Reddit Stories - Bound by SACRIFICE_ ENDURING Love Amidst Turmoil, a Mother's Heart-WRENCHING Decision_

Episode Date: June 14, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #motherhood #love #family #heartbreak #sacrificeSummary: In "Bound by SACRIFICE_ ENDURING Love Amidst Turmoil, a Mother's Heart-WRENCHING Decision_," a mother faces a difficult choice that tests her love and strength. Sacrifices are made, hearts are broken, and enduring love shines through in the face of turmoil.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, motherhood, love, family, heartbreak, sacrifice, enduringlove, turmoil, difficultchoice, strength, heartwrenching, decision, emotional, parenting, relationships, toughdecisions, unconditionalloveBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

Remained in my struggling relationship until my children were in a more stable situation before separating, and now my entire extended family is upset with me but just myself. Kids are siding with me. My ex-wife and I were married for over 20 years and have two children together, 22m and 20F. For most of my marriage, things were pretty balanced. We both shared housework and childcare responsibilities. We were each stay-at-home parents for over a year after each child, her with our son and me with our son and daughter. We always had agreements on how we wanted to divide work and generally had decent communication. This changed when my oldest went to high school.

My wife got a new job that was both very demanding on her time and was 50% travel. This meant that I had to handle everything about two weeks per month and when she was home she wasn't holding up her side of the work with agreements. I did my best to be accommodating and we worked through redistributing chores slash housework a few times to make it fit or schedule better, but a lot of the work just kept falling to me. When the pandemic happened, things got worse, but I tried to just suck it up because I knew the lockdowns were temporary. Finally, when things open back up, things continue to decline and I asked to go to counseling. She missed a lot of our meetings and just didn't commit to it. At this point I decided that I wanted a divorce. Unfortunately, it was a really tough time for the family.

My son was getting ready for college in person after his freshman year being remote, which was both financial and logistical challenge. At the same time my daughter was also having some issues with depression and I had become her main support person with my wife gone half the time. I made a decision to wait until my daughter was in a better mental state and our family was in a financially stable place before I filed for divorce. I did my best to continue to contribute and was essentially a single parent for three years. On a few occasions I brought up counseling again, but my wife said things were good and wouldn't go. We pretty much didn't have sex for that period of time and there was one summer where she essentially moved to North Carolina for six weeks for work, she came home on some weekends. Last year after my daughter started sophomore year of college and she was in a better place mentally and emotionally, I sold off some of my stuff. investments to create a trust for my kids to ensure college was covered then I filed for divorce.

At first my wife was really pissed, then she left to live in North Carolina again. When she came back four weeks later, she said she wanted to work through it, but I told her I had made the decision to leave years ago and wasn't interested. We eventually worked through mediation and got an amicable divorce. My kids live with me now and support me, but all of my in-laws and even most of my family outside of my sister think I'm asshole. They believe I should have forced the issue more when we started counseling and either divorced or made it clearer to my wife how important counseling was to me. They've called me selfish and some of my in-laws are refusing to interact with my kids when

they're at my house. For example, my daughter facetined her grandmother once this summer and she hung up once she saw that my daughter was at my house. They also created a bit of a scene at my son's graduation in the spring, refusing to acknowledging me and demanding that my son choose to celebrate with them or me rather than having dinner together as a group. I encouraged my son to go with them and we had our own celebration later, but something happened at the dinner and my son has lived with me and been almost no contact with them since. I honestly feel like I did what was best for my kids,

but I now it feels like their mom's family is punishing them and I feel like a terrible father. I admit that it might have been more mature to address the issue head-on with my relationship with my ex, but I felt that it was about more than just the two of us. Frankly, I feel like my lack of backbone years ago has made this divorce worse for my kids, but I also believe that if I had to do it again, I would still prioritize my kids over my own feelings and make the same choice. Ida. Edit

Holy crap this blew up. First off, thanks for folks who provided the same. feedback and comments. I really felt like shit and both the positive and negative comments helped me get a little perspective on things. I've seen a few comments come up multiple times, so I figure it's worth answering them here before I move on. One, this is an account I created to ask an embarrassing dating question earlier this year. I created it because my main username is recognizable and I reused it now because I don't really want to wear my issues associated with a known username. 2. When my wife took the job, we were doing well financially, but the job still came with a big raise.

I was making about $200,000 and the job she took gave her a raise from about $80,000 to $140,000. That was enough that we could go from saving enough to have an emergency fund to having enough to pay for our kids' college outright. We both work in tech, but she works for a defense contractor and some of the work needs to be done on-site and only one of the offices related to her work is near where we live. When we originally discussed the job, her plan was to work in the high travel role for some time then try to transfer to a lower travel role base near us. She got promoted a few times and staying near our home wasn't an option

unless she took a bit pay and title cut. When we divorced I was making about $280,000 and she made a little over $300,000. Some folks were also confused by my stock comment. I'm a software engineer for a big tech company and about 20 to 30% of my salary comes in the form of RSUs, restricted stock units. I'm not an investor by any means, and I was just selling off stock mostly to cover my daughter's college and pay off what debt my son had. Free, I know a lot of people are jumping right to an affair, but I really doubt it. In school, my wife and I were the obnoxious kids who reminded the teacher about homework and she's a massive introvert. Her working late in a hotel room is much more likely than her sleeping around or keeping some secret family.

There's a chance I'm wrong here, but I think this is more a situation where Reddit sometimes thinks all divorces end with infidelity. 4. When I say we had an amicable divorce, I mean that more in the legal sense than the emotional sense. Unconested might be a better term. The only significant asset we had that wasn't easily split was our home. My wife loves the house and I frankly wanted something different, so she bought out my portion of it. Our kids are adults, so there's no custody. Our assets are mostly divisible, so no issues there. Our salaries were comparable, so there was no alimony. We each had a car. Overall, it was pretty straightforward to divide things evenly and neither of us wanted to draw things out. We didn't end the marriage as friends by any means.

But from a legal standpoint it was amicable because we decided on arrangement with a mediator and only involved lawyers briefly to actually draft the final paperwork for the judge to sign off on. Additional information from OOP on some other questions. OOP, why did your wife disappear off to a travel job? Was fun money separate and based on income? My wife is never wanted to be a homemaker slash traditional kind of wife and always placed a lot of value on her career. It's part of the reason I married her. That being said, I never expected her to take a job that had so much travel and I still don't completely understand why she did it. I think part of it was that she knew things were tough at home and this was an escape.

I also know she had mostly younger co-workers and there was some amount of feeling like a jet-setter. Sorry, I can't think of a more current term. Why did you have chore arrangements like you were roommates that were expected to be adhered to even when she got the travel job? I'm not sure exactly what you mean here. I think most relationships include establishing who's responsible for certain chores slash work around the house. Also, I obviously didn't expect her to do housework while she was away, but as I said, she didn't really help out when she was back. I didn't expect her to do all the work when she was back or anything, just her fair share

when she was home. Why did you have a deleted post from low karma about crazy dating misadventures only recently? Because I started dating after the divorce and being in my 40s trying to figure out dating hasn't gone well. I've addressed this in other comments, but that post was actually the reason I made this throwaway account and I deleted it when I realized I was really out of touch with current dating norms. What is the reason your side of the family is giving you for being pissed at you as well? My family believes the only reason for divorce is infidelity or abuse. They are pretty conservative slash traditional. How did you phrase your request for counseling?

Initially it was pretty soft. I mentioned it a few times, but didn't really push. Around 2021, I told her that I felt that our marriage was falling apart and I told her that I thought the only way to move forward was counseling. She agreed and we started, but as I said in my post she didn't commit to it. We had Zoom sessions when she was traveling and she often wouldn't show up. Update, I'm still getting comments and messages. from time to time about that post so I figured I would take some time to give an update. Quick summary of the original post, my wife became more and more distant in our marriage

and I decided to get a divorce, but I waited about three years to do it after I decided because I felt it was best for the kids. My kids chose to live with me and generally were on my side, but my in-laws and family were pretty mad at me. Things are going much better overall since the post. I got a lot of support, but also a lot of criticism which I took to heart. I have been putting in some work to mend fences and help get things to a more reasonable state. I don't expect my ex or her family to be friends with me, but I at least want to be on good terms. My relationship with my parents and family is much better and this Christmas was pretty much back to normal. My family is very conservative especially when it comes to marriage, but they finally

understand how bad it had become and have reluctantly accepted. My relationship with my ex and more importantly her relationship with our kids has also improved. She has apparently been going to therapy on her own and while she hasn't gone into details she does seem to be a lot less angry about what happened. We decided to have Thanksgiving together so we could all talk through things with the kids. It was a bit messy and there were a lot of tears, but we also got to a place where we all understand each other a bit more. We all agree that I shouldn't have waited so long to go through with the divorce, but my ex and kids also say they understand why I did it. My ex-wife and I even had a conversation about dating, which was weird but surprisingly kind of

nice. My ex-in-laws still think I'm a horrible person and most refuse to talk to me, but they have started treating my kids well. My kids went to the in-laws place for Christmas. He even told me went okay. We talked about it on Christmas and while they didn't give many details they did say they planned to do something on New Year's Eve with my ex and the in-laws, so I'm happy about that. Sorry this isn't a juicy update with anything crazy, but I was bored during the holiday downtime and thought I would log in and post some details. One thing I've learned from this, and I hope others learn too, even if your heart's in the right place, it's probably better to divorce when the marriage is over rather than putting up a facade for years.

I don't regret getting a divorce, but I do wish I hadn't waited three years when I knew it was over. Next story, told my fiancé not to go at a yellow light, but he did anyway and we got boned at 50 miles per hour. Now I have a broken pelvis and spine with steel screws and need a year to recover. I, 26F, my fiancé, 30M, and his son, 5Y, were out getting Chipotle on March 14th. On the way home, we reached a busy intersection with a blinking yellow light. My fiancé was driving, and I could tell he was about to go. I saw a car coming fast, and I very clearly told him to wait until the light was green. I don't know if he didn't hear me, didn't take me seriously, or just ignored me, but he

kept driving forward anyway, and we got to boned by a car going 50 miles per hour. Everyone else walked away fine, including his son, thank God, but I was crushed. I ended up with two full brakes in my pelvis, two fractures in my tailbone, fractures in my L4 and L5 vertebrae and a fractured sternum. I was, and still am, in so much pain I can't even explain it. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone. I was rushed to the the ER, where everything was a complete blur, except the trauma. I started having intense flashbacks, panic attacks, and nightmares about the crash and the pain. I had to undergo surgery where two seven-inch steel screws were inserted into my pelvis. At the hospital,

they gave me a back brace that was way too big for me. The nurses and PTs even admitted they didn't measure and just guessed my size. Even when we told them it was too big, they didn't do anything about it. And despite this, they expected me to stand up and move around wearing it. That brace did nothing for support. Moving in it felt like my spine and pelvis were being ripped apart. The pain I was in trying to follow their orders to stand and walk was inhumane. All I remember from those days is pain, frustration, fear, and this overwhelming sense of helplessness. After about a week, I was transferred to a physical rehabilitation center. I didn't want to eat.

I didn't want to bathe. I didn't want to move. I was so depressed and in so much pain that even thinking about shifting in bed made me cry. I had to depend on strangers for the most basic things. Going to the bathroom, bathing, even feeding myself. As someone who's always been independent, it was utterly humiliating and devastating. I'm home now, but my record. recovery is far from over. Doctors and physical therapists all told me the same thing.

You have the second worst kind of break anyone can experience. You'll need at least a year to recover, if not longer. You can't put weight on your right leg for three months. No bending, no twisting. And even after the three months, it'll be a very slow process. And that's the part that's eating me alive. Because before this, I was finally getting my life together. I was working on my health. I was eating right, doing CrossFit regularly, getting stronger and finally meeting people and socializing. I had just gone back to college. I was finally building structure into my life after being recently diagnosed with ADHD. And now, it's all on hold. I can't work out. I can't leave the house unless it's for a doctor's appointment.

I can't do anything by myself. And it feels like I lost everything I was working so hard to build. And even though my fiancé has been supportive through all of this and is helping take care of me, I'm so angry at him. I told him. I warned him. I said, don't go. Wait. And when I asked him why he kept going, he just said, I don't know. And that I don't know is now costing me an entire year of my life.

Maybe more. And I'm the one who's paying for it every single day. So yeah. I just needed to get this off my chest. I feel trapped in my own body. I feel like I'm grieving the life I could have had this year. I feel angry, sad, helpless, and I'm just trying to make sense of it all. But mostly, I just want my life back.

I know this is temporary. I know I'll eventually recover. But losing a year of my life, my sense of normalcy, and my peace of mind is really, really rough. If anyone has any advice on how I can work on this or maybe even share their own experiences similar to this one, I'd greatly appreciate it. Update, April 4, 2025.

I honestly didn't expect my post to receive this much attention. I was just venting my thoughts and emotion. in the moment as I'm still going through the stages of grief. Thank you to everyone who took the time to share their thoughts, advice, and support regarding my situation. I want to clear up a few things and provide some additional context, including my fiancé's perspective on why he didn't stop. To start, for those wondering about where the accident happened, since the rules around blinking yellow lights vary, it took place in Texas, within the Dallas-Fort Worth area. That's all I'll share location.

for privacy reasons. Next, a lot of people have asked whether my fiancé has shown remorse and how he's been supporting me since the accident. The answer is yes he's been devastated. He has apologized to me multiple times at the crash site, in the hospital, during rehab, and at home. He's also been having panic attacks himself as of lately, something that he's never experienced prior to the accident. There was one moment where he called me panicking because,

he couldn't find his truck keys and desperately wanted to come see me to make sure I'm doing okay. My mom had to drive over to calm him down and help. He also continued to visit me frequently in the hospital and at the rehab center, and he's been advocating for me when I had issues, such as the back brace I was given, which was clearly too large. Side note, despite multiple people from my family, fiancé, and even the PTs mentioning it, the hospital staff didn't replace it. It wasn't until I called the hospital a week later, frustrated, that they finally took action. I had to put on my Karen voice and explain that their failure to properly size the brace was actively hindering my recovery. Eventually, I got a new one in a smaller size. Fun fact,

the brace only comes in two sizes, SM and L slash XL. I'll let you guess which one they gave me. My fiancé has also been helping me understand the insurance claim process. From what we know, I may be looking at around $100,000. Additionally, at home, he's made sure I have what I need to recover. He just bought me a $1.30 plus bed frame that moves up and down similarly to the hospital beds I was used to because I can't move up and down as normally without feeling pain or being at risk of re-breaking something. He's also been cooking for me, and for my visiting family, helping me clean up, assisting with

daily tasks, and has made it clear he doesn't expect me to lift a finger and only wants me to focus on healing. He's even told me how he's going to halt his plans on expanding his side business so that he can spend more time tending to me during my recovery. With this said, I've seen a lot of comments saying I should leave him or even sue him, calling him arrogant or careless. I understand those reactions. But looking back, I would have to admit that this was an honest mistake that anyone could make at any time of the day at any point of time. A bad mistake? Yes. But nonetheless simple human error at the end of the day. I'm just angry that it's happened to me, but that is something I will have to work through on my own. With the I don't know reply that he had given

me a week earlier, I will admit that he may have been still experiencing shock or trauma and his mind seemed to have been drawing a blank when I had asked him because I asked him the same question again today. Why didn't you stop when I told you to? He told me he thought the gap between us and the oncoming car was big enough to make it. He didn't realize how close it actually was. He also said he didn't hear me say stop until it was too late, at which point we were already hit. I told him I said it much earlier, and he admitted he just didn't hear me. He feels horrible. He's told me that every time he approaches a yellow light while driving now, he reminds himself of what happened and how stupid he feels for not being more careful that

night. I'm not excusing what happened, it was traumatic, but I do believe he's learning from it and taking accountability for everything as best as he can. I'm just the angry, bitter one that is needing to work through my emotions and grief that I'm experiencing because of the accident. That said, I've resumed individual therapy, weekly now instead of monthly, and I had my first session since the accident as of yesterday and my fiancé and I will be attending couples counseling together. Yes, I plan on staying with him. I know a lot of you are coming from a place of concern and care, and I truly appreciate that. At the same time, I want to gently remind everyone that I'm a real person going through a very real and painful experience. What I shared was raw and

vulnerable, not a call to be judged or attacked. It's okay to disagree with how I'm choosing to move forward, but please remember I'm the one living this day by day. Healing, both physical and emotional, isn't linear, and I'm doing the best I can. Thank you again for the overwhelming response. I'm reading as many comments as I can, even if I can't reply to everyone. Please continue to take care of yourselves and those you love, hold anyone you care about closely to you because when you least expect it, life can change in an instant.