Reddit Stories - Dark Secrets UNVEILED My RECKLESS Night At His Best FRIEND'S House

Episode Date: June 22, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #darksecrets #unveiled #recklessnight #hisbestfriendshouse #relationshipsSummary: A thrilling tale unfolds as dark secrets are revealed during a reckless night at his best friend's house. Emotions run high, leading to unexpected twists and turns that challenge relationships and trust.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, darksecrets, unveiled, recklessnight, hisbestfriendshouse, relationships, drama, secrets, friendship, betrayal, trustissues, unexpectedtwists, emotionalrollercoaster, thrillingstory, relationshipdrama, shockingrevelationsBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Passed out at my spouse's top buddies' residence following alcohol consumption, I have a dreadful sensation that he uttered something about me, but nobody is willing to disclose any details. We are all in our late 20s. We were having a movie night with some friends, his high school best friends, that we still see pretty often, Jack and Brian. Some background, Jack, Brian, and my husband have an immature pretend to be gay for each other dynamic sometimes. I think it comes from them playing water polo in high school.

Nothing that actually crosses a line, just jokes. Jack and Brian are single. Jack has always been kind to me, very gentlemanly, offering a spare jacket when I'm cold, small stuff that a good host would do, in frequent compliments on what I'm wearing or my wit slash emotional attributes, etc. I assume that's just how he is with women. When we hang out, Jack tries to get my husband and I to stay as long as possible but doesn't care much when Brian leaves. Even when we're playing video games online, Jack tries to get us to play as long as possible. But he also doesn't drop everything to hang out with us. We recently learned that more than one of Jack's friends have fought him because they thought he was

trying to hit on their girlfriends. His friend also mentioned to us that he's into women who are unavailable. One night recently, we were in the hot tub and Jack was trying to explain some swimming mechanics, but I just wasn't getting it. He asked me if it was okay if he touched my leg to show me, and I said, sure. I probably shouldn't have said yes, but it felt platonic and like it would have been weird to say no. Back to the movie night, we were drinking a bit. My husband has been waking up earlier lately, so he fell asleep around 10.30 p.m. He often falls asleep when we hang out with Jack and Brian, and it hasn't been an issue before. He told us to

wake him up when food comes. When the food came, I tried tickling my husband's hand a ton and saying his name, but nothing was working. Then Brian started getting close to my husband's pants and, I think, tickling his legs slash hips. I told him to stop. I think Brian perceived it as a joke, and since he felt it was a joke I thought maybe it wasn't that serious. I didn't want to be the controlling wife and ruined their joke slash make it a weird moment, so I just stayed quiet. If they took his pants off, I'd definitely say something. When I wasn't looking, Jack took my husband's belt off and bragged about how he could do it with one hand.

That's when my husband woke up. He grabbed my wrist and angrily said, My name, you know better, I said, I know better, and stormed out. He followed me out to talk to me, but I locked myself in the bathroom. I needed space. I was really embarrassed and angry at the fact that. He grabbed my wrist, he essentially assaulted me in front of his friends, legally speaking, any unwanted physical contact done in a rude-slash-angry manner is assault.

He was essentially suggesting that I was taking his pants off in front of his friends slash doing sexual stuff in front of them, which is embarrassing and made me feel vulnerable slash uncomfortable. He blamed me for that entire thing when I tried to stop it. I could have done more, I know, it was weird and I have a tendency to doubt my gut. After a little while in the bathroom, I went downstairs. I went back to where we were hanging out after a bit and my husband had gone into a spare room to sleep. I went to check on him, and he wanted me to stay with him. I wasn't sleepy, still needed space, and didn't want my night to end on such a bad note, so I went back to hang out with our friends. He really didn't like that, and called my phone to tell me to come stay with him.

I ended up going in the spare room to talk with him, and we didn't resolve anything. I understand that he felt violated and vulnerable and was confused and drunk. He told me that he didn't assault me, because he didn't hit me. He told me that he didn't even remember grabbing my wrist, so it wasn't his fault, because he wasn't in his right mind. He told me that he grabbed my wrist because I was closest to him, which wasn't even true. He told me that he didn't think it was me doing it, that he knew it was them, and that's why he said I knew better, that he blamed me for not stopping it. Then he went back on that and said that when he realized what had actually happened, that I didn't take his belt off, he felt bad. He ended up telling Jack and

Brian to never do that again, that he took it out on me, because I wasn't willing to go to sleep, he decided to drive us home. The drive is 40 minutes. While we were driving home, continuing the argument, I was a bit scared because he was angry and slurring his words. I didn't feel comfortable telling him not to drive. He told me twice that I should have put aside my pride and slept in the room with him. I asked him about it when he was sober, and he stood by what he said. We got home and slept.

In the following days, I tried to bring up how he shouldn't have driven. He told me that his anger had sobered him up. and that I never get upset when Brian or Jack drive drunk, they're never actually drunk when driving, and they definitely never slur their words. He told me that he wouldn't have driven if I had agreed to sleep in the spare room with him. I told him that he could have slept on the bed in the room with us like he always does.

He said that he doesn't intentionally fall asleep on that bed, not true because he literally told us to wake him up when the food got there, because it's not his bed. He said he didn't trust me to come to the spare room when I'm ready to sleep. He said he's trying to protect me. I asked if he thinks Jack would do things to me without my consent, and he said no, but he doesn't trust when we're both drinking because of Jack's repressed feelings for me. But he also says that he knows me and knows I would never do something to betray his trust. This feels all over the place, because it is, and I really

want to know, Ida. Background. When Jack is drunk, he hits on me, with plausible deniability. My husband doesn't usually pick up on social cues, but even he senses it. Jack is a lot more bold with it when my husband isn't around, but still does it in a way that he can deny it later. Examples of bold things, he's told me I can change out of my bathing suit in front of him, as if it was more convenient than going to the nearby bathroom. He suggested we go skinny dipping. He's done other things, for some reason I can't remember right now, but I've always said no. He also encourages us to drink.

My husband and I have talked about this, and he thinks that Jack is in love with me. I think Jack just wants to sleep with me. Regardless, after a particular incident where he asked to touch my leg, to show me some swimming mechanic he was trying to explain while we were in the hot tub, I told Jack that he's too comfortable with me and he needs to respect our relationship. Jack said that he felt it was coming out of nowhere, were his best friends, and he would never do anything like that, etc. My husband gives everyone else the benefit of the doubt. He doesn't like cutting people off or distancing from people unless they're absolutely,

undeniably, 100% horrible. When I tell him how I feel about people who are horrible to me and that I want to distance myself from them, he says that he isn't allowed to have friends, and that if I had it my way he would only have one friend left. So he knows how I feel, but I haven't made him cut Jack off or anything, and we've just continued with the friendship like normal. Now to the particular issue. Two months ago, my husband got super drunk while we were hanging out with Jack and another friend, Brian, 24M, plus Jack's friend Zach, 26M. My husband ended up passing out on the toilet. I remember checking on him and he kept saying he wanted more time. Later, I had a sip of his drink on accident, he poured extra tequila into a can margarita,

and I mistook his can for mine. My memory starts getting blurry around 11.30, maybe 30 minutes after my husband left for the bathroom, but I don't remember drinking all that much to where I'd be blacking out. It's possible, but I've been careful not to drink too much around Jack. Maybe I wasn't careful that night. At around midnight, we took a group selfie. I don't actually. I don't actually remember any of this, but I remember the thoughts and feelings I was having in the moment. Jack put his arm around me for the photo, but his hand was touching my butt. I remember thinking, hmm, weird, but that couldn't have been on purpose. Did that even happen? But I remember thinking about how he did it again, and that meant it definitely happened the first time too. In the photo,

I can just barely see the reflection of his arm around me. That was right before midnight. I don't remember anything after that. The next day I woke up in his guest room next to my husband, covered in vomit, without a bra. My shoes were often placed neatly next to each other, and there was a water bottle next to it. We didn't have a sheet or blankets or anything, just a mattress. When I showered, I found a massive bruise on my butt.

After getting ready to leave and heading downstairs, I found my bra on the floor in the kitchen. The next day, I asked Brian how, I got the bruise and why my bra was in the kitchen. Brian said that around 2 a.m. I fell on the stairs while trying to go to the bathroom. Since my husband was in the upstairs bathroom, I had to go downstairs. Brian said that I never made it downstairs. He said he didn't know why my bra was in the kitchen, but that I probably threw it downstairs.

Which, first of all, is weird, but second of all isn't physically possible since he said I was just three steps down from the top, and there's a wall there. He also said they heard me fell, helped me upstairs, and put me to bed afterwards because I was sleepy. He said I was totally fine before that. He told me that Jack told him to put my husband to bed while Jack put me to bed, because, Op, already did her turn, as in, I was the one checking on him previously. Brian said that after that, he left. Then I texted Jack asking how hard I fell, and he said he did and he no. I asked Jack if he knew how my bra got in the kitchen, and he said he honestly had no idea.

I told him it was bothering me, and he didn't respond. A week ago, I asked Jack in person what happened. He still said he had no idea. I told him that I didn't want to accuse him of anything, but that I remember it not being a normal night, and he asked what I meant. I got angry and told him I remembered him touching my butt, and he's literally doing it in the group photo. He said that he gets touchy when he gets drunk, and he's sorry if he made me uncomfortable. He again said that he genuinely doesn't know how my bra got in the kitchen. I asked him if I did anything embarrassing, and he said I didn't, that we were all just watching

YouTube. He told me that I was taking shots with them, which I rarely ever do. I asked if I made it to the bathroom, and he said that I might have. He said that they put me to bed after I fell. I just can't believe that neither Jack nor Brian would know how my bra got off. It's unlikely for me to be wandering alone downstairs and taking my bra off. My husband said that if Jack actually did anything, he would cut him off. But he really doesn't think anything happened. He thinks I just got hot or uncomfortable and took my bra off, but we didn't hang out in the kitchen.

He still trusts Jack alone with me. I have felt so depressed about this and my husband. husband has told me to try to distract myself rather than keep thinking about it. I just need closure, I need an explanation. The fact that we don't know if anything happened, I just can't make my husband cut jack off with no explicit proof. My husband also wouldn't be willing to do that without 100% certainty something happened. I'm really not sure where to go from here. I have a suspicion that he maybe dosed my husband's drink, my husband keeps passing out when we hang out with him. But it could have been that my husband does keep drinking too much. He literally added extra

alcohol to his drink. I have no proof of anything. I feel lost and alone. I'm in desperate need of support. What do you think happened? And what should I do? Update 1. My husband wants me to confront Jack again. November 30th, 2003. I explained to my husband why I was so insistent that Jack might have done something. He seems to get it more now, but seems so focused on his own feelings. I can't believe Jack would do this to me. I thought he loved me, platonically. Another thing happened that night. Context, a few months ago, my husband grabbed my wrist in anger while drunk and scolded me after Jack and Brian violated a boundary of his. Maybe I'll explain it in the comments, let me know. When I told Jack and Brian I would check on my husband on the toilet, the night I posted about,

Brian said make sure he isn't angry. If I remember correctly, he kind of laughed when he said it. I told my husband what Brian said, and he got mad slash hurt that Brian would say that. He responded that he wasn't sure if he could continue being friends with either Jack or Brian. He's been talking about how he doesn't want to lose friendships. But it seems like he's willing to at least consider. consider cutting people off when they hurt him, but if they hurt me it's okay. But now he's changed

his mind and still wants me to try to be friends with him. He wants me to talk to Jack again and tell him that I won't tell my husband what he says, but that I just want to know the truth of what happened that night. And to tell him never to touch me again. I don't think that will work. He said that whatever I decide after talking to him one last time, he will respect my decision. But he will probably still end up deciding to be friends with them no matter what I decide. I finally got a chance to tell my best girlfriend what happened, and she said she's disappointed in my husband. That he only picks my side when it's convenient for him. I'm at my wits end with reflecting on everything that's happened in our relationship and how I deserve better.

Additional info. Comment 1. We were drinking with Jack and Brian in Jack's room, sitting on the bed. He wanted to sleep for a bit because he got sleepy, and also had a good bit to drink. We asked him if he wanted us to wake him up when the food got there since we ordered food. He said yes. When the food got there, I tried waking him up gently, but he wasn't waking up. He can be a deep sleeper, especially when he's drunk. I started whispering his name, then saying his name, tickling his hand, tapping him, more stuff, it didn't work. Then Brian started tickling his thighs, and I told him to stop. I wasn't firm with it.

Brian kept doing it. Brian has made jokes in the past that have made me feel uptight, and I didn't want to be the uptight-controlling wife. Jack and Brian used to play sports together and still make gay jokes slash get jokingly touchy in that way. So I was like, okay, my husband has known them longer than he's not. know me, maybe this is okay with my husband. Then as I was turning away to grab my drink, Jack took my husband's belt off I turned back around and he bragged about how he did it with one hand.

As soon as that happened, my husband woke up and that's when he grabbed my wrist and told me up, you know better. I was absolutely mortified. I said, I know better, ripped my wrist from his hand and left the room. He followed me out so I locked myself in the bathroom for like 20 minutes after that. My husband later said he did it because he was upset at me for not protecting him, but also said that he didn't remember why he did it. When I told him it was assault, he got upset at me and said it wasn't that he didn't even remember doing it. Later my husband wanted to ask Jack if what he did was that bad and Jack said it was bad.

I think my husband thought Jack would say it's okay. We asked Jack what he thought my husband was saying when he said that, and Brian said that he thought my husband was upset at me because he thought I was the one who took his belt off, in front of his friends. I'm so embarrassed of this situation. I'm embarrassed that Jack and possibly Brian would think that my husband would suspect me of doing that in front of his friends. I feel like this situation made them think that when I get drunk I might do crazy sexual stuff. Anyways, after I cooled off for a bit I went to the room and my husband wasn't there. He had gone to the guest room, so I want to check on him in

there. He said he wanted me to stay with him, but I still wanted space. He wasn't apologizing and was also still drunk. I went back to the room where Jack and Brian were. Jack told me to open another can. I said I had already had enough, but he tried to convince me. Then my husband called my phone and asked me again to come to sleep with him. I told him that I wasn't ready to go to sleep with him. He got upset and decided to drive us home. He went and told his friends not to do that ever again, that he took it out on me. But he was slurring his words and angry at me on the drive home. I'm upset that they didn't tell him I tried to stop them. When I told him I was upset that he drove us drunk, he said he wasn't that drunk and then also blamed me for him driving drunk because I

wouldn't stay in the room with him. I told him he could have just come back into the room with us, and he said that he never voluntarily sleeps on another person's bed, even though he literally just did that night, and frequently does. I understand he was trying to protect me, even though when he was sober he said he trusted both me and Jack, but I wish he had just come into the room with us or something. I really don't know what the solution would have been, because I needed space and I understand that it wasn't a safe situation.

But drunk driving isn't okay either, and neither of us were okay to drive. I already know that drinking is an issue. Also I'm going to therapy, need to find a new therapist, though. She didn't have much of an issue with the situation I described in this comment. On Y-O-O-O-P doesn't leave. Comment two. I'm not at the point where I can be stable and independent on my own.

I need to do a lot of work on myself. I've been struggling with depression for a while and I have a hard time taking care of my daily needs. I can't just be on my own yet. He does a lot for me in the day to day, and I know he cares about me to some extent, but I've told him before that I don't feel like he loves me sometimes. He says, of course, he does. Today, I took a long walk and did tons of affirmations. I realized just how severely unmet my needs are, and how little respect I receive from myself and the people around me. I know what I need to do, and part of it is building trust with myself first. I want to do daily walks plus affirmations every morning and keep that promise to myself as a first step.

I haven't eaten dinner yet, even though I'm super hungry, so I should probably do that too right now. And I need to learn to be okay spending time with myself. I've spent time away from him, and each time I get really sad, I thought it was because I missed him, but I think it might, also. B, because I have expectations for communication, etc. and he disappoints me. I feel constantly let down. I also need to build slash strengthen my support system a ton. At this point it seems he's either unwilling or incapable of making the changes I need, but I have a lot to figure out and get in line before making impulsive decisions.

It's crazy to me that someone asked what his top priority was, and he said his career even though he knows just how rocky our relationship is. I don't know if he realized, but That just speaks volumes to me. Anyways, I appreciate your comment. Sometimes I just get back into the groove, but I really, really do need to take this seriously and not forget. Update 2. I think my husband's best friend essayed me while we were drunk, but nobody will tell me the truth.

January 28, 2024. I posted a couple months ago about my husband's best friend, Jack, who constantly hit on me with plausible deniability. I vaguely remembered him touching my butt one night, and nothing after that. I woke up the next morning and found a massive bruise on my butt, and my bra in Jack's kitchen. My husband also blacked out, and everyone had similar stories but conflicting details. A lot of people have asked me if anything has happened since, or checked in on how I'm doing, so I thought I'd give you guys an update. I'm also in need of more advice.

I appreciate those who truly care how I've been doing. Before I get into it, I wanted to address those of you who are using my story on other platforms. Though this isn't the worst thing I've gone through, this has been a very painful experience for me. And for someone to profit off of my pain? Especially when they're drastically changing my story into something that prompts victim-blaming comments. I wish I could say that I can't believe there are people like that out there. If you see this story anywhere other than my Reddit page, know that I did not approve the

them using it. On to another topic, I know that I should have agency over who I choose to hang out with. My husband has had several friends who have been mean to me in the past. One of them made a joke about me behind my back, and I overheard it when I was coming back into the room. We had plans with her the next day, and I decided I wasn't going to go. He begged me to come and said he wasn't going to go if I wasn't going to go. I felt bad because we traveled out of town to see her, and some other friends in the area. So I went. Yes, I'm not his pet, but that's also the history.

Anyways, I've been bad and good. I'm taking control of my own life again, more or less. Taking care of myself. Going to therapy. We haven't seen Jack or Brian in person since the original post. My husband and I have been going to couples therapy, and things are actually going well. We have an amazing couples therapist. And I got him to do individual therapy too.

Slow but steady progress. It's been super helpful to have someone else talk to him, because he finally is getting it. I hate that I can't be the one to tell him some things, but hopefully he will get there. We have many things to work on, one of them being my ability to decide whether I want to hang out with his friends or not. I talk to my husband more about the situation. Before couples therapy, individual therapy really hasn't been helpful for this situation. It's maybe beyond their pay grade LOL, haven't brought it up in couples therapy yet. He gets it more.

My husband said he thought initially that I wasn't sure anything happened, even Jack touching my butt, he says it's because I explained to him that my thoughts were super foggy and filled with doubt in the moment. He didn't understand that I was certain it happened, since I remember it happening at least twice. He had also asked to see the photo, and since it's pretty blurry, he thought maybe nothing happened. But I told him I know Jack touched my butt and he gets that. Plus, Jack basically admitted to that part when I talked to him. My husband really wanted me to confront Jack, and he wanted to confront Jack himself, for his own closure. He says he will be able to tell if Jack is lying.

I feel super weird about it. I feel like I've already tried. I wanted it to be in a situation where he didn't feel like I was gathering evidence or getting witnesses. I wanted him to be as honest as possible and genuinely never wanted to report him. I genuinely just wanted the truth. I know in my gut that something happened. I feel like confronting Jack again is asking for trouble.

He isn't a safe person. And I feel like my agency is being taken away again by my own husband. I get that he wants to know exactly what happened, but I do too. I tried, and it didn't work. I don't see it as productive, I'm just having a fear response thinking about it. I just want to move on now. Jack impulsively called my husband two months ago, a few weeks after I had the one-to-one convo with him, he kind of ghosted us for two weeks.

On that call, my husband started asking him indirect questions about that night, even though he knew I didn't want him confronting Jack. and Jack just kept saying he didn't know, and giving details that contrasted with Brian's recounting of the story, I asked Brian when he was blackout drunk at a party I threw, Jack and Brian were both there, this was before I made the original post. At that party, Brian was making me and all my friends uncomfortable. He was touchy with all of us, and aggressive with me. He said something really weird to me in front of everyone, including my husband's parents Jack told Brian when he sobered up that he should apologize to me.

But Brian didn't say anything until my husband called him. Brian has been weird since then. He basically ghosted my husband for the last 2.5 months because of work, and Jack basically ghosted my husband too after their call 1.5 months ago. Until now. So Jack texted and called my husband. Then when my husband didn't answer, he texted our group chat and said Brian and him are cooking today

and we should join them at Jack's Place. This brought everything back up again and now I'm thinking about it again. My husband wanted to confront him, but I clearly wasn't fond of that idea. My husband likes to do things impulsively when he's emotional, but I told him I think we should talk to our therapist first before making a decision like that. He accepted that. He asked what I want to do, re, responding to the text or not, and I wasn't sure. Obviously we both decided we aren't going to know.

night. He decided he wanted to not respond and see if Jack brings anything up with him. He said he wants Jack and Brian to hang out and talk to each other, now that Brian has been weird with him. He feels like Brian was involved with it. He wants them to talk today and decide to tell us. My husband has a very optimistic view of the world at times. So that's where we're at. Gray area. Uncertain. Waiting. Seeing Jack's name on my husband's phone gives me a fear response in my body, not as bad as I've experienced with similar situations in the past. I know I just want to move past this and forget about it now.

Being faced with this situation again has made me dissociate and want to isolate. Things haven't been great lately, but they've been getting better. I just want to focus on that and not on the past. But how can I get my husband to accept that? Is that even something I have the right to do? to stop him from seeking his own closure? He says that every time he sees something that reminds him of Jack, he gets sad. I want to tell him, how do you think I feel? But that's not very empathetic, so I don't think that's the right thing to say. He says he doesn't feel right just having the friendship fade away, that he wants Jack to know

the reason for the friendship ending. I want him to move on, but I can't tell him that, because again, that isn't empathetic either. But is it unfair to myself to not tell him that that's what I need in order to heal? That I know we won't get answers, and we both have to be okay with that? That I already know in my gut that something happened, and that's enough for me? T.L. D.R. Nothing has happened because both Jack and Brian seem to have been avoiding us. My husband is sad and wants to confront Jack, thinks Brian was involved. Talking about it again is re-traumatizing me.

Is it fair for me to prioritize my healing over my husband's closure? Additional info Comment I struggle with knowing where the line is between being a doormat and being controlling is. I think my husband believes I'm controlling and needy and sensitive and neurotic, and just knowing he believes that leads me to take up less space. But I did get a chance to talk with him again. He actually brought it up.

He noticed I was distancing myself. He said that this moment wasn't going to undo all the progress I've made in caring for myself. He knows I've been working hard and doing a lot to care for myself in the past month, even more than I did before this all happened. I constantly struggle with my mental health. I told him that I did feel like this set me back, and had me re-experiencing the situation again. He asked I want him to block Jack, and I told him I didn't want to tell him what to do, I want him to do what he thinks he should do.

He decided to block him and said he can always change his mind. He asked if he should block Brian. I asked him if he thinks he should block Brian, and he decided not to for now. And I decided to block Jack too. And separately, I gave him a whole breakdown of events. I think he was saying it was hard for him to know who to cut off, when he doesn't know exactly what happened.

I thought it would be helpful to say everything we're certain of between Jack and Brian, and basically how they both suck, L-O-L. He did find it helpful. He had been moping about and telling me to stay off my phone, I was secretly trying to type this up, but told him I was on social media. He said he needed my support. I told him that this didn't happen to him, but to me, that although he is obviously affected by it, I'm the one who is impacted more, that I had my choice taken from me that night. How far it went, we've don't know, and I deserve a choice in what happens next. That hearing everything again is painful to me. He is still a bit stuck in well I hurt too, yeah, I'm not saying you don't,

but has agreed to do what I feel I need. He sometimes changes his mind or forgets, but hopefully he doesn't this time. I think you're right about him wanting to see his friends and have them convince him. You're absolutely right that he is really, really, really bad at listening to me and trusting me. He believes I'm anxious and don't give others the benefit of the doubt. He actually said that to our therapist. He's really bad with empathy, when it's with animals he's great at empathy, and gives everyone but me the benefit of the doubt, so it really does feel like a respect thing. His parents are the same way, so I think it's how he's raised. He can come around eventually, but I have to metaphorically beat my perspective into him or have someone else explain

it to him. It's exhausting and draining. and paired with the fact that I'm very prone to self-doubt? This sucks. I love him and feel so happy with his progress so far, but it feels like a very big project to try to change him into a more mature, available, loving partner. I'm tired and can hardly take care of myself. How can I raise him emotionally?

I don't know. Update 3, February 4th, 2024. I think you guys will be proud of me with this update. something else happened, and he knowingly betrayed my wishes and put me last again. As a result of that and everything else combined, I've decided to separate from my husband, and I'm staying with some family. I told him I needed time apart from him to think. I don't want to explain the situation in this post because it's not relevant to my previous posts, but if enough people want to know, I can talk about it in depth on my personal.

When I told him I was going to stay with family, he said that he'd never do that. He'd never do this to me. He knows he messed up and he apologized for it. But it's not enough to apologize for something he keeps doing over and over again. I've lost trust in him. I was so optimistic with couples counseling, I thought I was seeing lots of change. But he recently told me that I'm needy, sensitive and controlling, and that I isolate him from his loved ones. And that he's not sure he's the one who needs to change. When I'm the one who is at horrible mental health and and begged him for couples therapy for many months, the SA situation is what finally got him to agree to therapy.

This separation has been hard, I love him so much. He helped me pack my things. As I was packing, we kept crying and hugging. But love isn't all you need, I can't be with someone who is immature, self-centered, and resents me. I can't be with someone who disrespects my needs, boundaries, choices, and wishes. I can't be with someone who is so little empathy slash regard for me that he constantly brushes off my opinions and puts me last.

My mom thinks that this separation will be enough for him to start taking me seriously, since this is the first time I've ever separated from him. But I'm not joking when I say that he and I've been talking about separation slash divorce for at least half a year. I'm not sure if I should give him an ultimatum of stay in weekly individual therapy for one year, show me you've truly changed, and maybe we can try to work things out. Or if I should just give up and move on. I don't know if he'll be able to change, or if I'll be able to forgive him for everything even if he does. I need time to think, and I'd love your tips on healthy separation

boundaries plus what you think I should do. Anyways, I was reading your comments on my first post about the essay situation and I actually do think I might have been secondhand drugged. I was reflecting on my level of drunkenness in the past. Yes, I know that I have a problem with alcohol, normally when I black out. Yes, I hate saying that, I remember blips throughout the night. The only times I stopped remembering anything after a certain point, I was with people who I thought I could trust, one of whom 100% essayed me that night, and another is a guy who has been rumored to have drugged someone else. the same friend I tried getting us to distance from since he was undeniably horrible to me,

and my husband didn't listen. That night, though, my memory was just totally blank after a certain point. Even though I genuinely didn't drink enough before blacking out too. Blackout for the rest of the night. Yes, I drank a decent amount. But at that time, I was drinking heavily very regularly and not blacking out, and even when I did black out, it was just blips missing. I drank the same amount I normally drank, and don't remember acting inappropriately or being super drunk before I blacked out. Things just started getting progressively blurry and Jack started getting touchy. Brian even said that I was acting normal right before I fell and said I was sleepy, after I was already blacked out for two hours and apparently doing shots with them. Jack has told me in the

past that he can tell when people are getting drunk. I feel like that's weird, as if he's waiting for women to get too drunk so he can take advantage. Plus, he's encouraged me to drink more and take shots with him even though I hate shots. I feel like he's the one who got me to take shots that night, if that's even what happened. I asked him whether I was asking to do shots with them or if they asked me to, and he said he didn't know. With most questions I asked him, he said he didn't know. didn't black out, he had to wake up early the next day. Plus, my shoes were put neatly next to each other. The inconsistent details between the stories Jack and Brian told me, plus Jack's lack of willingness to answer questions straight, and them ghosting us after, are so sketchy.

Looking back, your comments and personal stories were so validating. They're really helpful to me, even now. They were especially helpful when my own husband didn't believe anything happened and literally told me to distract myself. He says he believes me now, not that that's relevant. But please don't tell me I should have gotten a kit or should have tested for drugging. It's too late and it's not helpful. Besides, they don't test the DNA in kits unless you take it to court, from my experience getting one before, which I didn't slash don't.

And they say that alcohol is the most common thing used to drug people, so it's possible a test wouldn't even help. That being said, I'd love your thoughts slash advice on all this, especially boundaries to put in place for a healthy separation, and anything else you think would be helpful. He keeps texting me venting about work and stuff, and I really don't know if that's something I should be okay with, and texting me good night.

And this might be a stupid question, but how often am I supposed to call him? I don't want to go scorched earth with him and totally ghost him, but I'm scared that the more we contact each other, the more likely I'll forgive him unjustifiably, without him showing he will change, instead of choosing myself. We plan to continue couples therapy, which will help with whatever path I decide to take.