Reddit Stories - Dad INSISTED on ACCOMPANYING me down the aisle despite his history of MISTREATMENT

Episode Date: November 19, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #familydrama #weddingwoes #parentalcontrol #relationshipissues #emotionalbaggageSummary: Dad insisted on accompanying me down the aisle despite his history of mistreatment. Conflicted between honoring tradition and setting boundaries, I faced a difficult decision that would impact our relationship forever.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, familyissues, weddingdrama, fatherdaughter, emotionalstruggles, toxicrelationships, forgivenessjourney, personalboundaries, difficultdecisions, lifechangingevents, confrontingthepast, healingprocess, emotionalbaggage, relationshipchallenges, familyconflict, settingboundariesBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Dad insisted on accompanying me down the aisle despite his history of mistreatment and infidelity towards my mother, so I informed him that I preferred a stranger to fulfill that role, then found out my mother had actually cheated first. I, 24F, snapped at a family dinner and told my father, 56M, that I'd rather let a stranger walk me down the aisle than him. For a bit of context, my father always wanted my brother and I to have a traditional wedding.

Since I was a child, he always told me how much he looked forward to eventually walking me down the aisle, and I too shared his excitement. However, that changed the day I found out he had cheated on my mother. The affair was a one-time thing, however he kept in contact with the women for over a year before my mother caught him. This completely changed my view of him, and, although my mother decided to forgive him, his behavior after the fact only made me detest him more. He got more aggressive, would often turn to alcohol.

and basically became a stranger. He only got worse when I entered my teens, and now that I am in my 20s, and have put more thought into my future marriage, I know for a fact I do not want him walking me down the aisle, even though I know how much this will hurt him. Instead, both my brother and I agreed that he'd be the one walking me down the aisle, as he was the father figure while I was growing up. Now here is where the problem began. I no longer speak much to my father, however, every year or so my mother hosts a family dinner. Since they are still together, my father is always at these events. Unfortunately, he often uses them to get drunk and complain about how upsetting it is that we no longer speak to him. The only reason I keep coming to

these dinners is because I love my mother and do not want to make her feel like I am abandoning her. I have tried to organize outings with just my mother, however my father always strong arms his way into these meetings, and in my opinion, it isn't worth the fight. However, yesterday, I just snapped. During the dinner, the topic of marriage was brought up. My brother recently proposed to his fiancé, and was talking with my mother about some of their wedding plans. My father, who was already drunk, piped up about how much he was looking forward to walking me down the aisle when I eventually got married. I immediately apologized and told him that I had already decided my brother was actually going to be the one to walk me down the aisle. I added that, instead of

me, he could walk my mother down the aisle before I entered, so that he could still have his moment. After a long pause from him, my father started yelling. He told me I was an ungrateful brat, how he couldn't believe that this is how I repaid him after all he had done for me growing up. I remained silent while he went off on me, but after he told me I should be lucky he even still wanted to walk me down the aisle after how I treated him, I just snapped. I told him that I would rather a stranger walk me down the aisle than him, and he'd be lucky if he was even invited to the wedding. I know my wording was harsh, but I was just sick of him berating me. Once I had finished yelling, my father broke down and started sobbing. He kept on repeating that I was such a bad

person for taking this from him, and how could I do this to him after everything? I couldn't handle staying there, so I left the dinner shortly after. Today I was bombarded with texts from my mother about how I shouldn't have said those things, that I know how my father is, and what alcohol does to him, and that I should have just remained quiet. My brother is on my side, but I know my mother is right, I have experienced my father under the influence and know that the best way to handle it is to stay silent. Still, when he said those things about me, I just couldn't stop myself. So, read it, am I the asshole for telling my father I'd rather let a stranger walk me down the aisle and he'd be lucky if he was even invited to the wedding? Update, it has been about two days since I told my

alcoholic father he wouldn't be the one walking me down the aisle, and since then, things have only gotten worse for me and my brother. Reading all of the comments helped me realize my mother, although she shielded us from most of the abuse, was still an enabler, and showed no signs of ever stopping my father's behavior. However, she is still my mother, and I didn't want to want to immediately jump to no contact. I talked it over with my brother, and we decided it would be best to have a final conversation with my mother, alone. I finally answered her texts, basically telling her we needed to talk without my father present, and that if he did show up, I'd leave, and have to consider going no contact. She agreed to the arrangement, and we decided to

meet at a nearby cafe for lunch, at my request. I arrived first, and my mother came about 15 minutes later, with, you likely guessed it, my father in tow. Maybe I was still naive to think she would follow through on our agreement, but I had truly trusted her to come alone. I just got up and left the cafe. Although it was hard, I followed through on my threat and blocked her on everything. I thought that would be the end of it. However, this morning, she showed up at my doorstep, this time without my father. She looked so disheveled and just so lost. I couldn't close the door on her, so I invited her in. We had a long talk. I told her about how much hurt her behavior has caused my brother and I, how my father would still be cut out of our lives until

he was at least a year sober and that she needed to finally start encouraging him to better himself, or leave him otherwise we'd also be going no contact with her. I told her that if she did ultimately decide to divorce him, both me and my brother would be there to financially and emotionally support her. We ended up talking for about two hours, the majority of which was spent mostly crying. During the talk, my mother revealed the real reason she wouldn't leave my father. She was the one who had an affair first, it was with a coworker at her old whiteressing job. Instead of dumping her, my father told her they could stay together if she would follow his rules. Basically, he was allowed to have at least one hall pass, she couldn't

talk to any one of the opposite gender, and she had to quit her job and give him full access to her finances. If she broke any one of his rules or tried to leave, he'd tell her family, who were extremely against cheating, what my mother had done, and do everything in his power to ruin her life. After she finished, I tried again to convince her just to leave him, telling her she'd still have my brother and I. The revelation that my mother also cheated has hurt me deeply, but at the moment I still just want her to leave my father. However, despite my best efforts, my mother apologized for everything she had done to us, but still said she was going to stay with my father. I have now lost both of my parents, and have been a sobbing wreck all

day. It's not what I wanted from this situation, but at least I still have my brother. Hopefully I will eventually be able to move on, but for now, I think I just want to rest. Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes, I just need to vent out what has been going on. Thank you for all of your support, and I'll update you all if anything changes. Thanks Edit 1 Since I've gotten a lot of comments about the fact it seems I am perfectly fine with my mother's affair, I would quickly like to clear some things up.

I am by no means siding with my mother, or defending her, for her affair. I just wanted her out of the toxic marriage, which is toxic on both sides, but she is an adult and ultimately she chose to stay in it. All I will do now is try to ensure I do not become like them, and hope that they both get the help they need. I still do not like my father, as he was abusive to us. However, I am now also aware that my mother isn't much better. I feel sympathy for both of them due to their situations, but don't agree with either of their actions. While I was writing out this post, I had no idea how much her affair actually affected my family's life and my father's later behavior.

reading the comments helped me realize the extent of how horrible her actions were, and I am by no means defending or supporting that. I will need a moment to adjust to this information, as now I have a new perspective on the years I spent believing my father was the villain while my mother was the hero, so please bear with me while I take it in. Also, I have told my brother everything, and he too is looking into therapy to help him move forward. Anyways, I hope this clarifies some things, and I'll answer any questions in the comments. Edit 2. Sorry if it wasn't clear. I have gone full and see with both of my parents. Comment where Op has replied, comment, I'm glad you were able to see that your mother was

enabling, finally and that you held your boundaries but also got a chance to talk to your mom. Gently, though, you can't control your mom. To give her an ultimatum like that is ultimately the same thing as what your father has done to her. I don't condone what either has done, and maybe no contact is the right thing to do still, but I still stand by my suggestion to get yourself to therapy. Ideally before getting married, as these behaviors trickle down, whether you want them to or not. Oop, thank you for your comment. I have a therapy session booked later this week. I have no intention of becoming like my father, and will do whatever I can to ensure I do not

end up repeating his behavior. Let me emotions get the better of me in the way I handled things with my mother, which is no excuse, but hopefully I'll be able to stop this behavior from continuing to show up in my life. Oop clarifies details on her mother's affair and who cheated first. I believe that my mother's affair came out during a visit while my father was in rehab. When he asked for a hall pass he already knew who he wanted to have a O-N-S with. My mother agreed to only a O-N-S, as that is what she did, and that is why when it was revealed he kept in contact with his affair partner, I'm not sure if they ever slept to

together again, she got upset. My father had already started to drink alcohol every couple of nights after he got out of rehab, likely due to my mother's affair, but I believe the way we treated him once we found out made him turn solely to alcohol for comfort. I do not support my mother and her decision to have an affair, and my view on her has changed drastically. However, whether she cheated or not, she is still in a dangerous situation with my father and making sure she is safe should take priority over my feelings. I also still remember all of the good years I spent with my mother after the cheating incident, and even though it's likely only that way because she was never outed, I can't help but associate her with those memories, whereas my father is associated

with his alcoholism, as that is all I can remember of him. Hopefully that answers the question, but if it doesn't, please let me know and I'll try to answer as best I can. Next story, bought my sale an expensive gold necklace but it didn't fit, so we agreed I'd replace it and she'd return the original, but then she gave it to her daughter and still expected me to buy the replacement IF. Working abroad, come from a large family and I've always been the one to gift meaningful presents, usually gold jewelry like chains, rings, etc. I avoid electronics or trendy stuff. I prefer gifts that last and hold value. Recently, it was my sister-in-laws, let's call her Sam, turn. She's always been good to me and the family, so I chose a beautiful next

for her, 18K gold, with a pearl and some diamonds. It was a thoughtful gift and not cheap. When I went home and gave it to her, I realized she had gained a lot of weight, and the necklace no longer fit like a necklace, it looked more like a choker. I brought it up gently and told her, since this doesn't fit you properly, I'll take it back and get you something that suits your next size better, she agreed, and even said she'd return the necklace. I made it clear I'd bring her a new one next time I visit. Back abroad, I actually did start searching for a new necklace for her. My mom and even Sam encouraged me to find something more suitable. So I kept looking and finally purchased a bigger, more appropriate necklace, keeping my word. Then I found out that

Sam never gave back the original necklace, she gave it to her daughter instead. That's when I felt uncomfortable. They never told me to stop looking for a replacement, and even pushed me to keep searching. Meanwhile, they kept the original necklace. I'd mentally decided to keep the first necklace for myself, and I felt it was unfair that I was now buying two expensive gifts. To be honest, I don't like wearing jewelry meant for someone else, so the new necklace is pretty much useless to me. I also told them that I wasn't comfortable buying two expensive necklaces when we had clearly agreed the original would be returned. Now there's tension, and I'm being made to feel like I'm the bad guy for asking for the first necklace back.

But from my side, the original gift stopped being a gift when we both agreed it didn't fit her, and I fulfilled my promise to find a better one. So, I'd have for saying I want the first necklace back. Clarification, let me clarify a few points for those who believe I was wrong to ask for the necklace back. I completely agree a gift is a gift. I never intended to take it back. My only wish was to give something meaningful and special. She genuinely loved the necklace, but unfortunately, it wasn't comfortable for her as she

mentioned she felt like chalking. Because of that, I recommended resizing it at a jewelry shop, but she refused because she was worried it might get damaged. I respected her decision. Eventually, I told her, if you're not comfortable with it, I'll keep this one and buy you a new one that suits you better. I didn't take the necklace back immediately. In fact, I left it with her and told her to think about it and let me know what she wants.

I stayed in my hometown for 20 days, and it was only after 15 days that she came back to me and confirmed she wanted a replacement and would return the original one. We live in different cities, so I never had the chance to collect it. Now, for those saying I should have accepted that she gave it to someone else. Please understand, this necklace was bought for her and she can do with it whatever she pleases. If she wanted to give to her daughter, it's fine. Had I known that from the beginning, I would never have gone out of my way to buy a second necklace just to make up for her.

No one told me to stop looking for a replacement. No one said the plan had changed. For those who are asking if I can return it back, I actually bought the replacement necklace months ago which means I can't return it anymore. Comments where OP has replied, downvoted commenter, ESH. You don't take back a gift. Once you give it, it becomes theirs. They can give it to someone else if they want unless you gave it with express strings attached.

You are wrong, both legally and morally. Edit. This whole thing sounds like a mess of hurt feelings and poor communication. I'm changing my vote to ESH OOP, but I had the conversation with her and she agreed that she wanted something more suitable, and even while looking for a replacement there was no mention that she wishes to keep the gift for her daughter. If she wanted to keep the first gift for her kid she would just say so, but I have to buy another gift?

Comment 2. Endth You don't get to keep the original if you're making an exchange at a shop. OOP, this is what I thought at first comment 3, especially since you said I'll take it back. May I ask why you didn't just take it back right when it didn't fit? What was the idea behind letting her hold onto it? I definitely still think Sam is in the wrong, but that might be where some confusion came from. Boop. When she tried in for the first time, she explained that she not comfortable

because it was so tight, that when we had the conversation that she might need to take to the jewelry shop for resizing, the following day she said she is not feeling comfortable taking there because they might ruin it. At that point I suggested to keep for me and buy a replacement, but I suggested to let her think for a couple of days before she give her answer. Later on we had the conversation again and she said that she want a replacement. Since she lives in a in different city I requested my mom to collect it from her, and that's it was with her all the time. When the time come to return, I did not get the chance to visit them home, and this is what led us to this unfortunately comment for. Take the second necklace back and get your money back.

Your sill keeps the first gift and if she wants to give it away, that's her choice, but you sure don't owe her a second gift. Boop. I think that what it should happen eventually, since I felt deceived especially when I took her opinion before I bought the replacement if only they told me earlier update. Before getting into the update, I want to take a moment to thank everyone who liked, read, and shared their thoughts on my previous post. I genuinely appreciate the time you gave and the insightful advice many of you offered. Some comments made me reflect deeply, and even if we didn't all agree, I respect the different perspectives. Now, to clarify one more thing some people assumed I was using the value of the gift as leverage. I just want to say clearly, the gift,

value were entirely my own decision. Nobody asked me or pressured me to buy something expensive. Yes, there were expectations in the background, but nothing was ever said about how much I should spend or what kind of gift I should give. I find it's super important to mention that as expensive gifts since I cannot really afford buying this type of gift every single time, since I need so much saving and planning. I made the decision myself because I truly value her as a person. The way she treats me, family, and especially my mother, made me feel grateful. I wanted to express that with something meaningful. There were no hidden intentions, no emotional strings attached. It was simply a gesture of appreciation. Now, for the update, as many of you wisely suggested, I approached the situation

with calm and maturity. I didn't want this to become a lingering misunderstanding, so I initiated a phone call with my mom, my sister-in-law, and myself to try and resolve things clearly. During the call, I asked them directly, when did she decide that the first necklace would be handed over to my niece? And on what basis are you now expecting me to bring a second necklace as a replacement? Because, to be very honest, that was never the original agreement. My sister-in-law explained that after the replacement was confirmed, she and my brother decided to keep the first necklace.

She also mentioned that they were planning to talk to me about the value of that necklace in order to pay me back when they can. On top of that, they were still expecting me to go ahead and bring the replacement necklace, meaning I'd be providing two necklaces, one as a gift, and one they would supposedly buy. Here's the issue, my brother owes me over $3,000 for more than seven years now, and he's never paid me back, which it is a different story for another time. So I find it hard to believe he'd pay me for this necklace, especially considering its high value. Given everything, I'm 100% sure they won't be able to afford it. I know for a fact that my brother is not in a financial position to cover the cost.

And when my sister-in-law said they planned to pay me when they can, it became even more clear there's no specific time frame or commitment. Given all of this, I respectfully declined to share the value of the necklace and expressed that I was uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had taken. I told them kindly but firmly that while I appreciate them, I think it's unreasonable to expect me to provide two necklaces, especially without even discussing it with me first. They had this entire conversation and made decisions among themselves, without informing me or asking if I was okay with it. So I said, you can keep the original necklace and just

consider it your gift. But I will not be getting another one. I also reminded her that I had given her more than enough time to decide what she wanted to do. She was the one who chose the replacement necklace, which is why, after I returned home, I kept in touch, talked to her regularly, and even shared pictures to help her select the exact piece she liked. Throughout that entire time, she never once mentioned any change of plan or that they had decided to keep the original necklace for my niece. That's why I was completely caught off guard when I heard about this for the first time during our call. At that point, my sister-in-law said she still really wanted the replacement necklace, especially since she felt it was a better fit for her.

Again, I explained that while I gave the first necklace freely, I can't fulfill this new expectation. I can't and won't give two necklaces. She then said she no longer wanted the first necklace and would be leaving it with my mom the next time, still expecting to receive the replacement necklace instead. So, for now, the situation is settled. But as many of you pointed out, yes, I've realized that I'm being treated like the family ATM. And this experience has definitely made me reflect on the kind of gifts I choose to give in the future. As for the replacement necklace, I'm just waiting for my mom to confirm she received it. But I can't help at this time, the gift feels bitter. It doesn't feel like a genuine gesture of appreciation anymore.

It feels like a trade. I feel used. And I feel hurt. Because all I ever wanted was to say thank you sincerely, from the heart. And as one of you wisely pointed out, I now realize, I was chasing perfection, trying so hard to please everyone that I lost sight of the original intention. Maybe I should have just left it up to her to decide what she wanted to do with the original necklace, instead of trying to fix it all. That's how it is. Thank you again to everyone who took the time to read, comment, and help me see this more clearly.