Reddit Stories - Calm Down and Sleep AITA and Drama Stories Bedtime ( Over 9 Hour Compilation ) - Episode #97

Episode Date: January 27, 2026

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #tifu #drama #bedtime #stories #calmdown  Summary: Episode 97 features a compilation of AITA and drama stories designed for bedtime listening. The narratives explore various conflicts and resolutions, encouraging reflection and calmness before sleep. Each tale invites listeners to consider different perspectives, making it an engaging and thought-provoking experience for all ages.  Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, drama, bedtime, stories, calm, sleep, compilation, episode97, storytelling, conflictresolution, narratives, reflections, engagement, perspectives, entertainment, relaxationBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6816713/support.This episode includes AI-generated content.

I hope you enjoy this story. Boyfriend stated that he was currently residing with his former partner on a temporary basis while searching for his own accommodation. However, even after a span of two years, I remained unable to visit him or get acquainted with his social circle. Nonetheless, I found out I was the side chick. Tim and I have been together for two years. We are both foreigners living in Europe. Names have been changed. Tim is a very private person in general, and so maybe some of the strangeness stems from that.

In order to explain everything, I think I have to start at the very beginning. Tim and I met at an event for Native English speakers after each of us having lived here for a year. We hit it off immediately. Later that week we went to a pub crawl with other people from the event and hooked up. Only a few days later we decided to meet up again, but when trying to decide if it would be at my place or his, he told me it has to be mine and he'll explain why later. For the record, I do not live in an ideal situation to be having people, much less men, over, and he was completely aware of the situation. He came over and told me that he is currently still living with his ex-girlfriend of

about three months. He had his own room and everything, but because he had prepaid for six months of rent to lend her some money, he was staying there. Okay, so yeah, I know this is weird. But who am I to judge? He says they are definitely broken up and I'm just sleeping with the guy right now, so whatever. A few weeks go by, and we decide to start dating exclusively and officially. He says he's just living with his ex, who will name Stephanie, temporarily for another three months, and then he'll find another place. All right, so it's a weird situation, but I trust him, and he'll leave in three months. He complains about having to live with her and.

and says it's uncomfortable. He also told me why they broke up, which was because he caught her cheating on him with her ex at a party. So I'm not worried about them getting back together. I'm not 100% comfortable with the situation, but it's manageable. A few months pass and Tim doesn't move out. He says he's now got his own little apartment in the same house, but that it's so much better for him to stay there because he doesn't have to buy any furniture and the rent is cheap. Remember we're foreigners, so buying a ton of furniture that you're just going to have to sell when you leave is annoying. He eventually starts saying that he's going to bring me over there to show me that they're living separately and whatnot. Long story short, that never happened.

Every time I asked him to ask her about it, he'd say that she'd get upset and blah, blah, blah. Apparently she was aware that he had a girlfriend, but didn't like it and wanted to get back together. After a year, he finally moved out. Not into his own place, but into the spare room at his buddy's house. I had been to this buddy's place before, only once, though, and that has been the one and only time I've ever met one of his non-neutral friends, which is suspicious and strange on its own. I didn't help with the move, not for lack of trying, so no, I never saw him move his stuff there. Again, this was a temporary solution until he found a place of his own.

own. Through various circumstances, company being bought out which lead to job insecurity, him being extremely picky about finding an apartment, he is still yet to move into a place of his own. It's been about ten months since he moved into his buddy's place, and I've yet to be there, even though I've asked many times. He always says yes, but then later says that he doesn't want to intrude or be a nuisance, etc. So essentially, I've never seen where he lives. Those things, along with me never having met his friends or Skyped with his family are the underlying basis for my suspicion, but here's where the real stuff comes. Last night, when I couldn't sleep, I went Facebook stalking.

I searched for tagged photos of Tim because I know he's weird about his Facebook and doesn't let tagged pictures and posts show up on his wall. While going through the pictures, I found three pictures of him while he was visiting home over the summer. In each of the three pictures, there is a girl who is untagged, and sitting next to Tim. In two of the three pictures his arm is around her, but the pictures are more posed and everyone's arms are around each other. Two of the pictures are with friends, so I figured she's a friend from home, no-bate deal. In one picture, though, they are with his sister and her husband and daughter. So a much more intimate picture. I do not know what Stephanie looks like,

and she doesn't have Facebook. I can't find a picture of her through Googling. But I think this girl might be her. I don't know exactly why I think that, but I do. I did some more Google research and found Stephanie's grandmother's obituary. She died in January. So after Tim would have moved out of the house indefinitely after they should have been broken up. And yet, on the obituary his name is listed next to Stephanie's as members of the family. I do know that he was close to the grandmother and that she left him stuff in her will, but still I'm suspicious. If what I suspect is true, that means that he was able to hide this from me and her for two years, which is honestly just impressive. Right now, though, I'm stuck.

I don't want to bring up my relatively weak evidence with him until I can be sure, because he'll just have an excuse and I'll just accept it because I want to trust him and be with him. I don't know how to get any more proof that the girl in the pictures is Stephanie or how to know for sure one way or the other. So that's where I'd like advice. I'm not going to break up with him without knowing 100% because I honestly do love him, but I don't know how I can know 100%. Any advice or help is appreciated. Although please be constructive. Update 1 So, it's been a while.

The story was developing and I didn't want to watch. update without knowing anything for sure. I never expected my post to get so much attention, and minus the few comments and PMs about being a slut, I really appreciate all of the input everyone had, and I read every single comment and message. So first off, thanks to everyone. As many people suggested I do, I started with a conversation with Tim, where I made very, very clear how much the whole situation bothered me and why it was an issue for me. I tried to show him things from my perspective and tried to make him understand why I was so upset. He said he understood and apologized profusely. He cried and I cried. He said it was never his intention to hurt me and that

he hadn't realized this had been such a large issue for me, and that he had been selfish about it. He said it was all going to change and that I would meet his friends and see where he's staying, and get to Skype with his family, etc., etc. He said I was the most important part of his life here. He said I was the most important part of his life here and that he can't imagine his life without me in it. He said he wants to find an apartment for us to live together and that when I'm done with school, he wants to go back home together for good. He also told me that the girl in the pictures was an old family friend, and that he was in the obituary because he still is close with the family and they still wish I was a part of the family. I decided to wait and see if he actually held up his end of things this time,

and so we made up and all was well. What I didn't mention is that during my snow, snooping phase before this conversation, I found the phone number to the landline where Stephanie lives and decided to give it a call asking for Tim. Stephanie's dad answered and when I asked for Tim, he told me to call his cell phone because this was the landline. So, not exactly helpful. Before you guys freak out about the dad thing, the house is like a duplex where the parents have their own half and Stephanie has her own half. This is not uncommon in small villages here. A couple of different. days after Tim and I talked, he texted me asking if I had called Stephanie's house asking for him.

I decided not to lie and admitted it. He said that she texted him saying that some girl with an accent had called the house asking for him and he immediately thought that it must have been me. I explained that I did it because I felt desperate for answers and just wanted to know what was going on. I also told him that it was inconclusive. He got very upset and said I had betrayed his trust and that I was acting like an insane person. He isn't exactly wrong about that part, but I explained that I felt forced to take such actions because I felt like I was never going to get any answers any other way.

I apologized for the invasion of privacy and for bothering Stephanie and her family. After a few days, he calmed down and forgave me, saying, however, that this may push back me meeting his friends because he told them what happened and they were pissed that I would treat him that way. I waited a few weeks to see if anything would change and unsurprisingly, it did not. So, this past weekend, he got very drunk one night and I was able to open his phone with his fingerprint while he was sleeping.

I found texts from Stephanie from the day before talking about what they should make for dinner that night. He told me he was out of town for work that night. I found lots of hearts and I love yous and even him using the same pet names for her as he does for me. He told her he was going out of town this weekend for work and how much he'd miss her. I looked through the past few weeks of messages between them and saw that he had sent her quite a few of the same pictures that he had sent me. He had invited her to have a glass of wine with his buddy and her girlfriend. He picked her up from work multiple times, and there were

lots of conversations about who was making dinner that night and what they should eat. I went back and looked for dates where I knew he had slept over with me and he had always told her he was crashing at a friend's place or out of town for work or something along those lines. I also found a group text message titled Family that included Tim, his sister, his mom, and Stephanie. I looked at pictures of Stephanie that she had sent him and was able to very obviously see that it was her in the pictures that I found on Facebook. So you guys were right. For the last two years, he's been living with her and seeing me on the side. all the while telling me how much he loves and admires me and how we're going to have a future

together. I have been duped and taken advantage of. And I feel like a complete idiot because of it. I haven't talked to him yet, but when he comes over later in the week, I plan to tell him that I know everything. I also plan to tell him that he is a complete asshole. In my ideal conversation, he'd explain to me why he did this and what the fuck he was thinking during all this, but I am pretty sure those are just things that I'll never know or understand. Obviously I will break up with him. I also plan on contacting Stephanie with a letter telling my side of the story. I will give her dates that I know he spent the night with me, so that she can cross-check them with dates that he did not come home. I also plan to include a USB stick with pictures of Tim and me from the

last two years and screenshots of some of our conversations from the last couple months. I can't make her believe me, but I want to at least do my best for her. I feel like I owe it to her as a fellow human being to let her know what kind of man she's been with for the last four years. I am open to absolutely any advice on my plan and on how to move forward from this. I won't lie, I feel so lost and so helpless right now. By breaking up with Tim, I'm losing a huge part of my life in this country, and I'm definitely going to be feeling this hole for a while. So any help is appreciated. Thank you guys so much for listening and sorry this is long A.F. I got carried away. Update 2. Again, I'd like to start off this post with a thank you to everyone who responded with

constructive and helpful advice. I read every comment, reply, and PM. So, I took your advice and did not try to have a conversation with Tim. I realized that since he was so successfully able to manipulate me for two years, having one last conversation with him was bound to end up with me doubting my findings and perhaps my sanity. I wrote Stephanie a three-page letter, detailing the relationship that Tim and I have had over the past two years. Making clear that it was serious and not just a fling. I mentioned dates and events that most people would not have known about, and I included the intricate lies and backstory that he had told me. I included a list of dates from the last two months that he spent the night with me and encouraged her to cross-check them with

nights that he wasn't at home. I printed out a few photos of us as a quick visible proof, and I included the rest of the photos on a USB stick in the letter. The stick also contained screenshots of any particularly incriminating conversations that we've had over the last few months. I scanned postcards that he had sent me from various vacations and included those as well. For safe measure, I also included a copy of the letter, in case the hard copy went somehow mysteriously missing. I gave her my email address and phone number and asked her to contact me if she wanted to. On Wednesday night, I had someone drive me to where she lives. If Tim was there, I would just have confirmations that he actually lives there and we'd leave.

If he wasn't there, I'd ring the doorbell and hand her the letter personally. We drove the 45 kilometers and Tim was sitting there in the living room on his laptop. It was obvious he lived there. She was nowhere to be seen. His and her names were on the mailbox. I called to see if he'd pick up and he ignored the call. We headed back home. On Thursday morning, I mailed the letter.

I ensured that it was registered post. In order to receive the letter she'd have to show her ID and sign for it. On Friday the letter arrived. She was not home, so she received a notification to go pick the letter up at the post office. On Saturday morning she picked it up and I got an email of the receipt with her signature on it. Throughout all of this, I conversed normally with Tim and made excuses as to why he couldn't come over during the week, so as to not tip him off to anything. He stopped talking to me about 20 minutes after she picked up the letter Saturday morning, and I have not heard from him since. He has, however, de-friend me and my family on Facebook.

I have not heard from Stephanie either. So, now it's really over. I hope with my whole heart that he was not able to lie and manipulate his way out of the situation with her, but I will probably never know. I do not expect to hear from him again. I feel very lonely, taken advantage of, and beaten down. I am going to do my best to try to come out of this situation without trying to. trust issues and without being cynical and jaded. I am seeking therapy to make sure I don't slip into depression. For now, I need to find ways to distract myself and fill up any free time.

Thanks again for all your help. This really sucks, but I'll get through it and hopefully be a stronger person for it. Quick edit, I forgot to mention that I'm going to go get tested on Tuesday to be safe. Obviously if anything comes out of that, I'll do my best to notify both of that. Next story. Co-worker who is married with kids started getting friendly because we live in the same neighborhood, but then he told me my hot librarian look was a problem for him and made it sound like I was flirting with him. I started a new job this summer around the same time as another co-worker, Mack.

Our office is one where we're often up and moving between different areas to complete tasks, so there's a fair amount of brief socialization that goes on as paths intersect. and I have started to gravitate to each other often in that context. I had assumed it was because we're some of the only employees in the same particular stage of life, married with kids the same age, similar lifestyles. We even discovered we live in the same neighborhood, just a few streets apart. But Mack said something to me this morning that has me scrutinizing all of our past interactions and unsure how to move forward. He said, you have this whole sexy librarian thing going on today, think it's a problem for me. His statement was made with a bit of a smirk and a raised eyebrow,

and it came across like he was making a pass at me. Now I'm looking back at all of our past interactions and wondering if I've been giving the wrong signals. I make no secret of the fact that I'm happily married and I love my husband, but I talk to Mac more than any other co-worker. I'm also open, friendly, and quick to smile, but I'm like that with everyone. Even our clientele regularly comment on my upbeat and smiley demeanor, and I am definitely not flirting with any of them. Not on purpose at least. Now I don't know. I don't know what I'm supposed to do from here. In the moment, I laughed it off and kept moving to where I was going without comment. I did do my hair and makeup a little differently today and wore my off-neglected glasses, so maybe I won't do that

combination of things again. I don't want Mack to think I'm interested in a clandestine office romance. but I don't know how I should act around him going forward. I'm not very good at turning off the happy that apparently reads as flirty. Update 1. I have an update regarding my co-worker, Mac, who told me my sexy librarian vibe was a problem for him. Reading your response and all the comments was very illuminating. I had been feeling as if I'd somehow brought it upon myself, but you and the commentary

had really opened my eyes to the reality of this being entirely on Mac. I'm a little ashamed to admit I was too chicken to bring it up to Mack directly, but I made a point of avoiding his usual paths and successfully dodged him for two weeks straight. Last Friday he came to my workstation and asked if everything was all right and said, I feel like you've been avoiding me. Well, I took a deep breath, summoned all the resting bitch face I could muster, and said, Mac, you implied that your inability to manage your pants feels in the workplace was somehow my fault for looking like a sex. librarian. How exactly would you suggest I handle such gross comments in the future if not with avoidance? His neck and ears turned bright red and he said something along the lines of, ah, I'm sorry. I didn't. Sorry. Then literally turned heel and fast walked away. I think I was in a state of nervous shock

afterwards, my ears were ringing and I felt strangely tingly, but also incredibly proud of myself. First thing Monday morning, Mac came to my workstation again and gave me what seemed to be a sincere apology. He said there was no excuse for his comment, it was out of line and he was being an idiot not thinking of the implications, that it would never happen again, and asked if there was any way he could make it up to me. I thanked him for apologizing and said I don't think this is something that you really make up to someone, but to please truly ensure he never says anything like that again. He reiterated it would absolutely never happen again and asked if I thought I could ever forgive him. I told him that while I accept his apology, it'll take

time to move forward and that I don't really know what that will look like and to please give me space and time, summing it up with it'll be what it'll be, please don't try to force it, he said, of course. Again, I'm so sorry, and left my workstation. I think I need some time to process Max's apology and how I feel about him moving forward. I'm still struggling to reconcile the friend I thought I knew with the lecture that made that comment and now with the seemingly penitent dope I saw today. People are complicated. But I at least feel like I can go back to taking whatever route I want to get from point A to point B

and I won't be walking on eggshells worried about potentially running into him. I think we can exchange trivialities and move about without issue now. Thank you so much for your response, and to the commentary it as well. Update 2. I am a religious reader of Aum and Love Update season. I thought you all might enjoy another update on my situation with Mac. I can't believe it's been over a year. Mac never said anything sexualizing or out of line to me again.

We never got back to the kind of easy work friendship we had previously, but things were cordial and while not necessarily warned they were. weren't chilly either. Unfortunately something eventually came out that likely cements his comments as less innocent than he portrayed them in his apology. He was having an affair and his wife is divorcing him. He's moved out of the neighborhood and no longer works here, which I'm grateful for. This new development definitely made it harder to assume he didn't know exactly what he was doing with his comments. Thanks again for opening my eyes last year and to all the commenters that helped me find my gumption. I still can't believe I pulled that line with a straight face,

and it still feels amazing that I did. And thanks for all the wisdom and entertainment over the years. Can't wait to keep reading more. I hope you enjoy this story. Caught my spouse plotting to deceive me with the assistance of her closest pal while I was putting in extra hours at work, so I discreetly transferred all our funds and initiated divorce proceedings. While she was out cheating on me. Hey Reddit. Never thought I'd be posting here, but life has a weird sense of humor. First, some background because context matters and you people love your backstories. I'm 34M, work in industrial equipment sales, think conveyor belts, packaging machinery, the thrilling stuff that keeps warehouses running. Been with my company eight years, worked my way up from inside

sales to regional manager. My wife Sarah, 31F, is a part-time yoga instructor who also does some freelance graphic design when the mood strikes. We've been married three years, together for six. Met at a brewery during trivia night, she was on the team that beat mine because apparently I'm terrible at pop culture questions from the 2000s. Who knew? We got a solid pre-nup because I'd watched too many of my coworkers get financially destroyed in divorces, and Sarah was surprisingly cool about it, said she understood wanting to protect what we each brought into the marriage. Here's where it gets interesting. Sarah's been driving this 2019 that's been having transmission issues for months. Not catastrophic failure, but the kind of intermittent problems

that make you wonder if today's the day you're calling an Uber to work. She's been dropping hints about wanting something newer, more reliable. Fair enough, I drive a company truck, so I don't really get the daily anxiety of wondering if your car will start. About two months ago, she started getting more specific about what she wanted. Showed me listings for this certified pre-owned Subaru Outback. Nothing crazy expensive, around $28,000. Problem was, we didn't have that kind of cash sitting around because we've been aggressively paying down my student loans and the mortgage. But I figured, you know what? She deserves something reliable. She's been patient about the financial priorities, and I could pick up some to make it happen. So I started saying yes to every

overtime opportunity. Weekends, evening calls, covering for colleagues on vacation. The industrial equipment world doesn't sleep, Reddit. When a packaging line goes down at a food process plant, they need it fixed yesterday or they're losing thousands of dollars per hour. I was putting in 65 to 70 hour weeks for about two months, socking away every extra penny into what I mentally call the car fund. Sarah seemed understanding about the crazy hours, said she appreciated me working so hard for something she wanted. Her best friend Monica would come over to keep her company when I was working late, which I thought was nice. Monica's divorced, works for a health healthcare startup, and has always been pretty cool. They'd have their wine nights, watch their shows,

do whatever it is people do when they're not debugging industrial barcode scanners. Now here's where Reddit's favorite plot twist comes in. Last Tuesday, I finished a site visit early, turned out the emergency was just a sensor that needed cleaning, took me 20 minutes instead of the projected three hours. I got home around 7.30 instead of my usual 10 p.m. and heard vogeant, voices from the kitchen. Sarah and Monica, having what sounded like a normal conversation, so I figured I'd just quietly grab a beer and let them know I was home. That's when I heard Monica say something about timing and Sarah responding that she needed to be careful about when she made her move. Naturally, I assumed they were talking about some work project or maybe

planning a surprise for someone's birthday. But then Sarah said she'd been thinking about it more and more, especially with me working so much overtime, and that maybe this was the perfect opportunity to see what else was out there. Monica agreed, said Sarah had been talking about this for weeks and it was time to stop overthinking it, that Sarah deserved to explore her options and see if there was something better suited for her needs. Monica even offered to help with the logistics, apparently she had some connections that could make the whole process smoother. I'm standing there thinking, well that's weird phrasing for whatever project there planning. Then Sarah said the thing that made my blood run cold. She was worried about the financial

implications, but Monica pointed out that she could always come back to her current situation if the new thing didn't work out. That I'd probably be willing to take her back because I'm too nice for my own good. Reddit, I've seen enough episodes of every cheating spouse show on channels like Mark Narrations, Telltales, Marquis, etc. to know exactly what kind of conversation I was overhearing. This wasn't about birthday parties or work projects. This was about my wife planning to have an affair and treating our marriage like a backup plan. I very quietly set my beer down and walked back to my truck.

Sat there for about 10 minutes trying to process what I just heard. Then I drove around for another hour before coming home and acting like nothing happened. Sarah asked how my day went, I said fine, and we went to bed like normal. The next few days were surreal. Sarah kept dropping hints about needing some space to figure things out, about feeling like she'd been in the same routine too long. She asked if I thought people could love each other but still need to explore other connections. Real subtle, right Reddit? Friday night, she finally worked up the nerve to have the conversation, said she'd been doing some thinking and felt like we'd gotten married young,

we were 28 and 31, but okay, and that maybe she needed some time and space to make sure this was really what she wanted. That she loved me but wasn't sure she was in love with me anymore. All the greatest hits from the I want a cheat but make it sound noble playlist. She suggested maybe she could stay at Monica's place for a few weeks, just to get some perspective. Really think about what she wanted. And hey, if we were meant to be together, we'd find our way back to each other, right? I asked her directly if there was someone else. She said no, of course not, she would never do that to me.

She just needed to be alone and figure herself out. Monica had offered to let her crash at her place, and maybe they could take a little trip somewhere to clear her head. So I said okay. If that's what she needed, I understood. I'd keep working, keep saving money, and give her all the space she needed to figure things out. What I didn't tell her was that I'd already called a divorce attorney Thursday morning. Sarah moved out Sunday.

Took her clothes, her laptop, some books, the usual stuff for a temporary separation. Hugged me at the door and said she hoped we could work things out, that this wasn't necessarily the end, just a pause to gain some clarity. Monday morning, I went to the bank and moved all of our savings, including the $12,000 car fund I'd been building into a new account in just my name. Thanks to our pre-nup, I was well within my rights. Her name wasn't on my work accounts anyway, and the joint checking account I left alone except for moving out my direct deposit.

Tuesday, I had the divorce papers drawn up. Nothing vindictive, just a straightforward dissolution citing irreconcilable differences. Thanks to the pre-nup, it's pretty clean, we each keep what we brought in, split the House proceeds if we sell, no alimony. Wednesday, Sarah texted asking if I'd had any thoughts about us and whether I was ready to have a real conversation about working on our relationship. I replied that I'd had lots of thoughts, and I was definitely ready for a conversation. Could she come by Thursday evening? She seemed excited. Said she'd been doing some thinking too and was ready to talk about our future. Thursday evening, she showed up with takeout. Started talking

about how her time away had made her realize how much she missed our life together, how maybe she'd been overthinking things, how sometimes you have to step away to appreciate what you have. That's when I handed her the divorce papers. I've never seen anyone's face change so quickly. She went from nervous excited to confuse to angry in about 15 seconds. Started asking what this was supposed to mean, whether this was some kind of joke, why I was being so dramatic about her needing a little space. I told her I knew exactly what kind of space she was looking for, and that I decided to give her all the space in the world. Permanently. She demanded to know what I was talking about. So I explained that I'd overheard her conversation with Monica the previous Tuesday.

Not everything, because honestly I didn't stick around for the full planning session, but enough to understand she was planning to cheat and expected me to be waiting here like a faithful golden retriever when she was done exploring her options. The look on her face told me everything I needed to know. She tried to claim I'd misunderstood, taken things out of context, that she'd never actually done anything. I said that was great, because it meant the divorce would be even cleaner. No adultery complications, just two people who wanted different things. Then she asked about money. Whether she could access the savings account to get her own place, maybe by a reliable car since she'd be starting over.

I told her the savings account have been closed. The money I'd earned working overtime for the past two months was now in an account she couldn't access, because funny enough, I decided I didn't want to fund her exploration phase after all. That's when she got really angry. Said I was being controlling, that taking away her access to money she'd counted on was financial abuse. I reminded her that according to our pre-nup, the money I earned was mine, she'd never actually contributed to the car fund she'd been planning to use for her independence tour.

She left around 9 p.m., taking her food with her. So Reddit, Ida. Part of me wonders if I should have confronted her about the overheard conversation first, given her a chance to explain or call it off. Maybe I misunderstood and she really was just having some kind of quarter-life crisis that had nothing to do with cheating. But honestly, the more I think about it, the more confident I am. that I heard exactly what I think I heard.

I'm not trying to destroy her life or leave her destitute. She's got her job, she can stay with Monica, and she's a grown adult who can figure out her own transportation and housing situation. I just don't see why I should finance her journey of self-discovery when that journey apparently involves exploring other people's beds. But maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe I should have tried to work things out. Let me know what you think, Reddit.

I've got some decisions to make about next steps. Update 1, posted a few days later. Well Reddit, you guys had some thoughts. And by some thoughts I mean my inbox exploded like a packaging line during peak holiday season. The overwhelming consensus seemed to be that I was NTA, and that I should stop second-guessing myself about what I overheard. A bunch of you pointed out that Sarah's reaction when I handed her the divorce papers basically confirmed everything. If she'd been innocent, she would have been confused and hurt, not immediately worried about money and asking about access to accounts. That hit home.

An innocent person would have been devastated by divorce papers, not calculating their financial options. Several people suggested I should document everything and maybe try to get more evidence, but honestly. I'm not interested in playing private investigator. I heard what I heard, her reaction confirmed it, and I'm not about to start following her around with a camera or checking her phone records. That's not the kind of person I want to be. Some of you warned me that Sarah would probably try to come back with tears and promises once she realized I was serious.

Turns out Reddit has some prophetic powers, because that's exactly what happened. Friday morning, the day after I served her papers, Sarah showed up at my house at 6.30 a.m. I was getting ready for work and heard someone pounding on the door like they were trying to wake the whole neighborhood. She wanted to talk. Really talk this time, no games, no drama. She admitted that maybe she had been thinking about other options, but that seeing the divorce papers made her realize she was just scared of commitment and didn't actually want anyone else. That I was the best thing that ever happened to her and she'd been an idiot. I told her I appreciated the honesty, but that ship had sailed. If she'd wanted to work on our marriage, she could have done that

before planning her affair with Monica, not with with Monica, but with the help of Monica. That's when things got interesting. She claimed Monica had been filling her head with ideas about how she was settling and deserved to see what else was out there. That Monica was bitter about her own divorce and was projecting onto Sarah's marriage. That Sarah never would have actually gone through with anything if I hadn't jumped straight to divorce. I asked her directly, was there a specific someone she'd been planning to explore with, or was this more of a general shopping expedition? She got quiet for a long time.

Then admitted there was a guy from her yoga studio who'd been flirting with her for months. Nothing had happened, but she'd been wondering what it would be like. Monica had been encouraging her to find out, saying life was short and she shouldn't wonder what if forever. So there it was, not just theoretical exploration, she'd had a specific target in mind. I thanked her for finally being honest and told her it didn't change anything. She started crying and asking if we could try counseling, maybe work through this together, that throwing away six years was crazy. But Reddit, here's the thing several of you pointed out that really stuck with me,

she wasn't sorry she'd been planning to cheat. She was sorry she got caught. If I hadn't overheard that conversation, she would have gone through with her plan and expected me to be here waiting when she was done sampling the merchandise. I told her I'd think about it, mostly just to get her to leave so I could go to work. But I'd already made up my mind. The other thing that happened over the weekend, and this is where some of your advice really came in handy, Sarah tried to access our joint checking account and discovered I'd changed my direct deposit. She called me Saturday morning asking about it, and I explained that since we

were getting divorced, it made sense to separate our finances completely. She got upset and said she needed money for basic expenses, that she couldn't live on her yoga income alone. I reminded her that according to the pre-nup, we were each responsible for our own expenses during separation proceedings. She could increase her hours, take on more graphic design clients, or figure out some other solution. Several of you had suggested I should be prepared for her to claim she couldn't support herself and needed spousal support, so I was ready for that conversation. turned out to be good advice. Monday morning, Monica called me. First time we'd spoken since this whole thing started.

She wanted me to know that Sarah was really struggling and that maybe I was being too harsh. That Sarah had made a mistake but didn't deserve to have her whole life blown up over it. I asked Monica if she thought I deserved to have my whole life blown up over Sarah's mistake, if she thought I should have just quietly funded Sarah's affair and waited patiently for her. her to decide whether she wanted to keep me or trade me in. Monica got quiet, then said she didn't realize I'd overheard their conversation, and that maybe she'd given Sarah some bad advice. I told Monica that Sarah was a grown woman who made her own choices, and that if she was struggling now, she could figure out her own solutions. That I wasn't her backup plan or her

safety net anymore. Monica tried to argue that Sarah never actually did anything, that thinking about something and doing it were different things. I pointed out that planning something and doing it were also different things, but not by much. If I hadn't found out, Sarah would have gone through with her plan. The conversation ended pretty quickly after that. So Reddit, based on your advice, I'm staying the course. No reconciliation talks, no counseling, no let's work through this together. I'm moving forward with the divorce and letting Sarah figure out her own life. The one thing several people asked about was whether I felt bad about the timing, her papers write when she was coming back to work things out. Honestly?

No. She didn't come back because she realized she loved me. She came back because whatever she thought she wanted didn't pan out, and I was the safe option. That's not love, that's convenience. Next update will probably be after I hear back from my lawyer about timeline and next steps. Thanks for all the reality checks, Reddit. It's been helpful having outside perspectives. Update 2, Reddit, you beautiful disaster of a community,

your advice continues to be disturbingly accurate. Remember how some of you predicted Sarah would escalate when she realized a nice approach wasn't working? Well, you will see. Monday started normal enough, if you can call anything about this situation normal. I was catching up on work stuff I'd been neglecting during the domestic drama when I got a call from my HR department. Apparently someone had contacted them claiming I was going through a messy divorce

and might be emotionally unstable at work. Now, Reddit knows I work in industrial equipment sales, which means my clients are warehouse managers, operations directors, and other practical people who care about whether their conveyor belts work, not about my personal life. But HR has to take these things seriously, so I had to sit through a very awkward conversation about my own. emotional state and whether I needed time off or counseling resources. I explained the situation

briefly, getting divorced, everything's handled through lawyers, no impact on work performance. My manager backed me up, pointed out that my numbers have actually been better than usual, overtime pays off, apparently. But it was still humiliating. Took me about 30 seconds to figure out where that call came from. Tuesday, I got a text from Sarah asking if we could meet to discuss logistics. Against my better judgment, and probably against Reddit's advice, I agreed. Figured we needed to sort out some practical stuff anyway. Big mistake. Sarah showed up looking like she'd been living on energy drinks and stress, which honestly might have been the case. She started off apologetic, said she was sorry about the HR thing, but she was desperate and didn't

know how else to get my attention. I told her contacting my workplace was completely out of of line and asked her what logistics we needed to discuss that couldn't go through lawyers. That's when she dropped a bomb, she was pregnant. Reddit, I'm going to save you the suspense. After about 10 minutes of panic and rapid mental math, I realized the timeline didn't work. We hadn't been intimate since before she moved out, and that was barely three weeks ago. Too early for her to know, too early to be showing symptoms, just. Too early for any of it, it could have been.

from way before, but she didn't get any bumps as far as I could notice. When I pointed this out, she got defensive and said she'd been feeling weird for a while but hadn't wanted to worry me while I was working so much overtime. That she'd taken a test that morning and it was positive. I asked her if she wanted to go to a doctor together and confirm it with a some sort of test. You know, since this was such important news that would change everything about our divorce. She said she wasn't ready for that yet, needed time to process, but wanted me to know because it changed everything. That we owed it to our child to try to work things out. I told her we'd definitely need medical confirmation before making any major decisions,

and that if she was actually pregnant, we'd figure out co-parenting arrangements through the lawyers. Her face fell. I think she expected me to immediately call off the divorce and rush back into reconciliation mode. Wednesday, I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. Turned out to be yoga studio guy, the one Sarah had admitted she'd been planning to explore with. He wanted to let me know he had no idea Sarah was married when she'd been flirting with him, and that he'd backed off completely once he found out. Apparently Sarah had told him we were separated and getting divorced,

but some acquaintance had mentioned we were actually still married when Sarah started showing interest. He felt bad about the whole thing and wanted to clear the air. I appreciated the call and told him he hadn't done anything wrong. Sarah had misrepresented our situation, and he'd done the right thing by backing off once he knew the truth. But it confirmed something I'd been wondering about. Sarah's timeline. She'd been laying groundwork with this guy for weeks, maybe months. This wasn't a sudden crisis of faith in our marriage.

Thursday, Sarah texted asking if I'd thought more about the pregnancy and what it meant for us. I replied that I was happy to discuss co-parenting once she'd gotten medical confirmation. She called me immediately, upset that I was being cold about our potential child. I explained that I wasn't being cold, I was being practical. That if she was actually pregnant, we'd handle it responsibly, but I wasn't making any decisions based on a home pregnancy test and some vague symptoms. She hung up on me. Friday was the most interesting day.

I got home from work to find Sarah's car in my driveway and Sarah sitting on my porch steps. She'd been waiting for about an hour, apparently, said she needed to tell me the truth about everything, that she couldn't keep living with the lies. So I sat down and listened. Turns out the pregnancy was fake. She'd hoped it would make me reconsider the divorce, but realized I was going to insist on medical confirmation and the whole thing would fall apart. The thing with Yoga Guy was real, but more extensive than she'd originally admitted. They'd been texting for months, had grabbed coffee a few times,

and she'd been planning to sleep with him during her trial separation. Monica had been encouraging the whole thing, telling Sarah she deserved to see what else was out there before settling down permanently. But when Sarah actually tried to make a move, Yoga Guy had backed off because he'd found out she was still married. That's when she realized her grand plan wasn't going to work out like she'd imagined. She said seeing the divorce papers have been a wake-up call that she was about to lose the best thing in her life over a stupid fantasy. That she'd been watching too many movies and listening to too much bad advice from Monica.

She asked if there was any way I could forgive her and if we could start over. Read it, I'll be honest, seeing her that broken down was hard. This wasn't the confident woman who'd asked for space to explore her options. This was someone who'd realized they'd blown up their life for nothing. But you know what? Several of you had warned me about this exact scenario. That she'd come back with tears and confessions once she realized the consequences were real. That I shouldn't let temporary guilt override the fundamental problem.

She'd been willing to betray me and expected me to be her backup plan. I told her I appreciated the honesty, but it didn't change the situation. That she'd made these choices over months of planning, not in a moment of weakness. That the only reason she was confessing now was because her plan fell through and she was facing real consequences. She asked what she was supposed to do now. Where she was supposed to go, how she was supposed to rebuild her life. I told her those were questions she should have asked herself before she decided to blow up our She left around 9 p.m. hasn't contacted me since. Monica, however, called me Saturday morning.

Apparently Sarah had been staying with her and was in a really bad place. Monica wanted to know if I was satisfied with destroying Sarah's life, or if I might consider showing some mercy. I told Monica that Sarah had destroyed her own life, and that I was just declining to go down with the ship. That if Monica was really Sarah's friend, she'd help Sarah figure out how to move forward instead of trying to guilt me into rescuing her. Monica said I was being heartless. I said I was being practical. The conversation didn't last long after that.

So Reddit, divorce is moving forward, no more fake pregnancies or workplace harassment, and I'm apparently the villain for not accepting the role of backup husband. Your advice about staying strong and not falling for manipulation tactics has been spot on. It's been tempting to feel guilty, especially seeing Sarah so genuinely upset, but you guys were right, she's not upset about hurting me, she's upset about the consequences of her choices. Thanks for keeping me sane through all this, Reddit. Update 3, Reddit, remember how I thought things were settling down. Yeah, that was adorably naive of me. Your collective wisdom about Sarah not going quietly into that good night was, once again, disturbingly accurate.

This week brought a masterclass in why you should never underestimate someone's capacity for creative problem solving when their backs against the wall. It started Monday when I got a call from my lawyer. Sarah had filed a motion claiming I was hiding assets and asking for temporary spousal support while the divorce was pending. According to her filing, I'd suddenly moved large amounts of money out of joint accounts, leaving her unable to support herself. My lawyer wasn't worried, our pre-nup covers this exact scenario, and I had documentation showing the money came for my overtime work. But it meant more legal fees and more delays, which I'm starting to think was the point. Tuesday brought an interesting development. I got a call for my mortgage company asking about

my intentions regarding the house. Apparently someone had contacted them claiming to be representing both parties in the divorce and inquiring about options for one spouse to assume full responsibility for the mortgage. That someone was not my lawyer. Turns out Sarah had called them directly, identifying herself as Mrs. Thompson, she never took my last name, by the way, and asking about procedures for removing a spouse from the mortgage. She'd given them our case number, which she shouldn't have had access to, and try to get information about refinancing options. The mortgage company couldn't give her any information without proper authorization, but they wanted to confirm with me that this was a legitimate inquiry. I had to explain that no, my wife was not authorized to make inquiries on my

behalf, and yes, she was probably trying to figure out if she could somehow claim rights to the house despite our pre-nup. Wednesday was when things got really creative. I came home from work to find my neighbor waiting for me in her front yard. She's a retired teacher, probably in her 70s, and has always been friendly in that neighborly way where we chat about weather and yard maintenance but don't really know each other's life stories. Our neighbor wanted to let me know that a young woman had been by that afternoon asking questions about me. Had I been having loud arguments lately? Did she ever see other women coming and going?

Was I the type of person who seemed controlling or aggressive? The young woman had identified herself as a social worker conducting a routine check related to a domestic situation. She'd been very polite and professional, but the neighbor had found the whole thing odd. since she'd never seen any signs of domestic problems. Our neighbor is sharper than she looks, apparently. She'd asked the social worker for identification and business cards, at which point the woman had become evasive and left quickly. The neighbor described the woman, and it sounded exactly like Monica.

I thanked the neighbor for the heads up and called my lawyer immediately. He said this was technically harassment and we could file a complaint, but that it might be more effective to document everything in use. it to demonstrate Sarah's behavior if she tried to claim I was being unreasonable. Thursday, I decided to get proactive. I called Monica directly. Monica tried to play innocent at first, claiming she didn't know what I was talking about. When I mentioned the neighbor's description and the social worker story, Monica got defensive and said she was just trying to help her friend. I told Monica that

impersonating a social worker was potentially illegal, and that contacting my workplace, my mortgage company, and my neighbors constituted harassment. That if she wanted to help Sarah, she should encourage Sarah to focus on moving forward instead of trying to sabotage the divorce. Monica said I was being paranoid and that she hadn't done anything wrong. That Sarah was struggling and just trying to understand her legal options. I pointed out that Sarah had a lawyer for understanding legal options, and that sneaking around asking neighbors about domestic violence wasn't a legal strategy, it was desperation.

Monica hung up on me. Friday brought the weekend's big finale. I was working late, legitimately this time, we had a packaging line emergency at a food processing plant, and got home around 10 p.m. to find my front door slightly ajar. Reddit, I've watched enough true crime shows to know you don't just walk into a house with an open door. I called the police for my truck and waited for them to arrive. Officers showed up and did a walkthrough of the house. No signs of forced entry, nothing missing that they could see, but I found something interesting. A set of keys on my kitchen counter.

Turns out they were Sarah's keys to the house. She'd apparently let herself in, looked around, and left the keys behind. No note, no explanation, just the keys. The officers asked if I wanted to file a report. I said no, not this time, but I wanted it documented that Sarah had been in the house without permission and had returned her keys. One of the officers asked if this was part of a domestic situation. I gave her the brief version. The officer said they see this kind of thing more often than people realize. That divorces can bring out behavior in people that surprises everyone,

including themselves. She suggested I change my locks and consider a security camera, just to protect myself if things escalated further. Saturday morning, I changed the locks. Spent the afternoon installing a basic doorbell camera system, something to record who comes and goes. Monday morning brought a call from my lawyer with good news and bad news. Good news, Sarah's motion for spousal support was denied. The pre-nup held up exactly like it was supposed to, and the judge wasn't impressed with her claim that I was hiding assets. Bad news, Sarah's lawyer had filed for an extension, claiming they needed more time to review financial documents. which means more delays and more legal fees, but probably not enough to change the ultimate outcome.

My lawyer said this was pretty normal for contentious divorces. That Sarah was probably buying time hoping I'd get tired of the legal fees and agree to some kind of settlement. He asked if I wanted to explore mediation or if I preferred to see it through to the end. Reddit, this is where your advice has been invaluable. A few months ago, I might have considered mediation just to the end. to get it over with. But you guys have consistently pointed out that giving into manipulation just encourages more manipulation. I told my lawyer to see it through to the end. So that's where we stand. Sarah has apparently moved on from fake pregnancies and workplace harassment to amateur

detective work in breaking and entering. Monica is cosplaying as a social worker. And I'm learning that divorce brings out creativity in people that you never knew existed. Thanks for keeping me grounded through all this, Reddit. Your advice to expect escalation and not take it personally has been more helpful than you know. Without this community reality checking my reactions, I might have talked myself into feeling guilty about Sarah's breakdown or Monica's harassment campaign. I hope you enjoy this story. Close friend informed me that my spouse was unfaithful and supported me during my separation,

but later became betrothed to him after three months with the identical ring he previously gave. me. Bought for me. So here's the backstory that'll make this whole mess make sense. I've been best friends with Nora since we were 15. We're talking 12 years of friendship here, sleepovers, college roommates, etc. She's been there through my dad's cancer scare when I was 19, helped me through my quarter life crisis when I dropped out of law school to become a pastry chef, and was literally the person who introduced me to my now ex-husband Sam at a house party back when we were 22. Sam and I got married three years ago, and honestly, I thought we were solid. Not perfect, nobody is, but solid.

He's had a good job at a mid-sized firm, I run a small bakery that specializes in wedding cakes, and we had this comfortable little life in our starter home with our neurotic rescue cat, biscuit. Nora, meanwhile, has always been the serial dater type. Never could seem to find the one, always had some drama with whatever guy she was seeing. She'd come over at least twice a month to vent about her latest dating disaster while I made her my signature stress-baking chocolate chip cookies. Here's where it gets interesting, and by interesting I mean absolutely insane. About six months ago, Nora started acting weird. Not dramatically weird, Nora's always been a bit dramatic, but subtly off.

She'd make these little comments about Sam that I initially brushed off as her just being protective. things like asking if I was sure he was working late when he said he was, or mentioning how she'd seen him somewhere when he'd told me he was going straight home from work. Little seeds of doubt that I stupidly thought were just her being a concerned friend. The thing is, Nora works as pretty hectic, and her schedule is all over the place. She's always been the type to be out and about at weird hours, networking events, client dinners, whatever. So when she'd mentioned seeing Sam around town, I just figured it was coincidence. Our town isn't huge, about 50,000 people, so running into each other isn't exactly shocking.

Then came the conversation that blew up my entire life. About four months ago, Nora asked me to meet her for coffee, which wasn't unusual except for how serious she sounded when she called. Nora sat me down and told me she had something difficult to share. She'd discovered that Sam was having an affair. She said she'd been struggling with whether to tell me for weeks, that it was was tearing her apart, but that she couldn't stand by and watch me live a lie. She claimed she'd hired a private investigator, which seemed extreme but Nora's always been dramatic, and had proof

of the affair, but she wouldn't show me the evidence because, and I quote, seeing the details would destroy you, and I care about you too much to put you through that. She absolutely refused to tell me who the other woman was. Said it was someone I knew, someone close to both of us, and that revealing her identity would break me in ways I couldn't recover from. She kept insisting that what mattered was that Sam was cheating, not who he was cheating with. She painted herself as this noble friend who was sacrificing her own peace of mind to save me from a dishonest marriage. I was devastated, obviously. But here's the thing that's been eating at me since. Norah was so prepared for that conversation. She had answers for everything, explanations for why she couldn't provide details,

reasons why immediate action was necessary. Looking back, it felt almost rehearsed, but at the time I was too shocked and hurt to notice. I confronted Sam that evening, and he denied everything. Not just a casual denial, he was genuinely confused and hurt that I would even suggest such a thing. He begged me to tell him where this was coming from, what evidence I had, but I couldn't show him anything

because Nora wouldn't give me the supposed proof. It became this awful cycle where I was demanding he confessed to say, something he claimed he hadn't done, while he was begging me to explain why I suddenly didn't trust him. Nora kept pushing me to leave him. Daily phone calls, surprise visits, constant reminders that I deserved better than a cheating husband. She offered to let me stay at her apartment, helped me find a divorce lawyer, even offered to loan me money for the legal fees. At the time, I thought she was being incredibly supportive. Now I realize she was orchestrating the entire destruction of my marriage. The divorce took about two months to finalize since we didn't have kids and could

agree on most things. Sam was so defeated by the whole situation that he basically just signed whatever papers were put in front of him. During this time, Nora was my constant companion. She helped me pack up the house, held me while I cried, brought me takeout when I was too depressed to cook. She kept reassuring me that I was doing the right thing, that I was brave for leaving, that I deserved someone who would be faithful. Three months after my divorce was finalized, I was scrolling through Instagram and saw a post from Nora. She was at some fancy restaurant, and there was a ring on her finger.

Not just any ring, a ring I recognized because I'd helped pick it out. It was the engagement ring Sam had originally bought for me, the one he'd returned to the jewelry store during our divorce proceedings. The caption was all about how love finds you when you least expected, how sometimes the person who's meant for you has been right in front of you all along. The comments were full of congratulations, and Sam was tagged in several of them. Mark. My ex-husband Sam, who Nora claimed was a cheating scumbag who didn't deserve me. I called her immediately, obviously, turns out, she and Sam had been having an affair for over a year.

Not only that, but she'd manipulated the entire situation to break us up so she could have him. There was no private investigator, no evidence of Sam cheating with anyone else, just Nora projecting her own guilt onto some fictional other woman. She tried to justify it by saying she was setting me free from a marriage that wasn't meant to be. That she could see Sam wasn't truly happy with me, that they had a deeper connection, that I would thank her someday for helping me dodge a bullet. She actually said she did it out of love for both of us, that she was saving me from a loveless marriage and giving Sam the courage to be with who he really wanted to be with. I hung up on her and haven't spoken to her since. That was about three months ago, and the whole situation has

completely upended my life. I've lost not just my husband, but my best friend of 12 years. Friends are mostly staying out of it, but a few have reached out to say their happy Sam found someone who makes him happy without seeming to grasp that the someone is the person who destroyed my marriage to get him. The really messed up part is that I can't even. even be properly angry about Sam cheating because technically, he did cheat. And I can't be angry about him moving on quickly because we've been divorced for months now. Norah has somehow managed to position herself as both the hero who saved me from a bad marriage and the woman who got her happy ending with my ex-husband. So Reddit, I don't know what to feel and wonder if I should

be grateful that she helped me get out of a marriage where my husband was having an affair, even if her motives were selfish. But mostly I feel like I've been played by the person I trusted most in the world, and I can't get past the manipulation it took to pull this off. Edit, yes, I got Biscuit, The Cat, with me Smile Update 1. Well, you certainly didn't hold back in your responses to my original post. The overwhelming consensus was that Nora is a manipulative piece of work who orchestrated my divorce to steal my husband, and honestly, reading your comments helped me realize just how deep this rabbit hole goes. A few people. people asked for more details about the timeline, so let me fill in some gaps that might explain

how this all played out. After reading your comments, I started really thinking about when Nora's behavior changed, and I realized it wasn't six months ago when she started making weird comments about Sam. It was actually closer to a year and a half ago, right after she broke up with her last serious boyfriend, Eric. Eric was this really great guy she'd been dating for about eight months. I actually liked him, which was rare for no. Nora's boyfriends. He was stable, had a good job in construction, and seemed genuinely crazy about her. They broke up out of nowhere, at least from my perspective, and Nora claimed it was because he wasn't intellectually stimulating enough for her. Looking back now, I'm wondering if that breakup

coincided with when she and Sam started whatever they started. Following your advice, I decided to do some digging. Several of you suggested checking phone records, credit card statements, anything that might show a pattern of contact between Nora and Sam. I can't access Sam stuff obviously, but I went through my old phone bills and found something interesting. Starting about 14 months ago, there were a bunch of calls and texts between Nora and Sam that happened when I wasn't around. Not suspicious on their own, they were friends through me, but the frequency was weird. Like, why was my best friend texting my husband at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday when she knew I was at work. I also went back through my social media posts from the past

year and a half, which was depressing but illuminating. There are several photos from group hangouts where Nora and Sam are standing closer together than I remembered, or where she's looking at him while he's not paying attention. In one photo from my birthday party last year, everyone's looking at the camera except Nora, who's staring directly at Sam while he's laughing at something someone said. At the time, I probably thought she was just enjoying seeing him happy. Now it looks completely different. But here's the kicker that really validated what you all were saying. I remembered that about 10 months ago, Nora had this period where she was constantly running into Sam at places.

When I confronted Sam about the affair during our divorce proceedings, he kept saying he never meant for it to happen, that it just developed naturally over time. He made it sound like this gradual thing where they realized they had feelings for each other. But based on what you all pointed out about Nora's behavior patterns, I'm starting to think she was actively pursuing him for months before anything physical happened. I also took the advice of the person who suggested I reach out people like XBF or friends. So I reached out to Eric, Nora's ex-boyfriend, just to see if his timeline of their breakup aligned with when I think Sam and Nora started their thing. It took some Facebook stalking to find his contact info, but I sent him a message. He responded pretty quickly and agreed. Eric confirmed what I suspected.

He said Nora started pulling away from him emotionally around the same time she started making all those comments about Sam to me. She became distant, started picking fights over little things, and kept talking about how she felt like she was settling for someone who wasn't her intellectual equal. But here's the interesting part. He said she kept bringing up Sam as an example of the kind of man she respected, always talking about how smart Sam was. was, how he had his life together, how he was the kind of guy who could challenge her intellectually. Eric said it got to the point where he felt like Nora was comparing him to Sam constantly, and he started to wonder if she had feelings for him. When he brought it up, Nora accused him of being paranoid and insecure. She made him feel crazy for even suggesting it, which sounds familiar based on how she made me feel crazy for questioning her motives about telling me about

the affair. The most damning thing Eric told me was that Nora had asked him to stay away from group hangouts that included Sam and me, it wasn't uncommon for him to hang out with us. She said it would be awkward since they were broken up. Essentially, she removed Eric from the equation so she could have more access to Sam without having to deal with her boyfriend being around. So yeah, Reddit, your collective detective work was spot on. This wasn't a case of two people falling in love and handling it badly. This was Nora removing obstacles to get what she wanted, including manipulating me into divorcing my own husband. The question now is what to do with this information.

A few people suggested I tell Sam what I've figured out, but honestly, what's the point? He's engaged to her now. Either he was a willing participant in deceiving me, in which case he's just as guilty as she is, or he was manipulated too, but he's clearly chosen to stay with her regardless. I've decided to focus on moving forward rather than trying to get revenge or expose what happened. My bakery is doing well and I'm starting to build a social life that doesn't revolve around couples' activities with Sam and Nora. Though I have to admit, there's a petty part of me that's curious to see how this all plays out for them. A relationship built on lies and manipulation doesn't exactly seem like a solid foundation for marriage, but maybe they deserve each other.

Thanks for helping me see the situation clearly, Reddit. Sometimes you need a bunch of strangers on the internet to point out what's right in front of your face. Update 2, Hey Reddit, your responses to my last update were incredibly supportive, and several of you asked me to keep you posted on how things develop, so here we are. Since my last post, I've been trying to follow the advice about focusing on moving forward and not getting caught up in revenge fantasies. I've been throwing myself into my bakery business, started taking a pottery class, because apparently I'm becoming that divorced woman who tries new hobbies, and even went on a couple of dates that friends set up for me. Nothing serious, but it felt good to remember that there are other humans out there who aren't involved in this whole mess. But of course, because this is my life we're talking about, things couldn't just stay quiet and let me heal in peace. About three weeks ago, I was at the farmer's market where I have a booth selling my pastries when I ran into Sam's mom, Carol.

I've always had a good relationship with Carol. She's this sweet woman who worked as a school librarian for 30 years and makes incredible quilts. She was obviously uncomfortable seeing me, but she came over to my booth anyway. What she told me was both incredibly sad. Apparently, Sam has been struggling a lot more than I realized. Carol said he's been dealing with what sounds like a pretty severe depression, and that while he's going through the motions of being engaged to Nora, he's not the same person she raised. She described him as withdrawn and anxious, constantly second-guessing himself,

and having trouble sleeping. The really interesting part was when Carol mentioned that Sam had been asking her a lot of questions about manipulation and emotional abuse lately, nothing direct, but things like whether she thought it was normal for a partner to isolate you from your friends, or if she'd ever felt like someone was rewriting history to make her question her own memories. Carol said she got the impression he was trying to figure out if something that happened to him was normal or problematic, but he wouldn't give her details. I didn't tell Carol what I suspected, because that's not my place. but it sounds like Sam is starting to piece together what actually happened during our marriage and divorce.

I mostly just feel sad for him. If he's realizing that he was manipulated into destroying his marriage, that has to be devastating. Carol also mentioned that Nora has been pushing hard for a quick wedding. Like, unnaturally fast. They got engaged three months after my divorce was finalized, and apparently Nora wants to be married within the next few months. Carol said Nora keeps talking about it. how they've already wasted so much time being apart and that life is too short to have a long engagement.

Now, I'm not a psychologist, but several of you pointed out in your comments that manipulative people often push for quick commitment to lock their victims in before they can fully process what's happening. Nora rushing Sam to the altar while he's clearly struggling emotionally seems to fit that pattern perfectly. But here's where things get interesting in a way that's specific to my particular corner of hell. Remember how I mentioned that I run a wedding cake business? Well, guess who reached out to me about making her wedding cake? That's right, Nora called my business line a few days after I saw Carol at the farmer's market. She didn't identify herself and she sounded sick or muffled so thought I wouldn't know it was her,

just said she was planning a wedding for later this year and had heard great things about my work. She gave me all the basic details. Guest count, flavor preferences, budget range. It wasn't until she mentioned the venue that I realized who I was talking to. The venue is this gorgeous mansion about an hour outside of town that I've worked at several times before. It's expensive and books up months in advance, so there aren't that many weddings there each year. When she mentioned the date and location, I put it together immediately. I didn't let on that I knew who she was.

Instead, I told her I'd need to check my calendar and get back to her. Then I spent the next two days trying to figure out what the the hell Nora was thinking. My best guess is that she's trying to normalize the situation by hiring me for her wedding cake. Like, if I'm willing to make her cake, then obviously I'm not that upset about how everything went down, right? It's this weird power play where she gets to have the woman she betrayed provide a service for her wedding to the man she stole. Either that, or she's so confident in her manipulation of the entire situation that she genuinely doesn't think I'd have a problem with it. Maybe she's convinced herself that she really did do me a favor by freeing me from

Sam, and now we can all just be friends again. I called her back and politely declined the job, citing scheduling conflicts. She pushed back pretty hard, offering to pay double my usual rate and asking if there was any way I could make it work. When I held firm, she asked if I could recommend another baker, which I did, gave her the names of three excellent professionals in the area who could definitely handle what she's looking for. But then she said something that really stuck with me. She mentioned that she'd specifically wanted to work with me because my cakes are so beautiful and meaningful, and that having me involved would make the day feel more complete somehow. I don't know if she was being sincere or if this was another manipulation tactic, but it left me feeling unsettled

for days. Several people in the comments on my last post warned me that Nora would probably try to reestablish contact at some point, and you were absolutely right. I'm glad I was prepared for it because of your advice, but it's still emotionally exhausting to deal with. The other thing that's been weighing on me is this question of whether I should tell Sam what I've figured out about Nora's manipulation tactics. On one hand, if he's starting to question the situation on his own, maybe hearing my perspective would help him understand what really happened. On the other hand, he made his choice when he decided to stay with her after our divorce was finalized. What do you think, Reddit? Should I reach out to Sam and share what I've learned about the timeline and Norris behavior patterns?

Or should I stick to my plan of staying out of their relationship and focusing on my own healing? I'm honestly not sure what the right answer is and I could use some outside perspective on whether intervention would be helpful or just make everything more complicated. Update 3. All right, Reddit, I'm back with what I'm hoping will be the final update to this saga, though knowing my luck, there's probably more drama brewing that I can't see yet. Your advice on my last post was split pretty evenly between tell Sam what you know and stay out of it for your own sanity, which honestly didn't make my decision any easier. But life, as it tends to do, made the decision for me in a way I never could have predicted. First, let me address something several of you brought up in your comments.

A lot of people were wondering why Sam would go along with Nora's manipulation if he's as good a guy as I originally thought he was. That's been bothering me too, because the Sam I married wasn't particularly susceptible to manipulation. He was actually pretty skeptical and independent-minded. Well, I think I have some answers now, and they're more complicated than I expected. About five weeks ago, I was catering a corporate event for a local firm, nothing fancy, just breakfast pastries and coffee for their monthly partner meeting. I've done events for this firm before. They're good clients who pay on time and don't make ridiculous demands.

I was setting up in their conference room when I overheard two of the partners talking about a client who was going through a messy situation involving workplace harassment and gaslighting. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but they were talking pretty openly while I arranged the pastry display. One of them mentioned how difficult these cases are because the victims often don't realize they're being manipulated until long after the damage is done. The other partner said something about how isolation from friends and family is usually the first step, followed by making the victim, question their own perceptions and memories. It hit me like a truck, read it. They were describing exactly what Nora had done to Sam, and probably what she'd done to me too. I started thinking about how, over the past year and a half of our marriage, Sam had gradually stopped hanging out with his college friends, had become more dependent on Nora and me for social interaction,

and had started second-guessing himself about things he used to be confident about. I remembered how Nora would sometimes correct Sam's memories of events, or how she'd make subtle comments about his friends being immature or his hobbies being childish. At the time, I thought she was just being her usual opinionated self. Now I realized she was isolating him from his support network. So when I got home from that catering event, I made a decision. I wasn't going to tell Sam what I suspected about Nora's manipulation. That felt too much like me trying to control the situation. But I was going to give him information that might help him make his own decisions.

I wrote him a letter. I included the information I'd gathered about Nora's behavior patterns, the timeline of when her comments about him started, and what Eric had told me about their breakup. I also included some of the things Carol had mentioned about his current state of mind, just so he'd know that people who care about him are worried. I ended the letter by saying that I wasn't trying to get back together with him or break up his engagement. I just wanted him to have all the information so he could make decisions based on reality instead of whatever version of events he'd been given. I told him that if he was happy with

Nora and confident in their relationship, he should ignore everything I'd written and move on with his life. I mailed the letter to his office, figuring that was the best way to ensure Nora wouldn't intercept it. Sam called me three days later. He asked if we could meet somewhere private to talk, and honestly, I almost said no. I'd done what I felt was right by giving him the information, and I didn't want to get sucked back into the drama. But he sounded so tired and confused that I agreed to meet him in the next town over, somewhere we wouldn't run into anyone we knew. What he told me was both heartbreaking and infuriating. Basically, Nora had been playing a much longer game than either of us realized.

She'd been working on Sam for almost two years, slowly making him doubt his happiness in our marriage, his friendships, and eventually his own judgment. She'd convinced him that I was too focused on my business to really care about him, that his friends were holding him back from growing as a person, and that he was settling for a mediocre life because he was afraid to take risks. The affair started about eight months before Nora told me about it, but Sam said it felt like he'd been emotionally manipulated for much longer than that. Nora had positioned herself as the only person who really understood him, who saw his potential, who cared enough to help him become his best self. When Nora finally told me about the affair, Sam was already so isolated and confused that he went along with her narrative about how they were meant to be together and how staying with me would be unfair to everyone involved. He said he felt like he was in a fog, just going through the motions of what Nora said needed to happen. The most devastating part was when he told me that he'd started having doubts about Nora almost immediately after our divorce was finalized, but by then he felt like it was too late to change course. She'd pushed so hard for them to move and together, get engaged, start planning a wedding, that backing out felt impossible.

He said he felt trapped in a relationship that he'd been manipulated into, but he didn't know how to get out without admitting that he'd destroyed his marriage for nothing. I won't lie, read it, hearing all of this was incredibly sad. Sam isn't just the villain in this story who chose Nora over me. He's another victim of Nora's manipulation, just like I was. That doesn't excuse his choices or minimize the hurt he caused me, but it does make the whole situation more complicated than I originally thought. We talked for about two hours, and by the end of it, Sam was crying. He kept apologizing for everything that had happened, for not seeing what Nora was doing,

for not fighting harder to save our marriage. He asked if there was any chance we could work things out, and honestly, part of me wanted to say yes. But here's the thing, even if Sam was made. manipulated, he still made choices. He still chose to have an affair, still chose to go along with Nora's plan to break up our marriage, still chose to get engaged to her instead of taking time to figure out what he actually wanted. Being a victim of manipulation doesn't erase the consequences of your actions, and I'm not interested in being someone's consolation prize after they realized their dream girl is actually a nightmare. I told Sam that I appreciated his honesty and

that I was glad he was starting to see the situation clearly, but that too much had happened for us to go back to being married. I suggested he talked to a therapist who specializes in emotional abuse and manipulation, and I recommended that he takes some serious time to figure out who he is when he's not being influenced by someone else. As for Nora and their engagement, I told him that was between them, but that he should think carefully about whether he wanted to build a life with someone who was capable of orchestrating the destruction of someone else's marriage to get what she wanted. Sam ended things with Nora a few days after our conversation. I don't know the detail. I don't know the of how that went down, and honestly, I don't want to know.

I heard through Carol that he's moved back in with his parents temporarily and is starting therapy. Nora, predictably, has been telling anyone who will listen that Sam had a nervous breakdown and that I manipulated him into leaving her. The irony is not lost on me, read it. I'm not getting back together with Sam, and I'm not interested in being friends with him, at least not anytime soon. Too much has happened, and I need more time to process every everything. But I am glad I gave him the information he needed to make his own choices, even if those choices ended up creating more drama in the short term. As for Nora, she's been trying to contact me constantly since Sam broke up with her. Phone calls, texts,

emails, even showing up at my bakery once before I asked her to leave. She seems to think that if she can just explain her side of the story, I'll understand that everything she did was out of love. The level of delusion is honestly impressive, Reddit. She's managed to convince herself that orchestrating my divorce was an act of friendship, and that Sam breaking up with her is just temporary confusion that will pass once he realizes how much he needs her. I've blocked her on all social media and changed my phone number. My lawyer has advised against getting a restraining order unless her behavior escalates, but we're documenting everything just in case.

So that's where things stand now, Reddit. Sam is single and in therapy. Thanks for all your support and advice throughout this mess. Having a community of strangers validate my experiences and help me see the situation clearly was incredibly valuable, and I don't think I would have handled this as well without your perspectives. I hope you enjoy this story. Conceived a child with an acquaintance but was unable to locate them to share the news, only to discover later that they had become my new supervisor. As a result, I had to disclose our previous relationship to the Human Resources Department, but they forced me to quit when I finally told him he helped me get a job. The back story,

I went back to university in my late 20s to do my PhD, and shared an office with a few other students for many years. One of the students, Jacob, completed his thesis and was moving back to his home country, so we all went out for congratulatory farewell drinks. One thing led to another in Jacob and I spent the night together. A few weeks later, I realized I was pregnant and I had no way to contact Jacob. His university email and mobile number had been deactivated since he'd left the university and the country. I didn't need anything from him and was fine to raise the child alone, but I thought he had a right to know. I googled him a few times over the years but never found him. This last week, our department had emailed everyone to introduce and welcome our new manager,

Jacob, with a photo and a blurb about his education and work history, so I know for sure it's him. The night we spent together changed my life because it made me apparent, so I've thought about Jacob from time to time when my daughter asks about her dad or I notice a genetic trait she didn't get from me. However, I doubt Jacob has given that night a second thought. I have no idea whether he will have any concerns about being my manager given our history, or whether I'm making a bigger deal of this than I should. For what it's worth, in my years of sharing an office with Jacob, he seemed easygoing and practical. In our company, it is common for everyone in the department to reply all to these introduction emails and introduce themselves, welcome the newcomer aboard

and explain how their role will interact with theirs. I'm not sure if my email should note that Jacob and I studied together years ago as a way to get that out in the open? Or should I email him individually and offered to have a discussion about keeping our history out of the workplace if he thinks it's needed. I'd appreciate any suggestions for language that indicates I'm not concerned and will be completely professional. And then, in direct contradiction to that, I'd also appreciate a script for a separate email saying, can we please meet outside of work because I need to tell you something important about our history so I can tell him about his daughter. If you or any commenters think I shouldn't tell him, or I should let him settle into his new country and new job first, I would definitely

take that on board. Additional information from OOP, thanks for your comment. The extent to which I tried to find Jacob wasn't relevant to my question, so I didn't include the efforts I went to. For the commenters who are curious, understandably, I really did try when I first found out I was pregnant. I asked the other people we shared an office with but no one had any information. We were students who shared an office and sometimes went to the uni bar together. We never spent any time together outside of uni. I asked Jacob's thesis supervisor, but it was Christmas slash Australian summer here so he was on leave for two months. When he got back, he gave me the address on Jacob's file, which was of course the Australian address he didn't live at anymore. The uni had a next-of-kin

Australian contact number on file for his aunt, but no one ever answered it when I rang. Jacob is Chinese with a very common surname, and Jacob is just the name he used in my country. I don't know his actual given name. So attempts to find the correct Mr. Wong, in a country where they don't use Google or Facebook, went nowhere. I searched for recent publications about Jacob's thesis topic and found a paper with Jacob Wong as one of the authors. I contacted the corresponding author and asked for Jacob's email, but they never responded. By this point, I had to give up because I was so sick with hypermesis gravidarium and needed to focus on my baby's health. Update one, for answering my letter. You were right, it was a really big deal. I was viewing the Jacob as my

manager problem from his perspective, until I told him otherwise, it was just a simple one-night stand over a decade ago, and it didn't seem like a huge problem. I hated and appreciated the reality check. I regret reading the comments, but thank you also for moderating them as quickly as you did. A lot happened in a short space of time. Thankfully I already had a therapist. First, I spoke to my union rep who said, Say nothing but call us if HR tries to set up a meeting with you. Staying silent and having Jacob independently declare the prior relationship when he arrived would have been problematic because I'd still end up in the same position

and I would have lied by omission. Our HR team can be gossipy and they know the age of my half Chinese daughter, so I needed to have as much control as possible over the disclosure. I spoke to an employment lawyer who reviewed our policies and, at his suggestion, I wrote an email to HR declaring a prior relationship with Jacob. And then I was immediately pushed out. Even if you have all the legal support in the world, you can't prevent someone from doing something illegal,

you just have recourse afterwards. In a meeting with my lawyer, the union rep, HR, and a member of the senior management team, I was asked to resign. When I said no, they insisted on a statutory declaration about the relationship with Jacob stating what happened, when it happened, how many times it happened, and who initiated it. I also said no to that. We ended the meeting with each side agreeing to think about possible solutions. The company's solution

was to start messing with my pay, my benefits, my swipe card access to my office, my computer login, and my email slash calendar account. They spread rumors about me and I heard co-workers whispering that I'd had an affair with a manager. They sent me for a random drug test at a time when I was scheduled for an important meeting with clients. They canceled accommodation that had been booked for upcoming travel, which I only found out about because I was getting paranoid and called the hotel. I can't describe how awful it feels to know that someone with this kind of power over your job is devoting their time and energy to thinking of ways to screw with you. Every day I was going into work wondering what was waiting for me and it was wearing me down fast. The advice from the union rep was

to go back in time and follow their first piece of advice, or just keep documenting everything as we prepared to take legal action. The lawyer estimated that it would take at least a year to get any kind of resolution, and I didn't even want the job anymore. By this point, I wasn't sleeping much and I had cried a few times at work. I was beginning to crack and we were only just getting started. So, I resigned. I wish I'd held up better under the pressure,

but it was all just too much with the looming deadline of Jacobs' start date. at our office, and whatever way HR was going to drag him into this. I'm lucky that I can take my time looking for a new job, so I've had some space to process everything. Outside of the work stuff, I spoke with a family lawyer who outlined all the possible ways this situation could go, and what the most likely outcomes were. Basically, my daughter is old enough that what she wants would get heavily waited by a court if it came to that. I have spoken to my daughter many times about her father. I told her what I knew about him and that I had tried to contact him. I've offered for her to see a therapist if she

ever wanted to talk about it with someone who wasn't me, and she has always said, thanks, but no thanks. The family lawyer helped me write a letter which I left for Jacob. I told him about his daughter, said I wasn't trying to get anything from him, and gave him the contact details of my lawyer. After a few weeks of me freaking out that HR had somehow intercepted the letter, he emailed my lawyer. He was the easygoing and practical Jacob I remembered. He was still processing it, but said he wasn't going to take any legal steps. He offered us his family medical history. He apologized if I resigned because of him, and he said he would like to meet our daughter if she's interested. She also has some siblings. I told her all this. She said she's happy that she has her father's

contact info, but she doesn't want to meet him right now. She's of the view that having him in our lives would cause unwanted disruption. And she doesn't even know about the work cluster fudge. Update 2, June 9, 2025. I'm incredibly grateful for the support you and the Alm community gave me at a stressful time, so I thought I'd share a final update. My daughter changed her mind and has been in contact with Jacob. It's still a bit awkward between them, but they have some hobbies in common, which they've bonded over. My daughter also seems very excited to have some siblings who adore their cool new big sister. I know some people were wondering why my old company reacted the way they did. For reasons I can't go into, my work gets scrutinized

by outside authorities and my manager's role is primarily a quality control one. Any suggestion that my manager had not checked my work impartially enough due to a personal relationship could have been career-ending for both of us. Additionally, the work I do is in a very specialist field and there are only a handful of people in the country who do it. Another company in a similar field had initially approached Jacob, who has had an amazing career by the sounds of it, to start a new department at their company doing the same thing. My old company paid a buttload of money to lower him over so that he wouldn't be in direct competition for clients and employees.

All of this meant that I couldn't report to Jacob, there was no other manager I could report to, and the company couldn't risk him going back to their competitor. Between the two of us, Jacob was the better asset to keep and the worst threat to lose. I'm not excusing the behavior of my old company, but there was a logic to it. I'm still angry about the way they treated me and how helpless I felt, but that is slowly fading over time. I had trouble finding a new job. Financially, we were okay so I was being picky, for example, wanting to stay in my current city. After almost a year out of work, Jacob told me he'd been approached by the first company who still

wanted him to start their new department. He was happy at my old company but he offered to take the new role if I wanted to try to get my old job back. I would never ask him to do that, and I also never want to go anywhere near that company again, so I said no. Jacob turned the other company down but gave them my name. It's a step up from where I was but they interviewed me and I got the job. I've been here about six months and it's enjoyable so far, plus I've never procreated with anyone in my chain of command so it seems like a good place to work. I've hired one of my former co-workers, plus two recent graduates from my alma mater who are bright, motivated and quickly getting up to speed.

Unlike my old company, we don't have a lengthy wait list for our services yet, so a few clients have started coming to us instead of them. I am delighted that I am becoming the very threat my old company was trying to avoid when they pushed me out. Next story, inherited my grandpa's house and let my father live their rent-free, but when he demanded I'd give up my room for his pregnant stepdaughter and changed the locks to keep me out, I evicted them with police. I'm 25m, not from the U.S., not looking to get into legalities, I know where I stand on that. Some context. My father married his now wife when I was 15. She was really pushy with me because the relationship with her own daughter was almost non-existent.

My father did nothing and I ended up moving with my grandpa, father's father, a few months later. Grandpa passed away suddenly when I was 17 and I inherited all his properties. Instead of moving back with them, they moved with me to Grandpa's house. I left when I was 18 to go to college and I go back home a few times a year. I let them stay there, rent free, as long as they don't touch my room and Grandpa's office. The house has four rooms. Now, I got a call from my family and they told me that I need to clean my room because they planned to turn it into a nursery room. Apparently, my father's wife got in touch with his daughter because she is pregnant and doesn't have a place to stay.

I denied his request and reminded him from who is the house they are staying in and better not touch the rooms unless they want me to kick them out. I told them there is an empty room, she can stay there but he claims it's too small for both of them. I said that if they have a problem, they can go back to his own place. There she can take my room, I don't know if he still has the house. I think I've been more than reasonable, but my uncle, father's brother, who doesn't have the best relationship with my father called me to say to think about it and not kick them out. So I wonder, Ida. Update 1, the day I wrote the original post I called Mrs. Lawyer to accompany me to the house

to deal with this in a civil manner. Well, Saturday we went early in the morning with the paperwork. Once we arrived and I tried to open the door, I got the pleasant surprise that my father had changed the locks, big mistake. We talked through the door and he told me that until I changed my mind, he wasn't going to let me in. I told him that I wasn't planning to kick them out and I was there to solve this the right way, but if he wasn't going to let me in, I was going to do it my way.

He didn't let me in. On my way to the police station, my uncle called. called me and said that my father called him in order to make me change my mind, but he wasn't going to do it and will support whatever I decided. In the police station, Mrs. Lawyer explained the situation to them and they came with us so I could evict them without issues. Once there, the police spoke to them and told them they had to let me in and get their things out as soon as possible. I hired a moving truck for them. My father tried to fight saying that he sold his house and doesn't have a place to go and he also claimed that he was the rightful owner but the dimwit doesn't

have any paperwork to prove it. In a last attempt, he brought up the fact that my step-sister is pregnant but unfortunately for them, she is in the early stages and doesn't matter either way. After their circus was over, the removal of their things was quick. Most of the things in the house are mine, except for the things they have in their room and my step-sister stuff. I'm currently in the house and plan to stay here the next few days. I have changed the locks and I'm installing security cameras. I talk to my GF about moving here and she's more than happy to do so. I'm going to talk to my boss about the possibility to work from home but it's not a real problem if I can't. Without having to worry about the house,

figuring out the rest is easy. That's pretty much it. I think I covered everything. Thank you for taking your time with this mess I used to call family. Update 2. My GF found this space and asked me to share our last encounters with my father, so here it goes. We hadn't heard from him until a few days ago, when he showed up at the house. I wasn't there but girlfriend was. My G.F. told me that my father was there to tell us that since we are now living in the house, we have to host them for the Christmas holidays. Not only that, he gave her a list of the food they wanted and the gifts they expected to receive. My GF told him to go away before she called the police. I again thought it was over, but I was wrong again. Yesterday we received another visit from him. Apparently, he called him. He called him. He

called my mother to invite her to spend the holidays with us. She blew him off and told him she will take us, G.F. and I, to Europe for New Year's Eve. He had the balls to demand she take them too. My mother just hung up. Mind you, this was the first time they had spoken after divorcing 16 years ago. He came to the house to demand I convince my mother to take them to or that we pay for them to go with us. At this point, his attitude stopped being disappointing and turned comical. My G.F. and I just laughed at him. We laughed so hard that we didn't notice when he left. I can say that we didn't have the best relationship, but he wasn't entitled.

I mean, it was already clear why my grandfather, his father, was completely disappointed in him, but it seems that he wants to take it to another new level. I don't know if he will stop, but I hope he does for the rest of the year. Edit, I have a security system. There are cameras everywhere. I know if he is there, I have other properties, my tenants and people close to GF and me, even my neighbors know what to do if my father approached them in my name, I doubt he will try to break in when we're not here. When I evicted them, my lawyer and the police were more than clear that he could face serious problems if he tries to enter the house or any other of my properties. Unfortunately in my country, any kind of restraining order is pretty much useless.

It is more helpful to call the police right then and there and he knows I have no problem calling them. Update 3. Some have messaged me for an update, so this post can be considered one. After the last incident with my father, everything was quiet in my GF and I left to Europe. Christmas passed and there was no sight of my father. My friends that were taking care of the house reported no incidents. Everything was going well until I received a call from my uncle, father's brother, on December 28. My uncle called me to tell me that he's leaving the state and is selling his house. He asked me if I was interested in the house because he was pretty desperate to leave. He didn't tell me the reason why he was leaving and I didn't care. What matters to me is that

he was desperate and this was the opportunity to fulfill my grandpa's wish. Before I continue, I have to give you some context. My uncle's house was my grandfather's childhood home. My grandpa gave it to him but later regretted it. He left me the task of recovering it and, if I succeeded, to give it to my cousin Marie, my uncle's daughter from his first marriage, he never recognized her and that is one of the many the reasons of my grandpa's regret. My uncle doesn't know that I have contact with his daughter or that I know everything that happened in the past. If he did, he wouldn't sell me the house, yes, he is that petty. Now, I decided to use the family card and my uncle's desperation to get the house cheap. I know more or less the value of the house, so I made him an offer,

way below the real veil, but that I was going to pay him in three installments. My uncle declined because it was too low and because he is not coming back. What he really meant is that he is not going to contact me again. I told him that if he could wait until my return, January 3rd, I could pay him the same amount in one go, but I would also take care of the legal fees and his moving expenses. Meanwhile, he just needed to pack his things, have his paperwork ready and everything would be done that day, surprisingly, he immediately agreed. We returned and I could buy the house without problems and my uncle left the same day. The next day, I called my cousin to tell her to come as

soon as she can to my country, she lives in Europe, because there is one more thing that my grandparents left to her. She came a few days ago and I gave her the house and the rest of the money. She had to stay a few days to deal with paperwork and in those days, who decided to appear once again. Yes, My father. Unbeknownst to me, my uncle had another buyer and that person was my father. My father asked my uncle to wait a few days so he could gather more money. When he got it, he called my uncle but he already sold me the house. My uncle in order to avoid dealing with my father told him that I bought the house. My father knowing that he can no longer approach my house, he decided to go to my new one,

but he was going to receive a surprise. He knocked and demanded that I give it to him, but no one is in there for the moment so he decided to break in, yes, yes he did. We saw everything through the doorbell camera. My cousin doesn't speak our language, so I was the one who called the police in her name. Thanks to the area where the house is and the fact that my cousin is a foreigner, the police took action faster than the previous times. It is a pity that I don't have a photo of my father's face when he discovered that the house wasn't mine, it was glorious.

My cousin with my lawyer's help and mine, pressed charges and combined with my father's previous actions. He will spend a few months in jail. Thanks to a few people I was able to find out why my uncle was desperate to leave, he pissed off his wife's family, like really bad. I send him a text telling him that if he likes to ratting me out to my father, I can do the same with his wife's family so he better no come back unless he wants to play stupid games. He blocked me after that LOL. He already told me he wasn't coming back, but I better make sure he doesn't. In the end, if my cousin decides to keep the house, this will benefit her since she doesn't want to cross paths with my uncle. So yeah, the year started off with a bang.

I pretty much got rid of my so-called family for what I think is forever and can finally start building one with my GF without the worry of unwanted people showing up. I hope you enjoy this story. decided against altering my birthday celebration arrangements for my nephew with special needs. Nevertheless, my sibling assumed I would relocate and care for his child around the clock while he spends time with his spouse. On their dream vacation. Backstory, my sister and I, early 30s, have an older brother. He's on his second marriage. His first marriage gave me my nephew, Connor, 15. Connor is autistic. When he was born, my, at the time, sister-in-law's family was the village. My parents were also the village.

My sister and I were not. This resulted in many arguments until I told my parents they could either have my brother and his family and I would go and see or they could respect my boundaries and I'd still be around. They agreed. Eventually, my brother got a divorce because of marital problems, one of which was his ex-wife insisting that I and my sister step up and help. I felt bad for him, still do, but I wasn't going to change my stance. My sister didn't either. I have lived out of state for a bit and recently accepted a new job offer close to home. It came with a nice bonus, so I decided to invite my parents, sister, and brother out for dinner at my favorite KBBQ spot.

My parents confirmed that it wasn't my brother's week with my nephew, so all was well and good. about a week before I got back home, my brother called and said his ex had something come up and that he had Connor the upcoming week and his current wife was going to be out of town with her sisters. I said no worries and asked if he wanted to call his regular babysitter for Connor and I'd cover it for our dinner night. He said no, he wanted to bring Connor to the dinner and asked if we could change the venue because Connor gets overstimulated. I said no. This was my dinner. I'm paying for it. I'm going to my favorite place. He said, you know, your nephew really can't handle a place like that, I said yes, I know. That's why I'm offering to cover paying for a babysitter for that night. He argued that he'll just bring Connor with him.

I said he's welcome to do that, but then I'm not going so it'll just be him and our parents. He told me that was messed up, that if Connor gets overstimulated, he'll just take him and go outside until he calms down. I reminded him the last time we went to a KBBBQ place. Connor had a meltdown and they had to leave. My parents always feel bad for Connor, so they'll usually leave and go to my brother's house to help. I said I didn't want that happening. I wanted to have a nice dinner without having to worry about that.

He told me to go fuck myself and hung up. We went to dinner, my sister, my parents, and I. My brother did not show up. It was a nice dinner. My parents enjoyed it too, but they said they wished my brother had come. I agreed. They then said they wished my nephew had come too. I did not agree. I said it would have likely resulted in my brother leaving after maybe 30 to 40 minutes of being there, and they would have followed him too. They agreed, but said I should have let him come anyway and just deal with it.

I said that sounds like a good reason for me not to do that and we didn't talk much that night after that. Ida. Edit, I've babysat Connor before. Even now I will. will watch him for a few hours if my brother has to do something. I don't watch him all day or overnight, though. It's not his fault and he is no way a bad kid. However, I had to set boundaries because my parents and brother, mostly his ex-wife, would take a mile if you gave them an inch. They wanted my sister and I to stay local after high school so we could help with babysitting, and I was not about to do that. I did see both of them before I left, since I wanted to, but I did not apologize for wanting to eat my favorite spot and have it done my way for just one night.

Whenever he, my brother, wants to have to dinner, we basically go to the same local spot because it's quiet and doesn't upset my nephew and it's his fixation when it comes to food. That's perfectly fine, and I go to those dinners, but for my dinner, I wanted it somewhere I enjoyed. Update 1. First, I wanted to thank everybody, positive or negative for giving feedback. Whether it was good or bad, I did read every one of them, even the ones who called me an asshole. Totally valid. While I did see my brother and Connor before I left, it was more of just playing with Connor and making small talk with my brother. I decided today to call my brother to try and get more info and smooth things out. We talked for about five minutes before I broached the subject.

I told him I was sorry if it felt like I was being unnecessarily mean or exclusionary to Conor, but that I felt I had a right to decide how to celebrate the way I wanted to. He said he was sorry that he snapped the way he did, and looking back, he realized Conner would have had an awful time and it would have been a big waste of money for me. The place we went to was about $80 a person, $40 for Connor whether he ate or not. He just really wanted him to be there too. I told him going forward, for things like my birthday, I would be more than happy to have lunch as a family with Connor at somewhere he likes so he can have a good time, then go to dinner at somewhere I want to eat at and I'd pay for a babysitter or his mom, my brother's ex, can watch him. He asked if Connor would be welcome at the dinner too, and I said I don't think so because I still plan to have KBBQ slash hot pot slash sushi slash fine dining and Connor doesn't do well in those environments light slash sound slash smell slash atmosphere.

Which is why I brought up having lunch the day of slash beforehand so we can all celebrate and it be okay for him. But I was still standing firm that for my birthday, or something like another promotion, I wanted to go somewhere that I enjoyed without having to worry. I brought up also that when he took us out to lunch, was once a month before I moved, he picked, or my parents picked and they always catered to Connor. I had no problems with that and attended almost all of them. This time, I wanted something for myself. He wasn't over the moon about it, but said it sounded good and thinks Connor would enjoy it too. He also looked into getting him sunglasses, as one of you suggested, for bright-slash-overly stimulating environments.

He then had a question for me, which I knew was going to be asked at some point. Now that I'm closer to home, he asked if I was going to be more involved as an uncle. I said yes, but not in the way he probably wants. I said I'd be more than happy to go over to his house and hang out with him, his wife and Connor and bring food he likes, as well as babysitting him once or twice a month so he and his wife could go see a movie or have dinner together. But I wasn't going to be an on-call babysitter like my parents are. Several times he's dropped Connor off at their house for a week-slash-weekend with little notice because he and his wife wanted to go on a spontaneous vacation. I told him that

was not going to happen with me, especially since I'm the process of adopting a cat and he and Connor are allergic. I wasn't allowed to have a cat while I lived in my parents' house, which was fine because it's their house and it wasn't fair to my brother and Connor who were over super often. So him getting dropped at my new place was out of the question. He thankfully didn't press the topic and said it's okay, mom and dad don't mind and that he missed hanging out with me and was happy that I could be around Connor Moore. So, everything worked out as well as I could have hoped. I'm excited move back home in a few weeks and thank you all again for the advice slash criticism. Update 2, May 25, 2025. Hi. Me again. Was hoping I wouldn't have to post here again, but well,

life had other plans. I, 31M, move back to L.A. from Texas for a new job. My parents live here, as does my brother, 40M, his wife, and my nephew Connor, 16. Connor is autistic, and while he's made a lot of progress since he was 10, still struggles with a lot of things. He is non-verbal, stims often, and frequently has meltdowns. My brother, his wife, his ex-wife, and my parents are the only ones really able to calm him down. I regularly watch him once or twice a month so my brother and his wife can go see a movie or hang out. I do not watch him overnight or for several days consecutively, and it's always at their house. After our argument last time, my brother and I have been on pretty good terms. He hasn't really

pushed boundaries about babysitting and we've mended our relationship quite a bit. However, something came up recently that has us on rocky terms. My brother recently got news that he was selected to attend a conference out of the country. The company is putting him up in a hotel for 10 days and while they won't pay for his wife to go, they have no problems if he pays her airfare and everything and occupies the room with him. I'm very happy my brother got this opportunity. The issue is child care.

The conference happens to a line when my parents and sister are going to NYC for a week to celebrate my sister's birthday. Nothing is refundable and my parents promised my sister this over a year ago they do this. His ex-wife, Connor's biological mother, will also be out of town for work. So that leaves me. When he called me up to explain everything and ask, I told him no.

However, I listed reasons for why I wouldn't do it. One, I live about 90 minutes away. Distance-wise, not that far, but L.A. traffic makes a lot of things more difficult than they should be. I don't mind making the drive once or twice a month when I'm watching him, but I do not want to make it 10 days in a row. Connor cannot come to my place because I have a cat and he is allergic. as well as me having things around the house that are fragile. I do not WFH and Connor would still be in school, so I would have to likely put in PTO to do it logistically.

2. The longest I've watched Connor was about six hours. He had a meltdown near the end that I was unable to calm him down from, and it was only my brother and his wife getting back 20 minutes later that saved me. I cannot picture myself doing it for 10 days straight. 3. This one might sound really selfish. but I don't want to set a precedent. If I watch him overnight even once, I know my brother and his wife would push it on me again.

I don't want that to be a thing. I'm happy with our arrangement of me watching him a once or twice a month and hanging out with him with my brother and our parents. That being said, would not hesitate to watch him during an emergency. But that is a totally different story. I explained this all to him. He wasn't happy. He went off on me about how he thought.

thought me being back would mean he could rely on me for this. I have said before, I am not an on-call babysitter, and his wife would really like to go on this trip. I said I'm sorry, but I'm not doing this. I said I would be happy to go and help her on the weekend he's not here and hang out with Connor, to give her a break, but I'm not going to risk my own mental health for 10 days and use eight days of PTO to watch him for a non-emergency. He had a few choice words for me and hung up. He got my parents involved in the family group chat, and they surprisingly were on my side. They said it would be a really nice gesture if I did it, but reminded him that I've never watched Connor overnight and his wife doesn't have to go on this trip. He hasn't really talked to me since. I feel bad for his wife not

being able to go, but I also don't trust myself to be able to handle Connor for 10 days. Ada Update 3, May 31, 2025. First, thank you to everyone who provided advice. I really appreciate it, and it helped know that I wasn't out of line. I messaged my brother. I said he has two options. Either he and or his wife stay home and watch Connor or he works with the local agencies slash care facilities. I apologize if I'm not using the right terms, to get respite care for him for as long as they are gone and I check on him during the weekend. I would not be watching him, and I will not hear him out in regards to that. He called me and his wife got on the line and said that I know how she feels about other people watching him overnight,

and how his mom feels too, and she's never been to this location before and it's on her bucket list. I said I'm aware, and that I'm assuming in that case she'd be staying home with Connor and maybe she and my brother can take Connor there in the future. My brother tried to interject and I cut him off. Said I really don't care what he has to argue, I'm not here for it. As some of you suggested, I again pointed them towards local organization. and government entities dedicated to helping parents with children with special needs but didn't really get anywhere. I was really burnt out over everything. So I said good luck with the situation

and hung up. I made a group chat with him and his wife and told him that, going forward, I will be visiting them once or twice a month. Meaning, one of them has to be there when I'm there. I'm not watching Connor alone anymore. I feel like this is a good compromise, letting me still hang out with Connor and also not being a caretaker. I told them that, maybe in the future, we can work back towards what we had before. But not any time soon. They both wrote back paragraphs on how they were sorry but they had no other choice and thought maybe I'd do it for them. That this could be like a second honeymoon for them, and to please keep watching him for a day or two a month. That they'd even pay me for it. I told them no amount of payment is worth it. It's not fair to me,

It's not fair to Connor. He is not my son, he is theirs. That they need to start working with agencies now, and get him accustomed to care and other people watching him. Because our parents are getting old and soon they won't be an option. My brother responded that he and his wife will start the process, and get his ex involved too, but if that doesn't work, what are they going to do? I told them that it's on them.

I'll happily join them in researching organizations and benefits, but if they have an inkling in their head that I'm going to do for them what my parents do, they are out of their minds. His wife asked if I would consider getting training and learning how to care for Connor like they do, and I shot that down. I am more than happy to be the fun uncle that drops by and hangs out, but I value my independence and I won't let that be compromised. Both of them eventually just gave me thumbs up emojis.

His wife said she was going to stay home with Connor and not go on the trip, and said they'd see me in two weeks to have a hangout. We'll see what happens then, but at the very least, I'm not on the hook for watching him and someone that can calm him is. I will do my best to keep pushing them to expand their circle and seek out other options and programs that help them with Connor, as I think that would greatly benefit the quality of life of all of them and prevent a situation like this from ever coming up again. Next story, work best friend helped me every day and stayed late to support me, then he confessed he had feelings for me since day one, but I accidentally rejected his offer. So I, 25F, just moved to this city and was honestly really grateful to have found a friend. My co-worker, 29M, and I started getting close and he became my work best friend, having lunch and

breaks together. Then eventually he started offering for me to come along to concerts, movies, etc., with his friends and the whole time it was quite friendly like I never got the vibe he was interested. We would even ride together sometimes and started going for runs together. We started sending each other reels or videos and just staying in touch throughout the day. Then he started coming over to my place because we started watching White Lotus together since we both liked it before so we thought, oh, let's watch it together. But throughout all this he never alluded to anything romantic. Never touched me or flirted. Introduced me to other people saying, here's my friend.

For my job I often have to stay late to set things up for the next day. He started gradually offering more and more to stay and help me even though our other co-workers would go for drinks. So he would leave himself out of things to help me. That's when I started getting the vibe. At some point I even broke down to him about how hard moving away from my family was for me. I told him how guilty I felt leaving my parents and missing valuable time with them and also how guilty I was about leaving my 11-year-old sister and missing milestones. I'm the oldest sister if you couldn't tell LOL. He was so understanding and really talked me through it and helped me.

Then one day he was helping me set up a conference room and I said, why are you doing this? Like you are in no way obligated to do this, it has nothing to do with your job at all. He then kind of started opening the floodgates and said, well, when you like someone, you do things for them. And I was like what? What do you mean? And he said, well, in case you couldn't tell I have feelings for you. And I was like baffled. I asked him since when.

He said, well, I liked you from the moment I saw you, which puzzled me even more like why not just asked me out from the start. And he said, I guess I just wanted to get to know you first. Anyway, then he said, well, do you want to go on a real date? And I kind of freaked out. My fear of commitment kicked in and I just reactively declined the date and said, I don't think that's a good idea. I got really scared and anxious I've always fled when something is about to become real.

Then he just shut down and it was awkward and silent until we left. Well, biggest regret because ever since then he hasn't engaged with me. It's been two days and he's avoiding me hard. No text, no, I contact. I couldn't even find him at lunch. When I finally went up to him and said, what about the date he said, never mind, don't worry about it and walked away. Did I miss my shot? Would he want me to push more about it? Because now that I've processed it and put it, and thought about what we could be I'm into it. Well, if I'm being honest, I always thought he was a great guy and exactly what I needed because he is the more chill, soft-spoken type, and I love that because I grew up with a very fiery dad with an extremely short fuse, so I always dreamed

of finding someone who is more on my wavelength. I mean, there's a reason why we worked so well as friends, but I just didn't really think he would see me like that like I didn't even let myself go there. I think I heard his feelings by rejecting his date off her even though I didn't mean to. Do I still have a chance to fix this or does it seem like I've put him off being with me? Update, May 26, 2025. First of all, thanks everyone for the great advice I really appreciated. Well, the most common advice I got was to go and be honest and plan a date for him. So I wanted to do that, but in a more intimate setting so I was feeling bold and got his favorite, wing stop, and went to his apartment and just knocked. I would pay to have footage of the look on his face because he was so

taken aback, LOL. Anyway, I said, do you mind if I come in? He was a bit hesitant, but he said yes, then we sat and I explained everything that I said in this post. How I just freaked out because I was taken aback and also scared. Scared about anchoring myself to a place away from my family, scared to lose my only friend, scared that the idea of having me would end up being better than actually having me. I told him that after having time to process the idea I am very much into it and see all the ways we are great for each other. I told him how grateful I was for everything he has done for me. And that if I reacted negatively it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. So when I finished my speech he apologized, this man is too good for me. He was like, okay, I'm also

sorry I didn't mean to ice you out. I was just disappointed and needed a little time and I would have eventually started speaking to you again like I would still rather be your friend than not. And that was a big relief because I saw comments of people saying, well, if he was just hanging out with you to get in your pants, then he's not your friend or he's immature act. Well, he proved that he's not and that he's great actually smile. Another thing is people said, well, if you didn't like him romantically at all, then you should just leave him alone or you just miss the attention. I genuinely just didn't even entertain the idea because the nature of our relationship was so platonic. In my brain I was

just like, well, were just friends if he was interested he would have said so or shown it, flirted, or been more tactile. I just accepted that as the reality so him saying he actually did like me was a complete surprise. Anyway, so we have officially decided to give it a go. We had a pretty deep convo about where we see our lives going and it's very much in alignment with each other. I'm super happy but still fearful, I admit, but I just keep telling myself that if I don't try I'll regret it. I still have a date that I'm planning a date that I'm planning involving all of his favorite things that I'm working on in my back pocket because I still feel like I have some making up to do. Oh, and we ended up kissing and it was great smile. I hope you enjoy this

story. Employed at my father's business and rose to the position of chief executive officer but had to terminate my own sibling when he continued to vanish unexpectedly and abandoned our employees on crucial state assignments. At the moment, I work for my father, and my younger brother is also in the business. We're a construction firm. I've worked at the company since I was 14, doing office work over the summers all the way through college. After getting my degree and working elsewhere for seven years, I came back to the family business and for nearly 10 years have been working my way into more and more of a leadership role. My dad is my boss, but he is not a good delegator, manager, or mentor. He is a great project manager and knows the industry like the back of his hand

and is good at his job, but very much not a teacher or long-term planner. On paper and sort of by actions, I am his heir apparent. But in reality I'm just being given a little bit of everything without any ownership over anything, and it's overwhelming. I am now a point on some aspect of almost every part of the company, IT, HR, management, accounting, office management, marketing, and on top of that I keep getting construction projects to manage. I started here as a project manager, and note that none of our other PMs have any other office admin responsibilities, just me.

I keep trying to get out of project management, because it's hard to prioritize employee reviews or revamping the website when you're constantly pulled into project issues, which by definition need to take priority because they pay the mortgage. But every time I'm close to finishing out my last project, a really great prospect comes up and we don't have the staff to handle it. So I end up taking it on and I'm back on the hook for another 9 to 12 months of PM work taking 50% of my time. Every time we've tried to make a plan for me to take over a specific part of my father's role or our CFO's role, it just doesn't happen. They can't actually let go. Meanwhile, I'm just getting all the mundane stuff put on my plate, like ordering more laptops or figuring out how to run certain reports in our accounting software. These tasks don't interest me. I want to be big picture, I want to be strategic.

We just had a strategic planning retreat two months ago, which I organized, pulled together the data and agenda for, and facilitated, all of which I really enjoyed. During that retreat, the decision was made that I would go get some financial training and move toward CFO and out of project management. Last week we landed a new 12 to 15-month project, and guess who is now the PM. We just hired a new PM, guess who is supposed to be training and mentoring him, though I'm not his manager, that's still my dad. I'm so burnt out from the pandemic and trying to figure out how to do my job, what my job even is, and what any sort of pathway towards a job here that I like looks like that I've been pretty checked out for the last two months. Yesterday my dad confronted me about that. He asked, have you decided that construction isn't for you? It hurt, and I kind of tried to explain everything above, but I'm really close to just saying,

yeah, construction isn't for me, I'm out and blowing up the last 10 years worth of a career I've been trying to build here. It would be so much simpler to be out. But I have a lot of pride in this place, it's basically another family member, and I love that it's an ethical company that supports real careers and puts its employees first. But I haven't been happy here for a while. I loved putting together and running that strategic retreat, but now all that work feels like a waste of time, because we aren't doing anything with it, I feel so stuck, and can't see any way out besides just blowing it up. My relationship with my father and brother would be fine if I left. They would understand. The company would figure it out.

Or it wouldn't and my dad would have to sell. I don't know, at some point it's still just a business, not actually a me. of the family, right? I know I have skills that would make this place better, but I feel like they are atrophying after years and years of banging my head against a wall and not getting any sort of direction or plan or mentorship from anyone here, and feeling like all my efforts to develop my role here are just me flailing about. My passion for this place is gone. Maybe that's just post-pendemic blues. But I do know I would feel so free if I hit the eject button. I could go back to school, I could find work slash volunteer for causes I care about, I could be a more present mom

and spouse if I didn't work here. Maybe that's the right path, to separate family and work, and just let the chips fall where they may. Note that my spouse also has a full-on career working 60 hours a week for one of the tech giants, so balancing work and family is really hard with both of us having career-type jobs and small kids. And while my income is great to have, it's not necessary for our financial stability. The same would not be true if we lost my spouse's income. Any advice would be much appreciated. Update 1, a lot has changed, and a lot has not. Ultimately, I'm still with the family construction business and I suspect I will be for the rest of my career. Two things really hit me after my letter was published. The first being that I

didn't really spell out what I like about my job, which you called me out on. So I gave that some thought. On good days, I love my job because I get to problem solve, either internally or on a project. Often I'm working to understand processes, figure out next steps, facilitate communication and find solutions, and every day is different and full of potential. I also love my company because we're the type of employer I think all employers should strive to be. We here, yes to make money, but also to allow our employees to have a career that supports them in the unfolding of their lives. Just the other day one of our employees thanked me for this being a wonderful place to work that has supported her though real health issues, and she said she was

glad I was starting to take over the reins as the next generation because she knew I would continue to retain that culture of family. Then just last night I attended an award ceremony where one of our projects was recognized for the historical restoration of a building that was falling apart. This award-winning building is in my neighborhood, it's a place where my family goes to hang out, where I now take my kids for the winter farmers market. It's a building that will be part of my larger community for the next 50-plus years, and my company did that work. I feel real, deep satisfaction some days. I really like and respect both my father and my brother, who I work with daily. None of that came through in my letter, and it was really helpful to catalog all that good stuff,

because afterwards the hard stuff I was focusing and wrote you about suddenly loomed less large. I also have to say thanks to all of the advice that came from the commentariat that really helped me look at my situation differently, specifically I was really taken aback by their accusations of sexism towards my father. I found myself pretty insulted on his behalf, because he is the person who has steadfastly been my champion. We've had blunt conversations about the dearth of women in construction and why, and he sees what this industry is like and doesn't think it should be like this. He wants capable people in places of leadership, including capable women. He believes I have the skills and ability do it. We just haven't been able to figure out how to get me there slash

get him to let go. Ultimately the comments made me realize I was doing a lot of this to myself. I was taking on the HR stuff, I was volunteering to pick up the 401k administration, order the laptops, fix the website, move into the financial side of the company. Long story short, I had to ask if I was being the sexist one by taking on all the administrative tasks that needed doing, when they didn't feel like actual moves upwards. I personally didn't need to own any of it, I just kept taking it on because someone needed to. Maybe it was internalized sexism or maybe it was just being bad at delegating, but I finally saw it, thanks to you all.

So we've since hired a new office manager slash director of HR at my behest and OMG, yes. This person is worth their weight in gold and now does, enjoys doing, and does well all of that administrative stuff I had taken on. The new PM who I mentioned in the letter has since started, and I'm training him which mean he's learning to PM the way I want him to, and has been a great addition to our team. And we've also since brought on a vice president of marketing and design, who we've also since brought on a vice president of marketing and design, who is potentially going to be our interim CEO instead of me taking the reins directly from my father. This makes a lot of sense in many ways, not least because he has more experience in the industry and with

working as an executive, but also because him taking responsibilities for my father is just less fraught. So, now I'm back to being mostly a project manager, which I enjoy and am good at, with flavors of being a manager. I'm still a leader here, I'm on the board of directors and get to weigh in on decisions and what direction we head. People seek out my advice and ask me to address issues, and while the immediacy of taking over my father's role is gone, it's still very much the long-term plan, though the plan is more fuzzy than it was. It's on the to-do list, don't worry. In the near term, I need to focus on landing projects so we can pay these new hires that are doing the stuff I don't want to, which seems like a good trade-off to me.

Overall, I'm really proud of the moves I had this company make over the last year, and specifically the last couple months the hires, the new projects, the changes in roles, and the leadership-slash-accountability structures I have put in place. I appreciate the perspective Allison and the commenters gave me. It helped me figure out a way through to the other side during a rough time. Cheers and thanks so much. Update 2. I wrote you way back in 2021. when I was trying to decide whether or not to stay in the family business, and in 2024 I sent you my

update. I've since stepped into the role of CEO, for better or worse, and am now facing an ongoing issue for the first time as the leader of this company. We have three family members who are part of the business now, my father, majority owner and president, myself, CEO, minority owner, and my brother, VP, minority owner. My brother and I have the same ownership stake and the idea was that the company will transition to us, and we will be equal business partners. But my brother is undependable. My guess is that he has depression, anxiety, or some type of mental health issue that he has never addressed, and it means he's often mildly unreliable and then every once in a while he drops the ball in a spectacular fashion that leaves other

people to clean up his mess. We've had conversations about this on a number of occasions over the past decade. But about three years ago, it really seemed like he was doing much better. He was showing up, answering his phone, responding to emails, doing his job well, and actively participating in executive planning. He said he wanted to be here with me to lead our family business for the long term. And that felt wonderful. The idea of having a partner in this family business, where it can feel very high stakes and very lonely, was such a relief. My brother is smart and thoughtful, and I trust his judgment and views, which often differ from mine, which is great in a business partner.

Shortly after that was when long-term plans for ownership were being put into place, and actual ownership stock started to change hands. I thought my brother and I were going to be a great team. But 18 months ago, there was an incident where he went uncommunicative for a week and left a project manager in the lurch. We had to scramble to find a subcontractor to complete our work. Eventually he showed up and said he wouldn't do it again. And then a year ago, he left on his honeymoon having completely failed to get a project with a hard deadline started, leaving me having to scramble to make apologies to city officials, track down materials, ask for extensions,

and generally get really ticked off at my brother. Once he got back, I, in the presence of my father, told my brother that he needed to see a therapist or in some other way address his lack of dependability or I would not go into business with him. He agreed and said he'd already talked to his doctor about getting a referral. Over the last year, I've asked a couple times if he's made any progress with getting help, but he's always said he was waiting on insurance or for an appointment, etc. Over the last month he's gotten shaky again, being less and less responsive. Then two days ago, I found out he was leaving the country the next day for two weeks. He never told me. I found out for my mother. We once again have a project left in the lurch,

making other people scramble. He left one of our crews short a member, he gave his guys only one work day of notice, and another employee is scheduling things that he should have scheduled. And I've come to discover that he's put off scheduling a kickoff meeting for another project for the past three weeks, ignoring the emails from an angry PM for the state. How do I deal with this? I know I don't want to be in business with my brother under these circumstances. I said that last year, and I meant it, and I set a boundary. And here we are and it's time to enforce this boundary. I know all that, but I don't know what to actually do and what to actually ask for. My dad sees all this, and is supportive of me. My brother has been

doing this to my dad for nearly a decade, and I think my dad is even more fed up and upset than I am. My dad is also a bit of a hothead and a dictator. He wants to straight up fire my brother. I don't know. Maybe that's best. But my brother has good qualities, good skills, and he is an owner and he is my brother. What about a PIP? A leave of absence? A change in role, take him out of leadership? Or did that ship sail last year? Part of what is so hard is that I love him. And he's falling apart at work because of very real, very challenging stuff in his personal life. The other part is, I lived the same childhood as my brother. We had an alcoholic mother and my parents went through a terribly messy divorce, and all that created issues around communication and

confrontation and self-worth and shame for all of us, issues that I've worked hard to overcome through my own therapy and coaching. So I'm deeply empathetic to why my brother is the way he is. And I don't want to blow up my relationship with him or my sister-in-law. But I can't do it like this anymore. And ultimately if we keep going like this, the relationship is already destroyed because I'm so frustrated and angry. And I could work with him, somehow, probably, if he would just communicate with me, if he had just told me he was going to be on vacation, that he had been ignoring these emails, that he was stalling out. But we've tried saying, please, for the love of everything, just communicate. For nearly a decade, and nothing has changed. It's never really

gotten better, except for that brief period three years ago. I've read through your archives, looking for family businesses hitting similar issues, and this and this really hit home. We're experiencing these issues, the hit to morale and people talking about leaving based on family members being treated differently. So I know we need to change and I know there is no way to do it without this being sad and painful. Any advice you could offer to help me figure out some options to move forward that fall between keep doing what we're doing and getting the same result and fire him as soon as he steps off the airplane would be much appreciated. My brother gets back in two weeks, and I need a game plan for what our conversation is going to look like. Update 3, June 17, 2025. The news is all positive, but the path there was not without its challenges.

So when I wrote in, my brother had gone out on vacation without giving any notice, again, leaving me and others in the lurch. Many commenters supposed he was entitled and spoiled, making big money for doing nothing, but this is. couldn't be further from the truth. We're a mid-sized family business. All of us work very hard and everyone is paid a solid livelihood, including the family owners. But no one is making Fortune 500 money. And on the other side of the coin, all the same executive pressures exist. The responsibility to keep this place going, to make the right choices so we survive a recession, survive the competition, and survived the changes in technology and workforce and varying governmental requirements is intense. My brother was buckling under the stress of living up to everything,

not least of which was being pulled between my father's expectations and the expectations of his wife, neither of which he could meet and neither of whom he could figure out how to talk to about the reality of what he could and couldn't do. Then go ahead and add the pressure of a very successful older sister, who is his boss, to the mix. Simply put, he was freezing up and stalling out in the face of all that conflict. This is the thing about family business that nothing and no one can really prepare you for. People tell you to compartmentalize. They tell you to separate business from family.

They tell you to not let the two worlds mix. But the reality is that you are sitting there, at all times, being both a daughter and a manager, a sister and a colleague, a parent and a boss, a child. and a subordinate. There is no separating, no putting on different hats, no being two different people inside yourself. You're just one person, and there actually is no way to keep your family history from impacting your reactions to the other person, and no way to endure one way you have to relate to someone from impacting the other way you relate to them. When it's good, it's really good. But when it's hard, it's everything that is hard about family combined with everything that is hard about business, which is hard indeed. So the very hard choice I made was

to decide that I had to do what was best for the company, for the sake of myself and all my colleagues, and to let go of the rest. I had to be okay with losing my relationship with my brother for the sake of the business. When my brother returned from his trip, I put him on unpaid leave and told him that if he wanted to rejoin the family business he would need to come back to a labor-slash-field-only position without any authority. My brother is actually very talented and skilled in many ways, just not as a project manager, so keeping his skills in our workforce was in the best interest of the company and I told him so. But I fired my brother and told him he would have to reapply for a new position because his old position no longer existed.

Then, as his sister, I told him I loved him. I told him I would be happy to help him financially while he was out of work. I told him I would be happy to help him find a therapist. and I would be happy to support him and his family in any way they needed during this time, just not through the company. I tried to be there for him, even as I was the one firing him. And he was never upset with me. He saw all of it. He knew he had let everyone down. He knew why I was doing what I was doing. He left the office that day feeling even more awful and more horribly guilty about the whole situation. It took him about six weeks of

not working, of dealing with the implications of what was happening, of finally being honest with his wife about all of it, for him to come to terms with everything, but he did. He is now regularly seeing a therapist, ironically, my therapist, which is a good thing because she is great, and he is starting to deal with some of the baggage from our childhood. Eventually he did come back to work. Now, day to day he is just a mason, laying brick and block at the direction of others. He was on hiatus for a while from his ownership duties, but he is now back on our executive team since he is still an owner and an officer.

Those meetings are after hours so they don't interfere with his field duties. It's still a little bit of a weird setup, because it's still family business. But he is doing his job well and he is much happier now that his role matches his capabilities and he's not constantly worried about dropping the ball or not meeting expectations. And so am I. I hope you enjoy this story. Father and siblings reprimanded me at dinner for donning a brief dress my mother gifted me, after which my father tore apart all my garments as I wept and my siblings surpassed expectations.

Me of sleeping with my male friend. Hi, I never thought I'd be writing here. The people involved are, me, 16F, my dad, 59M, my two older brothers, 22M, their twins, by the way, and my twin brother. 16M. As you can imagine, dealing with two sets of twins can be, well, stressful and I understand my father in that. My mother is away working. She usually comes once a year or month, but I haven't seen her much since I turned 14. Sometimes she sends some stuff to me and my brothers. The relationship with my brothers is, well, complicated, I'm the only woman among all of them, so it was already difficult to connect with them. I only connect a little with my brother Andrew, fake name, 22 years old, since we both like Greek

mythology and stuff like that. But here the problem is with my twin brother and my father, you see, these last few days where I live, the weather seems to have a life of its own, sometimes hot, sometimes cold, etc. So, today I woke up to unbearable heat, I had planned to go to one of those markets that sell everything to look for some stuffed animals from a series that I like, I dressed in a shirt, some sneakers, and decided to wear a skirt to have my legs freer. The skirt was short, almost four fingers above my knees, and that was the problem for my father. He immediately told me that the skirt was not appropriate and that I should change immediately. He knew I was coming out. I say this to clarify, I asked him what the problem was with this skirt.

Since it was literally a piece of clothing that my mother sent me from the country where she works. He didn't say anything to me, he just told me that either I changed. into pants or I wouldn't go out. I couldn't even speak when my twin brother joined the conversation, my father told him everything, I guess looking for support, and my brother, like the idiot he is, looked me up and down and said you look like a SL-T-t in that skirt I got angry about that and out of rage. I took off a shoe and hit him with it. But it got worse because my dad agreed with him, yes, he said, if your brother thinks like that, what do you think the others will think? To top it all off, he called two older brothers and they also supported him.

I ended up locking myself in my room, I looked at the skirt and I didn't see anything wrong with it, I looked at it for hours until I simply gave up on my plans to go out. That was practically two weeks ago, since that day I don't speak to them unless it's important. My mom texted me today, asking, why do I give my dad and brothers the silent treatment? And that my dad feels bad about it. I didn't send a response so, I would appreciate it if you could give me some advice so I can answer my mom and explain all of this to her. I consulted with some friends, while some friends, both men and women, told me that my dad went too far by not defending me from my brother's comment. Two friends told me that I was exaggerating because of my brother's comment and that, instead of complaining, I should take it as advice.

So, Reddit, Ada. Update 1. Hello, everyone. I'm calmer now so I can give you an update. Also, I'm going to eat in a few moments, so I thought I'd leave this here. Before I start, thank you all for leaving your comments and to the two people who spoke to me privately, it means a lot to me. I'm going to summarize the call with my mom. She was furious and asked me for photos of the clothes I wore, and also asked for a photo of me

wearing them. And well, for the few who managed to read my previous post before I deleted it, I stayed at friend's house after my dad put on a show and tore all my clothes. I was lucky my phone didn't hang up when my dad walked in like crazy, because my mom heard the whole thing and recorded it. So, coming to the present, my mom called my friend's mom, asking her to take me to see my dad at a cafe for breakfast. I'll be honest, it scared me. After remembering what happened the night before in my father's previous behavior, I felt like I didn't recognize him. Something I forgot to mention is that he He rarely acts like this.

I have seen him angry with other people, but never with my brothers or me. We went to a little cafe where my mother used to frequent before leaving and there I found my father. It seemed like he had cried for hours, as if he hadn't slept. We talked for a while and he apologized, not only for the B-H-T-C-H thing, but also for not stopping my brothers and also for ripping my clothes. I asked him for an explanation, since he hadn't even given me one about the skirt. He looked down and said he thought that if his words and those of my brothers affected him,

he was going to change my clothes, WTF? Yes, that was my reaction, not in words, but in feelings. I told him that it did affect me, but not just the clothes, but the fact that I allowed my brothers to call me a bitch behind my back and make fun of it. He started to cry. I'll be honest, I didn't understand why. I read a lot here about crocodile tears and emotional manipulation. He said he was sorry, that he never wanted me to get to this point, that he didn't know how to handle the fact that I was growing up, and that he didn't want to lose me.

The conversation led to nothing and I'm still at my friend's house. In the case of my brothers, none of them have spoken to me. My mom left me a message before she left for work, telling me that she had already spoken to my brothers and my dad. The good news to liven this up is that my friend got me another plush toy for my collection, one of Shadow the Hedgehog. For now, everything has stayed like this, me at my friend's house and my dad with my brothers. I feel like there's something else my dad didn't tell me, I mean, like I mentioned. He never acted like that before, or maybe I didn't see it. But to be honest, I feel like there's something my dad isn't telling me, and so do my brothers.

Thank you very much for the support, my shadow plushy and I say goodbye update too. For those of you in my time zone, you might be wondering, what am I doing? writing so late. Well, as I usually say, things happened, so I prefer to keep you informed, in addition to answering questions. But first of all, I really appreciate the help and advice given in my previous post. This teenager says it sincerely from the bottom of her heart answering frequently asked questions. No, living with my mom isn't possible for two reasons. First, my mom is away too much. She doesn't have a home office. That wouldn't be a for me since I know how to cook, do my own laundry, and clean up after myself. The other thing

is that my mom lives with two other women where she's staying this time. One is an older woman and the other is divorced. Both rented the room with the no children rule, so no, it's not possible, no, I never saw my dad act this way in front of me, as I mentioned in the comments and in my previous update, he never behaved this way with me. He is usually very affectionate and understanding, so as I mentioned, I don't know what the reason for that outburst of anger was. And no, my parents are not divorced. The reason my mom is always away is because of work. She got pregnant with my older brothers. Andrews slash Andy and Elijah, when they were 21, my dad stayed behind to take care of both of them

until my mom got a good job. Then they had my twin and me. She is still far away and the money she sends is usually enough and even left over for everyday things, school, extra activities, etc. Now, with the update, two days ago, my brother Andy, 22M, wrote me a message, asking if we could talk, the truth is I got a little nervous, I asked him if we could talk on the phone and he said yes. As a comment recommended, I recorded the conversation with my brother in case something happened, in addition to having my best friend's sister as moral support. The conversation was trivial at first, and he asked me if I ate well, slept well, the usual stuff, until we got to the topic at hand. He apologized, saying he was an idiot and should have measured what he said. I asked him why he did that, why he used those words. At first, he gave me the same explanation as my dad, that is, it was to persuade me to change my clothes.

I told him to tell me the truth, that I needed a rational and sincere explanation. I heard him sigh and he said, you wouldn't understand. I asked him what exactly I didn't understand, but he was stubborn in not telling me, I asked him if mom told him anything. He said that mom scolded him and my brothers for treating me like that and that we would talk about it when she got back. He also asked me when I would be coming home. I told him that I would stay at my friend's house until mom came and that's where we started

to argue. He told me that it was stupid to hide at my friend's house, that it was cowardly and childish to run away just because of a comment. I replied that after dad tore my clothes no matter how much I cried, he no longer made me feel safe. Less because neither he nor our other two brothers, his twin and my twin, defended me or comforted me, they just watched and turned a blind eye until Mom had to intervene. Upon mentioning mom, he started by telling me that I shouldn't have brought Mom up, since she was already stressed enough with her job to listen to my tantrums, and that we could have worked it out at

home, I told him this wasn't a tantrum. They literally ganged up on each other calling me a SL-T and making derogatory comments about my outfit, then let Dad rip my clothes. I asked him if he even bothered to think about if this would affect me and he stayed silent. Then he ended the call telling me not to do stupid things at my friend's house and hung up. I cried, I know. Probably pathetically, I really would like to say that I didn't feel anything and that I didn't care what he said. But regardless, this is my brother I'm talking about. Then before dinner, I just 22M, Andy's twin, got a call, I thought about not answering considering my argument with Andy but decided to. He didn't use any platitudes and told me straight up that I got him, my other two brothers,

and dad in huge trouble by going to cry on Mom and then running away into my best friend's lap, I told him what he expected, I didn't get any answers from any of them about what happened. None of them helped me when Dad was ripping my clothes and I was begging him to stop. I told him I didn't run away into anyone's lap and that I didn't cry to Mom, I just told Mom what happened and that I'm staying somewhere safe. I just heard him groan and he told me to not do anything stupid before I could ask him what he meant. He hung up. I suspected that my twin brother, Toby, 16m, would also call later, but he just texted me saying I hope you're happy now. I was confused most of the night. I tried to call my mom, but she left me a message saying I'm about to finish the

case. Just give me three more days and I'll be there. I love you. Let's move on to the accident on Saturday. When my brother spoke to me it was on Friday, I went out with my best friend for a walk. We were planning to go to a McDonald's with his sister and his cousin. His sister is 19 and his cousin is 10F. She is quite quiet and I really adore this little one. It was early, almost three in the afternoon. Lunch hadn't filled us up so my friend's mom and my friend's cousin's mom gave us permission. We sat at a table and I was the one assigned to order the food.

Everything was normal until I saw my two older brothers enter the restaurant. my heart froze. I looked back at the counter, praying that the line would get longer so they wouldn't see me. To my misfortune, they did, almost immediately the first thing they did was ask me what the hell was I doing here alone. I told them I wasn't, that my friend's family was here, I wanted to pretend I didn't know them, to ignore them, but that wasn't possible, and he asked me whose shirt it was and I told them it was my friends. I don't know why. But that made them mad, Elijah told me that they warned me not to do anything stupid and told me they would take me I stepped aside when he tried to grab me and I told him what stupid thing he was talking about.

I'm writing here that if any of you are standing, you'd better sit down. Because what my brother told me made me feel so nauseous that I wanted to jump out of a window, he told me that wearing my friend's shirt was a sign that I slept with him. Yes, you're not hallucinating and it is not your glasses. If any of you wear glasses, those were my brother's words. I asked him why the hell he thought that and he said that when a girl wears a boy's shirt, It is because he has marked his territory. That's when I really lost it. I told my brother he was a creep for even suggesting that,

that my friend let me borrow that shirt because I'd run out of the few shirts I'd managed to save and was now washing them. That both my friend and I were underage, and the fact that they made that assumption was just disgusting, apparently that only made them believe their suspicions more and they yelled back at me, and he said not to lie, to tell the truth

and that if I did, they wouldn't tell Dad, I yelled back, telling him that it was disgusting. That I wouldn't confess to something I didn't do and to leave me alone, Elijah then told me to stop being so stubborn and spoiled. Then he added something that hurt me, he said he didn't understand why I was so offended by the S-L-H-T thing if I was behaving like one. That's where the comment he made, that I ran into someone else's lap made sense. I felt nauseous, disgusted, and in pain,

it made me think that if that was how my older brothers saw me, I was about to answer, but then a scream fell on both of us. it was my friend's little cousin. She started screaming that these two bad men, referring to my brothers, were yelling bad things at me. That caught the attention of two mothers who appeared, as well as my best friend and his sister. The rest was a blur to me. For what I know, my brothers were tell to leave the place. They tried to take me with them, but my friend and his sister didn't let them. We ended up buying takeout and my friend called his mom to pick us up. I don't know at what point I started crying, but my friend's little cousin noticed and gave me one of her chips to make me stop crying.

It turns out that she and my friend's sister were looking at what toys were available in the happy meal. It was then that the little one separated from my friend's sister to let me know what toys she wanted when she saw my brothers yelling at me. My friend then asked me what happened and I told him and his mom everything. Needless to say my friend's mom was furious, after dinner I spoke to my mom, I wrote to her and told her everything. She replied just a few more days, honey, I'll be there right away. I don't know if it was the penned-up frustration or what happened at the restaurant, but I exploded. I sent her a voice message saying that I needed her now, not in a few days, that I didn't understand what the hell was going on since it seemed like neither she nor my dad.

Much less my brothers were being honest with me, that my brothers had said horrible things to me, that my dad was acting like a stranger and that she only said we would talk about it when she got back. I told her that I was her daughter, that I admired her for what she did at work and what she did for her friend, but right now, I needed her. I needed my mom, I ended the voice message by telling her I wanted to stay at my friend's house even if she came, since after today and her attitude, I didn't feel safe with anyone, not with her or my dad, less with my brothers, I cried all night in silence, out of anger over this whole situation, but also out of guilt. Because I know my mom is working her ass off every day to provide us with a good lifestyle and not make us go without, and I exploded

at her, I'm sorry my update is so long and without any good news, I'd like to say that I feel better now, but honestly I feel like everything around me is upside down. From what I know my brothers have told everyone they know that they saw me wearing my best friend's shirt which to them means that he marked me or whatever that means in their fucking minds. My dad didn't say anything and my mom didn't say anything about my audio. For now, I'm more calm. My friend's mom lets me join me. My friend's mom lets me her and her hobbies of pottery and embroidery, and she also gave me some old paper doll cutouts to design clothes and keep me busy, I could never be more grateful to this woman and her entire family, as well as to all of you, Reddit. Also, if you have any advice on what to give a 10-year-old

girl, I would really appreciate it. Her birthday is in two months and I want to give her a gift for helping me out there. For now I say goodbye, I hope you have a good night, morning or afternoon, and I will update you if anything happens. Update 3, I bring you what I hope is the latest update on what happened. I appreciate the concern, comments, and suggestions for my friend's cousin's gift. I'm going to try to summarize a little bit of everything that happened. First of all, my mother didn't come back. We both talked and I ended up discovering things that, although they felt heavy,

explained the situation to me better, the first thing, which I mentioned in a comment. is that the reason my mom was gone so much was because she needed her space. I asked her what she meant by that, and she told me that they were only expecting one baby, my twin. When they did the first ultrasound to see him, I wasn't that visible, my mom's words. It wasn't until the second ultrasound that they finally noticed me. So, for those who theorized that I was the daughter of a lover, I am an unexpected surprise. My mom said that neither she nor my dad were ready for a girl. When my twin and I were born, mom was anxious since having a girl,

she would now have to stay at home more to guide me. My dad assured her that he would understand me and that my mom would not worry. I think she took that literally. I asked her why she was telling me this until now and it turns out that the divorced woman my mother currently lives with, in a comment I said she lives with two women, listened to my audio when my mother played it. Sat my mother down and told her that I needed her, that if she didn't do something now, she would lose me like she, the divorced woman, lost her children.

She apologized for prioritizing herself as a woman more than me. She said she thought I was safe and calm at home, but after this, she understands that she was wrong to be out of my life and that of my brothers. We talked a little more, mostly about what I wanted and if I was sure I wanted to stay at my friend's house. I said yes, and then she talked to me. my friend's mom, so they agreed that I would stay with my friend's mom. The talk with my dad and my brothers. Well, it was by video call with my mom too. To be honest, I had already resigned myself to

never having an explanation for all of this. The call can only be summarized in what happened in the restaurant, a scolding for my brothers and the news that I will be staying with my friend. My dad tried to object, but my mom silenced him. So now I officially live with my friend, her sister and her mom. The rules in the house are manageable and I feel comfortable here. My friend and I call each other neighbors and we agree to have movie marathons on Sundays. I chose a My Hero Academia anime movie and my friend will watch E.T. with me next week. As for clothes, my mom sends money. I'll go with my friend's sister next week.

She saw my style the times I went out with my friend, so she's taking me to a few stores to recover some of my old wardrobe. I had one last talk with my dad on my friend's porch, with his mom watching. He apologized for disappointing me, for not protecting me, and cried again. Many will probably judge me here, but I accepted his goodbye hug. It hurts that things ended like this. He said he would find a way to earn my trust again and that he didn't want to lose me. As for my brothers, I only received an apology from Andy, while my twin sent me a photo of my room still intact with the phrase it will be the same when you return. So here I am now,

at my friend's house, in my new room with a few paper dolls that I made clothes for. I still keep the same calling schedule with my mom, while my dad will text me on weekends to check on me. That was my parents' arrangement. For my expenses, my friend's mother will be the one who receives a sum of money for anything. Food, hygiene products, medicines, etc. I really appreciate. I really appreciate the comments and support. I'll leave it there. If something serious happens, I'll update you. But for now, I think this will end here. A big hug to everyone who commented and have a good day. Bye. I hope you enjoy this story. Fiancé discovered her father passed away a month following his burial, so I reached out to her sibling to inquire why no one

informed her, but he mentioned they severed ties with her. Off because of her toxic behavior. So I proposed to my fiancé back in March. Her dad was the only person I talked to beforehand. I asked for his blessing and he was super kind about it. I only met him a couple times before that, but we had a good conversation and I could tell he really loved her. The thing is, I only met his wife or stepmom once, that same day.

It was brief and polite, but that's it. Everything else about our engagement planning and updates was through her dad. Her dad has another kid with the stepmom, a teenage son, 17. My fiancé always kind of kept some distance from that part of her dad's life. It wasn't like she hated them or anything, just. They weren't close. Her dad would check in, sometimes visit her on his own, but it always kind of felt like he had two separate families. I never really thought too hard about it. It just was what it was.

Then in April, while we were starting to figure out the engagement party and save the dates and all that, he passed away. We didn't even know. We didn't hear anything from anyone. No call, no text, not even a weird silence. Nothing. We only found out this week because one of her cousins posted something online about missing him after the funeral and my fiancé texted them like, What do you mean, the funeral? And they were like everyone was surprised you didn't show. She just shut down. I think she's still in shock.

Her dad is gone. She didn't get to say goodbye. She didn't even get told he was dead. The funeral already happened. She missed it. And no one told her. Not her stepmom. not even her own brother, not anyone. And what makes it worse is, now that she's tried to reach out

to people, cousins, her aunt, even her dad's friend, she keeps getting these weird half-responses that make her feel like she should have known or been there. Like they're judging her for not showing up when nobody invited her in the first place. She keeps asking me if she did something wrong. She's wondering if her dad was mad at her. I do think he was happy for us, but now I don't even know what's true anymore. I guess I just don't understand how something like this happens. I know grief makes people act strange and there might be stuff we don't know. I don't want to assume the worst about her stepmom maybe she was overwhelmed, or didn't have our contact info, though I feel like she must have had some way to reach out. But I also don't want to make

excuses for someone who let my fiancé find out her dad died a month later from a post. It's starting to feel uncomfortably close to full on evil stepmom territory, and I hate even thinking that, but this just feels so cold. She's devastated and I don't know what I'm supposed to say or do. I can't fix it. She just keeps saying she can't believe she wasn't there. That she wasn't even given the chance. And I'm angry too, but mostly I just feel helpless. And sad for her.

I guess what I'm really asking is how. How do I help my fiancé grieve someone she didn't even get the chance to say goodbye to? She keeps wondering if her dad was upset with her, or if she missed some sign, and now the way her family's reacting is only making her feel worse. I want to support her without making her feel like she has to perform grief on anyone else's timeline, or carry blame for something that was never her fault. Mini update, I found where her dad is buried and got contact info for who I think is her half-brother. When I showed her the profile to confirm, she shut down and panicked, but it did confirm for me that it's definitely him.

She doesn't want to reach out right now, but I might. At one, we finally found out where her dad was buried, and I managed to get in touch with her half-brother. When I showed her who I thought it was, she panicked and did not want anything to do with it. She still does not know I went ahead and talked to him. To be honest, I expected lies or deflection, but what I got was more frustrating. He was not defensive, just cryptic. He said he knows exactly why her side of the family cut her off and that she knows too. He would not tell me what it was and just kept saying I should ask her because I would not believe him anyway.

Then he added, sarcastically, that if she is even capable of telling me the truth, I would already know. He did say he had tried calling and texting her. her after their dad passed, but she has him blocked on everything. He also said he tried to make sure she was included, but she made it clear a long time ago that she wanted nothing to do with him. He knows she has always hated him just for existing. He ended the conversation by saying he was calling her bluff, that she does not really want anything to do with her dad's side of the family. He even asked, did she ever say she was inviting any of them to the wedding? That part stung a little,

I will not pretend to know the full story, but I am starting to feel like this is not a case of one person being awful. It feels more like years of silence and resentment that turned into something cruel. We did get some clarity on the legal side. There probably will not be a fight with the stepmom. The brother told me everything that is needed. We are working with a lawyer, but it will take time. The executor has up to two years before probate has to start. Even then, anything she may be entitled to would be split evenly with him, and only applies to accounts that were solely in her father's name.

We are not expecting anything substantial, but she deserves to know she was not forgotten. Since real closure is out of reach, we are creating our own. Someone suggested planting a memorial tree. We love that idea. We are currently looking for a good starter tree, and she is going to write her father a letter to bury under it. It is not a solution, but it is something real and peaceful she can hold on to. There probably will not be another update. I am realizing that trying to untangle her family's damage might only hurt our relationship.

If I want a healthy marriage, I need to protect her peace more than I need to win a fight that was lost a long time ago. Update 2. I've taken time to process everything before writing this, because I wanted to be clear-headed and fair. This isn't just about a relationship ending, it's about recognizing how far I had strayed for myself and what I allowed in the name of love, patience, and hope. After the engagement ended, she moved in with a friend from work. But by then, things had already been unraveling for a while. I had believed I was being supportive and compassionate, giving her time to grieve and space to share on her own terms. But the truth was, I was being emotionally manipulated.

She pretended to want to reconcile with her brother after hearing about her father's death. At the time, it felt like a breakthrough. I thought she was softening, maybe healing. But that was just a performance to win sympathy and deflect hard questions. The more I learned, the clearer it became that she had no real interest in reconnecting, only in looking like the victim. What's hard to admit is how many times she manipulated me subtly, shaping narratives and using silence or emotional withdrawal to make me prioritize her even over

lifelong friends and family. I now see how isolated I became. One friend I reconnected with after everything joked, you didn't date her, you ran her PR campaign. It hit harder than I expected, because in some ways, it felt true. There were moments where I wasn't just supporting her, I was constantly explaining basic respect, empathy, and how to show up in a relationship. It started to feel less like a partnership and more like I was trying to teach someone how to be a decent person. That kind of emotional labor takes a toll, and looking back, I can see how much of myself I lost in the process. I had reached out to her brother initially to confront him, but his response was surprisingly calm and cryptic even. After the breakup, I spoke to him again, and this time he told me the truth.

The family had cut her off because of repeated abusive outbursts not just toward her father, but also toward her stepmother and brother. He said I wouldn't have seen it because she saved that side of herself for them. He even brought her father's old phone. The texts between her and her dad were awful, cruel, manipulative, and downright abusive. Honestly, I don't even know how or why her dad stayed in contact with her after receiving the things she wrote. If my own child ever said those things to me, I would have cried and cut contact. No parent deserves that level of cruelty.

After her father passed, she started lashing out at me too. That's when the pattern revealed itself. Ironically, she didn't even mind that I spoke to her brother until she found out I helped him with a scholarship site. And help is a stretch. I mention the common app, something I always bring up when college comes up in conversation. It's not some special effort I've told my own cousins the same thing. It's a single application site that makes you sound like you know your stuff and gets kids on track fast. If they apply through it, they're pretty much guaranteed to get into somewhere.

She knew this. She had seen me do it with my family. But this time, she twisted it into a bare. betrayal like I'd committed some criminal offense. She realized I had spoken to her brother because I showed her a Reddit post to help her understand where I was coming from. That's when everything shifted. Even then, I didn't end things immediately. I asked if we could slow down and delay the wedding. Instead of meeting me with honesty or reflection, she shut down and turned hostile. Maybe it was her way of pushing me away, but if so, it worked. After the breakup,

she kept reaching out, apologizing, saying she'd get help. But I had already asked her to consider therapy earlier in our relationship, and she refused every time. Now that everything has come to light, I can't see myself marrying her, much less raising a child with someone who hides so much, lashes out when cornered, and only offers change when everything is already broken. My family has been nothing but supportive through all of this. My sister is even staying with me right now. She joked that it's for my protection, but honestly, it just feels good to have family around again. For the first time in a while, I feel like myself. So that's it.

No more what-ifs or excuses. Just the truth, and a fresh start. Next story, parents never made effort to know my fiancé and kept telling me I'm making a huge mistake marrying her while my dad called me a moron, while her family treats me like their own son. Background, for the entirety of our relationship, my parents have made little to no effort in getting to know my fiancé. The only time she was invited to our home was when she offered to take care of me the day I got my wisdom tooth surgery. To this day, they haven't made any attempt to meet her parents despite all the invitations they've extended to my parents. On the other hand, my fiancé's parents have welcomed me with open arms.

I met them six months into our relationship, and have consistently involved. invited me to dinners, vacations and holidays. They even let me live with them while I finished my degree because of the toll my family dynamic was having on my mental well-being. The conflict between me and my parents, ever since I told them I was planning on proposing, they repetitively tell me that I'm making a monumental mistake choosing to marry her.

What usually comes up is how I'm too young and that I should date more people before committing to someone. They even try to gaslight me with conspiracies of why she's marrying me, saying things like, her parents might be coercing you with their wealth to marry their daughter, she's just using you to live out her fairy tale wedding, and you just give her everything she wants and as soon as you stop she'll leave. Every time I ask them to back up any of these things, they always respond with you just don't see it. Also, because my parents are Catholic, they are upset that I live with and have sex with

someone who I'm not married to and that her parents are okay with it. It's almost always brought up whenever they try to deface my fiancé and her family. How I'm handling this right now, what confuses me the most is that my parents, through everything else, have always been supportive of me. They always tell me that they love me and that they want what's best for me. Our dynamic has improved drastically since I was in college, and I enjoy coming home to visit them. This makes me feel so conflicted because I love my parents, but I can't help but feel man. manipulated and betrayed by the way they talk about my fiancé and her family. My fiancé is my best friend and I love her like no one else.

I couldn't care less that she's the only romantic partner I've ever been with because I don't want anyone else. We respect each other, we trust each other, we want what's best for each other, and we communicate everything with each other. Her family is no different. They treat me like family and love me like their own son. What frustrates me the most is that my fiancé and her family are some of the best people I've ever known in my life, and if my parents just made an effort to meet them, they'd see how wonderful they are. At this point, I've given up trying to reason with my father on this because he doesn't even listen to what I have to say, so I've been trying to help my mother understand what my fiancé means to me and what I see in her.

Even though she seems to listen and think about what I say, she'll revert back to the same mentality within a week. In the most recent conversation I had with my mother about my wedding, she told me that the thought of me marrying my fiancé makes her feel distraught, and that makes me sick. How I feel about the future, despite everything, I still want my parents to be part of my future. Although I resent my parents for putting me in this position, the thought of losing them over this is equally devastating to me. Nevertheless, part of me wants to quit trying and let my parents isolate themselves from my future, but my fiancée and her family. family still want my parents to be part of our marriage and our future, despite everything my parents have said about them. As I begin planning my wedding with my fiancé and her family, this eats at me every single day. Part of me feels like I haven't tried hard enough to change my parents' perspective

to justify cutting them out of my future, so I keep trying. At the same time, every day I spend with my family makes me feel guilty for loving people who say and feel such heinous things about my soon-to-be wife and in-laws. I don't know what to do. Update, May 10th, 2025. Shortly after I made the original post, I decided to set a boundary with my parents. I told them that I couldn't continue to tolerate their baseless attacks on my fiancé and her family, and that until they were willing to put in some effort to change their perspective. I would be halting any and all contact with them for the sake of our own peace and happiness. Understandably, my mom was distraught to hear this from me. My dad didn't really acknowledge it. My grandma, mom sighed, continued to help me reconsider the way

I was handling this, because my mom was having a really hard time dealing with this. After about a month of no contact, my fiancé and I tried to reevaluate the situation and agreed that it would only be healthy to pull back the boundary for my mom if she was willing to approach my relationship with an open mind. These were our expectations. One, my mom had to get together with my fiancé and I, two. My fiancé had to be openly invited to family events. Three, after my mom had to meet my fiancé's mom over the course of about six months, my mom was able to meet all of these. My mom and my fiancé were getting along superbly well, beyond what I expected. My fiancé was coming to family gatherings, and my extended family thought she was

lovely, as I expected because she's awesome. And, we had a lunch where my mom got to meet my fiancé's mom. Despite everyone being pretty nervous, that also went very well. Through all of this, despite my mom feeling a bit better about my fiancé, she has been slow in coming around to the idea of me getting married. She's made a lot of progress, though, so it's something. It's something to the we've been understanding of. The only thing left to do was to get my dad on board. I knew that would be tough from the get-go, but I was expecting my mom to help guide his perspective as she developed her own. With 2.5 months until the wedding, I decided to visit my parents and touch base with my dad about how he's feeling in terms of my relationship and getting married.

I communicated to him that even if he wasn't fully on board yet, filling the gap with trust instead of fear would be the healthiest thing for everyone, including himself, and that we wanted everyone to celebrate with us on the day we got married. He was quiet and clearly holding back anger. My mom decided to try and communicate his concerns to me and we got into a bit of a heated discussion. I reiterated the fact that they would never truly know everything that was going on in my relationship, and that the only way for our family to stay strong was to fill the gaps with trust, not with fear. When I added that I learned this from my therapist, that's when my dad snapped. He told me therapists don't care about anyone, and that the one and only therapist he went to

compared him to Satan. I tried to be respectful, but he just cut me off and began going on a tirade which was as arguably worse than any conversation we had in the past about my relationship. You can probably guess how the conversation went, so I'll just lay out some of the crazy shit, he said. I was a moron when I was 24, and believe me, so are you. You don't have a clue what you're doing. You two have had it easy being together during and since COVID. You didn't have enough hardship to test the relationship. You both never had other options. I don't know her parents, and I don't care to ever know them. As you can probably guess, I was furious. I was about to walk out, but I decided to try one last thing.

I told my dad about a time I had made my brother feel bad about how he wasn't doing enough to better his life and his mental illness. I told my dad that even though I was coming from a place of love, I was hurting my brother, and that I apologized dearly to my brother when I realized this because all I could do to help was be there for him and be optimistic for his future. Unbelievably, my dad decided to start guilt-tripping me

about how I made my brother feel and the whole message went right over his head. At that moment, a light bulb went off in my head. I always knew my dad was a narcissist, but I never really knew it until now. All his life, he had emotionally manipulated and scorned everyone in his life whenever they tried to confront him on something he did wrong. I was wasting my time, my emotional well-being and harming my relationship, all for nothing.

I got up, grabbed my keys, opened the door, and said, mom. If you want to come to the wedding, come to the wedding. Dad, I hope that the next time I see you is when you're in a fucking casket. I slammed the door with the intention of breaking it, walked out to my car, and dipped. Right after, I went to my fiancé's parents' house where my fiancé and her mom were drinking wine and having fun. I tried to pretend everything way all right so I didn't ruin their night, but my fiancé read right through me and I broke down. I told them my dad wasn't allowed to come to the wedding anymore, and I told them everything that happened. My fiancé's parents felt so horrible for me. They consoled and reassured me that I was like a son to them,

and that they have always been so happy their daughter has a guy like me. Despite how awful these last few days have been, my fiancé and I have never been stronger. I told her that I was putting her first, and that it was time for us to look forward to this wedding and the future we're building together. I told her that I am not going to let anyone treat her like this anymore, and that we didn't need anyone's permission to choose the life we set out to build together. My therapist has been helping me to heal and grow from this in the best way possible. I am cutting ties with my dad, and I am sticking to it. Not out of the hatred I felt that day, but out of the compassion and respect I have for my soon-to-be wife and soon-to-be in-laws.

If he wants to make amends, then eat a Euro-TMS on him to do that. Not me. My fiancé is my soulmate. We are and will continue to be happier than we've ever been by continuing to respect, love, and support each other till the very end. And we aren't going to slow up for anyone who doesn't see or want the same for us. I hope you enjoy this story. Former spouse began canceling my visitation rights with fabricated reasons, until I stumbled upon messages on my child's device where she was instructing him to claim that I am

uninterested in spending time with him. So now my son cries and refuses visits because he thinks I abandoned him. Divorced two years ago. Pretty standard custody deal, I get Tyler, eight, every other weekend plus Wednesday evenings. Used to be great. We'd build Legos for hours. have pizza nights, hit the park. Kid was always excited to see me. Would run to the car when I picked him up, already talking about what we were going to build that weekend. Six months ago everything

changed. Kelly started canceling constantly. First excuse was Tyler's sick with a stomach bug but her Instagram showed him at some birthday party that same day, running around the bounce house. Next week it was family emergency with her parents but when I ran into her dad. dad at Home Depot two days later, he mentioned they haven't seen Kelly or Tyler in weeks. Then important school project due Monday so I called the school directly, teacher said no projects assigned, nothing due. The cancellations got worse, but something else started happening that made my gut drop. When Tyler actually did come over, he was different. Quiet, distant. Wouldn't make eye contact. Used to chatter nonstop about school,

friends, whatever cartoon he was obsessed with. Now he'd sit on my couch like he was waiting for permission to exist. Started making these weird comments that didn't make sense. Mom says you don't really want me here anyway. Ask me why I keep cancelling on him. I was confused as hell because I wasn't canceling anything, she was. I'd show up for pick up and she'd answer the door with Tyler behind her looking guilty, saying he couldn't come because of whatever excuse she'd invented five minutes earlier. Tyler would peek around her legs like he was scared of disappointing me but also scared of wanting to see me. Kelly would do this fake sympathetic voice, maybe next time, Tyler. Daddy's just really busy lately. I tried to defend myself multiple times but she would threaten me

with police. Last month I only saw my son twice out of eight scheduled visits. The two Two times he did come over, he spent most of the time staring at his phone or asking when he had to go back. When I suggested building something together, he said Mom says I'm getting too old for baby toys. This kid who used to spend entire weekends creating Lego cities with detailed backstories for every mini figure. Now he's actively refusing to come. Cries and clings to Kelly when I show up for pick up.

Not the normal kid tantrum crying, this terrified, desperate sobbing like I'm some stranger trying to kidnap him. I try to explain that I never cancelled, that I want to see him, that I love spending time with him. He just shakes his head and says, but Mom said you told her you were too tired for me this weekend. Kelly stands behind him with her hands on his shoulders, doing this concerned mom act. I'm just telling him what you told me. Maybe we should skip this weekend if you're not feeling up to it. Meanwhile I'm standing there like an idiot trying to convince my own kid that I want him around.

Called her that night asking what the hell she's been telling him. She went full innocent. I just repeat exactly what you say to me. If Tyler's confused, maybe you should be clearer about your availability. Hung up on me when I started listing all the times I'd shown up and she'd turned me away with some bullshit excuse. I'm losing my kid and I don't know how to stop it. Every time I try to talk to him about the fun stuff we used to do, he gets this blank look like he doesn't remember or isn't allowed to remember. Every time I see him pulling away from me.

I love this kid more than anything and she's systematically poisoning him against me. What the hell do I do here? How do I prove to an eight-year-old that his mom is lying when she's the person he trusts most? How do I compete with someone who has him 90% of the time and apparently spends that time convincing him I don't want him? Update 1, took Reddit's advice and started documenting everything. Screenshots of every text were Kelly cancelled. Call logs showing me trying to reach her. Photos of me sitting in my car outside her house after she wouldn't answer the door.

Put a security camera at my front door to record the few times I actually got to do pickup and drop off. Reached out to Tyler's school counselor and his pediatrician. Asked them to document anything Tyler said about our visit. or about being sick on days Kelly claimed he couldn't come over. Found some disturbing shit that made everything click into place. Tyler left his tablet, we had given him a phone and a tablet to make the changing of house easier, at my place after one rare visit. Kid was always careful to take everything back to moms, but he forgot it under the couch cushions.

When I plugged it into charge, messages started popping up from Kelly. Actual coaching messages. Remember, Daddy doesn't want to see you, that's why I had to pick you up early last time. If Daddy really cared, he wouldn't keep making excuses not to see you. Daddy has a new girlfriend now, so he doesn't need us anymore. There were dozens of these messages going back months. Some sent right before my scheduled pickups. Other messages were her asking him to repeat back what she taught him.

What are you going to tell Daddy if he asks why you don't want to come over? Tyler's responses were exactly the weird comments he'd been making to me. Word for word. School records showed Tyler had been telling his teacher stuff like my dad is too busy for me and my dad doesn't really want to see me anymore. The school counselor said she'd noticed Tyler seemed sad when other kids talked about weekend plans with their dads. She tried to ask him about it but he'd just shrug and say my dad has other stuff to do.

His pediatrician confirmed he hasn't been legitimately safe. on any of the days Kelly claimed he couldn't come for visits. Not once in six months. The doctor said Kelly had called a few times asking for documentation that Tyler was too ill for visits, but he'd refused because the kid was perfectly healthy. My lawyer said we had enough evidence for an emergency contempt motion. Filed it with all the documentation, asking for make-up time, family counseling, and sanctions against Kelly for violating the custody order.

thought we had a solid case. That's when Kelly completely lost her shit and went nuclear. She told Tyler I was trying to take him away for Mommy forever and that Daddy is taking Mommy to court because he hates our family. Kids started having full panic attacks just at the mention of visiting me. Hyperventilating, crying so hard he couldn't breathe. Started wetting the bed again, something he hadn't done since he was five years old. Tyler called me one night, sobbing so hard I could barely understand him.

Daddy, please don't take me away from Mommy. I'll be good, I promise I'll visit you. Just don't make the judge take me away. Had to explain to an eight-year-old that I wasn't trying to take him from his mom, just wanted to see him regularly like the court already said I could. He didn't believe me. Court ordered supervised visits while they investigated the contempt allegations. Most humiliating experience of my life, sitting in some sterile room at the family services building with a stranger taking notes on every interaction with my own son.

Tyler barely spoke during those visits. Sat across the table for me like I was on trial, kept asking the supervisor when he could go home to mom. Built a few Legos during one visit but Tyler kept glancing at the supervisor like he was doing something wrong. Asked if building toys meant he was betraying mommy, had to explain. that playing with your dad isn't betraying anyone, but the damage was already done. The supervisor noted Tyler's extreme anxiety and resistance to father-child bonding in her weekly reports. Also noted that Tyler seemed coached in his responses and fearful of expressing positive feelings toward father. But the report still read like I was the problem,

like my kid was naturally afraid of me. Kelly played the victim card perfectly. showed up to court looking exhausted and worried, talking about how I was traumatizing Tyler with all these legal battles and Tyler just wants peace in his family. Her lawyer painted me as an obsessive ex-husband using the courts to harass my ex-wife. Even my own family started questioning whether I was handling this right. My mom pulled me aside after dinner and suggested maybe I should back off for now, let things settle down, said Tyler seemed really stressed when she'd seen him at Kelly's parents' house. They were friends before I even met Kelly.

My dad agreed, said sometimes pushing too hard makes things worse. But there was one moment during a supervised visit that kept me going. Tyler forgot to be guarded for about 20 minutes and we started building this Lego castle together, just like old times. He got excited about the drawbridge mechanism, started explaining this whole backstory about the knights who lived there. For those 20 minutes, he was my kid again. Then he seemed to remember where he was and who was watching. Pushed the castle away and whispered, I missed building with you, Daddy before going quiet and asking if the visit was almost over. Kelly escalated her interference game.

Started claiming Tyler was seeing a therapist for trauma from the custody battle but wouldn't tell me who the therapist was or provide any contact information. Said it was confidential and I didn't have a right to know. My lawyer said that was bullshit, I had every right to know about my kids' medical care. She also started threatening to move across state lines for Tyler's mental health. Said the toxic environment in our town was making Tyler's anxiety worse and she needed to take him somewhere safe. Her sister lived in Colorado and apparently had offered them a place to stay. My lawyer warned me this could drag on for months or years. Said parental alienation cases are notoriously difficult because the

the alienating parent gets good at appearing reasonable in court while systematically destroying the relationship behind the scenes. The court system moves slowly and kids' loyalties can be completely shifted in that time. Meanwhile, I was burning through my savings on legal fees and supervised visitation costs. My relationship with my girlfriend started showing strain from the constant drama and emotional stress. She tried to be supportive but admitted she didn't understand why I couldn't just be firmer with Tyler or why I was letting Kelly walk all over me. I don't know if I can handle years of this. My kid thinks I abandoned him, thinks I don't love him, thinks I'm trying to hurt his mom. And there's nothing I can say or do to convince him otherwise because the person he trusts

most in the world is feeding him poison every single day. Update 2, Court finally appointed a child psychologist to do a comprehensive evaluation of our family situation. Took three months of legal back and forth before that happened. Kelly fought the appointment, claiming Tyler was too fragile for psychological evaluation and that it would re-traumatize him. The psychologist has been working with Tyler for eight weeks now and the stuff she's uncovered is absolutely insane. Kit admitted during their third session that he has to say, Daddy doesn't want me, but he's genuinely confused about what's actually true anymore. Been living with contradictory messages for so long that he can't trust his own memories or feelings. The psychologist used play therapy techniques to get past

Tyler's defenses, had him draw pictures of his family, play with dollhouses, tell stories about the toy figures. During one session, Tyler drew a picture of three people, him in the middle, me and Kelly on opposite sides pulling his arms. When the psychologist asked how the little boy in the picture felt, Tyler said scared and like he's going to break. Another drawing showed Tyler standing outside two houses, one dark and scary, one bright and happy. When asked which house was which, Tyler pointed to the bright one and whispered that's Daddy's house, but I'm not allowed to like it, said he was scared if I like Daddy's house. Mommy will be alone forever and it'll be my fault. The psychologist identified Kelly's

specific manipulation tactics in her preliminary report. She's been using textbook emotional blackmail, telling Tyler that if he enjoys time with me, Mommy will be sad and alone. Creating false loyalty binds, you can only love one parent, so who do you choose? Gaslighting him about his own experiences, convincing Tyler that his good memories with me never happened or were somehow wrong. Most fucked up was the victim playing Kelly's been doing. Telling Tyler that Daddy is trying to hurt our family and Daddy wants to take you away so Mommy will be sad. making an eight-year-old feel responsible for protecting his mom from his own father.

But Tyler isn't just parroting Kelly's lies anymore. The constant emotional manipulation has genuinely traumatized him. He's developed what the psychologist called loyalty conflict anxiety. He actually believes he's protecting his mom by rejecting me, and he's terrified that loving both parents will somehow hurt one of us. Has nightmares about Kelly and me fighting over him like a tour. Wakes up crying from dreams where he has to choose which parent lives in which one dies. Told the psychologist he wishes he could just disappear so Mommy and Daddy wouldn't fight anymore,

shows real signs of generalized anxiety disorder now, nail biting, sleep problems, stomach aches before any mention of custody stuff. Kid who used to be outgoing and confident is now anxious about everything. Constantly seeking adult approval and afraid of making anyone upset. Kelly found out I was documenting everything and shifted her strategy. Instead of obvious lies that could be caught, she started focusing on subtle emotional manipulation that's harder to prove in court. Enrolled Tyler in baseball, guitar lessons, and art class, all scheduled during my custody time.

When I objected, she said Tyler asked for these activities. Don't you want him to pursue his interests? Tyler confirmed to the psychologist that he never asked for any of those activities. Said Mommy told him Daddy won't mind if you miss visits for important things and Daddy will be proud that you're learning new skills instead of just playing with toys. Court finally found clear evidence of parental alienation based on the psychologist's initial report. Ordered reunification therapy with a specialist who works specifically with alienated families. Also ordered Kelly to attend co-parenting classes and individual counseling to address her boundary issues

and inability to support the father-child relationship. But Kelly's a master at following the letter of court orders while completely violating the spirit. She shows up to co-parenting class and sits in the back row, arms crossed, rolling her eyes at everything the instructor says. Tells other parents during breaks that she's only there because my ex is vindictive and dragged me to court. Her individual therapist apparently bought into Kelly's victim narrative completely. Kelly shows me texts from her third.

saying things like you're doing great protecting Tyler from a toxic situation and trust your maternal instincts about what's best for your son. Turns out this therapist specializes in helping mothers navigate difficult custody battles and has a reputation for always siding with moms. Tyler still cries before visits with me, but now it's different crying. Less tantruming, more resigned sadness. Like he's grieving something he can't name. Reunification therapy is helping slowly, but Tyler's resistance runs deep after months of systematic brainwashing. The depression hit me hard around month six of this nightmare.

Waking up every day knowing my kid thinks I don't love him was destroying me from the inside. Started therapy myself with a therapist who specializes in parents dealing with alienation. She warned me that this process commonly takes one to three years and many fathers give up before seeing results. My relationship with my girlfriend finally cracked under the pressure. She'd been patient for months but admitted she couldn't handle watching me obsess over Tyler and Kelly. Said she felt like she was dating someone who was still married to his ex-wife. We broke up two weeks ago.

Can't blame her, I haven't been good company lately. Financial situation got dire. Legal fees, therapy costs, supervised visitation payments. I've blown through my savings and had to take out a loan against my 401k. But Tyler's school counselor reached out after noticing Tyler seemed withdrawn and anxious at school. During their conversations, Tyler had mentioned missing daddy but then immediately looked guilty for saying it. The counselor started documenting these moments for the court record. Had a major breakthrough three weeks ago during one of my supervised visits.

Tyler was building a Lego spaceship, being careful not to seem too enthusiastic about it. Out of nowhere, he looked up and asked Daddy, did you really not want to see me all those times Mommy said you cancelled. I told him honestly about the lies, about how I'd shown up for every single pickup and been turned away, even that during some pickups you were there but ushered inside. But why would Mommy lie about that? He asked. I tried to explain in age-appropriate terms that sometimes adults make mistakes when they're hurt or angry, and that his mom was probably scared of losing him but went about it the wrong way. Tyler seemed to understand but also looked terrified, like understanding meant he was betraying his mom. Of course Kelly found out

about our conversation. Tyler came to the next visit upset and confused again. Mommy says you told me lies about her and that's why she's crying all the time now. Kelly had spent the entire week after our talk crying dramatically in front of Tyler, saying Daddy told you bad things about Mommy and now our family is broken. Some progress happening in reunification therapy though. The specialist has Tyler doing exercises to separate his own feelings from what he thinks he should feel. Last session, Tyler admitted he actually liked building Legos with me but felt bad and guilty for liking it. The therapist is helping him understand that loving both parents doesn't make him disloyal to either one.

Tyler's visits are happening more regularly now without the dramatic tears, but he stays emotionally distant. Like he's protecting himself from getting attached again in case I leave him like he's been told I did before. Progress is slow as hell and Kelly fights every single inch, but at least my kid doesn't look at me like I'm a monster anymore. Update 3. It's been nine months since my last update and holy shit, what a ride.

Tyler's been in reunification therapy this whole time and the progress has been slow. Kids gradually admitting that he was pretending not to like Daddy time because Kelly gets visibly upset whenever he shows enthusiasm about our visits. The therapist uses this technique where she is Tyler Raid his actual feelings versus his safe feelings. Like, how much did you actually enjoy building that Lego set with Dad versus how much are you allowed to enjoy it? Tyler's been discovering there's a huge gap between.

what he genuinely feels and what he thinks he's supposed to feel. Last month, Tyler said something that broke my heart and gave me hope at the same time. I think I was confused about some things Mommy told me. Like, I do remember having fun with you before, but Mommy said those memories were fake. Kids been gaslighted so thoroughly that he stopped trusting his own experiences. The child psychologist submitted her comprehensive psychological evaluation to the court in January. 127 pages of detailed analysis documenting clear parental alienation syndrome. She interviewed Tyler, me, Kelly, reviewed school records, talked to Tyler's teachers and

pediatrician. Her findings were damning. Reports stated that Kelly had engaged in systematic and deliberate alienation behaviors designed to damage the father-child relationship. Listed specific examples, coaching Tyler with false narratives, emotional blackmail, creating loyalty conflicts, interfering with visitation, making false allegations. The psychologist recommended that I be granted primary custody with therapeutic support to repair the damaged relationship. Kelly found out about the psychologist's recommendations and completely lost her shit. Like, full psychotic break territory.

Started making increasingly desperate and dangerous allegations. First claimed I had been inappropriate with Tyler during unsupervised visit before the custody case started. CPS investigated within a week, interviewed Tyler extensively, did medical exams, talked to anyone who'd been around us. Completely unfounded, case closed. But Kelly wasn't done, filed a second CPS report claiming I was neglecting Tyler at my house, not feeding him properly, leaving him alone, keeping the house in dangerous conditions. Again, investigated and dismissed. CPS worker was actually annoyed by the second report, noted in her file that the allegations

appeared vindictive and without merit. The CPS investigations were absolute hell though. They suspended all my visitation for six weeks while they looked into Kelly's claims. Tyler was interviewed multiple times by different social workers, medical professionals, forensic specialists. Kid was confused and scared, kept asking why strangers were asking him weird. questions. During one of the CPS interviews, Tyler had what can only be described as a complete psychological breakdown. Started crying hysterically and blurted out, I love Daddy but I'm

scared Mommy will leave me if I say that. Mommy said if I tell people I like going to Daddy's house, she might have to go away forever and then I won't have any mommy. Emergency custody hearing was scheduled for February 15. Kelly showed up with a new lawyer, some hot shot-shot family attorney who specializes in protecting mothers from fathers. But the judge had read the psychologist's report and the CPS investigator's findings. Kelly's new lawyer tried to argue that I had manipulated the evaluation process and that Tyler's statements were coached by me. The judge wasn't buying it. Granted me temporary primary custody effective immediately. Kelly would get supervised visits twice a week pending her completion of extensive individual therapy and a

Parental Alienation Education Program. Kelly screamed at me in the courthouse hallway that I had stolen her son and she'd never forgive me. Getting Tyler back full-time has been intense as hell. First week he tested every single boundary I set, like he was waiting for me to prove I didn't actually want him around. Asked me probably 50 times are you going to get tired of me and send me back to mommy? Kid had been conditioned to expect rejection from me.

Some days Tyler wants to call Kelly constantly. other days he's afraid to even mention her name because he thinks it makes me mad. We're slowly rediscovering what Tyler actually enjoys versus what he was told he should enjoy. Turns out he genuinely loves building complex Lego sets, but Kelly had convinced him it was baby stuff that he should outgrow. We've built an entire city on his bedroom floor over the past two months. Kids' creativity and enthusiasm are slowly returning. Kelly's response to losing primary custody has been predictably unhinged. She calls Tyler's cell phone constantly during my custody time, claiming she's just checking

that he's okay. Shows up uninvited at his school, school had to get a restraining order to keep her from disrupting Tyler's classes. Sends Tyler guilt-tripping text messages like Mommy misses you so much I cry every night and I don't know why Daddy won't let you come home where you belong. Tyler shows me these messages looking confused and upset. We've had to block her number on his phone and route all communication through a co-parenting app monitored by the court. Last week, Kelly violated the custody order by picking Tyler up from his after-school program without permission.

Told the staff there was a family emergency and she needed to get Tyler immediately. School called me while Kelly was driving away with Tyler. Had to call the police to get my kid back. Tyler came home that evening completely distraught. Kelly had spent those three hours telling him that I had tricked the judge into taking him away from her and that she might have to go away forever because of what I did to their family. Kid was sobbing, begging me not to send Mommy to jail for picking him up from school. The supervised visitation supervisor reports that Kelly continues trying to manipulate Tyler during their twice weekly sessions. She'll say things like I hope Daddy is being nice to you in this martyred tone that implies I'm not.

Or she'll ask loaded questions like do you miss living with mommy? Right in front of the supervisor. Kelly filed an appeal of the custody decision in March. Her new legal strategy is claiming that the psychologist's evaluation was biased and that the court relied on junk science about parental alienation. Her lawyer's argument is that Tyler's resistance to visiting me was genuine and based on real concerns, not manipulation. She's also claiming that I orchestrated the whole situation.

by being an uninvolved father during the marriage and then suddenly demanding custody out of spite. Complete bullshit, I was actively involved in Tyler's care from day one and the custody arrangement was mutual agreement, not court ordered initially. Appeal process could drag on for months, but my lawyer is confident will prevail. We have too much documented evidence of Kelly's alienation behaviors and Tyler's improvement since living with me primarily. Kid's anxiety has decreased significantly, he's sleeping through the night again, stopped wetting the bed completely. Tyler fell asleep on my shoulder last night while we were watching a movie, something that hasn't happened since before Kelly started her alienation thing.

Kid felt safe enough to fully relax with me for the first time in over a year. These small moments of normal father-son connection are what keep me going through the ongoing legal battles and Kelly's continued interference. The appeal hearing is scheduled for June. Whatever happens, at least Tyler knows now that I never stopped wanting him around, never stopped fighting for him, and never stopped loving him. That's something Kelly can never take away from us again. I hope you enjoy this story.

Guardians have me care for all my younger siblings akin to their father from the age of 12, but upon marrying and establishing my own household, my guardians began to behave differently towards me. Like I abandoned them and refused to help during my kidney failure. Hello, everyone. I, 40M, come from a big family. I'm the second oldest of nine kids. My older sister, Jane, is just a year older than me. There is a six-year gap between me and the next sibling, then my mom had a kid every two to three years. Since Jane and I were the oldest we always helped with the little kids and the chores around the house. In fact, it was common for my parents and other adults to refer to us as Jane and Op and the kids. It's like Jane and I were not considered children, it's more like

we were two other adults living in the house. We were homeschooled, so we were home-schooled, so we were home all the time. Part of my job is that I would wake up, make breakfast for the kids, then get them started with their school or activities before I started my own schoolwork. Jane would sleep in because she was more of a night owl, and it was her job to help at night with the baby, because there was always a baby, Jane and I did most of the chores around the house. We took turns either cleaning the kitchen or doing the laundry, of which there was a lot. I did all the guy's stuff, like mowing the yard and taking out the trash. As I got older, I would delegate some of these chores to my younger brothers, but it was still my responsibility to make sure it got done. Once I was old enough to drive, I would run errands and take the kids everywhere.

I can't tell you how many times I would take the kids to things like play dates or doctor's appointments. I would often tuck the kids in bed and tell them stories. To me these things were all just normal, but looking back on it I was more like a second dad to the kids than a brother. Jane and I did have a lot of freedom as teenagers to go out with our friends if the chores were done. We didn't have cell phones back then, if we were wanted to go out, we would just tell our parents we were going and they didn't care, as long as

we were back by the next morning. I moved out when I was 20, but I still spent a lot of time at my parents, and one of my younger siblings was almost always at my house. One brother, JJ, pretty much lived with me since he was 14 because he and our mom didn't get along. When JJ was 17, he got in a wreck and he called me instead of calling dad, because I was just the one who handle those kinds of things. During all of this time my parents always talked about how important it was for Jane and I to help with the kids because they were so busy with their ministry. I can't count how many times I had to drop what I was doing to take care of something because mom or dad were counseling someone. Sorry, I feel like I'm rambling. I hope I have painted an

accurate picture of my childhood. Let's move on. I had not really dated much, but when I was 25 I met and started dating Anne. We fell in love fast, and got married less than a year later. My younger siblings love Anne. She is a great cook and hostess, our house became the hangout spot. My younger siblings started calling her mama Anne, something they still do to this day. We have now been married 15 years and have two kids of our own. My mom and Jane did not like Anne.

Jane Ann and get along okay now, but Anne and my mom. do not have a good relationship. I never understood why, but I think I have finally figured out it's because they see it as and having taken me away. As Anne and I focused on our relationship and started a family, I spent less and less time doing things for my parents. My dad liked and at first, but over the past few years their relationship has soured. Throughout the years my dad has made comments to me about keeping up my responsibilities. One time he called me about one of the younger kids, who had gotten in a fight with my mom, and said you better get your brother and change his attitude. It's not okay how he treated your mom and you are going to make him apologize. A few

years ago and then I set some boundaries with my parents, telling them we were not going to raise or discipline their kids. Our home is always open to my siblings, but we no longer let my parents try and use us to straighten them up. My parents have not taken this well. About a year ago and injured her foot and couldn't walk for a while. Just as she was getting better, I was diagnosed with kidney disease, which then turned into kidney failure. I've had several surgeries, with another one coming in a few weeks. It's been a rough year. During this time my parents have not only refused to help, they have actively made things harder for us. Things like promising to help with our kids but then canceling at the last minute, usually because something ministry-related came up. Recently my sister-in-law, who lives in another state, had a baby, and my mom has been staying with her and

helping for the past six weeks. My sis has said that mom is a godsend and is so wonderful. My dad has gone to help every weekend. This hurts me, because my mom wouldn't give us a single night to help with our youngest when he was born. Anyway, I'm sorry this post has turned out longer than I thought it would. I needed to get some of this off my chest. This weekend, I was talking to another sister and telling her how I don't understand why mom and dad don't treat me like they do the rest of the kids, even Jane. It's like I'm not one of their children. And it just kind of hit me that they resent me for getting married and starting my own family

and leaving them to raise their own kids. Part of me is relieved to finally realize why they treat me like they do, and part of me is sad. I'm kind of scared about this upcoming surgery, and I really wish I had a parent I could talk to about it. But I don't feel like I have parents, just some people that I co-parented my siblings with. Update 1. I spoke with my wife, Anne, about it last night. I said something along the lines of I've realized that my parents resent me for starting my own family and not helping them as much, and that is why they treat me so differently. And I think you've been trying to gently tell me this for years, but I was too dense to get it. We were sitting in the bed at the time, and she leaned over

and patted me on the head and said, You are so pretty, I laughed for like ten minutes, it was a great emotional release. A lot of you said she sounds wonderful, and she really is. I just can't express how much I love her. About Jane, my older sister, Jane did get married and start a family, about two years after I did. Jane and I had a falling out and didn't speak for several years,

but we are okay now, just not very close. Our falling out was more about religion than anything. She is very religious like my parents, while I am not. I am religious and we attend church, but it's not our whole life like it is for my parents and Jane. Younger siblings, the youngest is 22, so they are all adults now. The second to youngest passed away several years ago, so there are eight of us now. I am very close with all of my younger siblings. They still come hang out at my house all the time, and they are all great aunts and uncles to my kids.

All of them, including Jane, are upset with how my parents treated me this past year. Help with my kids, while I am disappointed in my parents for not helping, I do not need their help. And then I have close friends, plus we both have siblings that help. Ends parents live far away, but they help when they can. We really are okay and feel very blessed. and loved with all help we have received. Therapy, part of my kidney treatment plan includes access to a therapist, and I love her. She has been great in helping me learn to live with an illness.

I'm not sure if she is the right person to speak with about my parents, but I will ask her and see if she can refer someone if not. I will wait until after my surgery to bring this up, as I need to just focus on that right now. Setting boundaries, when I say my parents won't help, it's not that they're not that they're they say they won't help, it's that they offer to help and then either bail at the last minute or they changed the plan so much that it causes an NIA a lot of stress. A few months ago and was sick and my mother offered to pick our kids up from school. It's a long story, but she kept changing things and making it very complicated and my youngest ended up being left alone for a little

while and he got scared. After that, I had a harsh talk with my parents and told them how disappointed I was in them, and how I needed to focus on my health and they were making things worse. I told them they are not allowed to take my kids anywhere, and they are not allowed to just drop by at my house, and in fact they were not even allowed to offer to help, because my mom doesn't take no for an answer and will nag until she wears me down. My parents were mad about this, but all seven of my siblings took my side and rallied about me, and so my parents have respected that so far. Going no contact, a lot of people recommended going no contact. I don't want that. I still love my parents, even though they have not been great parents. My kids love them too,

and I don't want to take that away. They are good grandparents when they show up. I don't think my parents are awful people. I think they had this vision of how they wanted to have this big family and this big ministry and I think they just didn't realize the responsibilities they put on Jane and I. I have spoken to them in the past and expressed how it was messed up that they put so much on us as kids and they have apologized. Putting my parents on blast at their church, several people recommended going to their church and telling people how they have treated me. You don't understand this church, they would praise my parents for putting God and the ministry above everything else. These super religious people are crazy.

I guess that's it for now. My surgery is in less than two weeks, so I'm going to focus on that. I'm going to put this thing with my parents on the back burner and later I will decide what, if anything, I'm going to do. Thanks again to everyone for your comments, it has really helped me work through some feelings. Update 2, thanks to everyone who has reached out and wished me a speedy recovery. My surgery was last week and it is going better than expected. All the surgeries and treatments in the past year felt like it was just keeping me alive,

but with this surgery, kidney transplant, I feel like I'm working towards getting my normal life back. It's been hard and painful, but I was expecting it to be worse so I can't complain at all. And is always telling me that she doesn't get enough credit for being funny, so the fact that so many of you laughed when she told me I was pretty has made her happy. She said I like these Reddit people. This whole post started because I was having a conversation with one of my sisters. I'll call her Six, since I can't keep making up names. Plus, she is following this thread and will hate that I am calling her that.

Six had had a fight with our parents and I was sharing with her that and I had recently set strong boundaries with them and encouraged her to do the same. So she did, and they did not take it well. This led to several conversations with different siblings, and both five and nine also decided to set some boundaries. This has also led to other siblings deciding to confront our parents about how they have treated me this past year while I've been sick. Jane, the oldest, called me the day before my surgery to check on me, and we ended up talking about our childhood. We have not been close for a number of years, however I feel like we bonded

on this call. It was interesting talking to her as an adult and reliving some things. She has been in therapy for a few years, and she said sometimes she will be talking, and her therapist will stop her and say, Jane, you just casually rolled through some messed up stuff. We need to stop and unpack this. For a long time I have blamed her for the way she treated me when we were younger, but now I'm beginning to understand that she was also just a kid trying to cope. I have a lot more grace for her now. We have been texting a lot the past few weeks. My parents did come visit after the surgery, but we didn't talk about any family drama. My siblings have said they are not taking these new boundaries well at all.

I hope that one day they wake up and realize that all eight of their children are disappointed in them and they work to be better people, but I'm not holding my breath. It seems they are placing all the blame like they normally do, this is just an attack by the devil. And then I decided that moving forward we are going to continue low contact with strong boundaries. With such a large family going no contact would be hard and create a lot of awkward situations where we would still have to see them. We have also talked to our kids and they have both expressed they want to have a relationship with their grandparents. While I do not expect my parents to change, I do believe they will respect our boundaries.

My attitude towards them has also changed, I no longer feel like I owe them anything. We will continue a relationship with them because it is what's best for my family. not because they deserve it. Lastly, I received a recommendation for a family therapist and I have an appointment scheduled for next month. Update 3. I have tried a bunch of times to write an update, but I end up either not being able to find the words or I ramble for 10 pages, mostly about my health.

I'm just going to push through and I hope this makes sense. Shortly after my first post I had a kidney transplant. May of 2023, recovering has been the main focus of my life but is not the point of this update, so I'll try to keep this part brief. Things were great just after the transplant and I recovered much quicker than anticipated. Then I got a stupid virus that caused some minor setbacks. That ending up leading to a bigger setback and my body began to reject the new kidney. It was not a fun time and I spent the holidays last year, 24, in and out of the hospital undergoing

various treatments. While the treatments were tough they did their job, my body is now showing no signs of rejection and the virus is under control. Maintaining my health and new kidney will be a lifelong journey, but right now everything is stable and I'm feeling better than I have since before I started getting sick in 2023. I had talked about how my older sister, Jane, and I didn't speak for years and when we finally did we kept our distance. She had reached out after I made my first post and I was starting to work through some things and we talked about how we were raised. We had both recently learned the term perennification and we talked about that. We trauma bonded, another term I had

recently learned, and started talking more. Her family ended up coming in town late in 23 and stayed for a few weeks and we really got a chance to talk and connect. I had judged her harshly for things she had done during our childhood, but came to realize she was just a kid who was under a lot of pressure forced to raise a bunch of kids and she was desperate to have some control in her life, and that just happened to be me. There was lots of tears and apologizes on both sides, because I was not always kind to her either. We have become closer than we ever have been and talk a couple of times a month. My family is going to visit her family this summer. Our kids are excited as they have become close as well. I'm not sure how to tackle this next

part about my parents. My first post was prompted because some drama with my parents and several siblings had come to a head, including how my parents had not been helpful while I was dealing my kidney issues. We all banded together and set strong boundaries with our parents, which they did not take well at first. Someone said it sounds like you and your siblings are bullying your parents into being better people and that might be the best way to describe what happened. Just before my surgery I had a very blunt conversation with my parents. I had prepared for it and written out key points I wanted to say. I was not angry when we spoke and just clearly laid out several examples of how they had not only

failed to help but had made things harder for my family while I was sick. I basically told them I did not need or want their help because I could not trust them. Something about that and my siblings all coming together seemed to make something click with my dad. He didn't say much at the time but he also didn't defend. defend himself or try to shift the blame. Over the next few months they would text about once a week to check in. If we were feeling up to it I would invite them to stop by and they did. A few times they offered to drop off a meal and we accept it. The few times I was not feeling up to it they did not push. This was all part of the boundaries I had set and they respected it.

A lot of things started changing over that year. Honestly, I think someone showed that my post, siblings all knew about it, and I think everyone in the comments calling them out had an effect. So thanks to everyone for that. They quit their church, which was a shocker to all of us. Mom called several siblings and asked for specific examples of how she had let them down, and actually listened and didn't defend or deflect. The last of the younger siblings moved out on their own and that really changed the dynamic of their relationship. I can't say exactly when or why it happened, but over the course of 2023 things changed, seemingly for the better. My parents started doing more things with my kids and actually showing up for events.

I saw they were making an effort and had a talk with them, telling them that if they really wanted to connect that they would have to find things my kids liked and figure out a way to participate. I told them they can't just plan something they want to do and expect my kids to tag along. My dad found a hobby that my oldest was interested in and they have gone down a whole rabbit hole with that. My mom and youngest discovered a restaurant they really like and they go there together. It's not perfect but they are building a relationship that seems healthy. My wife and I are still cautious but optimistic. As for my relationship with them, I have just kind of disconnected emotionally.

As a teenager I read Ender's game and I related to Ender, in the way the adults were all. always setting him up so that he knew he would never have backup. He had to win on his own or die trying. I felt like that most of my life. No backup, no support from any adult, just me, and later my wife, I've built my own support system with my peers, and that's good enough. I'm glad my kids are finally getting decent grandparents, but I'll never have a serious conversation with my parents about what's going on with me. On hard days I have my wife and a few close friends, and I feel incredibly lucky as that's more than a lot of people. While I'm going to stop there before I really start to just ramble, thanks to everyone who has reached out to offer

support in kind words. I hope you enjoy this story. Housemates' partner has been staying over most nights for around half a year, frequently using my belongings without permission. When I decided to establish some limits, she accused me of being unreasonable. Heartless and controlling over basic So I, 21F, live in a two-bedroom flat with my roommate, 22F. We've lived together for a little over a year and mostly things have been fine. We split rent and bills evenly, and we're friendly, though not super close. We respect each other's space and it's been good up until recently. About six months ago, she started dating this guy, 24M.

He was around once or twice a week at first, but now he's here constantly. literally sleeps over five to six nights a week, sometimes full weeks in a row. He's not on the lease, doesn't pay rent, doesn't bring shopping, doesn't help with anything at all. Nothing. I've never said much because I get it, it's her boyfriend, and I didn't want to start drama. But what's been bothering me lately is the shower thing. He showers all of the time. Like twice a day minimum. Sometimes more. And every single. time, he uses my stuff. My shampoo, conditioner, face wash, razor, deodorant, yes, I noticed. I didn't even say anything the first few times because I thought maybe she let him borrow something

once. But this is just ongoing now. I've moved all my things into my room and carry them back and forth like I'm at a camp or something. I brought it up to my roommate a while ago and she just went he probably didn't realize and didn't do anything about it. Last week I finally said something more direct and told her I wasn't comfortable with him showering here constantly, especially since he doesn't live here, doesn't contribute anything, and uses my stuff. I told her I'd feel different if he at least bought his own stuff or chipped in somehow. She got super annoyed and said he doesn't have any money right now so it's not like he can buy his own things and that I was being cold and controlling. She told me I was overreacting and

that it's just hygiene, I snapped and said it's not about hygiene, it's about boundaries and respect. For what it's worth, I wouldn't have even minded grabbing him some basics if she just asked but she didn't, and neither did he. They just assumed I'd be fine with it. And honestly, I don't even really like him. He's not awful, just kind of moochy and not self-aware at all. So maybe I'm being harsh because I already find him annoying. Now my roommates barely speaking to me and told one of our mutual friends that I'm being weirdly territorial and passive-aggressive over a guy taking a quick shower. I don't know. Part of me feels bad because he is broke and maybe I'm being too harsh, but I also feel like I'm being walked over in my own home. I just need

unbiased advice. So, Ada? Update 1. So, I ended up having another conversation with my roommate after she got home, mostly because I couldn't keep walking around like everything's fine when it's really not. and the comments I read from my previous post helped me to come to that conclusion. I told her as calmly as I could that this situation is seriously getting to me. I get it that she's in love, but I'm not just some side character in her life who has to deal with the boyfriend constantly being in our home. I told her flat out that it's been months now of him basically living here. Eating, showering, lounging around, sleeping over five to six nights a week and it's crossing the line.

She just kind of blinked at me and said I was being heartless, literally said those exact words, saying I had no compassion for her relationship or for him, or the fact he had barely any money and needed somewhere to stay most days and needed food, etc. She accused me of being dramatic and of caring more about shampoo than a person who means the world to her. And I just snapped. I told her this is not about shampoo. It's about the fact that her boyfriend, who doesn't pay rent, doesn't contribute to bills and isn't even on the lease, has been using all of my personal stuff for months without asking. Like literally never asked, not once and neither did she. He just started helping himself to my shampoo, my conditioner, my razor, my face wash and

my deodorant like I'm running a free hotel and he's a guest. And the worst part is he barely even talks to me. This man's been living in my space for months and I swear we've had maybe two conversations ever. Half the time he doesn't even say hi when he walks in the door and just walks straight past me like I'm invisible and hops in the shower with my products like it's no big deal. I can't believe I have put up with it for this long. I told her if either of them had asked even just once I probably would have been chill about it. Like yeah, he's broke I get it because times are hard. I would have even offered to grab him a few basics if he was short on cash, but no one said anything. They just silently decided it was okay for him to mooch off of me and my

stuff and my space without so much as a conversation like I don't get a say in any of this. She got super defensive, like arms crossed and full of attitude and said something like, well, he's my boyfriend and I'm allowed to have him over. It's my home too. And I said, yeah, you are allowed to have him over, but let's not pretend like he's just here sometimes. He's always here. He's been here more nights than not for the past few months, and when he's not sleeping over, he's still around. He's basically moved in without actually moving in. And if he's going to act like he lives here, then he needs to contribute like he lives here. She just rolled her eyes and said and I quote, get used to it. He's my boyfriend, and as I said before he is barely any money

so wouldn't be able to contribute anything. And that was it for me. I've been so patient. I've tried to be understanding. I've given them the benefit of the doubt over and over again. But at this point I feel completely disrespected and walked over in my own home. I've realized I'm not overreacting. I'm reacting to months of not being heard and being treated like I don't matter. I'm calling our landlord tomorrow morning. I'm going to explain that this guy has effectively moved in,

he's been staying here for weeks on end, using the amenities, taking up space, and not paying a single penny toward rent or bills. And if he's going to keep staying here, he needs to start paying his share. I didn't want it to come to this, but I'm not going to keep carrying the weight of a third person in this flat just because my roommate's in a relationship. She made it clear she's not going to do anything about it, so now I have to. Thank you for your responses on the previous post. It really helped me come to terms with the situation.

Update 2. So like I said I would, this more. I spoke to my landlord. I was so anxious before calling because I didn't want it to feel like I was like tatling or trying to blow things up, but I also knew I couldn't ignore it any longer. He picked up quickly and was actually really calm and professional about everything. I explained the situation as clearly and fairly as I could and told him that my roommate's boyfriend has been staying over five to six nights a week, sometimes more, using all of our utilities, taking over our shared space and even using my personal things like it's all free

despite not paying a single penny toward rent or bills or even any shopping. The landlord paused for a moment and then told me that it wasn't okay. He told me that technically under the lease guests are allowed for short stays like the occasional overnight or weekend. But then said that's very different from someone else effectively living in the flat, and that if someone is staying over more than a couple nights a week on a consistent basis that counts as an unofficial tenant. He said that if my roommate wants him there full time, he needs to be added to the lease and start contributing to rent and bills immediately. Otherwise, he said her boyfriend will have to seriously cut back on how often he's staying over and if my roommate refuses to cooperate or tries

to keep things as they are it could result in her being in breach of the lease agreement. He said she could face consequences, including possible eviction if this continues without resolution. That honestly shook me a little, but also validated that I'm not overreacting. Now on to the more awkward part. A few hours ago at around 5 p.m. her boyfriend showed up again. As he came in and went to walk past me like usual, I stopped him and said I needed to talk to him. He looked caught off guard and kind of gave me that fake confused about what? Expression, but I stood firm and said I just needed to clear the air.

I told him I'd noticed he's been staying here constantly and using all my stuff such as my shampoo, my face wash, my razor, and yes, I got a new razor the same day I noticed he was using mine, deodorant, all of it without ever asking. I said I was really uncomfortable with it, especially since he's not on the lease or contributing anything. That's when he got defensive. He didn't yell or anything, but his tone immediately turned snappy and kind of guilt-trippy. He said something like that. He said something like that. that he was sorry he didn't have somewhere else to go right now and that he was in a deep place. He then said that he wasn't trying to make my life hard and that he was just trying to survive.

Then he launched into this whole monologue about how he's unemployed, struggling with his mental health, that his family all cut him off, he can barely afford food, let alone shampoo, and how my attitude is just another example of people turning their backs on someone who's already at rock bottom. He even asked if I think he wants to be in this position, or if I think he feels good about the way he lives, like I was supposed to feel guilty for bringing it up. I stayed calm and told him that I wasn't trying to kick him whilst he's down. And that if he had just asked me I probably would have said yes and I might have even bought him some basics. But he didn't ask and he just started helping himself, like it was owed to him. He didn't really have a response to that,

other than shrugging and muttering that he didn't think it was a big deal and that my roommate told him it was fine. I said it is a big deal to me. This is my home too, and he has been treating it like a free house that he's allowed to live in and that's not sustainable anymore. I told him my landlord's going to get involved now and things will have to change. Either he gets added to the lease and starts paying his share, or he stops staying over all the time. And if neither my roommate could end up being evicted. He got quiet after that. Gave me some annoyed half apology and went into a room. Honestly, I think he was more embarrassed than anything. But I'm not backing down now because I've done my part and I've been patient. I've communicated like an adult, so what happens

next is on them. No word yet from my roommate after her convo with the landlord, which I assume happened as my landlord doesn't usually say stuff and not follow through with it, and she still hasn't come back home which leads me to the belief that she's furious. That said, I'm done prioritizing her comfort over my own peace of mind as I've been more than fair. I will update again if slash when my roommate says anything to me. Also, I've officially locked my shower stuff away and the snacks that I had previously bought which were my snacks I bought with my money. I went to Argos this morning and got one of those little lockable storage boxes and slid it under my bed as some of you suggested. I made a very unique four-digit code

for it too, so hopefully my roommate's boyfriend doesn't go to the extreme of trying to open and snoop through a locked box. Update three, I'm hoping this will all blow over soon as confrontation is not my thing in general, and this is a situation I really don't want to be in as I don't want to be the reason someone who's already struggling ends up on the streets. And before I get into the latest update, I did see a comment asking why I didn't just ask her why he doesn't use her stuff and the answer is because he already does LOL. He uses both of our stuff whenever he feels like it, but for some reason it's mostly mine he grabs. Anyways, my roommate came home about an hour ago, just before 12 p.m. and it was obvious from

the second she walked through the door that she was furious. She slammed the front door shut, slammed her keys a little too hard onto the side table, and threw her bag down. I was in the living room at the time and the energy shift was instant. I waited a moment, then came out from the living room, said hello and asked as gently as I could if everything was okay. She didn't answer right away and just stood there with her jaw clenched before blurting out that she couldn't believe I actually called our landlord. And then asked me why I was being so dramatic. I stayed calm and said that I had already told her I was going to if nothing changed and that I didn't go behind her back. She gave this bitter laugh and said

something along the lines of, yeah, well now thanks to that our landlord told me in no uncertain terms that boyfriend's name, is not allowed to stay more than two nights a week anymore unless he starts paying rent. She was absolutely livid. She asked me if I even understood what that meant. And then said he literally has nowhere else to go right now and he's been staying here because he doesn't have a home, not because they were trying to take advantage of me or something. She kept telling me he was struggling and would have no money to pay rent or bills and now what? Is he supposed to just wander around in the cold at night and freeze to death while you, and I quote, sleep soundly knowing your shampoo's safe and sound. That last line was so sarcastic it would

have been funny if it wasn't so frustrating and guilt-tripping. I took a deep breath and said that it was not about the shampoo, it was about how he's been here constantly like literally living here without ever being asked to contribute anything and literally had barely even acknowledged me ever. I mentioned that I tried to talk to her about it twice and she blew it off both times. What else was I supposed to do? She crossed her arms and looked at me like I was the most cold-hearted person alive. She told me he was her boyfriend, and of course she would want him here. That he's going through so much and now I've made it so he feels completely unwelcome. She told me his family just cut him off one day with no reason and all of his friends

stopped talking to him too and apparently treated him awfully, which in my opinion seems ironic, but maybe that's just me, L.O.L. Apparently. he called her after I confronted him earlier and told her he's going to stay at a friend's place tonight and he sounded like he was about to cry before he hung up the phone. Then said this was just another example of people not giving a FCK about him when he needs it most. I literally didn't even hear him leave so he must have crept out, LOL. I could feel the guilt tripping in every word. But honestly, I've reached the point where I'm done letting it work on me. I said that I was sorry he's going through a rough time. But this is my home too. I pay rent, I pay bills. I keep this place going

just like she does. I'm not an extra in her relationship. She brought someone into this space without asking, let him treat it like it's his, and didn't lift a finger when it started affecting me. That's not okay. She went quiet at that, still clearly annoyed but with nothing left to say that wouldn't sound like more of the same. After a few seconds she just said, I hope you're happy, and walked off into her room, slamming the door behind her. I'm not happy. I didn't want it to come to this. But I'm also not sorry. I've been way more patient than I should have been, and I've tried to handle this like an adult. I don't think her boyfriend feeling unwelcome is because I'm cruel. It's because they've both acted like the rules don't apply to them and that's

not my fault. So I guess this is where things stand for now. Tense, awkward, and probably about to get worse before they get better. But I feel like I can see the horizon of no more stolen shampoo, and hopefully this will all be over soon. Thank you for all of your comments. They mean a lot to me smile update four. Hi again, everyone. I just wanted to say thank you again for the incredible support, advice and unbiased opinions you've given me throughout this whole mess of a time. I've read every single comment on my last few posts and it's been genuinely eye-opening and a beautiful way to realize how many people have been able to offer advice when my head was spinning. So, it's been tense but quiet since my last post. My roommate has barely spoken to me and things have mostly been awkward silence or heavy sighs.

I've kept my boundaries up and stayed polite, but we both clearly needed space. Yesterday, my roommate and her boyfriend, yes he was over, to collect something of his, had a huge argument. I wasn't eavesdropping, but it was loud enough that I couldn't not hear it as our walls are thin and they were yelling. He was accusing her of being a bad girlfriend for not sticking up for him when I talked to our landlord, or sticking up for him when I raised an issue, which she did, L.O.L. He actually said that she let me humiliate him and that she didn't even defend him and said I've made him look pathetic. He went full guilt trip, saying she'd betrayed him and that real partners are supposed to protect each other.

He said he felt humiliated, abandoned, and that she clearly didn't care about him at all. It was like watching someone weaponize hurt feelings just to control his narrative. She was crying and trying to explain, but he kept cutting her off and then suddenly, boom, he slammed the door and stormed out. She followed shortly after.

I thought that was probably the end of the drama for the night. I genuinely felt bad for her in that moment. But then at like 2 a.m. this morning she came stumbling in tipsy and immediately started shouting at me. She slurred something about me just being jealous and mad because I don't have a boyfriend. I literally couldn't be further from being jealous of her and her boyfriend as he seems to be so cruel and guilt-tripping towards her. Then she said it's because I can't stand seeing her happy so I ruin it for her. Then she called me bitter, pathetic, and said I was sabotaging her relationship because I'm lonely. I didn't even say anything and I just sat there stunned.

She then stomped off to her room and passed out cold. This morning I woke up to find her sitting at the kitchen table looking rough. She was hung over and clearly very low. She mumbled something about how she doesn't know what to think anymore and then said she thinks that her boyfriend is only with her for her money. I was genuinely trying to be kind, as I felt bad for her and it must be a tough situation to be in. I told her I was sorry she felt like that, and that she deserves better if that's how she's feeling.

I thought we were having a real moment. But then she looked me dead in the eye and said literally, and I quote, This is your fault. My jaw dropped. I literally said, excuse me? And she repeated it. She said if I hadn't blown everything out of proportion, and gone to our landlord, none of this would have happened and her boyfriend wouldn't be angry with her.

And then said I ruined it. everything. And in that moment, I realized this wasn't fair. I've been nothing but fair and I've tried so hard to set boundaries respectfully, communicate like an adult and not cause drama. I've gone out of my way to make this place livable and still got blame for everything. And now I'm being guilt-tripped because her boyfriend treats the flat like a free hotel and she's too far gone to see it. Which brings me to the next part of this post. Our lease is up for renewal on August 1st. Our landlord emailed us both yesterday with a standard renewal reminder and asked us to let him know by July 1st if we're planning to stay, so he has time to prep the paperwork or start listing the flat. I've thought long and hard about this, and I have come to the conclusion that I don't want to live with her anymore.

Even if her boyfriend disappears tomorrow, the trust and respect is gone and the ability to feel comfortable in my own home is hanging by a thread. I won't be renewing my half. Whether I find a new place alone or with someone else, I'm not staying here. I haven't told her yet because I'm not in the mood to get screamed it again, but I'll be giving proper notice soon and reaching out to our landlord to clarify the process. I'll do it properly and respectfully, but I know that I will no longer live here. I've mentally committed, and this weekend I'm going to start the flat slash house share search. I'm equal parts nervous and excited.

nervous because I'm in a very good location right now and the rent isn't cheap but reasonable for what it is. I know I might not get quite as lucky again, especially solo, but I'd rather pay a little more than keep sacrificing my sanity, LOL. I'm still sad that it came to this because this flat could have been a dream but I know I'm making the right decision. I deserve a space that feels like mine or at least one I'm not constantly being pushed out of emotionally. So yeah, wish me luck. Thank you to everyone who's commented and supported me through this absolutely bonkers situation. You made me feel sane and reminded me that I deserved to feel safe, respected and comfortable in my own home. I hope you enjoy this story.

I believe my spouse was engaging in a romantic relationship with his half-siblings due to their peculiar actions, but later learned that she had actually attacked him during their university days and has been blackmailing him. Him for years to keep it secret. I believe my 24F, husband, 24M, and his step-sister, 23F, are having an affair, my head is spinning and I don't know what to do. My husband's parents got divorced when he was 15 and his dad remarried when he was 17. His stepmom has one daughter, let's call her Jess, who was 16 at the time of the marriage. They all lived together for about a year and a half before he left for college, which is where him and I met freshman year. Our sophomore year,

Jess began going to the same school as us, he introduced her to our friend group and she quickly became a part of it. They always seemed more like friends than siblings because obviously their parents didn't marry till they were older, but they'd sometimes refer to each other as bro and sis. Back then I sometimes got the vibe that she was flirting with him, but he never returned it and I just brushed it off as her personality and that I was being crazy BC no way that would happen. Fast forward to now, we all still live in our hometown and see each other pretty often. Jess is single and hasn't had a boyfriend in several years, her and my husband are still very close. When we are all hanging out together, including their parents, if we're sitting on the couch she will sit right up against him, sometimes even put her head on his shoulder if he's showing her videos on his phone.

I have always found it odd but again have brushed it off. Of course they aren't actually related but it would still be too taboo and weird, so I've never fully let myself have the suspicions. However, over the last six months things have been getting weirder. Both my husband and I's birthdays are in April and only a week apart, so over the last couple years we've kind of just combined them and celebrated both at the same time. We had friends and family over, and normally we also received joint gifts, but this year Jess got my husband something specific to him, fairly expensive gaming headphones and a watch, but nothing for me, and she also got him a card and wrote a decent amount in it. I didn't get to read it when we were opening things and then later on I couldn't find it.

When I asked my husband where it was he brushed it off saying, oh, he must have accidentally thrown it out with its envelope, but the envelope was still with everything else on the counter. They've been texting a lot more and she's also been talking to me less. Remember her and I have been friends for the last five years. Sometimes I'll see texts from her pop up on his phone screen and there will be emojis. This will be while he's holding it and he'll unlock it pretty fast. so I've never really been able to see what they say. If I ask her to meet up or hang out with just me, she's always busy. But if it's her coming over our home to see the both of us, she never says no.

He also has been going to see her more often, which is kind of a complicated detail BC. She still lives at home with her mom and his dad, so he just tells me he's going to hang out with his dad for a bit, but I have a feeling it's for her. Him and I have also been less intimate lately. Neither of us have ever had super high sex drives, but we have. have always averaged at least twice a week, and now it's about two to three times a month. What's pushed me over the edge is when we all got together this past July 4th. We were at my Phil's house for a big cookout slash pool party.

While in the pool she kept hanging on him from behind. Picture him giving her a piggyback ride in the water, splashing him, being overly playful, etc. I kept thinking in my head I was crazy because maybe after all these years they really do have a sibling-like dynamic and she's just messing around. But I also caught her staring at me when my husband and I were being close and she looked angry. Now, cut to the worst of it all. We all were done in the pool and went inside to change. I was with my husband in his room and right in the middle of us changing she came in without knocking randomly asking if she could borrow my hairbrush. My husband didn't have any clothes on. I was horrified and said something like, OMG, you need to knock first.

phased and lazily covered her eyes saying, oh, whatever, he's basically like my brother. My husband seemed kind of embarrassed, but also not as much as you'd expect. She left like it was nothing. Since then she has barely spoken to me at all and I am absolutely spiraling at the thought of this. Am I being crazy? I haven't said anything to him yet about this because I'm so scared to be wrong and then I'm just accusing him of sleeping with his step-sister. I need others to tell me if they agree with what I've been seeing or not.

Small update. Thank you to everyone who has responded. When I made this post I was hoping for validation of my worries but also scared of that at the same time. I'm trying to keep it together and act normal around him the best I can. Tomorrow he's going over his dad's, so he says, so I plan to show up there and see what's going on. Update, hey everyone. Sorry that it's been so long since I made my original post about this. To say that our family, has totally imploded since I last posted would be an understatement. So much has happened that I never expected or was prepared for so I apologize that I kind of ghosted all of you, but this has been really hard. Just in FYI, I'll be mentioning text messages a fair amount and it'll be paraphrasing. Leaving off from my last update, I did go to his dad's house that weekend that my husband told me he was going to see him. When I got there, only my husband's car was in the driveway. I wasn't sure what to do. if I should try calling his dad, calling my husband or what.

I decided to just go in because I didn't want to play games. I walk in and hear his and Jess voices coming from the kitchen and it sounded like they were yelling. Even now I couldn't tell you what they were saying. I was so full of adrenaline as I approached them it was like I was watching them on mute or something and not actually hearing what was happening. He spotted me and looked like a deer in the headlights, and all I could muster up was to say what's going on.

I stared at them for a couple seconds and then my fight or flight kicked in, I'm very non-confrontational so my instinct was to turn around and run. He chased after me and pulled me into a guest room to talk. Again I asked what was going on, that he's been acting so weird and so has Jess, and point-blank asked if he was cheating on me. He seemed shocked at the question but then out of nowhere started bawling his eyes out. I've never seen my husband cry before. He said that no he's not cheating but has something to tell me but couldn't do it there and needed to leave slash for us to go back to our house.

At first I protested and said no I needed to know right then and there but he still was having a breakdown begging me so I agreed. We left his car there and drove home together in mind but I sat in silence the whole ride as he cried and was trying to collect himself. When we got home we sat in the living room and I once again asked him what the fuck was happening and my patience had run thin. Then out came his word vomit. He told me that in college, our junior slash Jess sophomore year, after him and a bunch of our friends had gone to a party, we were dating by this time but I wasn't there that night. I'd come home for the weekend to hang out with family that was in town, and he got really drunk. Our guy friends kind of ditched him to go hookup so Jess offered him to crash on her couch for the night. Our school had on campus apartments and she had a single BC she was an RA.

He said he woke up at some point after that, we said, with his pants down and her on top of him, having sex. He told me at the time he felt out of it and didn't really get what was happening and that's all he remembers was waking up and feeling it slash seeing her. He then woke up again a couple hours later and she was asleep in her own bed, so he left and went back to his own dorm. He never told anyone. It took him a long time to even fully understand what had happened and he felt like he couldn't

tell anybody because one. He felt ashamed and embarrassed too. He didn't think anyone would believe him three. He didn't want to be known as the guy that slept with his step-sister four. He was afraid of losing me and five. He was worried about his dad and if he found out that it could affect or ruin his new marriage and that his dad is so happy with his step-mom. He told me he basically just acted like nothing happened, even around Jess when we all

hung out together. He said him and her never spoke about it or said anything until a couple years later, when him and I got engaged after graduation. She sent him a text essentially saying she loved him and thought about that night all the time and that why did their parents have to meet and get married, they could be together otherwise, etc. Essentially she is obsessed with him. Shamefully I will admit when he first told me all of this I wasn't sure what to think or believe, until I saw their text messages. I questioned him saying if this was the case why are they always talking, why wouldn't he distance himself now that were married and out of school?

He told me it started up again with her, about six months ago, like I said on my original post, when him and I told our families that we decided we wanted to try for a baby. He had a screenshot of the text she sent him the next day ranting about how he shouldn't do this. Marriages aren't permanent until a baby comes into the mix. There's still a chance for them to be honest with their family and for him to leave me, she still loves him after all this time, etc. He replied saying he loved me and wanted to start a family with me and that he didn't love her in that way, and he never wanted her to bring this up to him ever again. That's when her demeanor changed and she said if he didn't love her, why did he F.C. her and what would their family think, essentially blackmailing him.

I read through as many of their texts as I could handle and it was always her saying things like she was thinking about him, she wants to see him, she'd even send texts while we were all together telling him he looks good in that outfit. Sometimes he wouldn't reply and others he'd be trying to have a normal convo slash steer it in a different direction, and sometimes just telling her to stop it. The days he's told me he's going to hang out with his dad, it's her begging him to go over there so she can see him or she will tell her mom everything. So he'd agreed to go but he swears nothing has ever happened, that one of their parents would be there a majority of the time and it would just be all of them on the patio or in the living room. That that day, he went there to tell her he was sick of it and couldn't do it. anymore, she could tell people whatever she wants but he was done, and that's why they were yelling. I sat there taking it all in and honestly was speechless as I did not expect any of this. I asked him about our sudden lack of intimacy, essentially only during my fertile window since

we're trying for a baby but never any other time, and he said all of this being brought up for him mentally has made him shut down about sex. He was only doing it for me, B.C. I want a baby. but it's taken him so long to realize slash come to terms with the fact that she assaulted him and how this harassment I cried I felt betrayed by her and then a heavy deep empathy for him I just hugged him and cried and he cried too I told him he really needs to tell his dad because we can no longer associate with her in any way and how can we manage that when she lives with him at first he said no he couldn't because he's worried they won't believe him and also doesn't want to ruin his dad's life because how could the marriage with his stepmom survive this? I told him I don't have an answer for that. He has to trust that

his dad will believe him and I was also worried about her panicking after their argument and doing something crazy. He agreed to tell his dad and said he wanted to do it alone. The following weekend he met up with dad and told him everything, showed the text to him, etc. His dad believed him and like me was caught off guard and speechless. This led to him telling his wife and saying he was kicking Jess out, however his wife did not believe it. She claims my husband must have edited the text somehow, actual texts in the message app that you can scroll through, and it's Jess number attached to the contact. Jess freaked out, saying none of it was true and he was the one who'd been harassing her. That's when my husband threatened to take it all to the police for an order of

protection against her if she did not tell the truth, and she finally admitted to everything in an insane meltdown. His stepmom is horrified, his dad doesn't know if he can get past her not believing my husband and accusing him. We are currently in this weird limbo phase of the whole family on edge. Jess is still living there, his dad has demanded she leave and has given her two weeks instead of kicking her out on the spot in an attempt to try and salvage the situation with his wife. My husband and I are having lots of talks, trying to regroup. We've put trying for a baby on hold as he seeks therapy for this. He still is considering going to the police for the harassment.

My heart is broken for him and also trying to come to terms with the truth. That Jess who I've known for years would do something like this. I was prepared to uncover an affair but never this. I'm not sure if there will be any more updates after this, maybe if my husband decides to pursue legal action. I want to say thanks to everybody who pushed for me to dig into my suspicions otherwise this could have gone even further. I don't like to think of what could have happened. Next story, wife got pregnant and I accused her of cheating and demanded a paternity test even though she never cheated. So she moved out and filed for divorce after the test proved I was the father.

I met my wife through a mutual friend. We were friends for a year or so before we both became single and decided we were compatible enough to date. We were together two years before we got married. I do not know what got into me. My wife is loyal, faithful, but I had been reading statistics about how many men are raising children that aren't their own and had absolutely no idea around the time she found out she was pregnant. We both wanted children, we weren't actively preventing it. About three months in, I couldn't take it anymore and told her I wanted a paternity test. She asked me if I was accusing her of cheating. I said yes. She asked me why, and I couldn't answer her. Neither of us has ever cheated or been cheated on. She works very hard, long hours at her job,

but has always let me know where she is slash who she will be with. If she was going somewhere with friends, I was always welcomed. I do not know why I did this, and it's tearing me up. She told me she'd gladly give me my paternity test, but that she was moving back to her mothers until that time because she didn't know if she wanted to continue the marriage. She got an amniocentes test at about 20 weeks. I'm the father, and when she told me, I was so happy. But she wasn't. She told me that she felt like she fell out of love with me the minute I asked her and that she had no desire to reconcile. Our daughter was born July 10th. My wife has gone through a lawyer and has started through the motions of divorce and issues of custody. She has since gotten her own apartment.

She said she wants to keep this as amicable as possible for the sake of our daughter. But I just want to be a family. She doesn't want support or alimony because she makes more than enough to cover herself and our daughter's needs and live a comfortable life. It's taken since February to even get her to soften her stance and even think about counseling. She said she loves me, but she isn't sure she can get over this. Now I'm trying to think of how to fix this, and I'm just such a broken mess. I want to prepare a list to talk about on Monday at counseling, but I just can't think of anything but apologizing and that hasn't made a difference in the past months.

I don't think it would now. Update 1. I got to sit down with my wife during my visit with my daughter while she was napping. She says that this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Here is why she went nuclear as a lot of people said. As much as this hurt, I needed to hear it. I had trouble trusting her our whole relationship, despite the fact she had never cheated on me or any exes. She's caught me snooping through her phone slash email slash work laptop before, and because she deals with privileged information, she says I open her up to liabilities with her clients.

No, I have never found anything incriminating. she has never hidden anything except work-related things because of confidentiality. Her bank accounts, credit card information, phone records were always open to me because she's caught me snooping before and she wanted to assuage my fears. I had recently installed Tinder on my phone and she had caught me on OKCupid six months ago. Her best friends sent her my profile. So the things that this is me projecting, she got upset about the hypocriticalness of it all, while she had to be fully open to me, but she says I never showed her.

the same courtesy and always bitched at her about my privacy. I had my phone passcode, would get upset if she did the same, and I'd get angry with her if she went into my computer slash email for any reason, even if it was bill related. She said what really made her not want to work on it was some of the following. She felt no support for me at all before the test. She would come over every other day and talk to me, but I was cold to her and that she tried to work on it in the beginning. She said my aloofness made her not care. I refused to help her cover the copay for the amniocentesis. She said this was pettiness that made her feel this way, but she was going to get an amniocentesis test anyway because she's paranoid about birth defects

and her insurance didn't deem it medically necessary. I went on a few dates after she moved out and she found out. She considered it cheating because she had been attempting to work on our marriage at that point, and had even made counseling appointments that I refused to attend until she got the paternity test. I didn't remember about this and didn't include it in my life. last post. She said she's willing to work on the marriage, but she said that it has to be as open both ways and she isn't willing to move back in with me right away. I have to give her the passcode to my phone and delete Tinder. I do not want to give her the passcode to my phone because I think I deserve my privacy. Her other condition is personal therapy as well as the couple's counseling.

I don't want to do this either, because as many of you have pointed out that there's nothing wrong with wanting to be sure. Update 2, I realize now that I'm not exactly someone you want to sympathize with, and I'm sorry. I do love Marissa and want to be a better husband and father. But I will not get that chance. In therapy, our therapist had us lay everything out on the table, and I admitted that I was an unfair hypocrite. She admitted that she's happier without me, despite being a single mother for all intents and purposes. We attempted to talk it through, with her laying out her terms to re-enter the marriage. I still I feel I did not cheat on her because she left me with no discussion of terms. She feels I cheated because we were still married and

actively discussing her eventually rebuilding her trust in me and moving back home. We agreed to try another therapy session, but Tuesday morning she canceled it and she filed for divorce. We had dinner that night. She took her to try and told me she was sorry, but she didn't think it would work because her trust at this point was irrevocably broken. I told her it was okay. We sat down and talked about visitation until she leaves in January, when she will be moving to her home state with an opportunity that grants her more money and better benefits, including on-site daycare. She told me she harbors no hard feelings towards me, but she wishes it hadn't ended this way. I told her it didn't have to, but she

disagreed and said it did. I told her I'd give her access to my phone and such, but the fact that I did that to her left a sour taste in her mouth about it, and she doesn't want a relationship where it's considered normal to not share slash rifle through the other person's things for no reason, as she put it. We agreed on child support, and we will get it in writing. I make a comparable amount to what she will be making, so we agreed to split baby's expenses. Baby will be on her insurance. I gave her a check for the amount for the amino. Anything else we can think of? I know there's no chance of getting my wife back now, but how can I be a good dad to baby long distance? We talked about me eventually moving to be in proximity. She made sure to emphasize

for baby, that we will not be getting back together, but I'm locked into a contract until next December at least. I hope you enjoy this story. I diligently set aside funds for several months to purchase an engagement ring for my partner, but upon attempting to access the funds for the ring, I discovered that my mother had depleted all of our savings. Joint account to pay for my brother's rehab without even asking me. So I'm going to keep this short because I'm still kind of processing everything, but I need advice on how to handle this situation. I work construction and make decent money but nothing crazy. Been with my girlfriend Rita for six years now and she's incredible. When I got laid off last year and went through a rough patch with depression, she never once made me feel like a burden.

Picked up extra shifts at her job, helped with rent, the whole thing. Never complained. I know she's the one. I've been saving every spare dollar for eight months to get her a proper engagement ring. Not some massive rock or anything, but something nice that she deserves. Found this perfect sapphire ring at a local jeweler, it's her birthstone and she mentioned once how much prettier colored stones are than diamonds. The guy's holding it for me and everything. The money sitting in this old joint account I have with my mom from when I was younger. Never bothered closing it since we both just used it like our own separate savings. She's got her teacher pension money in there, I've got my ring fund.

Never been an issue before. Well, I'm planning to propose in a few days. Already asked her mom for permission, Rita's father is no longer with us, got the whole thing planned out. Nothing fancy, just going to take her to this spot by the lake where we had our first date. Simple and meaningful. But here's where I need advice. My brother Clark has been struggling with addiction for years. He died with pills in high school after a sports injury, graduated to harder stuff by coffee.

He's been to rehab twice already and both times he was clean for maybe six months before relapsing. My mom keeps bailing him out, paying for lawyers when he gets arrested, covering his rent when he can't hold a job. Classic enabler stuff, but she won't hear it. Last week she mentioned he was ready to get serious about recovery again and wanted to go to some expensive private facility. I just nodded along because honestly I'm tired of having the same conversation about Clark. But now I'm wondering if I should move my money out of that joint account just to be safe. Am I being paranoid? She knows how important this ring is to me.

I've been talking about proposing for months. But part of me is worried she might do something impulsive if Clark really pushes her about needing help. What would you guys do? Edit, some people are asking about the account setup. When I turned 18, Mom suggested we keep the joint account. because it made things easier when I was in college and she was helping with expenses. After I graduated and got the construction job, we just kept using it like a shared savings account. She puts her extra pension money in there, I put my savings.

We both just take out what we need when we need it. It's worked fine for years because we trust each other and both keep metal track of what's ours. Maybe that sounds stupid now but it never caused problems before. Edit 2, a lot of you are saying I should move the money immediately. You're probably right. I guess I just don't want to believe my own mother would steal for me, especially when she knows what this money is for. But better safe than sorry, right?

Update 1, posted three days later. Holy shit. Just holy fucking shit. Went to the bank today to withdraw the money for Rita's ring. You probably already guessed. where this is going. The account is empty. Completely cleaned out. Not just my ring money, her money too. Everything. Called my mom immediately and she just casually mentions that she had to use the money for Clark's rehab program. Like it was no big deal. Like she was borrowing 20 bucks for

groceries, I drove straight to her house and we had it out on her front porch. She actually had the nerve to tell me that an engagement is just one day but Clark's sobriety could be forever. Said I should be grateful to help save my brother's life. Grateful. Like I had any choice in the matter. This isn't even Clark's first rodeo. Kids been a disaster since high school. Started when he hurt his shoulder playing baseball senior year and got hooked on the pain meds. Doctor kept prescribing them even after the injury healed because Clark claimed he was still in pain. By the time we figured out he was doctor shopping, he was already stealing mom's prescription bottles. College was a nightmare. Mom insisted on paying his tuition even though he was obviously using.

Failed out sophomore year but not before racking up thousands in credit card debt buying drugs. That's when mom paid for his first rehab stint. Some place in Arizona that cost more than most people's cars. They had yoga and art therapy and all the this expensive holistic stuff that mom was convinced would work. He was clean for maybe four months before I caught him high at Christmas dinner. Mom made excuses then too, said he was adjusting and needed time. Made us all pretend nothing was wrong while Clark sat there nodding off during dinner. The second time he relapsed, it was worse. Got arrested for breaking into

a pharmacy with some other addicts. Mom hired him a lawyer, got the charges reduced. to misdemeanor theft, paid his fines. Then paid for another rehab program, even more expensive because this one had horses and meditation or whatever. Clark lasted six months that time before getting caught selling his Suboxone to buy heroin. And now this. Third times the charm, right? Except this program costs $18,000.

That's more than I make in half a year busting my ass in construction. And apparently it was so urgent that mom couldn't even bother asking before stealing our money. The worst part is how she looked at me when I was yelling. Like I was being selfish. Like wanting to marry the woman I love with a ring I saved for is somehow less important than enabling Clark's addiction for the third time. She kept saying things like family comes first and you'll understand when you have children. I asked her what she thought Rita was going to be, chop liver. Rita's going to be my wife, my family.

But apparently that doesn't count because we're not blood-related. Clark called while I was driving home. Said the nerve to tell me he's really committed this time and that I should support mom's decision. Said the program was going to be different because it's longer and more intensive. Same shit he said twice before. I hung up on him. I don't even know what to tell Rita, she doesn't know, but now I have to tell her. The jeweler is expecting me tomorrow.

How do I explain that my own mother sabotaged our engagement? That the ring she's going to love is gone because my junkie brother needed another expensive time out from his problems. I'm so angry I can barely think straight. I keep thinking about all those months of saving. Bringing my lunch to work instead of buying it. Skipping drinks with the guys after work. Working overtime whenever it was available. Also I could buy Rita something special, something that would show her how much she means to me.

And now it's gone. Just like that. Because my mom decided Clark's latest crisis was more important than my happiness. What the hell do I do now? Edit, people keep asking about legal options. The account was joint so technically she had every right to withdraw the money. Doesn't make it less of a betrayal but I can't call the cops or anything. Edit 2. Some of you are suggesting I ask Rita's family for help or take out alone.

I appreciate the suggestions but I can't start our engagement by going into debt or asking her parents for money. That's not how I want to begin our marriage. Update 2, posted five days later had to tell Rita everything. Couldn't keep lying about why I was postponing the proposal. I let her down last night after she got home from work. She could tell something was wrong because I've been weird and distant since the bank incident. Kept asking if I was okay, if something happened at work, if we needed to talk about anything. I finally told her everything. I felt like such a failure explaining how my family screwed us over. Rita just sat there listening, not saying much, which honestly made it worse.

I kept rambling, trying to explain how I had everything planned and now it's all ruined. I told her about the spot by the lake I'd picked out, how I'd already talked to her dad, how excited I was to see her face when she saw the sapphire ring. The more I talked, the more pathetic I felt. Here I am, a grown man, and I can't even propose to my girlfriend because my mommy stole my allowance. When I finally shut up, she was quiet for a long time. Just sitting there processing everything I'd dumped on her. Then she asked if I was okay.

Not about the money or the ring, if I was okay. I started crying a little because nobody else had bothered asking me that. She said she was disappointed but nod at me. Said she was angry at my mom for putting me in this position. But then she got this look and said something that surprised me. She said she'd rather know who my family really is now than find out after we're married. We talked until like two in the morning about everything. about Clark's history, about how mom always prioritizes his problems over everyone else's life.

Rita shared some stuff about her own family that I didn't know. Apparently her uncle went through something similar with addiction and it tore their family apart for years. Her aunt ended up divorcing him because she couldn't handle the constant drama and financial stress. Rita said she's seen what addiction does to families and she's grateful that I recognize the pattern instead of making excuses for it. said it shows her that I won't let Clark's problems control our relationship the way mom has let them control hers. The crazy thing is I think this whole mess actually brought us closer. She sees how much the proposal meant to me and how devastated I am that it got ruined. But she also sees that I'm still committed to marrying her even without the fancy ring and romantic plan.

She's been weird about money since it happened though. Keeps asking if I need help with rent or groceries. offered to lend me money for the ring, which just made me feel worse. I know she means well, but it makes me feel even worse about the whole situation. She shouldn't have to worry about supporting me because my mom stole my money. Still haven't heard from Clark except for that one phone call. Mom texted yesterday asking if I'm done being dramatic yet. Said Clark is making great progress and I should be proud of him instead of being selfish.

deleted it without responding. Rita saw the text before I deleted it and got really angry. Said no mother should call their child selfish for being upset about theft. Said if my mom can't see how wrong this was, then maybe cutting contact isn't such a bad idea. The jeweler called today too. Asked if I still wanted to put the ring on layaway or if I wanted to look at something less expensive. Had to explain that the money situation changed completely. He was actually pretty cool about it, said he'd hold the sapphire ring for another month in case things work out.

Also mentioned he had some other options in different price ranges if I was interested. I just feel stuck. Can't afford the ring I wanted to give her, can't trust my own mother, and now Rita's trying to pretend she's not disappointed when I know she has to be. This isn't how any of this was supposed to go. The worst part is knowing that mom doesn't even feel bad about what she did. She genuinely thinks she was right to take our money. That Clark's addiction is more important than my relationship. I don't know how to rebuild from this.

Rita deserves better than this drama. She deserves the proposal I planned, the ring I picked out, the romantic moment by the lake. Instead she gets my family's baggage and a broken promise. Update 3, posted one week. week later. Rita completely blindsided me yesterday and I'm still processing it. She came over after work with this weird energy, excited but also nervous, fidgeting with her purse and asking random questions about my day. Asked if I had any plans for the evening, if I was hungry, if I wanted to watch a movie. I thought maybe she was going to bring up the whole engagement

thing again, which I've been dreading because I still don't have any solutions. Instead she sits me down on the couch and pulls out this small black velvet box. Opens it up and there's a ring inside. Not expensive looking, silver band with a small stone that might be glass for all I know. Instead she's looking at me with this huge smile and says, I found our engagement ring. I'm just staring at this thing, completely confused. She explains that she went to this antique shop during her lunch break, said she was just browsing but kept thinking about our conversation and how frustrated I've been about the whole

situation. She was looking at old jewelry when she saw this ring in a case marked $25. The shop owner told her it was from the 1940s, probably a wartime engagement ring when people couldn't afford expensive stones. The setting is sterling silver and the stone is actually a real garnet, just small. She said she doesn't care about having some expensive stone that came from a jewelry store chain. Said this ring has a story and character and it's ours now. Then she hands me the box and says, will you propose to me with this? I don't know what came over me, but I just started laughing. Not because it was funny but because here's this woman who's been more patient with my family drama than anyone has a right to be, and she's solving

our problem in the most readaway possible. She's always been like this, practical and creative and finding solutions where other people see problems. So I took the ring and got down on one knee right there in my living room. Asked if she'd marry me with this weird little antique ring that costs less than dinner at most restaurants. She said yes before I even finished the question. The ring fits her perfectly. Like, exactly perfect, which she says is a sign that it was meant to be ours. She's been staring at it constantly since yesterday, taking pictures to send her.

to her showing it off to everyone at work today. Her co-workers think the whole story is romantic. How we overcame this obstacle together and found our own solution. Rita keeps saying how much she loves that it's unique and has history instead of being something thousands of other people have. I called the jeweler this morning to tell him he could sell the sapphire ring to someone else. He actually seemed happy for us when I explained what happened, said sometimes the best stories don't involved the most expensive rings. Also said he appreciated me calling instead of just disappearing, apparently a lot of people just stopped showing up when their plans change.

The crazy thing is how perfect this whole thing feels now. Rita's ring suits are so much better than the sapphire would have. She's not a flashy jewelry person anyway, she wears the same simple silver earrings every day and has never owned anything expensive. This antique ring fits her style completely. We're planning to go to the lake spot this weekend anyway, just to have our own private at the place where I originally wanted to propose. Rita says she wants to see where I was planning to do it so we can always remember that spot is special, haven't told my mom about the engagement yet. Honestly not sure if I'm going to.

She's been texting about Clark's progress and rehab like nothing happened. Apparently he's really committed this time and doing well in group therapy. Same shit, different program. Today she sent me a picture of him from Family Day at the facility looking healthy and happy. I showed Rita the picture and she just rolled her eyes. Said it's easy to look good when someone else is paying $18,000 for you to live in a spa for a few months. She's not wrong. Clark always looks great in rehab photos.

It's the after pictures that tell the real story. Rita thinks I should wait until after the wedding to decide about contact with Mom. Says I shouldn't make permanent decisions while I'm still angry. She's probably right but I'm not feeling very forgiving right now. Every time I look at Rita's ring, I remember that mom thought Clark's third chance was more important than my first proposal. For now I'm just trying to enjoy being engaged to the most incredible woman I've ever met. Even if it didn't happen the way I planned, it happened the way of it happened the way of was supposed to. Edit, a lot of people are asking for pictures of the ring. Rita doesn't want me

posting photos online but she said I can describe it. It's a round garnet stone, maybe four millimeters, in a simple four-prong setting. The band has some etched details that are worn down from age. It looks like something someone's grandmother would have worn, which I guess it probably was. Edit 2, some people are criticizing me for cutting Mom out permanently over money. It's not about the money. It's about the complete lack of respect for my relationship and my life. If she could do this once, she'll do it again the next time Clark needs something. I can't build a marriage with someone who thinks my wife and I don't matter.

Update 4, posted two weeks later. We're officially engaged and it's been incredible, but the family situation has got to gotten more complicated, Rita's been wearing her antique ring everywhere and telling everyone who'll listen about how I proposed. Her parents love the ring too and keep saying how much personality it is compared to traditional engagement rings. Her mom actually got emotional when Rita told her the story. Said it reminded her of how she and Rita's dad got engaged during college when they were broke. They used a ring from a pawn shop that cost $15 and were married for 35 years before he passed. Rita never told me that story before. But here's the

thing that's been eating at me. Rita suggested we start planning the wedding, and when she mentioned guest lists, it hit me that my mom expects to be invited. She found out through one of my friend's mom who can't keep their mom shut. She's been texting about Clark's progress and asking when she can meet Rita's parents to start coordinating things. Yesterday she sent me a long message about how excited she is to help plan the wedding. Wants to throw Rita a bridal shower, wants to go dress shopping with her, wants to coordinate with Rita's mom about catering and flowers.

Acting like she's going to be this involved mother-in-law who helps with everything. So I finally told her we got engaged. Her response was to get excited about wedding planning and ask if we've set a date yet. She started talking about guest lists and how many people were inviting from her side of the family. Mentioned that Clark should be out of rehab in time to be in the wedding party. Said she's already thinking about what dress to wear and hoping Rita will want her input on venue selection. That's when I realized I need to make a decision about this whole situation. Rita and I talked about it before.

She said whatever I decide, she'll support, but she wanted me to be sure I was making the choice for the right reasons and not just out of anger. Rita pointed out that if we invite mom, she's going to act like nothing happened. She'll play the proud mother of the groom, take credit for raising such a good man, and probably use the wedding as an opportunity to talk about Clark's recovery progress. She'll make it about her and Clark instead of about us. But Rita also said that if I regret not having mom there later, I can't undo that decision. Said weddings are complicated and family relationships are messy and there's no perfect answer. So I called my mom yesterday and told her she's not welcome at the wedding.

Told her that stealing our money showed me exactly how much she values my relationship and my happiness and I can't have someone at my wedding who would sabotage my engagement. She completely lost it. Started screaming about how ungrateful I am, how Clark needed help and I was being selfish. Said I'm punishing her for trying to save my brother's life. Then she started crying and saying she just wanted both her sons to be happy. and healthy. But here's what really got to me. She said, you got engaged anyway, didn't you? So what's the big deal? Like the fact that Rita and I figured out a solution somehow makes her

theft okay. She said I'm being cruel and that missing her son's wedding will break her heart. Said family should forgive each other and that holding grudges is toxic. Started guilting me about how hard it's been dealing with Clark's addiction and how she needs support, not judgment. I told her that she made her choice when she took my money without asking. That she chose Clark over me, his addiction over my relationship. Said if she wants to be part of my life, she needs to acknowledge what she did was wrong and actually apologize instead of making excuses. She got quiet for a minute and I thought maybe she was going to apologize.

Instead she said, I did what any mother would do to save her child. I hung up after that. Rita hugged me and said I made the right choice, said anyone who could steal from their own child and then act like the victim doesn't deserve to be part of our celebration. Clark finally called today. First time I've heard from him since this whole thing started except for that one call right after the theft. He's been in the program for more than six weeks now and claims he had no idea mom used a lot of my money. He thought it was mostly her savings and a little bit of mine for which I got minded him for that.

He apologized and said he's working through the steps and making amends as part of his recovery. Said he wants to pay me back when he gets out and gets a job. Also said he understands why I'm cutting contact with Mom and doesn't blame me. I told him the money isn't really the point anymore. It's about trust and priorities and how Mom handled the whole situation. He got quiet and said he understood why I was cutting contact. Then he asked if he could still come to the wedding when he gets clean. Honestly, I don't know.

Clark's addiction isn't his fault, but the lying and stealing and drama that follows him around affects everyone. Rita says we should wait and see how his recovery goes this time, but that he'd have to earn back our trust first. No automatic invitations just because we're related. Clark said he understands and doesn't expect anything from me and that he's trying to focus on his own recovery instead of expecting other people to fix his relationships for him, which honestly sounds more mature than anything he's said in years. For now, we're focusing on wedding planning and enjoying being engaged. Rita's already started a notebook full of ideas and venue options. She wants something small and simple, maybe 50 people total. Garden ceremony, simple reception, nothing fancy or

expensive. The weird thing is how happy we both are despite everything. Rita keeps saying that her antique ring is perfect because it represents how we don't need expensive things or other people's approval to build something beautiful together. Edit. People keep asking about Clark and whether I think he's really clean this time. Honestly, I hope he is. He's my brother and I want him to get better. I've been through this twice before and I'm not getting my hopes up. Recovering. Recovered. is a long process and staying clean in a controlled environment is different from staying clean in the real world. I hope you enjoy this story. Mill continued to invite my spouse's former girlfriend to every family gathering, including our wedding, where she wore a crimson outfit despite knowing it was the color of my bridal gown.

As a result, I decided to sever all ties with them. I, 33F, and my husband Tom, 35M, have been NC with most of his family for three years. Within those three years, I've had twin boys, which has made my Mill try to get back in contact with me. There's a lot of history, but here's a brief summary of why Tom and I are NC, and it all revolves around Tom's ex, who will call Talia. So, I am Indian American and Tom is white. He comes from a pretty traditional family, and grew up in a small town. Talia was Mill's best friend's daughter, and they were the small town romance everybody envied. However, upon meeting in college, Tom and I just clicked on a platonic level, and to be honest,

I didn't even have feelings for Tom until four dates in. I guess you could say he had an emotional affair, but he never did anything physically romantic until he broke up with Talia. Talia, of course, remained in contact with his family since she had been, according to Mill, the daughter she always wanted. Keep in mind, Tom has a sister. But Talia is more of a homemaker, while my husband. Sil, who is an absolute angel, and I had always been more career-focused. Talia had been at every

holiday, family gathering, and get-together since the very start of the relationship, and at first I paid it no mind. I was civil to Talia because Mill made it clear Talia matter to her, despite Talia's blatant distaste and disrespectful attitude towards me. That changed at my weddings. We had two, and my parents footed the bill for both. The dress code was simple, aside. from the obvious no-white slash wedding party colors rule. Nobody was supposed to wear red. I am well aware that red means you slept with the groom, but more importantly, red is a bridal color in my culture. I wore a red lahenga and sari to my Indian wedding, which she wore an egg shell, off white, dress too, keep in mind, white is worn at funerals to represent purity in my culture.

That got my aunties and cousins talking, but I still had a blast since I really didn't care. did care when she showed up to the American ceremony in a floor-length, apple-red gown with a slit going up the leg. It was a bridesmaid's dress, and it violated the dress code. My sill, along with Tom, went to tell her to change. She did leave after having a hushed argument and came back in a T-length green gown. I assumed she just wanted to see if she could get away with it. Apparently, my auntie saw this too,

which meant Taliah was subjected to stairs, whispers, and backhanded gifes. fits throughout my whole American wedding. It made Talia feel embarrassed and she cried to Mill, who went to me and told me to keep my kind in line. To this, I crossed my arms and told her that maybe Talia should have stayed in her lane, that she knew not to wear red for multiple, but mostly cultural, reasons, and it wasn't my fault my family is shaming her. It isn't my fault she became canon fodder for my gossiping gaggle of a family. Yes, I said those words since that is what my aunties are. Those were the consequences of her actions. Tom and Sil backed me up, and Mill left with Talia before dessert. The next day there was a social media post from Talia,

crying about how she was exiled from her best friend's wedding because the bride was jealous. I made a post back, telling her that she wore red, knowing how inappropriate it was. How her best friend is her ex, and to not sugarcoat what she did. I then tagged my Mill in a separate post with screenshots of Talia's post and told her this was the last straw, and that I have been disrespected by Talia from the very beginning of my relationship, and that now that I was her Dill, she needed to keep Talia away from family events and holidays since she doesn't respect my husband and I. I didn't care if they still went on weekly shopping sprees or spa days, just keep her away from Christmas and barbecues. Talia removed her post after being publicly called out.

Mill was good on this compromise until three years ago, after Talia came to Thanksgiving with a pie and a plastered smile, a Thanksgiving that I was hosting. She said something along the lines of Mill invited me and I wanted to make sure Mill can actually eat something, since I know you tend to cook ethnic food. I slammed the door in her face, went over to Mill, and told her she could leave with Talia, who I just slammed the door on. Tom looked at his mom, who had this deer in the headlights look. She tried to sputter excuses, and my Phil tried to defend my Mill, but Tom stood firm. He said they had lost access to him, and any extension of him, since they chose Talia. My in-laws, aside from Sill, left, and we haven't spoken since. Fast forward to last week, I got a text from an unknown number, and it was Mill.

She said she saw a picture of my boys from a mutual friend's post, and wanted to reconcile. She said she'd keep Talia away this time, and that ever since she got cut off, she's been in minimal contact with Talia anyway, her Facebook begs to differ. I told her as much, saying I knew BS when I smelt it, and she made her choice. I told Tom about it and asked if he missed his family. He shrugged, saying he doesn't care, and it's been relieving not having his mom around. He's the youngest son of three, so he was always the baby boy. But, I have since received text from my bills, their wives, and my Phil begging for a second chance. She always wanted to be a grandma, and I do feel like I'm robbing her of a chance.

Her other sons haven't had children yet, and still cut her off when we did. But, you can't undo nearly a decade of disrespect with wishes and wants. And Talia is still in the picture, so I'm skeptical about how long that promise will last. I feel like I'm being calloused, but there are so many stories. I can tell about Talia's disregard for Tom's boundaries and mine. And I don't want to welcome a storm into my house by opening up the gates. Ada for telling my mill she made her choice after she kept my husband's X around? Edit, since there seems to be some confusion, I want to clarify Tom did not cheat on Talia with me.

Tom broke up with Talia after a few platonic hangouts with me. That is why I said you could call it an emotional affair, because you could argue it was one, loosely. Tom only asked me out after he broke up with Talia, and I accepted after he confirmed via texts, he had broken up with her while visiting home for the weekend. There was no overlap between Talia's relationship and mine with Tom. So, for everyone who thinks I was other woman and the reason my mill hates me if because Tom cheated on Talia, no he didn't. Update, okay. So, first off, thanks to everybody who supported me on my first post. I just wanted to clarify a few things, since I was in hysterics when I wrote the OG post and worded some things weirdly.

First off, Tom didn't cheat on me. The timeline goes as followed. Tom and Talia were originally forced to hang out since childhood and Talia developed a crush. The two got together in seventh grade. Tom left for college and met me, we hung out, just platonic, and had stuff in common, more stuff in common than Talia and he. He went home and broke things off. with her, he asked me out the following week, and it took four dates before I actually started to view him as a serious potential partner. See, no interlap of relationships, no affair, no reason for all those comments saying I was an off for being the other woman. Also, thanks for the people who defended me against these people. And before anybody says you're being

awfully defensive, you must have cheated, I'm defensive because I view adultery as a crime nobody can come back from. In my culture, adultery is very common, I believe studies showed 55% of married Indians have committed it, and so it is a sensitive subject. Also to clarify, Talia is the one who wore the white dress to the Indian wedding, and, attempted to wear, the red dress to the American wedding. I know a few people were confused on that, so now on to the update. We have remained NC with Mill. After receiving a few more messages from that number, Tom and I formulated a reply that was along the lines of this. Dear Mill, you have repeatedly showed you don't care about Tom and I's feelings regarding multiple things.

I'm sorry if our relationship broke apart that fantasy you had with Talia being your dill, but the fact is it wasn't going to happen. Talia has been a constant thorn in our relationship, both you and her have been passive-aggressive, rude, oblivious, and snide in your remarks and actions towards us. You said you would refuse to come to the weddings if Talia was not invited, which you knew would make Tom look bad to my elders, who unlike you, have since accepted him as one of our own. You allowed Talia to berate me, comment about me, joke about me, and if I ever tried to joke back, you would say that's not nice, she was just joking. Funny how jokes were pretty one way in that house. You made it very clear that Talia is the daughter you always wanted hence why I still cut contact when we did. The only reason your son stay is because they know if they leave, then you'll die with no kids to mourn you, since you nitpick their wives now that I am no longer around to be the scapegoat. I have screenshots of everything between you and Talia and texts from the both of you, mocking ones and threatening ones. If you try to come after me for grandparents' rights, I will get my attorney and I will make sure you keep your racist s away from my family.

With all due respect, please leave us alone. You were fine not talking to us before we had kids, maybe Talia can finally move on and give you grandkids. Sincerely, the OP family I then blocked their numbers and set all my socials to private. Tom did as well, and we have talked to family about going private and unfriending people who may have ties to Mill or Talia. Things have been quiet since then. I know Talia has seen the post, since she screenshot the post and sent it to Tom via one of those apps you can get a spare number through. He sent a few laughing emojis before telling her he knows about the post and blocking her. Tom has always had my back like this, even if Talia was in the picture, he and Sil would do little things to show we were a united front.

I know a lot of people gave Tom Flack in the last post for not standing up for me, but keeping my mill in check was like a circus act, and my aunties are gossips to their cores. Once, during a family barbecue, Talia spilled cola on my sundress, and Tom accidentally pours water over her head while talking to Sil as they walked past. It was like a cold war, and as of right now, we finally seemed to be winning. I got a message saying that Talia coming to my weddings was comparable to Camilla going to Diana and Charles' wedding, and now that I look back at it, it kind of was. Only, Talia will always be the XXD. If Mill or Talia does something, I'll be sure to come back.

So hopefully it doesn't happen again. Thank you all for your support. Next story, boyfriend tried to propose at our best friend's wedding but I stopped him in front of everyone. Then he ignored me for the rest of the night and said I ruined everything by rejecting I, F-26, and my boyfriend, M25, attended a mutual friend's wedding. They're very close friends to us and brought my boyfriend and I together. My boyfriend and I are coming up on our three-year anniversary and things were getting pretty serious. Enough so that I very much wanted to marry him. He's sweet, chatty, typically considerate and empathetic. He's the person who I thought was the first to show me what a truly healthy and compassionate

relationship was like. He's very serious about us too. We've had long talks about marriage and it seemed we were in agreement with no formal declaration. We had even gotten as far as looking at rings. So the chance of a proposal was more of a when not if. A few weeks before the wedding, us and the engaged couple at the time were hanging out. The topic of weddings was very prevalent and my boyfriend had cracked a joke about proposing at our friend's wedding. The to-be groom joked back and said that it'd be funny as hell. This was followed by me and the to-be bride both shutting it down, trying to be serious but also not thinking he was serious. He was. During the reception, everyone had made their speeches and people were getting their food. While our table was waiting, my boyfriend went up to the DJ, and after, they played my boyfriend and I's favorite song to scream sing in the car together, story of my life by one direction. I look at him, smiling and he's looking around. All of a sudden he grabs a fork, stands up and begins clanging on a glass. Immediately the whole dining room looks over. I stand up and whisper the words not.

Right. Now. His face drops and he yells a mix of I'm sorry, I was just joking. After he sat back down I verbatim said let them have their moment, let's make this our own. He wouldn't even look at me. When it was time to get our food, he immediately goes toward the exit. I follow and tried to catch up to him but couldn't find him. I text him twice and call him a couple times, but got no answer, so I went back to the reception. After not hearing from him for about an hour and a half or so, he returns, sits down, and doesn't even look at me. The rest of the night was terrible. He looked like his dog just died and I'm trying to make the best out of the night, but felt like I was just in his shadow. I was prepping for a breakdown or maybe a fight in the car, but the only thing he said was I don't want to talk about it right now. And the drive was just quiet and awkward. He sent me a long text about how hard it was to get the wrong. ring, how he felt rejected by his closest person and that I embarrassed him. I tried to explain that

it's not that I didn't want to marry him. It was our best friend's wedding and they deserved their moment, that we should create our own and not piggyback off theirs. He got offended and said that if I wanted to marry him, I wouldn't have stopped his proposal in front of everybody. This situation perplexes me. I've never seen the appeal of proposing at someone else's wedding and tried to handle the situation in a way that I felt was calm and chill. But he's very adamant that I ruined the proposal, made him look like an asshole, and thus I'm the asshole. Am I missing something? Should I admit I was wrong and have just let his proposal go at our friend's wedding? Update, hi all, this is an update. I responded to a few comments but before proceeding with our

convoy, I read almost every comment hoping to gain new perspectives and see the situation I presented from a different light. After I got home from the wedding, my boyfriend, and I texted back and forth. After he went to bed, I made my post because I absolutely felt like an asshole. I was second-guessing everything and thought the night would have gone better if I had just let him do his thing. After seeing the responses to my post, I'm more solidified in that I made the right decision. Yes, the night was ruined, but I'd be more comfortable with my life moving forward. I gave my boyfriend and myself a to think about this and come back with clearer heads. That was yesterday.

I took a lot of people's advice and tried to reflect on if this behavior was a grand showing of any smaller reaction. The stonewalling isn't super new. In fights at the start of our relationship, he would get quiet and make a small showing of secluding himself. I'd counter this by giving my boyfriend his space and telling him that moving forward, to just say he didn't have the words to talk about it and we can reconvene when we're ready to talk. This worked for us. It gave him time to choose his words, we'd have a good discussion of what went wrong and how we could fix it moving forward. I didn't think that he was overtly trying to make me feel worse by the silent treatment back then. However, ignoring me for the rest of our time at

the wedding hurts so much. Not even saying, I just need space right now, and rejecting to hold my hand by pulling away felt like he was pseudo-counter-rejecting me. This was a first. I felt like he was trying to make me feel worse through his lack of communication. That's all I noticed. I've had a partner be verbally abusive to me before and another who wasn't willing to talk about things they did wrong, refusing to take any blame. My boyfriend hasn't done any of that. I'm not saying I recognize all patterns of abuse, but I'd say I'm versed in a few. There's also been no real history of me catering to him constantly as others were asking. If either person had strong feelings one way or another in different scenarios, we'd often be fine with that person getting their way.

Otherwise, if we both didn't care all that much, he loves to use a will-spinning website to make decisions and I think it's cute. We met earlier today. He came over and we sat in my living room. He broke down. He vehemently apologized and said he felt like an asshole. He said he had been reflecting all of yesterday and talking to his dad about the situation. His dad got mad at him and talked him off his ego crash. His words, not mine. He had already sent a message to our friends, now flying to their honeymoon in West Europe, apologizing for making their most important day about him and for not properly celebrating them. I asked why he neglected our conversation from months before. He said that the groom and their group of friends had egged him on in private

since, not to propose at the wedding, but to do it soon. He didn't originally plan on doing it at the wedding. He's had the ring with him for about a month, never had any real plan, and wanted it to just be spontaneous. He told me he got caught up in the atmosphere of the wedding, saw his best friend with his girl and couldn't stop picturing us in the same scenario. His urge overran his common sense, in his terms, and he made a choice he ultimately wishes he could take back. It very much spiraled from there. I noted that while his heart was in the right place, that doesn't excuse the shitstorm he put me through after. I expressed to him that ignoring me really hurt me. That him saying my rejection to his proposal was the reason for his embarrassment and shutdown was

unfair, especially since we had already established for him not to do that. He accepted this and continued to apologize, admitting it was very unfair of him and that he should have handled his emotions and embarrassment better, especially towards me. We had a lull in our conversation after he asked, where do we go from here? At this point, I didn't want to just return back to normal. A day where I expressed to him that I felt the prettiest in a long time, expected us to have enormous fun and watch our best friends have their moment to shine turned into a day where I was crying in my room reading Reddit comments about how I should

break up with him. I genuinely thought I was the asshole who should have just bit the bullet and accepted a proposal in a way that I and others thought wasn't okay. I told him that if we were to move forward, he needed to seek a therapist to help him manage his emotions. Not only from this, but other signs that he may have a panic disorder. My mom works for a mental health clinic and has offered resources before. I said that I needed time to rebuild my trust in him. He understood and is going to seek mental health resources through my mom's clinic. Until then, we'll be on a week or so break with an open channel of

communication. He's going to find appropriate channels to better himself, and I'm going to take myself on a mini vacation after the emotional roller coaster that was this weekend. We did talk about what each other's ideal proposal was. Something we should have talked about before the trigger was even pulled on it. I said that I didn't care for anything fancy. I just prefer it not to be public. He said that he wanted to make a grand showing of love to me and didn't care where or how. He asked if it was okay to have friends and family present or if that broke my public rule. I said that was fine and was happy with communicative compromise. I also stated that I didn't want to be proposed to for a while so that we could let this situation rest and figure ourselves out from here. He accepted this. Something I thought

was really sweet that I wanted to mention was that before he left, he said, I do think I owe you some dancing. And so we slowed danced in my living room for about a half hour until he left. A small and romantic action, propped to earn brownie points, but the conversation did reassure me that he's willing to try and be better. He recognized he was in the wrong and that a joyful day was robbed by pride and not rejection. This was about as ideal of an outcome as I'd hoped. Thank you all for taking time out of your days to reply and bring me back to Earth. Thank you to those who messaged me in private to make sure I was okay or to give input. While the future is still obscure, it's a little clearer than it was a couple days ago. I have a clearer understanding now of what I want and what's healthy. Moving forward,

I will do every ounce of weighing before I enter what should be the most important commitment you can make to a person you love and I'll keep a more careful eye on his behaviors and how he may react to adverse situations. I hope the best for you all as many have for me. I hope you enjoy this story. My child phoned to inform me that she couldn't attend the holiday gathering as her spouse was unfaithful, and to my shock, the third party involved turned out to be my second child. been secretly seeing him for two years I blocked her. I am a mother of four children, two older sons and two younger daughters. All of them are adults and have moved out a long time ago. I have always been close with my daughter Sally, while Penny has always liked to have her own space.

Which I don't mind, they're both beautiful, talented young women that I thought I couldn't be more proud of. We're having early Christmas this year. First week of December I was inviting everyone around for Christmas dinner, gift-giving and the lot. When I phoned Penny yesterday to clarify a few things she mentioned that she and her husband would not be coming. When I asked she said that they had separated for now as he had cheated. I said that it was surely better to spend time with family if this was the case and maybe she should come home for some time. She hummed an odd but then eventually she told me he had an affair with stink bug and they had been seeing each other for the past two years. I felt sick.

For the past six months in our talks, Sally has alluded that she had been seeing someone and was typically girl in love. I uninvited Sally to the Christmas gathering and blocked her. I don't know if I'm able to deal with her before Christmas, but this is family time and family can't hurt each other like that. I'm at a loss in all honesty. Penny is now coming which is good because at this time she needs stability of people who love her emo. The problem is that Sally naturally thinking. I thinks I'm in the wrong. It's none of my business and as her mother I can't block her and remove her from the family. My sister thinks I shouldn't get involved in their personal lives

which I think is BS. My daughter needs us right now. But then she tells me I have two daughters to think about, which I think isn't true. Sally has forfeited that right ATM. Thankfully my husband is liaising with Sally ATM but he is also in solidarity with me. So are we in the wrong for uninviting a daughter for Christmas? Edit, Penny's Mill found out. While me and her have only spoken a few times, she did dote on Penny and I know Penny got along well with her. I haven't spoken to her personally,

but I know she phoned my daughter and was really supportive and crying. My sister said that if Sally isn't invited then she isn't going either. Which is fine by me, she wasn't invited in the first place due to the pandemic. Otherwise I've been working and doing some crochet. so it's been quiet smile update one. Hello all. My Christmas gathering was yesterday and my son and husband wondered if I would post an update for you all.

It's been rather uneventful, but I've been equally surrounded by warmth and love while also feeling heartbroken and lonely. My daughter Penny has been staying with us. She works from home. My husband and eldest went to get some more of her stuff from her old house. Penny's mother-in-law, Jane, was there and was very helpful and sweet. She also bought some mint hot chocolate for our Penny and Christmas candles. I know they're

her favorite. From what Penny has told me, Jane is having similar feelings to me. A lot of guilt over our children's decision to hurt people we love. I think at this point we have to accept that we did our best raising them, but they're adults now so we can't beat ourselves up. Penny and Jane are going to stay in touch. I think Jane truly does think of Penny as a daughter slash friend. on to some more negative things. I wrote my letter to Sally during this time. I expressed that I was extremely disappointed and also disgusted. While I will continue to have a relationship with her,

she won't be welcome to any family gatherings with Penny present unless Penny has met a point in her life where she feels comfortable. I told her what some of you had said, that not taking a side would be a side and that she had for all intents and purposes, already uninvited herself when she was so cruel to her sister. Sally had apparently come up on Friday and knocked on the door. I was out shopping at the time. My husband spoke to her.

Apparently, Sally and Michael, my son-in-law, are going to continue their relationship. I will not support it in any way or form. She may be my daughter, but that man is not welcome. I am supporting Penny through the divorce, and if Sally ever expects money for the wedding or a house, then she's a very naive girl. My husband sent her away, after which Sally said we'd have to get over it someday. Otherwise, the Christmas gathering was lovely. It was strange not getting drunk and playing board games due to COVID, but still a pleasant time. My hip hurts from the cooking but husband and Penny did the cleaning up so who's the real winner?

I hope you all have a wonderful day. Thank you very much for your kind words when I last spoke to you. Update 2 Hello all. I hope this message finds you well. A lot has changed since I last spoke with you all, so I would like to update you because I am finding things a bit difficult right now. First of all, Penny is doing well. She met someone new about a year ago, they're incredibly supportive and sweet, and they made such an effort in getting to know me and my husband. Penny was still living with me when she started seeing them, so I got to watch their relationship develop, and although Penny is a grown woman

I couldn't help but be reminded of when she was a child and having crushes. It was very endearing and I'm glad I got to witness firsthand the smile her new partner gives her. Penny also got a new job and has moved to Ireland with her partner. Sally and Michael have continued their relationship. I don't have a lot of love to give Michael. I am civil enough, but frankly, it is difficult for me to become invested in their relationship at all. Michael recently asked my permission to marry Sally, which was disrespectful, to say the least. Penny still lived with me last Christmas, so again they were not invited.

I am not hosting this Christmas and I'm instead going to go visit my eldest son. He and his wife had a little boy at the beginning of this year. They've asked me to stay with them for a little while so I can help with the cooking and cleaning, as they had been struggling a little bit. Finally, my husband passed away nine months ago. He fell while on a walk and hit his head, and was there for some hours before someone found him. It's been a difficult transition, to put it mildly. Being a little bit on the older side, I've lost a fair few people in my life and while I did grieve,

I always had the strength to continue. Losing my husband made me realize how much I relied on him. Not just to take the bins out, or pick me up from choir practice, but all the times I was angry, sad, and overwhelmed and he was there for me. When other people passed away, at least you get moments of respite in the grief, where you just sort of forget they've passed. With my husband, there are only reminders. Every time I wake up alone, when I now have to take the bins out, when I have to cook a meal just for one person. There's not really a moment of peace in this grief and I have found it very difficult to deal with.

It's his birthday at the end of November, and there was another moment of grief as I had to get rid of my notes for birthday gift ideas in my notebook. Everything has just been so painful to deal with and I just cannot stop crying even after all this time. I just can't even stand to think of the good moments I shared with him because it just hurts too much. I know there's not a correct way to grieve or time limit, but I just feel like I've got to get up and start looking after myself for everyone around me. I really want to thank any of you that read this. It's been incredibly helpful just to be able to share my feelings a little bit. I hope you all have been doing well. Kind regards

Update 3, March 17th, 2025. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to all the messages I received after my last post. It seemed like a mighty task to reply to you all individually. So although I appreciate the well wishes, you'll have to settle for sharing that thank you message. So, thank you all for the advice and care you've shown since that one Christmas so many years ago smile when my husband passed I could not see another way to live my life. life. We had shared and created so much together, and I suppose I never imagined a life without him because I never wanted it. That being said my husband, quite selfishly, died and so after a year of stagnation it was time to live a life without him. I have moved closer to my eldest son and wife

to help raise my grandchildren. It was difficult at first because, although the children keep me busy and gave me joy and purpose, I did sometimes wish to talk to someone my own age about my own interests and not just Bluey. Serendipitously, I ran into an old, old friend of mine at the Leisure Center about a half year ago and she is also widowed. It feels like a light in my life has been switched back on, we reconnected almost instantly and it's a blessing to have someone I can rely on again. We are living together and she is pretty much considered co-grandmother. While I do still wake up alone, I now know that the Ketka, is already boiling downstairs smile Penny is doing well. She has now moved to the Netherlands

for work and she and her partner are still together. They've just recently gone back home after visiting for the week's smile Sally is also doing well. I know for some that will be disappointing to hear, including myself sometimes. On one hand, as a mother, I'm glad she's happy, on the other equally as a mother, I can't forgive her for hurting Penny. I also have some deeper resentments as my husband passed while he was also hurting because of the decisions she had made. Sometimes it feels unfair to hold that against her. We still talk and I still love her, but sometimes I feel like I'm going through the motions rather than caring for my daughter as I used to. It's also a really hard thing to talk about to other people. There's a lot of guilt and shame involved when sharing that

sometimes I feel quite ambivalent towards my daughter. All in all, the last couple of years have been a bit eventful. I would give everything to turn back time, but I can't and so I spend my time appreciating everything I still have. Once again, thank you all for your advice, care, and well-wishes. The help I received was invaluable for navigating a difficult time in my life. Next story. Mom secretly called wedding vendors behind my back to plan my wedding. When I told her to stop, she brought her own wedding dress to dinner, then crashed my wedding after I uninvited her, so I had to cut off my entire family. I 32 recently started planning my wedding with my fiancé 31 and my mom immediately jumped to help us plan. I thought at first it'd be okay, but she will call vendors and venues she likes, will give them my information so they call me about a scheduled time and my mom swoops in to say it'd be rude not to go since they invited you.

It was obvious it was her after the third time when she wouldn't stop giggling and admitted to calling beforehand and making appointments. I wouldn't take issue with this but my mom and I have wildly different tastes. Every time me or my fiancé tell her something like how want to have this color for the table clothes or these flowers, she'll tell us that they look bad and will give us her own plan. She recently showed us a massive binder of different ideas she wants us to look through. It's exhausting, at every step she will insist on looking at her ideas and when we reject them, she'll throw a fit and tell me I don't love her because I ignore all her wishes. I also want to add, I think she's had it in her head since I was a kid she'd plan my wedding.

Even before I came out and dated men, she'd comment on how excited she was for the wedding and when me and when I told her my fiancé proposed she immediately started berating me about when we'd have the wedding so she could help us plan it. Part of it is that when she married my dad it was a small courthouse affair because she was pregnant with me at the time and never got a proper wedding. My dad also died 17 years ago and she's dates sporadically but never for longer than a few months. The last time me and my fiancé went to see a venue she tagged along and made all these comments on how gross everything was, pointing out all the tiny things wrong with it all. The person showing us was getting annoyed. My fiancé was getting annoyed and so was I. She eventually said if this

were my wedding I'd never even consider this dump. Despite it being absolutely beautiful, and within the budget I snapped and told her that if she wanted to plan a wedding so badly she should get remarried. It was cruel, but I was so tired of her trying to have her perfect wedding through me. My fiancé thinks I'm not at fault, but the rest of my family doesn't. Ida. Edit, adding answers to a couple common questions, is she paying for the wedding? No, she's not paying a penny. Why don't you set boundaries with her?

We have, she doesn't listen and will cry and guilt me in a little. my fiancé until we go along with her or look at what she's picked out for us update one. Hello everyone I took all of the advice to Hart and me and my fiancé had a sit down and looked at the comments together and we agreed we both need to grow spines. Our wedding planner is truly a saint and had no problem setting up passwords with vendors like some people suggested and it was a great suggestion so thank you. We then invited my mom to dinner and told her that she has to stop trying to help us with the wedding. It started off bad as she brought her binder and had her own wedding dress in her car.

Her dress is in very bad condition, would not fit either me or my fiancé and is quite frankly hideous. I would never say that to her face, though I've told her every time she's asked that I want to pick out my own dress and she should keep hers for if she wants to get remarried. She assumed that we had invited her to apologize and let her plan the wedding however she wanted. How she jumped to that conclusion I have no idea. We lied about not wanting her to get overly stressed and the hope she'd take it better than telling her that she's been causing problems and that she hasn't been helpful.

She didn't take it well and started crying, and saying all she ever wanted was for me to have the perfect wedding and she'd already given up getting the perfect son-in-law and grandchildren so at the least we could let her plan the wedding. It stunned us both as she has never said a bad word about me liking women, not when I came out, not when I got my first girlfriend, not when me and my fiancé got engaged. That put me over the edge and I told her that she wasn't going to plan anything. She was a guest and nothing more and I would be cutting her speech if she was going to behave like a child. She had a full-on tantrum so me and my fiancé paid and left her to cry and scream in the restaurant. That was all fine and dandy until our florist called to tell us my mom had called to try and get the flower arrangements changed behind our back. I called her and she tried to lie until she realized she was backed into a corner and admitted to doing it because she knew what was. best and was trying to help. Needless to say that I've now uninvited her from the wedding with

the full support of my fiancé and my soon-to-be Mill and Phil. Update 2, I'm so done, just so done with her. Three months of hell but finally me and my wife are happily married. Not once did my mom think of me and what I wanted. She wouldn't stop trying to call vendors, get things changed and try to guess the passwords. At one point we changed the passwords every week to random things. so that she couldn't guess them. We didn't post a date anywhere and had on the invitations that the guests couldn't share the date and location yet somehow she got both. We even told her that the stress was too much and we were going to wait until the summer or later to get married and she screamed at us, telling us that we were horrible and canceling it despite her. We blocked her

phone number, reduced the wedding budget significantly so we could hire good security. Thank fucking God we did and gave them pictures of her because somehow she found out the date, time and location and came in her motherfucking wedding dress and demanded to be let in because it was her wedding. I am beyond done, I'm typing this as me and my wife are waiting to get on our plane to go home after an incredible honeymoon. We even looked at job openings and apartments that are at least six hours away from where we currently live because my loving mother has taken to sending us letters calling me a horrible daughter and sending packages that are piles of pictures from when I was a kid and I loved her unconditionally with notes asking why I don't love her

anymore and why I banned her from her wedding, how excited she was for it, how it was her right as my mom to go. She tried to guilt me, she cursed me out and what? Thought I'd give up, let her do whatever she wants and run my life for me? And act as if she's not been a pain in my ass since I told her that me and my wife were beginning to plan the wedding. My best friend who was house-sitting got the honor of opening them all and sending us the contents. She hand delivered the first one the day after the wedding while we were on the plane. I know because the ring doorbell caught it and all of the other ones she delivered as well as the ones the mailman delivered. I'm fuming, I'm pissed and I was to scream because what the fuck?

She tried to ruin my wedding. My own mother tried to ruin my wedding and is trying to make me feel bad. She tried to plan my wedding for me, through a tantrum when I asked her not to, tried to sabotage it and then crashed it. But sure, I'm the problem here. Comment where op has replied, comment her, op, match a state to a guest and tell them you are moving there. When mother comes back stating she knows where you're moving, you have your FM, Ah, we're considering doing something like that. Part of replanning the wedding was figuring out who wouldn't tell her about the wedding, so very few family members on my side and friends who know about all the chaos she's caused. But someone still told so we'll be finding out

who and cutting them out of our lives along with my mom. Update 3. Context, I got married a few months ago, while planning the wedding my mom tried to steamroll over me and my wife's decisions and basically have her own wedding because she married my dead, dad in a courthouse. We tried to tell her gently she couldn't she went on a homophobic rant slash tantrum in the middle of the restaurant we'd met at, tried to crash my wedding, in her wedding dress, and then tried to guilt me and my wife into feeling bad for not letting her in. So, I found out who told my mom where and when the wedding was. There was no grand plan, we'd wanted to do that after getting a little more settled into our new lives. I went back recently for work and invited one of my cousins out to lunch, picking somewhere

my mom wouldn't go to so that there'd be no accidental run-ins. Me and this cousin are really close, were similar in age and she was one of the bridesmaid. She's like a sister to me. She's also the most timid slash shy slash non-confrontational person ever. Big red flag, I know. So we went out to luncheon who showed up. My mother. She showed up and was all like, oh hi. I didn't know you were in town. Why didn't you call me? Lovely day we're having house, wife, mill and Phil. Have you two started talking about kids yet? She was being civil. I wish she'd screamed and cried so I could have looked like the same one.

My cousin wouldn't look at me, not only did she tell my mom that we would be going out to lunch. But she told my mom about the wedding, she tells me that her mom, my aunt, and my mom pressured her into it. Since they knew she'd know if the wedding was actually pushed back. And she told them. She told them despite knowing how crazy my mom is. and how much crazier she's become. I'm not even angry, I just feel betrayed and so, so happy that me and my wife didn't tell anyone where we were moving so my mom couldn't show up at our door.

I've had to cut off my cousin, the girl I saw as my sister because she couldn't keep her fucking mouth shut despite knowing. And I can't reiterate this enough, every detail about how my mom was when she was helping us plan the wedding. I'm cutting contact with my entire family. It's not worth it. If you let in a little crazy, they'll let in the rest of the crazy. Comment where Op has replied, comment her,

Your mom knew your cousin was weak and walked all over her, sounds like a bully, plus the way she tries to bully you. Good thing you aren't letting her walk all over you too, I would cut her off too. Up, before all this started my mom and her mom would walk over us both. Coming to Reddit helped me realize that my boundaries weren't boundaries and my mom was continuing to walk over me. I managed to grow a spine, she's not.

I'm hoping going N.C. with her like I am with the rest of my family will make her realize she needs to stick up for herself. I hope you enjoy this story. My guardians expelled me and cut ties with me eight years ago for opting for higher education over their family enterprise, but now that I am thriving and their business is floundering due to my decision. Brothers gambling, they suddenly want me back. Eight years ago my parents owned a small restaurant. that had been in our family for two generations, and they always talked about how one day it would pass down to the next generation

and keep the family legacy going. My older brother Clark was always the favorite child and got praised for everything he did while I was constantly compared to him and told I needed to work harder to measure up to his standards. When I graduated high school, my parents sat me down and told me I needed to start working at the restaurant immediately to learn the business from the ground up and that Clark would eventually take over as the main owner,

but I would have a small stake in it if I proved myself worthy over the the years. I had already gotten accepted to a good college with a partial scholarship and wanted to study computer science because I was really good with technology and had been teaching myself programming since I was in middle school. My parents said college was a waste of money and that the restaurant would provide everything I needed in life and that I was being selfish for wanting to abandon the family business that had supported us for so many years. Clark had dropped out of community college after one semester and had been working at the restaurant for three years already and my parents kept saying he was a natural at running the business and dealing with customers and

managing the staff. I told them I wanted to go to college and that I would work part-time at the restaurant during breaks and summers, but that I wanted to have my own career and not just work for my brother for the rest of my life. My dad got really angry and said I was being ungrateful and that Clark deserved to inherit the business because he had shown dedication and loyalty while I was trying to run away from my responsibilities. The arguments went on for weeks and got worse every day and my parents kept bringing up how much money they had spent raising me and how I owed them for all the sacrifices they had made and that working in the family business was the least I could do to pay them back. Clark kept telling me I was being stupid and that college would just fill my head

with useless ideas and that I would never make as much money as I could make working with the family. My girlfriend at the time supported my decision to go to college and my parents said she was a bad influence and was turning me against my family. When I refused to change my mind and told them I was going to college no matter what they said my parents told me that if I left for college I shouldn't bother coming back home and that they would consider me dead to them. I thought they were just trying to scare me and that they would calm down after a few days, but when I came home from my graduation party they had packed all my stuff in boxes and left them on the front porch. My dad handed me an envelope with $500 and said that was all I would ever get from them and that I was no longer their

son and that I was not welcome in their house anymore. I moved in with my girlfriend's family for the summer and then went to college in the fall and worked two part-time jobs to pay for my expenses that the scholarship didn't cover. My parents blocked my phone number and wouldn't respond to any messages I sent them and when I tried to visit during winter break, my dad told me through the door that I needed to leave immediately or he would call the police. Clark posted pictures on social media of family dinners and holidays and vacations and always made sure to caption them with things like family time with the people who matter and grateful for my real family which felt like he was trying to rub it in my face.

College was hard because I was working so much and didn't have any financial support from my parents, but I graduated with a degree in computer science and got a job at a tech company right after graduation. I worked my way up over the years and eventually got promoted to a senior developer position and then a teen lead position and I was making really good money

and had bought my own house and car. I met my current girlfriend Rose three years ago after a pretty bad breakup from my previous relationship and she's a nurse and we've been living together for the past year and she's been posting pictures of our trips and our house and us at nice restaurants on social media. I had heard through some relative that the restaurant was struggling because Clark had developed a gambling problem and had been stealing money from the business to pay his debts and that my parents were having trouble keeping up with the bills and the rent. I didn't really

keep track of what was happening with them because they had made it clear that I was not part of their family anymore and I had built my own life without them. Last month Rose posted pictures from our vacation to Hawaii and tagged me in them and also posted pictures of the new car I had bought and the renovations we had done to our house. Two weeks after Rose posted those pictures my parents showed up at my front door on a Saturday morning and started knocking really loudly and calling my name and saying they needed to talk to me. I looked through the peephole and saw both of them standing there and my mom was holding a plate of cookies and my dad had a bouquet of flowers and they both looked older and more tired than I remembered. I didn't open the door and told them through the

door that they needed to leave my property immediately and that they had made it clear eight years ago that I was not their son anymore. My mom started crying and saying that they had made a mistake and that they wanted to fix things and that they missed me and wanted me to come home and be part of the family again. My dad said they had seen how successful I had become and how happy I looked in the pictures and that they were proud of me and wanted to celebrate my achievements with me. I told them that it was too late and that they couldn't just show up after eight years and expect everything to go back to normal and that they needed to leave before I called the police. They wouldn't leave and kept knocking and my mom kept crying and saying she just wanted to

see her son and that she had been miserable for the past eight years without me. My dad started talking about how the restaurant was in trouble and how they needed my help to save it and how we could all work together as a family to turn things around. That's when I realized they didn't actually want me back because they missed me but because they had seen that I was successful and they thought I could solve their financial problems. I called the police and told them that my parents were on my property and refusing to leave after I had asked them multiple times to go away and that I wanted them removed immediately. The police showed up about 15 minutes later and talked to my parents and told them they needed to leave and not come back unless I invited them. My mom was still crying and begging the police officer to let her talk to me and my dad was arguing with the officer and saying that I was their son and they had a right to see me.

The police officer told them that I was an adult and had the right to decide who I wanted on my property and that they could be arrested for trespassing if they came back without my permission. The police officer gave me a report number and told me to call them again if my parents came back and that I could file for a restraining order if the harassment continued. Update 1. Three days after the police removed my parents from my property Clark and his wife Iris. Yes, he got married during the previous eight years and I wasn't even invited to the wedding. they showed up at my door in the evening while I was eating dinner with Rose. I heard the doorbell ring and saw through the peephole that it was Clark and Iris and Clark looked really nervous and kept running his hands through his hair and Iris was standing behind him with her arms crossed.

I opened the door but kept the security chain on and asked them what they wanted and Clark said they just wanted to talk to me for a few minutes about the situation with our parents. I told them I didn't want to talk about our parents and that I had made my position clear when I called the police on them and that they needed to leave. IRIS pushed forward and said that our parents were heartbroken and that they hadn't been eating or sleeping since the police incident and that they just wanted their son back and couldn't understand why I was being so cruel to them. Clark said that our parents had sent them because they thought I might be more willing to listen to him since we were brothers and that he wanted to help fix the family. I told them that the family was broken eight years ago when our parents threw me out and that I wasn't interested in fixing anything now just because their business was failing and they thought I could help them financially. Clark's face got red and he said I was being selfish and that I should help family no matter what had happened in the past and that our parents had made mistakes but they were willing to admit they were wrong now.

Iris said that our parents were getting older and that I would regret not having a relationship with them when they were gone and that I was throwing away the only family I had over a silly argument from years ago. I started to close the door and Clark pushed against it and said I needed to listen to him and that I owed it to our parents to at least hear them out and give them a chance to apologize properly. I told him to get his hand off my door and that I didn't owe anyone anything and that our parents had made their choice. Clark started yelling that I was being a spoiled brat and that I had always thought I was better than everyone else and that our parents were right to choose him over me because he actually cared about family. Rose came to the door and told Clark and Iris that they needed to leave and that they were disturbing our neighbors and Clark turned to her and said that she needed to mind her own business and that this was between family members. Rose said that I was her family now and that she wasn't going to let them harass me in my own home and that she would call the police if they didn't leave immediately. Iris grabbed Clark's arm and tried to pull him away from the door and said they should go,

but Clark shook her off and kept yelling at me. Clark said that our parents had sacrificed everything for us and that the restaurant was failing because he had made some bad decisions but that we could say that if we all worked together and that I was being selfish by not helping when I clearly had money to spare. I told him that his gambling problem was not my responsibility and that I wasn't going to bail out a business that had never been meant for me anyway and that our parents had made it clear that the restaurant was his inheritance not mine. Clark said I was lying and that our parents had always planned for both of us to work together and that I had ruined everything by leaving for college. The argument kept getting louder and Clark was standing in my doorway and wouldn't move and Iris was trying to calm him down but he kept yelling about how I had abandoned the family and how our parents were suffering because of my selfishness. I told him that our parents were suffering because they had raised a son who stole money from

their business to pay gambling debts and that maybe they should focus on getting him help instead of trying to drag me back into their drama. Clark got even angrier and said that his gambling wasn't that bad and that he had just made a few mistakes and that the real problem was that I had left and broken our parents' hearts. Rose stepped between us and told Clark that he needed to leave right now and that she was going to call the police and Clark said he wasn't afraid of the police and that he had every right to talk to his brother. I told him that I wasn't his brother anymore. Clark started crying and saying that he never wanted our parents to disown me and that he had tried to convince them to let me come back, but they had been too stubborn and proud to admit they were

wrong. I told him that he had never tried to help me and that he had posted on social media about how grateful he was for his real family and that he had enjoyed being the only son for the past eight years so he shouldn't pretend like he cared about me now. Clark said those posts weren't about me and that he had just been trying to make our parents feel better after I left and that he had always hoped I would come back someday. Iris finally managed to pull them away from the door and said they were leaving and that maybe we could all talk when everyone was calmer. Clark kept yelling as Iris dragged him down the driveway and said that I would regret this and that family was supposed to forgive each other and that I was making a huge mistake by not giving our parents another chance.

I closed the door and locked it and Rose hugged me and said she was proud of me for standing up for myself and not letting them guilt me into doing something I didn't want to do. We could hear Clark yelling in the street for a few more minutes before Iris got him into their car and they drove away. Update 2. The next morning I woke up to a bunch of notifications on my phone and saw that several of my friends had tagged me in comments on social media. I checked Clark's profile and saw that he had posted a long rant about our argument the night before and Iris had posted a video that she had apparently recorded on her phone while we were arguing. The video showed Clark standing at my door and you could hear him yelling about family and asking me to help our parents and then it showed me closing the door on him and you could hear Rose telling them to leave.

Clark had written a post that said he had tried to reach out to his estranged brother to help heal their family and that I had been cruel and heartless and refused to even listen to him talk about our parents who were suffering and needed help. He said that I had become cold and selfish since I got money and that I had forgotten where I came from and that I was choosing my pride over my family. The post had dozens of comments from people who didn't know the whole story saying that I was wrong and that I should forgive my parents and help them in their time of need. Iris had posted the video with a caption about how heartbreaking it was to watch a family be torn apart and how she couldn't understand how someone could turn their back on their parents who just wanted to reconcile and make things right. The video made it look like Clark was just trying to have a calm conversation and that I was being unreasonable by not letting him in and by threatening to call the police. You couldn't really hear every

everything that was being said because the video was taken from outside and the sound quality wasn't very good, but it definitely made me look bad. I was really angry that they had recorded our private conversation without telling me and that they were trying to make me look like the bad guy when they were the ones who had shown up at my house uninvited and refused to leave when I asked them to. Rose was furious and said that Iris had no right to record us and posted online without our permission and that we should report the video for violating our privacy. I didn't want to get into a big social media drama, but I was upset that people who didn't know anything about the situation were judging me based on a video that didn't show the whole story. My friend Sam,

who I had known since college, saw the post and the video, and he commented asking Clark why he didn't mention that our parents had disown me eight years ago and thrown me out of the house when I wanted to go to college. Sam said that it was convenient that Clark was leaving out the part about how our parents had blocked my phone number and refused to see me for almost a decade and that now they only wanted me back because their business was failing and they thought I could help them financially. More of my friends started commenting and sharing their own stories about family members who had cut them off and then tried to come back when they needed something and they all said that I was doing the right thing by setting boundaries and not letting my parents back into my life just because

they wanted something from me. The comments section turned into a big argument between my friends who were defending me and people who knew Clark and Iris who were saying that family should always forgive each other and that I was being petty and vindictive. Clark started responding to the comments and getting into arguments with my friends and he kept saying that they didn't understand the situation and that I was lying about what had really happened eight years ago. He said that our parents had never really disowned me and that I had just left on my own and refused to come back home. Clark got more and more defensive as more people called him out and he started deleting comments and blocking people who were disagreeing with him.

Iris stopped responding to comments after my friend started pointing out that she had been married to Clark for less than two years and didn't know anything about what had happened when I was in high school. The post started getting shared by more people and the comments section became a mess of arguments between people who supported me and people who thought I should forgive my family. By the afternoon Clark had deleted the entire post and the video because too many people were calling him out and pointing out the holes in his story and he was getting embarrassed by all the negative attention. He sent me a private message saying that he hadn't meant for things to get so out of hand and that he just wanted to help our parents but that he was sorry for posting about our argument online. I didn't respond to his message because I didn't want to encourage him to keep trying to contact me and I was still angry that he had tried to make me look bad on social media in the first place. Update 3. Two days after Clark deleted his social media post my mom

called my work number and somehow got transferred to my direct line even though I had never given my work information to any of my family members. I was in the middle of a meeting when my phone rang. My mom started crying as soon as I said hello and said that she had gotten my work number from the company website and that she was sorry for bothering me, but she needed to talk to me about what had happened with Clark's social media post. She said that she and my dad had no idea that Clark was going to post about our argument online and that they were embarrassed and upset that he had tried to make me look bad when they were the ones who had made mistakes in the past. My mom said that Clark had told them about his post after my friend started commenting

and that my dad had been angry with Clark for making the situation worse and for trying to manipulate people on social media. She said that they had told Clark and Iris not to contact me anymore and that they wanted to apologize for sending them to my house in the first place. I told my mom that I was at work and couldn't have personal conversations during business hours and that she needed to stop calling me and leave me alone. My mom said that she understood I was angry but that she just wanted me to know that they weren't trying to manipulate me or use me for money and that they genuinely wanted to have a relationship

with me again because they missed me and regretted what they had done. She said that they had been talking to a counselor about the situation and that they realized they had made terrible mistakes and that they wanted to make things right even if it took years to rebuild our relationship. I told her that I wasn't interested in rebuilding our relationship and that I had moved on with my life and didn't need them anymore and that they had lost the right to be my parents when they threw me out. My mom started crying harder and said that she knew they deserved my anger, but that they hoped someday I would be willing to forgive them and give them a chance to prove that they had changed. She said that they weren't asking for money or help with the restaurant and that they just wanted

to be part of my life again and get to know the person I had become. I told her that if she really wanted to prove she had changed, she would respect my wishes and stop contacting me and that calling my work number was inappropriate and could get me in trouble with my boss. My mom said she was sorry for calling me at work, but that she didn't know how else to reach me since I had blocked their phone numbers and that she was desperate to fix things between us. I told her that I had blocked their numbers for a reason and that I didn't want to be contacted by any of them and that if they kept trying to reach me, I would file for a restraining order. My mom got quiet for a minute and then said that she didn't want things to get to that point and that she would tell my dad and Clark that they needed to leave me

alone and not try to contact me anymore. I told her that I was serious about the restraining order and that I had already filed a police report when they showed up at my house and that I had documentation of their harassment and that a judge would definitely grant the order if I asked for one. My mom said she understood and that she would make sure everyone in the family knew not to contact me and that they would respect my decision even though it was breaking their hearts. I told her that I had to get back to work and that this was the last time I would accept a call from any of them and that if they tried to contact me again, I would immediately file for the restraining order and have them arrested for violating it. My mom said she understood and that she

loved me and that she would always love me even if she never got to see me again and then she hung up. I was shaking after the phone call because I hadn't heard my mom's calm and loving voice in eight years and it brought back a lot of memories. I talked to my boss after the meeting and explained that I was having some family issues and that someone might try to call me at work again and that I would appreciate it if my calls could be screened and that only work-related calls should be transferred to my direct line. My boss said that HR could help me set up call screening and that I should let them know if anyone showed up at the office trying to see me.

I also talked to building security and gave them pictures of my parents and Clark and Iris and told them not to let any of them into the building if they showed up. I decided to be proactive and went to the courthouse the next day to get information about filing for a restraining order so that I would be prepared if my family tried to contact me again. The clerk gave me all the paperwork and explained the process and said that based on what I told her about them showing up at my house and refusing to leave and then calling my work I would probably qualify for a temporary restraining order. She said that the temporary order would be granted immediately and then there would be a hearing where a judge would decide whether to make it permanent. I filled out all the paperwork but didn't file it yet because I wanted to give my family one more chance to leave me alone like my mom had promised.

I sent my mom a text message from a number she didn't recognize and told her that I had gone to the courthouse and filled out restraining order paperwork and that it was ready to file and that if anyone in the family contacted me again I would file it immediately. I told her that this was her last warning and that I was serious about protecting myself from their harassment. My mom texted back within an hour and said that she had talked to my dad and Clark and Iris and that they all understood and promised never to contact me again and that they would tell any other family members or friends not to reach out. to me either. She said that they were going to respect my wishes and leave me alone even though it was painful for them and that they hoped someday in the future I might change my mind but that they wouldn't pressure me or try to force a relationship. She said that she was proud of the person I had become and that she was sorry for all the pain they had caused me. I didn't respond to her text message because I didn't want to encourage any more communication

but I felt relieved that they finally seemed to understand that I was serious about not wanting them in my life. It's been three weeks since my mom called my work and none of them have tried to contact me since then and I haven't seen any social media posts about me or the situation. I still have the restraining order paperwork ready to file just in case, but it seems like they finally got the message that I'm not going to change my mind and that there will be legal consequences if they don't leave me alone. Rose and I have been talking about maybe moving to a different city in a year or two just to get a fresh start and make sure my family can't find us, but for now things seem to have calmed down

and I'm hoping they will continue to respect my boundaries and leave me alone like they promised. I hope you enjoy this story. My relative utilized my device to deliver separation messages to my spouse as a joke, so I ceased communication with her and nullified her presence, but subsequently, she attempted to terminate her life. Life.

Now my entire family blames me and calls me evil. So yesterday I went over to my sister's house to help her with some thing. I was there for a couple of hours and took a little nap for, like, for hours because I was tired. After I woke up, I went home and my husband was being a little off and seemed kind of upset slash unhappy. I'm like, what's up? And he says, I'm being nice for someone who just texted what I did. I sent my kids upstairs and started asking what the hell was going on.

He says I sent him divorce texts. I'm shocked because I never did that, which I let him know. I even showed him my phone, which did not show any such texts. He then shows me his messages under my name, and apparently I want a divorce. I was bamboozled because not only did I not think it, but I definitely did not text that. This affected him a little more because we had a fight the previous night, but we have a tradition of sorts, which is reassuring each other that we still love and care but are just upset at the moment. I'm only adding this because I said something along those lines in the morning before I left,

which I brought up when I was defending myself against the text I supposedly sent. He then says I had done something similar previously. This is in reference to when I was pregnant and had some pseudo-bipolar symptoms, which have since been mostly resolved. I've only done this once, and it wasn't even on the same level. I just kind of used to have terrible mood swings. Also, this was only during the pregnancy, I have no bipolar diagnosis or anything like that.

That whole journey was kind of traumatic and is not a pleasant memory for me, which he is aware of. Anyway, after we bicker for a little bit, I decide to call my sister and explain what was happening, and then I'm like, hey, can you pull up your house footage from while I was there this morning? We're on FaceTime, and we fast forward to when I went to sleep. The outlet in the room I was in wasn't working, so I had plugged my phone in the dining area to charge while I slept. We see my 16-year-old niece on my phone. She was on and off and on for like 2.5 hours, smiling and giggling. I'm upset, and her mom is upset.

She calls her and asks if she touched my phone while I was there, and she lies and says no. She asks her again two more times if she touched my phone, and she says she didn't. The laptop is faced away from her, and I believe she didn't realize I was on the phone or that we both already saw what she did. It was after my sister started trying to send me the footage, which I had initially asked for, that she saw that her mom had already seen what happened. She started apologizing and saying it was supposed to be a prank and she didn't mean anything by it. She called out to me too with apologies while she was crying. My sister is one of those silent when angry types, so she wasn't saying anything. I did not even know what to say at all at this time because why would she even think this was a fun prank, not to mention going into my phone

without my permission. How she knows my password, I'm not sure because it's not simple or related to me. I had initially promised I would sponsor her 17th birthday, which is next month. She had previously also asked for a new PC, which I got, but it's supposed to be a surprise. I also happen to be her godmother. My question is, will I be overreacting if I take all these gifts back and keep a distance from her? Is it overkill? I feel maybe I'm punishing her for the way my husband reacted and brought up something traumatic for me. Also maybe his response is justified because he thought the texts were for me, and then I was all smiley and sweet when I came back. I'm confused on how to proceed, but Reddit has previously helped figure stuff out before,

so I decided to turn to them again. Sorry if this was too lengthy, and let me know if there's anything I have to clarify. Thanks. Update 1, June 7, 2025. Thank you, everyone, for all the comments and advice. It is incredibly appreciated. All these happened yesterday, I only posted because I was slightly conflicted. To answer common questions in the comments, yes, I slept for four hours at my sister's house. She's my sister, and we do stuff like that. I didn't say I was tired for what I helped her with. I was simply just tired. Both my sister and niece weren't aware of my husband's and my fight from the previous night. Nees also was not aware of the full extent of my mental health struggles from the pregnancy. Nees wasn't texting for 2.5 hours straight,

she was on and off the phone. I assumed she got off it when she thought she would be caught. Apparently, she has known my password for a while now. She learned it from looking over my shoulder at a family event from a couple of months back. Also, according to my sister, she has gone into my phone before, at least three times that she fessed up too. She has transferred money to herself, taken videos and pictures off it,

gone through my texts with my kids and some other relatives, stolen other people's numbers, gotten passwords for my streaming services that they didn't own, and gone through my other texts with my husband. And yes, there's very NSFW stuff in there. My husband is okay.

We talked, and he apologized for how he spoke to me, but I told him I totally understood why he would say what he said. I also apologized for my reaction. We are okay on our front and decided we were both justified given what we both individually knew. Back to the niece, the only other thing she did according to her, was transfer more money. I checked my recently deleted texts, and there was nothing suspicious there, but I don't know if you can delete texts from recently deleted. She also said she thought the prank would be funny because there was no way my husband would believe all that stuff she texted because, according to her, he loves me too much and we have a perfect relationship. In the texts, he had only replied that we would talk when I got home and that he wasn't going to have that conversation with me over texts. This girl went all the way to add that I would send the papers in a couple of days and talk about the kids with lawyers.

I can't explain how absolutely pissed I am. The plan is to go absolutely no contact with her after learning of all the other stuff she did. There will be no birthday and no PC. Someone said to put up a post saying if anyone got a questionable text from me in the last 24 hours to let me know. I did that, no one had reached out yet, so I'm hoping it was just my husband. I'm getting my money back, I checked, and in total she has sent over $700 to herself that I wasn't aware of. She did not send it in bulk, just little bits here and there. I guess I did not catch on because I do send her money often,

and I do have quite a bit in my account, so it wasn't obvious. Her mother will send the money to me from her daughter's savings later this weekend. I told her mother about the suggestions you guys gave on community service and therapy. I'm low-key scared for her future relationships and college life. She would not have any electronic devices for the rest of the summer. Personally, I do not want to lay eyes on her in the near future. Oh, and yes, she has done this before to one of her friends whom she is still friends with. I don't know why anyone would remain friends with someone like that.

This hurt a lot because I love this child so much, I was more present than her father the first 11 years of her life. She used to come to me for her struggles and problems and all that teenage stuff. She had her first period at my house. Her other cousins on her dad's side are jealous of our relationship, for goodness sake. She was my favorite one. I don't really care what her mom does about all these, I just want my money back and to never speak to her for now. In the future, I might be open to some contact.

I blocked her number, so she sent me a long email which I haven't read yet, and her mom also brought a handwritten apology letter from her to my husband. My sister is aware of my decisions and has apologized for her daughter's behavior. My mom is also aware of the situation now. I have no doubt it is about to become an extended family problem. Anyway, that's that for now. I will update if anything else comes from this. Again, thanks to everyone that contributed with comments and DMs, Update 2, June 15th, 2025. Hey y'all, it's been a couple days, and I have gotten a bunch of

messages about updates. Right now, we're still going through resulting situations from all these, so I'll just give what I have for now. First, I'll answer common questions. A lot of people seem to be hung up on the four-hour nap a lot. I am a sleeper. I love to sleep. I sleep at her place all the time, it's not that deep, but it is probably why I am in this predicament anyway. Another thing is the cameras. In this day and age, I think people should have cameras in their houses. I have them at my place too. I got them installed after I hired my first babysitter, and I have figured out a lot of stuff from reviewing footages. It does not have to be in every room, just common areas. On to the actual update. My niece came over to formally apologize to my husband and me. She cried throughout the entire apology.

She said she hadn't done it to anyone else, just me. I kept asking why, and she just kept repeating she was sorry. My husband thinks she probably thought I would be the one to forgive the easiest. I told her exactly why I was upset and how she had hurt me and my husband. I told her I would be going low contact with her for the foreseeable future. I let her know I canceled the birthday and any gifts she would have gotten. The only thing she would get from me is her first college tuition, which I had. I had promised a long time ago. I'm doing this more as a courtesy to my sister than anything else.

I know it would help her a great deal. Nise will also not be allowed in my house for the foreseeable future. Her dad also reached out and apologized to us. We have decided not to go the legal route as a favor to my sister's family. They have a lot on their plate right now, and I would not want to make their life more complicated. During this conversation, she denied having a crush on my husband, as a lot of you guys had suspected. I asked if she felt I wasn't being attentive enough to her, and she said no. Oh, and I found out she had texted two other people. It was nothing serious, but still. Some people were asking if she had mental issues. To my knowledge, she has none. She was tested when she was younger, and she had none. She kind of liked drama in elementary and

middle school, but nothing worrisome. We told her she would be starting therapy, to which she said nothing was wrong with her. My husband then said people who are okay wouldn't do what she did. Her mother added that it was just to help her go about things in more normal ways. Also, the PC will be going to my brother's son, who will be going to college this fall. It will probably be more useful to him. My kids have since blocked her. She was made to get a new job, she previously worked for her uncle on her dad's side, but they thought it would be better if she worked somewhere entirely different with no family relations. My mom has been upset with my husband and me, she said we were going too far and that she was just a kid. One of my uncles and two of my aunts

are on her side and have been harassing us with texts and calls. My sister and her husband are on our side, though. Over a couple days following the conversation at my place, my mom has been updating us that my niece was depressed, cries every day, and keeps repeating that she did not mean it, everyone hates her, and is no longer speaking to her. That her second mom no longer loves her or cares about her. She says they have taken away everything from her. Trigger warning. Self-harm on the 12th, my niece attempted to take her life. Her older sister found her. She left a note apologizing for all the hurt she caused and said we would all be better without her. She wrote that she would be better off gone than have to live her life knowing I hate her and that my kids do not want to be close to her anymore.

She wrote a lengthy letter actually, but I can't fit it all in here. She currently is still in the Peds ICU, as she had done some extensive damage to herself. I have been to the hospital every day since I found out. My husband says maybe we went too far. My mother says she will curse me and never speak to my family if I do not make things go back to the way they were. My children think it is their fault and are willing to apologize for blocking and cutting her off. I am more conflicted than I was a week ago. It's like everyone is looking to me to fix it all.

I don't really know what to do right now. My sister keeps saying I don't have to do anything, but she has been bawling. My niece's other siblings have all texted me variations of I know she hurt you, but forgive and forget because she almost died. My extended family has been a lot too. You are a grown woman waging war on a 16-year-old. You are evil and don't deserve good things. I hope your life ends up like what you're giving niece. I have gotten messages from strangers too because my sister's mother-in-law posted on F.B.

That I was a bitter woman hurting her granddaughter and a bunch of other things. So, the past three days have been mentally miserable for me. Not to take away from what my sister's family is going through, but I am sad, heartbroken, confused. and just tired. Please send prayers my sister's way. I'm not sure how all this is going to end, but I'll let everyone know when she's out of the ICU and whatever else happens. Thank you for all your advice and supportive words. I appreciate it all. Update 3, June 22nd, 2025. Thank you everyone for your comments, DMs, and advice. I've gotten a lot of DMs and comments for an update, so I'll tell you what's happened since the last update.

First, I want to give the biggest shout out to my sister, Nisa's mom. She can't see this, but I just want those words out there. I have said them to her too, but I want you guys to hear it too. She has not only been my biggest defender against all the flying monkeys despite what she is going through, but she has also been so good to me. She stood up for me to my mother and relatives. She also counterposted on FB after all that stuff from her mother. mother-in-law. Secondly, I want to address those asking how my niece did it and how she was found.

She ingested something harmful, we're not exactly sure of what it was, but it was a mixture of cleaning supplies. Her oldest sister found her on the bathroom floor. She was extubated on the 16th after she got a whole bowel irrigation and one-time haemodialysis because she had given herself an acute kidney injury. She was intubated for 26 hours. She is now out of the ICU and is now on the PEDS MedSERG unit. The same evening she left the ICU, she had to be put on a 72-hour psych hold and will be transferring to an inpatient psych facility when she is medically cleared. She did get a psych evaluation, and so far, she has been diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and histrionic personality disorder. The psychiatrist says she might also have borderline personality disorder, but that would be determined

better at the psych facility. I am still low contact with my niece. I've only had one phone call with her in which I told her I loved her and were getting her help. Her therapist said to re-insert my presence in her life, but make no promises like if you get help, will be okay or something like that. She says since I've previously been a positive presence, it might help to have me in the background while she heals. She gave suggestions for my background presence, like letters, phone calls, or visits if I feel like it. I am not to give her any gifts or rewards. I haven't decided which one to go with yet. I might just send a letter monthly. My sister did look through my niece's phone and found no NSFW pictures of me or my husband, but she did delete the streaming apps my niece got access to.

I know some people were worried about her taking those photos. I know she saw them, though. My children are in therapy, both individual and family. My husband and I finally explained the entire thing in detail to them, including my struggles during my first pregnancy and how niece's prank was a trigger. The therapist helped us facilitate the whole thing better. Nisa's other siblings are in therapy now too. The oldest has since apologized for her texts and harsh voicemails.

We have also sent the kids to my in-laws for the next three weeks. weeks. Therapy will be online. I also blocked my mother on their phones. They are to speak to none of my relatives for now. My mother doubled down and started coming at my children via texts and calls. That's one of the reasons we sent them away. My bill, nieces dad, broke down while she was still comatose and did a full 180. He left me a long voicemail saying I was hurting his baby girl and ripping her away from him. I did not like him when he was. he first started dating my sister, and he says I was using my niece to break him because I hated him. If something happens to her, he won't forgive me. This is a complete opposite of his stance before.

I don't know if it's grief or his mom in his ears. He is now at odds with his wife because she agrees with keeping the consequences we all agreed on, but the husband says to relent. My family and my other sisters are trying to be her, niece's mom, support in every way that we can. to completely cut my mother off from my family, including some of my aunts and uncles. My dad is divorced from my mother and lives on the other side of the country. He is on my side with this whole thing. I have two brothers, and they're both on my mom's side, while all my sisters are on my side. My mother sent me a very devastating text that I'll just copy and paste here because I don't

even know if I can explain it. Aria, you are the most disgraceful child I have ever birthed. I cursed the day you were put in my arms. Your life will never know peace as long as you never give peace to Cece. You're so vile, and you will go to hell for causing this amount of harm to your sister's family. You are no daughter of mine, and I do not claim you. Do not call me your mother. Keep your unclean children away from me too.

If you come close to me, I'll strangle you and feed you toilet cleaners, how niece attempted. What kind of mother sends this to her child? I took a screenshot, blocked that number, and printed off a copy of the text. This devil incarnate of a woman proceeded to email me two days after to tell me to send my share of money for remodeling her house. Yeah, like a cursed child would do that. I simply blocked her email too. I don't even know why she called my children unclean. I had them all post-marriage and with one man.

This has been the longest month of my life, and it isn't even over yet. I had a panic attack the other day because of everything. This darling man that I am married to has been my biggest rock and support. I genuinely do not know what I would do without him. How I would repay him for all this, I do not know. I spend most days just crying. My mental health is suffering, my work is suffering, and I am just tired. I know this was super long, so if you've read all this, thank you.

Thank you for sticking with me and holding me up with your work. words and virtual presence. You all probably see this often, but I genuinely want to thank each and every one of you. I can't wait for all this to be over so I can get some normalcy back and be able to breathe well again. I hope you enjoy this story. The person living next door has been treating my outdoor space as his own parking area and trash disposal site for a long time, so when I observed him on video throwing a television into the wooded area on my property, I immediately contacted the authorities. Police and he threatened to sue me.

I've been dealing with some bad neighbors for three years now. I thought I'd share my story both for entertainment value but also ask, What would you do differently in my situation? The context behind the neighbors. An old man lives there who had a wife that passed away before I moved in. Now some younger people from the projects, who aren't related to him, take advantage of him and live with him rent-free. How they met, I don't know.

Despite the less than reputable characters that live with him, the old man is the biggest thorn in my side. I wish I could post pictures in this sub-reddit, but I'll just have to describe it. My house is situated further back from the road than theirs, I can see into their backyard from my front door. The old man likes to drive into his yard and pull up to his front door to unload groceries so he doesn't have to walk as far to take them in the house. I understand that part. The problem is, he pulls down my driveway, then across my yard to get to his front door. It kills my grass and leaves ruts in the yard. The next time I saw him outside, I asked him to stop driving in my yard and he said he would, but he kept doing it. A second time I asked him to stop, and again it didn't stop.

After the third I was angry, so I went to his house and pounded on the door but nobody answered. I went home, wrote an angry note, and package taped it to his door threatening to call the police if it happened again. Surprise, it happened again. So after the fourth time it happened I went to the police, and the police told him to stop and he did. To this day he hasn't driven in my yard, thank goodness. But the story doesn't end here. After my trouble with them I put ring cameras up on my property, and last month my cameras caught something baffling. He dumped a big box TV on my property.

I have a huge yard and a lot of land, I even own some woods. He has a fenced-in yard and also owns some woods. He rode his lawn mower into my front yard, down my side yard and into my backyard all the way to my woods, and dumped a box TV back there. It wasn't even three feet into the woods. You know, rather than leave it by the curb for the garbage company to recycle for free, he had to get rid of it on my property. property. The audacity. So naturally I took a picture of the TV and pulled the recordings from my cameras and took it to the police. The police are charging him with littering and forcing him to remove the TV and dispose of it properly, as well as trespassing him from my

property. He'll be hit with criminal mischief if he sets even a foot on my property again. There was one morning last year where I woke up to go to work in the morning, and there were like 10 local police cars and state cops all outside his house. Here the people from the projects that were living with him were dealing drugs out of his house and they were doing a bust on them. Everyone but the old man was arrested and they just got let out of jail this month and are back in the house. I really just need to move. It's ashamed because I live in such a nice neighborhood. It's the reason I even picked the house, the location. I've talked to my other neighbors about the bad neighbors and they said everything was fine before the old man's wife died.

But now he almost seems like he has dementia and is being taken advantage of by some bad people. And now I have drug dealers and trespassers right next door. FML. Update 1. About a week ago I posted talking about my issues with my neighbor driving through my yard in the past and how I had the police tell them to stop, and how more recently my neighbor dumped a large box TV on my property, caught on my cameras and reported to the police. Yesterday, my camera caught my neighbor leaving a handwritten note on my door that I read when I got home from work, and I also heard from the police regarding the TV. I'll start with the conversation I had with the police and leeway into the note he left

on my door. The police had been trying to reach my neighbor by phone for the last week, and had made multiple visits to their house to tell him to remove the TV, but he wasn't answering his phone or the door. So the officers on duty have been making routine visits on our street to see if they could catch him outside, and they finally did. They told him he had to remove the TV and he was livid, naturally. He tried to claim that the property wasn't mine and was his, it's mine, not sure why he thinks otherwise considering a fence separates our properties, and that he could do what he wants. The officer said whether it was mine or his was irrelevant, as littering is littering and you can't dispose of electric waste by,

dropping it in the woods and pretending it isn't there. So they told him he had to dispose of it properly, and they told me if the TV isn't gone in three to four days to call them again and they're going to give him a citation for it. So that was yesterday that this conversation happened between them. Around lunchtime was when my ring camera caught him leaving the note. The note said along the lines of I am giving you until June 1st to trim branches of a tree on your property that are dropping leaves and twigs into my property, or I'm filing a civil suit against you. I am tired of picking up the sticks and leaves dropped on my yard by your tree. So naturally the first thing I did was look up my state and local laws, and also went to the

police station to notify the officers that this happened so they were aware of it and could make a report. The officers at the station told me not to worry about it, they know what he's like and he wouldn't actually go through with it, he's just mad that I got him in trouble and is taking it out on me with any excuse he can come up with, and the officers told me it's not my responsibility to take care of it. Our state and local laws state that it's not the responsibility of the owner to trim branches that protrude over property line, but that property owner that it is protruding on is allowed to cut back the branches back off of their property line. Whether you agree with that or not is up to you, but that's the law that I both read and that the police

department informed me of. But here's the thing, the tree is healthy and it's not dropping large branches or anything of the sort, nor does it go over anything that would cause damage to his property. Even if it did, insurance takes care of that, it's not my responsibility. He's obviously but heard about me getting him in trouble these last few months and is reaching at anything he possibly can to cause trouble for me like I have for him. Unfortunately, I'm an upstanding citizen and he has no grounds to get me in trouble with anything. Also our police department and local government despises him and his residents so much that even if this somehow does go to court, his word is nothing compared to mine. So, I'm calling his bluff and ignoring him. I know him

well enough at this point too, I'm not giving him the attention he wants. If he would have been kind about the situation and had a respectful conversation with me about the tree I would have been a lot more considerate. But he didn't even talk to me about it. Now that he thinks he can threaten me, he can forget it. The amount he's inconvenienced me severely outweighs leaves falling from my tree into his yard. Maybe when he stops driving across my yard and dumping garbage on my property and trespassing, I'll think about whether or not to help him. I can't believe there's people on this planet so selfish. See my last post for the details on how these people are the scum of our community. Crack-dealing sociopaths in the one garbage house of our nice neighborhood. I'm really

disappointed things have ended up this way because the whole reason I even got the house was because of the neighborhood. But I had to pick the one place next door to the crack dealers and trespassers. Again, FML. I'm going to start looking for a new place to live. I'm so thankful the police has been so helpful and understanding of the situation, but it seems no matter how many times I send them and no matter how willing they are to cause trouble for me, this needless drama won't end until they're out of that house or I just leave. I keep to myself. I'm a single, quiet guy who minds his own business in his own house. I just want to be left alone. It's time to start looking elsewhere, I think. Anyways, I hope my strife has been entertaining. I'll probably have another update after

the first week of June regarding all of this. Would you have done anything differently? Let me know if you have any advice. Thanks. Update 2, June 3, 2025. This will be my final update regarding what's been going on, unless anything substantial happens in the future. I don't think anything else is going to come of this particular situation, but some things have happened between now and my last post. Here's what's happened. As for the update, it's now June 3rd and naturally I've done nothing about the tree. Countless conversations with other people, including the police, has worked.

well as my own research tell me I'm not responsible. I haven't heard from the neighbor, haven't heard from anybody on his behalf, haven't gotten any more notes on my door or in my mailbox or anything of the sort. It was just as we suspected, all bark no bite. He was mad about me getting him in trouble and tried to intimidate me and it didn't work. He since removed the TV. Where he put it, I'm not sure, I never saw it on the curb for the garbage or anything. For all I know he could have just threw it in his own woods, but I don't care enough to attempt to find out. It's off my property and none of my business anymore as a result. I also double-checked with the police to be sure that he was trespassed for good, and they assured me

he was and him removing the TV from my property was the last time he or anybody in that house was permitted from stepping foot on it, and he understood this. As many commenters suggested, I went down to our local human services building in our township and spoke to somebody in the office of aging. It's our version of adult protective services. I spent an hour at their office and made a full report on the whole situation to them, the old man and his seemingly declined mental state and physical state, the types of people living with him. I gave them all the juicy details, from the footage of him struggling to climb two stairs onto my porch to leave the note showcasing his physical state, to another time where he chased a squirrel on his lawn mower into my

yard showcasing his mental state. I even showed them the footage I had from the raid on his house where the people that were living with them were, temporarily, arrested for dealing crack out of his house. I gave them the names of the people living with him, given to me by my buddy in the police department who has been dealing with them for me. I left no detail out, no stone unturned. The woman I spoke with submitted the report to their investigation unit, but she said I wouldn't get an update regarding the situation. I'm only going to hear from anybody if they ask for more information from me. Only time will tell if this will do any good not only for myself, but for the old man too. To summarize, the TV is off my property, they're officially trespassed, their legal action threats were bluffs, and they haven't driven on my yard since.

I feel better about everything and I'm hoping that this is the last I have to deal with for the foreseeable future, but only time will tell. Of course, should anything else happen I'll be quick to tell it here, but for now this will be the last time I post regarding this situation. I also wanted to thank everybody for the suggestions made on my previous posts. I wouldn't have thought to make a report with the Office of Aging if it wasn't for commenters. Here's hoping he gets the help he needs and I get the peace and quiet I've been long. for. Next story, Dad always opened my mail so I decided to get revenge by opening his, but instead I found evidence he was having an affair and my parents got divorced when I showed my mom the letters from his mistress. I, 24F, don't want to say what I do for work, but let's just say it's the

type of job that includes a lot of written letters from clients that are supposed to be confidential and only for my eyes. I'm fresh out of college and living with my parents so I can finish paying off for school. My work letters, of course, go to my parents' address since they live miles away from a post office and driving to a PO box is a huge pain. The issue started with my father. Ever since high school when I received mail, my dad would open it. Whenever I received Christmas slash birthday cards in the mail with money in them, my dad would hand me the card and insist he'll keep the money safe for me until I demanded he handed over. Any package I would order for myself he would open and hand to me. Sometimes the products were used by him as well.

The final straw was when he received my acceptance letter to my dream college and instead of waiting for me to come home to open it, he opened it himself and called me while I was at work to congratulate me. I've spoken to my mother about how much this makes me feel uncomfortable and she told me she'd speak to my father about it, to which he would apologize and not do it for a week before doing it again the next week. I had also spoken to my dad about the confidentiality of the mail I would be receiving now that I'm working and he says he understands, but it all came crashing down a few weeks ago while I was working. My dad came into my room and handed me opened envelopes from my clients and even tried to have a conversation about it with me, but I just ignored.

Him until he got the hint and left. After work I yelled at him for violating client confidentiality to which he got defensive and said that I live in his house and any mail sent to his house would be read by him. Furious, that next week I thought I would take revenge on my father by going to the mailbox and reading his mail. But what I found was what ended my relationship with him. I had found credit card statements on jewelry and restaurants that were too fancy for my dad to go to a loan and I don't remember the last time my dad took my mom on a date nor bought her any jewelry. I also found a latter address to my dad from a woman who stated how tired she was for hiding this relationship for so long and how she is so desperate for his letters to reach her. When my dad noticed the mailbox was empty, my dad ran back in the house as white as a host.

He walked into the kitchen to see me and my mom in the kitchen reading his mail. Before the fighting could start, my mom asked me to leave the house. So I drove to my aunts who lives 45 minutes away and explained. everything. I came back after two days when my dad's stuff was gone. My mom told me my dad's living in a hotel and she will be in contact with a divorce attorney. Turns out my dad has been having an affair with a family friend and were hiding it through letters oh leave no digital footprint. My dad ended up showing my mom the stash of letters he had and she took photos of each and every single letter before she asked him to leave. I feel at fault because I at first wanted to be

petty with my dad, but it unraveled into this huge event and made me think, oh wonder, he's been looking through my shit. He was giving himself away. I feel like I shattered my mom's world since I can hear her cry every night about it since the incident. Update 1. Thank you all so much. I wrote this all out last night drunk off my mind and I never expected this much kindness from strangers. I'll go ahead and answer a few questions here and then give an update. One. Was my dad using my money from the gifts to buy stuff for his mistress? I'm 50 to 50 on this answer. I received cards when I was young with money and it was the same routine.

Ants and uncles would leave $100 per card and my dad always gave them to me when I was younger. As I got older obviously the money reduced to $20 to $40. I do believe my dad would give me back half my money and those cards back which would make sense as to how he was able to make such huge. expenses on his mistress. I need to collect proper evidence so I plan on calling my aunts and uncles and other relatives who would send me money. Two. The mistress would send letters addressed as a business or a credit card company. If you ask me they were doing the most. When my mom would check the mail she would see the letters that were addressed to my dad as bills or some crazy BS and never open them because she doesn't handle the bills. A lot of packages

were sent by the mistress as well, which is why he went through my packages and I don't want to imagine what kind of crap she was mailing him. Now for the update. Like I said before, it's been a few weeks since it happened. I've been doing my best to comfort my mother while she deals with all the legal business and my dad's constant appeals to my mom to apologize and beg for forgiveness. I've been a here to listen to her and she keeps spiraling between wanting to forgive him and cursing him to hell. I told her my own personal opinion which was to never take back a cheater. She did basically everything for him and she shouldn't see it as her not being enough for him. That's his fault for not appreciating her. The mistress also was a married woman.

My mom reached out to her husband sending him the letters she had taken photos of. Even had a long phone call with him about what was going on. He initiated the divorce and the mistress is now angry at my father for not being more careful. The mistress's ex-husband who I'll call Henry, has been a best friend of my mom's throughout the legal cases. I hear the mistress is still reaching out to forgive him which I honestly think is very funny since my dad is doing the same thing. She was financially dependent on Henry and my dad isn't making enough at his job to support the lifestyle she wants. Yesterday Henry asked my mom to come out to lunch with him. They've been sad shut-ins for the past few days and they agreed to go and get some fresh air. I encouraged my

mom to do such and to call me if my dad or the mistress decide to show face when they went just so I could pick her up. My dad hasn't apologized to me at all about reading my mail. In fact, he's called me and left me voicemails telling me that this whole situation was my fault. Been going and crying saying he regrets everything and he hopes he can still be my dad. I honestly don't know what to do with him right now other than ignore him. I don't know if there will be another update, but I will if something major happens. Again, thank you so much for the supportive comments and I hope some of what I said clears up for you all. Update 2, hi guys, it's been a full year since it happened and I wanted to update you guys.

A few months after the post, my mom grabbed me and my younger sister, 20F, Rachel to talk about her interest in possibly going on a date. with Henry. Obviously we were thrilled. They've been dating for almost a year now and I'm happy for them. Henry treats my mother with way more respect than what my father ever did for her, she glows with joy whenever he's around. Our biological father was putting more mental strain on her than we thought. She went from being a shy, soft-spoken person, to a strong, confident woman and I couldn't be happier. As for our father, Jerry, and his mistress, Martha, they got married immediately after my mother, I'll call her Reagan, and Henry. I didn't speak to Jerry other than the occasional text from him asking about how I was doing

or to ask me for some cash. After they got married neither if their families support the marriage, they got black sheep respectfully. They tried to sue for cash, but the case fell through in Reagan and Henry's favor. I stopped talking to him fully when he spent a month harassing my sister for Cash. Calling her repeatedly, texting her, showing up at her college, to the point where the dean had to get him escorted off the campus. That's when Mom got us a harassment protection order. So now Jerry can only contact us when he wanted to meet with us, which was rare, or for medical emergency. My sister and I haven't heard from him since. That didn't stop Martha, though. Turns out the reason my dad was hounding for cash was because he got her pregnant.

She wants expensive everything and Jerry is pulling everything out of his but to satisfy her. Martha ended up being the one harassing my sister until she ended up at our door demanding to speak to Henry about how he left a poor pregnant lady with nothing. Henry is a man that takes no bullshit. He opened the door, looked Martha dead in the eyes and told her was it not cruel to cheat on your husband when he provided you with a mansion, designer bags, nice cars, trips, and all the love in the world. You have no right to call me cruel after everything you've used me for, and you're lucky I didn't demand any money back. He shut the door and Martha ended up throwing a huge fit, even faked her water breaking with a water bottle. Police escorted her to the hospital and luckily, we were able to show them everything through our ring doorbell. Thank you everyone for your support in my story.

I hope none of you guys have to go through this mess like me. I hope you enjoy this story. The young girl was dismissed for tormenting another child so severely she nearly harmed herself, then concealed her father's extramarital relationship for me for a span of two years, and when I began seeing someone knew she, accused me of replacing her. I, 49F, was married to my ex-husband, Derek, 49M, for 20 years before divorcing a few months ago. We have two kids, a daughter, 22F, and a son, 17M. I found out Derek was having a two-year affair, and my world was shattered.

But what hurt almost as much was discovering that my daughter had known about it the whole time. She actively hid it for me for two years, lied, covered for him, and never once tried to warn me. When I found out, I was devastated, not just by my husband's betrayal, but by my daughter's choice to keep it from me. She was young at the time, and I understand it was a difficult position for her, but the pain was immense. I never confronted her directly, thinking it might affect her as she was about to go off to college. I just told her I knew, that I understood, and tried to move on. But after she left, I found myself distancing myself from her more and more. It wasn't planned, I just needed

space to heal, and that meant not calling her as often or reaching out as much. Fast forward a year and a half, and I've started dating someone, 41M, who has a 10-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. Recently, we all went to Disney together, and he posted a family photo of us on social media. For context, my boyfriend covered all the expenses as a gift for his daughter's birthday, wanting to make it special for her. Along with my son and me, she chose her two cousins to come along, making it a big family-style trip that was all about her. My daughter must have seen it because she didn't call me for over a month afterward, and honestly, I wasn't as affected by her absence as I would have been before. I still love her, but every interaction

brings up that pain. Out of nowhere, she called me in tears. She was screaming, saying I obviously hadn't forgiven her and that I'd shut her out on purpose. She accused me of replacing her with my boyfriend and his daughter. She kept saying, it was a long time ago, I was a kid, I didn't mean to hurt you, she said she thought she was doing the right thing by staying quiet, that she didn't know how to tell me, and that she was terrified of breaking our family apart. She asked me if I'd ever forgive her or if I'd moved on for good. I tried to tell her that I loved her and never wanted to replace her, but she just kept pushing that I should get over it by now and that I'd abandon her for this new life.

To top it off, my ex-husband later called me, furious, accusing me of leaving my daughter for a younger man and a new family. He even had the nerve to call me selfish for moving on. Ironically, his girlfriend is 30, and he's the one who blew up our family with his affair, it's like no one understands that I'm still trying to recover from years of betrayal, and it feels like I'm expected to just let it go, as if my pain doesn't matter. My son, who lives with me, found out about his sister hiding the affair after overhearing my husband's mom and sister talking.

He was crushed and hasn't for me. forgiven her either, and they've barely spoken since. I never wanted him to know, but it feels like the entire family is divided now, and I don't know how to fix it. I'm in therapy, but I still feel lost. Part of me knows she was young and didn't know how to handle it, but another part of me feels like she chose him over me. I love my daughter, but every time we talk, that hurt resurfaces. I don't know if I'm failing as a mother or if I'm protecting myself. I feel like I've emotionally checked out, and I don't know how to reconnect. Edit, just to clarify, my divorce actually happened a few months ago, not three years ago as I originally mentioned.

My sister, who is a bit of a scatterbrain, encouraged me to post here and typed out much of it for me. In the process, she got the timeline wrong, and I didn't catch it before posting. My daughter was 17 when she found out about the affair. She had a lot going on at the time, including having to change schools due to some personal issues and repeating a year. So, when I found out, it was less than two years ago. I hope this clears up the confusion. Update 1. First, I want to thank everyone who responded to my post. I was honestly overwhelmed by the sheer number of replies.

I tried my best to read through as many as I could, and some of the advice was hard to hear, but necessary. It's been a lot to take in, but one comment really stayed with me. Someone mentioned how fragile life is and how little time we really have with the people we love. That struck me deeply. I've been so consumed by pain and anger that I forgot to think about what I'd want my relationship with my daughter to look like in the long run. If something were to happen tomorrow, would I be okay with leaving things as they are? That thought stayed with me, and within a few days, I decided to come. contact my daughter. I told her I wanted us to talk, not to rehash the past or point fingers,

but to figure out how we could move forward. She was hesitant at first, which I completely understand. We had the conversation a few nights ago, and while it wasn't easy, I'm grateful she was willing to open up. There were tense moments, and I won't lie, it was hard to hear some of what she said. But for the first time in a long while, I felt like we were finally addressing what had been festering. between us. We talked about what had happened, and I finally asked her for the truth about everything. When I first discovered her father's affair, he told me that she had always known about it. In fact, he claimed she had been his ally, hiding things from me multiple times. He even said that she disliked me and was on his side. Hearing that from him was devastating. I couldn't believe

my daughter would do something like that or feel that way about me. The way I found out about the affair was awful, and the idea that my daughter had played any part in it, even unknowingly, made it so much worse. At first, she was very reluctant to talk about it. But eventually, she opened up and started sharing everything, including what led up to her actions. A few months before discovering the affair, she had been involved in a difficult situation at her high school. Without going into specifics, it was a matter where her actions led to serious consequences. The school had a zero-tolerance policy, and as a result, she was expelled. She had to transfer to a new school and repeat the year.

On top of that, her grades took a hit, and she was finding it challenging to get back on track. When it happened, I felt it was important for her to face the full weight of her actions and take responsibility for what she had done. I grounded her and took away her electronics, hoping the consequences would help her reflect and grow. I wanted her to understand the gravity of the situation and emerge from it as a better person. Her father, however, completely disagreed with my approach. He felt I was being too harsh, insisting that she had already learned her lesson and needed support rather than punishment. The tension in our household became unbearable.

Between my frustration with him and my disappointment in her actions, I found it harder and harder to communicate properly with her. There were constant fights, arguments that seemed to erupt over everything and nothing at the same time. It wasn't just them. Therapy over the past year helped me realize that I played a part two. My hurt and frustration often came out as anger, and instead of addressing things calmly, I let my emotions take control. I was constantly angry and frustrated, and my mood probably created an even more tense and uncomfortable environment for everyone. So, when she found out about his affair shortly after, she was angry at me and still reeling from everything that had happened. She admitted that part of her decision to stay quiet was fueled by a desire to get back at me.

She felt like keeping the secret was her way of taking revenge, though she now realizes how wrong that was. She also told me she had tried to get her father to come clean, but he discouraged her from doing so, telling her that I had already been disappointed enough by her situation and that she shouldn't make things worse. Feeling trapped, she lied and kept lying, hoping it would somehow blow over without me finding out. Hearing this from her was heartbreaking. It didn't justify what she did, but it helped me understand her perspective. Knowing her father pressured her to keep his secret makes my anger toward him even stronger. He broke everything with his affair and then used our daughter to cover for him, making her feel trapped and responsible for his lies. I hate what he put her through.

To be honest, our marriage was already going through a rough patch at the time, and we likely would have ended up divorcing anyway. However, it's one thing to fail as a husband, but to fail so completely as a parent is unforgivable. They always had a good relationship, and I never wanted to ruin that for her, even when I was angry. But seeing how he used her in his lies is only deepened my resentment. I told her that I've been hurt, not just by her actions, but by how deeply they shook my trust in her. At the same time, I reminded her that I love her, and I always will. I said that while I can't change the past, I want to rebuild our relationship. We agreed to take things one step at a time. I suggested we try online therapy together, and while she was

hesitant at first, she agreed. She's already been seeing a therapist on her own and wasn't sure about opening up in a joint session, but I think she ultimately realized how much I want to make this work. I also brought up her brother. They've never had the closest relationship, he's always been more of a reserved, independent person, while she's more outgoing and emotional. There's been tension between them in the past, and ever since he overheard what happened with her hiding the affair, they've barely spoken. I've tried to talk to him about maybe giving her another chance, even when I wasn't on the best of terms with her. I really want them to have a good relationship, but I also don't want to push him too much.

He's his own person, and I don't want him to feel like I'm trying to force him into something he isn't ready for or doesn't want to do. He's allowed to make his own decisions, and if they need time apart to heal, I'll respect that. Someone mentioned the unrealistic standards we often hold women to, and I've been able to. thinking a lot about that. I don't hold her to any impossible standard just because she's a woman. She is the light of my life, but sometimes, I realize I've shared everything in such a negative way because of how it all played out. I'm just trying to make sense of it all. I don't know exactly where I stand or what I'm feeling at times. I'm just moving through life like anyone else, doing the best I can. Thank you all again for your advice and for giving me the push I needed to

start this conversation. It's not easy, but I'm hopeful we'll get through this, one step at a time. Additional information from Oop on her response to a commenter regarding the said incident involving her daughter. Oop, of course, I haven't come to terms with it. You want to give me a recap. Let me give you a fucking recap. My daughter participated in an inexcusable situation, a situation that pushed another girl so far that she almost did something irreversible. Almost destroyed herself. The other girl's parents filed a complaint against the school, and my daughter admitted she was to blame.

Admitted it and still made excuses for herself. So yes, I punished her. What the hell else was I supposed to do? Sweep it under the rug. Pretend it didn't happen. My husband sided with her. Said she'd been through enough. She'd been expelled, as if that was enough.

She threw tantrums, acted like a victim, and kept saying she'd learned her lesson. I did everything a parent is supposed to do. I tried to be the best possible mother I could in that situation. Then, I found out my husband was cheating on me. Not just cheating, cheating in the most gut-wrenching, humiliating way possible. And what did he say when I confronted him? my daughter had known all along. That she'd helped him keep his secret. And on top of that, he told me she didn't even like me. You want to talk about poison? That's poison. Hearing that from

someone you love. Knowing your own child had sided against you in something so vile. But even then, I didn't scream at her. I didn't lash out. I distanced myself, yes, but only because I didn't want to cause more damage. Was I supposed to act like everything was okay? Was I supposed to just hug her and pretend none of this had happened? Everything was not okay. But I'm trying now. I'm trying my level best to fix this situation. My son doesn't want me too. He thinks she's toxic and tells me to stay away from her. But I told him no. She's my daughter, and I'm going to try. And yet here you all are, passing your random judgments. Like I haven't been breaking my back trying to hold this family together.

I didn't ask for your judgment. I was giving an update. But fine. Screw you. Update 2, I don't even know how to start. My relationship with my daughter has always been difficult, but everything truly shattered when I found out she had hidden her father's affair from me. She knew what he was doing.

and she didn't tell me. When the truth came out, not just about his betrayal, but about her secrecy, it broke something inside me that I haven't been able to repair. Even before the secrecy of her relationship with her father came to light, we weren't in a good place. We had been constantly fighting. Years ago, there was an incident at her school that changed everything. She had bullied another child in a way that I can only describe as horrifying, so bad that it led to her removal from the school. I had been through something similar in my childhood, but from the other side. I was the victim. What she did brought back memories I thought I had buried, horrible ones I still haven't fully dealt with. I might have overcorrected in her punishment. Maybe I went too far.

But I wanted her to understand what she had done was not just wrong, it was extremely wrong. I took away her electronics because that was the medium she had used to fuel the bullying. Everything she did online was monitored. She could only use electronics for homework, and even that was supervised. I made her volunteer at places where she could see the impact of her actions. I even put her in therapy. I did everything I thought was necessary to help her, to make her grow into a better person. But no matter what I did, the fighting continued.

She resented me for taking those steps, even though I was trying to protect her and guide her toward doing better. And then the situation with her father came to light. When I found out she had been hiding his affair from me, it broke something between us. I never stopped loving her, I couldn't, but I felt so deeply betrayed. I didn't confront her, I didn't even know how to. Every time I thought about saying something, I froze. Instead, I distanced myself in the ways that mattered most. I still spoke to her. I still picked up the phone when she called, attended her events, and supported her financially. I never abandoned her in those ways, but I couldn't be there for her emotionally like I should have. Every time I looked at her, the pain came rushing back. I wanted to

fix things, to be the mother she needed, but I didn't know how to be close to her without falling apart. It was so fucked up, and I know I failed her in pulling away, but I just couldn't handle it. Now, after all this time, we're in therapy together, trying to rebuild what's left of our relationship. I don't know if it's helping or hurting. The first session was fine, awkward, but manageable. The second session. It felt like being gutted. She spent the entire time blaming me for everything.

She said I ruined her child. She brought up the punishment from years ago, saying I overreacted and destroyed her life. She refuses to acknowledge the harm she caused back then, or the pain she inflicted on that other child. She also refuses to see what her father did to me. She paints him as some perfect, amazing person, while I'm the villain in her story. Does she not see how he manipulated me? How he broke our family. He manipulated her too, making her high-house. everything in the first place. She said she was just protecting him, but how could she not see the truth? Yes, our marriage wasn't perfect. We married for all the wrong reasons and we're heading

for divorce anyway, but how is everything my fault? I've spent months trying to find peace. I've worked so hard to rebuild myself, to find some kind of balance. And now therapy feels like it's tearing all of that apart. I'm exhausted. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. I feel like I'm breaking my back trying to fix this relationship, and I don't know if I'm strong enough to keep going. I love her. She's my daughter, my blood. I'll never stop loving her. But I feel like no matter what I do, it's never enough. Why isn't this working? Why can't I make things right? I've tried everything I can think of, and yet nothing is changing. Is it me? Am I truly that terrible of a mother? Am I really the villain in all of this? I just don't understand. How did we end up here? I've spent so many years trying to be the best mother I could, trying to protect her, to help her grow. But every step I take feels like it makes things worse. I know I've made mistakes, God, I know that, but is this relationship really beyond repair? Is she better off without me? Why does she still refuse to see what he did? How could she not see the manipulation? Maybe I was too harsh, too distant, but why does it feel like no matter what I do,

it's never enough for her? I've given everything, but it's like nothing matters to her. I just feel so lost. Maybe I'm not cut out for this. Maybe I've ruined everything. Maybe I'm the cause of all this pain. She sees me as the enemy, and maybe that's all I am to her now.

A constant reminder of everything she hates. I'm breaking. I'm so fucking broken, and I don't know how to fix this anymore. I don't even know where to go from here. Am I supposed to just keep fighting, keep giving? Or should I just let go? I'm so tired. So fucking tired.

I can't breathe through this. It's suffocating. Update 3. Hey everyone, I wasn't planning on posting again, but I've had a few messages asking for an update, so I figured I'd just share this here and leave it at that. I'm not looking for advice anymore, and I'm definitely not looking for judgment. Just wanted to close the loop. My daughter decided to stop therapy.

She said it wasn't helping, and I could tell she didn't really want to be there anymore. I didn't fight her on it. You can't force someone to heal, and trying to do that only pushed us further apart. We're still in contact, but it's surface level now. And in some ways, that's better. There's less tension, fewer fights. I've realized you can't really heal with someone who refuses to take accountability for their actions. We're both still in individual therapy though, so that's something. Maybe one day we'll meet in the middle. Or maybe we won't. I've come to accept that things might not ever fully heal between us.

It still hurts, but I can live with it. My door is always open to her, she knows that. On a brighter note, my boyfriend and I are planning to move in together, and it feels like the right next step. We're both excited about it. And my son got into an amazing college. I'm incredibly proud of him. He's worked so hard, and seeing him achieve this as honestly one of the proudest moments of my life.

Anyway, that's where things are. Thank you to everyone who showed me kindness along the way. This will be my last update. I'm ready to let this chapter rest and just focus on what's ahead. Take care. I hope you enjoy this story. Acquaintance invited me to hang out, but I declined because his poisonous relatives targeted his previous girlfriend at her job when she refused to provide them with funds,

resulting in his mother assaulting her. brother tried to rob the cash register. I, 30F, have this close friend from college who I will call Marlon, 31M. We went to college together, graduated together, and we still hang out out on our lunch breaks as our office buildings are just a five-minute walk away from each other. I have a federal government job and he works for an investment firm. Back in October last year, I allowed Marlon to move in with me after his girlfriend, page, 29F, broke up with him and kicked him out of her home.

Page is a Jewish, openly bisexual, liberal, tattoo artist who owns her own tattoo parlor, with her own body being beautifully covered in tattoos and jet black hair. Unlike Marlon, though, asserts herself, is able to stand up for herself and is argumentative at times. A little backstory and why they broke up. Marlon comes from a traditional, evangelical family from Mississippi. His family moved here to the Bay Area sometime in 2020, during the pandemic so they can be closer to him, or more specifically, so they can get him to better support them.

Marlon's mom is on welfare, her dad is on Social Security and Marlon's brother Ryan, 35M, is unemployed, relying on Marlon and his parents to support them. Marlon's parents and brother live in a two-bedroom apartment while Marlon himself is mentioned, now lives in my house but previously lived with Page. Marlon's family is toxic, treating him with little to no respect, constantly criticizing him, while coddling Ryan. They find reasons to gang up on him, criticize him and ridicule him despite the fact. Marlon is the only one in their family to have ever gone to college, pays for their rent, pays their groceries, their internet, their shopping expenses, etc. During their relationship,

Paige and Marlon had this rule that they won't get involved in each other's family matters, provided it does not directly affect them. Page has repeatedly expressed her concerns to Marlon about his family and how his family treats him but she opted not to push the matter any further because of their agreement and the fact at the time, as Marlin's family weren't directly interfering with Paige's life. Page has also generally tried to avoid contact or communication with Marlon's family as she's sickened with the way they treat him. When she tries to stand up for Marlon, Marlon himself shushes her and tells her off for raising her voice to his parents. Additionally, in one of the few times Paige has actually met his family, she got into a fight with Marlon's parents

due to Marlon's mom making snide remarks about her tattoos and demanding that Paige take down the Pride flag, Ukraine flag, and BLM banner from her parlor. Marlon's parents also don't like the fact Paige owns her own home after inheriting it from her grandfather. This is because his parents believe it's emasculating that a woman should own her own home and business. Separately, Marlon also previously once told me how his parents don't like the fact that Paige is Jewish, as they will consider accepting her if she removes all her tattoos, again which covers a lot of her body, stops being Jewish and live the same traditional evangelical life they raised Marlon and Ryan with. They basically wanted Page to convert and become a tradwife. Marlon did a sucky job at standing up

for his ex as Marlon tried to remedy this by sheepishly asking her to try covering up her tattoos and taking down the flags from her parlor as a compromise to keep the peace. She refused to do so and threatened to break up with him if he kept pushing it. Note that, Marlon himself is a genuinely kind, intelligent and supportive person who was there for me during a difficult time in my freshman year. When his family aren't around, he does thrive as very much his own person

but since his family moved here to California and get back in his life, it's like they just suck the life out of him. Me, Paige and his other friends have also talked to him about this, urging him to cut them off, but he's just so desperate for their approval and validation that he won't listen. He just keeps saying things like maybe if I try a little harder or they're going to change soon. After a while, it just becomes pointless to even ask. Things changed when Marlon's

family started demanding more money from him due to his mom's credit card debt and shopping habits as well as the fact Marlon's parents used a lot of the allowance Marlon gave them to travel across the country going to campaign rallies during last year's presidential election. When Marlon wasn't able to give his parents any more money, they then went after Paige, trying to contact her and demanding that as their son's girlfriend, she had to pitch in to support them. Page just tried to ignore them at first, but things reached a breaking point when Marlon's mother and his brother Ryan came into her parlor, demanding she give them money. According to Paige, they believe that as she's his girlfriend, whatever is hers is also Marlins and whatever is Marlins is theirs, with Marlins' mom screaming

that they need money to pay her debts. Page then called. called 911 when Ryan jumped the counter and started trying to pry open the cash register. However, as she was on the phone, Marlon's mom punched Paige in the face and started trying to grab the phone from her. Apparently, the barber, whose friends with Paige, across the street saw the commotion that was happening in Paige's parlor so the barber and two of his patrons came over to try and help her. The barber and his friends managed to subdue Ryan and Paige finished her call with 911, as Marlon's mom started screaming at them. calling the barber, who was pinning down Ryan, the N-word, and calling Paige a Jewish crackery. Marlon's mom and brother were arrested. With Paige telling officers that she was pressing charges as Ryan did just try to rob her place and Marlon's mom beating Paige did cause her to have a bleeding

lip and mild concussion. As for my personal relationship with Paige, were just acquaintances. We met a couple of times at social events including Marlon and do of each other on both Facebook and Instagram, but that's about it. After Marlon talked about their breakup, just out of curiosity, I did message Paige and asked for her side of the story as well. She asked me to meet up with her at this tea house in Union Square and told me what happened, basically filling in what Marlon left out. Page went on to tell me that after she pressed charges and moved to file a restraining order against Marlon's family, Marlon practically started begging her to withdraw her statement, withdraw the restraining order, tell the police she made it all up, despite the fact there was security camera fully. which she gave to police, and to just make peace as he didn't want to lose his family. Page said that Marlon didn't even ask if she was okay or apologize for their actions.

Because of this, Paige broke up with Marlon right then and there. Marlon did beg her to not leave him but Paige reminded him that he consistently kept picking his family over her, he's repeatedly failed to support her and that she cannot safely be in his life if his family are in his. I thanked Paige for sharing her side of the story and apologized for his actions to which she assured me none of this was my fault. However, before Page left, as I did take in Marlon to let him move in with me, Paige then took my hand and warned me to keep my distance from his family and warned me of Marlon's mom's weird obsession with having grandchildren.

When I got back to my houses by this time, he was already staying with me, I admittedly snapped at Marlon, demanding that he apologized to Paige for not supporting her and to stop trying to beg her to get back with him, which he eventually did a couple months later. I then talked to Marlon about trying to at least set boundaries with his family, as he won't cut them off completely, pointed out that he earns more than I do, but yet, he can barely support himself as he's basically supporting three adults and paying for their debts, their rent, their groceries, and legal bills on his income alone. And he's lost not only a couple of other friendships but even his girlfriend of three years,

page, because of his relationship with them. He seems to have gotten it but is still having trouble setting boundaries and yes, he's still paying their debts and bills. In case you were wondering, I live in my childhood slash family four bedroom home which they bought in the 90s. My parents moved up to Seattle two years ago, allowing me to live here provided I'm able to take care of the house expenses myself. Fast forward to today, it's been seven months since Paige broke up with Marlon. He is still living with me, we're still friends, but despite that I'm also requiring him to contribute to how expenses like groceries and contributing to the water bill as he is living with me.

A couple nights ago, I was in my living room watching Netflix when Marlon asked me if I'd be willing to go out with him on like an actual date. Back in college, we did on a few occasions talk about the possibility of dating as in cases where his family is out of the picture. He is a genuinely nice guy and we do spend a lot of time with each other but nothing came out of it at the time. I then paused the movie to have a serious talk with Marlon, bluntly telling him that if it were just him, by himself, I would be open to it as when his family is out of the picture, he is a genuinely nice guy and reliably supportive. However, I did point out how almost all of his salary goes to supporting three unemployed adults, his family, and I reminded him what happened with Page. That said, I asked that if, big if, we did get together, get married and have kids, how would he support our family while? supporting his parents and brother, would he set boundaries with his parents because, previously,

when Paige and I did urge him to set boundaries with his family, he failed and lastly, I asked him if we were together. Would his parents expect me to support them as well? Additionally, I'm mixed race, as my mom is white and my dad is Indian and Catholic, albeit not very religious. That said, me being non-white may be a problem for them and I don't share a lot of their views. Marlon just said things along the lines of he would do his best to try to balance things and he'd only expect me to occasionally help out his parents as a compromise to keep the peace. He also tried reassuring me by saying they wouldn't mind me not being white provided I agreed to live by their rules, at least when they're around. Taking a deep breath, I sighed and I told him that unless he fully goes no

contact with his parents, not only won't I date him but that any future relationship he has will be doomed to fail due to how overly involved they are in his life. I then got up and when to bed, with the two of us not talking about his parents or the two of us dating since that night. Additional information from O.P. For clarification, no, I never intended to realistically plan to date or enter a romantic relationship with Marlon. He and I did talk about it yesterday, and we agreed that while he is attracted to me, he also doesn't think it'd be a good idea for us to date, mainly because of my skin color and that being a problem for his mom. Apparently, he briefly mentioned the possibility of us date to his mom who immediately shot it down because I was too brown for her.

One of the very few times that racism actually worked in my favor, I guess. Also, Marlon is still missing Paige and he told me that he's been so and so thinking about trying to get back with her. I reminded him that not only should he leave Paige alone but that given his situation, unless he gets serious help first and cuts his parents out of his life, getting into another relationship would be the worst possible thing he can do. Lastly, yes, Marlon and I do have a written month-to-month lease. He does pay me rent monthly, albeit a small amount compared to other properties in the market, and if I were to cancel its renewal, I'd need to give him 30 days' notice. I, along with a couple of our other mutual friends

have been urging him to find his own place and try to at least do things for himself, hoping that it did at least start giving him the confidence to start breaking away from his parents but eyed. Update, May 26, 2025. This is a follow-up to my original story from last month and I'm not sure where to begin because of how messed up this has all been. I should probably rewind and explain how things got to this point. So, after Marlon's ex-page, 29F, broke up with him back in October last year, Paige and I have actually started talking, we have become friends and have started going to the gym together. Page has also recently started dating a guy from our gym who I'll call Virgil, 33M.

Turns out Paige and Virgil happen to have gone to the same high school, although, a few years apart. In the seven months since Paige broke up with Marlon, 31M, he's been slaving away trying to support his freeloading family. He's basically been a wreck without Paige, coupled with the constant belitling he gets from his family, specifically about him not earning enough. He also went on to say that he missed Paige supporting and comforting him, which she'd usually do every time he had a negative interaction with his family. Despite me and our friend group trying to encourage Marlon to just move on from her, Marlon has kept wanting to talk to Paige to try and get her to come back to him. Throughout the seven months they've been separated,

Marlon has tried coming over to Paige's home and parlor to try and talk to her, but she kept shutting him down and Marlon stopped doing that, at least up until recently. After Paige threatened to call the police and get a restraining order against him if he showed up to her place one more time unsolicited. Marlon has also complained about not being able to support his family's increasing financial demands, debts, medical bills, and shopping habits. Additionally, Marlon's mom has been badgering him and his brother about her wanting to have grandkids. That said, as some of you have commented in my previous post, yeah, I'm pretty convinced that one reason Marlon wants page back or to a lesser extent, be with me. is because he needs someone to help him support his family as well as to serve a buffer between him and them,

as well as being like an emotional support person for Marlon himself. In late March, Marlon found out that Paige had a new boyfriend as she's dating Virgil, causing Marlon to panic. He went on a rant saying that he doesn't want to lose Paige, and I reminded him that she already broke up with him, so he and her are done now. Despite this Marlon did try texting, calling and messaging Paige repeatedly, creating new accounts to do so, as he just wants to talk to her and that he believes they can still talk things out, but I told him to stop trying to contact her. I even showed him a video message page sent me to show to him in which she explicitly told him to stop contacting her. Fast forward to Saturday, May 17th, I took time off work and was away from home as I went on a date with this guy,

I met online who I'll call Jack, 55 meters, as he took me to his cabin up in the mountains for a week. While there, I received a notification that someone was at the door. It was Marlon's parents demanding to speak to Marlon. I'm guessing Marlon was away from home at the time because he clearly didn't answer, so I told them through the doorbell camera that Marlon was probably at work or something and asked what they wanted. Marlon's parents basically went on this rant about how disappointed they are in their son for not earning enough to provide for them, as well as them needing more money to pay for Marlon's mom's legal bills, gambling addiction and medical bills. Marlin's dad also mentioned that he needs Marlon to sign on to and pay for a Denali pickup truck he wants to buy as the truck Marlin's dad bought himself just got repo at.

Marlon's mom then asked if I was dating or sleeping with Marlon. I told her no, that there is nothing is happening between me and him. Plus I also mentioned to her that Marlon told me that she didn't want me dating her son because I am too brown for her liking, so that shouldn't be a problem anyway. Marlon's mom then responded, saying that at this point, due to her age and ailing health, she just wants to have grandkids, even if they are mixed race. I caught my breath and just reminded her that I'm just Marlon's friend and legally speaking, I am his landlord, so, that's it. She then said that, if Marlon and I do have SX, and if I got pregnant, she wants to name our baby, then they left.

I was speechless but also felt weirdly sick from that. On Friday afternoon, as Jack and I were leaving, and I turned it back on, had to conserve battery as I didn't bring a charger and wanted to avoid distractions, to find multiple missed calls and messages from Marlon and Tiffany, 30F. Jack dropped me off home and as I got inside my house, I found Marlon's room completely thrashed, as well as the living room to a lesser extent and him just sitting there on the couch, looking more miserable than before. I asked what happened and basically his parents came back over to my place. Marlon opened the door for them and they basically berated him again for not earning enough money to pay for their medical bills, debts, etc. This basically ended in Marlon agreeing to take out a loan to help finance his family, as well as Marlon and his dad going to a dealership for him to sign on to a truck Marlin's dad wanted. When Marlon got home, got so frustrated that he started smashing up the rooms.

I then called back Tiffany who's a close friend of me, Paige and Marlon, and asked her to come over. Tiffany and I then talked to Marlon, comforting him but also urging him again to cut off his parents. Tiffany pointed out that before Marlon's parents came here, Marlon was happy, confident, had a happy and stable relationship with Paige, was doing well at his job, but now he's just a mess. I then also told Marlon about the doorbell conversation I had with his mom, and how his parents are now indirectly starting to affect me as well. Marlon apologized and said he'll try to take care of it. Tiffany, who does come from a wealthy family, did offer to pay for Marlon to go to therapy but Marlon refused, with him saying that he probably just needs to try something else to win over his parents,

with Marlon still justifying their action by saying they're misunderstood. I was going to point out that his family seems to have no sense of boundaries, lack basic human decency and have no self-control but at this point, trying to tell him this right now seemed pointless. Tiffany and I then cleaned up the mess in the living room, while Marlon cleaned up his room. Later last night, I spoke with Tiffany and Paige on what we can do. Page recommended something about trying to reach out to his other relatives who may be willing to support him. I'm leaning towards evicting Marlon from my family home, but I don't want to do that just yet until we could find somewhere for him to stay. I'll post an update if anything significant changes.

I hope you enjoy this story. Arranged and financed my spouse's mother's celebration but she informed me I was not invited because I am not related, so I asked her to leave and utilize the location for my own event own party instead. I'm a 26-year-old female, and I've been married to my 29-year-old husband for almost three years now. I've always known that my husband's family doesn't really like me. My husband has two younger twin sisters, 23, and a younger brother, 21, and none of them

seem to like me very much. The same goes for my mother-in-law as well. I've never been able to figure out why exactly they dislike me so much, but I was determined to fix it since I wanted to build a good relationship with my in-laws. So I decided to plan my mother-in-law's 50th birthday party this year. My husband advised me against it, saying that if his family doesn't seem to like me, then I should just let it be instead of going out of my way to be nice and win them over. but I ignored his advice since I really wanted to be on good terms with them. I'm just a people person, and I couldn't stand the thought that these people seemed to dislike me for no apparent reason. I had to make it right. A few days ago, I started planning for the party and even tried to get my husband's siblings involved,

but they weren't interested at all and told me to do it all myself if I wanted to. I booked one of my mother-in-law's favorite restaurants where she and her late husband used to go on dates all the time, and I paid for all the food and decor well in advance. In fact, I even oversaw it all myself and made sure that all of it was up to my mother-in-law's taste and standards, as she was really particular about things like these. I even invited a few of her closest friends and some of our relatives after consulting my husband regarding who she'd want there. Basically, I paid for everything and planned it all out on my own with a little help from my husband, while her own kids did absolutely nothing to help and didn't even contribute financially. Yesterday, on the eve of her birthday, we visited her even though my husband didn't want to. Anyway, once we got there we noticed that her other kids were already there, and they looked

pretty surprised to see us but didn't say anything. After a bit of small talk, I finally came to the point and told her that we'd be expecting her at the restaurant and the evening tomorrow since we had something planned for her. She smiled and thanked my husband for it, but he told her that it was all me and I was the one she should be thanking. Her face soured instantly, and I was pretty confused for a second. I told her that I'd invited all her close friends and some of her family members, and I'd made sure that I picked out all her favorite food as well, in an attempt to get her to acknowledge my efforts. But a nasty look took over her face, and she proceeded to say thanks in the most false, sugar-coated tone before

telling me that while she appreciated my efforts, she was sorry that I wouldn't be attending. I was shocked and asked her why. She replied that she wanted her 50th to be special, so she wanted it to be a family-only event. While she did consider her friends as family, she didn't consider me family at all, so she'd appreciated if I made myself scarce the next day. My husband and I looked shocked to the core, and I realized in that moment that he'd been right all along. I never should have put in any effort at all since she was clearly never going to appreciate any of it ever. My husband's siblings, looked like they were going to burst out laughing any second, which is what pissed me off even more. So I got up, told her that she could go to hell, and if she dared to show up tomorrow,

then I'd have security escort her out. That wiped the smug looks off all their faces, and my mother-in-law told me that I was being cold and cruel. So I just laughed in her face and said that it was pretty rich coming from her. After a bit of back and forth where she tried to convince me that I was wrong, I told her that she didn't deserve anything nice, and that my decision was final. She and her kids looked furious, and right before I left, she started crying, probably as a last-ditch effort to make me feel sorry, but I didn't care anymore.

I was livid. On the drive home, I tried to cancel the reservation, but since it was too late, there was nothing I could do. My husband looked pretty uncomfortable about this whole thing but refused to make any comment apart from saying that I did the right thing. Then he went out for a smoke once we got home, which was fine by me since he'd never been too expressive when it came to his family and preferred to stay out of these things. Moreover, I was the one who had ignored his advice, so it was nice of him

to not rub it in my face. Anyway, since I'd already paid for the place and food, I decided to cancel all the invites, which was pretty last minute and ticked off a lot of the guests. But they were mostly my mother-in-law's friends, so I didn't care. Instead, I called over some of my own friends to make it all worth it since I was pretty annoyed about everything that had happened. My husband also joined in, and I also got him to invite a few of his friends so that we could party. We got rid of the decor just in time before they came and had a total blast. I posted all the pictures after I came back home today. My sister-in-law texted me saying that I'd ruined her mother's birthday and said that it was

incredibly selfish of me to use the venue for myself, especially when I knew how much it meant to my mother-in-law. I don't feel particularly sorry about what I did and think it was perfectly reasonable, though I'm just hoping I'm right. I'd for canceling my mother-in-law's birthday party that I'd planned after she told me that I wasn't welcome there? Update 1, I told my husband about the message his sister had sent to me and asked him if I should apologize to his family. He said absolutely not. In fact, he told me that he'd had enough of their behavior and thought that it would be best if we decided to cut them off entirely. This was a huge deal since his family relied on him a lot for money and stuff, especially my mother-in-law. My husband is relatively well off and runs his own

company, so cutting them off would mean that she'd have to rely on her other kids instead. Which was a problem as my husband's siblings were good for nothing and all switched jobs every few months. Truth be told, all of them were very dependent on him for money and stuff, so this was a huge decision. I tried to discourage him from doing so, but he was pretty adamant. I'm sure that there's something deeper at play here because, truth be told, I've always noticed that his family grew apart from him the longer we dated. By the time we were getting married, he was quite detached from his family. It wasn't his own fault since I remember him telling me several times that he would invite his family over for dinner while we were dating and even in

the initial stages of our marriage, but they'd always make up some excuse to avoid it. I was sure that I was part of the reason as well, and that was another factor that made me so desperate to build a relationship with my in-laws so that my husband could also reconnect with his family. I'm quite sure that there's something that my husband isn't telling me or hasn't told me because he's not the kind of person to simply abandon his family. He used to tell me earlier about how much family meant to him, and so this sudden decision, although fair in light of how my mother-in-law treated me a couple of days back, is very strange and out of character for him. I'm determined to get to the bottom of this because I don't want my husband to be miserable because of me or resent me in the future. I'm just hoping that he finally feels comfortable enough to tell me what made him take such a drastic measure now. Update 2. After a lot of pestering him, my husband finally opened up as to why he's cutting his family off after all these years.

I knew that his father had passed away when he was 21 and his siblings were all in school back then. His mother had never worked a day in her life, so naturally it was on him to get to work and be the breadwinner of the family since the money his dad had left them wouldn't be enough to cover it all. He worked hard day and night, and finally when he was about 23, he found some investors for his startup and things finally started looking up for him. He went from just getting by to flourishing, which was great for him, but it made his family immensely lazy and materialistic. Now that he was making more money, they started getting more and more dependent on him, but he didn't say anything about it or protest since he felt that he owed them this, as this is what his father would have wanted him to do. They also treated his girlfriends quite badly since they believed that having other people

in his life would distract him, and his sole aim should be to provide for his family. This is why when we met and it became clear that I wasn't someone they could just mistreat and drive away, since I was just that determined to be with my husband. They started getting annoyed by my very existence and tried to poison my husband against me. However, by then he'd had enough, and there was a lot of fighting and bickering while we were dating that happened behind my back, where his family wanted him to break up with me but he was intent on marrying me. Eventually they started distancing themselves from him in an attempt to guilt-trip him, but they still came to him for money. This tactic also failed to break us apart, and several

years later, here we are, still going strong. After the whole birthday fiasco, my husband told me that while his sister texted me to guilt-trip me, his mother had called him up to do the same to him and was trying to emotionally manipulate him into leaving me since I'd insulted her. That's why he decided that he'd had enough of this and it was time to let go. I'm still in shock that his family put him through all of this even though he was the one who's been supporting them throughout, and I pretty much lost any respect I ever had for them because they're just plain greedy. I'm really happy that I decided to stick it out with my husband despite his family's attempts to separate us and drive me away so they could hog his money. Truth be told, I don't care how much money he is because I love him for who he is, and his bank balance has nothing to do with it.

Now that I know the whole story, I'm surprised that he was able to put up with this and even keep it all a secret from me for so long to spare my feelings since I'd wanted to have a good bond with my in-laws. But he knew that was never going to happen. I think he's making the right decision now, and that his family deserves to get cut off. They're incredibly selfish and greedy and have no respect for the one man who had their back for so long against all odds. Update 3. Today my husband finally called his mother up and told her that he doesn't want to hear from her or his siblings unless they change their ways. They'll also have to find their own source of income since he isn't going to continue supporting them his entire life. just as I'd expected, this decision was met with uproar on their end. And I could hear my mother-in-law screaming at my husband even though his phone wasn't even on loudspeaker.

There was a pretty nasty argument that broke out between them. And since I was in the same room as my husband, I heard every single word of it. My mother-in-law obviously tried to blame me for this and said that I must have influenced his decision to cut them off somehow. She also accused me of trying to break their family apart and said that my husband's shouldn't let himself get manipulated by his wife again. The irony of her telling my husband to not allow himself to get manipulated was pretty funny to me. Obviously, my husband defended me to the best of his abilities and even told her that his siblings need to find decent jobs because they're all adults now, and it's pretty pathetic that they still

have to rely on him to provide for them. She started accusing my husband of letting the money and power of being in such a high-paying position get to his head, and that I was also probably encouraging him to cut his family off. which is why he was treating his own blood so cruelly. It was all classic manipulation and emotional blackmail to keep him under her thumb, but I wasn't going to let that happen anymore now that I knew what she and her other kids had been up to. When things started getting too heated and I could see my husband getting flustered and teary-eyed out of sheer frustration, I decided to intervene.

I told her that my husband's mind was made up, and if she and her kids didn't get in line soon, then they'd be losing my husband's support forever. Now the ball was in their court. They could either behave like decent human beings and respect me and my husband to continue being in our lives, or they could be the blood-sucking, materialistic assholes that they were and get cut out of my husband's life entirely. Having said that, I hung up and muted all notifications on my husband's phone so that he wouldn't have to deal with them for a while and had time to calm down. It's been an hour since the call ended, and we've kept our phones aside to watch a movie and keep ourselves distracted update for since harassing my husband and ruining his day wasn't enough, my mother-in-law decided to bother me

instead. After the movie ended, my husband decided to finish up some pending work, and I decided to check my phone. I had several missed calls from my mother-in-law and innumerable texts saying absolutely disgusting things to me that were full of curse words from my husband's siblings. I wasn't surprised in the least, though, since this is exactly what I had expected them to do. I just took screenshots of it all for later and ignored it. I continued to reply to work emails and stuff for the next 10 minutes, but that's when my mother-in-law called again and I accidentally ended up accepting the call. She then proceeded to say the nastiest things about me and my upbringing,

calling me a manipulative and selfish gold digger who was out to ruin my husband. I didn't even respond to any of her accusations and simply waited for her to be done with it. When she finally seemed to run out of steam, I told her, that everything that she accused me of doing was things that she herself was guilty of, so before pointing fingers, she should probably just introspect a little. I also told her that I was glad that my husband was finally getting rid of freeloaders like her and her other kids since they didn't deserve to even breathe the same air as he did. Then I hung up and blocked her and my husband's siblings everywhere that I possibly could so that they couldn't get to me anymore. It's just sad that

people are willing to stoop so low just to be able to avoid doing any work for themselves. I haven't told my husband about his mother calling me up yet because I just don't want to stress him out even more, but if this happens again, then I'll definitely be letting him know and ensuring that they're out of our lives forever. They have absolutely no right to disturb our peace in this manner. I don't know what they're going to do next, but I'm sure that my mother-in-law is definitely not going to stop until and unless we decide to take legal action against her or something. I'm praying that it doesn't have to come to that since that'll be a huge ordeal for my husband emotionally, But if it does, I'm ready to make sure that we see it through. They're not messing with my husband anymore, that's for sure. Update 5, almost two weeks have passed since the last update,

and so much has happened since then. After I blocked my mother-in-law, my husband and I had dinner and went off to sleep, hoping that there'd be some peace and quiet the next day. But the very next day, my mother-in-law showed up at our doorstep with her three grown children and demanded an explanation for everything that had been said and done so far. She looked pretty angry, and so did my husband's siblings, and I knew for a fact that this was going to be very stressful for my husband. I decided to stay in the room despite their protestations saying that I had no right to be there because this was a family issue and I'm not family. I let them know that they were intruding upon my privacy and were standing under my roof, so they had no right to tell me if I could stay or not.

Then they started verbally attacking my husband, bombarding him with accusations of being selfish and unreasonable, and even going to the extent of saying that he was abandoning his family just to keep his wife happy. My husband had stayed silent and was already looking pretty red in the face, so I knew that was my cue to take over since my husband is a really sensitive man, especially when it comes to his family and loved ones. I knew that he wouldn't be able to fight them and defend himself against their false accusations and manipulation because that's how soft-hearted and kind he was. While they were just using him for his money, he genuinely and truly did love his family.

So I told him to compose himself and told his family to leave because they were pissing me off and, more importantly, they were making my husband cry. My mother-in-law started arguing with me, saying that I don't get to push her around, especially in her son's house, and that she can stay for as long as she wants to. She still didn't stop speaking to my husband even though he looked pretty upset with everything. It was disgusting to see that she couldn't care less about her own son's feelings and what mattered to her most was the money. So she started telling him that she hadn't raised him like this and that she was disappointed that he was choosing his wife over his own family. His brother even said that the only duty he should be fulfilling was that of a son and a brother since I was a gold digger anyway and didn't deserve to have a husband like him in the first

place. That pissed me off and I lost my cool at that point. I snapped at him and told him exactly what I thought of the lot of them. They were all lazy, good-for-nothing idiots who were surviving solely on the kindness and generosity of my husband since they themselves were incapable of doing anything for themselves, and that they were pretty much the definition of gold diggers. Moreover, not only were they hovering around my husband constantly for money, but they also had the audacity to be so ungrateful and target him after all that he'd done for them.

They were stunned into being silent, and I could see that they were struggling to fight back but had nothing to say. Taking advantage of that, I told them to get out before I reported them to the cops for showing up uninvited and then refusing to leave. So they left, but my mother-in-law still believed that she could convince my husband to choose them over me, so she said that his father would be disappointed had he been alive to witness the way they'd been treated by their eldest son today. I thought it was really just low and disgusting to play that card constantly to emotionally blackmail my husband, and by the time they'd driven away, I could see that my husband was barely holding it

together. He started sobbing uncontrollably as soon as they left, and I had to spend hours calming him down. I felt terrible about this whole thing and wished that I'd never tried to throw my mother-in-law a birthday party in the first place at all. But then again, that was what had led to this can of worms being opened, and I'm grateful that this happened sooner rather than later. Anyway, after his family left, I blocked them everywhere from his phone and social media as well and made sure that they couldn't get to us online. After he had calmed down enough, I told him that it was about time that we started looking into lawyers because I was sure this wouldn't be the last that we would be hearing from his mother and siblings. He agreed with that because, as much

as he hated to admit it, he was well aware that his family was willing to go to any lengths to get some money out of him. So we started looking for family lawyers just to be on the safe side, and we were definitely right to have done that because within days of that fight. My mother-in-law sent us a legal notice demanding that he pay them an extravagant sum of money as compensation for stealing tons and tons of money from them after his father's death to start his business. It was appalling to me that she and her children were willing to lie about something so huge and defame my husband. He'd never taken a single dollar from whatever his father had left them but had only used money that he'd earned himself. He was completely self-made, and even claiming such a thing was an

insult to his integrity, and I was furious that they dared to propagate such a lie. Since my husband's company is a pretty big one, it got a lot of people talking as well, which did affect his business too, and that was dumb on their part. However, we were able to prove after almost two weeks that they were lying and not one word of their claims was true. So now they're the ones who have to pay us a huge fine for trying to defame us and jeopardize my husband's career. Last I heard, my mother-in-law and her kids had been ostracized by the rest of the family because of their nasty little stunt. and all three of those lazy idiots are scrambling to find jobs so that they can pay the bills that my husband has been taking care of so far. I'm glad that this is happening to them because they totally and absolutely deserve this. We can finally move past this whole episode and forget about them altogether.

My husband and I are a lot happier now, and I intend to keep it this way forever. I hope you enjoy this story. Arrived back home ahead of schedule to delight my partner with present. in honor of her recent employment achievement, only to hear her teasing my physique and intellect to her closest male companion. So I broke up with her and she ruined my entire house in revenge. Hello, everyone. I 33 am and my girlfriend Jenna 28F. We have been together for two years, a little over. I'm a veterinarian and we met at my office. She had just moved to the city and brought her dog in for an ear infection. We started talking in what should have been a 15-minute appointment turned into an hour-long talking session.

I've never been so smitten with a woman before. Before Jenna, I lived the Bachelor lifestyle. I was beginning to think I just stay single forever, even though that lifestyle of nothing but casual flings was growing really old and empty. Jenna is a charismatic woman with a lot of friends. Her best friend is a guy, Dylan, she knew in her old town. I trust Jenna, but I'd be bold-faced lying if I said that her relationship with him doesn't bother me at all. I don't get angry with her or fight about it. She's reassured me that they've been friends their whole lives and have never had any sexual relationship.

I'm secure and I'm not insane, so I accept that they are friends and have tried to buddy up with him as well. He has visited the city three times. He's a cool guy, however, he does not seem to like me much. Jenna says he's just protective. It comes off a whole lot more like jealousy than protectiveness, in my opinion. Jenna just finished up grad school this spring, but she's had a really tough time finding a job. We have lived together for a year and I've been understanding that she can't help pay rent, etc. right now. I'm very financially secure so it isn't an issue, however, I am careful to not become a reason for her to not get a job and have her own financial independence. I just

I just think it's important for everyone to have this sort of independence. So, without being pushy, I've let her know that she does need to start paying half of the expenses once she secures a job. Anyway, she texted me at work on Monday to tell me she got a job. It's a job she really, really wanted and had to go through some pretty grueling interviews to get. I was so happy and proud of her that I decided to leave the rest of the day at the office up to my staff and took off early without telling Jenna. I bought her favorite booze, grabbed a bunch of Chinese takeout, her favorite, and bought her flowers. I had bought her a nice necklace that she'd seen at a store a couple of weeks ago. Nothing super extravagant, but it has a shark on it and that woman is just obsessed with anything to do with sharks.

I'd hidden it in the basement and figured I'd give it to her soon, totally surprise her with tea once she'd forgotten about even seeing it in the store. I got home and came in the side entrance to the basement so I could grab the necklace and then surprise her. When I came up the basement steps and opened the door, I could hear her talking on the phone. Normally I wouldn't stop and listen, but I heard her laughing uncontrollably, like belly laughing. It was pretty cute so I figured I'd wait for her to get off the phone before I surprised her. She was talking to Dylan. Nothing new there, they talk at least once a week. Then I heard what they were laughing about.

It took me a few dull minutes to realize that she was laughing about our sex life. She said something about how no, he can't even compare to, XPF. XBF had at least three inches on him. I feel bad every time I eat a baby carrot around him because it must be traumatic to see me chomping down on something the same size as him. It would almost be cute if it didn't suck so much. His body is amazing as long as he keeps his boxers on. Lots of laughter. So look, I don't really give a crap what people on Reddit think about the,

erm, size of my member. But, I do think it's important to say that what she was making fun of wasn't even true. Which, in my opinion, makes it even more hurtful. I mean, I don't know about the XBF, maybe he was a horse, but I'm very average. Just good old-fashioned average. Not going to upsell myself here. It's nothing to write home about. But it's also not laughable.

I've never felt self-conscious, it is what it is. To hear her ripping me apart to this guy that she knows I have some concern about was just beyond hurtful. Hurtful doesn't cover it. She also made fun of me for being gorgeous but not super smart. Um... I'm actually highly educated. This isn't even remotely a concern of mine, I know I'm smart. Gorgeous and super smart with an average-sized penis, thanks very much.

I left after that. Did I throw the flowers out of my car window? Yes. Did I cry in a parking lot? Yes. I think she may have heard the basement door close, maybe she even saw my car driving away, because she started texting me pretty quickly after I left. Asking when I was coming home.

That was Monday and I haven't brought it up. I don't know how. I think I'm still processing everything. It's horribly embarrassing and hurtful. But... Damn, I love this girl. Not saying I'm going to forgive her necessarily, I just want to stress how hard this whole thing is for me.

I know I need to bring it up to her. But how? Any suggestions on how to start this conversation with her? I'm extremely hurt and I don't know if I can forgive her for this. Edit Wow, Hey, thanks everyone. I just wanted to add that I definitely will be breaking up with Jenna. I grabbed a beer with three of my friends tonight and told them. Their sentiments matched the majority of yours, dump her and do it quick.

I called my mom and told her about it. Yes, I told her everything, embarrassing as it was, we are pretty close and I wanted to tell her the whole story, and I've never heard her so angry about anything. She knew I'd bought a ring for Jenna. I will post an update after I do it, though it may take me a couple of days to post about it. I'm going to be pretty wrecked emotionally. Thanks again for all the comments slash messages of support and encouragement, I really didn't expect everyone to be rooting for me like this.

Update. Well, supportive Reddit Strangers, I stayed strong and broke up with Jenna Thursday evening. This has honestly been the most dramatic couple of days of my entire life. I am exhausted. Things got pretty ugly on her part. Sorry that this is so long, a lot happened. At the suggestion of my friends, mother, brother, and many of you, I talked to her in a private but still public place. The thought behind that was that someone who can be so cruel and reveal herself as a liar is potentially capable of trying to turn things around on me and say that she left her.

me because I hurt her or some other nonsense. I'd like to think she wouldn't do something like that, but who knows, especially after everything that has happened. Better safe than sorry. I thought about just boxing up her stuff and breaking things off with no explanation. But it has been over two years together, I decided the best thing to do is to confront her calmly and then hear her out. If she had an explanation, I wanted to hear it, even if it didn't change my decision to break up with her. So I took her to a wine bar in downtown that has those little individual booths with half curtains. She's been sugary sweet since Monday. Which tells me she either A, felt guilty about what a jerk she was, B, thought I might have hurt her, or C, she just knew I'd been

acting distant and was totally clueless as to why. So she dressed up really nice and, despite everything that has happened, I can admit that she looked stunning. She was also very very affectionate and kept making a lot of sexy comments about all the things she wanted to do to me later. Normally, my precious little baby carrot would have been thrilled by this, but given the circumstances, it was difficult to hear and act normal. I had rehearsed what I was going to say to her over and over so as soon as we sat down and got our wine, I started. I can't remember word for word, my adrenaline was kicked in pretty high gear so it feels fuzzy. I basically started by saying how much I've loved her, how she's the only woman that I've ever felt connected to so profoundly that I opened

myself up to her completely and trusted her. I told her that she's the only woman I've ever thought about marrying, that I've gone ring shopping for, I left out the part about how I already bought a ring, and that I've actually imagined having children within the next few years. She kept interrupting me to say, ah, or to tell me how much she loves me, too. Then I looked her in the eye and asked her point blank why, if she loved me so much. she horrendously made fun of me to Dylan. I have to say, the look on her face was a bit satisfying. As expected, she denied at first and acted like she had no idea what I was talking about. She said Dylan knows how much she loves me and that she's never made fun of me to him.

I kind of just looked at her and said something like, come on, Jenna. But she still denied even after I told her that I'd come home early on Monday and had hurt her. It was pretty frustrating but I kept my cool. I just told her that she and I both know she's lying and that the things she said were unforgivable and that I couldn't wrap my mind around why she would say things like that to anyone, let alone Dylan, especially because she was lying just to be able to rag on me. Still denied and acted like I was crazy, she said she loves me so much, that she's not dissatisfied with our sex life and would never say she was or complain about my size, and that she knows

how smart and sweet I am, that's why she loves me. If I hadn't heard what she said to Dylan myself, I would have believed her. She deserves an Oscar for that performance. Some commenters asked if I was sure she was talking about me when I overheard her. When she was talking about her XBF and his crackin of a dick, she said my name when she was making the comparison. I'm definitely sure that she was talking about me and that she was lying to my face about it. I told her that I would drive us home and she could grab the essentials she needed and her dog. My brother and his girlfriend would be at the house, too. I wanted to make sure there were other people there just to have witnesses that I let her

get her stuff and didn't do anything aggressive or destructive. I told her I'd pack the rest of her stuff up and leave it out for her to get whenever she could. She was in total disbelief that I was actually breaking up with her. She pleaded with me but my mind was slashes made up and I wasn't budging. It was hard not to cry in front of her, though, when she kept saying how much she wanted to be with me forever and that she had planned to be the mother of my children someday. I own my house and since Jenna hasn't helped with expenses by paying any rent or utilities, I wasn't too concerned about, putting it bluntly, kicking her out. She kept asking me what she was supposed to do and where was she supposed to sleep. I told her it wasn't really my problem anymore and that she has plenty of friends she can stay with until she gets her own place.

Basically all of the furniture and decor is mine, she just has clothes slash toiletry slash etc. To get out. All of the redecorating she did to my house was done on my dime. Then came the waterworks. She started crying and saying that she didn't understand how I could do this to her. She said she thought I was a nice guy about a million times. I told her I am a nice guy, which is why I didn't just throw her stuff on the front lawn, change the locks, and give her no explanation.

Then, I swear to you, this woman dug the knife in even deeper. She said she didn't know why she said those things to Dylan, she finally acknowledged it, and that maybe it's because Dylan brings out the best in her and she's able to laugh about things that would normally make her cry. I guess like my penis. I told her that it's really sad to me if what I heard was her at her best. It was petty and usually I'm above making snide comment. but I told her that she can go back to her hometown and go live with Dylan or her 9-inch dick ex-boyfriend.

It was amazing to watch how fast those tears disappeared. Apparently I am an asshole, I don't know how to treat women, I'm a loser, my penis is tiny, I'm going to be alone forever, she never really loved me and I was more like a friend but she didn't want to hurt me so she stayed with me, makes a lot of sense. She would have said no if I proposed, again, I am a loser and an asshole, and a in case I didn't get it the first time. She meant it when she said my penis was a baby carrot. Oh, and I will die alone.

I told her dying alone is preferred to dying married to a woman who is cruel and doesn't love or respect me. No joke, she started to scream. Not words, just a long, extremely loud scream. It was alarming and then she just booked it out of there after calling me a disgusting pig. After paying the bill and apologizing to the waiter about the drama, I left and Jenna was just standing outside crying. I know what she did was horrible and all the things she said just a few minutes earlier were

horrible, but I still didn't like seeing her like that and didn't want to just leave her on the sidewalk. I'm in New England, it's already pretty cold here. So I told her to let me give her a ride back to the house so she could get her stuff but that she needed to leave and go stay somewhere else as soon as she packed a bag. She agreed and we didn't talk at all in the car. Talk about an awkward ride. My brother and his wife were at the house when we got there.

His wife stayed inside while Jenna got some stuff together and my brother waited outside with me. That went by pretty uneventfully and she had a girlfriend come pick her up. I got my key back from her before she left. She texted me throughout the night and the texts ranged from sorry to sad to angry to really angry and back again. I didn't answer any of them and only texted her yesterday morning to tell her that her stuff was on the porch and that she should come pick it up while I'm at work. I didn't hear from her all day until it was almost time for me to go home. Pretty nasty text wishing me about every ill you can wish a person. I didn't answer. Well, I came home to a

disaster zone. She smashed everything. I don't know if she had made a spare key at some point that I was unaware of or if she knows how to pick locks, but she got into the house somehow and she destroyed it. She smashed stuff that's irreplaceable, she ripped up the furniture, she clogged two sinks and left the water running, she left my refrigerator open and threw food all over the kitchen. It was wrecked. The only considerate thing she did was lock my two dogs up in a bedroom, I guess so they didn't cut themselves on glass or eat the food. I have two vehicles, one for everyday use and then an SUV for work. I use the SUV for when I make house calls

and may have to bring a large or exotic animal into the vehicle to transport it to the clinic. In the middle of all the drama, I'd forgotten I'd given her a key to the SUV in case she ever had an emergency and needed to drive somewhere. I went out to check the car and she trashed the inside of it too.

She dumped flour all over the inside in addition to tomato soup. The stuff is just stuff, I suppose. It's more the fact that she could do something so childish and awful on top of everything else. It blows my mind. Last weekend I took her to a play, went out with her and friends, we played Monopoly one night and made up our own drinking game with it, we hung out and watched Netflix, made love several times.

And this weekend my house and vehicle are destroyed and so am I, amazing how fast things change. Not my finest moment, but I was so pissed off that I got right on to Costco's instant delivery and ordered 25 pounds bags of baby carrots and had them shipped to her friend's place, addressed to Jenna. 100 pounds of baby carrots. They deliver within an hour. I got a slew of interesting and insulting texts from her that evening. Yes, it was petty, but the only regret I have about it is that it was a waste of food. Hopefully she donates them or cooks some of them or something. So, that's that. I blocked her last night after the nasty texts from her just kept coming. I'm feeling pretty beaten down right now and I've cried more than I have in a long time.

It's obvious that I made the right choice. Jenna is clearly not emotionally stable or mature. She really is cruel and I know I do deserve better. I have spent a lot of time since Monday thinking, about myself as a partner and trying to figure out what could have led to her obviously having some resentment or something for me. I'm going to be 100% honest here. I work a lot. I try to still make time for the people I love and I try not to bring work home with me when I've had a bad day. But sometimes I do. I know this. Jenna and I have fought about it before and I have really tried to

pace my days a certain way so that I can get home at a reasonable time and I've tried to leave bad days at work as much as I can. However, anyone who is a vet or has worked with one knows we're always on call for emergencies. Sometimes we have patience that we have to check on or stay with throughout the night. Time off can be challenging. It's doable, but it's challenging. My staff is incredible and can handle most situations, but I do still get a lot of calls or texts from them when I'm on vacation or off for the day. I'm sure there have been times when Jenna felt second best to my job. Well, I guess I know there have been, she's told me as much in the past. I did try to make changes but there's only so much I can do. As far as I can remember, I've

never been purposely mean to Jenna. I've had bad days and been grumpy or absent. We've had our share of disagreements and fights but nothing unhealthy or excessive. I really thought we had a solid relationship and that we were both happy. I know I was. It's hard to not question myself and wonder if I really am a let down or if I neglected her to the point that she felt unloved enough to act the way she did. I don't know, but I do know that no matter what, the way she put me down and the way she reacted to breaking up was way, way out of line. I didn't deserve that and that's on her. So thank you for rooting for me, Reddit. It's been great to read all the nice words and advice.

time for me and my baby carrot to eventually find a woman who appreciates us for what we are. Edit, I did file a police report and took pictures, which will hopefully help with recouping some of the money lost through insurance. As far as the police report, it's very doubtful anything will come of it since I can't prove it was her. Same goes for trying to sue her in small claims court. And honestly, I'd rather not deal with her anymore. I'm going to hope that insurance will cover the damages and just move on with my life.

I hope you enjoy this story. Arrived back sooner than expected and discovered my partner enjoying themselves with a university student, so I confronted him and now I'm dealing with accusations of aggression that might lead to incarceration, meanwhile she taking zero responsibility for cheating on me. I, 28M, just had the absolute worst day of my life. I've been with my girlfriend, 26F, for three years. We lived together in a small two-bedroom apartment that we both considered our home. I came home early from work, I had a terrible headache and decided to leave around lunchtime,

and walked into something I never expected in a million years. I opened our bedroom door and found my girlfriend having sex with some 19-year-old guy in our bed. They were literally in the middle of it. I can't get that image out of my head. They both froze when they saw me. She scrambled off of him, and he was just lying there, half naked and in shock. For a second I just froze, completely in shock. She started stammering, wait, it's not what it looks like, it's just physical, it doesn't

mean anything. As if that made it okay. That snapped me out of it. I saw red and completely lost it. I don't remember the exact sequence of events. Everything is a blur of shouting and rage. I know I flew with the kid and started swinging. I'm not a small guy, and I was beyond furious.

I punched him in the face and he fell off the bed. I vaguely recall my girlfriend screaming at me to stop and grabbing at my arm, and I think I shoved her away. The kid tried to scramble up, probably to get away, but I tackled him and kept hitting him. I hit him over and over until he stopped even trying to fight back. and just curled up on the floor. I only stopped when I realized he was basically unconscious and covered in blood. I had beaten him unconscious on our bedroom floor. Everything after that felt

unreal. My girlfriend was hysterical, screaming and crying. I was standing there heaving for breath, my knuckles bloody, looking down at this half-conscious college kid on our carpet. I suddenly realized, oh my God, what have I done? Next thing I knew, the police were at our door. Our downstairs neighbor heard the commotion and called 911. The cops burst in, pulled me off the kid, I had already stopped by then, but I guess I was still hovering over him in a rage. They slammed me against the wall, cuffed me, and arrested me on the spot.

I didn't fight them. I think I was in shock at that point, processing both the betrayal I'd walked in on and the fact that I'd completely lost control and brutalized someone. They hauled me out of my own apartment in handcuffs while paramedics tended to the kid. My girlfriend was freaking out, yelling that I was a psycho and a violent monster as I was led away. I spent the next two nights in jail. That phrase is something I never thought I'd say about myself, spent two nights in jail. But there I was, in a cell with a bunch of other guys, replaying what happened over and over and wondering how my life imploded in the span of an afternoon.

The official charge I'm facing is aggravated assault, with significant bodily harm. The kid I beat up ended up with a concussion and a nasty gash on his head that needed stitches. Apparently when I tackled him, his head hit the nightstand or floor in addition to the punches I landed. So yeah, serious injuries. After those two miserable nights in a holding cell, I got released on bail. My dad came and bailed me out. He was furious, I've never seen that look on his face before. Writing home with him from the jail in silence was one of the lowest moments of my life.

Now that I'm out, reality is setting in heart. I'm facing felony charges for the assault. My lawyer, yep, had to hire a criminal defense attorney immediately, says that if I'm convicted as charged, I could be looking at two to five years in prison. Prison, over this, because I lost my temper for maybe 30 seconds and beat someone up. It doesn't matter that I was provoked by finding my girlfriend cheating, legally that doesn't justify assault. The guy I beat was unarmed, and I was essentially the aggressor.

There's no self-defense argument or anything here. I just snapped. And now I might seriously pay for it. As if the legal part isn't enough, my now ex-girlfriend has been in. incredibly cold about all of this. She's been staying at her sister since the incident. Obviously she didn't stick around the apartment after I got arrested. I managed to call her once after I got out on bail, more to ask why and what the hell she was thinking. That went about as poorly as you'd expect. She basically bit my head off, calling me a violent maniac and saying I was

lucky I didn't kill the kid. She kept saying it was just physical, it didn't mean anything and that I had no right to react the way I did. That line, it didn't mean anything, just keeps ringing in my head. To her, maybe screwing some teenager in our bed was trivial. But to me, it was everything. I loved her, I trusted her, and she blew up our life together for nothing. Just sex. I told her never to come back, and she told me I need therapy and hung up on me. That was that. Three years together, now we're just, done. In the worst, ugliest way possible. She's shown zero remorse for cheating. The only thing she's upset about is that I attacked the guy. In her eyes I'm the bad guy, and okay, I am a bad guy for what I did to him, I won't deny that. But it's like she's

completely minimizing what she did that led up to it. On top of all this, the kids' parents are furious and threatening to sue me. I haven't spoken to them directly. and I probably shouldn't, but I heard from the police and through my lawyer that the family is considering a civil lawsuit to make me pay for the medical bills and emotional distress or whatever. Because apparently a criminal case ruining my life isn't enough, they might also come for whatever money I have. Which, let me tell you, isn't much. I'm 28 and don't exactly have a hefty bank account, I understand they're angry, if someone beat my son unconscious, I'd want to skin them alive, so I don't begrudge them that.

It's just another thing to worry about. I could end up both a convicted felon and financially wrecked if they go after me and win. And yeah, there's more, this whole mess has basically torpedoed my career. Word got around about my arrest, it was in the local news blotter and it's a small community. My boss found out almost immediately. I got a call from HR saying I'm being put on unpaid administrative leave while they investigate the situation. That's pretty much a formality before they fire me, I suspect. I work, well, worked, in a field where a clean record and good judgment are kind of important.

Hard to convince your employer you're a reliable guy after you make the news for a violent assault. So I'm expecting to lose my job any day now. In fact, even if by some miracle I avoid jail and felony conviction, this whole thing is going to make employment anywhere a nightmare. Who wants to employ someone with anger issues who might flip out and cause trouble? It doesn't end there, my landlord is also on my case. The apartment management sent me a notice citing the police incident as a violation of my lease. They basically hinted that I'm not welcome to renew when the time comes, and that if there's any further disturbance they'll evict me outright.

So I might end up having to move out on top of everything else. I don't exactly have the cash to move right now or break my lease, but given everything, I might not have a choice. The neighbors all saw me being dragged out in cuffs. I doubt I'll get any friendly smiles in the hallway anymore. So to sum it up, I walked in on the woman I loved cheating on me in our home, I snapped and attacked the guy, and now my entire life is in shambles. I'm facing criminal charges that could literally send me to prison and definitely will give me a record. I'm likely losing my job, already on leave, firing seems imminent. My girlfriend, now X, is vilifying me and taking zero responsibility for her role in this.

The guy's family might sue me into bankruptcy. My own family is horribly disappointed in me, my mom cried on the phone saying, This isn't the son I raised, and my dad can barely speak to me right now. I'm probably going to have to move out of my apartment. And on top of it all, I'm trying, and failing, to process the betrayal and humiliation of catching my partner in the act. I feel completely lost and overwhelmed. I'm angry, I'm heartbroken, I'm terrified of the legal consequences, I'm a mess. I know I did this to myself by resorting to violence, and I have to face that.

But damn, I just. I never imagined my life could blow up like this in the span of a single afternoon. I don't know how to cope with the legal stuff and the emotional fallout from the cheating. I keep alternating between thinking how could she do this to me? And how could I screw up so badly and ruin my own life? If anyone has advice on how the hell to handle this, the legal maze, the emotional trauma, any of it, I'm all ears. I never thought I'd be that guy on the internet saying my girlfriend cheated and I beat someone up and now my life is ruined. But here I am.

I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know what to do. Update 1. First off, thanks to everyone who commented on my original post, I wasn't able to reply to many, but I read a lot of your responses. Ex-girlfriend news, she still hold up at her sister's house and refuses to talk to me, not that I have any burning desire to talk to her at this point. I did try calling her once, just out of sheer frustration slash need for answers, but that was a mistake. She picked up and immediately started screaming at me, calling me a violent effing monster and saying she's terrified of me.

Basically, she's rewritten the whole narrative so that my one act of violence is the only issue, and her cheating is irrelevant. She told me to never contact her again and hung up. So, that bridge is thoroughly burned. She's telling anyone who will listen that she's the victim of an abusive man, meaning me. I doubt she mentions the part about her banging a teenager in my bed as context. Whatever. I'm done trying with her. At this point I feel more rage and disgust toward her than anything else.

Any sadness or heartbreak is buried under pure anger at her utter lack of remorse or accountability. The 19-year-old's condition. Through my lawyer, I got some details on the kid's injuries, from hospital reports and such. The kid ended up needing 12 stitches on his face slash scalp and had a pretty serious concussion. I apparently busted his eyebrow area open, hence the stitches, and knocked him out cold. He's lucky I didn't cause a more severe brain injury. Frankly, I'm lucky I didn't kill him, because if he'd died or had permanent damage, I'd be an even deeper shit. I'm not a violent guy normally, I've never been in a real fight before.

The fact that I had that in me, to hurt someone so badly, makes me feel sick. I can't sleep at night without seeing the blood on the floor flash in my mind. I know he's just a kid, yes, an adult technically, but barely. I hate that I did that to him. I hope he recovers fully. And that's not me trying to look good or anything, I genuinely mean it. He didn't deserve that, no matter how pissed I was. His parents, unsurprisingly, are out for my blood.

They've hired a lawyer, a civil attorney. I got a letter forwarded to me, via my lawyer, basically demanding that I pay for all of the kids' medical expenses and also some additional amount for pain and suffering, or else they'll file a civil suit. So it looks like I'm very likely going to be dragged into court on the civil side of things too, unless by some miracle we settle. My lawyer says we might try to negotiate a settlement to keep it out of court, but either way, I'm probably on the hook for a lot of money.

The medical bills alone are already in the thousands, I heard around $8,000 so far, and that could increase with follow-ups or therapy for him. I don't have $8,000, especially not now that my income is cut off. This is a freaking nightmare. Criminal case update, I'm still out on bail, thank God. I had an initial hearing where I formally heard the charges and pleaded not guilty for now. standard procedure. My lawyer has been frank with me, if this goes to trial and I get convicted on the felony assault, I'm likely looking at a multi-year prison sentence. He said probably on

the lower end, maybe two years, since I have no prior record, but still. That's prison time. He also mentioned the DA might offer a plea deal to avoid trial, but we haven't gotten one yet. Honestly, I'm so beaten down that if they offer to reduce it to a misdemeanor with no jail, I'd probably jump at it. But I don't know if that's in the cards. For now, it's a waiting game, court dates, meetings, evidence gathering, etc. It's super stressful. I wake up every day with this weight on my chest knowing I have a felony charge hanging over my head. Work and job status, my boss, well, former boss now, called me and, in a very HR scripted way, informed me that the company has decided to terminate my employment. It's pending an official HR review, but essentially I'm done.

They cited the arrest and the potential felony and some morality clause in my contract. I saw it coming, but it still made me feel sick to officially hear you're fired. Five years at that company, and now I'm out in disgrace. They're sending my final paycheck in a letter confirming the termination for cause. So yeah, I have no job and no income now. I already was barely scraping by after posting bail and paying the lawyer or retainer. This is devastating financially. I might have to move back in with my parents if I can't pay rent, assuming I'm even allowed to stay in the apartment, given the landlord's stance.

I've started looking for any kind of gig work or something just to bring in a few bucks, but let's be real, in our small community, everyone has heard what happened. Who's going to hire me? Even if they haven't heard, as soon as I mark yes on have you ever been arrested slash convicted? On applications, my phone's not going to ring. I'm effectively unemployed indefinitely now. Home situation, apartment, my landlord is still sniffing around for a reason to kick me out. I got a formal notice warning me that any illegal activity or disturbances violate my lease.

No kidding. It's basically a paper trail so they can evict me if they can evict me if they're not. they want. I haven't had any further incidents, obviously, but I'm sure me being arrested on the premises is enough justification for them if they push it. I spoke briefly to the landlord and tried to explain. He gave me a lot of corporate talk about creating an unsafe environment for other tenants. So I'm not optimistic I can stay long term. Honestly, with no job and possibly no income, I may not be able to afford it anyway. Part of me is tempted to just cover. my losses and move out to avoid the eviction on my record too. But one disaster at a time. New

discoveries, she cheated before this part. It just adds insult to injury. So, my ex left a bunch of her stuff at the apartment when she ran off, including her laptop. In all the chaos, her laptop ended up in my hands. She stupidly had no password. In my emotional state, I snooped. I'll admit it. And I found out that what I walked in on wasn't a one-off. She had been cheating on me for months with not just the 19-year-old but at least one other guy as well. Her emails and messages were a treasure trove of infidelity. From what I can tell, she started hooking up with this college kid about three months ago. There were flirty chats, nudes, the whole thing, going back a while.

They did it at his dorm, in his car, and apparently in our apartment at least at one time, maybe more. more when I wasn't around. And then there's mention of another guy, someone closer to her age, an old friend from work, that she had at least a fling with. It's all there in her messages, talking about meeting up, making excuses to me about going out with the girls, even laughing with her friend about how I was clueless. Reading those messages made me want to throw up. I felt like such an idiot. For three years I was faithful to her, and apparently for a good chunk of the last year, I was just a chump providing her a house and stability while she fooled around. One particular message that hit me hard was her telling a friend something like,

I do love, me, in my own way, but I'm not in love and a girl's got needs, L.O.L. She actually wrote that. A girl's got needs. And her friend was just like, ha-ha, you go girl. I know I shouldn't focus on this now, I have bigger problems, but man, it crushed me. I haven't even had time or mental space to feel the betrayal properly because the legal shit is so pressing. But in quiet moments, it sneaks in and I feel this deep hurt and humiliation. She was using me. She really was. All those nights I was working later out of town for a work, she was probably out screwing around. And I was clueless, trusting like an absolute fool. I confronted her, probably stupid, but I shot off an angry text basically saying I found

everything on her laptop. She didn't respond to the cheating accusations directly, she just replied, you have some nerve trying to play victim after what you did. Lose my number, Psycho. She's effectively erased anything good we had and is focusing solely on my violence. In her narrative, I'm 100% the villain, and she was already checked out of the relationship anyway so, so. So, somehow that justifies everything. I can't even properly argue with her or anything because, truthfully, I've given her the ultimate ammo against me. So yeah, that's where I'm at. My life is a complete dumpster fire. I'm out on bail awaiting what could be a life-ruining trial, likely about to be bankrupt from legal fees and settlements, jobless, possibly soon homeless,

abandoned by many so-called friends, some have understandably distanced themselves after hearing I went all UFC on a teenager, and now I've learned a woman I loved was betraying me repeatedly for months. It's a lot. It's too much, honestly. I'm trying to take things day by day. One day I called a crisis hotline just to talk, because I was in such a dark place. It helped a little, I won't lie. I'm also considering seeing a therapist, if I can find a free-slash-cheap resource. No insurance I need to get my head on straight to deal with all this. At this point, my goals are just, stay out of prison, somehow not go completely broke, and get through each day without doing anything stupid. The anger I felt initially has somewhat subsided, or maybe I'm just exhausted.

Now I'm mostly feeling fear and depression. But I'm keeping on. I have two. I'll update again if something major happens, thanks to those. who offered advice and tough love. I know I royally screwed up, trust me, I'm facing the consequences, and I'm trying to hold it together and make it through this with at least a tiny shred of my life intact. Update 2. A few weeks have passed, and there's been some movement in my situation, some good, some bad, plea bargain on the table, the district attorney finally

offered a plea deal. They're willing to drop the charge down from felony aggravated assault to a misdemeanor assault if I plead guilty. The proposed sentence is 18 months probation, plus mandatory anger management classes and some community service hours. Essentially, no jail time, but I'd have a criminal conviction, misdemeanor, on my record. My lawyer went over it with me. On paper, it's actually a pretty merciful deal considering how badly I injured the kid. The DA likely knows my lack of priors and maybe doesn't want to risk a trial either.

My lawyer had mixed feelings, he thinks we might be able to bargain it down a bit more, maybe less probation time or something, but he also acknowledges that taking this deal would eliminate the risk of a felony in jail. He left it up to me, but advised that if I can't emotionally or financially handle a protracted fight, this deal is a safe way out. And honestly, I think I'm going to take it. I haven't officially signed anything yet, but I told my lawyer to inform the DA that I'm inclined to accept. The thought of having this over and not waking up every day terrified of prison sounds like heaven. Yes, I'll be on probation and have to do a bunch of crap, and the assault will still be on my record, albeit as a misdemeanor, but that's a hell of a lot better than being a felon behind bars. My court date to finalize this should be coming up soon. I'm nervous but also eager to get it over with.

Civil suit developments The kids' parents, through their lawyer, have been put. pushing hard on the civil front. My lawyer had a meeting with them, without me present, to discuss a possible settlement to avoid a lawsuit. After some negotiation, it looks like we reached an agreement, I will pay $5,000 to cover the kids' medical bills and some extra damages, and in exchange they will not pursue further legal action against me. They initially wanted the full $8,000 plus more for pain and suffering, but my lawyer, bless him, convinced them that squeezing blood from a stone is pointless, I'm broke and about to be more broke. We argued that

$5,000, which basically covers the direct medical costs that their insurance didn't, is the best they'll realistically get without dragging this out for years. They accept it. I think the parents are just tired and want to put this behind them too. Maybe they also see that I'm facing consequences via the criminal case and that I'm not some rich guy with deep pockets. So, I have a seven agreement drafted. Of course, I now need to come up with $5,000. Which is laughable given my current finances. My brother, who was furious with me at first but has cooled down, agreed to loan me $2,000. I have about $1,000 left in savings, that I hadn't already given to lawyers. And my parents said they'd help with the rest, though it's a strain on them. I hate taking money from family,

but I'm in no position to refuse. The agreement is I will pay the $5,000 in installments over the next six months. It's going to be super tight, but at least there's an end in sight and this will make the civil side go away. Knowing I won't have a lawsuit hanging over me is a relief. One less thing to worry about. My ex, let's just call her that now, because that's what she is, finally came to get the rest of her stuff from the apartment. She coordinated with me to come on a Saturday afternoon with her brother and sister as backup. Fine by me, I preferred not to deal with her alone anyway.

When they showed up, I just stayed out of the way in the living room while her siblings packed up her clothes, personal items, etc. I was intentionally trying not to engage. But as she was about to leave, I couldn't hold my tongue. I said, very calmly, I hope it was worth it. She knew exactly what I meant. Boy, did that set her off. She launched into a tirade.

She basically yelled that she never loved me the way I loved her, that I had been convenient and comfortable but I wasn't fulfilling, whatever that means. She outright admitted that she used me for financial security and slept with others because I didn't have what she needed. It was brutal. Her own sister was like, whoa, that's harsh, but she kept going. She said I was boring, that our relationship had been dead for her for over a year and she only stayed because she liked the stability. I just sat there and took it, I didn't respond, didn't yell. What could I say?

In her mind, none of this is her fault. She even had the gall to sneer, enjoy probation, you psycho, as she walked out the door with the last box. Her brother kind of muttered sorry, man to me on his way out, which was unexpected. And then they were gone. After they left, I admit I broke down. I punched a wall, yes I know, not smart given my situation, one of my knuckles is still swollen, and then just cried. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I think that's the first time I actually cried since this whole thing started. It was like everything, the anger, the betrayal, the stress, just culminated at that moment. I allowed myself that emotional release for a

an hour or so, then pulled myself together. I realize now that any love I had for her is completely gone and buried under all the hurt. The person I thought I was with doesn't exist. The real her is someone I never want to see or hear from again. No change on the job front, I'm still unemployed. With the plea deal likely going through, I'm going to have assault conviction on my record, even if misdemeanor, which is not exactly a gold star for employment. I've been looking at the at day labor and gig work to at least have some income. A buddy of mine does home renovations and said he could throw some odd painting slash drywall gigs my way for cash. I'll take anything, also, given I'll have to do community service as part of probation, likely that might actually

help occupy my time in a productive way. I'm trying to view it as positively as possible. Maybe I can network or learn something while picking up trash on the highway or whatever they have me do. Who knows? As for the apartment, I'm going to move out. I decided it's for the best. The lease is up in two months, and I've already told the landlord I won't renew. He was actually relieved he didn't want to evict me if he didn't have to. I'm going to move back in with my parents for a bit, swallowing my pride and all that. At 28, that feels awful, but realistically, I can't afford this place alone now and it holds nothing but bad memory. anyway. Mom and dad surprisingly welcomed me back. I think they're just happy I'm not going to jail and I'm getting help in their eyes, probation and classes equals help. It might be good to be around family for a while anyway, given my mental state hasn't been the best. So, where does that leave me? If all goes according to plan, in a couple weeks I'll appear in court, plead guilty to misdemeanor assault, and walk out with probation, community service, and an or

order to attend anger management. I'll then officially be a convicted criminal, which sucks, but it's my bet and I'll lie in it. Emotionally, I'm managing. Some days I'm really low, some days I feel almost normal. I've been keeping mostly to myself. A couple of friends stuck by me, one comes over once a week to watch a game and have a beer, that's been therapeutic, just feeling a bit normal. Other friends have ghosted, I don't blame them. My reputation around town is pretty trashed. I'm that guy now. But with the legal side nearing resolution, I'm hopeful I can slowly rebuild.

It might be in a different town or after a lot of time, but I have to believe I can come back from this. I'm not the first guy to lose it in a moment of blind rage and regret it. It happens, not an excuse, but I'll spend years proving that one terrible action doesn't define me entirely. I know a lot of commenters had, justified, harsh words for me initially. I deserved it. I hope those who were worried I'd get off Scott Free C. that I am facing consequences and I've accepted them. The cheater got away in a sense, no legal troubles for her, but life has a funny way of

evening to score sometimes. I likely won't update again until I'm well into probation and such. Hopefully there won't be much to say except I'm doing the work and staying out of trouble. My plan is to keep my head down, comply with all the court requirements, get through the 18 months without a hitch, and then maybe look into expungement down the line if possible. And also, never get involved with someone like my ex ever again. I think I'll be doing a very thorough vetting of any future partner, trust issues will be real for a while. I want to say thanks to those who gave advice and even those who criticized me, I needed to hear all of it.

This whole ordeal has been the toughest lesson of my life. If you're still reading this saga, I appreciate you following along. Hopefully the next time I talk about this, it'll be something like, hey, I got through probation and life is looking a little better now. Small gossip update, I heard through acquaintance that my ex's other guy, who was apparently older and was separated from his wife turned out to be an even bigger piece of crap. Word is that guy was actually still fully married, and when my ex found out, there was drama and he basically kicked her out to save his marriage. So she's now couch hopping between friends slash sister places. Oh, and rumor has it she's pregnant, not sure if it's true, but if it is, yikes.

Could be that guys, could be someone else's. I didn't bother to verify this info, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't give me a grim sense of satisfaction for a minute. It's like, while my life is in ruins, at least hers isn't sunshine and rainbows either. I know it's petty, but at this point I'll take any feeling of cosmic justice I can get. Update 3. I'm checking back in about four months later with what will probably be the final update on this whole mess. I took the plea deal, as planned, I went to court and formally pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault.

The judge accepted the plea agreement. I was sentenced to 18 months of probation, 100 hours of community service, and I must complete an anger management program. The one I found is a 26-week course. I also have to pay some probation fees and a $500 fine. No jail time beyond the two nights I already served. When the judge banged the gavel, I can't even describe the relief I felt. I walked out of that courtroom with no looming threat of prison. Yes, I'm on probation and if I screw up I'll land in jail, but trust me, I'm following every rule to the letter.

My lawyer told me, this is a second chance. Don't waste it. And I intend not to. Life on probation, so far, it's been okay. I have a probation officer I meet twice a month. We mostly go over my job search status, verify I'm attending the anger management classes, and discuss my community service progress. It's a bit degrading to have someone checking up on you like you're a child, but I get it, I brought this on myself. My PO is actually a decent guy, younger than I expected.

He told me straight, if you do what you're supposed to, you'll be done with me before you know it. He even said he's seen plenty of guys in worse situations turn things around, which was oddly encouraging. Community service, they've got me working at a local food bank and doing some parked cleanups on weekends. I've logged about 40 hours out of 100 so far. Honestly, it's not bad. Physical work keeps me busy and I feel like I'm doing something vaguely positive for the community I disrupted. Anger management, I'm about halfway through the 26-week program. It's a weekly group session with a counselor. At first, I was skeptical and felt out of place. But I'll admit, it's been helping. As I mentioned before, I moved back in with my

parents and my uncle gave me a job opportunity. I've been working with his construction crew basically as a general laborer. The pay is under the table and not great, but it's work. We're renovating an old office building currently, I do demolition, carry stuff, clean up, simple tasks. It's honest work and it's keeping me physically active and tired, which helps with sleep. My uncle has been a solid support. He doesn't sugarcoat things, he told me I screwed up royally, but he's also like, keep your head down, work hard, and this will just be a chapter in your life, not the whole story. I'm trying to follow that advice. Working construction has actually introduced me to a couple of guys who, funny enough, also have passed they're not proud of. One of the foreman did time in his

20s for a DUI crash. No one was killed, thankfully, but it messed up his life for a while. He's in his 40s now, totally stable and doing well. He shared some of his story with me one day on break, basically to say you're not the first to mess up, and you can climb out of it. Hearing that meant a lot. It's one thing for Internet strangers to reassure you, but seeing a living example of someone who rebounded, that hit home. A lot of friends I thought would be around are just gone. They slowly stopped texting back or making excuses not to hang out. I don't blame them entirely, I became kind of a recluse for a while too, so it was a two-way street. However, a few have stuck it out. My best friend since high school has been coming around every week or so.

He never condoned what I did, but he also said he understands how I snapped in the moment. He was cheated on in the past but handled it better than he's been supportive, he dragged me out to a movie last week, which was the first time I did something fun and I don't know how long. It felt good, like old times for a couple hours. So, I know people are curious about this. Last I heard through the people, my ex had her baby. Yes, it was indeed a pregnancy and she carried to term. I don't know nor care who the father is, could be the married guy, could be someone else in time. entirely. Word is the married guy didn't leave his wife, shocker, and wants nothing to do with my ex or the baby. So she's basically a single mom living back at her parents' house. I want to close this by thanking everyone who gave me a reality check when I needed it. Some of those responses were brutally honest and it sucked to read at the time, but they did help me reflect. And to those who offered encouragement and shared similar stories, you gave me hope that this didn't have to be the end of my story. This will likely be my last update. There's not much more to say,

the rest is just grinding through probation and continuing to better myself. And I intend to do just that. I hope you enjoy this story. Became pregnant while in a casual arrangement and had no desire for children, but his relatives pushed me to have the baby. Now I struggle to feel any affection for my daughter and want to give up my parental rights. I know that this will make me seem bad in all, but above all I really just need a place to vent. I can't talk about it with my friends or family nor do I really want to. I'm 27 and I've had a FWB situation with a guy I went to college with. Let's call him Mark. We were both young and not ready for a relationship. Then I got pregnant. I told Mark about it since I wanted to discuss our options.

abortion, adoption, or even giving him custody if he wanted to. I never wanted kids, so I'd be fine with any compromise. However, Mark didn't take it well. I remember him insisting we could make it work, especially since we were both in our last year old college. He wanted to get married and for us to be a family. I refused. He got his family involved. They called and texted me all the time, even showing up at my part-time job. I know I have no one to blame but myself, but I gave up. I had too many things going on at that time like the loss of my mother, the stress with the rest of the family and some stuff going on with my best friend that I won't get into. I remember feeling horrible, but I relented and agreed to keep the baby although I still refused to get married to

Mark. Now we have a five-year-old daughter together. I'm a mess. I never wanted kids and although I'm trying, I can't feel any motherly love for her. What makes it worse is that she's genuinely a good kid. She doesn't throw much tantrums, she's always kind and she doesn't expect much. I feel guilty for hating her. I feel bad all the time. I only get to have her on the weekends and Mark has her every other day,

but that doesn't make me feel better. She talks about wanting to see me and her dad together, but I just can't. I screamed at her once when she drew a little picture of me and Mark holding hands. I apologized after, but I still felt so guilty. I don't know what I'm doing. I just needed to write everything down and get it off my chest. I know I'm a bad mother, I know it. But I don't know how to be better. I don't even know if I want to be better. I just want to give up my parental rights, but even the thought makes me feel even worse. I'm stuck in a hell of my own

making. I know I should have fought harder and probably just aboard her. Damn me for being weak, I guess. Update 1. Some things have happened and I need to write them down, maybe even get some insight. I'll call my daughter Abby for the sake of this post. I ended up telling Mark about my desire to change the custody arrangement and maybe even removing my parental rights. Many people here agreed that it's the best choice, both for me and for Abby. He didn't take it well and actually. He didn't take it well and actually texted me about it through the week. He insisted we could work out whatever was bothering me. We agreed a while ago that texting is okay, but calls are for emergencies only. So when he called me on Friday evening and pleaded with me to come see Abby,

I agreed. This is what I really need to talk about. I've seen Abby cry before, but this was something else. She had a complete meltdown, screaming and crying once I got there. She just clung to my leg and screamed at me not to leave her, why did I want to leave her, what did she do wrong? I cried. I was honestly horrified with how badly she reacted. Mark's mom ended up telling Abby that I was planning on leaving her and she's not going to go to my house this weekend. I had to take Abby to my place sooner than expected and Mark actually spent the night over as well. He said he's too concerned with Abby and with me to leave us alone. I'm completely lost. Even with the way I said that I want to give up my parental rights, I just can't do it now.

The image of Abby crying and pleading with me not to leave is just stuck in my mind. I feel hopeless about the entire situation. Currently, I'm laying with Abby on the couch and she's watching TV. She hasn't really left my side since yesterday. I'm used to her pointing at the TV while talking about her favorite characters of whatever cartoon is on. Right now, she's just laying by my side and and staying quiet. I can hear Mark moving around in the kitchen. He called in sick to work and said he's staying here for the weekend. I have no idea what to do. And I'm sorry, but I no longer want to

leave Abby. That's not an option anymore. Update 2. I'm not sure if people are still interested in what's going on here, but here goes. Writing everything down helps me keep track of things and I also want to hear people's thoughts. For anyone wondering how Abby is doing, she seems to be doing okay. She's still a little clingy with me, but she's back to her happy self. We've been observing her behavior closely and Mark decided that a therapist isn't needed. I'm not sure I agree with that, but Abby really does seem to be feeling all right. And for anyone wondering about Mark's mom, she's had no contact with Abby since what happened,

though Mark has been talking with her. I'd been trying to read all the comments people left on my last posts. What was written about Mark got me thinking. I haven't actually mentioned it before since I didn't think it was important, but back in college we were both using protection with me also being on birth control. I do believe the pregnancy was a genuine accident, though I became a bit paranoid after some of the things people wrote. Mark has dated some girls for the past few years as far as I'm aware.

We haven't had too much contact though. We would mostly talk about Abby when we did text. Still, the past month had been more than weird for me. We'd been talking more. He apologized to me a lot. I can't tell if those apologies were real or not. My best friend told me to keep Mark at arm's length, but it's been hard to do that with him coming over more often on the weekends to spend time with Abby and me.

He's been inviting me to his home too, and I went a few times when Abby really begged me too. I'm trying to make sense of the situation, but it's hard. I'll be having my first therapy session tomorrow, so there's that too. Online? I guess I'm hoping for some help in the comments. I don't know. I don't know what to expect. I'll try to answer any questions people might have for me.

I know this post is probably kind of a mess. Update 3. Hi. I don't know if anyone is going to read this, but I have been getting some private messages with people asking about me, so I figured I could make an update. I've been going to therapy. It's been difficult. Everything was all right at first, to be honest. Me and my therapist got to grow comfortable around each other. I think she's nice. We've been talking about my issues way more recently. Safe to say, it's kind of sad to realize how shitty my life has really been since the start. I've been taking my new medication for a few weeks, but I'm not

sure it's making a difference. For anyone wondering, yes, Abby has been seeing a therapist for about two months now. I put my foot down about it for once. Felt weird. Abby's been happier, I think. Me and her therapist occasionally chat about her progress and he's been giving me some tips about what Abby wants. We've been spending more time together. I have alternative weekends with her now. She's good at solving puzzles. She likes Octavis. She likes Octavis. for some reason. When I walk around the house, she'd attempt to trip me by walking around my legs. Like a cat, I think. It doesn't work, but she keeps trying. I'm doing the same thing with her that my mom did with me. Cooking is an important skill. For now, she gets to watch me in the kitchen

and see how I prepare things. I think I'll let her start giving suggestions and start asking what the proper steps are to making a meal. We're going to wait a bit before she starts helping around. I'm sure that some people wonder what happened with Mark. Nothing, to be honest. I stopped opening the door when he came by. He hasn't really been bothering me. We only really talked when we changed the custody arrangement a bit. We text mainly about Abby again. From what Abby says, Mark's mom has been around again. But I think she's on her best behavior around. my daughter since Abby hasn't been asking any weird questions. I'm not sure what else to say.

Things are fine otherwise. Maybe I'll update again if anything interesting happens or to tell people how things changed. Thank you for the people that have been reaching out. Comment where OP has replied. Comment, I've thought about you a lot, really happy to see an update. I'm glad you and Abby started therapy, the best decision that could have been made. I'd like to ask, how are you feeling right now about Abby after starting to get professional help for the both of you?

How is she feeling now, that you can tell? Hugs, Opie, I wish you and her the best. Oop, my therapist explained that I don't hate Abby, not really. I've had a lot of resentment bubbled up inside due to the circumstances and timing of her birth. I've been officially diagnosed with PPD, so that certainly didn't make things better. She encouraged me to take things slow and not feel pressured into immediately becoming an attentive and loving mother. I've been spending time with Abby now more out of my own choice and not because I didn't see any other option. It's been helping. And as far as I can tell, Abby's doing mostly all right.

From what her therapist told me, she feels like my protector. She's been seeing for years that I'm sad all the time. When she was being taken care of by my best friend, he'd tell her I'm being taken care of by my best friend, he'd tell her I'm just having a really bad day slash week. She's never really seen me truly happy, so she decided to be the hero that makes me happy. Apparently, she was scared of losing me and the opportunity of making me happy when her grandma told her I was going to abandon her. Still can't really wrap my head around it. Her therapist has been working with her to let go of that mentality and it seems to be going all right. Update 4. I've thought a lot about whether or not I should write another update here. My best friend said that Reddit is the reason my life took a different course, so this feels important in a way.

I don't know if anyone is going to see this, but it doesn't really matter. Writing here feels like screaming into a black hole. Abby is six now. She's had her birthday only two months ago. She's happy. I'm happy she's happy. I got her an octopus plush. She's been sleeping with it every night and carrying it everywhere she goes.

There's been an incident of her losing it at her grandparents, but she cried a lot and her grandpa found it and gave it back to her. Feels like a part of me might be with her for as long as she keeps that plush. I'm pregnant again. This can come across as a shock to people. It did to me too. I know that anyone who reads this will be disappointed with me. Me and Mark ended up sleeping together again.

I don't remember it. Abby had her birthday party while staying with Mark. We had a few drinks and talked a lot that night. I don't remember drinking enough to black out, but it's what happened. We haven't talked about it since. I haven't told him I'm pregnant. My best friend says I need to get an abortion ASAP. But I got to be honest.

I don't even care anymore. It's one bad thing after another in my life. Since I started therapy, so many things. started clicking into place for me. There's so many things I've repressed just because of how terrible they were. My meds aren't making a difference. They just numb the urge to scratch my skin raw. That's all. The urge is still there. Hopefully, this is the last update I ever make on this account. It may not have meant anything to anyone here, but some comments really felt like a lifeline for me. I have read everything and I hope all those people live happily. A goodbye here feels very

grim. So maybe this is a see you later kind of thing? Who even knows? Next story, girlfriend never gives me real feedback on my music even though I keep asking for honest criticism so I tricked her into listening to one of my songs without telling her I made it and she called it boring garbage. So let me start off by saying that I know this was slightly manipulative. I deceived her my omission. and it speaks volumes about my communication skills. I understand that, and I actually feel really guilty about it. But here's what happened. I, 28M, and my girlfriend, 28F, is very critical about music.

I make music on my own, but I never felt like she ever gave me real criticism of my music, despite me pleading with her to give me something blunt and real. She always said it was great, and never had anything to say about it. But when she would critique other music, she would get extremely detailed with it, critiquing music down to the very last detail. I really admire her thoughts on music, and all I really wanted was for her to do that for my music as well. But she would always just say it was great without saying much else, and I never believed her due to the stark differences in how she would frame these opinions. So one day, I had her listen to some music, without telling her it was mine. I just said, hey, check out this track.

without saying it was mine. She went in. She said it was the work of someone who had no idea what they were doing. The composition was all over the place, and it didn't flow together. Sections of the song were much too long, there was a rise without a climax, and she said it was all around just a boring song. When I told her it was my song, she got really, extremely upset. She said I was an asshole for lying to her, I manipulated her, and that she can never trust me again. She took a bunch of things and stayed at her parents' house last night. I feel terrible, but at the same time, I also feel a bit vindicated. Also, I feel like she's overreacting. I don't really know where to go from here, because I don't want to lie to her about how I feel about what I did, feel sort of bad, but then again

not really. Did I do the right thing? Comments where O.P. has replied, One. Regardless of the specifics, she very clearly told you I don't want to do this thing, and you tricked her into doing the thing she clearly told you she didn't want to do. If you want to get it all mixed up in feelings around music criticism, that's your business, but the plain facts are as above. And people are allowed to feel that's it not cool to A, not have their own decisions about what they don't want to do be respected and be tricked by someone they trusted. If the vindication about her opinion is worth doing A and B to her, then I guess it was worth it and you'll just need to live with the fallout from it.

Oop, she didn't tell me she didn't want to critique my music. While I agree with most people here that I did something manipulative, and I feel horrible about it, I think it highlights a bigger issue of communication in this relationship. I value blunt honesty, and she knows this about me, yet continue to placate me and tell me it's great with no real comment. I felt that was condescending. I totally regret not grilling her on this kind of thing, but I didn't think it was fair for me to force her to tell me something she obviously didn't want to tell me, but I also don't think it's fair that she kept lying to me, telling me that my music is great when I have to manipulate her into admitting she was lying the whole time. This was a breakdown in communication in a huge way, and while neither of US are saints, I don't believe I was the only bad guy in this situation. Comment 2. 1. I hope you don't feel bad. She's your girlfriend not someone who's a expected to love everything you create. You do appreciate her criticism and she gave it to you.

You should be glad if you respect her opinion. Apologize for manipulating her and thank her for her honest feedback. Let her know that her opinion of your song does not hurt your feelings and then in the future, you don't have to play games like that to get her opinion. Good luck. Ooh, I really do appreciate the actual opinion she gave me, but I lost respect for her as a person, just because I frankly feel infantilized by her desire to lie to me in order to protect my feelings when I was bluntly trying to tell her that I really want her real, blunt opinions on my music. Comment three, good people don't enjoy insulting or hurting their partners. It's not fun, it's painful.

If you so is anything like me, then critiquing the creative work of someone you love is bad as the same as insulting that person. It's taking something she knows you worked hard on and telling you your effort was worthless. That is not an enjoyable experience. It's painful and it's extremely unkind of you to put her in the position. She wants to keep your relationship positive. You've ruined that and it will be very hard for her to forgive you for that. Update, hi everyone.

I didn't get a whole lot of well-wishing words for me on my last post. Most people felt that I was manipulative, took away her agency of choice by deceiving her, and that I deserved to have my relationship fall apart. Well, you guys were right. You win. She hadn't officially broken up with me, but I could tell the relationship had been in its final stages. Long story short, the day after I wrote my post, i.e. the day I responded to most of the comments, a few hours later, I called her, told her to stay at her mom's place, that we were fundamentally

incompatible, and that this obviously wasn't going to work out. I wanted to provide some background to our relationship. to clarify what I believe to be a few misunderstandings in the responses to my previous post. I had been asking her for a long time to provide me with honest critique to my music. I've approached her before about why her answers are so vague and placate why when it comes to my music. I told her I can obviously see the contrast between that and how she critiques all music, whether she likes it or not. She outright denied that she was just placating me, and that there's nothing to worry about,

and all my music is great, and that I'm being crazy about it. The last time her and I talked about this, I was not subtle in my communication. I directly told her that I would value her critiques and take it to heart, whether the critique was positive or negative. I just really wanted her opinion, particularly considering that she's been a primary inspiration to some of my best work. I had made it clear that I really just didn't want to be placated, because music is so, so important to me, and the same goes for her, and I'm not,

in it to get people to suck me off and tell me how great I am. I want to be the best possible musician I can be. And I also feel incredibly disrespected by being placated, like I'm some child who can't take criticism. I've never given anyone, let alone her, reason to believe that I would need placation. Beyond this, she still denied it all, but I could tell it was pretty much BS, and it was driving me crazy. So months and months later, I've gotten nowhere with communicating with her, still have the nagging suspicion, to the point where I'm not even asking her opinion anymore, because it just makes me mad. A few days ago, it just popped in my mind like it was no big deal, to play her one of my pretty okay, pretty me emo, but still had pretty okay responses from the

general public songs. Basically just throw away instrumental I did when I was bored, and kind of dug it at the time. And I didn't tell her it was me. We finished listening, and I asked her what she thought of that tune. She goes off on it, basically hating it. See, my previous post. I said, okay, thanks so much, I'm so glad I could finally get it out of you, I agree with a lot of what you said. She goes, wait, that's your song. I said, yeah, it's an old one. And she gets mad and says, what the fuck, and we get into an argument about it. She thinks I went out of my way to manipulate her, like it was sociopathic and premeditated. I'm telling her, it's not even that big of a deal.

Why were you lying to me in the first place? And she said, because I just don't like your music. Are you happy? And we continue to fight. It escalated to the point where we started swearing, so she said, you know what? I don't need this, and walked out. She's been there ever since. Fast forward to the breakup conversation.

She said she said she did. felt guilty about not liking my music for two reasons. One because she thinks it was fucked up that she simply didn't like her so's art, and she was ashamed of that. The other reason is that, a lot of the time, she feels like she doesn't know what she's talking about, and didn't want to rip my music apart like she does with most songs, because she could totally be wrong, and then she'd be an asshole. I was really upset by this. I feel like I called her out on her lying months ago, and she kept lying to me, instead of, just saying that. I tried so hard to tell her months ago that it's okay if she doesn't like it,

but she just clammed up, thinking I was going to fly off the handle and end our relationship over it. After months and months of telling her that I didn't want to be placated, she kept trying to placate me, and wouldn't communicate the real reasons. How am I supposed to expect her to be an adult and communicate what she really feels, instead of lying to avert imagined conflict when we have relationship issues in the future? Music is such a huge and important piece of our lives together, and this situation probably wouldn't have gotten to where it is if it weren't. It may seem silly to those of you on the outside that what appears to be just a stupid, petty argument lead to the complete breakdown

of a relationship. And now I'm just left confused and lonely. She was also my best friend in the entire world, and there's a void inside of me, and a voice telling me I'm making a huge mistake. And I'm confused, and pulled in multiple directions. Thanks for taking the time. Read this.