Reddit Stories - BREAKING Free_ ESCAPING a Toxic Love that POISONED My Finances_

Episode Date: June 11, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #toxicrelationships #financialabuse #escaping #breakup #movingonSummary: A gripping tale of breaking free from a toxic love that drained finances. The narrator shares their journey of escaping the poisonous relationship and rebuilding their life. Struggles, lessons, and triumphs are vividly portrayed in this emotional rollercoaster.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, toxiclove, financialpoison, relationshipstruggles, emotionalhealing, personalgrowth, overcomingobstacles, selfdiscovery, financialrecovery, movingforward, healingprocess, toxicrelationships, financialabuseawareness, rebuildinglife, findingstrength, inspirationalstoriesBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

At last, I ended my relationship with my partner who attempted to exploit me financially and persistently pressured me to assume responsibility for his daughter as if she were my own. My significant other, Ben, aged 37. M-42, has been asking weird questions and expecting me to do things that would go against my plans for my own family. Things have been working out for me in the past few years, but this year has been amazing. I decided to cut down on my daily workload a bit after I got three accounts that are helping me reach some financial goals. I'm planning on buying a house for my family. I downsized my current living situation, renting, after my kids went to live, temporarily, with my parents for this semester while I

completed my certified training and graduated from my present program in uni. My new place isn't as nice looking as other places, but the price was a good cut from living expenses for me. I can both walk to the office and uni, and I hardly have to move my car for anything. I'm saving money that I'm putting in an account for my kids. Ben absolutely hates my place. It's clean and in a relatively safe area. It's just that it's a mix of student area slash old families and traffic can get messy from 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. and some houses are simple and elegant and some look like tacky addones. I don't care if my place doesn't look nice on the outside. It's not like it's an eyesore, and it's up to me to make it livable on the inside.

I had two other choices. Choice A cost 200 less than my previous place, with access to a community pool and two bedrooms. I don't need more than one bedroom at the moment and I don't really have time to enjoy the pool. Choice B was a bit lower, but about 45 minutes away. It was beautiful and close to the school where Ben's kid went. He did hint at it. but he would have needed to get on the lease and come up with the difference between this place and my new studio apartment that I chose. Also, living together is a major decision, and right now, I really need to focus on my career and education. He said he understood, but he didn't take it well. He told me that his daughter was disappointed because she would have liked a nice place to hang out.

Ben lives in an apartment. It's an average place with no problems or issues. So what he said came out as a weird remark. Fast forward, and he started asking questions. First, he asked if I would be interested in partnering with him for a business idea. I said no because I already made a commitment to self-fund my own venture. Second, I'm not familiar with the industry that he wanted to break into. Then, he began noticing things about things that I owned. I'm not hiding that I'm financially stable, but I don't spend a lot.

He did notice that I've bought a few nice items and started telling jokes that felt harmless. Then he said that I was loaded and that his daughter would be an awesome protege. I stayed quiet, T.B.H. because I think he might have been offended. But there's no way in hell that I would allow entrance to what I've built to anyone other than my kids. Also, he said that I should treat his daughter as very special because I only had boys, and she's my chance to have a girl in the family. His words, Don't get me wrong, she's a good kid. I have never missed out on gifting her nice and thoughtful presents on her birthdays and the holidays,

but his words created a sense of discomfort and disgust for me. It felt like reversed sexism, and I told him. She and I have a decent relationship, but there's no way that I will give her access to my money if that means to treat her as my own. I know this sounds very wrong, but it's how I feel. She's not the kind of kid who's a bully or nasty or a woman. anything, but she's not my child and every time that he asks for things, I feel like he's trying to get me to take from my kids to give to her. It happened again when I gave her a short-term weekend

job. The office cleaning lady wasn't available, so I hired his daughter for a Saturday cleaning. She did a good job, I paid her, and took her to the mall to get her some makeup that she wanted, and she came back next weekend. When he picked her up, he started joking that she would start from the bottom and rise to be top executive like any other kid at their family business. I didn't say anything because she was there, but I did approach him later on and mentioned it to him. I tried to be gentle, but it was important for us to at least discuss expectations. His initial reaction wasn't what I expected. To be fair, I think he got nervous or embarrassed, but I didn't like his reaction. So he said something about me potentially putting her in my will.

I'd like to clarify that he laughed, so I think it was a joke, but I also think that he wouldn't have clarified if I'd gone along. I simply stayed quiet and told him that I cared about his daughter, but it isn't fair to create any expectations. I've worked so hard to give my kids a better future and it's taken me over 10 years and the fact that he only sees the results without taking my past and my ordeal into consideration feels disrespectful. I also mentioned how he wanted me to change my budget and plans for a different property while he knew. that moving together isn't an option and that he stayed silent when I mentioned he would have needed to pay the difference on the lease. Also, I mentioned that I would not make unnecessary sacrifices. Nothing else was said. He stormed out of my car and, this is why I feel like the asshole here, started walking with his hand in his pocket and a weak smirk. I had to drive slowly next to him to

convince him to get back inside the car because I hate Dr. David Banner scenes. He looked like a kicked puppy. After I dropped him off, he has been sending me texts about being disconnected from what a blended family actually is, showing that I think his daughter is inferior, being a hypocrite and bullying. This has disturbed my inner peace because I'm just defending whatever legacy I have built, and having to do it against my partner just doesn't feel right. We talked about it, and he apologized, and I did the same in case I was too harsh. He said we could find some middle ground, and I was open to it. When he talked about helping him create a business for his daughter, I began to get angry because,

again, it would be sweat equity for me. I declined because I did all the sweating I had to, but it was for me, and what he's asking just isn't fair. It's a responsibility, and I truly like to do things appropriately. I don't want to say yes and do it half-ass and I don't want to work for free. I also don't want to mix anything between business and pleasure because it's my network, and my contacts and again, it could go very nice and well or it could be a shit show and I don't want that. I'm also concerned that he will ramp up and keep asking and asking for things.

He said that if I don't help, he will feel like we will never build anything together. I said he needed to hire a consultant, but he stayed quiet, so I told him that he shouldn't place the responsibility of his present situation on me. He said that I'm probably blinded by my success, but that one day I'll wake up single and lonely. I asked if he was threatening to leave me, and he said I'm not acting like a helpful partner. I asked for a break, and he freaked out. I'm just trying to keep my mental health in check because his constant asking and jokes have made me anxious. Also, I'm very angry and thinking that he just wants a handout.

I texted him this morning asking to talk. I want to break up. He said he hopes I'm not planning on dumping him because it would mean that I just tricked him into a break. He posted something about his own mental health today. Ida for deciding to end things? We haven't talked yet, but that's my intention. I don't see his kid as inferior at all. I just want to keep my money out of it. Edit.

To the judgmental people calling me names for letting my kids live with my parents for this semester only, please enlighten me. Would it be a great option to reject a good opportunity and finish my education to gain your approval? Right, because not doing my best to give them a good financial start in life is a better option. Also, where did you get that I'm an absent mother? Did I say that I don't see them or spend time with them? To those who offer advice, thank you. To those who disagree but diff jump to mothers should not do what they can to secure their kids' financial future and stay poor but at home, thanks. Update, we formally broke up today, and he made it very difficult to focus on our conversation. He interrupted me every five seconds and was in denial for almost half of it.

I asked to meet at a small restaurant, public play strategy, to avoid any type of drama. I tried to be respectful but definitely wanted to bring up my uneasiness and feelings about his behavior. He tried to brush it off at first, but when I insisted, he evaded the subject. I told him what he already knows. My children are my priority as a sole provider, and I want to ensure that they have their needs covered. There were some comments on my other post that I had thought about but hadn't verbalized. Like, what would he inherit my kids or what's his plan for his own kid? I know he doesn't have much, but that's no excuse. When I established the comparison between what he wanted for his kid versus what he would give to mine, his face changed,

like I was greedy and he was insulted. He said my kids don't have a dad and that he can provide a paternal figure. This triggered me so much that I had to try and keep my volume in check. My thought is that being there like a piece of furniture in exchange for financial benefits for his own kid is acceptable to him. I would have loved for my kids to have a decent dad, but that's just not in the cards, and right now, I'm better off alone than with Ben. I was so angry that he kept asking me to calm down. He said he's leaving his dapper good knowledge on life in general because there are things that only he can offer since her mom. is too secular. Whatever that means and I didn't ask him. I said that we needed to break up,

and he immediately got upset and left our table. I thought he was gone, but he came back later and claimed he only went to use the restroom. I told him that I can't share any part of my life with him after he behaved like a gold digger and that even if I was able to get past this, I would never even consider getting back together because his intentions are entitled and dishonest. All in all, I'm just glad that we weren't alone. He has high blood pressure issues, real, I've seen the medication, and sometimes, I've suspected some types of mental health issues, going from zero to 100 for things that seemed incongruent.

He said he was truly sorry if he offended me and said that he felt tricked and betrayed. That breaks are meant for introspection and to seek improvement and not to abandon a relationship. That my actions will have an impact on his daughter because she really likes me. I offered to have a last call slash text with her if he agreed but his answer was no, fuck you, you don't get to say anything to her. He said that I'm caught up in my new mainstream life, whatever that means, it's fucking offensive considering that I've worked for my financial stability after a few years of things not being great.

He told me to go suck on my colleagues d.cks but immediately apologized. I told him I'm not surprised at his behavior, since it shows me that he seems to think sex can solve anything. I also said that since he was being gross and vulgar, I'm learning just now that men like him are unfuckable, homosexual, handout seekers and insincere. And that I will never date someone who is not financially stable ever again, because this is a huge lesson. I wish that I could say that I had left him sitting alone at the table, but he left first. When I was about to get my handbag to pay for my food, he rushed to get his backpack and walked off really quick. I blocked him everywhere, but I already changed my locks.

He never had a key nor did he stay over, but I'm just being cautious. He called one of our friends in common to vent about me and she ended up angry with him because he was very insistent that I had mistreated him and she told him that she needed to hear my side of the story. She and I had a long conversation and she told me that she can't blame me, because our group of friends had been noticing the imbalance in our relationship and how he seemed comfortable including himself in conversations about business and success when in the 16 years that she's known him, he's never gotten anything done. So that's my update.

I also blocked him on social media and messaging apps. Next story, raise my late husband's kids for five years while he battled action. Now after his death their jailed mother wants me to adopt them while his parents try to block me. This is sort of a long story but I need to share because I'm feeling so overwhelmed. My husband died one week before Thanksgiving. We were, unofficially, separated at the time. We were not living together. I still loved him, but I had chosen to distance myself due to his drug addiction,

in hopes that he would seek treatment and get clean. He was seeking help, but it was not enough and he overdosed. He had trouble with drugs when he was younger, like college age, but he got clean and I believe he stayed clean for many years. He had a girlfriend back then who also became addicted to drugs and they had two kids. Ultimately, he got clean, had a good job, had his life in order and was doing everything he was supposed to and he was awarded custody of their two kids. I actually knew him back in elementary and middle school.

We lost touch when we attended different high schools. We didn't meet again until after that first instance of addicted and recovery. He had been clean for a few years when we met. His kids were five and three, and they're ten and eight now. Their mom had supervised visitation. I have no biological children of my own. He passed away and I'm devastated over it. I can't really accept it yet.

But I feel especially crushed for his children. They haven't had an easy time over the past year or so as he's dealt with his problems, and now they've suffered the ultimate loss. I've remained in their lives even while we were separated and not living together. He moved back in with his parents and took his girls with him, but I still visited them often and remained involved in all aspects of their lives. I never called myself their mom, but I essentially was their mom on a day-to-day basis. I did all the things a mom would do. Their mom was recently arrested on a burglary-related charge and is in prison. This happened after

he died. I thought she was doing better. She was at his memorial and seemed more together than many times in the last. She wrote me a very heartbreaking and heartfelt letter asking me to adopt her daughters. She basically admitted she doesn't know if she'll ever overcome her addiction, and that she doesn't want the girls to go live with relatives in either side. She wants them to stay with me because it's what they know now and she feels they're safe. She said they asked her if they can come live with me and referred to my house, our former family home, as home. I wasn't expecting that at all. She hadn't been particularly fond of me before. She's been talking for years about how she's going to get clean for her girls and get custody of them again, and she actually

had some good moments but it never stuck. I feel like the world's worst person by not immediately saying yes. I haven't responded to her at all yet. I feel like the world's most evil person not immediately saying yes. I love those girls. I've lived with them as essentially their mom for several years. I've worried about them every single day. Yet, why do I find myself thinking do I really want to do this? I also don't even know if it'll be possible and or what kind of fight it'd be. I don't think his parents will agree so easily. I got along with his parents just fine, but they're big on family and they are absolutely destroyed by his death so I can't imagine they'd let the girls go without a big fight. I can't help but wonder what kind of possibly

lifelong mess I'd be getting myself into if I pursued this. Having with her, both sides of the girl's extended family, the trauma the girls will probably be dealing with forever because of their parents. I don't know that I'm strong enough to handle it all and it makes me feel like a horrible human being. Update, March 30th, 2025. My husband died from a drug overdose in November 24. He had drug issues when he was in his late teens-slash early 20s, got clean, and remained clean for many years. He had full custody of his two daughters, who are now eight and ten. He relapsed sometime in 2024. He and I were separated and living apart at the time of his death. I had hoped that he'd get things back on track and we could be together again.

The mother of his daughters is also a drug addict. She never managed to get in stay clean for any significant stretches. She's been arrested multiple times. She was at his memorial service and seemed to be in good shape, for her, but she was arrested soon after that. She's still in jail now. When she first entered jail this last time, she wrote me a letter telling me she wanted me to adopt her daughters. They'd been living with my husband's parents, but had asked me several times about when they'd be able to go home to what had been our family home. I was basically their mom. I never referred to myself as their mom and they didn't call me mom, but I filled that role. They had sporadic contact with their actual mother. In the letter she wrote me, she even told me

they told her they wanted to live with me. I posted about all of this three months ago. Since then, I've decided to pursue custody of them. It was a huge decision and won that, while I spent a lot of time thinking about, I didn't have the luxury of taking too long. What finally tipped me over the edge was my former in-laws saying they didn't believe the girls should go to therapy to help them deal with their father's death and their virtually absent, drug-addicted mother. It was shocking, because what person in their right mind wouldn't think these girls should have all of the help they can get? At the same time, it wasn't surprising coming from them. They lived in denial of their son's problems too. They were the biggest enablers I ever met as well.

They're extremely focused on image and achievement, just being the best, sports, competition. I believe they have good intentions, but they doesn't change how their actions affected their son, other children, or grandchildren. I never thought I'd be teaming up with my husband's XGF, but here we are. This isn't easy for her. No, she's not been a present or good mom, but I know she wishes she was. I know it's hard for her to admit she can't be their mom. Despite her problems and her track record of extreme selfishness, I can imagine what it takes to give up custody of your children and I'm glad she's finally putting her own wants aside to do what she thinks if best for her kids.

I'm also sorry for her that despite still having parental rights over the girls, she's not being granted the authority to allow them to be adopted by somebody she designates. I understand there needs to be safety measures in place to ensure children are placed with safe people, but I'm willing to do any sort of evaluations needed to prove I can provide a safe and stable home. home for them. You'd think it'd be as simple as her terminating her parental rights and indicating that she wants me to adopt the children, and while that is part of the process, it's not actually that cut and dry. His parents, who again are obsessed with winning everything, have already tried to block this with the courts. They're basically trying to file some sort of injunction where if her rights are severed they get first chance to adopt the girls, and they are trying to drag me through the mud in the process and frame it to look like I can't be a fit parent. I may be single. I may be

single, but they're in their 60s. The girls love them but they don't want to live with them full time. Up until last summer, our home where they lived with me and their dad had been their home for almost as long as they could remember. I'm not wealthy. I support myself just fine, but I don't have reserves to fight this if they really want to take it that far. And the annoying thing is, I still get the sense that ultimately they're doing this just because they want to win, and they also have an obsession with family and their family name. I never expressed any intention of trying to sever the relationship between them and the girls. Even if I don't necessarily like or agree with certain things about them,

I told them outright that I felt we all could and should be part of the girl's lives. The girls do love their grandparents and their aunts, my husband's sisters, neither of which has shown any interest in gaining custody of the girls. I think they need as many people who love and care about them in their lives, and that even includes their mother's family who I'd also grin and bear for their sake. I'm just so frustrated, and this isn't something that most people can easily relate to. I thankfully have many people who support me, even if they think I'm crazy for doing this at the same time. It's just that I suppose there's very little advice anyone can give me from experience.