Reddit Stories - Episode #14 - Confessions That Went Too Far AITA Bedtime Stories ( Over 9 Hour Compilation )

Episode Date: October 26, 2025

#redditstories #sleep #sleepstories #bedtimestories #fallasleep #aita #confessions #relaxingstories #sleepcompilation Dive into Episode 14 – Confessions That Went Too Far. This 9-hour bedtime collec...tion features shocking AITA confessions and emotional tales that blur the line between guilt and justice. Let each voice and story guide you toward calm reflection, inner peace, and a deep, restful night’s sleep. Tags: redditstories, sleepstories, fallasleep, bedtimestories, relaxingconfessions, aitastories, deepconfessions, shockingmoments, familydrama, emotionalstories, soothingvoice, calmingaudio, sleepbetter, relaxingpodcast, bedtimeaudio, peacefulmind, sleeplistening, nightrelaxation, unwindstories, sleepaidBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse's sibling without children declined to assist with looking after our children following our involvement in a vehicle collision. However, eight months later, she reached out requesting to watch over the kids in order to make a good impression. Her new boyfriend by playing the perfect aunt. Looking back, it still feels like a nightmare that refuses to let go. Eight months ago, life as I knew it was flipped on its head.
Starting point is 00:00:27 My husband and I had been driving home from a rare date night, something we barely managed with two young kids to care for, when a drunk driver sped through a red light and slammed into us. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital, disoriented and in pain, surrounded by beeping machines and panicked nurses. My first thought wasn't for myself but for my children. Who had them? Were they safe? I needed to know they were okay. Our neighbor, Mrs. Donahue, had been watching them that evening, as she'd kindly offered to help us enjoy our date night. She was a lifesaver at that moment because neither of us was in any condition to leave the hospital. But Mrs. Donahue was elderly and had her own limitations. When the doctors told me I'd be bedridden for weeks and that my husband would need at least four months before he could even walk without crutches, I panicked. Who could care for our kids long term?
Starting point is 00:01:22 My parents were out of state and couldn't travel due to health reasons, and his parents, while loving, were in no shape to chase after a three-year-old and a six-year-old. That's when I thought of his sister, Trina. She lived nearby and had always been vocal about being child-free, but surely this was different. This wasn't a request to babysit so we could enjoy a night out. This was an emergency. My husband was hesitant, mumbling that Trina wasn't exactly the nurturing type, but I didn't have the energy. to argue. We were desperate, and family was supposed to be there for you, right? When we called Trina and explained the situation, her response hit me like a slap to the face. She said she couldn't disrupt her routine or compromise her boundaries because of our accident. She had chosen a child-free lifestyle and couldn't be expected to step in just because we were in a bind.
Starting point is 00:02:14 Her tone was casual, almost dismissive, like we were asking her to run an errand rather than help with a life and death situation. I was stunned. My husband tried to reason with her, pointing out that we weren't asking for a permanent arrangement, just help until we could get back on our feet. But she held firm, saying it wasn't her responsibility to alter her life for hours. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It wasn't like Trina had a demanding job or any major obligations. She worked part-time at a boutique and spent most of her evenings posting about her vegan recipes and yoga sessions on social media. I kept thinking, How could someone be so self-centered?
Starting point is 00:02:55 She wasn't even apologetic, just blunt. It was clear she didn't care. In the end, it was Mrs. Donahue who stepped up. She couldn't do everything herself, but she rallied a group of neighbors who pitched in to help. They took turns watching the kids, dropping off meals, and running errands. Their kindness brought me to tears, but it also deepened my resentment towards Trina. were virtual strangers going out of their way to support us, while a family member refused to lift a finger. I tried asking my mother-in-law to help out when she could because she lived closer
Starting point is 00:03:30 to us, but she only came once to the hospital to check up on her son. The weeks that followed were some of the hardest of my life. Between physical therapy sessions and trying to manage the household from a hospital bed, I was exhausted. My husband was doing his best, but he was limited by his own injuries. Every time I thought about Trina, I felt a wave of anger rising up. She hadn't even checked in to see how we were doing. It was like we didn't exist. The rift she created wasn't just between me and her. It extended to my husband as well. He didn't defend her outright, but his refusal to confront her left me feeling unsupported. He'd say things like she's always been this way or it's just how Trina is, as if that excused her behavior. I wanted him to be as outraged as I was,
Starting point is 00:04:17 call her out for her selfishness, but he remained neutral, caught between his wife and his sister. It became an unspoken rule in our house not to mention her name, but the resentment lingered like a shadow over everything. Months passed, and life slowly returned to normal. My husband and I healed physically, but emotionally, I was still raw. I focused on the kids and tried to push the anger aside, though it wasn't easy. Every time I saw Trina's name pop up on social media, latest vacation or some extravagant meal she'd cooked, it reignited the bitterness. She didn't just refuse to help, she moved on without a care while we were struggling. What hurt the most wasn't just her refusal, it was the principle of it.
Starting point is 00:05:02 Emergencies reveal who truly cares, and Trina had made it painfully clear where we stood in her priorities. Family, to her, was an abstract concept, something she could opt in and out of as it suited her. I couldn't understand how someone could be so indifferent. so detached from the people who were supposed to matter most. By the time the dust settled, I had made a decision. I wasn't going to let Trina back into our lives, not easily. She had shown me exactly who she was, and I wasn't about to give her a free pass. It didn't matter if my husband thought I was overreacting or if the rest of the family thought I was being too harsh. Trina had drawn
Starting point is 00:05:42 a line in the sand, and I intended to hold her to it. Little did I know, she'd be the one cross- that line just a few months later, but not for the reasons I would have expected. It was a quiet morning when Trina's name popped up on my phone, and for a second, I thought I'd imagine it. Eight months had passed since the accident, and not once had she called or texted. I stared at her name on the screen, debating whether to answer. Curiosity got the better of me, so I picked up, bracing myself for whatever excuse or half-hearted apology she might offer. She didn't even start with pleasantries. She launched straight into how she had exciting news to share.
Starting point is 00:06:21 Apparently, she'd been dating someone new, a guy named Kevin who, according to her, was a family man. She stressed how much he valued close-knit relationships and how it was important for her to show him that she was, in her words, a hands-on aunt. I blinked, trying to process what I just heard. She went on casually, asking if she could come over to spend time with the kids that afternoon or if I could drop them off. The audacity of it hit me like a brick. Eight months of silence, no apologies,
Starting point is 00:06:52 no acknowledgement of the hell we'd been through, and now she wanted to play the doting aunt? I was so stunned I couldn't even form a coherent response. When I finally found my voice, I asked her why she thought this was appropriate. She laughed it off, saying it wasn't that serious and that she just wanted to bond with the kids. I told her point blank that she'd made it clear
Starting point is 00:07:14 she wasn't interested in being part of their lives when it mattered most. I reminded her of the countless times we'd begged her for help and how she'd brushed us off without a second thought. Her tone shifted, it sounded defensive and annoyed. She said that she didn't see why I was still holding a grudge over something that was in the past. Everyone has boundaries, she said, and it wasn't fair of us to expect her to abandon her as just because we had an emergency. She claimed that she was an anti-family but that she needed to protect her life's choices. I couldn't help it, I laughed, but it was bitter and cold. Protect her lifestyle choices? Was she serious? I told her that boundaries were one thing, but selfishness was another. Her refusal
Starting point is 00:07:59 to step up wasn't about protecting herself, it was about sheer indifference. I said it wasn't just about her lack of action, it was the principle. Emergencies don't respect boundaries, and real families should be there when it counts. Trina didn't like her. hearing that. She snapped back that I was being overly dramatic, that she didn't owe us anything. Her voice was sharp, and she accused me of trying to guilt her for making decisions that were best for her. But then she pivoted, trying to soften her tone, saying that she really wanted to make up for the past and show Kevin what a great aunt she could be. That was when I lost it. I told her in no uncertain terms that my children weren't props for her to use to impress her new
Starting point is 00:08:41 boyfriend. If she thought she could waltz back into their lives without taking accountability for her actions, she was delusional. I said I wasn't interested in her half-baked attempts at reconciliation, especially when they were so blatantly self-serving. Her response was to call me petty and vindictive, accusing me of punishing her for something she couldn't change. She said I was being unfair and selfish for denying the kids a chance to have a relationship with their aunt. I told her that relationship wasn't mine to deny, it was hers to ruin, and she had done a fantastic job of that on her own. By the time I hung up, my hands were shaking. I replayed the conversation in my head, wondering if I'd been too harsh. But then I thought about all the sleepless nights, the pain,
Starting point is 00:09:28 the stress of those first few months after the accident, and I knew I was justified. Trina had shown me who she was, and I wasn't going to forget it. Am I in the wrong here? Update 1.1.1.com. She wasn't done. Two weeks later, she showed up at our doorstep with Kevin and Toll. I wasn't home at the time, but my husband answered the door and let them in, much to my dismay. When I got back, they were sitting in the living room, Trina gushing about how she'd love to take the kids out for ice cream or to the park and have them over more often. Kevin chimed in, saying he thought it was wonderful that Trina wanted to be a more active part of the family. I stood there staring at them, barely able to contain my frustration. I turned to my husband, asking him why he hadn't told me they were coming.
Starting point is 00:10:16 He shrugged, saying he didn't see the harm in letting them visit. I told Trina, in front of everyone, that her sudden interest in my kids wasn't welcome. I said it was clear she wasn't doing this out of love but out of convenience. She had no right to show up uninvited and act like everything was fine when she'd done nothing to mend her previous actions. Kevin tried to step in, saying that family relationships could be complicated but that they were worth salvaging. I turned to him and asked, do you even know what she did? I told him about our accident and how Trina said her child-free lifestyle choices were more important. At that moment, I asked him how he would feel if someone abandoned him in his time of need and then came back acting like nothing had happened.
Starting point is 00:11:00 He looked surprised, he didn't have an answer. Trina's face hardened, and she accused me of being unresed. unreasonable, saying I was blowing things out of proportion. She said I needed to let go of the past and focus on the future. That was the last straw. I told her that letting go wasn't the issue, trust was. She'd made it clear she couldn't be relied on, and I wasn't about to let her hurt my kids the way she'd hurt me and my husband emotionally. I said that forgiveness required effort and accountability, neither of which she had shown. When she saw she wasn't getting anywhere, she resorted to guilt-tripping. saying that I was being cruel by denying her the chance to be part of the kids' lives.
Starting point is 00:11:40 I told her cruelty was what she had done when she turned her back on us in our darkest hour. If she wanted forgiveness, she needed to earn it, and showing up unannounced with her pro-family boyfriend wasn't the way to do it. Trina stormed out, dragging Kevin with her. My husband sat there looking conflicted. He said I'd been too harsh and that maybe I should give her a chance to make things right. I told him I wasn't against reconciliation. but it needed to be genuine. Trina wasn't here to mend relationships, she was here to impress Kevin.
Starting point is 00:12:12 I said I'd had enough of her selfishness and wasn't going to let her manipulate her way back into our lives. For the next few days, the house was tense. My husband didn't bring Trina up again, but I could tell he was still upset. I wasn't budging, though. If Trina wanted a relationship with my kids, she needed to start by showing she cared about their well-being, not her image. Update 2. A few weeks passed without any word from Trina, and I was grateful for the quiet. It gave me time to focus on my family and regain some peace of mind after her unexpected visit. But of course, Trina wasn't one to let things go. One evening, I got a text from her. It was oddly formal, almost rehearsed, as if she drafted it multiple times before sending it.
Starting point is 00:13:01 She claimed she'd been doing some soul-searching and realized that maybe she hadn't handled things well in the past. She admitted she let me down during the accident and said she wanted to make amends. She even offered to babysit the kids for an evening if we wanted a break. It was a tempting offer, but I couldn't ignore the timing. Just a few weeks earlier, she'd been defensive and dismissive, insisting she'd done nothing wrong. Now, suddenly, she was turning over a new leaf? The skeptic in me couldn't help but think this was another ploy to get back in my good graces for Kevin's sake, not ours. I showed the messages to my husband, asking him what he thought. He shrugged and said that maybe I should take her up on it, even if only to see if she was serious about changing.
Starting point is 00:13:47 He reminded me that holding on to resentment wouldn't do us any good, especially if she was genuinely trying to make things right. His words lingered in my mind for days. I didn't want to be the kind of person who held grudges, but I also didn't want to be naive. Trina had shown her true colors more than once, and I wasn't convinced a few well-worded texts were enough to erase that. Still, I decided to test the waters. I messaged her back, saying that if she was serious about wanting to make amends, she'd need to start by acknowledging the hurt she caused. I told her I wasn't interested in empty gestures or half-hearted apologies. If she wanted to be part of our lives, she needed to show that she was reliable. I told her that letting my kids go over for now wasn't something I would allow.
Starting point is 00:14:34 Her response came quickly, and it was clear she wasn't expecting me to push back. She said she thought her message had already acknowledged her mistakes and that it wasn't fair for me to keep bringing up the past. She insisted she was trying her best and accused me of making it harder for her to fix things. I felt my patience wearing thin. It was like talking to a wall. No matter how I framed it, she couldn't or wouldn't understand that trust-requential more than just saying the right things. I told her as much, adding that if she wasn't willing
Starting point is 00:15:05 to put in the effort, there was no point in continuing the conversation. She didn't reply after that, and I figured that was the end of it. Update 3. I should have known better. Trina wasn't one to take no for an answer, especially when she wanted something. About a week later, my husband and I were at the park with the kids when Trina showed up out of nowhere. She was dressed to the nines, clearly trying to impress someone. Sure enough, Kevin was trailing behind her, looking a little uncomfortable. She greeted us like nothing had happened, her voice bright and cheerful. She bent down to say hello to the kids, who responded hesitantly. They didn't know her well enough to be excited by her presence, which seemed to catch her off guard. I crossed my arms,
Starting point is 00:15:53 waiting for her to address the elephant in the room. Instead, she launched into a story about how she and had just come from brunch and thought it would be nice to spend the afternoon with us. Kevin chimed in, saying he thought it was great that Trina was making an effort to reconnect with family. I could feel my irritation bubbling beneath the surface, but I kept my tone neutral as I asked her why she hadn't called ahead. She waved off the question, saying she didn't think it was a big deal and my husband told her where we were. She said she just wanted to spend time with the kids and figured we wouldn't mind. I shot a look at my husband, who said, seemed torn between backing me up and avoiding a confrontation. I decided to take matters into my own
Starting point is 00:16:34 hands. I told Trina that showing up uninvited wasn't the way. I said that if she was serious, she needed to respect our boundaries and stop trying to force her way back into our lives. Trina's cheerful facade cracked. She said she didn't understand why I was being so difficult. She claimed she was doing everything she could to make things right, but I was shutting her out at every turn. Kevin jumped in, saying he thought I should give Trina a chance to prove herself. That was when I lost my composure. I told Trina that actions speak louder than words, and so far, her actions had only shown me that she cared more about appearances than actual relationships. I pointed out that she'd ignored us for months when we needed her most and was now trying to
Starting point is 00:17:20 play the role of the caring aunt because it suited her narrative. I asked Kevin if this was the type of woman he wanted to be the mother of his kids. Trina's face turned red, and she accused me of being bitter and unforgiving. She said I was holding her to an impossible standard. She even had the audacity to say that my negativity was setting a bad example for the kids. That was the last straw. I told her that my responsibility was to protect my children from people who couldn't be trusted, and right now, that included her.
Starting point is 00:17:51 I said she had no right to lecture me about setting examples when she'd consistently shown that she valued her own comfort over her family's well-being. Kevin looked like he wanted to sink into the ground, but Trina wasn't done. She accused me of trying to alienate her from the family and said I was being unfair. I told her fairness went out the window the moment she turned her back on us. I said I wasn't going to apologize for not wanting a family like her. By the time the argument ended, Trina was fuming, and Kevin was awkwardly trying to defuse the tension. My husband stayed silent, which only added to my frustration. Trina stormed off, dragging Kevin with her again, but not before loudly declaring that she was done trying to please me. I'd made my stance clear.
Starting point is 00:18:37 Update 4. It had been a few weeks since Trina's last visit, and I thought maybe she'd finally gotten the message. But as usual, my optimism was misplaced. This time, she decided to involve my parents and my in-laws. His mother called one evening while we were cleaning up after dinner. I could hear her voice even though the phone wasn't on speaker, it was sharp and insistent. She asked him why I was so intent on causing unnecessary tension in the family. She said Trina was doing her best to mend things, and it wasn't fair for me to keep shutting her out. My husband handled the call with more patience than I would have. He calmly explained that we had valid reasons for being upset and that Trina's actions weren't exactly
Starting point is 00:19:22 helping her case. His mother wasn't having it. She said that family was family and that it was time to move on. I took the phone from him and yelled at my mother-in-law that she needed to stop enabling Trina's behavior. I reminded her how she and her baby girl had refused to help when we were in the hospital, how she'd ignored our calls and left us all alone. I asked her what was her reasoning then. I said forgiveness didn't mean pretending everything was fine, it meant addressing the damage and holding people accountable. I hung up on her after that. My husband said his mother didn't understand why we couldn't just forgive Trina and let her spend more time with the kids. He was still trying to stay neutral, but I wasn't in the mood for diplomacy. He asked if I could
Starting point is 00:20:06 at least meet Trina halfway. He said his mom thought I was taking things too personally, but she didn't mean to anger me. His tone was cautious, careful, like he was testing the waters to see how I'd react. I didn't even give him a chance to finish. I asked him why he couldn't see what was so blatantly obvious, why he couldn't stand up to his family for once instead of tiptoeing around their feelings. I said it was exhausting being the only one fighting for what was right while he sat on the fence pretending to mediate. He said I was being unfair. He claimed he was trying to keep the peace and that it wasn't as simple as taking sides. He said he understood my frustration, but he also had to think about the bigger picture. And that's when I snapped. I told him he could shove his
Starting point is 00:20:53 so-called diplomacy right where the sun didn't shine. I said his constant need to play peacemaker was enabling Trina and his mother to walk all over us, mostly me and our children. I said if he wanted to keep pandering to them, he could do it alone because I was done playing nice. He straightened up, his eyes narrowing. He asked me what that was supposed to mean, and I didn't hold back. I told him it meant that if he didn't start backing me up, there would be consequences. I said I wasn't going to keep fighting this battle by myself while he tried to keep everyone happy. I said it wasn't my job to make his family comfortable at the expense of my sanity. He said family conflicts were never black and white, and I needed to stop making ultimatums. I laughed and told him to shut up. I was so
Starting point is 00:21:40 angry at him. I told him that this wasn't about black and white. If it was, I wouldn't have kept quiet for so long. I said his sister had disrespected us repeatedly, abandoned us in our time of need, and was now trying to manipulate us for her own gain. I asked him how he could possibly see this as a situation that required neutrality. He tried to say something, but I cut him off. I told him I was tired of being the villain in his family's eyes while he played the nice guy. I said I was tired of his mother's guilt trips and Trina's fake apologies. I said I was tired of fighting for for us while he stood by watching from the sidelines. He lowered his eyes, saying he was just trying to handle things in a way that didn't completely destroy the family dynamic. I said the
Starting point is 00:22:26 family dynamic was already destroyed the moment his sister refused to help us without any compassion whatsoever. I told him that the problem wasn't that she refused, it was how she refused. I said his family made their choices, and now they had to live with the consequences. I told him I was done being the scapegoat, and if he couldn't stand with me, he was welcome to join them on the other side. I told him I wasn't asking for much, just for him to show some loyalty to his own wife and kids. I asked him if he even realized how hurtful it was to feel like I was in this fight alone. His shoulders slumped, and for a moment, I thought I'd gotten through to him. But then he said he didn't think this was worth tearing the family apart over. I froze, disbelief washing over. I froze,
Starting point is 00:23:10 disbelief washing over me. I asked him if he thought I was tearing the family apart. I asked him if he really believed this mess was my fault. He hesitated in his response, which enraged me. I told him he was pathetic, that his need to keep the peace was going to cost him the one person who actually had his back. I asked if his mother was the one who had taken care of him a couple of months ago and helped him recover. I said if he wanted to side with his family, that was fine, but he shouldn't expect me to go along with it. I said I had enough self-respect to stand up for myself, even if he didn't. He looked shocked. I asked how he would feel if his sister had taken our children to the park but didn't watch over them and was busy making out with her boyfriend, and our kids got into an accident.
Starting point is 00:23:57 I asked if that would finally open his eyes. He didn't say anything, he just stood there, stunned. I told him I was done arguing. I had nothing else to say. I said if he would wanted to salvage what was left of this marriage, he needed to start showing me that I mattered more than his family's fragile egos. Then I walked out of the kitchen. I needed to breathe. I needed some space. I sat in the living room. A few minutes later, he came and sat near me. He didn't seem as blockhead as before. He admitted that I was right. He had been hiding behind his so-called diplomacy, using it as a shield to avoid confrontation. He confessed that it was easier to let me play the bad guy
Starting point is 00:24:42 because it saved him from having to stand up to his family. Hearing him admit it was validating, but it also stung more than I'd expected. I asked him why he thought that was okay and why he thought it was fair to leave me out there on my own, bearing the brunt of his family's judgment. He said it wasn't okay, and that was the part he regretted most. He admitted he had taken advantage of my protectiveness,
Starting point is 00:25:04 knowing I would always step up when things got tough. He said he'd been selfish, letting me shoulder the blame while he tried to keep everyone happy. His voice cracked a little as he went on, saying that he realized now how much pressure he put on me. He said he saw how lonely it must have felt to fight those battles alone, especially when I should have been able to rely on him. He admitted that he hadn't been a good partner and that he hated himself for it. I sat there staring at him, unsure of what to say. Part of me wanted to forgive him on the spot, but another part of me wasn't ready to. I asked him why it took him so long to see it, why he couldn't have had this epiphany before things got so bad. He said he didn't have a good answer for that, only that he'd been
Starting point is 00:25:48 too caught up in his own fears of rocking the boat. He said he'd been so focused on maintaining the illusion of harmony that he didn't realize he was sacrificing something much more important. our trust, our partnership. His words hit me hard, and for a moment, I had to look away. I told him that his family's behavior was one thing, but his betrayal was another. I said I could handle the judgment, the guilt trips, and the manipulations from them, but I couldn't handle feeling like I was in this alone. He reached out then, gently placing a hand on mine. He said he understood that now and he promised to do better. He said he would stand with me from now. He said he would stand with me from now. on, even if it meant upsetting his family. He said he was done hiding behind excuses and letting
Starting point is 00:26:33 me carry the weight of everything. I could see the sincerity in his eyes. I told him that actions would speak louder than words, and he nodded, saying he was ready to prove it. The tension between us began to ease. It wasn't a perfect resolution, but it was something to hold on to. A few days later, Trina tried another tactic. She invited us all to a family dinner. She invited us all to a family dinner, at their parents' house. The invitation came with an overly cheerful message. I almost laughed when I read it, it was so transparently fake that I didn't even bother responding. My husband said he'd already refused them and it wasn't worth it. The kids, thankfully, were too young to fully grasp the drama. Edit, since a lot of you were asking for an update on Trina's boyfriend, here it is. This is around a month
Starting point is 00:27:23 later, he broke up with her. Looks like he finally saw through her facade. And no, he wasn't rich, but from what I know, he lived a comfortable lifestyle. I hope you enjoy this story. The identical sibling consistently received all the mother's focus due to their striking resemblance, leaving me feeling neglected. Eventually, they inherited all assets and proceeded to evict both me and our younger sibling. Our mom passed away. My mom had three kids, my twin sister and I, 26F, and then our little brother.
Starting point is 00:27:57 Michelle, my sister, and I are not identical twins, we are fraternal twins, and it was quite difficult growing up with her because I always got treated differently since I looked different from her. Actually, to be more precise, it was not the fact that I looked different from her, it was the fact that I looked so different from my mother that made her treat me like I was not her daughter at all. Michelle was the spitting image of our mom from when she was younger, and obviously she was really stunning too, so my mother was constantly acting like she didn't care about anybody else in the world apart from her darling daughter and was constantly trying to groom her into becoming a mini her. For a couple of years when I was a child, I constantly tried to get her attention, but it never worked.
Starting point is 00:28:39 When I grew older, I even went to the extent of trying to imitate how they looked, but that just made them make fun of me. So eventually I just stopped and accepted the fact that I was never going to be that important to them. By then I had my brother, and he seemed to adore me the way I was, so it didn't matter. My biological parents got married when they were around 23, and they had had to get married because of their family since my mother was already pregnant by then after a four-year relationship with my dad. She had aspirations of becoming a model and had even been modeling for a couple of years by then, but after she got pregnant, she decided to quit and become a stay-at-home mom.
Starting point is 00:29:17 Unfortunately, we lost my dad in an accident six years after. she got married. My sister and I were young at the time, so my mother would leave us with her mom while she went out to work, and that's how she met her next husband. Three years after our dad's passing, she decided to get married again, and that's how our stepdad became part of our lives. My stepdad was a nice guy, and since he's the only father in my life that I actually remember, I would say that having him around did improve our family dynamics. He always tried to be inclusive and occasionally even told my mom to be better to me, and sometimes it worked. But that was not the best thing that he had done for me.
Starting point is 00:29:55 The best thing was that he and my mother had given me my younger brother Dennis. He's 12 years younger than me, but he's still the joy of my life, and I really don't think that I would have been able to make it through all these years without him. He is really attached to me and a huge part of the reason why I'd even bothered to stay in touch with my mom and Michelle for so many years. Even after my stepdad passed away a few years ago, he passed away from cardiac arrest, and even though he was just in his late 50s, it did not come as a shock to any of us because he had actually been struggling with heart problems for a really long time. Just a few months after his demise, my mother called us both and told us that she had been
Starting point is 00:30:34 diagnosed with stomach cancer. Even though she did undergo treatment for a couple of years, we lost her about six weeks back. After her diagnosis, both of us moved back home to be with her, but that's just what she told everybody else we knew. The truth was that she actually only wanted Michelle by her side, and I was only there because she needed somebody to look after Dennis since she did not want him to be removed from her custody, since she was obviously medically unfit. I did suggest taking Dennis home with me and, saying that, I would bring him over to visit her on the weekends. That way I wouldn't have to stay with her full time because that honestly sounded like a true nightmare since
Starting point is 00:31:11 it would require me to stay with her and Michelle in the same house for God knows how long. But my mother was very firm about what she wanted, and since we knew for a fact that she was not going to make it, it was really hard for me to say no to her. Even Dennis did not want to leave because he was a teenager, he was used to a certain life, and I lived quite far away from everything that he knew. He was already losing his mother. It was a difficult and traumatic experience for him as it is. Ultimately, even I did not think it would be appropriate to remove him from my mother's custody at the time, so ever since my mother had been diagnosed, the four of us had been living in the same house. When we finally lost her, I was a bit sad, and obviously Dennis was really
Starting point is 00:31:53 upset because even though he did not like the way my mother treated me differently as compared to my sister, she treated him well and he was kind of attached to her. But both of us had actually expected Michelle to be the most affected by her demise and had believed that she was going to be totally shattered when we finally lost her. However, what came as a shock to us was her behavior right after her passing. Since literally nobody in their right mind would be able to guess that she had just lost her mother, instead of being devastated or even a little sad, she seemed to be completely unaffected and went about her life as if nothing had happened at all. Within a few days, she actually seemed happier than she had been before. About a week after,
Starting point is 00:32:32 our mother's passing, her lawyer and the executor of her will told us that she had left pretty much everything to Michelle. When my stepdad passed away, whatever money and assets he had had been passed on to her because his family wasn't really interested, so she had sold his assets, and all the money from that was going to go to Dennis. He was in a trust that he could access when he was 18, and all that I had received was her wedding ring from when she used to be married to my father. It wasn't worth much monetarily because both of them were really young and the wedding was a bit of a hasty affair, but it was enough for me. I was not surprised that she had left everything to Michelle, she was pretty predictable, and I knew this was going to happen. I was a little
Starting point is 00:33:12 jealous, but there was nothing that I could do about it, and I have a stable job of my own as well, so I tried not to let it affect me too much. But while I had no reaction after being told that I had received pretty much nothing of financial value, Michelle actually rolled her eyes when the lawyer told her that her mother had left her everything and even a bunch of letters after she was gone. Even the lawyer seemed to be taken aback by her reaction but did not say anything. However, I could not stop myself from asking what was going on with her, and after the lawyer had left, I decided to finally address her weird behavior. I was not confrontational or rude, I just asked her politely, and she explained to me that she had really tried to be unhappy
Starting point is 00:33:52 when our mother had passed away, but she just couldn't bring herself to feel bad because all her life she had hated our mom. That statement came as a huge shock because I could have never even thought that Michelle of all people would hate our mother. But then she told me that our mother had apparently always pressured her to become exactly like her without caring about what she wanted. Right from her childhood, she had been told to watch her wait, and our mother would actively monitor whatever she ate. I knew that it was true because I had seen that happening. It wasn't just that, our mom apparently forced her to dress up the way she wanted her to and even did her make the way she liked and constantly tried to make her look like some version of herself.
Starting point is 00:34:30 She told me that for as long as we had been living with our mom, she had never been able to be herself even for a second because she knew that her mother wouldn't like it, and she had seen how our mom treated me, so she did not want to get on her bad side by being disobedient. This is why she always went along with whatever our mother told her without any complaint. She was aware of the fact that it would definitely pay off if she stayed on our mom's good side because my mom actually used to make a decent amount of money. After my mom got remarried, she quit her job again to stay home and take care of us. But a little after my brother was born, my mom and my stepdad decided that she was going
Starting point is 00:35:05 to go back to work again because they needed the money to finance raising three kids. However, instead of taking up some conventional job, my mother decided that she was going to start life coaching. Basically, she was going to tell rich people basic things that they could have learned by themselves if they just looked up inspirational quotes on Google or whatever. It was a total scam, but it was her friend's business, and she had been hired because rich people like to throw money at random stuff. Their business actually ended up doing well, and she became a partner eventually. This is what she had been doing to earn money until her diagnosis, after which
Starting point is 00:35:41 she decided to quit but still continued to make some passive income from it. I think at the time of her passing, she was richer than my stepdad had been earlier, so of course it's a lot of money that is going to Michelle. Even in the past, because Michelle had bothered to stay on our mother's good side, pretty much everything had been taken care of for her. But to hear Michelle talk about our mother like this and share how much pressure she had actually been under because of our mom, it made me realize that it was probably not all sunshine and rainbows for her either. That was a real moment of substance that she had for me when she was telling me about what she had been through and how difficult it had been for her to keep sucking up to our mother and live by her rules even as an adult. After my sister
Starting point is 00:36:21 graduated college, she wanted to work and start her own restaurant, but our mother forced her to start modeling so that she could probably live out her own dreams through Michelle or whatever, and she couldn't even say no. So for the past couple of years, she had been extremely busy and didn't even have time to breathe because she was either auditioning for modeling gigs or working at her day job and trying to save up money. But now that she had the inheritance, she was going to use that to put it into her business, and she was really relieved that she could stopped trying to be her mother's ideal daughter now. After she said that to me, I actually gave her a hug and stuff, and even though we had never been particularly close before, I thought that maybe now
Starting point is 00:37:00 we could actually start trying to become friends. But instead, a couple of days after that, she told me that she wanted me and Dennis to vacate the house because she was planning on moving her boyfriend and business partner in with her, and because it would get awkward to have all of us live together, she wanted us to leave. I would be happy to leave because I wanted some personal of my own as well, but the only problem was that Dennis did not want to leave. Even if I had planned on leaving, I would still need some time because I had ended the lease on my previous apartment and I would have to look for a new one before I even considered moving out. I tried to explain the situation to her and said that it was just a matter of a few years before Dennis graduated high school,
Starting point is 00:37:39 and then she could have the house to herself because I definitely did not want to stay here. For now, if she really wanted to move her boyfriend in here, she could either stay with us, or maybe she could rent an apartment with him. It wouldn't even be a problem for her because she had come into a lot of money recently, and I didn't think that I was being unreasonable. I would like to reiterate that I was not doing this for myself. I had no interest in the house, but I just wanted to have some sense of stability in his life and not move out of the house and neighborhood that he had grown up and all of a sudden just after his mother passed away. It wouldn't be good for him, and even she knew that. But instead of taking my suggestion into consideration, she told me that she didn't care about any of that, she just wanted us out at any cost, because now the house belongs to her and she gets to decide who stays here and who doesn't.
Starting point is 00:38:27 So that was pretty insulting, and even though she had given us until the end of the week to move out, I decided to move out the very next day and go stay with a friend for a couple of days. Dennis came along with me without any complaints because I had explained the situation to him, and I hadn't even bothered to hide anything that Michelle had. said because I wanted him to know exactly what kind of person Michelle was so he would learn not to hope for better behavior from her. I had thought that we might be able to bond after she confessed that she had hated our mother and, after, being a little vulnerable. But then she kicked us out of the house, and I learned my lesson. After we left, I had absolutely no contact with her because it did not seem necessary anymore. Dennis was with me, and even though he was not really happy about the situation, he had made his peace with it since we couldn't really do anything about it.
Starting point is 00:39:14 Now it's been close to a week of no contact with Michelle, but yesterday she called me up and started crying hysterically on the phone because apparently she had given away something extremely important and now she wanted my help to have it returned to her. That's why I feel like I'm very confused about what to do because the thing that she had given away was my mom's jewelry box. It was all incredibly expensive stuff that my mother had bought for herself over the years, and she would occasionally wear these things, so they had stayed with her in the house itself instead of bank lockers. She kept it in a wooden box in her closet, which was pretty ugly to look at, and it would be hard to believe that she would keep important things in that box, probably so that nobody would
Starting point is 00:39:54 take it. I guess that's why Michelle hadn't been mindful while giving away our mom's belonging so that she could get rid of everything in her room and make space for her boyfriend to move in with her, since that was the biggest room in the house. But now she had realized that she had carelessly given it away, and she had been stupid enough to tell her friend who had received the box about what it contained, and now her friend was refusing to return it to her. I found it really confusing that she was calling me for this
Starting point is 00:40:20 and not a lawyer because as far as I was concerned, she could just take this friend of hers to court, and I'm pretty sure that the will would help her get it back without much of a challenge. So I told her to talk to a lawyer and not to me, but then she told me that she couldn't possibly take this to court because apparently this friend is her boyfriend's sister, and he has made it very clear that Michelle can try whatever she wants to get the jewelry back, but he believes that once a gift has been given away, it's impolite to ask for it back.
Starting point is 00:40:46 He has also told her that if she tries to take this to court, he's going to dump her immediately, and their relationship and business together will be off forever. She can't even speak to anybody else about this because she knows that if her boyfriend finds out, he will leave her for trying to ruin his family's reputation. So with nobody else to go too, she decided to call me and start begging me to help her out somehow. She had been so incredibly stupid and selfish throughout this entire thing, that, I decided to tell her not to call me again, and then I blocked her. But now I feel kind of bad about it. Ida for refusing to help my sister retrieve her mother's jewelry that she had accidentally given away?
Starting point is 00:41:26 Edit. I had not mentioned any of this in my arrest. original post because I did not think it was relevant to the situation, but since a lot of people have asked me, I'm currently staying with my friend. Dennis is also with me since I'm his legal guardian. He is closest to me, and the two of us had already discussed this with our mother before she passed away, so all the paperwork and stuff had been completed beforehand. I'm trying to look for apartments nearby since he doesn't want to change schools right now, and I can totally understand because it's already difficult for him to deal with the loss of his mother, so naturally he doesn't
Starting point is 00:41:58 want to lose his friends as well. My friend has been kind enough to let us stay with her since it's in the vicinity of his school and the commute is easier, but it's kind of difficult for me since my workplace is kind of far away from here. But I'm considering switching to a work from home job anyway since our company is fine with it. I just have to speak to my higher-ups and make a request. It's not going to change or affect my income, so I guess I'll be fine with that. Update one, hey, so I don't think I'm going to be helping Michelle out with whatever is going on right now. this seems to be a problem between her and her boyfriend and his sister, and it has nothing to do with me. In fact, I don't even think I'm going to gain anything by getting involved unnecessarily,
Starting point is 00:42:38 and I really don't want to waste my time and energy on this. If she isn't strong enough to stand up to her boyfriend and is letting herself get bossed around by him, that hardly seems like my problem. Besides, I still can't forget how she had been so rude and selfish in the past couple of weeks, so I don't feel the need to help her out either. It has been more than four days since she tried to contact me, and after I blocked her, it took her a while to get to me again. But then last evening, she sent me an email on my work email address. She probably found that on the internet or something. There she sent me a really long message, and the first half was just her
Starting point is 00:43:15 apologizing to me for being so selfish. She told me that she was just tired of putting her dreams and plans on hold for her family because all her life. That's exactly what she had been doing because of our mother. But now that our mother is gone, she couldn't wait to live life her way, and that's why she wanted me to leave with Dennis as soon as possible. She was only realizing how selfish it had been of her, and she was really sorry about it now. After apologizing in that message, she also mentioned that since her mother was still in the probate stage, she was scared of the legal repercussions of giving away the jewelry. She hadn't even had the courage to speak to her mother's lawyer about it yet because she was afraid that she would get into trouble.
Starting point is 00:43:56 Apparently, she had done some research on the internet, and she believes she has reason to be scared. But I honestly still think that if she just speaks to the lawyer and retrieves the jewelry, everything will be solved. I've never dealt with the law myself, but I have this thing called common sense, and I like to use it, and I wish she would too. I don't understand why she's still reaching out to me
Starting point is 00:44:18 because neither do I know her boyfriend nor do I know his sister, so I really don't understand what she expects me to do about this problem. I found the entire email really annoying because throughout it, she was just whining about how difficult the situation was for her and how she did not want to lose anybody. For someone who has literally kicked out her siblings from her house so that she could move her boyfriend in with her, she seems to be pretty weak and stupid here.
Starting point is 00:44:42 I also don't understand how her boyfriend is investing in her business or whatever but can't afford to buy his sister, but has to resort to stealing. Technically, I would call it stealing, because Michelle has made it pretty clear that she didn't think there was anything significant in that box, and that's why she had given it away in a hurry. Any decent person with half a brain would return that box on being asked to do so. If they had realized that there was jewelry in that box that did not actually belong to them, it wouldn't be entirely wrong to keep it to themselves, but of course then they would be opening themselves up to legal consequences, and I don't think decent people with common sense would do something like this. when it's so obvious that her boyfriend's sister does not seem to be a good person, and neither does he, since he's defending his sister and threatening to break up with Michelle or something like that,
Starting point is 00:45:30 she should dump these people and take them to court instead. But, she's choosing to waste her time writing stupid emails to me instead of speaking to the lawyer and fixing the problem. I really have no sympathy for her, and I just hope that she doesn't contact me again because I'm just really annoyed with her. Even if she does reach out to me again, I might just come. contact the lawyer myself and solve this problem for her now. Update 2, so I guess somehow Michelle got to know that I had been staying here with a friend.
Starting point is 00:45:58 I don't know how she found out, but today she showed up and started apologizing to me. When I opened the door, I found it really awkward because Dennis was out with his friends, and my friend and I had been chatting in the living room when this happened. It was kind of embarrassing because this was not even my house, and I did not want her to throw a tantrum there, so I asked her to stand outside the house with me so that we could talk. She told me that she had pulled a lot of strings to find out where I was staying, and she just needed a chance to speak to me. I don't know what she meant by that.
Starting point is 00:46:30 When I asked her, she did not tell me, so please don't ask me how she found out where I was staying. Anyway, moving on, she told me that she meant every word of that apology, and she really was sorry for however I had been treated so far. Then she told me that she was even ready to prove it to me. That sounded a bit interesting and I got curious, so I ended up asking her how she planned on doing that. So then she told me that if I helped her out with what she needed to do, then she would split the inheritance with me, and that would be a huge help for me. I thought about it for a couple of minutes because she had indeed come into a lot of money recently, and after the probate, if she actually did split it with me, then I would be sorted for a couple of months. So after giving it some thought, I decided to agree, but I told her that this would only happen if we spoke to a lawyer and had a written agreement drawn up because I did not trust her.
Starting point is 00:47:23 Surprisingly, she accepted that. She told me that she had given me enough reasons not to trust her, so she could totally understand where I was coming from, and I thought that was respectable. Now all she wants me to do is speak to her boyfriend and his sister for her. That's literally all that I have to do, since she has been working up the courage to stand up to them but hasn't been able to do so. so yet. Also, I found out from her that her boyfriend wasn't even financing the business, so it certainly does make sense that his sister decided to keep the jewelry because they're obviously not rich. I had just assumed that he was financing the business because she had been talking about his investment, but that turned out to be his time and nothing else. Even so, he's only going to start working on the business after she has actually set up the business, and so far he hasn't contributed anything at all, not even the time that he had promised. She would still be the only one actually putting money into it, and I personally thought it was an incredibly
Starting point is 00:48:16 stupid idea, so I even told her about it to her face. She didn't say anything after that, but I hope that she takes it seriously and leaves him. Until then, I'm going to wait for her to come back with the paperwork and have it signed, and then I guess I'm going to have to deal with her boyfriend and his sister. I can't even imagine them being very scary because I literally cannot think of a single reason why she needs to speak to them and can't do it herself. No, I don't think there's anything fishy going on, I think she's telling me the truth. She's just scared of the emotional aspect of it and doesn't want to be the bad guy to them. It's as simple as that. Update 3, hey, so it has been three weeks since my last update, and everything has worked out now. A couple of days after she spoke to me,
Starting point is 00:49:02 she showed up again with the documents, and once I knew for a fact that she couldn't back out of this, I decided to go along with her so that we could speak to her boyfriend. After speaking to him, I could finally understand why she did not want to do it on her own. I had stalked him and his sister on social media, and I couldn't find anything shady, so I just assumed there was nothing going on, and there really wasn't. But unfortunately, what was actually going on with him, nobody would have spoken about it on social media, because as soon as I told him that I was here to speak to him on behalf of Michelle about the jewelry, he immediately started freaking out.
Starting point is 00:49:36 I don't mean freaking out in a way that was funny, he started screaming, shouting, and cursing at us. He directed most of it towards Michelle, who was just standing in a corner crying, and he cursed at her like crazy. The words and names that he used for her were not only derogatory but just disgusting, and I couldn't believe that an educated man like him
Starting point is 00:49:56 was acting like this. He accused her of trying to ruin his family's reputation, and then when I tried to tell him that he and his sister was, were responsible for their own reputation, he started throwing stuff around and started cursing at me as well. He was acting like a total animal, and after a point, I started losing my temper as well, so we got into a heated argument. I was pretty sure that if I had taken it further, he would have probably turned it into a physical brawl. I could actually see him trying to restrain himself, but I don't
Starting point is 00:50:26 think it was because I was a woman, I think it was just because he knew that I wasn't Michelle, and if he did anything to me, I would immediately call the cops and he would be screwed. After arguing with me for a while on screaming some more, he decided to finally call his sister to get the box. While we were waiting for his sister to arrive, he had a lot of things to say about us, about our upbringing and our family, and he constantly kept up a stream of horrible things to say about Michelle while she just kept crying in the corner. I actually started feeling bad for her because if this is what she had to deal with on a regular basis, I could understand why she needed my help. Anyway, after a while, his sister finally showed up and
Starting point is 00:51:04 begrudgingly they handed over the box to Michelle. I could see that they were not willing to give it up, but they had to because otherwise they would get into legal trouble, since even though Michelle was scared of them, I wasn't. After the handover of the box was done, Michelle's boyfriend stormed out of the house after cursing at her and telling her that he never wanted to see her again because of what she had done, and she tried to talk to him and stop him from leaving, but he left anyway after pushing her. her aside. Then she totally broke down, and even though I had been mad at her for a really long time, I started feeling bad for her, so I sat with her when I consoled her to the best of my abilities and told her that everything would be fine. She apologized to me for everything that she had put
Starting point is 00:51:44 me through, and since then, we have managed to stay on good terms with each other. True to her word, she has told me that as soon as she receives the inheritance, she's going to be splitting it with me, and we are trying to build a stronger relationship now. Dennis and I have also moved out of my friend's apartment, and even though Michelle has invited us back to stay with her, I think a few weeks apart before we do that will do us all some good. Right now, I just want to feel things out and see how they go, but hopefully we will be able to work it all out soon. I hope you enjoy this story. Took care of my ailing factory while her four kids disregarded her, so she bequeathed me all
Starting point is 00:52:22 her possessions and now my spouse and his brothers and sisters are asking me to divide it. With them or he will divorce me. So, for context, my mother-in-law Sharon had four children. My brother-in-law, Jacob, 38m, is the oldest and then there is my husband, Nate, 34M. And then there are my sisters-in-law, Zoe and Becky, who are twins, 27F. My father-in-law passed away in an accident shortly after the twins were born and since then, Sharon has raised them all on her own. And she didn't just raise them by herself, she also took over her husband's company and stepped into his position at work. I've always admired her and she and I had a great relationship. About six months ago, she was diagnosed with brain
Starting point is 00:53:09 cancer and it was already in its advanced stages. Unfortunately, there had hardly been any symptoms, and by the time we found out, it was out of control. Everyone was very upset about it, but I was the only one who stepped up and said that I would go stay with her so I could take care of her. Nate was not happy about it at all because staying with her meant that I would have to move two states away and we were having a hard time in our marriage anyway, so this was not what we needed right now. We argued about it endlessly for a few weeks, but I made it clear to him that I was going to stay with her no matter what. I even insisted that he come with me but he told me that he couldn't just abandon his work and fly off to be with his mother. Besides, he brought up the fact
Starting point is 00:53:51 that his siblings could be there with her, but unfortunately, they didn't seem to care much either. At least Nate and I lived out of state, so he had a somewhat valid reason. So I argued with him and I told him that since his work required him to travel very frequently, it's not even like he would miss me when was not around. So finally, I got him to agree. During the time that I spent with my mother-in-law, taking care of her, I noticed that hardly any of her kids would visit her, and even when they would, they would always seem like they were in a hurry to leave and get back to their normal lives. It felt like they were visiting more out of a sense of obligation or duty that they visited her rather than out of love and concern, and that just seemed very strange to me.
Starting point is 00:54:32 Anyway, I have spent the past few months with Sharon, taking care of her and just being there for her emotionally because for the most part, she did have a nurse to stay with her during the day. I didn't do it because I expected something out of it, I just did it because as somebody who had lost her own mother to cancer when I was 16, I just really wanted to be there for her. But her health only got worse with time, which was not unexpected, but it was still really difficult to deal with. Anyway, two weeks ago, she passed away after a particularly rough few days. I was the one who organized the funeral with my husband, since he had decided to be there with me during her last few days, unlike the others. Three days after the funeral, since the family was
Starting point is 00:55:14 still together in one city, her lawyer got us all together and told us that she had emailed the details of the will to everyone and even told us all about it in person as well. And I really wish that hadn't happened because Sharon left her entire estate to me and it's caused a lot of drama in the family and even in my marriage. I have mentioned that Sharon took over her husband's company after his passing, which means that she's been doing quite well for herself and all the money left over after covering her medical expenses has come to me. I have also inherited her house, her jewelry and other expensive assets. As soon as her lawyer announced it, the rest of the family was shocked for a couple of minutes before they started going off about how unfair all of this
Starting point is 00:55:55 was. I didn't want to speak to them at the time, so I just left the room but they stayed in Sharon's study for about half an hour more and I could hear raised voices from the room, including Nates. But I couldn't hear what they were talking about and neither did I want to find out because I was sure that it couldn't have anything pleasant. Anyway, eventually, they left without even saying goodbye to me and finally, Nate came to me. He also seemed really shocked that his mother had left everything to me and nothing to her children, but he still tried to be nice to me initially, saying that I deserved it because I was the only one who had been by her side ever since her diagnosis. He had visited a couple of times over the past couple of months, but that hadn't been
Starting point is 00:56:34 nearly enough to compare to what I had done for her. So I thought that he would be more understanding than his siblings, but after he was done appreciating me, he told me that in spite of that, he still thought that it was weird of his mother to leave everything to me and told me that he had discussed it with his siblings, and they believed that to make everything fair, I needed to split everything with them equally. I found it really shocking, the way he just casually informed me that I would need to do this, and given the fact that it had been a discussion between him and his siblings, I hadn't even been included in it. I didn't think it was necessary for me to agree and so, I didn't. I told him that there were still a couple of months to go before I actually inherited anything
Starting point is 00:57:13 since the will was in probate for now and when I finally did get what my mother-in-law had left me, I would think about it then, but as of now, I'm not planning on promising and that was all it took. He immediately started yelling at me about how selfish I was being and told me that I had no right to snatch away what rightfully belonged to him and his siblings. That did not sit right with me because I was not snatching anything away from anyone, and as for what rightfully belongs to them, I think that was for Sharon to decide, and seems to me she had made up her mind. So I fought back and soon enough, we were in a shouting match. He and I had already been having a really hard time with each other for the past couple of years, which was a tiny part of the reason why I'd wanted to
Starting point is 00:57:53 move in with Sharon, just so that I would have some time away from him. Coming to the reason why we had been having so much trouble in our marriage was mostly because he wanted children and I wasn't ready yet. His work has always required him to travel a lot and he hardly ever stayed home, so I knew that, even if we did end up having kids, I would be the one who would end up taking care of them most of the time because we didn't have any relatives where we lived and nannies were pretty expensive. And as a working woman, I couldn't afford to drop everything and quit because we needed the money, and also because I did not think it was a good idea for me not to be financially independent. So I had been postponing it and he kept arguing that we couldn't just delay it forever because biology
Starting point is 00:58:32 was a thing. And I would end up arguing that if he wanted to have kids, he would have to devote more time to his family than his job. And he would tell me that we needed money and since my job work from home, I didn't have to worry about who would take care of the baby because I wouldn't be at home anyway. We just kept arguing in circles over and over again and so, our relationship had become quite bitter but we wanted to make it so we've been together until now. But things changed after the last fight that we had because he called me selfish and he even threatened to leave me if I did not share my inheritance with him and his siblings, saying that my decision would definitely have an effect on our marriage so I should think twice before doing anything. So I told him that I didn't care what he and his
Starting point is 00:59:12 siblings thought of me and he got really angry and walked out, and we haven't spoken since then. It's been a week in a few more days since the fight and I have been staying in Sharon's house. Jacob, Zoe, and Becky have dropped in a couple of times to convince me to share their inheritance with them, but all I've said to them is that I'll think about it because I don't want to commit to anything that I'm not ready for. I feel really selfish doing this and I honestly don't know how to go ahead but the one thing that I am sure of is that Sharon's kids really never deserved her. When she was sick, I was the only person who had constantly been there by her side, and I had done it because I really loved and admired this person. Her other kids seemed very disinterested so now she has left everything to me, it doesn't seem unfair to me at all.
Starting point is 00:59:57 I've spoken to my dad as well, and he thinks that her other children are not wrong for expecting me to share the inheritance. It's ultimately my decision what I want to do with it. And if I'm being honest, I'm leaning towards keeping it all for myself because it's a lot of money, and with this, I can't. can start my own company. I had been planning for a couple of years, but I had always tried to wait for the right time. Now that I have all the resources, I can quit my job without worrying about the money and start working on my business model. I know that this will make Nate and his siblings very unhappy, but I don't think that's my problem. And about Nate, I have been thinking about parting with him because I've tried my best to make it work, but I don't think he cares about me.
Starting point is 01:00:38 Things are not the same as they used to be and I know that marriage changes stuff, people lose the spark and things like that, but people always make it through it with some hard work. So far, the only person who seems interested in putting in that hard work is me and not him. And it's not about the money, I wouldn't have had any issues sharing that money with him if he had just been polite and nice about it. But he was acting as if he was entitled to it, which he really wasn't because it was his mother's hard-earned money, and if she had decided to leave it to me, it obviously meant. that she felt closer to me than the rest of her children.
Starting point is 01:01:11 It was just his tone and attitude that I had an issue with, but other than that, I would have gladly shared my inheritance with my husband, of all people. But anyway, I've just been very confused about what to do and I feel like I'm being a selfish human being right now. I don't even want to discuss this with my friends because it feels weird. So Ida for not wanting to share my inheritance with my husband and his siblings? And for wanting to leave him? So since people wanted a little more context about my work, it's a proper corporate job and literally the only difference is that I can work remotely. They implemented this after the pandemic and for some reason, Nate seems to think that just because I can work from home, it means that I'm free to take care of the baby whenever we have one.
Starting point is 01:01:55 I'm just exhausted, trying to explain to him that I'm still going to have to work after my maternity leave is over, and if I don't have him by my side to help me out, it's going to be very difficult for me, which is why I'm not ready to have the baby right now. He earns more than me, so he thinks that his job is the only one that's more important, and even though he hasn't ever actually said that, I can tell that that's what he thinks from the way he behaves whenever we argue about this. He constantly keeps telling me that I'm making excuses by bringing up my work and when I try to tell him that I really don't need him by my side when I have a baby and if he can't promise me that, I can't commit to having a baby because it's a huge deal that's not going to affect my body, but my entire life.
Starting point is 01:02:33 He always dismisses and tells me that I'm overreacting, and, occasionally, he has even told me that I'm just trying to get out of starting a family. Here's the deal, I want a baby as much as he does, but I also want the commitment from him that he's going to cut down on time at work. If he can't promise to me, I don't understand how it's fair for him to expect that I'm going to give up my career instead. It's been very frustrating to deal with that and more than anything. I hate the fact that he tries to make it seem like I'm making a bigger issue out of this, but the fact is that I'm going to have to sacrifice more than he does if we do end up having the baby under these circumstances. Every time that we could talk about
Starting point is 01:03:10 these things, we would end up fighting, he would end up leaving and we wouldn't speak for a couple of days. But then, after he would come back from his business trip, he would pretend as if nothing had ever happened, and we would sweep it under the rug. And then once again, a couple of weeks later, we would end up fighting again and the cycle would continue. It has become toxic because neither of us is willing to compromise. I'm just really tired of explaining these things to him, and after our last fight, where he basically threatened to dump me if I did not share my inheritance with all of them, I don't think he even loves me anymore. And even if he does love me, it's clear that he doesn't respect me as a human being. This is why I'm skeptical about staying with him in this marriage anymore
Starting point is 01:03:54 because I can't keep trying to make it work with somebody who doesn't love or respect me. Update 1. I have made up my mind and I think I'm going to be filing for divorce now. It's been two weeks since I fought with Nate, and he still hasn't bothered to reach out to me. After reading my own post, I have realized how alone I've been all this while. I feel terrible about everything, but I can't help it. I need to get away from this marriage for my own sake. The other thing that I've made up my mind about was a lot easier to accept. I'm definitely not going to be sharing my inheritance with anyone else. If Sharon did not leave anything to them, too bad, that's their problem and not mine.
Starting point is 01:04:32 I don't have to feel guilty about anything because I'm the one who took care of her. I'm the one who was actually here for her while they were living their lives normally without bothering about their own mother. And this is exactly what I told them when they started calling me selfish and stuff after I communicated my decision to them. I texted them all in the family group to let them know that I had made my decision and was not going to be sharing my inheritance and obviously, Right after that, they started calling me all sorts of names and telling me that what I was doing was not acceptable and that they would take me to court and all of that. Even in all of that, Nate had nothing to say. Anyway, I told the rest of them that if they wanted to take this to court, they were free to do that, but I didn't care. As long as it's up to me, I'm not going to be sharing anything with them and that's my final decision.
Starting point is 01:05:20 Right after I said that they kicked me out of the group and since then, I haven't had any contact with anybody from Sharon's family. I'm pretty sure that she was around. She would hate them for what they were doing right now, but oh well. Her kids obviously did not receive any of her good qualities and it's very clear. I already have her lawyer on hold. She knows everything that I'm going through and has agreed to represent me if they actually do take this to court. She's also said that she's going to put me in touch with a divorce attorney soon as well, and then I will go ahead with my divorce petition.
Starting point is 01:05:54 It's not like I'm not happy about it. but I can't see any other way out of this. Update 2, I filed for divorce a couple of days ago. A lot of other things have also happened like Nate getting back in touch with me, but it was too late because I've already made up my mind about the divorce. It's been three weeks since my last update and earlier this week, before I had filed for the divorce, he decided to send me a message, asking me if I actually intended on never speaking to him again.
Starting point is 01:06:21 And it made me feel really bad because even now he thought that he was the victim here. I was the one who had been left all alone by him after our last fight, since he hadn't even bothered to speak to me. And yet he was pretending as if I was the one who was responsible for the situation. So I called him up and I told him that I couldn't do this anymore. I was sick of fighting so frequently and I just wanted out. I told him that I had already spoken to a lawyer and was going to file for divorce because I really couldn't understand how he constantly expected me to pretend as if everything was
Starting point is 01:06:53 all right without ever making an effort to fix things. I told him that I was tired of waiting for him to understand what I was going through and at this point, it was pretty clear that he was not interested in anything or anybody's troubles apart from his own. So given the circumstances, it would be better for us to go our separate ways now. I was really hurt and I was trying hard not to cry. I tried to be as polite as I could too, but even that was not enough. He started yelling at me, telling me that I was being over-dramatic and he knew that I was bluffing about getting a divorce, just because I wanted him to apologize to me and pretend that I was the victim in a situation that I myself had created.
Starting point is 01:07:31 He told me that he didn't care for my theatrics, and while he was yelling at me, I literally had to stop him to tell him that I actually intended I'm going through the divorce, and that I was not just being dramatic. I don't even know why he would think that because so far, no matter how much we have fought, I've never spoken about divorce because I've always wanted to make it work with him. But as soon as I told him that I was serious, he took a couple of seconds and went silent. And then he started to say that he should have seen this coming, that this was bound to happen and stuff. And when I asked him what he meant by that, he accused me of leaving him just because I was going to receive a huge inheritance now. I was shocked that he would even say something like that because our relationship hadn't been like that at any point.
Starting point is 01:08:11 I was not the kind of person to be with somebody for money. And obviously, I'm not the kind of person who would leave somebody for money either. The inheritance didn't even factor in here. It was his behavior that mattered to me and when he made that state. I literally ended up crying because I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. I just couldn't believe that somebody whom I loved was saying such things about me and even while I was crying, he told me that he had no sympathy for me because I had turned out to be a horrible human being and he regretted ever getting married to me.
Starting point is 01:08:41 So I lashed out at him and I told him that I was not the one who had changed because of money, he was. He was just jealous that his own mother had decided to choose me to inherit everything that she owned instead of him or his siblings and on top of that, he just couldn't deal with the fact that I actually didn't know it to them to share anything. So he could pretend that I was the bad guy here but deep down, even he knows that I'm entitled to do whatever I want. And he also knows that I'm not getting divorced because of the money, I'm getting divorced because of how he has been acting. I told him that if he regrets marrying me so much, then he shouldn't have a problem with this divorce
Starting point is 01:09:17 because it's just giving him a chance to fix his mistakes. And mine too, and after that, and after that, I hung up and blocked him. It broke my heart to hear him say things like that about me because he was really harsh. I never would have expected something like that out of him. Even though we have fought before, this was something different and I literally had never seen this ugly side of him. At this point, I don't even care if I'm being the bad guy by leaving him and I don't care if people find the timing of my divorce suspicious, which I am sure they will. I know my family is never going to say anything about it, but given the recent behavior, I'm sure that his siblings are going to have a lot to say about the fact that I'm trying to get divorced right after I got to know that I would be
Starting point is 01:09:58 receiving an inheritance from my mother-in-law. They are definitely going to try and make something out of it, so I'm mentally prepared for that anyway. But ultimately, I really don't care what any of them say anymore because I've tried my very best to be patient and understanding. However, the truth is that they didn't care about their mother when she was alive, and now that she's gone, all that they can talk about is the inheritance. It's just really pathetic. Update 3, so Nate was served with the divorce papers recently and of course, he must have told his siblings about it.
Starting point is 01:10:31 Because for the past two days, my inbox has been flooded with hateful messages from all of them. It's very funny how until before they found out about the inheritance, all of them were all about minding their own business. They were siblings, but they didn't keep in touch much and had their own lives. And now, just because they have one target, they're acting like they are an inseparable family. To be fair, calling this mob mentality would be better because all they want to do right now is gang up on me and make me feel bad about myself. I don't even know what they think they're going to achieve by doing this, but I've kept my nerve and I'm not going to let them get to me. Jacob and the twins have called me every single name in the book in the messages that they have sent me so far, from selfish, to manipulative, to drama queen, and whatnot.
Starting point is 01:11:16 I didn't respond to any of them, though, I just blocked them all. I've still been staying in my mother-in-law's house, so with the exception of Nate, we are all in the same city and they can drop by whenever they want to. That's the only thing that I'm slightly worried about because, even though I'm going to inherit this house, they still know where I live, and I really don't want them to come and harass me in person. The problem is, given their current behavior and attitude towards me, I wouldn't put it past them. Until now, they have restricted themselves to just sending messages, but now that they can't even do that since they have been blocked, I am concerned about what they might try to do in the future. But I'm trying to put some extra security measures in place and amp up the technology around the house since Sharon wasn't exactly a big believer of all that. But anyway, even if they do try to do something funny, I do have my lawyer with me and I'm going to make sure that they suffer the consequences. So far, there has been no indication that they are going to take them.
Starting point is 01:12:15 take this to court and contest the will, but I am prepared for that too. If I'm being honest, I'm exhausted from worrying about all these things constantly and I'm just emotionally drained right now. But I know that I'll have to deal with it, so that's what I'm doing without any complaints. Thankfully, at least I still have my dad and a couple of good friends standing by my side so they're making this a bit easier for me. And for that, I'm grateful. Given the situation right now, I'm just glad to have anybody by my side at all since it feels like everyone has turned against me just because I'm not willing to be a doormat for them anymore. Update 4. Hi, I know that I have been inactive here for a really long time, but there's a lot that's been going on in my life in the past few months. So I just really didn't have the time to post any updates, but now that I do, let me fill you guys in on what's been happening.
Starting point is 01:13:04 Firstly, of course, I've been very busy with my divorce because that's pretty much been the only thing on my mind recently. We are already done with the mediation and thankfully, we have been able to wrap it up so we are hoping for it to be finalized in three more months. We have divided everything and even though Nate was trying his best to get a part of the inheritance by painting me to be the bad guy, my lawyer, and I were not having any of it. And I don't think that he wanted to drag this out either, so he just let it go after one point. He still hates me, I'm sure of that. But it doesn't matter anymore, I'm learning to let go of these things because I think he stopped loving me a really long time ago and I was the only one who had been holding on.
Starting point is 01:13:45 Now, it's time for me to let it go. So that was that, and I've also officially moved into Sharon's house. I've had to change states for that, so there is a lot of red tape that I still have to deal with but I'll get it done eventually. And last week, I finally put in my resignation from work so I can start working on my business model and I'm hoping to get started by next year. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, hopefully,
Starting point is 01:14:10 things will go well for me. Also, I was lucky enough not to be bothered by Nate's siblings after my last update. Not personally, at least. Because they did try to take me to court by contesting the will, but I think the rest of the family talked some sense into them and stopped them from wasting their money.
Starting point is 01:14:28 I'm mostly referring to the relatives that my mother-in-law was close to since they have reached out to me in the past and have been very nice to me. They have also expressed how disappointed they are with how Sharon's kids have been behaving, especially considering the fact that they haven't even been there for her when she was sick and it was me all along. Sharon's family wouldn't even have been able to find out about what her children were trying to do, had it not been for their own big mouth. They were trying to paint me in a bad light and turn everyone against me by making it sound like I had manipulated Sharon into leaving everything to me and they had gone to the extent of
Starting point is 01:15:00 saying that I wasn't even actually there taking care of her since she had a nurse and I was just there to show off that I'm a great person. But everybody came to my defense because at least they had all been there for Sharon and had dropped by quite frequently when she was sick, so they knew me. And they told me that they had given Sharon's kids an earful and actually brought them to tears when they tried to turn them against me so I'm grateful for that because I'm guessing that that's what stopped them from taking the will thing too far. I don't think I would have been able to deal with that much drama in one go because I was also going through my divorce at the time. Anyway, things worked out and I'm going to focus on the future now. I hope you enjoy this story.
Starting point is 01:15:39 Took him my nephew during his parents' separation, but he recorded and teased my child with practical jokes and hidden clips for his social media posts, so I asked him to leave, and now my son did something that made everyone in my family angry at us. I'm 36F. I have three kids. My oldest is 14m, then 10f, then 7m. My husband is 38m. We live in a place where people know each other. Same schools, same teachers, same coaches. My sister lives across town. My husband's sister lives two exits away. It's all close enough that everyone hears things fast. My niece is 17. Her parents are in a divorce that has been going for months and keeps getting dragged, hearings, filings, that kind of thing. She didn't want to be in either house for a while so she came to us. I said yes because I remember that feeling when adults are in a fight and the kids get stuck in the middle. We set up the sofa bed in the room off the kitchen. She brought a ring light, tripods, boxes of clothes, a toad of makeup, chargers. Her phone had notifications non-stop.
Starting point is 01:16:51 She has around 200k on TikTok. I didn't get what that meant in day-to-day terms until she was here. Every hour she was filming or planning to film, stitching other videos, checking comments. She asked me to be in a dance thing once and I said I didn't want to be in anything. I told her no filming any kid without me or my husband saying okay and the kid saying okay. My 14-year-old is the one who keeps to himself and focuses on school. He gets home, eats, goes to his room, and works on kits and projects. Electronics kits, coding, radio kits.
Starting point is 01:17:29 He does Science Olympiad. He has one or two kids he texts about homework, but he doesn't hang out after school much. He likes routine. He doesn't like group chats. He doesn't like attention. He will go along with things because he doesn't want conflict. He speaks softly. He will say yes to be polite and then feel stuck.
Starting point is 01:17:53 After a week of my niece being with us, she started asking him to be in little skits. He said no a few times. I heard him. But then I saw he was in one, holding a beaker from one of his kits and she did a thing where she pretended it was a love potion and he acted all awkward. Comments called him nerd boy and stuff that made him feel like a prop. He told me it was fine. I said again no posting of anyone without. consent. And if he says no, that's no. She said he did say yes. I asked him and he did say yes. He looked at the
Starting point is 01:18:28 floor. I should have been stricter then. She kept filming around the house. My younger too liked it at first because the phone was on them and they got to do dances and transitions. I told her faces only when I'm there and only if the kids say yes and only if it's nice. I used those words. I kept repeating them because I thought if I kept the rule simple then it would be clear. Things got worse fast. She filmed my son sleeping and dumped water on him. Ice water from a big cup. He woke up gasping and shivering and she laughed and said it was a prank and he would get views and she would tag him.
Starting point is 01:19:07 He was confused and then angry and then quiet. He went to the bathroom and shut the door. I was at work when this happened so I only saw it after it was up. She posted it and wrote a caption like Wake Up Science Boy with laughing emojis. Comments came in. Lomau. Who is he? He looks like a creep.
Starting point is 01:19:29 This is why he doesn't have a GF. I made her take it down when I got home. She argued that everyone does prank videos. I said not in this house and never on a sleeping person and never with a minor without the parent. She took it down. I thought that was it. Then there were more. I didn't know about them because she would post while I was doing bedtime or making dinner or at work.
Starting point is 01:19:55 Eight videos total. I only learned after. One was him in his room dancing to a song he listens to when he needs to get energy out. He doesn't dance in front of people. She recorded through the crack in the door and zoomed in. It had a caption that called him weird cousin and said caught him dancing alone. There were screen grabs of his face. Half a million views across those.
Starting point is 01:20:20 A duet of someone doing a fake crush face. People saying ugly, creepy. Other words I won't type here because they stuck in my head and I don't want them in his head again. How did I find out? My son came home from school with his hood up and went straight to his room. I knocked and he didn't answer. I thought he needed time. Then my middle child came in and said kids were laughing at him in the hallway and someone held up a phone with his face on.
Starting point is 01:20:47 I went to his room and he was under the blanket. I sat on the floor and asked him to tell me. He said he was at lunch and someone showed him the video of him dancing and the water thing. He didn't know it was online. He said he had kids in class making the song noise when the teacher turned to write on the board. He said someone called him a name. He cried in a way I haven't seen since he was little. He said he didn't want to go back to school.
Starting point is 01:21:15 He said he didn't want to be seen. He said he felt sick and then he refused dinner and breakfast and said he wasn't hungry. I booked an appointment with his therapist. I emailed the counselor at school. I brought him water. I sat outside his door. I confronted my niece right away when I pieced it together. She said it was just a joke and he should be grateful for the attention.
Starting point is 01:21:40 She said traffic helps accounts. She said if he leaned into it he could sell merch. I was trying to listen and I just stopped. I told her to delete every video with him in it, every photo, every clip, and send me screenshots showing they were gone. I told her to pack her things. I texted my sister and said I'm bringing her. I drove her over that night. She cried on the way and said I was ruining her career. I kept my eyes on the road and told her I care about my kid first. I texted my sister screenshots. My sister was in shock and said she would talk to her. I went home. I told my husband everything. We agreed on no more access to the house for her without me and
Starting point is 01:22:25 him both present and only to get her mail or if there is an emergency. We changed the Wi-Fi password. We put a camera alert on the porch. The next day I reached out to TikTok to report those videos. Some were already down. I went through the account and blocked any clip that had his face. He stayed in his room. He wouldn't look at me. He put his kits away. He turned his computer off.
Starting point is 01:22:53 He didn't want the radio kit on his desk. He told me he was done. He said people would always see him as that guy in those clips. I told him I was sorry. I told him none of this was his fault. I told him he didn't do anything wrong by dancing in his own room or sleeping in his own bed or saying yes once because he didn't know what he was saying yes to take him out of school for a few days. He said yes. I called the attendance line. I called his therapist again and they moved him up. He ate toast and a banana and that was it. I asked the school if any filming happened at school. They said they didn't know but they would check. I told them if any kid filmed him we would file a report. They said phones are not allowed in class and they would remind teachers.
Starting point is 01:23:44 I asked them to speak with the kids who were sharing the clips. They said they would call parents. I don't know how much they can do but I wanted it on record. I keep replaying the water thing in my head because I wasn't there. I think about the exact feeling of waking up wet and confused, and that someone you live with did that to you. and then you go to school and kids have seen your face and comments tell you what your face is. I keep thinking that I should have taken her phone the night of the first video,
Starting point is 01:24:13 or sent her to my sisters right away, or checked her account every night. I keep thinking that if you tell a kid you love them and you protect them, then you have to act fast and I acted one day too slow. My husband said we did the right thing by kicking her out and that we can't control what she does from her own house now, but we can protect our house. His sister said we were overreacting and that kids post everything that our son needs to learn to take a joke. She said boys talk like that online and we can't police the internet. I told her to stop. I told her this wasn't a light prank.
Starting point is 01:24:46 I told her about the eating and the school refusal. She said he will be fine. I stopped talking to her for a bit after that because I didn't want to say something I couldn't take back. So that's where I was when I first wrote this, trying to do. figure out if I went too far by kicking out my niece. I don't think I did. Maybe there is more I should do. I keep asking myself if I am the one who said all this in motion by letting her stay at all. But I also know that I saw a kid in a hard place and I said come here and I gave her a roof and a door that locked in food and rides and rules. She broke a rule and hurt my kid. I picked my
Starting point is 01:25:25 kid. I would pick him every time. I know that part is right. Update 1. This part is going to sound like a twist, but it's just what happened over the next couple of weeks and I didn't even know about it until after. My son has a Reddit account. He reads science subs and coding subs and sometimes school subs. He doesn't post much. He was scrolling and found a thread where people were talking about a group chat that had posted screenshots from a private Instagram store. And it was kids in our area making fun of another kid. The comments in that thread included screenshots of a group chat that had my niece and my husband's sister's daughter in it. That daughter is 18 and was set to go to an Ivy school on early decision.
Starting point is 01:26:11 The chat had them calling him names. Freak. Stalker vibe. They shared memes of his face from the dancing video. They were planning a reaction video series where they would overact and pretend to be scared of him. I didn't see any of this while it was happening because he didn't tell me. He screenshotsed everything. Without telling us, he emailed the college admissions office that had accepted my husband's sister's daughter.
Starting point is 01:26:37 He put the screenshots in the email. He explained that he was the kid in the videos and that this was targeted. He didn't exaggerate. He listed dates and links. He said he was sending this because he saw her name in the chat and saw that she encouraged these posts. He said this was bullying and that he was struggling with school and eating because of it. He signed his name. He didn't send it from a shared account. He did this on his own. A week later the college responded to him and also sent a notice to my husband's sister's daughter that they were
Starting point is 01:27:11 reviewing conduct and expected behavior. Then they rescinded her early decision. They said student conduct expectations apply from the time of application through enrollment, and that they had reviewed the screenshots and her other public activity and decided she did not meet the standard. I learned this because my husband's sister called me screaming. She said we had raised a tattletail. She said we destroyed her kids' future. She said family protects family. She said we are teaching our son to be weak.
Starting point is 01:27:43 She posted on Facebook about cancel culture and how teenagers joke around and how adults are ruining lives over teen stuff. She named me without naming me. She said I should be ashamed. I didn't know my son had sent the email. I asked him why he didn't tell me and he said he wanted to do something that had wait and that this was the only thing he could think of that would make people see that this was not just a joke. He said he wasn't trying to ruin anyone.
Starting point is 01:28:09 He said he just wanted it to stop and to matter to someone. I didn't know what to say. I told him I hear him. I told him he had a right to speak for himself. I told him I wished he had told me so I could help him word it and make sure. sure he felt safe after. He said he knew I would have told him not to do it. He wasn't wrong. I don't know if I would have told him not to do it, but I would have worried about fallout and tried to slow it down. He was tired of slowing it down. My husband is stuck in the middle with his
Starting point is 01:28:40 sister. He said to her that our son is a person and that what her daughter did had consequences and that the school made the call. She said words back I won't print. My phone kept lighting up with her posts and tags. She said we are raising a snitch and that boys need to roll with it. She said girls get called names online every day and no one rescinds anything. She threw in that my niece only did what gets views and that he should have enjoyed the clout. People commented under her posts, some egging her on, some telling her to stop. A couple family members messaged me to say they were sorry she was saying all that. I set her to limit it on Facebook. Then I logged out for a while because reading it made my stomach twist. The school counselor called to check in on my son
Starting point is 01:29:28 and also asked if we knew anything about an email to a college because there were whispers. We confirmed. The counselor said it isn't the school's business what happens at colleges, but that from a safety standpoint my son should have support because kids talk. We set up a plan for later rivals and early pickups for a while. His therapist added a second session that week. We look at food in tiny pieces now. He eats toast with jam and soup and smoothies. I'm writing numbers on a notepad so I don't lose track of what he has in a day. I'm not going to share those numbers because it's no one's business except that we're paying attention.
Starting point is 01:30:07 Update 2. My husband's sister hired a lawyer. She filed a complaint with the college. She said the screenshots were out of context. She said my son made false claims to destroy her daughter. She said I manipulated him into emailing. She said we defamed her. She threatened to sue Reddit for some reason because the threat had screenshots.
Starting point is 01:30:30 I saw a copy of what she sent because she forwarded it to half the family with CCS like it was a work memo. The college declined her appeal. They said they reviewed everything, including the context she provided, and they stand by their decision. They cited their policy for conduct and social media. She wrote back with more all-caps lines. They didn't answer again. Now her daughter is trying to apply to other schools. The Common App asks if you have ever had an offer rescinded.
Starting point is 01:31:02 She has to check yes. Deadlines have passed for a lot of places. She is sending emails to admissions offices and getting replies like we wish you well. I feel bad for any kids stuck in the middle of adult fights. I also think that actions have weight and that you, You don't get to call someone a freak and push a meme of their face around and then say it's just a joke when it lands with real harm. Both things can sit in my head. I can feel bad for a teenager who lost something and still not take the blame for what my son did to tell the truth about what she and others did to him.
Starting point is 01:31:35 The lawyer piece kept going for a bit. She said she would sue us for defamation. I talked to a lawyer too, just to be safe. They said there is nothing there. Truth is a defense. Screenshots are evidence. Minors have protections too. Also, I didn't publish the screenshots.
Starting point is 01:31:57 My son sent them to a college where she had an existing relationship as an applicant. I took notes and put away money in case we needed to respond to something formal. My niece sent me a text that said sorry. No punctuation. I didn't answer. I don't know what to say to a one-word text after. after all of this. My son is still home most days. The school is working with us. Teacher sent notes that he can turn and work late and that they will grade with grace. He sits
Starting point is 01:32:27 with his laptop and does assignments in little bits. Sometimes he stares at the screen and then closes it. Sometimes he does three quizzes and mails them to me like he needs proof that he did something. There are days with two meals and days with one and days with three. I'll take the three days as a that he felt okay for a moment. We turned off comments on all our personal social. We made our accounts private. My younger two are off TikTok completely. They didn't fight it as much as I expected. My daughter said she misses the dances but she doesn't miss the phone in her face. My little one went outside and built a Lego spaceship and asked me to film it. I said I would send it to grandma and no one else. He was fine with that. Update 3rd.
Starting point is 01:33:16 First, my son's school set up a meeting with the principal, counselor, two teachers, me, and my husband. They offered homebound instruction for a few weeks. They also offered to switch him out of two classes where the worst comments were coming from. He nodded and said yes to the class changes. He said no to homebound because he wants to try to go back in person next week for two periods and see how it feels. We set it up so I can drop him off for a second and pick him up before. lunch. He wrote that plan out in a notebook himself. He said seeing it in his handwriting helps. We put the notebook on the fridge. He gets to draw a line through a day if it felt okay. On the first
Starting point is 01:34:00 day he wrote went in, sat by door, left early. He drew a line through it. He put the pen down and didn't say anything. I told him I saw it. Second, we met with a therapist who does work with teens who have been harassed online. She gave him steps for exposure to the internet again that doesn't involve doom scrolling. Five minutes at a time on a site that is not tied to faces. He picked a physics forum. He posted a question about a problem from a practice test. Someone answered with formulas and no comments about him. He said, thank you. That was it. He smiled in a way that wasn't big or showy. It was just there for a second. I caught it and then looked away so he wouldn't feel watched.
Starting point is 01:34:50 Third, my niece posted an apology video. It was a notes app screen and her voiceover. She said she is sorry to anyone hurt by my content. She said she is taking time to reflect. She did not say my son's name. The comments were split. Some said she shouldn't have to apologize. Some said she didn't really apologize.
Starting point is 01:35:14 She deleted it after a day. She texted me again with three lines this time. Auntie, I'm sorry. I didn't get how bad it was. Can I talk to him? I showed the text to my son. He said not now. He said maybe later, with his therapist.
Starting point is 01:35:33 I told her that. She sent a thumbs up and hasn't pushed since. My husband's sister is still angry. She filed a complaint with the district saying we are making a hostile environment for her daughter. because other cousins won't talk to her now. The district sent a generic letter back saying this is a family matter. She posted the letter and said the system is rigged. I muted her again.
Starting point is 01:35:58 I keep thinking about how much time she spends writing posts and I wish she would put that time into sitting with her kid and making a plan. I know that thought is petty. I'm tired. There was also a call from child services. An anonymous report said I was neglecting my son because he left. lost weight and wasn't going to school. The worker came by. I had a folder with doctor notes, therapist notes, the school plan, a food log, and a list of appointments. She looked through
Starting point is 01:36:28 everything. She looked in the pantry. She asked my son if he feels safe. He said yes. She closed the file. She said this happened sometimes when family fights spill over. I don't know who made the call. I have a guess. I'm not going to say it out loud. My son and I went to the garage and pulled out a box of kits and tools. We sorted them. I didn't tell him to. He just opened the box and set things in rows. We chose a project that is simple and a steps you can check off. He put together two boards and tested a circuit. The light blinked. He wrote blink on a scrap of paper and taped it to the board. He didn't say anything. I said nothing. We left it on the table. Later that night my little one wandered in and asked what it was and my son said it blinks and showed him. They watched it
Starting point is 01:37:26 blink for a while. I stood in the doorway and then went back to the sink because I didn't want to hover. We also met with the school resource officer about the videos. He said because some of the filming happened in our home without consent, we could file a report. He explained what would happen. It felt heavy. We decided to hold off because my niece took the videos down and because my son said the last thing he wants is cops showing up at his cousin's house. I told him we can change our minds later. The officer gave us a card and told us to email if any new videos appear. He also said to keep everything backed up. I have a folder with dates and screenshots and links. I bought an external drive and copied it all there.
Starting point is 01:38:12 I don't like that I have to keep this, but I will. Money-wise, therapy is adding up. We adjusted the budget. I'm cutting back on takeout. We had rice and eggs and veggies this week more than once. My son asked for toast with peanut butter for dinner one night and I said, sure, and added apple slices. We're trying to make food simple and not a battle.
Starting point is 01:38:36 I'm tracking sleep too. He sleeps in stretches. Sometimes he is up late. I stopped trying to force a lights out time because it made him more tense. We care more about total sleep in a 24-hour period than exact hours at night right now. Some people will ask if he learned anything from sending that email. I asked him that. He said he learned that he can act and that people will call him names for acting and that some systems will listen and some will not. He said he doesn't feel proud or ashamed. He just feels like he did something that had a result. He said he doesn't want to be the kid who got someone's offer taken away as his label. I told him we don't have to be labels. We can be
Starting point is 01:39:20 what we do next. He said that sounded like a poster in a guidance office. We both laughed a little. It was a short laugh, but it counted. I also called my sister again. I told her I need to know that when my niece is with her she is getting limits around online stuff. My sister said yes. She said she is meeting with a counselor with my niece. They are putting her phone in the kitchen at night. They are doing community service at the library. Good. I don't know if any of it sticks. I hope it does. I don't hate my niece. I don't want harm for her. I just don't want her near my son right now. That is the line. I hope you enjoy this story. Affluent partner gifted me a $4,000 electronic device I never requested, then shouted at me when I didn't utilize it,
Starting point is 01:40:15 phoned me a dozen times when I departed to the gym at midnight, and wouldn't stop touching my thigh in public even when I said stop. I'll refer to my BF as X. To put things into context, he comes from a powerful and wealthy family in my city, relevant later. Things started off peachy, he was all. always affable, pleasant, and accommodating. However, I'm starting to realize certain issues which have me questioning everything. Incident number one, he got mad at me because he felt I wasn't appreciating an expensive present. He got me a specialized tech gadget which cost about 4k. I was a bit surprised by it as I'd never mentioned any inclination towards this gadget. I'm really not very tech-why at all, and he'd never asked me about it. Also, this gadget is something which requires a lot
Starting point is 01:41:02 of time and practice to use. To be honest, I was also very concerned that it had cost so much, if I had known I would have just told him to get me something less expensive. Anyway, I still thanked him and said that I appreciated it very much. A week or so later, he asks me if I had used it yet to which I answered no but would eventually get round to it. He got upset and repeatedly asked me if he had just wasted his time and effort and money and told me that if that was the case, I should just dump the thing. incident number two, he blew up at me when I was at the gym at midnight. Fitness is very important to me so I always make sure to go to the gym consistently.
Starting point is 01:41:41 I usually go right after work which ends at 6 p.m., however sometimes life happens, friends want to meet up, overtime, dinner, I get distracted reading, watching videos, etc., and I go later. One day I went at 10.30 p.m. Before I left I told him I was heading to the gym, and he said okay then silence so I assumed he was doing his own thing and off I went and had a good workout. I was done around 12 a.m. checked my phone and there was 12 missed calls from him. I immediately called him back and was met by him yelling at me demanding to know why I hadn't been answering my phone. Didn't I know what time it was? Didn't I know what sort of impression it was giving for me to be around other half naked sweaty guys this late? He was too old to be chasing his girl around in the middle of the night,
Starting point is 01:42:25 etc. I was honestly shocked at this because even when we started dating I would tell him when I went to the gym, even late, and he didn't seem to have any issues. Incident number three, he told me he didn't feel attractive nor desirable when I asked if we could reschedule to one hour later. We planned to meet up on Saturday afternoon. On Friday night, he called me and we ended up talking on the phone till pretty late around 3 a.m. Because of that, I overslept on Saturday and woke up late. I texted him telling him I overslept and I would probably be taking an hour or so more to come over. He told me that he felt I didn't seem interested in him or our relationship anymore and that he was the only enthusiastic one. I tried to tell him that it wasn't the case, I just needed some more me time.
Starting point is 01:43:12 It's the weekend and my only time to sleep in, but he still told me he didn't feel loved in this relationship and that we didn't see each other enough. Context, we usually see each other one day during the work week and I spend the weekend at his. Incident number four, he told me I was going to get us into a fight. We were getting ice creams, we were laughing, and everything was going great. We were sitting in the ice cream parlor and he playfully put his hand on my knee, which I don't mind, I actually find that pretty cheeky and cute. Then he started to move his hand higher up my thigh to which I told him to stop. I was still smiling and laughing.
Starting point is 01:43:49 He didn't though and I said again I said stop, cut it out. But he still kept going and I told him, I was going to yell and I said stop, loudly. Immediately the whole mood dropped and he told me that I could have gotten us into a fight. What if someone had reacted badly and attacked him? And he retaliated, and everyone could have gotten into trouble. Incident number five, he got mad when I talked to another guy. We went on a holiday recently and signed up for a tour which was eight to nine hours, pretty long time to be spending with the same bunch of people all going to the same places and doing the same things together. On the same tour with
Starting point is 01:44:25 another guy, I'll call him A, around our age who was traveling alone and X and him got talking about guy stuff, work, sports, current issues, idk, and they seemed to like each other really well. I was happy that X had made a friend and they were getting along and I just chilled and let them be. At the end of the tour when we were heading back I also got into conversation with A about what he thought of the tour, what else he was going to do on this trip, etc., etc. all along my conversation, X kept budding into the conversation asking me abrupt or relevant questions completely unrelated to the context of my conversation with us, so I wasn't very responsive as I was engaged in my conversation. When we got back, X told me that he had felt I had ignored him and was more interested in A
Starting point is 01:45:08 than I was spending time with him. He also said that if we had been back home, he would have told A to get lost so that the two of us could just spend time together, but because we were here, in a foreign country, if A had reacted badly and they had gotten into a fight and all of us ended up in a police station we would be screwed because nobody knew of him nor his family in this place. Incident number six, he was getting me to apply sunblock on him because he didn't want to get his hands dirty. It started off as him asking me to put sunblock on his back. I'm okay helping him with that because he can't reach it himself, and then he just told me that I should go on and do the rest, which I found kind of funny and princessy of him, so I did. But by the third day of our
Starting point is 01:45:47 trip I was getting tired of it and told him that he'd just sunblock himself. I would help him with his back if he couldn't reach, but he could damn well do the rest on his own. He said, but my hands will get dirty and I responded, oh, so it's okay for me to get my hands dirty but not okay for you? He made a face and said, well, this is new, I've never dated a girl like this, still stuck to my guns though and did not apply sunblock on the rest of him. Incident number seven, he told me that my past bothered him. When I was younger, I was very sheltered and very religious. A few years ago I realized that I had no clue about dating, being physically intimate, etc. As a result, I ended up hooking up casually for a while before realizing that casual isn't for me
Starting point is 01:46:30 and I focused on purely dating to know someone better, without sleeping with them, and focusing on looking for lasting relationships. I was honest with X about this, that I went through this phase of casual hookups, before I met him. At the time when I shared this with him, he seemed okay and told me that he had also done similarly when in the college phase. However, we were talking about it again recently and he told me that it's different for guys than it is for girls and that he felt that what I had done was bothersome to him. I countered that I had been honest. It was a while ago, and I am happy and comfortable with the person I am today regardless of anything in the past. And if this was an issue for him, he should not have gotten into a relationship with me.
Starting point is 01:47:10 In fact, I told him that if this was something he couldn't get past, then he could go ahead and move on right away. Incident number eight, he, sort of, broke up with me but ended up not going through with it. When I told him that he could go ahead and move on if he couldn't get past my sexual history, he paused for a while, then said, well, I did try. To which I wasn't sure if this was him asking for a breakup, so I asked, does this mean we're done? And he said, I guess. He started to leave and I told him take care and all the best. As he was going about gathering his stuff, he kept saying things like, I'm sorry we couldn't
Starting point is 01:47:45 make it work I did really have a good time, etc., etc., and I said you don't have to apologize or try to make me feel better. It's fine, really. He hesitated and said, are we both sure that this is what we both want? I said to him, well, it seems like it's what you want. To which he said, no, it's not what I want. I thought it was what you wanted, which I said I meant
Starting point is 01:48:06 that if he couldn't get past my history, he could go ahead and move on, but otherwise I was willing to continue our relationship. We eventually ended up not breaking up, L.O.L. After that he told me that it bothered him that I could have let things go so easily. So, I don't know, am I just being irrational or is this legit? Are we still getting used to each other and can we make this work?
Starting point is 01:48:29 Comments where Op has replied, comment one. You've been dating three months and have eight examples of him acting the fool, being jealous, getting mad for no reason, and one of them is a breakup. Yes, honey. Yes. These flags are so red. Dump. Dump. Dump.
Starting point is 01:48:51 Comment too. Yeah, this is a collection of red flags. I'd say there's a bit of love bombing too, with expensive gifts to create a sense of indebtedness. Not to mention the pushing of boundaries. This guy is all kinds of nope. Oop, op here, I'm on mobile now and for some reason Reddit won't let me log into my other account. You're right, I'm fact being with him has me questioning now everything which I used to do so regularly and openly i.e. sleep in, go to the gym, grabbing lunch with a platonic single guy friends, sleeping in, etc.
Starting point is 01:49:25 I find myself asking if he would be okay with this, or would he get upset if I did that? I also find myself constantly checking my phone because I worry if he texts me and I take too long before replying, if I was occupied at work, I was having a conversation with someone else, I was working out, etc. Or if he happens to call and I don't pick up in case he gets worked up and flies into a rage. Boop adds in the comments more on the relationship. He's never been physically violent, but when he's mad, he gets really outraged and shouts to express himself.
Starting point is 01:49:58 It really disturbs and upsets me as I believe that things can always be resolved by calmly discussing and talking through issues to come up with a resolution, not yelling and losing one's temper. I'm supposed to go on a hike and lunch with a platonic guy friend next weekend and even this has got me anxious as to whether X would take intention with it when I tell him that I would also like to spend my weekend with another person, a guy more so. And you're right, once when we were out I bumped into a guy friend of mine whom I hadn't seen in a long time, so I smiled and waved. As soon as we had passed, X turned to me and started making all sorts of comments like I'm
Starting point is 01:50:33 better looking than him anyway. I drive a nicer car. I probably have a better background and family than him. He also said that it was inconsiderate of me to be excited over another guy when I was on a date with my boyfriend. Update, after making the post, I re-evaluated the relationship and had a talk with acts against my better judgment. I decided to give him another chance. Anyway, I'll get to the incident which was the straw which broke the camel's back. Last Sunday, I inquired whether we could spend the coming Friday night together so we could get an early start to the weekend. He replied that he would let me know how his schedule worked with that. The following day, Monday, I received a dinner invite for Friday from a bunch of good friends. Since X hadn't confirmed with me on his schedule
Starting point is 01:51:15 yet, I assumed things were still up in the air with him, so I accepted the invitation. I informed X that I would be doing dinner with my friends, so I would be meeting him a couple of hours later than I had initially suggested. He flipped out on me. He yelled and screamed at me on the phone, cursing me out and demanding to know who was so fucking important I was going to meet. He asked me if a frivolous dinner with mere friends meant more to me than spending time with my so. I responded that, of course, I valued my soes, however, there were other people I also liked to have in my life. He told me I could go and date those people then. He went on at how I was incredibly disrespectful towards his time and that I was jerking him around. I told him that I
Starting point is 01:51:59 didn't see how that counted as being disrespectful of his time since it was only Monday and the invite was for Friday. I was keeping him updated of the dinner way in advance so that he he could plan his time for those couple of hours, it wasn't as though I was pushing plans back at the very last minute or even cancelling on him. I told him that in my perspective, since he had yet to get back to me on a schedule I had the impression that we weren't confirmed hence accepted the invite. I also told him that from my point of view, when I make plans with someone for the whole weekend and they push things back a couple of hours, for whatever reason, it wouldn't be a big deal to me so I didn't see why he was being so drastic. He then said to enjoy myself with my friend.
Starting point is 01:52:37 and that he hoped that dinner would be worth the cost of our relationship. I responded okay. There's still some stuff that both of us have at each other's places, though, so we're meeting up later this week to return things. Next story, fiancé got a huge tattoo of my Diti brother without asking, and when I said it made me uncomfortable she accused me of burning her with hot food and destroyed our kitchen in a rage, so I finally left. For context, my older brother, 30M, while I'm, 29M, passed away three years
Starting point is 01:53:07 in a motorcycle accident. This fucked me up severely, still does. He was my best friend and we had that whole inseparable since we knew each other type shit, even if he was older, he was never the stereotypical older brother bully sort and I loved him for that. Anyway, my fiancé who I'll call Bella is, 28F, and met him only a few times but always said she admired our bond as she has no real siblings of her own. Only step but they aren't close. A few weeks ago, Bella surprised me with a fucking tattoo she got in memory of my brother. It's this pretty fucking big, realistic grayscale tattoo of his face with a little snoopy icon beside it on her upper arm, with his nickname we use, and his birth and death dates underneath.
Starting point is 01:53:52 When I saw this, I was fucking stunned. She said she did it as a tribute to him and to support me BC she knows how much I still struggle with grief. I honestly didn't know what to say at first, but the more I sat with it, the more I sat with it, the more it bothered me. I told her, gently, as much as I could T-BH, that I appreciated the gesture but found the tattoo really uncomfortable. Like it's unsettling to see his face on my fiancé's body. Like it's too much, especially since they barely knew each other? She got upset and said I was being weird about a nice gesture and making her regret doing something beautiful, her words.
Starting point is 01:54:30 Now she's distant, and my mom thinks I should just be thankful someone loved my brother enough to memorialize him. But first off, I didn't ask her to do this. Now I'm stuck with a fiancé that won't even talk to be properly, and my brother's perfectly black and gray eyes staring at me when I'm laying beside her. And honestly, I don't even want to think of how horrifying having segs would be with that on her arm. Am I being unreasonable? Asholyish? Is it in my right to ask her to get it covered up or like zonked off? Additional information from Op. IG I'm adding some additional details because I don't know how to respond individually. My fiancé and I both have tattoos and many of them, I have smaller ones. She has bigger ones. To my knowledge, neither of us are mentally ill in
Starting point is 01:55:16 any capacity and we aren't on medication. I can't believe I have to write this, and ever since my reaction she has been wearing longer-sleeved shirts in the daytime, at work she has to anyway, but that's for home too. It's only during bedtime that I really see it with her wearing tanks and it physically hurts LOL update one. Hi guys. I don't know if anyone cares enough for this but for the few that do. Here's an update to the situation, LOL after breakfast this morning. At around half seven, it's 1034 as I write this BTW, I sat down, already was sitting down after eating but yes, whatever, with my fiancé and spoke about the fucking tattoo again.
Starting point is 01:55:54 I basically echoed all the comments I received, which by the way I'm so grateful for, for the most part because some of them were crazy. Anyway, I told her again that the tattoo made me very uncomfortable and wasn't the leap she needed to take to comfort or support me on my journey with grief, as I still had a firm belief that she didn't do this in a malicious manner. She was quiet initially and then asked if she could explain herself and I said I was willing to listen. To summarize, she said she simply got the tattoo because she thought it would symbolize the extent she would go to love me and support me, and said in that way, I had both people I
Starting point is 01:56:28 loved so much in the same place. Her words not mine, she did say she was sorry and that she wouldn't have done it if she knew that I wouldn't have liked it. I asked her why she hadn't spoken to me about it prior and she said it wouldn't have been a surprise then, which is what she wanted it to be. She also said, and I'm remembering this fresh and internally cringing as I write this LOL, that the tattoo was meant to be a symbol of a new beginning because we're going to get married in a couple of months, and she wanted to turn over old leaves. I'm still stuck on what she's she meant so I'd appreciate any word sleuths helping me in this. To wrap it up, I said I didn't want to end our relationship over this and I really wanted to move on from it, but that she needed
Starting point is 01:57:08 to either cover it up or laser it off and she was, to say the least, not very happy about it. Said a cover up would be complicated and would take too long, said laser might be painful and look scary from the videos, also said she likes how the tattoo looks along with her other ones and asked if I'd be okay with her just covering it up either with clothes or foundation. I was as firm as I could be, mind you this is the woman I've loved for five years straight so admittedly I'm soft, but I reiterated that I wanted it gone either by a cover-up or laser. She was quiet then and that's honestly where the conversation ended. She already left for work at 10 and I'm going to start my own work now, as I work remotely
Starting point is 01:57:47 from home, after I finish this. Anyways, I hope this works out and I would appreciate any advice. I did read a comment that shamed me for taking this to Reddit instead of speaking with her first so I will priorities our communication first but will hopefully keep this updated. Thanks for all the help for now update 2, it's final, I've broken up with her. I don't even know why I'm writing this other than to get some closure on this situation and maybe some support. I've read so many comments this morning and while it didn't go the way I or anyone anticipated, I've taken my decision though I'm struggling to accept it myself. Last night when Bella came home from work, I made sure to make dinner and asked if we could talk
Starting point is 01:58:28 after dinner in the back garden. She said that was okay but that she needed time to shower and unwind before dinner so she'd be a bit late, but that I could start eating. I agreed and she went upstairs while I ate the dinner I'd made with the TV on in the back. She came down about an hour later, while I was winding things up and washing the dishes from earlier and I offered to get her a hot plate and she agreed saying she'd eat it on the couch in our living room rather than the kitchen where we have a dining table, also where I ate. I said that was fine and I brought it over to her, and as I gave it to her while she was sitting, her hand out to take it, I somehow,
Starting point is 01:59:03 managed to drop it and the hot Spog bowl went all over her. I immediately apologized profusely and went to grab her some water and tissues slash towels, but she just started screaming at me. I do not want to make myself sound like a victim in this, so I want to be careful with how I write this. But yes, she started saying that I did that on purpose and that I was punishing her for our conversation
Starting point is 01:59:25 that morning and for the tattoo in general. I immediately defended myself as I brought over a damp towel and some tissues and said I knew I had a steady grip on the plate so there was no way I had done that on purpose, also saying that I always spoke respectfully and calmly to her about the tattoo situation and that I'd never escalate things like this. Things beyond are a blur but we had a big fight and she broke many and I mean many of our glasses and plates, even trying to pull off a cabinet door in our kitchen that was already not in good condition and threw anything around her at me. By the end of it, I said I couldn't be with her anymore and that this was the last straw and left from my parents' house. I haven't returned and I haven't picked up any of her calls or messages. And I'm honestly afraid of what she'll do to my belongings if she's so easily broke so much of the shit we bought together. I'm still at my parents' house and I haven't told them either, but I think this is it. This may be the last update because I don't know if I can focus on this when I have everything else I need to resolve.
Starting point is 02:00:21 Thank you for all your comments. I really appreciated them and I never expected this outcome. Peace and love to all that helped additional info, have spoken to family about it and they asked me to try to have a final conversation to remedy this and I rejected it. We'll be bringing my things back either tonight or tomorrow depending on when she gets back from work and will bring a friend with me. I'm more at peace with my decision now, so thank you for all the help. I hope you enjoy this story. Child labeled me useless and expressed embarrassment of me as her parent, so I distributed her substantial legacy to different relatives and now she's feeling the consequences. Desperately trying to apologize.
Starting point is 02:01:02 I, 61M, run an electronics business that my father left me. It's moderately successful but in the past few years, business has been better than usual. I didn't tell anybody about it, I wanted it to be a surprise. I haven't changed anything about my lifestyle either, I still live pretty modestly, like I used to before. I'm not a cheap skater or something, I just like living, like most middle-class people do. That's how I'm comfortable, that's how I was raised. I'm not one for showing off, which is quite opposite to my daughter's in-laws. My wife and I have only one child, my 35-year-old daughter, but unfortunately, she and I really don't get along well anymore.
Starting point is 02:01:46 She got married a couple of years ago, and this boy and his family really changed her. They come from old money, they're pretty hoity-to-toity, and it's very clear that they don't like me. So I don't interact much with his family either, because I know that I'm unwanted there. Unfortunately, this also means that my daughter doesn't visit with my grandkids that often, because of the tension between our families, and even when she does, she's just constantly trying to get me to live the way her in-laws do. And that always leads to bickering and stuff because I'm happy with the way I am. Eventually, my wife has to intervene and diffuse the situation, but it always leaves a bitter taste. Last week, the fight that we had was a really bad one, because she said a lot of untoward things and usually, even my wife, who is neutral in most cases and doesn't like to get involved, had to tell our daughter that she was crossing a line. It started off with her, as usual, telling me to retire because I'm 61 and I'm still.
Starting point is 02:02:45 working, and it doesn't look good for the family because it looks like I can't retire because I can't afford to. So I told her very bluntly that I really don't care what it looks like to other people, especially when I don't care about those flimsy and shallow people anyway. After all, it's my father's business, so I'm going to run it for as long as I can and I don't care if anybody has a problem with that. Then, my daughter flared up, she told me that she couldn't tolerate this anymore, especially when her in-laws had always been so nice to her and had even told her that they were going to leave
Starting point is 02:03:16 a massive inheritance for her kids. And then, on the other hand, she had me, sitting and insulting these people who only wanted the best for her and calling them shallow when I had no idea what they had done for her. Then, she started taunting me that even if I wanted to, I actually couldn't afford to do the same for her and my grandkids. So now, since I had made it so clear that I didn't care about her opinions, she was going to make sure that she didn't allow me to be involved in her kids' lives, and the only people who would be considered grandparents would be her in-laws. She said a lot of things, she called me good for nothing, and told me that she was ashamed of having me for a father and of how much she had to struggle while growing up.
Starting point is 02:03:58 She had to work two jobs when she was in college just because my business was going through a rough patch back then and that's why she couldn't do as well as she had expected academically, even though she had potential. She told me that she blames me for all her failures and now, she was going to put an end to this because I was just an embarrassment to her. I literally had nothing to say to her, I couldn't even fight her because I was so upset, and I ended up crying. That's when my wife intervened and told our daughter to apologize, but she didn't even care. She just walked out, without even looking back, and I was just thankful that my grandkids were not there to see and hear all of this because they're both still under 10 and I really wouldn't have liked. for them to hear any of this.
Starting point is 02:04:41 Anyway, after that happened, I was upset for a couple of days, but then, I made up my mind that whatever I had been saving for her and my grandkids, I was going to give it out to my other relatives. After all, since she had her in-laws to take care of her, she probably wouldn't need the money that I had been putting aside. So I started contacting my other grandkids, basically grandkids of my siblings, because even though we are not strictly related, I still do love these children and I don't think it's a bad thing that I'm doing by any means. Not everybody has rich in-laws to cover them for the
Starting point is 02:05:14 rest of their lives, so I figured that I might as well leave something to the part of my family, who actually needed me and was not embarrassed of me. And my siblings and nieces and nephews and their partners have all been very grateful to me, thanking me over and over again and I actually feel really good. But somehow, I guess somebody must have told her, my daughter found out and she called me up yesterday, having a total meltdown on the phone. At first, she basically just confirmed whatever she already knew, and then when I told her that I had indeed been giving away a ton of money to the rest of the family, she started freaking out at me. She told me that it was crazy that I had had this kind of money and had never told her anything about it.
Starting point is 02:05:56 So I told her what I had actually intended to do, that I had been keeping that money aside for the past couple of years, so I could surprise her with it in a few years and let her know that I was leaving this for her and the children. But now, since I knew that she had her in-laws covering her, I figured that she probably didn't need it anymore. And then, she started apologizing to me, saying that she went a bit over the line that day, but I was so upset by her behavior that I didn't even respond. I just hung up, and then I blocked her. And since then, she's been calling my wife, trying to get to talk to me, trying to apologize to me and stuff, and even trying to guilt trip me, saying that at the end of the day, blood is blood and my biological grandkids
Starting point is 02:06:38 will be very upset when they finally find out what has happened recently. I then, I don't think I'm even going to be around so that really doesn't make a difference to me, but my wife thinks that even if I don't give her the money, I should at least smooth things over with her right now. I don't feel the same way, though, but my wife believes that I'm ruining our chances of being involved in our grandkids' life by getting caught up in this ego war with my daughter, so I should just forgive her. I can understand where she's coming from, but I was really hurt by whatever my daughter had said, so I don't want to give up and I feel terrible about it because I feel
Starting point is 02:07:12 like I'm being petty. Ida for giving away the inheritance that I had been planning to save for my daughter and my grandkids. Update 1. Thank you so much, everybody, for all the supportive comments. I have spoken to my wife, and I have told her that I'm going to be sticking to my decision. Whatever my daughter said the other day, I felt really insulted and humiliated and I don't think that I'm doing anything wrong. It's not like she's going to be completely helpless if I give out this money, like she said, she has her in-laws, and even apart from that, her husband makes good money, and so does she. So I really don't understand why she needs my financial assistance, on top of everything she already has. especially after the way she insulted me, it's very foolish of her to expect that I'm going to forgive her. As for the money, I have been saving about 20% of my income every month for the past few years,
Starting point is 02:08:06 ever since my business started really flourishing, but I hadn't really been paying attention to exactly how much accumulated. I had just been keeping my money aside, without thinking much, and a lot of it had to do with whatever my daughter had said about me not being able to support her back when she was in college. I did feel bad about it, even though back then, I would send her whatever little money I possibly could. Unfortunately, because of a couple of bad investments and the general economic condition, my business had been facing a lot of losses back then. So naturally, I couldn't help her out much, since I was living paycheck to paycheck, and I also had to think about my employees.
Starting point is 02:08:46 Some months, I would even end up paying people out of my own pockets because there was no other way out of it. And I know that even my daughter suffered because of our financial condition. I'm aware of the fact that she went through a lot of trouble because she had to work two jobs to be able to afford her tuition and even then she had to take out a student loan eventually because we just couldn't keep up. It's not like I didn't feel bad, and she really made sure that I did, my daughter would remind me of my failures quite often, and sometimes even publicly take gibes at me about this.
Starting point is 02:09:17 So a huge part of the reason that I had been saving up money to leave for her, and my grandkids was because of this so that I could somehow make up for whatever had happened in the past. But now, I really don't feel that it's necessary anymore, since I feel like I've suffered enough, and I've paid enough. Maybe not financially, but I have paid with my sanity and dignity. In the past couple of years, even though she started to become increasingly distant from us after she started her now husband and got involved with his family, I tried my very best to keep in touch with her. I would try to apologize to her after every fight, make things up to her every time we fought about even small things, and just try to be a part of her life and swallow my own pride all the time, regardless of how she treated me. But I can't do that all my life, I'm getting up there in age and sometimes, I feel like children really don't understand what they are putting their parents through.
Starting point is 02:10:10 I don't think my daughter does, and I don't think she cares either because if she did, she would have contacted me before things got out of hand. She didn't, though, she hurt me, and then, she didn't even bother getting in touch with me until she realized that I was giving out crazy amounts of money to our other relatives. That was what it took for her to reach out to her own father and try to make amends with him. Had that not happened, I highly doubt that she would be trying to get to me or apologize to me and that's what hurts the most. It's not like it's going to bring me any joy to cut her out of my life, or knowing that I'm probably not going to see my grandkids in a really long time if it's up to her, but it has to be done.
Starting point is 02:10:51 She can't constantly disrespect me, treat me and my wife like dormats, and then expect us to still be there for her. So I have told my wife that I can understand that she feels hurt and so do I, but right now, it's more important for us to be taking a stand for ourselves. For the past couple of days, we've fought over this a lot, but right now, we are at a place where she has decided to just give me the silent treatment. Deep down, I know that she understands why I'm doing this and as much as she fights with me, she has also stopped responding to our daughter, so I know that somewhere, she is on my side and I am extremely grateful for her support.
Starting point is 02:11:28 Whatever money I had been putting aside for the past couple of years, it had come to a huge amount. About 30% of that has already been given away to my other grandkids, and the rest, I intend on putting back into my business while also splitting it for my wife's and my wife's and personal use. I had said that I like living frugally, so does my wife, and we're not very extravagant when it comes to our lifestyle, but I think it's about time that we loosen the purse strings a bit. Ever since we had that rough financial patch when our daughter was in college, both of us
Starting point is 02:11:59 had become extremely cautious about money and saving for the future, but I guess, somewhere along the line, we stopped having fun out of fear that we would end up spending all our money and then we would have to worry about our finances once again like we had to back them. Even though we had never been financially undisciplined, we just never wanted to see those days again so I have to admit, both of us have been kind of paranoid about money. When I think back on it, apart from any money that we have spent for our daughter or our grandkids, like buying them a couple of expensive gifts once in a while, we have hardly had any significant expenses or purchases of our own. Now, though, I think it's about time that we had some fun,
Starting point is 02:12:38 and for that purpose, I have even started planning a vacation to some exotic location in a couple of weeks. It's going to be a surprise for Mrs. and I'm sure that right now, no matter how mad she is at me, she's eventually going to forgive me later on, especially after I tell her what I have in store for her, so I am really looking forward to that. Anyway, that's it for now. Thank you so much for reading and being so kind to me here, it really means a lot to me. Update 2. I have a lot to me. Update 2. I Hello. So it's been two weeks since my wife and I started ignoring our daughter and in the past couple of days, she had also stopped trying to contact my wife. I believe that she was giving up, and I thought that it was for the best because my wife and I have spoken at length about the
Starting point is 02:13:23 situation right now and I've been able to explain my side of things to her, and she understands. She also apologized to me for being upset with me, but I could understand her thing as well, so we worked it out, and things have been going fine. Because after the men, messages and phone calls stopped coming, my wife also started feeling less guilty. However, today, certain things happened and neither of us knows how to feel about anything at this point. So, since it was the weekend, both of us were at home and planning our vacation for next month. Then, in the afternoon, the bell started ringing, and when we looked out, my daughter and our grandkids were standing outside. Naturally, you guys can understand why this was a very tricky
Starting point is 02:14:07 situation, because if it had been just my daughter, I wouldn't have any second thoughts, and I would have just ignored her. But unfortunately, she had the kids with her, and no matter how upset I am with my daughter, I won't be able to be indifferent to them ever and I don't think that I want to either. I opened the door instantly, let the kids in, and they were actually very happy to see us because they hadn't seen us for a very long time so both my wife and I almost teared up. But I had a bone to pick with my daughter, so I had my wife take the kids to the other room so that my daughter and I could speak to each other in person because I didn't want any drama
Starting point is 02:14:41 to go down in front of the grandkids. Once they were in the other room, I confronted my daughter about what she was trying to do because I was pretty sure that she was using her children to speak to me because she knew that I was not going to be able to ignore them. But she told me that she was not doing anything of this sort, she just brought them over because they were missing us a lot and kept asking to see us. She told me that she's not the kind of mother who would use her kids for something like this. She's not that petty, and the fact that I even think of her like that, it was very disheartening
Starting point is 02:15:11 because I'm supposed to be her father and as a parent, I should know what kind of a person she is. And for a couple of seconds, I felt really bad about what I had accused her of, because, at the end of the day, even she is a parent, and if I was in her place, I probably wouldn't like being accused of something like that either, especially if that's not really what I was trying to do. I was about to apologize to her, but then, I remembered what had happened and I realized that it was natural for me to have my doubts. So I didn't say sorry, I just told her that I was just feeling very skeptical about what she was doing because in the past, I do remember her contacting me to apologize for her behavior, only because she knew that I was giving away her inheritance
Starting point is 02:15:53 and she wanted me to save it up for her. So after something like that, I think I've earned the right to be suspicious of her. But she didn't seem phased by what I said, she just told me that she was only here because the kids wanted to see us, and other than that, she didn't have much to say to us because we had already ruined our relationship to a stage of no return. She said that she had spoken to her husband and her in-laws, and everyone thinks that I'm very pretty,
Starting point is 02:16:18 and that's all she cares about, that at least the people who really love her are on her side about this. I had a lot of things to say about her husband and in-laws, but I didn't. I kept my mouth shut because I really didn't want to get into a fight with her, especially when the kids were around. She just kept on instigating me, though, she told me that both my wife and I had failed her as parents, and at this point in her life, she had no interest in rebuilding our relationship anymore. She had tried, and she had apologized to me when she realized how hurt I had been that I had actually started giving her inheritance away, but afterward,
Starting point is 02:16:54 she had realized that she already had her in-laws to count on. So she really didn't need us anymore and she was much happier without us. Then, she dropped a bomb and told me that this was one of the last times that she would be bringing her kids over to see us because she was trying to get them used to staying away from us. The only reason she had even given in today was because they were begging and throwing tantrums, so she had to allow them to at least meet us one last time, under normal circumstances, before things changed. After this, if we wanted to see them, we would have to contact them and arrange to meet somewhere else, and she wouldn't be dropping off the kids anymore, she would have either her husband or the nanny dropped them off for playdates with us.
Starting point is 02:17:36 She just didn't want to see us again, but she couldn't hold her kids back from doing that, and she didn't think that it would be fair either. But once they were old enough, she would tell them the truth about us, and then, allow them to decide if they wanted to see us on their own. I didn't know what to say to her, so I just stayed quiet, and a couple of minutes later, I went into the other room so I could play with my grandkids and distract myself from everything she had said about things changing. About an hour later, when she left with the kids, I told my wife everything, and we both ended up crying. It's not because all of a sudden, we want to forgive our daughter or something, but just
Starting point is 02:18:15 because things have come to a point where the situation is so bad that she doesn't even want to let the grandkids see us at home anymore. It's difficult to imagine meeting the grandkids in restaurants and coffee shops, of course, and on top of that, there is the fact that she won't be dropping them off, she'll get her husband or the nanny, which is also quite insulting. But at the end of the day, this is what was supposed to happen anyway, it was inevitable and we just accepted it because it's not like we had a choice. In fact, we count ourselves lucky that at least she said that we could still see our grandkids,
Starting point is 02:18:48 but I don't think that that was for our benefit. And yes, in a few years, she might tell them things about us, and they might choose not to see us anymore, but until then, we are going to make the most of the time that we get with them. If I know anything about kids, I know that they are curious and I'm pretty sure that even if she tells them a bunch of crap about us right now, they are still going to try and get to the bottom of it. So I feel safe on that account, at least my grandkids are not going to blindly believe whatever their mother tells them about us. Anyway, the bottom line is that although my wife and I both of us have very conflicted feelings about what happened today and whatever she said, we are still going to be sticking to our guns. We don't have to forgive her for anything if we don't want to, and we are ready to accept the consequences of that as well.
Starting point is 02:19:36 Of course, it's going to feel a little bad and weird to meet our grandkids less often, and in such different circumstances, but at least we still get to see them. So that's one of hope in this whole situation and that's what we are going to be holding on to. Apart from that, we are still planning on going on vacation next month and I'm really glad that we are because I think after everything that has happened, we really need some distraction to let off some steam right now. As always, thank you for reading. Update 3, so it's been four weeks since my last update and currently, my wife and I are on vacation in Greece. At first, we were planning for something cheaper nearby, but then, when we realized that it had been ages
Starting point is 02:20:17 since we had gone on a proper vacation, we just decided to go all out. We have been having a lot of fun, we have already spent three days here and we have four more to go. But of course, the fact that we are having fun doesn't sit right with anybody for my daughter's new family. So a couple of hours ago, I received a call from my son-in-law. Unlike my daughter, I hadn't blocked his number because I know that he hardly ever contacts me anyway, and if he does, I was pretty sure that it would be for emergency purposes. And when he called, that's exactly what I thought, that maybe there had been some sort of medical emergency or even worse. So my wife and I decided to pick up immediately, but instead of my son-in-law on the other line, it was his parents. And they started asking us questions about
Starting point is 02:21:05 where we were, why we hadn't bothered to contact our daughter to see the grandkids for the past couple of weeks, and stuff like that. So I told them that we were in Greece and we hadn't contacted my daughter because we had been busy. We were about to hang up after that, since they clearly didn't have anything important to say, but then they started shaming and berating us for going away on vacation, especially when our family was going through such a rough patch. They said that we really had failed as parents since we clearly didn't care about anything that I was going through because apparently, she had been very upset for the past couple of weeks and we hadn't even bothered to check up on her. They were about to say more but I really didn't care, so I just hung up on
Starting point is 02:21:45 them and then I blocked the number. It was extremely annoying because they kept pretending like my daughter was a victim in the situation, but as far as I'm concerned, she started the whole thing when she said that she doesn't consider us our grandkids' grandparents anymore and I still remember every hurtful thing that she said to me during the first fight that marked the beginning of all this. After that, why would any self-respecting person forgive her, especially when she didn't even mean her apology, she had only contacted me to apologize because of the money that she was going to be losing out on, that's it. But it's part of all that, she's still the victim in the situation and I'm still the bad guy. Well then, so be it, I don't feel sorry about anything, and at this point,
Starting point is 02:22:27 neither does my wife. Because throughout our lives, we have always tried to be good parents, in spite of the most difficult circumstances, but if she doesn't care about that then I think we are done here. She's not a child anymore, we don't owe her anything anymore and neither does she, as she has made very clear. Update 4, hello. So we came back from our vacation a couple of days ago and today, we decided to call our daughter and have a chat with her because we didn't like whatever was said to us while we were on vacation. Whatever is going on between us, it's personal and I don't think that her in-laws are close enough to us to be commenting on anything, even though they are close to her. Anyway, my wife called her up and told her that we didn't appreciate that phone call by
Starting point is 02:23:12 her in-laws and also, from now on if she wants the grandkids to be able to see us, then she's going to have to call us up, come to our house, drop them off and we can have it that way. But we are not abiding by her rules, because at the end of the day, she was the one who insulted us first and completely humiliated me. We have had enough of that, but we do care about our grandkids, which is why we are still ready to see them. She didn't say much, I thought that she was going to fight with us, but she just said that she was fine with it, but she would only be dropping the kids off if they asked to see us. Otherwise, if we asked to see them, we would have to make our own arrangements. That seemed fair enough, and we know that we are only keeping in touch for the sake of the grandkids because they really love me and my wife and we love them too.
Starting point is 02:24:00 So for that, we are still going to have to talk to each other, but apart from that, we are done and I'm grateful for it. I hope you enjoy this story. Declined to allow my spouse to distribute live pet fish to children at our son's birthday celebration once more following her actions last year that upset all the guardians. Now she called me controlling and were getting divorce. For some context, the story starts last year at our seven-year-old son's birthday party. I, 32M, and my wife, 32F, held the party at our home. We decided to leave the bulk of the planning to my wife, as she loves this kind of thing and
Starting point is 02:24:39 wanted to take the reins. I had no reason to doubt any of her plans, as she did a great job with our past parties. I handled invites, food orders, and anything else she needed me to do. To her credit, she did a great job with the party itself. Everything ran smoothly and the kids had a great time. until she brought out the party favors that she had kept a surprise from me. They came out when our friend had to leave with her daughter right after the cake. Before she could, my wife went into the back room and came out with the biggest grin on her face.
Starting point is 02:25:15 What was inside the bag, you ask? A small tetra fish from the pet store, to be given as a party favor. My friend was flabbergasted. Her daughter's face beamed with excitement at the sight of her new pet. Mommy. I've always wanted a fish. My friend was at a loss for words, only glaring at me. She declined the fish, walking out of the party while her daughter clung to her, throwing a tantrum about turning down her new pet. Obviously, the chaos caused a scene, as all the children now knew about the fish. Every single parent in the room was pissed. Glaring, muttering, the whole works.
Starting point is 02:25:57 What are we going to tell our kids? Great, now I have to get a fish tank. Most parents obliged and reluctantly accepted the fish. The whole time, my wife was elated at the sight of the happy children, oblivious to how their parents reacted. We ended up having to take a few fish home that had been turned down, meaning we also had to buy a tank. My wife couldn't understand why anyone would pass up a wonderful 50-cent fish she grabbed
Starting point is 02:26:24 this morning from Petsmart. Fast forward to now, one year later. It's a month away for my son's eighth birthday party, and my wife broached the topic of party favors. She exclaimed that we should hand out fish again. The kids loved it, it was a hit last year. I do not want to go through this again. Several of my friends who were at the party complained about having to take care of these fish, being put in a situation where they felt pressured to accept the gift to avoid upsetting their child.
Starting point is 02:26:54 They had never received such a ridiculous party favor, and they wouldn't be attending if this was the case again. Not to mention, this feels horribly abusive to the fish who now have owners who don't want them. My wife brushed all of this off, saying that the parents were being selfish for not thinking about what makes the kids happy. She apparently didn't notice anyone upset at the party, only focusing on how the kids felt. She's calling me controlling, saying she doesn't even want to plan the party yet. she can't have this her way. All of her small group church friends agree with her. I don't want to upset my friends by putting them in an unfair situation, but I don't want to upset my wife because she truly does enjoy putting these events together. So, Reddit, Ida for
Starting point is 02:27:41 telling my wife not to buy party favor fish? Comments where OP has replied. Comment one. NTA she gave the parents an obligation, not a treat for the children. I'd be so upset if that happened to me. She has already argued I'd love to receive pets as a party favor. Who wouldn't? She loves animals and can't understand that other people's situations may not be ideal for adding a pet. Comment 2. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of parents RSVPD know this year.
Starting point is 02:28:17 And if she does fish again, no one will come to her son's parties again after this. She needs to think about her son and his future, she needs to think about the fish, she needs to think about the other parents and her spouse. O.P., instead of getting her jollies off excited while she makes everyone else miserable. Oh, O.P., you're absolutely right. It's so unfair for our son if his friends don't attend BC of her actions. Comment 3. That's not a gift. Your wife is giving out chores and unwanted expenses to those parents. Wife is very selfish for that.
Starting point is 02:28:55 Ask her if she is willing to buy the fish tanks, supplies and food, and is she willing to go feed each fish daily and clean their tank when needed? I bet she'll say no. OOP, I've asked about the fish tanks and she said that would be too expensive to buy 20 fish tanks. Which I thought would convince this is a bad idea. Comment 4. What? These are live animals, not fucking party-favor.
Starting point is 02:29:21 N-T-A-O-O-P, agreed. Animals, not matter how cheap, should never be treated as party favors. Ever. Comment 5. This is very typical narcissistic behavior. They are never wrong in any other opinion or even an obvious plan opposite their own isn't worthy of consideration. They don't recognize it at all. A narcissist will seldom do the most appropriate thing, choosing something more complicated that will upset a normal person. OOP, you're very intuitive. I believe you're absolutely right. She just focused on how the kids were so happy and how that encouraged her to do it again,
Starting point is 02:30:04 implying it made her very happy seeing the kids happy. Update 1. Hey, it's been nearly a month since I posted about the party favor situation between my wife and I. My son had his birthday yesterday, I wanted to share an update on how everything turned out. I took your guy's advice and decided to just talk to her. I used a lot of your points from the comments to reason with her, especially the ones about animal abuse. My wife just kept insisting that I was controlling, eventually just shutting down and walking away, giving me the silent treatment.
Starting point is 02:30:39 For those of you asking if this has happened before, yes. Not the party situation exactly, but the I'm going to make a horrible selfish decision and if you push back your controlling behavior. She has, backed out of multiple parties and events last minute because she didn't feel like going, and accused me of abandoning her when I told her I still wanted to go insisted I stopped playing guitar because she finds it annoying attended a wedding in a swimsuit because she was told there was a pool. Proceeded to spend the whole reception at the pool because they're your friends, I don't really care about celebrating them pushed back on my insistence to find a new school for our son,
Starting point is 02:31:14 even though he was being bullied, because she didn't feel like causing a scene. our son is in a new school now, and he's much happier, I was fed up and refused to give in. I can't let my son go through this, and I'm not letting him lose friends because of my wife's selfishness. After literally following my wife around the house, trying to get her to talk to me, she said fine, if you want it your way, you can plan this party yourself. So, I did. I planned the party myself, besides the invitation, location, and date, which were already planned.
Starting point is 02:31:48 My wife also demanded on picking out the cake, and that wasn't a hill I was willing to die on. It wasn't anything special, but I'm actually kind of proud. It was Jurassic Park themed, my son and I just watched all the movies together, and he adores them. He's really excited for the new one. I themed each table around different dinosaurs, and put little plastic dinosaurs everywhere. As for the party favors, I gave out little bags of candy. Nothing amazing, but the kids were happy, my son was thrilled. And no fish were harmed in the making of this party.
Starting point is 02:32:27 After the party, my wife kept telling me how lame everything was. That the party was boring, and the kids weren't literally jumping up and down for my candy party favors like they were for hers. Frankly, I don't care. Sure, the kids didn't have a brand new pet to bring home, but at least my party favors didn't piss off all of our friends and doom my son to a life of friendlessness. Truly, I don't know how things are going to go with my wife and I. I'm reaching my limit with her insanity.
Starting point is 02:32:57 I've tried insisting on marriage counseling, but she refused unless it was done by the pastor of our church. We went, and it was a whole session of the pastor telling me I'm not a good enough man to take care of my wife. About how I'm turning away from God with my actions, and that's ruining our marriage. Needless to say, we haven't gone back, and ever since my wife loves to use this session against me in arguments. I loved her, but I'm finding it harder each day to keep being in love. I hate the idea of my son thinking this is a happy marriage, and that this is a healthy way to live.
Starting point is 02:33:34 Divorce scares me, but I don't know if I can live with this anymore. In the end, thank you, for helping me realize that there's a lot going wrong in my marriage, far beyond a forced fish adoption crisis. I have a lot to think about, but for now, I'm going to finish watching Jurassic World with my son, who's curled up in my lap. By the way, two of the three fish we had to take home last year are still going strong. They've grown on me. But damn, I'm never getting another fish, comments where OP has replied. Comment 1
Starting point is 02:34:07 Divorce and happy and focusing on your son is more important than miserable and putting your son in a home with a narcissistic wife. Oop, I can absolutely understand this. My son is my priority. Her church puts a ton of pressure to never divorce. She gets so much support through them. They view me as the bad guy comment too. Get a divorce and pick the guitar back up.
Starting point is 02:34:34 Oop, I actually did pick the guitar back up not too long ago. When my wife realized I wasn't going to stop for good after all, she demanded that I only play when she and our son weren't home, because he finds it annoying too. That last part hurt deeply, so I asked my son if he's bothered by it at all, and he said no, and that he actually wants to learn how to play too. Is Upp and his wife planning to have another kid? Oop, she keeps asking me to have another kid, because it'll bring us closer and solve our issues. We keep getting asked at church when are you having another one? Absolutely not, I'm not going through this again.
Starting point is 02:35:13 Update 2, it's me, the guy with the wife who gave out fish as party favors. I'm back, and I wanted to update you guys again on how things are going, both because I've seen some eagerness for updates and because this has become a great place for me to vent. To make a long story short, we've decided to get divorced. To make a short story long, here's how we got here. I took a lot of your comments to hear about divorce and abuse. I've taken a lot of immaturity from my wife over the years, but I told myself I was in the wrong. It's easy to see from the outside that I was in a bad situation, but when you're in it, you don't realize how tough everything gets because it becomes your normal.
Starting point is 02:35:56 The fish story was just a tipping point. We went on vacation a couple weeks ago. We traveled down to Georgia to stay with my wife's parents. To put some perspective on how I've been manipulated throughout this marriage, my age is a couple of years. in-laws agree with their daughter on just about every disagreement we've had. They once set me down and lectured me about how I'm not making enough money to support their daughter, that she shouldn't have to work, and that I'm not a good enough man or husband because I don't take her to Disneyland every year. They're very much ingrained in the church culture, hence why my wife relies on her church slash church friends for literally every bit of advice. During our trip, we all went to Cracker Barrel. The whole time, my Mill and Phil didn't talk once to each other.
Starting point is 02:36:41 They stared at their phones or at their menus. Everything just felt so cold and uncomfortable. They weren't in love. They seemed just annoyed to be around each other. And it hit me, that's my wife and I exactly. And that's how it's going to be for the rest of our lives. It's not going to get better. I excused myself to the bathroom and cried.
Starting point is 02:37:05 It wasn't about the fish or her way. wearing a swimsuit to a wedding. I wasn't happy, I was being gaslit constantly, blamed for everything, and was stuck in an emotionally abusive marriage with a childish wife who won't take no for an answer and wants everything her way, or else I'm apparently a horrible monster. I told my wife later that evening that I wasn't happy with our marriage. Maybe I shouldn't have started this conversation on vacation, but I just needed to get everything off my chest. She admitted she wasn't happy either, but just kept telling me that we should try to make things better. That we needed to stay together for our son.
Starting point is 02:37:43 When I asked her what we can do to make things better, she said, I don't know, I don't want to talk about this right now. We left it at that and went to bed, we really weren't getting anywhere. We didn't say a word about it for the rest of the trip. We spent a lot of time apart. I took my son for walks and hikes that my wife didn't want to. go on. We all watched movies together, trying to keep the happy act up to avoid ruining the trip for our son. It sucked, but I do think he had a good time regardless of everything. A couple days after we got home from the trip, I got a call from my mom, she was in tears on the other end,
Starting point is 02:38:21 asking about my marriage and what was happening between us. Apparently, my wife had called my mom to vent about how terrible of a partner I was, about how I demanded we have sex, not true, intimacy in general was extremely lacking and she shut down any attempt without negotiation or conversation. I never demanded anything, how I don't make enough to allow her to be a stay-at-home mom. She hates cooking and cleaning, I'm not even sure what she would do all day as a stay-at-home mom, and again about how controlling I was. I tried reassuring my mom as best as I could, and she said she understood that I had good reasons for how I was behaving in our marriage. But that essentially fractured my relationship between my wife and my mom, and pushed the end of our marriage.
Starting point is 02:39:07 I confronted my wife. It wasn't this big, dramatic, emotional moment. I was just done. I was apathetic, hollow. I felt nothing for her anymore. I told her this is not how a person treats someone they love. Do you even love me? After a long pause, my wife said, no. I honestly don't love you. And in truth, I didn't love her anymore. I ended it there, telling her fine, we're getting a divorce. And all she said was that's your decision. If that's what you want. So, that's where we're at. We haven't started anything legally official yet, but we're on our way. I'm sleeping on the couch, she's declared she wants to keep all the pets, except the fish, of course. My son is taking it well.
Starting point is 02:40:01 We told him together, and all he said was it's okay, I knew it was going to happen soon. He's so incredibly smart and mature at eight years old, and I'm really grateful he understands. We reassured him that we both love him dearly, and that even though this is a big change, we're all going to do everything we can to make this easy. As for her church, I found out all along she was sleeping with the pastor, nah, I'm just kidding. For some backstory on our church experience, I used to be pretty pretty much. religious and attended church A with my wife. I started questioning my faith and told her how I was feeling. She got so angry, angrier than I've ever seen her. She tried to hit me, so I blocked her
Starting point is 02:40:44 arm. My wife then screamed at me for putting my hands on her, and tried to leave with our son, he was four at the time. I refused to let him go with her, and she stormed off on her own. My wife told all of our church friends how much of a monster I was for what I did, to the point where they started encouraging her to call the police on me, she never did, she just told me that's what they advised her to do. After that, I refused to go to that church, and later joined Church B, which my wife joined too, she wasn't motivated to go to Church A without me. We left Church B for a multitude of reasons, terrible leadership, money laundering, poor treatment of our son, and my wife insisted we go back to Church A. I tried, but everyone there treated me so
Starting point is 02:41:30 coldly. Not once after the incident did any one of my friends from church ask how I was doing or if what they were told was true. I stopped going to church altogether, and she kept going. Now, they've all but excommunicated me, and I never planned to speak to any one of them again. I have a long road ahead of me. But I'm just grateful to be taking the steps I need to be happy and free from this marriage. Thank you. In a way, I always knew something had to change. I But seeing your replies helped validate everything I was feeling, and made me feel a bit less crazy. Next story, boyfriend told me at a public holiday party to find another man who wants to marry me,
Starting point is 02:42:12 if I ever change my mind about marriage. Then got mad when another guy asked me out for a serious relationship so I finally left him. I, 44F, live in a small town, population about 2000. I've been dating my boyfriend, 52M. for eight years. We were at a holiday party in December with probably 200 guests. Someone asked when we were planning to get married. B.F. said never. People continued to press the subject, so I said that neither of us wanted to get married currently, but if it changed we'd be sure to let them know. So B.F. said, if you ever change your mind about marriage, don't bother talking to me about
Starting point is 02:42:54 it. Just move on and find a man who wants to marry you. Everyone was staring. I cried, we went home. He has brought it up a couple of times since then, but it's not really something I see a point in discussing. He's made it clear from day one that he doesn't want to get married. I don't want to either. I wouldn't have said what he did in public, but it's the truth. The way he said it embarrassed me and it hurt my feelings that he was so flippant about breaking up and going our separate ways after eight years of being in love, but again it's nothing I didn't know from private conversations. Every Tuesday we have dinner with friends at this Mexican restaurant. So last night at dinner a guy that I know socially from living in the same small town walked up and said that he knew I was exclusively dating BF, but he just wanted to say that I should call him if I ever decided that I wanted a serious relationship. Then he looked at BF and said, Nothing personal man. I know we go way back, they are about the same age and hung out in high school and in their early twenties, but if she ever decides she wants more than casual dating. it would be over between you two anyway. After we got home, BF was upset with me for not making it clear that we have more than a casual relationship. I told him that I wasn't the one who made
Starting point is 02:44:12 our relationship status unclear, and if he felt something was unclear or misunderstood, he could have set things straight himself. Update, after posting I did a lot of reflection on our relationship. One day I just packed what I had at his house and brought it all to my house while he was at work. When he came home, I told him that I had moved my things out and I wasn't going to be around anymore. I gave him his house key. B.F. feels blindsided by my moving out. He doesn't understand how we went from happy and peaceful to me moving out and living an hour plus away when essentially nothing changed. I still have feelings for him but it wasn't nearly as painful as I expected it to be. I have too many hard feelings towards him for the way he
Starting point is 02:44:56 treated me and my kids, especially in the beginning of our relationship to try to salvage anything between us. And I most definitely have too much resentment towards his youngest son, 24M, to ever consider working on things and trying to be anything that resembles a family with either of them. Eight years and I packed everything I had there in two hours, like I was never there. During the first couple of years I did tell him how he made me feel, but his answer was always this is the deal, take it or leave it. It took eight years but I decided to leave it. I suppose at some point I emotionally checked out of the relationship and just sort of let things be. Many of the issues have just sorted themselves out with time but the underlying herd is still raw. My house really
Starting point is 02:45:41 doesn't feel like home to me anymore. I've been staying with my children, who are away from home attending college. I've completely moved out of my house and I officially put it on the market last Friday. For now I'll just commute to work until I figure out what I want to do going forward. Edit, first let me say that I'm absolutely amazed by all your kind words and well wishes. I can't believe how kind of supportive you guys have been. I'll address a couple of the common comments slash questions. First, I guess the most popular is about the guy from the Mexican restaurant. I've spoken to him since, but it's not the fairy tale ending you guys are dreaming of. I'm definitely not in a place where I'm ready to date, and I can't remember his
Starting point is 02:46:26 exact words, but the jest was he'd be happy to take me out sometime, but he was just being dick too. X'd B.F. on purpose because of what he said at the party and other things he'd seen B.F. do over the years. Very anticlimactic, I'm afraid. Although he does frequently work around where I'm living, so who knows what the future holds. Second, financial concerns. If you guys want to take back all your, I'm proud of you comments, I understand. I really have no excuse for staying. I'm well educated. I earn a good living, well above six figures. I wasn't always but I literally spent 20 years going back to school time and time again. For the past few years, I've made significantly more money than, XPF. I really have no excuse for why I stayed so long. I hope you enjoy this story.
Starting point is 02:47:21 discovered that my relatives concealed my sister's celebration of betrothal from me, claiming that I needed to dedicate myself to academics in order to support their retirement. Consequently, I declined to provide assistance when they faced financial ruin and begged for money. My life had always revolved around studying, sacrificing, and silently existing in the background while my older sister basked in the golden light of our parents' love. They doted on her, calling her their pride and joy, while I was the afterthought the one expected to achieve for the sake of their future. It wasn't a role I chose, but one I accepted because there didn't seem to be another option. One evening, after hours buried in textbooks and
Starting point is 02:48:02 lecture notes, I was exhausted. My cramped dorm room felt more stifling than usual, it's dim light barely cutting through the weight of my solitude. Seeking a momentary escape, I opened my phone and scrolled mindlessly through social media. Then I saw it. The post was like a punch to the gut. There she was, my sister, glowing in a sleek dress, surrounded by smiling faces at her engagement party. The caption below the photo sent my heart plummeting. I can't wait to celebrate our Hawaii wedding with all our loved ones. All their loved ones, apparently, didn't include me. I stared at the picture, hoping I had misread it. Was this a joke? But no. My parents stood proudly by her side, dressed to the night.
Starting point is 02:48:51 beaming as if they had won the lottery. Relatives I hadn't seen in years filled the frame, laughing and toasting with champagne flutes. Everyone was there. Everyone but me. A cold numbness spread through me, followed swiftly by a sharp, burning pain in my chest. They didn't even think to tell me. My sister had always treated me like an outsider, but I hadn't expected that she wouldn't even bother to send so much as a text. My parents, the same ones who endlessly drilled to me the importance of family, hadn't thought it necessary to include me in one of the most significant moments of her life. My memories came rushing back, unbidden and relentless. Some are spent working two part-time jobs so they wouldn't have to stress about bills. Skipping outings with friends
Starting point is 02:49:38 to study because failing wasn't an option. I had to make them proud. Enduring lectures about how my future success was the family's retirement plan. Every sacrifice I made was for them, for this Yet, when it mattered most, I was invisible. The tears came without warning, blurring my vision as I stared at the screen. I wasn't the type to cry, not anymore. Years of keeping my emotions bottled up had turned me into a master at hiding my pain. But this? This cut deeper than I thought possible.
Starting point is 02:50:12 I wiped my face and tried to compose myself. My first instinct was to call my parents and demand an explanation. I needed to hear them tell me why I didn't matter enough to be part of this celebration. With trembling hands, I dialed their number. Voice mail. I tried again. Still, voicemail. The realization hit me like a second wave. They weren't just oblivious, they didn't even care enough to answer.
Starting point is 02:50:41 My throat tightened, my breathing was heavy and I was trying not to cry. I couldn't bring myself to call my sister. What would be the point? She would either ignore me or, worse, give me some half-hearted excuse that would only add salt to the wound. I dropped my phone onto my desk and sat there, staring blankly at the wall. The silence felt gross and suffocating. I had to acknowledge the ugly truth I had always avoided. I was expendable to them.
Starting point is 02:51:12 It was two days later when the first notification from my parents came through. A cheery don't forget to study hard. Text. I felt something inside me snap. My thumb hovered over the mute button for a moment before I pressed it, silencing their number. Then I did the same with my sister. I didn't care about their excuses or apologies if they even planned to offer any. The pain was too raw, and I couldn't bear the thought of hearing them dismiss my feelings yet again.
Starting point is 02:51:41 All I had ever wanted was to feel like I belonged in my own family, but it was clear now that I never truly had one. That night, as I sat in my dorm room, I was. I felt utterly abandoned. They might have cast me aside, but I wasn't going to let them keep breaking me. If they didn't need me in their lives, maybe it was time I stopped needing them in mine. Update 1, the silence stretched on as I ignored their calls. Days turned into weeks, and my inbox overflowed with their messages. At first, their tone was calm, almost sweet, as if nothing had happened. They wanted to know why I hadn't returned their calls, why I was
Starting point is 02:52:20 being so quiet. My mother mentioned how they were worried and hoped I wasn't stressing too much over exams. But that act of concern quickly gave way to passive-aggressive remarks. My mother's voice, now sharper, started hinting that I was being ungrateful. She listed everything they had done for me how they'd supported me through college, the roof they'd put over my head, the meals they'd provided. My father chimed in on another message, accusing me of being selfish and dramatic for not appreciating the sacrifices we've made for you. Their carefully crafted guilt-tripping wasn't new to me, but hearing it now, when I was already raw with pain, felt unbearable. Their disappointment soon escalated into anger.
Starting point is 02:53:03 My mother's tone hardened as she accused me of being disrespectful, saying that after all they had done for me, the least I could do was be a good son and return their calls. My father's messages were louder and more aggressive. He thundered about how I was wasting time on drama instead of focusing on my studies and future. He called me ungrateful, a disappointment. I deleted each message without listening to them in full. Their words cut deep, but I couldn't bear hearing how they twisted everything to make themselves the victims. I had sacrificed so much for their approval, my time, my energy, my happiness, and now they were
Starting point is 02:53:39 painting me as the villain. The breaking point came the following week when a cousin reached out. We were close, but I hadn't expected to hear from her. I knew she was at the engagement party. Her name had been in the endless tags on my sister's glittering social media posts. She sounded hesitant, almost nervous, as she asked why I hadn't been at the party. I told her that I hadn't even been invited, she could hear the barely suppressed anger in my voice. There was a pause on the line before she spoke again, her voice cautious, like she wasn't sure if she should say what she was about to say.
Starting point is 02:54:15 She told me she'd overheard my parents discussing me at the party. Not only had they known I was free that weekend, but they'd actively decided not to invite me. Their reasoning? I needed to stay focused on my studies so I could secure a high-paying job and eventually repay the family for their efforts. Her words hit like a punch to the gut. I had spent years sacrificing everything to meet their impossible expectations, always hoping that one day they'd see my worth, and yet here they were, treating me like an investment rather than a son. What had I done to deserve that treatment? I didn't sneak out
Starting point is 02:54:51 to parties, refused outings with friends just so I could make them proud. But my cousin wasn't finished. She hesitated again before telling me that she had heard from her parents that the Hawaii wedding wasn't just a splurge, it was a financial catastrophe waiting to happen. My parents had emptied their entire retirement savings and taken out a second mortgage to fund it. At the engagement party, my father had even joked with their guests about how I was too busy being a bookworm to join them. I felt sick, the image of my father casually mocking me in front of a crowd of smiling faces, surrounded by people who didn't care enough to question my absence. It was more than I could take. The betrayal ran deeper than I had ever imagined. That night, I sat in my dorm room,
Starting point is 02:55:36 staring at my laptop screen. My chest felt tight as I typed out a message to my parents, each keystroke fueled by years of pent-up hurt and anger. I didn't hold back. I reminded them of all the sacrifices I had made to meet their expectations. I wrote about the summers the first spent working instead of enjoying my youth, the late nights I stayed up studying while they poured attention on my sister, and the countless times I pushed my own needs aside to make their lives easier. I asked them how they could possibly justify excluding me from such an important family milestone.
Starting point is 02:56:09 Did they ever stop to consider how their lives? decisions affected me? Or was I nothing more than a tool to them, a means to an end? The message wasn't a plea for reconciliation. It was a demand for accountability. I needed them to understand the depth of the pain they had caused, even if they never apologized for it. When I hit send, I didn't feel too good. Part of me hoped they would finally see the error of their ways, but a larger part knew better. Days passed with no response. The silent didn't surprise me, but it still stung. Then, one morning, a message from them appeared in my inbox. I hesitated before opening it. But as I read their words, my chest tightened with a
Starting point is 02:56:54 different kind of pain. The message was as cold and dismissive as I had feared. They accused me of being ungrateful and selfish, throwing all they had done for me back in their faces. My father wrote that I needed to stop playing the victim and focus on my studies. My mother added a parting jab, reminding me that family obligations come with sacrifices and that I needed to grow up and stop acting like a child. I reread the message several times, each word confirming what I had always known but never wanted to admit. They didn't see me as a person. To them, I was a project, an investment, a tool for their comfort and convenience. They accused me of being ungrateful and selfish, throwing all they had done for me back in their faces. They said I should be focusing on my studies instead of whining
Starting point is 02:57:41 about a party. The watery eyes didn't come this time. Instead, a strange calm settled over me, the kind that comes with finality. I realized then that I didn't need their approval, their validation, or their love, not if it that left me feeling invisible and unworthy. Y'all are right, I should choose me. I closed my laptop. Let them pour their time and money into my hands. sister. Let them reap the rewards of their golden child. Why should I care? Update 2. The anger simmered in me for days after their dismissive message. Every word they wrote replayed in my mind, each sentence more insulting than the last. They had twisted my herd into some ridiculous narrative of ingratitude. I wasn't ungrateful, I was tired. I was tired of always giving,
Starting point is 02:58:33 of always sacrificing and receiving nothing but contempt in return. The weight of their manipulation crushed me, but this time, it didn't paralyze me. It fueled me. I couldn't keep swallowing their behavior, hoping for the bare minimum of love and respect. They'd made it clear where I stood in their lives, and I was ready to accept it on my terms, not theirs. Late one night, I opened my laptop again. This time, there was no hesitation.
Starting point is 02:59:03 I wrote back, each word sharp and deliberate. I started by reminding them that whatever sacrifices they thought they'd made for me, they were only fulfilling the basic duties of parenthood. Providing food, shelter, and education wasn't a favor. It was an obligation they signed up for when they decided to have children. I pointed out that, unlike my sister, I hadn't relied on their financial support for years. I had secured a scholarship to cover my tuition and worked part-time jobs to handle my expenses. I told them, in no uncertain terms, that I didn't owe them a single thing.
Starting point is 02:59:37 Then I let them have it. I told them how deeply their exclusion from the engagement party and wedding plans had hurt. Not just the act itself, but the calculated choice to leave me out, paired with their casual jokes about me at the party, was proof that I didn't matter to them beyond what I could provide. I asked them if their golden daughter, with her lavish wedding and fancy parties, would now be responsible for their retirement since they'd emptied their savings and taken on debt to fund her happiness. And finally, I ended it with a clean break. I told them that since I was over 18 and capable of
Starting point is 03:00:11 living independently, I didn't see any reason to continue this farce of a relationship. They clearly valued my sister above all else, so they could lean on her and her new husband for everything moving forward. I would no longer be their scapegoat or punching bag. I didn't hit send out of desperation for their apology or a acknowledgement. I sent it for myself. Their reply came the next day, and I couldn't bring myself to read it. I deleted it without opening it, knowing it would only be more of the same blame shifting and gaslighting. But they weren't done. Later that afternoon, my phone buzzed with a call from my mother. I hesitated, my thumb hovering over the decline button, but I decided to answer.
Starting point is 03:00:54 Her voice was cold, barely masking her annoyance. She launched into a monologue about how disappointed they were in me, how they couldn't believe I would abandon my family over something so trivial. She insisted that the wedding wasn't about me, so I had no right to feel excluded. I interrupted her saying that she was missing the point entirely. It wasn't just the wedding, it was everything. Years of being overlooked, dismissed and treated like an afterthought. I asked her how she would feel if the role
Starting point is 03:01:24 were reversed if I had excluded her from something so important without a second thought. Her response was as predictable as it was infuriating. She said I was being dramatic, that I had no reason to make such a big deal out of this. According to her, I was letting my emotions cloud my judgment. The anger I'd been holding back erupted. I told her that my emotions weren't the problem, her complete lack of accountability was. I said that I had spent my entire life trying to meet their impossible expectations, sacrificing my happiness for their approval, and now I was done. She tried to interrupt, but I didn't let her. I told her that if she wanted to keep playing favorites, she could do so without me in her life. Her tone turned icy. She accused me of
Starting point is 03:02:11 being selfish, of throwing away my family over a misunderstanding. I laughed bitterly, telling her that the only misunderstanding here was her belief that I would tolerate their behavior any longer. I hung up before she could respond. Not five minutes later, my phone rang again. This time, it was my father. His tone was harsher, more confrontational. He accused me of being ungrateful and disrespectful, of dishonoring the family. I matched his tone. I told him that respect was earned, not demanded. I reminded him of all the sacrifices I had made for the family, sacrifices that went unacknowledged while my sister was showered with praise for doing the bare minimum. His response was to deflect, as always. He said that life wasn't fair and that I needed to toughen up.
Starting point is 03:03:01 He claimed that the wedding wasn't about me and that I needed to get over myself. That was the last straw. I told him that I was done trying to earn their approval and that they could save their lectures for someone who actually cared. Then I hung up. I thought I was done, but my sister decided. decided to insert herself into the situation. She called me later that evening, her voice dripping with fake concern. She said she didn't understand why I was so upset and that she had assumed I wouldn't care about the wedding since I was so busy with school. I couldn't hold back my frustration.
Starting point is 03:03:35 I told her that her assumption was just another example of how little she and the rest of the family valued me. I said that she was a lazy, entitled brat who had never worked for anything in her life. I told her that she owed our parents for everything they had given her, including her engagement party and wedding, and that she'd better step up when they came knocking for help in their old age. Her tone shifted, becoming defensive. She accused me of being jealous and of trying to ruin her happiness. I laughed while she was talking, telling her that I didn't need to ruin anything.
Starting point is 03:04:08 She and our parents were doing a fine job of that on their own. Before she could respond, I hung up. I felt free. Free from their expectations, their manipulation, and their constant reminders of my supposed inadequacy. I didn't need their approval. I didn't need their love. I had spent my entire life chasing something they were never willing to give, and now I was
Starting point is 03:04:33 finally ready to stop running. They had made their choice, and now I was making mine. Update 3, the constant feeling that I was never enough, that my accomplishments were never celebrated, was being replaced by peace. I had started my internship at a prestigious company, one of the connections my professors had helped me secure. The work wasn't easy, but I was thriving. I felt like I was being recognized for something I did on my own, not because of my family or the image they tried to force on me. They had even expressed interest in giving me a full-time job, which felt like a huge leap forward. It wasn't the golden opportunity I dreamed of as a child,
Starting point is 03:05:12 but I had earned it. And that made all the difference. I kept my distance from my parents, from my sister. I knew they would keep trying to pull me back into their world of expectations, manipulation, and guilt. I refused to give them the power to make me feel small again. If they couldn't respect me when I was struggling, they didn't get to have me around when I was succeeding. I deleted their numbers and blocked their profiles. I was done. Then, one afternoon, I ran into an old family friend at a coffee shop. I hadn't expected to see anyone I knew, but there she was, Anne, one of my mother's closest friends.
Starting point is 03:05:52 She recognized me immediately and asked how I was doing. We started with small talk. She asked how school was going, and how my family was. I gave her the usual answers, keeping things surface level. But when she asked about my parents, I knew something was off. She leaned in a little closer as if she didn't want anyone else to hear. She told me that things weren't going too well for them. My father had lost his job, she said.
Starting point is 03:06:21 She didn't know the exact details, but it seemed he was struggling to find anything else that paid well enough to keep up with their bills. She mentioned that my mother was working herself to the bone, but it wasn't enough. The situation was dire. It stung more than I wanted to admit, but I tried to keep my face neutral. and went on, her voice dropping as she shared how my parents' debts were piling up. The Hawaii wedding, everything my parents had sacrificed for it was a financial disaster. Their savings were gone, and they were facing the consequences. I already knew they had put everything into that wedding, but hearing it confirmed by someone
Starting point is 03:06:59 else made it feel more real. They had spent their last time to make my sister's wedding a fairy tale while I was left to fend for myself. It wasn't just about the money, it was about the priorities they had chosen. They didn't care about me. Not really. I tried to play it cool, asking about my mother's health, pretending I didn't already know how bad things had gotten, but and was too caught up in the gossip to notice. She said she hoped my parents would figure it out, but it was hard to see how they could when they were drowning in debt. As I walked away, I felt that rush of satisfaction again, followed by something else, something darker. I wasn't happy that they were struggling, but I couldn't lie to myself either. They had pushed me aside for years,
Starting point is 03:07:44 always demanding that I excel but never giving me the support I needed. Now, they had sacrificed everything for a wedding that didn't even matter in the long run. It was all crashing down around them. A few days later, I received a text from my mother. It was a new number. She said they needed to talk. She told me that my father was having trouble finding a job, and they needed my help. She reminded me of everything they had done for me, all the sacrifices they made so I could succeed. Now, they needed me to come back and support them. I didn't respond. My fingers hovered over the keyboard, ready to type something snarky or angry.
Starting point is 03:08:25 But I didn't. Instead, I just deleted the message. I had nothing to say to her. She had never understood the sacrifices I had made, and now she expected me to just drop everything and save them. I wasn't going to be their safety net anymore. A few days later, I ran into a cousin, someone I hadn't spoken to recently. He casually mentioned the state of things back at home.
Starting point is 03:08:51 He confirmed what I had already suspected. My sister's life wasn't as perfect as it seemed. Her marriage, the one that had been built on the pedestal of that extravagant wedding, was crumbling under the pressure. Apparently, her new husband's family wasn't happy about the amount of money spent on the wedding. and they had started pulling their support. My sister, who had always been so perfect in my parents' eyes, was facing the consequences of her choices.
Starting point is 03:09:18 I couldn't help but feel a small flicker of sympathy for her, but it was quickly replaced by something else. I wasn't going to be the one to rescue her. She had always been the golden child, always the one who got everything handed to her. Now, she was learning what it meant to deal with the fallout of her own decisions. She had gotten everything she wanted, but now, when things weren't going according to plan, she had no one left to turn to.
Starting point is 03:09:43 The sense of satisfaction I felt wasn't from wishing harm on her, but from finally realizing that her life wasn't as perfect as I had once thought. I could see it for what it was. Update 4. I was catching up on work one evening when my phone buzzed with an unfamiliar number. At first, I hesitated, not recognizing it. Then, against my better judgment, I answered. It was my mother. Her voice was thin and strained, and I could tell something was off. She wasted no time
Starting point is 03:10:15 getting to the point. They had fallen on hard times, she said, and they needed my help. She mentioned how their financial situation had spiraled out of control, how the wedding had drained their savings, and how my father's job loss had left them struggling. I could hear the guilt in her voice, but it didn't hit me the way she'd probably hoped. She said that she hoped. She said that she hoped I had finally calmed down. My father came on the line next, his tone more defensive than remorseful. He started by blaming their bad luck, how things had just gotten out of hand. He said he'd been working tirelessly to fix it, but nothing seemed to work out. They didn't know who else to turn to, he admitted, almost pleading with me. I was their only hope. His words sent a wave
Starting point is 03:11:01 of disgust through me. I listened for a moment, letting them talk themselves in circles. There was no apology, no acknowledgement. They expected me to forget it all, to overlook the betrayal, just because they were in a tough spot now. When I finally spoke, my voice was steady but colder than I'd ever heard before, the fact that they'd drained their savings, mortgaged their house, and even dipped into their retirement funds for one day of luxury for my sister and her new husband. I told them how stupid they were. I couldn't believe they'd thrown their financial future away on something as frivolous as a
Starting point is 03:11:36 and for what? To impress people who didn't care about them? I asked them if they really thought they could afford that kind of waste, especially when they had me, the one they'd ignored for years, working my off to make sure they'd have a future. But did they ever consider that? Of course not. I told them how unbelievably selfish they were. They spent all that money, all those resources, on a party that lasted a few hours. The nerve they had, calling me for help now. They didn't deserve my help. Not anymore and I made that clear. My sister called later that evening from her husband's number.
Starting point is 03:12:16 I had assumed another unknown number meant it was one of them. Her voice was different, shaky, full of guilt and desperation. She was crying. She said she didn't know how things had gotten so bad, how her life had crumbled after the wedding. She begged me to forgive them, to forget the past, to just help them get back on their feet. She insisted that family comes first. I scoffed at that, the irony. She was asking me to pretend like everything was fine like the years of neglect,
Starting point is 03:12:47 favoritism, and exclusion had never happened. She didn't even try to understand why I was so angry. She just wanted me to bail them out, to fix everything for her, for them. She hadn't once acknowledged that I was part of this family, too. I told her that I wasn't interested in mending things. Family may come first, but for too long, I had been the one who came last. She'd spent years enjoying the spotlight, living in the bubble they'd built around her, while I was left to fend for myself.
Starting point is 03:13:18 Now, when the perfect little life she'd constructed started to crack, she wanted me to fix it all. She stuttered, begging me not to be so cold. I wasn't cold, I was just done. I reminded her how easily they had erased me from their lives when everything was good. I wasn't going to let them back in just, because they'd made a mess of their own lives. I wasn't the one who'd built their world, and I sure as hell wasn't the one who'd torn it down so why should I fix it? I hung up before she could say anything else. In the days that followed, I got texts, emails, calls,
Starting point is 03:13:53 apologies wrapped in guilt, and demands disguised as pleas for help. But I ignored them all. Let them wallow in the consequences of their actions. I didn't need them anymore. I had my own future to focus on. A future that didn't include them. The last message I received from my mother was just a simple line, we're sorry, please, don't abandon us. The truth was, they never really had me to begin with. And now, when they were at their lowest, they had no one to turn to but themselves. I didn't have to say another word. They had their answer. I hope that Disgruces the
Starting point is 03:14:31 Snih During much time, my conjuice me insto to reveling my dolorosur to the
Starting point is 03:14:39 newness to use in our recent discussion argumenting that my progenitor
Starting point is 03:14:43 oppressive would have to have been I'm when the front I'm after I
Starting point is 03:14:50 after me after me after I know I can't say how this because
Starting point is 03:14:55 I'm a head, is dividing in two. I'm listening those words one and
Starting point is 03:15:01 other and I don't think that have been that you have been four
Starting point is 03:15:06 years castes. Construing what I thought we was a life was
Starting point is 03:15:11 two two two years, and our child and our daughter that has
Starting point is 03:15:17 got to my world entire. When those I'm when I
Starting point is 03:15:21 see that because never knew that existed, because the truth is that never experimented that type of love when was a new. That is something
Starting point is 03:15:32 that my husband always has said to me, although passed years before that could say it in voice out.
Starting point is 03:15:38 When we we castes for first, she noticed that never about my parents. Noted that I bivable
Starting point is 03:15:45 to talk to his stories, calded records of vacations, his parents decorating the house, discussions between
Starting point is 03:15:54 the men who then they were made differentied. I only sentia and I'm said,
Starting point is 03:16:01 she said that I'm better, know me really, a long of the years
Starting point is 03:16:07 he was pressioning until that a day me rogou that so I'm
Starting point is 03:16:12 so I did. As seven years finally I'm I'm I'm
Starting point is 03:16:17 I'm never had been been his son, after three brothers,
Starting point is 03:16:23 a baby anti-conceptive failed. An accident, that was the word that used my parents.
Starting point is 03:16:31 Me record about constantly that no me were subtle. No,
Starting point is 03:16:37 was occulted. It was abutably. He said about the park of diversions when I was the purpose. I was up even to that
Starting point is 03:16:54 ed. They thought that would be in panico, me woulder, disappearer. What they were that I had learned of memory
Starting point is 03:17:02 the way to house. Hours more tarded were like had been an error, like if
Starting point is 03:17:08 me had been per'd in the multitude, but I sawia what it was. I'm
Starting point is 03:17:13 what they've planned he. He told about the night in that my father
Starting point is 03:17:17 involved his my hand around my garganta and apreted until the world souclecy on the borders. No could respitear. Sentia like if my
Starting point is 03:17:27 head were to explode. Until the day of today no-se-pore me solto. Maybe my mother entered, maybe something of the
Starting point is 03:17:36 retroceded in the ultimate second. Say what I, a duras penas, but I I.
Starting point is 03:17:45 The cuted about the food. Like some nights all kinds of they'd and I'm looking
Starting point is 03:17:50 and I'm not because we're poor we're we're we're enough but we excrued
Starting point is 03:17:58 if they're they're they're they're they're never with me I'm
Starting point is 03:18:05 I'm on that one of the stomago vassio vying vying while I
Starting point is 03:18:11 pretendian not existier I'm I'm I'm I'm never had the opportunity
Starting point is 03:18:15 to record me that I'm a accident. My parents were said. My brothers were
Starting point is 03:18:22 repetian. It's converted. It's a problem recurrente. That no should be exist.
Starting point is 03:18:29 What was the error that they were, they were, I'm a bit they've
Starting point is 03:18:34 planned to aborting but never they've done to do you do you imbacilar, like if it was a
Starting point is 03:18:41 little bit of a daga in my pecho. And he I told about the night of winter in that my father me enserro afuerre as far as far as I did. He'd perhaps some 10 years.
Starting point is 03:18:55 He'd a few glacial. Permanecya there aflovera and, with the dents castaneying. Honestimely, I thought that
Starting point is 03:19:04 not over-ivir-a-the-octe a night. A new eventually me he gave and he gave the door
Starting point is 03:19:10 after my mother the he was there probably me salved. These are
Starting point is 03:19:16 the things that desawed with my sposa. No, it was so I
Starting point is 03:19:21 remember to tell to tell us. Recurred what expuest that me I
Starting point is 03:19:26 had been I'm had been cutrices that had been and she me abrass
Starting point is 03:19:32 then, she He said that he was He said that He said he He said he never me reproacharie to those things Anoche he rompire that promise
Starting point is 03:19:43 Discuting us He was stupido He commenced With the Tarea of our child He said that He was too permissive with him
Starting point is 03:19:52 that he'd He'd be passing the things I said that was too Dura Escalo Ambos
Starting point is 03:20:00 We're at the defensive One of those arguments in those you'll forgets the point and simply intents can't get.
Starting point is 03:20:08 And then she he said. Me mirro fithently and said that maybe my father should have
Starting point is 03:20:14 terminated what was that night. That I don't make a family, and much
Starting point is 03:20:20 less children. That maybe had been been better if I had been
Starting point is 03:20:25 over- ever that I'm never was I'm who who said,
Starting point is 03:20:30 I'm I'm kept elated. The actual, for a second, I thought that I had understood well.
Starting point is 03:20:38 But it said again. With calm. Like if I'm if I'm simply
Starting point is 03:20:43 was saying a word. No I can describe what me did so. Me
Starting point is 03:20:50 have said things cruel before in my life. I've been
Starting point is 03:20:54 insulted, burlado, menopreciated. I know how to pass words. But this was different.
Starting point is 03:21:03 She was the only person to the part the part more of me. Tomo my and it
Starting point is 03:21:09 was a arm. Simply me I kept there in silence. No, I even
Starting point is 03:21:15 could grite in response. No Pude. It's seemed like if
Starting point is 03:21:20 something had been ROT into me. The rest of the night, I just Ible.
Starting point is 03:21:26 She acted like she nothing had been pasted. I'm to the habitation of
Starting point is 03:21:31 invite and I kept there. I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm
Starting point is 03:21:36 and I know this, mescland with the voices of my parents of
Starting point is 03:21:40 years back. His cruel bromas, his recordatorios of
Starting point is 03:21:45 that no was desired, all going with her voice superp put
Starting point is 03:21:49 the ravia that I'd have the adolescent. As I soled desire that my mother
Starting point is 03:21:55 were in form dolorous. I'm that those sentiments were never
Starting point is 03:22:00 but anoche she was and it was and it and I
Starting point is 03:22:06 can't superar it. This morning she was alex, like if nothing
Starting point is 03:22:11 had passed, Ipenas could look her. All what
Starting point is 03:22:15 I could think was in that something was that I had
Starting point is 03:22:18 have been I don't see if one can't be reparated now
Starting point is 03:22:23 I'm now I'm sitting here thinking in the divorce or at least in
Starting point is 03:22:27 the separation no I see for where start
Starting point is 03:22:31 not no he has a abogado not I
Starting point is 03:22:34 know how I'm how the kids because part of
Starting point is 03:22:42 me is a question and I said me But me know-noisseau.
Starting point is 03:22:49 I know I'm going to say that I'm imagine to forget what she said. For the general,
Starting point is 03:22:57 I'm going with almost whatever I'm trying. Trago the I'm the door, I'mtierro,
Starting point is 03:23:03 I'm but this not is something that can't simply trygar. This is different.
Starting point is 03:23:11 She was to the herida more profound that I have and clavow the Cucillo. Necessito I need to say this
Starting point is 03:23:17 clearly. Necessito validation. Necessito that someone me diga that no I'm
Starting point is 03:23:23 think I'm lot to feel to this way. Necessesit because I'm a spiral
Starting point is 03:23:30 repitient his words in my head. I'm thought that my
Starting point is 03:23:34 past was behind me. I'm that I had been
Starting point is 03:23:42 No, is the un-theirrower. He is alive and can be used in my contra for the person in the that most confiaba. And I know how could pardon that. Commentaries to those that OPE has responded, Commentary One, No, Devereas. Divorceate of her. The words importan.
Starting point is 03:24:04 It's a cabo. Oh, and Cacique, thinking in to start with the separation for that the children for the
Starting point is 03:24:12 years, then, I'm supposed, I'm saying to give him to some people about the
Starting point is 03:24:17 other commentio two, I'm I'm sorry, I'm I'm very, I'm not
Starting point is 03:24:24 that you know. What you supportast at you're absolutely spantosos and my
Starting point is 03:24:30 heart so my problem is my problem with Even a little, even as she was a place a drastic as a arm in your contra. If she can be
Starting point is 03:24:41 so hard for a point of conflict a quite common, when she'd like to cryar a man, imagine what I'd recarly to relucing for something more grand. C. Keredi tiente to suggest to let it
Starting point is 03:24:52 or divorcearsearse a bit, but I think that irse would be a something to think seriously. If it were I, no, I'd see if could be superar it.
Starting point is 03:25:02 That was more Bajo K-Bago. God-mio, the DOLORCII. I'm too,
Starting point is 03:25:09 much. I'm a brother from a long and I'm you're that's
Starting point is 03:25:14 peace in your and can't do you know. Oh, thanks.
Starting point is 03:25:20 She she was that should be more more to you, and
Starting point is 03:25:23 maybe perhaps to get them and they're so I'm
Starting point is 03:25:27 more more so and then we're Discuting who does it more? Is the first time that the
Starting point is 03:25:35 Sposa of OOP has utilized his secretos in his contra? Yes, it has done one way more related to my past also, but never so I can't
Starting point is 03:25:46 avoid to feel me this way. Actualization, I'm still the Marches. Passed the end of the day and the
Starting point is 03:25:54 lune as if nothing had passed, a little more fria than what habitual, rapid in his responses, actuant irritate as if I were the culpable of all this. Sin disculpa. No, any-scienty, any, a pista. Sentie like if it wastodging
Starting point is 03:26:11 something else she simply it was not even though it was never put to contain it. He said to me. The house was taken care. He said that I needed to talk about what he said during the the play, because not was something that couldieres pass for alto.
Starting point is 03:26:32 He recorded that the play had come because me neged to helper our child while he wasingia. He said that no creed in pegar to the children for that, and that she had pressionado for that. There was where the discussion, and, to some mode, so it was convictor in something more
Starting point is 03:26:50 feo. He asked for what he used what I did he he said he said, he
Starting point is 03:26:56 had said me had been that I had been a year and he he he said,
Starting point is 03:27:01 he asked for what he brought me he brought in that then if this was
Starting point is 03:27:05 to get to the first he was he he
Starting point is 03:27:10 said, he he he was he was he was
Starting point is 03:27:14 he he said he because no I didn't how manage what I
Starting point is 03:27:22 told he he he said he had done of the thing that
Starting point is 03:27:26 that that's his voice was a a a
Starting point is 03:27:32 just I'm he did that the promise was
Starting point is 03:27:35 important he did he not it was it was that
Starting point is 03:27:42 she was exactly the things that he gave
Starting point is 03:27:45 in confidence and he us o' in my contra. Le I asked the
Starting point is 03:27:49 new for why. It was then when it was he said he had had
Starting point is 03:27:54 had been a respect for me after my heart. I asked
Starting point is 03:28:00 what I said that she said that not a little
Starting point is 03:28:05 the picture. Me said that I never I've
Starting point is 03:28:08 seen as a to be able to bellowed, the person in the person in the that she appellate. But after that I parted all, no could be able to be the grietas under the surface.
Starting point is 03:28:22 Diffed. He said that some parts of my history la made me fragile. Some of the parts more obscure, the form in that those years were in me, they caused a sensation incommoda that no
Starting point is 03:28:34 could sacudice. Bearing and feel me so nervos and desecho, it made me to manner very different. Of each he used
Starting point is 03:28:44 the word asco. Diffo he said when he was interponial in the
Starting point is 03:28:50 form in that I saw you I asked if that that I was
Starting point is 03:28:56 thinking that he was he said he not he was not that how
Starting point is 03:29:01 that that was he. Admitio that had built a
Starting point is 03:29:06 image that not include that type of heredas, and one that was upo, no put to go back to put her image.
Starting point is 03:29:13 He asked, for what he abasso then? Why me said that I wanted me to know me for complete? Diffo he no was able to do in that moment. No, I wanted
Starting point is 03:29:24 castigar me for saying the truth. He said that was a good was the only response decente in that moment, although for
Starting point is 03:29:32 the inside, I had come to see me to make me to make a sentara, then I asked a little
Starting point is 03:29:39 more difficult. He said he no could control in that moment, and he wascoe
Starting point is 03:29:44 he'd he'd more. He said he was he never would be to see
Starting point is 03:29:50 again. I think in how could sounder from that maybe
Starting point is 03:29:55 like he'd have been so then but the
Starting point is 03:29:59 fact is that never I sent and let's all
Starting point is 03:30:02 I did my story in that she was piece by piece,
Starting point is 03:30:08 only when me pressionable. If I wanted to say, I said, no me ced,
Starting point is 03:30:15 no, I ferecy details allioterious. And even so probably only only only heard
Starting point is 03:30:20 a fraction of what really really live. What makes that the
Starting point is 03:30:24 is that I have been therapy. I have done the work. No
Starting point is 03:30:29 he was I'm was I'm because not could carry
Starting point is 03:30:32 it only. The only reason for the even used that even used to me was because it was he he took he
Starting point is 03:30:41 abriar, insisting in that I'd be he said in he said that I'd know I'm a sufficient confidence
Starting point is 03:30:55 that never plane to say in boss alta. For this this traition is so psalter. No I was not I was not
Starting point is 03:31:02 I was letting things that no could control I'm I'm trying I'm trying to me's because she he's
Starting point is 03:31:08 he was going to the same and then he did he with them he did you with them he did you
Starting point is 03:31:16 because he said it he said he'd like he'd go back a little he'll
Starting point is 03:31:23 after that after that simply me kept there for a time it was like if
Starting point is 03:31:29 finally had had discovered the truth behind the but not he sat
Starting point is 03:31:33 sat down limply completely. Yeah not was surprised more resignated.
Starting point is 03:31:39 Also I think in how could sound from it's like
Starting point is 03:31:42 she had been it had been but the
Starting point is 03:31:46 fact I never I did me my story
Starting point is 03:31:51 that she I did my way only in response to his questions. If I wanted
Starting point is 03:31:58 something, I said. No aggreged nothing extra, no I ferecettles and even so probably only heard
Starting point is 03:32:08 one question one quarter of what really I'm why I'm so I'm so much
Starting point is 03:32:13 I'm able and emotionally vulnerable then I'm I'm I think that
Starting point is 03:32:18 I'm simply to go back how were the things. He said he said
Starting point is 03:32:24 that the fundamental was re-strajated to a way that not he could be not even
Starting point is 03:32:31 the only way to make sure was separate to make a mindable in silence
Starting point is 03:32:35 before that the things were that I'm he I think I'm
Starting point is 03:32:40 that could be that you might be that he could be going
Starting point is 03:32:45 to make a arm. It was then when his tone entire came-and-a-
Starting point is 03:32:50 the firmness that had when she-as-il- and she-ac-silabah. Son-a-cass- son-a- panico. Me
Starting point is 03:32:59 he said that not did that he was, that I did it he was that I never me
Starting point is 03:33:04 that any that whatever that had been not more great than the life
Starting point is 03:33:09 that we had been that we've not- I'm not- to give to the children between us,
Starting point is 03:33:15 not could imagine that crecied in two casas. Me said that marcharsel marker more than any other than that we had passed. He said that the amor not should be
Starting point is 03:33:27 as far destrozzar us mutomently with the words more d'uettas that could we coulder'en she said that and he promised
Starting point is 03:33:34 to new that no would to seeer. He said that he had admitted that was that was in serious when he said
Starting point is 03:33:42 when I'd never would go to that way to move. Volvied one and other way to the same point,
Starting point is 03:33:48 that we'd need them that we're that we'd we'd solusionar without romper the family.
Starting point is 03:33:57 No. He wrote, but there was a kind of a special of a voice. Casy
Starting point is 03:34:02 like if I'd just were out of the door and she intents to get to get
Starting point is 03:34:07 to get of any form possible. I hope you enjoy this story. Elders rejected me for 14 years for marrying someone not of our faith. Recently, they reached out, expressing their longing to see me. It appears that my ailing grandmother requires a kidney transplant, and they are in need. Only reached out to see if me or my children could be donors. Fourteen years ago, my grandparents, who had raised me since I was a child, decided to cut me out of their lives entirely.
Starting point is 03:34:37 The reason? They disapproved of my decision to marry my husband. To them, he was lesser not someone they deemed worthy of their family name or status. It was a painful blow, one that left me grappling with feelings of loss and betrayal. After all, these were the people who had been my only family for so many years. You see, when I was just seven years old, I lost both my parents to a tragic accident but, thankfully, my grandparents stepped in and adopted me. For that, I will always be grateful. They didn't have to take on the responsibility of raising another child, especially at their age, but they did. Instead of being sent to live in an adoption center or foster care, I at least had a stable roof over my head and people who, in their way, gave me love and security. I grew up in a home where my basic needs were met, and for that, I will never stop being thankful to them. However, gratitude doesn't erase the truth of my experience growing up in their household. As much as I was cared for, I also endured a lot of emotional and mental strain because
Starting point is 03:35:43 of their strict and controlling ways. My grandparents were very traditional, with rigid views on how life should be lived. They were deeply religious, and they expected me to adhere to their beliefs without question. This was in stark contrast to how my parents had raised me in those early years. My parents, while alive, had been more relaxed and more open-minded. They never pushed me. They never pushed me to follow any religion rigidly. But with my grandparents, it was the opposite. They had rules lots of them and they were non-negotiable. Breaking them wasn't an option. My grandfather, in particular, ran the household like it was a military barracks. He had spent years in the army, and it still showed in his demeanor and the way he treated others. He barked orders rather than asked for things.
Starting point is 03:36:32 He expected total obedience and discipline from everyone around him, including my grandmother. She, in many ways, bore most of his controlling nature. She was expected to handle all the cooking, cleaning, and household chores without any help from him, even when she was exhausted or unwell. Even as a child, I noticed the imbalance in their relationship. As I grew older, life with my grandparents became even more restrictive. They didn't let me be a normal kid, not even close. While other children my age were allowed to play, make new friends, or enjoy the
Starting point is 03:37:07 the simple pleasures in their life, I was not allowed to do most things. For instance, I wasn't allowed to wear skirts or sleeveless dresses or tops. They considered such clothing inappropriate, even indecent as they didn't want me showing any arms. My hair had to be plated at all times no exceptions. Unruly hair, as they called it, wasn't acceptable in their household. My appearance at all times had to align with their rigid expectations of modesty and discipline. They didn't care that I was just a kid, wanting to dress up like my classmates or try out a new hairstyle. Everything about how I looked and behaved was dictated by their so-called rules. It didn't stop there. After school, while other kids might hang out with friends or stay a little
Starting point is 03:37:54 longer to join a school club, I had to rush straight back home. No detours, no excuses. Once home, I was expected to pray and start working on my homework. My grandfather would religiously check my bag every night and if he found out that I had received low grades on any of my papers then he would refuse to give me dinner and I had to go to sleep hungry that night. My room also had to be spotless at all times, with not a single speck of dust anywhere. And if they found even the tiniest thing out of place, I wasn't just scolded, I was spanked on my palms ten times. I can still remember the sting and how I would cry every time but they didn't care. I also wasn't allowed to have friends unless my grandparents approved of them.
Starting point is 03:38:37 And as you can probably guess, their standards for approval were nearly impossible to meet. If they didn't like someone's family, background, or even their tone of voice, that friendship was forbidden for me to pursue. And as if all this wasn't enough, my grandfather also had the outdated belief that women had no business learning to drive.
Starting point is 03:38:57 So, when I turned 16 and wanted to drive like others, he didn't just discourage it he outright banded. To him, women and women, and engines were a bad mix, and any dreams I might have had of getting behind the wheel were dismissed as nonsense. Looking back, it feels unbelievable to think about how much I endured. At the time, though, I accepted it all because I had no choice. This was my life and this was all I knew. I had nowhere else to go, no one else to turn to. Their house was my entire world, and I convinced myself that their rules were normal, and that this was just how every family operated.
Starting point is 03:39:34 It wasn't until I went to college that I began to see things differently. But even getting to college was a battle. My grandfather was adamantly against it. In his mind, I didn't need higher education. He believed my time would be better spent getting married to the son of one of his close friends. He had it all planned out, as though my life was a chess piece he could move wherever he wanted. But I couldn't accept that. Deep down, I knew I wanted more for myself.
Starting point is 03:40:04 So I begged. I pleaded with him to let me pursue a college degree. It wasn't easy, there was a lot of groveling involved, but eventually, he relented. Once I got to college, for the first time ever, I experienced a taste of freedom and began to see just how different life could be. When I first met my husband in college, I was honestly surprised that someone like him would even want to talk to me. I had spent my entire life in such a controlled, suffocating environment that I didn't know how to connect with people my age. I was awkward, unsocial, and unsure of myself. I had no idea how to make friends or even hold a casual conversation without second-guessing
Starting point is 03:40:43 everything I said. But he made it easy. From the very first moment, he made me feel comfortable, like I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't. He saw through the walls I had built around myself, and instead of judging me, he gently helped me break them down. We started as friends. He never pushed me or rushed me into any. slowly but surely, we got to know each other, and before I knew it, we had fallen in love.
Starting point is 03:41:11 It wasn't the kind of love that sweeps you off your feet in dramatic, movie-like ways it was quiet, steady, and kind. The kind of love that makes you feel safe. I can honestly say I'm lucky to have found him because he changed my life in ways I never thought possible. Meeting his family was a revelation. I had no idea what to expect, but from the moment I walked into their home. They were so warm and welcoming.
Starting point is 03:41:36 They greeted me with open arms and treated me as though I belonged there. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Watching them interact with each other was eye-opening. There was no yelling, no harsh words, no rigid rules hanging over their heads like dark clouds. They respected one another, laughed together, and supported each other in a way that felt so natural. I didn't realize families could function like that because my experience with my grandparents' had been the complete opposite. Over time, his family made me feel like I was one of them. They didn't just welcome me into their lives, they embraced me fully. It was the first time I felt
Starting point is 03:42:15 like I belonged somewhere without having to sacrifice my identity or tiptoe around someone else's expectations. That sense of acceptance and love gave me the strength to start imagining a life beyond the limits my grandparents had imposed on me. Throughout college, though, I kept my relationship with my boyfriend a secret from my grandparents. I knew how they would react if they found out I was dating someone. They didn't want me involved with anyone. To them, my entire future was already decided. I was meant to marry the son of my grandfather's friend, and any deviation from that plan was unthinkable. So, I hid the most important part of my life from them, keeping my love and happiness in the shadows. After graduating from college and securing a good job,
Starting point is 03:43:00 I finally found the courage to stand up to my grandparents. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. When I told them that I wanted a different life, a life of my own choosing, they reacted exactly as I feared they would. My grandfather, in particular, was furious. He accused me of deceiving him, of using college as a way to escape his control. He told me he felt blindsided and betrayed, as though I had been plotting against him all along. In his eyes, securing my independence was an act of rebellion, not a step toward building my own
Starting point is 03:43:34 future. My grandmother was also deeply disappointed. She pleaded with me to come back home, to live under their roof and their rules again. She couldn't understand why I would choose to defy them or reject the life they had planned for me. Her biggest argument was that I was angering God by going against their wishes. She genuinely believed that by refusing to marry the man they had chosen for me, I was jeopardizing not just my happiness but my soul. Despite their constant disapproval, I paid no heed to my grandparents' words and continued building the life I wanted for myself. My husband and I stayed together, growing closer every day, two years into our relationship, he proposed, and I was more than happy to say yes. It felt like a moment of pure joy and love,
Starting point is 03:44:21 a new chapter beginning, one filled with hope and possibility. But, of course, my grandparents saw it as another opportunity to express their resentment and disappointment in me. When they heard about the engagement, they invited me over for lunch. At first, I thought maybe this was their way of extending an olive branch. I hoped, perhaps naively, that they wanted to make peace or at least try to understand my decision. But as soon as I arrived, it became clear that their intentions were far from kind. The lunch quickly turned into a session of verbal abuse and emotional manipulation. They wasted no time in telling me just how disappointed they were in me. My grandfather, in particular, spared no harsh words. He said my parents would be ashamed of how I had turned out and tried to guilt-trip me
Starting point is 03:45:10 into breaking off my engagement with my husband. According to them, he wasn't good enough for me. They claimed he wasn't doing well financially compared to the other men they believed I could have chosen to marry instead. I pointed out that my husband and I were both in our 20s, and it was ridiculous to expect someone my age to be wealthier than I was. Also, I didn't care about his wealth. He was my partner in every sense of the word, and I couldn't have asked for a better person to share my life with. But none of that mattered to my grandparents. The only thing they seemed to care about was that my husband didn't come from generational well. and that they had always dreamed of their only granddaughter to marry a very wealthy man. My grandfather, ever critical and demanding, compared my husband with other men who could, in his words, provide me with a life of luxury and even help them out financially if needed.
Starting point is 03:46:01 It was all about status and money to them. They didn't care about how much my husband loved me or how much he had already done to support me. To them, love and partnership were secondary to wealth and appearances. To make matters worse, my grandfather then, declared that if I actually went through with marrying my husband, they would have no choice but to cut off all contact with me. He made it sound as if this were all my fault, as though I was forcing their hand to make this ultimatum to me. He said that by marrying my husband, I was signing up for a lifetime of struggle and abandoning the comfortable life they had envisioned for me. It was their way of trying to scare me, to make me doubt my decision. But the thing is, I had heard their criticisms and endured their judgments for far too long. I knew the life I wanted, and I knew I deserved happiness. My husband had shown me what true love and support looked like, and I wasn't about to give that up just to satisfy their outdated expectations. So, even though their word stung, I stood firm.
Starting point is 03:47:02 If cutting me off was their choice, then so be it. I wasn't going to let their bitterness dictate my future. So, I went ahead and married my husband. And I can confidently say that I've never regretted that decision not. even for a moment. Over the years, my husband and I have faced our fair share of challenges, but we've weathered every storm together. Whether times were tough or joyful, we've always had each other, and every morning, I still wake up feeling grateful for the love we share. We're now a family of four, with two wonderful kids who have brought so much light and joy into our lives.
Starting point is 03:47:39 Looking at our little family, I often think about how different my life would have been if I hadn't taken that leap of faith to choose my happiness over my grandparents' expectations. My husband has been my rock, my partner, and my best friend, and our life together is everything I could have hoped for. But even with all the happiness I've found, there's still a part of me that aches for the family I lost. It's been 14 years since I last spoke to my grandparents. I've made efforts to reach out to them over the years, hoping for reconciliation, but my attempts have always been met with silence. They've chosen to cut me out of their lives completely, as if I don't even exist. According to some of my relatives, they don't even talk about me
Starting point is 03:48:20 and act like I never even existed to them. It's heartbreaking to know that the very same people who raised me now see me as nothing more than a disappointment. But as painful as it is, I've had to accept it for what it is. This week, something unexpected happened. My distant cousin, someone I occasionally talked to, called me out of the blue. She told me that my grandfather had reached out to her, asking for my number so he could contact me. I was stunned. After 14 years of silence, this sudden interest felt strange, even suspicious.
Starting point is 03:48:55 My cousin thought so too. She said she wanted to give me a heads up since she had already shared my number with him and wanted me to be prepared, just in case there was more to it than it seemed. Part of me felt a flicker of hope. Could this be a sign that my grandparents had finally come around and wanted to make amends? Could my grandfather, after all this time, have changed his mind and decided he wanted to reconnect? But also at the same time, I couldn't ignore the doubts creeping in.
Starting point is 03:49:24 What if there was an ulterior motive? My grandparents had always been controlling and demanding, and it was hard not to wonder if this sudden desire to reach out was tied to something other than genuine remorse. Yesterday, my grandfather finally called me. It had been 14 years since our last conversation, and hearing his voice again was strange, almost surreal. He greeted me awkwardly, as though he didn't quite know how to begin. The conversation started with small talk he asked how I'd been and seemed genuinely curious about my life. I told him about my life now, about my husband and our two kids. He expressed interest in meeting them, asking questions about them as though he wanted to get to know
Starting point is 03:50:04 the family I had built. For a moment, it felt almost normal, as if he was trying to bridge the gap that had grown between us. But I couldn't ignore the elephant in the room. I asked him directly why he was calling me after all this time, especially since he and my grandmother had been the ones to cut me off in the first place. I didn't mince my words I reminded him that I was still happily married to the man they had disapproved of so strongly, the man they felt wasn't good enough for me. That's when my grandfather began to explain. He said that he and my grandmother were getting older and just wanted to reconnect with me before it was too late for them. He went on to say how he regretted cutting me off all those years ago and how he had been missing me but had been too stubborn to admit it.
Starting point is 03:50:47 If I'm being honest, the moment my grandfather said he had been missing me, something didn't sit right. My gut instinct kicked in and I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. You see, my grandfather is not someone who talks about his feelings. Growing up, I can't recall a single time when he expressed emotions like missing someone. He was always stoic, commanding, and distant. He doesn't even miss his own parents. For him to suddenly use such sentimental language felt completely out of character. And then there was the timing if he had really been missing me, why did it take him 14 years to reach out?
Starting point is 03:51:26 Why now, all of a sudden? I couldn't help but question his motives. People don't change overnight, and my grandfather has always been someone who values control and his own interests above all else. Could it be that he needed something from me? Was this genuine regret, or was there something else driving his decision to call me? My grandfather continued to say how he wanted me to visit him and grandma with my kids and spend some time with them. But when I asked whether my husband could visit with us too, he bluntly said he would prefer if that man didn't come along, making it clear that my husband was still not welcome to his head. house only me and the kids were. That comment immediately pissed me off. My kids are not just my children. They are a part of both me and my husband. The idea of welcoming my kids while excluding
Starting point is 03:52:12 the man who helped raise them and has loved and supported me for years made no sense. His comment felt insulting. My husband is as much a part of my life as my kids are, and any attempt to ignore or exclude him is an attack on our family as a whole. I didn't hold back. I told my grandfather straight up that if he was serious about wanting to reconnect with us, then he needed to stop with these conditions and restrictions. I made it clear that if he still couldn't bring himself to accept my husband, then there was no way me or the kids would ever want to be a part of his life again. I explained that my husband is my better half and my partner in every way. I refuse to allow anyone into my life who disrespects or excludes him family or not. That's just who I am,
Starting point is 03:52:57 and that's the standard I hold for anyone who wants to be part of my life. My words didn't sit well with my grandfather. He became furious and went off on a rant, saying that I was trying to force him into liking my husband and he didn't necessarily have to do that. He argued that me and my kids were his family so it was reasonable for him to just be in contact with us, again implying that this relationship could exclude my husband entirely.
Starting point is 03:53:21 According to him, my husband didn't need to be involved for him to reconnect with me and my kids. At that point, I'd had enough. First of all, he was the one who had called me after all this while, and instead of taking any accountability for his past actions, he was still trying with me in the same controlling way. Secondly, he was refusing to respect my feelings, as usual, and was demanding that I agree with him whether I liked it or not.
Starting point is 03:53:47 So, I told my grandfather plainly that if this was his stance, then we had nothing further to discuss. I wasn't going to compromise my values or my family's unity just to please him. With that, I ended the call. Since then, my grandfather has been calling and leaving me voicemails as I am not picking up his calls anymore, clearly angry about how I am handling this situation. He has accused me of being too much of a snob and has said that because he raised me, I owed it to him and grandma to at least give them a second chance. According to him, my refusal to reconnect on his terms is unfair and disrespectful, and he keeps insisting that I should
Starting point is 03:54:24 just forget the past and agree to rebuild a relationship with him. Ida. Update 1, first and foremost, thank you to anyone who has validated my suspicions. My gut is telling me that something about my grandfather's sudden desire to reconnect doesn't add up. He's a very toxic man, and it's hard for me to believe that after 14 years of silence, he suddenly misses me and regrets cutting me off. There's a strong possibility that something is motivating him beyond what he's willing to admit, and I can't ignore that feeling. At the same time, I also want to be fair and acknowledge the slim possibility that I could be wrong. If his intentions are genuine if he truly regrets his actions and wants to make amends, then I might be open to the idea of letting my kids
Starting point is 03:55:08 meet him. However, one thing is non-negotiable. If my grandparents want to have any relationship with my kids, they must also accept and respect my husband. Allowing my grandparents to be involved in their lives while excluding my husband would send the wrong message not just to my husband, but to my children as well. I refuse to model that kind of behavior to them. However, if by some chance my grandparents are willing to take responsibility for the past and meet me halfway, then I'll consider taking small steps toward rebuilding a relationship. This doesn't mean for getting the hurt they caused me or jumping into things without caution it means setting clear boundaries and moving forward only if it feels right for me and my family. Update
Starting point is 03:55:49 too, it's been two weeks since my last update, and all I can say is that I was right about trusting my gut. I've just learned some troubling news, my grandmother has fallen seriously ill. She's been hospitalized, and the doctors have diagnosed her with kidney failure. She's on dialysis and urgently needs a kidney transplant. It turns out that she and my grandfather have been reaching out to me because I'm the only grandchild they have, and by extension, my kids are also their grandchildren. They need to see you. They need to see them. if any of us could be a match for her kidney transplant. I found out about my grandma's condition through some of my distant relatives, who have recently visited my grandmother in the hospital
Starting point is 03:56:29 to check in with her. According to them, she looks frail and very sick. She's clearly in a critical state. From what I've gathered, this is the reason why my grandfather has been so desperate to reconnect with me. The urgency in his calls now makes sense he has been relentlessly pushing me to visit so that he can then suggest we get tested. Clearly he wants to know if we're a match for a kidney donation to her. Now that I know the full situation, I'm honestly furious and deeply pissed off. On one hand, I feel sympathy for my grandmother's health condition but at the same time, I'm still grappling with the history I have with my grandparents and my own feelings of betrayal. How dare my grandparents even assume that they can just come to me and my kids, expecting us to be their
Starting point is 03:57:13 lifeline because they need a kidney transplant. After 14 years of silence and toxic behavior, they suddenly expect us to drop everything and give them something as precious as an organ? How dare they assume that we would even want to help them? They didn't even care about maintaining a relationship with me, my husband, or my kids all this time. And now, in a moment of crisis, they suddenly think it's acceptable to just come back into our lives like it's nothing the audacity is infuriating. Update 3. It's been a week since my last update, and my grandfather reached out to me again. This time, I told him that I knew exactly what was happening with Grandma and that me and the
Starting point is 03:57:53 kids were not interested in helping them. I told him to ask for help from other family members if they were willing to help. This is when my grandfather doubled down and started attacking me. He said things like I had ruined my life after marrying my husband and how I had committed a crime by marrying a man outside of our religion. Those words cut deep. He made it very clear that had I married someone of the same faith, he would have never cut me off from his life. This was the moment when it all clicked for me. All these years, I had been wondering why my grandfather couldn't accept my husband, why he was so resentful and dismissive of him, even when my husband had never done anything wrong. Now, I finally knew the truth. It all came down to faith. When I was a
Starting point is 03:58:38 I realized this, I was even more furious at my grandfather. I told him firmly that I felt ashamed that I was even related to someone like him. A man who could be so blinded by his hatred for a person based on faith or religion could never be a part of my life, nor could he be around my children. I told him that I would never forgive him for what he said, for the way he had treated me, my husband, and my children, all because of something as ridiculous and hateful as his intolerance. I couldn't believe that there had always been a part of me that thought he would maybe, one day changed, but now, hearing this blatant ignorance from him, I knew there was no
Starting point is 03:59:13 turning back. This is when my grandfather tried to change his tune. He started to say how even if I didn't like him, I should at least consider helping my grandmother, who was sick and needed our support. He tried to pull up my heartstrings, saying how I owed it to them since he and his grandmother adopted me after my parents' death and raised me. This is when I told him that living with them was not a piece of cake. I had paid my dues by suffering under their roof for years. I followed all their rules and I was still punished by them all because I married a man outside of their faith. I told grandfather that although I was sad about what they were going through right now, it still didn't make it my responsibility anymore to help them. After all, they were no longer my family. My grandfather started
Starting point is 03:59:59 cursing me out and called me a few unpleasant names, but I paid no heed to the old man. I disconnected the call and blocked him. I couldn't listen to his toxic, manipulative words anymore. He had made his views clear, and he had finally shown me who he truly was. I wasn't going to allow someone like that back into my life or my children's lives, no matter what blood ties we shared. Forward slash forward slash, I hope you enjoy this story. Envious sibling covertly contaminated my meal at a household gathering because I conceived a child before her, yet my guardian supported her actions as a prank until I provided evidence.
Starting point is 04:00:39 Them her threatening text messages. I am writing this post because I am in a complete mess of a situation with my family, and I need some outside perspective. I, 26F, am currently married to my amazing husband Caleb, 27M, and we have been trying for a baby for a while. After months of waiting, we finally found out that I was pregnant about two months ago. We were so excited and nervous. We were so excited and nervous all at once, after all the struggles, we finally had the baby news we had hoped for. What we did not expect was the reaction from my family. I have a younger sister, Ella, 22F, who has always been the golden child of the family. Growing up, Ella and I had a pretty complicated relationship. Being the younger sister, she was always our parents, Henry, 56M, and Doris, 56F,
Starting point is 04:01:30 favorite. At first, it was not super obvious. but as we got older, it became clear how differently they treated us. Ella was always the life of the party, outgoing, confident, and just naturally charming. She always stole the spotlight at family events, whether it was because of her achievements, her personality, or her knack for making everyone laugh. It seemed like everything she touched turned to gold. She aced her classes, had a ton of friends, and made everything look effortless. I, on the other side, was more on the quiet side and a bit reserved.
Starting point is 04:02:06 I did not always vibe with the crowd, and my interests were often different from those around me. Everything I did, while they were important to me, did not grab my parents' attention like whatever Ella did. They were not straightaway mean about it, but the difference in their support was pretty obvious. Ella was always the one they celebrated, while I felt like I had to put an extra effort just to get noticed. This created a lot of tension between us as we grew up. We had our moments, but there was always this underlying sense of competition. Ella never really took me seriously, and I could tell she thought my introverted nature was odd.
Starting point is 04:02:42 As time went on, I started to pull away from her, mostly out of frustration, but also to escape the constant comparisons. It was not the healthiest relationship, but it was the one we had. Anyway, when Caleb and I found out I was pregnant, I was so excited to. to share the news with my family. I was not sure how they would react since I am not Ella, but I was hopeful they would be happy for us. I thought my parents would be overjoyed. However, when I shared the news, the reactions were odd. My parents said all the right things, but it felt like they were holding something back. Ella, on the other hand, was not very enthusiastic. She barely reacted and made a few offhand comments like,
Starting point is 04:03:26 Wow, that's fast, or well, okay then. It felt dismissive and it kind of bothered me, but I tried to push it aside. I was excited about the baby, and I wanted to focus on that. But over the next few weeks, I noticed some tension between Ella and me. When I talked about the pregnancy, she would make sarcastic remarks, like, well, I guess you are really going to be one of those people, huh? Or, that is what happens when you do not wait too long to get pregnant. It was clear that she did not think much of my timing or my choice to get pregnant first.
Starting point is 04:04:01 I guess she assumed she would be the one to have kids first, which I can kind of understand, but I also found it a little petty. But it was not just Ella's attitude, it was the way my parents reacted to her. They brushed off her comments like it was no big deal. It was obvious they were not concerned about her being hurtful to me. Fast forward to last week, and my parents invited Caleb and me over for a family dinner. It was meant to be a casual, fun evening, just a chance for everyone to catch up and enjoy each other's company. Nothing big, but, of course, that's when things went completely sideways.
Starting point is 04:04:38 When we arrived, my sister Ella made a big deal out of how she had cooked a special dish for dinner. Now, I am not trying to be mean, but Ella has always had trouble with cooking. I have seen her make meals that were either undercooked or overcooked, and I have had my fair share of stomachakes and food poisoning after eating her food. So, when she brought out a dish she was so proud of, I was a little skeptical, but I did not say anything. I did not want to hurt her feelings. I just thought it would be fine to try it and then leave the table if I did not feel well. So, she served me a plate of this dish, and I started eating it. Immediately, I noticed it tasted weird.
Starting point is 04:05:20 Not bad, but strange. It was not the kind of food that sat well in my stomach, and it left a strange aftertaste. But I tried to ignore it because I did not want to make a fuss. And I did not want my parents and Ella to start a fight with me over this. Caleb noticed that I was not eating much, and he asked me if everything was okay. I told him I was fine, just feeling a little off. I thought it was just my nerves or maybe the pregnancy hormones messing with me. But the more I ate, the worse I started to feel.
Starting point is 04:05:53 I was really trying to power through, but halfway through my meal, I started feeling lightheaded. My stomach was churning, and I felt like I might throw up. That is when it hit me that something was not right. I quietly moved my plate away and attempted to slip out. But then Ella just stared at me, and with this weird laugh, she said something that really scared and shocked me. She was like, I did not think you would actually get through it. You are super lucky you did not end up with food poisoning or anything. But hey, you made it, right? I did not know what to say. I was in shock. Was this some kind of joke? I could not believe it.
Starting point is 04:06:35 I was two months pregnant, and I felt so sick I could barely keep my balance. I tried to tell myself she was just trying to be funny, but that was not funny. That was not a joke. That was cruel. I had to leave the room. Caleb noticed how pale I was and immediately asked if I was okay. He helped me get to the car, and we rushed home. I was so scared. I did not know what was happening, but I knew something was not right. Caleb drove me straight to the hospital because I was in severe pain. After a few tests, we found out that I had ingested something in Ella's food that caused a reaction. The doctors did whatever they had to do. Thankfully, my baby was okay, but I was told that it could have been very dangerous. If I had not gotten to the doctor in time, it could have
Starting point is 04:07:25 resulted in something far worse. Caleb was beyond angry when he figured out just how bad things were. As soon as we got home and I was settled and safe, he picked up the phone and called my parents. He did not hold back at all. He told them straight up how disgusted he was with what they did and how they treated me. His voice was loud and angry as he demanded to know how they could find anything funny about a situation that put both me and our unborn baby at risk. When they tried to brush it off as just a harmless joke, he interrupted them, making it clear that this was way more than just a bad joke and that their actions were downright cruel and irresponsible. He made it very clear that if they could not grasp how serious this was. they would not be welcome around me or our child. Seeing Caleb stand up for me was so comforting.
Starting point is 04:08:14 It was obvious he would not let anyone, not even my family, put us in harm's way or treat me so thoughtlessly. The next day, I reached out to my parents to share what went down. Instead of offering support, they actually seemed upset with me. My mom was like, you are okay now, right? You made it through, so what is the problem? My dad also downplayed it, saying I was overreacting. I was taken aback. I tried to explain how serious the situation was, but they kept insisting that Ella did not intend any harm. They thought I was just blowing things out of proportion. Things took a turn for the worse when Ella did not even bother to apologize. She just brushed it off with a laugh, claiming I was being too sensitive. She even went as far as to say I was ruining her fun by making an issue about it.
Starting point is 04:09:06 My parents did not support me either. Instead of recognizing how serious the situation was, they treated it like it was no big deal. At that point, I was so frustrated and hurt. My parents seemed more interested in defending Ella than they did in listening to how I felt. I could not believe they were defending her behavior. I felt like they were completely blind to how serious it was. It did not stop there. In the days that followed, I noticed a change in our family vibe. A bunch of my relatives who were at the dinner began to contact me. Some expressed their worries and checked up on me because of what went down. Meanwhile, others, including some extended family members, started pulling away from my parents and Ella. They mentioned how
Starting point is 04:09:53 messed up it was to joke about something like that, especially with a pregnant woman involved. The more feedback I got, the clearer it became that my parents were the only one standing up for Ella and what happened. There is a real divide in our family right now. My parents are really mad at me for messing everything up and making Ella look bad. They keep saying that I am just trying to paint her in a bad light. But honestly, the more I think about it, the more I cannot wrap my head around why they do not see how serious this situation is. I really do not want to stir up family drama, but I really do not want to stir up family drama, but I'm I cannot just brush this off and pretend it did not happen. How am I supposed to act like
Starting point is 04:10:32 everything's fine when things could have turned out so much worse? I could have lost my baby. I am at a loss for how to move forward with my parents when they are just letting this behavior slide. Ella has not even said sorry, and it feels like my family is making me the scapegoat here. So, I need to know, Ida for making a big deal out of this? Or should I just let it go and move on like they want me to? Update 1. Hey guys, it has been about two weeks since that awful dinner with my family, and I need a few opinions from the ones reading my post. A few days after everything went down, my aunt reached out to see how I was doing. She had picked up some details from other family members, all of whom
Starting point is 04:11:13 were pretty stunned by Ella's actions. Out of everyone, she was one of the few who genuinely seemed to care about my feelings. She asked if I was all right, and how I was coping with everything emotionally. It was such a relief to talk to her. She has always been in my corner, and it felt nice to have family members supporting me. Toward the end of our chat, she suggested that I might want to think about filing a police report against Ella. The way she said it was so calm and sincere that it caught me off guard. I had not even thought about that as an option. Involving the police felt like a big step, but the more I thought about it, the more I started to wonder if she might be onto something.
Starting point is 04:11:54 My aunt explained that what Ella did was not just a joke gone wrong, it was potentially dangerous. She told me that I have every right to protect myself and my unborn child, especially if my parents refused to hold Ella accountable. It hit me then how serious this was and how close I had come to something terrible happening. I did not know if I would go through with it, but it felt validating to hear someone else acknowledged that my concerns were legitimate. After the call with my aunt, I talked to Caleb about it. He has been nothing. but supportive through this whole mess, and when I mentioned the idea of a police report, he did not hesitate. He told me that whatever I decided, he would be there for me. He said that
Starting point is 04:12:35 if going to the police is what I feel is necessary to protect myself and our future child, then he would back me up all the way. I felt more confident that I did not have to just accept what happened, or let my family dismiss my feelings. I could act, and maybe that is what I needed to do. It is definitely a tough decision. If I decide to go to the police, it could ruin any chance of mending things with my family. Even though I feel totally let down by my parents and Ella, taking that step would be irreversible. I still feel guilty, like I might be overreacting, just like my parents keep saying. I cannot help but question if I am overreacting or if reporting it would be too much.
Starting point is 04:13:16 But I also know I cannot just brush off something this serious, especially since it impacted my health and could have endangered my baby. My parents are really upset with me, claiming I am out to ruin Ella's life and that I am overreacting. They have even said I am holding a grudge and seeking revenge because she is the favorite, which is totally not the case. This is not about jealousy or competition. It is about my safety and my unborn child's safety. The more I think about it, the more frustrated I get.
Starting point is 04:13:47 I cannot wrap my head around how my parents do not see how serious this situation is or how they can defend Ella's actions. It feels like they are in some kind of alternate universe where everything she does is perfectly fine. On the other hand, Caleb has been reaching out to a few other family members to get their thoughts, and many of them agree with him. Some relatives have even distanced themselves from my parents and Ella because they do not want to be associated with people who would do something so dangerous. It is comforting to know that others see the severity of this situation, but it also makes me sad that my own parents cannot see it. And that hurt. hurts more than I can put into words. I am stuck in a tough spot right now. Should I go ahead and file
Starting point is 04:14:29 a police report to make everything official, even if it means my relationship with my parents and sister could totally fall apart? Or should I just brush it off like they want me to and pretend it never happened? It is a daily struggle for me. A part of me feels like I need to defend myself and show that Ella's actions were out of line. But then there is this nagging fear about how it could push me even further away from my family. Would filing a police report be too much? Am I overreacting, or is this a justified step to take after everything that has happened? Update 2, Hey Everyone, it has been two weeks since that horrible family dinner, and things have gotten even Messier since my last post. I am really struggling here, and I could use some advice on what to do.
Starting point is 04:15:14 I also wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on my original post. Your opinions and advice have really helped me see things more clearly. I know I have been struggling with guilt and second-guessing myself, but reading all your perspectives made me feel a lot more grounded and supported. Knowing that so many of you saw this as serious and validated my concerns meant a lot. I have taken everything into consideration, and it has helped me make a decision that feels right for me and my baby. It is hard to take a stand like this against my family, but I know now that protecting myself and holding Ella accountable is the best of
Starting point is 04:15:50 thing I can do. I really appreciate each and every comment. Thank you for helping me find some clarity in all this. Initially, I was taken aback. The thought of filing a report seemed like a massive step, and honestly, I had not even considered it until that moment. But my aunt pointed out that what Ella did was not merely a silly prank or a simple mistake. It could have been really dangerous. She reminded me that my well-being and the safety of my unborn baby were on the line, and I should not feel pressured to downplay it just because it involved family. It is a tough choice to make, though. I know that filing a report would mean breaking any remaining ties with my family, and my parents would likely never forgive me. They are already mad, calling me overdramatic
Starting point is 04:16:36 and accusing me of holding a grudge against Ella just because she is their favorite. My parents have tried to twist this whole thing into an issue of jealousy, which is so far from the truth. This is not about sibling rivalry or grudges. It is about my safety and my baby's safety. Apparently, my parents caught wind that I was considering taking legal action. Instead of reaching out to talk to me directly, they went to Caleb, hoping he would talk some sense into me. I guess they thought he would convince me to just let it go. But Caleb did not hold back. He told them exactly how disgusted he was by what they had allowed Ella to get away with. He made it very clear that if they thought he was going to let this slide, they were dead wrong.
Starting point is 04:17:21 I was not there for the call, but from what he told me, he did not hold back on how deeply disappointed he was in them for downplaying something so dangerous. Not long after that phone call, I received a text from Ella. It was the first time she had tried to explain herself since the incident. The message started out with her saying she did not mean for it to go that far, but as I kept reading, her tone turned dark. She actually admitted that she did not want me to have a baby before her, which I knew. She said she felt entitled to be the first to start a family, and seeing me get pregnant was like a slap in the face. Her jealousy over something as natural and personal as a pregnancy was deeply disturbing. The message went on, and the more I read, the more it seemed like she was actually confessing that she had
Starting point is 04:18:07 planned to poison me out of pure spite. She even hinted that it was not just a joke or prank gone wrong, that she did it because she could not stand the idea of me becoming a mother before her. I was feeling really unwell. I did not respond to her message, not because I did not have a ton of things to say, but because I realized that replying would just make things worse. The only way I could manage the situation was by ignoring her. Ella's first apology felt more like a weak excuse, and I thought maybe she would finally understand the seriousness of her actions. I held on to the hope that she would start to think about what she had done. But instead, the fact that I did not reply to her just made her more furious.
Starting point is 04:18:49 The next day, I received another message from her, and it was way darker than the first. Her whole vibe had shifted. She was not even trying to defend her actions anymore. Instead, she jumped right into blaming me, calling me selfish for getting pregnant before her. her, claiming I was stealing her thunder, and saying I deserved what happened at dinner. She even threw out some awful threats, warning that if I tried to ruin her life by talking to anyone or pressing charges, I would regret it. I was at a loss for words. It was obvious she was desperate to protect herself, even if it meant trying to scare me into silence. That was the moment
Starting point is 04:19:27 I knew I could not keep this in the family. If Ella was capable of saying such hateful things to her own sister, while also knowing that she had already put my health at risk, I had to take action. Her words, the way she admitted to her jealousy and tried to justify her actions, it was all there in black and white. I knew I had to keep these messages as proof. After seeing that last message, I made up my mind. I need to file the police report. I know it is going to cause a huge mess in my family, and I am sure my parents will see it as some sort of unforgivable betrayal. But I can't not just sit back and pretend that this did not happen. It is not just about me, it is about protecting my baby and making sure that Ella understands there are consequences to her actions.
Starting point is 04:20:13 This is not something I can sweep under the rug, especially after she doubled down on her actions and threatened me. I am really heartbroken over everything that has happened. My parents have pretty much taken Ella's side, ignoring the real danger I was in, all just to keep the peace. It is crushing to see them so oblivious to how serious. this is, choosing to back her instead of being there for me when I need them the most. Some family members have already pulled away from my parents and Ella, saying they cannot be around people who support that kind of behavior. It is nice to know others recognize how serious this is, but it just makes me feel even more alone when it comes to my own family. In the end,
Starting point is 04:20:54 I have to do what's right for me and my child, even if it means taking this drastic step. I know that by filing this report, my relationship with my parents and my parents and my child, and Ella will probably be broken beyond repair. But I cannot just ignore the fact that my own sister endangered my health and my baby's life out of jealousy. Her texts, her threats, all show a level of malice that I cannot overlook. I do not know if this is the right choice, but I feel like it is the only choice left if I want to protect myself and hold her accountable.
Starting point is 04:21:24 I am really scared about what is coming next. I do not want to hurt my family, but I cannot keep acting like everything is okay. And considering the fact that my family tried to ruin the family I was making, I should not care so much about hurting their emotions. If standing up for myself means cutting off my family, then maybe that is just something I have to deal with. Update 3, Hey Everyone, it has been a few weeks since my last update, and I wanted to tell you all what has happened since then. Things have gotten even more complicated, but I have finally made a decision that I feel is the right one for me, Caleb and our baby. As I mentioned in the last update, I was planning on filing a police report, and I did, with proof. After I filed the report, things with my parents took a serious turn for the worse.
Starting point is 04:22:12 When they found out, they were furious. They had no clue I was actually going through with it. But once I showed them the evidence, the texts, the threats, everything, they could not ignore how serious Ella's actions were. Instead of acknowledging that, they jumped straight into damage control, trying to downplay the whole situation. They twisted everything around, acting like I was overreacting or just trying to stir up drama. They could not wrap their heads around why I would not just drop it, why I was making it a big deal. My dad, especially, kept insisting it was just a family issue and that I should not let it mess things up with Ella. He kept saying stuff like, families argue, then they make up, treating it like,
Starting point is 04:22:55 it was just a minor spat that could be resolved with a chat. But I could not understand how they did not see that this was not just a disagreement. It was a serious threat. I could have had a miscarriage, I could have died. My mom, on the other side, was even more stressed. She was frantic, trying to guilt-trip me for not dealing with this within the family. She claimed that by going to the police, I was tearing the family apart and breaking their hearts. It was tough to hear, honestly,
Starting point is 04:23:25 She seemed more concerned about her feelings than what I had actually gone through. There were tears and a lot of blame directed at me. She made it clear she thought I was being childish and that I was destroying our family over a misunderstanding. It was like she could not see that what Ella did was way more than just a simple mix-up. It was a deliberate attempt to hurt me. Anyway, I did not pay attention to whatever they had to say. Of course, things got even messier after that.
Starting point is 04:23:54 My parents were furious. They called me every name under the sun and accused me of destroying the family. They said I was causing drama and that I should just let it go. They tried to make me feel guilty, but I knew this was not about them. It was about what was best for me and my baby. My parents, along with Ella, tried to defend her actions and downplay what had happened. They kept insisting it was just a mistake, but I knew the truth. It was dangerous, intentional. and thought out. After everything that happened, I also decided to file for a restraining order against Ella. I could not allow her to come near me or my baby. I was tired of the manipulation, the threats, and the toxic environment she had created. She was out of my life for good, and this was the step I needed to take to ensure she stayed that way. The restraining order was granted, and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. As for my parents, the news well. They are still siding with Ella, refusing to see how serious the situation is. It is heartbreaking, but there is nothing else that I can do. They have made their choice,
Starting point is 04:25:06 and I have made mine. I have distanced myself from them for now, and I am not sure what the future holds, but I know I made the right decision. My priority is my safety and my child's safety, and I cannot apologize for that. In the end, I feel like I have done what I needed to do. I have taken a stand for myself and my baby, and I am not going to let anyone make me feel like I am in the wrong for that. Ella will no longer be a part of my life, and I have done everything I can to make sure she stays away. I am looking forward to the future and focusing on my health, my baby, and building the family I want, without the toxicity of Ella or my parents. Thank you again to everyone who has been so supportive. Your advice has really helped me through the hardest part of this journey.
Starting point is 04:25:52 I hope you enjoy this story. Expecting spouse decided to serve as a hymn to all our offspring, but now she is requesting that I send my two offspring elsewhere for a year, so she can concentrate solely on our baby, and expects me to make it work financially. I, 35M, have been with my wife, Ali, 37F, for two years, married for one and we are expecting our first child together in a few months. I also have two children, 8M and 6F, from a previous relationship with Alex, 32F, and we have 50 to 50 custody, however, Alex travels a lot for work so we have the kids more than that most of the time, so we get child support from her. Before we got married, Ollie and I spoke extensively about what we wanted, and she was adamant about being a stay-at-home mom. I was upfront with her that I was fine with that, we'd be able to afford it, but she would need to be a song. for all of the kids to be able to make it work. She agreed happily.
Starting point is 04:26:54 So as you can probably predict, she sat me down the other day and told me that she wants, at minimum, her first year as a mom to only be a psalm to our shared baby. She said after that she can help out more with the other kids, but wants to protect her first-time motherhood and said it's her number one boundary. I told her that would no longer work. Then, I couldn't support a family of five on just my salary without help with all of the kids. She said I needed to figure it out and respect her boundaries, but this simply won't be possible.
Starting point is 04:27:25 We have family to help for sure, but she's saying she doesn't want to be responsible for the older kids at all the first year. Also, we want at least one more child and I'm now worried she'll try to extend the year with another baby. She's incredibly hurt and angry, but I don't think it would even be possible to respect her boundaries. So would I be the asshole for reneging on my promise to let her be a stay-at-home mom? Quick edit. My ex-wife will be keeping the kids for two weeks after birth and has been able to be assured she wouldn't travel for that first month of emergencies come up. I am also paying the person I currently am who picks up, watches, drops off, etc., the kids before and after school an additional four weeks after Alex already has them for six full weeks off from any older kid duties for Allie. Comments where OPP has replied, comment one. NTA. Your kids are in school most of the day M. F. I'd assume. That gives her nine months to have the days with her baby and evenings and weekends she'll have your help. But I'm more concerned about the dynamic she's setting up. Her baby versus your kids. Your children will feel this dynamic very deeply, if they don't already. She will make them feel like outsiders in their own home. She will make them feel like this baby is.
Starting point is 04:28:45 really their real sibling. This has disaster written all over it and you need to shut this down immediately. You're headed for another divorce, I'm afraid. Her mask has slipped. OOP, I agree, and it's so far out of left field. She loves the kids and they love her, she always loves doing things with them and planning activities. I wouldn't have married her if she didn't like REM comment too. NTA. Aren't the older two in school? So realistically she would have the entire school day just her and the baby. She's being ridiculous. She can either enjoy several hours each day alone with her kid, and parent her stepchildren after
Starting point is 04:29:29 school is agreed, or she can put her baby in daycare and miss out on all those hours while she gets a job. OOP, yes, but they'd need to be taken to and picked up from school slash taken to their activities while I'm at work. I currently pay somebody to do this, but with a new baby. and without her salary I won't be able to. Edit, stop asking about buses. This is a private school, no buses.
Starting point is 04:29:54 Last edit, X pays for the school tuition and I would never take my kids out of a school they love just so she could be a stay-at-home mom to one out of three kids. Comment three, she needs to see the math and know that what she wants is not possible. She also needs a dictionary because that not a boundary, it's a demand. A boundary is not something that can do. dictate anyone else's behavior. OOP, yes, I have shown her the numbers, but she wants me to make it work.
Starting point is 04:30:23 OOP on Ali's ideal plan for being SOM and not taking care of the older kids OOP. She doesn't want to do any child care for the older kids for a year. She is getting six full weeks off from it after birth, but after that, yes, doctors. Visits, school pick up and drop off, and child care during and between those times I'm expecting her to do OOP shared his thoughts and options he has given Ali OOP. Yeah. I've basically confronted her and told her that her options are, she keeps working, I'm willing to support her for her 12 weeks of unpaid FMLA, but after that the baby would go to the, not free but heavily subsidized, daycare on site of my work, and everything else stays the same. She doesn't go back to
Starting point is 04:31:08 work, and we continue paying the nanny who takes the kids to slash picks up and watches the kids after school. However, this will take up all of her fun money I have allocated in our new budget. Right now she waits tables some weekends and evenings to make extra money, I'm fine with her continuing to do that to make money for the extra stuff she wants to buy. Thanks to all the comments on Reddit I told her I'm not longer comfortable with the idea of her being a psalm to my kids, she can work on rebuilding that and I know my kids still love her, but a lot of comments open my eyes. She's completely devastated and even tried arguing that I should stop putting money into my kids' college funds so as not to take away her
Starting point is 04:31:47 fun money, or even more deranged, asking my ex-wife to take the kids out of their private school to save the money we pay towards it, uniforms and activities. Just the idea of asking that for my ex is insane. So she's currently being pretty cold towards me, not the kids though, and I'm just so over it. We have a therapist appointment Tuesday so hopefully that will help, but she's really fucked with my trust in her with this. Additional information from OOP, just a quick note Alex pays me child support, she makes quite a bit more and since she travels so much, I always agree to have the kids if she's not in town during her parenting time. Once or twice I haven't been able to sew either her husband or my parents haven't taken them. Update, I posted on another
Starting point is 04:32:34 sub, but they locked and removed it for violating a rule that honestly I don't think it did so Y Ollo. You can find the other post on my profile but the gift of it is that my wife Ali and I had multiple discussions about her being a psalm to our future kids in addition to my two kids from my previous marriage to Alex, however she recently told me that she wanted the first year of our upcoming baby's life to be just a psalm to the baby, and I told her that wouldn't work for me or our budget. I talked to Ali, and laid everything out. I told her that her demands were out of line and incredibly entitled, and that if she insisted on keeping them, I was no longer comfortable with her quitting her job and would not support it.
Starting point is 04:33:14 Further, two weeks without my kids was ridiculous, so I told her that if she went into labor during our custody time, my parents would have the older kids when we were in the hospital but I am not longer comfortable sending my kids away to their moms for two weeks. Other families don't normally do that and I would not either, but for the first two months of us having the baby, I would keep paying the nanny and take care of the older kids things, which is longer than I had originally agreed. Honestly, it was also more than she'd even originally agreed to, so I thought it was a fair compromise. She lost her mind and flipped out at me, told me that I wasn't respecting her first time motherhood, WTF, and that she
Starting point is 04:33:53 shouldn't have to care for kids I didn't give birth to for the first year of her baby's life. I was honestly over it at this point and done arguing, I told her she needed to check herself and that none of this was new or a surprise. If she didn't want to do it, she shouldn't have agreed to it, and her being a stay-at-home mom was off the table. To be clear, I know I could make it work with just my salary. But it would mean taking the funds I would allocate towards her fund money for things like shoeing, self-care, etc., and I'm not comfortable telling an adult dependent on me financially that she couldn't have a choice for fun money. I showed her the budget, which backfired because she said that I didn't need to
Starting point is 04:34:31 defund her fund money and gave me a few solutions which were, take the older kids out of private school and ask my ex to give us that money and child support instead. Stop putting money into my older kids college fund, selling my boat those were her solutions. None of which ever sacrificing anything, only me and or my kids, and the first one was so unreasonable I could only imagine how that conversation with my ex would go. She'd laugh me out of the country, L.O.L. I told Ali all of that was unreasonable and a non-starter, and honestly just made me see where her priorities are. So yeah, I told her that if she couldn't agree to common sense compromises I could no longer trust her to be a psalm to our older kids, that there was zero daylight in how much I cared
Starting point is 04:35:17 about my older kids versus our shared baby and had to protect them both equally. The fact that she thought it was reasonable to stop saving for my older kids college while still giving her money for Botox and highlights showed me where her priorities would lie if she no longer brought an income. I said I was no longer comfortable with her quitting her job, and that since my work has, not free but heavily reduced, daycare on site, that would be the best option for our family after her FMA leave, she doesn't get paid maternity leave, just unpaid up to three months which will be fine. She's devastated and being cold towards me, but surprisingly not my kids which is good. I don't want to kill her dreams of being a psalm, but I can't work with someone who refuses to be
Starting point is 04:35:59 reasonable. We discussed it with our therapist last week, who wasn't exactly on my side obviously but was trying to point out the unfairness, and she just keeps saying she needs me to prioritize her needs and boundaries. The therapist even tried explaining that these are not boundaries, but she's not listening. Edit to add one quick thing, I've known Ollie since freshman year biology. We never dated until a few years ago, but we've always remained friends. I have known her and this behavior is all so new. She loved being a bonus mom, would be excited for the kids to come over for extra time, and would even ask me to ask my ex if she could have them randomly if she wanted to take a day off and go swimming or to the zoo or something. I've asked her for all to her
Starting point is 04:36:45 doctor about this and she's yelled at me about it. I have no clue to what to do. Next story, Dad paid for our dream holiday but made inappropriate comments about my body, told me he doesn't wear underwear while packing, and booked us a one-bedroom apartment where he said he'd be naked at night, so I abandoned him at the airport. My dad, 52M, had planned a holiday for him and me, 26F. He had paid for the holiday and said it was his treat and given me spending money. The plan was that I was to fly over to meet him in his home country and spend a few days with him and my granddad before flying out for the two weeks of holiday. The next day when we got the flight he had a few drinks before we got on the plane as he is a man.
Starting point is 04:37:26 nervous flyer. I decided to just have a few diet coax as it was too early for me to drink. When we got on the plane he took the window seat and I sat in the middle seat. Then a man I'd never met was on the L seat and his family were across the aisle. In front of us were a family, mom, dad, and young child, maybe about three. Before the plane took off, 4.5 hours' flight, he was talking a lot about the physics of planes and what can go wrong. The man Then next to me told him you're going to scare your daughter and my dad kind of joked it off and then continued. During the safety briefing he kept talking over it and prodding me when I was trying to listen. Then not long into the flight he kept talking about physics and telling me how his chat GPT says he's supremely intelligent and he struggles because nobody he talks to can keep up with him.
Starting point is 04:38:17 I wasn't really listening much TBH as every time I tried to talk he spoke over me or undermine me and I was tired and kept having to take my headphones out and put my book down. to be polite. But physics is his interest, I'm more into poetry and literature. As he was talking, he was pointing on the chair. The mother of the child in the seat in front of us politely turned around and let him know that he was disturbing their little girl as every time he did that, the chair would shake and she was trying to sleep. He apologized and then a few minutes later he was doing it again. So she asked politely a second time. Then he dropped one of his headphones and went to stand up to look for as he did he used the chair in front of him to help himself up which in turn woke the little girl up. The father of the child stood up and said to him, we've asked you three times now,
Starting point is 04:39:06 she's awake now, please can you be considerate of who is sitting in front of you, he was polite about it, my dad then very loudly shouted fuck you, and went on a rant to the father of the little girl. He was quite aggressive and uncomfortable for everyone around TBH. There was a lot of swearing too and he was very loud. The other guy didn't entertain it and just said to him, are you done? And then sat back down. My dad starts ranting to me about it very loudly and it was obvious he wanted the guy to hear.
Starting point is 04:39:38 Then my dad says to me, do you agree? But I didn't, I personally thought the way he acted was awful. So I'd said to him I think you were harsh as it was the most gentle way I thought of to say it. My dad responded to this by saying how dare you sighed with other people over me and I told him that I I was entitled to my opinion. He then told me that we can go on separate holidays in that case. I angled myself away from him and he started ranting at me again about that. But I kind of just tuned him out at this point as I didn't want to speak to him. Then I put my arm up to kind of block me from his view to which he said, have you got your arm up to block
Starting point is 04:40:15 me out? And I just said yes because I didn't want to lie to him. He ended up dropping his headphones again and then couldn't find them so he come out of his seat to go and speak to the air hostess. When he was away someone had asked me if I was okay but I struggled to regulate my emotions due to borderline personality disorder and autism so I ended up bursting into tears which I felt bad about because it was the family in front of me that he was the most horrible to so I didn't really have a right to be that upset. Then the man next to me told me not to let him bully me and told me where they were staying and if I needed help or there was bother that I could go there. When my dad come back I felt really uncomfortable and he was giving me silent treatment and I ended up with really shaky legs and I couldn't breathe.
Starting point is 04:40:59 My dad ignored me but the very nice man next to me helped to calm me down and then was asking me about my book and he showed me his Kindle and what he likes to read. My dad ignored me the rest of the flight but I had to ask him if he could move over a few times as I was sat kind of scrunched into myself as it was but he kept spreading his legs wide and was in my space which I didn't want. He went to snap at me when I asked the second time, but he managed to stop himself. It was like a four-hour flight, and when we landed I booked myself a flight home and then told him I was going home. He wasn't happy about that, but I just kind of went silent after I'd told him as I didn't want to argue. The other family of the man next to me let me get off in between them so that he wasn't right
Starting point is 04:41:40 behind me when getting off and took me to collect my bag and told me where I needed to go for departures. Then I saw the mother of the little girl and apologized to her and told her that her and her child and her partner didn't deserve to be spoken to like that. When I'd collected my bag I got a text from my dad saying he was stranded and that his wallet and his headphones and his tobacco had been taken. At first I thought maybe it was security because of how he was acting on the plane so I replied and said who. And then he called me to go and meet him which I did. He said he'd been robbed and the people in front of him had been sliding his jacket. from under the seat and taking things out of his pocket.
Starting point is 04:42:18 But the seat in front of him was the little girl. He said that's why he was kicking off and that I was siding with them and talking to them through the flight. I said I didn't talk to them at all during the flight and I was talking to the man next to me. He said that they were all together but they didn't seem to be as they didn't really ever interact and were collecting bags separately. He said there was CCTV and the police were involved. I don't really think his story adds up as his headphones.
Starting point is 04:42:45 were one of the things he said were stolen, but he had them after he was shouting at the family in front. I said to him, I'm sorry you were robbed, but you were unkind to me and I didn't do anything wrong. And he started ranting about how he was robbed and I was siding with them again, so I just walked off and haven't seen or heard from him since, that was two days ago now. I feel quite bad as he was excited for the holiday and worked hard to pay for it for us to have a nice time away. And if his headphones and cash have been robbed that is very sad. Ida for going home because of this and bailing on our holiday. Update, thank you for the advice on my last post.
Starting point is 04:43:23 I have spoken about this with some people I trust and they pointed out some things that were often after thinking about it I am glad that I didn't go. I will list some things that made me uncomfortable about my dad and the situation that I think may have influenced my decision. Based on thinking about these things I have also decided to go no contact with my dad. However, it has been a week now since I walked off in the airport on the holiday and I still haven't heard from him anyways. My friend said I should add a TW for abuse one. Once he was texting me and kept joking about ordering condoms and batteries for me and I said why, so he told me it's not weird your dad ordering you something to give you pleasure, is it? And I told him to stop because he's not funny and then he said it'd be in heaven and screaming in pleasure
Starting point is 04:44:08 when the parcel came and to make sure to send a vid. I said that it was making me uncomfortable and he said he's my dad and would never mean what I thought he did and that it was chocolate and called me a dumbass. 2. He kept making sexual comments about women around me and told me he likes curvy women of a certain dress size. My friend pointed out this is my dress size and it's weird that he said that so now I've realized maybe that is weird. 3. The sleeping arrangements for the holiday were that it was a one-bedroom apartment and I'd take the bedroom and he'd take the sofa so I could have privacy, but he warned me that when I was in the living room on a night that he tends to kick his clothes off so to look away if I don't want to see him naked for. My friend said he was quite mean to book a holiday that I probably wouldn't enjoy as I get
Starting point is 04:44:53 anxious and don't leave the house a lot so would probably have stayed inside all the time anyways. She said he should have booked a canard cruise which was the same price as what he paid as my special interest is ships and I know that when I am on canard ships I feel safe to enjoy myself as I know my way around and am more confident and able to get out around the ship. Especially as people on Canard ship speak English and people where we were going don't. I think maybe he just didn't want to go on a cruise and I didn't pay for the holiday so it wasn't my decision, but I have listed this anyways because apparently it means he wasn't prioritizing my wants.
Starting point is 04:45:28 5. The hotel we were staying at was quite isolated and didn't have a 24-hour manned reception desk and was run by one man on his own six. He kept interrupting conversations and staring at me just to tell me you're so pretty which was nice at first but a bit much after a while and I don't respond well to compliments anyways. When I was packing his case I told him he'll have to pack his own underwear and he told me he doesn't wear them eight. He made a joke about his penis to one of his friends while I was in the room nine. He said he packed a big chef's knife ten. He kept bragging he slept with an American NBA cheerleader who wasn't much older than me 11. I like to dress up and wear long vintage style dresses and dress modest, but he kept telling me not to pack those things and bring shorts and tops instead because of the heat, but I really don't like wearing those things at all.
Starting point is 04:46:18 When he saw how packed my case was and that I'd brought lots of long dresses he got angry with me for packing impractical clothes 12. He kept snapping at me the day before we went for doing things wrong when I was packing his case or changing his betting 13. Always talked over me and didn't let me talk about what I wanted and when I talked about things I knew about he undermined me even though he'd never known about these things before me. 14, kept talking about segs with me and joking about me riding fellas even though I said I don't like being touched by people and also I don't really want a boyfriend at all 15. He kept joking about wearing speedos and covering himself in oil and becoming a stripper while we were away. These are just a few of the reasons and I know I am probably being very dramatic but I think they made me feel a bit icky really so I don't want to talk to him anymore. I hope you enjoy this story. Father was banned from the place of worship for showing appreciation to government employees in a similar manner to their acknowledgement of military veterans. Consequently, we decided to depart as the clergyman asserted that civil servants are not worthy of praise comparable to that given to healthcare professionals and
Starting point is 04:47:27 Military. I'm writing this because of a recent situation that led to my dad being suspended from duties in the church where he resided for over 10 years, and dad told us, I have two younger brothers, during a family meeting last week. We didn't go to church this Sunday because of what happened too. My parents are leaders in our church, and leaders often do the post-worship announcements about church programs slash upcoming events before the tithe baskets are passed and the pastor speaks. Our church is pretty big with two services, and the incident happened when Dad did the announcements last week. Announcements usually follow a pattern of briefing the congregation on events before asking all first-time visitors to stand and receive a brochure while being welcomed
Starting point is 04:48:11 by the congregation. If there is anyone visibly wearing a military uniform or someone having alerted the church to the fact that their military relative was home for the week, they asked that person to stand which usually results in a standing ovation. We didn't have anyone from the military last week, but my dad asked if any federal workers were present to have them stand before saying that God's in control and will never leave them no matter how bleak things seem, and he also thanked them for their service to our country. When Dad explained his motivation at our family meeting,
Starting point is 04:48:42 he said he felt God put it on his heart to honor federal workers the same way our church honored medical workers during COVID, once services resumed, by having nurses stand for recognition. He also said he felt led to reassure them that they were appreciated amidst everything going on in the federal government. However, Dad was talked to by one of the assistant pastors during the week and was told that he shouldn't have done that. My dad disagrees because the main pastor often talks about letting the Lord dictate the service regardless of pre-made plans, and other leaders have followed that creed. For example, there are days when worship is really powerful, and the pastor will have the band sing a few more songs than originally planned or have an impromptu alter call for something God puts on his heart.
Starting point is 04:49:26 There are times when someone gives a prophetic word in tongues, a different language, that are also impromptu, and a leader slash pastor will often elaborate on it afterward. Going back to Dad, he said he's been considering leaving the church for some time and that now was perhaps God's timing. He also said the church has gotten too political in recent years, and he said that that played a part. in what happened. The assistant pastor who informed him of the suspension told him that federal workers shouldn't be honored like nurses or veterans because, unlike them, they can't do their jobs at home via telework and be lazy. He even said that honoring them was disrespectful to veterans slash nurses, and my dad disagrees. Dad said he felt led to honor federal workers because many of them were being wrongfully villainized, but he was suspended from announcements for a few weeks.
Starting point is 04:50:15 He also thinks the time is right to leave the church, but he wanted to talk to us because of the friends we had there, more so my younger brothers. He thinks they should be able to keep their friends similar to kids who have friends from other schools. Personally, I respect him for being open with us, and Mom agrees that the suspension was uncalled for. Dad is mostly stressed about being a deacon and wanting to step down before his term ends. He also said he's nervous about who to tell beforehand or not, and mom said that they will work on it. He doesn't want to burn his bridges, but he doesn't know how to go about it.
Starting point is 04:50:52 I know I don't have much of anything to contribute to how he steps down aside from supporting him, but I wanted to ask if anyone had any experience with stepping down or any ideas I could suggest. I would appreciate any that are given. Update 1. I really appreciate all of the perspectives given on my first post, and I shared some of them with my parents,
Starting point is 04:51:12 including one in particular I'll highlight. My dad took a few days to pray over what he should do, and he learned something from one commenter who gave insight into something he didn't see. The comment said it could be dangerous for a federal employee to stand up and be identified in that manner as OSPEC, operational security, is taught to federal workers and especially in this current political climate. The comment also suggested the possibility of a crazy person potentially following them into the parking lot or home. Dad said he didn't consider that and thought it was perhaps a reason why he was suspended, although the assistant pastor never mentioned it. He eventually decided on meeting with the senior pastor to discuss the suspension, and we had another family meeting to discuss it shortly afterwards.
Starting point is 04:51:57 During the meeting, Dad reiterated much of what the assistant pastor said and how he disagreed with him saying that federal workers shouldn't be mentioned in the same breath as nurses slash veterans because they can't telework and be lazy. But Dad also mentioned his mistake of potentially pressuring federal workers to stand which could have put them in a very dangerous position and asked if that had anything to do with the suspension. But the pastor told him that it had nothing to do with the suspension and that he signed off on it before the assistant pastor told him. Long story short, he basically reiterated what the youth pastor said about how it's insulting to honor federal workers in the same breath as nurses slash veterans. But when Dad pointed out what another comment informed us how many federal workers were veterans and nurses and firefighters whom our church also honors from time to time, the pastor didn't change his tune. Dad explained how he felt God told him to honor federal workers who were being unfairly villainized, but he didn't see it that way.
Starting point is 04:52:55 After Dad told us how it went, Mom said they made the decision to stop attending immediately because she believed that their handling of this was disrespectful. Dad's been in the church for over 10 years, currently serves as a deacon and was once a trustee too. It is also hypocritical how other leaders are allowed to follow the Holy Spirit if God put something on their heart such as imprompt to alter calls or going off on a tangent about something random God wants someone in the congregation to hear, usually a very spot on assessment like someone proclaiming that a nurse in the congregation has a big life decision they're stressed about or something. I told a few commenters that the same senior pastor used to to have a thing about not talking politics and would say that we are to pray for whoever is in office
Starting point is 04:53:37 because God can use anyone for his glory. But ever since the current president began running for re-election, he slowly changed his tune and began promoting him during service. One of the many reasons Dad felt led to leave for a while. The senior pastor has served in our church for over 30 years and his recent change has hurt Mom and Dad to see. At the end of the meeting, Dad said that we take time off from attending church until they decided on some new ones to try. So that's pretty much it, but I wanted to address another thing that people mentioned regarding our church. I mentioned that our church often honors many people, and some said that that was off-putting. I mentioned this to Dad, and he actually agreed that some of it seemed contrived.
Starting point is 04:54:21 If a couple has a milestone wedding anniversary coming up, they'll often tell the church, during the week, and asked to be recognized during service. So a leader will have them stand the same way they ask veterans if we see one in a uniform or their family tells the church that their military relative will be there that Sunday, and the wedding anniversary requests personally sound a bit awkward slash attention seeking. Regarding veterans, the church once received a complaint from a veteran who didn't wear a uniform to church, but was blindsided when their family called the church during the week to ask him to stand by name to be recognized, and he said that he wouldn't attend anymore as a result because he just wanted to attend. in peace. The church does the same for nurses and milestone birthdays, but they didn't stop following the complaint. As a matter of fact, the church continued with the tradition because the senior pastor said that the standing ovations for the veterans often brings up the energy in the service, and he compared it to how Seaworld opened their one-ocean show with a tribute to veterans asking them to stand at the beginning. Dad disagreed and said God doesn't need
Starting point is 04:55:25 artificial things to bring up the energy in the service, but the traditions continued nonetheless. That's just one of many things with this church, and Dad thinks now is the right time to leave. I appreciate the perspectives that were given as it really helped us reflect on everything that happened. Update 2, my parents and I have had some arguments since my last post, but I want to address something that was said in numerous DMs. A few people claiming to be Christian said they were happy my father was suspended because he brought politics into the church. Others said a deacon may not have the authority to honor people as he did compared to other leaders.
Starting point is 04:56:03 Regarding the first point about Dad honoring the federal workers, he said it was important to pray for those who are hurting. He also said that they were wrong to be villainized because Jesus had the heart of a volunteer, and federal workers were public servants. Jesus healed the sick and washed the disciples' feet without charge. Many federal workers could find higher-paying jobs in the private sector, according to Dad, but they chose to commit themselves to their communities instead. Regarding the second point, other deacons in our church do announcements too. The church has them do it along with other leadership positions so that the congregation can get to know its staff,
Starting point is 04:56:40 and other deacons and trustees have honored veterans among others. With that said, my family stopped attending our church for three Sundays before one of the leaders reached out to my dad to see if everything was all right. Dad didn't tell anyone that we stopped going, but he told the leader who called that we were likely not going to return. That's how that call went, but he received another a few days later from a different leader who told him that the church wanted to honor our family for the years we gave as leaders, and Dad said he'd get back to him. Dad later told Mom and I about it, and he wants us to attend one more time so that they can honor us on stage and leave on a good note to not burn bridges. Personally, I strongly disagree. Dad has served on numerous boards for over ten years.
Starting point is 04:57:24 years, but they suspended him for doing something other deacons did. A deacon once asked police officers to stand during announcements in 2020 following the George Floyd events, claiming that people shouldn't generalize all police officers, and that deacon was less seasoned than him, in my opinion. They spit in the face of our family by punishing him for something other deacons did. While I'm usually against ghosting, I wouldn't blame Dad if he decided to ignore their calls. But he said we should be grateful when people want to honor you. you. And when I disagreed, he said I should learn for my future work career because you don't want to burn bridges when departing jobs. But this isn't his day job, it's a church he owes nothing to.
Starting point is 04:58:06 Respect is owed when it is given, in my opinion, and the church doesn't give him a paycheck. He said I don't have a choice but to attend one final Sunday to leave on good terms. And if worst comes to worst, it's only two hours. But I strongly disagree because, in my opinion, He's giving more respect than they're giving him. And maybe the church is doing it to save face, who knows? Maybe I'm just being young and stupid, but I don't think it's worth it to cause a rift over a two-hour final service. I'll likely attend, but I hate everything about it just one more thing.
Starting point is 04:58:42 Dad said he thinks God put it on his heart to honor the federal workers so that this would happen and facilitate us leaving the church. He said he should have left years ago when the church ignored complaints from veterans who didn't want to be honored, and used them as props to bring up the energy in the service, as the pastor said. And he ignored a feeling in his gut to leave when the church began getting more political. The church has mentioned Trump from the stage numerous times, but he said he was too afraid to leave a community he resided for over 10 years despite hating everything Trump stands for. So while we left too late, we can at least leave now Update 3, I completely forgot to return to this
Starting point is 04:59:21 sooner, but a few messages from individuals wanting to know what happened reminded me. Despite numerous discussions about how I thought returning to the church was a bad idea, they decided to go anyway. I disagreed because we left on our terms, and the church wanted us to leave on theirs. Their disrespect towards my father, with the suspension, shows what little respect they had for his 10-plus years of service. But Dad said we shouldn't burn bridges and compared it to not burning bridges when leaving a job. In my opinion, that comparison doesn't work because, unlike a job, the church doesn't give him a paycheck.
Starting point is 04:59:58 Unlike a job, you don't need a reference when going to a new church. But Dad said he wanted to leave on good terms in case God opened the door to return someday, and I disagree with that wholeheartedly. If you leave a toxic X or church in this case, you shouldn't leave expecting to return someday if you're unable to find someone better to settle down with. It reeks of insecurity, in my opinion, and I think it's really weak too to my dad's credit. He came around on not forcing me to attend the final Sunday when he'd be honored. I stayed home. And when they returned, Dad didn't want to talk about what happened and said I shouldn't care
Starting point is 05:00:36 because I wasn't there. From his tone, I figured he was bothered, and Mom opened up to me about it instead. She said he wasn't thrilled with the questions he received from friends slash congregation members following the service, and I think that was poor foresight on his part. She said it annoyed him. But regarding the service, the two of them were asked to come on stage for no more than five minutes to be recognized by the church as one of the pastors thanked them for their years of service. It's important to note that my father was told beforehand that he wasn't required to speak during the honoring, so he was never asked to speak during it. The honoring ended with a pastor praying over them, and that was pretty much it.
Starting point is 05:01:17 In the month since, my parents have attended a few local churches, but have yet to pick one as their new home. They said I didn't have to join them for their search because, at my age, I'll likely leave for school in a year or so. So it'd be up to me to find a church for myself. I appreciate them letting me be myself, but I've since debated a lot since we left. One thing that surprised me as a result of making these posts was people saying how crazy I was to mention speaking in tongue. so nonchalantly, and honestly, I didn't think twice about it. Our old church was Pentecostal, and they've had people speaking in tongues since I was young. I used to internally question how someone would interpret a tongue with no language, or incomprehensible babble, as someone
Starting point is 05:02:03 who messaged me described it, and be able to understand it correctly. Or how many times someone might have intentionally misinterpreted the babble to whatever they wanted to say that had nothing to do with W.T.H. God at all. And the more I thought about it after reading many messages, there seemed to be no checks and balances at all. Who regulates when random people yell Babel and then someone always has the correct interpretation moments after? What if two people planned to do it in advance to push a personal agenda disguised as God's word? But worse than that, I don't want to be looked at as if I'm crazy for mentioning tongues in public, which would never come up outside of church, so I'm glad that I got made fun of in
Starting point is 05:02:43 DMs instead of real life for something I always thought was normal, however. It's really shaken me of late and made me want to take a break from Christianity as I prepare for college. I'm angry that something so stupid like tongues could seem perfectly normal if indoctrinated from a young age, and it made me wonder how many other things regarding Christianity I've been wrong about too. Going back to what I said about no checks and balances regarding tongues, it seems to be a microcosm of everything wrong with Christianity and the Christians in our country at the moment. People proclaiming to hear from God, to push personal agenda under the guise of Christianity, and Christians eating it up, the tongues interpretations often
Starting point is 05:03:23 followed by applause in our old church, without any vetting. That screams Christian nationalism to me, a bunch of indoctrinated people who grew up thinking unnormal things were normal, like tongues, and following blindy without second thought. I don't want to be stupid, so I'm taking a break from Christianity too, hopefully, go to far away college to see life for myself. But I feel, deep down, that I won't return to Christianity ever since the tongues thing because I'm now questioning what else I've been wrongfully believing. So since we're no longer at our old church, I won't post again because that chapter is closed
Starting point is 05:03:58 for me, although I fully expect my parents to return someday since Dad already talked about it before he left, Next story. X lied about having a miscarriage to get my support when she actually got an abortion because the baby wasn't mine, then I found out she gave me chlamydia and never told me about her STD. I, M21, dated my ex, page F-22, all through high school. Our relationship was awful. First year of college, I had a one-night stand and cheated on her. I know I'm an awe, but she wanted to work things out. A year later, I found out she'd been sleeping with one of our mutuals for months and ended things. Obviously it was fair that she cheated, but we just weren't in love.
Starting point is 05:04:44 We kept hooking up for a few months after and broke things six months ago. Weeks after we broke things off, Paige hit me up, told me she was pregnant and I was the dad. I didn't want to be with her, so I told her we could co-parent. She wasn't happy about that, but she didn't. didn't really get a choice. Well, a month or so after that, she called me sobbing and told me she miscarried. I was heartbroken, but felt worse for her BC that's an awful thing to go through. I told her I'd help with any medical expenses or finding support groups slash counseling resources, but she got upset at me for not being more supportive and staying with her at her place or calling
Starting point is 05:05:23 her more. I have a new partner now and don't really talk to Paige, but some of her friends have texted me saying she hasn't recovered and wants to talk to me and I should help her. I haven't checked in on her in a couple months. I don't expect her to be over the mascarriage at all, but I don't get why she's expecting me to be the one to help her through it. I'm not a professional so I don't think I can help by being in touch with her Ada. Any advice is appreciated too. Update 1. I wasn't going to update but this got crazy. I have a friend, Anna, who's close with Paige and dating my best friend.
Starting point is 05:06:00 Anna got back from study abroad and this was our text, copy and paste it since I can't add pics. Anna, hey, this is really random but did D.D. talk to you about what happened in March. Me? Yeah, she hit me up right away. Why? Anna, I command she told me what happened. I know things are weird W. y'all and I wanted to make sure she actually told you and y'all went to doctor. Me? Yeah, like while ago did you want me to talk to her? Anna, Ick she wants to talk to you
Starting point is 05:06:32 but that's not my business, ick. This isn't either I just wanted to make sure you were good me. Yeah, all right, welcome back, thanks for checking, I'm over it now so I'm fine. I assume she meant the miscarriage that Page's other friends texted me to help her through. But I saw Anna in person after this and she asked me if being good meant testing negative or getting treatment. I was and she explained what Paige told her, which I'm guessing is the truth. Page told Anna she was sleeping around before and after we broke up and got pregnant. Paige was confident it was not mine and got an abortion. When getting checked after, in March, she got diagnosed with chlamydia.
Starting point is 05:07:12 The only thing I'm mad about is that she didn't tell me she had an STD, I'm honestly over all the other stuff at this point. Also, I want to note that it's super weird that Paige told Anna. Anna both caught me cheating and told Paige and caught Paige cheating and told me. She's a great friend but a total narc. Not my go-to for secrets. Anyway, my partner and I have appointments to get tested because I might have chlamydia for six months. I'd give I should text page and chew her out I'm so pissed off.
Starting point is 05:07:44 Edit to clarify, Anna being a narc isn't a bad thing. We call her a narc to tease her because she can't keep surprises and always spills your secret if it's the right thing. to do and we love her for it. She keeps us in check. That's my fault for phrasing it poorly. Update 2. People asked for an update so here I am. This morning my partner and I found out we have chlamydia and got antibiotics. My partner surprisingly unbothered and has helped me calm down these past few days. I know I said I'd chew out page if I was positive, but now that I've calm down, I see no point in it. Some told me I could sue her. I'm pretty sure I can't because she didn't know when we hit SEGS, and even if I could, it's my senior year of college,
Starting point is 05:08:32 I have other things to focus on. In other news, Anna cut off page and won't tell me why, but she says it has nothing to do with me. I'm kind of glad since Anna was our only real mutual, and Anna, her BF, me, and my partner are renting a place together soon, doing that with my ex's friend might have been weird. But I'm also honestly really worried about Paige. Anna was her last rational and dependable friend. The other ones who wanted me to help her when she miscarry disappear when things get hard, and Def wanted me to talk to her to get her off their hands. Either way, I won't reach out, especially since my relationship is going really well. I might ask Anna to maybe check in on her, but I won't push. Not much else to say. Don't be like me. You
Starting point is 05:09:20 since I had the clap for six months and didn't know. Get tested often and use protection. Edit, I'm trying very hard to stop doing stupid things, and per the advice I've gotten, asking Anna to check on Page would go against that goal. So no need to worry, I finally blocked Page and I'm putting this whole thing to rest. I hope you enjoy this story. Felt envious when my partner Basil crafted a stuffed toy for him as a holiday gift and insisted that he give it back. Later on, she requested a coffee meeting to reconcile, and I agreed. If she got divorced, she'd just be another woman in his life so he broke up with me.
Starting point is 05:10:00 I just want to start by saying that I realize I might be totally wrong and insecure in this situation. I just really want another perspective or something because I just can't help the fact that this bothers me and I am admittedly feeling jealousy. I have been with my boyfriend for six months at this point. He has four siblings, three years. brothers and one sister, and we are the shortest relationship in the family. Three of his siblings are married and another is in a very long-term relationship. I think the shortest relationship in the
Starting point is 05:10:29 bunch is five and a half years. So I will admit I am a bit intimidated and insecure there. For Christmas this year his sister-in-law made him a homemade plushy of this little blue baby dinosaur-looking character from his favorite game Guild Wars. The plushy is amazing quality and he absolutely loved it. but she didn't make one for any of the other boys who also love the game just as much. Not even her husband. In fact, she went out of her way to give it to him without his other brothers around except for her husband. Her husband was just as excited for her to give his brother the gift as she was, but it just felt off to me and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.
Starting point is 05:11:08 Why would she work so hard on something for my boyfriend and no one else? And it just felt like such a personal gift that I could never match and I just feel like she totally took away from what I gave him. I did try talking to my boyfriend about it and how I thought it was weird. He said he didn't think it was weird at all because she has always been closer to him than the other brothers. Well, shouldn't she be closer to her husband than him? He didn't get one. I don't know. I asked him if he would give it back to her saying he can't accept it and he refused and said, I'm being ridiculous. I just feel like a woman doesn't make such a personal gift for a guy unless they see them as something more.
Starting point is 05:11:45 It was just how I was raised and I hate feeling this way about something like this. I talked to my mom and sister and they both agreed that it wasn't right and that this was most likely the beginning of her trying to push me out. I just can't help but feel like she was trying to make him like her more than me because he said she has never given him anything before and this is our first Christmas together. I just don't know what to think. Or if I'm overthinking this completely. comments where OP has replied, comment one, you're reading way too much into this.
Starting point is 05:12:17 As someone else said, there may be a backstory on and joke there that you don't know about. Also, it's entirely possible that she's working on gifts for everyone else. If it's as nice as you say it probably takes a while to make so maybe she ran out of time. I talked to my mom and sister and they both agreed that it wasn't right and that this was most likely the beginning of her trying to push me out. WTF She's happily married to his brother and gave him the gift in front of her husband and you think she's trying to push you out? That's some master level insecurity there.
Starting point is 05:12:50 Oh, O-op, I guess the time thing is a good way to look at it. It does look very professional I don't so, so I really don't know how long something like that takes. And that's just how my mom has raised us. She has always been very protective of our father. I try not to be her because I know she can be a big, bit much at times, but this situation just completely threw me off. And it's honestly hard to see as other siblings significant others fitting into the family unit so well while I'm just the
Starting point is 05:13:18 outcast. Comment two, if anything I'd say that your mom is trying to drive a wedge between you and your boyfriend's family, even if she's doing it unwillingly. Comment three, you are overreacting. Being a jealous, paranoid and controlling girlfriend will drive him away. You've been together six months and you're already trying to determine what presents he's allowed to receive from his family. That's crazy. You are the one making up a wedge to drive between you and his family, not her. Calm down. It's a stuffed animal, not a blow job.
Starting point is 05:13:53 Which is probably what her husband got and why she didn't gift it in front of you. O-op, it wouldn't have bothered me if it was from his actual family. It's just that it's the significant other of his brother that bothered me. If his actual sister made it for him I would never in a minute. million years have asked him to return the gift. Comment four, an in-law is actual family. And you do yourself no favors by making those kinds of distinctions. My sister-in-law is my family and I'd be really annoyed if someone tried to tell me that she
Starting point is 05:14:22 wasn't. OOP, that's just a really hard distinction for me to make honestly. His one brother has been in a long-term relationship for seven years. They do not plan to marry. Yet this sister-in-law has been with her husband for. for five and a half years. She hasn't been with the family for as long as the other one who isn't married, so how is she more their family than the other girl who has been around longer? Just because of documents? I always viewed marriage as the couple making their own family unit.
Starting point is 05:14:53 Comment five, this hair splitting about who is more his family is really weird. She is married to his brother. She is family. It doesn't matter if they've been married for five minutes or 15 years. The woman who is in a long-term relationship with his other brother is also family. No one is more family than the other. It's not a pH level, their familial ties. Update, my first post wasn't popular by any means, but it got a decent amount of comments, so I figured I'd update. I went a few weeks without saying anything else about the subject because everyone on here seemed to disagree with my side of things. Then last Saturday he told me he was going to be spending the day at his brothers just to hang out.
Starting point is 05:15:35 We generally make plans on Saturdays, but I hadn't had the chance to make plans official with him yet. I just figured it was implied at this point. So I asked him if I would be allowed to go over there with him. That's when he told me that it was just going to be a day with him and his brother. So I reminded him that since it is his brother's house, then most likely his wife will be present too, so I didn't really see how it was fair. Ultimately it blew up and I told him everything, brought up the gift again and just how I feel intimidated by everyone and feel like his sister-in-law, is on some pedestal or something because she gets to be there and I don't. I also mentioned how I just felt like I was being pushed out by her and that the gift made me
Starting point is 05:16:13 uneasy. He was frustrated and told me that he was going to his brothers and that he would talk to me later. So I spent all morning Saturday on edge and just completely jealous. Then around 1 p.m. his sister-in-law called me, I guess he gave her my number, and asked me if I was free to meet her for coffee. I was confused but agreed to have coffee with her. I expected it to be awkward. At the coffee shop she wasted no time to tell me that my boyfriend had told her everything. She said she wanted to meet for dinner because she wanted me to see her face and see that she was genuine in everything she had to say. She went on to explain that she had no feelings for him in the way I was implying to him and no intention of pushing me out.
Starting point is 05:16:56 She said her original plan was to make the plushy for all of the boys since they all play the game but it took her way too much time to make one so she wanted to give it to her favorite brother and law. I questioned why not her husband and she said that she lives with him and he knew she was making it in the first place and that she could make him one any time and just wanted that one to be a surprise Christmas present. I told her that I still kind of thought it was inappropriate since he was in a relationship now and she just paused and didn't say anything for a few seconds. Then she asked me if there was anything else that was bothering me. I used today as an example and said it bothered me that he went to her house and told me I couldn't come because it was a day with his brother even though she would obviously be there. She told me that it is a day with his
Starting point is 05:17:37 brother and that just because she lives in the house doesn't change that. She said that she kept to herself doing her own things while the boys played video games with each other and that my boyfriend came to her when she was in the kitchen to talk to her about me briefly. I didn't say anything. I still felt a bit jealous, but I just didn't know what to say. She then asked me if I had anything else I wanted to get out and I declined. She said that she didn't want to part-we. She said that she didn't want to part ways without giving me some advice. She went on to say that she thinks I'm a very nice girl and that the entire family feels that way and wanted to remind me that all of the spouses and significant others were new to the family at one point in time. She went on about how it takes
Starting point is 05:18:17 time to feel a closeness with everyone and that she went through it too. She then said that she didn't want to come across the wrong way but that I needed to work hard on my insecurities or else I would lose my boyfriend. She just went on and on saying how I am so nice and that I am ruining a good thing by letting myself overthink these things and by being so insecure. She told me to really think about how I am acting over his own sister-in-law interacting with him. That's when my stupid brain made me say, well, if you were to get a divorce, then you wouldn't be his sister-in-law and you would just be another woman in his life. That was the moment it finally hit me just how crazy I was being. She gave me this look and said, well, we aren't getting
Starting point is 05:18:56 a divorce so, and I just felt completely embarrassed and apologized. She then very nicely told me that on second thought she thinks I might not be ready for a relationship at all and that I really need to work on myself. That was pretty much the end of it and we parted ways. I spent the rest of the weekend crying and hating myself. My boyfriend didn't call me or text me at all. Finally on Monday, he asked if he could come over. So he came over and asked how it went with Sill and I had figured he knew everything but he said that all she said was that he needed to talk to me. Turns out he didn't talked to me all weekend because he was angry with how I acted about him going to his brother's house then bringing up the gift again and he just needed some space. He told me that he wasn't going to put up
Starting point is 05:19:40 with this type of behavior and that it is putting way too much unnecessary drama into his life. As I'm sure you are probably guessing, he proceeded to break up with me. He told me he really cared about me but he just can't imagine how bad it will get in the future if I'm already acting like this with people who are his family. I begged him not to leave and that I would do everything to change and he just wouldn't budge. I haven't heard from him since and I feel like I had my heart ripped out and stomped on it hurt so bad. And I know this is all my fault. I have my mom and sister telling me how it's good riddance and how he broke up with me so that he wouldn't have anything holding him back from his sill and this just broke me. I am so done with my family and the way they
Starting point is 05:20:21 put these toxic ideas in my head. I'm just done. So yeah. Not a happy update. From here I am planning on working on myself and hope to someday maybe convince him to give me another chance. I don't know why I wrote this update. It just feels good to get it out, I guess, and further convinces me I need to change. Next story, boyfriend refuses to propose unless I move in with him first, but I won't live together until we're engaged. He said he needs to test things out, and when I asked what exactly he's testing, he just shrugged, so I broke up with him. Six years on July 20th, my BF, 24M, and I, 23F, will be celebrating our dating anniversary. I love him so much he's my best friend in the entire world and we've really grown together since we started dating at 18.
Starting point is 05:21:11 As excited as I am to celebrate six years with him I can't help but also dread it because it's another year of him not proposing. We've had a lot of people ask, oh my God, almost six years why aren't you guys engaged yet? And also some people say you guys are so young just enjoy your lives and honestly within the relationship we are both split. He went from asking me to marry him every day when we were 18 to saying we need to be more stable once we both enter the corporate workforce. We've discussed marriage, kids and all of that and have agreed those are things we both want. Of course, I understand him and it is the responsible thing to do to have out finances and such be more stable, however, it seems he's starting to prioritize other things over marriage like he's
Starting point is 05:21:54 expressed his aspiration to move into the city, then another day wanting a new car, and then the next wanting to travel together and all these new aspirations and wants are starting to hurt my head because it seems like he doesn't know what he wants. We've had so many discussions about our future and what we want to create together and what we wish for ourselves, but he always seems so sure about what he wants for himself and not for us. His older sister got engaged last year and of course, we were both so happy and excited for her. However, I later found myself getting angry and upset not towards her but my BF. He seemed so excited for her and her fiancé in their future
Starting point is 05:22:30 and started talking about our future as if it was a distant future. Like when people would tease us saying, Oh, you guys are next, he just chuckle and stay quiet or say, Oh, we've got a long way. What was worse was that he'd ask me for my opinion about his sister's wedding, almost rubbing it in my face asking me if I'd have a destination wedding, plan the same way as her, etc. Meanwhile, he's saying these contradicting things.
Starting point is 05:22:54 In addition to this, I brought up to him recently that I'd like to be engaged soon and he said he would not propose unless we live together for at least a year. I expressed to him that I personally would not want to live together unless we are engaged but he said that this is his one non-negotiable. I asked if he was willing to compromise, E, us to be engaged and start looking for a place after but he said no. Just simply no. I asked if there was any other way or if he had any ideas of how we could compromise and he just, shrugged. I am in no rush to be married or engaged, but I wanted to ask him his thoughts to further understand where he is at and where he thinks we are progressing. What is concerning to me, however, is that I asked him okay, so if I don't live with you for another three years,
Starting point is 05:23:38 then you won't propose and he said yes, again no compromise further insinuating that he would make me wait until he gets his way. This made me really angry, now I'm at this stage of denial, but also acceptance realizing that he won't do it unless I give him what he wants and I truly don't know what to do. I couldn't even continue the conversation with him because how could I after he just shut me down? He seems to be so excited for our friends and family around us getting engaged and having kids but doesn't seem to be excited for us to do those things. I want to get engaged and married because I love him and want to start our future together not because I'm trying to relate to people around me. However, I find that he always compares our relationship to other people's
Starting point is 05:24:17 my sister and her boyfriend traveled all over Europe, why can't we? Well, my friend and his GF just got a place together we should do that. He's expressing what he wants passively and when I actually try to talk to him about it he seems closed off. I grew up in a fairly traditional household and while I don't carry all of the values my parents raised me with one of the few is waiting to be engaged slash engaged to be married to move and together and he's known this for some time even before we started actively having these conversations. Recently he started doing this thing that's actually made me crazy. He'll hold my hand and start measuring my ring finger as if cutely trying to gauge my ring
Starting point is 05:24:55 size and honestly it feels like a punch in the gut. Like who does that after saying they don't plan to propose anytime soon? At this point I truly don't know what to do anymore and feel lost and almost nervous for our six-year celebration coming up. I don't know how to change his mind because the last thing I want to do is beg him to propose. I feel stuck. Edit, I'm seeing a lot of comments about our ages and again like I said above. I understand we are young and have been together since I was 17 and he was 18.
Starting point is 05:25:25 I understand and hear that advice. However, I am not asking for marriage and babies next year. I'm simply asking for further commitment and engagement. Personally, I think if you've been with someone for six years you should know by now. Also a lot of you are saying I'm not willing to compromise. I've been hearing him out for years. The issue is I have compromised so much for him and he is yet to do that for me. For two years and the beginning of our relationship he had no job.
Starting point is 05:25:54 I paid for almost everything. I've also for the last few years have planned our dates, our trips, etc. I literally remind him when he has a doctor's appointment. Fast forward now being more financial stable we've planned for trips and have traveled together but when I ask him for some time to save he keeps on insisting he wants to go somewhere and money can always be made later. When I try to understand him and see his perspective regarding living together, I expect that he do the same for me, but he doesn't.
Starting point is 05:26:21 I always put an effort and might I add, for the last two years he hasn't bothered to do something special or plan something nice for my birthday despite having all this money to get a new car and go on all these trips he's changed a lot from the start in our relationship, especially when it comes to effort. He's a good guy, we've had so many great memories together, but I feel sometimes that I just mourn what we used to have. He's masking being responsible with what is convenient for him. It's about him and not about what I want because if it was about what I want, he would understand my wants to save money for the future, to communicate more, etc. Marriage is not about having the big
Starting point is 05:26:56 wedding or party. I told him he could literally propose with a ring pop and I would say yes. He's a great guy, but he's also disappointed me so much and don't think I can handle more disappointment. Update, hi everyone, gosh, it's truly been some time. I honestly kind of forgot I had posted this because a lot has happened in the last month or so. If you haven't read the original post, you can search the title if you haven't guessed already. I broke up with him. I let our anniversary pass, tried to move on from my anger and frustrations and while our anniversary was great I realized he simply just did not and could not understand me and I simply couldn't let it go. About a week after our anniversary we were downtown working and on a whim he asked if we could
Starting point is 05:27:40 grab dinner after work. I said yes and what was supposed to be a casual dinner and go home type of day turned into a dinner and exploring all the neighborhoods he wanted to live in downtown. I felt like I was ambushed into viewing neighborhoods and places I didn't even want to live in slash we never discussed openly and it made me feel almost sick as it felt like he was just rubbing salt onto my wound passively dangling the key to my future ring. If you remember from my previous post about how he used to size my ring finger yeah made me sick to my stomach just like that. At the end of the night before heading home, I asked if we could talk in his car when he was dropping me off. I brought up how I was still not happy about the relationship feeling one-sided and that
Starting point is 05:28:19 while I put in all the effort he put in the bare minimum and still forced slash whined about what he wanted in the relationship and never considered what I wanted. He actually got frustrated and said it makes no sense living together as more of a commitment because we are obligated to stay together due to paperwork you can break off an engagement if you wanted to. We've had this conversation four to five times and you still don't understand me. He then went on about how it would be an opportunity to test things out. This statement was very much a slap to the face because I realized there that the same guy he used to vocalize wanting to get married every day did not truly think nor understand
Starting point is 05:28:53 the importance of marriage and unity like I though he did. And what hurt most was that after six years of being together and me for the last two year really vocalizing excitement and a future with him he never once actually listened to me when I talked about how important and exciting engagement and marriage is to me. I then brought up how his words were hurtful saying it's a good way to test it out and see how things go. I asked him what exactly are you testing out after six years test and see if you still like me and want to be together for you to even say you'd have to test things out with us and not know what you want to do now. That's your answer. You're not committed to this, not committed to me. So I followed it up with if you aren't sure you want to
Starting point is 05:29:25 marry me now you won't be sure tomorrow next month next. year or in the next five years and I cannot simply wait for you to wake up and see me as worthy of a ring and so I got up out of the car and told him it was over it's been more than a month now and I think I did the right thing of course a part of me still misses and grieves him but that last interaction told me exactly what I needed to hear yes he's tried to keep in touch and wants to talk things out but at this point in time I can't even look at him to anyone out there having these same feelings or maybe going through the same issue do what you think is best for not only you but your future self your future kids etc thank you to everyone who offered their sweet and supportive words good luck to you all. I hope you enjoy this story. Former partner left his child in my care and ran away after we agreed to marry, so when he returned two years later pleading to take her back, I refused. Already put her in foster care. Two years ago, my ex-fiance, Scott, 30M, abandoned his specially able daughter with me, 29F, and eloped with his ex-girlfriend Ellen just a week after we got engaged.
Starting point is 05:30:28 By then, we had been together for three years and had been living together for six months. He told me that he was leaving for a work assignment and asked me to babysit his daughter for just a couple of days and I was fine with that because if we were going to get married, I would have to learn to be on my own with her anyway. She was not much trouble anyway, and I really liked her, so I agreed. But then, three days passed, and I didn't hear from him. In the beginning, I had assumed that he must have been busy with work, but then almost a week passed, and I had. I still didn't hear from him and that's when I started panicking. I tried to call his family but nobody answered and neither did his friends. Everyone had just blocked me and he had also deactivated all his social media accounts and blocked me everywhere. So I tried to contact his workplace and
Starting point is 05:31:16 they told me that he had quit his job a month ago and they hadn't heard from him since then. That's when I started to think that he might not be coming back, but I still had his daughter with him, so I was holding out hope that he might find his way back and we might be able to fix everything. But then, a couple of days later, I turned the house upside down to look for anything he might have left, like a clue or something to where he might be, and that's when I found a note under his side of the bed that I hadn't checked before. It had been stuck on the bottom of the mattress, so I hadn't been able to see it, but it was basically a letter to me, telling me that our relationship had been a mistake and that he had been cheating on me with Ellen on and off for the past three years.
Starting point is 05:31:53 The only reason he had even proposed was because he thought that this would finally get him to stop seeing Ellen, but she ended up proposing to him a couple of days later after she found out and they decided to get away from this place and start again somewhere new, and requested me not to try and find him. He said he was really sorry about whatever had happened, but he had to leave his daughter behind because she was a useless load, a total burden on them, and they couldn't deal with this anymore. So I could adopt her, or I could do whatever I thought was appropriate, but they were done with this. and they were now going to live the lives that they had wanted to all along. And while that letter shattered me, I didn't even have time to sit around and cry about it because, well, I had to deal with the situation at hand urgently. I contacted CPS about his daughter because clearly, she had been abandoned and I didn't know what
Starting point is 05:32:40 else to do. I couldn't adopt her by myself. I was not ready to be a mother on my own. If I had had Scott by my side, it would have been a different story altogether, but without him, I wasn't ready to do this, and on top of that, the way I had been abandoned with her, that just made everything much worse. I loved the kid, but I knew I couldn't keep her with me given the circumstances I was in. After contacting CPS, her grandparents were forced to take her in, because they could ignore me, but they couldn't ignore them. However, they also made it very clear that they were not ready to take up this responsibility. So eventually, her maternal grandparents
Starting point is 05:33:19 took her in and she has been staying with them ever since. And since she was safe and sound afterward, a couple of attempts were made to track down the parents for a few months, but then, since this was really not that important of a case, they gave up. Clearly, Scott and Ellen did not want to be found and even if they were found, they would probably not want anything to do with their daughter. That had already been made clear by the note that they had left. About a year after they left, their parental rights were terminated by the court, and Ellen's parents were declared her legal guardians. I have still kept in touch with Ellen's parents and I know that the child is in good hands, and that works for me. Naturally, even apart from that, it had been very difficult for me to
Starting point is 05:34:01 deal with the situation emotionally after Scott abandoned me, but I had to get through it all somehow. It's been two years now, and I'm pretty much over it, but I have serious trust issues with everyone anyway, I'm still staying in the house that I used to live in two years back, and last week, Scott and Ellen had the audacity to show up at my doorstep. I ended up opening the door to talk to them because I really wanted to know what they had to say to me after two whole years. They started off by apologizing to me.
Starting point is 05:34:29 They were crying, they told me that they had messed up and they were really sorry about everything but now. They had realized that they were ready to be parents but they had done something very heinous. So they wanted to take their daughter back and make it up to me. They were ready to write me a check of whatever amount I quoted and all I had to do was just help them out. I don't know what got into me, but the fact that they were actually deluded enough to believe that they could just write me a check and everything would be forgiven, it rubbed me the wrong way.
Starting point is 05:34:55 So I told them that they were too late. I had already given up their child to foster care two years back, and I had no idea how she was doing. And if they were here to ask about their daughter, they were knocking on the wrong door because as far as I was concerned, they didn't have a daughter anymore. Then I shut the door, I left them sobbing and begging me to talk to them on the doorstep and I informed Ellen's parents about their return after they had left. Later on, I spoke to my parents as well and I explained what had happened. But they told me that what I had done was twisted. My parents believed that there was no reason for me to make up a lie like that, in spite of what they had done, and they think that I should tell them the truth and decide what they want to do.
Starting point is 05:35:36 But I don't agree with them, and we kind of got into a verbal spat about it. because they, of all people, know what I had been through and yet, they think that I shouldn't even have done this much. I think that they are being unreasonable, and they think that I'm being cruel. And I don't agree, I definitely am being cruel, but I also think that they deserve it, which is where we differ. So I'd offer lying and telling my ex-fiance and his partner that I gave up their child to foster care? Edit. Okay, so I realized that in my hurry, I forgot to mention a lot of things about Scott, Ellen, and their daughter. I'll try to keep it short, Scott and Ellen met when they were in college, fell in love and she got pregnant at 21. They were in their last year and he proposed to her,
Starting point is 05:36:21 they were supposed to get married, but Ellen's parents were not on board with that. She had to fight a lot to even keep the pregnancy, but even then, they were not okay with her marrying Scott, since neither was he very serious about his education, nor did he seem to have any interest in working in the future. Scott himself had confided in me that it was all true, he was more interested in being a musician back then, but he wasn't that talented and was definitely not cut out for that rock star kind of lifestyle. They stayed together until their daughter turned one, but then, Ellen started getting very upset with him because he was just jumping from one job to another, and there was no stability in his life, and at the rate he was going, there was no way
Starting point is 05:37:00 her parents were going to approve of him at any point. So she dumped him, and two years later, he met me, We started dating, then we got engaged, and he pretty much forgot about Ellen and they were only in touch with regards to their daughter, so I never had any reason to feel insecure. He never even spoke about her much, so I thought that he was over her completely. But I guess I was wrong, which is why all of that happened. And about their daughter's age, she's turning eight this year and when they abandoned her, she was six years old, obviously. But she has known me since she was three, and we did have a soft corner of her. for each other, which is why I have kept in touch with her because after having spent three years of knowing her, I couldn't just cut her out of my life completely for something that her parents had done.
Starting point is 05:37:45 That's why I chose to stay in touch. Update 1, hi, so it has been a couple of days since I posted and my parents and I are still not speaking to each other. They believe that what I did was extremely cruel, and it was apparently uncalled for. But I think what they did to me and their daughter two years ago was a lot worse. So I think this is perfect for them. If my parents cannot bring themselves to see my point, if they still think that I'm wrong,
Starting point is 05:38:11 then they can continue to think that way. It hardly matters to me, I'm going to do what I want to, and either way, I've done it already, so it makes no difference. Anyway, Ellen's parents called me earlier today, and they told me that Ellen had reached out to them to ask for forgiveness and to ask if there was any way
Starting point is 05:38:29 they could help track down their daughter. They put it in an email, and her parents have not responded to it yet. They don't intend on responding to it either. They are not entitled to any information on their daughter because now, legally, she has been adopted by Ellen's parents and they are not bound to tell anyone how or where she is, least of all the people who had abandoned her. Honestly, I just can't even imagine the audacity it would require to show up after two years, asking after their daughter and saying that they are ready to be parents now, so we should help them out. Ellen's parents and I remember very well how
Starting point is 05:39:02 difficult it was for us to get that six-year-old child to understand that her parents were probably not going to be coming back. They have no idea how emotionally draining it was for the three of us to try and console her when she would cry for her parents, and we had no idea how to explain anything to her. Of course, we thought that we would tell her when she was older, but given her condition, things are different with her. Things are more complicated, and never did they once look back to check on their own daughter. She was just six years old, for God's sake. She was just six years old, for God's I can't imagine how they brought themselves to just leave her and go away. And now, all of a sudden, just because they feel conscientious and it's convenient for them,
Starting point is 05:39:42 they are back and want their daughter back in their lives. Some guts it must require, I have to say that. Anyway, I'm just glad that Ellen's parents had never liked Scott, and I think they had the right idea about him. The two of them really do deserve each other, and anybody who thinks that I should show them any sort of kindness, they are seriously fooling themselves. They should actually be glad that law enforcement did not pursue their case since they were not much of a priority, because if they had been found, would have personally sued them.
Starting point is 05:40:12 Sadly, I did not get the chance to do that back then, but now, I'm not going to leave any stone unturned to make sure that they pay for what they did, and I'm not even talking about paying financially, I'm talking about making them pay emotionally. Anyway, I highly doubt that any amount of money is going to make up for what they did, especially to me. At least their daughter is young, with time, she will be able to move on and maybe forget about it. I'm not saying it's going to be easy for her, but at least she has her whole life ahead of her, but in my head, I had really planned a future with Scott, and after him, I was not able to trust any guy at all. For the past year, I've been thinking about putting
Starting point is 05:40:50 myself back out there, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I have even been out on a couple of dates, but it always fizzles out. And my parents know how difficult it has been for me to deal with all of this, to deal with him abandoning me like that, and even then, they think it was appropriate for them to say that I was being cruel to him. It just doesn't make any sense to me, and I'm really hurt and angry that they are choosing not to speak to me over something like this. I'm literally their only child, and I can't believe that this is how they're choosing to treat me. It's just hugely disappointing, but there's not much that I can do about it and I'm definitely not going to reach out to them first. If they want to talk to me, they're going to have to come to me. Until then, I'm just grateful
Starting point is 05:41:34 that I have this platform to speak about my problems anonymously because so far, I haven't even been able to tell my friends about any of this. It just feels too personal. And on top of that, after the reaction that I received from my parents, I don't know what to expect from anyone. I definitely don't need any extra drama right now, so I guess I'm just going to keep it to myself for now. Update 2, so it has been a couple of days since my last update and since Ellen's parents did not reply to her email, she decided to show up at their house uninvited. It was just her. Scott did not accompany her, and after her visit, they called me up to inform me what had happened. Apparently, when Ellen showed up, they refused to let her in and said that they wanted
Starting point is 05:42:16 nothing to do with her. And if she was here to ask about her daughter, then she was just going to be disappointed because she was not with them. Thankfully, at that point of time, she was taking a nap anyway, so there was no chance of her being found out in the house anyway. But Ellen started begging and crying, and said that she knew that her daughter had to be here, that we had all been lying to her, and she knew that she had messed up, but as a mother, she had the right to see her daughter. She insisted that they had to let her in, and as her parents, they could not be that cruel. So they got into a fight, and Ellen started banging on the door when they shut it. But even then, her daughter did not wake up and I'm really thankful for it because I think it would have been very traumatizing
Starting point is 05:42:58 for her. After a while, her parents said that they would call the cops, and that's when she finally left. They called me to warn me about it, because now that she had somehow figured out that her daughter had to be with them, they would probably try to come to me as well and try to talk me into convincing them. But that's obviously not happening. I don't even think that I'm going to entertain their visits, and I'm definitely going to call the cops as soon as they decide to show up here the next time. In all honesty, I'm beginning to think that it's probably Scott's parents who are responsible for this. They were not really involved in the whole adoption process, but I'm guessing they must have had some idea what was happening after CPS stopped contacting them. So it must have
Starting point is 05:43:39 been their guess that Scott and Ellen's daughter is now with her parents. Because she's definitely not with me, that's for sure. And given how Scott's parents always adored him, I'm pretty sure that they had stayed in touch with him for the past two years but had refused to help find them. I think all these people are just failures at being parents or even just good people in general. They really do deserve each other, and I think they should stick to each other instead of bothering us. I don't even understand why they are being so stubborn about getting back to their daughter, they can just make another baby now. Or maybe I'm guessing that must be part of the reason why, maybe they don't feel guilty and maybe they just want to get back
Starting point is 05:44:17 into their daughter's life because there must be some problem with conceiving another baby. I have heard of stories like that, and I wouldn't be surprised if that is the case because judging by how selfish and heartless their behavior had been the first time around, I really don't think that I would put this kind of thing beyond them. Anyway, I'm not sure of it, so I can't say anything as to why they want to get back to their daughter after two years. but from the gut feeling that I've been getting for the past few days, I'm pretty sure that it's nothing to do with their conscience or whatever. In fact, I would probably go to the extent of saying that they don't even have a conscience,
Starting point is 05:44:52 because if they did, they wouldn't have done something so disgusting in the first place. Anyway, this whole situation has really started messing with me. And they hardly ever brought up anything to do with Ellen or Scott, to the extent where I almost forgot that they were her parents. They never spoke of her, but nowadays, I feel like I'm being suffocated because I've started to think about them every day once again. And it feels like all the healing, all the self-care of the past two years has started being undone or something because I feel like I'm going back to that state of mind in the first few days after I was left behind by Scott. And that just can't happen again, because it was one of the darkest phases of my life, and I really don't want to go back there.
Starting point is 05:45:32 At least back, then, I had my parents to support me, but this time, they're not even speaking to me. Yeah, it's been a while, and they are still not speaking to me and I don't know what it's going to take for them to acknowledge the fact that maybe they were not exactly right. And maybe Scott and Ellen deserve the kind of treatment that they are receiving right now. I don't understand why they are being so stubborn about this whole thing, but even I have decided that enough time has passed and now, an apology is just not going to cut it. I don't know what exactly I want them to do, but just coming back to me and saying that they are sorry is not going to be enough. They're going to have to show me that they are sorry, and then I'm going
Starting point is 05:46:12 to think about whether I want to forgive them or not because I think they have been very insensitive and I don't need any more of that crap in my life at this point. Update 3. So just as Ellen's parents had predicted, two days after she showed up at their house, Scott showed up at my place. I just don't understand why these people believe that I'm going to help them out, or that Ellen's parents are going to help them out, especially after whatever they had put us through in the past two years. But for some reason, they believe that we owe it to them to be good to them, even after they had been nothing but heartless and insensitive to all of us. Of course, just as I had expected, he showed up alone this time, without Ellen.
Starting point is 05:46:51 And I'm pretty sure that this is a strategy or something. They probably think that showing up with each other is going to make us even more upset, so they're trying to make it seem like they really care about our feelings or something. I don't understand why they think we are such fools, but anyway, when he showed up, I instantly told him that he needed to leave or else I would immediately call the cops. He started crying immediately, saying that he knew that he had messed up, but he had learned his lesson and said that karma had finally caught up with them. Apparently, a few months ago, Ellen had been diagnosed with cervical cancer, and they believe that this is their punishment for abandoning their daughter and treating us the way that
Starting point is 05:47:28 they did. So they have come back now, to make up for everything that they had done in the past, and they are hoping that we will forgive them, so they can move on with their lives and take back their daughter. I don't know if the whole cervical cancer story is true or not, but it hardly made a difference to me. I told him through the door that this sob story of his hardly made any difference to me, and if he thought that he could get me to take pity on him by saying all these things, then he was very wrong. Because I haven't forgotten how I felt back when he left me and I'm never going to forget that feeling for the rest of my life, thanks to the trust issues that he has given me. And neither do I feel the need to forgive him, not do I feel the need to believe
Starting point is 05:48:07 him in his stories. Even if the cancer story is true, I don't care about it because regardless of whether Ellen is suffering or not, their daughter is still not a toy that they can take back whenever they want to. They might have figured out where she is, and with whom, but if he was here to convince me to talk to Ellen's parents and let them have her back, then he was seriously mistaken, because I was not going to do anything of the sort and my decision was final, and I didn't want to hear I told him that he had 30 seconds to get off my property. I already had the phone in my hand and was about to call the cops when he told me that he was finally leaving, but he needed me to know that he was not making up anything. He was telling me that whatever he had said so far, it was the truth, and he really was
Starting point is 05:48:48 sorry about everything that I had to go through, that Ellen's parents had to go through and he confirmed what I already knew, that his parents had told him that in all probability, it was probably Ellen's parents who had ended up adopting their daughter. And also, Ellen had already visited them, but had no luck in seeing their daughter even once. So they had believed that at least I would have some sympathy for them, knowing their condition, and arrange for at least one meeting between parents and daughter, by speaking to Ellen's parents because it seems like they have taken a liking to me or something. Now, though, clearly, it was evident that I had no interest in helping them out, so he was going to leave because he had no interest in getting caught up with the cops,
Starting point is 05:49:27 especially after whatever had happened in the past. But he wanted me to know that whatever he had told me about having cervical cancer, it was all true, and they had really believed that coming back here, they would be able to make amends with all of us, but clearly, we are not open to it. He told me that Ellen hadn't brought up anything about it when she had tried to visit her parents because she did not want them to worry too much, but now, he didn't think that they would worry anyway,
Starting point is 05:49:51 so he told me to tell them about it, and that was the least that he could ask of me. This was one last favor that I could do for them, but if I didn't even want to do that, that was fine with him as well and within the next week, they would be flying back home and would never bother us again for the rest of their lives. Then, he left, and I didn't even have to call the cops and I don't know what to do with myself either now, to be frank. I just felt like I had to get this all off my chest, and now, I guess I'll have to make a decision about whether I should talk to Ellen's parents about what I was told or not. Eventually, I guess I'll have to do that anyway, so let's just see where this goes. Update 4. So it's the end of the week, now, if Ellen
Starting point is 05:50:33 and Scott had stuck to what they had said about leaving, then they would have probably already gone back home. After my last conversation with Scott, there were no further attempts to get in touch with us, and I did speak to Ellen's parents about whatever I was told. I told them all about the cervical cancer, and while they looked very shocked and unhappy about it, they said that they were not going to get back in touch with her. At least not right now, because their granddaughter needed them more than she did, and maybe in the future, they would think about it, but for now, it was just too fresh and raw to think about it. Besides, there was no proof of it, apart from Scott's word, and I hate it to cheapen the experience of any cancer survivor, but I really don't
Starting point is 05:51:13 think that my opinion of these two is high enough to say that they would be above using something like this to make us sympathetic towards them and get back in touch with them or something. So for now, we are going back to our normal lives. With one exception, my parents are still not speaking to me, but I guess I'm going to get used to it. Thankfully, I did speak about whatever I was going through to a bunch of my friends, and luckily, they were all on my side, all of them were very upset with my parents for reacting the way that they did, and said that I was right to cut them off.
Starting point is 05:51:43 So now, I'm not going to worry about anybody else, I'm just going to focus on my my own mental health and try to undo all the damage that has been done to it in the past couple of weeks. I hope you enjoy this story. Former spouse insisted I provide financial assistance for her offspring who has no biological connection to me. Subsequently, I discovered that my biological parent was aiding her in deceiving me through similar deceitful tactics she had employed previously. Using on my dad for years. A few months ago, my life took a turn I couldn't have predicted even in my wildest imagination. I had been divorced from my ex-wife, Rachel, for over two years.
Starting point is 05:52:25 We had no kids together, so I thought things were straightforward when we separated. I moved on, started focusing on my career, and didn't look back. However, that piece didn't last long because of one person, my mother. To give a bit of context, my mom has always had a domineering personality. Growing up, she had a say in every aspect of my life, from the clothes I wore to the friends I could hang out with. I figured her influence would diminish once I became an adult and got married. But if anything, it became worse. She meddled constantly in my relationship with Rachel. While I thought cutting ties with Rachel would mean cutting out the drama, I underestimated my mother's persistence. About three months ago, out of nowhere, I was
Starting point is 05:53:13 I started getting messages from Rachel. She claimed she needed financial help for her child or two-year-old son. A son I knew for a fact wasn't mine, since she got pregnant nearly a year after our divorce was finalized. At first, I ignored her messages. It wasn't my responsibility, plain and simple. Then, Rachel started to escalate. She threatened legal action, claiming I had a moral obligation to help her. Again, I brushed it off as desperation and moved on. The real shock came when my mother began echoing Rachel's demands. She called me incessantly, urging me to do the right thing. She even went so far as to threaten me, saying she'd take me to court if I refused to pay. I couldn't wrap my head around why my own mother would side with my ex-wife, especially over
Starting point is 05:54:05 something so absurd. At first, I thought my mom was simply being her use. controling self. But something didn't sit right. Why was she so invested? And why was she acting like she had the authority to drag me to court over something that didn't concern her? It didn't make sense, and I decided I had to figure it out. That's when I overheard the conversation that changed everything. I had stopped by my mom's house unannounced to confront her about her behavior. As I entered, I heard her talking on the phone in the next room. I stayed out of sight and listened. The voice on the other end was unmistakably Rachel's.
Starting point is 05:54:46 They were deep in discussion about child support specifically, how they could manipulate me into paying for Rachel's son. My mother even admitted that she had been doing something similar with my father, her ex-husband, for years. She had been siphoning money from him under the pretense of supporting me, even though I was well into adulthood and financially independent. The whole situation was like a sick part. partnership. Rachel had somehow convinced my mom to advocate on her behalf by appealing to my mom's
Starting point is 05:55:16 own shady tactics. My mom's logic was that if she could pull it off with my dad, Rachel could pull it off with me. They were using the same playbook of guilt-tripping and legal threats. At that moment, I saw my mother in a new light, manipulative, greedy, and completely lacking in loyalty. I knew that I couldn't just sit with this and had to do something. If my mom had no problem exploiting my father all these years, she surely wouldn't think twice about doing the same to me. And Rachel? She was a willing accomplice. But uncovering the truth was just the beginning. What followed was a chaotic chain of events that felt like a bad soap opera.
Starting point is 05:55:58 I decided I wouldn't let this go quietly. They wanted to play dirty. Fine. I could play just as dirty within the law. The first thing I did was start documenting everything. I saved every text, voicemail, and call log from Rachel and my mother. I recorded every interaction where they tried to guilt-trip me into paying. The P.S. de resistance, of course, was the phone conversation I overheard between the two of them.
Starting point is 05:56:28 It was crystal clear that they were colluding to extort me, using my past relationship with Rachel and my mother's status as family as leverage. I also decided to loop in my father. It wasn't an easy conversation to have. My dad and I have always had a complicated relationship, largely due to my mom's manipulative tendencies. But I couldn't keep this to myself, especially knowing how long he'd been her victim. I shared everything I had learned. At first, he was shocked, then hurt, and finally, angry. For years, my mom had convinced him that he needed to support her financially for my sake.
Starting point is 05:57:07 All the while, she had been funneling that money into her own lifestyle. And now, she was trying to teach Rachel the same scam. My dad hired his own lawyer to investigate the financial history between him and my mom. What they uncovered was staggering. Over the years, she had pocketed thousands under the guise of child-related expenses. She had used that money to fund vacations, by designer bags, and even pay off some of Rachel's bills during our mission. marriage. Armed with this information, we decided to take legal action. My lawyer filed a motion to formally distance me from Rachel's child support claims. It included a declaration that I had
Starting point is 05:57:50 no biological or legal ties to her child. My father, meanwhile, filed a lawsuit against my mother for fraudulent misrepresentation and misuse of funds. Both cases were strong, thanks to the mountain of evidence things came to a head when Rachel and my mom were served with legal notices. Rachel's claim for child support fell apart almost immediately. She had no proof linking me to her son, and the court dismissed her case before it even went to trial. My mom's situation, however, was more drawn out. She tried to fight my dad's lawsuit, claiming she had done nothing wrong and that her actions were justified as a mother looking out for her child. But the evidence against her was overwhelmed.
Starting point is 05:58:33 During one of the hearings, my mom broke down and tried to pin everything on Rachel, claiming she had been manipulated into helping her. It was a laughable attempt to dodge responsibility, especially considering the financial records that proved her schemes predated Rachel's involvement. In the end, my father was able to recover a significant portion of the money she had taken from him, and she was forced to publicly acknowledge her wrongdoing. As for me, I cut ties with my mother entirely. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was necessary for my own insanity.
Starting point is 05:59:08 I blocked her number, her emails, and even her social media accounts. I let the extended family know what had happened so they wouldn't buy into whatever sob story she was bound to spin. Even after all of this, I can't shake the feeling that I'm still missing something. Sure, I've taken the right steps to protect myself and my dad, but there's this nagging thought that my mom and Rachel might have more schemes up their sleeves. It's exhausting to think about, honestly. I keep wondering how people can even think this way, let alone act on it. For now, I've done everything I can to shut this mess down, but it's left me questioning a lot of things. Have I gone too far by cutting my mom off entirely?
Starting point is 05:59:52 Should I have tried harder to salvage some kind of relationship, or was this the only way to truly protect myself? And what about Rachel? Do you think someone like her will just give up, or should I brace myself for more drama? Have any of you dealt with something like this before? What worked for you? Update 1. I didn't expect my original post to blow up the way it did. I've been reading through the comments, and I can't thank you all enough for the advice, the shared experiences, and even the tough love some of you gave me.
Starting point is 06:00:23 It's been a lot to process, but your support has kept me grounded during what feels like the most chaotic time of my life. Since my last post, things have somehow gotten even messier. I thought Rachel and my mom would back off after being served with legal papers, but I underestimated just how stubborn and petty both of them can be. They've been doubling down on their efforts to stir up drama, and I've been forced to navigate a whole new set of problems because of it. Let me break it down. First off, Rachel isn't taking her legal loss gracefully. After her child, support claim was dismissed, I figured she'd let it go and move on with her life. Instead, she's been running around telling anyone who will listen that I'm a deadbeat dad who's
Starting point is 06:01:08 refusing to take responsibility for my son. She's posted about it on social media multiple times, tagging me in some of the posts and accusing me of abandoning her and her child. The posts are full of lies, of course, but it's the kind of stuff that could easily ruin someone's reputation if people believed it. I've had co-workers and even old friends reach out to ask what's going on. Some of them believed Rachel's version of events at first, but, thankfully, I've been able to clear things up by explaining the situation and in some cases, showing them the legal documents proving I have no connection to her kid. Still, the whole thing has been embarrassing and stressful.
Starting point is 06:01:49 It's like Rachel is trying to weaponize public opinion against me now that the legal system didn't work in her favor. On top of that, my mom has been ramping up her guilt trips. Even though she knows I'm done with her, she's still trying to manipulate me through other family members. A couple of days ago, my aunt, my mom's sister, called me out of the blue. She told me my mom was devastated and didn't understand why I was being so cruel. She even tried to paint my mom as the victim, saying she was only trying to help Rachel because she thought it was the right thing to do. I explained everything to my aunt, including the recording of my mom's conversation with Rachel. My aunt was shocked and apologized for calling me out, but I could tell
Starting point is 06:02:33 she still felt conflicted. My mom is a master manipulator, and she's been spinning this narrative that she's a selfless, misunderstood parent who's being unfairly punished for doing the right thing. It's frustrating to see how easily people fall for her act, even when the evidence is right there. Then there's my dad. He's been incredibly supportive through all of this, but the situation has brought up a lot of unresolved pain for him. After years of being manipulated and taken advantage of by my mom, he's starting to question everything about their marriage and their divorce.
Starting point is 06:03:07 He told me he feels foolish for not seeing through her lies sooner and guilty for letting her take advantage of him for so long. One of the more surprising developments is that my dad has started going through his old financial records to see just how much money my mom siphoned off over the years. He's found a few discrepancies already payments she claimed were for me but were actually for things like spa treatments and vacations. He's been working with his lawyer to figure out if there's more he can recover, but it's been an emotionally draining process for him. In the middle of all this chaos, I've been trying to stay focused on protecting myself. After Rachel's
Starting point is 06:03:44 Smear campaign on social media, my lawyer suggested filing a defamation. claim. I wasn't sure at first it felt like adding fuel to the fire, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I couldn't just let her drag my name through the mud without consequences. We're in the early stages of that process now, and while it feels like a lot to take on, I know it's the right move. I've also started documenting my interactions with extended family members who've been pulled into this mess. Some of them are genuinely trying to help, while others are clearly acting as mouthpieces for my mom. One of my cousins, who I've always been close to,
Starting point is 06:04:21 reached out to tell me my mom has been bad-mouthing me to the entire family. She's apparently been saying that I've turned my back on my family and that I'm letting my dad influence me because I resent her for the divorce. None of it is true, of course, but it's infuriating to see how far she's willing to go to protect her image. On a more positive note, I've gotten a lot closer to my dad throughout all of this. We've been having more honest conversations than we ever did before, and I think he's starting to see just how much of our strained relationship was a result of my mom's manipulations. It's bittersweet because I wish we've been able to connect like this sooner, but I'm grateful we're finally on the same page now.
Starting point is 06:05:03 One unexpected twist in all of this is that Rachel's current partner, yes, the actual father of her child has reached out to me. He sent me a message on Facebook apologizing for Rachel's behavior and saying he had no idea she was trying to come after me for child support. He also told me he's been having issues with her because she's been pressuring him to step up and contribute more financially, even though he's already supporting their kid. I didn't respond to his message because I didn't want to get dragged into their drama, but it did make me wonder just how much of Rachel's behavior is driven by desperation versus malice. Not that it excuses anything she's done, but it's clear she's burning bridges left and
Starting point is 06:05:43 right, and I can't help but feel sorry for her son. Through all of this, I've been trying to take care of myself and not let the stress overwhelm me. I've started going to therapy again, which has been a huge help. My therapist has been helping me unpack the complicated emotions around cutting ties with my mom and dealing with the fallout from Rachel's actions. It's been tough, but I feel like I'm making progress. I'm also working on setting boundaries with my extended family. I've made it clear that I'm not interested in hearing excuses for my mom's behavior or being guilt-tripped into reconciling with her. Most of them have been supportive, but there are a few who still think I'm being too harsh and need to give her a chance to explain herself. I honestly
Starting point is 06:06:28 don't know what else there is to explain her actions speak for themselves. At this point, I'm trying to take things one day at a time. The legal battles are still ongoing, and I know it's going to take a while before everything is fully resolved. In the meantime, I'm focusing on rebuilding my life and surrounding myself with people who genuinely care about me. If you've made it this far, thank you for sticking with me through all of this. I've been reading through your comments and messages, and it's been such a comfort to know I'm not alone. If anyone has advice on how to deal with toxic family dynamics or smear campaigns, I'm all ears. This whole experience has been a roller coaster, and I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate it without losing my sanity.
Starting point is 06:07:13 I didn't think things could get messy, but I was so, so wrong. If you're reading this, buckle up what's happened in the past few days feels like something straight out of a bad TV drama. And yes, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Update 2. First, thank you all all for the advice and encouragement after my last update. It's been overwhelming to read all the stories from people who've dealt with similar situations and still managed to come out the other side. Honestly, it's been one of the only things keeping me sane. So, where do I even start? After Rachel's Smear campaign online, I thought the worst she could do was ruin my reputation. I mean, how much lower could she sink after publicly accusing me of being a deadbeat dad for a child
Starting point is 06:08:01 that's not mine. Well, apparently, Rachel has a vindictive streak a mile wide because she decided to escalate in a way I didn't see coming. A couple of days ago, I got a call for my landlord. He said there had been a complaint about me from one of the neighbors. At first, I was confused because I generally keep to myself and don't even know most of my neighbors. But then he dropped the bomb. Someone had anonymously accused me of being involved in illegal activities in my apartment. At that moment, I knew it had to be Rachel or my mom. The timing was way too suspicious. The landlord told me the police had been contacted, and they were planning to stop by to investigate the claim.
Starting point is 06:08:45 I was furious but also panicked because the last thing I needed was cops showing up at my door based on a fake tip. I immediately called my lawyer, who told me to stay calm and not let them search my apartment without a warrant. He also suggested I install a security camera near my door in case Rachel or my mom decided to escalate further. I don't think I've ever ordered something so fast in my life. Sure enough, later that evening, two police officers knocked on my door. They were polite but firm, saying they'd received a tip about possible illegal activity and needed to check things out. I explained the situation how I was dealing with an ex-wife
Starting point is 06:09:26 and mother who had been harassing me and they seemed understanding. They didn't have a warrant, so I politely refused to let them in, but I could tell they were skeptical. Thankfully, they left without further issue, but the whole experience was nerve-wracking. I felt violated, even though they hadn't stepped foot inside. It's terrifying to think how easily someone can weaponize the system against you with nothing more than a phone call. The next day, I decided to take action.
Starting point is 06:09:54 My lawyer helped me file a police report for harassment against both Rachel and my mom. I didn't have concrete proof that either of them had made the tip off, but given everything else they'd done, it wasn't hard to connect the dots. At the very least, having a formal record of their behavior could help me if things escalated further. And, oh, they did. Two nights ago, someone tried to break into my car. I live in an apartment complex with a shared parking lot, and the only reason they didn't succeed was because one of my neighbors spotted them and called security. The would-be thief ran off before they could be caught, but the timing was way too convenient to be a coincidence. When I went to check my car, I found a folded piece of paper tucked under the windshield wiper.
Starting point is 06:10:42 It was a handwritten note that said, you think you're so smart, but you'll regret this. No signature, no other details. At this point, I'm convinced Rachel and my mom are willing. working together again. It wouldn't be the first time, and the note felt like something they'd come up with. My mom's MO has always been to guilt trip me into submission, while Rachel prefers more overt intimidation tactics. It's like they're trying to tag team me into giving up. My lawyer recommended installing a dash cam in my car and filing another police report for the attempt to break-in. I also reached out to my building security team to ask for access to the
Starting point is 06:11:22 parking lot footage. Unfortunately, the cameras didn't catch a clear view of the person, but I've added the report to the growing pile of evidence against them. Meanwhile, my dad has been dealing with his own drama. My mom, in a last-ditch effort to salvage her reputation, sent him a letter claiming she'd been forced to act the way she did because he wasn't supportive enough during their marriage. She even hinted that she might countersue him for emotional damages, which is absurd. My dad's lawyer isn't too worried about it. He says it's a classic scare tactic with no legal standing, but it's been upsetting for my dad nonetheless. One bright spot in all of this chaos has been the support I've received from my dad and a few close friends. My dad and I have been talking
Starting point is 06:12:08 almost every day, and it feels like we're finally building the kind of relationship we should have had years ago. He's even offered to help cover some of my legal fees, though I've insisted on handling it myself. As for my friends, they've been incredible. In fact, all of this drama actually led me to connecting with Rachel's sister, who she hadn't talked to for years, like even before our divorce. Well, she had some things to tell me. Turns out, Rachel has a history of financial issues, unpaid debts, and a couple of minor fraud charges that were dropped. These cases didn't go anywhere either, but it paints a pretty clear picture of her pattern of behavior. Now, I feel more determined than ever to see this through. Rachel and my mom might think
Starting point is 06:12:54 they can bully me into submission, but I'm done playing their games. I've tightened my security, documented everything, and surrounded myself with people I trust. Still, I can't help but feel a bit paranoid. Every time my phone buzzes or I hear a knock at the door, my heart skips a beat. I've started double-checking all my locks before going to bed, and I'm constantly looking over my shoulder when I'm out in public. It's exhausting, but I know I have to stay vigilant. To top it all off, my mom has been reaching out to some of my friends, trying to paint me as the ungrateful son who's abandoned his family. Luckily, most of my friends see through her BS, but it's still frustrating to know she's out there spreading lies. So now, I have a few questions for you all.
Starting point is 06:13:43 How do you deal with the paranoia that comes with being targeted like this? Have you ever had to file harassment charges against someone close to you? And for anyone who's gone no contact with a toxic parent, how do you handle the fallout when they try to pull others into their drama? I'm trying to stay strong, but it feels like this battle is far from over. Thanks for sticking with me through all of this I'll keep you updated as things progress. Update 3. It's been a little over a week since my last update. and honestly, I can finally breathe. I'm not saying everything is perfect, but for the first time
Starting point is 06:14:19 in what feels like forever, I think I can see the light at the end of this tunnel. So much has happened since I last wrote, and I want to share how things finally unraveled and, surprisingly, came to a head in ways I didn't expect. After the car break-in and the constant harassment, I decided I couldn't just wait for the next attack. I needed to confront this head-on. At the time, I didn't know how exactly, but I was sick of living in fear, sick of wondering when Rachel or my mom would pull another stunt. It wasn't just draining it was completely taking over my life. Then, something unexpected happened. Out of nowhere, I got a message on Facebook from a guy named Chris.
Starting point is 06:15:02 His name didn't ring a bell at first, but his message made it clear why he was reaching out. He said he was the father of Rachel's child and that he'd only recently found out about all the drama she had been causing. Apparently, she had been feeding him lies too, claiming she had no financial support and that I had abandoned her during her pregnancy, none of which made sense to him because, as he put it, you weren't even in the picture when we got together. At first, I thought it might be some kind of trap or ploy Rachel had cooked up, but after talking to him it became clear he was genuinely blindsided by her behavior. Chris told me he'd started piecing things together when Rachel suddenly became obsessed with money. She'd been pressuring him to take on more financial
Starting point is 06:15:45 responsibility, claiming she was carrying everything on her own. She hadn't told him about her attempts to get child support for me until very recently when she let it slip during an argument. To say he was furious was an understatement. He admitted that their relationship had been rocky for a while, but learning she'd been actively trying to scam me and dragging him into it was the final straw for him. He asked if I'd be willing to meet and person to discuss everything, and after running it by my lawyer, I agreed. Meeting Chris was surreal. He seemed like a decent enough guy, and it was clear he was just as fed up with Rachel as I was. We compared notes on what we both knew, and I showed him the
Starting point is 06:16:26 messages and evidence I had collected. He was horrified, especially when I told him about the anonymous tip to the police and the car break-in. He told me he had no idea Rachel was capable of this kind of behavior, but looking back, he could see the red flags he'd ignored. The most interesting part of our conversation, though, was when he mentioned my mom. Apparently, Rachel had been bragging to him about how she had my mom wrapped around her finger. She claimed my mom was helping her because they both had something to gain. Rachel would get financial help for her son, and my mom would get revenge on my dad and me for cutting her off. Hearing that was like a gut punch.
Starting point is 06:17:07 I knew my mom was manipulative, but I still couldn't wrap my head around how far she was willing to go to hurt me. It was one thing to be controlling and selfish, but teaming up with Rachel, of all people. It felt like a whole new level of betrayal. After meeting with Chris, I decided it was time to confront both Rachel and my mom directly. I didn't want to give them the chance to play dumb or twist the story I just wanted the truth and, hopefully, a way to finally put this night. behind me. First, I went to Rachel. I wasn't sure how she'd react to seeing me show up at her door, but I didn't care. She looked completely caught off guard when she opened the door, and before she could say anything, I told her I had spoken to Chris and knew everything. For the first time since
Starting point is 06:17:56 this whole mess started, she didn't have a snarky comeback or some manipulative excuse. She just stood there, speechless. I laid it all out the fake child support claims, the The police tip, the car break in, everything. I told her I had enough evidence to file harassment charges against her and that Chris was ready to back me up if it came to that. Her face went pale, and she finally broke down, admitting that she'd been desperate for money and thought I'd be an easy target. She even tried to apologize, but I wasn't having it.
Starting point is 06:18:29 I told her that while I wasn't planning to press charges yet, I would if she ever tried to contact me again. Then came the harder part, confronting my mom. I hadn't seen her since the legal notices were served, and honestly, I wasn't sure how the conversation would go. Part of me was still hoping she'd show some kind of remorse or at least admit she'd gone too far. Instead, when I showed up at her house, she acted like nothing had happened.
Starting point is 06:18:57 She tried to brush me off, saying she was too busy to talk, but I wasn't leaving without answers. I told her I knew about her plan with Rachel and that I wasn't going to let her manipulate me or anyone else anymore. At first, she tried to deny it, but when I mentioned the conversation I overheard at her house, she realized she was cornered. That's when the floodgates opened. My mom didn't apologize or even try to justify her actions instead, she turned the blame on me. She accused me of abandoning her and claimed everything she did was out of love, to teach me a for turning my back on family. It was the most twisted logic I'd ever heard, and it only solidified my decision to cut her out of my life. I told her, plain and simple, that I was done.
Starting point is 06:19:44 Done with her lies, her manipulation, and her toxic behavior. I walked out of that house feeling a mix of anger, sadness, and relief. It's hard to fully explain, but in that moment, I felt like I was finally taking control of my life. Since then, things have seen started to settle down. Chris and I have kept in touch, and he's been working on setting up a custody arrangement with Rachel that ensures their son is taken care of without enabling her behavior. As for my mom, I haven't heard from her since our confrontation, and I intend to keep it that way. I've also taken steps to protect myself moving forward. My lawyer helped me put together a formal no-contact letter for both Rachel and my mom, which essentially makes it clear that any
Starting point is 06:20:30 further attempts to harass me will result in legal action. I've also installed security cameras around my apartment and in my car, just in case. I can't say this has been an easy journey, but I feel like I've finally reclaimed some sense of peace. For the first time in months, I'm not constantly looking over my shoulder or waiting for the next disaster. It's not the ending I wanted it's messy, painful, and full of broken relationships but it's the one I needed to move forward. So, to everyone who's been here till now, thank you. Your advice and support have meant the world to me, and I hope my story can serve as a reminder to trust your instincts and stand up for yourself, no matter how hard it gets. I'm still processing everything, but I know
Starting point is 06:21:16 I've made the right choices to protect myself and the people who truly care about me. And with that, I'm finally closing the book on this chapter of my life. I hope you enjoy the story. Guardians bestowed their full inheritance upon my sibling, due to my self-reliance, hence my grandfather astounded all by presenting me with a $2 million payment during the family gathering, and then cut them all out of his will. I arrived at my parents' house that evening with a nod of unease twisting in my stomach. It was one of those rare family gatherings where everyone made an effort to show up, dressed to impress and armed with polite small talk that almost felt a little forced.
Starting point is 06:21:54 The reason for the meeting? My parents had hinted at discussing the future of their personal estate, a topic that had been lingering unspoken for years. I wasn't holding my breath, though. If history had taught me anything, it was that I rarely came out of these situations feeling anything other than sidelined. My sister, Tanya, was already at the center of attention, basking in the glow of everyone's compliments. She wore a smug smile, the kind that hinted she knew something the rest of us didn't. Watching her, I couldn't help but feel the familiar sting of being overshadowed. Tanya had always been my parents' golden child coddled, praised, and excused no matter what.
Starting point is 06:22:36 I, on the other hand, had learned early on that hard work and self-reliance were my only allies. The formalities dragged on, and just as I was debating whether sneaking out would be too obvious, my father clinked his glass, calling for attention. My mother stood beside him, her face glowing with an excitement that immediately made me wary. They began their announcement with a flourish, speaking about family legacy and how much they valued the future of our bloodline. I listened, my nerves tightening with every word. And then it came the bombshell. They were handing their entire estate to Tanya. Not half, not even a small share for me. Everything. My ears rang as I struggled to process their
Starting point is 06:23:19 reasoning. My father said Tanya needed more support because she was the younger sibling as if her age somehow made her incapable of standing on her own. My mother chimed in, praising Tanya's supposed future plans and how the estate would help her achieve them. Then, almost as an afterthought, they turned to me and said they believed I was independent enough to manage without help. My father even added that I should work harder if I wanted success, as though my years of grinding away had counted for nothing. The room felt like it was closing in on. The room felt like it was closing in me. I managed to ask why they thought this was fair. My voice was shaky despite my effort to sound calm. My father waved me off, dismissing my concerns with a condescending smile. He said it wasn't
Starting point is 06:24:04 about fairness, it was about doing what's best for the family. Tanya, of course, couldn't resist rubbing salt in the wound. She made some snide comments about how she had earned this because of her big plans and how I didn't need the burden of managing the estate. Her parents. Her tone was syrupy and sweet, but her words were barbed, cutting deeper than I thought possible. I wanted to shout, to demand answers, to tell them how their decision made me feel like an outsider in my own family. But what was the point? They had made up their minds, and no amount of reasoning would change the fact that I had been pushed aside yet again. The rest of the room watched in awkward silence, clearly uncomfortable but unwilling to step in. I could see a few
Starting point is 06:24:47 sympathetic glances from extended family members, but none of them spoke up. I sat there, stunned and humiliated, while my parents and Tanya bashed in their self-congratulatory glow. The room was thick with awkward silence, the kind that followed a bombshell no one saw coming. I was still processing my parents' announcement. Tanya, who was seated across from me, practically glowed with smugness. Her triumph was etched across her face. I wanted to leave, to escape the suffocating tension, but before I could move, my grandpa cleared his throat. It was a small sound, yet it sliced through the tension like a blade. All eyes turned to him. He had been quiet the entire evening, sitting at the far end of the table
Starting point is 06:25:31 with what I had assumed was disinterest. But now his expression was sharp, his gaze fixed on my parents with a calm intensity that carried a warning. He said he had heard just about enough. His voice was steady but carried an unmistakable weight. My father attempted to protest, starting to say something about it not being his place, but my grandpa raised a hand, silencing him. He told my father to let him finish and said this charade had gone on long enough. There was a collective murmur of confusion as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a checkbook. My heart was beating fast, and I wasn't entirely sure why. With deliberate movements, he scribbled something onto a check and then stood up and walked over to me. He placed it in my trembling hands. He said the check was for me
Starting point is 06:26:20 $2 million, his personal gift. His voice carried through the room with an air of finality. Everybody seemed frozen. For a moment, no one moved or spoke. I stared at the check in disbelief, the weight of the gesture sinking in. Tanya was the first to break the silence. Her voice was shrill as she demanded to know what was going on. She sputtered about fairness, asking why I was getting this money and not her. Grandpa's gaze snapped to her, sharp and unwavering. He told her that if she wanted to talk about fairness, then they should discuss it properly. His words were clipped, filled with a controlled anger that made everyone sit up straighter.
Starting point is 06:27:02 He turned to my parents, his voice rising slightly as he addressed them. He said he had spent years watching them coddle Tanya, enabling her selfishness while ignoring all the effort I had put in to make something of myself, my mother flushed red with embarrassment, and my father's face twisted with discomfort. They started to mumble something about Tanya being younger and needing more support, but Grandpa cut them off sharply. He said age had nothing to do with it. He called out their blatant favoritism and said this was about character. He gestured toward Tanya and said they had inflated her ego to the point where she thought the world owed her everything. Tanya gasped in disbelief, trying to defend her.
Starting point is 06:27:41 defend herself. She claimed she had worked hard too, even if no one had noticed. Grandpa fixed her with a glare and asked her to name one thing she had truly worked hard at. He pointed out that all he had seen was her spending their money and making empty promises about plans she never followed through on. He said that if she considered that hard work, then she was more deluded than he thought. My parents tried to interject again, saying they were within their rights to make decisions about their own estate, but Grandpa waved them off. He said they were free to make their decisions, and he was free to make his own. He explained that the money was meant for me as a reward for my resilience and integrity
Starting point is 06:28:22 qualities he had always valued but rarely saw acknowledged in this family. This stung my eyes, not because of the money, but because of the validation. For once, someone had recognized my efforts, my struggles, and my worth. Tanya, unable to contain her emotions, slammed her hands on the table, that Grandpa explain himself again. She insisted that this was an insult, not just to her, but to the entire family. She accused him of playing favorites and claimed that I had somehow manipulated him into giving me the money. I felt my face burn with frustration. Manipulation? I had spent years quietly enduring their blatant favoritism, their constant dismissal of my efforts, and now I was the manipulative one. My parents jumped in to support Tanya, their
Starting point is 06:29:09 voices rising as they tried to convince grandpa to reconsider. My father said that rewarding me this way would create unnecessary divisions in the family, while my mother chimed in that Tanya was still young and needed guidance, not punishment. Their words were dripping with hypocrisy. I had had enough. I refused to stay silent. I told them that this so-called division had always existed, but they had ignored it because it suited them. I reminded them how they had belittled me for choosing to work hard, all while praising Tanya for doing nothing. I asked them how they could stand there and accuse me of being greedy when they had just handed their entire estate to her under the pretense of fairness.
Starting point is 06:29:50 Tanya shot back, calling me ungrateful and petty, claiming that I was jealous of her success. Success? I laughed bitterly and told her that living off handouts and demanding more wasn't success it was entitlement. The argument spiraled, with Tanya throwing a tantrum, shouting about how unfair life was and how I'd always been. jealous of her. My parents tried to pin the blame on me for escalating things, saying I should
Starting point is 06:30:15 have just been grateful for what I had. That was when Grandpa stepped in again. He raised his voice, louder than I'd ever heard it, silencing the room. He told my parents they had no right to talk about fairness or family unity when they had spent years fostering this toxic dynamic. He reminded Tanya that nothing in life was guaranteed and warned her that her entitlement would be her downfall. His word stung everyone, even me, though for different reasons. As the room fell silent once more, I realized this wasn't just about the money anymore. It was about finally being seen, finally being heard. Tanya, of course, couldn't let it go.
Starting point is 06:30:56 She wailed about how unfair it was. She asked if she didn't deserve something too. Grandpa's tone turned icy as he told her she had already been handed everything on a silver platter, yet she still complained. He said she was lucky he hadn't stripped my parents' inheritance altogether and given it to me instead. The room erupted into chaos. My parents were shouting, Tanya was on the verge of tears, and the rest of the family whispered furiously among themselves. Through it all, Grandpa remained calm, his point made. Before he left, he turned to me, placing a firm hand on my shoulder.
Starting point is 06:31:32 He told me to use the money wisely and left the room without another word. His exit left a stunned silence in his wake. None of what happened erased the years of neglect or hurt, but I want to keep the check. What should I do? Update 1. A week had passed since that chaotic family gathering, and things still felt heavy. It wasn't just the argument that lingered, it was the aftermath, the real impact of everything that had happened.
Starting point is 06:32:00 I was still processing the conversation with my parents, the way they had dismissed me like I was nothing as if all my years of hard work meant nothing compared to my sister's entitlement. It stung. Then, one afternoon, my grandpa showed up at my door. I wasn't expecting him, but the sight of him there brought a sense of calm I didn't realize I needed. He looked around the living room, taking in the modest space, and then glanced at me, almost as if seeing me in a new light. He always had this quiet sophistication about him, never one to get involved in the drama, but this time, he wasn't holding back. He came in without saying much, but his presence was solid. Finally, after a moment, he spoke, a little softer than usual. He told me he just
Starting point is 06:32:46 wanted to check in and see how I was doing after everything that had happened. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that until he said it. I let out a breath, half laughing, half sighing, and told him that I was doing as well as could be expected. It had been tough, of course, but I was managing, I didn't want to dump everything on him, so I kept it brief. I didn't want myself to dwell too much on the hurt that still lingered. He didn't push. He just nodded in understanding. But then he looked at me seriously. He said that he should have stepped in sooner, that he should have called out the way my parents
Starting point is 06:33:22 treated me, how they'd always put my sister on a pedestal while overlooking all my efforts. It was hard to hear him say that, but his words were sincere. I told him I hadn't expected him to step in. I'd always known what they were like, and I'd made my peace with it. But it still hurt, especially now, seeing how little they thought of me. Grandpa nodded again. His expression was soft. He said that I shouldn't let them define my worth anymore, that I had earned every bit of what
Starting point is 06:33:52 was coming to me. And then he told me, in his quiet way, that I didn't need to keep chasing their approval. I had a chance now, a real chance, to build something for myself with the money he had given me. He said that I had the power to create my own future and how I used that money was left to my judgment. I asked him, though, how to move forward. If it was really okay for me to use that money? What if I messed up? What if I didn't know what to do with it all? He smiled at me, not in a condescending way, but with that familiar, patient wisdom. He told me, he told me, not to worry about wasting it, and that the important thing was to take my time, think things
Starting point is 06:34:33 through, and reach out for help when I needed it. He'd be there for me every step of the way, guiding me if I wanted it. We spent a few more hours talking about my options, about investments, about what I could do with the $2 million. He told me to meet with financial advisors, suggested I look into mentoring opportunities, and encouraged me to keep learning. It was a lot to process, but I felt lighter as we talked. I wasn't on my own in this. I had someone in my corner and he actually believed in me. As he stood to leave, he put a hand on my shoulder, a rare gesture of affection.
Starting point is 06:35:09 He told me he was proud of me, that he always had been, and that I should never forget it. Update 2, 4 months had passed, and things had certainly changed. My sister, having taken full control of the estate, was already in over her head. I never would have guessed it, but she managed to make a mess of what was something. supposed to be a smooth transition. It wasn't even that she didn't have the resources, she had everything handed to her on a silver platter. But I guess when everything's given to you, there's no drive to make sure it lasts. First, she decided to liquidate most of the family's assets, claiming it was for some necessary upgrades to the estate. I heard from a cousin that she'd sold
Starting point is 06:35:51 off a bunch of antique furniture stuff that had been in the family for decades just so she could redecorate. And the renovations? Well, she went for the most extravagant, overpriced contractors, promising them the world. They took her money and did half the work. Her own stubbornness had her refusing to hear anyone out when they told her to slow down and actually plan for the future. Meanwhile, the debt started piling up. She didn't even notice when the cash was running low. My parents, of course, were still blind to her failings. They kept defending her, saying she was doing her best and that the family should be more supportive. But, honestly, I wasn't surprised. Word of what was happening
Starting point is 06:36:34 spread fast not in a dramatic way, but people started talking, as they always do. My family's financial troubles started showing up in places they couldn't hide. A few of the business partners had pulled out after hearing about the state of things. Extended family members, the ones who had once admired my parents for their stability, began distancing themselves. They weren't interested in being attached to someone who couldn't even hold their ground. I kept hearing little updates here and there about how she'd made a bad deal with a contractor, or how she spent an entire month hiring consultants who only gave vague advice and emptied the bank account in the process. It was embarrassing to watch. I couldn't help but feel a little smug, though. I knew she
Starting point is 06:37:17 couldn't handle what had been given to her, and eventually, she'd have to face it. But the Rayall kicker came when I found out my parents had tried to cover up some of the mess by hiding financial documents and pretending everything was still fine. They were already trying to act like nothing had changed as if the whole world hadn't seen their prized possession crumble. I wasn't there for the fallout. I didn't have to be. I had long walked away from that circus. But I did get the occasional call from relatives asking about the family. Some even offered their condolences about how things had gone south, calling my sister unlucky. The family's reputation wasn't just tarnished, was in shambles. And, in some strange way, I found myself almost happy. The people who had dismissed
Starting point is 06:38:04 me for so long were now facing the consequences of their own poor decisions. And I had nothing to do with it. For a while, I just let it all happen. It wasn't my problem anymore. I had my own life to focus on. And it was better that way. Am I too vengeful for being happy about this? Update 3. Every decision seemed worse than the last, from draining resources on unnecessary luxuries to alienating everyone who could have helped her. I wasn't surprised, but I can't deny my parents' stupidity for still indulging her. What happened next was inevitable. Word got out about the mounting debts, the unpaid but useless contractors, and the disappearing assets. A few more businesses that had been part of the family's portfolio pulled out, refusing to deal with the sinking ship.
Starting point is 06:38:55 The phone calls my parents had been avoiding finally came to a head when the creditors started showing up. Bills piled up, the lawyers moved in. I heard all of this secondhand, of course. People I hadn't spoken to in years were happy to share the gossip, and it seemed like every other day there was some new update. But what stuck with me the most wasn't the fall from grace that my family was enduring. It was the call I received from my mother that one evening.
Starting point is 06:39:23 I hadn't spoken to her since that night. hadn't even given her the time of day. But there she was, calling me like nothing had happened, trying to sound casual but failing miserably. Her voice had that unmistakable tinge of desperation. She told me things were getting bad, and that they were working on it, but she didn't ask for help not right away. Instead, she threw in some half-hearted pleas about how they were trying to fix it all. She didn't need to say much. It was obvious they were on the edge of losing everything. Then the tone shifted, just like I knew it would. She shifted the blame, as she always did.
Starting point is 06:40:02 She tried to make it sound like they just hadn't seen it coming, as if they had been blindsided by their own decisions. You know, we always thought you'd be there for us, she said, almost trying to guilt-trip me. I stayed silent for a long while, waiting for her to get to the point. Eventually, she asked, not so subtly, if I could help. There was a catch, of course. She didn't say please or acknowledge the fact that the whole mess had started because of their poor choices.
Starting point is 06:40:31 No, she made it sound like I owed them something now. You've got the money, don't you? Maybe you could lend a hand to the family. I was angry, but I kept myself in check. I simply hung up. It was better to not engage with trash. I hadn't forgotten what they'd said to me the things they'd told me about working harder and earning my own success. I hadn't forgotten how my mother had dismissed me so easily, or how my sister had basked in her
Starting point is 06:40:59 undeserved victory. And then, as I expected, my sister called. I didn't answer. The voicemail she left was similar, but this time it had a touch of manipulation. She started with an apology, claiming she'd been stressed and had made mistakes. She told me how bad things had gotten and begged for me to step in and help save the family from ruin as it was my responsibility as an elder her sister. She even said that the estate was too much for her to handle, that she wasn't prepared, and that if I helped her, maybe things could be fixed. She was practically begging for the check to get cashed again. I listened to the whole message, the desperation dripping from every word. When I finally dialed her number back, I didn't waste time with pleasantries. She didn't deserve that.
Starting point is 06:41:46 I stayed calm, but the disgust in my voice was unmistakable as I asked if she really expected me to help. After everything that had happened, did she honestly think I'd swoop in and fix it all? She stammered, trying to play the family card, as always, but I was done listening to that nonsense. She had done nothing but squander everything handed to her, and now she was asking me to bail her out. I reminded her of the words she had used to dismiss me so easily the words that had stuck with me for so long. She had told me to work harder, that I didn't deserve anything handed to me. Well, now it was her turn and I rubbed that in her face. She tried to interrupt, but I wasn't letting her off that easily. I told her that I had worked my entire life to get
Starting point is 06:42:32 where I was, and not once had anyone helped me. I'd had to fight for everything, especially against her selfishness, entitlement, and all the demands my family had placed on me without resources. And now, when it was all falling apart, she thought I was going to fix it for her. No, that wasn't going to happen. She sounded exasperated on the other end of the line as if she thought she could guilt me into something. She mentioned how I had the money just sitting there, like that somehow meant I owed her something. I cut her off before she could go further, telling her exactly what I thought, you think that means I owe you? I said, I'm not your backup plan. I don't owe you anything, and I certainly don't owe you my success. I could practically
Starting point is 06:43:17 hear her frustration, but I wasn't done yet. I made it clear that I had made my choice a long time ago, and unlike her, I wasn't about to keep making the same mistakes over and over. I hung up without another word, and I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry for her. The calls kept coming my mother, my sister, even some extended family members. They all had the same story, the same excuses, and the same desperate plea for help. They were all looking for someone to take the fall for their failures. But none of them were getting anything from me.
Starting point is 06:43:50 I didn't take their calls anymore. I didn't need to. In the end, they won't get a dime from me. Not a single cent. And I didn't feel a shred of guilt. Update 4. The room was tense, with everyone sitting in a nervous silence. Everybody was glancing awkwardly at each other. The dust hadn't settled from the last family meeting.
Starting point is 06:44:14 The family was still reeling from the fallout. My parents had spent the last couple of days pleading with me. trying to play the role of the remorseful victims. They begged for forgiveness, but the words always felt hollow. Then, just as I thought the noise of their requests would become too much to bear, my grandpa called for a family meeting. He hadn't been a part of the chaos in the aftermath of the dinner. He had chosen to just observe. Now, it was his turn to speak. I saw my parents seated there, still looking somewhat disheveled from the ordeal. I knew this was going to be a conversation none of us would forget. My sister was there, too, her face flushed with embarrassment,
Starting point is 06:44:56 eyes darting around as if she could make everyone change their minds with just a look. Grandpa stood at the front, tall and commanding as always, his sharp eyes piercing through the tension. Without a word, he took his seat at the head of the table, his usual calm demeanor replaced by something colder, more resolute. I took my seat across from him, not sure what to expect. I had learned by now that nothing with this family was ever straightforward. Grandpa began, his voice cutting through the uneasy silence as he calmly said he was sure we were all wondering why he'd called this meeting. He then added that the time had come for him to set things right. The time for excuses was over. My sister shifted in her seat, crossing her arms tighter
Starting point is 06:45:39 as if preparing for a battle. My parents were already looking at each other, exchanging nervous glances. Grandpa continued, stating that for too long, he had watched my parents make foolish decisions, and how my sister was more disappointing than he had anticipated. He admitted that he'd been too passive and too forgiving for far too long, but now, that was no longer the case. The words hung in the air, heavy and pointed. It felt like I was holding my breath, unsure of where this was going. Grandpa's voice grew stronger as he declared he had decided to amend his will.
Starting point is 06:46:15 He stood, taking his time, and with a sharp look at my parents, told us that their inheritance was now revoked. The words hit with a force that left the room still. My mother's face turned pale, and my father's mouth opened, though no words came out. Their shock was transparent. My sister's expression twisted with disbelief, her mouth slightly ajar as she glanced from grandpa to our parents. I knew something big was coming, but I hadn't expected it to happen like this. Grandpa's declaration echoed in the room, reverberating through the silence.
Starting point is 06:46:50 My sister, unable to keep her composure any longer, let out a stunned gasp before she blurted out, asking how Grandpa could do such a thing. She demanded to know why he was punishing her, claiming she had done nothing wrong. Grandpa didn't hesitate, cutting her off. He coldly stated that she had spent her life acting entitled, believing that everything was owed to her and that my parents had enabled her selfishness. He went on to explain how my parents had fostered a climate where I was constantly forced to prove myself, where my hard work was taken for granted, while my sister's demands were always met with indulgence. He then turned to my parents, his eyes narrowing with anger. You didn't help anyone, he said, his voice low and sharp. You crippled your daughter with
Starting point is 06:47:35 your favoritism, and you set your own daughter up for failure with your selfishness. Now, the bill is coming due. My mother was wiping her eyes with a handkerchief, but the tears weren't just from sadness, they were from shame. My father had his hands clenched on the table, his knuckles white, as he tried to find the words to defend himself. But Grandpa didn't let him speak, his gaze cutting through the room like a blade. My sister was visibly trembling, her face flushed with humiliation, her mouth working as if she could find some way to undo everything Grandpa had just said. But the words weren't coming. She sat in stunned silence, her gaze darting between Grandpa and me as if she couldn't believe the turn this conversation had taken. My parents tried to
Starting point is 06:48:20 apologize, their voice is now trembling. My mother, with tears streaming down her face, whispered how sorry she was, how they never meant to make me feel less than. My father, sounding week for the first time, muttered about how they never wanted things to go this far. But their apologies felt like empty words because I could see the viciousness in their gaze. They just wanted to regain control over the situation they had created. Everybody knew better than to take sides after that or they might just be cut out of the will too. Two days later, I received a message from them, a final attempt to trying to gain access to my money. They apologized again, expressing regret for their behavior and asking for forgiveness.
Starting point is 06:49:02 But I didn't need to hear it. The words didn't carry the weight they once might have. I had already forgiven them, but that didn't mean I was going to let them back into my life. Not now, not ever. I just wanted to let go of the bitterness that had been with me for so long so I could run towards the future grandpa had helped me secure. I hope you enjoy this story.
Starting point is 06:49:25 Harsh parent provided me with a portion of her residence before evicting me and my expectant partner and altering the door locks. Consequently, I initiated a legal process to auction the property, resulting in her experiencing a double loss. Much money as I made. This is an extremely long and complicated story, but I hope you guys stay with me as I try to navigate this as best as I can with timelines and details on things. Here we go.
Starting point is 06:49:53 My mother has been abusive, impulsive, and controlling for as long as I can remember. Every relationship she's ever had has been demolished to bits because of her behavior towards others, colleagues, siblings, my dad, her ex-husband, friends, and the list goes on. So three years ago I got a job opportunity in a different country, one where we have a lot of family which has been awesome, and I decided to take it because I was excited for the opportunity to be closer to them and experience life living in a different continent. While I was settling into my new life, my mother, who is retired, visited shortly after an urge that she will buy a home near my apartment and move to said country when that's not possible due to immigration laws, you need a long-term visa not a tourist visa for extended stay. Her ego didn't allow no for an answer so she bought a beautiful beach front property anyway in hopes for citizenship which is fine legally. But you will only be allowed up to 90 days and potentially 180 if you extend. She couldn't believe what the case officer and lawyer she hired were saying and she started berating them on how much money she will donate to society with her housing purchases and so on. When reality set in after a few failed meetings, we decided it's best if I live in the property to keep it together, pay the bills and she can visit whenever with zero worries about it being vacant.
Starting point is 06:51:13 Fast forward some time, I meet my girlfriend, we become serious and she moves in after a while and my mother is happy about how things are going for me in all aspects of life. She facetimes with us regularly and really takes a liking to her. After some time, my girlfriend becomes pregnant and we announce the news to my mother. She's extremely happy and gifts me 50% of the homes she purchased as a present to us. Which is the nicest and most generous thing anyone has ever done for me. Something I never saw coming. Last summer she visited and planned to stay with us for six months to help us out before and after the baby is born which was very kind, but this is where the story turns for the worse. A week or two into her visiting last summer
Starting point is 06:51:58 while my GF is six to seven months pregnant. She goes absolutely nuclear on me in front of my GF because I asked her a simple question, privately over text earlier in the day, about not announcing our family, more specifically her, financial situation to the entire world. She likes to brag to people about how much she makes without working, the values of her homes, etc. That type of stuff makes me uncomfortable because I've always been a private person and I don't want people getting the wrong impression of me or her if that makes any sense. And for some random context, she is the most paranoid person on the planet when she's not in a showing off mood. Constantly thinks her phone is being hacked, traced and is always reporting random shit to the FBI because she has a fear of people getting her money. She only uses the phone when she's in her room on her Wi-Fi.
Starting point is 06:52:49 Otherwise it's off essentially 21 hours a day. She's even reported some of her friends to the police or FBI because she accused them of stealing money from her bank accounts or attempting to. And for the record, my mother, father and I never had money growing up. My father always worked an honest job and so did I when I finished college 10 years ago. She recently came into wealth after a gigantic inheritance from a wealthy family friend who passed away five years ago because she essentially manipulated and swindled her way into marriage with him to collect all his assets, retirement accounts, homes, and everything he accumulated before
Starting point is 06:53:27 he passed away in 2020. During our fight last summer, she kept saying how she is kicking us out, we need to get our own place, we're making her sick and she could end up in the hospital from all the stress we are causing her when we are literally at work all day before coming home and leaving at times like any regular person would do. My GF became frightened of her for good reason because my mother was basically screaming for two days straight. She then suddenly books a flight back to her country and leaves a note and says to look for a new home and new car to buy, but we have to leave the property by said date. After a week or two she reaches out and asks I sent her listings and cars. In which I didn't because she's just using that as a ploy to be
Starting point is 06:54:09 on good terms so instead I am focusing on my career and the health of my GF because it was getting tough the last couple of weeks before birth. Fast forward to three months after my kid is born, she comes back to help out during the holidays and plans to stay for six months again. We were iffy on the entire thing based off what happened six months prior but I was trying to persuade my GF that maybe with her grandchild here she won't cause issues for anyone because it's a special time for all of us. The first four weeks are good, but not great. but we are not expecting much with her around. Like I said before, she is overly controlling, constantly overstepping boundaries and the
Starting point is 06:54:47 worst part is constantly trying to teach us how to parent instead of letting us come into our roles. The part that broke my communication with her and others who know her is what I'm about to tell you next. For the holidays we visit my GF's family two hours away for a week. My mother has met her parents before but during this trip she just turned into a completely different person. She hardly spoke to them when she was being hosted by them and even would blatantly ignore her other family members that tried to interact with her during Christmas. She kept trying to take our baby off the hands of people and she wouldn't participate in anything we are doing, dinner, games, trivia, gift opening, etc. She eventually left Christmas earlier and went back to my GF's parents' house without telling anyone so I had to cover for her and tell everyone she is feeling sick.
Starting point is 06:55:35 The next morning she is calling me at 4 a.m. screaming on the phone about how she hates my GF, her family, and she wants to leave ASAP. I can't even get a word on the phone in before she demands being picked up. I drive to pick her up and she's standing outside with her luggage in the dark demanding to take the train back home. So I tell her there's no trains this early and if she really wants to do that then she has to wait at the home we're staying in. I bring her home and my GF casually says hi. What's going on? While holding our infant daughter and my mother snapped, lunged, and screamed profanities about how she will never see the inside of our home again, me or our family.
Starting point is 06:56:17 My GF clearly confused and shaken is wondering what's going on as I stepped between them and pushed my mother and her stuff into the car before going off on her about how she will never threaten my GF especially while she's holding our daughter. I dropped her at the train station and left to get back to my GF about everything because she was clearly shaken as was I after a few days and threatening texts from my mother. She is saying how she's changed the locks and we will never go inside of the home again. She is demanding we collect our personal belongings, which is like 95% of what's in the home, so my friends and I go over to pack and she's in our home with some neighbors. People I know she's hardly spoken to, for reasons I don't understand still. As I'm leaving I blast water for what she did to make sure the neighbors know what type of person she is. A psycho who will go to extreme lengths with zero regard for anyone but herself. My family and I were lucky enough to have shelter for two weeks until we could finally secure the one apartment that was available during the holiday season.
Starting point is 06:57:19 2.5 months has gone by. She traveled back to the States early January, and two neighbors have been going into my home to collect mine and my girlfriend's mail because neither of them won't give me the new keys to my own fucking house because they fear my mother overdoing what's morally and legally right for my family and I. It's honestly been held the last three to four months with the stress from that. Working full time, trying to keep my GF spirits high in keeping some structure and routine for our child as we are living in a crammed tiny apartment because we had no other options, during the obvious slow holiday season. I've consulted a lawyer and we are doing a forced sale through the courts which she doesn't know about yet and I am getting a locksmith to change the locks so I have keys and rightful access to my own home again.
Starting point is 06:58:05 I don't give a shit if she shows up here and can't get into the home because the locks are changed. Ada for forcing a sale on the home to cut ties permanently. Update, Hi everyone. As noted in part one, my mother and I had a huge blowout early in the year which resulted in me getting a lawyer and selling our co-owned home that we shared 50 to 50. It was a landslide in court based off the facts she acted in bad faith towards residents. She's a tourist.
Starting point is 06:58:34 Of the country my family and I live in. With my lawyer we drafted a statement and provided a ton of evidence on the situation which made it easy for them to decide. She had zero legal representation during the back and forth and she even admitted to the judge she needed to throw us out forcefully and immediately because we were rude and stressed her out with our nonsense. She admitted to changing the locks on us and handing keys to the neighbors to prevent us from mentoring and potentially damaging the home. Like, what? Why would we do that? That's our home that we started raising our family in.
Starting point is 06:59:08 The courts laid out all her bad faith acts and illegalities because we have strict rights as tenants and even more so because we have a child. The court didn't take lightly to her harming us and borderline making us homeless in the winter time before finding housing. My forced court sale was approved immediately and she was ordered to pay a fine, my legal fees and hand over the keys to our place within 24 hours. She sent a letter to the court demanding I pay her for travel expenses, tickets, trains, etc. Because she had no idea she was being taken to court. The court denied, clearly.
Starting point is 06:59:45 The drama didn't end there. Our home took a bit of a hit because the market is bad, but I didn't care because I just wanted to get out of this mess and get my money. But in the end, my lawyer emailed both of us that it was sold and the deposit by the new tenant was paid so the home will be theirs on October 1st. When that email came in, my mother lost her mind and sent my lawyer and I about five frantic emails stating that price is unacceptable and it needs to be voided ASAP because now she wants to keep the home, huh? Court orders don't work like that as you all know, they are final. No ifs, ends, or butts. She was even on record in three different documents to the court that she came back to sell the place but didn't realize the home had a court order hold on it because I filed for it through my lawyer months ago.
Starting point is 07:00:33 Some of the emails she sent my lawyer and I were offering me double the money if she can keep the place because it will not be let go at that price, how could you sell it for 40% less than I paid for? Void it now, etc. She even went as far as asking for the information for the new tenant to contact him. My mother contacted our family back home and berated me again as she has for nine to ten months now. And my aunts and cousins told her he did what he had to protect his family and you should honestly give him the rest of the money from the sale because you clearly don't need it. He has a family to support and that was his home to begin with. That's where his life is she called them all backstabbing bastards and then hung up LOL.
Starting point is 07:01:14 I will receive a nice payout in a few weeks and she will lose about 2.5x what I will get. That's a lesson to you, mother. You took it too far this time. Next story, daughter called me twice to pick her up from a sleepover because my sister's boyfriend made her uncomfortable, so I got her but now everyone says I'm overreacting and should apologize to him. Hey, everyone I kind of feel conflicted about this and I really need advice this because so far it seems like I overreacted. I, 37F, have a daughter, Leah 10F, fake name. Leah wanted to go sleepover at her aunt's house, who is my younger sister. Her cousin, 12F, who is my brother's child, was going to be there so I guess cousin bonding time.
Starting point is 07:02:00 My sister is considered the fun aunt, so I agreed in Friday morning we dropped Leah off. The same day at around 11 p.m., 2,300 hours, Leah calls and tells me she wants to come home. I asked her why and she explained that my sister's boyfriend was there and she just feels a little uncomfortable. I asked and made sure everything is okay and that nothing provoked her to ask me to pick her up then convinced her to at least sleep for the night then we will pick her up in the morning. She calls again after what I think is 45 minutes and says she wants to come home and she will only sleep at home. I got ready and drove 30 minutes to get her and when I got there I found my sister was pissed. To cut the long story short, she thinks that I think her boyfriend is a creep and a
Starting point is 07:02:45 pervert and that I do not trust him around my daughter. She thinks I am being too overprotective and Leah would have adjusted if I left it alone. She said kids do this with new people and I made it a big deal. Since then thing have been sour, my sister says to fix things I should apologize to her man because he feels like I do not trust him. I asked my husband Jason, 40M, fake name, for his input and he says he understands where my sister and her BF are coming from. He said as a man even he would feel some type of way if a child called her mom twice to come get her because he is present in the house. He advised me to apologize to them and try to get Leah used to the BF being around. All I did was peacefully get Leah, no accusations were made
Starting point is 07:03:31 towards my sister's man and I have never said I do not like him or think of him as a pervert. I don't understand why all this became an issue. My husband thinks Leah should just try to adjust because her cousin was okay at the sleepover and didn't complain. I feel conflicted, it's not that I think I was wrong, but I also don't think I was right. I just need to know if I was dramatic by getting her. I also want to hear from the men if this would offend them and if I should apologize. I feel bad about all of this. Ada for getting my daughter from the sleepover. Update 1. Hello everyone I want to thank you for the post I made last night and all the responses I got. I also do understand why some were angry I didn't pick Leah up the first time and also about leaving the 12-year-old, Amanda, there.
Starting point is 07:04:19 With that being said, I have an update. For the sake of privacy I will name my sister Jane and the boyfriend Mike. So here's how this went. I called Leah to talk to her dad and I. I. I She refused to talk at all and said that she just uncomfortable and missed us and my husband asked her if she would be looking to apologize to Auntie Jane and she refused. I wanted to be sure she is a 100% okay so I asked my husband to excuse us. I told her I will not shame or be angry at her for whatever she tells me and asked specifically for what made her uncomfortable. She said Mike played a tickle game with Amanda and she kept saying no and she also told me that he talked about how they are developing well. He also did the same tickling game with Leah and when she told Jane she doesn't like being tickled Jane said it's just having fun. That's when she called the first time.
Starting point is 07:05:11 The reason for what made her call the second time she said. She Mike insisted on the girl showering before bedtime and gave Leah a lingering bedtime hug. She told me all about when they were eating he would call her his favorite smart little girl or the sitting too close. She didn't want to sleep there even with the door being locked. To say I feel guilty for not picking her up the first time is an understatement. After this talk I called my brother and we talked. Amanda says she slept okay but she could hear feet moving at night. Other than those uncomfortable instances, nothing else happened afterwards.
Starting point is 07:05:48 My husband knows now about all this and he doesn't understand why Leah would wait this long to tell us if something was really wrong considering how close we are. The sleepover was last week Friday so a week. He thinks she feels pressured into giving a reason for her discomfort. I don't care what he has to say to be honest, I believe my baby. I did apologize to Amanda for not taking her with and she has no hard feelings. She knew her dad wouldn't have come. Leah feels like her feelings are dramatic and I am trying to make her understand that she is valid. My brother surprisingly just seems unbothered about all this.
Starting point is 07:06:27 With that being said the only sleepovers that will take place will be in our home. I thank you all for the advice. I don't know when I will talk to Jane or if I even want anything to do with her. Comments where Op has replied, Comment 1, Your husband needs to read these comments and take very seriously his daughter's very legitimate concerns. He needs to understand that his reaction and dismissiveness is exactly why she didn't tell you all right away. His defensiveness about this. His first reaction was how he'd feel if this happened to him.
Starting point is 07:06:59 not how his child is feeling. That's awful. He's prioritizing his feeling as a grown male adult over a young girl's feelings who is very vulnerable. Girls are their most vulnerable to abuse when it's sleepovers. Your daughter did the brave thing asking to come home twice. She was being preyed on by your sister's boyfriend. He was grooming those girls with that behavior. And your husband's dismissiveness is proving to your daughter that her father won't protect her. You need to hammer that point home to him and explain to him what girls and women go through all the time. It's disgusting how he's behaving and I feel so bad for your daughter. Hoop, you are right. I will try to make him understand. Comment two, NTA, and your husband and the other girl's father should both be ashamed of themselves
Starting point is 07:07:51 for minimizing their daughter's discomfort. They are leaving them wide open for creditors and grooming. I'd give serious consideration to taking my kids and leaving the situation immediately. And there would be no unsupervised visitations if I can't trust you to protect my kid. Not with dad, aunt, or uncle. Protect your baby, up. Oop, I will protect her with all I have. If my dad was alive he would have talked to my husband since my late mom was a CSA survivor. Comment three, your husband and brother are dismissive because they don't believe.
Starting point is 07:08:27 Leah. Your husband saying, well, we're close. Why didn't you say something before? This means you're lying, is only him trying to teach your daughter that she shouldn't have bodily autonomy. If she doesn't want to be tickled or hugged or touched, she is right to say so and all others need to respect that. Your husband is trying to teach his own daughter to be sweet and it's infuriating. Oop, he sees her behavior as a child being a child. It is infuriating in quite full. frankly disappointing. I don't want Leah to feel like her dad doesn't care about her because it will affect her. I am looking into therapy for her. Comment four, where is Amanda's mother in this? I think it would be wise to tell Amanda's that if she is ever sent there again and she doesn't want to be
Starting point is 07:09:15 there, she can call you, and you will come and get her. Also, having the chat with your brother and telling him that if you ever find that Amanda has been subjected to the guy again, then you won't hesitate to contact the police. On the note of the police, it might be worth looking into this guy to see if he has anything in the system against him. Tell your sister that your daughter will no longer be attending her place due to the obvious safety issues. When she tells you that your daughter and Amanda are wrong, advise her that she should be thankful you have not contacted the police yet. Oop, Amanda's mom left after my brother cheated when Amanda was eight, but they have made progress in healthy co-parenting.
Starting point is 07:09:55 know if my brother told Amanda's mom, I would tell her if I could find a way to contact her. My sister blocked me. Oop clarifies on Mike being over at Jane's place and why he was there. Oop, they didn't move and together and I never said they lived together, it seems he came to sleep over that night. Leah and her cousin always go for sleepovers with their aunt so it's nothing new. Lastly, don't judge my daughter for choosing why she wasn't comfortable she ended up explaining anyways and that is why I posted an update. Update 2. Hi everyone, thank you for all your support
Starting point is 07:10:29 on the two previous posts. This is just a short and quick last update. First things first I take full accountability and admit that I was wrong to tell my daughter we will pick her up in the morning. I agree that she should not have had to call twice for me to come get her. I have apologized and spoken to her about it. I also do accept that I was wrong to leave Amanda there, even though she told me she was okay I should have pressed on and told her to come with. I will always look out for her as I will Leah. Currently my sister and I are not on speaking terms I am blocked, I drove to her house, but she wasn't there so I left after about an hour. The trash took itself out, I guess. My husband and I are not also on speaking terms. He has not talked to me since I showed him the last two
Starting point is 07:11:17 posts in the comments. Leah thinks her dad thinks she was wrong and I had to assure her countless times that she was doing the right thing. He thinks we made drama up over matter that could have been solved over lunch, he still thinks Mike was just being friendly. I want to file a report, but I do know if the reasons are credible enough too, but I am looking into it. I do want to look into separation, I cannot stay with someone go dismisses our daughter's emotions. She has been feeling so guilty and apologized to him multiple times, so I have to do what is best for her. Amanda's mom told me he will talk to my brother I do not know how that went, I will ask her later. I do not understand how a phone call and my picking my daughter up
Starting point is 07:12:01 caused such a ruckus. My husband does not like Reddit advice and to be frank he was quite offended I posted. I just don't get what this man's problem is, I really don't get. The way he dismisses Leah because he feels like nothing major happens so it's an overreaction. Either way it's just disappointing. Anyways, I appreciate all the advice and correction from you all. I hope you enjoy this story. My guardians assured me they would cover the expenses for my marriage ceremony but later scheme to withdraw their support at the 11th hour. This prompted me to call off the event so that my sibling, who was recovering from a difficult separation, could have the opportunity to host her own gathering. Subsequently, I decided to rescind their invitation to the celebration.
Starting point is 07:12:48 All and paid for it myself. I, 24M, got engaged to my college girlfriend, Sophie, and we've been planning our wedding for the past two months. When we had broken the news of the engagement to our parents, both my parents and in-laws had said that they would like to cover the major expenses of the wedding with a few contributions from us here and there. Both Sophie and I are really young, and we've just started out in our respective careers, so naturally we don't have a lot saved. And that was a welcome suggestion from them, so we agreed. My in-laws have held up their end of the day, but my parents have decided to ditch me. They didn't even have the guts to come and say to me directly, I had to find out about it from my sister. So my sister, Elena, 28F, she's a bit clueless. We don't have a close relationship, but we get along well enough, and I've always felt
Starting point is 07:13:42 she's been a little ditsy forever, and sometimes, she can be very annoying because she thinks thinks the world revolves around her. My parents think it's endearing, but I don't agree with that. Anyway, keeping our differences aside, we still do catch up once in a while because she lives out of state for work and recently, she flew back home for a couple of weeks to be with our parents because she was going through some stuff. I found out about it when she asked me to have dinner with her a couple of days ago, and halfway through it, she told me that she really didn't want to bring it up, but she felt like she had to thank me for how benevolent and considerate I was being. I was confused because I hadn't done anything, and she told me not to be modest, but I told her
Starting point is 07:14:22 that I genuinely had no idea what she was talking about. That's when she told me that she knew that apparently, I had decided to cancel my wedding out of respect for her feelings, and now, we were getting married next year and not by the end of the year, like we had planned initially. That was a huge shock to me because as far as I was concerned, I had never said, something like that to anyone. I very much intended on getting married by the end of the year, so I asked her where she got that information from and she told me that our parents had said this. She thought that I was just joking around, but when she realized that I was seriously clueless about all of this, she started explaining what she was talking about and slowly,
Starting point is 07:15:02 the whole story came out. Basically, she had flown back home for a couple of weeks because she had had a terrible breakup with her boyfriend of three months and she needed some time and space away from everything. Now, the thing is, her relationship with the guy was extremely complicated. So even though, technically, they had only been together for three months, they had actually been friends for the past four years. He was the first friend that she made at work, and they had been flirting on and off for a couple of years. But she knew that he had a girlfriend whom he had been with since high school, and they had an on and off relationship as well, but they always ended up patching up. So she thought that she had no chance, and things were never
Starting point is 07:15:45 going to go beyond a friendship and some harmless flirtation. But then, this guy decided to break up with his girlfriend once and for all, and six months later, he asked Elena out. And she had been developing feelings for him for the past four years anyway, so she instantly agreed. They dated for three months, he even moved in with her after one month and they had a good run but then, suddenly, he just said that he wanted to explore because he hasn't been with anybody apart from his ex and he doesn't want to be tied down right now. So he just packed up and left, and that broke her. Elena hasn't been very lucky when it comes to relationships anyway, so naturally, she was
Starting point is 07:16:24 quite shattered. And she decided to take some time off from work and fly back home and she told all of us to our parents, and she was totally miserable. On top of that, she knew that I was engaged in my parents and I were busy planning my wedding. So that was just salt in the wound, and one day, she just couldn't help it, and she said that she was really upset about everything. And my parents, being the people that they are, instantly decided to start, consoling her and telling her that if my wedding was going to upset her even more, then they were going to make sure that it happened next year when she was in a more stable place mentally. She told me that she tried to tell them
Starting point is 07:17:03 that that was not necessary, she just wanted some emotional support from them, but my parents had already made up their minds. They promised her that they were going to make me cancel the wedding and they believed that it was not the right time for me to get married anyway, especially with my sister going through something like this. Now, they never spoke to me about it, but they told Elena that they had discussed it with me and I had apparently agreed to cancel the wedding for now and postpone it until next year when she would probably be feeling better. And they had told her not to talk to me about it, because I was still a bit raw, but she had decided to thank me because of how generous it was of me. So that's how I found out, and if she hadn't been foolish
Starting point is 07:17:41 enough to go against our parents and invite me to dinner, then I wouldn't have found out about any of this and they would have just chosen not to fund my wedding and put me in a difficult spot without any regard for me and their commitments whatsoever. After that dinner, I was obviously very upset. I told Elena that I really didn't want to talk to her because I think there's a limit to being clueless and I felt like her main character syndrome was getting in my way now. When I came back home from dinner that day, I discussed it with Sophie and I made a phone call to my parents to confront them and they told me exactly what I had thought, that they
Starting point is 07:18:15 planned on telling me that they were not going to be funding my wedding in a month or so, and then I be bound to cancel. They told me that they were just doing this because Sophie needed their support more than I did and it was so ridiculous that I just hung up without bothering to hear them out. I was furious because I had already envisioned the kind of wedding that I wanted because I thought that our parents would pay for it. Now, I was going to have to scale down considerably, and it was going to be kind of annoying. But Sophie and I decided that we were going to plan something completely new, something that we could afford without anybody else's help because we didn't want any surprises like this anymore. And we were also going to make sure that we didn't invite my family because I really didn't want my parents or Elena there.
Starting point is 07:18:59 So I've been ignoring them for the past couple of days, and when Elena tried to tell me that I was being unreasonable, I texted her back and I told her that I didn't want to speak to any of them and neither were they invited to my wedding anymore. So they started freaking out and told me that I am overreacting, but I really don't think so. But just to be sure, Ida for deciding not to invite my family to my wedding, update one, Hi, so thank you for all the kind words and advice. It means a lot to me, and I decided to take the advice that you guys had for me and I blocked my family. This way, they don't get on my nerves anymore and I'm really glad that I did so. I feel like a fool for even letting them second guess myself, because after everything that happened,
Starting point is 07:19:43 I think this was the only thing that I should have done and I did the right thing. Quite a few people did call me entitled for being upset with my parents for not paying for my wedding expenses, but I think people are missing a very important bit of information, which I mentioned in the beginning. I didn't ask my parents to pay for the wedding myself, they offered it so I just thought that they were going to stick to it. And even afterward, if they had decided that they were not going to pay for my wedding, I would have been fine with that as well. It's their money, They get to decide what they want to do with it and I can't expect them, as a working adult, to pay for my wedding if they don't want to do that with their money.
Starting point is 07:20:21 But it's the sneakiness of it all that really bothered me, that they couldn't even come and say to my face. I don't care what the reasons were, I know that they have a soft corner for my sister more than for me, and I've gotten used to it. However, the fact that he thought that they were going to push me into a corner and force me to cancel my wedding due to the lack of funds, that's just disgusting. It's a spineless thing to do, and add to that the reason that they were doing this for just over a three-month relationship, it's just so ridiculous. Anyway, I've blocked them now, and I don't think that I'm going to be unblocking them anytime soon. Because until now, the one thing that I expected them to say was that they were
Starting point is 07:21:01 sorry, that they apologized for what they had done, but that's the only thing that I haven't heard from them. All the messages that I had been receiving until now, it was just them trying to defend and justify themselves. All their messages were just a bunch of excuses about how my sister's heartbroken, my sister's misery would have just increased with my wedding, and surely that's not what I wanted for my sister. It was all just my sister, this, and my sister that. And going through those messages, it feels like they've completely forgotten that they also have another child and yes, it might have been difficult for my sister, but it's not like my not getting married means that she's never going to have to see any couples anytime soon anywhere else.
Starting point is 07:21:42 I'm sure it's difficult for her to be unmarried at her age because I know that she's always wanted to be a bride and have a family and all that. And unfortunately, even until now, she's not been able to find her dream guy. But that's really not my fault or my problem, so I don't understand why I'm expected to make accommodations for her. My mom and dad are a couple too, so how is she living with them if she can't stand the idea of marriages or weddings right now? In all honesty, I didn't say it in my post because I didn't want to be nasty, but I really think that this is not about her breakup at all. I just think that she's jealous and insecure about the fact that I'm getting married way before her,
Starting point is 07:22:22 at my age, and she doesn't even have any chances in the next few years unless she's able to somehow miraculously land a good guy in the next few months. She's just bitter, and that's really it. and at least I can understand her problem. I don't understand what's wrong with my parents. The fact that they were planning on not telling me until later that they were not going to find the wedding so that I would be forced to cancel, it's demented. They already knew the fact that we were going to start putting down a deposit for the vendors next month because we didn't want to leave anything up until the last minute. And if they had backed out, then, it would have been very troublesome for us.
Starting point is 07:22:59 not to mention the fact that it would have been kind of humiliating for me. Because what kind of perception would that create for Sophie's parents? They didn't even bother to think about that, they just do what they want and expect me to deal with it. It is so cowardly, my blood literally boils every time I think about it. I'm really happy that I chose not to invite them to my wedding because they don't deserve to be here. It's going to be one of the happiest days of my life, and I want it to be perfect. So now, Sophie and I are going to size down, and we are going to size down considerably. We have even told her parents about everything, and we have told them that we don't need their money right now,
Starting point is 07:23:40 but if they really want to do something for us, then they could just sponsor the honeymoon and that could be their wedding gift. So they've agreed to that because they were really not ready to let us have a grand wedding like we wanted. But now, we just wanted something a little smaller, a little more intimate, and something that we could afford by ourselves. Because, and as cheesy as it sounds, the fact is that it's not going to be the venue or the food or the flowers that are going to make the wedding beautiful. It's going to be beautiful because it's going to be me and her, together for the rest of our lives and it's going to be a celebration of us. So that's what we are going by, and now, we really don't care about a big wedding or a fancy one. But yes, we do want the food to be good, so we are not compromising on that because she and I are both huge foodies. Anyway, my family could have been a part of something like this, but like I said, people
Starting point is 07:24:34 like them don't deserve to be around me, especially on what's supposed to be a happy day. They might try to contact me after this, but I'm not going to budge from this. Update 2. So as I had said, my family tried to get in touch with me. They gave things a week to settle down, and then, yesterday, Elena showed up at my door with her parents. Sophie was not at home at the time, she was supposed to be. spending some time with her friends, so I was alone. When I realized that it was them standing
Starting point is 07:25:04 outside the door, I couldn't understand whether I should let them in and talk it out with them or not. And by talk it out, I don't mean that I was going to sort it out. I just meant that I was going to let them know how I felt and tell them that it was useless trying to get me to fix things for them and invite them to the wedding again because that was just not happening. Maybe they would get the hint, once and for all, and would leave me alone. So after a couple of minutes, I decided to let them in, because I thought that I could just speak to them and then put an end to this. As soon as I opened the door, my mom started yelling at me about how I had taken a little too much time to open and forced her way in. They took their seats on the couch, and they told me
Starting point is 07:25:46 that they were there to talk about my behavior. I didn't say anything, I just let them do the talking. because I was really curious as to what they had to say about my behavior because I thought that I was being perfectly reasonable. At the end of the day, since they were not paying for it, and they had done a lot of sneaky crap as well, they didn't deserve to get invited either. But I really wanted to know what excuses they would come up with themselves for now, since none of their old ones had worked. Elena just sat quietly, and my parents went on and on about how they had raised me, and how expensive it had all been, but at the end of the end of it. end of the day, they had always tried their best to do right by both their children. They told me that I couldn't just decide not to invite them to my wedding, only because they were choosing not to pay for it because that would just make me an entitled brat. And surely, that's not the way they have raised
Starting point is 07:26:37 me, so I need to start reevaluating what kind of person I am and fix things with them. They also said that not inviting them to the wedding would make it weird for the entire family, because naturally, people would have questions. And then, I would either have to live. And then, I would either have to lie or tell them the truth, which would make it even more awkward. So I need to stop being so immature about it, act like an adult, and sort things out with them so we can go ahead with the wedding prep now. I heard them out patiently, and after they were done, I asked them if they had any more to add. They instantly got mad again, said that I was being too cocky and that if I continued to behave like this, then they would leave and cut me off. The fact that they thought
Starting point is 07:27:20 that this was a threat that I was going to be scared of, actually made me laugh. And I told them that if they wanted to leave, then they were free to do so, and in fact, that is actually what I would prefer because I really had no intention of wasting my time, standing here and talking to them. But since they were here already, and since they had so much to say about me and my behavior, I thought that I should return the favor as well. I told them that they had been cowards, they had been spineless, and most importantly, their plan of not letting me know until it was too late so I would be forced to cancel the wedding. It was so disgustingly backhanded that I couldn't even imagine somebody's parents doing something like this, just because their
Starting point is 07:28:00 other child had a breakup, and on top of that, for a relationship that was not even six months. It had always been very clear to me that they had a favorite and it was obviously not me. But this thing that they had planned on doing recently, it was just really low. and even after openly confessing to it, if they still believed that I was going to invite them to my wedding then they were so wrong. Because I did not owe them anything. The fact that they had raised me and done so much for me, that was something that all parents do. And it wasn't like they went above and beyond for me, they did things for me that most parents are obliged to do anyway, because not doing it would be illegal. So I don't understand why they have this expectation that I should be grateful to them for it, especially
Starting point is 07:28:45 considering everything that has happened recently. They tried to argue with me, saying that I was just being unreasonable and immature, and I told them that maybe I was, but I actually really didn't care. At the end of the day, it was my wedding, and it was my decision whether I wanted them to be there or not. And if I had decided that I didn't want them there, then they could try all they wanted but I was not going to change my mind. And then I told them that if they were done wasting their time and even mine, then they could leave because I really didn't have anything else to say to them and neither did I want to engage with them further. I waited for them to leave, but then, finally, Elena spoke up and she was really mad. She started screaming in my face,
Starting point is 07:29:29 saying that I was being a parent and that I had no right to speak to them this way. Once again, she started harping on about the fact that I had to be grateful to them, whether I liked it or not because I owed my life to them. Even the fact that I was able to have a job, make my own money and support myself, and even think of paying for my own wedding, was something that my parents had enabled me to do by giving me an education and making sure that I was capable enough in the future. So I had no right to speak to them this way, and she was being so aggressive that I actually thought that she was going to push me or something. And then, a couple of seconds later, while she was ranting, I finally understood why she was getting so aggressive. She started off with our parents, but that was not what it was about in reality at all. The reason she was getting so worked up was that I had made a comment about her relationship, that it hadn't even lasted for a year, and yet, they thought that it was important enough to cancel my wedding.
Starting point is 07:30:25 She started yelling at me, saying that I didn't know anything about her or her relationships, so I didn't have the right to comment on it either. And then, she said that just because I was getting married, didn't mean that I'm the only person in the world whose milestones were important and her breakup was just as important as my betting. Also, apparently, according to her, if I was a good person, then I would have just cancelled the wedding on my own out of respect for her feelings instead of having my parents do it.
Starting point is 07:30:53 But clearly, I'm an insensitive brat and will always be one. I literally just laughed in her face, and she got even more upset because of that, and she started cursing at me, having a full-blown temper tantrum. But I didn't care, I just told my parents to take her and leave, because I was done with this crap. I think my parents would have put up more of a fight if Elena hadn't been getting so affected, but she was acting so unhinged, that they decided to grab her and leave and told me that I was going to regret everything that I had today because nobody disrespects their family like this and gets rewarded for it and apparently, my karma will get me at some point.
Starting point is 07:31:31 Well, I definitely can't wait for that to happen. Because as far as I am concerned, I haven't done anything wrong, and that's what I'm going to stick to. If they want to be upset about it for the rest of their lives, they are free to do so. Update 3, hi, so it's been a couple of days since my parents and Elena visited, and after they left, Sophie came back and explained the entire situation to her. I told her about the whole interaction, and she told me that I had done the right thing. If I had refused to let them in altogether, then they could have come back again and kept pestering me, but now, they're definitely not coming back. I know that for a fact, because yesterday, in the evening, Sophie received a text from Elena. I had blocked her,
Starting point is 07:32:17 so she couldn't get through to me, but Sophie had forgotten. Anyway, the text was basically from all three of them, and it said that they were glad that I had finally revealed my true colors and called me a snake. They said that I was ungrateful, and said that I was never going to be happy and that Sophie should probably run as far as she can because I'm the most toxic and self-centered person they can actually imagine. They told me that they were definitely not going to be attending the wedding, and even in the future, no matter how much I begged or pleaded, they were definitely not going to be attending any other events either, if they had anything to do with me. It was too late from an apology, and now, they hoped that I was happy that I was going to deprive my future kids
Starting point is 07:32:58 of a loving paternal side of the family because now, they were going to be no loving grandparents and no fun aunt. They also told me that at the wedding, I was free to tell people the truth about why they were not here, because it was only going to reflect poorly on me, and when other people judged me for what I had done, I would probably finally come to my senses about what a huge mistake I had made, but by then, it would be too late for me to fix everything that had happened. I'm pretty sure that they thought that I was going to be devastated after reading that message, but in all honesty, Sophie, and I just laughed at how ridiculous they were being. They truly believed that they were God's gift to earth, and they acted like it too.
Starting point is 07:33:38 They couldn't even fathom the fact that them being at my wedding or not being there was going to make absolutely no difference to me. In fact, them not being there was actually better for me, but I'm pretty sure that they would refuse to believe it. It was also really funny how they were pretending like they were not going to attend the wedding on their own as if they had a choice. I literally just told them that I was not even going to be inviting them, so it was not up to them whether they wanted to come to the wedding or not. They just wanted to have the last word in, and you know what? They can have it. It's so pathetic, I don't even feel like arguing with them anymore. They don't deserve my attention, so they can keep on believing
Starting point is 07:34:18 whatever delusional crap they want too, it hardly makes a difference to me. Update 4. Hi, guys. I got married earlier this week, and of course, that means that it's been a long time since my last update. We paid for our wedding ourselves, but my in-laws are sponsoring our honeymoon, so I'm really happy about that. We leave next week. The wedding went absolutely perfectly, and I don't know why, but we were just extra satisfied we had arranged it all by ourselves and we were really proud of it. By no means was it something extravagant, but it was beautiful and that's all that we wanted. Of course, there are a lot of questions about why my parents and Elena were not in attendance and Sophie and I had already discussed this before,
Starting point is 07:35:03 that if people asked, we were just going to tell them that we had a falling out, but we were not going to elaborate. After all, this day was supposed to be about us, and we've wanted people to respect that. Luckily, after we said that we had had a falling out, nobody really asked us to elaborate, and they were respectful of our boundaries. I'm pretty sure that this is not what my parents had wanted. They had probably wanted us to talk crap about them,
Starting point is 07:35:30 so that would give them an excuse to do the same for us, but well, we are not on the same level. Anyway, it was just a beautiful ceremony, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with this woman. She's the best and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I hope you enjoy this story. My sibling left his hidden relationship child with me 15 years back and later attempted to reclaim her following the death of his spouse, so I am utilizing proof of his rage issues. To force him to pay for her college.
Starting point is 07:36:01 Hello, so recently, my older brother Ricky, 44M, lost his wife. She had been diagnosed with stomach cancer about three years ago and five. Finally, about two weeks back, she succumbed. It's quite tragic because just four months back, Ricky and I also lost our grandmother. She is the one who had practically raised us because when we were kids, we lost our parents in a car accident. In the same accident, she also lost her husband. I guess you guys could say that our lives have been marked by tragedy all along and Ricky
Starting point is 07:36:35 hasn't ever done anything to make the situation better. About 15 years ago, he had shown up at my house with a baby and told me that he needed me to take care of her and raise her. It was something straight out of a film and obviously, I said no. Because, unlike films, this is real life, and people judge you here for even the smallest of things. Fifteen years ago, I was a single woman in my twenties, still struggling to find my footing in my career. I was just starting out, working in finance, and let alone. the money to raise a child, I did not have the emotional capacity to do that either. But somehow, Ricky convinced me to take care of her for at least a couple of months. He told me the story,
Starting point is 07:37:20 and apparently, he had hooked up with one of his old friends from high school at the reunion and that's how he had ended up with a baby on his hands. With great difficulty, he had managed to keep it a secret from his wife. But now that the baby was here, neither he nor the baby's biological mother wanted to raise her. They couldn't keep the baby with themselves because Ricky obviously lived with his wife and having a baby around randomly would raise a lot of questions. And for the mother, she lived quite close to her family and she didn't want them to get to know about the affair and the baby. So that's how Ricky ended up approaching me, and when he begged me to take care of her for a couple of months, just until they were able to
Starting point is 07:37:59 find a willing couple so she could get adopted, I hesitantly agreed. I was obviously not comfortable with the idea of raising a baby and neither was I happy about keeping a huge secret. Like the fact that my brother had had an extramarital affair and now, he even had a baby. But I did keep it a secret because back then, Ricky and I were pretty close. Looking back, of course, I do regret it now and my sister-in-law deserved better. I should have been honest with her and let her leave instead of covering up for my brother, but well, everyone makes mistakes and that was my biggest mistake. For 15 years, I covered up for him like a fool, and I raised my niece as my own.
Starting point is 07:38:40 And to thank me, he decided to come after me as soon as my sister-in-law passed away and started threatening me with a lawsuit on the grounds that I was unfit to take care of his daughter anymore, and now, I needed to hand over her custody to him. A couple of days after his wife's funeral, Ricky showed up at my house and started asking about Mia, my niece. I thought that we were having a casual conversation until he suddenly told me that now since his wife had passed away, he believed that it was about time that he took Mia back in with him so she could spend some time with her father and actually get to know him. I was quite shocked when he said that because even though Mia was my niece, I have been raising her
Starting point is 07:39:18 for 15 years as my daughter so naturally, we have developed a close bond, and I was not ready to let her go. So I told him that I would be willing to let her stay with him for a couple of days, but then, I wanted her to come back home. At that point, he started arguing, with me, he told me that since he was her biological father, it should be his decision about where she should stay. For 15 years, he had allowed her to stay with me because of personal reasons but now that things were falling into place, he wanted his daughter back. I'm not exaggerating, these were the words that he used. So I had to remind him that he did not allow her to stay with me, he had to beg me to raise his daughter because he did not want his wife to find out about
Starting point is 07:40:00 his extramarital affair and the baby. That led to a huge fight and automatically, he started telling me that he still had the emails that I had sent to him 15 years back, during the first few months that I was taking care of Mia and he was definitely going to be using that against me. So for context, during the first few months, I had found it really difficult to explain to people why I had a baby living with me and so, I just kept emailing him about when he was going to take the baby back because I was scared of being judged by everyone for being a single mother. In those emails, it was very visible that I was not ready to be a mother to anyone, let alone somebody else's baby.
Starting point is 07:40:38 And of course, if he produced that in court or something, it would not look good for me. But weighing that against the fact that I have been raising myself up for the past 15 years, that did not make sense at all. I told him that I wasn't scared and then, he went really personal and he told me that either way, he was going to get his daughter's custody back because he was not going to let an alcoholic ruin her life. That was an incredibly low blow and honestly, it didn't even make sense because I'm not the alcohol he was referring to anyway. I'm actually a teetotaler but my on and off for the past couple of years, Nick, has a bit of a problem. And I thought that it was really nasty to
Starting point is 07:41:17 bring that up because he knows that I really love him and that's why Nick is going through rehab right now. A couple of months ago, he got into an accident and that's when I put my foot down and I told him that if he did not get rid of his drinking habits, we would not be able to build a future together. I have already waited for almost six years to get married to him, but it's this addiction that's holding me back because I don't want to introduce that to me as life. She knows Nick, but she doesn't know about his problems. And I have made sure that my relationship has, in no way, affected her life. So for Ricky to have brought that up, it was really stupid and insensitive.
Starting point is 07:41:55 I immediately asked him to get out of my house and even though he had been threatening me with a lawsuit, I wasn't really scared. Because I know for a fact that I had legally adopted Mia when she was just a year old. At the time, her parents had been talking to a couple who were willing to adopt her and Ricky had even shared the news with me. But then, after months of waiting for her to get adopted, when I actually started thinking about my life without her, I couldn't imagine it. So I told him that he could call off the adoption for the other couple because I was ready to take care of her now and I wanted to raise her as my daughter. I didn't care about what people would think about me as a single mother and I didn't even care about the money. Ricky had made it very clear to me that he was not going to be able to support us financially, that's why he had been planning on putting Mia up for adoption anyway. But I told him I didn't care about any of that.
Starting point is 07:42:48 I was way too attached to Mia by then to let her go and that's how it's been ever. ever since. I had never even told her that she was not my biological daughter, because at heart, she is more than that. And neither did I ever get married or have kids of my own because, for me, she was enough. But in spite of everything, Ricky thought that he could scare me with the lawsuit and I would just give up custody of Mia out of fear. Obviously I was not going to back down, but my only concern was about how I was going to break this to me because so far, even though she had met her uncle Ricky a couple of times, she had no idea that he was actually her father. However, I recently learned that I was the one who had no idea that she knew. As a matter of fact,
Starting point is 07:43:32 she has known for the past three years now. Because apparently, a couple of months after his wife was diagnosed, Ricky decided to visit our grandmother and started telling her about how he was planning on trying to get custody of Mia after his wife passed away. His wife had a lot of struggles with fertility, so eventually, they decided not to have any children of their own. But he claimed that he had always felt very empty without a child and now, seeing how he was going to lose his wife as well, he needed somebody and he actually thought that demanding that I return his daughter to him was a valid proposition that I would accept. Anyway, obviously my grandma had been quite against that idea, and she had voiced her opinions
Starting point is 07:44:12 against it in him. She had told him that he was crazy if he thought that was going to work out in his favor, and they had a huge fight, but later on, he apologized to her and told her to keep this a secret. So while she did not tell me anything about this interaction, she did speak to Mia about it and that's how she finally got to know that I was not her mother, and Ricky was her biological father. It was really difficult for her to process that, along with the fact that Ricky had been planning on trying to take back her custody for me after he lost his wife. My grandmother told her not to worry about it or let me know about any of this but just be on the safe side. She wanted Mia to know the truth so she wouldn't be taken by surprise if this actually ended up happening.
Starting point is 07:44:55 I don't know why she didn't want me to know about it and I don't think I'll ever be able to find out anymore but whatever. My grandma actually handed some documents to Mia and told her that in case Ricky actually went through with what he had said, these documents would help us out. She had forbidden Mia from checking out what those documents contained and she was quite obedient, so she didn't ever try to see what was in it either. In fact, she had forgotten about it until recently. She told me about it when I started talking to her about what Ricky was planning to do and she told me that she had already been prepared for a scenario like this by my grandma. Then, she brought out those documents from under her bed, and we went through them together. And let me just tell you guys, we have this in the bag. We don't need to be worried about any sort of lawsuit anymore because all those documents
Starting point is 07:45:44 contain proof of his anger problem. Calling them documents would actually be wrong, they are basically just screenshots of messages, emails, and stuff like that from so many people that I've actually lost count now. Most of them are from his wife, but from those papers, I could also tell that she had reached out to a couple of his friends and co-workers, and even they said that he did. did deal with severe anger issues. They had talked about a couple of incidents as well, that had taken place at work, at parties, and most of them had been triggered by really petty and minor stuff.
Starting point is 07:46:17 But they had been escalated into full-blown fights or even physical brawls by him for no apparent reason. It was crazy to find out about all of this because whenever we would meet him, Ricky seemed pretty normal and even his wife did not seem to be somebody who was suffering because of his anger issues or whatever. but in the messages and emails that she had sent to my grandma, it was very evident that she was suffering and even though those messages were from three years back, I could tell that it had been going on for a really long time. And that's why, finally, she had decided to reach out to my
Starting point is 07:46:48 grandma and talk to somebody about it because she probably just couldn't do it alone anymore. Even then, I couldn't figure out exactly why she had all these papers and proof against her because she couldn't possibly have known that he would someday start planning on trying to take me a back. I couldn't ask the only people who would know about it, since both of them were gone now. So I decided to take a shot in the dark and called up my grandma's lawyer and the executor of her will. Luckily, he knew what this was about, and apparently, he even had a copy of all the documents. Apparently, around five years back, my sister-in-law had been planning on leaving Ricky because for years, he had been treating her terribly and we are not sure just how far that went but what we do know is that she had enough
Starting point is 07:47:33 at one point and that's why she had approached my grandma and told her everything. As a woman, she wanted her help in getting a divorce from her grandson. My sister-in-law's own parents had refused to help her and told her that she would have to deal with this one on her own. And since she had been a housewife, she didn't really have any money for a lawyer, which is why she had approached my grandma. My grandma being the person she is, she decided to help my sister-in-law out because it was clear that she was going through a lot. So she spoke to a bunch of people and found out about how Ricky behaved with others and it was established that he had an anger problem at the time.
Starting point is 07:48:11 She had tried very hard to make sure that nobody blabbed about it to Ricky but someone must have ratted them out. After he found out, he started begging his wife and my grandma not to go through with this and promised them that he would do whatever it took to fix his problems, but he just didn't want his wife to leave her. After a couple of weeks of discussion, they decided that my sister-in-law wouldn't leave him, but only if he sought professional help. I'm guessing that he did because she didn't end up leaving him and my grandma's lawyer told me that they never ended up actually filing for divorce. It was shocking that I didn't know so much about my own family, and I felt kind of betrayed but her lawyer reassured me that it was
Starting point is 07:48:49 for my own good because my grandma apparently believed that I was way too sensitive when it came to things like this and she didn't want me to get worried for everyone. I don't know if it was the right thing to do or not, but it's done, so I'm not going to think about that. Anyway, knowing all of this, I decided to send Ricky an email about everything that I knew, and I told him that if he wanted to take me to court, he was free to do so, but then, even I would make sure that everyone knew that he was the one who would anger problems. At least I'm not the one who was an alcoholic, it was my partner, and he was in rehab right now. I also told him that I would not just take this to court, I would also publicize it to every other. I would also publicize it to
Starting point is 07:49:28 everybody and make sure that literally every person that he knew found out how he had given up his own daughter after having an affair and now, he wants her back because he feels his life is empty. A couple of hours after I sent that email, he started flooding me with apologies and told me that he had no idea that I had all of this. He had assumed that after the whole fiasco with his wife had led nowhere in the past, they probably would have gotten rid of the proof as well, but he didn't count on our grandma to have kept it all safe with her so she could use it against him if the need arose again. He started telling me that his reputation would be ruined and he took everything back, that I could keep Mia, but he just wanted to be involved in her life more. I gave him the
Starting point is 07:50:08 perfect opportunity to do that and told him that so far, I have been supporting Mia financially without any complaints because I had signed up for it. But in a couple of years, she would be headed out for college and then, I wanted him to bear the expenses. Now, we have been arguing about it back and forth for the past couple of days because he says that I'm asking for too much. Obviously sending a kid to college is an expensive thing and even though it's happening in three years, he is still not sure about it. I don't understand what he's confused about or what's holding him back because he is the one who suggested being more involved in me as life and that's what I'm giving him a chance to do. I don't intend on backing down and I made it very very much. I don't intend on backing down and I made it
Starting point is 07:50:49 very clear to him that if he doesn't pay for her college expenses, I'm going to tell everybody what has been going on. I don't even care about his reputation or anything anymore. I don't even care about the family's reputation because I've been betrayed by pretty much everyone I know at this point. Mia deserves a great future and until now, we have been planning on taking out a student loan for her. She's a good student, but I'm not sure if she's going to get a scholarship or not and she plans on going to college out of state for the experience. It's all going to be really expensive and I do have some money saved up but now that I have Ricky in a corner, I want him to bear the expenses. However, he thinks that I'm being way too
Starting point is 07:51:30 harsh on him, which seems ironic because for the past couple of weeks, he was the one who had been completely heartless with me and no amount of reasoning or fighting with him had led to a conclusion. So now, I'm behaving exactly the way he was behaving with me when he had had to me in a corner. Even though I was well aware of the fact that even if this situation did go to court, Mia would obviously say that she wanted to stay with me and that would count for something. Besides, I've already had custody of her ever since she was one year old. And the emails from the past and the whole thing with my boyfriend didn't really count for much, I was still really scared because lawyers cost a lot and I really didn't want to go to court.
Starting point is 07:52:09 So I had still been trying to find an amicable solution for all of us, but now I don't care. He's not happy about it at all and lately, he's been referring to this as blackmail, even though I really don't think that's what it is. I look at it as more of a tit for tat situation because he'd been doing the exact same thing to me a couple of weeks back, either I give up my custody of Mia and let her stay with her father, or he takes this to court and wastes my time and money. Which is another weird thing, he has the money to take me to court, but not to pay for Mia's college expenses. Anyway, Ida for telling my brother that he needs to bear the expenses for his daughter to go to college or I will tell everyone all about his well-protected secrets. Update 1, hey, so I guess I forgot to talk about a lot of things in my first post. I'll mention it here since a lot of you are curious about how Mia is doing right now. Honestly, when I had told her that I am not her biological mother and that Ricky, her uncle, is actually her biological father, and he had given her up to me when he had had had a
Starting point is 07:53:11 a fair and did not want his wife to find out and I had been covering up for him for all these years, but now he wants to take her back in, I expected her to be surprised. But she wasn't and then I realized that she had known all along because of my grandmother. I didn't know what to make of it, if I should be thankful to my grandmother or not, but honestly, I don't want to think about it either. I have had good memories of her and now that she's gone, I don't want to ruin it. She has always done her best to protect me and my brother and raise us to the best of her abilities. So even if I don't fully approve of whatever she chose to do in the past, I can't exactly fix it. Mia told me that she had been extremely shocked and had found it very difficult not to talk to me about it in the beginning, but then she didn't want to hurt me and create drama, so she chose to stay until recently.
Starting point is 07:54:01 And then she told me that she took a couple of weeks to think about it, and then she ultimately realized that it made no doubt. difference because in reality, I was always going to be her mother. Whether I was biologically related to her or not was secondary, in fact, it didn't even matter to her. Because all her life, I was the one who had taken care of her, I was the one who had always been there for her and Ricky had mostly just been her uncle. She did not have a father-daughter kind of relationship with him in the slightest, and to be honest, they were not even close.
Starting point is 07:54:33 And even recently, she told me that it was shocking that he thought his life was empty and that he could make it right by trying to take away her custody. She herself wouldn't have ever allowed it to happen and she would have made sure that even if this did go to court, she made it clear that she wanted to stay with me, her mom. So that was a huge reassurance for me and honestly, I'm pretty sure that even if this situation had gone to court, Ricky would have lost. The cards were stacked against him from the beginning and I don't understand why he was ready to throw money on a court case, or maybe he was just bluffing.
Starting point is 07:55:07 Either way, even if this did go to court, he would have wasted a ton of money so I don't understand why he isn't willing to pay for Mia to go to college right now. Something's definitely wrong with him, but I don't care about that. I just want him to start setting up a college fund for Mia if he wants to make it up to us.
Starting point is 07:55:24 I've already told him not to contact me unless it is to come to a conclusion about this. And I've given him until the end of the month to think about it and reach out to me, then I blocked him. I will only unblock him at the end of the month and if he doesn't agree to set up a college fund for Mia, I'm going to make sure that I post about what he was trying to do. I'm not going to keep covering for him anymore, he definitely does not deserve it. Update 2, so the month ends in nine days.
Starting point is 07:55:52 Until now, Ricky had not tried to personally contact us, but today, he showed up at my house. Thankfully, Mia was not at home, she was out with her friends, so she did not have to suffer through it. Anyway, when he showed up, I did not want to let him in, but he started begging at my doorstep, and it was really embarrassing to have that happen in public, so then I asked him to come in, so at least the neighbors wouldn't get to see what was going on. Once he was inside, he started telling me that the only reason he had even wanted to build a relationship with Mia was because for so many years, just because of his wife, he hadn't been able to tell his own daughter that he was her father, and it had been eating away at him.
Starting point is 07:56:32 That's why he had been bluffing about taking me to court, he wouldn't have done it anyway because it cost a lot of money, he knew he was going to lose. He had only threatened me with the whole email situation and the thing about my boyfriend because he knew that it would scare me into at least agreeing to his terms, and then we could work our way forward. I told him that it was a really stupid idea for him to start off on the wrong foot with me, and I told him that whatever he had done, it had already caused enough damage and now I don't want to hear his excuses. So then he started telling me that he was planning on starting his own business and he couldn't just commit that he would take care of me as college expenses in the future because he still had to wait and watch how the business was going to do. If it didn't go well, he was going to go broke trying to live up to his promises and he needed me to understand that. He said that he had already spoken to his seniors at work and they were ready to bet on him and his business, which is why they were coming on board as investors. And suddenly, it all made sense, why he did not want any negative stuff about him coming out in public. Of course, he wouldn't have wanted that anyway, but now that he had money riding on him and his business,
Starting point is 07:57:41 it was more necessary than ever for him to have a very pristine image and reputation because the firm that he worked in, and his seniors, they were pretty serious about this kind of stuff and the kind of money that they were investing in him was also not an amount to be laughed at. He was pretty much begging me to understand the situation and take back what I had said. It was getting pretty annoying for me to deal with him, so I just told him that I didn't care what he did, I just wanted him to leave. I told him that if he couldn't promise me that he would take care of me as college education, he did not need to have a relationship with her anyway.
Starting point is 07:58:15 It was he who had said that he would just like to be more involved in her life, I had given him the opportunity to do that, and he had rejected it. After everything that had happened, I did not want to give him any more chances to hurt us. So I began to ask him to leave, but he wasn't even okay with that. He started telling me that this stuff was complicated and he had just made a mistake, but he was not a bad guy. I told him that I honestly didn't care about the kind of person he was, whatever he had done was stupid and insane and I did not want him around anymore.
Starting point is 07:58:47 I was actually pretty glad that he had decided not to agree to my terms because then, we would have to keep in touch with him and that would have been a total nightmare. He was refusing to leave initially, so then I had to force him and actually push him out. But, thankfully, he did leave after basically getting kicked out of my house. Now, I just hope that he doesn't try to contact us anymore after today. Update 3, so it has been three months since my last update and so far, Ricky hasn't tried to get in touch with us. And I'm really grateful for that because Mia and I have been worried. working on our relationship. I mean, everything was fine between us, but then, we realized that we
Starting point is 07:59:27 have both been through a lot and we need to make sure that we communicate more often and more openly. So that after this, there are no more secrets between us and it's been going well so far. I even told her all about the episode with Ricky and she seemed to understand my anger, but he told me that she was glad that we are not in touch with him anymore. She agreed that after what had happened, she would never be able to take any money from him or even perceive him the same way. To be fair, she had stopped perceiving him in the same way that he used to as she was younger as soon as she had found out that she was actually his affair daughter, and then, once again, the perception had gotten worse after she found out about his anger issues in the documents that
Starting point is 08:00:07 my grandma had left. Either way, it doesn't matter because we are not on speaking terms anymore and we are happy on our own now. I hope you enjoy this story. who tormented me during my academic years and took away my romantic partner requires a kidney transplant, prompting my relatives to urge me to undergo testing. Eventually, I complied with their wishes and went for the evaluation. Get them off my back. I found out my dad isn't actually my biological father my sister Alicia had been struggling with kidney failure for more than six months now. At first she was managing okay, she was going through treatments and holding on while waiting for a kidney transplant but things have taken a turn for the worst recently her head.
Starting point is 08:00:49 health has declined and now the doctors say she needs a kidney transplant right away because of this. My mom is asking me to get tested to see if I might be a match for Alicia so I could donate one of my kidneys to her but to be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I have a lot of mixed emotions about this the thing is Alicia and I don't have a close relationship actually. We haven't had any relationship at all for the past few years growing up. She made my life really hard. It felt like she went out of her way to make me miserable back in school. I was often bullied by other. kids I was small for my age, kind of nerdy, and I struggled with my weight. All of this made me an easy target for the bullies they used to tease me about how I looked,
Starting point is 08:01:28 called me mean names, and even took my lunch money regularly. There were even a couple of times when things got physical and I ended up getting beaten up that's when my teacher stepped in and told my parents what was going on. My parents thought Alicia could help me out, you see, Alicia is just one year older than me, and we went to the same school so she was there during all those tough years when I was bullied but instead of standing up for me or trying to help, she didn't do anything to make things better. In fact, she made things worse she actually joined in with my bullies and was on their side Alicia would share personal details about me with them. Like what I wore at home or how I didn't have
Starting point is 08:02:01 many friends she made sure they had all the ammunition they needed to make me feel even smaller than I already did sometimes she would team up with my bullies, and together they would gang up on me during lunchtime they'd laugh at me, mock me, and keep pushing until I was in tears. I felt completely alone I couldn't understand why my own sister, someone who should have had my back, was so cruel when I told our parents how Alicia was involved with bullying me, she acted all innocent she told them that I was lying and that I must be confused or overreacting despite my complaints. My parents believed her they told me to stop blaming her and focus on ignoring the real bullies. Instead it was so frustrating because despite my own sister actually bullying me, no one believed
Starting point is 08:02:40 me. No one saw what I was going through. When I finally graduated and went to college I thought my life would improve without my bullies around any longer I was hopeful I could start over, and for a while, I did. College felt like a fresh start I even met someone special, my first boyfriend. Well, he was charming and kind, and I felt over the moon about him. I brought him home to meet my family, and my parents liked him too. But Alicia's reaction was different instead of just being polite. Alicia seemed overly excited to meet him throughout dinner. She constantly flirted with my boyfriend in a way that even made me uncomfortable she made inappropriate
Starting point is 08:03:13 comments about his looks, pointing out his big biceps. Or strong chest like it was a joke at first, I tried to brush it off, thinking maybe she didn't realize how she was acting but as it went on, it became clear she didn't care she was clearly into my boyfriend and was trying to get his attention to make matters worse. Later on I found out that Alicia had tracked down Will on social media without telling me and sent him messages saying she wanted to meet up with him. She did this behind my back when I found out about it. I confronted Will immediately I fully expected him to block her and stop any kind of contact with her, he reassured me that he had done
Starting point is 08:03:47 just that, and I believed him. I trusted him, but as time went on, I started noticing that he became very distant and secretive with me what I didn't know at the time was that Well, hadn't blocked Alicia at all instead. He had started meeting up with my sister in secret. They weren't just chatting. They were making out regularly. I had no clue about any of this until one of my close friends from college happened to see them together she spotted Will with Alicia in his car, acting like a couple, and immediately came to tell me what she'd seen hearing the truth was like a punch to the gut for months. I had been feeling like something was wrong I couldn't explain it. But I had this gut feeling that well wasn't being honest with me whenever I brought it up though.
Starting point is 08:04:24 He would gaslight me. He'd tell me I was crazy for being suspicious and that I was imagining things he made me feel like I was the one ruining our relationship with my doubts. But once my friend confirmed everything, I realized my instincts had been right all along what had been cheating on me, and the part that hurt the most, of all the people he could have betrayed me with. It was my own sister, as you can imagine. When I confronted Alicia, things exploded we had a massive fight where I told her how she had. Basically crossed the line by getting involved with Will-like, how could she be this desperate to get involved with a guy I was seeing? But Alicia showed no remorse, none she doubled down and acted proud of what she had done she actually bragged about sleeping
Starting point is 08:05:02 with Will before me, as if it was some sort of achievement to her there was no apology from her side. This is why I brought the issue to our parents I told them everything, how devastated I was, how deeply Alicia had hurt me, and how this wasn't just about Will but about her betrayal as my sister my dad was horrified and clearly upset by what he heard. But my mom's reaction was different she told me she didn't believe me and insisted that they needed to talk to Alicia and hear the entire story before deciding who to support her response left me stunned what entire story could there possibly be? The facts were clear, my sister had slept with my boyfriend what more did they need?
Starting point is 08:05:37 to know? I felt completely unsupported and invalidated, as if my feelings and pain didn't matter well, even after my mom talked to Alicia. She supported my sister over me. She told me that Alicia claimed to be in love with Will and that the only reason she had done what she did was because she felt Will was the one for her I couldn't believe what I was hearing I scoffed and told my mom how ridiculous that excuse sounded how could Alicia even justify her actions this way.
Starting point is 08:06:01 But my mom's response shocked me even more instead of acknowledging my pain, she said, well, maybe this guy wasn't meant for you, maybe he and your sister would be happier with each other, I mean, he was too good looking for you anyway next time, settle for someone who's more on your level. Then maybe he won't cheat on you I was completely taken aback. It wasn't just that she was supporting Alicia. It felt like she was outright blaming me for being cheated on, as if I had brought this on myself. Simply because I had dared to date someone attractive was she really saying that I didn't deserve to be with someone handsome? That I should have settled for someone less good looking to avoid being hurt. Up until that moment, I always kind of knew that my mom favored Alicia more there were little things over the years that hinted at it, Alicia getting more praise, more attention, more understanding but I had always convinced myself that my mom still loved me in her own way deep down. I had held on to the hope that I wasn't completely overlooked by her but after that conversation. It was like a switch flipped I realized how wrong I'd been my mom's words made it clear that she loved my sister.
Starting point is 08:07:00 More than me my dad, to his credit, did scold Alicia a little for what she had done. But it wasn't enough to make a real difference despite his initial anger. He still sided with my sister in the end it felt like both my parents were more willing to excuse Alicia's betrayal than to stand up for me. Their reactions made me feel small, unimportant, and completely unsupported. So after everything that happened, I made a decision to cut off all three of them, Alicia, my mom, and my dad I told my parents that Alicia could have my ex because in my eyes, they were both trash and deserved to be with each other.
Starting point is 08:07:32 I also made it clear to my parents that because they had cited with Alicia, they had shown me exactly how little they valued me their actions and words made it impossible for me to trust them or feel loved by them anymore. I told them I was done with all of them my parents did try to argue and change my mind, but it was weak and unconvincing there was no real fight from them to keep me. In their lives, and that just confirmed my decision even more since then, I've kept my distance from my family I barely talked to any of them except for the occasional updates I hear from distant relatives I still keep in touch with a few years ago, I had heard through the grapevine that Alicia had married my ex yes. The very same ex she had stolen from me I felt
Starting point is 08:08:09 disgusted that she was still with that guy and hadn't managed to find someone better for herself. It also confirmed that I had made the right choice in cutting ties with someone who had caused me so much pain anyway. Now I have my own life I'm married to a wonderful husband and we've built a stable, happy life together. I also have a great job that I'm proud of we're content and I don't even think about my family anymore so you can imagine my surprise when earlier this week I got a short email from my mom she asked me to give her a call because it was a family emergency I hesitated at first but eventually decided to call her back when I did. I found out what the emergency was. It was about my sister and her ongoing health condition incidentally. I had already heard
Starting point is 08:08:46 about Alicia's kidney failure from some of our relatives. So the news itself wasn't exactly shocking. What did surprise me though was my mom's request. She asked me if I would consider getting tested to see if I could be a potential kidney match for Alicia. I told my mom that I would think about it and let her know honestly. I don't want to, but here's the real issue. My paternal grandparents have gotten involved. They know about our family situation and despite me cutting off my parents my grandparents have always been in my life and supported me. My grandparents believe there's no harm in me getting tested. They say that if I'm not a match, then there's no issue, but if I am a match, then I can take my time and decide whether or not
Starting point is 08:09:21 I want to donate my kidney to my sister. Clearly they want to help, but I feel really uneasy about the whole situation. I'm scared that if I'm a match, my family will pressure me even more to go through with the kidney donation I don't want to feel forced or guilty about. Doing something I'm not sure about my. Grandparents mean the world to me and I don't want to risk losing their support and love because of this difficult decision. So Reddit, am I the asshole if I decide to not get tested update when my mom reached out to me again asking me to get tested to see if I could help my sister.
Starting point is 08:09:48 This wasn't the first time she'd brought it up, but this time I felt like I couldn't keep brushing it off or giving her vague answers. I decided to be completely honest. So I told her outright that I wasn't willing to do it. I explained I didn't want to be involved with my sister at all, and that was my final decision I thought being direct would make her back off or at least give her a clear picture of where I stood. But instead of understanding or respecting my feelings, she pushed even harder she told me she expected me to step up and help my sister no matter how I felt about her in her eyes. It didn't matter what I thought I wanted my sister deserved a chance. To live and apparently I was the one who had to give it to her then she said something that really stung. She told me my life isn't worth much anyway. I couldn't believe she actually said that so I asked her to explain what she meant her response was even more hurtful. She told me that Alicia's life is more valuable than mine because Alicia has a child and I don't. She made it clear that she believed Alicia's role as a mother made her inherently more important than me. My mom seemed to
Starting point is 08:10:40 think that because I didn't have kids my life wasn't as meaningful and that it was therefore my duty to do whatever I could to help Alicia survive for the sake of her child and her mind my worth wasn't even a consideration. It was all about Alicia and what she needed as if dealing with my mom wasn't hard enough. My dad has also reached out to me. He begged me to get tested and told me to do this for him. He argued that Alicia might die without a transplant and warned that I could regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't at least find out if I was a match. His words made it clear that he was putting the weight of Alicia's survival and my future feelings on my shoulders as if I had the power to change everything and would be making a terrible
Starting point is 08:11:16 mistake by refusing update too I got tested despite my best. Judgment, however, before you all come for me in the comments. I have something very interesting to share despite all my reservations and the emotional weight of the situation. I went ahead and got myself tested just to get everybody off my back. A part of me felt like I was doing it for my grandparents. They've always been there for me and I didn't want to let them down. But deep down I also wanted some clarity hoping that the test results would help settle things one way or another the results came back and they revealed two shocking truths first I wasn't a match for my sister that in itself was a relief I wouldn't have to make the agonizing decision of whether to donate my kidney to someone who had caused me so much pain it felt
Starting point is 08:11:55 like I had, then let off the hook for something that had been. Weighing heavily on me, but the second revelation was something I could never have prepared for my genetic markers didn't match my fathers. The results made it clear the man I had called dad my whole life wasn't actually my biological father when I first read the results. I felt like the ground had been ripped out from under me I was already dealing with the emotional weight of my family's demands, but now this completely unexpected bombshell had been dropped on me. It explained so much all the times I felt like an outsider in my own family, but it was also heartbreaking the news sent shock waves through the family sparking a whole new level of drama that my mom clearly hadn't anticipated my dad was devastated.
Starting point is 08:12:34 He had no idea that I wasn't his biological child and the betrayal hit him hard. He's the kind of man who always valued family above all else and finding out that my mom had kept such a huge secret from him was a crushing blow. I could see the herd in his eyes, despite everything, he's the one who raised me, the one who gave me his name and identity as his daughter, only to find out that I don't even belong to him. My mom, on the other hand, was caught completely off guard she had spent so much time pressuring me to help Alicia that she clearly hadn't considered the possibility of this coming to light
Starting point is 08:13:03 now she's scrambling to explain herself and manage the fallout for me. The discovery feels like both a betrayal and a strange kind of clarity. It explains a lot about how I've been treated over the years. but it also raises so many questions who is my biological father. Why did my mom hide this from me and my dad for so long? Where do I go from here? Did my mom keep this secret from him too? Could my real father be out there living his life unaware that he has a daughter
Starting point is 08:13:29 or did he know and simply choose to stay away? These questions have been racing through my mind nonstop and they only add to the chaos of everything else that's happening right now my paternal grandparents have also found out about the test results and they're furious they've always loved me as their granddaughter, and this news has shaken them deeply their demanding answers from my mom just like my dad is, but instead of facing the situation head on my mom has completely shut down she's refusing to, talk to anyone about it and when I confronted her myself hoping for some clarity she had the
Starting point is 08:13:58 audacity to claim that the test results were wrong. Can you believe her audacity? After everything she was still trying to deny the undeniable I told her there was no way the results could be wrong, but she doubled down insisting that I should pretend like this never happened. Her response left me speechless. She claimed to be just as shocked as I was after finding out the truth, but her tone made it clear she was trying to sweep everything under the rug. The audacity of her words stung more than I can put into words how could she expect me to act like this life-altering. Discovery was nothing. How could she believe she could bury the truth and avoid the consequences of her actions? It feels like she's more concerned with maintaining
Starting point is 08:14:34 her image and avoiding accountability than she is with the pain she's caused pain to my dad, my grandparents and me her refusal to take responsibility her insistence that this is all some mistake or something we should just ignore only deepens the hurt and anger I feel towards her the revelation has turned my world upside down while I've always felt like an outsider and my family now. I understand why but knowing the reason doesn't make it hurt. Any less. I will update you soon after I get more information. Update 3. The situation has only gotten worse. My dad has decided to divorce my mom I never thought I'd see the day when my parents' marriage would crumble but with everything that's happened. I can't say I blame him he's devastated by the truth betrayed in ways.
Starting point is 08:15:13 I can't even begin to understand his entire life with my mom the family they built has been based on lies. It's a gut-wrenching realization that this is the end of something that for him was once a foundation of trust and love as for my mom after days of pressure from my dad, my grandparents and the rest of the family she finally gave in and revealed the truth to all of us. I don't know if it was guilt the weight of the constant questioning, or just the inevitable truth catching up with her but she finally spoke up turns out that just before she got pregnant with me she had an affair with her personal trainer she had been seeing him behind my dad's back the affair only lasted a few weeks my mom ended it convinced no one would ever find out but then when she got
Starting point is 08:15:50 pregnant with me she never thought to question whether i was truly my dad's child she simply assumed i was after i was born she never bothered to check there were no tests no questions just an assumption that everything was fine. My mom thought that I was her and my dad's child and so she moved on with her life, but the truth was I wasn't my entire life all the moments I thought to find. My relationship with her and with my dad now feel like they've been built on a lie. She never even questioned the possibility that I wasn't my dad's child and instead of owning up to her mistake she buried it for decades hoping it would never come to light. It's honestly surreal how everything has unfolded my mom was the one who pushed me to get tested for my sister
Starting point is 08:16:25 and now everything has come crashing down around her. She brought this misfortune. On her, Her self or lies her affair, her secrecy if she hadn't insisted I get tested if she hadn't pushed for me to help Alicia. None of this would have come to life, but I guess God wanted me to find out the truth about this. I am glad that I got tested now Mom is facing the fallout from all of it and honestly she deserves it. My dad is heartbroken. My grandparents are furious with Mom. They all feel betrayed and they want nothing to do with her anymore. Even my maternal grandparents who have always had a more distant relationship with are ashamed of what my mom did. they can't believe she kept such a massive secret hidden from all of us for all these years
Starting point is 08:17:02 since mom's confession suddenly everyone around me who had never really cared much about me before has a lot of sympathy for me even distant relatives people I hadn't spoken to in years have reached out to check in on me it's strange almost as if they're all trying to make up for the years of indifference or avoidance but while their sympathy is nice it doesn't change the fact that my life has been completely turned upside down as for my mom she's lost everything my dad has kicked her out of the house and she's now living in a motel she's called me a few times asking for money and other help, but I just can't bring myself to offer her much. I hate her so much for what she hid from me. It's like the more I think about everything she's done the harder it is to show any empathy towards
Starting point is 08:17:40 her now my dad is talking with a lawyer about the divorce proceedings. I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like for him. He's a man who's always valued family above all else and yet here he is picking up the pieces of a life that's been destroyed by my mom's actions. There is a huge possibility that because of my mom's betrayal she may not get any alimony, no family, no money, no support. It's almost poetic justice mom reaping the consequences of her choices and while it may sound harsh, I can't say I feel any sympathy for her at this point now coming to my sister's case. She obviously still needs a kidney my parents aren't viable candidates to donate due to their own health issues and the time frame is getting
Starting point is 08:18:16 shorter for her after everything that had transpired I felt like I needed to see her with all this drama surrounding my mom's affair and the fallout within our family I wasn't sure how much time Alicia had left. I needed to go to her if only to say goodbye when I visited her I was struck by how weak and tired she looked her condition was clearly taking a toll on her both physically and emotionally Alicia really surprised me by apologizing to me for our past something I never expected from her. She seemed genuinely shocked by the truth of our mom's affair. We both talked about how stupid it was for mom to push me to get the test done for a moment it felt like nothing had changed between me and Alicia back. When she didn't bully me and we actually enjoyed spending time together we spoke for
Starting point is 08:18:55 a little while, but I couldn't stay long Alicia urged me to meet her son and her ex who were on their way to visit her, but I knew that I wasn't ready to face them, especially my ex, I still needed some time to process everything. The emotions were just too much for me to handle since that conversation I feel much better about Alicia. I no longer hold any resentment for her despite our past, despite everything that's happened. I genuinely hope that she and her family make it through this I want her to find peace and I want her to get the help she needs update for it's been three months since I last updated you on everything that's happened so much has changed first of all. My parents are officially divorced now my dad has been focusing on rebuilding his life while my mom
Starting point is 08:19:32 has been trying to piece things together in her own way, though it's clear she's lost so much her family, her credibility and her sense of stability. She still lives alone and has been essentially ostracized by the rest of the family she's tried reaching out to me multiple times, but I blocked her. I don't care what she does anymore I've come to realize that I need to move forward with my life regardless of what's happened to hers as for Alicia, the good news is that she found a kidney match everyone including myself is happy that she's finally going to get the treatment she needs she's been through so much and I know this transplant will give her a new chance at life I don't know if we'll ever be close again, but I am just happy for her and truly
Starting point is 08:20:07 hope she recovers well I've also come to. Terms with something else the fact that I will never know my biological father my mother has refused to give up his name and I no longer care initially it used to gnaw at me than not knowing the wondering who he was if he ever knew about me if my life would have been different had he been in it. But now I've realized it doesn't matter the answers aren't coming and I've learned that it's okay to leave some questions unanswered I can't spend my life chasing after someone who isn't part of my. Present my husband has been my rock through all of this. He supported me in ways. I never imagined possible through every emotional breakdown. He stood by my side giving me the strength. I didn't know I had slowly. I've realized that I don't need to search for my biological father to feel complete. I have a wonderful life now one that's full of love and happiness. My husband, my career, and the life we're building together are everything I need. I don't want to dwell on the past or let it hold me back anymore. I hope you enjoy this story.
Starting point is 08:21:03 Spouse relocated his ailing mother into our residence without consulting me and expected me to tend to her needs while he declined to engage a caregiver. However, I stumbled upon documents confirming her medical history. She'd been healthy for months and they were both. lying. So, about six months ago, my husband, 42, male, decided that he was going to have his sick mother, 67, female, move in with us, and the best part of that was that he did not even think that it was important to consult me before making such a huge decision. Even back then, I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he is a single child and my mother-in-law is a widow,
Starting point is 08:21:40 so she didn't exactly have anybody else to take care of her and she used to live all by herself before she moved in with us. A couple of weeks before she moved in, and the reason my husband thought he needed to take care of her, was because she had somehow contracted hepatitis A and was finding it difficult to take care of herself. She had fallen really ill, and after a couple of days in the hospital,
Starting point is 08:22:01 my husband decided to move her into our house without even checking with me first. Honestly, it was not a problem for me that she had been moved into our house. My problem was that he didn't even think that it was important to ask me and we had a couple of fights about that in the initial stages. But eventually, I tried to understand his position, and I agreed to let her
Starting point is 08:22:20 stay with us until she got better. A huge part of the reason that I agreed was that he had told me that his mother was already diabetic and suffered from chronic osteoarthritis, so it's not like she was in the pink of health apart from hepatitis. She had comorbidities and if something happened to her, and he wasn't there to take care of her, he would never be able to forgive himself. Since she was already pretty aged, he wanted to be a good son to her and take care of her in her last days. That really touched me and I put myself in his shoes, after which I decided to accept his decision. Besides, my husband and I, 36, female, have been together for five years and married for three, and I've had a good relationship with both him and my mother-in-law so far.
Starting point is 08:23:03 I used to get along quite well with my father-in-law as well until he passed away last year, so we had a fairly normal relationship, and I thought that I could overlook this one. incident which I didn't think was right. But after he moved his mother in with us, things started changing rapidly, and I could barely keep up. All of a sudden, I was expected to do twice the work because I worked from home but my husband has to go out. I had assumed that he would eventually hire a nurse and I would only have to take care of my mother-in-law while staying back home for a couple of days at most. However, when I discussed it with him, he told me that he had no intention of hiring a nurse for his mother because he thought it would be a waste of money since I
Starting point is 08:23:42 I was going to be at home anyway, and if his mother needed anything, she could just call out to me. He believed that having a nurse would be pointless and even though both of us make a decent income, he was being weirdly stingy about the whole situation and that did not sit right with me. We had had had this discussion almost two weeks after his mother had moved in with us, and by then, I had already started feeling exhausted because of all the pressure that was on me. Not only would I have to work professionally, but I also ended up having to help my mother-in-law with almost everything because she was so weak. I had to feed her, I had to walk her to the bathroom whenever she needed to use the loo when I even had to do all my household chores alongside that.
Starting point is 08:24:21 The worst part was cooking two separate meals, one for my husband and me and the other for my mother-in-law because she couldn't have the kind of food that we were having. It had started to tire me out and when I brought it up with my husband, I expected him to be sympathetic towards me, but instead, he told me that I just had to deal with it because we couldn't afford to spend money on things that we didn't need, like the services of a nurse. And he kept bringing up the fact that I work from home, so it would be easy for me to take care of my mother-in-law, I just had to set my mind to it. I don't think he realized that even though I do work from home, it still work and it was impossible for me to do everything all at once.
Starting point is 08:24:58 So we got into a couple of really big fights and I guess that's when things really started going downhill with us because he refused to understand what was going on with me and I just felt helpless because I couldn't just abandon my mother-in-law after how nice she had been to me all along. After every fight that I would have with my husband, I would still go back to taking care of her, and she would try to console me and would always be on my side, which is what made it harder to leave because even though I had developed an emotional bond with her. But I guess I should have known that it was all fake because even though she would always tell me that I was right, she never told her son that, which would have solved a lot of issues. At one point, I threatened to divorce him, but after
Starting point is 08:25:36 that, he started trying to pacify me because he realized that I was serious. After that, he started trying to come to a common ground with me, and eventually, it was decided that he would take over more household chores and try to relieve me of my duties at home so I could at least take care of his mother. It wasn't ideal, but at least it was something, so I decided to settle for it. And that was another mistake that I made because even though he helped me out and stuck to his word for the first couple of months, soon he started slacking off, and I was back to my old routine. Eventually, my mother-in-law's health did start getting better, but it wasn't good enough for her to help me out around the house. It was just really frustrating and for the past couple of months, I've been fighting with my husband more frequently.
Starting point is 08:26:19 The only reason I had been holding on was because I loved him and no matter how much, we would eventually make it up to each other. He would apologize for everything that he did wrong and promise that he would try to change and then for the next couple of weeks, he would actually change but then, slowly, it was back to our old cycle. At this point, I can't even count how many times I had forgiven him and how many times I had vented to my mother-in-law about how everything was going wrong and she had told me that eventually, it would be fine again. It had been feeling like everything actually had been falling apart in a couple of days ago. I realized that everything actually had fallen apart because my mother-in-law and my husband had teamed up and had been lying to me for the past couple of months. Because while rifling through our shared cupboard for something, I accidentally came across something that I was probably not supposed to find. My husband had definitely hidden it because otherwise, I can't think of a single reason he would put away medical records of my mother-in-law and a duffel bag and push it to the very back of our cupboard, where it was unlikely to be found. I couldn't understand most of it, but I did see the dates and call it intuition or whatever, but I just knew that something was off about this whole situation.
Starting point is 08:27:27 So I decided to take a couple of pictures of those papers and I sent them to my cousin, who happens to be a doctor. I waited for a couple of minutes for a response and then, I found out that the papers that I had come across were the results of some tests, and basically, my mother-in-law had been given a clean bill of health. From the dates, I deduced that it had been almost two months since these results had come back and my husband hadn't even bothered to tell me about it. Let alone my husband, not even my mother-in-law had told me anything about it, even though I am pretty sure that she knew that she was back to normal now. The whole thing just made me really mad because, like a fool, I had still been running after my mother-in-law and doing everything for her so she wouldn't have to exert herself. After finding out those papers, I decided to go for a drive to clear my head and I left my mother-in-law alone at home because I knew that she was perfectly fine and she would be able to take care of herself. It was only the hepatitis that we had actually been worried about. She had been dealing with diabetes and arthritis for a really long time so she would be just fine by herself. About an hour later, my husband finally came back home that day, and he started calling me and texting me about my whereabouts. He seemed pretty upset that I had just left his mother alone at home and gone out without even informing her and demanded that I come back home so we could talk about how irresponsible I had been. That's what made me even more mad and I decided to go back home immediately so I could confront him.
Starting point is 08:28:51 And that's exactly what I did, as soon as I walked in before he could even say anything, I told him that I knew for a fact that it. his mother was perfectly healthy now and that the two of them had been hiding it from me for the past two months. I told him that I wouldn't have had any issues taking care of his mother anyway, but I had a problem with the fact that he had been lying to me. And it hadn't just been a recent development. He had been lying to me from the very beginning, right from when he moved his mother in with us. Because according to me, even hiding the truth is a form of lying, and he knew for a fact that he had been planning on moving his mother in with us. But yet, he did not tell me anything about it until it was already done, so I wouldn't even be able to change it. He was pretty speechless. I guess
Starting point is 08:29:33 he had no idea that I had found those papers and at first, he tried to deny it and told me that I had lost my mind and I had no idea what I was talking about. He was obviously trying to gaslight me, so I threw those results towards him, and then I told him that he had just blown his last chance to apologize to me and tried to make things right. After this, there was no going back because he had betrayed my trust for the last time and I wanted to get out of my house. That was the point at which I guess he realized his mistake and then, he started begging me to forgive him and told me that he was just about to tell me, but he just didn't know how to because he knew that I was not happy with this arrangement, but he did not want me to make his mom leave. So he had been really confused and
Starting point is 08:30:13 that's why he had been holding off on telling me the truth and he was sorry about all of it. But at that point, his apologies meant nothing to me because I had had it. It was bad enough that he had been lying to me, it was even worse that his mother had also been lying to me after all that I had done for her. When I asked him if his mother knew that she was completely fine, he did not even deny it and that was when I told him that I wanted both of them to get out. I had the right to kick them out because technically, this house is mine. My grandparents had left it to my mother, who had then had the title transferred to me, and my husband had moved in with me after we started dating. So I had every right to ask him to leave, but then he started crying and told me that he had nowhere to go. And
Starting point is 08:30:53 and neither did his mom because apparently, he had sold her house a couple of weeks after she moved in with us. I was shocked to my core because the fact that he had sold the house meant that he had been sitting on a pile of money from that sale because I knew for a fact that his mother's house was in good shape and in a nice neighborhood, so it must have sold for a decent amount of money. And in spite of that, I had been slogging like a fool because he was too much of a miser to spend some money on hiring a nurse for his own mother. I couldn't take it anymore after that and I told him that I wanted him out that very instant, and I didn't care where he and his mother went, I just wanted them to leave the house. He tried to reason with me, but I just kept screaming at him and after a while, he had to give up. Even his mother tried to come to talk to me so I would come down, but I didn't want to hear any of them out.
Starting point is 08:31:40 I screamed at her as well and forced both of them to leave the house that day. Since then, I haven't heard from either of them and I've already spoken to an attorney because I definitely plan on getting separated from him. But the only thing that I'm still doubtful about is whether I did the right thing by kicking them out that day, since a couple of people have been telling me that it was quite harsh of me to take my mother-in-law out, knowing that she's quite old. I know that, but I also know for a fact that her son is with her, so it's not like she's going to be in any trouble and they have money, so I'm sure they'll make good use of it. However, even then, I'm having second thoughts about what I did and I'm not sure if I should reach out to my mother-in-law and apologize to her.
Starting point is 08:32:19 or not. So Ida for kicking my husband and mother-in-law out of my house? Edit, okay, so these people that I had been referring to in my original post are actually my own family. It's my parents and my older sister and I really take them seriously, which is why I've been feeling crazy about what I did. On one hand, I know for a fact that what they said is true, it might have been quite harsh, but on the other hand, I also don't think what I did was inherently wrong because I had been forced to take such an extreme step by them. My parents and my sister both know what I have been through in the past couple of months and the fact that they still have this opinion. I don't know. It just seems very weird. But I didn't want to discredit it and go on claiming that I was right
Starting point is 08:33:01 without thinking about this critically, which is why I had come here to Reddit. Update 1, so it's been a couple of days and since most of you guys believe that I did not do anything wrong by kicking both of them out to the curb, I have decided that I'm not going to be apologizing. I have also spoken to my family about what they said, about me being too harsh on them, and I told them that after what I have been through, I really don't think that I was too harsh. I think that I was reasonable enough and I had been for a really long time, but now, expecting me to be nice to them, was as bad as asking me to be cruel to myself. So I had a bit of an argument with them because they don't have the same opinion as me and it's kind of sad because
Starting point is 08:33:40 right now, I feel really lonely because I feel like I'm on bad terms with all the important people on my life. But it's fine, at least I know that I'm being nice to myself and I'm doing what is right. And at least all my friends are still by my side because after I told them what happened and they told me that if they had been in my place, my husband and my mother-in-law would have been out long ago simply because of how badly they have been treating me. They told me that I loved my husband and they knew it, which is why I'd put up with this behavior for so long. But now, I was right to have done what I did and I'm going to stand by that, no matter who is against me. Anyway, in my original post, I mentioned that I had gotten in touch with an attorney and
Starting point is 08:34:18 recently, I filed for divorce. It was not easy for me to bring myself to do it because I knew that I was putting an end to a really long and probably the most meaningful relationship that I've ever had in my life so far. My husband was pretty much my first love, and I know I found him really late, but I also just knew that he was my soulmate when I found him. We have had so many good times that it's really difficult for me to bring myself to say goodbye, but I know I have to do it for my own good. Because the past couple of months have been nothing short of heartbreaking and toxic, and I've come to see a completely different side of him that I had no idea even existed. He has been manipulative, he has been selfish, and worst of all, he has been disrespectful and
Starting point is 08:35:00 dishonest. I just cannot put up with this and I think, that's why, it's better for me to part ways with him. And this, I think, everyone will agree with, even my family. The terms of the divorce are pretty fair in my opinion because we're splitting everything equally, apart from the house, which is still going to belong to me. I'm not demanding any long-term alimony from him that I can live off of for years, but I feel like I'm entitled to a certain amount of money because of all the effort that I have put in for the past couple of months. It was a lot of labor and I don't care if it sounds good, but I feel like I deserve to be reimbursed for everything that I've done, especially now that I know that he had sold the house that used to belong to his mother and never
Starting point is 08:35:42 even told me about it, just so he wouldn't have to hire a nurse. I think that in itself makes me entitled to alimony, even though we have similar incomes. I've already told my lawyer that that's a non-negotiable for me. Anyway, that's for us to worry about later. Right now I'm just worried about how he's going to take this. I'm just hoping that he takes a similar. approach to what he has done ever since I kicked him out, stays cold and stoic, and doesn't try to come back into my life, because I think that will be easier to deal with. Right now, I'm obviously kind of hurt that he hasn't reached out to me, not even to apologize for one final time, but I think it's easier to deal with all the pain this way. If he's not begging for a second chance, I won't be
Starting point is 08:36:24 tempted to give him one and that's why I really hope that he just lets it all go. Update 2. So, my husband was served a couple of days ago and today, he finally decided to reach out to me. First, he called me up while I was working, and I decided to ignore him because I really didn't want to speak to him. He kept calling for a couple of hours until I muted all notifications from him. In the evening, my doorbell started ringing, and of course, it was him standing outside with the divorce papers. He looked really upset, and he asked me if I really wanted to do this, to which I replied that I really intended on going through with this because after everything that had happened, I just couldn't see him the same day again and things have been ruined once and for all.
Starting point is 08:37:07 I told him that for the past six months, he had been treating me as badly as it possibly could, and I had been taken completely for granted. Part of it was my fault as well because I guess I had unknowingly let him treat me like a doormat, just because I loved him and I thought that it was fine to make sacrifices for the sake of our marriage, but I didn't realize that I was the only one who was actually making these sacrifices. But now that I had realized all of these things, it was difficult for me to go back to him, and I requested him to leave and not try to make things right with me because that would make things even more difficult for me after I was done talking. He just told me that he still loved me and was willing to give everything a chance to work again.
Starting point is 08:37:44 He said that the only reason he had come back to me right now instead of reaching out to me these past few days was because he wanted to give me some space and time to cool down on my own and then he would try to make it up to me and come back, but he hadn't realized that I was going to take things so far and file for divorce. He tried to tell me that it was still not too late to try and fix our marriage, but that just made me really sad because it made me see how he still didn't realize that for me, it really was too late. So I explained to him that I did not want to give our marriage a second chance
Starting point is 08:38:14 because I had given him enough chances throughout the past couple of months and all he had done so far was disappointed me. He kept on promising me that he would change and then breaking all of the time. those promises and I was tired of having to deal with this over and over again. I ended up getting quite emotional, even though I had managed to keep my emotions under control until that point. But then, I told him that I was just exhausted from having my heart broken by him so many times in such a short span of time. At that point, he started crying and all of a sudden, he literally fell to his knees, and that came as a bit of a surprise to me because even though we had been together
Starting point is 08:38:48 for a really long time, he's never been very expressive or romantic. And I've known that, and I've always been fine with it because I'm not really into that kind of thing anyway. But then, when he was on his knees, begging me to give him just one last chance, I couldn't help myself, and I literally started sobbing. For a couple of minutes, neither of us could bring ourselves to even say anything because we got so emotional. But eventually, I told him to get back up on his feet because I had made up my mind and I was not going to go back on it. So I told him that while I really appreciated the fact that he had finally come to his senses and was trying to convince me to come back to him, I was afraid that it wasn't going to be possible
Starting point is 08:39:26 because I had left him too far behind now emotionally and even though I hadn't fully moved on, I was planning on doing so. I also told him that even if I did somehow manage to forgive him, I would never be able to bring myself to be on good terms with his mother ever again because the way she betrayed me, it was much worse. She and I had spent the entire day together for the past six months and at least I was still fighting with my husband, but she had faked it all along. While pretending to be on my side, she was just lying to my face the whole time. And in my opinion, that was much worse and heartless than what my husband had done. So I couldn't ever bring myself to be nice to her after this and I didn't want to be the kind of wife who makes her husband choose between
Starting point is 08:40:07 his mother and herself because that way he would only end up resending me and I didn't want that. But he still did not leave. He kept trying to convince me that there was still a way that we could make this work and I didn't have to end this way but eventually, I convinced him that this is how it was ending, whether he liked it or not, and I wanted him to leave instead of making this more difficult than it has to be. So after a while, he finally walked away and both of us were still crying, but at least we got the closure that we needed. I don't know how things are going to be from this point onwards, but I really needed this last meeting. I don't know how to explain it, but it really made me feel considerably better because I feel like I got a lot of things off my chest. I was afraid
Starting point is 08:40:48 that I would be letting him go without truly having this final honest discussion and now that I've had it, I feel ready to let him go. Update 3, hey, so I'm currently in the process of getting divorced. A few weeks ago, my husband finally responded to the divorce papers and he's not contesting the divorce. He also agreed to all the terms with just a couple of minor modifications, so we just have to wait for the waiting period to be over and then we will be officially divorced. We haven't been speaking much, we've only stuck to speaking through our lawyers and that's it. I can't say that I'm over everything, I'm definitely not. But I'm trying to get over it, I'm trying to heal and I'm doing everything to keep myself busy. I've also managed to reconnect with my family over the last
Starting point is 08:41:32 couple of weeks. I guess they had a change of heart or something and reached out to me a couple of days ago, to tell me that they were sorry for the way they had behaved with me earlier. They said that they had had had a knee-jerk reaction to what I had said and hadn't fully understood what I had been going through, which had made me behave like that and forced me me to take such a drastic step. But now that they had thought about it, they realized that I hadn't been all that wrong and instead of supporting me during such a difficult phase of my life, they had been pushing me away and they were really apologetic about it. I decided to forgive them and we've been trying to patch things up as of now,
Starting point is 08:42:06 and it's been going well. So that's how it's been and I'm hoping that with time, things will get better. So my divorce finally came through earlier this week. I've been having mixed feelings about it all week and I decided to talk about it here, so I could express myself a bit freely. Of course, I've already spoken to my friends and family about it and they've all consoled me and told me that now, I should just think about the future and stuff, the usual. But honestly, I just want to think about all the good times that I had with my husband. With my ex-husband,
Starting point is 08:42:38 to be precise. I know it sounds strange after everything that has happened, but I don't want to be bitter about this part of my life. If I decide to think about it, hatefully, I'll never be able to truly move on. So I have decided to remember everything fondly and let it all go. I don't intend not have any contact with him after this point and I'm definitely not in love with him anymore, but I don't want to hate him either, if that makes sense. None of this has been easy, but I had to do it and I am really relieved that it's all over now. I'm also very sad that it's all over now, but it's fine, I'll get over it. I just felt like saying this and yeah, I'm hoping for the best now. I hope you enjoy this story. The beloved sibling of The Shining Star was ejected by her spouse for infidelity.
Starting point is 08:43:24 consequently, our guardians persuaded me to accommodate her, only for her to subsequently engage in flirtatious behavior with my spouse. Oh dear, so there's a lot of context here, so I'll start with that first. I, 25, female, have a twin sister, Becky. She and I were close growing up but something just went very wrong when she was a teenager. Becky was an exceptionally bright student, while I was quite average. So in eighth grade, she was offered a scholarship opportunity from a really reputed institution for gifted kids like her, and she wanted to accept. The only problem was that the high school that she was supposed to be attending was way out of town and the commute itself would take up more than an hour every day. We could have let her live on campus, but Becky wasn't fine with it because she said she didn't like the idea of living on campus. So after a lot of deliberation, my parents decided that she could live with our aunt, my father's sister.
Starting point is 08:44:21 My aunt didn't have any kids of her own and had never married. So my father had been a little wary of sending Becky to live with her since he wasn't sure if she would be able to handle the responsibility. But my aunt herself had volunteered to take Becky in and let her live with her so she could attend the school that she wanted to and wouldn't jeopardize her future. And that's how Becky ended up living with my aunt for high school, while I continued to live with my parents. She would come back for the holidays and we would all visit her whenever we had the time. For the first couple of months, everything was going fine and she would tell us that she was having the time of her life at her new school since everybody was like-minded and she was finally being challenged. I was really happy for her because I wanted her to succeed. I had never been one of the typically jealous kids. I just wanted everyone to be happy and I guess that still remained the same.
Starting point is 08:45:13 So initially when she would tell me about her school and her new friends, would be happy for her. And she wouldn't make a big deal out of it either. She would just mention. casually in conversation. But over time, that started to change and it felt like she was trying to rub it in my face and make me feel bad about it. For a while, I thought that I was just reading too much into it. But then there were a lot of other negative changes in her behavior as well, which my parents also picked up on gradually. And that made me think that maybe I wasn't reading enough into this and something was going really wrong with Becky. This wasn't instantly noticeable and it took a lot of time for us to actually come to terms with the fact that Becky was
Starting point is 08:45:53 becoming much more different and kind of worse as a person. It started off small, like whenever we would visit her, she wouldn't talk as much as she used to and always seemed to have an attitude. But we brushed it off thinking that she was probably just stressed and tired from school and needed time to herself. My aunt also said the same thing and we were satisfied with that explanation. But then more time passed and then she would get snappy and cranky at us for absolutely no reason. My parents were also told that her grades were slipping and she was becoming quite troublesome to have in class. That was in her junior year and that's the point around which my parents really started to get worried. They had been talking about bringing her back home for
Starting point is 08:46:34 quite some time but she was straight up refusing to come back. Because she wanted to be amongst people like her and didn't think that she would ever fit into the high school that I went to, which was quite an insult for me, if I'm being honest. Anyway, the final straw was when my parents were contacted in the middle of the night by my aunt and she claimed that Becky had stolen a bunch of cash and disappeared. There was a police search and she was found just half an hour after the phone call, trying to purchase drinks even though she was underage. She was let off with a warning but my parents decided that they had enough and it was time
Starting point is 08:47:07 to bring her home. Becky was very unhappy about it and made sure that she put up a really good fight and was even more rebellious than she had been before. She protested a lot, but my parents had enough and they forced her to come back with us and start attending the same high school that I used to go to. They also pushed her into therapy because clearly, something had gone wrong while she had been living with my aunt. At first, we had honestly assumed that she hadn't been able to compete with the kids at her school and had finally snapped and broken down. Because when she came back, she was really difficult to deal with. She refused to cooperate with anyone, be it our parents or even
Starting point is 08:47:45 the teachers at our school. She would be nasty to our classmates and would constantly skip class. And even though I couldn't prove it to my parents, I had seen her smoking a little distance away from the school building several times. She had turned into the complete opposite of what she used to be and it had been a slow but drastic change. So of course my parents thought that therapy would be the best way to go forward so we could at least get to the bottom of what really had gone wrong while she was living with my aunt. We had expected the problem to be the school or bullying, but unfortunately, it turned out to be my aunt herself. So apparently, my aunt was what one could refer to as a helicopter parent. While in therapy, Becky was able to open up and she had claimed that our aunt was really overbearing
Starting point is 08:48:30 and simply too controlling. She would pretend to be normal whenever we came around to visit her, but the second that we left, she would turn back into her usual self and try to control every single aspect of her life. She said that she was forced to study every single SEC and that she was at home because everything else was apparently just a waste of time. She was not allowed to go out with her friends or do anything apart from studying while she was at home. Even when she would have lunch or dinner, my aunt insisted on playing something educational, instead of letting her watch something fun. It was really frustrating for her so she started to act out in other ways. But she wasn't willing to go back to us either because that would mean giving up on the
Starting point is 08:49:10 opportunity of a lifetime. And she didn't want to go to a normal public school because that would mean demeaning her own capabilities. Our aunt had told her several times that apparently, our grandparents had never recognized her talent or intellect even though she had also been a gifted child. And because her parents had never recognized that she was special and different, They never treated her differently either, and she ended up with a boring job that didn't even pay enough. She claimed that she could have been doing so much better if her parents had actually bothered to put in the time and effort to do something about how intelligent she was and invested in her. She had drilled the fear of failure into Becky and made her very paranoid, which is why she had refused to come back home with us the first time around. She believed that if she gave up on this school, it would spell nothing but failure for her in the future.
Starting point is 08:49:58 and so she tried to keep up but the pressure was just getting to her so she started thinking about drinking and sneaking off to go out with her friends to let off some steam. But she got caught in the process and now she was back here with us. She said that she regretted everything because she had let go of a brilliant opportunity to actually make something of herself and now, she knew that she was doomed to failure. So she didn't even see the point of trying to do better anymore and had completely given up on herself. It was clear to us after that, that our our aunt had really done a number on her and how. But the worst part was when a couple of years passed with minimal improvement in her behavior
Starting point is 08:50:35 and Becky was then diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. I couldn't say that I was surprised, but it was heartbreaking to know that our aunt had actually led to her developing such a serious disorder that was going to affect her for the rest of her life. Our parents were obviously devastated because they blamed themselves for even allowing our aunt to take over and letting Becky stay with her. However, I didn't think it was completely their fault because they had noticed all the signs and tried to get Becky back home but she was the one who had refused. And also our aunt pretended to be really normal and was good at it whenever we were around, so there was no way that we could have found out unless Becky herself told us about it.
Starting point is 08:51:13 They even filed a lawsuit against her to try and get her to pay us for the damage that she had caused and actually won. All that money went into Becky's treatment because she needed intensive therapy for several years. She managed to graduate from high school with great difficulty but couldn't go to college because she was not in the correct condition and my parents didn't want to risk anything by sending her away again. She refused to attend community college. So she continued to live with our parents until a few years ago. She started dating this guy called Toby who moved a next door by himself after our old neighbors sold their house and moved away. He knew everything about her because our parents felt like it was their duty to tell him when they noticed that Becky was growing close to. to him and often found her making excuses to speak to him.
Starting point is 08:51:58 He was actually a really kind and compassionate person who genuinely seemed to like her. He didn't even care about her diagnosis and reassured my parents that he really liked her and wanted to go out with her in spite of everything that he had been told. My parents weren't exactly on board with it, but Becky convinced them to let her move in with him after they had been dating for a couple of months. It certainly helped that he lived next door and my parents could always just pop in to make sure that she was doing all right. So they agreed after a while because it was getting really difficult to justify keeping a full-grown adult woman under their constant supervision. Becky ended up moving in
Starting point is 08:52:34 with Toby and my parents continued to try and make sure she wasn't doing anything to jeopardize her future and her relationship. They had also found her a job in a friend's startup company as a receptionist around the same time because she was apparently getting sick of being stuck at home. They found her the receptionist job so that it could be something low pressure for her to start with and she could eventually work her way up. And everything was going great for her. After almost a year of living together, they decided to get married and since they were already living together, my parents agreed because they thought that this would do a lot of good for her. She even quit her job to be a full-time stay-at-home wife. And honestly speaking being with Toby had actually brought about a lot of
Starting point is 08:53:16 positive changes in her life and she was even behaving better with all of us. Instead of constantly treating us like the enemy and acting like she could do so much better if we didn't exist to bring her down. So they thought that it was a good idea and she got married two years ago. I only just got married last year to my boyfriend whom I've been with for almost seven years. We met in our first year of college and have been inseparable since then. My husband Jack has always known about Becky, ever since I brought him home to meet my family for the first time and Becky started flirting with him like nobody's business. I told him about Becky's diagnosis and said that she might act a little strange, but I didn't expect her to start flirting with him right in front of me. It was really inappropriate and I had to ask her to stop multiple times before my mother finally snapped at her and told her to go back to her room.
Starting point is 08:54:05 It was really awkward afterward and we had to explain to him that this was just how she was and there was no telling what she might say or do because she literally had no filter. She would oftentimes say things to irk us on purpose and trying to flirt with my boyfriend would definitely get it done. But that was their first interaction and after that, Jack would just ignore her, and she got bored after the first few attempts when she tried to flirt with him but it wasn't reciprocated and started ignoring him back. So they never really got along and neither did I think it was necessary for them to do so either and left the situation alone. But she had been invited to my wedding as I had been invited to her since my parents wanted us to at least pretend to be a happy family even if we weren't one. She was totally smitten by Toby and once they were together, she had started being
Starting point is 08:54:50 nice to everybody so I didn't think that there was any harm in finally being a family again. We started off well with monthly family dinners and were really trying our best to mend our relationships and be a little less dysfunctional. And it was really working because we had made a lot of progress in the past couple of years and I guess one could actually refer to us as a happy family now. But I guess it was too good to be true because we recently found out that Becky had been cheating on Toby for the past year or so. We were all really shocked to find out about it because we had always assumed that Toby and Becky were as in love as could be. And yet she went ahead and had an affair with one of his co-workers, no less. It was a huge scandal for the family and Toby filed for divorce as soon as he found out.
Starting point is 08:55:34 He'd found out about it by chance because Becky had left her phone unlocked around him and left the room and unfortunately, that's when her affair partner decided to drop a text. It was almost as if he wasn't even trying to hide it by that point. I guess she got lazy because she had been cheating on him for over a year and getting away with it, which is probably why she slipped up. Either way, there was no talking him into taking her back and I don't exactly blame the guy because who would take her back after what she did? After quite a lengthy divorce process, it was decided that they would sell all their property,
Starting point is 08:56:06 and that included the house. So Toby sold the house and split the money between the two of them. Becky lived with our parents for some time after the divorce, but my parents kept telling me to let her live with me instead because she complained that my parents being around made her feel like a total loser who was still living with her mom and dad after a failed marriage. She could just rent an apartment and live on her own, but apparently, my parents didn't want that because they thought that she might hurt herself
Starting point is 08:56:33 or do something stupid if she was left to her own devices. My parents were practically begging me to take her in so she could rebrand her life. After a while, I didn't see the point of declining it over and over again, so I ended up agreeing to it and took her in. I honestly felt bad for her because every time I would visit my parents' house after the divorce, she would just be lurking in the shadows like a ghost of her past self. And it was pretty pathetic to see. I don't think anybody in my place could have continued to ignore it and at the end of the day, she was my sister and I owed my family certain things.
Starting point is 08:57:08 Or at least that's what I believed before I took her in, and she decided to stab me anyway. A while after the divorce, I decided to speak to my husband about this. We had quite a few discussions regarding Becky and the living arrangement that my parents had been suggesting and we decided that we were okay with it. Because if it was going to help with self-esteem and make her a better person somehow than I was all for it. So we took her in a couple of days ago and she managed to screw it up in less than a week. She was quite happy to move in with us, and I could tell that my parents had been
Starting point is 08:57:39 right, she really did want to live with me instead of them. It was kind of strange because she and I had grown apart in the years after she went away to live with our aunt. It was nice to see that she was finally reconnecting with me and I even thought that we could really rebuild our relationship again. I was wrong, obviously, and I never should have taken her in. I only did it as a favor to my parents and a little bit to her because we all knew that she was in over her own head and I wanted to do something to fix the family. Call it my savior complex, but I just wanted to be helpful. The day that she moved and was actually pretty nice, we let her stay in the guest room, and she really made herself at home there. She was chirpy and lively that day and this was the
Starting point is 08:58:21 first time that I had seen her this happy ever since the divorce took place. So I, for one, was really happy that I was being of help. However, things started changing as soon as we had spent one day in our house. The very next day she started picking apart stupid things like how I decorated my house and the kind of paint that I used for the walls, it was ridiculous. But I didn't say anything about it because it seemed too petty to make an issue out of. The last straw was when, at dinner, she decided to start flirting with my husband. I'm not even kidding, it was like full on flirting and she didn't even seem to care that I was sitting right there. She kept asking him weird questions and making googly eyes at him throughout dinner, and I could tell that he was really
Starting point is 08:59:05 uncomfortable, as was I. On more than one occasion, she brushed her hand against his on purpose when there was really no need to. I was actually speechless and my husband and I left the dinner table as soon as we could without even bothering to finish our dinner. We went to our room for a bit and immediately decided that she had to go because there was no way that I was letting Becky live under my roof and flirt with my husband. It was just not going to happen and she would just have to go back to living with our parents.
Starting point is 08:59:33 If that affected her mental health then tough, but that's not my problem because she's not my daughter. I tried to do something nice for the family by taking in a nutcase like her, but obviously, there is no fixing people like this because they're always just going to be ungrateful. I should have known that, but I guess the human part of me really did feel
Starting point is 08:59:51 bad for her and wanted to make her feel better because she is my sister. After we were done with dinner, in our conversation, I called my parents and told them what had happened. I expected them to be just as outraged as I was in demand that I send her back immediately. A third move back to her parents' place would just be devastating for her and she would go back to mopping and sulking all the time. They didn't want that for her and told me that I could either just deal with it or I could let her have this house and move somewhere else.
Starting point is 09:00:19 I didn't even know what they meant by let her have this house because that's not how things work. You can't just let people have things that don't belong to them and that applies to both husbands and houses. Anyway, I told my parents that they were being ridiculous and they had to take her back in. But my parents said that I was overreacting and that it was apparently no big deal because, as long as I trusted my husband, I had nothing to worry about. As for my sister, she was going through a really difficult time and I should just overreacted. look all the strange things that she was going to say or do and just keep her around because as a part of the family, I owe this to them and I have to help out. That's when I snapped at them and told them that I didn't
Starting point is 09:01:00 really owe them anything because this was their daughter, not mine and it was their responsibility to take care of her. Earlier, I did think that I owed them something which is why I brought her in. But now that it backfired, I wasn't going to entertain it anymore. It just didn't make sense. My parents and I went back and forth for a couple of minutes after which they told me that I could either get a new home or just put up with my sister because I had already taken her in. And they were not going to force Becky to relocate once more just because I was insecure. And then they hung up without giving me a chance to reply. My husband and I were really mad because this was insanely entitled and I couldn't believe that they actually thought that this was going to work. We went back out into the living room where Becky was and decided to tell her that the way she had behaved,
Starting point is 09:01:46 was extremely inappropriate, and we were not comfortable with her living with us anymore. Her reaction to that was nothing sort of crazy, and she instantly started screaming at me, accusing me of being jealous of her all my life. She said that the only reason she had even wanted to move in with us was because she wanted to be closer to my husband and not me. Apparently, she had seen the way he used to look at her whenever we would come over during or even after the divorce, and she knew that he wanted to make a move, but I was the only one who stopped him from doing that. So she had taken it upon herself to move in with us and make it easier for him to confess his feelings. My husband and I were actually dumbstruck when she said
Starting point is 09:02:25 that because of the sheer incredulity of it. A few seconds later, my husband told her to get out and never come back and that's when she seemed really surprised because she hadn't seen this coming. She tried to seem indignant and said that she knew what she had witnessed and he was only trying to cover up his tracks now because he didn't want to mess things up with me. I lost my temper and I screamed at her to get out so she screamed right back and told me that she was leaving anyway because she had no interest in living with us since we were nothing but a bunch of losers anyway. So she packed her things up quickly and left. We didn't know where she went and after that, we just wanted a quiet night so we went to sleep. But unfortunately, my parents have not been able
Starting point is 09:03:05 to find her yet since she hasn't been answering any calls and she definitely didn't go to their place. So we basically have no idea where she is. story short, my parents are blaming me for it. They think that my husband and I made this happen, which is really unfair. But I do feel kind of guilty because had we been a little kinder to her then maybe this wouldn't have happened. So I'd have for kicking my narcissistic sister out of my house? Update 1. Okay, so it's been a few days since my post here and I just wanted to tell you guys that we found her. Becky had been crashing at a friend's place who lives a little out of town, and that's why we hadn't been able to trace her. But she is okay, and just as delusional and crazy as ever. When my parents found her,
Starting point is 09:03:51 she refused to come back with them because she claimed that she was too good to be living with her family anymore and wanted a place of her own. She said that she was sick of relying on people, first on Toby and then on my parents. So she wanted a home of her own and guess what? My parents agreed to it. Of course, there has been no apology to me yet or my husband. My parents just put all this in a message and told me that I should be grateful that nothing bad had happened to her. They told me that they would be buying her a new apartment at the earliest so she could save her own money and start afresh now.
Starting point is 09:04:26 I don't know why they thought that this was a necessary detail for me to know. But it's great that they told me, so now I know exactly where I stand. Clearly, my happiness is not very important to them. And at least now I know that. too, it happened, they got her a new apartment. At least this time they didn't text me in person to tell me about it. I found out from a bunch of our friends because she was posting about it relentlessly on social media. And after we kicked her out, she had blocked us everywhere. Probably out of embarrassment because of the crazy incident. Either way, I don't mind it at all.
Starting point is 09:05:05 My friends said I don't really know what she is up to because she's just not worth my time. I tried to be nice to her, but that blew up in my face magnificently, now I'm done and I don't want to ever have any interaction with her again. She's just not worth my time and energy. My parents and I still haven't spoken and I guess they still think that I'm responsible for Becky going missing for those couple of days, even though nothing really happened to her, and she got her way in the end. She should probably be happy that I kicked her out because that's what got her the new apartment. Either way, my husband and I are doing great. and he's my only family as of now.
Starting point is 09:05:42 Update 3, hey, so it's been one month since Becky came over, flirted with my husband, and got herself kicked out of my house promptly. And then, like you all know, my parents bought her a new apartment to live in with their money instead of the money from the alimony because they wanted her to be able to save. It's crazy that it's been such a long time since then, and yet nothing seems to have changed with either Becky or my parents. Neither of them has gotten back to me to apologize and I have stopped holding out hope that they will at any point. Some people are just too selfish to think about anybody else apart from themselves, and I should know that Becky actually was a narcissist.
Starting point is 09:06:19 She should probably start therapy again, but I'm not going to tell her that because she's not my family anymore. My husband and I are still going strong and happy and that's all that matters to me. My parents and Becky can take a hike. I hope you enjoy this story. Spouse declined to engage in a connection with his biological offspring upon discovering the circumstances of her conception, but she unexpectedly appeared at his workplace requesting things. My partner, a 42-year-old male, and I, 36F, have a very solid relationship. We have been together for about 13 years, have no children but are very active on my nephews, for M. Mark Life. For some background, my husband has a child, 16F, Laura with whom only my Mill and to some degree Phil have a relationship with from his nuclear family.
Starting point is 09:07:10 The reason being she was conceived when her mom poked holes to the condoms. It was a whole drama about it and My Mill begging my husband to have a relationship with Laura, but he simply couldn't. He even had to get psychiatric help in order to be able to cope with it. The mom admitted she did it so he would stay with her due to responsibility but it did not work. He pays child support because the law mandates it but nothing more. I didn't hear about this news from my husband but from my mill and she emphasized that she liked me a lot and hoped I would be a good enough person and procure a relationship between my husband and Laura. I was flabbergasted and asked my now husband about it because my mill made it seem so different than the truth. He explained he was going to tell me before we moved and together, and to be fair, he kind of had already gave me little infos here and there.
Starting point is 09:07:57 and explained the whole situation and even told me I could go to therapy with him and see the psych info if I wanted but things were not like my Mill said. His sister confirmed this as well and explained this issue was the reason she was not as close to her parents anymore. Things went Oakish for some time and even the wedding went without issues. We all have several boundaries and Mill more or less respects them although she still have constant communication with Laura and her mom. We have several cycles of very LC with her. But things went to overdrive once my sill got pregnant with Mark, Mill started telling everybody it was not her first grandchild and all that cryptic stuff. My husband was so uncomfortable about it. She pushed for Laura to be involved in birthday parties, christening, etc. But we all said no.
Starting point is 09:08:43 She also invited both of them to her birthday party a couple times and we simply did not attend. Now the new issue is that Laura has been so sad for not having the bio dad in her life. My husband said no and left immediately. I stayed while grabbing our stuff since I had brought food and told her it was not going to happen. According to my mill, Laura just wants to know my husband since he is her real dad and despite being okay with her stepdad it's not the same. She said she will give her our address and contact info because she is desperate for a connection. I told her I would call the police on all of them. I said my sill will be very upset with her when she hears of this and to not be surprised to get less access to Mark.
Starting point is 09:09:24 Mill called my husband and me a bad person for encouraging his cruelty towards an innocent child. I told her I understand Laura is innocent, but she most likely would not be asking the same if it was a woman who conceived in the same circumstances. Ada Edit I thank you all for your opinions even if you say we are monsters or cruel. I'm trying to keep up, but I think I need to clarify some things. I asked if Ada not because I want to betray my husband, but because I stand by him no matter. or what. The condom did not break and he was very into safe sex. She assured him she was on the pill
Starting point is 09:10:00 but he wanted to be safer by using condoms. Yes, she admitted to poking holes when he asked her if she would consider an abortion and if not if they could co-parent because he really didn't want a relationship anymore. She admitted to it, Mill knows all of this. She is not in jail because Mill begged my husband to not report it and he just wanted it all over. My sill is like Switzerland now, at the beginning he was up in arms until my sill asked him if he would feel the same if it happened to her. Mill is on thin ice with Sil since she introduced Mark to Laura on a zoo outing without consulting Sil first. Mill is not allowed a lone time with Mark anymore. He has to pay child support until Laura is 18 or done with education in the country we live. He already made sure to make a will leaving her the minimum allowed by law since you can't disinherit children in the country but you can leave them the least amount.
Starting point is 09:10:52 Mill is very distraught at this since he had me and Mark as main beneficiaries. Husband does not want to meet Laura, give her a letter, etc. I am not going to make him do that. I do believe my mill is pushing harder since Mark was born because my husband is amazing with him, we even took him on a trip recently and we are very loving towards him. We also spend a bunch on him because we want, we own our place, but it's all in my name for obvious reasons. I don't know if Laura knows, but I would never tell her because, because it is not my place and despite everything I think it is horrible to learn and worse from
Starting point is 09:11:26 someone you don't even know. Update 1. I want to thank everybody that took the time to reply even if it was against us, you gave us the push we needed to clear the situation. I am sorry this is long. I showed my husband the post and after spending a long time reading the comments he decided enough was enough. Yesterday morning he texted my sill and Mill telling them he would like to meet and have this
Starting point is 09:11:50 over with. Mill said we could do it in the afternoon and that Laura was coming too, we all said okay. My sill and Bill met us at the door because they didn't want to go in before us. It was really tense since the beginning, Laura tried to hug everybody but we asked her to please not. Then she tried to hug my husband and he was slightly less polite and asked her to not touch my Mill was very cheerful somehow and my Phil was just offering everybody drinks and snacks. He was like living in his own reality. We sat down and after what felt like the longest five silent minutes of my life my husband turned to Laura and asked her if she could please leave him alone. Laura responded that he was her dad and she will need his support when she goes to uni since she was planning to move to our city and it was very expensive and hard to find a place.
Starting point is 09:12:35 She said she knew he owned his own place and that he clearly has money to spare so she was wondering if he would help her out. My husband said no, that he was already paying child support and will stop as soon as the law allows him to. She was upset but somehow kept going. She turned to me and said that at the end of the day what is my husbands will go to her since Mill explained the inheritance laws to her and she wanted to be in good terms with me for when we need to decide what to do with the house, etc. I just told her not to worry because the house is on my name only and there is already a will covering it all. Mill knew about the will but not the house situation. Laura was a bit taken aback and looked at my Mill like asking for help. She said that even if there is no future money she thought my husband was unfair to her
Starting point is 09:13:20 and that she used to think he simply didn't want to be a dad but he is amazing with Mark and we even take him on trips. My sill asked her point blank if she knew how she was conceived and she does. Laura knows everything and says that while it was not the nicest way her mom wanted her so badly that made it happen. She said Sil should understand because she has her cousin and she would love a relationship with him. My sill was seething and Bill told Laura he will literally call the cops if she tries to get near Mark. She started crying saying that she wanted her family to love her and be as awesome as everybody is with Mark and that it is not her fault and her mom is not a bad person she just wanted a family and my husband denied them that.
Starting point is 09:14:00 My husband said that it was the lying and the deception that costed the relationship not him. That if there was an honest mistake things would have been different. He told her he will never be her dad and she needs therapy. He said that she could get a job instead of expecting him to pay for her life in the long term and that he is not willing to have contact after today. Mill started begging both her kids not to go and maybe do family therapy. They both said they are going NC with her and Phil is on Mill is blocked everywhere. I guess this is it. NC with Mill from all of us.
Starting point is 09:14:35 Sill and husband seem actually pretty happy with the decision. We had dinner together and the topic was dropped after a couple minutes and we focused on other stuff. I am sorry there is no Disney ending but this is for the best and I still support my husband's mental health above all. Edit I think I would like to play a little devil's advocate regarding the money. When Mark was born we started being very active in his life. We have yearly passes to the zoo, get him nice things, pick him up from daycare twice per week, got him to Disneyland Paris, etc.
Starting point is 09:15:08 I believe my mill was showing her pictures and that is why it came out like this. or at least it is my assumption of it. Her mom is not poor by any means, but she does have two other kids. Our city is very popular for student life which makes it that much expensive. My husband and I are not interested in having or not children on our own, we simply are ambivalent about the issue. I know it might have made Mill even more eager to have a relationship with Laura. We were giving her pocket money for some time,
Starting point is 09:15:39 but we have decided to stop that as well and let her figure things out with her pension alone. I don't think we will have anything else to update in this case other than if Laura or Mill come around Mark, but I highly doubt this will happen. As much as we don't want a relationship with any of them these are a teenager and a pensioner, not criminal masterminds. Update 2. I want to start by saying, thank you again to the encouraging messages and F to the ones calling us all monsters. We are humans and flawed as every single one of the rest. I thought the issue was over and dropped, but it seems it is we had said. some weeks of bliss and chaos afterwards, we are all still recovering from it.
Starting point is 09:16:18 Now to what happened to explode our life again and please keep in mind it brings me no joy. My nephew Mark turned five weeks after my last update. After so many messages from my Mill and Phil, my sill decided to let them attend but told Mill she was not to bother me or my husband. My Mill didn't approach us once but kept staring at us and we decided to ignore her. The issue was that I kept holding my pumped stomach and my husband. husband kept being goofy about it. I am not pregnant. I have several intolerances to delicious yummy things that make me bloated, but I misbehave and eat sometimes. My mill does not know about
Starting point is 09:16:55 most of them since they are age-developed and we used to go yo-yo with Elsie with her, so I guess she assumed I was pregnant. A week after Mark's birthday party is when everything went to hell, Laura came to my husband's office and made a scene. She was screaming at him how she couldn't believe he was starting over without taking care of his first child and many other insults and stuff. She was throwing office supplies and crying and making a whole deal so the office manager called the police and an ambulance, she also called me. By the time I arrived my husband was having a panic attack in his office and totally sure he was fired. I told him to not worry and I will sort it. I explained everything to everybody from coworkers, to police, to hymns.
Starting point is 09:17:37 Laura was taken in for evaluation and the co-workers took a long lunch so my husband could leave without having the awkward walk out. I took my husband home shaking and as he was panicking and crying he said he felt unsafe. I took him to his psychiatrist and the psychiatrist was able to calm it and we also had a session together days later where he opened up more about what the mom did to him. This has been very expensive but worth it for sure. Laura was not really in trouble since the office manager agreed to let it go for an apology and payment, the mom, Laura's, was not having it. The moment she saw my husband at the station she went ballistic and my husband couldn't handle it and he had another panic attack. This woman is a
Starting point is 09:18:19 fucking doctor but does not care for it. A TG the end she paid the fine and restitution to the office and took Laura home. As a little background, would like to share something I recently discovered about my husband's relationship with Laura's mom, whatever I thought, it was way worse. We'll not go into details, but during therapy it came out she even threatened him once with a knife. It has been really hard to keep it together lately, but explains a lot of my husband's reactions here. My sill was so done with my Mill after it. She told her dad he either divorce her or she is cutting him too. It is still a 50-50 since Sil is literally Phil's favorite person, but he has been married to Mill for like 44 years. My bill took my husband camping and they had fun and kept him distracted.
Starting point is 09:19:07 He has been mainly on sick leave since the incident. He is a manager so he would come one day a week and then get the rest of the week covered so he can recover. This was suggested by his bosses. Hey all feel like they should have protected their employees better. My Sill, husband, Bill, and I had a disagreement due to Laura's expenses. I suggested to just get her a block payment and requesting she should get therapy, but all of them say she should get nothing. I said I would be willing to pay for it, but after the new revelations on my husband's relationship with the mom, my sill is even more up on arms against helping them more than we should. I do feel bad for Laura, I do. And I know the rest, husband, Sill, Bill, used to a little. Now, there is no way in heaven to
Starting point is 09:19:53 make them help her. The last nice thing my husband did was convincing his bosses to not charge Laura and paying for the monitor she broke. Since his leave, my husband spends a lot of his afternoons with Mark, my sill and Bill and leading the charge on getting Laura to accept a bulk payment and therapy but don't want her in their life. Mill and Phil and estranged so far and my husband goes to therapy once a week and slowly recovering. And before it starts, yes, we know Laura is a victim of her mom, but does it give her a right to re-traumatize my husband?
Starting point is 09:20:25 I still stand with my husband and probably will be called the worst of the worst, some advice was very good the first few times, so that's why I came back. Comments where Op has replied. On husband not pressing charges slash Laura's confusion and angst. My husband said no charges so he could avoid seeing Laura's mom. I never realized how bad it affected him until now and it breaks my hearts for both of them. Comment her, that kid is so unhinged and it's the mom's fault for enabling her behavior. Better to just go no contact with her and that deranged mom.
Starting point is 09:20:59 Laura's mom shouldn't be allowed to be near patients if she's like that. Heck she shouldn't have a doctor's license knowing her behavior. Oops, sadly, because he does not have any physical proper evidence against her anymore she is okay. His psychiatrist could come and talk if he complained, but it is very hard to get a trial against someone when the laws might not agree. On Laura. We hope she goes to therapy, I can understand how being rejected by family members feel. but she also has so many traits of her mom and her grandma encouraged her. I myself am adopted but this is too much for me and my family.
Starting point is 09:21:37 My parents are very concerned about the whole thing. Comment her, downvoted. Did it ever occur to you that Laura probably wouldn't be the emotionally disturbed mess she is now if your husband hadn't treated her like shit her entire childhood? Your husband was free to hate Laura's mom all he wanted, she deserved it, but that kid was innocent when she was born. She was not responsible for what her mother did, yet your husband treated her like some dirt stuck to the bottom of his shoe. She spent her whole life being rejected again and again.
Starting point is 09:22:08 Maybe if she'd had a parental figure in her life other than her crazy mom she wouldn't have turned out this way. Oop, did it ever occur to you my husband was raped? Update 3 Hi, this will be the last update on the situation my family has had going. I again, thank you for all your messages, positive. or negative. But just want to mention one last thing and it's as bad and awful some comments where the chats were worse. I have a thick skin, but if you are going to say such horrible things have the courage to do it in public. To those helping out and taking the time to have a dialogue,
Starting point is 09:22:43 I thank you so much. Since everything happened with Laura at the office my husband decided to request home office for himself and any other person wanting it on his team, this ended with most of the company going into it and a very big bump on their salary since they stopped renting the This meant the child support payments had to be recalculated since my husband's bump was significant for several reason. This also made the negotiations about the lump sum I proposed were cut. My husband might have to pay support until Laura is out of university, but we are okay with that. As of now we have a savings account we both contribute to, but with only my name on it. After all the drama at my husband's office I received a message from Laura's stepfather.
Starting point is 09:23:24 I have never ever met the man in real life before this, but I have never ever met the man in real life before this, knew I had to reply to that message. Long story short, he has been trying to officially adopt Laura for about 10 years but has always been told by her mom or even my mill that my husband refused. He was also told that Laura has some relationship with my husband and even stayed with us sometimes but we wanted to keep things separated. I honestly don't know if he is gullible or simply was trying to make us feel bad. The conversation ended with him promising to get Laura and her mom into therapy and that was
Starting point is 09:23:55 at the end of July. My filled eyes in September, it was a very sudden stroke and shocked us all. His children organized a lovely funeral and it was the last time we all saw Mill and Laura. Laura stayed most of the time on my Mill side but eventually approached my husband and Sill. She was respectful and even apologized for the incident at the office. She totally ignored me but I was good with that. She has not tried to contact my husband or Sill since. We have all officially gone and see with Mill since.
Starting point is 09:24:27 since her stances have not changed at all. The whole family knows the situation, but nobody wants to get anti-middle of it because they don't want to deal with Mills' tantrums. The reason this will be my last update is I'm about four months pregnant and we are over the moon about it. I know many of you will have awful things to say at the comments, but for those supportive know this has actually been great news to my husband and he is overjoyed with it. We are going to focus on our family and continue to heal as a unit, which of course includes Sill, Bill and nephew. My nephew's only question was if the baby was allowed to go to the zoo with him since he wants to show at the monkeys. It was adorable and has been telling all his friends in kindergarten about it.
Starting point is 09:25:08 I feel this is going to be a healing experience for all of us. My husband has started opening up more about what happened and why he has reacted to all this situation this way not only with me or family but with friends as well. They knew parts but not the whole picture. This might enrage many but sharing his story has made him thrive. and took a lot of stigma-related guilt he had. I hope Laura and Mill can heal eventually as well, but we need to focus on this new chapter of our lives and can't get sucked into the drama.
Starting point is 09:25:38 I wish you all well.

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