Reddit Stories - Caught in a PATERNAL Web_ A PARTNER's Demand for a Role and a Former's INTRUSION_

Episode Date: October 13, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #family #boundaries #intrusion #partnership  Summary: A person seeks advice after their partner demands a paternal role, causing tension with family and breaching personal boundaries.  Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, family, boundaries, intrusion, partnershipBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Son's partner is pressuring me to fill a paternal role, and now she is attempting to include my former spouse in our Thanksgiving celebration, despite not being on the guest list. I, a 41-year-old man, have two kids with my ex-wife, 42F, a son John 22 and daughter Sally, 20, I'm remarried to my wife, 28. I'm very close with my kids, my son is engaged to Abby, she seems nice but has been a bit pushy trying to create relationships with me and my wife, though she's also awkward with her. Abby isn't close to her family, she told us many stories why and while some of her complaints

don't seem awful, it's not my place to judge and I didn't live it so I can't know anyway. We've tried to be welcoming but Abby has forced her way into some family traditions where she wouldn't have been invited and some where no one outside of specific family would have. She has been calling Sally Sis since they were only dating a few months, has an odd sister slash mother-in-law thing she does with my wife, and the one I'm not a fan of, wants me to be like father to her. Not because we've clicked or anything. We are very different people, not saying that in a bad way, just saying it's not based on how we get along or anything. My kids and I have a tradition when they come over that we have a private catch-up in my office slash study before they

leave, which is now even more important to them because while they both get along well with my wife they don't want to have personal conversations around her yet. Abby asked if we could talk, and after I explained the tradition John later asked that I do it, saying she'd never had a caring conversation with her dad. We compromised that I didn't include her in the tradition but do join the two of them for coffee and let her talk. Then she started calling me dad, they weren't even engaged yet, John pulled me aside and begged me to give her that.

Laid this whole thing on me about me always being the dad she always wanted. wanted right in front of her and she just wanted that. Told me she cried watching me and Sally together, she still gives me random hugs, I'm a lucky dad. I didn't like it, but I do feel bad so fine I gave her that. She wants me to walk her down the aisle in the father-slash-daughter dance. I don't want to walk her down, and I walk with a cane so dancing is hard. At my own wedding I only dance twice. John is begging for me to do one, preferably the end. aisle. They came over Sunday, John and I were talking, I thought to address it, when Abby walked in without knocking, asking if he'd told me yet. I asked what, John said she wanted me to say something

about having a second daughter now in my speech and how I loved her. I just looked at him. She asked if I'd do the walk and dance for Sally, I said, of course. She yelled she's my daughter too and I said it will never be the same, Sally is my actual daughter. I tried to explain I'd talk about her being a happy addition to the family and I love how happy she makes Jack, which I thought was a good compromise, but she started crying. John apologized and they left, but he called me when they were home nearly begging me too. Ida because I won't lie and say I love her or she's my daughter. Update 1. I had planned on writing this sooner but life got in the way in a couple of really but people were helpful and asked for updates, and I have a surprise free day, so here it goes. Mother's Day my kids and their partners go to visit my ex-wife.

So it turns out my ex-wife and Abby are a lot closer than I realized. She calls her mom, which is part of where this comes from. Also apparently my ex has been egging it on. On Mother's Day they were talking about the wedding and I guess whenever Abby referred to me it was his dad. My son apparently told her let it go, which led to yelling. It's really about deserving to be my daughter, X telling her that she's right, son telling her that I am trying and she should be realistic about things, Sally telling her I only had one daughter, which was apparently a response to

Abby saying to her that as my daughters they should be united. According to my son Abby was crying, according to Sally she was crying and yelling and kicked something before going to her room, and Sally told me she went off on her mom, but will not elaborate so I don't know what was actually said. But knowing Sally, who boy, At 2 a.m. I got a text from Sally's partner's phone saying Abby really is great. She hasn't been perfect but you should give her a chance and you will learn to love her. I saw it when I woke up I tried to text her back but was blocked, so I called Sally but they were driving. They stopped by my place later that day because I am on the way and my daughter prefers my liquor and cooking and they

told me about the night before. At the end I asked to speak to her partner alone, I asked if I had done something to upset her. She was confused and I told her I was blocked. She said I wasn't but checked her phone and I was, and I said it was after her message and she asked what message. I showed her, it was not on her phone anymore. At that point we brought in Sally and caught her up, neither of them were happy. A couple of days later John and Abby dropped by unannounced. Not something we really do in this family but okay fine, I had mad salmon, does not take long to cook. I cook two more, wife serves while I make drinks. The entire night was Abby trying to bring up the wedding, John trying to change the Abbey not allowing that. We talk logistics

because I'm helping them get some good deals through some professional contacts I have when finally she just says so I was talking to mom. She said that you can walk me down the aisle and she'll do the dance, or you can dance and she'll walk, it's your call but you need to chew soon. I reiterated that I could not dance. She tried arguing that I had danced a little at my wedding but I made it clear that is different and did not feel comfortable walking her. She got upset and said, Mom loves me, why can't you? I felt bad but couldn't lie, I pointed out that she had John who loved her, my ex-wife, friends, she had people who love her. She said, but other than, ex-wife, those aren't my parents I said neither am I. She was very emotional so my wife and I gave

them a few minutes. My son and I were alone later, he looked exhausted. He said the problem was that after Mother's Day Abby had called Sally and kept saying they are both my daughters, that I did not get to be close with one but not both, and that it was them against me, but at that one Sally cried havoc and let slip the dogs of war. Things were said. Grievances were aired. John had to hang up before it got worse, but I guess Abby was shaken but there was a new problem. Abby had decided in her head that I did not mean what I have been saying and was just doing it for Sally. He told me he would handle it. Ron Howard, he did not so now I get text messages from Abby every couple of days acting like we have a secret relationship Sally doesn't know about, she even called herself.

my secret daughter-in-lawed. She invited my wife to lunch saying two out of three of his girls going out. Abby has even started using the pressure of showing up at events like a recent barbecue to play a certain image. She hugs me more and holds it, wants to do pictures with just me or my wife and I but always a few with just me to post with captions I do not like. My wife is getting especially annoyed because of how she is with her, I guess Abby surprised her with Father's Day plans for me that had to be shut down, as it is she still inserted herself into the day. But she has a soft spot for her and when Abby gets emotional she caves. My wife is a sweetheart. I asked him if he is upset with me and he said no, he just wished it was

different. He said we're good, but he's worried he and Sally aren't, which is when I took the advice of some people and suggested premarital counseling, he said he would talk about it. Abby is insisting Sally go to her fitting. That shop should pay per view that potential royal rumble because Sally is not holding her feelings back anymore. I told him Sally loves him and I'll talk to her, but for now it is stressful all around. Abby driving my wife crazy with her ideas for what my girls should be doing, driving me crazy with dad-daughter content, drove Sally to the edge, and oh yeah, last night sent me an email with three styles of father-daughter dances and song-notes. options. So I'm not feeling any more respected or heard than before. The six of us have barely

been in the same room in order to let things calm down since Father's Day, which was great until it was a shit show. Sorry this is so long, with all the craziness this is still the abridged version. We are supposed to meet Friday, Sally's partner, and I have a bet going about how bad it will go. So onward and upward, I hope you fathers had a less dramatic day than I did, and by any chance does anyone know exactly how bad of a crime I need to commit to enter witness protection. Just curious update two, I have gotten requests for updates on my situation, and as I enjoy a refreshing mojito and my wife or no Gito, life feels good and the perfect time to amuse the world with my pain and familial drama. Plus a cousin of mine who apparently reads these and knows my

situation gave me the convincing argument of dude, you can't keep people hanging and how can I argue with that airtight argument. I apologize for how long this is, a lot has happened. My wife's pregnancy is going well, keeping her as stress-free and pampered as possible has been my focus. It is such a different experience this time, both because of how much more involved I can be and how much better a relationship I have with my wife than I had with my ex. My daughter Sally has been great, even her partner has been great, helping with the nursery or driving her around when I can't. My wife doesn't know because it is a surprise, but my son has been building a crib for the baby, modeled after the one I built for him and his sister, to show my wife his support.

My son is a good man, and he is still in there, he just has a soft spot for Abby, which I guess gets us to the part of the movie where Godzilla shows up and starts busting up buildings. So I called a family meeting with my kids to talk about the situation. told John his sister was only doing wedding activities she wanted to and that the guilting requests needed to stop, that this was hurting his relationship with his sister. Sally was happy I said it so she did not have to yet again. I told him if he did not stop her from messaging me I would block her with a bluntly honest explanation why.

We got a lot out, John seemed to understand, but then a few days later they insisted on coming to talk. Sally and I decided we would get everything out. So all of us ate at our place, Abby started in immediately about baby shower stuff and I told that is the kind of thing we wanted to talk about. I told her that I understood she has been trying to fill a hole that she has, that she thought she was getting a father, a second mother, she calls my ex-wife mom apparently, and a sister. I told her it was still possible but that she needed to start listening to us. I told her that for the sake of family we would give her a

fresh start, if she agreed that moving forward she would respect our boundaries. My daughter did not love this idea but loves her brother and was willing to try. Abby tried to say that since we were starting over we could define what the relationship would be and just be family, we told her we were not ready for that, that it needs to happen organically. She got mad that I am closer with my daughter's partner, which is true but we just get along, and that she deserved it for trying so hard. My daughter said something about trying to things we actually want. She ran to our bathroom, he ran after her. After a while I checked on him, I could hear her repeating this is not what I wanted. My wife, daughter, and her

partner went out to the patio to give them privacy and salvage the night. After a bit I got a text saying they had just left. I checked in with him the next day and he said they talked more at home and she understood. For a couple of weeks things were good. The text stopped except the occasional wedding question, since it was getting closer. She stopped pushing herself on my wife and Sally, and we thought was involving us in less in wedding planning out of respect, since as it was they only got the venue at the rate they did because of my professional connections and they know I was willing to help but not interested in helping plan, even if I am good at event planning. But then I got a call from the venue telling me the card I used have been declined. Now this is a

specific card I use for big purchases because of the miles so I knew it had a high limit. That was how I learned that they had changed dates by two months despite being informed of the money because it was too close to the date. I was furious, I mean I have been lucky in life financially but I am not blow off deposits like nothing wealthy. Called my son, said he needed to get his ass to the house. Just him. They both came. When they arrived I opened the door, she actually started with, Dad. I think I just replied, you have got to be FNG kidding me and walked toward the table. Abby had the nerve to ask where dinner was, my response was not polite as I made it clear that was not why they were here.

I hoped my son would not lie to me so I asked what was going on with the venue. She started going into wedding details, but my son interrupted to tell me they postponed because my ex-wife was unavailable because of a surgery and he had not told me because he was putting money together to. to pay the lost money himself. And he had just reached out to guests to let them know. And that is when Abby's mouth opened. We have extra time to work on our dance. Now during this time my wife came home, and I was walking her toward the bedroom when Abby said that.

My pregnant wife with me I said, calmly, I have different feelings about that and will elaborate further shortly or something like that. Then I laid my wife down and got her water, turned on her symphonic covers of popular songs and walked back to the table and said something like you are out of your if I'my mind have you even been listening? I made it clear I was done with this nonsense, we all were, and kind of lost it asking she did not hear us last time because her head was up her ass. She was stunned silent, what a beautiful sound, and looked at me while I, admittedly

with explained what Sally and I thought of our time with her and her attempts to force us to love her without even getting to know us. She started crying and stood up and shouted then what was this even for? John asked what she meant. If she meant them and he started to freak out. She was frantic and said she meant delaying the wedding. Because, and I'm pouring another drink to write this, it was a ploy. My ex-wife and her decided if I had more time I would come around.

Apparently my ex told her not to worry about the money because I'm loaded. She has always been bitter I make so much more than I did when we were married, as if that is out of spite rather than my career arc. I think she did that on purpose, frankly. But she not only told me that lie, she and my ex told John as well. He was distraught. Repeating you lied to me as she tried to spin it, but he was letting it out about how much he has defended her and covered for her and she lied to him too. She was defensive and blamed my ex for telling her things and me for her. being stubborn, she I just F.N. call him dad and, finally, after so long, I heard John respond

because he is not your F.N. Dad. She started crying in something about as being the one that told she could call me that and he said he told her she might be able to eventually, but he had told her again and again to slow down. She started sobbing and went to sit on her chair but missed and fell on the floor. Appreciating physical humor to break the tension I admittedly chuckled and hid my mouth behind my drink. This all led to a lot of sobbing. I said I needed to check on my wife and as I walked out she was repeating I just want him to be my dad too. I came out and he was walking her to the door and apologized, I said not to, they left. He came over a few days later and said they had a long talk at home. He even asked her if she would have dated him if there was

never a chance of being in the family. He believed her when she said yes, but she admitted I was a big draw as well. I was the kind of dad she always wanted, my relationship with Sally is what she always and the way she said it gave John doubts that she loves him for him. I talked about marriage counseling, how his mother and I tried it and, while it did not save us, it provided clarity and an impartial voice. I pointed out they both like coming to me, but I cannot be impartial and if they are trying then they need to do it for real. Abby texted asking if I was the one who suggested therapy, I responded with, does it matter if John wants to? She asked why it is so bad she wants to know what I think and I just said John is the man whose opinion should matter most to her. They fought due to the

text, she agreed to the counseling and the wedding has been postponed. I may have done a dance. So they are in counseling, he said she struggles, but I obviously do not know details. She is pressing for me and Sally to go to a session with her, Sally told her she did not want to hear Sally unfiltered, and I am not interested. Abby has been leaving Sally alone, she stopped texting me except for the occasional general question which includes some attempt to go deeper. My wife still occasionally spends time with her because she is very into her pregnancy, more so than I like, but it is my wife's call.

So that is where we are, sorry it was so long but alcohol makes for a poor editor. Update 3, November 20th, 2024. I was told I should do updates here, people have been asking me to, and to get into what went down on Father's Day and at their mother's house. I have been extremely busy these last few months but am enjoying my temporary unemployment and thought of this account because of recent Thanksgiving drama. I will do an update and then we'll share what happened earlier. Oh, and to whomever made the joke that Abby finally got me to dance, that made me laugh, I shared that with the family.

My time has been largely caring for my wife, I tend to dote, I know. We are having a boy. We are really excited, though neither of us really had gender preference. I have raised both and both experiences were wonderful. Now we are discussing names, who we are going to honor. honor. I thought everything had been quiet, but recently found my wife crying and found out I was wrong. I have learned how busy I have been with work, and my wife knowing I would be free again once we got into this month. My wife has kept this to herself. Apparently Abby has been pushing for

one Thanksgiving this year. Things have been quiet with Abby, my son said the wedding blowing up woke her up, and that therapy had been helping. But then this. My understanding. My understanding, standing is that while John has been talking less with his mother because of all that happened, Abby did the opposite. For my wife's telling, Abby dropped by one day with my ex-wife. My wife intensely dislikes my ex-wife because of lies she spread about my first marriage ending due to infidelity with her, despite there being no infidelity and the linear nature of time making it impossible for us to have slept together back then. Before anyone asks, my ex-wife does not actually think there was infidelity, I would get into that, but I am sure I would

sound biased. Anyway, so my wife looked at our camera app, saw who it was and called my daughter. Apparently the two of them were keeping things from me because I was working 18-hour days and they did not want me dealing with anything else. I wish they had not done that, but I appreciate the thought. I am really lucky to have such caring people around me. My daughter called her mom and said something that made them leave in a hurry. She will not tell me what but she smiles when I ask. I called John but he was dealing with some hard work news, so I just was there for him and left the other alone. The next day Abby came back, alone this time.

My wife saw it was her and asked her what she wanted through the door, Abby said to apologize. My wife let her in, she is too nice, and after a nice talk Abby asked about the whole family getting together for Thanksgiving, my wife said, of course, she assumed as much. A couple of days later in our group chat we were discussing details, who brings what, and Abby asks what else is needed. I say John already committed and she asked what about my ex-wife, what should she bring? In the time I have known Abby she has never made an intentional joke that funny, so I asked what she was talking about and she mentioned the whole family comment, and my daughter think we counted her as family. She actually replied, she is my family.

I don't have a dad who wants me, just a mom and my mom deserves to be with family on Thanksgiving. Sally replied, well, we'll miss you and John then. Abby asks how she can say that. Sally asks how she can be so stupid. John says not to call her stupid and I say that is fair, but there is no real way she thought my wife thought she meant my ex-wife at this point my wife had filled me in. And then, this is so stupid, she uses my son's phone to add my ex-frigging wife to the group chat. She then thanks us for the invitation and asks what she can bring. As I was typing my daughter beats me to it and asks what she thinks she is doing. She knows she is not welcome but says it less politely.

My wife types you could not have thought she was included when I said family. Abby responded that she was not coming as my family but as hers. Sally let her mom have it. She already is not talking to her much and said if my ex-wife is there then she is not. I mentioned there was never a chance ex was going to come and said I understand Abby wanting to go to their mom's house so she is not alone. John typed plans not definite. We'll let you know he has since told me that he is not going to go to his mom's place but wanted to tell Abby alone first. All I can think about is the comment about not having a dad who wants her.

Because it means she is still thinking about me as a dad, I believe. Just a negligent one. I mentioned that to my son and he said he noticed it too and had brought it up at therapy. Because family is such a frequent topic, though I obviously do not know details. Wow, I thought this would be brief, but that was a lot. I will get into the crazy stories later if there are people seeing this who want me too. I do not know how posting from here works in terms of anyone seeing. it. But this has been good to get out.