Reddit Stories - DISCOVERED my partner ENGAGING in INTIMATE chats during her regular match, so I

Episode Date: July 16, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #infidelity #trustissues #communication #confrontationSummary: DISCOVERED my partner ENGAGING in INTIMATE chats during her regular match, so I confronted her about it, leading to a difficult conversation about trust and boundaries in our relationship.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, infidelity, trustissues, communication, confrontation, cheating, secrets, honesty, love, partnership, boundaries, communicationissues, relationshipadvice, trustbuilding, difficultconversationsBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Discovered my partner engaging in intimate chats during her regular match, so I eavesdropped by her secured entrance for a long time until I unraveled the reality about her gaming companion. I have been going out with my GF 25F for almost four years, and we've been living together for a few months. She's funny and wonderful and kind and honestly pretty much everything I ever wanted in a girl. She's also a bit of a D&D type nerd, which I don't think is. a bad thing. It's good that she has her own friends and hobbies. She tried getting me into it, but I don't really get it. She tried teaching me about D&D, but there were just too many

weird rules and dice, and I just didn't see the fun in it. We tried playing Baldur's Gate 3 together thinking it would be easier to get into for me, and for me to experience her world in a way, but I got really bored really fast, and at that point it was just better to let her do her own thing. We've got plenty of other stuff we do together, and as I said it's not a big deal for her to have hobbies that don't include me. And she does love her hobby. She gets very excited about her weekly games and sometimes tells me about the epic adventures they go on, which admittedly sounds pretty fun secondhand but is not really for me. We live in a two-bedroom apartment, so we have a bedroom and a home office we share, where our laptops are. Her dndy games are online, and you

usually happen in the evening so I just hang out in the living room or go out when she plays to not intrude. But a few weeks ago I noticed that she locks the door when she plays. I thought it was a little weird because why would you lock the door to play D&D? And it didn't sit right with me. So I did what I now think might have been very sad and pathetic, but I genuinely didn't know what else to do. The last few weeks when she had her game, I sat out in the hall by the door and listened. She uses headphones so I could only really hear her side of the game, and at first it was just some stuff about rolling dice, joking around with her friends, and spells doing whatever, but I kept at it. I sat there for four hours last week and over two hours this week, but eventually I heard it, she was talking about Slash with another person and it was really romantic. It was tender and very emotional. She legit said something like, you know, I love you, so I want to help you save your family.

or something like that, in a clearly romantic way. It went on like that, like a clearly emotional discussion with a romantic partner that lasted a solid 15 minutes. Then it went back to other stuff, but by that point it didn't matter. I was really upset and went back to the living room, and when she came out after session I confronted her. I told her I heard her talking and telling some guy how much she loved him, and how he was the only one who ever got through to her or something, so she would do anything.

for him. She said I was taking it out of context and that it was just pretend and playing a character, but I told her it didn't matter. This wasn't some video game where her character was speaking written lines to another character with written lines who wasn't real. She herself was saying sweet, loving, romantic things to another real person. And it hurt to hear. It felt like cheating. She said it wasn't cheating, and her character wasn't her. She just did it for the the drama, and thought being romantically invested made her character better. She also said that me sitting outside to listen in on her game was a violation of her privacy and showed that I didn't trust her, which was why she felt like she needed to lock the door in the first place.

I apologized for that, but at the same time I said that me being wrong to eavesdrop doesn't justify what she did, to which she said that she didn't do anything wrong. It was just what the game was. And it was just a game, but that made me feel even. even worse. Maybe I'm being whiny or misreading it, but she is the first person I was ever really vulnerable with like that, and the way she spoke to me when she told me how much she loved me, it was just so similar to the way she spoke as her character that it made me uncomfortable. It made me feel like something that was only mine and only for me was just given to someone else for a game. It felt like it cheapened it. Was she faking it with me? Was she genuinely feeling

it for that other person? I don't know what exactly it is that's bothering me, because technically she's not wrong. But I don't care if she's technically not cheating, I just feel like there are certain sides of my GF that should be reserved only for me, shouldn't there? I couldn't really verbalize it to her, and after a bunch of arguing back and forth with just went to bed. For the past few days we've been in this weird state of limbo where we're going on like nothing happened, but also there's clearly tension. Today I couldn't take it anymore and I said that we need to talk about it. I said that I understand her hobbies are important to her, but I am her BF and there should be certain things that are just for me. I can't go on knowing that she's talking like that to some other guy.

So I told her that I support her going on with the games, but I asked that she no longer lock the door, and no longer do whatever romantic stuff she does in game. She said I didn't mind when she talked to me at length about her romance with that ST. guy in Baldur's Gate. I told her, again, that that is not the same. I don't mind her playing at romance with a bunch of pixels, and being moved by fiction, but that her D&D game isn't just fiction. It's her, telling those things to an actual person, and that bothers me, so I want her to stop. She said I was being possessive and controlling, and that I can't tell her not to have hobbies or how to behave. I told her that's true, but if she doesn't understand how I

feel about this we might not have a future together. She got angrier and said, I'm clearly not in a state to be having this discussion and will talk again when I've calmed down, and went to school, she's getting her MA, but in the time since I've been the opposite of calming down, I just get more upset the more I think about it. Clearly me being upset should at least make her consider stopping even if she isn't actually cheating outright. Shouldn't my feelings matter on this issue? But also, maybe I'm not being reasonable. Maybe I am overreacting. Help.

Update, May 17th, 2025. So having read the comments y'all gave, I thought I maybe was actually overreacting and I really did fuck up. Especially helpful I thought was a comment someone made about asking her about maybe keeping the door unlocked and being allowed to listen in on session to get context and learn to accept her hobby and let HET still enjoy it without me. Spiraling So when she came home from school. I made apology dinner, homemade pizza from scratch, her fave, and we sat down to talk. She started by demanding an apology because whatever else I had to say, eavesdropping and not trusting her were huge fuck-ups on my part.

I agreed and apologized immediately because that was shitty behavior on my part, no question. That helped her be more open to hearing me out. So I said, more calmly and tactfully, that it bothers me that she is simulating romantic love with a person I don't know and context I don't understand. I said that I can and do apologize for my actions, but I can't change how I feel, and that also needs to be discussed. So she asked what I had in mind. I told her that I think trust should go both ways,

so me trusting that the game is just a game and it doesn't mean anything is well and good, but in return I'd like for her to keep the door unlocked and let me sit in on a few sessions. I promise not to be disruptive, not to overreact or interrupt the game and to bring up any issues I had privately with her after the game was over. She seemed relived because she was worried I demand she dropped the game or break up with her, and said she personally didn't mind but she needed to bring it up with her group, which I thought was very reasonable. The rest of the evening, though, she was constantly on her phone, constantly getting Discord

notifications and seemed more and more upset. This lasted for literally hours, well into the night, passed when I was asleep. I asked if anything was wrong and she said maybe, but not to wait up and she promised to tell me everything in the morning. I didn't get much sleep but I also didn't want to pry too much having just promised not to. So come morning, when I asked what happened, since she clearly didn't get much sleep and was clearly nervous she said she brought it up with the group and reactions were mixed. I'm going to give these people fake names to keep track.

So when she brought it up, everyone seemed okay with me listening and accept Joe. Joe is the guy whose character she had the romance with. Joe said in their group chat that he wouldn't feel safe acting, they call it role-playing, I guess. When there was a stranger in chat, and wouldn't participate in any game I was present for. This obviously made my GF respond that seeing the relationship between their characters was the whole point. point of me listening in, to which he said I'm being unreasonable and violating his boundaries by making unreasonable demands. This was already pretty bad in my eyes, but then she told me about the private messages. After the group exchange she got three messages. One was from Joe.

Joe wrote a long, really, really long message about how much he cared about her, and much it hurt him to see her dim her light to appease a controlling abusive boyfriend who stifled her creativity, and how she should be with someone who appreciated her. Let her be herself and shared her interest, and that he was available if she wanted to talk. He finished with a paragraph about how women like her always go for selfish assholes and don't appreciate the wonderful guys all around them. How he felt such a connection with her through their characters and how could she ignore it? I genuinely couldn't believe I was seeing one of these in the wild.

I don't usually get second-hand embarrassment, but that shit. was so cringe I almost died. Like I genuinely laughed. I couldn't really be angry that shit was just so sad. She also got messages from Jenny, another player, who said Joe seemed way too invested in the romance for her taste, and she thought those segments were taking up a lot of game time which she, though, was better used elsewhere. She never said anything because she thought my GF was really into it, but now that it became an issue she thought she should. She also mentioned she found Joe creepy which I personally appreciate. I don't know any of these people IRL because it's an online group, but I certainly think Jenny might be my new best friend. Finally there was a

message from Mitch, the guy running the game, who said Joe reached out to him demanding I not be allowed to, and this is a quote, violate the intimacy of the group. And he should talk to my GF2 to get her to drop me listening and possibly drop me altogether. I don't even know how or why Mitch would even attempt to do that. All this resulted in them canceling the next game as they work it out. My GF didn't respond to Joe yet, but at least she seems relieved that I'm taking this well. I told her, of course I am, I'm not going to be upset over some guy being into her. She's wonderful, of course guys are going to be into her wherever she goes. The issue I was worried about was that she was into him back, and these messages convinced me that

that's clearly not the case, which seems to have made her feel a lot better. We talked a bit more and she now seems to agree that locking the door, in context, might have seemed suspicious and that going forward our ground rule should be that character dynamics that make her feel like she should lock the door might be the exact dynamics she should make me aware of. While I promised to trust her to tell me these things and not to eavesdrop anymore, and approach her openly about listening and on sessions. Also the romance with Joe's character isn't going to continue, but seeing how she feels about Joe now I think I do trust her to do character romance going forward, just to not hide it from me and be selective with who she does it

with. I don't know how the Joe's situation is going to be handled within the group, but I guess that's up to them, since playing with him is obviously going to be very awkward for her. Guess since she doesn't intend to keep up the romance it doesn't really matter. Small edit since the situation basically resolved itself now, Joe didn't like being left on red. So he wrote my GF a very rude message about how, I kid you not, she was going to die alone with cats because her asshole boyfriend is going to leave her when she loses her looks. He literally never saw her in person. To be clear, uncovering my secret plan, I guess. So she just blocked him and sent a screenshot to Mitch. Joe isn't going to be part of the group anymore. G.F. apologized for not recognizing how absolutely unhinged the guy was. We reasserted that any in-game interaction she isn't comfortable having in front of me is probably one she shouldn't be having. Comments where Op has replied, familiar Barracuda 43, I'm glad everything seems well but I feel like you still need to have a discussion about why she was locking the door in the first place. Because to me, that says on some level she knew it was wrong and that it would hurt you.

And if I was you I'd be unable to not cope with that until I got the full truth. Oop, from what she said since it basically wasn't so much about knowing this was wrong, since she supposedly was locking her door at her parents' home too, which is where she lived before, and before the romance even took place. And more about feeling safe to get into the headspace to perform since I explained that this was part of what made it feel so off to me, and given how Joe clearly had a very different view of the situation than her. She agreed that going forward the door should remain unlocked and she will work on getting

more comfortable performing even in my presence, be it with me in voice chat or present in the room. Since Joe's reaction clearly didn't happen in a void, unhinged as it was. P. Buns, you were very valid with your feelings of being uncomfortable with your partner emulating love with another even if it was just role-playing. I myself play D&D and would be super uncomfortable if my partner was sitting there flirting at the table with someone else in character so it's understandable that you would be two. I'm not sure why people thought your boundaries were wrong on your initial post. Glad you guys could figure it out nonetheless. Oop, I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but I love her, and if this is important to her I feel I owe her at least the benefit of giving

her grace next story. Half-brother came to stay with us after my stepmom was being mean to him, then she called my wife and threatened her if she didn't kick him out in the middle of the night. I, 32M, have been married to my wife Vivian, 29F, for six years. We have three kids. I have several siblings but this instance revolves around a half-brother Trevor, 18, who lives out of state. Trevor came to visit over his spring break. My stepmom has never liked Trevor, mostly because she doesn't like his mother. About three days into Trevor's visit my stepmom kept making snarky comments about him.

His mom, his family, school, his tattoo, etc. Trevor got tired of this and grabbed his car keys and said he was leaving. This was around 11 p.m. My stepmom laughs and says he doesn't have enough gas to get home or money to get more. Trevor said that he didn't need enough gas or money to get home, he just needed enough gas to get to my house. My stepmom laughs again and says, I'm not even home, I'm at work, which was true. I work nights, and that Vivian, my wife, would never let him stay here. Trevor says I guess we'll see because he knew Vivian wouldn't tell him no and leaves.

My stepmother then calls my wife and tells her that Trevor is on his way to our house and under no circumstances is Vivian to allow him to stay with us. Vivian says she's not going to turn him away, especially not in the middle of the night and that everybody can all talk about it tomorrow. She'll let me know to call my dad when I get a chance to figure out. out what's going on. My stepmom begins to get angry and says that Trevor is not Vivian's child to allow to do whatever he wants and Vivian needs to respect her as the mother of the family and that she can make life in the family difficult for Vivian if she needs to for Vivian to.

Understand her place. And that Vivian has no right to let people into, my names, home without my knowledge. There were other things said as well and eventually Vivian loses her patience and ends the call by saying that my stepmom is just mad she can't be a F-bomb, bulleted Trevor anymore because he found a loophole. My stepmother calls me while I'm at work and tells me Vivian was rude to her. At this point I have no idea that anything has happened. She then calls my dad, he works nights as well, and tells some version of events. My dad calls me and tells me that Vivian was disrespectful and had no right to speak to her that way and needs to apologize for her behavior. I get a call about five minutes later from Vivian. She tells me that Trevor

is at our house and they tell me everything that happened since Vivian wasn't at the house and Trevor wasn't there yet for the call. I call my dad and tell him that it doesn't sound like Vivian did anything except stand up for herself and my dad insists that Vivian needs to apologize. I tell him if anybody is owed an apology, it's Vivian. This was all three days ago. I'm getting texts from family members about Vivian needing to apologize and that Vivian doesn't have the right to get involved with family squabbles and she shouldn't have let Trevor run away from the consequences of his actions. No one can tell me what the actions were. And if Vivian doesn't apologize then she's not welcome around anymore. I don't think she owes an apology, but I had a bad

relationship with my family for years when I was younger and since it's improved drastically, I've been a lot happier having them in my life and I don't want to lose that. But I also can't just allow someone in it to disrespect my wife so blatantly and expect an apology for it. But Vivian at this point is starting to feel bad and she always stresses too much over absolutely anything she thinks she might have done to upset someone, so this really sent her on a series of mental gymnastics. And she says she doesn't want to be the reason I have a bad relationship with my family yet again. I've remained firm that she doesn't owe them anything, but Ida for not having her do it just to get it over with. Update, first of all, thank you for all the advice and kind words for, about Vivian. I spoke to my dad last night and I wish I could say it went well, but I think absolutely no one expected it too.

He put me on speaker and my stepmother was in the room with him. I said that Vivian will not be apologizing, and she is an adult who can make her own decisions about having a guest in our home. I don't control her decision-making. My stepmom cut in with your controlling her now by deciding for her she can't make things right. To which I responded, you might be right about that, but in this instance it's a risk I'm willing to take. She doesn't have anything to apologize for, I said I'm not going to allow you to continue to cause her or myself unnecessary stress. I also told them they can't seriously expect an apology after the way they acted and if they did, they were borderline insane. You can't bully and belittle someone repeatedly and expect them

be okay with it forever. And you cannot threaten an adult and expect it to just go over nicely. I told them that if they were so willing to act like children and cut Vivian, and by extension, me and our children, out of the family, then we would save them the hassle and do it ourselves. I told them we would be blocking their numbers, along with everyone else. They tried to argue more, but I simply hung up, which might have been immature, but I was just done. I blocked everyone's numbers. About an hour later I get a Facebook message from my stepsister, I rarely use Facebook so I forgot I had her as a friend on there.

My step-sister is the only sibling who isn't my dad's and is only my stepmoms. She and Vivian have always been really close. She hasn't been involved in this situation at all, so I took the chance and called her. She asked me if everything her mom had told her was true and I said most likely not, but this is what happened and explained it all to her. She then told me several instances where her mom had been similar to her and her fiancé. She said she had wanted to cut ties a long time ago but didn't want to be the only one in the family who was on the outs as she doesn't have a dad so no other family to turn to. She asked if I had really blocked them and planned to keep it that way. I said yes, and so did Vivian and Trevor.

She said she'd call me back and hung up. About 20 minutes later I get a call from her again saying she had called my stepmom, her mom, and cut the cord with them as well and had blocked their numbers too as did her fiancé. So while I might have lost a decent amount of family members, I did actually get to keep the best two out of the bunch, plus obviously my wife and kids. Thanks to everyone for the advice.