspective on this situation because I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. Background, Jake and I have been together for five years, living together for three years, and engaged for almost two years.

We're both finishing up our master's degrees and will be graduating next month. I'm in computer science with a focus on data engineering, and Jake is getting his MBA. Throughout our relationship, we've grown a lot as individuals and as a couple. We've faced challenges together and I thought we were on the same page about our future plans.

When we first got together in undergrad, we were both broke college students surviving on Raman and student loans. Jake came from a middle-class family that helped with some of his expenses, while I was mostly on my own after my parents divorced during my sophomore year. They each had their own financial problems to deal with, so I learned to be independent early on. I worked part-time jobs throughout college and managed to graduate with minimal student loans. Jake wasn't as careful with money back then. He would often blow his monthly allowance from his parents within the first week, then struggle until they sent more or borrow from friends.

I didn't think much of it at the time because we were young, and hey, who hasn't made stupid financial decisions in college. When we got engaged after finishing our bachelor's degrees, we decided to combine our finances as preparation for marriage. I took on the role of managing our budget since I'm more detail-oriented and enjoy planning. Jake agreed to this arrangement, saying that numbers weren't his thing despite pursuing an MBA. We've been operating this way for the past two years. Our budget is structured as follows, emergency fund, six months of expenses, retirement accounts, matching our employer's contributions, future house down payment fund, wedding slash honeymoon fund, current living expenses, rent, utilities,

groceries, etc. Entertainment fund, health and fitness expenses, transportation costs, personal spending accounts, we each get an equal amount to spend however we want. We also have a joint credit card for shared expenses that we pay off each month. Jake handles the payment of that bill while I manage all the other accounts. I should mention that I received an inheritance from my grandmother last year when she passed away. It's not huge, but it's a decent amount, about $75,000, that I've kept separate from our joint finances. The inheritance is invested for our long-term future, and we agreed not to factor it into our current financial plans. My grandmother was very specific about wanting it to go toward education, a house, or retirement.

She was a Depression-era kid who valued financial security above almost everything, and I want to honor her wishes. Jake Burns through his personal spending money quickly. He buys every new video game release, subscribes to multiple gaming services, and spends money on in-game purchases. He's really into MMOs, and I've seen him drop $200 in a single night on some virtual currency crap. This has never bothered me because that's what the personal funds are for, so we can each have freedom to spend on things the other might find frivolous without judgment. I should also mention that we've been planning our wedding for next spring.

Nothing extravagant, just a nice ceremony at a local botanical garden with about 80 guests, followed by a reception at a restaurant nearby. The whole thing, including a week-long honeymoon in Mexico, would cost around $15,000. We had about $12,000 saved up so far, and we were on track to have the full amount by the end of the year. The issue, last week, I noticed $3,500 missing from our wedding fund. This immediately set off alarm bells because we never touched that account without discussing it first. I checked the transaction history and saw that Jake had transferred the money to his personal account three days earlier.

I waited until we were both relaxed on Saturday morning and asked Jake about the missing money. We were having coffee on our small balcony. He casually mentioned, as if it were no big deal, that he had put down a deposit on a Porsche taikung. Not a used one, a brand new one. He even pulled out his phone to show me pictures of his new baby. This wasn't some spur of the moment decision either. He'd been test driving different models for weeks without telling me.

I nearly choked on my coffee. A Porsche tycung starts at around $90,000. Even the most basic model with no extras is way beyond what we can reasonably afford right now. I tried to stay calm and asked why he would make such a large financial decision without discussing it with me first. He got defensive and said he thought I'd be excited for him. When I pointed out that this wasn't aligned with our financial plan, he accused me of trying to control him and not wanting him to have nice things. It's always about your plans and your goals, he said, glaring at me over his mug. For once, I want something for myself.

Here's the thing, I just accepted a job offer at a tech company with a very competitive salary, $115,000 base plus benefits and stock options. Jake is still interviewing and has turned down a few offers because he didn't think they were good enough. One company offered him $85,000 as a starting salary with a standard benefits package, but he felt it was beneath his skills. Another offered $92,000, but he didn't like that. the company culture. Based on my salary alone, we could technically afford the monthly payments on the Porsche, but it would significantly impact our ability to save for a house, which has been our

top priority. When we first graduated with our bachelor's degrees, we agreed to live frugally for a few years to build a solid financial foundation before upgrading our lifestyle. We both drive reliable but older vehicles that still work fine. Mine is a 2012 Honda Civic with about 120,000 miles on it, and Jake drives a 2011 Toyota Camry that his parents gave him when he started grad school. We had planned to reassess our transportation needs after moving for my new job, as the area has good public transportation options. The original plan was to possibly become a one-car household to save on insurance, maintenance, and parking costs. What bothers me most is that Jake made this decision unilaterally. He took money we had saved together for our wedding

and put it toward something only he would enjoy, without even mentioning it to me first. When I tried to discuss this with him, he became defensive and accused me of being unsupportive. Do you know how hard I've worked? Don't I deserve something nice after all these years of being broke? He asked. I reminded him that I've worked just as hard, but I'm sticking to our plan. He rolled his eyes and walked away, muttering something about me being a fun killer. The next day, I found him.

some paperwork on his desk that revealed more details about the Porsche purchase. The total price, with all the options he selected, came to $97,500. The financing terms were ridiculous. A $19,500 down payment, which explained why he needed the $3,500 from our wedding fund, he didn't have enough in his personal account, and a six-year loan with monthly payments of $1,400 at 5.9% interest. There was also also a credit check form, which explained the notification I received from our credit monitoring service about an inquiry. I went to stay with my sister for a few days to clear my head. Jake has been blowing up my phone, alternating between apologizing and accusing me of overreacting. His latest text said that I should be grateful he's not asking me to help pay for the car with

my inheritance. As if using the money my grandmother left me for his luxury car was even remotely an option. I've always been the more financially responsible one in our relationship, but this is on another level. Jake and I have had our differences in the past, but we've always been able to work through them. This feels different. I'm questioning whether we have compatible financial values, which is crucial for a marriage to work. My sister thinks I should call off the engagement, saying this is a massive red flag. Some of my friends think I'm making too big a deal out of it and that I should let Jake have his toy if we can afford it. Jake's friends have been texting me too, telling me that I'm being controlling and that a real

partner would support his dreams. Am I overreacting here? Is a luxury car purchase right after graduate school a reasonable decision? How do I explain to Jake that this isn't about the car itself, but about making major financial decisions as a team? Has anyone dealt with something similar and managed to work through it? P.S., I just realized I've been rambling. but this has been consuming my thoughts for days now. Thanks for reading this far, and I appreciate any advice you can offer. Update, it's been a month since my original post, and I want to thank everyone who took the time to respond.

Your comments helped me gain perspective and validate that I wasn't being unreasonable. A lot has happened since then, and I felt I owed you all an update. After spending three days at my sister's place, I returned to our apartment to have a serious conversation with Jake. I had thought long and hard about what I wanted to say and how I wanted to approach the situation. I was determined to remain calm and rational, focusing on the behavior rather than attacking him personally. I started by telling Jake that I loved him and wanted our relationship to work, but that the

Portia situation had revealed some fundamental issues we needed to address. I explained that I wasn't opposed to him having nice things, but I was hurt that he made such a significant financial decision without consulting me first. I reminded him of our agreed upon goals and asked why he suddenly changed his mind about our priorities. Jake's response caught me off guard. Instead of acknowledging my concerns, he confessed that he had already signed the purchase agreement for the Porsche and put down not just the $3,500 from our wedding fund but had also taken out a personal loan for another $15,000 as a down payment.

The total cost of the car was over $97,000, which would result in a monthly payment of around $1,400 for the next six years. When I asked how he planned to make these payments, he shrugged and said, we'll figure it out. You're making good money now. He then suggested that we could postpone buying a house for a few more years and have a courthouse wedding instead of the celebration we had been planning. It's not like we need all that fancy stuff anyway, he said, despite knowing that I had been looking forward to our wedding day and had been actively involved in the planning process. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Jake had completely disregarded our mutual goals and made assumptions about how my income would be spent. When I pointed this out, he became

defensive and claimed that since we're getting married, what's mine is his anyway? The conversation escalated when he brought up my inheritance again, suggesting that I was being selfish for not using it to support his dreams. I reminded him that we had agreed that the inheritance would remain separate and be used for long-term investments, in line with my grandmother's wishes. He scoffed and said that agreement was made before he found his dream car. Your grandmother would have wanted you to be happy, and supporting your husband would make you happy, he argued, which felt manipulative and disrespectful to both me and my grandmother's memory. That night, I couldn't sleep. I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, while Jake snored

beside me, apparently unbothered by the tension between us. The next day, we're nothered. The next I decided to dig deeper into our finances. I spent a few hours going through all our accounts, credit card statements, and loan documents. What I discovered was alarming. Jake had also maxed out our joint credit card, racking up over $12,000 in debt on gaming equipment, expensive dinners, that he never mentioned to me, and what appeared to be gifts for someone named L from several jewelry stores. When I confronted him about these expenses, particularly the jewelry, he claimed they were surprise gifts for me that he was saving for special occasions. However, I've never received any jewelry from him in recent months, which makes his explanation suspicious. Additionally,

he had been paying only the minimum amount due on the credit card for the past five months without telling me. This was directly contrary to our agreement to pay off the balance in full each month to avoid interest charges. The interest alone was costing us hundreds of dollars, money that could have gone toward our goals. I scheduled a consultation with a financial advisor that my sister recommended. The advisor reviewed our financial situation and was blunt, proceeding with a marriage to someone with such different financial values and behaviors would likely lead to ongoing conflicts and potential financial ruin. She shared statistics about how financial disagreements are one of the leading causes of divorce and suggested that, at minimum, we should consider premarital financial

counseling if I decided to stay in the relationship. After careful consideration, consulting with friends, family, and professionals, I made the difficult decision to end our engagement. It wasn't just about the Porsche or the credit card debt, it was about the pattern of dishonesty and the fundamental mismatch in our financial values. I called off the wedding, notified our venue and vendors, and began separating our finances. Thankfully, most of our deposits were refundable or could be applied to future events. The venue was surprisingly understanding and a little. allowed us to transfer our deposit to my sister, who had been thinking about having her

anniversary party there next year. Breaking the news to Jake was one of the hardest things I've ever done. His reaction was a mix of disbelief, anger, and then desperate pleading. He couldn't seem to understand why this was such a deal-breaker for me. It's just money, he kept saying, which only confirmed that we viewed financial matters very differently. I found an apartment closer to my new job and began moving my things out. Jake initially didn't take me seriously, assuming I was just making a point and would eventually get over it. He continued making plans that included me, telling mutual friends that I was overreacting and would come to my senses soon. When he realized I was actually

leaving, he fluctuated between begging me to stay and accusing me of abandoning him when he needed me most. You're supposed to stand by me through thick and thin, he texted one day, followed by you never really loved me if you can walk away over something as trivial as a car the next. The process of untangling our lives was complicated and emotionally draining. We had to close joint accounts, divide up furniture, and decide who would keep which kitchen appliances. I left behind anything that would remind me too much of our life together, taking only what I needed for my new place. His parents called me after Jake told them what was happening. Surprisingly, they were understanding of my position.

His mother even confided that they had been concerned about Jake's spending habits for years but hadn't wanted to interfere in our relationship. He's always been impulsive with money, she admitted. We bailed him out several times during college, but we agreed not to do it anymore after he graduated. We thought he had improved. She sounded resigned, as if this was a pattern she had seen play out many times before. What was most revealing was when his father called me separately. He apologized for his son's behavior and shared that Jake had previously maxed out three credit cards

during his undergraduate years, accumulating over $30,000 in debt that his parents had paid off on the condition that he get financial counseling. Jake had never mentioned this to me, which was yet another deception in our relationship. It's been a challenging few weeks. I had to cancel our wedding, move. There were moments when I questioned my decision, wondering if I was throwing away a five-year relationship over material concerns. But then I would remember the look on Jake's face when he talked about the Portia, how he valued his immediate desires over our shared future, how easily

he dismissed my concerns, and how he felt entitled to my income and even my inheritance. My sister has been an incredible support system, helping me pack and letting me crash at her place when needed. Jake is now stuck with a Porsche he can't afford, and from what I've heard through mutual friends, he's trying to get out of the contract or find someone to take over the payments. The dealership is apparently not being very accommodating, and he's facing the possibility of significant financial penalties. His parents refused to bail him out, telling him it's time he learned to deal with the consequences of his actions. He's been posting on social media about how materialistic women can appreciate a man with ambition and style, which would be laughable if it weren't so frustrating.

Some of our mutual friends have sided with him, suggesting that I'm throwing away a good relationship over money. But those who know the full story understand that it's about much more than that. As for me, I'm settling into my new apartment and focusing on my career. My financial advisor helped me create a new budget and investment plan for my future, one that doesn't include paying off someone else's impulsive purchases. Thank you, Reddit, for helping me see the situation clearly. Sometimes an outside perspective is exactly what you need to recognize when something isn't right. Your comments gave me the courage to make a difficult decision, and while the path forward isn't always easy, I know it's the right one for me.

Edit. Some information I forgot to include in the original post I realized I left out some important details in my original post that might provide more context for the situation. Jake and I had specifically discussed car purchases about six months ago when we were mapping out our five-year plan. At that time, we agreed that we would both continue driving our current vehicles. Mine is a 2012 Honda Civic, his is a 2011 Toyota Camry, for at least another two years after graduation to maximize our savings rate. The plan was to reassess after we had built up our emergency fund and made progress on our house down payment. We had calculated that if we both

lived as if we were still students for two years after getting our full-time jobs, we could save enough for a 20% down payment on a modest house in our target area, have a meaningful wedding celebration with our loved ones, and still have our emergency fund intact. This wasn't my plan that I forced on Jake. It was something we discussed extensively and mutually agreed upon. Jake had never previously expressed any interest in Porsche's or luxury vehicles in general. His sudden fixation on the car came after his college friend purchased a Tesla Model S. I suspect there was an element of competition involved, though Jake would never admit that. This friend is rich and comes from family money, so their financial situations are vastly different from ours. Edit 2. Response to common questions

many people have asked why I didn't notice the credit card debt sooner. The truth is that I trusted Jake to pay the bill as agreed. The credit card was in both our names, but he managed that particular account because it made sense with how we divided financial responsibilities. He would tell me each month that he had paid it, and I didn't verify because I believed him. It wasn't until I was reviewing all our finances that I logged into the account and saw the actual balance and payment history. Trust is a fundamental part of any relationship, and I never had reason to doubt him before this incident.

Regarding the wedding, yes, we lost some deposits that weren't refundable, totaling about $2,200. I consider that money well spent if it saved me from making a much more expensive mistake down the road. Some people have suggested that I should have gone ahead with the wedding given how much we had already invested, but that's a sunk cost fallacy. Moving forward with a marriage I had serious doubts about would have been far more costly in the long run. Several people suggested that I should have tried couples counseling before ending the engagement. I did suggest this to Jake, but he dismissed the idea, saying we didn't need some stranger

telling us how to handle our business. His unwillingness to even consider counseling was a another red flag to me, suggesting that he wasn't interested in addressing the underlying issues in our relationship. For those asking about Jake's reaction to the breakup, he's telling mutual friends that I left him because I care more about money than love. He's conveniently leaving out the part where he made a $97,000 decision without consulting me, took money from our wedding fund, hid credit card debt, and expected me to help pay for his luxury car with my income. It's interesting how he frames financial responsibility as materialism when it suits his narrative. Some have questioned whether I was too controlling with our finances.

While I did manage most of our accounts, this was a mutual agreement based on our strengths and preferences. Jake had full access to all financial information, was included in all major decisions until this incident, and had his own spending money that I never questioned or monitored. I don't believe that expecting transparency and mutual decision-making for large purchases is controlling. It's a basic expectation and a partnership.