Reddit Stories - Episode #13 - Shocking Secrets from Reddit Sleep ( Over 9 Hour Compilation )

Episode Date: October 23, 2025

#redditstories #sleep #sleepstories #bedtimestories #fallasleep #shockingsecrets #relaxingstories #sleepcompilation #aita Uncover hidden truths and shocking secrets in Episode 13 – Shocking Secrets from Reddit Sleep. This 9-hour compilation guides you through confessions, mysteries, and emotional moments from Reddit. A soothing narration crafted to help you unwind, clear your mind, and drift peacefully into deep, uninterrupted sleep. Tags: redditstories, sleepstories, fallasleep, bedtimestories, relaxingconfessions, shockingsecrets, redditconfessions, secretsrevealed, emotionalstories, longcompilation, soothingvoice, calmnarration, relaxingpodcast, sleeptime, sleeptok, peacefulstories, bedtimeaudio, unwindstories, sleepbetter, sleepaidBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse covertly transferred $800 monthly to her jobless sibling, causing strain in our marriage and resulting in us falling behind on our home loan. When I decided to stop the financial support, it led to a major argument. Off the money her sister magically found a job within a week. I'm a 36-year-old man and my wife is 34. We've been married eight years, and overall we have a pretty solid relationship. but I just uncovered something that's putting a huge strain on our marriage and our finances.

It turns out my wife has been secretly sending her younger sister $800 every month for the past two years, supposedly as temporary help after the sister lost her job. I only found out about this recently, and it's a massive shock to me. To make matters worse, we're now behind on our own mortgage payments, and a bunch of home repairs have been put off because we couldn't afford it, all while money was quietly flat. out to her sister. For context, my sister-in-law, let's call her Jane, is 29 years old. She lost her job during the height of COVID like a lot of people did. Back then, around two years ago, my wife, I'll call her Emily, told me she wanted to help Jane out with a bit of money for a couple of

months until Jane could get back on her feet. I was totally fine with helping at that time, it was a rough period for a lot of folks, and I understood lending a hand to family. I assumed this meant, like, maybe covering a bill or two or helping with rent for a short while. We never discussed a fixed amount or a long-term plan, it was framed as a one-time or short-term goodwill thing. I figured maybe we'd send a few hundred bucks once or twice, end of story. Fast forward to now, I discovered, by combing through our bank statements in detail, that my wife has been sending Jane $800 every single month for two freaking years. That's roughly $19,000 that I had no idea was gone from our accounts.

I nearly fell out of my chair when I realized the pattern. The way I found out is that I've been noticing our joint checking account was a lot lower than expected, even though we tried to budget carefully. We had been struggling to pay some bills on time and we delayed a couple of necessary home repairs, like fixing our leaky roof and replacing an aging water heater, because we didn't have enough money. It never made sense to me, we both have decent jobs, nothing luxurious but enough that we shouldn't be living paycheck to paycheck. So I finally sat down and poured over our online banking history line by line. That's when I saw it, a recurring online transfer of $800

each month, always going out to the same account, which I eventually realized is Jane's account. The transaction just had a shorthand note I didn't recognize at first, and when I clicked for details I saw my sister-in-law's name. I confronted my wife about it immediately. I wasn't screaming or anything, I was honestly confused and worried. I asked her why $800 have been going to Jane every month, and why she hadn't told me about it. At first, Emily tried to deflect. She said, it's nothing, just helping out Jane a little, what's the big deal? As if this were a trivial expense.

$800 a month is not trivial for us, that's a chunk of our mortgage or basically our entire grocery budget for the month. I kept pressing, and eventually she admitted that yes, she's been giving $800 each month to her sister to help with living expenses since Jane lost her job. According to my wife, this was supposed to be temporary help. Jane was laid off during the pandemic and had a tough time. Emily told me back then that she might send her sister some money for a bit, but she framed it like just a few months of help. She never mentioned an exact amount or time frame, and I, naively, didn't pry for details. I trusted that my wife would be reasonable and that if it was more than a token amount or longer term, she'd loop me in. Clearly, that trust was misplaced.

When I asked why on earth this has been going on for two years, Emily got defensive. She said her sister is going through a rough time and that I wouldn't understand because it's family. I told her I do understand wanting to help family, but this has gotten out of hand. We have our own bills and future to consider. We are literally behind on our mortgage right now. We had to defer a payment last year because money was tight. Not to mention, we've been living with a partially busted roof and a water heater that fails randomly because we haven't had the money to fix them.

I pointed out that the $800 a month could have easily covered those missed mortgage payments or the home repairs. Like $800 monthly is almost our entire mortgage payment on its own. Emily's response was basically shrugging it off and doubling down that her sister needed help. She insists Jane has been going through a rough time. That phrase came up a lot, and that I'm being cruel by wanting to cut off the support. She argued that Jane has had a really hard go of it. losing her job, struggling with what she claims is depression, and that it's not easy for her to find a new job. My wife maintains that Jane has been looking on and off, but nothing has worked out.

From where I stand, it doesn't look like Jane is trying very hard at all. She's 29, with no kids, in good health as far as I know, and has a college degree and work experience. Yet she's been unemployed for over a year and a half now. The job market isn't stellar, sure, but it's not so bad that a capable person can't find anything for that long, at least not if they're actually trying. What really gets under my skin is that while Jane has been getting this $800 monthly from us, well, from my wife, but it's our joint money, she's also been living it up on social media. I didn't follow her closely online before, but after learning about the money,

I checked out her Instagram and Facebook to see what her life looks like. It's full of pictures of her at concerts, going to trendy restaurants, buying new clothes, and even a couple of weekend getaways. For someone who supposedly can't afford rent or bills without our help, she sure manages to afford Taylor Swift tickets and spa days with friends. I get that people want some enjoyment even in tough times, but if I were broke and taking money from family to survive, I wouldn't be posting about champagne brunches and beach trips, you know.

To me, that just feels like a slap in the face. Either she's using our money for fun stuff, or she's getting money elsewhere and using ours to free up her fun budget. Neither scenario sits right with me. I told all of these points out to my wife. I tried to stay calm, but I was definitely upset. I told her I feel completely blindsided that she had something this big for me for so long. We are partners, and any regular financial commitment that large is something I should have known about and agreed to. I also said it seems like Jane is taking advantage of her goodwill, and by extension, our finances.

$800 every month for two years is insane with no end in sight. Where is the incentive for Jane to get a job if she's basically getting a paycheck from us for doing nothing? At this point, Emily completely flipped the script and got angry at me, turning the argument around. She accused me of being heartless and said I just don't care about her family. She said her sister is going through a rough time and needs help and that I'm being cruel by wanting to pull the plug. I shot back that we're not Jane's personal ATM and we have to worry about our own financial stability first. We went around and around. She kept justifying it with emotional appeals.

Jane is my little sister, I can't abandon her, she'd do the same for me if I was in need, which I'm not so sure about. I kept pushing practical realities, we could literally lose our house if we keep draining money like this, how is that fair to either of us and our future? The conversation ended with no real resolution. Emily basically told me she's going to keep helping Jane because family comes first and that's that. I told her this situation is unsustainable and that I'm really not okay with it continuing as is. I felt furious and hurt that she would jeopardize our finances and lie to me for years. She was furious that I was forcing her to choose between me and her sister, her words. Honestly, I don't see it as making her choose, I'm asking for basic respect and a say in how our money is used, and for her to set some boundaries instead of bankrolling her sister indefinitely.

Right now I'm just in disbelief. We rarely fight about anything, certainly not about money to this extent. This whole thing blindsided me. I love my wife, but I feel betrayed and I'm really worried about our future if this is how financial decisions get made, in secret, based on guilt or obligation rather than mutual agreement. We haven't really talked much since the blow-up, we're both still pretty angry. She basically thinks I'm the asshole for wanting to stop giving her sister money, and I think she's in the wrong for hiding it and endangering our finances.

So, I'm turning to you all, am I the asshole for being extremely upset that my wife? wife secretly sent $800 per month to her sister for two years, and for insisting that this arrangement end immediately. Update 1, it's been about three weeks since I made my original post, and things have been. Tense. After the initial blow up, my wife and I barely talked for a couple of days except for surface-level stuff. We were walking on eggshells around each other. I knew we needed to address this mess properly, so I came up with an idea, I suggested that we said, down with Jane together and have a frank talk about her situation and set some kind of timeline or plan for ending the financial support. I tried to frame it as us wanting to help her get on

her feet rather than attacking her or something. When I first brought this idea up to Emily, she did not take it well. She immediately got defensive on her sister's behalf and asked, What, you want to drag her in here and interrogate her about money? Are you trying to humiliate her? I said no, that's not the point. The point is that we all need to be on the same page about how Jane is going to become self-sufficient again, because this open-ended arrangement isn't working for us. Emily accused me of being cold and heartless, again, and claimed I was treating her sister like a burden or a problem to solve.

I responded that, well, financially speaking it is a problem, one that's affecting our lives. That led to more bickering, but eventually I convinced her that immediately. might actually help. I think I said something like, if you trust your sister and believe she's really trying, then having an open talk shouldn't be a big deal. We can make it about helping her plan, not cutting her off. So, we invited Jane over to our house for dinner and a talk. I admit I was nervous leading up to it, and I suspect Jane was too because she must have known on some level what it was about. We didn't ambush her, Emily let her know we wanted to discuss how she's doing and what the plan is for the future. Jane showed up looking a bit sheepish and

anxious. She's usually very bubbly and talkative, but that evening she was quiet. After some awkward small talk and dinner, I gently opened the conversation about her job situation. I said something like, we know you've been having a tough time since losing your job, and we've been happy to help out. But we also want to talk about how you're doing with the job search and if there's an end goal in sight for this arrangement. I tried to sound supportive, not accusatory. I even offered to help with her resume or introduce her to people I know in her industry. I work in a field adjacent to hers. Well, as soon as we delved into that, Jane burst into tears. She started sobbing about how hard it's been for her. She said she really appreciates

what we've done and that she doesn't know where she'd be without Emily. She also, she also insisted she has been looking for jobs, but that nothing is working out. According to Jane, the job market in her field is impossible right now. She claimed she's applied lots of places but rarely even gets interviews. I asked if she had considered jobs outside her old field or even part-time work just to get some income. Jane immediately had an answer for that. Most of those jobs wouldn't even cover my rent, or I'm overqualified for those minimum wage jobs and they won't hire me, and if I take some random job, it'll set my career back years. Basically every suggestion I made, she had a reason it wouldn't work for her.

She also mentioned she's been feeling really depressed and anxious, to the point where some days she can barely get out of bed. I do sympathize if she's having mental health struggles, I'm not heartless. But I also take it with a grain of salt, because her social media paints a different picture of her energy when it comes to leisure activities. Throughout this, Emily was next to her sister, holding her hand and shooting me glances like I was some corporate boss firing an employee. The vibe definitely became them, Emily and Jane, versus me. I felt outnumbered in my own living room. Jane said over and over that she hates being a burden and that she is trying and will really

try harder to find work soon. Of course, then both sisters were in tears, Jane from feeling like a burden, and Emily because her sister was upset. At that point, I knew any hope of setting a firm end date to the payments was gone. I did manage to bring up the idea of a timeline in a very careful way. I said something like, we're absolutely willing to keep helping for a little while longer, but maybe we should all agree on how much longer, so we can plan our finances too. Like, perhaps we check in after a couple more months. I tried to make it sound like a plan.

Jane nodded through tears but didn't commit to anything specific. She just kept saying, I understand. I'm so grateful for you both. I will find something soon, I promise. Meanwhile, Emily jumped in with, of course, will help you until you get back on your feet. Don't worry about some deadline. That pretty much undercut the whole point of me mentioning a timeline. My wife basically assured her sister that we're not about to aback.

her and will support her as long as she needs. So, yeah. That was the opposite of what I'd hoped. Instead of agreeing to phase this out, my wife essentially offered to continue the status quo indefinitely. I didn't want to start another fight in front of Jane, so I mostly went quiet and let them talk it out. The rest of the conversation was the two of them about how hard it is to find a good job

these days, and my wife reassuring Jane that we've got your back, no matter what. I felt pretty frustrated and frankly a bit sidelined. It was like my input didn't matter. As soon as Jane got emotional, Emily was 100% on her side and my concerns were steamrolled. After Jane left, I told Emily I wasn't happy with how the meeting went. She snapped that I was insensitive and that I made her sister cry. I argued that I was simply trying to make a plan for the future, not upset anyone, but we went in circles. In the end, nothing was resolved.

By the end of week three since my original post, the bottom line was, nothing actually changed. Jane is still jobless and still receiving $800 from our account every month. Emily is still determined to be there for her baby sister as long as it takes. And I'm now even more aware that my wife has a serious issue with saying no to her sister. In hindsight, this seems to be a long-standing dynamic. My wife has always been the responsible older sister who swoops in to rescue Jane. I'm feeling pretty defeated, to be honest. That family meeting was my big idea to solve things, and it backfired.

I'm not sure what my next move is. I still firmly believe we cannot support Jane forever, especially at the cost of our own financial stability. But right now, if I try to put my foot down, I'm going to look like the villain who makes poor Jane homeless or something. This is a tough spot. Update 2, 6 weeks have passed since my original post, about three weeks since the last update, and unfortunately things escalated this past week, our monthly mortgage payment was rejected due to insufficient funds. That was a huge wake-up call.

We have never missed a mortgage payment before. When I got the notification from the bank that the payment bounced, I panicked. I had to scramble to cover it, we incurred a late fee. and a lot of stress. I was furious and also freaked out, because missing a mortgage payment is serious business. We were already on thin eyes from the prior financial strain. Right around the time I'm dealing with the mortgage fiasco, I see on social media that Jane was at a luxury spa resort over the weekend with a friend. She posted photos on Instagram of herself in a plush robe, sipping a mimosa by a fancy pool. The caption was something like much-needed girls getaway

spa self-care. The timing could not have been worse, here we are scrambling to pay our mortgage, partly because money is flowing to her, and at the same time she's splurging at a spa. I showed these posts to my wife and, I'll be honest, I was angry. I said, look at this, we're paying for her life while she's out here living it up. How is this okay? Emily immediately rushed to her sister's defense, insisting I was jumping to conclusions. She claimed I had no proof Jane paid for the trip, maybe her friend footed the bill as a gift, and said I was basically stalking Jane's social media just to find reasons to be mad. I retorted that friend paid or not, Jane clearly wasn't living like someone whose flat broke and desperately job hunting.

If I was scrutinizing her posts, it's only because our money keeps vanishing and I'm trying to get a grip on why. That conversation turned into another shouting match. I admit I was less composed this time, the mortgage scare and then seeing those spa picks really set me off. The very next day, Jane called my wife crying, again. This time it was about her car, apparently her car broke down and needed repairs, and of course she doesn't have the money for the mechanic. The bill was about $500. Jane was sobbing on the phone, my wife put it on speaker initially because she was in the middle of something when the call came, so I overheard. She was saying she needs her car to get to potential job interviews and to live her daily life,

and without it she's completely stuck. I could hear the panic in Jane's voice and, predictably, I could see my wife's heart-breaking for her sister. As soon as that call ended, Emily looked at me with pleading eyes and said, we have to help her. She needs $500 for the car or she won't even be able to job hunt. I swear, hearing that just made me snap. I told Emily absolutely not, not this time. We literally didn't have $500 to spare unless we shorted something else, like, say, our next mortgage payment. I reminded her we just dealt with a bounced payment and that we can't keep throwing money we don't have at her sister's problems. She argued that this car repair is an emergency and that her sister will pay us back once she finds a job, an empty promise I've

heard before. Things got heated. Emily was almost hysterical, saying if we don't help her, how is she going to survive? She'll be stranded. You're being so cruel. I responded that if it's truly an emergency, Jane might have to consider other options like taking out a small loan, borrowing from a friend, or, God forbid, using a credit card. We are not the only possible lifeline. Emily kept insisting, she has no one else. At this point, I laid down a hard ultimatum. I told her that if she sends one more dollar to her sister without us both agreeing, I will remove her access to our joint account. I said I would separate our finances entirely if I have two.

That is an extreme step in a marriage, and I didn't threaten it lightly. But I felt I had no choice. Every reasonable attempt I made to rein this in was steam-rolled. Emily went dead silent and just stared at me, like she couldn't believe I said that. Then she got red in the face and yelled, I can't believe you're talking about cutting me off from our own money. What the hell is wrong with you? She called me unbelievable and said I was basically choosing money over her. I snapped back that she was the one choosing her sisters once over our needs.

I also said threatening to cut off the finances isn't about control, it's about survival for us. We have to pay our mortgage and bills, I can't let those slide because she refuses to say, know to her sister. That fight was probably the worst we've ever had up to that point. We were both yelling and said some harsh things. By the end of it, Emily was in tears and went to sleep in the guest room. I barely slept at all, I was so wired and upset. I hated that it came to issuing an ultimatum, but I genuinely felt backed into a corner. I can't just sit by and watch our finances implode. In the aftermath, Emily and I barely spoke for a couple days. She did not send the $500 to Jane, as far as I know.

I ended up monitoring our bank account very closely. I'm basically on high alert now, checking the accounts daily. I've even been considering actually moving my direct deposit to a separate account if I catch any hint of secret transfers again. This whole ordeal has taken such a toll. Emily thinks I'm overreacting and acting like a tyrant about the money, but I honestly don't see any other way to get through to her that enough is enough. The stress levels in our house are through the roof, and I worry what might happen next if we can't get on the same page. Update 3, it's now been about two months since my original post, roughly a month and a half since the last update. I truly wish I could say things got better, but instead they took a turn for the sneaky.

After the huge fight where I threatened to cut off the joint account, Emily and I had a pretty fragile piece for a few weeks. We were civil but distant. I noticed she suddenly started volunteering for a lot of overtime at work. She was picking up extra shifts and staying late almost every day. I initially thought she was doing this to help us out financially, maybe to make up for the money that went to Jane, or to show me she was committed to fixing our budget issues. In a way, I appreciated it because we definitely needed the extra income. I did find it a bit odd, though. Emily has never been one to work tons of overtime unless we had a specific goal, like saving for a vacation.

I had a small nagging suspicion in the back of my mind, like, was it possible she had another plan? But I brushed it aside because I wanted to believe we were finally on the same page after that blow-up. During this period, I didn't see any more $800 transfers leave our joint account. I was monitoring it like a hawk. For a brief moment, I felt some relief. Maybe the worst was behind us and we could slowly recover financially and emotionally. I was wrong. The other weekend, we had a family gathering at my mother-in-law's house,

a belated birthday for one of my wife's relatives. A bunch of extended family were there, including july. Jane. I was civil to Jane, but I was definitely still resentful and keeping my distance a bit. To my surprise, Jane came up to me at one point, when my wife was out of earshot and said, Hey, I just wanted to thank you for being so generous and understanding about the money recently. I know it's a lot, and I'm really grateful. I was caught off guard and just said something like, ah, sure, no problem, kind of stiffly. Then Jane added, I really appreciate. I really appreciate. I really appreciate the $1,200 you and Emily sent me for that emergency last month. It really saved me.

Q record scratch in my brain. I literally felt my face get hot. I managed to mutter, oh, ah, you're welcome, and then I quickly excuse myself. Inside, I was like what, $1,200. We, my wife and I, gave her $1,200 for an emergency. The only thing I could think of was maybe she was referring to the car repair, but I handled that directly by saying no and it was nowhere near $1,200. This was something new entirely. I immediately found my wife and pulled her aside. I quietly asked, what is Jane talking about? What $1,200 emergency? She stammered something about, I was going to tell you. She had a an urgent situation. I didn't want to worry you. Long story short, my wife had opened a separate bank account in her name and had been funneling her overtime pay, and possibly other money,

into that account. She used it to continue supporting Jane behind my back. The $1,200 was a lump sum she sent her sister for what she called an emergency. From what I gathered, Jane was two months behind on rent and about to be evicted, and my wife swooped in with a big payment. to save the day. Emily hadn't told me any of this. She deliberately hit it, likely because of the ultimatum I gave about not using our joint funds. I was absolutely livid. I tried not to make a scene at the family event, so I kept my voice low and my words very brief, but I let her know I knew. I asked something like, so all that overtime. That was just so you could keep sending money to Jane behind my back. You lied to me.

Again. She tried to justify it by saying, I used my own extra money that I earned. It's not like I took it out of our regular budget. You were so adamant about not using the joint account, so I found another way. What's the issue? It was my overtime pay. I told her, money earned during our marriage is still our money to discuss, especially when she's working overtime just to give it away. It's not like we're flush with cash, that overtime could have gone toward our mortgage or fixing up the house or into our actual emergency fund, which, by the way, is now perilously low. Then she admitted that, in addition to using her overtime, she had also pulled money from our joint emergency savings to help reach that $1,200. My jaw just about

dropped. That savings account is something we both contribute to for real emergencies, like if one of us loses a job where we have a major unexpected expense. That fund had been our safety net, and she rated it for her sister's rent. The argument that followed, once we got home, was explosive. Emily accused me of forcing her hand. She basically claimed that I drove her to lie by being, in her view, unreasonable and controlling about the finances. I told her this wasn't about me trying to control her, it was about trust and making decisions together. She not only lied and hit things again, she went and opened a secret account and funneled money into it. That felt incredibly sneaky and deceitful to me.

I asked how she could possibly think it's okay to keep doing the very thing she promised to stop, just under a different table. How are we supposed to have a marriage if she's going behind my back like this? She kept deflecting, saying that I gave her no choice because I didn't care about her sister and I only care about money. She also said something along the lines of, you're driving a wedge between me and my sister. She's my only sister, my family. You're making me choose between you and her. I think I failed to mention this before, but my wife's direct family passed away years ago. So she only had her little sister.

It was a painful, ugly fight. I told her plainly that I'm not okay with this marriage functioning like this, where she makes huge financial decisions in secret and then the same. blames me for it. I said if this is how it's going to be, I don't know how we can move forward. She reacted very strongly to that, and there was a lot of yelling and crying on both sides. No one else was around, we were in our house by ourselves, as of now, we're at a stalemate. It was our worst fight yet. Update 4. It's been about four months since my original post.

After the blow-up over the secret account, I moved all remaining july. joint funds into a personal account under my name only and redirected my paycheck there. I told Emily what I was doing and why. She was furious and said if I thought she was that untrustworthy, maybe we needed time apart. Not long after, she moved out to stay at her sister's place. So we've been essentially separated for the past few weeks. I hated that it came to this, but at least our money wasn't draining away anymore. And sure enough, as soon as the money stopped, Jane landed a job within a week of my wife moving in with her. That pretty much proved my point to my wife, with no more free support, her sister quickly stood on her own two feet. Eventually, Emily reached out

saying she wanted to reconcile. We met up, and she apologized. She admitted the situation with her sister got out of control and that by trying to help Jane, she was really just enabling her. I told her how much her deception hurt me, but also that I still love her. We've decided to give it another shot. Couples counseling is starting next week. We agreed that any future financial help to Jane, or anyone, will be a joint decision from now on. Now that Jane is employed, hopefully it won't even be an issue. For the time being, we're still living apart and taking things slow. Trust won't be rebuilt overnight, but we're both trying. I hope you enjoy. this story. Spouse frequently cracked unkind jokes that caused me emotional pain, but I believed I was

simply overreacting until I came across a book on mistreatment and recognized all my assumptions. I knew about my marriage was wrong. So grateful to have found this community and hoping that getting some outside opinions on my situation will help me understand things and figure out how to address this in a constructive way with my husband. I, 31F, have been with my husband, 40 S.M, for 10 now married. I always knew I wanted to have kids only after I was married, and now that we finally are I've allowed myself to start thinking more in depth about it and I had an inconvenient realization. I could not bring a child into this situation without seeing change in his behavior. While he has this one bad habit, our relationship is not inherently verbally abusive.

So I'm having trouble finding resources and stories from others who have been in similar situations. The good, he is a great provider, he would be a very fun dad, he is very generous and supportive. I love him, he loves me. The bad, he makes jokes that are hurtful and make me feel a fundamental lack of respect. I'm fine, but when I imagine me as a child growing up with a father like him, I just can't even fathom how broken I would be. I know I need to address this before having kids. We have had conversations about this in the past and it's just who he is not.

not aimed only at me, and I am a very sensitive person. The problem, how can I have a conversation about this with him? I'm not perfect, so why is it okay for me to point out his flaws? Is there a playbook here, a guide? I just can't stand feeling like I'm issuing an ultimatum or holding him hostage. And I feel so awful that I didn't have the insight or personal awareness to address this before we got married. I'm struggling to frame this in a way that is supportive, us as a team against this issue instead of me attacking him. How do I address this? Update 1. I, 31F, have been with my husband, 43M, for 10 years, married six months. Posted on an advice sub and I'm realizing it's a bigger issue than I thought. So, what now? I'm having a really hard time digesting all of this.

I read why does he do that? Yesterday, couldn't put it down, and while I see some things that my partner does, it's not many and it's honestly not often. It really boils down to making mean jokes and unsolicited advice slash critiques. That's all. And not all the time, I've been thinking it over for three days and he hasn't said anything bad in that time. When he does it just sticks out in my mind because it's hurtful. Here is what I think need help understanding.

Is it possible that this isn't intentional? He learned his behaviors from his mother and has low emotional intelligence. I know that he truly loves me. I can't understand how he could do this on purpose. How is he such a truly great, supportive, kind partner in other ways? Does that outweigh his faults? He is such a great provider, he is supportive of my career and pays all of our expenses which allows me to work doing what I love.

This is a big sacrifice for him and something he did very intentionally for me. How could someone do that to someone they want to hurt? What if it really truly is me? I am sensitive and insecure. I do make things that are benign about me when I'm feeling down. I know these things are true. Couldn't it be a combination of an awful, outdated, unfunny sense of humor and me being hypersensitive to criticism?

I think we both share fault here. Update 2. Okay. I talked to my therapist, who I was seeing because husband had me believing I had emotional regulation and communication problems, came armed with research and concrete examples of his manipulative, controlling and demeaning patterns. She was supportive but firm, recommended I reach out to my local DV organization to help me work out a safe exit plan and get legal aid regarding the divorce. She said sooner rather than later. And I trust her. But I am stunned. I feel like my whole entire world is upside down.

I keep flipping back and forth between, thank God other people can see this too. I'm not crazy and it is that bad and he's my best friend. I'm heartbroken and he's the only one there for me. He needs me and I could never leave him. I know I should leave but I don't know what to do. I just want to talk to him and work it out and this will all just be one big misunderstanding, right? I'm heartbroken. I can't have kids here, but if I leave I'll be alone and also probably won't have kids.

And I'll be broken and ashamed. All those conversations. He's going to want me back or want an explanation. I really think that's what I'm hung up on the most. He has so little emotional awareness that I know he won't have any idea what I'm talking about. I know he'll think I'm crazy. I want him to know what he's done, but he just... He's not going to.

He might not ever understand. We're so happy so much of the time, I don't know if I can do this. Anyways, hi, worst update. But you all were right. For anyone in a similar situation, Lundy Bancrofts, why does he do that? Was very eye-opening and described him in ways I couldn't articulate on my own. He fits the profile of the water torture perfectly. Additionally, very, very helpful these past few.

few days. The hotline, looks like I can't link, but you can search, they have a text or chat service. And for anyone out there like me, it's not just emotional slash verbal abuse, it's abuse and they are there to help and support. I spend a few hours over a few days just talking through things with people who really understood and it was exactly what I needed. Please reach out if it's something you need. Update 3, just discovered this sub, relieved to have a place to vent to people who will get it. Very recently realized that my 10-year-long relationship is. Not healthy. No need to go into details because the profile of a water torture from Lundy Bancrofts why would he do that fits him like a glove. Cruel, cutting remarks disguised as jokes or helpful comments. Constant

criticism. That man could darvow the pants off of Trump. If I take a step back it's impressive. All in all, it's taken me completely by surprise. In the last few weeks I've found out that I'm not the source of all our relationship troubles. I'm not a complete fuck up of a wife, and none of this is normal. It's a mind fuck. Now I'm biding time. I have an exit plan, but I'm saving for the next few months before I execute it. It's been about a week.

I am fucking exhausted. All of that energy I used to spend twisting. myself into exactly who I knew he wanted, regulating my reactions, hiding me. It is not enough. Not nearly enough. Now that I see this shit in every interaction and spend my time cycling through rage and shame and excitement and mourning, I'm spent. Y'all, I have no idea how I'm going to get through the next few months. I'm so excited to start living again, but fuck. Update 4. Brief background. My husband's verbal abuse and coercive control have increased over the past decade.

I've recently realized the state of this marriage and am planning as I've become more aware of his behaviors and can see things more clearly it has been harder to maintain my good wife attitude. I'm standing up for myself more. I'm growing concerned about my safety but not sure if the incident today is enough to involve police. He has never been physically violent. Incident. Today, after I had upset him by standing up for myself in a conversation, he talked for at least a full minute about how he would KLL me as a joke. He said, roughly, that, because I was speaking this way to him lately, he would KLL me in my

sleep, it would be easy because I'm such a sound sleeper. Then went back and said I'm surprisingly strong when I'm asleep, I toss and turn, and that it might give me an advantage. More talk about how easy it would be than the part that bothered me most. No, if I'm going to go to all the trouble of cailing you, I'd strangle you while you're awake, I'd want to see the light leave your eyes. I'd have to get something good out of it. The fact that it was fairly specific and in direct response to me upsetting him has me concerned for my safety between now and leaving, especially if he finds out or grows suspicious. My gut says it might be worth involving the police and moving up my exit timeline. My concerns and questions, is what he said legally considered a threat? Is it actionable

considering this is just based on my word? What would, likely, happen if I did chose to report this? Is there any way for me to report this without his knowledge? Comment where OPP has replied, Car Queen, null, move up your exit date to now. Involving police at this very moment will give him an advantage on you and could anger him more. Get your important documents out of their ASAP and move your funds from your joint account to an account he doesn't have access to. I would also suggest saving your photos from your phone somewhere and doing a hard reset on your phone to ensure he doesn't have phone tracking or that he doesn't have remote access to your phone. Change passwords everywhere.

But get out now. Oop, thank you, I appreciate the concern and advice. Working on putting a go bag together now with important documents and things I'll need. I'm on high alert and moving up my exit date too. Okay, not now, but significantly sooner than I was planning. Update 5, hi. I'm not sure if anyone will see this, but I had such an outpouring of support over a whole bunch of subredits, so I thought this might be the best way to give an update.

First, thank you. Thank you all. Everyone who reached out with support, everyone who shared their stories, everyone who pushed back and gave me the opportunity to form my own viewpoints and advocate for myself. Without the reality check that came from my posts, I'm sure I would have been stuck in this for much longer than I was already. The update, I'm out. It was a long process, it wasn't linear, and there was so much self-doubt along the way. But I wanted to share the moment that it finally stuck. We had been going back and forth with the divorce. He's doing all the things, he's being the best

version of himself, he's improving. Lots more details that ultimately aren't important. But he kept asking, are you sure? And I wasn't for a long time. He worked his magic and I thought that maybe I'd made the worst mistake of my life. But he kept asking, and I kept listening to my gut. I tried saying no, let's call this all off and work on us, but that didn't feel good. I felt heavy, like it was putting back on this huge burden that I had just started to get out of. Then I tried saying maybe. I was being honest, I was confused and I told him that. I said I needed time, I needed space. But that felt restrictive, it felt like my body was being compressed. And one morning I realized I hadn't tried saying yes yet. I hadn't tried telling him that yes,

I wanted this to be over. So I tried it, I said yes, let's end this. And it felt like all of the weight was lifted off of me. It felt like I could film. my lungs fully again. It felt like the sort of warmth in your chest that you get when your mom gives you a hug. So it's stuck. I'm learning to listen to myself again and to trust my instincts. I'm not judging myself for my path to get here. I'm treating myself with all the compassion and kindness I deserved for all those years. I'm on my own path now and it feels so amazing to be here. So thank you all again for everything. Thank you for your concern and out of reach. I'm happier and healthier than I have been in a very long time. Next story, girlfriend

disappeared for hours on the day we had wedding plans, so I panicked thinking something might have happened to her, but she was cheating with multiple guys and texting them while I was looking for her. A 29 male caught my girlfriend 31 female cheating on me. This time, I have undeniable proof after she lied to my face about it. We've been friends for five years and started dating three years ago. I loved this woman with everything I had. I truly thought she felt the same. A few months ago, we hit a rough patch and argued a lot. I really thought we were going to break up. I hit rock bottom. I was severely depressed. One Saturday, we had plans to attend a wedding together. You live a fair distance away, and neither of us had a car, but we didn't mind taking the extra steps to make it work.

That morning, I asked what time you'd be coming over so we could get ready and head out. I even offered to pay for your Uber. You said, okay. Hours went by. I didn't hear from you, and I started spiraling. I had a panic attack. I checked your location and it wasn't your house. It was some random parking lot.

I messaged you. No reply. After a while, your location just turned. turned off. I was worried sick. I kept calling. No answer for six hours. I was panicking. Then, at 9.30 p.m., note this time, you finally picked up. Your first words were, are you okay? And I just broke down crying asking, are we okay? You told me your phone died and that you were just out with your friends from school and I believed you. You'd never lied to me before or so I thought. Next day, I couldn't even get out of bed. Depression hit me like a truck. You came over to comfort

me. But something felt off. I tried to shake it off thinking maybe it was just in my head. The morning, I placed your Apple watch on the charger. That's when I saw messages from you to your friend from school that you hung out with the day of the wedding. One said, he was growling in my ear. Another said I had to cover up my hickies like I was in school. Send around 9.30, the exact time I was crying to you on the phone. When you got out of the bathroom, I saw the marks on your neck. When I asked, you said they were from scratching. On our way to work, I brought up the messages.

You said you were lying to your friend. That you made it all up. I didn't believe you, but I swallowed it, and I swept it under the rug. Today, I was at your house as your family had a birthday party for you. Your family was there, some of your friends and our mutual friends too were there too, including the one that celebrated you cheating and lying. The house was packed. I drank quite a bit because I knew I wasn't going to have the courage to do what I did. I went to your room to lie down in your bed, saying I didn't feel well. And after some time I told you

I was going home and ordered an Uber. I'm in the Uber now typing this up, along with the iPad I gave you. While lying in your bed, I found it and on it I didn't just find proof of you cheating, I found everything. The day you turned your location off, you were with the guy you play call of duty with. I'm mad at myself for not catching how often you played with him and how you'd laugh at his jokes. I saw the messages, how you two talked for months, and how you planned a hotel meet up the day after he picked you up from work, how you kissed him in his car, how you told him we broke up, you sending a pick of the hickies he gave you, and guess what? those messages. Send at 9.45 p.m. the same time I was breaking down on the phone, and you were

telling me everything was okay. How inconsiderate could you fucking be hearing some you claimed you love cry on the phone and while there you're texting your school friend and him about your infidelity? Speaking of the school friend, I saw conversations celebrating your decision to cheat and laughing about how you got away with it gassing each other up for lying to me. And there are more shit I found. I found flirty messages with multiple Uber drivers. I found out the ring you said was from your late grandmother was actually from your ex-boyfriend. You wore it our entire relationship. I found messages to him too telling him you were single. That you will always love him. I saw more messages with your call of duty duo with him saying very sexual things and you saying how nice that

sounded. That was the same day I surprised you be coming over to your house for Thanksgiving. I found you sending sexy selfies to multiple men. Some of those pictures were from outing that we were out together. All this shit and yet you talked about marrying me? You're a piece of shit. Normally, I'm not a petty person but fuck it. By the time I press post, I will have already sent screenshots of everything to your friends, the ones who would be ashamed of you, to your family the ones who would disown you,

to your call of duty buddies, who knew nothing about your double life, to my family, to our friend group and to the shitty school friend who knew everything. Smiled at my face at the party and is still there thinking everything is great. Every person who ever believed in us will know the truth. I've never been more disappointed in anyone in my entire life. You made this bed. Now lie in it. Update 1, July 3, 2025. Thank you all for the overwhelming support and kind messages after my last post. If anyone's wondering, yes, I'm doing okay. Something just clicked while I was going through those messages. For the first time, I truly realized I'm worthy of love and that the first person who needs to give that love to me is me. Out of all the options I had in that moment, the one I chose

felt like the smartest. If I had confronted her in private, she could have manipulated the narrative or gaslit me into doubting what I saw. If I had gone downstairs and made a scene, would have been surrounded by her family and friends which would have turned into a screaming match where I'm outnumbered. So I removed myself from the situation and let the truth unravel on its own. Just to clear a few things up. We both had our locations shared on iPhone. I wasn't stalking her. The sexy photos weren't nudes. And even still, I didn't send those pictures out only the text conversations between her and the guys she was messaging. Sending those to people is wrong on another and I would never stoop that low. After I left, I took an Uber home, grabbed a few things

and went to stay at my friend's place for the night. I felt okay, but I thought that's just the adrenaline. One and one I'm going to crash hard. I've already signed up for therapy, scheduled an STI test, and I'm planning to take boxing and pottery classes just to keep myself active and focused. While I was staying over, one of her call of duty friends messaged me. turns out the guy she slept with has a wife and kid. I'm not sure how that situation is unfolding, but I hope his wife finds out. That friend also told me she's been removed from their squad. Our mutual friend group has shown a lot of support.

One of them even removed her as a bridesmaid from their upcoming wedding, and blocked her entirely. I thought everything had finally calmed down until I came back home this morning. I had already blocked her on everything, so there was no one. way for her to reach me. Instead, she showed up. She drove her parents' car to my house and sat outside until she saw me. As I walked to my door, she came out crying hysterical, a messy mix of sadness and rage. I didn't say a word. Just walked inside and closed the door while she yelled from the other side until she eventually left. Nothing was mentioned about the Reddit post, so I guess she didn't see it. Later that day, her brother called me.

He apologized on behalf of the family. He said everything seemed normal after I left until their mom check her phone. She pulled my ex aside, trying to keep things quiet. But then her aunt, the one who talks a lot, shouted, You're cheating on your boyfriend. In front of everyone. That blew the lid off. According to him, their family has a history with infidelity,

and it caused serious pain in the past. So this incident not only, only reopened old wounds, but more cheating scandals within the family were exposed that same night. This party was supposed to be a reconciliation moment for relatives who hadn't seen each other in years. And the friend who celebrated the cheating with her? She got cussed out so badly by the family that she left in tears. Her brother told me he doesn't blame me for anything. He even said I handled it better than most would have, and he's here if I need anything. Honestly, the only thing I feel bad about is unintentionally ripping apart a family that was trying to move forward.

I had no idea all that was going on behind the scenes, and I do feel like an asshole for being the grenade that set it all off. Update 2, July 15, 2025. Mentally, I've been doing okay. I'd be lying if I said this hasn't been hard, it has. Some days are better than others. Part of me still have the urge to be doing okay. unblock her, just to see what she might say but I haven't and I won't. One quote I saw on Twitter has been helping me stay grounded. It said, because no amount of I love you can erase the fact

that you looked at my worth, waited against your urge, and picked the urge. I made that quote my phone's lock screen. It's a constant reminder not to give in. On the health front, I'm clean so far, thankfully. I'm staying cautious and planned to continue regular checkups just to be safe. I'm also currently looking to move. I don't want to risk her showing up at my place again. Therapy's been going great. Pottery, though, I suck horribly but will still continue to go. I still carry some guilt about what happened with her family.

I know I didn't cause the fractures, but I lit the match that exposed all of it. According to one of her friends, she's aware of the post. That same friend messaged me calling me a dick, claiming this was an invasion. of privacy and that I should have talked to her one-on-one instead of going public. I didn't respond. After everything that's happened, I've said my peace. I'm not interested in debating my healing process with people who is enabling her. Right now, I'm focused on moving forward. I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse passed away and I discovered a note he penned to his child revealing he never had affection for me and only entered into marriage with me for financial gain.

He desired me to provide for her. Through college so I'm cutting her off the moment she turns 18. My husband, 48M, passed away recently after a long battle with a terminal brain tumor. I'm 45F, and I've been married to him for the last five years. He had a daughter, 17F, from his previous marriage. Her biological mother, his ex-wife, abandoned my husband and stepdaughter when the girl was very young. She left them a handwritten note saying she couldn't handle the responsibility and took off, never to be heard from again.

I came into their lives when my stepdaughter was about ten. From the very beginning, she was hostile towards me. I understood that it was tough for her, her mother had walked out, and I never intended to replace her mom. I tried to be as patient and understanding as possible. I was just hoping in time she might see that I genuinely cared about her father and wanted to be there. for both of them. It was never easy. During our dating period and after I moved in, my stepdaughter did everything she could to sabotage the relationship. She would make snide remarks or even outright lie to her dad to try to cause fights between us. For example, she once told him I had slapped her,

which never happened, in an attempt to get him to break up with me. Luckily, he didn't believe that lie after we both confronted her, but it was incredibly awkward and painful. She never really apologized, she just smirked as if she'd issued a challenge and was waiting to see if I'd stick around. The most dramatic incident was when my husband proposed to me. My stepdaughter absolutely lost it. She screamed that I was trying to replace her mother and that their family didn't need me. That same evening, she ran away from home. We ended up finding her hours later in the woods behind our neighborhood after a panic search involving neighbors and the police. She was cold, scared, angry. After that incident, my husband arranged therapy for her, and some family therapy for the

three of us together. I think the counseling helped a little, because eventually she stopped openly lashing out. She even agreed to be a bridesmaid at our wedding a year later, though she did so with plenty of eye-rolling and attitude. At the wedding she refused to smile in any pictures, but at least she showed up. I figured that was progress, maybe the beginning of acceptance, even if she still made cutting comments like, she's your wife, dad, not my mom, whenever she had the chance. Fast forward to last year, my husband's health took a turn for the worse. He had been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor two years ago, and despite treatments, it was clear the tumor was aggressive. The last year of his life was extremely difficult. I was effectively his caregiver

through countless hospital visits, chemo sessions, and eventually home hospice care. My stepdaughter was understandably upset and scared about her dad's illness. She mostly stayed out of my way and spent time alone or with her friends, but occasionally she'd have emotional outbursts directed at me. She would scream at me and blame me for her father's illness in irrational ways, saying things like, if mom was here, he'd have tried harder to live. Or even I bet you stressed him out and made him worse. I know grief and fear were talking when she said those things, so I tried not to take it to heart, but it's still hurt to hear. My husband passed away about three months ago. His death hit both of us hard. I lost my partner, the man I love dearly.

My stepdaughter lost her father, her only remaining parent figure. I understood she was grieving, but she directed all her pain and anger at me. In the weeks following his death, she has told me more than once that she wishes it had been me who died instead of him. She screamed in my face that I took him away from her. I've done nothing but tried to help, planning the funeral, handling his things, making sure she has food and a roof over her head, and yet she seems to absolutely despise me now. We barely talk except when absolutely necessary, and those exchanges usually end with her storming off or saying something cruel under her breath. A few days ago, I was cleaning up

around the house and went into my stepdaughter's room to collect dishes and laundry she'd left lying around. She rarely cleans up after herself, and I've been trying to keep the house from becoming a complete pigsty. While picking up some dirty clothes off the floor, I noticed an envelope sticking out from under her pillow on the unmade bed. The envelope was already torn open. I recognized my late husband's handwriting on the front, it had my stepdaughter's name on it. I didn't know what to expect, but seeing his handwriting gave me a jolt of pain and longing. I've been missing him so much, and in that moment I just needed to see his words. So I picked it up and read the letter inside.

It turns out my husband wrote a letter to his daughter shortly before he died. And what I read has completely shattered whatever was left of my heart. In the letter, he confessed to his daughter that he had never really loved me, his current wife. He wrote that the only woman he ever truly loved was her mother. his ex-wife, the same woman who abandoned them. He expressed regret that the ex-wife, he even called her by name in the letter, wasn't there with him in his final days. He wrote something like, Not a Day Goes By that I don't think of your mom. I wish she were here instead of, my name, taking care of me. I had to read that line a few times, it made me feel sick to my stomach.

He went on to say that I had been good to both of us, in my own way, but that I was essentially a convenient solution for helping raise her and for providing financial stability. He actually admitted that part of the reason he married me was because I have a good job and some family money. For context, I do earn a good income, and I inherited a decent amount when my father passed away. My husband's income was more modest, and we mostly lived in my house that I owned before marriage. I knew I was contributing more financially, but I never thought he viewed me as just a piggy bank. The worst part was towards the end of the letter. He advised my stepdaughter to stick it out living with me after he was gone,

saying something along the lines of, make sure you behave with, my name, and keep a civil relationship, at least until you're through college. She has the resources to support you and pay for your education. I'm counting on her to do right by you. So even if you don't like her, just stick it out with her for a bit longer. In other words, he basically told his daughter to talk to, tolerate me and use me for my money to get through college. By the time I finished reading,

I was in tears. I literally sank to the floor of her room and just sobbed for a while. I felt like my entire marriage was a lie. The man I devoted myself to, whom I nursed through his illness, apparently didn't even love me back. He was pining for a woman who had abandoned him and their child. And all the while he was counting on me to bankroll his daughter's life as some sort of convenient tool. It's an incredibly humiliating and hurtful thing. I can't believe I never saw any sign of this. In hindsight, I don't even know what was real or fake in our relationship. He always told me he loved me. Even up to the end, when the tumor affected his memory, he would hold my hand and whisper love you in his weak voice. Was that all just habit?

Something he felt he had to say so I'd keep taking care of him. I haven't confronted. I haven't confronted my stepdaughter about the letter yet. She obviously has read it. The envelope was opened and it was in her things. She never mentioned it to me, of course she wouldn't. From her perspective, that letter probably just confirmed everything she already believed or wanted to believe. That I was an unwanted intruder, and her dad didn't even care about me. Maybe it even made her hate me more, seeing that her dad wished her mom was by his side instead of me. Now I'm stuck in this house, legally as her guardian until she turns 18, my husband named me her guardian and his will. I'm responsible for this girl who openly hates me, and now I find out the feeling was basically mutual from her father's side too, at least in terms of not loving me.

The only reason I'm here raising her is because I was convenient and have the money to do it. I've been paying most of the bills for years, and apparently that was my role all along, ATM, caretaker, whatever, but not truly part of the family. I'm at a loss. Her father never put aside any college fund. He always told me we would handle it when the time came. I guess in his mind I was the we. The idea of still shelling out tens of thousands

for this girl's tuition after this betrayal makes me feel like the world's biggest sucker. Would I be the asshole if I just let my stepdaughter fend for herself once she's 18 and refuse to pay for her expensive college plans after finding out my husband basically used me? Update 1, Hi again. I didn't expect my post to get so much attention, but I appreciate the insights and support,

and even the tough love from some of you. It's only been a few days since I posted, but I want to address some of the common questions and let you all know where my head is at now. To answer the biggest question many of you had. No, I honestly never suspected that my husband was still in love with his ex-wife or that he never loved me as he wrote.

This revelation blindsided me completely. In hindsight, I realize maybe I was naive or ignored some subtle red flags, but truly, he acted like a loving husband. He was affectionate, he said, I love you daily, we cuddled, we celebrated anniversaries, the whole thing. If he was pretending the entire time, then he deserved an Oscar. I knew that my husband had been hurt when his ex left. We talked about it early on when we started dating. He told me that she had a sort of breakdown, left that note and vanished, and that he had been heartbroken and angry for the sake of their daughter. But he always framed it as past history, something he processed and moved on from.

I actually asked him, point blank when we got serious, if he was truly over his ex. He laughed and said something like, of course I am. The only thing I care about regarding her is how it affected, stepdaughter. I'm with you now, I love you. I believed him. I had no reason not to. Now, I realized there were little things I brushed off. For example, a few years ago I found him looking at an old photo of his ex-wife. He had this sad look on his face. I gently asked if he was okay, and he said he was just reminiscing and feeling bad that his daughter grew up without her mom. He never said anything like he missed her romantically.

I thought it was understandable he'd feel a bit emotional about the woman who had was the mother of his child, even if she hurt him, so I let it go. Another time, maybe about a year before his tumor diagnosis, he had a health scare, unrelated to the tumor. In the ER, he was loopy on medication and he called me by his ex's name once. That stung, but he realized it immediately and apologized over and over, saying it was just the meds talking. I didn't make it a big issue because he seemed genuinely sorry and upset that he'd done that. Aside from those minor incidents, nothing screamed I'm secretly pining for my ex to me. We had what I thought was a solid marriage.

So yeah, I feel pretty foolish now. It's like I was living in a facade that I didn't even know was a facade. As for the letter and whether I should have read it, I understand some people feel I invaded my stepdaughter's privacy by reading something addressed to her. You're probably right, it might have been wrong of me. In the moment, I wasn't thinking about that. snooping or boundaries, I saw my late husband's handwriting and I just reacted, emotionally. Maybe I shouldn't have read it, but what's done is done. I can't unread it. And honestly,

if I hadn't read it, I would still be living in ignorance about how he truly felt about me. That letter fell into my lap, almost literally, and I read it. I have to live with that knowledge now, as painful as it is. Another common question, have I talked to my stepdaughter about it yet? No, not yet. I've been avoiding that conversation, to be honest. Since I found the letter, I've been kind of distant and just numb around her. She's probably noticed something is off, but we barely speak anyway, so she hasn't directly asked. I haven't brought it up because I'm not ready for that showdown.

I have a feeling it's going to be ugly whenever it happens, and I frankly have no idea what to even say to her. Am I supposed to sit her down and say, hey, I read the letter your dad left and surprise, he never loved me. I worry she'd just take that as an excuse to unleash even more hatred at me. She might even feel triumphant, like it validates how she's treated me. Also, for those who asked, I did not formally adopt my stepdaughter. Her mom's parental rights were never terminated, despite the abandonment. Legally, her mom is still her mother.

We discussed the idea of me adopting her when she was around 12, but she was, She was adamantly against it and we didn't want to force the issue and cause more drama. In my husband's will, however, he named me as her guardian until she turns 18. So I am, in fact, legally responsible for her right now. He also left virtually everything he personally owned to me, which honestly wasn't much beyond some personal belongings and a small life insurance policy. There was no dedicated college fund or anything for her education. My income and savings have basically been the family money that would have paid for college.

Right now, I'm paying for everything as I always have, but I have no legal obligation to support her once she's an adult. I know a lot of people are saying I should refuse to pay for her college or any extras given what I found out. Believe me, I am very tempted to do just that. Emotionally, I'm still extremely hurt and angry. The thought of forking over tens of thousands of dollars so she can go to some fancy college when she views me with utter contempt. It just makes my blood boil. However, I haven't explicitly told her I won't pay or made any big announcement about changing plans yet. Not yet.

Partly because we haven't had a civil conversation about anything lately, let alone college. She's been keeping to herself in her room or out with friends. When we do cross paths, it's tense but rink. relatively quiet, probably because we're both trying to avoid any interaction. For now, I'm making sure her basic needs are met. I cook dinner, when she doesn't slip out and eat at a friend's place, I keep the lights on and the internet running, etc. But I haven't made any promises about college or the future. I figure I'll see how things go in the next few weeks. Maybe I'll bring up the letter if the right moment comes, or if she pushes me hard on something. Or maybe I'll just

quietly make my decisions and deal with it when the moment arrives. To be honest, I'm still processing all of this. I cycle between heartbreak, rage, and guilt on a daily basis. It's a lot. I'll update again if there are any major developments. Right now I'm just taking it one day at a time and trying to figure out what the hell to do next. Update 2, it's been a little while since my first update, and the situation finally came to a head. My stepdaughter is in her last year of high school now, and college has become the hot topic. She's a good student, despite all the turmoil, I'll give her that, and had her heart set on a particular out-of-state university that is very expensive. With her grades, she can get in, but paying for it is another matter. As I mentioned before,

my husband did not save anything for her college. Previously, the understanding, at least on my part, was that we, meaning he and I together, would figure out how to pay when the time came. That basically meant me, since I've always been the financial backbone. Before all of this, I fully intended to help her with college because I saw her as part of my family. About a week ago, she actually approached me, civilly, for once, to talk about college. She was surprisingly polite. I suspect she was trying to be on her best behavior to ensure I'd pay. She asked if I could fill out some parental financial aid forms and mentioned that, since I have money, she probably wouldn't qualify for much aid. It was almost businesslike,

she clearly expected that I would be footing the bill, or at least a big chunk of it. I took a deep breath and decided it was time to be honest and firm. I told her, calmly, that given the cost of the school she wanted, she would need to either get substantial scholarships or consider more affordable options. I said, something like, I'm not in a position to pay for, dream university, outright. And since your dad didn't save anything for college, we have to be realistic about what we can afford. That was the gentlest way I could phrase it, I think. The moment I said that, her face dropped and she went from zero to enraged in about half a second. She accused me of lying to her. She snapped, what are you talking

about? You have plenty of money. You just don't want me to be happy. You're doing this to screw me over. I stayed as calm as I could and told her I never agreed to pay for an expensive private school 100%, and that money isn't some infinite resource. She kept on ranting, saying that I was full of it. She yelled, Stop pretending you're poor. I see your bank statements. I have no idea how she would see my bank statements. Maybe my husband told her things about my finances, or she snooped in my office.

She then accused me of breaking my promise to her dad, saying that I was going back on what I owed because I was spiteful. At that point, I'll admit I lost my cool a bit. I said something along the lines of, why would I want to pay tens of thousands of dollars for someone who clearly hates me? She yelled back that she never asked to be stuck with me and that I'm just doing this to get revenge on a dead man, her words. It got really heated, with both of us raising our voices. Finally, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I told her I knew about the letter her father wrote to her. I probably shouldn't have blurted it out in that moment,

but I was just so angry and hurt, and her entitlement was pushing me over the edge. The effect was immediate. She went quiet for half a second, eyes wide, completely caught off guard. Then she absolutely exploded. She started screaming that I had no right to read that letter. She called me a conniving bitch, sorry for the language, but that's what she said, and accused me of snooping through her stuff to find a reason to screw her over.

She claimed I tricked her by pretending I would pay for college and then changed my mind to punish her for what I read. For the record, I never promised her a single thing about college after her dad died. In fact, we had literally not discussed it until this conversation, likely because she was avoiding me and I wasn't going to bring it up first. At this point she was in a full-on meltdown. She started knocking items off the dining table. I was honestly stunned and a bit scared. I have never seen her this unhinged. Then she grabbed my laptop, I had it open on the table because I'd been reviewing some documents,

and hurled it across the room. It smashed against the floor, and the screen cracked, basically destroyed. I shouted, stop. You need to calm down, now. But that just made her scream louder. She was crying, screaming that she hated me, that she wished it was me who had died instead of her father, yes, another I wish you died not him for the record, and a bunch of other vicious things. Among her shrieks, one thing that stood out was when she yelled, if you had died and not dad, we'd have all the money and everything would be perfect. Dad and I would have been fine without you.

She basically said that if I were dead, her dad would have been financially able to send her to her to her. her dream college and they'd both be happy. Which, aside from being a horrible thing to say, is also wildly inaccurate because her father did not have any significant money of his own. But everything I might have owned would have gone to him. Hearing that was like a final nail in the coffin. It was such a cruel statement. It also proved that, at least on some level, she did see me as just an ATM.

She as much as admitted that the only value I had was my money, and that if I were out of the she believed she'd have a better life. By then I was shaking, partly from anger, partly from adrenaline and shock. I didn't know if she'd try to throw something at me next. I was across the room from her and I just yelled, go to your room, now. She screamed back some gibberish, just yelling, basically, and eventually did storm off to her room, slamming the door hard. I was left standing in a mess of water, glass, papers, and my destroyed laptop. I'll admit I just started crying once I was alone. After a few minutes I realized I needed to protect myself here, both financially and possibly physically.

My stepdaughter's rage was at a level I'd never seen. I mean, she literally destroyed my property in front of me. I ended up locking myself in my bedroom that night because I truly wasn't sure if she might try to continue the fight or do something else while I was asleep. Maybe that sounds paranoid, but after what I saw, I wasn't going to take it. take chances. The next morning, once we'd both cooled off, relatively speaking, I made things very clear to her. I told her I will continue to provide her the basics, shelter, food, essentials, until she turns 18, which is just a few months away now, but she should not expect

any further financial support after that. She glared at me with pure hatred and said, fine, I don't need you. I never needed you. I just nodded and walked away. There was nothing left to say. Let me be clear, this isn't some kind of bluff or mind game on my part. I am fully prepared to follow through on this. Honestly, I think that fight was the point of no return. I've given this girl so much of my time, energy, love, and yes, money. I refuse to continue being treated like garbage and used as a wallet.

Especially after reading what my husband wrote and then hearing the vile things she said to my face, I'm done. It's sad that it's come to this. I'm not happy that I essentially have to cut off the girl I once hoped would be like a daughter to me. But I see no other choice if I want to maintain my own sanity and dignity. I suspect at this point the question of who is the asshole is kind of moot. I know I'm not exactly handling things perfectly, but I honestly feel like I have to protect myself now. I wanted to update those who have been following. It was an ugly scene and I'm still shaken. but oddly I also feel a sense of resolution. She and I are just done with each other beyond the bare minimum of coexistence for a few more months.

Update 3. Final Update. This will likely be my final update on this situation. I've taken several steps to protect myself and my future, as many of you advised, and also because it's just the logical next step after everything that's happened. Security measures First, I went ahead and installed security camera. inside and outside my house. I did that the day after the big blow up.

I placed a camera in the living room, one in the kitchen, and one facing the front door slash entryway, plus some covering the outside of the house. I'm not doing this to spy on my stepdaughter 24 to 7, but I want a record in case she tries to destroy more property or if any altercation happens. After her violent outburst, I'm not taking chances. She noticed the cameras right away and looked uneasy,

but didn't say anything. I did calmly tell her, these cameras are for safety, for both of us. As long as we both act civilly, they won't bother you. She just rolled her eyes and went back to ignoring me. That's fine. Family support. Next, I called my parents and filled them in on what's been going on. I'll admit I had downplayed the issues with my stepdaughter to my family for years. I always hope things would eventually improve and I didn't want them to worry or resent her. But this time I told them everything, the letter, the fight, all of it. They were shocked and absolutely furious on my behalf. My mom insisted on coming to stay with me for a while, at least until my stepdaughter turns 18 and moves out. I didn't object. Honestly, having her here is a huge relief. She arrived a few

days ago, and the atmosphere at home is still tense, but I feel safer and less alone. My stepdaughter has practically barricaded herself in her room since my mom showed up. She only emerges when she knows neither of us is in the common areas. My mom tried to be polite and friendly with her initially, but got nothing in return except grunts or glares, so now mom is just giving her space as well. We're essentially three strangers living in the same house at this point, but at least there haven't been any more screaming matches or broken objects. Legal and financial actions. I consulted with an attorney to update my will and handle some other legal details.

Originally, my will had my husband as primary beneficiary and my stepdaughter as secondary. I set it up after we married, just in case. I never imagined I'd end up in a scenario where it's just me and a stepdaughter who hates me, but here we are. I have now changed my will so that my stepdaughter will inherit nothing from me. Instead, I'm leaving my assets to my own parents and siblings, the people who actually care about me. It might sound harsh, but I think it's fair and necessary. I put a lot of effort and resources into helping my stepdaughter over the years,

and she has made it abundantly clear that she doesn't value me at all beyond what I can provide. I have no intention of rewarding that behavior with a share of my estate. My attorney also advised that since I'm still her legal guardian for a few more months, I do have a responsibility to provide for her basic needs until she's 18, but I'm not obligated to pay for anything beyond necessities, food, shelter, school costs until graduation, etc. The lawyer made it clear that if she becomes violent or destructive again, I have the right to involve the police and pursue legal action if needed, and the camera footage would be helpful evidence. I sincerely hope it doesn't come to anything like that. I really don't want to involve

the police or courts in this unless I have absolutely no choice, but it's good to know my options. I've also started separating any remaining financial entanglements. I closed a joint bank account that my husband and I used for household expenses, I had kept it open out of inertia after he passed, but I don't want her having any path to my money, however indirect. I'm double-checking that she isn't an authorized user on any credit cards or accounts, pretty sure she's not, but I'm being thorough. I doubt she tried to do anything sketchy, but I'm covering my as for her biological mother. There's really no option there. We have no way to contact her. She's been completely off the grid for over a decade, so reaching out to her isn't possible. With no other family to take her in,

once my stepdaughter moves out she will truly be on her own. It's unfortunate and sad, but those are the circumstances. Current status, I'm basically counting down the days until her 18th birthday this summer. My mom will stay with me until then. I've arranged to change the locks as soon as my stepdaughter has moved out, just to ensure a clean break and that she can't just waltz back in. I'm also planning to pack up any belongings she leaves behind and have them sent to whatever address she provides later.

I really just want a clean slate with no lingering ties once she's out. Emotionally, I'm sad that this is how things ended up. The constant tension and walking on eggshells in my own home was unbearable, at least now I know it's ending soon. I don't see any chance of repairing the relationship between my stepdaughter and me. Perhaps years down the line she might gain some perspective or realize I wasn't the evil stepmother she thinks I am, but I'm not holding my breath for that, and I'm certainly not going to chase it. At this point, I just want peace and distance.

My plan is to get through the next few months as calmly as possible and then focus on healing and moving forward with my own life. I've been leaning on my mom's support and throwing myself back into work. I took a short leave around the funeral and the aftermath, but I'm working again now, which helps keep me busy. I also plan to start therapy soon to process all this grief, betrayal, and anger. There's a lot to unpack, and I want to deal with it in a healthy way so I can move on. Lastly, I want to thank everyone who followed along and offered advice or sympathy. This has been one of the hardest experiences of my life. I wish I had a happier or more hopeful ending to share, but at least now I have clarity and firm boundaries.

I know that I tried my best to be a good wife and stepmom. It just didn't work out, and in the end I was taken advantage of. I'm making my peace with that. Take care, everyone. I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse passed away in a vehicle crash and bequeath me all his life assurance funds and possessions, yet his relatives argue that I am unworthy of it as our marriage lasted only three years. Years and they want me to share it with them calling me a greedy widow.

I, 34F, became a widow earlier this year when my husband, James, 36M, died suddenly in a car accident. We had been married for three years, and his death was completely. completely unexpected and devastating. I'm still trying to process the loss, but on top of grieving, I'm now dealing with a conflict with James' family over his life insurance payout and assets. A bit of background, James and I met about five years ago and got married after dating for two years. When we married, James suggested that I leave my job and become a stay-at-home wife. He had a stable, well-paying career, and we both wanted to start a family soon, so it made sense at the time.

I was hesitant to give up my career at first, but James really wanted me to be able to focus on our home and future children without work stress. Eventually, I agreed. For the past three years, I've been managing our household while James worked. It was a mutual decision, and I trusted that we were building a future together. Tragically, that future got cut short. A couple of months ago, James was in a car accident and he didn't survive. It happened out of the blue one. a random weekday when he was driving home from work. One moment I was texting him about what to pick up for dinner, the next I got a call from the hospital. By the time I reached there, it was too late. Losing him has been the worst thing I've ever experienced.

We hadn't even gotten around to having kids yet, and suddenly I was alone, unemployed, and heartbroken. On top of all the emotional pain, I had to deal with the practical matters of his death. James had a life insurance policy through his job and also a will. The life insurance payout is about $250,000, and in his will he left me all his assets, around $350,000 worth, including savings, and our house. I was listed as the sole beneficiary on everything.

We had no children, so it made sense that it all went to me. We had actually updated his beneficiary info and will write after we got married, which I'm now incredibly thankful for. As his wife, I'm legally entitled to 100% of those funds. I haven't had much time to even think about the money beyond ensuring I can pay the bills and keep the lights on. Since I was a stay-at-home wife and not earning income, this money is essentially what I have to live on now. I'm still in my home and there's a mortgage to pay, though James had been paying most of it. The life insurance and inherited assets are not some crazy lottery win for me,

They're the financial safety net James intended for our, now my, future. I would give anything to have him back instead, but that's not how life works. James's parents, my mother-in-law and father-in-law, and his younger sister have always been a part of our lives, and I genuinely care about them. In the early days after James's passing, they were grieving too, of course. I tried to be there for them and have been as understanding as possible about everyone's emotions running high. But as the dust settled, a serious disagreement emerged. Basically, his family believes they are entitled to a share of James's life insurance money and possibly other assets, and they are unhappy that I'm planning to keep it all as the beneficiary.

It started a few weeks after the funeral. James's parents sat me down and told me they had been under the impression that James would take care of them and his sister if anything ever happened to him. At first, I did understand what they meant, but it quickly became clear they were talking about. talking about finances. My father-in-law mentioned that James always intended to adjust his life insurance beneficiaries to include them, his parents and his sister, alongside me. This was news to me, James never mentioned any such plan to me at all. They also implied that because our marriage was relatively short and we didn't have children, it didn't feel right to them that I was getting everything. My mother-in-law actually said, you know, you two were only married for three years. We raised him for

36. It's not that we don't think you should get anything, but we think it should be shared. That stung a bit because it felt like she was downplaying my relationship with James, but I do understand he had a lifetime of history with them. Still, being married to someone, even only three years, is significant, and he was my whole world. James's sister, my sister-in-law, is in a tough spot financially. She's a single mother of two kids. One of her children has a a disability that requires expensive medical care, and the other is a teenager who will be heading to college in a couple years. My in-laws pointed out that James's niece and nephew could really use some financial help, college funds, medical bills, etc. They said something along the lines of,

think about the kids, that money could actually change their lives for the better. I do feel for my sister-in-law and the kids, I really do. The medical bills for her disabled child must be overwhelming, isn't cheap either. However, James chose me as the sole beneficiary for a reason. He and I built a life together, even if it was only a few years. I was the person he shared everything with daily. I also believe he likely wanted to ensure I'd be okay if he was gone, precisely because I wasn't working and would suddenly be on my own. My own financial future is uncertain now, I might need to find a job after being out of the workforce, or at least invest this money carefully to generate income. It's not like I'm going to blow it on sports cars or something. This is literally to pay

for my mortgage, groceries, and maybe fulfill the plans we had. Like we talked about me going back to school or us having a baby, which now. I don't even know if that will happen for me. When I explained to my in-laws and sister-in-law that I was not planning on giving them a portion of the life insurance money, things got tense. I told them I understood where they were coming from but that James had left those funds to me and I believed it was my responsibility to use them as he intended, for my support and future.

I said I was open to helping out if one of them was in a dire emergency, but I wasn't going to hand over chunks of the money as an obligation. That did not go over well. His mother teared up and said something like, so you're just going to keep all of it? You're not going to honor what he would have wanted for his family?

His father was more blunt, implying that I was being greedy. He said, this isn't right. You don't deserve to keep all of it. Hearing that really upset me. I never expected to be in a situation where someone would say I don't deserve the money that my own husband left me. It's not like I demanded to be the beneficiary. James made the decision on his own. And we were happy together. It's not like we were on the verge of divorce or anything crazy. I ended up kind of defending myself, maybe a bit too emotionally. I said that I love that I love

I loved James and I'm trying to do right by his memory, and that it's unfair to accuse me of greed when all I'm doing is following his will. I also may have said something along the lines of, if he wanted you to have the money, he would have put you in the will or policy. That comment angered my father-in-law, and things basically devolved into an argument. They left my house feeling hurt, and I was in tears feeling attacked. Since that confrontation, communication with my in-laws and sister-in-law has been strained. I've heard through other relatives that James's parents are telling people I refuse to give them a scent of James's insurance and estate, and painting me as the evil greedy widow who is keeping all the money for herself. One of his aunts actually called me and urged me to do the right thing by the family. It's gotten very uncomfortable and it's adding so much stress to an already horrible time in my life.

I never wanted to be at odds with James's family. I understand they're grieving their son and brother. I know that money could help them. And honestly, part of me feels guilty because our marriage was short in the grand scheme of things, and we didn't have the kids we planned on, whereas his family lost a son slash brother who could benefit from that money right now. On the other hand, I was his wife, the one he chose to spend his life with. In those three years of marriage and five years together total, James and I built a partnership,

and he made his wishes clear in legal documents. I feel a responsibility to uphold what he put in place. I'm really torn. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong by keeping the money that was intended for me, and I worry that if I give in now, I'll compromise my own security. But I also hate the idea of fighting or being estranged from his family over this, and I hate being painted as some sort of gold digger or selfish witch. The pressure from them is making me question myself.

So, I genuinely want to know, am I the asshole for keeping my deceased husband's life insurance money, and the assets he left me, instead of sharing it with his family? Update 1. I was overwhelmed by the responses and advice from everyone. It's been a tough time, and seeing so many people empathize or offer perspective really helped me feel less alone. The general consensus was that I'm not the asshole for wanting to keep the money, which was a huge relief because I'd been second-guessing myself. A lot of you pointed out that James chose me as the beneficiary and that legally and morally its mind to use for my future. Some also suggested that if I felt inclined, I could possibly help his family in a smaller

way, but that it's ultimately up to me and what I think James would have wanted. A few commenters asked if James had ever helped his family financially while he was alive, or if there were any indications of him wanting to support them beyond what I knew. To be honest, I wasn't sure, because James and I never explicitly talked about how he handled giving money to his family. But those questions got me thinking, and I decided to do a little digging into our financial records for clues. Going through James's bank statements and papers was emotional, I had been avoiding it, and it made me miss him even more. Still, I felt like I needed to know if he had been providing for them quietly. Well, I found something.

It turns out James had indeed been helping out his sister financially here and there, particularly before we got married. Specifically, I found a series of payments from about four and five years ago, a year or two before our wedding, that James made toward medical bills for his sister's child. Some were online transfers to his sister's account and some were payments directly to a medical equipment supplier. They weren't huge amounts in the grand scheme of things, like a few hundred dollars at a time, but they were some irregular. From what I can tell, he was contributing on and off whenever his nephew, the child with the disability, had a big expense or when his sister was struggling extra hard. After we got married, I saw fewer of those transactions. I'm guessing that might be because once we combined finances more,

he didn't want to take money out of our joint funds without telling me. It's possible he still helped occasionally using his personal spending money, but if so, it wasn't obvious in the records I looked at. This discovery hit me in a couple of ways. First, it made my heart ache, because it was another reminder. of what a generous, caring man James was. He really loved his family and was willing to quietly support them when they needed it, even though he never bragged or even really mentioned it to me. It also made me feel a bit guilty, because I simply hadn't known. I wonder if I should have

guessed or if he tried to tell me and I missed it. I don't think he was hiding it from me maliciously. More likely he just handled it on his own, so I wouldn't worry about our finances or feel obligated to get involved. Second, this information complicates how I feel about the whole situation. The fact that he used to help his sister financially suggests that he did care about making sure his family was okay, at least to an extent. It lends a bit of credence to my in-law's belief that he would have wanted to take care of them. Perhaps he would have continued to quietly support them if he were still here, and now that he's gone, I'm asking myself if I should continue that support in his stead. but I keep reminding myself that James naming me as beneficiary and leaving me everything in his will is a very strong statement of what he wanted.

If he had intended to formally provide for his parents or sister after death, he had every opportunity to set that up. Helping out with a bill here and there is different from reallocating your life insurance or estate. He could have, for instance, set aside a portion for his niece and nephew in the will, or named his parents as partial beneficiaries on the policy, but he didn't. So I think the most likely scenario is that James just assumed he'd be around for a long time and would continue to help his family as needed, without needing to put it in a legal document. None of us expected him to pass so young. The what-ifs are hard to think about, but I can't change the fact that he didn't formally include them. I haven't made any decisions yet about whether to share a portion of the money. At this point, I have not communicated this discovery to my in-laws or sister-in-law.

Since our last confrontation, we've been taking space and not really talking except for maybe a brief text about some paperwork here and there. I'm honestly a bit afraid to bring this up to them, because it might strengthen their resolve that I should give them something. But I also feel like it's important context. I don't know. For now, I'm sitting with this new information and trying to figure out my next steps. I'll admit that after finding those records, I felt more conflicted than before. I even lost sleep over it, wondering what James would want me to do. I can almost hear him saying something like,

I just want everyone taken care of. But of course, he couldn't predict this scenario. Anyway, I wanted to update because a lot of people were invested and because this discovery seemed significant. I appreciate the continued support and perspectives. I'll update again if there are more developments. Right now I'm just processing and considering my options. Update 2. It's been a little while since my last update. After taking some time to process everything,

I ended up having another conversation with my in-laws. We've been mostly avoiding each other, but I reached out and suggested we sit down and talk calmly. I hoped we could clear the air and find a more amicable understanding. I won't lie, I was nervous as hell driving over to their house, but avoiding the conflict wasn't going to help anyone. The talk started out civil enough. We acknowledged the past weeks had been hard and that we wanted to avoid fighting. I mentioned I had been thinking a lot about what James would have wanted. I even carefully brought up that I found evidence of James helping his sister financially before, to show that I do understand he cared about supporting them.

I hope this might lead to a constructive discussion about finding middle ground. However, things took a turn I didn't expect. My mother-in-law and father-in-law shifted the conversation to the financial help they had given us during our marriage. My father-in-law basically said they'd paid a lot for our big wedding and contributed to our house-down payment, around $50,000, and that they viewed it as an investment in our future. They never would have brought it up but felt they should have been included in James' well after all that. We had been extremely grateful for their help, we sincerely thank them and always saw it as a generous gift. Never did I imagine they gave us that money with strings

attached. I told them as much that I had no idea they expected to be repaid via inheritance. We thought their contributions were out of love, not a down payment on some future payback. My mother-in-law said, we wanted to help you, but we also figured James would take care of his family in return. We didn't think we'd have to spell it out. My father-in-law used that word invested again, which made me feel like my love and marriage was being reduced to a financial transaction. I responded that if they had intended it as a loan or something with conditions, they should have said so at the time. We genuinely believed it was a gift. The conversation started going in circles. They argued that from their perspective, I got the benefit of their

money and now I'm keeping all of James's money, while they lost their son and the money they spent on us and have nothing to show for it. I can understand how, purely financially, they'd feel that's unfair. But it hurt to hear it put that way. I pointed out that we never asked them to pay for our wedding or house, they offered. I said I would have been fine if it had been a loan arrangement, but they explicitly told us it was a gift. My mother-in-law explained they didn't want to burden us with a loan at the time, so they treated it like a gift, assuming that since we had no kids, eventually things would be handled fairly in the estate. Basically, she admitted they assumed some portion would revert to them if the worst happened. That comment about us having no children

really clicked for me, if we'd had kids, they likely wouldn't push for this because the money would stay in James's direct lineage. But since it's just me now, I think they view me as an outsider holding what they see as family assets. In the end, we didn't reach a resolution. There were some tears and some tension, but we managed to end the conversation without shouting. I told them I'd seriously consider everything they said, but I wasn't making any promises on the spot. Then I went home feeling completely drained. On the drive back, I was upset that what I thought was a loving gesture from them now feels like it had strings attached, and that they seemed to view me as in gold digger hoarding their son's legacy. I hated that we had come to this point

over money. At the same time, I started considering whether I should give them something to acknowledge their contributions, if only to keep the peace. Part of me thought, maybe I should just reimburse the wedding and house money, roughly $70,000, so they feel paid back. It wouldn't be as much as they probably want, but it might settle the score in their minds. I haven't made up my mind yet. I worry that if I give an inch, they'll take a mile and keep asking for more, like for the grandkids' college funds, etc. For now, I'm stepping back again to clear my head. This was a heavy development to digest. Side note. Some of you predicted they'd bring up something they have done for us before, you were right on the money, no pun intended.

I'll update again when I figure out what I'm going to do next. Update 3. A couple weeks later, I had another wave of grief and I was cleaning out some of James's things, something I'd been putting off. Specifically, I decided to go through his phone and laptop to save any photos, messages, or notes of his that I might want to keep. It was an emotional afternoon, as you can imagine. I was scrolling through old texts on his phone between James and various people, laughing and crying at memories. Then I opened up his text thread with his sister, My Sill.

Reading their past conversations felt a bit like eavesdropping on a private moment, but I hoped it might give me some clarity. And it did. In their messages, I found exactly the kind of insight I needed about what James really wanted. There were texts from around two years ago, not long after we got married and around the time we bought our house. In one exchange, his sister was apologizing for needing help with another medical bill for her son. She said something like, I hate to keep asking, but it's four nephews name S medical bills, and I'm short this month.

James replied, hey, don't worry about it. You know I'll always help take care of family when I can. That line, take care of family. hit me hard. It was exactly what my in-laws had been saying he would have wanted to do. But there was more. In a later chunk of their conversation, his sister told him she felt guilty because he had his own life now with me and that she didn't want to be a burden. James responded, and I'm paraphrasing a bit, you and the kids will always be family, but yeah, things are a bit tighter now since we're saving up for our own future. My name, and I want to start a family too,

so I have to make sure we're good. I'll help you as much as I'm able, I promise. I just have to balance things. He then talked about how excited he was that we were talking about trying for a baby in the next year or two, and how he wanted to be a dad. I had to stop and just sobbed for a while after reading those. Seeing him talk about the future we planned, having kids together, it brought up a lot of pain, knowing that future was stolen from us.

But it was also strangely comforting to read it. his actual words. It was like hearing his voice again, giving me some guidance. James was essentially saying in that conversation, I need to take care of both my birth family and the new family I'm building. He was trying to balance his responsibilities and love for both. What I take from those texts is that James absolutely intended to continue supporting his parents and sister, especially regarding my nephew's care, while prioritizing our life together and future children. He didn't say anything like I'll leave you guys money if I die, because he thinks like that at 36, but he did clearly express both obligations. He used the phrase take care of family about them, and in the next

breath talked about our future kids and saving for our plans. This gave me a lot of clarity. It's clear that if James were alive, he'd be doing what he could to help his sister's family. And it's also clear that his main priority was our life and future. The two aren't mutually exclusive. The conflict since his death has kind of forced a binary choice, either I keep it all or I share it. But reading his words makes me think the solution is somewhere in the middle, a balance, just like he was trying to achieve in life. After I collected myself, I thought long and hard about what to do with this new understanding. I haven't told my in-laws about the texts, and I'm not sure I will, since showing them might just spark more arguments or see he wanted to help us. Dramatics

Instead, I personally reflected on what James would ask of me if he could speak now. And I think it would be something like, make sure you're taken care of, but if you can, do something to help my family too. I started to formulate a plan that I feel honors both sides of James's wishes. I realized that I can share a portion of what he left behind in a way that directly helps where it's most needed, without jeopardizing my own long-term security. The truth is, I don't need every last dollar of this money to survive. I'm not going to be frivolous with it. I will always be responsible because I know how hard James worked for what we had, but I can afford to part with some to do right by his family,

especially knowing how much he cared for them. Importantly, I want whatever I give to actually reflect James's intentions. From everything I've seen, the area he was most actively supporting was his nephew's medical and special needs. That's where I feel any help should go, to continue that support he was providing, at least in some capacity. The idea of contributing to his nephew's care or setting aside money for his therapies, equipment, or future needs feels right. It's targeted and honors the generosity James already showed. I haven't worked out the exact details yet, like the amount or the mechanism, whether I'd set up a small trust for my nephew or just give a lump sum to his sister with the understanding it's for the kids.

But in my heart I've decided that I will share a portion of the money with my sister-in-law for the sake of her children, particularly her disabled son. At the same time, I am going to keep the majority of the assets and insurance pay out for my own future, as James intended for me. That feels like the balance James himself was trying to achieve. Care for family, but also take care of his wife and future. Just making that decision lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I haven't communicated this plan to James's family yet. I want to get some professional and Reddit advice first, to make sure I do it correctly, for instance, ensuring any money for my nephew is legally earmarked for him.

I'm also bracing myself for the possibility that my in-laws might not be entirely satisfied. They might have wanted a bigger cut or money directly to them. But at this point, I genuinely feel this is the most fair and loving thing I can do, given everything I know. I'll update again once I've taken action and talked to them. I'm hopeful that this could be the compromise that ends the feud. I truly want us all to heal and remember James without this cloud of conflict hanging over us. Update 4. Final. I'm relieved to report that I've finally reached a resolution with James's family, and I think it's as good an outcome as one could hope for given the circumstances. After consulting with a financial advisor and doing a lot of

number crunching, I decided on an amount that I felt I could give to my in-laws slash sister-in-law to help with my nephew's care without compromising my own future. That number was $88,000. Why $88,000? There isn't anything particularly magical about it, but in discussions with my advisor we looked at the costs of some of my nephew's medical needs and equipment, as well as a cushion for future therapies. $88,000 should cover a significant portion of those expenses or at least give them a a serious head start on a long-term fund for him. It's also an amount that, while generous, still leaves me with the majority of the insurance and estate money, the other $512,000. In other words, it's a compromise between helping them and preserving what I need to feel secure.

I arranged a meeting with my parents-in-law and sister-in-law at my house. I figured it would be better to do it in person rather than just sending a check coldly or something. To be honest, I was nervous, I had no idea if they'd be angry, grateful, or what. I had a cashier's check prepared and a short letter I'd written expressing what I was doing and why. When they arrived, we sat down in the living room, and I calmly explained that I had given a lot of thought to what James would have wanted. I told them I agreed that James loved his family and would want to help take care of them, and that I also know he wanted to take care of me. So, in order to honor both, I was going to share a portion of the money in a very specific way.

way. I slid the envelope with the check across to my sister-in-law and explained, this is $88,000, intended for nephews name S care and needs. I made it clear that this money was for her kids, for medical bills, therapies, or even to set aside for her disabled son's future needs, like making sure he's cared for as he gets older. There was a moment of silence as they processed my words. My sister-in-law opened the envelope, saw the check, and immediately started She actually sobbed and said, thank you. My mother-in-law's eyes also welled up with tears, and she reached over and squeezed my hand. My father-in-law was quieter, but he nodded and said, this will really help.

I could see a mixture of relief and maybe a bit of sheepishness on his face, like he realized they had been pushing me hard and now I was extending an olive branch. We talked a bit after that. I clarified that I was keeping the rest of the money for myself, and that they were I hoped they understood I needed to ensure my own stability. I phrased it as, James chose me as his beneficiary for a reason. He trusted me to take care of our home and, what would have been, our future family. I'm going to honor that by using the bulk of what he left to secure my life going forward, I said it matter of factly, not defensively, and none of them argued back.

In fact, my mother-in-law actually said, of course, dear, you have to take care of yourself. We know James wanted that too. I was a little surprised by how accepting they were in the end. Maybe all the arguing and conflict had run its course, or maybe setting a concrete solution on the table helped them let go of the resentment. My sister-in-law was genuinely grateful, she even said I didn't have to do this and that she's thankful I did. She promised to use it for the intended purposes,

I'm trusting her on that, I think she will. My father-in-law said quietly that James would be proud. I actually think I saw him choke up a bit when he said that, which is rare for him. The atmosphere afterward was so much lighter. We even reminisced a bit about James, sharing a couple of nice memories without it devolving into awkwardness about money. It felt like, for the first time since the funeral, we were on the same side instead of at each other's throats.

I know not every family rift men's this neatly, and maybe there will still be some lingering awkward feelings. But I feel at peace with how I handled it. I kept the promise I made to James when we married, to love and care for him, and by extension, to care about the people he cared about, while also respecting the fact that he entrusted me with his estate. I think this was the morally right choice for me. It might not satisfy everyone in the IDA universe who voted NTA you shouldn't give them a dime and tell them to F off, but given the nuances of our situation, I'm content. In the end, I don't consider myself an asshole for keeping the money, because it was mine to keep. But I also feel good that I was able to share a part of it in a meaningful way.

It feels like a way to honor James's generous spirit without diminishing the future he wanted for us, for me. And importantly, it closes this painful chapter of squabbling. Now we can hopefully all focus on healing and remembering James with love, not fighting over his money. I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse sneakily swapped out my contraceptive tablets with supplements in order to conceive a child with me. I caught him boasting about it to his sibling at our celebration for announcing the pregnancy, so I made a recording. It and sent it to his wife and filed for divorce.

My husband, 32M, and I, 30F, have been married for five years. We've had a solid relationship overall, but the one ongoing conflict was about having children. I have always been on the fence about kids, I'm in the middle of advancing in my career and not ready to pause for a baby yet, and wanted to focus on my career for a few more years. My husband, on the other hand, was eager to start a family as soon as possible. We had many discussions, some more heated than others, about the timeline. I never once gave him a firm no, never, I just said I wasn't ready yet. He said he respected that, or so I thought. Because I wasn't ready for pregnancy, I've been religiously taking birth control pills since we got married.

I'm super careful about it. I take my pill at the same time every day, I never skip. My husband knew I was on the pill and, up until recently, he would sometimes gently try to persuade me to stop taking it just for a while so we could try for a baby. Every time, I firmly told him no and that I needed more time. He would back off, or at least I thought he was backing off. A couple of months ago, I got the shock of my life, I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't understand how it happened. I never missed a pill. I set an alarm on my phone, I stored them properly, I even had a backup pack in my purse. It made absolutely no sense. I went to my doctor in a panic, and even she was puzzled. She asked if I'd missed pills, been on antibiotics, or had anything

that might have made the pill less effective. The answer was no. I had done everything right. It was a real head scratcher, but in the end we just had to chalk it up to that tiny percentage of times birth control fails. It sucked, but it wasn't impossible, I guess. My husband was over the moon when I told him about the pregnancy. I was freaked out and upset at first. This was not in my plan at all. But he was so happy that I eventually started to come around.

I won't lie, I was resentful of the situation. But I also love my husband, or I did, at that time, and I thought maybe this was just meant to be. He was being extra sweet and attentive, saying things like you'll be a great mom, I promise you'll love it and I'm so excited to start our family. His excitement was contagious. So, I agreed to keep the baby. I figured maybe the universe decided it was time, and I didn't want to dwell on the how or why too much. Fast forward to last weekend. We decided to to host a little gathering for close friends and family to announce the pregnancy officially. By this point I was around 11 weeks along. We had told our parents and siblings already,

but this was like a celebratory dinner slash party at our house, with everyone toasting and congratulating us. I was still nervous deep down, my career, our finances, all of it, but seeing how happy my husband was, I tried to put on a smile and join the excitement. As the evening went on, people were drinking and having a good time. My husband had quite a few beers, so did his older brother, John 35M, fake name. I was sober, obviously, and I remember at one point during the party I noticed my husband and John had slipped off to the side porch with their drinks. They were deep in conversation and laughing about something, and I just had this weird feeling. Maybe it was the way they glanced around first, or maybe just intuition. I decided to kind of hover nearby.

out of their line of sight to eavesdrop. My husband and his brother were talking about my pregnancy, but not in a yay or so happy way. They were bragging. I distinctly heard John Slur, See, I told you it would work, man. Easiest trick in the book. I got closer, staying quiet. Then I heard my husband say, I can't believe she never noticed.

I swapped out her birth control with those vitamin B pills and she didn't have a clue. Worked like a charm. The moment I heard swapped out her birth control, I realized what they were saying and I quietly hit the record button on my phone. But I managed to capture the rest of their conversation on video, well, audio, since I was just pointing the phone camera

at the ground from behind the door. I felt like the floor fell out from under me, but I kept listening, frozen. John laughed and said something like, ha ha yeah, that's how I got, his wife's name, pregnant too. You just got to do it on the sly. Women are all talk until it actually happens, then they get on board. My husband was laughing and kept going, bro, you're a genius. I mean, she was so careful with those pills, but the ones you gave me matched so well, she didn't notice a thing. Now we're going to have a baby and she thinks it just

happened even though she was on birth control. I convinced her it was a sign. They clink their beer bottles together, like they just accomplished something amazing. John said, we did our wives a favor, honestly. They'll thank us one day. And my husband goes, I know, right? I can't wait to be a dad. I mean, I wish she was more excited, but I know she'll come around once the baby's here. Then they started talking about something else.

I think one of them made a joke about picking baby names. I was pretty much seeing red at this point. Somehow, I managed to act like everything was fine for a little while longer. I didn't confront him immediately in front of all our guests. I didn't want to cause a massive scene at that moment, and honestly I was in shock and needed time to process. But as soon as the last person left and we were alone, I blew up. I basically went off on him as soon as we were alone in the kitchen.

I said something like, care to explain why I heard you telling John you swapped out my birth control for vitamins? The look on his face was an absolute deer in headlights moment. First, he tried to play dumb, what are you talking about? I cut that off real quick by hitting play on the recording on my phone. He listened to his own drunken voice essentially confessing, and he turned white as a sheet. Then he stammered something like, babe, that was just a joke. We were drunk and talking crap. I would never actually do that to you. I was at a absolutely livid. I told him to stop lying. I said I was not an idiot, and I literally had proof in my hand. I asked him, pretty much, what the actual fuck made him think any of this

was okay and if he had any idea how massively he violated my trust and my body. He kept trying to insist it was just guy talk in a prank and that he never actually swapped anything. But he couldn't even look me in the eye. I went and grabbed my pill packet from the bathroom drawer and told him we were going to get it tested, because if what he was saying was true, then the pills should be real, right? At that point, he finally dropped the act and started crying and apologizing. He was bawling, saying stuff like I'm so sorry, I just wanted a baby so bad. I didn't know how else to convince you. I thought once you were pregnant you'd be happy. I only did it because I love you so much and I wanted us to be a family. It was honestly pathetic. I was crying. I was

trying too, out of pure rage and hurt. I told him he had destroyed every ounce of trust one had in him. This wasn't a little oops or an honest mistake, this was premeditated, literally planned out with his brother's help. Oh, you bet I told him I heard the part about it being John's idea and that John did the same thing to his own wife. He didn't even try to deny that either. At some point in all of this, I just went numb. I quietly told him I'm leaving. He kept kept crying and begging me not to, saying we could work this out, that he'd do anything to make it right. He actually had the gall to say, but we're having a baby, don't you want us to stay together for our family? That one really got me. I told him this pregnancy might have been the result of his sick

scheme, but I had zero intention of remaining his wife or raising a child with him after what he did. I told him to consider our marriage over. Then I walked out. Thankfully, my parents live only about 20 minutes away. I drove straight to their place at like midnight, showed up on their doorstep sobbing with my suitcase. I had hurriedly thrown some essentials in a bag before I left. They were shocked, but when I told them what happened, they were 100% supportive and just as furious as I was. I'm now staying in their guest room. The very next day, I started taking action. First thing in the morning, I made calls, I contacted a divorce attorney and I also called. I also called the police to report what happened. I wasn't even sure at first what to report it as,

tampering with medication, reproductive coercion, fraud. All I knew was that it had to be illegal, they had me come into the station, and I gave them a full statement and played the recording. They had me turn over my pill packet as evidence. As of now, there's an open criminal investigation against my husband and also my brother-in-law. That's right, I made sure to mention John's involved and how he basically coached my husband on how to pull this off, and admitted to doing it to his own wife. The police said this likely falls under some form of fraud and maybe domestic abuse. My lawyer later also mentioned fertility fraud or medical tampering could be relevant terms. Honestly, I don't care what they call it legally, to me it's a blatant betrayal.

Side note, John, brother-in-law, is actually a licensed pharmacist. So if you really provided the lookalike pills and helped say, scheme this, he's in deep shit. I gave his name and workplace to the police as well. I also reached out to my sister-in-law, John's wife, to tell her what I found out. She had no idea her own husband had done the same thing to her. Apparently she thought her second baby was a random miracle because she was on the pill then, too. Yeah, now she knows it wasn't a miracle at all. I'm pretty sure her world is as blown apart as mine right now. From what I hear, she took their kids and went to stay with her parents. Good for her. I have not spoken to my husband

since I walked out, except through lawyers. He blew up my phone with texts and calls for the first couple of days. I didn't respond to any of it. I've since blocked him. All communication regarding the divorce or the pregnancy is now going through my attorney. Frankly, I have nothing to say to him unless it's in a courtroom. So yeah, I've filed for divorce. My lawyer helped me file on grounds of marital fraud and what essentially amounts to reproductive coercion. We're also looking into a civil lawsuit for emotional distress and potentially other damages. Honestly, I feel like my whole life was just upended in the most cruel way. As for the pregnancy itself, I'm left in a really messed up situation. I was just starting to come to terms with

becoming a mom when I thought this was an accident. Now that I know it was a result of betrayal and manipulation, I have so many mixed feelings. Part of me doesn't even know if I want to continue this pregnancy anymore. Like, how do I handle the fact that this baby was basically forced on me by the person who was supposed to love and respect me? I haven't made any firm decisions on that front yet. I'm still in shock in trying to wrap my head around everything. One more thing I'll add, my in-laws, my husband's parents, have already tried to mediate, which was infuriating. His mom called me basically to say I should think of the baby and not ruin her son's life over a misunderstanding. I flat out told her this was no misunderstanding, it was a felony and a complete breach of my trust and

body. She kept saying stuff like he just wanted a baby, he was desperate. Men do stupid things when they're desperate and maybe you should forgive him, now that you're pregnant. You too need to stick together for the child. I told her to mind her own business and hung up. I guess I'll stop for now. I'm exhausted and shattered, to be honest. I don't know what's going to happen next. I've lawyered up, involved the cops, and I'm preparing to become a single mom if I even continue with this pregnancy. My soon-to-be ex-husband is pleading for forgiveness one minute and threatening to fight me for custody the next. Anyway, I needed to get this all out. I know this is beyond the pale, but I have to ask, am I the asshole for how I'm handling this?

for leaving him immediately and involving the law. Some of his people are making me feel like I've blown up my marriage over something that could have been talked out, which sounds insane to me. I feel completely justified, but I could use an outside reality check on this. Update 1, one month later. Hi everyone. It's been about a month since my original post and a lot has happened, so I wanted to come back and share an update. First off, I was blown away by the response and support. I got. I didn't get a chance to reply to everyone, but I did read the comments and messages.

It was both comforting to see that basically everyone agreed I wasn't overreacting. So thank you for that. I really needed that validation because, wow, my ex and his family have been doubling down on making me out to be the bad guy. Now on to the main updates. Probably the biggest decision I've made, I am not going to keep the baby. After everything that happened, I did some serious soul-searching and got some counseling too. I realized that I'm just not in a place to be a mother right now, especially not as a single mom dealing with trauma from this. I did consider terminating the pregnancy, to be honest. However, due to some pre-existing uterine health issues I have, my doctors strongly advised against trying to abort. They warned me it could be dangerous for me physically and might even jeopardize.

my ability to have kids in the future, if I ever want to, I'm not sure right now. So, I've made the difficult decision to go through with the pregnancy and then place the baby for adoption. I've already connected with an adoption agency and started the initial steps. I'm leaning toward a closed adoption for my own emotional well-being, but I'll see what options the agency presents. Right now, I'm just focusing on staying healthy during the pregnancy and making sure the baby will go to a loving home afterward. This wasn't a decision I took lightly at all. It breaks my heart because under normal circumstances I might feel differently about an unexpected pregnancy, but given the way this child was conceived through deception, I just don't have it in me. I'm angry and traumatized,

and I'm honestly afraid I would resent the baby if I tried to raise it, given everything that happened. That wouldn't be fair to the child. I also don't want to be tied to my ex-husband for life through a child after what he did. I truly believe the baby will have a better life with parents who actually want and are ready for a child, rather than with me in this situation. Of course, my ex is not okay with this plan. He's basically fighting me at every turn. He's been telling anyone who will listen that I'm stealing his baby and that I have no right to give his child away. Through his lawyer, he's made it clear he intends to go for full custody as soon as the baby is born. If I don't agree to raise the child with him or handed over to him. Not that I would ever in a million years hand an infant over

to him after what he did, my lawyer and I are already working on a strategy to ensure he doesn't get custody. Honestly, I do not want this man anywhere near the child. In my view, he forfeited his right to be a father the moment he decided to secretly violate my consent. I know courts can be a bit tricky with parental rights, but we're compiling evidence to show he's unfit, the recorded confession, the fact that he's facing criminal charges for basically baby trapping me and testimony from my doctors about my mental and emotional state due to his actions. Thankfully, the law is somewhat on my side here given the egregious circumstances, but nothing's guaranteed until the judge signs off.

On that note, some karma already came knocking in a related way, remember my brother-in-law John? Well, his wife, my sister-in-law, moved out with their kids immediately after she found out what he did. She's already filed for divorce, and she went to court to get emergency custody of their two little ones. From what I've heard, through family gossip and from her directly, since we've been in touch a bit, the judge granted her full temporary custody and John has basically zero visitation rights at the moment. Apparently, the court took into account the deception and breach of trust on his part as a serious concern, not to mention he's under investigation for assisting in what happened to me.

So yeah, John is facing the consequences. He might even lose his pharmacist license over this if the investigation confirms he provided prescription meds for this scheme. I'm not sure, but it's looking grim for him, rightfully so. As for my ex, we've had a couple of preliminary court hearings, related to the divorce and a restraining order I got against him, and also the criminal case's early stages. He has been absolutely disgusting in his behavior. In the criminal hearing, he showed zero remorse. His lawyer actually tried to argue. you that it was just a marital disagreement and that I was overreacting by involving law enforcement. My ex stood there looking annoyed and inconvenienced, like I'm the one who wronged him.

It made my blood boil. In our divorce case, he's pushing hard to paint himself as a devoted father to be. He literally told the judge that I'm unstable and trying to murder his baby, because I initially considered abortion, I guess. He's throwing every bit of mud he can, which is just so ironic given that none of this would be happening if it weren't for his own actions. Seeing his attitude has only strengthened my resolve to make sure he faces consequences. I cannot wait for the day this man is officially held accountable. Part of me was worried I might weaken or feel sorry for him at some point. Pregnancy hormones make emotions wild, but after witnessing his sheer audacity and lack of remorse,

I'm more determined than ever to see this through. Speaking of audacity, my in-laws, ex's parents, have unsurprisingly circled the wagons around their precious sons. From their perspective, John and my ex just made some mistakes out of love. They've been making all kinds of excuses, like the boys were just desperate to be fathers and any grandmother would be thrilled. Why aren't you? It's sickening. I've limited contact with them completely. Actually, after my soon-to-be ex's mom tried to guilt-trip me on the phone that time, I blocked her too. My family has also been shielding me from their nonsense. Apparently my ex's parents are helping fund his legal fight for custody, which figures.

They even tried to reach out through a friend to pass me a message basically saying I should drop the charges and let him have custody and everyone can move on. Yeah, not happening, on a personal note, I'm doing okay, all things considered. I started seeing a therapist who specializes in trauma because, well, this whole thing is a lot. It's helping me sort through the anger and anxiety. My parents have been amazing, and so have my close friends. I've kind of built a little bubble of support around myself, which I really need to get through the coming months.

Honestly, some days are hard. Being pregnant under these circumstances is emotionally weird, I feel the baby's starting to move and I have moments of sadness and guilt that I can't keep it. But I know I'm making the right choice. for myself and for this baby's future. I have court dates coming up and there's still a fight ahead regarding the custody-slash-adoption issue, but seeing how things went in John's case, I'm optimistic.

If a judge could see through John's nonsense and prioritize the kids' well-being there, I'm hopeful they'll do the same for my baby and me. My goal is to have my ex's parental rights terminated on grounds of what he did, which would allow me to proceed with an adoption without his consent. It's sad that it has to come to this. but he brought it on himself. So that's where things stand after a month. It's been a hell of a ride, but I'm hanging in there.

I really appreciate all the support from the internet strangers who offered advice and kind words. I'll update again when there's more news. Hopefully next time I'll have this mess closer to resolved. Update 2. Final update. Hey everyone. It's been a little while since my last update. A few more months have passed. I have what should be the final update to this saga, and it's a mix of relief and sadness.

First, the legal side of things, my divorce is almost finalized now. It's basically just paperwork left at this point. The major agreements have been settled, not that there was much to settle since we didn't share property or kids yet. The big news is that the criminal case against my ex went through, and he ended up accepting a plea deal. He pleaded guilty to some charges, I believe it was. was fraud and tampering, as well as a lesser charge related to domestic interference.

The judge sentenced him to three months in county jail, plus a couple years of probation after that. He's also been ordered to pay a hefty fine and restitution, which will go towards my legal bills and therapy costs, apparently. It's not a super long sentence, but I'm okay with it. The conviction is on his record and that means the world to me, it's official that what he did was a crime. As for John, the brother-in-law, he also got hit with charges. His situation is still ongoing, but I hear he's likely going to lose his pharmacist license and might serve some time as well, especially since his case involves both what he did to his wife and his role in my case. His soon-to-be ex-wife has full custody of their kids now, and from what she told me recently, he's basically only allowed supervised visitation at most, if any. So yeah, both of those guys are facing the music.

Now onto the personal and tragic, part, I unfortunately lost the baby. About two weeks ago, I suffered a miscarriage. I was roughly five months pregnant at that point, well into my second trimester. It happened very suddenly. Without going into too much graphic detail, I had been under immense stress and also not sleeping well. One afternoon I got dizzy while alone at home, and I ended up taking a hard fall in the kitchen. I fell pretty badly and had to be rushed to the hospital. Despite the doctor's efforts, I miscarried. It was devastating, even though I had planned to give the baby up, I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone. Physically, I had to stay in the hospital for a couple days, but I'm recovered now. My parents and a couple close friends were by my side

through the ordeal, which I'm so grateful for. As for my ex's family, they've been smart enough to leave me alone about this, at least directly. I did hear through the grapevine that my former mother-in-law is accusing me of not taking good care of myself and implying I somehow caused it by stressing everyone out. I can't say I'm surprised by the lack of empathy there. Either way, none of them have reached out to me personally, which is for the best. My ex's reaction to the miscarriage was, to put it mildly, appalling. Apparently, he told his lawyer and tried to tell the court that I must have done it on purpose, basically accusing me of somehow intentionally causing the miscarriage to spite him. This is absolutely untrue and just insane. Losing the baby was traumatic for me too.

The last thing I'd ever do is deliberately hurt myself or a child. The audacity of him to even suggest it left me speechless. However, his outburst completely backfired on him. The judge in our case was not amused by his baseless and cruel accusation. In fact, I think it influenced the judge's decisions regarding the plea deal and the sentencing. My ex was skating on thin ice and that stunt removed any residual sympathy anyone might have had for him. I've also been told it could impact any future family court dealings, like if he ever tries to sue for anything related to the baby, not that there is a baby now. Basically, he shot himself in the foot by being a jerk. With the miscarriage, the slash adoption battle effectively ended. There is no baby to fight over anymore. As harsh as it

sounds, that actually simplified a lot of things legally. We no longer have to hash it out in family court about terminating parental rights or adoption, because nature took its course. I have really mixed feelings saying this, but part of me feels like this was a grim sort of relief. Like the universe made the decision so neither I nor my ex would have to keep battling over this poor child. Don't get me wrong, I am heartbroken and I cried for days after the miscarriage. But there's also a sense that maybe it was for the best, given the absolute mess that would have awaited the baby if it had been born into this situation. I don't know. It's something I'll

probably wrestle with in therapy for a long time. So that's basically the end of this saga. My ex will be serving his jail time, I think he starts in a week or so to do his three months. The divorce decree will be finalized shortly, and I will legally and officially be free of him. I plan to also move out of my parents' house soon and get my own place again, now that I won't have the complications of pregnancy or a newborn. I'm going to focus on my healing and eventually get back to my career plans that were rudely interrupted. I know this was a long, wild story, definitely not the way I envisioned my life going, but I'm

grateful I found out the truth and got out when I did. Thank you to everyone who read and offered support along the way. I'm hoping this is the last time I ever have to post about this, because I'm ready to close this horrible chapter and move forward. I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse was without a job for more than a year as I labored for 12 hours a day and managed all the household chores despite enduring ongoing health problems. Subsequently, he requested me to initiate our joint bank account.

Marriage because his needs weren't being met. I, 29F, and my husband, 31M, have been together for eight years, the last three we've been married. Little things keep adding up and I don't even know how to approach these issues. He wants kids soon but I can't trust that he'd support me. I'm trying to figure out if I try to work on us or just leave. Recently as in the last four years, I have been dealing with chronic health issues but just this year alone I've had three surgeries to fix various things for my health. Our SEGs life hasn't been good in a few years since I got ill.

Maybe once or twice a month, he has told me that it's not enough and he's feeling rejected and is making his mental health worse, but if we have kids we won't be able to have SEGs while I'm recovering. I work five to six days a week, 12-hour night shifts in health care. I am the primary breadwinner in our relationship. He bounces from job to job and recently was unemployed for over a year while he was claiming to be applying to jobs. I know the job market is horrible right now, so I wasn't pushing. I found out he was lying, he hadn't applied for anything in about six months including the jobs I got him recommended for through some connections I have. We got into a massive fight and I basically told him if he didn't have a job at the end of the month I was leaving and he could figure out bills himself. Not even a week later he was back working at his old job. I still do all the cooking, cleaning, and household upkeep.

On my days off I spend three to four hours just putting everything in order for the week. Even when he wasn't working, he wasn't doing anything except playing video games in another room while I slept, so when I'd wake up there would be laundry I'd have to switch or cat litter I'd have to scoop. He wants kids soon, but with my chronic health problems it's going to make children a really hard process on my body, lots of health risks and I would basically have to be on bed rest the whole time and in and out of doctor appointments. I couldn't work or do anything really and I'm just. just scared I won't get the support that I need. I don't even know if I want to have kids with him

anymore. He gets money every month from a settlement and he says it's enough to make up for the income one won't be bringing in if I get pregnant. The settlement payout every month is less than one quarter of what I make in two weeks. I feel like I'm his mother already, I feel like I'd be one of those married single mothers. I've asked him about therapy, individual or couples and he is dismissive. Saying therapy hasn't helped in the past. So I've asked about medications but he doesn't want to take a pill every day. I don't want to come across as horrible or manipulative but I'm about ready to write out everything I do, bill payments, chores, time I'm at work, etc. And have him do it all for a month then tell me he thinks we can have kids right now. Edit. A few things since this is a

real story and not AI. And I am a real person who is making choices in order to keep up with the current economy and situation one, I work the hours I do so I can build up my PTO and sick time for my procedures and recovery time. Yes, I have FMLA for these, but it only pays out 60% of my wage versus 100% if I use PTO. Over time a cruise talks too and pays time and a half. We also have a pickup bonus of $10 an hour. I have been working at this hospital since 2015 as a CNA and phlebotomist since 2018 and an RN since 2020 so I have seniority and that comes benefits, yay unions. Two, I work night shift because it has the flexibility for my schedule and they work with me for my restrictions. I am lucky enough to work in a hospital that

uses lifts and is staffed as well as can be currently. Shift differential also gives me an additional $6 an hour and that quickly adds up. Three, my surgeries were laparoscopic. and recovery time is about one to four weeks on average. Surgery one and three were both exploratory. My second was to remove a lesion on my intestines that connected them to my abdominal wall as well as a cyst on my ovary, and recovery was four weeks with four more on restrictions. I am about to have a fourth surgery to remove my gallbladder. Recovery is one to two weeks with two weeks of recovery.

Yes, I have had a lot of surgeries this year, but I haven't had any before this unless you count upper and lower G. pelvic floor testing, gastric emptying test, x-rays, CTs, and MRI, labs, genetic testing, and HADA scans. Or maybe the diet changes and medications that you have to be on for months at a time before you'd see any really changes. I also have the birth control implant and me coming off of that would involve about three different doctors' inputs and oversight. Four, I blocked all of my husband's accounts and his friend's accounts that I know of. I plan on deleting this at some point, but I've just gotten angrier with each comment and everything I type out. At this point, I don't care if he finds this. Maybe it would be a wake-up call he needs. Five, our wedding was supposed to take place in November of 2020. That obviously didn't happen.

We rescheduled to the end of 2021 so we didn't lose deposits. He quit his job about two months after our wedding. 6. People do things like meal prep for a week and find relaxation in cooking. My hospital provides scrubs. When I am home I have more than six pairs of underwear. So it's not like I don't have clothes if I don't do laundry every day. I appreciate all the comments but to the rude ones especially please remember that I am a real person. I'm sorry I have to justify every small detail of my health problems for you. Unfortunately, the need brace girl in middle school sometimes grows up and still has health problems. Smile, this is my first time being alive and not everything is going to be perfect.

I am trying my best and sometimes people do stupid things because they love someone. Update, July 16, 2025. Hello again. I had my surgery a few days ago and since I have time off I figured I'd write an update for anyone curious. It will be long and I apologize. I talked with my lawyer last week and the hope his papers are to be drafted and he will be formally served when he comes back from his work trip in two weeks. On one of my days off I wanted to have a discussion about our relationship and it didn't go well. I had spent the night cleaning and getting

the house put together because my anxiety was so bad. When he woke up in the morning I had breakfast made and we made just made polite small talk. I started the conversation by asking him if he was happy in our relationship. I'll summarize the conversation. Me, are you happy like this? With us? I feel like we are roommates more than a married couple. Him, I don't think either of us have been happy for a while.

I do still love you and what to raise children with you. You'll be a great mom. I have been meaning to talk to you about something me, okay. Him, do you remember my friends in, City? And how they were having problems in their relationship? after, fake name, came out as ace. How they opened their relationship so, fake name, could still get his needs. Met. At this point I was just staring at him. He kept rambling on, I've joined some groups online, they said it saved their marriage. And with how much I'm traveling

now for work. It would be every other two weeks, you know. And I'm in, city name, so it's not like it would be someone you know or would ever meet. Me, what the fuck? Him, I mean think about it, we could have a surrogate this way. I know it would be a lot, but we could make it work. You've always talked about fostering or adopting and it would be just like that. Me, did you get someone pregnant? Is this your way of telling me you cheat on me when you travel for work? Him, no, no, no, God no, there was one girl at the bar who was flirting with me and it just felt nice to be wanted like that. He then pulled out his phone and started showing me support groups he had joined online for Polly people in monogamous relationships.

There was probably three or four of them that he had been texting in for the last few weeks trying to gain the confidence to talk to me about opening up our relationship. He brought up how he knows I've been thinking about switching to travel contracts and I can meet people there but then we come back home we're together and married because we still love each other. I have nothing against people who are in Polly relationships. We have friends who are and have made. met their partners and go out altogether.

It's just not for me, when I'm with someone I want to be the only person there with. I don't want to get tested regularly, I don't want to risk surprise pregnancy, I don't want to feel jealous or wonder if he's texting another girl while he's supposed to be spending time with me. I let him finish his speech before I told him it hasn't felt like we've been married in a long time and I'm done. Hearing that he wants to see other people cailed any last feelings I may have had. I'm not in love anymore and staying together isn't

going to make either of us happy. We both want kids, but our timelines are different. What we want from the future is different now. I asked him to move out and he didn't seem surprised. I walked away and left him in the kitchen before I drove to my friend's house since I just couldn't be there. We spent the day drinking and eating ice cream while I went from crying to laughing to screaming. She is currently going through a divorce over her ex-husband's porn addiction and the debt he put them in because of it. She gave me her lawyer's information and I had an appointment set up with him a few days later. I went home the next day and he had moved most of his stuff out, his side of the closet is empty, his cat, the stuff in the bathroom, a few of our wedding pictures have been

taken off the wall and I can't find them so I think he took them and his gaming set up. The house feels incredibly empty now. He travels for work so I'm used to being in the house alone but now my toothbrush is lonely in the cup on the sink. Our garage feels bigger now, the bed get cold, I only have to cook for one now. I miss his presence, I miss having someone to come home too, and I won't lie I've spent the last week crying and my heart hurts. We didn't speak for a few days after he left, his mom reached out before he did. She wanted to see how I was doing and if there was anything she could do for me. We had a great relationship and I'm honestly going to miss having her in my life. We have a lot of the same dietary restrictions but for different reasons, and she was my

food adventure buddy. We would go out for a coffee or lunch to some of the few restaurants and cafes that we can safely eat at. She invited me out for coffee and I went. When we met up the next day, we made small talk until the divorce came up. She let me know how he was doing. He moved into one of the houses on their property. They have like 60 acres and four houses on the property that different members live in. He hasn't really gotten out of bed. She's worried about him and wanted us to talk it out. She asked if I was willing to go to couples counseling and told her I've been asking for that for about a year and his response was no. I was drowning and he didn't want to help fix it, but now that I've decided to leave is when he wants to work it and I just can't. She stayed silent for a while

before asking me if I still loved him, I do, but I don't. I told her I loved who he was, but I'm too full of hurt that I don't feel the love anymore. I can't keep taking care of him like he's my child. I can't keep bankrolling our lives alone. I need a partner who is able to support me and I haven't felt supported by her son in a long time. We were both crying by the end of our talk and she gave a really big hug before leaving. He wanted to talk the next day and he came back to the house to talk. When he came and it was awkward, he wanted to give me a hug when he and I did. He went for a kiss and I turned my head so he kissed my cheek. We talked for a while about our relationship and how it got to this point. He apologized for a lot. He went into specifics of how he never helped around the

house. He could have done more since he was home. It wasn't fair to me that he put it all on me. He told me he's looking at a new job, one where he doesn't have to travel and it's actually in the field he got his degree in. He gave me an update on his cat, who is struggling to the adjustment of the new house. I told him I'll have to have to be a little bit. I told him I'll have to be a little bit of papers for him in a few weeks and he couldn't look me in the eyes for the rest of the time he was there. I helped him pack some of the odds and ends that he left around the house and he left again. At the appointment with the lawyer we talked about what it would look like for the divorce process. Unless he wants the house I planned to buy his half.

If I do that then there's a good chance I won't have to pay alimony unless he fights for it. He has the potential to make more than me so my lawyer doesn't think I'll have to pay anyways. We don't have children, unless you count for babies, and I took a pregnancy test recently to confirm that I'm not pregnant so that won't be a factor. We each own our cars and pay for them ourselves. We have a joint savings, but I can prove I've been the only one contributing for the last two years, so it's likely I'll get most of that. I'm not touching it besides for the bills for the house per my lawyer's advice. I will hopefully have papers for my soon-to-be-X to fill out and if he gets a lawyer to look over. My two cats have been laying in bed with me and haven't left my side since he left.

They're trying to make me feel better, but it's hard. My friend who is also getting a divorce has said that we'll have a hot girl summer together and it makes me laugh, but I don't think I'm ready or even close to it. I don't want to meet new people. I don't want to do first dates again. I think I'm just going to single for a while. My mom sent me this poem, I will never love the same after you by Ollie Harding, after I told them about the divorce and it makes me cry reading it. I've learned a lot from this relationship and I'm content being the old crazy cat lady for the foreseeable future. Thanks Reddit for support and validating my feelings, I don't know yet if I'm going to delete this or not. But I don't think I will update this or ever long into this

account again. I hope everyone stays happy and healthy smile take care. Next story, planned a ski trip with my BF and his friends, but they disinvise. me saying it was now a guy's only trip, so I canceled all the reservations I had made and they had to pay thousands more at the last minute. I, 27F, planned a ski trip with my boyfriend, 29M, and some of our friends, mostly his friends. We booked in advance. Told them about it, let them know they could come or not. We planned on bringing our computers to have a land party while we were there, my boyfriend and I game together, once a few people wanted to go. We were really excited. We were really excited. Recently I learned as we arrived at someone's house to watch a game together as a group, that I am not invited on the trip any longer, because one of his friend's girlfriends couldn't come due to work, and now it's going to be a guy's trip. I feel pretty hurt. I got upset and asked them what right they had to disinvite me from a trip that I planned,

and to basically make it no women allowed for some odd reason. We plan things all the time and I attend. We share the same interests a lot of the time, so I am confused and bothered. by the implication that I'd be distracting slash in the way slash make it less fun. They brushed it off. So they are going now, without me or anyone else, I guess. My boyfriend feels torn. He is kind of a people-pleaser and doesn't want to make waves.

His friends say weird shit sometimes about women, and say they are joking, but this makes me feel like they actually meant those things, and don't even think of me as a friend, straw slash-back situation as some other things have happened that were similar but I brushed it off as my misunderstanding, at the time. Instead of also being their friend, I'm just their friend's girlfriend. Which really hurts because I've really been there for a lot of these guys and gone out of my way for them, X. One of them projectile vomited in a bathroom at a friend's house everywhere, and got embarrassed and didn't know how to clean it while drunk, so I cleaned it up for them.

I have hosted at my house and always tried to make it fun. I don't understand. I told them it was fucked up and I played. the trip, so they don't get to decide that. They basically acted like I was being emotional and just needed to get over it. I have refused to talk to some of them since then. Everyone is acting like I don't want them to go and do things just the guys and I am being controlling. The narrative has been lost among our friends and I am being painted as a villain compared to other women who are going, who are cool with it. When actually, I don't give a shit,

they go out all the time for guys' nights and guys' trips. I just want to enjoy the trip. I just want to enjoy the I planned, regardless of being a girl or not. I don't think telling them I'm coming anyway would even do anything. I can't imagine going now with how they clearly feel. That would be really awkward probably. But it has created a rift between my dude and his friends and they are telling him I'm being unreasonable and overreacting, and he is talking about not going and is really pissed at them but doesn't want to ruin the friend group dynamic. I know I can just plan something else, but this sucks. Ida. Update 1. I am totally overwhelmed by the support in this community. I really did expect to be TA in this situation. I am reading through everything and really trying not to cry,

L.O.L. I will try to respond if I can. I realize the amount of people who actually see me as a friend has dropped drastically. Or it was always that way, and I'm just now seeing it. I feel much sadder about that. I feel much sadder about that than a stupid trip. The trip is just the piss icing on the shit cake. I am not going to dump my boyfriend. He deserves the time to try to talk to his friends and see if things can change. I have recused myself from their friend group entirely at this point. He has said that if they continue to behave that way, that he will look for new friends. I believe him. I have had some shitty friends myself, as I was formerly part of a pretty terrible online community, similar to Kiwi farms. I just grew out of it when I realized, oh, they aren't kidding or trolling or whatever,

they are just miserable assholes. Some of them changed, though, and decided not to be shitheads. That's why we have kind of a frog in boiling water situation. It feels so common to me because of the places I grew up in and the online communities I was a part of. I regret ever being part of anything like that. I was just a lonely, depressed and angry younger person. Even women can be radicalized in spaces meant to other them. I just understand, I guess. And I still miss those friends, and wish they could let go of their hatefulness. I canceled anything I planned for the trip. I got my deposits back so no harm done there. He is still going with them, to see if their friendship can be salvaged. We are planning a private

trip for just the two of us afterwards. Thank you all so much for responding and taking the time, and for the advice. I feel very lonely for real friends, but at least I know now where I stand. Update 2, I thought they didn't care that I canceled everything, but found out they were actually really pissed because of how close it was to the trip dates compared to when I originally booked. They had to pay a lot more. Had to split multiple thousands between them, adding up to additional hundreds of dollars extra each, at the last minute. They all hate me now. I don't care at all.

Guys, if you read this and recognize that it's you, stop grabbing women in nightclubs and pretending you don't understand that is sexual assault. Stop talking shit about the women who are nice enough to fuck you. Cottage cheese thighs, I think she's hotter since she started taking pills. You are scum. Stop judging our bodies while you are covered in dark, ingrown hairs, a receiving hairline, and are insecure because you used to be short and then had steroid shots. It isn't our job to make you feel good about yourself while you trash us.

Stop pretending to like people and then trash talking them to others. Guess what? People talk. I know it all. Everything you said has come out. Stop pushing drinks on people that don't want them. Stop reminiscing about former flings slash sexual escapades in front of people's spouses slash girlfriends. Stop inviting people's ex-girlfriends around to start drama. Stop worshiping men who hate women. Stop saying women are emotional when men can't control their anger as a whole. You want to talk about self-control? Try it out yourself.

Stop thinking you are good people. My dude doesn't even like you all anymore because you proved it was no. never jokes. You almost convinced him that I was too sensitive and couldn't take a joke. Hope you enjoyed your ski trip. Hope it was worth his friendship. You lost the best person you could have had in your lives just because you think being an asshole is attractive. I just wanted to be your friend. Thanks for manipulating, gaslighting, and abandoning me instead. I hope you enjoy this story. Acquadence has discovered my partner's recording on the internet, so I approached her about it and she experienced a total collapse, after which her relatives implored me to remain

and look after her during the difficult time. Police investigation revealed she was lying about it being non-consensual. Almost three weeks ago a good friend of mine, Alex and an acquaintance, Mike, got hold of a video of my girlfriend, Jamie, segs with another man. Mike found this browsing through PRN sites with niche themes and by chance, recognized Jamie. We got into contact with Alex about it where both of them told me about the infidelity. When Alex and Mike told me of the infidelity, I went somewhere between shock and numb. I couldn't really say anything until I saw the video where I proceeded to puke my guts out. I couldn't even sit through a minute of it.

The fact that it was edited to go straight into the action with Jamie's face clearly visible didn't help. We drove Mike home and Alex had good sense to force me to spend the night at his place rather than go home where I share an apartment with Jamie with no idea how that would end. We shared some beers mostly in silence. Alex did try to make me open up on what I felt about Jamie's infidelity, but I was just numb. I didn't know what I felt and told him so. I felt like wading through water with no thought in mind other than what was in front of me.

Alex didn't force anymore and I passed out some time later. When I woke up, I recovered enough sense to realize that our relationship. was most likely over. I go straight home through public transport, most likely brooding and or looking pissed. I wonder what the other passengers thought when they saw me looking like shit while trying to emulate Batman. I get home and catch her getting ready to go out, ask me where I was and why I didn't contact her. I don't bother answering and just told her we needed to talk. We sit down facing each other on our kitchen table that we built from scratch in my grandfather's farm and that random thought pretty much broke the dam. A lot of stuff happened, a lot of harsh

words was said, accusations, and blame. Too many details to describe but essentially, I immediately broke down in tears and asked her how the fuck she could ruin this relationship we worked so hard on. She's confused and wanted an explanation, I dropped the bomb and show the video. She cries, begs for forgiveness, but I hear nothing. More crying and cursing in until I tell her that we're over. That was it and she just, shuts off. She slumped down and closed her eyes, still crying, but says nothing. This gets me out of anger and I try to figure out what she's doing. Talking to her, hard and gentle prodding, nothing. She's really unresponsive, so I just drag her to our bed and lay her there. I go back to our kitchen and call her parents,

Alice and Julio. I simply told them they needed to come and that their daughter is suffering a mental breakdown. I say nothing more than just telling them that they needed to see us and that what was happening needed to be face to face to explain. I shut my phone off, go back to kitchen and think about what the hell just happened. Her parents rushed to our apartment demanding WTF happened. I don't tell them about Jamie's infidelity but just say she needed mental help, she's on the bed acting comatose but otherwise, okay. They couldn't bring her out of it and eventually I had

to explain. I didn't want to do it without Jamie being able to explain herself. I showed them the video and their heartbroken, told them we had an argument, I didn't hurt her, but she probably couldn't handle the stress and broke down. They decide to bring Jamie to her university's mental health clinic. I decide not to go with them. The next day, Jamie eventually wakes up. She's stable and responsive. There, she says that the video was not consented. Her family decide to report this to cybercrime police. Jamie's family don't grill her with her mental state being the way it is,

but her parents are obviously ashamed and aren't sure what to do other than what the psychologist recommends. Which is to let Jamie rest for a while and support her until they're sure she doesn't implode then was sent home to her parents. This was all relayed to me by her old. older sister, Jackie, who's trying to be the mediator. She asked me if I really was going to end the relationship. I respond that I'm not sure if we can even salvage it. Two days later, Jamie's parents asked me to visit them for a talk. I agree and go the next day. Jamie's parents and her older sister are present. We go to their living room and sit down. They looked sad and tired and I felt the

same. Jamie will be the last topic of our talk. First is me. They wanted my parents to be involved. I feel disrespected as we're already adults plus me and my father are tense, but I relent as I'm already tired and a bit out of my depth, which was in discussion in the past after all. Finally, we talk about Jamie. She's stuck in her room, miserable and ashamed, otherwise, okay. She'll stay with her parents for now. When she's needed by the police she can stay with Jackie in a hotel. They understand that I needed space. They've submitted a report to our cities, they live one to two hours away in the suburbs,

cybercrime office. I'm needed for the investigation. I explained that I wasn't the one who found the video, but I'll try to get Mike involved. They apologize for Jamie, but I tell them she's the one who needed to apologize. and that they shouldn't baby her. They agree but beg me not to argue right now since Jamie may relapse. They explain her psychologist assessment. Spontaneous nervous breakdown, no history of mental illness, concluded to be caused by accumulated

stress from her studies and acute stress reaction from our argument. She needs rest in a safe environment. Psych almost called the police on me but they convinced them not to and with no physical trauma observed, gave up. The discussion devolved to apologizing, tears from Alice especially, and other noise. But they did want to take charge of everything. The investigation, Jamie's well-being, her education and finances, etc. I was kind of washed off of everything. Eight days later, Alice calls me in the middle of the night begging me to see Jamie. Depressive episode, Kitchen Knife, locked in the bathroom yelling for me.

Worst hour of my life. I'm pretty sure I almost died twice on the road and glad that my country isn't developed enough for highway cameras. I meet Alice and Jackie outside the house waiting for me. Jamie has mostly calmed and Julio's with her in her room. They begged me to go see her and with how bad the situation looked, I rushed to Jamie. She's a fucking wreck, looked like her blood's been drained and hasn't slept for a while. She starts crying the moment she sees me and reaches out her arms. Whatever anger, exhaustion, and anxiety melted away and I embrace her.

She kept apologizing and begging for me to stay. I shush her and hold her tight. She eventually goes to sleep and I take a moment to think about what's happening. I genuinely felt heartbroken seeing her like this. This is not how I thought will be together in the future, much less this Christmas. I am losing my best friend and would have been partner for life. This was the person who helped me through my depression when even my own family dismissed it. She's even the one who made me make journals to help process what I go through.

It's actually ironic how she's the reason how good I can write down details on her affair and how bad it affected me. She's not evil. She's a beautiful, patient, an overall wonderful human being. Thinking of all the stuff we've been through, what we've done for each other, if I were to list all of it would probably reach twice the word count for my post. I love her and was prepared to be with her for life and face everything that comes with it. And she destroyed that. I wake up before her and go to the kitchen for coffee. Jackie is there and explains that she's had episodes twice before and this was the worst yet.

All of us except Jamie talk on what to do. Alice is in chemo for breast cancer, Julio runs a business 20 minutes away, Jackie's workplace is already hounding her, and Jamie needs help. The situation is fucked and everyone is exhausted. Jamie needs therapy, I implied mental institution and that almost got my head torn off. But no one can look after her 24 to 7. They ask me to reschedule the inevitable and try to help her. There were definitely some emotional manipulation, but they were definitely some emotional manipulation, but They are desperate.

Due to my obvious lingering attachment and my own respect and love for these people, I agree. This is where I fucked up. I go home, talk to Mike about the investigation, he agrees to talk to the police. I call Alex and explain the all the BS happening. He warns me that this didn't sound like the right call, a mental institution was probably the best, and I'm just going to get hurt. Regardless, he'll still stand by my decision and to call when I need him. I love this guy.

I've already scheduled a consultation for therapy and Jamie will have a different one scheduled three days from now in my city. I just want to take a really long nap and get away from all this. Update, so, it's been over two weeks since my last post where I got proceeded to get my ass handed to me. I'm not complaining, you guys were right. I do need to leave and start living my own. life. A lot has actually happened since then, but, thankfully, most of it's boring, sad and disappointing. Got myself a behavioral therapist which something I should have done a long time ago. I have different problems unrelated to this that Jamie did help me through most, but a professional

really does make a difference. It gave me a lot of hard questions, important questions, that forced me to put my life into perspective. It was liberating experience. Finally, talked with my own family about this. For context, I'm not very close with my actual parents, particularly with my father. Broken home and all that. I consider my aunts, my father's four sisters, who stepped up to take care of me as a child to be my real parents. So if I mention family, I really mean just my four moms. Turns out, they were more involved than I thought. Jamie talks to them, she loved talking with them about me and our relationship, they got closer for it too. She asked so many questions about me, what I'd liked, food, hobbies, what my childhood was like.

She'd ask advice from them about so many things. What to do when I get pissy, how to get my ass moving, all that cute stuff. Around a year ago when they noticed that I started acting positively when they played around with the topic of marriage, Jamie, and my my family started to get ready. Three of them have families with at least three children each, so to help ease the accommodation, they saved money to pay for themselves and anything extra goes to the wedding, to us and whatever after. They even talked about engagement rings. Calling them disappointed is an understatement. With the bullshit happening now, they opted to give me half of what they saved for the marriage to help me out and also offered to take me back

again which truly is a massive help. My biggest problem this whole time was the source of income. I didn't have a job lined up out of my city, still don't, and my savings are meager. With all that settled, I gave my employer my resignation letter, cancelled my lease and have by the end of the month to sort my affairs. I'm leaving for good. As for Jamie, I've gradually stepped out of whatever's been happening with her and around her. Talked with her family or more like told them that I'm leaving. Gave them info about psychiatric hold and made them handle her appointments with her psychologist and whatever else she needs.

It was a sad affair, really. I know it doesn't seem like it, especially with Alice and Julio making me stay and take care of Jamie, but this is a first time for all of us. They raised four great kids, their relationships are great and they even extended that to me even when they barely knew me. Jamie fucked up the worse and this isn't something ever. anyone can expect anyone else to handle with ease and grace. I mourned my loss of a potential family that I could have been proud to be with.

For the POS who filmed her. I still haven't confronted her about it, but Mike and Jackie shared what she told the police and how the investigation's going. It was a Korean national she says she met on social media for a fling. She said they only fucked once but that was immediately shot down. The video showed two different, distinct rooms and guys. pressure to admit where it was in case they can get anything like CCTV, social media posts, log books, witnesses, etc., and that they did. One hotel still had recordings that day,

two hotels with log books containing names and dates, and their DMs. She didn't mention rape, blackmail, or drugs in play, only mild intoxication which was all obvious in the video apparently. Everything but the recording was consented. There were some possible routes to take. take in terms of damages, but when a lawyer got contacted, it was pretty much dead on the water. POS being a Korean national currently in Korea muddied the legal waters. They can do nothing else other than contact relevant Korean authorities, gather as much evidence and wait. But the lawyer wasn't confident anything might stick. As far as they know, they have no evidence that it was even POS who set up the cameras

the only thing that's obvious beyond that POS stayed the night before and the cameras are obviously long since gone. There are far too many angles POS can play to delay or even win any lawsuit that reaches him. It will be most likely expensive, drawn out, and with very little chance of winning. So they gave up that route. POS is getting off scotch-free. Why'd Jamie do it? I don't know. Before, I didn't have the guts to ask her. Now it doesn't really matter. I'm not as exhausted as before and my mind's been clearer. I'm leaving for good regardless of why she did it. I can just walk straight out with no explanation or maybe leave a letter for her, thanking her for the wonderful time we spent together, the love we shared, and a final goodbye. I'm romantic like that.

Still, I've decided to handle this with as much grace as I can. I'll help when worse comes to worst, don't lay blame on myself or her family, and not even mount pressure on Jamie for ruining everything. Not for Jamie but for my own twisted sense of self-gratification that I did all what can be expected and more. I will leave with my back straight and nose held high. Funnily enough, this did eventually show me how lucky I am despite everything. Yes, the love of my life cheated on me and had the audacity to throw a tantrum over it. My future's looking a little bleak, I found out so much repressed anxiety and anger for my shitty childhood. But I'm still doing pretty great.

I have family that loves me, friends that have my back, and despite her betrayal, brought the best out of me with wonderful memories along with it. I have nothing to be ashamed of, and can say with pride that I was a wonderful boyfriend. Hopefully this will be my last update, if not, the next to be far more boring and less Mouthy. Mini update and comment, Hey guys OOP here. I've been here for a while so I'm very surprised seeing my nightmare being posted. I'm cool with it but damn I wasn't expecting seeing this to ruin my day. To clarify, this all happened in the Philippines. As far as I know, the Sags tapes were made many months prior the first post. While I'm no longer involved with my ex

and her family, I'm confident they no longer pursued legal action due to the lack of evidence and of course, the complexity of suing a foreign national currently in a foreign country. They have no direct evidence that the man she cheated on me with perpetrated unconsensual filming of sexual acts. It doesn't help that it took many months for us to know it even happened. Edit, there's been a lot of people asking how Jamie is. I don't know. I don't intend to find out either. I also don't feel like making an update to my situation other than I moved recently and doing okay. Next story, husband left me and our toddler then begged me back so I moved cities and got a new job but found out he was having an affair, then he kept promising to change while still sleeping

with her. My husband and I have been together almost eight years, married for two and half of those. Last May, 2019, we separated seemingly overnight. He left me and our toddler and moved back to his hometown. There was never a solid reason given, just that he felt we should have never gotten married. In July, he changed his tune and wanted to be a family again. He was still at his job in his hometown, so I decided I would ride it out at my job in a different city for a couple of months to build my resume and then start looking for other jobs in his hometown. After six months of a brutal commute, taking care of our child during the week by myself and driving to his hometown every weekend, interviewing, basically bending over backwards, I finally landed a great

job in December. A week before I was to move into the new house we were buying together and start my new job, I found out he had been having an affair. He begged and pleaded for me to stay with him, said he'd break off all contact, and I foolishly agreed to give him another chance. Two days later while I was back in the different city and completing my last week of work at my old job, he unblocked her on everything and liked her pictures on Instagram. I was devastated. On top of that shit show, he kicked me out of the house we were supposed to move and together and I had to find a new place to live two days before starting my new position. We have lived separately ever since. He has said and done so many hateful things in this time period, and said

so many times that he wants a divorce that I've lost count. Up until a month ago he was still maintaining contact with her. I saw her car at his house, took pictures for the lawyers, etc., and he admitted he had been talking with her still. I stopped doing the pick-me dance about a month ago and stopped reaching out to him besides contact about our child. Now he has suddenly changed his tune and is desperate to get me back and will do anything. He has unfollowed her on everything. He has unliked all her pictures. Tells me not to give up on our family. I've moved on. I am not interested in pursuing another relationship with him. He's hurt me deeply and I feel like I've been fucked over by him so many times that I've lost count. How can I tell him there isn't a chance without sounding

like a completely heartless person? I still want to be able to maintain a strong co-parenting relationship with him, so I am friendly to him, but he seems to take that as I want him back. I have relayed to him my feelings, but they fall on deaf ears. He says he will never stop trying to get our family back together and does not want a divorce. I do. Does anyone have advice? Edit 1, just to show the kind of person he is. When I asked him about the reason for his sudden change of heart, he said it was because I seem stronger.

Ah, the irony. Honestly, a big thank you to the prick for yanking the rug under my feet not once. but twice, because I truly have realized how much better I can do and how I don't need anyone but myself to have a happy life. Edit 2, seriously, thank you to everyone who has read my story and commented. You have no idea how much it's helping me to focus on myself and realize I need stop considering the feelings of someone who had no consideration of mine. I only hope that anyone who is in a similar situation realizes that you can and you do move

on. And I promise that you will feel like a 10,000 pound weight has been lifted off your back. Edit 3, he is being served papers in the next one to two weeks. Guaranteed the I've changed mask slips off. I hope I'm wrong, but I've learned all too well that my gut feelings are usually spot on. Hopefully I'll be back with an update in a few months with the good news that the split is official. Update, well, turns out my gut instincts were right. The entire time he was begging for another chance and promising this time would be different, I roll, he was still sleeping with the affair partner and telling him he loved her and would do anything to make it work with her.

It didn't even hurt me to find it out. I was that unsurprised. It just helped me stop feeling guilty. I divorced his ass. I thank the universe every day that he is no longer connected to me in a romantic way. It feels like an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Shortly after my original post I met someone by chance at a wedding and fell in love. This person is everything my ex-husband was not.

The kindness, compassion, and respect they show not just me, but to my daughter as well, is like something from a dream. I never knew love could be so easy. To anyone in a loveless marriage reading this leave. Do the hard thing especially if they have a pattern of leaving slash returning slash cheating, etc. Lord knows I was terrified to cut the cord. At one point in time I was actually starting to feel bad for the guy because he was begging me every single day for another chance. He tried to convince me that getting a divorce would ruin my future, our daughter's future, that she would come from a

broken family, but it was the exact opposite. It was broken already and I fixed it. Once I made up my mind that divorce was the best option, I absolutely thrived. I learned independence. I found how to be happy on my own. I found happiness in a partner. Life has never been so sweet. The bad shit makes the good shit so much better. Thank you, Reddit, for the support on my original post. It helped turn my graveyard into a garden. I hope you enjoy this story. arrogant grinder insisted on being present in the birthing chamber during my labor. Upon my refusal, she barged into my infant's celebration with unwelcome visitors and later appeared at the event.

Hospital anyway and got kicked out. I'm a 28F and my husband is 30M. We've been married three years and we're expecting our first baby in a few months. My mother-in-law, 56F, has always been a bit much, but lately she's on another level. I could really use some outside perspective or advice on how to handle her, because things are getting worse. For some background, my mill, I'll call her Linda, has never been great with boundaries. A few greatest hits. 1.

Early in our marriage, she still had a key to our old apartment and would let herself in when we weren't home. I'd come back to find she had reorganized my kitchen or snooped through our mail. We finally had to get the key back from her. Two, she has a habit of overstepping on decisions that aren't hers. When we bought our house, she insisted on coming to every open house and even tried to negotiate with the realtor without us asking. Three, if we don't answer her calls or texts immediately, she group texts other family to check if we're alive.

It's embarrassing and we've told her to stop, but she just jokes that she worries. Now that I'm pregnant, Linda seems to think this is her event. The moment we announced, she went into overdrive. She started calling the baby my little grandbaby and talking about when my baby is here at my house. She's already set up a fully furnished nursery at her place without asking us. We have no intention of letting our newborn stay over there anytime soon. The biggest issue, she wants to be in the delivery room when I give birth. I am a fairly private person and I don't want anyone except my husband there.

We told her this immediately when she started with the I can't wait to see my grandchild-born comments. We tried to be polite, the delivery will just be me and husband. Linda either didn't take it seriously or think she can wear us down, because she keeps bringing it up constantly. She'll say, oh, I cleared my schedule for the due date so I can be there for our big day. I've repeated myself that it's not happening. Last night was kind of the final straw that led me here. We were at my sister-in-laws, husband's sisters, birthday dinner with family. At the table, out of nowhere, Mill says something like, I hope you're ready for me to catch the baby. In this joky voice. Then she goes on about how back when she gave birth, it was a family affair

and how times have changed but she needs to be there to support her baby, meaning my husband, while I'm in labor. I was mortified and also angry. I responded, we already talked. We already talked. about this. It's a medical procedure and I'm not comfortable with extra people in the room. She started going on about how I'm depriving her of this experience and she won't forgive me if she's excluded. It got awkward, people changed the subject. Later in the evening, when my husband was across the room, she came up to me quietly and said, you know, I have a right as the grandmother to be there. This is my grandbaby. She had this smug tone like she just knows she'll get her way. I just kind of froze and then walked away. I told my husband on the drive home and

he was pissed on my behalf. He wants to talk to her ASAP and make it clear she is not entitled to be at the birth or make these decisions for us. I'm on board with that, but I'm also dreading the confrontation because she likes to play the victim. She might start crying or call other family members to paint us as the bad guys. I'm posting this because I'm honestly at a loss on how to enforce boundaries with someone who doesn't listen. How do we make her understand no means no here? We want our privacy and to start our lives as new parents without her meddling in every moment, but she's acting like we're cruel for not including her in the delivery and every plan. Any advice on how to set her straight, kindly or not so kindly, would be appreciated. We plan to

talk to her in the next couple days. I'll take any pointers or scripts to get through to her, because logic sure isn't working. Update 1. Thank you to everyone who offered advice and shared their own mill horror stories. It really helped my husband and I feel less alone and more confident about standing our ground. So, we talked to Linda two days after my original post. We figured it was better to do it sooner rather than let her keep thinking everything is her way. We invited her over to our house.

We sat her down and my husband basically led the conversation. He told her we wanted to clarify our boundaries regarding the baby and the birth. Only my husband will be in the delivery room with me. This is not up for discussion. We will let family know I'm in labor after the baby is born, so we don't have people invading the hospital or blowing up our phones while I'm pushing. Once we're home, we'll let her know when we're ready for visitors. No surprise drop-ins.

We tried to keep it straightforward. As expected, Mill did not. take it well. She immediately went on the defensive, saying she was being cut out of her own grandchild's birth. She actually said, this isn't just your baby, it's my family's baby, which honestly left both of us stunned for a second. My husband reiterated that yes, the baby is family, but we are the parents and this is our decision. Linda's volume started rising at that point. She accused me of shutting her out and even accused my husband of not having a spine because apparently if he did, he would insist his mother be present for the birth.

I stayed mostly quiet during her rant to keep my own temper in check, but when she started insulting her son, my husband, in front of me, I cut in. I said, look, this is getting out of hand. You are important to us, but this decision is ours to make in its final. We need you to respect that, even if you're upset. She kept sniffing and muttering about how you'll regret this when you need my help and I'm not there, which felt a little like a threat. Not sure. My husband said, we'll ask for help when we want it, but you can't just insert yourself. In the end, the conversation went in circles for a bit. She never actually agreed or said she understood. It was more like she begrudgingly went quiet. We didn't exactly get an okay, I will respect

your wishes from her. Instead, she mumbled something like, fine, do what you want in that tone. that clearly says she's not fine with it. We did also ask for her house key back during this talk. We gave it because in the worst case scenario when my husband and not available my milk could drive me to the hospital. But some commenters had strongly suggested we do that before the baby comes. Surprisingly, she did hand it over. After she left in a huff, we immediately changed our door locks that same evening just in case she had copies or tries to get another key. I'm not sure she realized we'd go that far, but we're not taking chances. Thank you to the folks who gave us that wake-up call. So right now, things are awkward, but quiet. She's been sulking and hasn't

really contacted us since the blow-up. Aside from a brief group text where she acted overly cheerful like love you guys less than three. We haven't reached out either, giving her some space to cool down. I have a feeling this calm won't last once the due date gets closer, but at least we think she knows we mean business now. Husband and I are on the same page and he's been amazing at backing me up. It sucks that it had to get a bit ugly, but I'm glad we drew a line clearly. We'll see what happens next. For now we're focusing on getting things ready for baby and enjoying the relative piece. I'll update again if there's any more excitement, for lack of a better word. Update 2. Hi, I'm back. I wish I could say that setting boundaries one.

was all it took, but of course not. It's been a few weeks since the last update. I'm about eight months along now, in the home stretch. And as some of you predicted, the quiet didn't last. At first, Mill did keep her distance for a couple of weeks after our talk. My husband would text her short updates like Dr. Appointment went well and she'd reply with a thumbs up emoji or something. No more big confrontations. Until we hit a new snag, the base My best friend and my sister offered to throw a baby shower for me. It was going to be a casual co-ed barbecue at my sister's house, just family and close friends. We invited Mill, of course, and my husband's side of the family.

We did not invite a bunch of Mills friends, some of whom I barely know, because, well, it's our baby shower, not hers. Apparently, that was a grave offense in Mills' world. About a week before the shower, she asked why her church friends weren't invited. Mind you, I've met them maybe twice. I explained gently that we were keeping it small. She got all huffy, saying, well, I already told them about it and now it's awkward. I was annoyed because she had no business announcing our shower to random people. I told her, sorry, but we aren't having a big event.

She dropped it. Or so I thought. The day of the shower comes. It started off really nice. Mill showed up early, at least she rang the bell. She doesn't have a key anymore. She was kind of oddly cheerful, which I took as an improvement. She even brought a bunch of food without asking,

just showed up with like four extra dishes. We already had catering and snack sorted, so it was excessive, but I chose not to make it an issue and thanked her. Well, about an hour into the party, guess who shows up. Three of Mills Church friends, whom we did not invite. They walked and looking a bit unsure, saying, Linda told us to stop by. I was standing there extremely confused, and pretty annoyed. My husband went over to politely talk to them. He basically said, I'm so sorry, there must be a misunderstanding. This is a private shower for close friends and family only.

The ladies looked embarrassed and one of them even showed a text on her phone from Mill, inviting them. Before my husband could respond further, Mill swoops and loudly, don't be rude, I invited them. The more the merrier, right? She then literally starts grabbing extra chairs, trying to usher these women further in. From across the yard I could hear her going on, it's a celebration. There's plenty of food and cake, and I wanted my friends to share the joy. My husband looked over at me and I could tell he was waiting for my cue. I walked over, probably with a not-so-happy expression, and said, I'm sorry, but this is actually a small planned gathering.

We aren't really equipped for extra guests. I tried to be nice about it, but essentially I was asking these ladies to leave my own baby shower because Mill decided she runs the show. They were polite, thankfully. They apologized and said they didn't realize it wasn't an open invite. One of them even said to Mill, I wish you told us it was just family, we don't want to intrude, but Mill just patted her arm and insisted, nonsense. You're practically family to me.

I was fuming inside, but I didn't want a huge, ugly scene at the shower. My husband told his mom quietly, this isn't your event to invite people too. We talked about this. And Mill started arguing that I was being inhospitable and these ladies are important to me, they should be important to the baby too. Um, what? At that point my own mom came over and sort of defused things by suggesting we move on to cake and gifts, basically to create a natural end to the party soon.

It was a tactful way to shut things down early before Mill's meddling ruined the whole vibe. After the shower, I knew we needed another serious talk with Mill, but honestly I didn't have the energy to handle it that exact day. The next day, my husband and I went over to her house. figured maybe she'd behave better on her own house. It was basically, don't ever pull a stunt like that again. We explained that we host events for our life milestones, not her, and she needs to ask before inviting random people.

She kept trying to defend herself, claiming the shower was lacking and needed more people to be festive. It was insane. We told her point blank she owes us an apology for overstepping. She sort of mumbled a half-hearted sorry you felt that way non-hearted. apology, which we called out as not good enough. The conversation got heated again when we brought up the delivery, since this all ties back to her not respecting boundaries. We reminded her we haven't changed our stance, if anything, her recent behavior made us more determined to keep things private.

That's when she dropped a bombshell, she said she had talked to her friend who was a nurse at the hospital to find out what the visitor policy is and make sure she can get in. She basically admitted she's been plotting to show up at the hospital when I give birth, despite all our prior discussions. I saw red. I literally asked, are you serious? You plan to just ignore everything we've said and show up. She got flustered and backpedaled like, it's just in case you change your mind and need me there. Right, sure. I told her, we are not changing our minds. If you try to come when I'm in labor, we will have hospital security escort you out. She started crying that I'm threatening her and being so cruel to the grandmother. My husband was furious too and told her this was her last warning.

I've never seen him speak to his mom in such an icy tone. He was so angry. I was proud of him for drawing that line. We left with things very tense. Mill texted later that night a long message to my husband basically playing victim, saying I only wanted to make your lives easier. and be there for you, but I'm obviously not wanted. And then the classic I guess I'll just wait until you're ready to include me. I'm so hurt, but I love you anyway. Definitely a guilt trip. He didn't bite.

So that's where it is now. She's on an unofficial timeout. We aren't engaging with her except for very surface-level contact. I'm doing a few weeks and honestly I'm anxious she might actually try something when I go into labor, given her little inside connection comment. We informed our hospital about the situation and set up a password on our info, etc. They assured us no one can barge in if we say no. Thank goodness our hospital takes security seriously.

To be honest, I'm exhausted by all this drama on top of being super pregnant. The plan is basically to not tell Mill I'm in labor until after the baby is born, and even then possibly delay a bit if we need to. My husband even warned the rest of his family that will share news when we can, and please do not tell Mill if they somehow find out I'm in labor. Everyone agreed, though I suspect Mill might be stalking us for any hint. Fingers crossed things go smoothly. Update 3 Hello again

This update took a bit longer because, well, I had the baby. Our little boy arrived, healthy and perfect. Mom and Dad are alive but running on my own. very little sleep. But you're here for the mills saga and oh boy, did things go down. Firstly, labor and delivery, I went into labor a bit earlier than expected, about a week before my due date. We had a whole plan to avoid mill interference, and I'm happy to report it mostly worked. We didn't tell a soul we were heading to the hospital, just quietly drove over when my contractions got regular. My sister was our backup support person, so we let her know to be on standby, she

was the only other person we were okay with being around for the birth, if needed. She met us there but stayed in the waiting area, just to be another set of eyes in case Mill somehow showed up. We had informed the hospital about Mill, and they had a note on my file and a password system in place. I was in labor for nearly a full day. After the baby was born, healthy baby boy, by the way, we took a couple hours to ourselves to rest and bond. Then my husband started sending out the announcement to family, including Mill, basically baby is here, mom and baby are healthy. We'll let you know when we're ready for visitors. Apparently, Mill was at the hospital within an hour of getting that text. She just dropped everything and came. I'm still in the delivery room, like two hours

postpartum, exhausted in holding my baby, when a nurse comes in and says, there's a woman in the waiting room who says she's your mother-in-law. She really wants to see you. My husband and I just exchanged a look of disbelief and anger. We told the nurse no visitors, please keep her out. The nurse nodded, said no problem, they'd handle it. From what I heard later, from my sister who was still in the waiting area, Mill caused a scene. She apparently freaked out when they told her she couldn't come in. She raised her voice, saying she was the grandmother and had a right to see the baby. The nurses told her it was our decision and hospital policy to follow the parents' wishes. At one point she tried to slip past when a door opened, and a security guard had to step in front of her.

My sister could hear her yelling things like they're keeping my grandchild from me. And this is a violation of my rights. What rights, I have no idea, ultimately, security escorted her out of the maternity ward. So, yeah, that happened. When my husband found out, my sister was texting him updates from down the hall, he was livid. He wanted to go out there and personally tell his mother off, but I begged him not to leave us. I did not want him abandoning me and our newborn to deal with his rampaging mother. He agreed, albeit reluctantly, and stayed with us.

By the time we were moved to a postpartum room, Mill was gone from the hospital. She did, however, blow up our phones with texts. We did not respond. The baby and I had to stay two nights at the hospital, standard procedure. During that time, we allowed exactly two visitors, my sister and mom, both of whom were on strict instructions not to post anything on social media or breathe a word to anyone that might get back to Mill. Meanwhile, we kept telling Mill she could not come yet. My husband sent one single text to her, so we'd have it in writing, stating, your behavior at the hospital was

unacceptable. We are not ready for visitors because of the scene you caused. We will let you know when you can visit after we're home. When we got home, we actually put a sign on our front door. No visitors unless arranged in advance. Do not ring bell, new parents resting. Just trying to cover our bases. Sure enough, the very next morning after we got home, guess who comes knocking? Yep, Mill. Knocking is an understatement, it was frantic pounding and the doorbell ringing over and over. The baby started crying from the noise, I was upstairs and just broke down in frustrated tears while holding him because it felt like we couldn't even have one peaceful day. My husband went to the door and opened it, with chain lock still on. He kept repeating that she needed to leave,

that she was told no visitors yet. After a couple of minutes of her refusing to accept that, he warned her if she didn't leave, he'd call the police for trespassing. That finally seemed to get through. We realized this was beyond a normal family dispute. It had escalated to harassment. My husband was extremely upset. Not only did she disrespect our wishes, she disrupted our first day home and stressed out his recovering wife, me, and our newborn. So, we decided to talk to a lawyer. Specifically, we consulted a family attorney about our options if she kept this up, and about that grandparent rights threat she had thrown at us earlier. The lawyer basically told us that in our state, grandparents have no standing to demand visitation if the parents are together

and the child isn't in any danger. So her threats were empty, which we suspected, but it felt good to hear officially. He also advised that we document everything and suggested sending a formal cease and desist letter to Mill, instructing her to stop the harassing behavior, unannounced visits, trying to force contact, etc. As that could help if we ever needed to pursue a restraining order. We took his advice. We had the lawyer draft a very straightforward letter outlining her specific actions and clearly stating that she must stop interfering and harassing us, or further legal action would be taken. We send it via certified mail, so we have proof she received it. To be honest, it felt sad to escalate to a lawyer against my husband's own mother.

But at this point, enough was enough. She left us no choice to make it clear we were serious. After the letter was delivered, about a week ago, we got a shot. short email from Mill. Surprisingly, it was polite and concise. She wrote that she received the message and that she understands we need space. That was literally it. I suspect the combination of being confronted by security at the hospital, getting threatened with police at our house, and then a lawyer's letter, finally broke through that denial she was in. My husband also ended up having a long talk with his dad, F-I-L, about everything. Phil, who usually stays out of

of this stuff, was furious with Mill when he found out about the hospital scene. According to Phil, he had yelled at her, which I have never heard of him doing, and told her she absolutely embarrassed herself and him. I think hearing her own husband say he was ashamed of her behavior was a huge slap of reality for her too. So as of now, we have had zero in-person contact with Mill since the baby was born. And honestly, it's been a relief. The stress level in our house plummeted. We finally got to enjoy our first weeks with our baby without her chaos. Update 4, final, it's been a couple of months now, and I wanted to give a final update to close this out. Things have settled into a much calmer state, I'm happy to report.

Mill has been keeping her distance. After that lawyer letter and my Phil basically taking our side, she essentially withdrew. We did not hear from her at all for a good while, which was honestly a godsend. In the meantime, we soaked up time with our baby, established our own routine as new parents, and generally recovered from the whole ordeal. About a month after the baby was born, Mill reached out via email. She seems to know to keep things in writing now. In the email, she actually offered something resembling an apology, or at least an acknowledgement.

She said she was sorry for getting carried away and that she only wanted to help, but realizes now she went about it the wrong way. She said she misses all of us and hopes to be forgiven eventually. It wasn't a perfect apology. There were a few justifications like I didn't know how else to show my love, but she at least admitted her actions caused us stress and that she regrets the outcome. We took our time to consider how to respond. My husband and I talked it over. We decided to give her one cautious chance at being involved, but under very strict conditions. We replied, also via email, to keep everything.

everything documented, that we appreciate her reaching out and are willing to have a conversation about moving forward if and only if she can accept our rules and boundaries without argument. Then we listed those expectations clearly again, for example no unannounced visits, respect our parenting decisions, no means no, etc. She agreed in writing. So, we arranged a short meet-up for her to see the baby for the first time. I have to admit I was anxious, but it actually went okay. She cried when she saw her grandson. She didn't try to snatch him or anything, and she asked permission to hold him. We let her, and she was gentle and careful. She only stayed about 30 minutes. We kept the conversation light, mostly about how the baby is doing. When she started

to veer into self-pity territory, we quickly steered it to another topic. Overall, she behaved appropriately during that visit. Since then, we've allowed a handful of supervised visits, always scheduled in advance and kept short. Either we invite her over when both my husband and I are home, or we meet at my in-law's place when my sister-in-law or Phil is also there. Mill has not stepped out of line in these visits. In fact, she's been trying to show that she's respecting our rules, she'll text and actually wait for an answer instead of just showing up, she asks before picking the baby up, stuff like that. It's a big change from how she was before. I remain optimistic but still on guard. I think she knows that if she messes up again significantly, we will cut contact

without hesitation. My husband made it very clear to her that this is essentially probation. And it seems the fear of losing access to her grandchild for good is keeping her in check for now. Anyway, I'm signing off now. I'm going to go enjoy a rare moment of quiet while the baby naps. I hope you enjoy this story. Brought up and took in my stepchild, but she told me I was too blue-collar to escort her at the wedding, so I declined to go to the ceremony altogether, but she called begging me to come to her wedding when her rich bio dad ruined everything.

I, 52M, have been married to my wife, Lena, 48F, for 20 years. When I met Lena, she was coming out of an emotionally abusive marriage with her ex-husband Danny. She had a five-year-old daughter Emma from that marriage. Danny was a pretty awful husband and father, he constantly belittled Lena and basically ignored Emma. He left when Emma was a toddler, and Lena divorced him. By the time I came into the picture, Danny had been out of their lives for a couple of years. From the beginning, I treated Emma as my own. I never pushed her to call me dad, but I was there for her in every way. I read bed. I read Ben, time stories, packed school lunches, helped with homework, went to all her school plays and soccer

games, everything. Eventually, Emma started calling me dad on her own. It meant the world to me. I never had biological children, and I loved Emma as if she were my daughter by blood. I officially adopted her when she was 10, with Danny completely MIA and giving up his parental rights without a fight. Things were great as a family until Emma hit her mid-teens. When Emma was 16, Danny suddenly reappeared in her life. We were shocked. He contacted Lena out of the blue, saying he wanted to reconnect with his little girl. Apparently, Danny had come into a lot of money and was now wealthy.

At first, Lena was very wary and protective, but Emma was curious to meet her biological father. I understood that curiosity, so I didn't want to stand in the way. We allowed a meeting. To our surprise, Danny seemed to have changed on the surface. He was charming, polite, and loaded with cash. The man who never paid a dime of child support suddenly could buy Emma expensive things, design her clothes, take her to fancy restaurants, etc.

I couldn't compete with that kind of fleshy spending. I'm a blue-collar guy, I work as an electrician and make a modest but honest living. We're comfortable but not wealthy. Over the next few years, I watched Emma get pulled in by Danny's luxury lifestyle. At first, it was small things. Emma would come home gushing about the dinner Danny treated her to, or the new iPhone he bought her. Then it escalated, he got her a car for her 17th birthday, took her on a trip to Europe when she graduated high school, etc. Whenever Danny was in the picture, it was like I became invisible to Emma.

She started blowing off plans with me and Lena to spend time with real dad if he was in town. Lena tried to talk to her about how money isn't everything and remind her how Danny treated us in the past, but Emma would get defensive and say Danny had changed and that we were just jealous of his success. It was heartbreaking. From 16 onwards, it felt like I was watching the daughter I raised Drift Away. By the time Emma was in college, Danny generously paid her tuition, of course, she was spending holidays with Danny instead of us half the time. She still lived at home with us during school breaks, but even then she was often at Danny's penthouse or off on some lavish outing

with him. My relationship with her became strained. We never had a big blowout fight or anything, but there was this tension. I felt like an afterthought in her life. She would still call me dad occasionally, but other times she'd pointedly refer to Danny as my dad in conversation. It hurt a lot, but I tried to play it cool. I figured maybe as she matured she'd see through Danny's superficial love bombing and appreciate what we had. I'm much forward to this year. Emma is 25 now and got engaged to her fiancé Ryan. Ryan's family is pretty well off from what I understand, not crazy rich like Danny, but doing good. We were happy for her and excited to help with the wedding. Since I'm technically Emma's adoptive father and the one who raised her,

I always assumed I'd be the one walking her down the aisle. Over the years, we'd even casually talked about it and she'd said, of course, I would. Well, about two weeks before the wedding day, Emma drops a bomb on me and her mom. She tells me she doesn't want me walking her down the aisle. Her excuse was that she's a modern woman and thinks the tradition of giving away the bride is outdated. This was a lie. I didn't want to force her if she felt strongly about it. So I told her, OK, if you're sure about that, it's your day. She seemed relieved that I didn't make a stink.

However, something felt off about her explanation. My gut said she wasn't being honest about the reason. Lena also suspected something was up. A few days later, I found out the real reason. Emma had asked Danny, her biological father, to walk her down the aisle instead. And she hadn't planned on telling me at all. I learned this accidentally when talking with the wedding planner at a family meeting. The planner made a comment like, so Danny and Emma will enter from here.

And I was like, wait, Danny. You mean her father, Danny? It turned into an awkward silence. Later, I confronted Emma privately and asked if it was true that she was having Danny give her away. She got defensive at first, then finally admitted it. Her voice and attitude were so cold, it stunned me. She said something along the lines of, well, Danny is my actual father, and you're, you're not. Plus, let's be real, you're two working class and would look out of place at a high-end wedding.

I don't want to be embarrassed in front of my new in-laws. When I regained my words, I told her that was one of the cruelest things she's ever said to me. Emma just shrugged like it was no big deal and said I was overreacting. That's when I told her, if you think I embarrass you that much, I won't come to the wedding at all. You can have him do the father-daughter stuff, and I'll just stay home. Emma was fine with that. She said I could do whatever I wanted. Lena was furious and told Emma she was being incredibly hurtful, but Emma was adamant that it was her day and we needed to respect her choices.

So two weeks later, the wedding day comes. I stuck to my word and did not attend. Lena was torn, she didn't want to miss her only daughter's wedding, but she was also disgusted with how Emma treated me. In the end, Lena also chose not to go. She told Emma that if the man who raised her wasn't welcome, then as her mother's she wasn't going to sit there and pretend everything was okay. We heard later from relatives that Emma was extremely upset when she realized her mom wasn't coming either, but she made her choice.

Apparently, the wedding turned into a disaster. Since neither I nor Lena were there, Danny was basically the only parent present from Emma's side. And Danny, being Danny, managed to screw it up. He showed up to the ceremony already buzzed, I suspect he'd been drinking beforehand. By the reception, he was full-on drunk. He made a scene during his toast, slurring and making inappropriate jokes. At one point he got into a heated argument with Ryan's father, possibly over some rude comment Danny made about paying for the wedding.

It got so bad that Ryan's parents and some of their relatives left early in anger. I wasn't at the wedding, but I started getting frantic calls that evening. First from one of the bridesmaids, then from Emma herself. Emma was crying on the phone, begging me to come to the reception right now because Danny is ruining everything. She said I needed to come take care of the situation, like I somehow could magically fix what her bio dad did. She also had the nerve to accuse me of abandoning her on her wedding day, insinuating that none of this would have happened if I had been there. I was furious at that accusation. I told Emma, very bluntly, that this mess was a direct result of her choices.

I said, you didn't want me there because I'm embarrassing and not good enough for your fancy-in-laws. So deal with the consequences of having your real dad there instead. And then I hung up. I ended up turning my phone off that night because I just didn't want to hear it. Lena and I sat at home, both angry and heartbroken. The next day, we found out from relatives how the wedding wrapped up. Emma did get married to Ryan, but a lot of people left right after the ceremony. because of the drama. Ryan is understandably upset at Emma for insisting Danny be there despite his

track record. Apparently Ryan even said to her that if I had been there, none of this would have happened, which ironically is exactly what Emma was saying, but in the sense that I would have kept Danny under control or something. So now there's tension between the newlyweds because Ryan's family is angry and Ryan himself is blaming Emma for the whole situation. Now here we are a week later. Emma has tried to call a few times, but honestly I'm not ready to speak with her. I sent her a message saying I need time and that I meant what I said about her reaping what she sowed. Some of my family, like my brother, who did attend the wedding, think I should have just gone to support her, arguing that you're her dad, you should have been there no matter what. They believe I could have prevented the train wreck if I was present.

I personally think I had every right to sit out after the way she disrespected me. So read it, Ida for refusing to attend my stepdaughter's wedding. Comment 1, NTA and frankly your daughter sounds like an ungrateful, entitled Brat. She had the audacity to tell you to stay away because your two working class for her fancy wedding, and then expected you to come running to pick up the pieces when her bio dad, who abandoned her for years, inevitably screwed up. That's some nerve. You raised this girl, you loved her, and she treated you like garbage. You owed her nothing after the way she disrespected you.

Honestly, good on you for standing having a backbone. She made her bed, it's about time she faced the consequences. I'll reply, I won't lie, I'm really hurt and angry about what she did. Hearing her say those things broke something in me. I appreciate your support. It's a tough situation because despite it all, she's still my daughter and a part of me cares about her. But I agree, I wasn't about to go fix a mess that I had been deliberately cut out of. She's learning the hard way that actions have consequences.

Comment two, definitely NTA. You were basically her dad for 20 years, and she completely disrespected and discarded you for a deadbeat who threw money at her. I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that. Quick question, did she ever apologize or try to reach out after the wedding disaster, aside from that crying phone call the day of? Or is she still acting like you're the bad guy? A reply, no, she hasn't apologized at all so far.

The only time I've heard from her was that phone call during the reception where she was upset and kind of tried to blame me for not being there. After that, she went radio silent towards me, and I towards her. No apology, no acknowledgement of what she did. I think she's still too wrapped up in her own features. to see our side of it. Comment 3, I'm leaning toward Entier, but I have to ask, do you regret not attending at all? Like, I 100% get why you were angry and hurt.

What Emma said to you was horrible. But some might argue that as the parent, you could have taken the high road and at least gone to the ceremony for her mother's sake or to prevent exactly this kind of outcome. Do you feel you did the right thing by boycotting, or any second thoughts? I'll reply, honestly, I was too hurt to just put on a smile and act like everything was fine. And she did tell me not to come, I was respecting her wishes, even if those wishes came from a cruel place. Could my presence have kept things calmer? Maybe, maybe not.

We'll never know. I do feel I did the right thing standing my ground, because otherwise I'd be saying it was okay for her to treat me like that. It's a sad situation all around, but I don't really regret refusing to go, given what she said and how she acted. Update 1, it's been about three months since the wedding. I haven't spoken to Emma at all in that time. I was, and still am, very hurt, and she didn't exactly make any effort to apologize after the wedding incident. Lena and I basically went low contact with Emma, we decided to give her space and also protect ourselves from more heartbreak. A few days ago, I got an unexpected phone call from Emma's husband, Ryan.

I was surprised because I've never really talked one-on-one with Ryan outside a polite small talk. He said he wanted to update me on what's been going on with Emma. According to Ryan, Emma has been struggling with depression since the wedding. Apparently, Ryan's parents, my daughter's in-laws, are refusing to speak to Emma at all. They blame her for the wedding fiasco and are upset that she brought Danny, her bio dad, into their family events. From what Ryan said, his parents think Emma embarrassed their family and they haven't forgiven her. Ouch. Ryan himself sounded pretty upset too.

He said the whole situation put a lot of strain on their new marriage right from the start. He admitted that he was angry at Emma for a while because she insisted on involving Danny despite knowing his history. He told me he actually had a bad feeling about Danny but went along with it to make Emma happy. Now he regrets not putting his foot down. He's trying to be supportive of Emma because she's his wife, but he also sounded frustrated. I could tell he was torn between defending her and feeling like she brought this on herself. The thing is, according to Ryan, Emma still doesn't really get it. He told me that when they talk about the wedding disaster, Emma keeps saying that if I had been there, none of it would have happened.

He's basically shifting the blame, claiming I abandoned her and that as her real father figure I should have been at her wedding no matter what. I asked Ryan straight up, why are you telling me all this? Is Emma asking for me? He paused and then admitted that Emma has been hinting that she wants to reach out but is afraid I hate her now. Ryan said he personally thinks Emma owes me a big apology, which was nice to hear him say, but he also asked if I would consider talking to her eventually because she's not in a good place. I told him I appreciate the update and I'm sorry they're going through this, but I'm not ready to talk to Emma yet if she's still unable to own up to what she did. Ryan understood. He sounded kind of defeated, to be honest. I genuinely feel bad for the guy,

this is not how you want to start married life. So that's where things stand. Emma is basically facing the fallout of her choices. Her in-laws want nothing to do with her, her husband is struggling to forgive her, and the bi-odad dad she glorified disappeared after causing the damage. And yet, she still hasn't actually apologized to me or her mom. It's sad and frustrating. I'm still holding my ground for now. I won't lie, part of me aches to just hug my daughter and make her feel better,

but I know that we can't even begin to fix this until she truly understands how deeply she hurt us. Comment one, do you think you would forgive her if she came to you now with a genuine apology? I'll reply, I've thought about that a lot. If she truly understood what she did wrong and gave a heartfelt apology, I would be open to talking. I do love her, that doesn't just disappear, even after everything. But it would take time to rebuild trust. I'm not going to just sweep it under the rug instantly. So yes, there is a path to reconciliation, but it has to start with her acknowledging how badly she hurt us.

Without that, any forgiveness would feel hollow. I'm cautiously we might get there someday, but I'm not going to pretend nothing happened either. Update 2, another six months have passed, around nine months since the wedding. Until yesterday, we still had zero contact with Emma. No calls, no visits, nothing since that disastrous phone conversation on her wedding night. Lena and I have tried to move forward with life. Honestly, it's been a quiet of somber time for us. We miss our daughter, but we're also still very much hurt and disappointed.

Well, out of the blue, Emma showed up at our house yesterday evening. It was completely unannounced. I opened the door and there she was, standing on the porch. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I hadn't seen her in person since before the wedding. She looked, not great. You could tell she'd been through the ringer emotionally. She was visibly nervous and had tears in her eyes as soon as I answered the door.

Lena was right behind me. Emma's first words were, Dad, I'm pregnant. Just like that. I think she expected this news to be a magic ticket to instant reconciliation. Lena gasped and I was just like, okay. I congratulated her softly, but I didn't rush to hug her or invite her in with open arms. I was still frozen, processing that my little girl, who hadn't spoken to me in months, was now going to have a baby. Seeing that I wasn't immediately embracing her, Emma's mood flipped.

She went from anxious to angry very quickly. She started raising her voice, saying things like, I can't believe you're really going to keep this up when I'm trying to tell you something important. Lena told her to calm down and that we were in shock. We invited her in to sit and talk, but Emma was already worked up. She launched into a rant essentially blaming me for everything. She yelled that I abandoned her just like Danny always did and that I was proving I didn't really love her unconditionally.

She said I'd rather hold on to my pride than be there for her and my future grandchild. That accusation really set me off. I've been extremely patient and quiet about my feelings for years, but at that moment I finally let loose. I didn't yell back, but I spoke very firmly. I told Emma that she had no right to come into our home and start making demands or accusing me of not loving her. I reminded her, of everything I did for her growing up, all the rides to school, the bedtime stories, the times I rushed to the ER when she was sick or hurt, the years of supporting her emotionally and financially. I told her how deeply her words and action surrounding the wedding

hurt me and her mother. I said, you shut us out, you lied to me, you insulted me and made me feel like garbage. And now you show up out of nowhere and expect everything to be okay because you're pregnant. That's not how this works. Nina was crying at this point, and Emma just sat there silently, I think she was shocked because I had never spoken to her that sternly in her life. After a moment, Emma muttered something like, I knew it. You really don't care, and got up and stormed out of the house. We tried to get her to stay and talk it through, but she was already in her car by the time we got to the door. Later that night, we started getting calls slash texts from a few relatives, my sister and an aunt who heard from Emma.

Emma apparently told them that she came to us with happy news about the baby and that I rejected her and my grandchild outright. Basically, she painted me as some cold-hearted ogre who told her to get lost, which is a huge exaggeration of what actually happened. Thankfully, I was able to explain the real story to my sister, and she's on our side. But it just sucks that even now Emma is twisting the truth to make me look like the bad guy to others. At this point, I'm emotionally exhausted. It feels like no matter what I do, I'm either the villain or the do.

I refuse to be the doormat anymore. I stand by how I handled things yesterday. I didn't scream or call her names, I just finally spoke my truth. If she can't handle hearing the reality of how she treated us, that's on her. I'm not slamming the door forever, I do want to have a relationship with my future grandkid, but I'm done chasing after Emma and begging her to see my side. The next move has to come from her, and it has to be real this time. Update 3. It's now been a year since my last update, roughly a year and a half since the wedding.

That has happened, and I wanted to share the final update to this saga. Lena and I actually took a long trip abroad for a few months, partly to clear our heads from all the family drama. We just got home last week. While we were away, Emma gave birth to her baby girl. We weren't there for the birth, nor were we expecting to be, given the state of things. After our return, Emma reached out to us. For the first time, her tone was different. She asked if we could meet to talk. We agreed, and two days ago we sat down with her, and baby, at our house.

It was emotional, to say the least. Emma actually broke down crying the moment she saw us. Through tears, she apologized. Not a half-hearted sorry you felt that. felt that way kind of thing, but an actual apology for how she treated me and Lena. She said there's no excuse for the way she behaved. Turns out, Emma has been in therapy for the past several months, which Ryan gently insisted on especially after the baby was born. In therapy, she's been unpacking a lot of issues, particularly her relationship with Danny. She told us that

she finally started to see how her fear of abandonment by Danny made her desperate for his approval, to the point that she was willing to overlook all his failings and hurt the people who actually stood by her, me and her mom. She admitted that she'd essentially put Danny on a pedestal once he came back into her life, and she's realized how badly she betrayed our trust and love in the process. Emma also updated us on her current situation. It's not good. As expected, Danny disappeared again shortly after the baby was born. He made a token visit to the hospital, dropped off an expensive gift the baby, took a couple photos for social media, and then ghosted. He's now nowhere to be found, big surprise.

On top of that, Ryan's parents are still frosty. Apparently they offered Ryan financial help if he divorced Emma, pretty brutal, but they're that angry over the wedding embarrassment now having a grandchild tied to drama. Ryan hasn't divorced her, he actually seems to be sticking by Emma, but their marriage has been under a lot of stress due to all this. Facing all this, plus becoming a mother, seems to have really humbled Emma. She said becoming a mom made her reflect on how she treated her own parents. She told us, I kept comparing you to Danny, but now I see who actually acted like a father and who didn't. It was hard for her to say all that, I could tell,

but I'm glad she finally gets it, or at least is starting to. We talked for a long time. There were a lot of tears and a lot of honesty. I didn't sugarcoat how much pain she caused, but I also told her that we love her and that my door was never fully closed. I was just waiting for her to be ready to rebuild trust. She asked if we would be willing to be in her and the baby's life, and we told her yes, with boundaries. We made it clear that we're not going to jump straight into playing happy family. Trust needs to be rebuilt gradually. She understood and agreed that was fair.

Yesterday, I met my granddaughter for the first time. She's absolutely beautiful. I held her, and I won't lie, I had a few tears. It really hit me that I almost missed out on this child's life because of all the turmoil. I'm a bit optimistic now. Emma has a lot of work to do on herself, but she's making an effort. Ryan also called me separately and apologized for his part. He felt he should have backed me up about the work.

wedding and not let things get so far. Water under the bridge at this point. So, we're taking it slow. We plan to have Emma and the baby over for dinner once a week and just reconnect in small steps. I'm still a bit guarded, I think that's natural, but I'm hopeful that we can rebuild our relationship over time. And I'm grateful I get to know my granddaughter. It's been a hell of a ride, but I feel like we're finally in a better place. Thank you to everyone who's. Thank you to everyone who followed along and offered support. It helped me stay strong and also gave me perspective when I was really low. Here's to hoping things only improve from here on out.

I hope you enjoy this story. Close friend alleged that my partner was unfaithful and spreading rumors that he phoned her in the evening and sent unsuitable messages after I entered a relationship with him due to her disapproval of him. Ellen, 22F, and I, 21F, met through an internship three years ago and instantly became became best friends. About a year ago, I started crushing on George 24M, who internes at the same company, but in a different department as us. Ellen and another one of our co-workers set us up last fall, and we really hit it off. We've fallen in love and we often talk about a future together. This is where things get messy. From early in our relationship, pretty much as soon as we went

from just dating to being official, Ellen has been colder to me. She's never. She's never, made it a secret that she doesn't particularly like George, though she's never said anything direct about it. The only issue she ever raised was when we first got together and he got really sick. I was studying for the MCAT at the time, and I was only about a month out from my main test day when he had a pretty bad flare-up of a chronic illness. Because he knew that Ellen and I were so close, he called her to ask her if she thought he should tell me he was sick, or if it would be better to keep it from me so he didn't take me away from my studies. Ellen didn't like this at all. She told me she thought it was incredibly inappropriate that he

tried to contact her like that and he shouldn't have called her about something so personal. I thought her reaction was a little over the top, but I talked to George about it, and he apologized to her and never called her again. But she didn't let it go. A few weeks later she made a comment about how I was always choosing George over my friends. My roommate was going to be out of town the next week, so she said she should say her goodbyes since I would probably just spend the whole week at home with George. She tried to play it off as a joke. But I was really surprised she felt that way. I never wanted to be the kind of girl who turns her back on her friends when she gets into a relationship, and I had been trying really hard to balance my time

with my boyfriend and with my friends. But it seemed she felt neglected, so I started putting more effort into our friendship. Over the next few weeks, I tried to make plans with her at least five or six times. Every time, she came up with some excuse not to see me, even once canceling at the last minute and citing a meeting she forgot about, at 10 a.m. on a Sunday morning. I was hurt. I knew our friendship was dying and every time I tried to revive it, she rejected me. Finally, I decided the ball was in her court. If she wanted to be friends, I was open to it. it, but I was sick of being rejected, and she would have to be the one to reach out to me. She never did. Meanwhile, things were deteriorating at work. We had been assigned to the same project

for the year, which required working very closely together. As our friendship fell apart, she started ignoring me at work, being rude and short, and making my share of our tasks very difficult for me. I felt like she was constantly breathing down my neck and waiting to catch me in a mistake. I figured she was gossiping about me behind my back, but at this point I was so exhausted from dealing with her that I couldn't be bothered about it. She would say whatever she wanted to say, and I would just be nice and patient with her and count down the days until our internship ended. Until today. I had lunch with one of our other co-workers, and my good friend, K2-2 meter, and he told me everything. Apparently, Alan has been telling all of our co-workers and

friends that George has been trying to cheat on me with her. Telling them that he calls her in the middle of the night, sends her inappropriate texts, and when I hosted a party after I wrote the MCAT, he spent the whole night eyeing her. I know that none of this is true. I love George and I know that he loves me, and even as Kay was telling me all of this I knew that Ellen was lying. It seemed that Kay didn't believe it either, he was just telling me what he had heard, but the thought that she's been going around accusing George of infidelity makes me sense.

sick. I went straight to George's house and told him everything. I told him I didn't think for even a second that it was true, and the real betrayal is how Ellen made all this up and spread it around. I was crushed to know that not only did Ellen say all of this, but she'd been saying it to all of my friends for months, and not one of them came to me about it. George helped me get past the hurt stage and now all I feel is rage. Tomorrow I'm going to call my supervisor and ask if I can work from home until the end of my contract so that I never have to see Ellen's face again. I feel so betrayed and I just hate her so much right now. Am I overreacting? Should I be taking the high road and just keep working with Ellen as if I don't know?

I feel betrayed by my other friends too, because Kay thinks they all knew what she was saying and not one of them told me. Should I cut them off the same way I plan to cut off Ellen? Comment where OP has replied, Cat Mum 22 underscore. Have you given any thought that what she was saying was true? What did boyfriend say about it all? Offered to show texts, etc.? Obviously playing devil's advocate here in either way a real friend would tell you directly about your man acting out, not gossiping, so no judgment on dropping her ass-oop. I really don't think it could be true.

George has offered a number of times to let me go through his phone, which I've declined because I really do trust him and we both agree that the accusations are absurd. He's never been anything but completely honest with me, and he's been saying for weeks that I should drop Ellen because he doesn't like the way she's been treating me. I don't want to contact her about it right now because honestly I'm just so angry and like you said, if there was any truth to it and if she was ever my friend at all, she should have come to me about it directly. I also don't think Kay would lie about something like this. He's not the kind of person to make up rumors and there's no way he would have known that George called Ellen if she hadn't told him, albeit a twisted version, up. date. July 8th, 2025. One year later, I can't believe that I'm still learning more about all the ways that Ellen tried to ruin my life. I'll start with the good news first. Our internship ended without much fanfare. I didn't, as many comments suggested, contact HR or confront Ellen. I did

contact our direct supervisor, and told him that our personal relationship had deteriorated and that it had caused some hostility on her part at work, giving specific examples of issues in the workplace without getting into the weeds of the personal pettiness that was going on. He was incredibly understanding and accommodating, I worked from home the rest of the summer, received a glowing recommendation from him, and got hired at our company in my top choice department fresh out of my internship while I finished my degree and applied for medical school. I've been accepted to the top school in my country, and George and I plan on getting married once I finish my studies. Our relationship is stronger than ever.

Ellen moved abroad, but stayed very well connected to the friend group that we had formed through the internship. After what happened last year, I slowly began to distance myself from that group, and as I did I realized that I had outgrown a lot of them anyway. Once I began to see the cracks and the friendships I used to surround myself with, I couldn't unsee all the ways they could be unkind, immature, and toxic to themselves and to one another. I held on to the few people that I knew had my back and came out of the internship with a handful of good, close friends rather than a big circle of people with shady tendencies. One good friend from the internship, Alice, 22F, had been close with Ellen about a year ago,

and has since told me a lot more of the things Ellen said behind my back, partially corroborating Kay's story from last year and adding details to some of the craziest parts. Apparently, to give herself more credibility, Ellen had been telling people that she'd been in touch with my roommate and friend of 11 years, Anna 22F. Ellen said that Anna also didn't like George, that Anna told her I spent way too much time with him, was neglecting all my friends, that he basically lives at our apartment and that I always do this when I get into a relationship. She also told people that Anna thinks George is faking his chronic illness, and that I'd been using it as an excuse to blow off my friends. Once when George was at

our apartment and had a flare up, I'd had to cancel plans to stay with him, afraid that he might need me to take him to the hospital. Ellen told everyone that Anna said he didn't seem sick and that I'd only canceled because I felt like staying home and hanging out with him. When Alice told me all of this, I immediately confronted Anna and told her everything. Although Anna and Ellen had been in touch on and off over the past few years, I'd previously introduced them to one another and they had some mutual interests that they'd occasionally text about. Anna assured. Anna assured, me she'd said none of the things Ellen accuse her of, and even combed back through all of the messages to see if there was anything she'd said that might have implied anything like that.

In going through Anna's messages with Ellen, we noticed a pattern. It seemed that any time I told Ellen I wasn't available, she texted Anna to ask if I was with George. This went back to almost the beginning of my relationship with him. For those running to the comments to ask why Anna didn't tell me this sooner, it didn't strike Anna as bizarre until we looked through the messages and after hearing the accusations. I have a bad habit of letting my phone die, so sometimes if someone really needs to get in touch with me, they'll contact Anna or George,

so in itself, Ellen texting her to ask where I was wasn't out of the ordinary. Ellen texting her to see if I was specifically with George, combined with what Ellen was claiming Anna told her, is the strange part, coming out the other side of all of this. I've been trying really hard to reflect and learn from the situation. Was I a perfect friend to Ellen? Definitely not. I think there were certainly times at the beginning, when I was first dating George and studying for the MCAT, that I was distant with her.

Maybe I should have tried harder to patch up our friendship in those early days by confronting her directly, or maybe I should have been more in tune to how she was feeling and addressed it sooner. Despite everything, I do miss her a lot and I wish things had turned out differently. But I don't think she was fair to me either, if I had withdrawn a little bit into my relationship in its early stages. she should have given me some grace, and confronted me directly when she had a problem rather than going behind my back. She absolutely should not have tried to drag my name through the mud, made things difficult at work, or worst of all tried to destroy Georges and Anna's reputations and relationships. I recently heard that Ellen is moving back to the city and tried to get a job at the company where we interned,

but she was rejected by every department she applied to, am I a bad person for feeling a little vindicated? Thanks everyone for your comments last year. I really needed that support, but now I'm just looking for any lessons to be learned. Could I have done anything differently? What can I take away from this to try and be a better friend in the future? Next story, Cousin left her four kids on my doorstep at 7 a.m. in the cold so she could go on a cruise, then got mad when police pulled her off the ship and now the whole family thinks I ruined her life. I won't make this post long, happened a few hours ago.

me and my girlfriend do not have kids, so we have extra free time as we always get told by my cousin, who has four kids, all minors. She had been joking around lately and saying we should take care of the children, all of them, as she has booked a cruise with her new boyfriend. We didn't pay any attention to it as it sounded absurd and just laughed along with her. We both have an extra day off as it was a long weekend, and heard some knocking on the door at 7 a.m. in the morning. We knew it wouldn't be the postman as they don't arrive that early and weren't expecting any visitors. I go down to check who it is and see my cousins' four kids standing out there in the cold, mother nowhere in sight. I opened the door and bring them in because it's freezing outside and they had no jackets on,

then asked where the mother is. They said she told us that you would take care of us while she is on her cruise, so we took the bus and came to your house. I couldn't believe my eyes and ears, I kept thinking WTF. So I called her. immediately and her phone was off. Called her new boyfriend and his phone went to voicemail. I asked the kids to explain exactly what their mom has told them. They said in these words, she said, since you don't have any responsibilities and have free time you said you will look after us while she's gone. What do I do? I called my aunt and she said the same thing, that my cousin has told her I agreed to take care of the kids. She didn't even have the courtesy to drop them off and made them catch the bus

on a cold winter day. Thinking of calling child services at this point. Update 1, June 10th, 2025. All right, here's what actually went down a few hours after my cousin's kids showed up at our place. We were still trying to figure out what to do, gave them food, put the heater on, got them settled. Still no word from their mom or her boyfriend.

Both phones going straight to voicemail. Then around 10.30 a.m., I get a call from a private number, it's the police. They ask if I've got four kids at my house. I said yes and explained the situation. Turns out the bus driver who dropped them off is the one who called it in. Apparently, on the ride over, the kids told them they were going to stay with family and gave them our address. He thought it was odd that four young kids were traveling alone in the cold with no bags or jackets,

so after dropping them off, he reported it for a welfare check just to be safe. A short while later, both police and child protection show up at my door. They were honestly great, calm but clearly taking it seriously. I told them everything. Showed them the texts where my cousin had joked about us watching the kids, nothing confirming anything, explained how we had no warning, and that they just showed up saying we'd agreed. The kid said their mom told them we had plenty of free time and would be happy to take them.

Then about an hour and a half after that, police tell me they've gone to the cruise terminal and found her on the ship. This ship was in circular key in the city, not too far from my place and was scheduled to leave at 3.30 p.m. She had already boarded, ready to sail off with her new boyfriend. They pulled her off and told her she had to come immediately no argument. She showed up at our house looking completely unbothered, full cruise outfit, sunglasses on her head, lanyard around her neck. Didn't even look at the kids, just walked in and said, Did you seriously get the police involved?

I told her she left four kids with no warning, no gear, and no contact info. She starts going off about how I embarrassed her and ruined her holiday. Then my aunt calls, her mom, yelling at me, saying I'd gone too far and that she paid for the cruise as a treat for her daughter, and I'd wasted her money. No concern at all about what actually happened. Meanwhile, child protection was taking a statement from me and telling my cousin this was a serious neglect issue and would be investigated. She didn't seem to care. Grab the kids, didn't say, thank you, didn't apologize, just left like I was the one in the wrong.

I tried to call my aunt and her a while after that to explain that I was not the one who called the police and child services but they wouldn't believe me and both have blocked my number. Update 2, June 11, 2025. Didn't think I'd be writing another update, but this situation just keeps escalating. A couple of days after my cousin came to pick up the kids, after being dragged off the cruise ship, Fax got back in touch and asked a few follow-up questions. During the conversation, they mentioned they had contacted the kid's biological father and informed him of what had happened. I didn't even know he was still around. From what I remembered, he'd moved out to regional NSW years ago, I think somewhere near Wagga.

Apparently, he's been paying child support and trying to stay in touch, but my cousin made it almost impossible. Would ignore his calls, block him, cancel visits, that sort of thing. Well, when he found out what she did, leaving the kids to catch a bus alone in winter and dumping them on our doorstep, he was furious. Drove straight to Sydney that same night. He came to our house the next morning. Genuinely nice guy, clearly shaken but calm.

He said he just wanted to hear everything from someone who was there. We sat down and talked for a while. He asked how the kids were, if they said anything, and what exactly happened. You could tell he really cared. Then he told me straight up, he's going to apply for full custody. He said he's been documenting everything for years, the cancelled visits, the excuses, the strange behavior when the kids did come back to him and this was the final straw. Leaving them like that without even a message?

He said he wouldn't let them grow up thinking that was normal. I told him I fully supported him. Those kids deserve stability. He thanked us for not turning them away and for taking care of them when no one else did. Then he left to speak with a solicitor. Now, onto something I didn't expect and honestly still can't believe, our car was Van Dali's last night. All four tires slashed. Nothing else touched, just the tires. We noticed it this morning when my girlfriend went to head out. No note, no witnesses. Unfortunately, we don't have cameras

installed, but we've asked neighbors if they have any footage from overnight. Can't say for sure who did it, but given the timing. I've got a few guesses. Especially since a family member called us yesterday blaming us for turning the family against my cousin. No proof yet, but we've reported it to the police just in case. Honestly, we're exhausted. We didn't ask for any of this, just tried to do the right thing when four kids showed up freezing on our doorstep. The entire family is believing her version of the story. I'm thinking of compiling a Facebook post with all the information to prove what happened, as things are getting serious now. Update 3, June 13, 3. 25. Last night, around 7.30 p.m., we got a knock on the door. My girlfriend opened it and just

froze. Standing there was my cousin's eldest, 11 years old, alone, in the dark, holding a small school bag. No jacket. No phone. Just said, Mom told me to come stay here for a bit. We were stunned. Asked where the other siblings were. He said, there with her boy friends. friend. I didn't want to stay there anymore. When we asked why she'd let him leave, he said, she told me to leave if I didn't like it there. So I did. We brought him inside straight away, gave him something warm to eat, and called the police. They showed up quickly, along with facts. Because of the previous incident with the crews, they treated this seriously right away. The boy told them things no child should have to say. Said his mom had been. He said his mom had

been yelling all day, locked in her room, and no one was looking after them. Said he remembered how calm it felt at our place and just wanted to come back. Shortly after, facts and police went to the house. We were later told the other children were removed and my cousin was brought in for questioning. There's now an active investigation into neglect and abandonment. I don't know if it was guilt, pressure from facts, or just everything catching up with her, but apparently she'd been spiraling since the crew's incident. Then this morning, my aunt, my cousin's mom, showed up at our door, absolutely furious.

She started screaming at us, saying I'd destroyed the family, turned the kids against their mother, and was I stole her kids from her. She even yelled that Cruz was the first time she was happy in years, and you ruined it because you don't like kids. We shut the door and reported it. Police advised us to keep a record and said we can apply for an AVO if it happens again. Later that afternoon, I got a call from the biological father's lawyer. He's officially pursuing full custody and asked if I'd be willing to provide a character reference and a statement about what happened, what the kids said, how they were when they arrived, and how we were involved. I agreed without hesitation.

I didn't ask to be in the middle of this, but if it helps those kids get to a better place, I'm in. The thing that really stuck with us? Just before Fax left with the eldest boy, he gave my girlfriend a hug and said, You're the only people who made me feel normal. That hit hard. We're emotionally stepping back now, but we'll continue to cooperate where needed. We've learned the hard way that doing the right thing doesn't always come easy, but we don't regret opening that door. If anything major happens, I'll post again.

I hope you enjoy this story. Close Mail Companion of a decade began to be. behaving oddly and delivering peculiar remarks about my error following my engagement, prompting me to address his conduct, and found out something that changed everything. I, 28F, have been best friends with Eric, 28M, for 10 years. To give some context, Eric and I have been through a lot together, from college stress to job hunting, and he's like family to me. All of that changed after I got engaged to my fiancé Adam, 30M, a few months ago.

Ever since I announced my engagement, Eric has been acting off. When I first told Eric that Adam proposed, his reaction was, strange. He paused for a long moment, then muttered a flat oh, ah, congrats. Not the enthusiastic response I expected from my best friend. I figured he was just surprised or having a bad day. But then other things started happening. He's been a bit distant, like he skipped a couple of our usual hangouts and left early. from group events. And the comments began. At first, it was subtle. He would make little snide

remarks about Adam or marriage in general, usually disguised as jokes. For example, when I mentioned some wedding planning stress, Eric smirked and basically told me to enjoy my freedom while it lasts. I brushed it off as cynical humor about marriage. But he kept at it. He even joked, at least I hope it was a joke, that marriage ruins friendships when I asked if he was coming to our engagement celebration. It felt weird because he's never been negative like this before. The last day was the breaking point. I was telling Eric about an apartment Adam and I are looking to rent after the wedding. Out of nowhere, Eric said I'm abandoning him for another guy. Those were basically his words, maybe not verbatim, but pretty close. He sounded half joking but also half serious, and it caught me

completely off guard. I remember kind of laughing and saying, you know I'm not abandoning anyone, but he just shrugged and went quiet with this resentful look. I'm honestly at a loss here. Eric has always been supportive of me in the past. He was there for me when I went through a nasty breakup years ago, my ex cheated, and Eric practically dragged me through the heartbreak and back. He's met my past boyfriends and never had any real issues with them, or at least he never expressed any. This time it's different. Adam and Eric were friendly before. We all hung out many times and I never saw any problems.

Now, Eric constantly finds ways to put down my fiancé or make marriage sound like a death sentence. It's getting to the point where I'm starting to think he's jealous. Either he's afraid of losing our friendship, or I don't know, maybe he has some other issue with Adam or with the idea of marriage itself that he's not telling me. For context, Eric is single and hasn't had a serious relationship in a few years, so I wonder if that's feeding into it a bit. I tried asking Eric directly if something was wrong, but he played dumb. He just said, nothing's wrong, I'm just being honest. Honest about what?

That my marriage will fail? It was a frustrating, and I ended up dropping it before I got truly angry. I hate to think it, but could my best friend actually be jealous that I'm getting married? I've never seen him act like this and it's honestly hurtful. If he has a real concern, I wish he'd just say it outright instead of these passive-aggressive jabs. At this point I'm debating whether I should sit him down for a serious talk, or just give him some space to cool off. I really value our friendship and it sucks seeing him like this. Any advice on how to handle a best friend who seems weirdly against your engagement?

I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around someone I used to trust completely. I want to fix this if I can, but I'm not even sure what I'm dealing with here. Right now, jealousy is my best guess, but I don't want to throw out an accusation without proof. I just needed to vent and maybe get some perspective, because this is baffling and pretty painful to deal with. Update 1. I took some of the advice I got and tried to include Eric in the wedding more, hoping it would reassure him.

Adam, my fiancé, was completely on board with having Eric be part of the wedding party. So about two weeks after my original post, I asked to Eric if he would be one of Adam's groomsman. I genuinely thought this was a kind gesture, like an olive branch, to show that he's important to both of us. It backfired spectacularly. Instead of being happy or even politely declining, Eric got upset. He said, not an exact quote but close, that he couldn't support my decision to get married right now. I just stared at him, not believing what I was hearing from my best friend. I pressed him on what he meant, and he basically went off on a rant listing all the reasons he thinks I'm making a mistake by getting married. Some highlights of what he brought up, in front of me

and another friend who was there, that I'm too young to settle down, were both 28, not exactly impulsive teen brides here, so that one made me roll my eyes. That Adam is all wrong for me, though when I asked for specifics, he just mumbled something vague about us not being a good match. That I'm throwing my life away by marrying now, because apparently marriage will trap me in a boring, miserable domestic life. He also hinted that I don't know what I'm doing and might regret it, without giving any real reasons beyond his personal opinion that no one our age should be getting married. He delivered all of this like he was doing me some kind of favor by telling it like it is. I remember feeling my face getting hot.

I tried to stay calm and told Eric I appreciated his concern, that was a lie, honestly, but that I completely disagreed with him. I said something like, I get that you're worried about me, but I've thought this through and I really wish you could just be happy for me. That only seemed to make him dig in more. He responded that he just can't stand by and watch me, quote, ruin my life. It was such a dramatic and hurtful thing to hear. At that point I snapped and told him he was way out of line.

I said I was devastated that he couldn't support me and that if he truly cared about our friendship, he'd respect my choices even if he disagreed. We ended up shouting at each other and then essentially storming off in opposite directions before it got even uglier. I went home and cried in frustration afterward. I'm not someone who cries easily, but this felt so damn personal. My best friend of a decade basically said my relationship is doomed and refused to be at my wedding. It hurt like hell. Adam was really supportive when I told him what happened.

He was furious on my behalf but said he'd follow my lead on whether Eric should even be invited to the wedding anymore. At that moment, I honestly didn't know what to do. It's confusing and sad. On one hand, I missed the friend I thought I had, the guy who'd always have my back. On the other hand, I'm looking at this new side of him and thinking I don't even know this person. The way he talked about my fiancé and my future. It was beyond disrespectful. I haven't officially cut him off or anything, but I also haven't reached out since that blow-up.

To be honest, I kind of expected him to apologize afterward, or at least send a text wanting to talk things through. But so far, nothing. It's been a couple days of radio silence. Meanwhile, I did get a message from the other friend who witnessed our fight, basically asking what the hell was that about? I had no good answer for them. I'm still processing it myself. Right now I'm just trying to focus on wedding planning and not dwell too much on this drama. It sucks, but I have a lot on my plate with the wedding only a few months away, and I want to be happy about it.

If Eric doesn't come around soon, I might have to face the reality that our friendship could be over. I really hope it doesn't come to that, but I also can't have someone in my life who actively tries to undermine my relationship. I'm still hoping all this comes from some twisted place of care or concern, in his mind, rather than pure bitterness. But I just don't know. I guess time will tell. I'll update again if there's any major development. Update two. Things did not calm down. In fact, they got so much worse. It's been a week or so since my last update. Over the weekend, Adam showed me some text messages that nearly made my head. explode. Eric has been texting my fiancé behind my back, trying to convince him to call off the wedding. Apparently right after that blow up, the groomsman asked disaster. Eric decided to go

behind my back and reach out to Adam. He already had Adam's number from before, they'd occasionally texted about surprises for me, group hangouts, etc. So he used that. And he sent my fiancé a series of messages basically spewing lies about me. I've seen the screenshots with my own eyes, and I still can't believe it. I've told my fiancé things like, my name, admitted to me she's not really ready to settle down yet. She's having doubts. Complete and utter lie. I have never said anything like that to Eric or anyone. She still isn't over her ex, you know. This one really pissed me off. The ex he's referring to is someone I dated ages ago, college, who cheated on me. I have zero feelings for that guy, and Eric damn well knows it. He was there comforting me through

that breakup, so using it now is beyond messed up. I'm telling you this as her best friend. I don't think she actually wants to get married right now. She just doesn't want to hurt your feelings. The audacity of him to claim to speak for me. I can't even. He basically tried to paint a picture that I'm secretly unsure about marrying Adam, that I'm only doing it because I'm afraid to be alone or to disappoint people, and that I supposedly confided all these doubts to Eric. It's absolutely bonkers and fabricated. Thankfully, Adam didn't fall for any of it. I had already told him about Eric acting weird, especially after the groomsman incident, so Adam was on high alert that my friend might pull something. Instead of even engaging with those lies, Adam showed me the messages immediately.

For the record, I am 100% sure I want to marry Adam. No doubts whatsoever on my end, I was furious and mortified at the same time. Even though I knew Adam wouldn't believe it, it's such a violation to have someone I considered my brother try to sabotage my relationship like this. After I took some deep breaths, Adam and I discussed what to do. He asked me if I wanted him to respond or if we should both confront Eric together. Ultimately, I decided I would handle it myself one-on-one. We agreed Adam would stay out of it for now, aside from possibly blocking Eric's number after this.

I needed to talk to Eric face to face. Honestly, I am worried about my friend's mental state, because this behavior is off the rails. It's like he's not the person I knew. I haven't confronted him yet as of writing this up to him. date. I plan to, in person, very soon, likely tomorrow when I know he's free from work. I want to hear whatever pathetic excuse or twisted logic he has for this. But one thing is certain, this crosses a line that I'm not sure our friendship can ever come back from. Even if he thought I was making a mistake, trying to actively break up my engagement by lying to my fiancé is next

level betrayal. Right now, I actually feel oddly calm, probably the calm before the storm. I'm going to give him one chance to explain himself, if there even is any sane explanation. Depending on how that goes, I'm prepared for this to be the end of our friendship. Ten years or not, I can't have this toxicity around me, especially not with my wedding so close. I'll update again after I talk to him. I honestly have no idea how it will play out. Wish me luck. Update 3.

I met up with Eric, and it went even worse than I. I expected. I honestly thought I was prepared for anything, but I guess I wasn't prepared for that. I texted him and said we needed to talk. He agreed to meet at his apartment. I figured that was better than doing it in public, since I had a feeling this might get loud, and I didn't want a screaming match somewhere. I went over there yesterday evening. The moment I walked in, I could feel the tension. There was not even a hello. We sat down in his living room, and I got straight to the point. I told him I knew about the messages he sent to Adam. I expected him to maybe deny it or try to spin it as concern for me.

But nope, Eric immediately said something like, yeah, I talked to him. Someone had to tell him the truth since you won't. That blew any calm I had left right out the window. I shouted, not proud of it, but I was livid, and told him those were lies, not truth. I demanded to know how he could possibly think it's okay to interfere in my life. like that, to go behind my back and just make up stories. I was so angry. And then, he snapped. Eric completely lost his temper and started yelling over me. He said I was being blind and stupid for rushing into a marriage with the wrong guy. He was red in the face, ranting about how I was

making the biggest mistake of my life. I shouted back, what is your problem? Why are you doing this? And that's when it all came out. Eric yelled, because I'm in love with you, okay? He basically blurted out that he's been in love with me for years. I think I just stood there in absolute shock for a moment. He kept going, he said he couldn't stand watching me marry someone else. He said he always thought that eventually we'd end up together, but I was supposed to be with him, not Adam.

I distinctly remember him saying, it's always been you and me. It's supposed to be us together. I honestly had no idea he felt this way. He didn't stop there. He went on to say he thought if he could just sabotage my relationship, I'd wake up and realize I was meant to be with him. That made me outright furious. This isn't some rom-com movie, this is my real life he's been messing with. At some point he actually accused me of leading him on, saying that me being so close to him for years gave him hope for something more.

For the record, I never did or said anything to suggest I saw him as more than a friend. Ever, he was crying and shouting at the same time, a complete emotional breakdown. It was a lot to take in. I finally got a word in and told him, as clearly as I could, that I do not feel the same way and I never have. I told him I loved him as a friend, but he had completely destroyed that friendship with what he'd been doing. I also remember saying something like, if you ever actually cared about me, you wouldn't be trying to wreck my life. He didn't have a good answer to that. He just kept. kept saying he couldn't help how he feels and that he'd been hoping for so long that we'd be together.

It was just sad and infuriating all at once. I left his apartment while he was still mid-breakdown. I couldn't listen to it anymore. I was in tears by then too, out of sheer frustration and heartbreak, platonically. Ten years of friendship had just gone up in flames in the span of an hour. As I walked out, I told him I needed space and that he should not contact me. He didn't follow me or try to stop me, he just kind of sank to the floor, crying. I felt like I was going to throw up on the drive home, the adrenaline, the shock, the sadness, everything hit me at once. It's the next day now. I haven't heard from him, and I hope it stays

that way for a while. I told Adam everything. He was, of course, not surprised about the love confession. He admitted that he had wondered if Eric had feelings for me, especially given how bizarrely he'd been acting. Adam says he picked up on some vibes in the past, but I always defended Eric as just a friend. I guess I was the clueless idiot one here, I always thought he was just being an overprotective brother type. I never once thought he actually wanted to be with me. So yeah, I was oblivious, but he also never, ever communicated his feelings until they morphed into this mess. As of now, I've effectively cut contact with Eric. I haven't blocked him on everything yet, but I made it crystal clear I don't want to hear from him. He seems to be

respecting that at least for the moment. My wedding is a few months away. I'm going to focus on that and try not to let this drama consume me. It's been hard, not going to lie. I hope that his confession and our confrontation would be the end of this whole ordeal. Maybe now that everything was in the open, he'd back off and leave me alone. Update 4. Final Update. I really wish I didn't have one more crazy update, but here we are. I'm typing this with my wedding literally a week away, and my nerves are shot. We had my bridal shower yesterday. It was supposed to be a fun, stress-free afternoon with my girlfriends and female relatives. And it was, until Eric showed up uninvited and turned it into a nightmare. I still have no clue how he even found out where or when

the bridal shower was. It was at a private event space my sister booked, and it was a private event space my sister booked, and it was meant to be just women, bridesmaids, female family members, etc. We did have security at the entrance, standard for the venue, since it was in a busy downtown area and they checked names off a guest list. Somehow, Eric got past them. Maybe he tailed behind a group of my friends as they entered, or lied that he was a vendor, I honestly don't know. All I know is that in the middle of my maid of honor speech, I heard a familiar voice call out my name. I looked up, and there was a Eric standing in the doorway of the hall. I felt like I just froze in pure shock. I remember blurting out, you should not be here, as soon as I regained my voice. The whole room was confused,

most of them know Eric as my longtime friend, so a few people actually smiled at first, thinking maybe he was pulling some kind of funny surprise. But I knew this was bad news. Things went from zero to 100 real fast. Eric grabbed the microphone from my sister's hand. He then started shouting in front of everyone. It was a blur, but he was saying things along the lines of, This wedding is a mistake. You all need to know she's making a huge mistake. It was like an insane, misplaced wedding objection,

except at my bridal shower in front of my mom, grandma, and all my friends. He kept yelling that I shouldn't be marrying Adam, that I was settling and about to be unhappy for the rest of my life. He literally said, she doesn't love him. She's not supposed to be with him. To a room full of my closest people. I think I screamed at him to get out, but it was hard to hear anything over the chaos. Immediately, a bunch of people stood up and started shouting at him.

My bridesmaids and even some of my older relatives ran toward Eric to stop him. My mom looked ready to wring his neck. It was chaos. Fortunately, the venue security, and my two bridesmaids who happened to be former college athletes, reacted quickly once they processed what was happening. They grabbed him and literally dragged him away from the mic. He struggled for a moment, still shouting nonsense like you're ruining everything. And you know I'm right. As they hauled him out. I assumed they threw him out after that, because he didn't come back. The whole thing probably lasted only a couple of minutes,

but it felt like an eternity while it was happening. Once he was gone, I was just, speechless. I was on the verge of angry tears as it went down. Everyone was either shocked or furious on my behalf, or both. We took a break so I could collect myself. I stepped outside with a couple of friends and just started sobbing once I felt safe enough to let it out. They hugged me and helped calm me down. After about ten minutes, I managed to pull myself together. I really didn't want him to ruin this event more than he already had. We went back in and, with some effort, managed to salvage the rest of the shower. It definitely wasn't the carefree party I envisioned. Everyone was a bit on edge, but my amazing friends did their best to lighten the atmosphere.

They cracked jokes like, well, at least your bridal shower wasn't boring. And one of my bridesmaids even said, we'll laugh about this at girls' night in a few years, promise. I appreciate you. I appreciate that's so much. It helped me shift from mortification to kind of laughing at the absurdity of it all. By the end, we were okay, we opened gifts, had cake, I insisted on no more speeches, and tried to make the best of it. We got through it, but yeah, it turned out to be a bridal shower none of us will ever forget, for all the wrong reasons. As soon as I got home, the reality of it hit me again and I had another good cry, this time in Adam's arms. I think I just didn't. needed to release all that stress. I told Adam everything that happened, and he was absolutely

livid. For a moment, I think he even considered driving over to confront Eric right then and there. I begged him not to waste his energy or risk getting in trouble. Eric simply isn't worth it. I need to let it go and leave any further handling of Eric to security, or the police, if necessary. Adam focused on comforting me instead, which was exactly what I needed. I'd been trying so hard to keep it together through all of this, but that bridal shower stunt was the last straw. Ten years of friendship, and it culminates in him publicly humiliating me at my own celebration. Unbelievable. Needless to say, I am taking no chances now. My wedding is next week and I'm not about to let anything, or anyone, ruin it. I've alerted the wedding venue and given them

Eric's name and photo, instructing that he is absolutely not allowed in. We've hired an extra guard specifically to keep an eye out for him, just in case he shows up and tries to repeat his little performance during the ceremony. It's insane that we even have to worry about this, but here we are. I also went ahead and blocked him on everything, phone, email, social media, you name it. I should have done that sooner, I know. Honestly, after the confrontation I stupidly hoped he would just slink away and let it be. But actually, that was naive of me. He's out of chances. For those wondering, we did consider involving the police after this incident. Technically, he trespassed and caused a disturbance. My mother is especially adamant that we should

get a restraining order or something. In the end, I decided to hold off on that, unless he tries anything else. The venue security had him pinned pretty hard, I suspect that scared him at least a bit. If he has any sense left, he'll stay away now. But if he does show up or he's. He's just show up or harass us again, we won't hesitate to get law enforcement involved. As for the fallout, well, Eric pretty much set fire to every bridge he had. All of our mutual friends now know what's been going on. It's hard to keep something like the bridal shower incident under wraps. A few have reached out to me, expressing their shock and saying they're firmly on my side. Apparently, some of them confronted Eric via text after hearing about the shower stunt,

and his only response was something incoherent about fighting for love and how they'll understand one day. Needless to say, he's not doing himself any favors. Last I heard, he's been removed from a couple of group chats and many of our friends are just done with him. I didn't ask anyone to cut him off, but I can't imagine him coming back from this socially. He really showed a side of himself that no one had seen before, and people are pretty horrified. On my end, I'm trying to push through and focus on the good. Adam has been my rock through all of this. He's angry, of course, but more than anything, he just wants me to be okay.

We are so ready to get married and just start our life together, far away from this drama. The wedding will be full of people who love and support us, and one former friend's absence, or attempted interference, isn't going to cast a shadow on that. Now it's all about moving forward. My wedding is next week, and I intend to enjoy every second of it without any more interruptions. I am done with this BS. Time to move on and be happy. I hope you enjoy this story.

Declined to cease sharing my traditions with my children when his birth mother insisted I communicate solely in the English language at my residence, but then I became pregnant and she utterly declined. Changed. I have been with my 32F. Husband, 39M, for about 7.4.4. years. He has a son from a former relationship, 9M, and we didn't even know he even existed until about five years ago when his ex, 40F, contacted him demanding child support. She admits the only reason she even let him know about the kid was because she found out we were engaged and she wanted to reign on his parade. After a lot of back and forward and legal shenanigans we got sort

of 50 to 50. First was therapy, visitation, etc. But we are now at 50 to 50. Anyway, I come from Latin America and my stepson is really fascinated by many of the cultural things and the language. He has met my parents on their last visit, and he is really a lovely, bright and curious kid. He started catching up with some of the words and now we speak Spanish on a daily basis when he is with us. His mom didn't have an issue until he started to ask if he can come to my country next time we visit. We told him we got to discuss it amongst the adults but he is very interested. We got no issue, my family has said that he is more than welcome, I come from blended fam, and we would of course cover all the costs.

She really dislikes the idea, but not because of the travel or anything else but because she believes we, I, are using money to turn him against her. There are many issues between them already because he thinks she is a liar for not telling him about his dad and yeah, it's hard sometimes. But we talk a lot, S. Dot's son and I, about having blending families and understanding parents. Anyway, she told me I had to stop encouraging slash sharing the language and the culture in my house when he is with us and speak the home country language or English. I said no. I have been very passive through the whole thing, since the beginning, but I am exhausted of her

demands. I understand she is his mom, but I see no harm on the kids speaking Spanish like a native plus the other two he does and I see no issue with him traveling abroad and having more cultural connections. Hell, I even offered to pay for her to come along with her husband. She says I am a very big snobbish asshole and she is going to see how to keep the kid away from me, not possible. Her husband says I should be more understanding and not step on her toes when the kid already is not her biggest fan. My husband says he just wants the best for the kid and sees no wrong with him learning and traveling. I would like an outside impartial perspective about it. Update 1, I want to thank all the nice messages, the mean messages, and the realistic messages.

Anyway, my stepson is now staying most of the time with us. We had no battle or issue. It is just what we decided after a proper heart-to-heart conversation between moms. When the time comes where there is a possibility to go to my country, we will discuss it again, but at the moment it is a yes. The heart-to-heart was a very emotional, complex talk, but I felt it had to happen. She is after all part of my life forever and I want her to know she is the mommy no matter what. I saw a completely different side of her and I know it is not a magic wand but I have noticed the changes. I am pregnant. I know I should not say so so early I was already when I made my first post but didn't even know, but we are all so positive and almost on the

clear line. Even my S.s. son's mom. Everybody has taken it as a celebration and the only time we had issue was when we talked bedrooms at our flat because my son thought he had to give a super nice one for my true baby section as he called it. But we assured him his bedroom is forever his unless we move. My parents will be arriving in the next months and asked if they can bring extra gifts to my son so it is an easier transition and his mom said yes. It seems somehow me having a baby has made her realize we are so linked or I don't know. Maybe it was my husband saying he would not allow more disrespect, L.O.L. My parents, Parents also asked if it was okay to bring gifts for her kid and she said yes as well.

My mom is the happiest person now because she is in full shopping mode, L.O.L. She has been very civil and even nice, and in response she has gained a better relationship with our son. I am convinced he is smart enough to orchestrate all of it. But I have mommy slash baby brain. We have agreed to raise them all as together as possible. Her kids, our kids, our kid, I said I can contribute to the education fund for all the kids if she allows me. She said yes on the condition they all go to the same school underscore I want my kids in Spanish Kaida. She wants hers in normal Kaida underscore I thought we would have World War II again but her husband told her my kids will speak Spanish no matter what she wants

and it is a useful language so all kids in our tribe should speak Spanish and she agreed, I almost fainted. Now we decided to divide care after daycare in Kuida's pre-kindergarten and I will speak to the kids in Spanish so they are naturals. My son's is the happiest because now he feels all his families are in sync and he can just chill and it makes me extremely happy. In addition, she said my son can come with us if he wants but we need to let her know at least a year in advance and she is doing the same with us which I find reasonable. Update 2. I know no one might see this but I got a couple of messages people found at heartwarming, some not exactly. So, we have little announcements and clarifications. She, son's mom, has always been in therapy.

It was determined when this all started back in the day. She was never outright cruel or super mean. It was just that she was not nice to me or my relationship until now that she tries. She gets a say as much as I get a say in education. I know is weird but I was raised in some sort of communal weird experience and we all excel in our areas. I would never do anything to put distance between my son and his siblings. I am trying to instate that they are his siblings and for the one he already has it's the way. If he doesn't like it I will drop it, but he seems very receptive to the mixed family.

She has issues that have come from other places childhood, family, so on and she is truly trying to be better and not be the person that did things to just ruin an engagement. My son stays mainly with us lately because he wants and that has made his relationship with his mother better. My son is even written in my parents' will, that is how much I love him so yes. He is my son too. My parents are here and will be staying for a while. My in-laws are very careful on their excitement and my parents, with permission, got my son on a little adventure and assured him they love him very, very much and their love is infinite.

He feels better now because he said he felt maybe they won't love him anymore because of my real baby. He is in therapy, always has, but now we have addressed it. He made it clear he wants me to still love him like I do and I have assured him I will, I do, I always will. He is going to a solo trip with his dad and another solo trip with both dads. My husband and her husband have always got a good relationship and I think it never got better cause of the stuff. My son is involved in the naming of the baby. It is between us three only. The drama portion, my husband wants us to move so we have bigger bedrooms for everybody but I don't feel like it because, you know, pregnancy and adaptation. I want my son to be able to adapt before we start moving.

My husband believes I am just cuddling him way too much, but I explained my perspective being from a blended fam as a kid and he backed off. When we look for a place we will be looking for one that we all like. End of drama portion, I am an insomniac and has not changed at all. So here we are, ha-ha, only I drink no more wine anymore, L-O-L. My son's mom is actually giving me really good tips. We are working in our own wills and so on. because I am developing a fear about the children's futreier. And lastly, my husband is the most patient, caring, loving, goofy man.

I know I got little critics saying he should have put it off when the bad stuff happened, but he is very neutral and asked me all the time if I was okay. He always said if I said no he would have changed his tune. We are so, so far from perfect still. We just had a discussion about the type of school my son should go next, a thing in the country, but I am glad it is now a discussion and not an argument. Also, Baby is doing amazing. Update 3, Hey guys, I like that I can express myself freely here.

I know some think our story is weird, others wholesome, others the best. But for us is a sort of dream at the moment. We got a new house. It was picked by the three of us, H.B., son, me, and it is lovely and beautiful and all we want for our kids. I always said I wanted to have just two kids so after this one is born we will be closed for business. My husband will get a vasectomy so I don't need to deal with hormones or birth control. I would also like to comment the new house is huge and it has a guest room so my son's brother can stay whenever he wants.

They have done so before. Also, my kid turned 10. We are at a weird time but we did a little family gathering with all six grandparents and all four his parents. He was very happy and enjoyed it with the friends he invited to it. We all coordinated presents so we didn't outstitch each other or gave him repeated gifts. I was so happy we could finally do something like this. As per my baby, she is a girl. I told my son and thought it might create issues, but he is so excited we have been having

family therapy too just in case, but the therapist says the kid is doing amazing and to please don't overthink things. We had a gender reveal party, which I have a gender reveal party, which I I find kind of silly but my son wanted to cause they are very internet famous. It was just family and a couple of friends, when they realized it was a girl they all paused for a second and my son was so excited then they got all excited. I am very, very happy with my family. His trips with his dad and dads went great so we took him on a mommy's trip. We took a lot of precautions of course, but we had a blast, as much of a blast as you can have with a pregnant

woman in Europe, if you know, you know. He deserves it because he deserves it because. He's because he is the best kid ever. As for my parents, they are really happy to do things for the kid and love being around him. He or anybody other than me don't know about the will or anything, he just loves them because he is nice. My parents are considering staying permanently because they want to be close so it might be another thing coming. My in-laws are helping them find a permanent rental or so and we are just all so excited. As per mom, she has been more understanding and nice. I understand she was bitter, but she truly wants the best for our son and that is our biggest common ground. And yes, she has taken up Spanish via an app, she said she wanted the kids to

see us equally, which I've always found ridiculous since she is a nurse and clearly very qualified. We have had many convoes about my parents' involvement, but she is more willing to give space lately. She and her family, which have always been delightful, are now all learning the language as a way to keep it all connected. We have movie night at least twice a week, sometimes as more people than other times. I just want to let people know that it can be better and people are complicated and people can love unconditional. Next story, B.F. always left me with our daughter to go on bike trips then stole our vacation money to spend at a strip club and got another woman pregnant while we were trying to work things out. My boyfriend and I have a three-year-old daughter together. He used to go away

very occasionally by himself before we had her and this has increased quite a lot since she was born. Not for long periods, just a night or two. He also visits his daughter from a previous relationship, which is fine, but I am mentioning as relevant later. He is notoriously bad for informing me when he is going away. He always claims he told me and I forgot. There have been times where he has arranged to see his daughter on weekends when plans have already been made. These were all pre-COVID. Once I had arranged for my mum to babysit for our anniversary and for us to go out. Another time I was meant to be attending a baby shower and needed him to watch our daughter. Another time I had arranged to go to the theater with a friend.

His daughter lives quite far away so he wouldn't have made it back in time to watch our daughter. He was fully aware of all these plans and claim he forgot when arranging to see his daughter. I didn't ask him to cancel as it is not fair on her so I had to make other arrangements in each case. Obviously he has been going away less because of restrictions. As soon as they eased he has been going away. I have never had a night away for our daughter. I had made a couple of plans but each time a lockdown happens so obviously they got cancelled. He says he encourages me to go away and he is not stopping me.

I have tried to explain that his going away so much does stop me as someone needs to look after our child. Not comfortable for either of my parents to watch her yet just in case of any risk. In the summer once restrictions are lifted I have arranged to see my friend for a couple of days. I told him about it and he said I couldn't do it on that date because he was going on a cycle holiday. I told him he hasn't told me anything about this and yet again he claims he did and I forgot. He asked me to cancel it saying I could go to my friends anytime. I could rearrange it but feel I shouldn't have too. He could also rearrange camping.

So I have been refusing he is now in a sulk. Am I the asshole for not rearranging my plans? I have got a family calendar when's the issues of him double booking seeing his daughter arose. Problem is he will only write in it if I nag him to do so. Or he will say he will do it later and not to treat him like a child. Comment where op has replied, commenter, what's he like as a partner otherwise? What's he like as a dad to your three-year-old? Boop, he loves our daughter to pieces.

but is very much for the fun stuff. He has started helping a bit more. For the last year also he has been helping with part-time and bedtime. Before that it was just me doing those things. She wakes up regularly in the night. It is always me tending to her. He says it's not his fault he is heavier sleeper. I have had to wake him before when she has been up from 1 a.m.

and not settling back down and I have work in the morning so I can get a couple of hours sleep before work. Update one, not sure if anyone, really wanted an update but the situation came to a head so I just wanted to vent. Thank you for everyone who commented. So I had a word with him about the family calendar and people's suggestions about if it's not on the calendar it doesn't exist. Making sure my time away was on there. He seemed to go along with it and said he would reschedule his cycle trip, great I thought, until it came to the morning of the trip. My BF often gets up super early and I roll over and go back to

sleep so thought nothing of it when he was up early. Heard the door go but just presumed he was taking out the bins or something. When I woke up, couldn't find him and the car had gone. Tried to phone him, no answer. Some of his stuff had gone. Asked my neighbor to check his garage for my BFS bike, where he keeps it. It had gone. Confused and quietly seething at this point try his phone a couple more times. Nothing. Phone my friend at the this point saying I can find him and will probably miss my train. About midday I get a phone call. He had gone on his trip. Tells me to check the calendar. He has type-exed out my writing and written in his trip. I say a few choice words to him. He basically says it's my fault as I

should have got up earlier. So I told him that he want and he is now free to go on as many cycle trips as he wants now. Friends suggested taking the kids to the seaside, her son, is a similar age. We spent the next day at the beach and had a nice time. Told B.F. not to come back. He says I'm overreacting but I am done. Edit, he came back on Sunday. Unfortunately can't change locks due to renting. Came back like nothing had really happened. I calmly asked him to leave as our daughter was about. He said he wasn't going anywhere and he will watch her next week so I could go away. I said I couldn't believe he has completely missed the point of what he had done. Called my brother and asked him to pick us up. We have been staying there until I can sort out

the practical parts of the split. X is called nonstop and turned up at my brother's house where brother turned him away. He has finally apologized. I said I am still done, I just don't have the energy or the will anymore. Mini-update 1, I'm back at the flat now with my daughter. X is staying with a friend who has a spare room. X is helping out with the rent a bit until I can find somewhere more affordable. Last two weeks he has had on a Saturday and he has turned up. He is giving me child support at the moment which we are just doing directly between us. He seems to think he is just giving me space despite the fact that I have told him I am done.

My priority for the moment is making sure my daughter is as settled as possible. It has been very difficult for her not having him about as much. as she used to. Mini Update 2, still at the flat until the lease is up, X is still at a friend's as far as I know. He has started seeing someone else and visits with our daughter have become a little bit sporadic. But it's only been a month and he only sees her once a week anyway so, so I will give it a little bit longer and if it keeps messing around I think I may have to go to court I don't want to stop her seeing her dad but also don't want him constantly. Letting her down. Update 2. I, 33F.

broke up with my boyfriend, 35M, of eight years about nine months ago. We have a four-year-old daughter together. He was always leaving on bike rides and overriding any plans I might have had. Last straw was him leaving early in the morning to go on a cycle holiday when I had explicitly said I was going away for the weekend and he needed to care for our daughter. So I left him. We co-parented together well for a while then he started seeing someone and became disinterested in our daughter. Fast forward to three months ago he started to show interest again and seeing our daughter he was single again. I tried to keep it purely about her, but I gave in. I let myself be sucked in with his crappy promises.

I agreed to start dating him again. I will be honest my heart had broken the last six months for my daughter and if I had a chance to make it work I felt I owed it to her. We said we would go on holiday together so we started putting some money in a jar kept in my flat. This weekend, he said he would take it to book a holiday and put the rest in himself, was about 300 pounds. Didn't see him after he left the flat, still living separately, so I didn't think anything of it. One of his friend's girlfriends text me this morning and told me they had all been on a stag due. Her boyfriend had mentioned and my ex was dropping a lot of money in there. I confronted him and he admitted using the holiday money.

I just don't know what to do. We are done. Forever done. But I just don't know how I will move past this. Comment where Op has replied, Galician Warrior, I can't believe you actually got back with him. You've been burned time and time again. He only took interest in your daughter after her broke up with the person he was seeing. He is not a good father to her.

That's all you need to know. Oop, I feel like an idiot. He kept saying how irrational it was to leave him in the first place so minor. How my stubbornness was affecting our daughter. Finally came to the realization that I was setting up my daughter for a poor image of how you should be treated. I want better for her. Currently just in contact with his mom and if he wants to see her it will be via her, at least for the time being. Update 3. I, 33F, was with my ex, 35M, for about eight years.

We share a daughter together. For some background the last year has been a difficult. one. We broke up after he snuck out on a cycling holiday when I was due to go away with a friend. Stupidly started dating him again I had insisted that we go slowly. We were putting away some cash to go on holiday as a family which he ended up taking out of my flat and blowing in a strip club. So we fully ended about two months ago. Now it turns out he's going to be a father again. From what I can gather the woman is past the 12-week mark. When I was dropping off my daughter for the he mentioned the pregnancy and whether he could have the baby stuff I had from when our daughter was little, that we were saving for a potential second.

I told him he's welcome to take anything that he bought, which is the grand total of a novelty baby grow and a hat. Obviously now I don't need the stuff and I don't know if I'm being petty, but I told him no, absolutely not. He hasn't even seemed to acknowledge the fact that he got her pregnant when we were trying to get back together, but that's a battle I just can't get the energy to fight. My ex-mother-in-law has remained pretty neutral and I have a pretty good relationship with her, but she's been putting a bit of pressure on me to give him the stuff. Update 4. Not sure if anyone will read this, but I wanted to place my thoughts and update anyone who was interested. I found a quite therapeutic posting on Reddit.

My ex had a baby boy. Finally got the son he wanted. I ended up giving him the very few items that he bought for our daughter, which mainly consisted of novelty hats and novelty baby grows. Unfortunately, he has little to do with our daughter. He has let her down many times since the new baby came. I won't close the door as I want to be able to hold my head high and tell her I never stopped him seeing her even though a big part of me wants to tell him to do one. It breaks my heart that she gets so excited and he lets her down. I have toyed with going to court to make him fight for visitation. I just don't think he cares enough. On a positive note my daughter

is very happy and my brother and his wife are very involved so she can see what a healthy relationship looks like. I'm uninterested in meeting anyone at the moment, but maybe one day I'll dip my foot back in. I also got a promotion at work so in a much happier place now. I hope you enjoy this story. Discovered my closest buddy catching my spouse during our outdoor adventure, and she simply grinned at him, and afterward I stumbled upon her tablet brimming with discussions plotting their upcoming existence. Together after leaving us. My wife, 30F, and I, 32M, just returned from a long weekend camping trip with two other couples, friends we've known for years.

We had a great time, but something happened the morning we left that I can't shake. We were all packing up, getting ready to head back home. I was loading our car when I looked up and saw my wife and my friend. They were at the campsite, several feet away. She was bent over to pick something up, and in that split second, I saw him reach out and squeeze her hip, sliding his hand down to her ass. My wife quickly pushed his hand away, but she didn't look upset. She was smiling at him, almost playfully. It all happened so fast, maybe a second or two, but it felt like I'd been punched in the stomach.

I glanced around, but no one else seemed to have seen it. His wife was busy packing up their car, and the other couple was further away, chatting about the ride back. The drive home was quiet. My wife tried making conversation, but I couldn't focus. My mind kept replaying that scene over and over. When she asked why I was so quiet, I lied and said I was just thinking about work. The truth is, I was in shock. I didn't want to bring it up.

If I mentioned it, she might tell me I was imagining things, that I was being ridiculous. The rest of the day I felt like I was just moving on autopilot. I barely slept last night and can hardly focus at work today. My mind keeps racing, questioning every detail. Aside from what I saw, the rest of the trip was great and nothing seemed out of place. A part of me is wondering if read the whole situation wrong. But, the look on her face, that smile, it was too friendly, too casual for something that crossed a line like that. I love my wife to death.

We've been together since freshman year of college, and I've never had reason to doubt her. She's my best friend. But now, for the first time, there's this knot in my gut that I can't untangle. I've never been the type to Snoop. I've always trusted her completely. But right now, I'm sitting here, wondering if I should check her phone. It's password protected, so even if I wanted to, I don't know how I do it without her this is eating me up and I know I need to do something about it. Whibbed it to go through her phone.

And even if I wanted to, how can I if it is password protected? Update 1, long story short, I found out last week that my wife of four years, we've been together for 12 years, has been cheating on me with my friend. Although the manner in which I found out was coincidental, I later discovered all the proof I needed to know that she is definitely cheating. I haven't confronted her about it yet. They are still very much in contact and sending each other messages, including explicit content. I am not angry. Yet. I am hurt, deeply, when I think about it.

But for the most part one just feel numb. When my parents died a few years ago, I felt a sick. way right after as I struggled to process my grief. So, I know why the full force of my emotions will surface soon. In the meantime, I am following the advice to get my ducks in a row, finding a lawyer and making sure everything is in place before I confront her. My brain is thinking and planning ahead, but my emotions haven't caught up yet. So, I want to take advantage of the time I have now to collect as much information as possible to make an informed decision. I know I sound methodical and maybe heartless, but right now it just feels like whatever feelings

I should have knowing my wife has been, and still is, cheating on me is not there. And for now it is protecting me from the harsh reality of my situation. Before I begin feeling the full depth of her betrayal and becoming emotionally vulnerable, I want to ask from those who have been where I am now. How did you decide to stay with or leave your cheating partner? For reference, I am 32, she is 30 and we don't have kids. Update 2, I've been keeping it together since I found out last week. But this morning, it finally hit me.

What triggered it was something so insignificant, so stupid. I was sitting in my office at home, going through emails, and before she left for work, she brought me a mug of coffee, wished me a good day, and gave me a kiss. I realized everything I was about to lose and that was it. That was my undoing. All the feelings I have been successfully keeping it bay came at me in full force. The sadness, the anger, the rage. And I just bawled for hours after she left.

I just thought about the life we built together over the last 12 years. I don't know if I'll ever get a satisfactory answer to explain how she could do this to me. I am still tracking her movements and their conversations through her iPad, which haven't stopped. They met up yesterday, initially planned to go to a motel, but she ended up going to his house when his wife had to make an urgent trip to visit her sick mother. They disgust me. I am so angry at her. At both of them.

Not only do I have to contend with losing her, I am also losing a close friend. This man stood by me on our wedding day as he watched us. exchange vows and he stood next to me while I buried my parents. Twelve years gone down the drain because both of them couldn't keep it in their pants. Edit, please don't tell me I need to leave her. I will. I still have several consultations with different lawyers to go through in the coming days before I settle on the right one and begin the divorce process.

I just needed to type this out to a bunch of strangers because this is unbelievably hard and I feel as though the weight of this burden is going to crush me. I lost my parents two years ago and now I am about to lose the only family I have left. I am not okay. No, scratch that. I am pretty fucking depressed. And to top it off, I have to keep it together and maintain my act until she is served, when all I want to do is fucking scream.

Update 3, found her iPad, it didn't have a password, so I got in and it is still connected to her phone. She has telegram on it. They've been chatting on there. I am still going through the messages, but she is cheating. I am not falling apart yet. I'm trying to keep it together to make the correct next move without fucking this up. What do I do? Do I confront her when she gets home?

Do I go to his house and confront him? Please help. Edit 1. Thank you all for your advice. I didn't tell her anything. I have locked myself up in my home office under the pretense of needing. to catch up on work. She is not suspicious. I kept the iPad with me, she hasn't used in so long she won't even know it's missing. I took pictures of all their messages using my phone as a safety measure as well. They have been chatting for it last eight months as far as I can tell.

Telegram is their main communication channel it seems. They've sent each other nudes, segs messages, and making plans on making their relationship official after leaving me and his wife. I can't believe she would do this to me. From the messages, I saw she had sent him a sexy suggestive photo of herself on her way to the gym earlier this evening, and when she got back home, she started kissing me, wanting sex. I declined saying I needed to get work done. I am confused right now and unable to think clearly, so I will follow the advice I am offered here, lawyer, gather evidence. I will work on those. I also saw several comments advising me to separate my finances from hers.

We co-owned the apartment we live in, and have joint bank accounts. My parents died in a car crash two years ago and left me a large inheritance, which she knows about. She does not have access to the money in that fund, is there anything I need to do to protect myself there if it comes to that point? We don't have kids yet. Edit 2, I worked from home sometimes and didn't have any meetings this morning, so I spend it researching and calling lawyers. I have two consultations lined up for

tomorrow, but the majority couldn't book me in until next week. I will tell his wife and show her proof as soon as I settle on a lawyer and get myself covered first. Once she's been informed, I will give her time to get her affairs in order and secure a lawyer if that's what she wants to do before I decide what to do next, such as confronting my wife. I don't understand how I'm feeling. I am not angry for some reason. More numb maybe. Sick and nauseous when I think of the messages I've read, especially the SEGS messages. I just feel like I am just doing the things that I need to be doing right now, but it's almost like I am living somebody else's life. I don't know how long I can keep up the poker face without her noticing something is up. Thanks for your messages and support.

Edit 3, guys, I am humbled by all the messages and advice I received. Not much has happened since yesterday. Just keeping myself busy with work and the gym. The anniversary of my parents' passing is coming up in about a month and she obviously knows this so when she asked why I seemed off, I just told her I was thinking about them. I have consultations with several lawyers lined up, most next week, a few this afternoon. I will update after I settle on a lawyer and know what my options are. Edit 4, I found a hell of a lawyer who managed to draft my divorced papers within days, which were filed this morning.

I am in a no-fault jurisdiction, which met all the evidence of the infidelity which I had gathered, can't be used in court. The good news is that my inheritance is safe because I didn't use the money for marital expenses. Our condo was a wedding gift, bought by both our parents, side contributed 50% to the down payment, so one of us will have to buy the other out or we both sell it. I called the OBS on Saturday and asked to meet her for coffee. I chose that day because, ironically, her husband and my wife had gone on an overnight trip together.

I found out from their messages on the iPad. The lies they were going with work, my wife was staying at her sisters for the weekend to help with the kids while her sister's husband was away on a business trip and her husband was going away for a work-related project. The truth was, my wife and her husband were taking a trip out of town together and were staying at a hotel, all paid for by the Casanova himself. I showed her their messages on the telegram app, pictures included, all of it. She told me she noticed him feeling distant and withdrawn a few months ago, she thought it was just work stress and had no reason to suspect he was cheating. finding out that her husband was in fact cheating, and with my wife, who is also her friend,

came as a blow to her. We chatted some more and I gave her my lawyer's number as she considers her options. Sunday night, my wife returned from her sister's house. She walked through the door and greeted me with kisses, saying she missed me. After she had spent the weekend with her lover, her ability to compartmentalize is almost diabolical. I sat her down and I sat her down and and told her we needed to talk. I had the whole conversation recorded without her knowledge, following lawyer's advice, I live in a one-party consent state. Here's how it went. I asked her to promise to be honest with me, of course, baby, but she was nervous. Then I asked her a series of questions, do you love me? Yes, are you happy with me? Yes, of course, baby, have I been a good

husband to you. Do I treat you right? Yes and yes. W-T-H is going on. Please humor me, okay. Have I ever done anything to hurt you, whether physically or emotionally? No, of course not. W-T-F, okay. So, if you're happy with me, then why are you cheating on me? She stared at me in shock for a good minute and then immediately started denying it. This when I was a little, on for a little while and then I just told her to drop the act because I found out the truth. Eventually, she broke down and admitted to kissing a guy who had been hitting on her at a bar during a night out with her girlfriend a few months ago. I don't know why, but at this point I started laughing because the whole thing was just absurd. She not only cheated on me, she had taken every

opportunity she could find to cheat on me. I asked her if that was the only time she cheated. She swore up and down that it was the only time and that it was a moment of weakness, that she was drunk, and it had meant nothing. I said nothing, I gave her my lawyer's business card and said I filed for divorce. I hadn't yet, I wanted to talk to her just once first to see if there was anything left of our marriage to salvage, and that if she wanted to reach me she should call my lawyer. She cried, begged, apologized, and then when I started packing a suitcase, she shifted to gaslighting me, saying I was throwing away everything we had over a mistake. And the worst part of what she said was I had no one else in the world, why would I leave the only family I had left?

This stung because I told her she was my only remaining family after my parents died and there was no one else I could depend on, only for her to throw those very words back in my face. I left that night to a hotel where I am staying until I find a new apartment. Yesterday, I officially filed for divorce. Update 4. Some updates from the last time I posted. My wife was served the divorce papers last week. I am still at the hotel and close to finding a new apartment. Last week when I left I forgot to take iPad with me. I picked it up when I went back a couple days later to grab clothes and other stuff.

Apparently, my wife had a fallout with her friend who was with her at the bar, accusing her of being the one who told me about her kiss that hot guy. Her friend is no longer speaking with her, it seems. After everything went down, OBS threw her husband out, and he's been staying at his sister's place. She and I have been talking, she found a lawyer and is filing for divorce. She has informed our few common friends about what's been going on and they've all cut off contact with them. Also, the asshole came by my place and spent the night with my wife twice last week. She has also been messaging her sister, who, it turns out, knew about the affair. My wife found a lawyer apparently and was complaining to her sister that her lawyer explained

the asset division and confirmed she has no claim on my inheritance and that she thought that was unfair. Now, here's the gut punch. All those conversations about finding an apartment together and becoming official have significantly cooled since my wife's visit to her lawyer which I found odd. A few days ago I got a message from her asking if we could put a pause on the divorce proceedings. She said she loves me, thinks we're being crazy about this, and that everyone deserves a second chance. She even hit me with I can't live without UBS. If I didn't have the iPad, I might have thought she was genuinely remorseful. But knowing what she's been up to all week, I knew this only came after she realized she won't be entitled to a send of my inheritance.

Honestly, that fucking hurt. I am following my lawyer's advice, who told me not to respond. The more I think about it, the more disgusted I am by her, my friend and her sister. The fact that her change of heart seems to stem entirely from her discovery that she won't touch my inheritance is beyond disturbing. I always intended to use that money for a trust fund if we had kids, something I told her countless times. I didn't touch it because it reminded me of the trauma of losing my parents. The level of disrespect she has shown not only me, but also now my parents, who loved her and

treated her like a daughter. I'm just glad they're not here to see this. I met up with the OBS over the weekend. She's my friend too, and she's been going through a rough time, especially with her mom's health issues on top of this whole mess. I told her about the messages. Long story short, she had been reconsidering the divorce after her husband tried to reconcile with her. But once I showed her the messages about my inheritance and pointed out how their messages have cooled, she saw things differently. She also shared something that struck me. Apparently, a few months after my parents passed, her husband had made a comment about how I was a lucky son of a bitch for inheriting their money. She confronted him then, shocked he would call me lucky after losing them, and he backtracked, claiming he didn't mean it that way.

At the time, she brushed it off, but now she is second-guessing his motives. It seems far-fetched, but it's starting to sound like she thought she would get her some after divorcing me and start a new life with him. Either way, their behavior is despicable. I've been trying to look after myself. I started therapy, I've been going to the gym almost obsessively, and trying to stay away from alcohol. I am trying so hard to put on a strong exterior, some of my friends have said it's a little scary how cold I've been, but it's the only way I can go about my day-to-day without losing my mind. The nights are very rough, I struggle with sleep, I sometimes drink to help me through it,

I'm not proud, and sometimes, I cry myself to sleep. Update 5, 2 years ago today, I lost my parents in a car crash. It was then that I learned how fickle and unfair life can be. One minute, your loved ones are here, the next, they're gone. I clung to my only remaining family, my wife, for dear life. I leaned on my friends, especially my best friend who supported me. What I never expected was to find myself here, on the second anniversary of their passing, counting the people I've lost. Today, I have two fewer parents, one fewer wife, and one fewer

best friend. I've never felt more alone. I've never felt more broken. Update 6, I punched her AP. It was not planned, I've been trying to keep my cool, but he just had to see me and apologize. As I was leaving the office earlier today and walking over to my car, I saw him parked nearby. When I got closer, he got out and walked over to me asking to talk. I told him to get back in his car and drive away, that I had no interest in what he had to say. The fucking nerve on the guy. He just stood there, blocking my car, apologizing for what he'd done. He kept saying that it just happened and neither him nor my wife did it out of malicious intent,

that it kind of just happened, that they didn't mean to hurt me, that he wished we could move past it and be civil. I told him to move, but he ignored me and kept talking. I snapped and grabbed him by the shirt and shoved him away and then I punched him. He tripped and fell. I know I hurt him, because his nose was bleeding. It took everything in me not to pummel him. Instead, I got in my car and drove home. It's been hours since this happened and I was reeling at first.

It felt good to finally hurt him, and wanted to do more. But now, I feel like shit for losing control and a part of me is worried about potential consequences to this, like whether he'll press charges. But I couldn't help it. The anger had been building since Saturday night when I was out with friends at the bar we all used to go to together, STBXW and them too, and we ran into them there, together. They were clearly embarrassed to be seen together in public and couldn't get out of there quickly enough. And thankfully, my friends pulled me away before anything escalated. But I had

already been really angry over this, so when he showed up in front of my workplace today, I lost it. Update 7, my STBX wife told me she was pregnant. I was blindsided by this information as there were no messages about a pregnancy on the iPad. Her periods have always been irregular and she said she didn't pay attention to when she missed her period last month. She sent me a picture of her sonogram which she had done earlier this week indicating she was seven weeks pregnant. She said she took a pregnancy test some time ago, not sure when, which came back positive but wanted to wait for the sonogram to find out how far along she was before she said anything. I haven't had segs with her since October, 11th to be exact, she says she really feels that the baby is mine whatever

that means and is hopeful that this will be our chance to start over together. She even told her family at Thanksgiving yesterday. She is not on good terms with her parents, so our contact has been minimal, but they, and her sister, have message to congratulate me today. I don't love this woman anymore and I don't want to be with her. I don't even know if this baby is mine as she's been fucking another guy for the past 10 months. She is supposed to be on birth control, we weren't trying for a baby. I was planning for a clear break from her and now, if this is child is mine, I will be sucked right back in.

But right now, I don't know if she is manipulating me to get back together with her, not sure why she wants that since she clearly wanted to be with her AP, or a new scheme to get financial support. I don't know. If it is mine, I will be there for my baby and make sure they have the best damn life possible and I am even considering stopping the divorce process and getting back together with her, not for her but for the sake of the baby. My kid deserves to have both parents in its life and I refuse to have her AP in my kid's life. I haven't told my lawyer about this yet and I will ask her for a DNA test to confirm that the baby is mine.

I feel so lost. I am hoping everyone else's Thanksgiving was better than mine. Update 8, my STBXW message today to tell me that she had a miscarriage. Honestly, at this point I don't even know if her pregnancy was even real or if she was trying to bait me to get back together with her. She blamed me for the stress I caused when I requested paternity and for the stress her AP caused when he accused her of coming after me for my money. Basically, I found out from friends that she and her AP had a major fallout because she tried

to distance herself from him and insisted the baby was mine, which resulted in him outing her, saying she only wanted to be with me and baby to be mine, for my money. Because if I took her back, I'd have to pay for her medical bills, child support, and fund the lifestyle she had gotten I never responded to her previous messages trying to bait me into accepting responsibility for the baby. She had been messaging me with updates on our baby which she receives from a pregnancy app she has subscribed to. This sounds awful but a part of me believed she was never pregnant and had to drop the act when she realized how seriously I was going after the paternity test. Either way, the show is over. I was extremely worried about being tied to this woman for another 18 years. So, I am happy that I won't be, but I'm also surprisingly a little sad that I won't be having a kid.

I hope one day, when the right person comes along, I'll get to experience fatherhood with her. I hope you enjoy this story. Discovered my sibling engaging in a clandestine relationship with the spouse of my closest companion at a resort, so I granted her seven days to come clean or else I would personally inform my friend, yet what happened next destroyed multiple lives, and left me depressed seeking therapy. I, 31F, have a younger sister Lisa, 28F. One of my closest friends, Rachel, 32F, is married to a guy David, 33M, who happens to be a mutual friend of ours as well.

Rachel and I have been tight since college, and I was even a bridesmaid in their wedding. They have two young kids, both under five. I always thought Rachel and David had a great marriage. Unfortunately, I recently discovered something devastating. Lisa has been having an affair with David for the past six months. I found out completely by accident. A couple of weeks ago, I was at a hotel in the city for a work-related meeting. In the lobby, I spotted two very familiar people, tucked away in a quiet corner.

At first I thought, nah, it can't be them. But as I looked closer, there was no mistaking it. They were holding hands and acting like a couple. I even saw them share a quick kiss before heading toward the elevators together. I felt like I was dreaming or seeing things. I discreetly took out my phone and snapped a couple of photos. I wasn't even thinking straight, I just knew I might need proof of what I was seeing because it was so surreal. I didn't confront them right there at the hotel.

It was a public place and I was in shock. Instead, I left without attending my meeting. I made an excuse to my boss later about a personal emergency. I just couldn't focus. I drove around for a while to process what I saw. My mind was racing, my own sister and my friend's husband. I felt sick. I kept checking the photos on my phone just to confirm I wasn't crazy.

It was them, clear. is day. That evening, I went over to Lisa's apartment. I needed to hear her explain this. As soon as she opened the door, I asked flat out, are you having an affair with David? Lisa's face went pale and she burst into tears immediately. She didn't even try to deny it. She let me inside, closed the door, and just started sobbing and apologizing. We talked, more like argued, for hours. Lisa admitted that she admitted that she and David had been seeing each other in secret for about six months. It started innocently, according to her, they ran into each other at a bar one night and things just happened.

She told me it was a mistake, that she never meant to fall for him. But she has fallen for him, or so she claims. I was furious and frankly disgusted. I asked her how she could do this to Rachel and to the kids. Lisa kept saying she knows it's wrong and that she feels guilty every day, but that it just happened and we didn't mean to hurt anyone. She said David had told her he was unhappy in his marriage and felt a connection with her, and she fell for it. She looked miserable and regretful, but at the same time she didn't promise stop, which concerned me. I demanded to know if Rachel had any idea or any suspicions. Lisa swore Rachel had no clue. They had been extremely careful. They usually met at that hotel or other out-of-the-way places. David apparently had

some work excuse for being out, and Lisa would just lie about being with friends. It was all very secret. According to Lisa, David told her he still loves Rachel as a person but isn't in love with her and hasn't been for some time. I have no idea if that's true or just in a fair partner justification. Lisa claimed David was considering ending his marriage eventually, but was hesitant because of the kids. She insisted to me that she was planning to break it off with David soon because she couldn't handle the guilt of sneaking around. She kept saying, I don't want to destroy their family. I know what we're doing is wrong, I was going to end it, I swear.

I told Lisa in no uncertain terms that what she was doing was beyond messed up. Rachel is not just any friend to me, she's one of my best friends, practically family. The fact that my own sister would betray her like this had me shaking with anger. Lisa kept begging me not to tell Rachel. She was literally on her knees at one point, crying and pleading. She argued that telling Rachel would destroy a happy family for no reason, especially if she and David were about to end the affair anyway. I honestly don't know if Lisa would truly end it on her own, or if that was just something she's saying to get me off her back. I left Lisa's place that night extremely conflicted.

I didn't agree to keep the secret forever, I just told her I needed time to think. She was still sobbing when I left, saying she was sorry over and over. In the days since, I've acted normal around everyone, but it's killing me inside. I see Rachel or talk to her almost every day, and it feels so wrong not to say anything. Rachel has been happily chattering about her upcoming anniversary. She's planning a surprise party for David for next month. She's even enlisted my help in planning some of it, completely unaware of how messed up the situation really is. It's heartbreaking. Just yesterday, she was gushing about how excited she is to

celebrate with him and how solid their marriage has been lately. Listening to that, I felt my face burn. I had to bite my tongue so hard. Rachel has no clue her husband is sneaking off with my sister. I haven't told a single soul about this besides confronting Lisa. Not even my husband, I'm married, and he and I are both close with Rachel and David as a couple. I wanted to keep it contained while I figured out what to do. My loyalty is split in a horrible way, between my sister and my close friend. If I reveal the affair, I'm essentially nuking my relationship with Lisa. She'll probably never forgive me.

It will likely also blow up David and Rachel's marriage, which maybe deserves to happen, but there are two young kids involved who I adore. If I stay silent, I'm protecting my sister for now, and the kid's intact home, but I'm also actively deceiving my friend by a mission. I feel complicit in the betrayal every time I see Rachel's trusting face. Lisa is now avoiding me unless absolutely necessary. When we have talked, she basically just repeats that I should mind my own business and let them handle it. She hasn't broken it off yet as far as I know. When I asked if she's ended it with David like she promised, she got defensive and said, I will, just give me time.

You barging in will only make things worse. It's clear she's hoping I'll just stay quiet indefinitely. I don't know if I can. Every day that goes by, I feel worse about keeping this secret. Rachel is over here living in a fool's paradise, and it just seems cruel. At the same time, the idea of being the one to shatter her world is terrifying to me. I know she's going to be devastated. and I hate that I'm in a position to deliver so much pain.

So, Reddit, would I be the asshole if I exposed my sister's affair to save my friend's marriage? Or in other words, Ida for telling Rachel that her husband is cheating with my own sister? I genuinely don't know what the right thing to do is here. I feel like either choice is going to destroy someone. Should I stay out of it because it's not my business, as Lisa says? Or do I owe it to my friend to tell her the truth, even if it blurt? up my sister's life. I'm damned either way and losing sleep over this. Update 1, I want to say, thank you for all the responses on my original post. The majority of you made it clear that

Rachel deserves to know the truth sooner rather than later. It was painful to read, but it solidified what I think I already knew deep down. So, I took your advice. Two days after my original post, I met with Lisa again. I told her in no uncertain terms. that she has one week to come clean, meaning she needs to convince David to confess to Rachel within seven days, or I will tell Rachel myself. I figured giving them a chance to do it on their own was as fair as I could be. That way, Rachel could hear it from her husband, or even from my sister directly, if they chose, rather than from me. I honestly hope David might have enough decency left to be honest with his wife when confronted. Lisa did not take this well. When I delivered

the ultimatum, she immediately started panicking. She got visibly shaken and said, no, no, no, please, I need more time. I can't do that in just a week. She actually started crying again, saying that a week wasn't enough for them to get their affairs in order, interesting choice of words. I remained firm. I told her I wasn't bargaining. One week was already generous, considering every extra day of lying is another day Rachel is being deceived. She switched from panic to begging. She asked me to please reconsider and not interfere, trotting out the same arguments as before, that I'd be destroying multiple lives, that the kids would be traumatized, that Rachel would be heartbroken, etc. I told her bluntly, Rachel is

already being hurt, she just doesn't know it. And every day you continue this affair, you're making it worse. That's on you and David, not on me. Lisa just kept saying, It's not that simple, you don't understand. Finally, when begging didn't move me, Lisa got angry. She yelled at me that I was meddling in things that weren't my business. She actually said, this isn't your life or your marriage. Stay out of it. That made me pretty mad.

I shot back that she dragged me into it by doing this with my friend's husband. I also reminded her that I gave her the chance to handle it privately, but if she and David weren't going to do the right thing, then I would. She called me a self-righteous bitch at that point. It was a very emotionally charged conversation, lots of yelling and crying from both of us. I told her this was her own mess, and I had zero culpability for whatever fallout comes from the truth coming out. I also emphasized that the only people destroying a family here are her and David. She was hysterical by the end of the talk, but I held my ground and left her place. Since that confrontation, Lisa has gone.

mostly quiet. She hasn't responded to my texts asking if she's spoken to David about my ultimatum. It's been a couple of days of radio silence. I suspect she's either in denial, or she's hoping I'll chicken out. Possibly, she's scrambling with David to figure out a game plan. I did send one message making it clear, I meant what I said, one week. She saw the message, read receipts, but no reply. I also wrestled with whether I should just tell Rachel immediately and not even give them the week. But after a lot of thought and reading your advice, I decided one week is the final bit of grace I'll allow. It gives David a chance to possibly do right by his wife, not that confessing fixes the betrayal, but at least it's coming from him. If nothing happens by the end of the week, I will tell her myself.

To be honest, these past few days have been hell. Every time I see or talk to Rachel, I'm hyper aware that this awful clock is ticking in my head. I haven't given any hints to her yet. I'm trying to act normal until it's time to actually drop the bomb. But it's so damn hard to look her in the eyes and keep up conversation knowing what I know. I also feel sick about the family aspect. I haven't told our parents anything. They have a good relationship with Rachel and David too.

They think David is a great guy. and that Lisa and Rachel are friends. This is going to be a nightmare when it eventually blows up. I know my parents will be disappointed in Lisa, and possibly angry at me for telling, since it pits sister against sister. I'm not looking forward to that fallout either, but it can't be the reason I stay silent.

So that's where things stand. I've essentially issued an ultimatum. Seven days. If by then Rachel hasn't heard the truth from either of them, I will tell her myself. I'm preparing myself mentally for that conversation and its aftermath. I have the evidence, the pictures I took, plus I wrote down everything Lisa confessed to me. I hope it won't come down to me breaking the news, but I'm fully ready to do it.

Update 2, it hasn't been a full week yet, but something happened that pushed the timeline forward. I wasn't planning to post again so soon, but here we are. A couple of days after my ultimatum talk with Lisa, I was hanging out at Rachel's house. She had invited me over to help finalize some plans for the anniversary surprise she's throwing for David. We were going over catering ideas in her kitchen after the kids were in bed. That's when Rachel confided something that broke me on the inside. With a big smile on her face, she told me that she and David have been talking about trying for a third baby.

I must have reacted visibly because she asked me, if I was okay. I tried to smile and play it off, something like, oh wow, that's big news. She went on happily chatting about how after the anniversary she's thinking of getting off birth control and letting nature take its course. She even joked that she might soon need me to be an ante to another little one. I think I managed to nod and get through the conversation, but inside I was fuming. I am so angry at David, and my sister, at this point. Rachel is making life-changing decisions based on lies. The thought of her getting pregnant, bringing another child into this situation, while David is

secretly betraying her, it's just horrifying. I barely held it together while she was showing me some cute nursery decor idea she'd saved on Pinterest. Yes, she's already thinking that far ahead, and no, David clearly hasn't discouraged these plans. That night, I barely slept. I kept picturing Rachel a year from now, possibly pregnant, finding out her husband had been cheating on her all along. The idea of it made me feel physically ill.

I realized I cannot, in good conscience, wait any longer. The ultimatum I gave, a week, was supposed to give them a chance, but knowing this new info, I decided I was done waiting out the clock. Lisa's silence over the last few days also told me that she and David were likely not going to do the right thing. on their own. For all I know, they might even let Rachel go ahead and get pregnant and still not say a word. I can't let that happen. So, I've made up my mind, I'm telling Rachel, and I'm telling her very soon, likely within the next 24 to 48 hours. I haven't informed Lisa or David of this decision. I don't plan to give any further heads up. They've had their chance. I doubt they're going to suddenly confess at the last minute, and I'm not interested.

in playing chicken with people's lives. I'm absolutely dreading the conversation I have to have with Rachel, but I know it has to be done. She needs to know what kind of man she's married to before she throws an anniversary party, before she tries for another baby. I've been rehearsing in my head how to tell her gently, but there's really no gentle way. It's going to shatter her, no matter what. I've decided the best approach is to do it at my place, rather than hers.

The kids will be around at her house. and I don't want them to potentially see their mom break down. I'm thinking of asking her to come over for coffee or something tomorrow morning while David is at work and her kids are at daycare slash grandmas. That way it's just the two of us in a private setting, and she won't immediately have to face her husband or children. I will make sure she doesn't have to drive right after hearing the news. I can call her sister or someone to come be with her if needed. To be honest, I'm scared. but I know it's the right thing to do.

I keep reminding myself of that. Better and ugly truth now than a worse truth later. Update 3, I told Rachel. It was, as expected, one of the hardest, most heart-wrenching conversations I've ever had. I'm still processing everything, and I know she is too, but here's what happened. I invited Rachel over to my house yesterday under the pretense of having some leftover sample desserts from the anniversary planning. I had told her I got some cupcake samples from a bakery, a little white lie to get her to swing by without arousing suspicion. Late morning, she came by. She was in a great mood,

joking about how she was excited to try the cupcakes and finalize fun party details. We sat down in my living room, and I gently steered the conversation away from the party. I said, hey, there's actually something important I need to talk to you about. I think my tone or expression must have alerted her because she got serious pretty fast. She said, sure, what is it? Or something along those lines. I remember my heart was pounding so hard I could hear it in my ears. I knew there was no way to cushion the blow, so I just came out with it. Rachel, I found out that David has been having an affair. She looked at me as if I'd spoken to her in a foreign language, like she couldn't process the words. She sort of half-smiled in disbelief. She sort of half-smiled in disbelief,

and said, what? What do you mean? I went on to explain, as calmly and compassionately as I could, that I had evidence and I didn't want to believe it myself at first, but it's true. I told her I saw David and the other woman together with my own eyes. I was trying to avoid saying the name at first, to let her absorb the idea of the cheating before adding the extra betrayal of who it was. But she kept asking, with who? Who is he with? Initially, I said, it's someone I know. Someone we both know. That seemed to confuse and worry her even more. She looked almost panicked, rattling off, who? Tell me. Do I know her well? Finally, I had to just say it. It's Lisa. My sister. As soon as I said that, Rachel's face changed in a way I will never forget.

It was like every emotion hit her at once, shock, confusion, anger, disgust. She just said what? Really loudly and then went silent, eyes with tears. I quietly told her everything I knew, that I accidentally saw them at the hotel, that it had been going on for about six months, as far as I was told, and that I confronted Lisa about it. I even showed her one of the photos I took at the hotel. Rachel just stared at it, then covered her face.

with her hands and started sobbing. She didn't scream or yell. It was this gut-wrenching, quiet sobbing that honestly made my heart feel like it was in a vice. I started crying too. I sat next to her and just kept saying, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Rachel. I must have said that a dozen times. I tried to hug her, and for a second she let me, but then she pulled away and, through her tears, she asked, why? Why are you telling me this? Not in an accusatory way, more like she was just bewildered and devastated. I told her, because you deserve to know the truth. You're my friend and I love you, and you don't deserve what's been happening behind your back. I also explained that I gave them a chance to come clean and they didn't. She nodded, kind of dazed.

For a few minutes we just sat there while she cried. I had to have. I had to be a chance to come clean and they didn't. I handed her tissues. She asked me if I was absolutely sure. I affirmed it and told her I wouldn't have said anything unless I was 100% sure. I mentioned I had more than just the photo, that Lisa herself admitted it to me. That seemed to really upset her more, the idea that my sister confessed means it's indisputable. She asked if anyone else knew, I said as far as I'm aware. No one else in our circles knows, I didn't mention the internet strangers, of course. Eventually, Rachel composed herself just enough to speak in full sentences. The first thing she said was, I need to go. I need to talk to him. I offered to drive her or go with her, but she refused and said she'd be okay to drive. In hindsight,

I probably should have insisted on driving her, but she was adamant and I also think she wanted to confront him alone. I was really worried about her, but I also understood. that burning needs she had to get answers from David immediately. I made her promise to call me later, and I asked if there was anyone else I should call for her, like her sister or another friend, to be with her when she confronted him. She said no, she wanted to do it one-on-one first. So I let her go, watching to make sure she was okay enough. I did text her sister after she left, just saying Rachel might need her later without giving

details. Her sister knows something is up now, but that's fine. Anyway, later that evening, I got a call from Rachel. She was sobbing again. She managed to tell me what went down. She waited at home for David to get back from work. When he walked in, she immediately asked him if there was something he needed to tell her. She said he looked caught off guard and said something like, uh, what do you mean? And she just dropped it.

I know you're cheating on me. I know everything. According to Rachel, David just froze and didn't speak for a moment. Then he tried to do damage control, saying things like it's not what you think and I was going to tell you, I swear. Apparently, that enraged Rachel and she really let him have it, yelled at him, cussed him out. She didn't even ask why in that moment. She just unleashed months of hurt that she was feeling all at once. She told him she'd been planning a surprise anniversary party and trying for another baby,

and how could he do this to her, etc. Eventually, David admitted to everything. There was no point in denying it once he realized I had already told her and she had evidence. He confirmed the affair with Lisa, said it just happened and that he never meant to hurt her. He tried to say he still loves Rachel and he was confused and all the usual bullshit cheater sputter. Rachel told me she actually laughed in his face when he said that. She told him their marriage was over and to get the hell out of the house.

This part stunned me a bit. David didn't fight. He didn't beg her for forgiveness, at least not in any meaningful way beyond a weak sorry. He didn't hesitate much when she told him to leave. He went to pack a bag. Rachel thinks he already knew deep down this moment was coming once I knew about the affair. She suspects, and I do too, that Lisa had probably warned him I found out and that I might tell. So maybe he was somewhat prepared for the eventual.

fallout. David packed a suitcase and left that very night. And yes, as I unfortunately expected, he went straight to Lisa's. I know this because after I hung up with Rachel, I messaged my sister, simply asking if David was with her now. She replied with a single text, yes. Thanks a lot. That's the only communication I've had with Lisa since the ultimatum argument. So yeah. David is now hold up at my sister's apartment, apparently. Back to Rachel, I drove over to her house after she called, because I was really worried about her mental state. By the time I got there, David was long gone. Rachel's kids were, thankfully, at her moms for the night. I think Rachel had arranged that earlier, anticipating a blow up when she confronted David.

So it was just her at home. She looked wrecked. puffy eyes. I sat with her, made her drink some water, tried to comfort her as best I could. She was mostly quiet, in a state of shock, I think. At one point she just said in a holla voice, what am I going to tell the kids? That broke my heart. I didn't have a good answer. I said we'd figure it out and that I'd help her however I can. I eventually persuaded her to try to get some sleep. I stayed over on her couch. No way was I leaving her alone that night. I don't think either of us slept much, but at least we closed our eyes for a bit. So here we are. This morning, Rachel is understandably depressed. She swings between crying, staring off into space, and angrily ranting about

David and, occasionally, Lisa. She hasn't mentioned being angry at me at all. Actually, she thanked me for telling her the truth. I cried at that too, because I was half expecting she might resent me a little, since knowing has caused her pain. But no, she's grateful in a tragic sort of way. That at least reassures me that I did the right thing by her. The road ahead is going to be hard for her. She's already talking about divorce. There's no coming back from this for her, especially since it wasn't a one-time thing but a full-blown ongoing affair with someone she knows. I offered to help in any way, whether that's helping with the kids, or driving her to see a lawyer, or just being there to listen. She gave me a long hug.

It was a very emotional morning. I haven't even begun to process my feelings about Lisa and David now openly being together. That's a whole other mess. My own sister is now officially the other woman turned maybe girlfriend. It makes me feel a bit ill. I'm furious at both of them. They caused all this pain, and now, they're shacked up together while Rachel is in agony and two little kids' lives are upended.

It's so unjust. For now, my priority is Rachel and the kids. I'll be helping her get the resources and support she needs. She already contacted a divorce attorney this afternoon, just to start the process rolling. She's not wasting time. Update 4, it's been a few weeks since the big blow-up, and things have been moving forward in a sort of grim, inevitable way. I wanted to share how everyone is holding up and what's been happening. Firstly, Rachel did file for divorce roughly a few days after finding out about the affair. There was no hesitation on her part, as soon as she gathered herself enough, she met with her lawyer and got the paperwork started.

David was served with divorce papers promptly. He apparently didn't contest anything major. From what I understand, he's cooperating, likely out of guilt or maybe because he knows there's no point fighting. He's agreed to move the process along as cleanly as possible. They have worked out a temporary custody arrangement for the kids. Rachel has primary custody, which is what she wanted, and what David, to his slight credit, didn't battle her on. Right now, the kids are with Rachel most of the time, and David gets them every other weekend and one midweek dinner, a fairly standard arrangement. The kids are very young and, mercifully,

still too little to grasp the full situation. They just know mommy and daddy live in different houses now. Rachel and David told them something like Daddy is staying at Annie Lisa's for a while. Yes, they dropped that tidbit on the kids, which made me cringe, but I suppose they figured the kids would find out when going to visit him anyway. Speaking of that, yes, David is still living at Lisa's apartment. So I guess you could say Lisa and David are an official couple now, if that wasn't already obvious.

The level of disgust and awkwardness this creates is beyond measure. I've kept my distance from both of them, as has pretty much everyone else in our family slash friend circle. The general sentiment toward them is that what they did is unforgivable. Even people who didn't know Rachel well are appalled that Lisa would do this to a friend slash her own sister, and that David would betray his wife and kids. My parents found out about the affair and ensuing chaos pretty much right after it all went down. I sat them down and explained everything. I wanted them to hear it from me rather than through

gossip. They were shocked and devastated. My mom cried, my dad was furious. They actually reached out to Rachel to offer support and apologies on behalf of our family. They told me they always considered Rachel like family and they feel sick about what Lisa did, as for their relationship with Lisa now. It's strange to say the least. My parents told Lisa in no uncertain terms that she screwed up horribly. They're very upset with her. At the same time, Lisa is their daughter, so they haven't cut her off completely, but things are nowhere near okay. I know they had a few serious talks with her, and apparently she was very defensive. She kept saying things like you don't understand. David and Rachel's marriage was already

falling apart, which, from everything I've seen, is a flimsy excuse and likely untrue from Rachel's perspective. She also said she's in love with David and didn't intend for anyone to get hurt, which my mom flat out told her was BS given her actions. From what my parents relayed to me, Lisa is still with David but not exactly happy with how the situation turned out. Well, what did she expect? My mom said Lisa actually complained to her, everyone hates us now. It's like we're the villains. To which my mom apparently replied, can you blame them? Look what you did. I've maintained very low contact with Lisa. Basically, we are not speaking unless we absolutely have to, which hasn't happened yet. She did send me one text after the dust

settled, which read, I hope you're satisfied. You've destroyed our family. Don't ever talk to me again. That hurt, I won't lie. Being accused by my own sister of destroying our family is rich, considering her choices. I didn't respond. I have no desire to get into a texting war with her. I figured there's no point in engaging until maybe years down the line when emotions aren't so high, if ever. So yes, as of now, I have effectively lost my sister. She has cut me off, and I her, in practice. That's a really sad thing to process.

We were fairly close before all this. Not best friends or anything, but sisters who hung out on holidays, changed memes, grabbed brunch occasionally. Now that's seemingly gone. On to Rachel, she is hanging in there. Some days are better than others for her. In the initial couple of weeks after the confrontation, she was deeply depressed, barely getting out of bed, crying constantly. I was very worried. I and a few of her other close friends basically set up a schedule to make sure one of us was with her every day, helping with the kids and offering support. To To Rachel's credit, she started therapy and is actively seeking help to cope with the emotional

fallout. She has good support from her family too. I see her or talk to her pretty much every day. She tells me she has her moments of utter sadness, especially at night when the kids are asleep and she's alone with her thoughts. But she's trying to stay strong for her children. She did tell the kids, in a very age-appropriate way, that mommy and daddy won't be living together anymore and that it's not the The older one, for years old, has had some confusion and acting out, which is expected. The younger, too, is thankfully too young to really grasp it. It's heartbreaking to watch, but Rachel is doing her best to give them stability and love. I help with babysitting whenever I can, and I've kind of stepped in as an anti-figure even more now to fill whatever small part of the void I can.

One delicate thing, the kids do see Lisa when they go to David's for visitation, since he's living at her place. This was something Rachel was furious about initially. She didn't want the kids around the mistress at all. But legally, she can't really prevent David from having his sister-in-law slash girlfriend present during his parenting time, unless something egregious happened. David is their father, and as awful as this situation is, Lisa is their biological aunt and now essentially their dad's partner. It's a twisted dynamic that we're all just stomaching for now. Rachel vented to her lawyer, but was advised not much can be done unless the kids are being harmed, which they're not, aside from the confusion of it all. From what I've heard, Lisa tries to play

cool aunt when the kids are over. That makes me feel ill, but at least it sounds like she's not bad to them. Still, the nerve of that situation is outrageous. She helped break up their family and now she she's hosting them at her place like it's normal. I can only imagine what goes through Rachel's mind thinking about that. Now, regarding Lisa and David's relationship, I mentioned my mom said Lisa isn't exactly happy. From a couple of tidbits I've gathered, mostly via my parents or mutual acquaintances, since I'm not talking to Lisa directly, things are tense between them. Surprise, Surprise, a relationship built on sneaking around and hurting others isn't all sunshine once it's out in the open. I heard that David has been having a rough time too. He misses his kids a lot, and apparently he's been moody and guilt-ridden.

Imagine that. Living with the person he blew up his life for isn't so romantic when he's dealing with divorce lawyers and a distraught ex and limited time with his children. There's gossip that Lisa and David have been arguing frequently. My mom even said that one time when she called Lisa, David, and she were in the middle of a spat about something trivial. Who knows if it's the stress, the guilt, or them just realizing lust and love aren't the same when reality hits. I'm not exactly rooting for their happiness, to be honest. If they stay together, that's its own karma because they'll always have to live with what they did and the trust issues that come with it. And if they break up, well, poetic justice maybe. I try not to dwell on that too much, because it's not really

my business anymore except where it intersects with family. I haven't sought therapy for myself yet, but I'm considering it. I don't regret telling the truth. I want to make that clear. Despite all this sorrow, I would make the same choice again, because living a lie would have been worse in the long run. But I'd be lying if I said the outcome hasn't been weighing heavily on me. It has. Anyway, sorry if this update is a bit all over the place. There's just a lot that has happened and a lot of emotions involved. Update 5. I wish I were coming back with a happier update after all this time, but sadly, I'm writing this with a very heavy heart. It's been roughly a year since my original post. The divorce between Rachel and David was finalized about seven months ago.

It went as expected, Rachel got primary custody officially, with David having visitation, assets were divided, and they moved on legally. However, emotionally, Rachel struggled immensely in the aftermath, far more than any of us realized. Five months after the divorce was finalized, Rachel took her own life. Even typing that out makes me feel like I can't breathe. It's a nightmare that still doesn't feel real. She was only 33. Those beautiful two little kids lost their mother. And I... I lost a dear friend.

To share what we know, Rachel had been battling depression ever since the affair came to light and her marriage fell apart. She put on a brave face for a while, especially for her kids, but she was in deep pain. She was in therapy and on medication, and for a time it seemed like she might be slowly finding her footing. We, her family and friends, tried our best to support her. I truly believe that with time, she would heal and maybe even find happiness again. I knew she was still in love with David in a complicated way and that heartbreak ran deep. But I did not see this coming. Maybe I was naive, or maybe she hid the worst of her feelings from us.

The way it happened is extremely hurtful. Rachel's sister told me the details. Rachel's kids were scheduled to be with David for the weekend. One Friday evening, Rachel dropped the kids off at David's, where, yes, Lisa was likely present too. According to David, she was polite but quiet during the handoff. Nothing seemed obviously off. She then went home to an empty house. That night, she hanged herself in her bedroom.

We suspect she planned it in advance, because she left a note taped on the outside of her her front door for when the kids would come home. The note was essentially instructions. It said that if anyone found the note, they should not come in but call 911 and contact David to pick up the kids if they were to find the note. It explicitly said to keep the children away from the scene. She also left sealed letters for each of her children and one for David. It was the neighbor who found the note the next morning on her door. This neighbor was a friend and knew about Rachel's depression. They used to check in on each other. The neighbor immediately called the police. Rachel's sister told me that the letter Rachel left for David basically said she was sorry but she

couldn't live with the pain anymore, and that she hoped he would be a better father to their kids than he was a husband to her. There was a line in there, which brings me to tears, where she wrote to him, I was so in love with you that I couldn't bear living without your love. She did also make it clear that the kids were the only thing keeping her going as long as they did, but in the end her despair overwhelmed her. I cannot even begin to describe the devastation this has caused. Her family is beyond shattered. The kids. God, the kids. The older one, now five, understands Mommy is gone, but not fully why. The younger one, three, keeps asking when Mommy is coming back, which absolutely breaks everyone's hearts. Right now, David has the children full-time.

Rachel's parents are involved a lot, helping with their care, I suspect there might be a custody fight brewing there, since they are so angry at David. As for David and Lisa, I have not spoken a single word to either of them since long before this happened. But of course, this tragedy affects them too, in the sense that any half-decent human being would feel enormous guilt. I don't have a direct line of insight into David's mind, but from what I've heard through others, he is deeply shaken and grief-stricken by Rachel's suicide. Some might say he doesn't have a right to mourn her after what he did, but human emotions are complicated. He lost the mother of his children, a woman he once presumably loved, and he knows that his actions contributed to her

downward spiral. Apparently, he's not handling it well, as expected. I've heard he blames himself. Frankly, a lot of people blame him and Lisa. Speaking of Lisa, my parents have been keeping me vaguely informed. She is reportedly a mess over this. I don't know if it's guilt, fear, sorrow, or all of the above, but my mother said that when Rachel's death was confirmed, Lisa was hysterical. According to my mom, Lisa tried to attend Rachel's funeral but ultimately didn't, probably for the best, as I doubt Rachel's family would have wanted her there.

David did attend, of course, and it was apparently very tense and emotionally charged. Rachel's brother almost punched him, I did go to the funeral. That was one of the hardest days of my life. Seeing two small children in front of a coffin is something I'll never be able to forget. Rachel's family was kind to me, though. In their grief, they still thank me for being honest with Rachel, saying she valued me as a friend. That made me break down crying on the spot. It's all just so heavy.

Now I'm here, trying to make sense of everything. I'll be honest, I feel a crushing guilt. In my heart, I cannot shake the feeling that if I had just kept my mouth shut, maybe Rachel would still be alive. David and Lisa might have quietly ended their affair, or not, who knows, and Rachel might have gone on unaware, maybe even having that third baby she wanted. Maybe the marriage would have eventually crumbled years later for other reasons. or maybe not at all. I find myself torturing myself with those what-ifs.

What if my intervention did more harm than good in this case? I wanted to protect my friend from lies, to give her the chance to not waste her life with a cheater. But what she got instead was unbearable heartbreak that she ultimately couldn't live with. It's a thought that's going to haunt me probably for the rest of my life. I am in therapy now, because I recognize that these feelings of guilt and depression in me need to be addressed. I'm trying to remember that I acted out of love and honesty. Some days I managed to believe that, other days I just feel sick and responsible. There's a counseling fund set up for Rachel's kids and I contribute to that. As for my relationship with Lisa, well, there is none. If there was any slim hope of reconciling in

the future, it's gone now. In my darkest moments, I admit I have felt a white-hot anger at her and David, blaming them fully, if they hadn't had an affair, none of this pain would have happened. It's true in a sense, but it doesn't ultimately matter. What's done is done, and now we all have to live with the aftermath. I'm going to try to find some way to make peace with it, if that's even possible. And I'll do my best to be there for those kids in any capacity I'm allowed, because they're the ones who matter most now, and please, if you or anyone you know is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, seek help. I wish with all my heart that Rachel had found a way to hold on. I'm sorry this turned so dark. I hope you enjoy this story. Discovered my spouse being unfaithful

in our bathroom so I confronted the man and ended up getting detained. However, my own child gave evidence against me in the legal proceeding stating I was violent. Until years later he started cheating too and now they both want my money. Throw away because people know my main. account. I'm 45M, married to my wife Sarah, 42F, for 18 years. We have a 19-year-old son Marcus, had him before marriage, who's in his second year of college. I inherited my house from my grandmother five years before I got married, so it's been in my family for decades. On Wednesday, I decided to surprise Sarah by coming home early from a business trip. I was supposed to be gone until Friday, but my meetings wrapped up.

ahead of schedule. I stopped at the florist and got her favorite white roses. I pulled into our driveway around 2 p.m. and noticed a car I didn't recognize. I figured maybe it was a friend of Sarah's or some neighbor's friend parked it there. I used my key to get in through the front door, calling out honey, I'm home early. No response. I heard the shower running upstairs, I went to the kitchen, put the flowers in a vase, and was about to head upstairs to surprise when I heard voices. Two voices. A man's voice I definitely didn't recognize, and then Sarah laughing in a way I hadn't heard in years. I stood there for probably 30 seconds just listening, hoping I was wrong, but the voices got clearer as I got closer to our bedroom. The bathroom

door was cracked open and threw the frosted glass of our shower. I don't remember making a conscious decision to open the bathroom door. Everything after that is kind of a blur. I yanked the shower door open, and there was my wife with some guy who looked maybe mid-30s. Dark hair, pretty built, completely naked obviously. The guy, I found out later his name is David, immediately put his hands up and started saying, whoa, man, I can explain. Sarah screamed and grabbed a towel. I told him to get the fuck out of my house. He said he was just going to get dressed and leave, no problem. But something snapped in me.

Maybe it was seeing him so calm about it, like this was just an inconvenience. Maybe it was the fact that he was in my shower, in the house my grandmother left me. I grabbed him by the shoulders and threw him against the bathroom wall. Hard. He tried to push me back, so I hit him. Then I hit him again. Sarah was screaming at me to stop. The guy was on the ground covering his face, blood coming from his

nose. I probably would have kept going, but the sight of blood kind of shocked me back to reality. I stepped back and told him he had five minutes to get out before I called the police myself. He grabbed his clothes and ran out of the house, still bleeding and only half-dressed. Sarah went after him. Now she's saying I'm psychotic and violent, and she's staying at her sister's place. She claims I could have killed him and that she's afraid of me. She's threatening to file for divorce and get a restraining order. My kid called me yesterday and said his mom told him what happened. He said he can't believe I would attack an innocent person and that he's ashamed of me. When I tried to explain that the guy was sleeping with his mother, he said that didn't give me the right to assault someone.

I know I probably shouldn't have hit him, but I found this guy in my shower with my wife. In my house. I feel like any reasonable person would have reacted the same way. My brother thinks I should have just called the police, but what were they going to charge the guy with? It's not illegal to sleep with someone's wife if she can sense. Update. Well, this situation has gone from bad to completely fucked. I'm posting this from a holiday in because I can't get into my own house. David, the guy I caught with Sarah, decided to press charges.

I got arrested Friday morning at my office. Two cops showed up around 10 a.m. while I was in a meeting with clients. They were professional about it, but there's nothing discreet about getting arrested at work. My boss had to explain to the clients why their meeting was being postponed. I spent Friday night in county jail before my lawyer could get me out on bail. Assault in the third degree, which is apparently a misdemeanor but still carries up to a year in jail and a 4,000. fine if I'm convicted. The bail was $2,500. While I was in jail, Sarah went to court and got a temporary restraining order against me. She claimed I had a history of controlling and violent

behavior and that she was afraid I might hurt her. This is complete bullshit. I have never laid a hand on Sarah in 18 years of marriage, never even raised my voice to her before this whole thing started. The restraining order means I can't go within 100 yards of her, which includes my own house since she's living there. When I got out of jail Saturday morning, I drove home to find that she changed the locks. My key doesn't work. There's a cop car parked across the street, apparently making sure I don't violate the restraining order. I called my lawyer immediately. He said that because it's my house and I have the deed to prove it, we can fight this in court, but it will

take time. The temporary restraining order is valid for two weeks, and then there's a hearing where a judge will decide whether to make it permanent. In the meantime, I'm legally barred from my own property. I'm staying at a hotel right now, living out of the suitcase I had for my business trip, I didn't take it out of my car. I can't get any of my clothes, my mail, my personal belongings, nothing. Sarah won't return my calls or texts. When I tried calling the house, house, she answered and immediately hung up. The really fucked up part is that Marcus came home from college this weekend and he's staying at the house with her. I texted him asking if we could meet for coffee to talk, and he responded, Mom showed me the police report. I can't believe

you're my father. Don't contact me until you get help for your anger issues. What anger issues? I've never had anger issues in my life. The only time I've ever been violent was when when I found that guy in my shower. But somehow I'm the crazy one here. My lawyer says the restraining order is probably temporary since there's no actual evidence of domestic violence or threats. Sarah would have to prove a pattern of abuse to make it permanent, and she can't because it doesn't exist.

But he also warned me that these things can drag on for months, especially if she files for divorce at the same time. I had to call my boss and explain why I got arrested. He was understanding, but said if this turns into a conviction or affects my ability to work with clients, will need to discuss my future with the company. I've been there for 12 years with no disciplinary issues, and now my job is at risk because I walked in on my wife cheating. The worst part is the financial hit. Between the lawyer, bail, and hotel costs, I've already spent over $8,000.

I still have to pay the mortgage on the house I can't live in, plus my credit cards and Marcus's tuition. Sarah has access to our joint accounts, so she can train them while I'm stuck paying for everything separately. I feel like I'm being punished for being the victim here. She cheats on me in my own house, and somehow I end up arrested and homeless while she gets to play the victim. How is this justice? Comment 1, this is why you should have just called the police instead of getting physical. Your wife is using your moment of violence against you, and now she has the upper hand legally. You need to document everything and follow your lawyer's advice exactly. Don't do anything that could be seen as violating the restraining order, even if it seems unfair.

Aup reply, trust me, I regret hitting the guy every single day. But everyone keeps saying you should have called police like they would have done anything. Called them for what? He was there because my wife invited him. It's not breaking and entering if she gave him permission to be there. The cops would have told me it was a civil matter and left. I understand that I fucked up legally, but I'm not going to pretend that finding your wife cheating in your own home is a situation where most people think clearly. I saw a red and reacted. Now I'm paying for it while the guy who was screwing my wife gets to play victim.

What really bothers me is that the restraining order was so easy for her to get. She walked into court, said she was afraid of me, and boom, unlocked out of my. own house. There's no due process, no requirement to prove actual threats or violence toward her. I hit someone else, not her, but somehow that makes me dangerous to her. My lawyer says judges are on the side of caution with domestic violence claims, which I understand, but this isn't domestic violence. This is my wife using the system to get an advantage in what's obviously going to be a messy divorce. Comment two, you need to start building your case for the divorce proceeding immediately. Document every expense you're paying while locked out of your house. Get records of the

mortgage payments, utilities, insurance, everything. Also document any money she spends from joint accounts while you're separated. Op reply, already on it. I called the bank and put alerts on all our joint accounts so I'll know every time money gets spent. I can't freeze them without a court order, but I can at least track what she's doing. So far she's been pretty reasonable, just normal expenses like groceries and gas. I'm also documenting all my costs from this situation. Hotel is $89 per night, plus food since I can't cook, plus parking fees when I meet with my lawyer. It's adding up fast. My lawyer said if this restraining order is ruled frivolous, I might be able to recover some of these costs from her. The mortgage is the big concern.

It's $2,400 a month plus property taxes and insurance. I'm paying for a house I can't live in while also paying hotel costs. If this drags on for months, it could bankrupt me. And Sarah knows it. She's probably counting on me running out of money and agreeing to a shitty divorce settlement just to end the financial bleeding. I've been married to her for 18 years. I know how she thinks when she wants something.

She's always been good at finding people's pressure points and using them. Comment three, have you considered that your son might genuinely be concerned about your behavior, not just taking sides? From his perspective, his world just got turned upside down, and now his father is facing assault charges. Maybe reach out through a family member instead of direct contact. I'll reply, I've thought about that, but Marcus won't even listen to my side of the story. He's 19 years old, not a little kid. He's smart enough to understand that there are two sides to every situation, but he's choosing to only hear his mother's version.

What bothers me is that he called me his father in his text, not dad. We've always been close. I coached his little league teams, taught him to drive, helped him with college applications. Now he's talking to me like I'm some stranger who happened to provide DNA. I tried reaching out through my brother, but Marcus won't take his calls either. Sarah has him completely convinced that I'm dangerous. I don't know what she told him exactly, but he's acting like I'm some kind of abusive monster. The thing is, Marcus has never seen me violent before because I've never been violent before.

This was a completely unique situation. But instead of thinking, wow, dad must have been really hurt and angry to react that way, he's thinking I never knew Dad was capable of violence. I get that he's probably scared and confused, but I'm his father. I deserve the benefit of the doubt, or at least a chance to explain myself. Update 2. The restraining order hearing happened three weeks ago, and let me tell you, it was a fucking eye-opener.

The judge dismissed the restraining order, but what happened in that courtroom changed my relationship with my son forever. First, the good news, my lawyer was right that Sarah couldn't prove any history of domestic violence or threats. The judge said that while my assault on David was clearly wrong, it was an isolated incident that didn't establish a pattern of violence towards Sarah. The restraining order was dissolved, and I got my house back. But here's where it gets really fucked up, Marcus showed up to testify on his mother's behalf. My own son got up in front of a judge and lied about me under oath. He claimed I was controlling and emotionally abusive throughout his childhood.

He said I monitored all communications in the house and made major decisions without consulting mom. He told the judge I had a temper and that he was afraid of making me angry growing up. This is complete bullshit, and Marcus knows it. Yes, when he was a teenager, Sarah and I had rules about his phone and Internet use. but that's called being responsible parents. And yes, I made decisions about things like finances and home repairs, but that's because Sarah always said she didn't want to deal with that stuff and was happy to let me handle it. The most hurtful part was when he said he was relieved when he left for college because he didn't

have to walk on eggshells anymore. This kid who used to call me every Sunday from college to talk about his classes and his friends, telling a judge that he was afraid of me. My lawyer cross-examined him and asked specific questions about any incidents of violence or abuse. Marcus couldn't name a single specific incident, which made his testimony look weak. When asked if I had ever hit him or his mother, he admitted I hadn't, but he said that abuse isn't always physical. The judge clearly didn't buy it. She said that while family testimony is important, she needed to see evidence of actual threatening behavior towards Sarah, not general claims about

family dynamics. That's when my lawyer presented our evidence. We had Sarah's credit card statements and bank records going back eight months. She spent over $7,000 on hotels, restaurants, and gifts during her affair. Not just local hotels either, there were charges from weekend trips to Chicago, Milwaukee, even a long weekend in Minneapolis. The hotel charges alone were $7,800. High-end places too, the Grand Geneva, the Palmer House, places that cost $300 to $400 per night, plus another $4,200 on dinners at expensive restaurants, always for two people based on the amounts, and $3,000 in charges at jewelry stores and men's clothing stores. My lawyer also subpoenaed her phone records, which showed hundreds of calls and texts to David's

number starting eight months ago. The timing matched perfectly with the credit card charges. Sarah's lawyer tried to argue that the financial evidence was irrelevant to whether I posed a threat to her safety. But the judge said it was very relevant because it showed Sarah had been planning and conducting an extensive affair, which provided context for my reaction when I discovered it. The restraining order was dismissed, but Sarah immediately filed for divorce. She's asking for spousal support, half the value of the house, despite it being my inheritance, and half of everything else we own.

Her divorce lawyer is still trying to use the assault charge against me. They're claiming I'm unfit to have any involvement in financial decisions and that Sarah needs protection from my volatile behavior. But my criminal lawyer says the assault case is likely to be reduced to a disorderly conduct plea with probation and anger management classes. The hardest part is Marcus. After his testimony, I confronted him outside of the court. the courthouse. I asked him why he lied for his mother, and he said he wasn't lying, that

this was how he experienced our family growing up. I told him that having rules and expectations is an abuse, and that every decision I made was for our family's benefit. He said that's exactly what an abusive person would say and that he was proud of his mother for finally standing up to me. I haven't spoken to him since. He's staying with Sarah at her sister's place, and they've blocked my number. My brother says I should try to repair the relationship, but I don't know how you come back from your own child accusing you of abuse in court. The divorce proceedings are going to be messy. I'm back in my house, but it doesn't feel like home anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I should have just walked away when I caught them. Filed for divorce quietly and avoided all this drama.

Update 3. The divorce was finalized last week, and I got a much better outcome than I expected. The judge saw a right through Sarah's bullshit claims about being abused and controlled, and the financial evidence of her affair made a huge difference in the settlement. Sarah got almost nothing. The judge ruled that the house remains mine as inherited property. Sarah tried to claim she was entitled to compensation for improvements we made over the years, but my lawyer showed that most of the major renovations, kitchen, basement, new roof, were paid for with my income, not joint funds. She got $12,000 for her contributions to improvements. For other assets, the judge divided things based on contribution and conduct.

Sarah got her car, her personal belongings, and $25,000 from our savings. I kept my car, my retirement accounts, and everything else. No spousal support because of the adultery and her ability to work, she has a bachelor's degree and work experience, so the judge said she could support herself. The best part was when Sarah's lawyer tried to argue that she needed more money because she was starting over after years of financial dependence. The judge actually laughed and said that someone who spent $15,000 on hotels and gifts for her boyfriend clearly understood how to manage money just fine. Sarah lost her shit when the ruling came down. She started crying and saying it wasn't fair, that she gave up her career for our family. Which is complete bullshit, she worked part-time by choice and quit three years ago because she said she was tired of dealing with office politics, not because I made her quit.

The judge told her that adultery has consequences, and that using marital funds to support an affair was a serious breach of fiduciary duty. She said Sarah was free to appeal, but the evidence was clear and the ruling was well within state guidelines for fault-based divorces. Marcus was in the courtroom for the final hearing, still supporting his mother. When the judge announced the ruling, he stood up and said this is bullshit, she doesn't have anywhere to go. The bailiff had to tell him to sit down and be quiet. After the hearing, Marcus followed me out to the parking lot and started yelling at me. He said I was destroying his mother's life and that I was heartless for leaving her with nothing. I told him that his mother destroyed her own life by cheating.

He said real man would take care of his ex-wife regardless of what she did. That's when I lost my patience. I told him that a real son wouldn't lie in court to help his cheating mother, and that if he wanted to be part of her fantasy world where she's the victim, he could support her himself. He said he was going to help her as much as he could, but he's a college student with no money. I told him he'd have even less money now because I was done paying his tuition and expenses.

If he wants to choose his mother over me, he can figure out how to pay for college himself. Marcus looked shocked, like it never occurred to him that there might be consequences for his choices. He said he couldn't afford college without my help, and I told him he should have thought about that before he decided to testify against me. Sarah overheard this conversation and came running over, screaming that I couldn't punish Marcus for telling the truth. I told her that Marcus lied under oath, and now he gets to live with the consequences of that choice just like she has to live with the consequences of her affair. The current situation is that Sarah is staying with her sister, but her sister's husband is apparently getting tired of the arrangement. Sarah applied for several apartments, but her credit isn't great and she doesn't have recent employment history. Most places want first month, last month, and security deposit up front, which she can't afford even with the $25,000 from the divorce.

Marcus is back at college, but he called me last week begging me to reconsider cutting off his financial support. He said he's applied for student loans, but they won't cover all his expenses, and he might have to drop out. I told him he can get a job like thousands of other college students, or he can figure out how to rebuild our relationship. He asked what he would have to do, and I told him he'd need to admit that he lied in court and publicly apologize for defaming me. He said he didn't lie, that he was just sharing his perspective on our family dynamics. I told him that his perspective nearly cost me my house and my financial security, and that I wasn't interested in his revisionist history. I've been living alone in my house for a few months now, and honestly, it's pretty peaceful. No drama, no walking on eggshells, no wondering what Sarah is really doing when she's out.

I eat what I want, watch what I want, and don't have to account for my time to anyone. My brother thinks I'm being too harsh with Marcus, that he's just a kid who got caught in the middle of a bad situation. But I don't see it that way. Marcus made a choice to actively participate in trying to destroy me financially and legally. The fact that he's young doesn't excuse lying under oath. Sarah has been trying to contact me through mutual friends, asking for help with housing. A few people have suggested I should loan her money for an apartment deposit, for Marcus's sake. But I don't owe Sarah anything, and Marcus chose his side.

I worked my ass off for 18 years to build a life for my family, and they both threw it back in my face the moment it became convenient. Now they can figure out how to build their own lives without my help. Final update. Well, it's been two years, and I never thought I'd be posting another update, but Karma apparently isn't done with my family yet. Marcus got married last September to his college girlfriend Emma. I wasn't invited to the wedding, obviously, since we haven't spoken since the divorce proceedings. I found out about it through my brother, who heard from a family member. Sarah paid for the wedding with money she borrowed from someone, trying to make it look like she was doing fine financially.

Emma seemed like a nice girl when I met her that one time before everything went to shit. Smart, studying accounting, came from a decent family. I always thought Marcus was lucky to have someone like her, but apparently he didn't appreciate what he had. Three weeks ago, Emma found out Marcus was cheating on her. And get this, he was cheating with a married woman he was. met through his mother. Sarah had gotten a job, finally, and Marcus started hanging around there sometimes. He met this woman, Diane, who's about 35 and married with two kids. The affair came out because Diane's husband found text messages on her phone. He confronted Diane, she

confessed everything, and then the husband contacted Emma directly through Facebook to tell her what was going on. Apparently Marcus had been spending money they didn't have on hotels and with this woman, just like his mother did with David. Emma kicked Marcus out immediately. She filed for divorce within a week and moved back in with her parents. She cleaned out their joint bank account and returned her wedding ring to Marcus by throwing it at his face in the parking lot of his apartment complex. This is where it gets interesting for me. Marcus called me two weeks ago, crying on the phone, begging me to help him. He said Emma took everything and he can't afford his apartment or his car payments. He said he made a mistake and that he understands now what I

went through with he asked if I would help him pay for a lawyer for his divorce, and maybe help with rent until he can get back on his feet. I asked him if he was calling to apologize for lying about me in court, and he said that was different because he was protecting his mother. I told him to call me back when he was ready to admit he lied and asked for my forgiveness. Then I hung up. Sarah called me the next day. She's apparently also struggling financially. The job doesn't pay much because she's new and doesn't have a client base yet. Her sister's husband finally kicked her out, so she's been staying in a weekly motel that costs $300 per week. She asked if I would consider lending her money for first month and security deposit on an apartment.

I asked her why I would do that, and she said for the sake of our family and because Marcus needs stability while he's going through his divorce. I laughed out loud and told her that Marcus made his choice when he decided to testify against me, and she made her choice when she decided to fuck David in my shower. She started crying and saying that she knows she made mistakes, but that I'm being cruel and vindictive. She said the affair was a mistake and that she never meant for things to go as far as they did. I told her that spending $7,000 on another man wasn't a mistake, it was a choice she made

every single day for months. Then she said something that really pissed me off. She said that if I helped them now, it would show that I was the bigger person and that I had really forgiven them. Like forgiveness means I'm supposed to bankroll their lives after they tried to destroy mine. I told her that forgiveness doesn't mean funding their bad decisions, and that I wasn't interested in being the bigger person. I said I hope she and Marcus figure out how to live with the consequences of their choices, just like I had to learn to live with the consequences of mine. Marcus has called me three more times since then. Each call, he sounds more desperate. He's apparently behind on rent and his car is about to be repossessed. He dropped out of college

because he couldn't afford it without my help, and now he's working at a pizza place making $12 an hour. The last time he called, he finally said he was sorry for testifying against me, but he said it was because he believed his mother and thought he was doing the right thing. I told him that wasn't an apology for lying, it was an excuse for lying. There's a difference. Emma actually reached out to me a few weeks ago through Facebook. She said she wanted to apologize for not seeing through Marcus and Sarah's lies during the divorce proceedings. She said that going through her own divorce made her understand what I must have felt like being betrayed by people you trust.

The bottom line is that I'm done with both of them. They're both adults who made their choices and now they get to live with the consequences. I spent too many years enabling Sarah's behavior and trying to fix Marcus's problems. I'm not their safety net anymore. They burned that bridge when they decided to try to destroy my life in court. I hope you enjoy this story. Discovered numerous covert communications between my significant other and our common acquaintance in which she disparaged me and they schemed to engage in intimate relations solely to inflict pain on me, prompting me to gather all my belongings. And left while she was at work.

This is hard. We've been together for nearly eight years. We built a life together. So, there's so much to this but basically I did that thing. that everyone in a relationship should be wary of. I looked through her phone, and I found messages upon messages from a mutual friend who lives out of state now that were concerning. Basically I was going to leave right then and there, but I wanted to try to talk to her. So I gave her almost three chances to own up to it. The first time I was really vague and just

asked if there was someone else. She flat out denied. I thought I was prepared for her to deny, but turns out I wasn't. Then the other times I got more and more pointed. Finally she admitted that the guy had messaged her and flirted with her, but we knew he was that way and while she didn't tell him to fuck off she wasn't into it. Now I didn't see any messages from her at the beginning that showed she was exactly complicit in it. So while I didn't believe her, I tried to give her a chance. I know it's stupid, but we've been together for so long and we built a life together.

But then I dug again. And there it was. All of it. And worse, she took the time to insult me to him. That hurts. So fucking much that hurts. I know my faults and I know what I could have worked on in this relationship, but I really tried. Every day I tried.

But for her to tell someone else things about me like that, I can't help but feel broken. So, right now I'm waiting for her to wake up and leave for work. Then I'm packing what I can and heading to a friend's place and, I don't know. I spent eight years on this relationship and I'm going to walk away from it. I wrote a note out on my phone that I'm going to write up for her after she leaves. It says everything I can think to say. I mold over what to say nonstop. Somewhat satisfyingly I'm going to tell her how she did this.

To know that and remember that. And that if at any point she thinks we can okay that she fucked her. this and hurt me so much. I'm scared I'm lost and so much so I don't want to have to do this. But I have to and I know ultimately it's going to get better. But also fuck all of this. Edit 1, she's up now and getting ready for work. She tried to kiss me and apologized about tossing and turning all night and she knew it kept me up. I seem to be getting a lot of pushback on the letter. When she leaves I'm going to pack and I'll mull it over again. But I'll say this, if I decide to write and it ends up being a mistake then, so be it.

It felt nice to at least draft it out on my phone. I need things more real so I can convince myself more that I have to leave. Edit 2. She just left for work. I'm going to shower and truthfully let out a nice cry. Then pack my stuff. Lots of people are saying to straight ghost her and lots are saying a short and to the point note instead of letter. I'm going to contemplate that in the shower. She kept saying I love you and I was reluctant to say it back.

She said it three times and I kind of grumbled it out once. I'm certain once she reaches work she'll text me about that. I'm not going to respond to her while she's at work. She won't be home till probably eight tonight. Edit three, I'm packing up now. Kat seem to know something is up because they won't leave me alone. honestly breaks my heart. I've been mulling the letter over.

I reread it a few times. And I've decided on a short note just laying out that I know and I'm leaving. Essentially something like, I left. I know about you and him. Insert what I read and saw. I'm so utterly disappointed in you. I won't be answering my phone and I wish for you not to contact me. At some point we'll get together to discuss.

logistics. Also, I am reading everyone's comments. If I didn't reply, I'm sorry. To the people that have commented about going through something similar, I am so, so sorry you're going through this as well. I don't know what you'll be able to glean from my situation, but I hope something here and all of this helps y'all as well. Edit 4, I'm pretty much packed with what I can get out right now. Obviously there's a lot more. I'm writing the note and then leaving. I'll need to find food after I drop off what I have. This may be the last update since she won't be off till later tonight. But I'll respond to y'all when I can.

Gives me something to do. Edit 5, I'm at my friend's place. She's giving me the lay of the land. People have been talking about taking the cat. Currently that's not an option. Friend has three and a dog. My cats are spoiled and hate anyone that is. her and I. I'm not worried she'd do anything to them. If anything she's going to want them

around if she does get upset. Not that she deserves that, but it is what it is. Thank you everyone for the kind words and the advice. I'll respond to some of you again here soon. Someone asked me about my work. I work in equine care. It's actually really cool. I love my job and I love being there. So once I start going back in a few days it'll be a really good distraction. In a bit I'm going to get food and maybe walk around downtown and goof off. Also, my friend reminded me she's going out of town next week for a week. So I'll have the place to myself. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing.

But hey, she'll have someone to watch her animals while she's gone so there's that. I know I have a lot of figuring out to do. but I literally just left. Oh, and someone else mentioned they hope I find things to do to make myself happy. I had plans before all of this to go to the usual brewery with some friends tomorrow. Initially I was going to call some of them and tell what's going on and I need space, but thinking about it more it actually sounds like the perfect distraction. Edit 6, Got Food, Bond Me and a Might Eye if anyone was curious, and talked to a couple of friends.

So I'm sorry I haven't been replying. It's going to take a while to go through all the messages and comments, but what I've seen so far I want to say for the umpteenth time. Thank you y'all. Edit 7. Okay, this is my last update. Apparently I used a word that alt-right folks like to use, but it was used to describe me so whatever. I'm still trying to go through all the comments, but I saw some people had questions I'll do my best to address.

The friend is, well a friend. I don't know what else to say on that. There's nothing there. A guy and a girl can be friends and that's it. If this is weird for you guys then I'm sorry. I mean I don't know if this is going to be a straight move in. I'm still figuring things out. Some people have said I'm no better than her in eight years and not being married was already a bad sign and et cetera.

Well, I guess so. Like clearly this relationship. isn't working out. Look what it lead to. If that's my fault or her fault or her fault or whatever it is the situation I'm in. And on the note of what it lead to, a lot of people asked me what exactly was said or done. I realized I kept it vague and I supposed it was because I felt weird typing it out. But I don't mind telling you guys what I can. As far as I know she hasn't actually cheated E. fucked him. They messaged flirtatious things, calling each other hot. Segy, etc. And there's some pictures but no news. But the recent thing I found, and I'll touch on the going

through the phone thing next, it was messages about wanting to fuck each other. Straight up. That they missed a chance because of me. But, and this for me is the kicker, he apparently wants to make a, this is where that word was used, of me. And she seemed into it. They wanted to have segs and have me know they did, which is why I don't think they have yet. On the going through the phone thing, I know it was dumb. I know what I did. I don't advocate. But it is how I found about all of this. I just had suspicions that something was going on with someone. So it did that for me. Would I tell the next person to go through their partner's phone? I don't know. Probably not. I'd tell them if they find something it'll hurt cause this fucking hurts. And if they don't then they breach the trust

and privacy of their so for nothing and that in and of itself is a weird situation. I don't know folks. Does that help anyone? Should I elaborate more? Update one, so we had our talk last night. I got back and she tried to crack a couple of jokes like things were normal. I started it off and told her that I loved her. And I had for the nearly eight years, we were together. But this is something I can't forget or forgive. I told her I knew everything said between them. It disgusted me. That it hurt. Deeply. And that she did that. Now, I told her I didn't believe I'd be okay because of this for a long time. That's half true. This will of course take plenty of healing but I know I'll be okay. Now for her side, she told me that none of this had to do with

me. None of it was my fault. It was all her. Her mistake her fuck up. She had been feeling unhappy just about life for a while. She felt stuck in life and aimless. Then this guy, an ex-friend, came along and gave her attention and it distracted her from how unhappy she was with how her life was. But then it started to progress to a point she didn't know what to do. None of what she said she meant to him. She said it because she said it because she was. She said it because she was, she knew he wanted to hear it. That it almost didn't seem real to her. It almost felt like a game. I told her it was real to me. That she still said those things. But she can't take that back or undo it. She told me she never intended to hurt me. That that's been the hardest thing for her.

Because she knew I treated her better than anyone else will. That I'm the only person who had and will put up with her bullshit. She told me I really did treat her better than she deserved. This relationship is officially over, though. I know there's probably more I wish I could have said, but my real takeaway is that I can let go of it. Move on and start to live a new chapter of my life. I haven't told her this yet, I'm going to Monday, but I have an opportunity on a new place with a coworker.

Their roommate leaves in a few months. So that gives me time to save and get to say. some of my life back in order. I have a lot of work ahead of me. A lot of things to figure out. As plenty of people have pointed out, this will be the first time in a long time that I'll be financially and personally independent. I'll only have me to worry about. That's something that'll take some work. But I'm going to welcome the challenge and spend as much time as I can trying to be who I am more than ever. I also want to say from the bottom of my heart, sincerely, thank you to everyone that took the time to read and respond in the last post. This has been and will continue to

be one of the hardest things I've gone through. But you guys have been so amazingly gracious with your advice. I will always remember this and the kindness of random strangers on this silly little website. Update 2. Hey, sorry I haven't updated in a long time. First things first, I'm sick. Going to the doctor Monday. Think I have an ulcer in my stomach. Not sure. So I've been dealing with that. But as far as everything else, moving into my new place in about a week. Talk with X on and off. Wouldn't say things are friendly okay but we're being civil. There's nothing really for us to talk about anymore so it's been like once a week something random. We had lunch a couple weeks ago and she opened up a lot. She has growing to do, I do too, of course, and she's not doing anything with her. She's not doing anything with her. that guy just wants to focus on herself and bettering herself. Until this past week being too sick to go out, I've been hanging out with friends and goofing off. Tried to brave a small concert the other day but almost threw up while I was there.

I've been meaning to make an update and I'm sorry I haven't folks. Things are all right. I've got things going for me. Been basically focusing on that. Budgeting, making various lists of things I need and things I want to do, I'm getting two paid vacations this year, and just generally figuring out my life. Next story, was making secret videos as a surprise gift for my boyfriend before my two-week work trip, but when he came home early, and caught me, he thought I was cheating on him and stormed out of our apartment.

So, a little backstory here. I am an attorney who is doing well enough in her career, has a, that I get to go appear at a flurry of expert and witness depositions for an upcoming trial on my own for the first time. It involves a two-week traveling stint with lots of flights, driving, busy days and exhausting nights. It's the first time I will be away from my boyfriend for longer than a day since we've gotten together, because, you know, job things, I've known this was coming for months and so did boyfriend. We also live together and have done so for a little over a year now. I'm leaving next Monday. I decided that I wanted to do something a little special for boyfriend, let's call him Logan. While he's been in night class for the last few weeks I took to my laptop slash phone and decided to make some C-Vidios for him.

We're both highly sexual people and very affectionate. I wanted to give him some extra spank bank material while I'm working, essentially in communicato, for two weeks. This was also potentially spawned due to the fact that I grew up sexually repressed and have just recently within the last few months learned how to really orgasm and masturbate. I am proud. I was excited for my authenticity. I'm being adventurous. I was working on video number five. Showerhead Fun.

I was doing my thing at 5.45 p.m. with plenty of time before Logan's lab let out at 8.30 p.m. I didn't hear the front door open, but Logan sure heard me making noise. His lab had let out early. I left the bathroom door open to keep it from getting too steamy, so he rounded the corner and saw me, naked in front of the webcam rocking the detachable showerhead. Naturally he freaked out and cried out, what are you doing? I dropped the shower head and slammed the laptop shut in fright, which I assume made it look even more sketchy.

He stormed out of the bathroom and down the hall, picked up his bag ready to leave when I slid down the hallway in his tracks without even grabbing a towel. I told him to let me explain it is no way as bad as it looks. I wasn't camming with anyone I was making videos for him. Logan shouted at me that it was the stupidest excuse he had ever heard. This response was just, out of character for him. He's such a nice, calm, loving man.

We have had a perfect two years together and have never fought. Neither of us have raised our voices and any disagreement we have had has been resolved swiftly with actual adult discussion. He stormed out of our apartment and I have yet to hear from him. I've tried calling and texting him, leaving him crime. and pleading voicemails to try to tell him what I was really doing but he hasn't budged. I'm just sitting here at home terrified and I have no idea what to say or do at this point. Reddit, what in the hell do I do to fix this? Comment where Op has replied, drunker clunker, yikes.

This is a tough one, I'm not sure there's any way to prove to him that you weren't being shady. On one hand it would be nice if he trusted you enough to not jump to the worst conclusion, but I can see how catching you getting freaky in front of the laptop wouldn't look great. So, shit, I don't know. Maybe offer to let him go through your phone slash internet history and such, but even then he'll probably think, well, she just already deleted everything. Here's a question. Did you do anything in the videos that might indicate it was for him?

Like saying his name for instance. Oop, I can totally see why walking in on it and catching a snapshot of the situation can look really, really bad. He's never shown any indication of jealousy or distrust before. We're both very mellow and chill with each other. I truly don't blame him for his initial in the moment reaction. I'm going to go through the videos now to see if I've done anything like what you suggested, that's a great idea.

I've been doing this for a couple of weeks now and I don't remember off of the top of my head. I also just texted him, hey, Logan. I know I've been flooding you with messages, but I am really distraught about this and I don't want to lose you over this. This is the last message I'll send. I want you to be able to cool off and not feel pressured by me. Please believe me when I say that the videos, yes, videos, are for you. I've been secretly recording them for a few weeks now for you to have while I'm out of town for work. My Facebook info is, X, my email password is, X.

my ATT info is X for him to check my phone records, and you are more than welcome to come get my laptop and view the history. I know this is ridiculous, but I am willing to do whatever it takes for you to believe me. Update, it's been over 24 hours since this whole cluster fuck began and I haven't really been able to reply all day. I'm blown away by the response from my original thread, I never expected over 200 comments with a variety of different perspectives. I started replying to more comments this evening, but I figure it would be easier to just update everyone at once. Some FAQs, did you say his name in any of the videos? Did you have any introduction or are you just awkwardly jumping into it? No, no firm name usage. I did have intros that used generic pet names,

Baby, C, and the like. Nothing that specifically cements the fact that it was made for him. However, I did find something that stood out in one of my videos, more on that in a bit, how would he know you were on your webcam? I'm not sure how long he was standing there. I might not have seen him right away. I have a MacBook Pro that has a built-in camera so there's nothing attached to the top or plugged in. I can't say for certain but I presume he saw the screen. My bathroom setup is weird where there are two entry doors.

Why did you slam the laptop clothes? My initial thought was, oh my God, I'll ruin the surprise. It was a gut reaction. It was stupid. I should have paused and reacted better. Are you being a sneaky lawyer and laying the bait expecting Logan to discover this thread? As far as I know, Logan doesn't actively use Reddit. He never mentions it, I never say, hey, check out this thing on Reddit.

And he never does the same. I've never seen a flash of anything resembling Reddit if I happen to see a screen. So maybe he does use it, maybe he doesn't. I plan on deleting these posts fairly quickly because it's humiliating. Has Logan ever been cheated on? I can't say for certain. He's discussed his exes in the past and the reasons for their breakup never specifically included cheated. He never said he has, but he never has said he hasn't.

I'll follow up with this. Anyhow, here's how the last 24 hours have been. I went to bed last night tossing around the possibility of calling in sick the following day to throw myself a pity party. However, I ended up going to work today but progressively felt worse throughout the morning as I did not receive any contact from Logan. However, as I mentioned in my previous post-comment section, I texted Logan last night with what I perceived to be a very thoughtful explanation with Log and information to my social media, email, etc. I expected to be pinged right away that someone logged into my Facebook and email, but the pinged text slash email never came. By about 11.45 I was feeling so awful that I was preparing to pack up and go home for the day. I received a call from

the receptionist saying that I had to sign for a delivery from Jimmy John's right before noon. I was confused because I definitely didn't order any lunch. I asked her if she was sure. I was sure. it was for me and not other attorney with the same first name as me. She confirmed that it was me and I came down to get my food. Sure enough, Jimmy John's for me. I tentatively tossed around the idea of texting Logan and saying, thank you for the lunch but debated on whether or not sending him another text was a wise idea. I went back upstairs and by the time I got back to my desk, I already had a text myself from Logan. Hey, I'm sorry for my reaction last night. I should have heard you out instead of storming out like that.

We've been together for two years and you've never given me a reason to distrust you. I honestly think the videos are a little weird. I'm not sure why it just doesn't sit right with me although I appreciate the thought. I always love how you try to surprise me and show you care, but this is kind of a big thing and I wish you would have talked to me about it. I want to hear your side of the story specifically now that I've had time to think and process. I shouldn't have taken the time to think in the way that I did, but I know you're smart enough to know how this looks from my perspective. I'm really freaked out about the possibilities and just need some reassurance, I guess. I'll be home at 9 o'clock tonight and I don't want to talk about it right away, I just want to be with you.

Can we talk about this tomorrow? Without regurgitating the entire conversation, innocuous fluff not relevant to the issue, just exchanging niceties, saying I love you, etc. I ended the conversation by thanking him for the lunch surprise, it was very sweet, and told him I would never do anything to hurt him and I look forward to working through this with him. This evening I went through the two videos I didn't watch last night. I tried going through them last night but, A, they're awkward as fuck in retrospect so it was painful to watch knowing what I know now and, B, I just, wanted to go to bed. The second video I ever made did have something distinct to Logan. I was wearing a pair of lingerie he bought me and said something like

you still like these right. Remember when you bought them for my birthday last year? So when we talk tomorrow I'll at least be able to show him that. I don't believe it's airtight by any means, but it's the second video, meaning it's old, showing I've been doing this for a few weeks, and I think, well, surely it can't make it worse. So that's where I'm at. I'm CST so it's about 8-30-ish now so Logan will be home soon. I just wanted to update those that were following along, and it helped organize my thoughts too. Thank you to everyone who commented and provided me with perspective, advice, and occasionally laughed at my jokes. Here's to hoping I have something positive to share later. I hope you enjoy this story. My sibling in-law pleaded with me for $5,000

for a crisis, but later utilized it for a getaway instead. Consequently, I informed our guardians, who uncovered that she had also deceived them for $3,000. She's being forced to sell everything. My relationship with my stepsister used to be solid, we're both in our mid-20s, and we've generally gotten along well since our parents got married about 10 years ago. We even lived together for a couple of years and never had any serious drama. I trusted her, and I thought she trusted me. We're family.

So, about a month ago, she came to me and asked if she could borrow $5,000 for an emergency. She was super vague about it. I did ask what was going on. You don't just hand someone $5,000 without reason. But she looked on the verge of tears and said something like, I don't want to get into it, but I really need your help, it's urgent. I'll pay you back next month, I promise. She seemed panicked and desperate.

I figured if she was swallowing her pride to ask me for such a huge favor, it had to be serious. Maybe medical bills or some crisis she was too embarrassed to explain, I don't understand women's bodies so I thought it could be something related to that, so don't ask me for money in the comments, ha-ha. Anyways, after a bit of hesitation, I decided to help. I had to pull for my personal savings, money I'd set aside for other goals, but I gave her the $5,000. It was a lot of money for me, but I felt like I'd be a terrible brother if I didn't step up when she was begging for help.

Fast forward to this week. I found out, through our cousin, of all people, what that emergency really was. And it was complete BS. My cousin, who's close to both of us asked if my stepsis enjoyed her Hawaii vacation. I was like, huh? What Hawaii vacation? That's when the whole story came out. Apparently, my step-sister went on a luxury trip to Hawaii with her boyfriend last month,

literally right after she got the money from me. We're talking first-class tickets, a fancy resort, cocktails on the beach, the whole Instagram influencer package. At first I honestly thought there must be a mistake. Maybe my cousin mixed her up with someone else? But nope. My cousin showed me photos that my stepsis had sent her. There was my stepsis, posing on a sunny Waikiki beach with a drink in hand, living it up in paradise.

I asked my cousin why on earth my stepsister would send her those pictures, knowing she supposedly had no money and that I'd given her $5,000 for an emergency. My cousin then revealed that my stepsis had sent them specifically to show off and make her jealous. Bit of backstory, my cousin has always wanted to go to Hawaii but can't afford it. My stepsister knew this and apparently thought it'd be fun to rub it in. According to my cousin, my stepsist literally admitted that she managed to go to Hawaii and wanted to share some picks, clearly bragging. So not only did my step-sister lie to my face and basically steal my money, she also used the whole thing as an opportunity to one-up our cousin. I can't even fathom why she do something that mean-spirited aside from pure pettiness.

I am beyond furious. $5,000 is not pocket change for me. It took a big chunk out of my savings. I gave it to her because I truly believed she was in a crisis and needed help. To find out she blew it on a Hawaii getaway with her boyfriend, and then had the audacity to flaunt it, makes my blood boil. I've been sitting here stewing for a day, trying to figure out how to handle this. I hate family drama, and confronting her would definitely be a nuclear option. As of now, I haven't done anything yet because I'm still processing how messed up this is. This isn't a random friend or stranger scamming me, it's my own sister, well, step-sister, but we've been family for years. I never imagined she'd pull something like this given we normally got along

fine. I'm posting here because I'm angry as hell and honestly at a loss. Update 1. All right, I took about a day to cool off, or at least to not be seeing red, and then decided I had to confront my stepsister about those Hawaii photos. I figured I'd give her a chance to explain herself. if that's even possible, and see if she'd own up to the lie. I went over to her apartment after work, once I knew her boyfriend wouldn't be around, and told her we needed to talk. I didn't even sit down.

I came right out and said, Look, I know you went to Hawaii with the money I lent you. I've seen the pictures. Do you have anything to say for yourself? She tried to play dumb, acting like she had no idea what I was talking about. She was like, what photos? What trip? I never, and then started sputtering nonsense.

I shut that down by flatly saying our cousin's name and that I had seen all the vacation picks. At that point the facade fell, and she switched to trying to justify herself. And let me tell you, her explanation made me lose a few brain cells at least what was left of it. She basically redefined what an emergency was so that she could feel righteous about what she did. According to her, the emergency was actually her needing a mental health break. I shit you not, her defense was that she'd been so incredibly stressed by work and life that she had to take a luxury vacation or else she was going to have a breakdown. She framed it like if she didn't go on that trip, she might have had a serious mental collapse, and therefore it was practically a health emergency. Then she actually tried to guilt trip me for confronting her, saying I wouldn't understand how much pressure she was under and that I was being insensitive to her mental health.

health needs. I was standing there with my jaw on the floor, trying to process what she just said. I mean, I get that people need breaks, but you don't lie to your family and swindle them out of thousands for a fancy getaway. I told her point-blank that this was the biggest load of BS I'd ever heard. I said I sympathize if she's truly stressed, but calling a trip to Hawaii an emergency is absurd and deceitful. I reminded her that she knew I never would have agreed to give her the money if I'd known the truth. You don't get to decide a luxury vacation counts as an emergency. I basically said, you lied to me to get a vacation. That's not okay, and it's a massive betrayal. She didn't like that. She kept trying to turn it around on me, getting angry that I was attacking

her and claiming I have no idea what she's going through. There was a lot of circular arguing, her trying to justify, me calling out the lies, until finally she backed down a bit once she realized I wasn't buying it. Eventually, she muttered an apology, more like I'm sorry you're upset, but I really did need that break, not exactly taking full responsibility. She then promised she would pay me back. She said, I'll pay you back next month when I get my bonus from work, okay? I swear. She insisted she had always planned to pay me back once her work bonus came in. Funny how this plan was never mentioned until she got caught, I was still furious, but at that point I just wanted to get out of there before I exploded. I told her, fine. You have until the end of next month to pay me the full

$5,000 back. I also made sure to get it in writing. I pulled out my phone and texted her to confirm, just so we're on the same page. You will pay me $5,000 by end of next month, right? And she replied, yes, I promise. Great, now I have proof of her promise. I also took a screenshot, so that even if she deletes or removes it, I have some sort of proof. I have heard too many Reddit stories on YouTube to not cateck me lacking. Thank God that it even helps sometimes helps too. I left after that, still fuming but slightly may, that I might actually see my money again. I figured I'd give her one chance to follow through since she made a promise, and I have it documented. Plus, I wasn't ready to blow up the family over this if there was a chance she'd make it right

quickly. So, I agreed to wait for that bonus she talked about. We'll see what happens. Update 2. Next month came and went, and surprise, surprise, no payment for my step-sister. Color me shocked. I even gave her a full extra week past the date she had promised, just in her payroll was delayed or whatever. Still nothing. Not a peep from her about the money. So I finally reached out to her. I sent a message basically saying, it's been over a week since the date you were supposed to pay me back. Where's the mullah? She replied with a sobbed story. She claimed her work bonus was way smaller than expected, so she couldn't pay me back as planned. She said she felt bad about it and asked me to please be patient and give her a few more months to come up with the money.

That alone had me irritated, it was exactly what I feared would happen. But literally the next day after that conversation, I found out she bought herself a brand new designer purse. And not a cheap one, I'm talking a high-end handbag that easily costs around $5,000. Here's how I found out. A friend of mine was mindlessly scrolling on Instagram. and saw her real post flaunting her new purse using a different account. This friend knew about the whole situation and immediately texted me like, yo, isn't your sister supposed to be paying you back?

How is she buying that expensive bag? I checked her IG myself and yep, there she was, showing off this expensive purse with a caption like finally got my dream bag. I nearly blew a fuse. She's telling me she can't pay me because her bonus was small, but somehow she has the funds for a luxury handbag. I even looked up the retail price of that bag out of curiosity. It's in the $3,000, $5,000 range for a bag shipped from China with just their logo on it.

So basically, the money that could have gone toward repaying me likely went to this damn purse. At this point, I saw red. I wasn't even surprised, just angry that my suspicions were confirmed. I called her up and as soon as she answered, I asked, why the hell do I see you on Instagram with a brand new Louis Vuitton when you can't pay me back? She immediately got irritated at me. She said, that's none of your business. I'll pay you back when I can, okay?

Just stop harassing me about it. Harassing her. Amazing. I told her she basically stole my money for her vacation and now has the nerve to splurge on luxury items instead of paying me back. She just kept saying, I said, I'll pay you back, just give me time, and acted like I was a huge jerk for pressing her. She wouldn't give any firm timeline, just vague excuses. That was the last straw.

She clearly has zero intention of taking responsibility and less forced. I'm done being patient or polite. $5,000 isn't something I can just write off, and beyond the money, the principal here is insane. She lied and effectively stole from me. I'm not going to just let that go while she buys herself treats. After cooling off a bit from that call, I started looking into my options. I talked to a couple of close friends, and I saw the advice from some commenters on my original post, and they all basically said this is not okay and I might need to take legal action.

Suggestions ranged from taking her to small claims court to outright filing a police report for fraud. I was this close to going down that route. but going through legal hassles is time-consuming and stressful. So I decided on a different approach first, can you guess? I might get Papa and Step Mama involved. We'll update after talking to them. Update 3. Read previous posts for contexts. Before involving cops or lawyers, I figured I should tell our parents what was going on

and see if they could talk some sense into her, or at least back me up. Normally I hate airing private family drama, but she crossed a line and it's beyond what I can handle alone. So I called up my dad and my stepmom, who is my stepsister's mother, and asked if we could get together to discuss something important. We ended up meeting at their house over the weekend. I sat them down and basically spilled everything. To say my dad and stepmom were shocked would be an understatement. And here's something I didn't know, I wasn't the only family member she hid up for a August emergency loan. When I mentioned the timing, that she borrowed the money from me about a month ago, my dad and stepmom exchanged a look. Then they told me that around that same time, she had also

asked them for money. Her story to them was that her car needed an urgent repair. She claimed her car was unsafe to drive and she didn't have the cash to fix it, so they lent her about $3,000 for those repairs. Of course, there were no car repairs, it was all a lie to get more Hawaii funds. We realized my step-sister had essentially funded her entire luxury vacation by scamming her family. She got $5,000 out of me and $3,000 out of our parents, and who knows if she borrowed or stole from anyone else. Probably the only reason she didn't hit up more relatives is that she'd gathered what she needed for the trip. My dad was absolutely livid. I don't think I've ever seen him that mad at either of us. He's usually a calm, reasonable guy.

but he was pacing the living room ranting about how this is basically fraud and theft. My stepmom was furious too, you could tell she was both angry at her daughter and deeply embarrassed that she'd lied to all of us. They both agreed this was completely unacceptable and that they'd support me in getting my money back, and getting their money back, of course. My dad even said, if she weren't my stepdaughter, I'd be calling the police right now. Coming from him, that's a big deal, because he hates the idea of involving cops and family matters, but he was that angry. My dad called up my step-sister and told her to come over to the house that day, without giving her a detailed reason. He just said something like we need to talk,

family emergency. She showed up a couple hours later and found me, dad, and her mom all waiting in the living room. She immediately looked wary and was like, what's going on? Why is everyone all serious? She probably thought someone died or something. Well, in a sense, it was the death of her free ride. My dad unloaded on her. He told her we know everything. At first she tried the usual denial and deflection. I don't know what you're talking about, and it's not what you think, etc., but three of us firing off questions shut that down quick. She pretty much crumpled into a chair and started crying. But notably, I didn't hear a straight apology at first. Instead, she was sobbing about how life has been so hard for her. She was,

her lately. She said she didn't know how to handle her problems and felt cornered, so she made bad choices. She also mumbled something about being in debt and extremely stressed, which was the first we'd heard about her being in any financial trouble. My stepmom shot back that being stressed is no excuse to screw over your family. Dad was boiling over and basically told her that what she did was inexcusable and tantamount to fraud. He actually said, if you weren't my stepdaughter, I'd be speaking to the police right now. That made her cry even harder. She kept saying she didn't want to go to jail and that she was sorry and would make it right. We pressed her on how exactly she planned to make it right, considering she had told me just days

ago that she needed a few more months and then went and bought a designer purse. She didn't have a good answer, just more bawling and I messed up big time. My stepmom was irate and told her she'd better figure out a way to pay every cent back immediately or else. We didn't explicitly say or else we'll go to the police, but it was heavily implied. I also made it clear that she hadn't just wronged me. Doing the same thing to mom and dad was unbelievably low. At one point my step-sister tried to claim she was going to pay us all back eventually, but none of us were willing to believe that without a concrete plan. Then came the hard part, deciding what to actually do. The three of us, me, and my parents stepped aside for a bit to talk privately while she sat in the kitchen. We agreed that

we'd give her one last chance to fix this within the family, but it would come with some serious conditions and oversight. We called her back into the room and basically laid it out. My dad told her point-blank that she needs to pay back every dime to me and to them, fast, or else the next call would be to the cops. She was still blubbering and saying, I'm trying, I'm trying, but we needed actual action, not just words. We gave her a week to figure something out and ended the conversation there and that's how. I am writing this here on Reddit. We'll update in a week or two. Small update. I was out at a bar with a few buddies, my gym friends who know about the drama, basically kidnapped me and took me out saying I needed a beer. While we're there, guess who shows

up? My stepsister's boyfriend strolls in with two of his own friends. I see, saw them come in and just hoped we could all ignore each other. Nope. These guys make a beeline for me. The boyfriend is visibly pissed. He gets right up in my face and I for real could smell dead rats from his mouth and he starts going off about how I caused a bunch of trouble for my step-sister. He told me I needed to back off and stop harassing her and accused me of trying to fuck her life over. It was a bizarre rant. I barely know this guy, so him confronting me out of no, nowhere was a shock. He was clearly looking for a fight, basically threatening that I'd regret it if I didn't leave her alone. His two buddies flanked him like backup goons. Now, I'm not a huge guy

and I'm not into bar fights as I'm into women, so for a second I actually thought I might get my ass kicked. But the thing is I wasn't alone. I was with three of my Jim brothers, and my friends are big dudes. Two of them work as bouncers on the side, just to give you an idea. As the boyfriend is puffing himself up at me, my friends all stand up from our table. One of my buddies, who's six feet five inches, and built like a tank, steps forward and says calmly, is there a problem here? The boyfriend's bravado vanished real quick. He went from agro to uh-oh in seconds.

One of his pals muttered, nah man, let's not do this, and actually pulled the boyfriend back. The boyfriend, suddenly not so tough, started mumbling trash about me being a snitch and that I'd better watch myself, even as he was retreating. Then they all bailed out of the bar. Not gonna lie, seeing him turn tail was pretty satisfying. The gall of that dude, acting like I'm the villain for telling my own parents and I could have gone to the police, you know? When he literally enjoyed a free luxury on my dime.

I made sure my parents knew about this little incident, just in case the clown tries something else. My dad was fuming when I told him. He even called out my step-sister about it. She claimed she had no idea her boyfriend would confront me, and honestly I believe her, she probably just told him I snitched. Either way, my parents made it crystal clear to her that if anything like that happens again,

the police will be involved immediately. So, yeah. Fun times. Update 4. It's been about another week since the big confrontation at my parents' house. For a few days after that bar incident, my step-sister basically went M-I-A, she ignored calls and texts from me and from our parents. I suspect she was hiding out of embarrassment, and maybe trying to think of a way out. Of course, that only made my dad more

furious. He was about ready to drive to her apartment and bang on the door, but my stepmom convinced him to give her a little space to cool off. They did warn her via texts that she needed to come back over and discuss how she was going to pay us back, or else we'd be taking further action. Eventually, she agreed to come over. We all sat down again in my parents' living room, me, my dad, my stepmom, and one very miserable-looking step-sister. I guess the stress is hitting her now. The first thing my dad said was basically, we've given you time. We need to know what your plan is to pay us back. There was a long silence, and then she just crumbled. She started sobbing and said she had no way to pay us back right now because she's essentially

broke and in serious credit card debt. Those weren't her exact words, but pretty much the gist. We all sat there quietly while she spilled everything. She finally admitted the full truth. She's been living way beyond her means for a while. She has multiple maxed-out credit cards and the Hawaii trip, plus her regular spending, pushed her over the edge. I asked her bluntly, how much debt are you in? And after some hesitation, she confessed its upwards of $30,000 spread across several cards. Honestly, what the hellie? It's worse than I thought. She explained, through a lot of tears, that she felt completely overwhelmed by her finances, and she lied to me and to our parents because she was desperate for cash and desperate for a vacation to escape her

stress. She kept saying she was sorry, that she never meant for it to go so wrong, but and that she thought she could fix it on her own, but everything spiraled out of control. My stepmom was clearly upset but had shifted into problem-solving mode. She told my stepsister something along the lines of, here's what's going to happen. You're going to get your act together and pay back every cent you owe to us, to your stepbrother, and to the credit card companies,

and your father and I are going to make sure of it. Then she gave something of a plan. One, sell her car immediately. Her SUV is fully paid off and could fetch enough to repay what she owes me and my parents. She cried that she needs her car for work, but my dad flat out told her it's happening, non-negotiable, too. Move back in with our parents. This way she won't pay rent for a while, and they can monitor her spending and help her budget. She was clearly embarrassed by this condition, but she didn't fight it. Three. Sell off her designer purses and other luxury items.

All the money from those sales will go straight toward paying down her debts. Goodbye, Dream Bag, 4. Cut up all but one of her credit cards. My parents had her literally destroy the excess cards on the spot. She kept one for emergencies that they'll monitor. Through all of this, my stepsister was just sobbing and saying, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry over and over. I do believe she's sorry, sorry for getting caught and hitting rock bottom, at least.

She's also clearly very angry about the consequences. She wouldn't even look at me at all during this meeting. The only time she addressed me was when I directly asked, so when can I expect my $5,000 back? She mumbled that as soon as her car sale goes through, I'll be paid. My dad quickly confirmed that, yes, I will be getting my money back out of the car sale proceeds first, then they'll recoup their $3,000, and any remaining money will go toward her credit card balance. I guess that's all folks, I'm so done with this whole thing.

My step-sister is furious with me for telling on her, as if I was supposed to just keep her scam a secret. She has barely said two words to me outside of that meeting. But if she wants to blame me, so be it. I know, and my dad and step-mom know that I didn't cause this, her own actions did. I'm just glad I stood up for myself and didn't let her string me along. If I had kept quiet, she'd probably still be out there racking up debt, and I'd have zero chance of seeing my money again. At least now there's a resolution in motion. I hope you enjoy this story. My sibling spouse made advances towards me, but I turned them down. They then created false text

messages to deceive my relatives into believing that I was attempting to take them away from my sister. And they cut me off for three years until my sister found out he was the one cheating. I, 27F now, am the younger sister in this situation, and my world pretty much imploded three years ago. My older sister, I'll call her Jane, 31F, has been married to my brother-in-law, Mike, 33M, for about five years. We all used to be a close-knit family. I honestly thought Mike was a decent guy and a good husband to my sister. I had no reason to suspect anything was off, until one night changed everything. It was a family dinner party at our parents' house. Towards the end of the evening, Mike cornered me in the kitchen while I was alone cleaning up.

He was a bit tipsy, and at first, I assumed he was coming in to help or just chat. Instead, he told me he had feelings for me and that he felt a strong connection between us. I remember him saying something gross along the lines of we should explore this connection when my sister wasn't around. I was completely taken aback and immediately shut him down. I told him to cut it out and that he was disgusting for even thinking about cheating on my sister, and with her own sister, no less. Mike quickly backpedaled, claiming it was just a joke and that I was overreacting. He even tried to laugh it off like it was some ha-ha funny misunderstanding.

I was not buying it at all. His tone had been serious until I rejected him. I just stormed out of the kitchen and made sure I wasn't alone with him for the rest of the night. I didn't tell my sister right then. In hindsight, maybe I should have, but I was in shock and honestly afraid of blowing up her marriage or causing a huge family scene. I figured if I just stayed away from him, it would protect me and avoid hurting Jane. Over the next few weeks, I went low contact with them. I skipped a couple of family gatherings to dodge Mike. I thought maybe he realized what a line he crossed and that he'd keep his distance too. Well, a few

weeks later I got a phone call from my sister. Jane was hysterical, screaming at me the second I picked up. She accused me of seducing her husband and trying to steal him away. I remember her yelling, how could you do this to me? You've been coming on to Mike for months, you homewreck her. I was so shocked I couldn't even speak at first. When I finally collected myself, I tried to tell her that she had it completely backwards, he was the one who came on to me. But she wasn't listening at all. She told me that Mike had confessed to her that I had been pursuing him relentlessly, and apparently he even showed her screenshots of text messages to prove that I had been begging him to leave her. I was floored. I told her to please look at my actual phone, because those messages

were obviously fake or from a spoof number, my real chat history with Mike would show I never sent anything like that. I had nothing to hide and was desperate to prove it. Jane refused to even consider it and said I probably deleted the evidence. She said Mike warned her I would try to lie my way out of it. He had been priming her to think I was after him, and it worked. It turned out that Mike had spun this elaborate story painting me as some jealous, deranged little sister trying to steal her husband. He told her I had flirted with him at that dinner party and many times before, and that he'd been fighting off my advances out of loyalty to her. He claimed I became unhinged when he refused to leave her, and that I started begging and harassing him. The level of detail he put into this

lie, including those fake texts, is honestly terrifying. To this day I have no idea how he fabricated those screenshots so convincingly. He must have used a spoof app or something to impersonate my number. My sister believed him wholeheartedly. Nothing I said made a difference. She even said she felt betrayed by her own blood. She told my parents and the entire family her version of what was happening before I even knew what was being said about me. By the time I tried to reach out to my parents to explain, they had already taken my sister's side completely. My mother wouldn't hear me out. She told me she was disgusted with me and never expected such cruelty from her daughter. My father said I needed to apologize immediately to my sister and to Mike for trying to

wreck their marriage. My extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even many of our family friends all heard this story. Mike and my sister made sure everyone knew that I was, in their words, a homewrecker who tried to sleep with her sister's husband. I was basically run out of town by this smear campaign. People I had known my whole life were looking at me like I was some predator in my own family. I was beyond devastated and furious. I cut off contact with Mike and my sister completely after that blow up. I tried to reason with my parents one more time, pleading with them to actually look at my phone or let me show them anything to prove my innocence. They shut me down and said it was only making things worse that I refused to take responsibility.

According to them, the more I insisted I was innocent, the more I was hurting my sister. It was insane. The only person who half believed me was my older brother. We have a brother, 34M, who lives in another state. He told me that the accusations felt out of character for me, but he was hesitant to fully take my side without proof. There was no convincing proof I could give, since the evidence was faked and no one would look at my actual data. At that point I had lost my family and a lot of friends. I was basically persona non grata in my hometown. I decided there was nothing left for me there. I ended up accepting a job offer in another state. I was basically, I'd been considering it before, and this fiasco pushed me to go for it. I moved about 1,000 miles

away to get away from the gossip and judgment. Honestly, I ran away to survive. The stress of being falsely accused and shunned by everyone was eating me alive. I needed a fresh start where I wasn't that home wrecker. So I moved to Colorado and slowly built a new life. I found an apartment, focused on my career, and eventually met a wonderful guy who is now my boyfriend. He knows the whole story and has been super supportive. I went from talking to my family every day to almost complete silence. Over the last three years, I only communicated with my parents a handful of times, and those were mostly one-sided conversations where they'd ask if I was done with my temper tantrum

and ready to apologize to my sister. Yeah, seriously, I basically went no contact with Jane and Mike. I still followed family news through my brother or occasionally social media, but I was living as if I didn't have parents or a sister anymore. It hurt like hell, but I kept telling myself I did nothing wrong and I couldn't make them see the truth if they refused to look. That was my life for three years. A weird mix of peace, away from the toxic drama and sadness, missing the family I thought I had. I never expected anything to change. But a few weeks ago, completely out of the blue, my sister Jane called me.

I almost didn't pick up because I still had her number blocked. I only saw it was her because she called from our parents' phone. I answered thinking something terrible must have happened, because why else would she be calling after three years of radio silence? As soon as I said hello, I heard Jane sobbing. Like really sobbing, the kind of crying where you can barely get words out. I got instant goosebumps because my first thought was that someone died or something awful. It took a couple of minutes for her to calm down enough to speak in full sentences.

The first clear thing she said was, I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. We were wrong. I was totally caught off guard. I didn't even know what to say at first, I just stood there in my kitchen with my heart pounding, listening to my estranged sister apologize over and over. Eventually, Jane managed to explain what had happened. Turns out, Mike has been cheating on her with multiple women for who knows how long, and she just found out. He apparently got sloppy or arrogant. And Jane discovered concrete evidence.

I think she found flirty messages on his phone or maybe one of the other women contacted her. When she confronted him, a ton of ugly truths came spilling out. According to Jane, Mike confessed that he lied about. me years ago. He admitted that he did come on to me at that party and that when I rejected him, he panicked because he thought I might tell everyone what he did. So, in his words, he had to be proactive. Being proactive meant turning the tables and accusing me first so that I would have no credibility if I ever exposed him. He literally said he figured no one would believe me after he painted me as the scheming home-wrecking sister. I guess in his twisted mind, that was

easier than owning up to his own behavior or, you know, not hitting on his wife's sister in the first place. Jane was crying the whole time she told this to me. I had imagined this phone call or this moment so many times, the moment Jane would finally believe me, and now that it was happening, I didn't even know what to feel. Jane kept saying how sorry she was for not trusting me and for turning everyone against me. She said I had every right to hate her, but begged me to let her come see me because she had nowhere else to go. At this point, I learned that our parents were actually taking Mike's side in her current situation, more on that in a bit, so she truly felt alone. She said she understood if I slammed the door in her face, but she was going to divorce

Mike and had already left him, and she literally had no one except me now. I won't lie, this was extremely conflicting. This same sister had basically thrown me to the wolves based on nothing but her cheating husband's lies. That betrayal ran deep. Part of me wanted to tell her to go to hell and deal with the fallout herself. But, she's my sister, and she was clearly in a horrible situation. I could hear the desperation and heartbreak in her voice. In the end, I told her she could come. With conditions. I made it clear that this wasn't an automatic forgiveness or that everything was okay between us now. I said she could stay with me for a couple of weeks, just until she got on her feet, but that we'd need to have some serious talks about everything that happened. About a week later she

showed up on my doorstep, and it was just intense. My boyfriend, 30M, was with me for support when she arrived, but I asked him to give us some space for a bit after the initial reunion. It was awkward at first. She was crying, again, and I admittedly was pretty cold initially. I think I said something like, I need you to know that I'm still really angry with you, but I'm willing to help you right now. She nodded and said she completely understands and that I have every right to feel that way. There weren't any big hugs or anything dramatic. It was more like two hurt people trying to navigate a mess. Over the next few days, Jane and I talked a lot. She finally heard my side of what happened three years ago, because she actually let me

speak this time. She was horrified at how she had treated me. But what really struck me was the new information she shared about Mike's manipulation over the years. Honestly, it gave me chills. Jane said that in hindsight, he had been gaslighting her for a long time, and not just about me. For example, she told me that whenever I used to come over or we all hung out, Mike would later make little comments to her like, Your sister sure was touchy with me today, I hope she knows I'm just joking around, even if I barely interacted with him. He was subtly planning the idea that I was interested in him or at least not respecting boundaries, which at the time she just brushed off. He also made her think I was kind of boy crazy and untrustworthy with men in general. For context,

I dated around in my early 20s, nothing wild, but he twisted that to imply I had a pattern of going after taken men, which is absolutely untrue. It was like he was running a long con to poison the well, so to speak. By the time he made that big lie about me, Jane was already conditioned to doubt my character. I sat there listening to this, it's one thing to suspect someone is manipulative, but hearing the extent of his gaslighting just made my skin crawl. Jane also admitted that he had been gaslighting her and their marriage about other things, like if she ever thought he was cheating before, he deflect and make her feel crazy for even questioning him. Classic stuff like accusing her of not loving him or being paranoid whenever she brought up concerns. She said she doubted her own sanity

at times because he was so adamant that she was the problem. Anyway, as for the immediate situation, Jane is dead serious about divorcing him. She's already met with a divorce attorney and started the paperwork. I was proud of her for that. She's showing more resolve than I honestly expected, given how under his thumb she was. She also filed for a restraining order after he was. She also filed for a restraining order after he blew up at her when she left. Apparently when she first told him their marriage was over, he went ballistic, yelling, swearing, and she decided right then to get a TRO, temporary restraining order.

Smart move. She's been documenting every nasty text and voicemail from him since. Meanwhile, our parents have been. Well, not great. They are in deep denial about who Mike really is. Jane tried to tell them about the cheating and even about the admission that he lied about me. But my mom basically said,

there are two sides to every story, and that Jane shouldn't throw away her marriage over some mistakes. My dad was insisting that she think of counseling and forgiveness. It's wild, they were ready to excommunicate me over an imaginary affair, but now that their son-in-law has literally cheated on their daughter for real, and lied extravagantly, they're acting like she's overreacting by leaving him. Jane and I suspect a couple of things. One, they're embarrassed they believed Mike's lies and trashed me, and two, I think Mike has been doing

damage control with them, probably feeding them more BS to make himself the victim. So, that's where things stand after week one of this reunion. I let my sister stay in the guest room, and we're taking it day by day. It's strange, I have a lot of anger towards her still, but I also feel protective of her as my sister. She's going through hell, and I can see that. We agreed to keep communication open and honest between us. I told her trust will take time to rebuild, and she said she'll do whatever it takes to earn it. For now, I'm helping her get through this separation from Mike safely. We've been in contact with a few of the other women he cheated with. Yeah, she found out there were

multiple affairs, to gather evidence and possibly friendly witnesses if things get ugly in the divorce. It's been an absolutely crazy few weeks, but at least the truth is coming out. Update 1. My brother-in-law Mike has completely lost it now. A few days after my last update, we got news that Mike went on a destructive rampage back in the house my sister had shared with him. Jane wasn't there, she's still staying with me, thankfully. It seems Mike showed up to their house drunk and absolutely lost his mind. From what neighbors and the police told us, he was screaming and breaking things, he smashed their living room window with a patio chair, destroyed some furniture, and generally trashed the place. The neighbors heard the commotion

and actually thought someone might be heard, so they called the cops. The police arrived and found Mike in a drunken rage, and they arrested him on the spot. He's facing charges from my sister for property destruction, domestic disturbance, and who knows what else, probably public intoxication, maybe even violating the restraining order if that covers the home, not sure on the technicalities. Jane was really shaken up hearing about this. Even though she wasn't there to see it, just knowing that is scary. We went over to the house, with police escort, the two days during daylight to assess the damage and get some of her remaining personal items. It was surreal, broken glass everywhere, overturned furniture, holes in the drywall. He even

Even spray painted something nasty on the bedroom wall. It said F you, except the full words, in huge letters. Real classy. We grabbed important documents, some sentimental items, and her clothes, and got out of there. Neither of us want her setting foot in that house again if we can help it. As if that wasn't enough, Mike somehow got a hold of my phone number. I have no idea how, I had changed it after moving states and only family had the new number. My guess is that in the chaos of everything, our parents might have given it to him, maybe thinking he wanted to apologize or talk to me, who knows? Or he obtained it through some online people finder.

However he did it, the fact is he started harassing me directly. I began getting calls and texts from unfamiliar numbers with area codes from back home and also random ones. At first I didn't answer, but the voicemails and texts made it obvious it was him. He was sending me the most vile crap you can imagine, calling me every name in the book, accusing me of turning his wife against him, saying I'd owe him for the damage I've caused. It was unhinged. I blocked each number as they came, but he'd just use a different number or some texting app. It's downright stalking slash harassment. I saved all the evidence to give

to the police because now I'm considering getting my own restraining order against him as well. Jane already has hers, but we might need to extend it to cover me too. Now, the family angle. My parents have unfortunately not snapped out of their delusion yet. In fact, after Mike's rampage and arrest, he somehow spun the story to make himself the victim when talking to my parents. I don't know exactly what he told them, but the result was my parents calling me in a panic, believing that my sister is having some kind of mental breakdown and that I'm feeding into it. It was absurd.

They literally said Mike told them that Jane isn't in her right mind and that I'm encouraging her to destroy her life and marriage. He apparently suggested that Jane's allegations of him cheating are false and a result of me brainwashing her because you're bitter. I couldn't make this up if I tried. So my mom and dad started imploring me to please send your sister home and to stop filling her head with nonsense. They were more upset at the fact that Jane had fled to me than that Mike had just been

arrested for wrecking the house. The twisted irony is unbelievable. The conversation with my parents devolved into them actually threatening to disown me, as if we aren't already basically no contact, if I didn't cooperate. My mom said something like, if you don't fix this and get your sister to come to her senses, then don't bother calling us daughter or parents anymore. That hurt, I'll admit, even though I was furious. I told them in no uncertain terms that I was done tolerating their denial and that I was not sending Jane back into a harmful situation just to make them comfortable. I also might have yelled that they should be ashamed of themselves for choosing a lying cheater over both their daughters. It got heated and ended with me hanging up on them for probably

the first time in my life. The one somewhat positive thing is with our brother, the one who initially half believed me. He took it upon himself to investigate Mike's claims independently after he heard about the current chaos. I think seeing how upset our parents were and how dire things got made him realize something wasn't adding up. He actually contacted a acquaintance who works at the same company as Mike to discreetly ask what the deal is. Well, according to this coworker and a couple others, Mike's cheating was practically an open secret at his workplace. Apparently Mike has been flirting and messing around with multiple women there, and people knew him as that guy who cheats on his wife. The co-worker even said we always wondered how Jane didn't know. So yeah, my brother basically

got confirmation from third parties that Mike is a serial cheater and liar. My brother was livid. He apologized to me for not believing me back then and said he feels like an idiot forever giving Mike the benefit of the doubt. He took all this information to our parents. I wasn't there for that conversation, but it sounds like he laid into them with a reality check. Unfortunately, even with this evidence, my parents remained in a mix of denial and stubbornness. My dad's reaction was something along the lines of, even if that's true, marriages can be saved. This isn't a reason to throw everything away. I cannot express how frustrated that made my sister.

She told them, he lied to you about your own daughter and you're still defending him? And they just kept saying they only want what's best and not to act rashly. It's like they've dug in so deep, they can't admit they were so wrong about him. Or maybe there's another reason they're so desperate to keep him around. So, that's where we were after the Rampage Incident. Mike was in jail overnight and then released on bail. His brother bailed him out, I think. He's awaiting a court date for the charges.

Jane is safe with me, though we're both pretty on edge now, knowing how unstable he is. I did go ahead and speak with a lawyer about getting a restraining order for myself, and we're in the process of that. We changed our phone numbers and are super careful about our whereabouts. I even alerted my apartment building security about the situation and gave them his photo, so they'd know to call the cops if they saw him around. I'm not playing around with this lunatic. My parents, sadly, are still drinking the Kool-Aid. They have not cut contact with Mike and seem to think Jane is just emotional and will eventually forgive him if it weren't for my influence. I can't talk to them right now, it's too infuriating and hurtful. For now, I'm focusing on keeping

my sister safe and getting that divorce and legal protections in place. Update 2. A few days after the last update, Mike flew out to Colorado where I live. Yes, he got on a damn plane and showed up in my city, presumably to hunt down his wife and me. One evening, my sister and I were at my apartment winding down for the day, I was in the kitchen making tea and she was watching TV. Suddenly, we hear this loud banging on my front door. Not just knocking, but full on pounding, as if someone was trying to break it down. We both froze for a second.

Then we heard Mike's voice shouting on the other side, I know you're in there. Open the fucking door. My heart jumped into my throat. Jane looked like she was about to have a panic attack. I immediately called 911 on my cell while telling Jane to go lock herself in the bathroom or bedroom. While I was on the phone with dispatch, Mike continued to rage outside the door. He was yelling horrible stuff, you bitches ruined my life. And, Jane, you belong with me, you can't hide.

Along with a bunch of incoherent drunken rambling. He started hitting or kicking the door, and I honestly, thought he might break it down if the cops didn't arrive soon. I was terrified. The police thankfully showed up within about five minutes, though it felt like forever. I don't think Mike realized I had called them, because when they arrived and shouted for him to step back, he sounded surprised. There was a lot of yelling, from the cops, from Mike, and I heard a scuffle. I was still on the phone with 911 when it went quiet outside. After a moment, one of the officers knocked and identified himself.

I opened the door to see Mike being held down on the hallway floor by two officers and another officer standing by. Mike was red-faced, maybe crying or just extremely drunk, or both. He started yelling again when he saw me and my sister in the doorway, something like this isn't over. And the cops had to basically drag him out while cuffed. They arrested him on the spot for trespassing, harassment, and resisting arrest, because he definitely did not go quietly.

That incident was the final straw for a lot of people. Firstly, it scared the crap out of me and Jane. We knew he was unstable, but him actually coming all the way here and doing that. It's a whole new level of dangerous. We're pursuing further legal action. Our restraining orders are being adjusted and extended, and we plan to throw the book at him for any applicable charges.

I've also talked to my apartment management and dug into them on how was he even allowed when I specifically told them not to allow him anywhere near us. Now they're letting us break our lease without penalty, because we don't feel safe here anymore. We'll be moving to a new place, still in the city, but undisclosed and hopefully unknown to him. Now, as for my parents, this finally, finally opened their eyes. Or at least it knocked some sense into my dad. Just a few hours after the arrest, my father called me. He sounded shaken and was basically at a loss for words.

He apologized to me, plainly and sincerely, for not believing me from the start. My mom got on the phone too and she was crying. She also apologized this was a big deal because my mother is not one to ever admit being wrong. She told me the truth about why they were so resistant to cutting Mike off or seeing his faults. Apparently, Mike had been financially helping my parents quietly over the last couple of years. I knew my dad had some health issues and had to retire early, but I didn't realize they were struggling. It turns out Mike was giving them money every month to help with the mortgage and some medical bills. My parents say this isn't an excuse for what they did, but it did cloud their judgment.

They didn't want to lose that support, and they convinced themselves it wasn't that bad because they felt indebted to him. I have very mixed feelings hearing this. The bottom line is, my parents have now completely cut ties with Mike. They told me they threatened to report him to the police if he ever contacts them again. They are standing by my sister, finally. They even offered to come out here to help out, but for now I told them to hold off until we're a bit more stable and ready. There's a lot of healing needed before I'm ready for a full family reunion. But I appreciate the gesture, and I do feel some sense of vindication that they actually believe me now. It's just sad that it took things going this far for them to see the truth. In the aftermath of all this, we're trying to

move forward. Jane actually got a job offer in Denver. She had been applying to a few places since she decided she won't be going back to her old house or city. She's accepted the offer and it starts next month. So she's going to be staying in Colorado long term, which I'm really happy about. We've started apartment hunting for her so she can have her own place once the dust settles a bit more. In the meantime, we're both going to therapy individually and we have plans to do some family therapy with our parents in the near future. There are a lot of wounds and trust issues to work through, but at least now everyone is on the same page about where the blame lies squarely on Mike. Mike, for his part, is facing some serious consequences. Between the rampage at his house and the incident at my apartment, he's got multiple charges in two different states.

My sister's divorce case is strengthened by all of this, obviously. I don't know what ultimately will happen to him, legally or otherwise, and frankly I don't care as long as he stays the hell away from us. We've heard through the grapevine that he's lost his job as well. Hard to keep a job when you're getting arrested and your workplace knows you as the office creep. Good riddance. So, that's the saga. It's been absolutely crazy, not going to lie.

The silver lining is that I have my sister back in my life and the truth is out. Hopefully this is the last I'll ever have to speak of Mike. We're working on moving on from this mess. I hope you enjoy this story. My spouse's mother covertly swapped my contraception tablets with placebo pills to manipulate me into a dangerous pregnancy so she could extend her stay in our household indefinitely. I, a 33-year-old woman, have been. married to my husband, 35M, 4-8 years. We have a three-month-old baby girl, Amy. After Amy was born,

my mother-in-law, Mill, went through a major upheaval. She lost her job of 10 years and had no savings or other family to turn to. My brother-in-law lives a few hours away and Phil passed away a few years ago. She was on the verge of losing her housing. My husband and I felt we should help, so we invited Mill to move into our three-bedroom house temporarily while she got back on her feet. At first, having Mill with us was actually helpful. I was recovering from childbirth and exhausted from caring for a newborn. Mill pitched in with household chores and occasionally held or fed Amy so I could shower or nap. My husband works full time, so he was relieved that I had some help during the day.

It wasn't exactly how I envisioned our first months with a new baby, having a house guest meant less privacy, but I reminded myself it was temporary and we were doing a good deed for family. However, as the weeks went by, Mill started crossing boundaries and critiquing my parenting. It began with little comments. If Amy cried at night and I went to pick her up, Mill would tut that I was spoiling her by responding too quickly. When I was breastfeeding, Mill insisted I wasn't producing enough milk and pushed me to use formula. When I did give a formula a bottle, she'd switch and say breast milk was healthier, basically, I couldn't win. One afternoon, I even found her rearranging the nursery, moving the crib and refolding my neatly organized baby

clothes, without asking. She insisted her setup was better. I was floored by the audacity, but I still bit my tongue to avoid an explosion. I reminded myself she was trying to help in her own way. Still, it was incredibly frustrating to have my decisions undermined at every turn. My husband noticed the tension and spoke to his mom a couple of times, asking her to ease up on the unsolicited advice. Mill always acted innocent, saying she was only trying to help and that we were being sensitive. She would back off for a day, then slip back into her critical ways. We didn't want a huge blow-up, so we mostly kept the peace and hoped she'd find a job soon and move out. We figured her overbearing behavior might stem from her own stress and feeling of loss of control after losing her job.

Fast forward to when Amy was about five months old. I had gone to my postpartum checkup at six weeks and started on birth control pills, daily combination pill, because my husband and I did not want another baby right away. We were using the pill carefully and occasionally condoms as backup. I kept the pill pack in our master bathroom medicine cabinet. Mill sometimes used our bathroom because the shower and the guest bath wasn't great, so in hindsight she had easy access to my pills, though I didn't think about that at the time. A couple of months after I started the pill, I began feeling off.

I was unusually tired, beyond normal new mom exhaustion, a bit nauseous, and then I realized my period was late. My stomach dropped, I took a home pregnancy test, and to my shock it turned positive immediately. I ended up using two more tests, hoping the first was faulty, but all confirmed I was pregnant again. I was floored. I remember just sinking to the bathroom floor in tears. We had been so careful, how could this be happening? My husband was just as shocked. We hadn't planned to even consider another child so soon. We were using contraception diligently, and the idea of two babies under two was terrifying. Physically and emotionally, I didn't feel ready to be pregnant again. My husband was trying

to comfort me as I cried, both of us scrambling for an explanation. I hadn't missed any pills, maybe one at most, and I know I handled that properly. I hadn't been sick or on antibiotics that could interfere. It made no sense. In the midst of this, Mill realized something was going on. She heard me crying and knocked on our bedroom door, asking if I was okay. My husband stepped out and, under the stress of the moment, told her that I just found out I was pregnant again and we were completely caught off guard. Instead of being concerned that something was wrong, Mill lit up with excitement. I could hear her practically squealing, another baby.

How wonderful! Her reaction was the polar opposite of ours. She was overjoyed. My husband tried to temper her, explaining this wasn't planned and we were stressed, but she just kept insisting that babies are a blessing and telling us not to worry because she would be here to help. I came out, upset and in disbelief, and the first thing I said was, I was on the pill. I don't understand how I'm pregnant. The moment I said those words, something in Mill's face changed subtly and something went off in my mind. Mill had made odd remarks before, little jokes about how maybe we should give Amy a sibling sooner rather than later, or comments about my birth control making me moody. I'd brushed those off at the time.

But now an idea began to form that was so outrageous I almost couldn't believe it, but I had to ask, what if this wasn't an accident at all? I went to the bathroom and grabbed my pack of birth control pills. On close inspection, I noticed some pills look slightly out of place. A few of the tablets in the blister pack had awed, tiny puncture marks in the foil backing, not as neat as when I push a pill through. I confronted Mill directly, holding out the pack. I asked, point blank, if she had done something to my birth control. At first she denied it and acted offended, calling me crazy for even suggesting such a thing.

But my husband joined in, saying that we knew something was wrong and that she needed to tell us the truth. After a lot of pressure and us telling her we weren't buying her denials, Mill finally cracked. She confessed that she had been tampering with my birth control pills. In fact, she had secretly ordered lookalike sugar pills online and swapped out my real pills. I was stunned into silence as she tried to justify it. She rambled that she only did it because she thought another baby so soon would bring us all closer and that I would definitely need her help with two little ones, ensuring she could stay with us long term. In her warped reasoning, she believed we wouldn't kick out the devoted grandma if I was

overwhelmed with a newborn and infant. She kept saying she thought we'd be happy, that she was creating a situation where we'd all be one big happy family under one roof. She actually had the gall to tearfully say, I did it for you too, for the family. You'll thank me one day. I was absolutely livid hearing that. I have never felt betrayal like that in my life. I have never felt betrayal like that in my life. I yelled that she had no right to interfere with our family planning and my body. My husband was furious too, he told her she had done something deeply twisted and unforgivable. Things escalated quickly. My husband told his mother that she needed to pack her things and leave our house immediately. Mill's eyes went wide with panic and she began pleading with us.

She said she had nowhere to go, that we couldn't just throw her out. She even tried to argue that we were overreacting and that having another baby would be a positive thing in the long run. That just made us angrier. I was shaking with anger and shock. I could barely even look at her. We didn't budge. We watched as she hurried to gather her belongings from the guest room, sobbing and begging all the while. My husband took the spare house key back from her. Despite her cries that she had no money and no home, we stood firm that she had to leave right then. The trust was completely destroyed. At that point I felt unsafe with her in my home, considering what she was capable of. Within in two hours, Mill was out the door.

She lingered on the porch wailing, until my husband told her through the closed door that if she didn't leave, we would call the police. Eventually she left. We later found out she checked into a cheat motel that night, which at least meant she had somewhere to sleep. After she was a gone, my husband and I just held each other. Neither of us could believe what had just happened. I barely slept at all that night. I kept replaying the betrayal in my mind and swinging between fury and grief. That night we started to grapple with the reality that I was pregnant again under the worst possible circumstances. We felt violated, betrayed, and scared. Now that the dust has settled just a little, we haven't told any extended family yet what happened. I'm dreading

that conversation, knowing it will bring even more drama. I'm also torn between rage and a small bit of guilt. We did kick her out when she was vulnerable, unemployed, no savings, essentially making her homeless. My husband and I are united in our decision, but some small voices in my head, and probably soon from family members, are asking if we went too far by throwing her out immediately. So, I'd defer kicking my mill out as soon as we discovered she tampered with my birth control and caused an unwanted pregnancy? We feel her actions were heinous, but she's also in a tough spot and is my husband's mother. I need some outside perspective on this nightmare situation. Update 1, about a week after original post, I had my first OBGYN appointment since the positive

tests. The doctor confirmed I'm roughly five weeks pregnant. Because this new pregnancy is so soon after giving birth, it's being treated as high risk. The doctor warned me about possible complications from back-to-back pregnancies, higher chances of premature birth, low birth weight, placental problems, maternal anemia, even uterine rupture if I'd had a C-section. Thankfully my first delivery was not C-section. It was overwhelming and left me in tears to hear all those risks laid out. I've been struggling with a lot of anxiety over what could happen.

I left the appointment feeling terrified and furious all over again at Mill for putting me in this position. Physically, I'm dealing with the usual early pregnancy fatigue and nausea on top of still caring for an infant, so it's rough. Emotionally, I swing between anger, anxiety, and a kind of numb disbelief. My husband has been very supportive, coming to appointments and helping more with Amy now that we don't have Mill's help, not that her help was worth the strings attached. As for Mill, she has been blowing up our phones with calls and texts. I blocked her number, but she's bombarding my husband with a mix of frantic apologies and guilt-tripping. One moment she's sobbing that she never meant to hurt us and begging forgiveness so she can come back to help. The next, she's accusing us of abandoning her and being cruel to family.

We haven't responded to most of these messages. My husband sent her one text after we kicked her out, telling her that what she did was monstrous. that we need space, and that she should not contact us. She obviously isn't honoring that. We've saved all her texts and voicemails, especially the ones where she more or less admits to swapping my pills. In one message she actually said she only replaced them because she thought we'd thank her later. Collecting that evidence, I'm starting to consider legal options, but we haven't decided on that step yet. In the meantime, word of our family drama started to spread. Mill, from her motel, has been telling a very skewed version of the story to other

relatives. We started getting calls from extended family asking why we threw Mill out. It turns out she told them that there was a huge misunderstanding and that she was just trying to help us, but we overreacted and made her homeless. She's making herself out to be some sort of martyr, saying she only suggested we have another kid, and that we took it the wrong way and banished her. Of course, she left out the crucial detail that she actively tampered with my birth control and secretly forced that suggestion into reality. Once we realized what she was saying, my husband and I decided to set the record straight. It was not a fun task, but we individually called family members and explained the real story

in plain terms, that mill meddled with my medication, causing an unplanned, high-risk pregnancy, and we had to remove her from our home for our safety. To say they were shocked would be an understatement. For example, one of my husband's aunts initially scolded us for overreacting, but when we calmly explained the whole story, she was stunned into silence and eventually apologized for judging us without knowing the facts. There was a lot of jaw-dropping and utter disbelief on these calls. Thankfully, the majority of people understood how serious and unacceptable Mills' actions were.

A few initially couldn't believe she'd do something so crazy, but when we described the evidence, and my husband even played one of her voicemails where she effectively admits to it, they came around. The family consensus has shifted to agreeing that Mill's behavior was appalling. Many are furious with her on our behalf, others are just trying to process it and stay out of the fray. Importantly, no one is telling us we did the wrong thing anymore, not after knowing the full story. One person in the family has been particularly supportive. my brother-in-law, my husband's younger brother. I'll call him Derek. Derek was horrified when he learned what their mom did. He lives a few hours away, and as soon as he heard the full story, he contacted us to

offer help. He even apologized, saying he had no idea she was capable of this. We don't blame him at all, he's just as blindsided as we are. Knowing Mill had burned her bridges with us, at least for the foreseeable future, Derek stepped up and made an offer, he would take Mill in at his place, provided she agreed to some serious boundaries and conditions. Specifically, he told her she would have to get professional help, therapy, and absolutely respect that she is not to interfere in our lives. According to Derek, when he presented this plan, she was initially defensive, insisting she wasn't crazy and didn't need therapy, but ultimately she had no other option. She finally agreed, albeit grudgingly, knowing that otherwise she'd be homeless.

She doesn't have money for the motel long-term and no one else is offering to house her. Derek made plans to drive down over the coming weekend to collect her and bring her to stay with him. It's a relief that she'll be out of our immediate vicinity. My husband and I both slept a little better knowing she would likely be four hours away under Derek's watch, rather than in a motel ten minutes from us. I do feel a twinge of pity that it came to this, she's essentially estranged herself from us and put her other son in a tough position, but then I remind myself that her own actions led here. For now, we are maintaining strict no contact with Mill. The only updates we get are through Derek, for instance, arranging for some of her remaining belongings to be sent to her. We've made it clear we don't want to see or speak to her for the foreseeable future. She hasn't made any real apology to us, beyond the those self-pitying texts, and frankly, even if she did, I'm nowhere near ready to forgive or

trust her again. My focus now is on taking care of myself and Amy, and staying as healthy as possible during this unexpected pregnancy. It's been a heart of a week, but having the support of my husband, Derek, and many family members has made me feel less alone in this. This whole situation is still unbelievable to me, but at least I know we're not crazy for how we reacted. We'll see what happens with Mill in the coming weeks, but I sincerely hope she gets the help she clearly needs and stays far away from our family until maybe, someday, she can truly understand the damage she's done. Update 2, another couple of weeks later, after lots of discussion and emotional ups and downs, my husband and I decided to continue the pregnancy. Ending it was something we considered in our

initial shock and fear, given the health risks and the circumstances, but ultimately we couldn't go through with that choice. So, I am moving forward with a high-risk pregnancy care plan, extra monitoring, and all the recommended precautions to keep me and the baby as safe as possible. Now, on to the latest Mill drama. Before my brother-in-law could come pick her up as planned, Mill decided to take matters into her own hands. A little over a week after we kicked her out, she showed up at our house unannounced. It was late morning on a day my husband was at work. I was home with Amy when I heard aggressive knocking on the door. To my shock, it was Mill, with her suitcase.

I did not open the door. Through the locked door, I told her she needed to leave. She kept pleading, saying, Please, just let me in so we can talk. I'm so sorry. Don't do this to me, I'm your mother, in-law, and Amy's grandmother. I remained firm that she was not welcome and that she must leave where I would call. the police. Mill did not take that well. She refused to leave the porch and started raising her voice.

She began shouting loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear, painting herself as the victim. She yelled things like, I'm a homeless grandmother just trying to see my grandbaby. And they kicked me out after I helped with their family planning. Yes, she actually shouted about helping with our family planning for the neighbors to hear, which left me both furious and mortified. I was shamed. I was shaking with anger and fear, and inside the house Amy had begun crying from all the commotion, which made me even more desperate to end this. I didn't want to engage with Mill any further, so I called 911. Those few minutes waiting for police felt like an eternity, but finally two officers arrived. They approached Mill on the porch and then knocked on my door.

I spoke to them, explaining that this woman was my Mill, that we had told her to stay away, and that she was trespassing and causing a disturbance. They stepped back outside, and I watched from the window as they firmly told Mill she needed to leave the property. Mill was hysterical at this point, crying to the officers about how we owed her another chance and how she was just trying to reunite with her family. The police weren't having it. They escorted her off my porch and down the driveway.

In front of the officers, I explicitly told Mill that she is not allowed to come back on our property. The officers warned her that if she returned, she could be arrested for trespassing. One officer took my statement about what happened. I also informed them about the prior situation, how she had tampered with my medication, which they duly noted in their report. Now there is an official trespass warning and the context behind it, on file. Mill had no choice but to leave with the police urging her along. Once she was off our property, I locked all the doors and just broke down. I was extremely shaken that it had come to that point. My husband rushed home from work as soon as I told him what happened. He was horrified that she showed up like this and that I had to

deal with it alone, and he kept apologizing, even though none of it was his fault. We have since taken further precautions, we installed a security camera system around the house, changed our locks, and were talking to our lawyer about a restraining order in case Mill ever tries something like this again. After this incident, my brother-in-law Derek got directly involved in person. He drove in that same day once we told him. Mill had slunk back to the motel after the police encounter, we let Derek know where she was. Derek told us he confronted her and made it clear that her behavior was completely out of control and unacceptable. He then basically gave her an ultimatum, he would still take her to live with him, but only if she agreed to follow the strict rules he laid out, including attending therapy regular

and having no contact with us whatsoever. If she didn't agree, she'd be on her own. Having no other options, Mill finally agreed again. Derek told us she muttered complaints about how we were treating her like a criminal and how she wasn't crazy, but he held firm that those conditions were non-negotiable, so Derek has now taken Mill to his home.

We're told she has already started seeing a therapist, he drove her to an appointment a few days after taking her in. I have no idea whether she's actually owning up to what she did in those sessions or just playing victim, only time will tell. The important thing is that she's out of our hair and not in our vicinity. Derek promised us that he will keep a close eye on her and that she will not be coming near us unless and until we decide we're ready to talk to her, which, honestly, might be never or at least not for a very long time.

The police report from that day means there's an official paper trail of her actions, which could be important if we decide to pursue any legal charges for the birth control tampering itself. For now, we are focusing on our family and my pregnancy. I'm hoping the drama is truly over. I want nothing more than to have a healthy pregnancy and baby, and to give Amy a normal, peaceful life without this kind of chaos. This update was a doozy, but with Mill gone to Derek's and under instructions to stay away,

I'm optimistic that the worst is behind us. Update 3, final update. We have had some major new developments. My husband was unsettled by the lies his mother told and started digging into her recent past. He managed to get in touch with someone from the dental office where Mill claimed she was laid off. The truth turned out to be much worse. Mill was actually fired from that job, and it wasn't even recent. She lost the job months before she ever moved in with us.

The reason? She had been caught stealing from the dental practice. According to my husband's source, cash from patients had gone missing and they discovered she was manipulating the appointment system to cover her tracks. They let her go and quietly handled it without pressing charges at the time. This means Mill lied to us about being abruptly laid off. In reality, she'd been out of work for a while and likely blew through whatever money she had, which is why she was desperate enough to show up on our doorstep. My husband was livid and felt deeply betrayed all over again.

It made us rethink everything that happened while she was living under our roof. We started to wonder if she had also stolen from us. Unfortunately, that suspicion turned out to be true. My husband and I went through our bank statements, credit card bills, and even the files in our home office, and we uncovered evidence of Mill's sticky fingers. While staying with us, she had gotten a hold of our financial info. We found a few unexplained ATM withdrawals from our joint bank account that neither of us made, likely using my debit card, which I had entrusted to her a couple of times for grocery

runs. We also spotted small charges on one of our credit cards that we hadn't noticed at the time, things like online purchases and subscriptions we never authorized. In hindsight, these charges were small enough to fly under the radar, but they added up. Mill had apparently been snooping, perhaps taking photos of our cards or documents, and treating herself on our dime while we were busy with the baby. Discovering this felt like a second massive betrayal on top of everything else. When we informed Derek about these discoveries, he was appalled and apologized profusely on her behalf. He said he had truly hoped their mom wouldn't sink so low as to steal from her own child. We compiled all the evidence and contacted the police detective who had taken our report during the

trespassing incident. We provided bank records and credit card statements showing the fraudulent transactions. Given this concrete evidence of theft and fraud, the police started during their work. The police traced some of the illicit purchases and could tie them to Mill, for example, they found out some items she bought online were delivered to the motel when she was staying there, and one of our credit card numbers was used for a subscription under her email. Long story short, the authorities arrested Mill. She was taken into custody on several charges related to the financial crimes, credit card fraud, identity theft, etc. To add to that, the prosecutor is now also aware of the birth control tampering incident. There isn't a specific

law that neatly covers reproductive coercion in this context, but they are looking at possibly charging her under general assault or fraud statutes for that act. At the very least, her tampering with my medication will be presented as evidence of her intent to cause harm. As of now, Mill is in jail awaiting a bail hearing. I have no idea if she'll manage to be released on bail, frankly, given the situation, none of the family are lining up to help her on that front. My husband is conflicted emotionally, it's his mother, and it's incredibly sad and angering that it has come to this, but he also feels she brought it entirely upon herself. We've given full statements and know we may have to testify in the future, but pursuing legal action is absolutely the right thing. after everything she's done. In the aftermath of all this, we've taken steps to protect ourselves

even more. We changed all our banking passwords and set up fraud alerts on our accounts. We already had the security cameras from before. I'm checking my credit reports and medical records to make sure she didn't meddle in anything else while she was with us. It's an awful feeling to have to double-check these things about someone who lived under your own roof. My own parents, when they learned about everything, and the toll and stress it was taking on me during my pregnancy, they flew in to stay with us. They've been helping with Amy, giving us much-needed comfort and stability. Having them here has been such a relief. I finally feel like I can breathe a bit and focus on my health and on Amy, instead of constantly dealing with one crisis after another. So, that's where

things stand. It's a heartbreaking and messy outcome, but at least the danger and deceit are being addressed head on. Mill will have to face the legal consequences of her actions. We have no intention of having any contact with her for the foreseeable future, probably years, if ever. Our priority now is to move forward and ensure our children grow up safe and loved, without this kind of insanity in their lives. Reading and writing this entire saga, I can say we have zero regrets about how we handle things. If we hadn't kicked her out when we did, who knows what further damage she might have done. It's a terrible situation all around. I hope you enjoy this story.

Partner continued to make unfounded accusations about my faithfulness and began making threats about harming me if I were ever unfaithful. Concerned about my safety, I reached out for support online and received confirmation that I was indeed at risk, prompting me to take action. To escape with police help and leave everything behind. Me, 25F, and my boyfriend George, 28M, have been together for a long time now. He's going to propose to me this summer after I graduate. I went back to college for a second degree, we're planning our wedding and honeymoon,

designing our future house, and we talk about the child we want to have someday. I think it's pretty safe to say things are serious between us, and we're deeply in love. However, things have not been so easy for us in the past. Our combined anxiety has caused a lot of grief for us. I'm still struggling with being abandoned and left to fend for myself as a child, and he's struggling with deep fears from past abuse by his father, brother, and ex-wife, who were all mentally and physically abusive. Understand that George is so sweet and loving.

He does his best to help me and encourage me any way he can, and it's clear to me that he wants me to succeed and be happy. But with George it's like a Jekyll-Hyde thing. Sometimes I can't even believe my wonderful boyfriend could swap so quickly. When he asked for a pre-nup, I understood. His ex stole everything he owned and left him homeless for months. When he gets nervous and withdrawn in response to my stress, I get it. His dad was abusive whenever something stressful happened.

And maybe it's just my own anxiety, but things are starting to get precarious for me. About once every two weeks he asks me if I'm cheating. His ex cheated on him multiple times. Sometimes he just randomly asks, Are you cheating? And I've been patient because I understand how anxiety can be. I make sure to always show him who I'm texting and Snapchatting, and I let him answer my texts when he hears the tone and see my call logs.

Other times it gets more serious. Some months ago he announces that he knows I'm cheating, because he found, in the trash, a carryout bag in the remnants of a dinner for two from a restaurant he'd never been to. I point out that it was from the week prior when I'd gone to a cafe to meet my sister, and I let the leftovers go bad and just threw them out. But it's only after I show him an Instagram picture of the meal and a pick of me and my sister from the same place that he believes me. Another time, he says he knows, he uses that word, I'm cheating because he saw a picture on Meet Me of Me and my underwear in somebody else's

house. I ask him to show me the picture, and he says it's already been deleted. and admits it was just from the shoulders down. I invite him to look at every piece of underwear that I own to see if it looked familiar. He admitted, after searching, that the woman had been wearing a black bra, and he remembered I don't own one of those because I like white shirts and they always show underneath. After he remembered, he calmed down. This last time was the most serious of all. I've been stressed due to midterms this past week, and I've been non-stop studying in the library.

I always study in the same place, by a window in the library, and he's come along and brought me food and helped me study. When I'm stressed, I can get pretty withdrawn, especially when I've got a lot to do. I noticed he was getting more and more nervous about it, which accumulated, I thought, in my accidentally spilling water off my nightstand and swearing up a storm. I said over and over again that it had nothing to do with him, nothing was directed at him, he wasn't even in the room at the time, but he accused me of taking out my stress on him. After that he was extremely withdrawn and moody. The next day I was boxing things up to send back home to my parents,

and I hear music suddenly blaring from the kitchen and I find George in their cooking dinner, which is something we always do together. I'm in a good mood and I try to join him but he doesn't let me. He keeps saying that I need to stop being rude to him. I had apologized for every wrong he cited against me, but he maintained that he was just tired of my behavior, in my mind, it felt like he was deliberately holding on to those past wrongs. This eventually leads to a pretty huge fight, where I shouted him that he's making my life

hell right now on top of all my other stress, and he calls me a cunt and a stupid bitch. I respond by calling him a childish asshole. He runs out the door to go by Sigs down the block, and I leave two, and head back to the library. I stay there until 2 a.m., studying. When I get home, the first thing I notice is that the front window is shattered. This scares the shit out of me. George has thrown things and broken things before, never at me, never my stuff, so I was afraid of what kind of mood he was in.

I go inside and he's still awake, waiting for me. I don't say anything to him, it's very late, I'm tired, and I have an exam in the morning, so I take a shower to help me sleep. I change into my PJs and prepare a bed on the couch, because I don't want to be near him. As I'm settling in, he walks in and demands to know why there's fresh comb on my panties. I can't even believe what I'm hearing. He shows me my panties, and it's so ridiculous, because he knows I've been dealing with a yeast infection these past few days, which causes white discharge and requires whitish medication.

The stuff on my panties is so obviously not comb, but he absolutely, believes it is. So we fight. I bring up the yeast infection and he seems to realize that I'm right because he immediately abandons that argument and switches to how I've been disrespecting him this past week, and he won't stand for it anymore. I ask how I've been disrespecting him. He brings up how I didn't walk him out of the library the times he's joined me there. I point out that he always needs to leave before I'm done studying, so I want to stay and keep studying, and I think that's reasonable. He says I'm ungrateful for his bringing me food and flashcards in the library. I say that I do remember thanking him, and he finally admits that he's grasping at straws, but that he does feel disrespected.

I say that it's his anxiety, and I ask him to please realize that, I try to remind him that we're best friends and we love each other, and I would never do anything to try and hurt him, but he snidly tells me to go talk to my therapist about it. He doesn't believe in therapy. He won't stop yelling until I hide under the covers, plug my ears, and start crying. Then he shouts that I'm not a victim and leaves me alone finally, but my anxiety keeps me up all night, and I end up failing one of my tests the next day because I'm so tired and my eyes are so grainy from crying. By the next afternoon we're back on speaking terms.

He admits that he knew there wasn't coma my panties, because he drove by the library a few times and saw me studying there in the window where I always study. I feel very nervous about this because I realized that even with definitive proof, with his own eyes, that I didn't do anything wrong, he still went ahead and accused me. Recently we watched horns together, and I mentioned that I thought it was unrealistic how the best friend became a psychopath out of nowhere. I thought, given they'd known him his whole life, there would have been some signs that indicated he was crazy, and his friends would have had a hunch. George said he wasn't surprised, he said that he believed anyone could snap and become a rapist-slash-murderer out of nowhere, and people could hide their true

intentions no matter how well you think you know them. He cited the time his sister-in-law, married to his abusive brother, tried to strangle him out of nowhere. I know he's very distrustful of everyone, so I understand why he said that, but still, it made me afraid. The last few days have been so difficult for me. I already feel very sick to my stomach with nerves. I brought up what he said about horns, and kind of half-jokingly asked if he was going to kill me. He says no, but that he does sometimes imagine punching me in the face. I tell him I sometimes think of punching him, too, but I would never actually do that, and he should never do that either because I will leave. He just laughs and says he won't, and I think the conversation is over, except he suddenly says.

If you cheated on me, I think I'd be angry enough to try and kill you, and probably succeed. I respond by saying I would probably be angry enough to kill him if he cheated, but I wouldn't actually hurt him. He doesn't really have a response for that. Yesterday he said it again. I mentioned how one of my friends and her now husband went celibate for their entire engagement period, one year. He casually responds, that sounds horrible.

I think if I had to go more than two weeks without segs I'd, I'd probably freak out and kill you. This made my stomach do a flip-flop because it was the second time in two days. I say something like, you know, I won't be able to have segs for like, six weeks after I give birth, right? Even if it's caesarian, because I need to recover from surgery. He doesn't say anything and that freaks me the fuck out, so I press him, you know that, right?

And he says, well, it's going to be tough. Things are spiraling out of control for me. I know I often don't think straight because of my gad, but I'm not happy with how things are going. I want to tell him not to accuse me of cheating anymore, that I've more than proven myself to him, and that we can't fight like this anymore, and he needs to stop saying anything about killing me because even if he's joking it makes me sick to my stomach. But now I'm a little afraid that if I pick a fight about this, he's going to think that I'm cheating and trying to cover it up somehow.

Further, I'm worried that if I can't account for every minute we're apart, like he's cameras following me everywhere, then one day, if my phone dies, or if I get stuck in traffic, or if some male coworker greets me inappropriately against my will, George will believe I'm cheating and possibly kill me. Update, the last few days have been very hard overall. I haven't got much sleep. I was way too busy driving and moving and planning and running and life decision-making and crying and pretending to be normal.

My worldly possessions have been reduced down to what I could stuff into my old cross-country duffel bag. My dogs are traumatized to the point that one of them is now fear-biting and cries whenever I'm not in direct contact with her, and the other is exploding toxic waste out of both ends. And I'm simply no longer recognizable as the person I was, physically and mentally. Never in a million years did I think I'd end up in this place. Everything was pulled right out from under me, and it's like I woke up in someone else's fucked up life. But I'm alive, and that cancels out any of my irrelevant complaints. Last week, I got back from the hospital after a really nasty stomach bug, which I thought was the flu. I collapsed on the couch to sweat it out.

I was in a lot of pain, but I'd still drag myself to the store to get ginger ale and sports drinks because I didn't want to ask George to do it for me. I realized I needed to appease him however I could until I could figure out a plan, because the Reddit responses scared me and I decided I needed to get away. As soon as I got home, George poured me a glass of orange juice and told me to drink until I threw up. I explained the doctor's orders, but he insisted that enough orange juice would make me throw up or give me diarrhea and that would flush my system and get the toxins out. As unpleasant as throwing up, again, sounded, because I was really dizzy and weak, I decided to try the orange juice. All it did was burn my scratched up throat and it didn't help settle my

stomach, so I stopped drinking it and started drinking ginger ale. He got seriously annoyed by that and kept insisting I drink the orange juice. I told him that it burned my throat and he said, well, your throat's just going to burn anyways. No idea what that meant. He then asks me where my phone is. Apparently he wanted to put on some music. I have no idea where it is, but as he starts a full-on investigation for it, I remember I'd had my post open on the Reddit as fun app at the hospital, but I had a mild fever and I couldn't remember whether or not I had closed it. A few people warned me what might happen if he saw my post and all those warnings jumped right to the front of my mind. I've been in some pretty intense situations before, but I've never

felt anything like the pure unadulterated terror of lying there waiting to see if my psycho boyfriend would find my phone and find out what I'd written. I thought about trying to find it before he got to it or casually trying to discourage him from looking, but I knew he'd be suspicious if I suddenly jumped up at the mention of my phone. In fact, I realized that if I reacted at all, he'd be suspicious enough to probably search until he found something incriminating, and it didn't matter how well I covered my tracks. Eventually he'd settle for something to be mad about. So I had to just lie there, pretending not to panic as he dug through my purse, my backpack, my car, twice. Finally, he called my phone and there wasn't any ring, and I remembered I'd put it on vibrate in the doctor's office.

I thought I was saved for about five seconds, but then he went and turned off the noisy air purifier, so there was absolute silence, and called again, and I could hear my phone vibrating. He found it in my jacket pocket and I swear to God I've never seen anything more beautiful than my tiny blank home screen reflected in his glasses. He puts on music and shut himself in the computer room. After an hour or so I passed out. When I wake up at still nighttime, and he's sitting across from me drinking a beer, and the first thing he says is that apparently his parents are giving away all his childhood things.

I guess he called home while I was asleep. I tell him I'm sorry to hear that. I can see he's in a really bad mood but I'm ill enough and scared enough that I don't care at that moment. I just want to go back to sleep. He tells me again to drink the orange juice. I explain again about how it burns and doesn't help my stomach like the ginger ale, and he says something like sometimes I think people refuse to do things purposefully because I asked them to. Like maybe I should just tell people to do the opposite of what I want, so they'll

actually do something good for themselves. And I really am scared of him, because I don't know what he's going to do to me. So I drank the fucking orange juice and I tried to throw up and that was the absolute worst pain I've experienced in a long time. It felt like someone stabbed me in the sternum. I actually cried a little and got one of those mini blackouts you get when you sit up too fast in the morning. George was standing there while I wretched in the tub, and at one point he did put his hand on my shoulder and ask if I was okay, but he didn't stick around and wait for me to regain my composure. He left the bathroom and when I found him again he was on the computer watching videos. He didn't say anything to me the rest of that night, and when I told him good night,

he didn't respond. I decide I'm going to wake up early and go straight to my therapist. I never want to feel that fear or helplessness again, over anything, least of all whether or not I'd closed a stupid app on my phone. As soon as the center is open I go to my therapist for a crisis walk in and I tell him everything. He confirms that George's behavior is troubling. I say I'm scared and that I need help and he gets me in touch with a victims of domestic violence thing that's apparently set up by the university. I hate that all of those words now apply to me and even as I write this I still don't think they're accurate. I don't feel like a victim of domestic violence. But I guess I am. The next 24 hours after I approached my therapist were the most painful,

barring Monday, when I had to give up my dogs. The police were called, and I knew there was absolutely no going back once that happened, because George hated the police and he would never, ever forgive me for telling any of this to my therapist. Believe it or not, I did not want to make life harder for George. I have spent so much of the past foolish years doing everything to make his life easier. I did not want to hurt or punish him. All I wanted was to get away with as little impact as possible, to vanish completely, and go zero contact, to forget everything and not deal with it. So the last thing I wanted was police involvement. Because of the stupendous freakout it would cause, but the domestic violence victim's thing worked in tandem with law enforcement, and I recognized that I

wasn't thinking clearly. So I took a huge leap of faith and actually trusted a trained professional to do his job properly. I was really surprised when a kind-faced woman in a pink blouse stepped into my therapist's office 20 minutes later, introduced herself as a domestic victim advocate, listened sympathetically and non-judgmentally to my sob story, and proceeded to escort me everywhere for the next few hours. She had a gun on her belt and she was an actual trained cop so I felt as safe as someone like me could feel, considering what I was doing. The kindness my advocate showed me was so far beyond anything any stranger has ever expressed towards me in my life. She gave me a chocolate bar off her desk that she'd obviously bought for herself earlier,

offered me her lunch, packed me a to-go bag with water bottles and a can of dog food for my puppies, and told me sincerely that she wished there was anything she could say to comfort me when she and three other officers walked with me into my and George's apartment for the last time. I just told her that I understood. Nothing could really be said because it just sucked, but I was glad she was there. I threw clothes, a few pictures, some papers, my travel toothbrush and my phone charger into a bag and pretty much sobbed more hysterically than I thought any sane person could ever sob. It was very embarrassing, but I couldn't stop.

To an outsider with a normal functioning brain who can't understand. exactly what it's like to be in my shoes, I probably seemed really weak and pathetic and stupid. But to me, getting out didn't necessarily feel like a good thing. It felt like a disaster. I was ransacking my own home. George was everything to me, and everything in my body was saying that I was destroying the only real love I'd ever have and betraying my best friend for no reason, especially when I saw a note on the fridge he'd had left for me with a dry erase marker, dogs poop this morning. They've both been fed and puke's gut. her medication. Have a great day, honey, I love you. I really wish I would have packed smarter,

who the fuck forgets to pack socks? But there were three large intimidating cops waiting on me in my living room, and the victim advocate lady warned me to hurry because we didn't want George to show up and see this. It was very distressing. I had to leave behind so many things. I know it's all just worthless junk, but it was my home, things I'd picked special and had for years. The gaming PC I built myself, my dog's toys, my sprouting plants that were so close to blooming, my favorite sunflower pattern dishes. The beautiful wooden bookcase my father made for me in his wood shop when I graduated high school, my old gross dogged Harry Potter books, some of which I've had since I was a little kid, the polka dot comforter my sister handed down to me after she got

married. My old birthday and Christmas cards. That stuff made me feel like a person with a life that mattered. But it wouldn't fit in my bag so I had to leave it. And I don't think I'm going to see it again. But it's not the end of the world, I'll go on and hoard a lot more useless junk in the future. If I had stayed, I wouldn't have been able to, and my junk wouldn't have done my body any good. The dogs were not happy about all the strangers in the house, nor my apparent mental breakdown, and they immediately started losing their minds. I somehow managed to load them and my shit into my car and then it was back to the police station to discuss options. I put off calling my family because I didn't want this to be real, but I figured once George realized some of my shit was gone,

it was going to get very real whether or not I felt ready. The call wasn't bad, I've always been able to tell my dad anything and not be judged or ignored, though I hadn't talked with him for a while. He and my mom were away on a camping trip, but when I told him things were bad and I didn't feel safe, no other details were mentioned. He invited me to join them. It was many hundreds of miles away, in the middle of nowhere, but that sounded perfect just then. Nobody could find me, I'd be totally safe, at least for a few days. So I left town. About three hours into my eight-hour drive, the calls and texts started coming. I'd ask the advocate lady what I was supposed to do when George tried to get in touch with me, because for him, this is completely.

out of nowhere and is likely going to call the police and file a missing person report if I didn't come home that night. She gave me a few cookie-cutter sentences to give him, which I put into a brief text. It essentially said that I didn't feel safe right now. I wanted space, and I didn't want him to contact me again. I would contact him when I was ready. Then I was stupid and I read the hailstorm of sad texts I got in response to that. Then I was even more stupid and, rather than blocking him, I answered one of his many subjects. subsequent calls. It was quick. He sounded scared and heartbroken and I felt bad for him, because I knew he would never understand. He said he was having a panic attack, he didn't understand, please don't do this. All I ever did was love and take care of you, we were supposed to get

engaged. I cut him off and said that I didn't feel safe, I didn't want him to contact me, I couldn't help him, his behavior was unstable and he needed to go to a hospital. He asked me if this had anything to do with my therapist telling me lies. I said no, but he said something like I need to talk to that fucking guy, he needs to stay the fuck out of my relationship, he's messing with my fiancé. Then he asked me if I'd stop taking my anti-anxiety medication. But I didn't answer and I didn't hear the rest of what he was saying because I just repeated that to him, firmly, all the points I'd already stated, and then hung up and blocked him. I then called my therapist to let him know that he might be in danger.

The police got involved again and when George made a threatening call to the center five minutes later, the whole place got put on lockdown. I'm not sure exactly what happened, or what he said, but I think my therapist had to have a cop escort him home and George was told not to contact me or the center unless he wanted to be arrested. So I endangered a whole building full of wonderful people who have only ever helped me and deprived others of their therapy sessions that day. What if somebody else had been in crises and needed help? Just one more thing I can think about when I'm falling asleep at night. My parents aren't touchy-feely but my dad let me hug him and cry on a shoulder for about 30 seconds and then cheerfully pretended like nothing was wrong. He wiped my laptop and phone in case of keyloggers while joking around with me about the dogs in school

and unrelated stuff, which is his way of dealing with problems. To be fair it works really well most of the time. He doesn't like talking about personal issues. In general it makes him uncomfortable, so I spared him a conversation about what happened. He knew I was safe and getting help and that's all he wanted. My mom was extremely sympathetic. Ports George She's always liked him and she told me once that he made me normal and

when I mentioned once that I thought he was controlling, she said that I still shouldn't push him away because he was really nice and good for me, and controlling behavior wasn't in itself an issue anyway. I hadn't expected much from her TBH. This was the woman who'd abandoned me and parked cars and her friends' empty houses so she could go to work, which she very obviously loves more than her family. To the point of being extremely unhealthy, my dad was at the time working all night and sleeping during the day and only changed jobs when I was in my early teens. Also from her came such gems as tampons are for bad non-v virgin girls. Note, my mother is a rabbit atheist, so what the fuck? And writing is a hobby not a job, don't waste your time studying that and I've never been surprised

that your sister has more friends than you. To my sister she always said I was prettier and skinnier, so nobody won. She grew up in a severely impoverished third world country, orphaned at 10, and spent most of her adolescence and early 20s married to a hell's angel who tried to stab her when she finally left, so there are huge cultural and lingual and emotional gaps between us. us. I love and appreciate her, but I generally try not to take her advice. Still, I was really hurt by the whole conversation. She kept mentioning how smart and kind George was, asking for blow-by-blow account of what really happened, suggesting that I got it wrong. Trying to puzzle

through his delusions, wishing she could help him, feeling sorry for him and wondering if she could talk to him, maybe convince him get to a hospital. I explained over and over that we couldn't help because he didn't believe there was a problem, and even if he did go into treatment, I wasn't going to risk going back. She really wanted me to stick with him and support him through these troubling times. To me and my situation, she said, I'm glad you weren't killed. Literally. That's it. I had to get back to my life. I was warned the place they were putting me didn't allow pets. My parents were busy and couldn't take my dogs, so I ended up having to think about whether or not I could afford to kennel them until graduation, or if it would be easier on them if I found them new homes.

I'm selfish enough that I didn't entertain rehoming them for long. I did not want to lose my dogs. I could lose everything else, but if I lost them I'd die. They were my babies, they used to sleep in my bed before George kicked them out and they were the only ones whom I could cuddle and cry on during this whole nightmare. They were my strongest emotion. They were my strongest emotion. support. So I swallowed my pride and called Sarah, a friend I've known for a couple years now. I haven't kept up contact all that well because with George it's just easier to have as few relationships as possible to avoid anyone texting me too often or mentioning anything that he could be suspicious about. She was glad to hear from me. I asked if she knew anyone who could take my

dogs for a day or two until I figured out where to keep them. She called a friend of hers who agreed to take them. Then she asked if everything was okay. I thought about lying, but I figured I owed her the truth, or at least a part of it. I said things were really up in the air right now, and I'd have to fill her in later. My roommate got almost no notice that somebody was going to be moving in. My advocate moved really quickly and wanted me out of my situation ASAP, so by the time my roommate knew, I'd already unloaded all of my garbage in her personal space. I taped a butterfingers and a friendly little note to her bedroom door and I fully intend to bribe her not to be pissed later by leaving booze in the fridge and letting her know she's welcome to it.

She's out of town herself right now, so I haven't met her yet, but she seems nice. I saw Game of Thrones magnets on the fridge so there's one icebreaker I've got. I then changed a few more things to make myself feel safer walking around in the streets. There's no chance George knows where I am or how to find me, but still. I hope this stun gun doesn't go off randomly in my pocket. I managed to find a kennel I felt comfortable with. They had grassy playpens with shallow swimming pools and fountains, and they provided the dogs with enrichment and fluffy beds.

I absolutely kid you not, this place looks better than some daycares I've seen. It was astronomically expensive, but I figured if I was going to use up my rainy day fund on something, it should be something that would reduce the amount of lifelong trauma my dogs were experiencing. When I went to check my dogs into their temporary new home, I found out that the girl Sarah referred me to had to get up in the middle of the night to take one of them out several times. Vomit and diarrhea everywhere. Which made me feel horrible. I forced $30 on her and arranged to have flowers send over as a sincere apology for the hell I put her through. Then I gave up my dogs.

I can still see them during the day, but it broke my heart into pieces to let them go. Sarah met up with me later, and I told her. her what happened. Like my parents, she really isn't touchy-feely so there was no crying or hugging or any of that nonsense. She gave me shit for being with George. Did I knew he was a psycho? I was going to tell you off before because you were always crying about him and shit but I figured

you were a grown woman and had your shit together damn. And then went on to say that I should have called her way earlier and she liked the changes I'd made to my appearance so far, but I should avoid wearing bright colors from now on. She takes off her dark-colored jacket and gives it to me right there. Then she goes on to describe all the ways how my situation was exactly like JLO's in the 2002 movie enough, reads me the whole synopsis off Wikipedia and makes plans for us to get smashed and watch it together. I told her I've decided to avoid alcohol for the near future since I'm already dancing

on the edge of depression, but I said I'd still show up and bring popcorn balls. Other than how annoyed she was at me over my bad decisions, I couldn't have asked for a better friend. For a little while at least, she made me feel human. Later that night my dad informed me that George had left him and my mother a threatening message on their public business line. The only way I can think that he got that number was by Googling their names. I immediately took the necessary steps to file for a restraining order. The only reason I'm writing this is because I have no idea how to make sense of my life right now except to write it down, and more importantly, I've really got nobody else to talk to. When I was a kid, I'd do a lot of journaling to help me get through difficult times.

I figure this is the same, only sometimes the journal says encouraging things back. And I'm not going to lie, I could use some encouragement. So I'm just going to dump it all anonymously here, and maybe that will give me some kind of closure, maybe not. I have nothing else to do because I can't bear to leave this room right now. Also, I feel I owe it to a bunch of Internet strangers to say thank you properly. thank you properly and let you know what's happened. Some of you seem truly upset by my situation, and some took quite a large chunk of their time to write to me. So thank you, really, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Because I'm a real girl behind these words, I like sewing my own

dresses and watching David Attenborough documentaries and wasting hours of my life on PC games. I like gardening and fantasy books. I struggled through serious depression and GAD and eating disorders that left me very weak but very grateful for my life, so I believed, I am a real breathing person who is very naive and very vulnerable and you random people saved my life. Honestly, I only ever come on here to look at screenshots of elderly people struggling to use Facebook. I thought the internet was full of Machiavellian teenagers who'd probably tell me how bitchy I sounded. Thanks, genuinely, to everyone who answered my post and everyone who sent me a PM. I've sat and I've read each and every one of them multiple times. I reread them when I start to feel like I've overreacted, like maybe I'm crazy.

I reread them when I start to think about ever reconciling with George, or feeling guilty about what I've done. I've printed out my original post and every comment I've gotten, yes, even you in danger girl, and I put them in my journal and I continue to look at them. Even though none of you guys actually knew me, you cared. And some of you cared quite a lot. You offered me your stories, or someone to talk to or a place to stay, a book, a phone number to call. Most of you were more concerned about me than my mother. Because I was seriously in danger. I was. There were things I never thought would be affected by my being with George, my dogs, my possessions, the safety of the people around me. I was lonely enough to get myself into that position. And I actually do want to live

so I realize I've got to change, too. There's a lot of work to be done. Maybe George isn't an evil guy, but I'm going to stop describing him as a wonderful person. I don't believe people are good or evil, but the stuff he was doing was definitely evil. The more I look back on it, the more I realized how much stuff I let happen to my life and body that I should not have tolerated. And the absolute fuckfest I've endured has made me slowly start to admit that to myself. I can't explain my reasons for staying with them so long because they aren't logical. He spent years slowly building up to some of the things he did, and it was easy to forgive him after every seemingly small incident because I didn't look at the big picture, and I thought I was in love. George is a highly intelligent, gorgeous, funny, inspiring, ambitious and charming man, the kind of man I fully believed was way out of my league.

He is often very thoughtful and we clicked in a level I'd never experienced before. He does charity work in the community, has created methods for improving the world and companies. concrete ways both environmentally and socially, mostly concerning the homeless because he was homeless for a while, and he would bend over backwards to help a friend in need. The Sags was amazing when I wanted it. On the surface, he was perfect. Being with him often gave me butterflies. But he is sick. And he's sick in a way that I can't fix. Over the years I lost the ability to understand what was okay and what wasn't. I fought along the way, I even occasionally left, but he always drew me back in. He made me feel special and loved, he said I was an irreplaceable extension of himself, and for a girl who'd never thought of herself as irreplaceable, it seemed to make up for all the bad.

I've since learned that this kind of stuff is common. I'm going to try my hardest to educate myself and change how I approach relationships, because I now understand that I'm just as sick as George, although in a different way, and if I don't do anything about it, I'll likely end up with another George somewhere down the road. I've ordered the following books and I intend to read them and to continue therapy so that this never happens to me again. Why does he do that? Lundy Bancroft the gift of fear, Gavin DeBecker's Safe People, Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend the Science of Trust, John M. Gottman daring greatly, Brin Brown these are just a few that were suggested to me, by you and my therapist.

If you have other suggestions that have helped you or someone you know, through a situation like mine, please let me know. In the past few days I've felt a huge upwelling of pure gratefulness for being alive. There's still a lot of things I need to deal with but I've got a lot of support moving forward. Along with a victim advocate, my university provides free legal counsel. So I think I'm going to be okay. Book a dog feelings update. All right guys check your spelling because all this shit. going in the scrapbook. You think I'm kidding? You see if I'm kidding. I love you guys and it's

seriously like this and hear for me reading your responses. I've just started pelting people with upvotes in lieu of a thousand thank yous because I really am so grateful for your encouragement and your kind words. This has made my life. Also, a few people have mentioned the possibility of poison, so I thought I'd let you know I'm going to the docks tomorrow to see if there's any chance of that, but I'm stable, I think. And there's no evidence of damage thus far. Hopefully the orange juice thing was just a weird power play and not something more sinister. I hope you enjoy this story. Partner was unfaithful so her mother evicted her and allowed me to reside in their residence indefinitely, then my former partner began spreading rumors that I

was having an affair with her mother. So her own mother disowned her and her friends cut her off. Hi, I, 22 and my ex 22F. Cheated on me and her mom kicked her out. Her mom, 43F said I could live in the house forever if I wanted. Ida if I stay. Here is some backstory, I met my ex let's call her Lisa so it's less intense for me. Writing ex is still a lot, you know. We met in high school we started dating when we were 13.

It was great her mother liked me and I loved Lisa. as she was funny, smart, and was gorgeous we spent a lot of time at her place, I was so happy back then. I don't have parents so I lived with my grandma, but she was more than enough, she was strong, funny in a crude way, lively and a straight-up badass. I was 17 when she passed and I moved in with her and her mom. I was devastated, but they were very inviting. My relationship with Lisa grew it was amazing, they helped me through it. Lisa was my rock. It was the first. It was the three of us since until now. Every day was similar after our HS graduation. Her mom would drop Lisa off at university and then her mom let's call her Jen. Writing her mom over and over in

this rant will be weird. Jen and I would go to work, we work on the same street and then we'd leave at 5 p.m. and go home Lisa would be home by then, then ate dinner together. It was like that for the past two years. I know for some that sounds boring but I enjoy still. I was happy and we were saving up money for our own place, a good place. Jen never asked for rent, but she always took it because she knows how important it is to me that I contribute. Lisa and Jen were my family I was going to marry Lisa and Jen was my best friend. I know it's weird that my best friend is my ex-GF's mom. I found out she was cheating on me last month she accidentally sent me a text that was clearly meant for him.

I was devastated and started crying it was unbearable. Jen heard me I showed her my phone and she just held me. Lisa came home and instead of apologizing or making an excuse, she said with Venom I have a new and better man pack up it repeats in my head most days. Jen snapped there was screaming and swearing Jen ended up telling Lisa she had 30 minutes to pack up. I just hid in the office and locked the door I just couldn't handle it. I was paralyzed in that one spot. Lisa left about two hours later.

Jen held me and said this is your home for as long as you want if you want to move I'll miss you, but you'll still be family, if you want you can stay forever. Being told that really helped me feel safe and took away some of my nerves. Sometime when I wasn't around Lisa and her dad came by to pick her stuff up. Lisa and Jen have had a couple major fights but Jen made it so I happened to never be around for most of them. Lisa and her friends are giving me a hard time sending hurtful text messages and I just don't know how to deal with that. Lisa has been switching between calling me a loser for living with Jen and asking me for a second chance. I am never getting back together with her, I don't love her anymore.

I have succeeded in avoiding anyone on ones with Lisa, but I'm eventually going to have to talk to her. Lisa has been living with her dad, he has tried to mediate but that was not accepted by me. Jen's stance is whether I live here or not her daughter is not invited to live at home. Her actions are disgusting and she needs severe and permanent consequences. She told me that she stills loves Lisa but not the person she has become. I want to continue to live here for the time being. I sleep in the old office which is now my room and our old room is now the study. It's the only home I've ever had and Jen is my best friend.

A lot of people in my life think I'm responsible for Lisa being kicked out. That's what got me questioning myself did I take her home away. Ida if I continue to live with my ex as mom. Sorry for ranting in my grammar and I left out chunks because I'm still struggling where just missed it. Sorry it's so long comments where op has replied. You slash redneck debutante. NTA don't disrespect Jen by allowing Lisa to decide who lives in the house. Your family and this is your home.

That was Jen's decision. It's not like she's going to welcome Lisa back just because you leave anyway. Boop, I won't but being told something gets to you somehow. I appreciate everything she has ever done for me and I do my best to show it. You slash Oprah underscore Ponefree. NTA, stay at Jens for a while, she's clearly your mom now. But most people need to move out of their parents home eventually. Work, save up, get yourself a good place, and you fucking call her ever.

every Wednesday and Sunday after you move out, and have dinner with her as often as you can. When you say goodbye at the end of the phone calls or dinners, you tell her I love you mom. Oop, thank you I will. I plan on living there until I can get a place that I can call my own, I only want to have move once. No matter what I'm going to keep that relationship it means the world to me. Never had a mom but I think she is. Update, July 3, 2025.

A lot happened. A few days after my post Lisa came by we talked just the two of us for the first time since she was kicked out. She started off by apologizing but immediately tried shift blame on me and then her mom. Then asked if she could have a second chance, I said no, and then she asked if I was sleeping with her mom. I said no that she is the only person I have ever been intimate with and that Jen was basically my mom. Then she said, so you're still in love with me a smugness that drove me insane. I remember exactly what I told her I don't love you the second I found out you cheated on me it disappeared and that I would rather drink three liters of elephant piss every day for the

rest of my life before I would get back together with her. She slapped me and then went to the backyard and had it out with Jen. She said some of the most vile things I've ever heard in my life and I won't write it down and I definitely won't speak it to her mom. It was disturbing. Then Jen in a very calm voice said that she was no longer her daughter and told her she was trespassing and to get out Lisa looked shocked and then stormed off. The second Lisa left Jen had a meltdown at lasted hours I was pissed off at Lisa.

She confided in me that she hates her daughter now and doesn't want a relationship with her anymore. She started going to therapy and told me around two weeks ago that she is disowning Lisa and it's what's best for her mental health. That her therapist said she can still love her daughter and not want anything to do with her. I've been supporting her the best I can I like being helpful. Lisa made less and less attempts to contact me. She is living with her dad. Five days ago I got a text from Lisa's best friend let's call her Kate. She was one of a few of of Lisa's friends who didn't harass me and actually picked me in the breakup. We've talked a few times since the breakup to console me. She asked if she could come by with some of Lisa's friends

so they can apologize I was apprehensive but this woman is a straight shooter and I was curious. So they came by and Kate said thank you for letting them come over. Then the other three women each took turns apologizing to me, then they apologized to Jen for everything then dropped a bomb. They didn't know she was cheating. Apparently Lisa has been telling people that she only cheated because I was sleeping with her mom and that's why she was kicked out. I asked why they thought I would ever do something like that and why are they apologizing now. They said it was easier to think I was a cheater than their best friend was a lying Sienti, their word not mine. They told me they had cut her out. I must have looked like I didn't believe them so they all showed me their text messages to Lisa and their social media.

It seemed really important to them that I believe them and yeah they definitely did. They were not gentle about it to say the least. I accepted their apology mostly. They all left but Kate, Kate and Jen went. to the backyard I don't know what they talked about but they were both smiling when they came back. I thanked Kate for setting them straight and being on my side throughout the breakup. She said she was just following her moral compass. I'm doing much better now and I don't plan on moving out until the time is right for Jen and me. Jen has become my best friend and we support each other.

I have a routine I follow that really helps also I started sleeping better. I mostly just wrote this because it helps me clear my mind. Next story, New Hire spent three weeks complaining about everything in the office and made our life living hell, then reported a man with Down syndrome for eskutal harassment. So we went to HR and she quit with a list of demands for free stuff. I, 35M, have been working in this office for three years. We recently hired a new girl, 25F, and she sits diagonally in front of me so I can see her at my desk and vice versa. We are around one meter apart. She has been working for three weeks

and has been trying to control our office habit based on her liking. Here are the issues that has been happening and what triggered me to do what I did. One. I have an unhealthy eating habit and snacking a lot during work. She mentioned twice, jokingly, said how I tempted her for eating cakes and how can I stay skinny even though I eat like pigs. I offered her some, she refused saying she's trying to lose weight. Fine, I stopped snacking on my desk, but my other colleagues and I still have lunch at desk when we are quite busy. Then by the end of the first week, she reported to HR and say people should not have lunch

or eat at desk because it can be unhygienic and the crumbs might fell into keyboard, etc., and attract bugs. She also mentioned how she was annoyed by me eating ice cream. cakes, bread, etc. during work hours and it disturb her because she's trying hard to lose weight. So HR sent us all emails and now everyone in the office, everyone can no longer eat anything on our desk. 2. On her second day, she complained that the girl sits next to her, Jane, was using a very strong perfume and the scent nauseated her. Jane did wear strong perfume indeed but it wasn't that horrible. All of us could tolerate Jane and suddenly because

this new girl couldn't tolerate her and Jane was the one that has to change. Three. Between our team, six of us collect $10 weekly to buy lottery. One of the guy in our team is Muslim and he doesn't gamble, so he never participated but yet he never discouraged or criticized us. We offered this girl to join us and she criticized us about how gambling is bad and say it's very unprofessional to be collecting money to gamble in office environment. She actually brought this to HR, arguing the harm and risk and if we happen to win millions of dollars and did massive Exodus, it would be harmful for the company. Luckily HR didn't do anything about it. 4. The Muslim guy prays twice a day in our stationary room. Unfortunately we don't have praying room

in the office. He has got his praying mat and some other stuff in our stationary room and it has been there since I start working. She suggested him to move it somewhere as he shouldn't put personal belongings in a common area. She told the other girl in our team that the old mat was not pleasant to look at. Okay. What happened today, our desk's layout is shaped like L and my desk is next to a glass window. In our team, there are seven people excluding her, and all of us are sun hater. We always pull down the shade and especially the guys sitting on the other corner. They said if the window is opened, the sun would glare on their computer screen in the afternoon and making them can't see their screen very well. This girl has been complaining how our corner is too dark and

gives bad vibes and she needs to have the shades opened up. She mentioned how the sun will makes people happier and increase productivity. I couldn't stand her anymore so I stood up from my desk and say, I didn't yell, look, insert her name, you have been here for less than a month, but you keep telling us what to do. We have been changing our habit to accommodate you, but then you keep pushing things. You can't keep telling us what to do. I think the best thing is for you to move to sit where the HR people sits because it's always bright there and you are closer with them than to us. She then said, I hate women and I'm bullying her and she is telling our manager and HR about this. Am I the ah here? Did I bully her? Is it acceptable for new hire to tell

older colleagues to do these things. Update 1, small not so irrelevant update. I was just talking about this with my colleague who worked downstairs in storage room. I don't often go there, but this new girl has to go there every day as part of her job, and he told me a story. In my company, we hire a guy with Down syndrome to do some restocking, let's call him Bob. Apparently a couple of days ago, an older lady who work in the kitchen was wearing a Pikachu apron. When Bob saw the kitchen lady, he yelled Pikachu then ran and touched the apron, so he would have accidentally touched her her breast too. According to my colleague, the older lady just laughed and didn't make much of a fuss.

The new girl witnessed this and say Bob has sexually harassed the old lady and she would report him to H.R. L.O.L. She complained that Bob's behavior is very inappropriate and unsafe. Update 2. Wow, I didn't expect this to blow up, I'm still getting so many messages and comments. I'm not a native English speaker, and now I understand that it's not appropriate to use the word girl when referring to a 25-year-old woman. I didn't realize this before, thanks for the heads up, Reddit. I showed this post to two of my colleagues, and they encouraged me, and I also felt it was necessary, to clarify a few things to be fair and to respond to some your questions and comments. She actually complained about a lot of other things that I didn't

mention earlier, mostly because I didn't think they were very interesting, and honestly, a few of them even benefited us. One, okay, so apparently wearing perfume at the workplace is not allowed. Got it. I guess Jane's just been lucky that no one's ever complained before. Two. Her comment about the Muslim guy's prayer mat was more about the way it was positioned in the storage room. Everything else is neatly arranged in wooden cupboards, but in one corner, there's a small table with the prayer mat and some religious items. She felt it looked out of place and thought personal items shouldn't be in public slash shared areas. That said, the prayer mat has been there since I started, and no one in the office has raised an issue about it for the past three years. Three, about the skinny or eats like a pig comments, I'm totally fine with it.

It's just a part of our internal banter, and I'm the only person who get body shamed, if you want to call it that way, and I do allow people to do so. We don't comment on other people's bodies or eating habits, and no one is being body shamed. 4. There was no HR policy that says we can't eat at our desks, and nobody has complained about it until now. Everyone does it even in other teams like IT. The new hires issue doesn't seem to be about allergies or food smells. Her main complaint was she's trying to lose weight and doesn't like watching people eat. She never brought up concerns about computer damage or bugs until she took it to HR 5.

Yes, she's currently on a six-month probation period. This is not her first job but her second job. Apparently worked on that company for two years. The first job was in a different city, and she was in a different city, and she was not. She praises that company a lot. 6. I didn't mention this earlier because it kind of worked out in my favor, but one of my colleagues asked me to include it.

On her second day, she asked our manager to move a cabinet closer to her desk. That cabinet used to be on the other side of the room, and I had to walk over every time I needed to use it. So now it's more convenient for me. But of course, the people who used to sit near it, including the colleagues who asked me to mention are pretty annoyed, since they use it just as much as she does. She never mentioned about mobility issue or anything like that.

She just wants the cabinet to be close to her. Funnily, our manager complies and get the cabinet moved. 7. She complained about how the IT guy who sits behind her has got a really loud ringtone. I personally too find it a bit annoying, but he doesn't often receive phone calls and it wasn't too bothersome for us. 8. She complained how one of our colleague was putting on headphones when working and she dislike it when she has to tap on a shoulder when he needs to talk to him.

She literally told him, do you mind not putting headphones while we work, because I don't want to be keep tapping your shoulders every time I need to talk to you and it is disrespectful towards the others, or something along the line. We usually just send a message on MS teams when we want to talk to him and he's on headphones. He suggested her the same, but she said she doesn't want to. 9. She complained about one Filipino woman, I almost typed girl again here, LOL, who brought a smelly lunch to work. Yes, I kind of agree with this complaint. To be fair, the Filipino woman actually didn't do this very often and she usually have late

lunch around 2 p.m. after people finish their lunch. Few of my colleagues and I also dislike it, but we thought nobody is perfect, and since she doesn't bring that food often, we just put up with it. 10. Also my colleague told me he heard how she criticized few of our Asian colleagues for eating rice with spoon instead with fork. Why does this bother her? 11. She complained about our kitchen bin does not have lid. It doesn't bother us, but we can see her point. 12, she complained how we should have coffee machine. Okay, this one would be great. 13. She allegedly reported a female colleague for wearing stilettos to the office,

calling it inappropriate work attire. She also apparently reported the kitchen lady for wearing a Pikachu apron, saying it was unprofessional. L.O.L. 14. Bob has Down syndrome, or some sort of intellectual disability. I don't think he was malicious or intentionally being inappropriate. He probably doesn't have the capacity to think that it is not okay to touch other people.

He didn't touch our new hire, though. She just witnessed him touching another woman and immediately flag him as a potential sexual harasser. One of my colleagues genuinely thinks she might be having some mental health issues. Clearly, people commenting here are from different parts of the world and come from various cultural backgrounds. It's interesting to see how some things are totally normal in one place but not okay in another. For instance, we've been eating at our desks for years, but apparently according to some of you, that's a no-no in some workplaces. Vailp. Sadly, it's not okay for us anymore either, now genuine question here. Excluding the perfume thing, would you complain this

much within three weeks of your initial employment? I personally think we should just put up with some little things sometimes. Life is not perfect, let alone office. Thanks again for all your input, and yet definitely going to HR on Monday. Update 3. Sorry haven't been able to update the post earlier due to personal reason. As per most of the suggestions here I decided to report her to HR with my colleagues and our team. So on Monday morning, few of my colleagues and I had a discussion regarding this new hire behavior and we decided to talk to our line manager first before HR.

However, our manager couldn't come to work that day, legit reason. The new hire also didn't come to work, she called in sick. We then changed our plan and decided to go to HR straight away. One of the IT guy joined us too as our new hire had harassed him with a lot of unnecessary IT requests and demanded him to make a lot of changes in our IT system. So we offered him to join us to report her to HR. He suggested that rather than complaining about how she's annoyed everyone with her complaints, we should pretend to be concerned about her struggle to adjust to our environment and get HR to talk

to her because we wanted her to have a good experience working with us. So few of us then had a meeting with HR, and guess what? HR people were also annoyed by her low. They didn't say it directly but subtly mentioned that she had been lodging a lot of unnecessary complaints. We also suggested that she might need to see her. see a psychologist as she might be having some sort of internal personal crisis, aka crazy, that lead her to make all of these complaints. The IT guy asked if she showed any signs of these

behavior when HR interviewed her, and they said she asked few detailed questions about the work culture here and also complained about some stuff, parking, etc. But they didn't really think much at that time and she had glowing reviews from her references, probably because they want to get rid of her lull. The HR team said that they will discuss. this matter and HR manager will have one-to-one meeting with her the next time she shows up. However, that never happened because she sent her resignation letter the following day, along with a very long list of complaints and things she wanted us to change. The most ridiculous thing is she actually sent the same email to the big boss,

complaining out workplace to be unsafe, unhygienic, non-inclusive, misogynist, backwards and radiating bad vibes. The HR lady who told us this found it strange that she, didn't use the word toxic. One thing the HR found amusing was she mentioned how her workplace should provide a lot of free stuff such as bottled beverages, fruits, snacks, espresso coffee machine, dining vouchers, feminine hygiene products, petrol voucher, etc. In conclusion, good riddance. I hope you enjoy this story. Partners close male friend frequently messages her and make sly comments about my inadequacy as a partner, so I informed her that he clearly harbors romantic

feelings for her and she became aware of the situation. Mad at me for being paranoid, but what happened next proved I was right all along. I, 28M, have been dating my girlfriend, Jess, 26F, for three years. Our relationship has been really good overall, we get along great, communicate well, and I genuinely see a future with her. The only consistent source of tension has been her best friend Alex, 27M. Jess and Alex have been close since college, long before I came into the picture. I've tried my best to be cool with their friendship, but over time I've started feeling like

something is off. Jess has a pretty wide circle of friends and I get along with all of them, except Alex. He's the only one who really bothers me. To give some context, when Jess and I first started dating, I noticed Alex was around a lot. At first, I figured he was just a protective friend making sure I was a decent guy, that's normal. But even after it was clear that Jess and I were serious, Alex kept inserting himself into her life constantly. He texts her all the time. I'm not exaggerating, morning, afternoon, night, he'll message her about random little things from their day or inside jokes from years ago.

If she mentions something like a job interview or even a dentist appointment, he'll remember to ask her about it, sometimes even before I do. It's like he keeps a calendar of her life events. I found it a bit odd, but I brushed it off initially as him just being an unusually attention. a friend. What really started bugging me were the subtle digs and comments Alex would make about me, often when Jess wasn't around, but sometimes even in front of her. For example, one time I joked in front of our friends about messing up a dinner I made, and Alex chimed in with something like, good thing Jess can cook for herself, huh? It was framed as a joke, but it definitely felt like a dig at me. Over the next couple of years, there were countless

little things like that. If I forgot a small detail about Jess's preferences, Alex would be the first to remind me, and not so subtly imply I was a bad boyfriend for not knowing. One time I planned a surprise birthday dinner for Jess and coordinated with her roommate to get her to the restaurant. Alex knew about the plan, the roommate looped him in, since he's part of the friend group, and he actually reminded me to order Jess's favorite cake, some specialty flavor she loves. I appreciated the heads up, but the way he did it rubbed me wrong. It came off less like a friendly suggestion and more like he was the one who really knows her best.

I felt like an outsider being coached by the guy who truly gets her. Alex also has this habit of questioning whether I treat Jess right. For example, if Jess mentions to him that I had to work late and cancel our movie night, Alex will immediately respond with, wow, he canceled on you. That sucks. You deserve someone who makes time for you. Jess usually defends me and says it was a one-time thing or unavoidable, but Alex always finds a way to plant a seat of doubt.

It's never an outright your boyfriend is trash, but the undertone. is there. When Jess and I have even minor disagreements, I can almost guarantee Alex will text or call her that same day to check in and offer a sympathetic ear. It's uncanny. We don't publicly announce our arguments, so either she's venting to him or he just has a sixth sense for when we're not on good terms. For instance, a couple months ago, Jess and I had a small argument about me spending too much time on work projects. That evening, Alex sent her a silly meme about deserving to be treated like a queen and followed up with, you okay? I'm here if you need to You know I got you.

Maybe that doesn't sound terrible on its own, but in context with everything else, it felt like he was waiting for an opening to play the support of White Knight. I've tried to be understanding because I know Jess values Alex's friendship. I don't want to be the controlling boyfriend who dictates who she can or can't hang out with. Plus, Jess has other guy friends and I have zero issues with them. The difference is, those friends respect boundaries. With Alex, I feel like I'm in a silent competition that I never agreed to. He seems to know exactly what you.

he's doing. One particularly frustrating pattern I've noticed, and Jess is aware of this too, though she insists it's just coincidence, is how Alex's own dating life seems to revolve around hers. In the past, whenever Jess was single, Alex would also somehow end up single. Jess once told me about an ex she had before me, apparently when that ex and Jess broke things off with his girlfriend around the same time and spent a ton of time with Jess to help her through it. She swears it was just friendly support. Then, when Jess and I got together, Alex magically started dating someone new within a month. It felt like he only got a girlfriend because Jess was off the market.

That relationship of his fizzled out after maybe eight or nine months, and Alex hasn't had a serious girlfriend since. It's been over a year now that he's single, while Jess and I are happily together. I can't help but suspect he's intentionally keeping himself available for Jess. He's had a few casual dates, from what I hear, Jess gives me occasional updates about his life, but nothing ever sticks, and he pours most of his energy into being at just. Jess's Beck and call instead. Despite all these red flags to me, Jess has always defended Alex. If I point out something, she immediately takes his side. He's always been an amazing friend to me,

you're reading it wrong. For the longest time I bit my tongue and tried to coexist with Alex for Jess's sake. I figured as long as he was just being a slightly overbearing friend, whatever, I trust Jess, and she chose to be with me. But it's gotten harder and harder to ignore. I started feeling resentful that he gets a chunk of her time and emotional energy that normally a boyfriend would get. It's like he's a second boyfriend, except without any of the boundaries or commitments. The breaking point came last week. Jess and I had a minor disagreement, honestly, it was something trivial about our weekend plans. We'd scheduled a Saturday date together, but my boss asked me last minute to come in for a few hours,

so I wanted to push our plans to later in the afternoon. Jess was a bit upset since she'd kept the whole day free for us. We eventually worked it out, I apologized and we agreed we'd still have a date night. It wasn't a huge fight or anything. But apparently Jess must have vented to Alex or he somehow found out we rescheduled. That same night, out of nowhere, Alex sent me a text directly. For context, we never talk unless needed. We're not buddies, we just interact in group chats or in person.

His text said, hey, I heard you bailed on plans with Jess for work. Everything cool between you two. You know she deserves to be prioritized, right? That pissed me off. It felt like a huge overstep for him to contact me about my own relationship as if he's some guardian angel of her happiness. I replied something short along the lines of, we're fine and this really isn't your business, but thanks for your concern. I was fuming inside, but I didn't want to escalate things over text. After that incident, I finally sat down with Jess for a serious talk about Alex. I basically told her, as calmly and plainly as I could, that from my perspective,

Alex is not just a platonic friend looking out for her. I said his behavior over the last few years shows that he's in love with her, or at least wants to be with her, and that I suspect he's actively trying to undermine our relationship. I gave her all the examples, the constant need to one-up me in remembering details about her, the way he's always right there to play perfect supportive friend whenever we have a conflict, and that inappropriate text he sent me basically implying I'm not treating her right. I told her it feels like Alex is waiting for me to fail so he can swoop in. Jess did not take this well. She immediately defended Alex, as expected.

She accused me of being paranoid and jealous. She said, Alex has never tried anything, ever. You're imagining it. He's just a really caring friend. I responded that even if he hasn't made a move, his behavior is way beyond normal friend territory. She was pretty angry that I was attacking her best friend. Her stance was that I was reading malice into completely innocent actions. She said something like, I've known Alex for years. He's like family to me. Just because he cares about me doesn't mean he's in love with me.

Why do you have to make it weird? The conversation got heated, with her essentially insisting that I was inventing a problem due to my own insecurities. I backed off eventually because it was turning into a bigger fight between us, which wasn't my goal. I just wanted her to acknowledge what seems obvious to me. Instead I ended up feeling like I was the bad guy for even saying it. Jess was really upset, and to be honest, I felt pretty lousy too. It's not a great feeling to have your girlfriend think you're attacking someone she cares about. Now things are a bit tense between us.

Jess has been a little cold since that talk, and I'm walking on eggshells, not wanting to bring it up again. Part of me is frustrated as hell, and part of me is wondering if I really screwed up by confronting her with this. I seriously doubt myself even though I know what I see in Alex's behavior. So, Reddit, am I the asshole for telling my girlfriend that her best friend is obviously in love with her? I felt she needed a reality check, but now I'm second-guessing whether I handled it all wrong. Update 1, I want to thank everyone who weighed in on my original post. The general consensus was that I'm not the asshole for pointing out what I did. It was validating, and frankly a relief, to see that a lot of people saw the same red flags with Alex that I did.

Jess didn't see the post, I never told her I wrote it, but our conflict over Alex was still happening. It's been a couple of weeks since that blow-up conversation where I told Jess I thought Alex was in love with her. We kind of agreed to disagree at the time and tried to move on, but there was definitely some underlying tension. We got back into our normal routine for the most part, went on a nice dinner date the following weekend and acted like everything was fine. I avoided mentioning Alex at all, and she didn't either. I could tell she wanted to pretend that argument never happened. Now on to what's happened since. Last week, I had an out-of-town work trip scheduled from Friday through Sunday.

I'd travel occasionally for my job, and this was a conference I had to attend. Jess knew about it well in advance. A few days before my trip, Jess mentioned that Alex had invited her to go with him to a cabin by a lake for that same weekend. According to her, Alex felt they hadn't hung out one-on-one in a while and thought a weekend getaway would be a fun way for them to reconnect as friends. Apparently the cabin belongs to Alex's family and he offered to drive her up there for a little mini vacation. As soon as Jess brought this up, alarm bells were ringing in my head. A one-on-one weekend trip with her single best friend, conveniently while I'm out of town. How is that not

blatantly inappropriate? Jess framed it like Alex just wanted some platonic chill time in nature, and she actually asked me, you'd be okay with that, right? I tried my best to stay calm and honest. I told her no, I was absolutely not comfortable with that plan. I reminded her of the conversation we had about Alex's intentions. I said, look, I trust you, but I do not trust Alex alone with you for an entire weekend. This is exactly the kind of situation I was worried about. I also asked why I wasn't invited or why this trip couldn't happen some other time when I was around. She said it was because I'd be away and she figured she'd be bored, and that this would be a chance for her and Alex to catch up like old times. That led to an argument.

Jess felt I was trying to control her by forbidding a trip with a friend. I felt like I was just enforcing a reasonable boundary given the circumstances. I asked her, if the roles were reversed and I wanted to spend a weekend alone with a female friend who has a history of overstepping, wouldn't you be uncomfortable? She said that's different and insisted she knows nothing would happen and that I should trust her. She kept repeating that Alex had no ulterior motive and I was turning something innocent into something ugly. I basically put my foot down. I told her flat out, I really don't want you to go on this trip. It doesn't sit right with me. I very rarely draw hard lines like that in our relationship,

but this felt like common sense to me. Jess was not happy. She said she'd already told Alex she would go, and that backing out last minute would be letting him down. I said, seriously, you're more worried about disappointing Alex than about how this makes me feel. Things got pretty heated. I did say something like, I can't physically stop you, but if you choose to go, don't expect me to be all smiles about it. Well, she went. Despite my strong objection, Jess decided to go on the trip with Alex. She left on Friday afternoon while I was literally mid-flight to my work conference. When I turned my phone on after landing, I saw a text from her saying, heading up now, talk to you later. I was upset, but being a few hundred miles away, I couldn't exactly continue

the argument. That weekend was rough for me. I was supposed to be focusing on work stuff, but my mind was completely elsewhere. I couldn't stop my mind from cycling through worst-case scenarios, like them getting too close or something happening between them. At the same time, I was really hurt that she went through with it knowing exactly how I felt. I did my best to stay occupied with the conference during the day, but at night back in my hotel I was just stewing in my thoughts. I texted her a couple times to see how it was going, and her replies were short and generic, the lake is pretty and all good here. I didn't press for details, I figured we'd talk when I got back. She returned from the trip Sunday evening, a few hours before I got home from the airport.

I went straight to her place when I got back to town. As soon as I saw her, I could tell something was off. She was quiet, kind of distant. Usually when I come back from a trip, she's excited to see me, she'll hug me, ask about my flight, etc. This time she gave me a brief hug and avoided eye contact. I asked how the weekend went. She said, it was fine, relaxing, in this flat tone. I tried to lighten the mood and joked, so, still think I was just being paranoid for worrying. She just sighed and said, I don't want to talk about that right now. I'm tired. That pretty much killed the conversation. The rest of that evening was awkward. We ordered takeout and watched a little TV, but she seemed a million miles away. I could tell she wasn't really present.

Before I left that night, we don't live together, by the way, we stay over at each other's places a few nights a week, but we still have our own apartments. I told her that if something happened or if anything was bothering her, she could tell me. She just shook her head and said, I'm fine. I'm just tired from the drive. I went home feeling very uneasy. My gut was screaming that something had happened on that trip, maybe not outright cheating, but at least some kind of confrontation or something.

Her behavior just wasn't normal. You know when you can just tell your partner is holding something back. That's the vibe I got. At this point, I'm not sure how to proceed. I want to support Jess if something did upset her on the trip, but I'm also kind of angry that she went in the first place and put us in this situation. I haven't pushed her for more info yet. I'm sort of hoping she'll open up to me when she's ready,

but not knowing what really happened is driving me a little crazy. So that's where things stand after the infamous weekend trip. Jess is back home, but acting distant. I'm back home feeling uneasy, and Alex. Well, I have no idea what Alex is thinking because I haven't spoken to him. I hate this situation. I'm trying to be patient and not jump to any wild conclusions, but it's hard. I'll update again if I learn more, because right now I feel like I'm in the dark.

Update 2. It's been a few days since Jess got back from that trip, and unfortunately my intuition was right that something was up. I wasn't sure whether to post an update this soon, but a lot just went down. Since the weekend, Jess had still been pretty quiet and distant. We continued to hang out as usual, but there was this unspoken wall between us. I tried once or twice to gently ask if she wanted to talk about the trip or if something happened, but she shut it down each time with, everything's fine. Let's not go over that again.

So I let it drop, figuring she'd tell me in her own time if she needed to. Well, last night we were at Jess's apartment watching TV, and she got a call on her phone. I glanced at the screen and saw it was Alex. She gave me this quick, sort of nervous look and said, I'm just going to take this real quick, then stepped into her bedroom and shut the door halfway. I unmuted the TV and tried to mind my business at first. But after a minute or two, I heard her voice getting louder like she was upset about something. I could only make out a few muffled bits, which obviously made me anxious. I ended up walking over towards the bedroom.

The door was ajar, and I could hear her pretty clearly. She sounded upset, saying things like, this isn't fair, and she was ajar. I can't believe you would. That definitely got my attention. Then I heard Alex's voice on speaker or just loud enough through the phone. The first clear thing I caught him saying was, I've always wondered what if, you know? What if it was you and me together? I froze. He kept talking and I heard, he doesn't appreciate you like I do. I know you better than he ever will. At that point I wasn't about to listen quietly anymore. I pushed the door open. Jess was sitting on the edge of the bed with the phone to her ear, and she was crying.

She looked completely startled seeing me. On the phone I could hear Alex's voice going, Jess. Hello. Jess just said into the phone, I have to go, and hung up on him. For a few seconds we just stared at each other. Jess was crying, which I honestly didn't expect. Finally I said, so I guess I wasn't being paranoid after all. I know, not the most sensitive thing, but I was angry and in shock from what I was

I just heard. She broke down and said, I'm sorry. I should have told you. She was really upset. I sat down next to her and tried to stay calm, even though inside I was furious at Alex, and pretty upset in general. I asked her to please tell me what exactly was going on, both right now on this call and during that weekend trip, because obviously there was more to the story than I knew. Jess admitted that on the weekend trip, Alex basically confessed to her that he has feelings for her. Which, yeah, called it, she said at the cabin he started talking about how he's always cared about her and wondered if they could ever be more than friends. According to her, she shut him down.

She told him that she loves me and only sees him as a friend. I asked, is that why you were acting weird when you got back? She nodded and said she felt guilty and overwhelmed. She said she didn't tell me right away because she was afraid I'd be mad, or say I told you so, or even that I might break up with her for going on a trip in the first place. I was trying to process it myself, she said. I didn't want to make you more angry after I'd already gone against your wishes by going. I did my best to bite my tongue on the hole I told you so thing.

I did say, I wasn't trying to control you, I was trying to protect us. I saw this coming. She just kept saying, I know. You were right. I just didn't want to believe it about him. As for the phone call I walked in on, Jess said that Alex was trying to talk it out with her after she'd been avoiding him for days. I hadn't realized it, but after coming home she apparently ignored a bunch of his texts and calls, not ready to deal with him. She finally answered him last night because, as she put it, I thought maybe he wanted to apologize or clear the air.

Instead, Alex basically doubled down on his confession. That's when he started saying all that stuff I overheard, about how he's always wondered if they should have been together, and implying that I don't value her enough. Jess told me she was telling Alex that this was not okay and that he needed to stop, but he wasn't hearing it, and that's when I walked in. At this point, I'm incredibly angry at Alex. Any benefit of the doubt I ever had is gone. Jess was friends with him for years, and he couldn't respect her boundaries or her relationship. He put her in a horrible position.

Honestly, I'm also still a bit angry that Jess went on that trip and basically delivered herself into this situation despite my warning, but I kept that to myself for now, since she was already feeling guilty. We talked for a long while after that. There were a lot of tears on her end. She said she feels awful for not listening to me and for letting it get this far. She apologized for accusing me of being paranoid when I first brought it up. I told her I appreciated that, and that I understand how hard it must have been for her to realize her best friend had crossed that line. I had to ask if he tried to push things further physically.

Jess absolutely denied it and seemed offended I'd even think she'd let him. I have no reason not to believe her. By the end of this conversation, Jess and I were basically on the same page about Alex. She told me she's going to take a big step back from the friendship, at least for now. I told her that's for the best, frankly, from where I stand, he burned the bridge. She didn't disagree. That said, she's also genuinely sad. She told me it feels like she's losing a friend who I thought would be in my life forever.

I did my best to comfort her. I get that this is a huge betrayal for her, even if I saw it coming a mile away. Honestly, I feel like I was right in my concerns, but I'm trying hard not to gloat or do and I told you so. so Victory lap. She's hurting, and the last thing she needs is me rubbing it in. I did make one thing clear, I'm not comfortable with her spending time with him anymore, under any circumstances. She understood that. I think, for the first time, she truly understands where I was coming from. Edit, she also showed me her texts and stuff with him which I forgot to mention. Nothing criminal and out of place there. There are no gap messages or messages that seemed out of place like being

deleted. So, yay, I trust her. Update 3, I didn't expect to be back with an update so soon, but here we are. It's the next day, and Jess ended up revealing one more piece of the story that she initially held back. Last night was emotionally exhausting for both of us. I stayed over at Jess's place, and this morning we were having a calmer conversation over coffee. That's when Jess told me she needed to come clean about something. She admitted that during the weekend trip, when Alex confessed his feelings, he tried to kiss her as well.

According to Jess, it happened on the first night at the cabin. They'd had a couple of drinks by a campfire, because of course, a just friend's weekend involves sitting by a campfire, I had to roll my eyes at that. She said Alex started going on about how much their friendship meant to him and how he'd sometimes wondered if fate meant for them to be together. Jess says she was caught off guard and told him, you're drunk, let's not do this. But Alex kept at it. And then he leaned in and tried to kiss her.

That's when she pushed him away. She said she was completely in shock that he actually did that. After it happened, she went inside and basically stayed in her room the rest of the night, away from him. Things were so awkward and tense that she insisted they drive back home first thing Sunday morning, cutting the trip short. Hearing this, I was furious at Alex all over again. And I was also hurt that she hadn't told me this detail immediately. I asked her why she didn't mention the attempted kiss when we talked last night.

She teared up and said she was ashamed, she felt guilty for even going to be. going on that trip and letting it reach that point, and she was afraid I'd think she cheated or that I'd never forgive her. She kept saying, I didn't kiss him. I would never do that to you. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you everything right away. I just. I handled it badly, I reassured her that I do believe she didn't reciprocate anything.

I could see how upset she was, she genuinely feels terrible about all of this. I told her I understood why it was hard to tell me, but that going forward I really need her to be fully honest, even about uncomfortable stuff. I emphasized that what upset me most wasn't her pushing him away, she did the right thing in the moment, it was that she kept it secret afterward. She acknowledged that and apologized again for not telling me the whole truth initially. I let it go because, at this point, I think she's doing everything she can to make things right. So, what now? Jess has decided to cut off contact with Alex, at least for the foreseeable future, honestly, I think it should be permanent. This morning, she actually blocked.

his number in his social media. She's even drafting a message to formally end the friendship without meeting him in person, making it clear he disrespected her and our relationship and that she can't have him in her life anymore. Honestly, I'm feeling a lot better about us now than I was a week ago. The air is clear between Jess and me. She's reiterated multiple times that I'm the one she wants to be with and that she's sorry she ever doubted my judgment about Alex. Jess asked if I can forgive her for going on that trip and everything. I told her I was really hurt and angry at first, but I do forgive her because she ultimately did the right thing, she didn't cheat, she rejected him, and now she's removed him from our lives.

That's what matters to me, and I want to move forward rather than dwell on how upset I was. At this point, the only loose end is Alex. He hasn't realized yet that he's been blocked and essentially dumped as a friend. I won't be surprised if he causes some drama when he figures it out, and if he does, I'll let you all know. Update 4, final, quick final update to wrap this up, Alex did not. go quietly after being cut off. As expected, he found a way to get in some parting shots. Earlier today, Jess discovered a string of messages from him, he sent them via email,

since he couldn't reach her by phone or text anymore. In these messages, Alex completely dropped the concerned friend act and was just outright nasty. He accused me of manipulating and controlling Jess, and claimed I'm forcing her to cut out her true friends. He wrote things like, he's brainwashing you against Can't You See It? And, I know you better than he ever will. I've known you longer and I've always been there for you. Don't throw that away because some guy is telling you too. It was a whole mess of angry, delusional ranting along those lines. Reading his tirade made me simultaneously angry.

He's calling me controlling and manipulative, when I wasn't the one trying to weasel my way into a taken woman's life. And him insisting that he knows her better than I ever will is just laughable and kind of pathetic at this point. Jess showed me the emails, she didn't reply to him at all. She just shook her head and said, If I had any doubt I was doing the right thing cutting him off, this pretty much seals it. She's actually more angry than sad now. She said the part that really got to her was him implying that I'm making her do this,

as if she can't think for herself. In his attempt to paint me as controlling, he basically insulted her by suggesting she's weak-minded. Anyway, Jess went ahead and blocked his email and any other way he might try to contact her. We're also actually planning a low-key weekend trip together soon, just the two of us, of course, as a sort of reset.