Reddit Stories - Dramatic ULTIMATUM_ SURRENDERING My Home for Family FAVORITISM_

Episode Date: October 28, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #dramaticultimatum #surrendering #familyfavoritism #home #relationshipsSummary: A Reddit user faces a dilemma as they consider giving up their home due to family favoritism, leading to a dramatic ultimatum. The situation raises questions about loyalty, boundaries, and self-worth within the family dynamic.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, dramaticultimatum, surrendering, familyfavoritism, home, relationships, loyalty, boundaries, selfworth, dilemma, decisionmaking, familydynamics, conflictresolution, personalvalues, emotionalstress, toughchoices, supportnetworkBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Family members requested that I vacate my flat while continuing to cover the rent, so that my favored sibling could reside there without charge. As a 22-year-old woman, I have been residing in my parents' additional living space. Apartment in a condo for the past three years while going to college in Massachusetts. My parents, both 50s, bought the place as an investment property years ago before they moved to Iowa. Over the years, my strong-headed father kept house. having issues with every tenant, leaving the place empty for a while. That was until I got admission

into Massachusetts Institute of Technology and I had to move up there. My parents figured they'd let me live there and pay cheap rent while I went to school. It was a pretty sweet deal, $1,250 a month for a decent one-bedroom in a college town, utilities included. Sure, it's not a palace, but it's been my little home away from home. Coming from an Amish family, my upbringing was pretty strict, especially for me as a girl. My parents always drilled into me that a woman's place is to serve and support the men in her life, no matter what. I've always struggled with this, wanting to forge my own path but feeling the constant pull of familial duty. Also, my exposure and access to technology was pretty limited in my formative years. So it's quite

ironic that I'm now studying computational and systems biology. A bit more backstory on my family. I'm the younger of two kids, and it's always been clear that my brother Noah, 27M, is the golden child. He's the smart one, the charismatic one, the one who can do no wrong in mom and dad's eyes, especially dads. Growing up, he got the best of everything, clothes, toys, praise, you name it. If we got in a fight, I was always the one who got punished and told to be more accommodating. I remember one time when we were teens, I saved up my allowance for months. to buy this beautiful dress. But when Noah decided he wanted to go to some concert in town the same weekend, Dad made me give him the money, saying he would give it back. But he never

did. I cried for days, but what could I do? The strict Amish rules just never applied to Noah and I hated it. I think that was when I started wanting more for myself. Anyways, Noah's been living the high life in the city for the last few years, working at some fancy tech startup in Boston even before I moved to Massachusetts. He was so close to me distance-wise, but he was so far at the same time. He never asked to meet up and we aren't a call or hug type of siblings. So basically, we aren't close. I didn't mind not seeing my brother despite being in the same city. It was a breather for my childhood oppression. But here's the twist. Apparently no Noah's company went belly up months ago and Noah didn't tell anybody.

He hoped he'd bounced back but it never happened. Now Noah's out of a job and a place to live. Do the theatrics. My mom called me up last week, all frantic and sniffily, going on about how poor Noah is going through a rough time and needs his family support. I was expecting her to ask me to let him crash on my couch for a bit until he gets back on his feet. Which, I mean, I wasn't thrilled about, but family is family. family, right? But oh no, my mom had a very different idea. She straight up told me that I need

to move out of the house and find my own place. Fine. It's not above them to displace me for their golden child. But here's the kicker. She said I had to keep paying the $1,250 a month rent so that Noah could live there instead. One, they appreciated the petty income from the house and didn't want to lose it. But at the same time, she didn't want to collect any money from her precious baby. I was floored. I sputtered out something like, but mom, I'm still in school, I can't afford to get my own place right now. But she just kept laying on the guilt trip, saying how I needed to do my part for the family and how Noah is going through a tough transition. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. Like, in what world is it okay to kick out your kid who's been

paying you rent, just to give a free ride to your other kid? I tried to reason with her, saying Noah is a grown man who can figure out his own living situation. But Mom just started crying about how I'm abandoning the family in our time of need. Admittedly, the rent is quite cheap and I'd never be able to find another place like that. Dad wasn't much help either when I called to plead my case. He just kept saying your mother has a point and we all have to make sacrifices for family. Then he started on this whole spiel about how as a woman, it's my duty to put my brother's needs before my own, how I should be grateful for the opportunity to support him. I wanted to scream. What about the sacrifices I've made? I've been busting my but in school while

working part-time to pay my own way. Where's my parade? I've been on a full scholarship for the past two years, not asking them for a dime for tuition. To be fair to me, I haven't always been perfect. to those around me. There have been times when I've given into my parents' demands just to keep the peace, even when it went against what I wanted or needed. Like when I skipped my best friend's birthday to go to some family reunion I didn't even want to attend, just because Dad said family comes first. I'm not proud of it, but I've played the role of the dutiful daughter more times than I can count. But this time, something in me just snapped. Maybe it was the stress of classes and my upcoming finals or maybe I was just finally sick and tired of always being expected to put myself last.

I finally put my foot down and told them no way, know how am I moving out and subsidizing Noah's free-loading. You'd think I'd just announced I was running off to join the circus from the way they reacted. I'm not sure if I'm being too selfish or if I'm being too selfish. I'm not sure if I'm being too selfish or if I'm being too selfish or if I'm being too selfish. I'm not sure if I'm being too selfish or if I'm being too selfish or if I'm being too selfish. I'm not sure if I'm being too selfish or if I'm being too selfish or if I'm being too selfish or if I'm being too selfish. I'm not sure if I'm being too selfish or if I'm being too selfish or if I'm being too selfish. I'm not sure if I'm being too selfish or if I'm not sure if I'm being too selfish or if I'm being too selfish or if I'm being too selfish. I know Noah's

not a bad guy, but he's always had everything handed to him on a silver platter. I don't think he truly understands how hard I've had to work for everything I have, because he's never had two. He's one of those favored by heaven types. He was good-looking, always did well in exams even without reading in his first app after graduation was a hit, learned to his startup. And my parents have always enabled him, making excuses and smoothing the way. It's like they can't even see how unfair they're being. Admittedly, fate has dealt its own justice. I won't even deny that I felt a little happy when his startup went belly up. If they want to let Noah live in my apartment rent free, that's their prerogative as the owners. But I'm not going to keep paying for a roof

over my head that I'm not even sleeping under. I've started looking for cheap rooms to rent near campus, but it's slim pickings this close to the start of the semester. I'm trying to stay strong in my convictions, but the guilt is eating me alive. My whole life, I've been made to feel like my needs come second to the men and my family, and it's hard to shake that programming. So, dear Reddit, please tell me, Ida for refusing to move out of my house and keep paying rent so my brother can live there for free? Is it okay for me to put my own oxygen mask on first for once, or am I really being a selfish, disobedient daughter like my parents say? I'm honestly questioning everything right now. Part of me wants to just give in to keep the peace and not be the

difficult one in the family. But a bigger part of me is screaming that this is my chance to finally stand up for myself and stop being a doormat. I'm just so tired of always feeling like I'm not enough, like my dreams and aspirations will always play second fiddle to the men in my life. Is it so wrong to want to put myself first for once, to want to feel like my needs and feelings matter too? So, Ida for standing up for myself this time? Update 1. Wow, y'all lit my post on fire. First off, I want to thank everyone who took the time to read and comment, even those who don't agree with me. It means a lot to feel heard and validated. I did want to clarify a few

things that seemed to cause some confusion. Yes, I am Amish, but I am not. currently living in an Amish community. I left when I was 18 to attend college. Getting the right certifications after attending Amish schools all my life was intense. That is a whole other story in itself. But just because I'm not living the traditional Amish lifestyle anymore doesn't mean those values and expectations don't still weigh on me. To the person who asked if I'm really Amish because I'm using technology and going to college, yes, I am Amish. But just like any culture, there's a spectrum of how strictly people adhere to traditional ways. My family is on the more conservative end. But that doesn't mean I'm not Amish just because I've chosen a different

path. To those saying I should just suck it up and do what my parents ask because that's what daughters are for or you should be grateful they're letting you live there at all, kindly take several seats. I'm not a child, I'm a 24-year-old woman paying my own way through school. The fact that my parents own the apartment doesn't give them the right to uproot my life on a whim. And to the delightful individual who suggested I should be thrilled to give up my space for my brother because it's a woman's honor to serve the men in her life, newsflash, this isn't the 1800s. Women are not dolls put on this earth to cater to men's every whim.

My dreams and goals are just as valid as my brothers, and I'm not going to sacrifice myself for him. It's funny how no one seems to be questioning why Noah, a 27-year-old grown. man, can't sort out his own living situation. If the roles were reversed and I was the one who needed a place to crash, you can bet your bottom dollar my parents would tell me to figure it out myself. For those questioning why I even maintain a relationship with my family if they're so controlling, it's not that simple. There's still my parents and I love them, even if I don't always agree with them. Cutting off family is a huge decision and not one I'd take lightly. I'm hoping that

by setting boundaries and standing up for myself, we can find a healthier dynamic. To the happy folks saying I should just get over it and that this is not a big deal, easy for you to say when you're not the one living it. Put yourself in my shoes for a moment. Imagine being told your whole life that your wants and needs come second to everyone else's, especially men's. Imagine finally building a life for yourself, only to have your family try to uproot it for the sake of your already privileged brother.

It's not about the apartment, it's about the principle of the thing. And to the brave keyboard warrior who called me a spoiled brat for not bending over backwards to accommodate my brother, kindly take a stadium's worth of seats. It's not spoiled to expect basic respect and consideration from your family. It's not brady to have dreams and ambitions of your own. I'm not asking for special treatment, I'm asking for equal treatment. Some of you have asked why I don't just move out and let my parents deal with. with the rent. Believe me, I would if I could. But have you seen the rental market in Massachusetts

lately? It's brutal. Even with my scholarship and part-time job, I'm barely scraping by as it is since I absolutely hate asking my parents for money. Giving up this cheap rent would mean crashing with friends. I'm not the type to live with other people. I get that family is supposed to help each other out. but I've spent my whole life being told to put my own needs last, and I'm tired of it. So no, I don't think I'm the asshole for refusing to bankrupt myself emotionally and financially for my brother's sake. It's time for Noah to put on his big boy pants and figure his shit out. And it's time for my parents to stop enabling his entitlement at my expense. Anyways, thanks again to everyone who's offered support and perspective. It really means the

world to me. I'll keep you all updated on how this shakes out. Wish me luck. Update two. Hey everyone, I'm back with another update. First off, I want to say a huge thank you to all the people who reached out with messages of support and share their own stories of familial struggles. It's both comforting and heartbreaking to know I'm not alone in this. To all the other daughters out there who have been made to feel like your needs and dreams come second to the men in your life, I see you, I hear you, and I stand with you. Your feelings are valid and you deserve to take up space in this world. So, here's where things are at now. Despite my protests, my parents went ahead and told Noah he could move into the apartment. He showed up last weekend with his stuff and has been

crashing in the bedroom while I'm stuck on the couch. And, I paid. Fine. I know I am not supposed to pay but Noah is already here and I am time. of my parents calling to express their disappointment in me. It's just moving out to let my brother live there and I acted like the world came crashing down. Their words, not mine. But one thing I didn't compromise on is living here. I'll keep living there and keep paying rent. I can't even begin to describe how stressful and uncomfortable this whole situation is. I'm trying to study for finals but it's impossible to concentrate with Noah lounging around all day, leaving his crap everywhere. He acts like he's on some kind of vacation while I'm scrambling to keep my head above

water. The worst part is, he doesn't seem to have any sense of urgency about finding a new job or place to live. He just keeps saying he's figuring things out and that I need to be more understanding. It's like he doesn't even realize how much he's disrupting my life. He eats my groceries, uses my toiletries and uses my face towel on his body. Meanwhile, my parents keep calling to check on Noah and make sure he's settling in okay. Not once have they asked how I'm doing or if I need any help. It's like I'm invisible to them. As if living with Noah wasn't stressful enough, I came home from a particularly grueling day of classes to find him hosting an impromptu brainstorming session with two of his tech bro friends. I walked into the apartment to find empty pizza boxes

and beer can strewn everywhere, and the three of them huddled around the coffee table, shouting over each other about their next big app idea. They barely even acknowledged my presence, let alone the mess they'd made. I tried to go to my room, well, the living room couch, to decompress and start on my mountain of homework, but their voices kept piercing my brain. Every time I thought they were wrapping up, they'd start in on another round of bro, what if we, and dude, that's genius. After two hours of this, I couldn't take it anymore.

I marched out and asked them to please keep it down, as I had a lot of studying to do. They looked at me like I'd grown a second head, as if the concept of being considerate was totally foreign to them. Noah had the nerve to say, chill out, sis. We're working on the next big thing here. You'll thank me when we're millionaires. I wanted to scream. As if his hypothetical future success somehow justifies making my present life a living hell.

I ended up having to go to the campus library to get any work done, and by the time I got back, they were gone but the mess remained. I spent the next hour cleaning up crushed chip crumbs and sticky beer spills, fuming the whole time. It's bad enough that Noah feels entitled to my space and my family support. But to bring his obnoxious friends into the mix and act like I'm the unreasonable one for wanting some peace and quiet in my own home, it's beyond infuriating. I'm trying my best to keep my cool and focus on my studies, but incidents like this make it clear that Noah has no respect for me or my boundaries. Something's got to give, and soon, before I completely lose my mind.

I'm trying to stay positive and focus on my studies, but it's getting harder every day. I'm exhausted from sleeping on the lumpy couch and stressed about how I'm going to afford rent if I have to move out. I've been skipping meals to save money and my grades are starting to slip. I feel like I'm drowning and no one even realizes. It's like my whole life has been upended and I'm just expected to smile and bear it. There are moments where I just want to scream or cry or run away and never look back. But I know I have to stay strong. I didn't come this far just to give up now.

Once I'm done with uni, I'll move far, far away. So I keep telling myself that this is temporary, that I'll find a way through this. but some days it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. To everyone who's reached out with words of encouragement or shared their own stories of overcoming family drama, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your support means more than you know. Please keep me in your thoughts as I navigate this mess. I'll be back with another update soon.

Until then, I'm just taking it one day at a time and trying to remember my own worth. We've got this. Final update. Well, folks, it's been two months since my last update. I totally forgot about it and finals kept me occupied. It's been a wild ride but I think I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. After my last update, things came to a head in a big way. I was at my wits' end with Noah's freeloading and my parents' constant coddling of him.

I was seriously considering just begging one of my friends to take me in. But then, a miracle happened. Noah and I got into a huge argument one night about him leaving his dirty dishes all over the apartment. I was just so fed up with his entitlement and lack of respect. I started crying, telling him how much his presence was affecting my mental health and ability to focus on school. And for the first time maybe ever, he actually listened. Like, really listened. He said he had no idea how much stress he was causing me and that he'd been so wrapped up in his own problems. He hadn't even considered how his actions were impacting others. He apologized

for taking advantage of my space and my parents' generosity. We ended up having a really long, honest talk about our childhood and how our parents' favoritism had affected us both in different ways. Noah admitted that he'd always felt pressure to be perfect, and that his fear of failure had made him avoid dealing with his problems. It was like a weight lifted off both of us, finally understanding where the other was coming from. We hugged it out and agreed to start fresh. The next day, Noah called our parents and told them he was moving out of the apartment and that they needed to start respecting my boundaries. He even offered to pay back the rent for the time he'd been staying there. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I never thought I'd

see the day where Noah stood up to our parents on my behalf. Of course, they didn't take it well at first. There was a lot of guilt-tripping in waterworks from mom and stoic disappointment from Dad. But for once, Noah and I presented a united front. We told them that their blatant favoritism and disregard for my needs ends now, or they risk losing us both. It was a tense few weeks, but I think the message finally sunk in. They've started calling to check in on me, not just Noah, and Dad even apologized for not considering my feelings more.

It's not perfect, but it's a start. As for Noah, he's moved in with some friends and is actively job hunting. We've been talking more, trying to build a real sibling relationship not tainted by our parents' influence. It's a work in progress, but I'm hopeful. And me? I'm just focused on finishing this semester strong. I passed my finals with flying colors and even got a summer internship lined up. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm in control of my own life.

I know my family still has a lot of work to do to break out of old patterns and truly see each other as equals. But I'm proud of the progress we've made and the way I've learned to stand up for myself. To everyone who's followed along on this journey and offered support, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your kind words and sage advice have been a lifeline for me. I hope my story can serve as inspiration for others going through similar struggles. And to my fellow women, especially those from conservative backgrounds, your voice matters.

Your needs matter. You matter. Never let anyone tell you different. This isn't the end of my journey, but it feels like a beautiful new beginning. Onwards and upwards, my friends, I'm rooting for us all.