Reddit Stories - Close COMPANIONS asked solely my ROMANTIC partner to their marriage CELEBRATION and not

Episode Date: May 20, 2026

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #marriage #celebration #friends #boundaries  Summary: Close companions exclusively invited my romantic partner to their marriage celebration, leaving me feeling excluded and hurt. I questioned whether it was appropriate for them to make such a choice without considering my feelings. This situation raised concerns about boundaries and the dynamics of our relationships.  Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, marriage, celebration, friendship, boundaries, emotionalhealth, communication, support, love, trust, conflict, advice, feelings, socialdynamics, personalgrowthBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6816713/support.This episode includes AI-generated content.

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even though we have been acquainted for six years. Just to provide some background, I, a 23-year-old woman, have been acquainted with this gentleman, aged 24. I guess I'll call him Roger, for six years now. He and I were put into a musical ensemble together our first year of college and we stayed in it for four years. This group is also where I met my boyfriend, 24M, and where my boyfriend met Roger also. There were a couple other guys in the group, and we all were and have remained pretty good friends, especially since the other four, including my BF, are in a band together they continued after college. I wasn't excluded from this group I just really wasn't interested in the time commitment, so I declined to join when they

started out. They have actually become pretty well known in our local scene, They're a really talented group. Anyways on to the current situation. Roger has been with his fiancé, 22F, since before I met him, and when she came to the same school we were in all the rest of us and the group became pretty friendly with her. I wouldn't really consider her a friend, we have no beef as far as I'm aware, we just aren't really close and we only really talk it shows.

I do like her though and we always make a point of saying hi to each other when we see each other and have a friendly chat. So my BF and I have known these guys literally the same amount of time. We spent all of college with Roger seeing each other at least twice a week for this group, although it was usually much more, and we still hang out with them sometimes outside of the band's scene. So Roger is getting married to his fiancé this summer. I of course wished them both congratulations when I heard the news of their engagement. A couple months ago, we got the save the date in the mail.

It was addressed to only my BF, which I think. thought was a bit odd, but it was only to save the date so I didn't really think much of it. Put it on the fridge. Well, last week, the wedding invite came. It was again addressed to just my BF. We opened it and there was no indication of even a plus one or anything. Which I really don't think I should be a plus one for my BF, I feel I should be invited on my own merit. My BF said they maybe just addressed it to him because we live together but like, that's exactly my point. We live together so if it's for both of us it should be addressed to both of us. Otherwise, I assume male address to him is his.

I'm honestly incredibly hurt by this. I guess it's fine if they don't really see us as friends, but I still feel like the fact that they know my BF and I both live here and they know I'm expecting to be invited seeing as everyone else from this old group as makes this feel like a real punch in the gut. Update 1. Am I supposed to go to this wedding or not? August 14th, 2024. Hi everyone. So to summarize my previous post, we have friends, unsure on that one, getting married

this weekend. The question of my last post was about the fact that my name was not on the invitation that was sent to my fiancés in my apartment. My fiancé and I met each other at the same time as we met the groom and we got together about a year and some change later. We worked pretty closely in a musical group throughout school, and then my fiancé and the other members of that group decided to continue and form their own band. I was not excluded from this, just was not particularly interested in the time commitment and I don't regret that decision because they are busy Moth. Seekers But being that my fiancé and I are still together, I still see the groom and his bride to be quite often.

We've never had any beef as far as I know, and we always have friendly conversation and say hello to each other, like each other's stuff on Instagram and whatnot, given the background of our relationship, and the fact that my fiancé and I have lived together for three years and they sent the invitation to the apartment that we share, the fact that my name was not on the invitation says to me that I am not invited. My fiancé kept trying to say like, oh, maybe they didn't know they were supposed to put your name on it too, or insisting it was a mistake because maybe someone else wrote the invites, to which I told them they would have written the invites based on the names they were given. I asked if I would be T.A. if I asked them why I wasn't invited, to which I was told I would be,

and I was probably right I wasn't invited. Though others did agree on how insanely rude it was of them. I accepted that answer and while I still feel the whole thing was rude, I've let it go and I don't plan to talk badly about them or to them or cause any drama because it's up to them who's at their wedding. They won't be at mine. My fiancé accepted I was right about the situation after another person from this group also recently sent out save the dates for his wedding and both our names were on the invite, and I pointed out to him a month before we'd received an invite from one of my fiancé's friends I'd only met a couple times, and both of our names were on the invite. But I digress. The purpose for today's post is that the wedding is this weekend. For some reason, my fiancé

keeps asking me if I'm going. Apparently he asked the groom and he was told verbally that I am invited, but given the fact that my name was not on the invitation, nor was it on the save the date we received earlier, I really can't just go off of that as enough evidence that I'm welcome there. I really believe that if I was invited, after my fiancé asked why my name wasn't on the invitation, one of them should have reached out directly to me if they actually are expecting me to show up. But they haven't, and for some reason my fiancé believes they're expecting me to be there. And he keeps saying he doesn't want to have to explain to people why I'm not there. and I keep telling him there isn't anything to explain, I wasn't invited.

But here's where I'm conflicted. I truly do not want to start drama surrounding their wedding. I respect their decision not to invite me if that's how they want their day to be. I don't think anyone should ever have to invite somebody to their wedding that they don't want to. But I also am fully aware that there are going to be several people there who are close to my fiancé and I as a couple who are going to wonder why I am not there, and it may cause a fuss if anyone asks the bride and groom directly, which I realize may come off as main character's syndrome. I don't really think people will be that concerned about where I am

but my fiancé and go everywhere together so my absence will definitely be noticed by our friends and some of them aren't good at knowing when to just let things be. And so I genuinely have no idea what to do here. Here are the options I can see right now. Take my fiancé's word for it that they do want me there despite everything saying the opposite and show up, risking being unwelcome and possibly upsetting them on their wedding day. Don't go, come up with a fake story for my fiancé to tell everyone so that nobody will try to go poking for gossip. Don't go, tell my fiancé to either just state the truth, that I wasn't invited,

or he can come up with a story on his own if he's not comfortable with that. I'm leaning towards option three, which honestly does feel kind of petty, and my reasoning is that if they didn't want people to ask why I'm not there, they should have invited me to be there. which definitely is a bit petty, but I just don't see why I should lie for them when they don't even respect me as my fiancé's long-term partner who they have spent many years getting to know, let alone as a friend to them. What do you guys think? Is there another option here where I don't feel like I'm being a doormat while also avoiding coming across as an asshole? Or is this one of those situations where I can really only have the high ground if I cover for them because

it's their wedding day? Any thoughts and advice? Welcome, please. and thank you. And feel free to ask any clarifying questions if anything doesn't make sense or if it seems like anything is missing. Smile. Also, there is one detail I couldn't quite figure out where to fit in here, but when we initially received the invitation, the second envelope for their wedding address to just my fiancé, I talked to a friend of mine about it who vaguely knows who the couple is because I wanted to ask someone who wouldn't bring it up to them if I was overreacting. And she ended up telling me last month that she found out a different friend of hers who was really good friends with the bride all through school and thought they still were friends

was also not invited. I'd give that makes much a difference in the overall take of the situation, but it does seem relevant. Edit. I wanted to ask them for clarification, but since I've never been in this position before, I wanted to ask others who maybe have more experience with weddings how I should ask. Everyone said that I would be an absolute asshole for even considering asking as it's their wedding and it is obvious I am not invited and putting them in that position to have have to tell me that to my face would be wrong. Instead of getting mad at me for asking for advice on handling the situation, you should have joined in the first time I asked and then maybe the reaction you would have received would demonstrate to you why I thought it was inappropriate to

ask. Edit 2. Thank you to everyone who had actual advice and help me figure out the right decision to me to everyone who's being super condescending about me not asking them. How would you feel if you didn't invite somebody to your wedding and then they confronted you about it? I get you should be upfront with them, but some people just don't want to risk the drama and I guess that's fine too. It's their day. It's not really my place to kick up a fuss about it. If it turns out that it was a mistake, then they can explain that to me and we can laugh about it and move on. But if I am in fact right, it would be really shitty to them to make a fuss about it when the day has nothing to do with me. This isn't about this generation too scared to talk to people. It's actually about having common

courtesy to realize when it is appropriate to make a situation about me and when it is not. This is one of those situations where it is not. So I wanted to know the best way to make sure I uphold the fact that I don't want to be a source of drama for them surrounding their wedding. I did get a lot of good perspectives about possible mistakes that could have happened and I'm super happy to accept that as a reality if they explain that to me, but for right now, I'm just going to quietly accept the situation as is and find something fun to do this weekend instead. Update 2, August 19th, 2024. Hi all. This is not a very interesting update,

but several people asked for one, so I thought I would just explain how things went yesterday. So first of all, I'm very glad I didn't go. My fiancé was quite unhappy when he came home from the wedding and told me I was on to something. Turns out I was not the only partner that was missing, but my fiancé is still a bit confused by the whole thing because it struck him and as really weird who didn't have their partners there. Plenty of people did ask about me and where I was. My fiancé just kind of generically told them I couldn't make it. But the bride and groom did not ask about me,

though the groom came up to my fiancé and said something about, can't wait for your wedding, which is what made him realize I was right about the whole thing. None of the bridal party, many of whom we know well, asked about me which also stood out to him considering how many of the guests did. One thing that strikes me as odd is that my fiancée, confirmed there was no designated seat for me, but there were a lot of empty seats.

Which leads me to wonder if they knew how entirely confusing and weird this was and they were preparing for people's spouses that weren't invited to show up and play it off by having a seat available. I don't know. That's pretty much it. The whole thing honestly feels even more confusing after the wedding, but I do at least think it's pretty clear that I was right and made the right decision and not going. No real drama happened. And I'm not going to really to try and find out more from them or from anyone else, but it is disappointing to say the least. My fiancé is pretty disappointed too to find how little these friends respect not just me as a person, but me as his partner. But that's just how it goes sometimes, I guess. I really just wish they

had been direct, even if the reason they gave was a lie, that I wasn't invited. I would have understood if they said it was a matter of numbers, but the way they went about this just seemed so pathetic and cowardly to me. But it appears as if we weren't the only long-term couple they did this too, so I think it says a lot more about them than it does about me. Thanks to everyone who gave advice and offered different perspectives. I'm super thankful I posted here because you guys really helped me feel confident in my read on the situation and you all help me make the right decision to avoid the most drama or embarrassment. Comments, did the groom ask where Oop was, and just invite the groom's wife to Oop's wedding? He didn't ask,

where I was. He said to my fiancé he was excited for our wedding, but did not ask about me, and no one in the bridal party asked him about me, even though plenty of our other friends did, which leads me to believe they all knew I wasn't invited. If he had asked where I was before or after making that comment, then I think it could be interpreted the way you're suggesting, but he did not ask about me at all, just made a comment about expecting an invitation to our wedding, even though I wasn't there at his and he didn't seem to think that was strange. Edit, we just got engaged at the end of June so we have not set a date yet. It's not as though they received an invitation to ours already, but he expects to be at ours

even though he and his wife did not deem me worthy enough to be at theirs. Her fiancé sees the best in people and why he went to the wedding, he is and he does. It's something I love about him, but I do feel sad that he had to go and see for himself. I imagine it was a bit more hurtful to him to realize it then than if he'd accepted it before and chosen to stay home. I don't fault him for going and I understand why he would think they wouldn't do this. I also was surprised. And on the other hand, if this was just some major etiquette blunder and they would have asked about me, then the misunderstanding could have been explained there and it would have been harder to clear if we both skipped it. But at least now

we both know these aren't people who respect us and we can move forward accordingly. Now on to the next story. Story 2. Fiancee came out. as bisexual and wanted to explore with other women. So I agreed to open our relationship, but Betty 27F and I, 30M, got engaged in January after dating for a couple of years. Our plan was to get married next year when we had saved enough money for the wedding. Shortly after getting engaged, we moved and together at the end of January. In May, Betty was a bridesmaid for one of her friends. I was unable to attend due to my job and the fact it was a five-day trip.

Betty had a great time reconnecting with some of her old friends, but a couple of weeks after she got back she became moody and withdrawn. I was relieved when she made an appointment with a therapist since she hadn't opened up to me about what was troubling her. After about five or six sessions, she sat me down one Saturday morning so we could talk. Betty had been raised in a very conservative household and had to suppress her desires until she moved out to go to college. Even then certain ideas she denied and refused to.

to embrace. At the wedding, she was introduced to the wife of one of her girlfriends from college and it triggered a lot of repressed desires over the days they all hung out before the wedding. She told me she felt romantic and sexual attraction to women as well as men and realized she was bisexual. I told her I was happy she finally felt safe in sharing this with me and it didn't change how I felt about her. It was a very emotional moment. She asked me how I felt about her exploring her sexuality now that it was out in the open. I said I was open to exploring it with her and possibly having a threesome with another woman to let her have that experience. She wanted a one-on-one experience with another woman and felt she couldn't do that with me present. I told her that

sounded more like an affair and something I wasn't comfortable with. I asked her if she wanted to cancel the wedding and maybe separate while she figured out what she wanted to do. She was adamant that was not what she wanted and she was still very much in love with me and still wanted to get married, but she felt like she had to explore these feelings she was embracing before we settled down together. I asked her if she had done anything inappropriate at the wedding and cheated on me. I asked if she had someone in mind or had been talking to someone since she came back. She admitted to dancing with a girl at the reception and they kissed at the end of the night, but nothing else happened.

But she denied talking to anyone or pre-planning anything. She knows this was a lot to throw on my plate all. at once and she didn't expect an answer right away. She just asked that I keep an open mind and keep talking about it. I couldn't promise anything but I agreed to do some research and talk to a workmate that has an open marriage to see how they cope. I did warn her if I found out she lied or was doing anything behind my back there would be no second chances and I would leave. My workmate has been super helpful and open about their relationship. My brother got me into a support group that has helped me come to terms with our relationship changes.

I'm burning my way through my second book and sat Betty down Thursday night to check in and talk about moving forward. I found us a couple's therapist, I gave her the book I had finished, and I told her we should postpone the wedding for six months and then decide if that's the path we are still on. I was on a role when she stopped me and asked me if I was planning on dating other people like that never occurred to her that I would be dating as well. She kind of shut down after that, barely giving one word answers when I would ask her something. I think the longest sentence I got was I just don't know.

She has been like that for 24 hours now like she is lost in a I'm just bracing myself for the inevitable flood of emotions. I would have thought she would be happy that I was considering opening our relationship. Update 1, Saturday night her fog lifted and things got pretty heated. She said that the open relationship was my way of punishing her and being vindictive by dating other women. She was just asking for some grace to explore her feelings. I replied that she showed almost no remorse for cheating on me and instead expected an open-ended hall pass to do so again. I told her our friends had told me she asked them not to say anything about what happened

at the wedding so I would probably never know the full truth and just had to accept it was worse than she admitted too. I asked if she thought it was fair to go have sex with other people while I waited by the door like some love-sick puppy who was expected just to wag his tail when she decided to come home and show me some attention. It devolved after that and some hurtful things were said by us both. I finally gave her three options if she wanted to move forward. One, monogamy postponed the wedding and go to couples counseling.

No experimenting. When we get to a good place then go ahead with the wedding with a pre-nup to protect me if she changes her mind and her cheats again. Two, open relationship we can both date who we want and she can figure out her sexuality on her own terms. In a year or so we can see if marriage still seems like a good option if we are still together. Three, full separation she moves out and we can each be free to live our lives as we see fit. If slash when she decides she wants monogamy with me if I haven't moved on then we can try option number one. But it would be a new beginning not just picking up where we left off.

She decided she needed some space to think things out and is going to stay with friends for a couple of days. I told her before she left that if she accidentally cheated while she was gone to not come back except to pick up the rest of her things. This morning I got a text from her, I'm so sorry. She didn't answer when I asked her what she meant and my call went to voicemail. I'm not going to reach out to her again and I will wait to let her contact me when she is ready. Comments, GLBDS, looks like your partner has been a bit self-centered about this. good idea to take your time regarding your engagement, the death of exclusivity, even as a hypothetical, can be a pretty destabilizing thing for an established mono relationship.

Keep talking, you seem to be handling this very well, somewhat better than her, I think. Oop, I tried to handle this respectfully, but it seems fair to her as an open pass for her but not for me. I'm expected to support her while she has sex and possibly develops feelings for someone else and just smile and not. and then she got upset when I had to remind her she was the one that cheated. I just finished printing out cards to send to everyone we sent the save-the-date notices to advising them we are canceling the wedding. Not sure how I'm going to respond when they start asking why, the cards I'm sending out just of due to new circumstances on them.

Update 2, August 18, 2024. On Wednesday, Betty went to her previously scheduled appointment with her therapist and told her what happened between us. Not sure what all was said, but she called me on the way to her friend's house apologizing for some of the things she said and wanted to come home and talk things out. I told her to stay at her friend's house about what she wanted and she could come home Thursday and we could sit down and work things out. On Thursday, we met at the house and talked over dinner. We both apologized for getting heated and saying some unfair things to each other. After talking to her therapist and having several conversations with her best friend over the last few days she has decided not to explore her bisexual urges.

The idea of a truly open relationship where I was free to sleep with other people terrified her and getting married was more important than chasing the rainbow. Her original idea had been just a free pass to see if she was missing something in her life and how important it was to her. I asked what was she asking for an ONS, just dating a woman, or having a full relationship, she couldn't. didn't tell me exactly what she wanted. I said that didn't sound very monogamous to me or very fair. She agreed and that was why she was giving up on exploring those feelings. Next, she brought up the notes I sent out canceling our save-the-date notices for our wedding day. She said she was getting all kinds of calls about what happened and was caught unaware about what they were even talking about at first. She was upset I did that without talking to her first. I reminded

her that she lobed two grenades in my lap, coming out as bisexual and that she'd cheated on me, then left and wouldn't talk with me except for a cryptic I'm so sorry text followed by silence. While I never said anything other than we were having issues and had to postpone the wedding, evidently there was speculation that she had cheated on me. She switched gears and said we could still get back on track and get married next spring. No, because now when one of us is out of town my mind will be thinking about you cheating again especially after coming out and wanting to have an affair to explore your sexuality. I said maybe after couples therapy we could get back to a good place again but not by the end of the year and it would be foolish to start planning

and making financial commitments before we even knew if therapy was going to work. Plus I wanted a pre-nup to protect everything I brought into the marriage as well as my future retirement savings. Plus she would forfeit any equity if we bought a house. When she protested, I said if you plan to be faithful and not change your mind later then it would never be a thing. just something to give me some peace of mind. It's been an ongoing conversation for the last few days. Betty wants to rug sweep the incident at the wedding and move forward with our wedding. Exploring her sexuality is not worth sacrificing our relationship in her opinion.

For now, we are back together and planning on counseling soon. In a post-clarity moment, I realize I rushed to embrace the idea of an open relationship to allow Betty the freedom to explore her new feelings and I'm not as willing now to consider. that option. I think separation is the better option, breaking up if you will till we both decide what direction our future lies and if it is with each other. It's not what I want, but I also don't want to spend the next three to five years together only for her to change her mind or cheat on me one day.