Reddit Stories - CUTTING Ties_ BANISHING my ALCOHOLIC Father Who Faked Illness to Skip My Wedding_

Episode Date: August 24, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #reddit #relationships #family #wedding #alcoholism  Summary: Redditor seeks advice after cutting ties with their alcoholic father who faked illness to skip their wedding.  Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, family, wedding, alcoholism, toxicrelationships, advice, support, fatherissues, coping, emotionalhealth, boundaries, toughdecisions, personalgrowth, healing, forgivenessBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Remove my father who struggles with alcoholism from my life after he feigned sickness to avoid attending my wedding despite assuring me he would be there, only for my sibling to accuse and suggest that I should experience emotions. Sorry for my dad. I, 35F, have rewritten this so many times. It's just hard to get all of my feelings out. I apologize for this being long.

I was very low contact with my father for many years. He and my mother had a bitter divorce when I was 18, and he found his current girlfriend Debbie when I was 20. Without going two in death, he was physically and mentally abusive my whole life until I moved out when I was 20. When the pandemic hit, he started calling more. With the state of the world and me being now in my 30s, I was more open to communicating with him. We very slowly would communicate, with me setting very firm boundaries with conversation topics. He would occasionally violate them, scream at me, he'd go in time out, and then he'd be good for a while. When I met my husband Victor my father was actually excited for me. Spent time trying to get to know him over the

phone. Was happy for me. When I moved in with Victor, my father actually apologized to me for everything he'd done. For the first time in my life I felt hurt and validated by my father. He apologized for treating me like trash in favor of my siblings. He apologized for all the horrible things he did to me. And I cried. I felt validation and relief like I never had before. And I was then completely open to a relationship with him again. When I got engaged, he was thrilled. He asked if he was walking me down the aisle, and I had told him no. It didn't really feel right to me, and I wasn't having bridesmaids or groomsmen so it made sense to walk by myself. No one in my family was ever there for me, so why wouldn't I walk towards my next chapter alone

like I did my adult life? He was disappointed but was okay with it. I told him we can have a dance if that was good with him, and he agreed. I told him everyone on my mom's side was excited to be able to see him again after so many years. Him and my mother have been cordial for years at this point, so there was no animosity. He set up a dinner and had me and Victor over. It went very well. I was actually feeling positive about everything. We made plans for him to meet Victor's parents. It was a big deal because we had to travel to a different state to bring them. We made plans to make the trip and coordinated everything. The week before the meeting, my week before the meeting, my father wanted to cancel. He said Debbie was having an exploratory surgery and she wouldn't be

recovered in time. I said we had already made these plans but that's okay, and asked if we could just drive by and he could just step outside his home and say hi. Victor's father, who is in his 70s, was having an extensive surgery himself, so it was important to meet him now before he had it. He begrudgingly agreed. When we pulled up, I was surprised she came out with him and looked completely fine. No bandages, walked fine, no indication of anything. I thought that was odd, but who am I to judge? They both came out, said hi, and we moved on. He made plans over the course of the next few months. Every time, the week of, he would cancel. The excuses started pouring out. His friend's car broke down and he needed to lend him money. We offered to pay for dinner but they declined.

Debbie was have exploratory surgery again. How many can one person have? Debbie had a doctor's appointments that he just found out about, they have to take the car to the shop, etc. lies he had told over and over again, some he reused from when I was growing up with him and I knew he was lying. His favorite lies were always medical. He wanted to treat me for my birthday in the summer, but that never happened. After we had to reschedule three times I said, just forget it, we'll see you at the wedding. He started to be drunk on his phone calls again, started being argumentative again. But he was excited for the wedding.

He was going to make a nice trip out of it with Debbie and stay a few days. Three weeks before my wedding I got a phone call from Debbie, they share a phone. As soon as I picked up she demanded to know why I didn't tell anyone that the parking garage next to the hotel we had a room block in charge $25 a day to park. I was dumbstruck because, firstly, I had no idea that the house. hotel didn't count that. We live local to the venue so we were just going home after the wedding. Second, it's a major city, of course they're going to charge. And honestly, $25 isn't that bad for the city. Thirdly, why are you calling me to complain about this? No one else had. I can't exactly change it.

I told her I had no idea that no one else who booked at the hotels had told me, and that $25 was actually a pretty good deal. I told her that if they couldn't afford it, it wasn't that big a deal, maybe they only stay one day, or because they only live an hour from the venue they didn't have to stay at the hotel. The venue itself has free parking. She hung up on me. We were getting married on Sunday in early November. The Tuesday before the wedding, I got a phone call from my father that I missed because I was having an emergency doctor's appointment due to having been in the hospital the day before. Stress from everything exacerbated a prior medical issue, and instead received a text. The text said he wasn't coming to my wedding. That Debbie was having exploratory surgery and

they couldn't come. That he would still send a card. I knew then that he was lying as he had lied the whole year. I texted back begging him to come. I wanted him to come, it wasn't about money. that I'm his daughter, and this was the biggest day of my life. To come for even an hour. Debbie would be fine for a short time. She has family that could watch her for a couple hours. He didn't have to stay. He replied that it's not a contest of who's more important, and he was surprised at me.

I gave my wonderful Victor my phone while I was sobbing. I couldn't respond, I was hurting and devastated. He articulated a text, showed it to me for approval then. sent it. It said basically, very politely but firmly, that if he couldn't spare a couple hours of his time to see me on the biggest day of my life, then we will go back to no contact and I will never again speak to him. My mother, who's her own story for another day, even called him to scream at him for what he was doing. She knew his lies too, and called him out on them. He said, don't worry she'll still get a card. I kept him unblocked up until mid-morning the day of my wedding.

Not one message, not one call. I was so upset and angry. He had raised my hopes of having my father be there for me, then killed those hopes without a thought. I blocked him the day of my wedding. My wedding day was absolutely perfect. It was everything we wanted. I felt a little sad right before walking down the aisle, and some friends who didn't know about my father asked me where he was.

But other than that I didn't even think of him. It wasn't until after Thanksgiving that I thought to check my blocked messages. He hadn't sent me one message the day of my wedding wishing me luck, nothing. But he did send one message on Thanksgiving. To summarize, it said Debbie will always come first. You should understand that. I don't understand it. I told my brother who still talks to him that he is dead to me, and if he asks, to tell him that.

My brother thinks that Debbie is the one preventing my father from being with his family. I quite frankly don't care. He made that decision, and these are the consequences. He asked my brother how much of a wave he made not coming and my brother told him a big wave. But I'm not talking about it. So I made the decision my father will no longer be in my life, and I have so many emotions about it. But it's mostly relief, sadness, and anger. But I can't help but occasionally check my blocked messages now because some part of me just wants to know if he knows how badly he hurt me.

Or if he even cares. And some days I just want my dad. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing by cutting him out of my life. I'd offer erasing him completely forever going forward? Am I doing the right thing? And no, we still haven't gotten that card. Got a happy Easter text though. comments where Op has replied, he may never have planned to come.

I think you're right. I hate to think this was his plan all along. And some part of me still hopes that at some point maybe he was actually planning on coming. But ultimately I think this was his plan to drop out right before my big day. I'll never know. Thank you for your kind words. Reading the support from such nice internet strangers is helping me heal and be at peace with my decision. Commenter, does he have substance abuse issues?

Boop, yes. Growing up both he and my mother were alcoholics. The kicker? Back when he first dated Debbie and before I left, my father had custody of us after the divorce. I was old enough to leave, but I couldn't leave my brother alone. Another story for another day, I had found some white powder on the garage table. I had no idea what it was, and cleaned it off. My dumbass thought it was salt.

Later, when Debbie and my father argued she came into my room and apologized for getting him back into drugs and confessed to me she started him on cocaine and pills. After his first heart attack, they apparently stopped the drugs and only use alcohol. Commenter, NTA. But, one thing to be aware of. If slash when you find that you are expecting a child, he will come back, promising he is a changed man, promising a new start, promising it will be different, this time. At that time, ask yourself why you should ever let your child suffer the pain, confusion, manipulation and rejection that you did, and kick him back to the curb.

Oop, that's Victor's fear. That I'll bend when a child comes around. He had a long talk with me about that, and he reminded me of my childhood and how he knows I would never want to expose a future child to that. He's absolutely right. It does make me sad that my future kids, will never meet my father. But ultimately it's the best decision. My niece met my father once at her baptism and then never again. She asks my sister questions and my sister doesn't really know what to say.

Just that he was not a very nice person. Update 1, I got a request for an update and now I have some time now that things have settled. Though there hasn't really been an update, more of. A development. First, I want to thank you for all your comments and advice. The fact that any of the took the time to write me a comment meant the world to me. You all truly encouraged me and strengthened my resolve. Right after my post, I had a good talk with Victor, and he echoed everything you all said. I even looked into deleting my father's number permanently from my phone, but apparently that would unblock him. After a lot of reading through the comments and reflecting on what everyone said, I really started to think why I ever thought

I was the asshole for cutting him off. Well, I guess I have my answer. My brother Devin, 30, is really impressionable. He lives with my mother, and while living with my mother can be a nightmare, they were doing well. My brother means a lot to me, I gave up school, a career, and took on three jobs to be able to help raise him for a few years with my dad after my parents' divorce. He has always struggled to truly be independent. Mostly due to my father's toddling most of his life. He was the golden child, the only boy. In an attempt to help him succeed, some family members, mom sighed, decided to step up and get him out of my mother's house, and support him to a move to a warmer state to rent with some cousins. They even paid for him to

fly out to the new state and see if he wanted to move. When he got home, he apparently went straight to my father's and spent four days there. I have no idea why. I called up, I called up my brother a few days after he returned back to my mother's. He said he was really looking forward to moving to the new state. After talking to him a bit, I mentioned that I was happy for him, but really sad I'd be losing one of my close family member I talked to. His response? Well, I'm the only family member who still talks to Dad so imagine how he feels. I was stunned. I said, I'm sorry, what did you say? He got angry and just said, well, when I moved Dad will really have no one. Because you refuse to talk to him even though it's been months. You really

should feel bad for him. He doesn't understand how you can still be mad at him. All those feelings came flooding back. The doubt. The guilt. The am I doing the right thing? And then the anger came. In that moment I realized that this is what my family normally does to me and what my father normally does. He plays the victim. Makes everyone feel bad for him. Even though I am in the right, I am made to feel like a pause for having boundaries. I took a breath and explained to my brother Devon, Dad made his choice. He chose this. I was open to him being a dad, he declined that. He didn't want to be in my life. He has no right to complain. He did this to himself. I don't care if Debbie made him not go or not, he's a grown-ass man. And he didn't go to his own daughter's wedding.

So he can stay dead to me, it was his choice. My brother didn't have anything to say to that. Just rushed me off the phone with barely a goodbye. Hung up after I barely got the words love you out. I told Victor what Devin said and he was appalled. He wished I had taken the call near him so he could speak to my brother himself. I told him that my father brainwashed him, that he's not normally like this. He reminded me that Devin is a grown man and not a child anymore, and that I shouldn't excuse what he said. I became so upset. My resolve shaken once again. I felt awkward about the phone call, so I followed up the next day. He wanted to move the beginning of June. I asked him to visit before he goes from a car ride away distance away to a plane ride, and he said he would see

me mid-May for his yearly visit to me like always. Then a week before our normal visit date, I found out from my mother my brother texted her and told her he plans to move in four days and make the multi-day long drive to the new state. So he lied to me and didn't even plan on seeing me to say goodbye. Victor had no words, just that he's incredibly disappointed in my brother. My brother called me the day before he left. He sounded so happy saying, hey, what's up? I told him, well, honestly, I'm a little hurt and disappointed in you right now, because I'm assuming you're calling to tell me you're leaving tomorrow and you're not even bothering to say goodbye to me. He then was adamant that he told me. Then when I pointed out that he didn't, he erupted in anger at me saying I always play

the victim, and why wasn't I happy for him leaving? And how dare I make him feel guilty, almost word for word what my father would say. I told him I'm thrilled he's moving and having a new opportunity. I'm upset he's telling me 12 hours before he's leaving and not saying goodbye when he literally has to pass within 20 minutes of where I live when he leaves. After I started crying, my brother apologized for not telling me. I offered to be up at whatever time he needed. I just wanted to hug him goodbye. He declined. Said he'd be back eventually. Victor was listening and was getting angry at my brother and how he was speaking to me. He's so agitated with him and is hoping he starts acting like an adult in the new state. It's been months now since he moved.

I've heard nothing from my father. My brother and I talked occasionally on the phone with me checking in especially that first month. He is struggling where he is to get a full-time job, but he is doing everything he can to at least pay rent. He became busy in the last month, so I hadn't heard from him in a while. My birthday came, he sent me a happy birthday text and said he'd call later. At 11.45 p.m. I finally got a call from him. I was in the middle of a video game match with friends. After a brief chat I asked if he was free the next night. He said yes, so I told him I would call him the next day for a proper catch-up because he caught me in the middle of something.

He hung up me and didn't answer my call the next day. I haven't tried to call since. I did check for this and I did not receive any messages from my father. Not since his happy Easter. Ever since him and my mother separated, he has always forgotten my birthday anyway, I'm at a loss. I don't know what I did wrong, or what I did to deserve this treatment from him. Is this all because I won't forgive my father?

And I just sitting here just, sad. All I've ever wanted is my family to love me, and I don't know what to do next. If you have advice for me, I just ask you say it kindly. My heart is rather full of emotions at the moment. Update 2, February 19th, 2025. I have gotten a couple requests for a further update,

and I do have some new developments so I can at least share something with you all. It's not a full pot of tea, but you can sip it from a dainty tea cup made up of my unresolved issues. Also, thank you all for your kind words. I appreciate all of you taking the time to comment and make me feel validated.

Okay now for the update to the update. My brother, in early October my brother called me, and was saying how he wasn't doing well in the new state, and he basically wanted to come back home. In a way, I wonder if he was fishing to live with me and Victor so he didn't have to return to my mother, but I would never live with him ever again. I basically just told him to talk to our mother

and work out a plan to come back if that's what he wants to do. I'm through trying to fix things for him. He promised to return for Christmas, which of course didn't happen. I haven't heard from him since. I've gotten the group holiday texts, but I absolutely refuse to reach out. He has broken every promise he gave me, and I am finally feeling strong enough to distance myself. Through my mother I found out he got a better job and was looking to stay there. I guess I wasn't needed anymore, so that's why I haven't gotten a phone call or text.

And then just yesterday I found out he found out he was looking to stay there. he isn't working anymore because his car has finally became a paperweight, a 20-year-old car that he never took care of. My mother used to force him to get oil changes and basic maintenance, and now without my mom there to annoy him into adulting, it finally died. So I feel at this point either my uncle is going to help him with a vehicle, or he's going to try and move back. I will bet money he will try to move in with my father if he does return. If that's the case, I do feel they will both join forces to try and manipulate me into forgiving them and using me. My father, he actually has been trying to reach out.

I have received multiple texts from him every holiday saying how much he loves me and will love me always and wishes me and Victor well. I also keep getting calls and silent voicemails from random numbers. My sister even met with him for the first time in years because my niece wanted to meet him. He tried again to justify not going to my wedding, and my sister told him. him that there was zero excuse. He should have gone to the ceremony at the very least. He kept trying to defend himself, but my sister kept shutting him down saying he could have made at least a minimum effort. While I'm not close with my sister, I greatly appreciated her saying that for me.

Overall, she said he behaved himself and was fine. I actually was doing really good about not checking the messages, but I still once in a while have my curiosity get the better of me. Victor gets mad at me when I check. He wants me to not get sucked in again with either my brother or father. He still plans on having a chat with my brother next time we see him. I do feel myself starting to feel bad. My anger just isn't as sharp anymore. But I'm holding strong reminding myself that I seem to only be his daughter when it's convenient. And that to me isn't a father. But, I'm still just a girl who wants her dad, and I am trying so hard to not fall back into his perpetual pit of assholery.

Me, not going to lie, I've been lonely. All of my friends after the wedding have disappeared. I reach out to them asking how they're doing and get one word answers back which hurts. I've been trying to make new ones, but it's been hard. I spend most of my days either working at home online for our business, or playing video games alone or with Victor. I love my husband, but sometimes I just want a girl day. My self-confidence has plummeted. I don't like what I see in the mirror anymore. We've been trying for a kid with zero luck, so that's taken a hit with my mental health as well. But I am actually going to my

first therapy session next month, which I am incredibly excited about. So unfortunately my saga isn't over. If something major happens, I'll definitely let you waffles know. You know,