Reddit Stories - Bob disposed of my meal during a GATHERING with RELATIVES without any JUSTIFICATION,

Episode Date: July 7, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #familydrama #fooddisposal #socialgatherings #etiquette #conflictresolutionSummary: Bob disposed of my meal during a GATHERING with RELATIVES without any JUSTIFICATION, causing tension and hurt feelings. I confronted him, but he refused to apologize or explain his actions, leading to a strained relationship with both Bob and other family members.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, familydrama, fooddisposal, socialgatherings, etiquette, conflictresolution, relationships, communication, boundaries, confrontation, apologies, misunderstandings, tension, hurtfeelings, familyconflict, socialnormsBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Bob disposed of my meal during a gathering with relatives without any justification, but later I discovered that my grinder had covertly incorporated my severe allergen to examine if my allergy was real. My husband, 34M, and I, 32F, went to a large family gathering that was held at my in-law's house, where his entire extended family including aunts, uncles, and cousins were present. These get-togethers are a regular occurrence, happening a few times a year. year. It's important context that everyone in my husband's family knows I have a very serious food

allergy, one that is life-threatening for me. Even a minuscule amount of the allergen can trigger anaphylaxis, a fact that has been clear to them for many years since the allergy is not new and I have had it since childhood. Because of this significant health risk, I have always made it a practice to bring my own food to these gatherings. I prepare my meals myself within the safety of my own kitchen, using my own utensils and containers to ensure there is absolutely no chance of cross-contamination. My mother-in-law, Mill 60F, has made comments about this arrangement in the past, suggesting that my caution makes things complicated or that I am being overly careful. On several occasions, she has tried to persuade me to try a little of the food she cooked,

claiming she was careful, but I have always had to politely refuse her offers. My husband is completely supportive in this matter because he fully understanding. understands the serious nature of my condition. So, last Saturday, we arrived at my in-law's home, and I was carrying my container with my prepared meal. I placed it on the kitchen counter a small distance away from all the other dishes, which is the same routine I follow every time. People were mingling and chatting around us while my mill was occupied with her main dishes. My father-in-law, Phil, 62M, was also in the kitchen at the time and saw me set my container down, looking first at the container and then at me without saying a word. A short while later, when people were beginning

to line up and make their plates, I went back to the kitchen to get my food, only to find that my container was gone. I looked around the counters, thinking that perhaps someone had simply moved it to a different spot. I asked my husband if he had seen it, but he hadn't. Next, I asked my mill if she had moved my special dish, but she just waved her hand dismissively while serving a casserole, telling me she was busy and hadn't touched it. At this point, I started to feel a bit worried, knowing I really couldn't eat anything else available at the party. I then noticed my Phil standing near the trash can,

and he seemed to have a strange expression on his face. I walked over to him and calmly asked if he had happened to see my food container. He looked me directly in the eye before pointing toward the kitchen trash can, informing me very calmly that he had thrown it away. I was completely stunned and asked him why he had. would possibly do that, reminding him that he knew I could need anything else and that I needed that specific food. His only response was to say that he had his reasons and that it was for the best, offering no further explanation for his action. I was left standing there completely speechless

until my husband came over to ask what was wrong. When I told him that his dad had thrown my food in the trash, he was also shocked and immediately asked his father for a reason. Phil just repeated the same vague statement about having his reasons for doing it. By now, a few other family members were starting to notice that something was happening in the kitchen. Because the house has an open plan layout, people in the adjoining dining area began looking over to see what the commotion was about. I wasn't yelling, but my voice was firm as I told Phil that his behavior was not acceptable and that he had no right to throw away my food. I found myself explaining yet again, even though he already knew, that it was the only thing I could safely eat. It was then that

Mill came over to ask what the fuss was about. After someone explained that Phil had thrown out my food, her immediate reaction was to tell me I was overreacting and that it was just a bit of food. She even suggested that I could probably find something she had cooked that I could eat. I had to tell her firmly that no, I could not, and that she was well aware of this fact and the seriousness of the situation. My husband backed me up completely, telling his dad that he needed to explain himself right away. Still, Phil refused to give a reason, looking very uncomfortable while just repeating that he did what he thought was right. I noticed him glance at Mill for a second as he said this. I told Phil that his actions were completely out of line and that without a

real reason, what he did was simply a cruel act. As this was happening, some family members started whispering amongst themselves. I overheard an aunt remark that I was making a big deal out of nothing, while a cousin suggested that Phil probably had a good reason and I should just trust him. I responded to that by saying that I couldn't imagine any good reason for what he had done. Finally, I told my husband that I wanted to leave. I was too angry and upset to stay there, especially with nothing I could eat and after being treated so poorly. My husband agreed with me, and as we were gathering our things to go, Phil had to be. had a very conflicted look on his face. In contrast, Mill was accusing me of ruining her party and

being overly dramatic, claiming that I always cause problems with my food issues. We left shortly after that. My husband was angry with his father but also very confused by his bizarre behavior. I am just as confused as I don't understand why Phil would do something so out of character. He has always been a quiet and reasonable man, so this action came as a complete shock. So, Reddit, Ida for getting upset and leaving after Phil threw away my food without explaining why. I feel my reaction was justified given the severity of my allergy and the circumstances, but the way some family members and my mill reacted has made me wonder if I could have handled it

differently. Update 1, a few days later, first, I want to say thank you to everyone who commented and sent messages. The support has been overwhelming, and the general consensus that I was in the A helped me feel less like I was going crazy. I wanted to start by clearing up a few things that people have been asking about in the comments. A lot of you asked why my husband wasn't with me immediately or why I didn't just leave the moment I saw my food was gone. Things happened very fast. My husband was talking with his cousins in the other room when I went to the kitchen,

and he came over as soon as he heard the tension in my voice. I didn't leave right away because I was honestly just in shock. The idea of my fill, who has always been a quiet and gentle person, doing something like this was so out of character that I genuinely thought there must be a strange explanation, and I wanted to understand it before just storming out. I also need to clarify the history with my mill, as many people asked if she was always this bad. While she has always made passive aggressive comments about my allergy and my pickiness as she calls it, she had never done anything this aggressive or overt before. Her annoyance was something we had learned to manage, but this incident was pretty shocking,

which is why we were all so confused at first. Now, on to what has happened since that day. The last few days have been a complete roller coaster, and I still can't quite believe what has transpired since that day. The morning after the disastrous family gathering, my husband called his dad, telling him very firmly that he needed to explain his actions immediately. He made it clear that throwing away my food was unacceptable

and that his continued silence was creating a massive problem between all of us. On the phone, Phil sounded very distressed and asked if he and my husband could meet alone to talk. My husband agreed and went to see Phil at their house at a time when Mill was supposed to be out with her sister. They met for about an hour, and when my husband returned home, he looked pale and was visibly shaken. He sat me down and carefully recounted what Phil had told him. According to my husband, Phil began their conversation by apologizing for the clumsy way he had handled everything at the party, admitting that he had panicked. He then revealed the real reason he had thrown away my food. He explained that he had seen Mill tampering with my food container just a few moments before I went

to the kitchen to get it. He described seeing her open my container and add something to it from a small, clear bag containing some kind of powder or ground-up substance. He watched as she quickly sprinkled it into my meal and stirred it in before closing the lid. Shortly after witnessing this, Phil confronted Mill quietly in the utility room, while I was still unaware in the other room. When he asked her what she had put in my food, she initially denied doing anything at all. However, when he pressed her for the truth, she reportedly broke down and admitted to putting a small amount of my allergen into my meal. She confessed to him that she wanted to test whether my allergy was real, as she apparently held a belief that I was exaggerating it for

attention or just to be difficult. She had also made a comment about me, needing to build up a tolerance. Phil was absolutely horrified by her confession. He told my husband that he was frozen in that moment, unsure of what to do. He was afraid that if he accused Mill publicly, she would create a massive scene and deny everything or try to twist the story to her advantage. At the same time, he was worried that I might accidentally eat the contaminated food before he could get to me if he didn't act immediately. So, in what he could only describe as a moment of pure panic, his solution was to grab my container and throw it directly into the trash, ensuring I could not eat it. He had intended to explain everything to my husband and me in private later, but the situation

escalated much more quickly than he had anticipated. As my husband relayed all of this to me, I felt a wave of nausea and was unable to speak for several minutes. The thought that Mill would deliberately try to make me sick, to intentionally trigger a potentially fatal allergic reaction, was utterly terrifying. It's one thing for her to be annoyed or make passive-aggressive comments, but this was a malicious act of betrayal that I simply cannot comprehend. My husband was furious with his mother. He told Phil that while he now understood the motivation behind throwing the food away, his father should have informed us immediately or at least pulled me aside discreetly to warn me. Phil apparently agreed with this and was extremely remorseful for how he had handled the reveal,

explaining again that he was just so shocked by what his wife had done. Later that same evening, Phil called me directly to apologize profusely for throwing away the food without an immediate explanation. He then told me himself what he had seen Mill do, and he sounded exhausted and deeply sorry. He felt he had to protect me but acknowledged that he had done it in a clumsy and alarming way. Phil then asked if the three of us, he, my husband, and I, could come over the next day to talk with Mill present. He said that he wanted her to have to face us and admit what she had done. Despite my dread, I knew it was something that needed to happen, so we agreed. The following day, we went to their house, where we found both Mill

and Phil waiting. The atmosphere in the room was incredibly tense. Phil began the conversation by stating he had something important to say, wanting Mill to listen before telling us the truth herself. He then recounted in clear, specific detail what he had seen her do to my food. After he finished, he turned to her and told her to explain to us why she did it. Mills' reaction was nothing short of explosive. While she started crying, it felt like tears of anger rather than remorse. She didn't deny having put the allergen in my food. Instead, she began yelling and deflecting blame. She shouted that I was the problem, that my allergy made everything too difficult for her, and that she was tired of catering to my needs.

She accused me of being too sensitive and too demanding, even going so far as to accuse me of trying to alienate her from her own son. She insisted that she just wanted to see if I was faking and claimed that a little bit wouldn't have hurt me that much, a statement which is dangerously untrue, as even a trace amount could kill me. My husband completely lost his temper at that point, telling her she was unbelievable and that she could have killed me. He asked, asked her if she had any comprehension of the severity of her actions, but she just continued crying and screaming that it was my fault for being the way I am, claiming that I had made her do it by being so difficult. Throughout her entire tirade, Phil remained very quiet, just

looking at her with a cold, stony expression on his face. When she finally quieted down into exhausted sobs, Phil spoke, telling her that he didn't recognize the person she had become and that her actions were unforgivable. There was never any apology directed at me for. from Mill. Not a single word of remorse was offered for what she did, only blame and accusations. I told her directly that her actions were malicious and dangerous, and that I could never trust her again and wanted nothing more to do with her. Her response was to start screaming that I was the one breaking up the family and turning her son and husband against her. It was a truly horrible and ugly scene, and we left soon after that. My husband told his

mother that he needed space and could not speak to her for the time being. I have no idea where we go from here. While my Phil seems to be on our side, he is still married to this woman. My husband is completely disgusted with his mother, and I am still trying to process the horrifying fact that my mother-in-law actively tried to harm me. This has moved far beyond a simple Ida question and into a living nightmare. Update 2, a week later, it's been a little over a week now since Phil's revelation about Mill's attempt to contaminate my food and the ugly confrontation that followed. Instead of improving, things seemed to be actively getting worse. After leaving their house that day, my husband and I decided we needed to implement a strict

no-contact rule with Mill for the foreseeable future. My husband called Phil to inform him of this decision, explaining that while we appreciate him telling the truth, we cannot interact with Mill until she truly acknowledges the severity of her actions and agrees to seek professional help. Even then, I honestly can't imagine ever wanting to be around her again. Phil told my husband he understood our position and sounded very tired and sat over the phone. He mentioned that the situation at his home was terrible, reporting that Mill was either giving him the silent treatment or blaming him for ruining everything. Thankfully, Mill has not tried to contact me directly.

She has, however, been relentlessly contacting my husband with multiple long, rambling text messages. In these texts, her tone shifts wildly between feign crying, sharp accusations, and blatant attempts to guilt-trip him. She has accused him of abandoning her and has claimed that I have somehow brainwashed him. She continues to minimize her actions, repeating that she didn't mean any real harm and was just frustrated with my demands. There is no indication that she understands how dangerous her actions were, as she keeps writing things like, It was only a tiny bit, and you know your wife exaggerates things.

My husband has handled this very well, either not responding to her messages or replying very briefly to state that her understanding of the situation is incorrect and that he will not discuss it further until she takes responsibility. These responses from him usually just trigger another barrage of angry or tearful messages from her. The whiter family has now become aware of what happened, because Phil apparently felt the need to tell his siblings the truth after discovering that Mill was spreading a completely different version of the events. We heard from my husband's aunt, Phil's sister, that Mill had been telling people that Phil had misunderstood the situation. She claimed she was just trying to add some flavor

to my bland food, and that I had overreacted and caused a huge fight, which resulted in Phil wrongly taking my side. We also learned that she has been telling some relatives that I have Munchausens or that I'm faking the entire allergy for attention. Phil's sister is horrified by Mill's actions and has been very supportive, calling me to express her shock and tell me how sorry she is that we are going through this. She admitted that Mill has always been somewhat difficult and self-centered, but this behavior is beyond anything she could have imagined. She also confirmed that Mill has been calling everyone in the family, crying and desperately trying to to get people to side with her. Meanwhile, Mill's own sister, who is my husband's other aunt,

is apparently supporting Mill without reservation. She has been calling my husband to tell him he is being cruel to his mother, insisting that Mill is a wreck and that we are exaggerating the entire situation. She even had the nerve to say that I should have been more understanding of Mill's stress from hosting and having to deal with my special requirements. My husband eventually had to hang up on her when she refused to listen to reason. A few days ago, the situation escalated when Mill showed up unannounced at our apartment while my husband was at work. I was working from home and heard the doorbell ring repeatedly. When I looked through the peephole and saw it was her, I did not open the door.

She then began banging on the door and calling out my name, crying that she just wanted to talk so we could sort this out. I remained silent, hoping she would leave. After about ten minutes of banging and calling for me, she started yelling, shouting that I was heartless and that I was destroying her family and that this was all my fault. My neighbor across the hall opened his door to see what was causing the commotion, and upon seeing him, Mill glared for a moment before starting to cry again, telling him that I wouldn't let her see her son, which wasn't true since he wasn't even home. She finally left after my neighbor threatened to call building security.

The whole experience left me shaken, feeling like a prisoner in my own home. I immediately called my husband, who was furious that she had come to our home. He then called his father, who sounded distraught to learn what had happened. Phil said that Mill had stormed out of their house earlier, declaring she was going to fix things with me. He apologized for her behavior, explaining that he had tried to stop her but she was completely irrational and wouldn't listen. The stress from all of this is immense and is affecting both my husband and me. It's impacting my sleep and my ability to concentrate on work. There is absolutely no reconciliation in sight.

and it feels like this situation is only going to continue to escalate. Update 3, 2 weeks later, it has now been three weeks since the initial incident at the family gathering, and the situation has continued to deteriorate just as I feared it would. Following Mill's unsettling appearance at our apartment where she caused a scene, my husband sent her a very clear and final message. He told her that her behavior was completely unacceptable, that she was forbidden from coming to our home or my workplace uninvited, and that any further harassment would compel us to explore our legal options. He once again reiterated that we would not have any contact

with her until she took full responsibility for the poisoning attempt and sought professional help for her behavior. She never replied to that message. Mill has been in sporadic contact with my husband, and he sounds increasingly worn down with each call. He confessed to my husband that living with Mill has become unbearable, describing her as swinging between long periods of sullen silence, dramatic tearful breakdowns where she claims every everyone is against her, and sudden fits of rage where she screams about how I have ruined her life and her marriage. He said she still refuses to admit any real wrongdoing regarding the food incident, constantly changing her story. Sometimes she denies it happened, other times she

admits it but claims it was harmless, and on other occasions, she says I deserved it for being so difficult. He also mentioned, with concern, that she has been drinking much more than she normally does. Last week, another public incident occurred. Phil and Mill had been invited to a small dinner party at the home of some old family friends. These friends were apparently aware of the general situation, as Phil had previously confided in the husband. According to Phil, who recounted the story to my husband later, Mill was quiet and withdrawn for the first part of the evening. However, during a conversation about family and grandchildren, Mill suddenly burst into tears. She then launched into a long, loud tirade in front of all the other guests, declaring that her life was ruined.

She accused me of being a malicious person who had deliberately set out to destroy her family from the moment I met her son. She claimed I had been faking my allergy for years just to get attention and to make her life difficult. She insisted that I had turned both her son and her husband against her, saying horrible things about my character. In a bizarre turn, she then started talking about how she was a good mother and a good wife. who didn't deserve any of this. The hosts were reportedly extremely uncomfortable as Phil tried in vain to calm her down. When he tried to intervene, she pushed him away and continued shouting, making wild accusations that were not making much sense. He eventually had to physically guide her out of their friend's house, with her struggling and shouting at him all the way to the

car. He was deeply embarrassed by the scene and apologized profusely to their friends. The next day, those friends called Phil to express their concern for him, adding that they were shocked by Mill's behavior and the terrible thing she had said about me, as they have known me for years and were well aware of my allergy. After this public meltdown, Phil told my husband that he simply couldn't do it anymore. He said that after being married to Mill for nearly 40 years, he felt that he didn't even know her anymore. He loved her, or at least the woman he thought she was, but her actions towards me, combined with her refusal to take responsibility, her constant lies, her emotional instability, and her increasingly erratic behavior.

Had shown him a side of her he could no longer live with. He announced to my husband that he has decided to separate from Mill and has already spoken to a lawyer to understand his options. His plan is to ask Mill to move out of their home, and if she refuses, he will find another place to live. My husband was very quiet after hearing this news. While he is sad about the end of his parents' marriage, he told me he understands his father's decision, because his mother's behavior has become indefensible.

He is also very worried about how Mill will react when Phil officially tells her about the separation. I am feeling a strange mixture of emotions about this development. On one hand, I feel validated that Phil is taking such a definitive step, as it acknowledges the severity of what Mill did. On the other hand, I am filled with a sense of dread, worried that this will make Mill even more mad and that she will blame me even more for the breakdown of her marriage. There is no peace to be found in this situation. It's only a constant state of crisis. I cannot see any positive outcome from this. It's just a matter of damage control and trying to protect our own peace as much as possible. Update 4. A month later,

Phil moved out of the family home about three weeks ago, confirming to us that his conversation with Mill about the separation did not go well, which seems to have been a massive understatement. He described her reaction as progressing from disbelief to begging and then to threats. Apparently, she threw things and screamed at him for hours, and he said he ultimately had to leave while she was in one of her rages because he was genuinely worried about what she might do. He is now living in a small, rented apartment and has officially filed for divorce. He told my husband that it was the hardest decision of his life, but he felt he had no other choice, as Mill's behavior since he moved out has only confirmed that he made the right

one. She has apparently been calling him constantly, leaving a stream of voicemails that alternate between tearful pleas for him to return and angry accusations, including threats to ruin him financially. As I feared, Mill is squarely and entirely blaming me for the divorce. She made this terrifyingly clear about two weeks ago when I received a letter to a letter to at our apartment. It was from her, handwritten and several pages long. My husband was with me when I opened it, and we were both appalled by its contents. The letter was filled with

pure hatred and endless accusations, calling me all sorts of vile names. She accused me of systematically plotting to destroy her marriage from the very first day I met her son. She claimed my fake allergy was my primary tool for manipulating everyone and making her look like a bad person. In one particularly disturbing line, she called me a cuckoo in her nest who had pushed out her own child, referring to my husband taking my side, and had now successfully pushed out her husband as well. The letter explicitly stated that her marriage ending was 100% my fault and warned that I would get what I deserve. The entire letter was so unhinged and disturbing that we have decided to keep it, just in case it for legal reasons in the future, like for a restraining order if her behavior continues to escalate.

My husband was disgusted and furious after reading what his mother had written. He called Phil immediately to inform him about the letter, and Phil was not surprised by its contents. He said that Mill has been sending similar messages to him and to other family members in an attempt to poison them against both of us. Phil once again advised us to keep any and all communications from her as evidence. He also mentioned that Mill has flatly refused his offers to pay for therapy for her, or for them to enter mediation. to sort out the divorce. She is apparently demanding that he stopped the divorce proceedings immediately and come to his senses. In another escalation, Mill has tried to get to my husband through his place of work. She called his office number multiple times, crying to the receptionist

and claiming there was a family emergency that required her to speak with emergently. His company has a policy against personal calls, but she was so insistent and sounded so distressed that the receptionist put her through to his line once. My husband was in a meeting at the time, and when he received the message and realized it was her, he had to instruct the receptionist to no longer put her calls through, briefly explaining that it was a difficult personal situation. He was very embarrassed to have this drama spill into his professional life. Some of Mills' relatives, especially her sister and a few of her cousins, have now completely cut ties with my husband. They have sent him messages telling him that he has betrayed his mother by

choosing his manipulative wife over his own family, parroting Mill's claims that I am the sole cause of all these problems. It has become clear that Mill has been very effective in her smear campaign among her side of the family. Thankfully, there have been no further acts of physical aggression from Mill since she banged on our door, but her emotional and verbal attacks continue. The atmosphere around our lives is just awful. My husband is grieving the loss of his relationship with his mother and the end of his parents' marriage. Phil is trying to move forward with the divorce and meets with his lawyer regularly. He looks older and deeply sad whenever we see him, but he remains resolute in his decision.

He has expressed his regret to us many times for not seeing or addressing Mills' underlying issues sooner. He also continues to feel a lot of guilt for how he initially handled the situation at the party, even though he was acting to protect me. We have repeatedly reassured him that we understand he was in an impossible situation. In a small, A small, sad way, the relationship between my husband and his father has become closer through this shared trauma, as they are supporting each other. But the wider family is fractured beyond repair. Family gatherings, which were once at least a tolerable part of our lives, are now completely

unthinkable. The damage that Mill has caused, first with her attempt to harm me and then with her subsequent behavior, is deep and widespread.