Reddit Stories - Episode #30 Relax Listen and Sleep AITA and Family Drama ( Over 9 Hour Compilation )

Episode Date: November 7, 2025

#redditstories #sleep #sleepstories #bedtimestories #fallasleep #familydrama #aita #relaxation #storytime #nighttimeIn Episode 30 of "Relax Listen and Sleep," listeners are immersed in a compilation of AITA stories centered around family drama. These engaging narratives explore complex relationships and moral dilemmas, providing a thought-provoking backdrop for relaxation and sleep.redditstories, sleepstories, fallasleep, bedtimestories, relaxingconfessions, familydrama, moralstories, aitasubmissions, storytelling, nighttimechill, emotionaltales, relationshipdilemmas, soothingnarratives, bedtimechill, peacefulstories, introspectivestories, calmingcontent, sleepaid, narrativejourney, restfulnarrativesBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

Boyfriend mentioned that he is not interested in having kids and later I discovered that he has been in a clandestine relationship with his colleague for several months, as my friend and I witnessed him embracing her and kissing her. Hello everybody, I, female, 27, have been together with my boyfriend, male, 27, for five years now. We moved and together quite early in our relationship and everything was great until November of last year, when we decided to get a cat. I had been wanting to have a cat for a long time and in 2021 I asked him if we could get a one. He told me he was not really a cat slash pet person in general and he didn't think it was a good idea, since we both work full time. It made sense at the time so I accepted and never mentioned it again. Until August 2022, when he suggested we should get one, as he knew it would make me really happy.

I was over the moon and we got our kitty in October 2022. In December 2020 we got a second kitty. Cats are very social animals and they are way happier if they are not alone. My boyfriend was not very sure about it, but I convinced him. I love them so much. Yes, they are a big responsibility, and yes, they do make a lot of work. But I don't care, they're a 100% worth it. I am the one who takes care of them, my boyfriend does not need to do anything.

He had to feed them a couple times since I was away for work, but that's it. A couple of months ago we had a big fight. We have been having some trust issues, I caught him lying a couple times, hence my trust issues, and the situation was really tense between us. During this fight he told me he did not feel comfortable anymore at home, because of the cats. He told me they make him nervous when they run and play, they're kitties. It bothers him that we have now a cat tree and that there are kattes. cat toys laying around the house. You get it. During this fight he also told me he wanted us to give

the cats away. I stopped him and told him that I am not the kind of person, who gets pets to give them away later. My family and I have always have pets and our last dog was with us for 17 years, until she passed away. I love pets and I see them as a part of the family. Once they are there, they do not go anywhere. Since the day they got them, they became my responsibility. and I could never do that to them. I would never forgive myself. I told him we would find a solution and make it work. Again, I am the one who takes care of them. I clean the cat toilet twice a day and always vacuum and dust everything once I get home from work. I keep the house clean. But cats are cats, you cannot control them like a dog. Don't get me wrong, they are not bad-behaved cats,

they are really cuddly and they follow me everywhere. But they are cats. The situation between us was still tense because of the trust issues, but I thought that we were on good terms regarding the cats. A month ago we had another fight that had nothing to do with them, but he told me he could not live with them anymore and they had to leave. He says he can't relax when he gets home from work because they are there. I remembered him I would not give the cats away.

I also remembered him he was the one who suggested getting one and I do not think he is being fair. He also knew how it was to live with cats. His parents had three when he lived with them. He told me he knew it was his idea and he regretted suggesting it. I thought it could not get any worse, but then it did. He said if I am being honest, I do not think I even want to have kids. I froze and asked if he was being serious. For me, it was clear that we were on the same page about kids, my fault I guess. We had never had a serious. We had never had a serious. conversation about it, but when we spoke about our future, I always mentioned kids and he never said he did not want any. He said it was not a 100% no to kids, but he could not imagine his life with kids right now.

I told him I could not imagine my life with kids right now either. We are still young and are focusing on our careers, but that I am a 100% sure that I want to have kids in the future. I have always known I wanted to become a mom. I told him I did not want to pressure him but that I would really appreciate if he could be honest with me, and with himself, since this is kind of a deal-breaker. I also told him I did not expect an answer very soon, since it is a life-changing decision, but in one year or two I would like to know for sure. We left it at that. Today we had another conversation slash fight.

As I mentioned, the situation is tense between us, but we have been trying to make it work. Today he told me once again that the cats have to leave. I said they are not going anywhere. He said he couldn't believe that they are more important to me than him. I told him it has nothing to do with it, but that they are not toys you can take or give away as you please. We went back and forth for a while. Then the topic children came up again. This time he told me he is pretty sure he does not want to have any.

Not now, not in the future. I didn't know what to say. He asked me if I was a 100% sure I do want kids, I said yes. I asked him what he expected me to do now. Give the cats away and then not have any pets ever again and not have kids either? He said yes. He asked if he is not enough to make me happy. I told him he makes me really happy, but I have to be honest with him and with myself.

And I know I would not be happy without kids. There was a lot of silence. He's gone with a friend now. I'm home thinking about everything we said. This is a deal breaker, right? I am starting to doubt myself. What if we go separate ways and I never meet anybody I want to have kids with? I do not know that to do and I am really scared.

Is this the end? Three months ago I was sure we would get married and have a family together. Last year I was waiting for a proposal. I also live in a foreign country. I already lived here before we met. I didn't come here because of him. but it makes it a thousand times worse being away from my family and friends. I am really sorry if my English is not perfect.

I am also really sorry because of how long this post is. I just needed to get it all out. Thank you so much if you find time enough to read it and give me your advice. Update 1, I still can believe I'm writing this right now. Many of you asked what was the reason for the trust issues. I don't know if you read the comments, but I caught him like. lying about having drinks with a coworker we had already had fights about. He knew what my position was about this girl.

This happened in December of last year, two days after my birthday, yay. I forgave him and told him that if he wanted me to trust him, he needed to be a 100% honest with me. I also asked him to keep their relationship 100% professional. I mean, I know they work together and will still have to have contact with each other. Two months later I saw he had received a pretty long message on his phone. Out of curiosity I asked who it was. He said it didn't matter. I'm sorry, what?

I asked him to show it to me and he didn't want to. I mean, if you don't have anything to hide, what is the problem? Yes, he was texting with her. He told me everything had to do with work. He also told me they just had kind of the same humor and just got each other. I guess there's nothing wrong with that, right? I told him once again that I didn't have a good feeling about this girl. I told him clearly what my boundaries were. He told me he understood,

he didn't want to lose me and he loved me. I believed him once again. My mistake. So now we come to yesterday after our conversation. He told me he needed some fresh air and went out. He didn't come back in several hours and I thought he had went to a birthday party with a friend. I thought this was kind of weird after such a conversation. Anyways, around 21 p.m. I get a text message from a mutual friend, asking me if she and another friend could come over. I thought this was kind of weird. We always did things together in a group, with our partners and other friends, but never alone. I told her they could come. Once they arrived I saw immediately there was something really wrong. I could tell they were really nervous and one of them was about to burst into tears.

She told me she was really sorry, but she needed to tell me something. Turns out she was out with his BF and some friends when she saw my BW drinking a beer on a terrace. He was sitting at a table with a girl. She thought it was me and went to say hi. Once she got closer she could tell it was not me. It was his co-worker. They were holding hands. She knew about my issues with this girl.

I had told her what happened. She went up to them and said hello. In a sarcastic way. He says their faces went white, but he quickly changed and asked if they wanted to join them, as if there was nothing wrong with the fact they were together. She said no and left. Then she texted me. I just could not believe what I was hearing. I had been so sad the whole day, but now I was just feeling angry and disappointed.

I didn't know what to do. I could not stay at home just waiting for him to come back. I also didn't think he thought this friend would come directly to tell me what she saw. The girl stayed with me and I told them what happened earlier in the day. And how I could not believe that the first thing he did after that was going to her. I knew I needed to see them with my own eyes and make sure he knew I saw them. I knew approximately where this girl lived, so I asked them if they would come with me on a drive, just to check it out.

We arrived and I kid you not after two minutes of us being there, we see them come coming around the corner driving an electric scooter together. He was driving and she was hugging him from behind. They didn't see us. Once they parked, they started walking to a building where she lived. I saw him hugging her from behind and giving her a kiss on her cheek. I also saw him putting his arm around her shoulders while they were walking. Everything is on video since my friend started recording when they arrived.

I run up to them and told him what a complete asshole he is. His face once he saw me was again completely white. He asked what was going on. What do you fucking mean what is going on? I told him I didn't want to see him ever again and left. We were on the car about to leave as he came around the corner to talk to me. He told me once again he did not understand what was going on. I asked him what he was doing with her holding hands and kissing her on the cheek.

All in all, his explanation was that he went to her looking for some advice regarding the kids. topic. He said he did want to lose me and was trying to figure out what to do. He told me she was his only female friend he could trust. I told him that still did not explain why they would hold hands or why he would kiss her in the cheek. He said that was his way of thanking her. Are you kidding me? I am still in shock and can't believe that really happened. I am so happy my friends were there too and made a video, because of course he has already tried denying what I saw. He He came home, we argued about it, and he kept saying he just wanted to get some advice from a female friend. He said he was sorry about the kiss, but he denied putting his arm around her.

I told him I have it on fucking video. He also kept saying he never kissed her on the mouth or have sex with her, so he hadn't done anything wrong nor crossed any boundary. I told him there were many other things that were also crossing a boundary. And I reminded him how I had clearly told him before were my boundaries where. I really cannot believe he thinks he has not done anything wrong. He also said he cannot believe I was thinking about leaving because of some cats and some kids we don't even have. I'm completely heartbroken. I never thought he was this way.

If I have been so long with him, is because I really thought he was a good guy. He was always supportive, kind, attentive, he made me feel loved. And now everything has turned into a nightmare. Update 2. Hello Everybody. I know it has been a really long time since I have given you an update, but there has been a lot going on in the last two months. The last thing I told you was that I saw him with his work colleague on the street. Well, after that he continued to deny for weeks that there was something going on between them and that he only wanted some advice from another woman. I started to doubt myself and almost believed him, but I had this feeling inside that was telling me

there was much more to the story. And my gut feeling was right. To summarize, I found some receipts from a zoo and train tickets going to another city. The train tickets were from May, and when I checked the date I realized it was a holiday. I remembered I had the day off, but he told me he had to work. He left for work and left me alone the whole day. He came back really late that day. There was no explanation as to why he would have gone to that city without telling me. The zoo ticket was from only a few days before, so already after I had seen him with her on the street. I confronted him with the receipts. I could tell he was caught off guard by his reaction and he admitted he had gone to that city and to the zoo with her.

So I asked him to stop being a coward and to tell me the truth for once, that I deserved a little honesty after all. He admitted to secretly seeing her a couple times since December, he says four to five times, I think it was a lot more. He also admitted to kissing her, but only four times, which of course I don't believe it was only four times. His excuse was that he had been having so much stress at work and at home things weren't going great either, so he just needed to disconnect and do something else without thinking about problems. I told him that was not an excuse for cheating on me. Also, in his opinion, what he did is not cheating. I felt heartbroken, but also relieved because for once I felt I had a little bit of truth.

I also felt relieved to know that I was not crazy and that my intuition was right the whole time about this girl. Since then, he has apologized and has told me he loves me and that what he did was the greatest mistake of his life and he will forever regret it. I told him a mistake happens once, but four to five times is a conscious decision. He has asked me to give him another chance and that he will show me I can trust him and to think about how happy we were together before everything happened. I told him I had been very happy with him but that everything is ruined now. That is a really summarized update, but I think you get an idea of what has been going on the last months. I don't really want to go into much detail since it all still hurts me a lot. On a positive note, I have now finally found an apartment for me and for my cats.

It is unbelievably difficult to find one in my city. We will be moving out soon and I am excited for what the future brings. I also have had my first therapy sessions which I am also really excited about. I have a lot of contradictory feelings and emotions that I need to work through. I thank all of you for your time reading my posts and for all of your nice words and pieces of advice. You all made me feel less alone in a really difficult time. And for me, I know I now need to get better from now on.

Next story, fiancé's best friend has completely ignored my existence for six years. When I confronted him, he admitted I know she treats you like garbage but defended her because what if we break up? My fiancé and I have been together just under six years, dated three, engaged 2.5. Great relationship relatively, our friends and family all get along well with the other person, no issues at all. Except for one of my partner's best friends. Said best friend has never liked me and seemingly had it out for me the entire time. She basically ignores my existence and refuses to speak or be cordial to me, but as soon as she sees my partner, she yells and hugs him saying, hey, best friend, while ignoring me even though I'm right next to him. I told him about it and how it made me feel and at first it went unaddressed two to three more times because he needed proof to make sure there was an issue.

After said proof was present he spoke to her about it and she got a little better, but only around groups of people and like twice. She indicated she didn't have a problem with me, so he felt I was the only one having an issue and I need to just approach her and talk it out. I told him I'm not doing that because she isn't my friend and he needs to do so. A couple of weeks ago we attended a mutual friends party. I attempted to make eye contact and say hello two to three times, but she avoided me and refused to look at me the whole time. My fiancé noticed because it was so blatant. I don't want her respect, don't need her to like me, and I don't need her to like me, and don't honestly want her around at all.

I just want her to have basic human decency. This situation has caused me to rethink my relationship and end it because I feel my fiancé is in the wrong for engaging with her after seeing how she completely disregards me. I think now, but mostly after marriage, we're supposed to be a unit and I wouldn't allow this behavior from a friend. I've been feeling like an asshole because we spent the better half of a nice drunken evening arguing about this. And I told him she can't come to our wedding.

as I won't have someone who can't seem to stand me near me. Ida for telling my fiancé she can't come to our wedding? Update 1, the comments on my original post opened my eyes and made me realize that despite this being the healthiest relationship I've been in, it doesn't mean it's actually healthy. We've had a couple of conversations surrounding this issue, which mostly consisted of me saying it bothered me and him saying I was the only one who cared. A couple of things helped me realize my breaking point one.

I asked him if he would be okay with our daughter's future partner treating them like this, to which he got flustered, shut down, and said he didn't want to talk about it. I left it alone, too. He said he didn't want to end his friendship or do anything to jeopardize it because what if we break up? This made me realize he would not protect me as his wife, since he didn't as his girlfriend. The final straw was when I expressed how much it bothered me that he wanted me to blow this off since we, as in me and the best friend, only see each other four to six times a year and he said,

directly quoted because this is burned into my brain, I know the way she treats you is garbage, but you're allowing one person to dictate our relationship. It could be worse. She could be more active. There are worse ways to meddle, people text and lie, and all that to break relationships up. The first line broke my heart and told me all I needed to know. I had to truck through a couple more months of pre-planned and paid for social engagements, but I closed the curtain on any chance of healing this relationship the moment those words left his mouth. Thank you, everyone for the advice, common sense, knocking me upside my head, and similar related experiences and outcomes. I'm going to go to therapy and redefine what a healthy, balanced, and communicative relationship is. Edit 1,

the pre-planned events aren't wedding-slash-engagement-related. We share a home and need to divide assets, and a custody schedule. Additionally, we have vacations, planned with a mutually shared friend group. BF is not part of that group. I appreciate the concerns but I need to plan things out a little more. There will be no second chance. To those that keep saying they're fucking probably. When I first brought this up, he became stressed and kept emphasizing how I thought he was

fucking his best friend and didn't address the issue that was brought up. I don't care to know or confirm. Edit 2, We Are Not Getting Married, Continuing Our Relationship For those thinking I'm using the pre-planned events to justify holding out absolutely effed cannot. Our relationship was dead the moment he admitted she treated me like garbage, and basically shrugged it off. As a note, I never asked him to cut anyone off, out of his life. I simply asked for basic greetings and acknowledgement during the rare encounters with his BFF. This hasn't happened, aside from a couple of begrudging.

times. Final edit, I tried asking him the what would you tell your daughter to do question. He answered that if she loved her partner, she shouldn't care about outside PPL. Additionally, he said he was tired of talking about it. He feels he's done all he can, and he doesn't want us me to bring her up because he's tired of talking about it. I told him our relationship is done in September, when our lease is up, etc., apologize for bringing it up, and asked if he wanted to be alone for the evening. Thank you everyone for helping me realize I wasn't asking for too much. I really thought he was the one for me, but I wasn't thinking straight. I'm tired and I want better for myself. I'm okay with being alone. I appreciate you all. Have a good night.

Update 2, my ex-fiancee did begin to make an effort to include me and make sure I was addressed during group events, even though we'd already separated. Throughout the summer we had many conversations, not in hopes of reconciling, but mostly to make sure he truly understood the cause of our breakup. While drunk he apologized for his messy and toxic friends, said he needed to reevaluate his friendships and apologized for bringing them into my life. He changed his tune and later sober convos. I was met with continued excuses and my POV slash feelings being brushed off. This isn't that big of a deal. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I have friends that have done worse, the explanation slash insight I received is that the best friend was a side piece knowingly

for like seven to ten years guy had a baby, and brought his baby mother a house, car, and basically got married, all while stringing the friend along. And as a result, the BFF has since always asserted herself as being the most important woman in her male friends lives. All in all, just going to go to therapy, heal some shit, move on. I'm starting piano lessons soon, and taking a language class to pass my free time. Also focusing on cooking again and moving my body. I'm going to lose about 40 to 50 pounds thanks everyone for commenting, offering solutions and alternative POV, including those who felt I was making a big deal out of nothing and that I was trying to make her be friends with me never wanted that. I felt crazy for a while, but I'm thankful for the random

strangers on Reddit confirming I'm not. My father's new wife was extremely unkind to me for a long time, and she departed when he fell ill with cancer, leaving behind her own child. Presently, she has returned and is insisting on seeing him after I have cared for him. Four three years. My parents divorced when I was just six years old. My mom and dad would fight all the time. They were clearly not happy in their marriage and would take their frustrations out on each other. Though they were never too violent, their loud shouting and verbal abuses did leave an emotional

scar on me. My happy place was whenever I went to school. I would go to school and watch kids sitting happily, talking about their lives, while I dreaded going back home. My mom would constantly complain to me about how much she hated her life with us. She was a homemaker, and after doing all the household chores, she would sit on the sofa for hours watching TV. Looking back, I do think my mom suffered from depression because she hardly ever got up from the couch unless she had to go to the bathroom. She didn't even bother to check if I ever had lunch after coming back from school. Since my school was only a block away, my classmates' mothers would pick us up and drop us off together. My mother would remain on the couch until it was time for her to cook dinner.

Even though my mom tried her best, she was not the best cook. Her dishes would sometimes have too much or even no salt at all. As you can imagine, Dad hated this as much as me, which would be generally how they would start arguing. If my dad ever brought back takeouts, not always but sometimes, my mom would throw a fit and say how she can cook better than all those filthy restaurant people and how he's just throwing away money. Their arguments would then lead to them throwing insults at each other's families and insecurities. My dad would say how my mom sat on the couch the whole day like a potato, and my mom would mock my dad for not earning enough. Well, this was pretty much my childhood until they got divorced.

I was quite happy about their divorce actually and didn't even flinch when they informed me one night during dinner time. However, my lack of emotions made my mother really pissed. She started questioning if I was a psycho for not having any emotions, and when I replied that I did but I was happy with their decision to be separated, she started yelling and accusing me that I was just selfish like my father and I didn't care what happened to her. She went off on how no one in the family loves her and respects her and that she is done with all of us. Her accusations came out of nowhere, and I could not understand what I did to bear the brunt of it. During the divorce proceedings and custody battle, my mother was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression after she went for a psych evaluation due to her increasing mood swings. She was deemed unfit to be a parent, so my dad was awarded full custody.

The judge informed my parents that if she ever turned her life around with proper medications and got a job, then she could have a chance to win back custody in the future. However, until then, it would be the sole responsibility of my dad. My dad and I moved into a small flat near his workplace, which was much further away from my school, so I had to opt for a school bus for going to and from school. The locality wasn't that good, and the neighbors were too loud. My dad would reassure me that this was only temporary and that he would take up extra shifts to make sure that he could give me a better life. True to his word, in a year, we moved into a much better locality. This is when he met my stepmother, Stephanie. Stephanie, or Steph for short as she liked to be addressed, seemed like a wonderful person.

She was our neighbor and had two dogs which I loved because whenever she would come over to meet my dad, I could play with her dogs. Slowly, day by day, I watched my dad and Steph get closer to each other. She was quite respectful to me during this time and would stay out of my way mostly. However, things changed when she started spending a few nights over at our place. Then suddenly she had a problem about why I was watching TV after finishing all my homework, why I wasn't helping my dad with the dishes, or why I didn't cook my own meals. Mind you, I was just eight years old, and I understand that children should be taught early to be independent, but I just feel like eight years old is too young.

I could hardly stand above the kitchen counter, but she would force me to wash my own dishes or yell at me if I forgot. I wish my dad could have noticed these red flags and avoided her. However, he was love-struck, maybe because he had been lonely for so long. When Steph finally moved into our place with all her dogs, she told me that I needed to move out of my bedroom because her dogs needed a place to live. My dad and I were shocked that she would even suggest something like this, and my dad tried to reason with her that this was my bedroom and there was no reason why the dogs could not sleep in the living room or even in their bedroom during nap time.

But Steph tried to justify how the dogs needed to have their own space since she had always given them an entire bedroom and told me how it would be fun for me to live in the closet under the staircase. I threw a tantrum and started to cry because I was terrified of living in that dark space. This led to Dad and Steph having an argument, and she started to threaten how she would move out. But my dad told her how her demand was ridiculous. So at the end they compromised when my dad proposed that he would build a small house for the dogs in our backyard. Steph agreed, but she was clearly pissed at me for not giving in to her demands. She would not let me play with her dogs after that and would yell at me even though her

dogs would come near me. I did notice that immediately after Steph moved in, she left her job. I don't know if my dad and her ever had a conversation, but she never continued her job when she started living with us. This is how she had too much time on her hands to complain about me or find issues with me. I think she saw me as an unwanted object in my dad's life and would constantly ask me why my mother abandoned me or why I could not live with my mother instead. My mother had not even once contacted me since her divorce, nor did I have any interest in getting in touch with her. Steph started finding reasons to complain to my dad about me more and more. She would have an issue if I didn't clean my room according to her standards or stayed out a bit too late with my friends from the neighborhood during the weekend.

Whenever my dad and I went to watch any Disney movie because he knew how much I liked watching those, she would tag along but then tried to convince my dad to buy tickets for another film in the ticket booth. My dad never obliged, which I guess must have pissed her off even more. If you were wondering why my dad was ever with a woman like her, it was because other than their arguments about me, Steph and my dad had a loving relationship. They were a pretty solid couple, but I don't know what it was about me that made her tick off so much. When I turned 11 years old, according to Steph,

I was too quiet and too introverted for my age. She would constantly complain about how she was embarrassed I wasn't a popular kid at school. She would also plunge into a story about herself and how popular she used to be because she was a cheerleader. Steph would also have issues with me sleeping too much during the weekend and not helping her out enough around the house.

I did try to make efforts to improve whenever I could. I set alarms to wake up earlier so I could get ready for school on time or wake up early on the weekends and help wash the dishes or walk her dogs or literally offer help with anything that she wanted. However, no matter of her work. what I did, there was always something for her to criticize about me. Her negative word started to affect me so much that I started feeling anxious around her for no reason. To give you an idea of

how much it affected me, during the worst times of my anxiety, the critical voice in my head sounded like her voice. It was that bad for years. She once accused me of being very selfish because I ate a lot of food during a family event. Steph had invited her parents and her side of the family for a I had just come back home after playing basketball with my friends, and like every other teenager, I was probably really hungry. She took me aside and told me how it was selfish of me to eat this much food when this was not meant for me to begin with. I pointed out to her how my dad had bought all this, but she started to whisper angrily at me that I was being a bad stepdaughter and I should not embarrass her in front of her family eating so much. As I started growing up,

Steph would often assign me more and more chores even if I'd spent the entire day doing homework and was exhausted. She expected me to cook every Wednesday for the three of them, and every day I was assigned to take out the trash. She would also ask me to clean the stove. Even if I did what she wanted, it was never enough because she would complain to my dad about my cleaning habits, saying I didn't clean like she wanted or didn't know how to. However, when it was her turn to clean, she would overlook any issues. When I started going to swimming classes, she would point out to me how I was only wasting my dad's money and that I was a spoiled brat. She would tell my dad that the money could be better used for something else. Once her dogs got sick, and she asked my dad to pay for her dogs, telling him that if he could afford to pay for my stupid swimming lessons, then he could very well pay for her dog's vet bill. My dad refused, and she had to borrow money from her parents in the end.

When I turned 13 years old, my dad and Steph informed me that they were pregnant. This was a shock to me, but they looked delusionally happy. My dad told me how Steph had proposed to him and they would be getting married before the baby came because it was the right thing to do. I remember just feeling numb because I hated this decision and I wanted to scream at my dad for getting into yet another horrible marriage. However, he and Steph were adults who made this decision. What could I do as a 13-year-old? My dad and Steph had a quick court marriage where her parents and I were present as witnesses. For their honeymoon, Steph had insisted my dad take her to Lake Tahoe, so I was left in the care of her parents for a week.

Steph's parents were just as nasty as her. They would ask me invasive questions about my mother. They would then comment about how maybe I was just as flawed as my mother because of her mental health disease and how I should feel lucky that Steph decided to marry my dad despite him having a daughter like me. Somehow they made me feel inferior, as if I didn't have any value. In the months that followed, Steph gave birth to a baby boy. From the first moment I ever laid eyes on Paul, he has always been my brother. I never felt animosity or resented him. Being an only child, I had been lonely for a long time, so having a sibling felt welcoming. Paul was born premature.

My dad would tell me how he was colicky, so he would sometimes cry through the night. Dad would take care of Paul throughout the night and go to sleep only in the early morning, and then Steph would take over. When I would come back from school, Steph would dump her baby on me and ask me to feed the baby or change his diaper if he started to cry. I know my dad and Steph were exhausted, but she treated me like a babysitter and expected me to spend time taking care of her baby even if I had homework to finish or friends to spend time with. If I made plans with my friends to watch a movie or go for a hike, she would scold me about being selfish, how I should help out the family. My dad never treated me this way, though. In fact, he would encourage me to live my life as normally as I did. Once when my dad went away for a work trip for three days, my situation with Steph worsened. She would expect me to take care of Paul even at

night and would yell at me if he was crying too much. She would tell me how as a woman, I needed to learn to take care of a child, otherwise, no man would want to marry me. She taught me how to warm milk for him, check the bottle's temperature, burp him, bathe him. If Paul would cry, then she would yell at me to check on him as if I was his mother and not her. When dad came back home, I broke down and told him everything because I felt sick of working so hard, and I was exhausted. He and Steph had a screaming match, and he warned her to not perennify me and that if she felt tired, then he could help her out more. She didn't like that and told my dad that she didn't like being a mother and this journey was not for her. She packed her bags and left.

My dad spent weeks pleading in begging her to come back because he had to take leave from work to look after Paul. Steph's parents also scolded my dad for standing up for me. They told him how every family expects the oldest child to help out the mothers with the youngest and that this is just tradition. I don't know, maybe it was because my dad grew tired, or he just decided to keep his mouth shut since he felt helpless, but when Steph finally decided to come back, he didn't care anymore if she expected me to take care of Paul. She started making Paul's sleep next to me so she would not be disturbed at night. If I had plans with my boyfriend or with friends, she would force me to cancel them or threaten to take away my phone. When Paul started to crawl, she expected

me to baby-proof my room so that her child would not get hurt. I think I started resending my dad for the first time throughout all this. He didn't stand up for me anymore and let all of this slide just to save his marriage. He would knowingly come back home late so he would not have to hear me complain about Steph. Steph would also go out drinking with her friends at the bar and would come back home drunk and pass out before she could reach the bedroom. I knew I had to work hard so I could leave this house behind if I ever wanted any shred of independence.

So that's exactly what I did. I put my head down and studied. I made sure my grades were excellent. and I secretly looked into what universities were far away from home. When I finally got into a good college with scholarships, I informed my dad. He was proud that I had done it all on my own, but Steph wasn't. She accused me of knowingly applying to a college that was miles away. I didn't fight the accusations, so then she started yelling at me about how I needed to find a college nearby

and that family came before my education. I refused and moved out to my college dorm with the help of my boyfriend. Since then, my contact with Steph and my dad reduced significantly. Steph completely stopped talking to me because she didn't like the fact that I was moving away and not helping her out with Paul, while my dad was tired of being the mediator between us. I got busy with my college and made new friends. In my second year of college, one evening, my dad called me 23 times. I was out with my friends, and my phone was on silence, so I never noticed. However, when I got back home, I called him immediately, and my dad picked up the call while I could hear a lot of screaming and glass breaking in the background.

I asked him if he was okay, and he sounded choked up. I felt worried, and I asked him if something had happened, and this is when my dad told me that he had stomach cancer. I didn't believe him at first and asked him three times to clarify. When it finally clicked in my head that he had stomach cancer, I felt like I could not breathe. My dad then informed me how Steph was freaking out after he gave her the news and threatened to leave him, saying how she can't live with a dying man. I felt so pissed and asked him why the hell would she say something like that, and dad told me how she was saying that she didn't picture her life this way and that she wanted more. I think every child's worst fear is watching their parents die, and I didn't want to be far away from my dad, so I decided to take a few days and fly back home. I talked with my professors, and most of them were okay with it as long as I submitted my assignments.

When I reached my dad's place, I found out that Steph had actually left him just like she had told him, but that's not all. She had left Paul with my dad. Imagine leaving your child in the hands of your dying husband. I felt so bad for Paul, who looked terrified. I hugged him and offered him some cookies while dad and I talked. He kept repeating that Steph had told him. He kept repeating that Steph had told him that she didn't want to be with a dying man, but what pissed me off was that she left her six-year-old behind like it was nothing. I knew exactly how it felt as a six-year-old to have your entire life turned upside down. I could not understand why Steph couldn't have taken Paul with her if she was really leaving my dad just for the mere fact that he got cancer.

Something didn't make sense, and I felt it had more to do with the fact that she disliked being a mother and now had found an easy excuse to abandon her child. I tried to get in touch with her and her parents several times, but no one picked up my calls. I could always drive and check on them, but I didn't want to waste what precious time I had with my dad. I wanted to spend time with him, and honestly, I loved spending time with Paul too. I looked after my dad as well as Paul, and this went on for a few weeks. I went with my dad to all his appointments while he went through chemo. Since I had to go back to college, I decided to admit my dad to a cancer treatment center since he needed to be watched 24 to 7. I had no choice but to drive Paul back to Steph's parents'

place since I didn't know what else to do. When they opened their door, they were surprised to see me standing there with Paul and asked me what I was doing there. I was so pissed that I confronted them about their daughter just getting up and leaving Paul and my dad without giving them any reason. Her parents were very reluctant to tell me anything, but I kept yelling at them, and this is when Steph finally decided to come out of her room. I was shocked that this woman was living right here while ignoring all my calls. Steph asked me to stop yelling at her parents and threatened to call the police on me. I swear if Paul wasn't there at that moment, I would have lunged at Steph and given her a good bashing right then and there. I told her that I honestly didn't care what reasons she had to leave my dad, but that she needed to take care of her.

her child. Steph started to refuse, telling me how Paul was my brother, so I should step up since I was already here taking care of my dad. I took a deep breath just to calm myself down and told her that my dad was admitted to a cancer treatment center, and I was going back to college, so unless she wanted me to call CPS on her, Paul would be staying with her. I kissed Paul goodbye, and my heart did break for him, but I had no option at that point. I tried my best to concentrate on my studies as best I could because I had hoped to get a good job so one day I could support my dad if he got well and Paul if the situation arose too. It's hard for me to write this, but unfortunately, my dad didn't survive for long. My dad and I would talk every day, and he would tell

me how he was improving, but clearly, he was not. Throughout all this, Steph never reached out to him or even allowed Paul to visit his dad. I would try to call her, but as usual, she would ignore my calls like I was nothing to her. Two months later, I was informed by the doctors that he had passed away in his sleep in the early hours of the morning. I had to go back home and make all the arrangements for his funeral. For the first time in my life, I felt alone and had no one. During my dad's funeral, Paul came with Steph's parents with Steph nowhere in sight. He noticed me and ran to hug me. I broke down on his tiny shoulders because he was literally all I had left in this world to call family. After the funeral, Steph's parents informed me that Steph had decided to leave that morning.

I asked them what they meant, and they told me that they had found out in recent months that Steph had been having an affair with one of her ex-boyfriends the entire time that she had been married to my father. Her parents explained that she had been wanting to leave my dad for a long time after she realized that motherhood was not cut out for her, but she was stalling, and now that he finally had cancer, she got a reason to leave. I asked them why they were telling me all. I asked them why they were telling me all this when they should have asked Steph to stop, but her parents went on to tell me that since Steph didn't want Paul, they wanted me to take him in. I stared at them for a second because my mind was foggy as I was still going through the grief of losing my dad. They tried to apologize

and assured me that they could babysit Paul whenever I needed them to, but since they were too old and had health issues, they could not look after him full time, so they wanted me to take him in. I vehemently refused and told them that we needed to call the police and CPS right then and there, but they informed me that even if CPS was called, they couldn't help much, and Paul might end up in the system. They tried to guilt me by saying that I was all that he had left and I was the only one who could help him out. Maybe it was because I had lost the only family member I had, but I knew in my heart that I could not abandon him. So on the day that I lost my dad, I realized I would have to start taking care of my half-brother. I wish I could say that it was easy, but it was not.

I had to take a gap here from college because there was no way that I could manage everything along with my studies. My professors were really disappointed since I was a top student, but everyone understood my plight. Luckily for us, my dad had left everything in my name, so I worked on selling his house and car so I could have the resources to help me and Paul. I wanted to leave this town behind, and I would be taking Paul with me. He was sad about leaving his friends behind, but he was also excited to go to a new city with me. Paul trusted me implicitly, and he knew I would take care of him no matter what. Steph's parents did not care that we were leaving town. Paul and I lived in a tiny apartment near my college campus on rent, and I enrolled him in a nearby school.

I wish I could write that the next three years were easy, but they were not. Over the next three years, I juggled my responsibilities as a college student and guardian to Paul. It was challenging balancing academics, work, and parenting, but seeing Paul thrive and grow made it all worthwhile. I also applied for legal guardianship for him since his mother had clearly abandoned him, and his grandparents were not of sound health. There was no question that I would be his legal guardian. I had also done everything in my power to take care of him, so it was a natural transition for me. to become his legal guardian. The process wasn't easy, involving paperwork and legal consultations, but I was determined to go through all of this just for Paul. In the end, I was granted legal guardianship.

Through all the hardships, our tiny apartments slowly started to feel like home. Paul adjusted well to his new school, making friends and excelling academically. I continued to work hard, knowing that every effort I put in was for Paul's future. As time has passed, I have secured a good job after my graduation, and I was able to move us into a better neighborhood in the city. Paul has blossomed into a confident and happy child, and I couldn't be prouder of the young man he's becoming. He does remember Steph and sometimes brings her up, but he also understands that I am his real family. We do talk about Dad all the time since I want him to remember him. A week ago, I received a call from Steph's parents.

They would occasionally check up on Paul between a few months, so I would. I didn't think anything of it when I picked up the call. To my shock, it was Steph who had called me. She started asking me where the hell I was and why I sold my dad's house. She demanded to know where I lived and if Paul was living with me. I told her that Paul was indeed living with me because I would not have ever abandoned him just like she did and that she could not come near him. Steph started to tell me how she knew I was Paul's legal guardian, but that didn't mean that she as his biological mother could not know where he was. She threatened to go to the police if I didn't tell her. I laughed hearing this and calmly explained to her that she was free to do whatever she

wanted. But since I was appointed by the courts to look after him, I would not hesitate getting a restraining order against her. I told her how she was the worst mother in the world for abandoning her own son and she is lucky that I love Paul so much that I had stepped up. Otherwise, God knows where he would be. Steph's voice broke, and she burst into tears. She told me that she regretted what she did, but she was also going through grief, so I should not blame her. I asked her to not call me back since both me and Paul wanted nothing to do with her, and I cut the call. After the call, I felt a mix of anger, sadness, and relief. Anger at Steph for causing so much pain and disruption in our lives, sadness for the loss of my dad and the struggle we had faced,

and relief that Paul and I had managed to overcome these challenges together. However, ever since then, I do feel a bit guilty and have wondered if others have gone through this and what have they done in this situation. Am I the A-hole for keeping Paul away from his biological mother? Update 1. When I posted this, I did not expect to get thousands of comments. Thank you, everyone, for weighing in with your suggestions and comments. It's been heartwarming to hear from many others who, like me, are the older, siblings and have faced similar challenges. Your stories have made me feel understood and seen,

and I appreciate each and every one of you for reaching out. I have listened to all of you, and I'm glad that most of you agree that I do need to keep Paul away from Steph. I'm also going to start documenting our conversation just in case she ever does decide to go to the police or if there is any dispute, although I know she won't have any legal standing. I also had a talk with Paul regarding his mother reaching out to me. I was a little bit of my. I was a little bit of up front and told him how Steph had called asking about him and that if he wanted, he could have a conversation with her, but Paul refused. He told me that he understood why I'd kept him away from Steph and that he didn't want to have any contact with her. He said that he felt loved and cared for

by me, and that was all he needed. I respected Paul's decision and assured him that I would continue to prioritize his well-being above everything else. I also made sure to reassure him that he was not at fault for Steph's actions and that he deserved all the love and happy. in the world. Update 2. Sorry for the late update. A lot of you have been asking me for an update, so here it goes. This is the email I sent to Steph and her parents about Paul. Just like some of you advised me to do so, hello, Steph, I'm writing to inform you about Paul's well-being and current living situation since you had called me on this date. As you may be aware, I have been appointed as Paul's legal guardian as I have been taking care of him for the past

three years since you abandoned him and your parents refused to take care of him. I have taken on the responsibility of providing for Paul and ensuring his safety and happiness. Paul is currently living with me in this city where I have enrolled him in a nearby school. He is thriving academically and socially, making friends and adjusting well to his new environment. I want to assure you that Paul is in good hands and is receiving the care and attention he deserves. I understand that you may have concerns or questions about Paul's upbringing. However, since you decided to walk out of his life on the day our dad passed away without giving any explanations, I think you have lost the right to ask for any updates. I am open to maintaining communication for Paul's sake with his grandparents only since I must prioritize his safety and stability above all else.

So hopefully, you don't disturb us ever again. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. I hope after this email, Steph leaves me and Paul alone. Update 3. It's been six months now since my last update, and I want to assure everyone that Paul is very much still with me. As expected, Steph never really did anything after my email, and her parents called to let me know that she had left yet again. They also filled me in as to why she had called me out of nowhere. It turns out that the ex-boyfriend she had left us for had broken up with her and is now engaged to someone else. So Steph, being Steph, thought it would be

completely fine to just come back into our lives and act like nothing had ever happened. They assured me that Steph would never go the legal way when she had, in fact, abandoned her own child, and they were also getting tired of her behavior. They assured me that they would support my decision and continue to stay in touch to check on Paul's well-being. By the way, Paul is doing well in school. He recently celebrated his birthday with his friends, and he has started to learn rollerblading. I've been working hard to provide for us and ensure that Paul has everything he needs to grow and succeed for his future. It's not always easy, but seeing Paul's smile and hearing his laughter makes every challenge I face worth it. The young lady prepares coffee for her partner each day,

presses his clothing, and attempted to perch on his knees once, but now he is enraged and desires to expel her. Out. Okay, so I, 47F, have been dating my boyfriend, 52M, for about two years. now. We met in a grief counseling group after both of us lost our spouses. He lost his wife to cancer and I lost my husband in a car accident. Meeting someone who understood that specific kind of grief was. I don't know, comforting I guess. I wasn't looking for a relationship at all, but things just kind of happened naturally. For some background, I have two kids, my daughter, 19 F, and my son, 16M. My boyfriend as a son, 17M, from his marriage. My son is pretty indifferent about the whole relationship, typical teenage boy who just grunts when asked anything and spends most of his time playing

video games or hanging out with his friends. My boyfriend's son is actually really sweet, though. When we first started dating, I was worried about how all the kids would get along, but it's been surprisingly okay. The boys don't hang out much since they have different interests. My son is into gaming and my boyfriend's son is more into sports, but they're civil which is honestly all I can ask for at this point. I should probably mention that I'm a massage therapist, been doing it for about 15 years now, and my boyfriend is a funeral director. I know that sounds like a weird combo, but it works for us. He jokes that I handle the living bodies and he handles the dead ones. Dark humor, I know, but when you've both been through the shit we have, you find humor where you can.

Everything in this relationship has been great so far. Our kids get along well enough, we have similar values about money and raising kids, and we both understand each other's need for space sometimes. He's incredibly intelligent, like chess champion levels smart and speak six different languages, English, French, German, Spanish, Italian, and he's learning Mandarin. I still don't understand how someone so smart can be so clueless about some things, like when he leaves his laptop open when he goes to the bathroom and I can see he's been looking at engagement rings, L.O.L. Being a funeral director is actually perfect for him. He's very respectful and compassionate with grieving families, and I think his own experience with loss makes him especially good at his job. It's not the kind of profession most people would choose, but he says it helps him feel like he's providing comfort during people's worst moments, which I can respect. We started off taking things really slow. For the first, first six months, we didn't even tell our kids we were dating. We just met up for coffee after our

group sessions, then gradually started doing dinner, movies, that sort of thing. We were both careful not to introduce each other to our kids until we were sure this was something serious. I think that was the right approach, especially considering how fragile everyone was after losing a parent-slash-spouse. Anyway, this is where things get weird and why I'm posting here. My daughter absolutely adores my boyfriend. When we first started dating for real and I introduced them, I was honestly surprised how quickly they hit it off because she's extremely shy and took her dad's death really hard. She barely spoke to anyone for months after it happened. Even before his death, she was always more of a daddy's girl and we had the usual mother-daughter tensions through her teen years.

But with my boyfriend, she was actually talking and smiling again within minutes of meeting him. I didn't want to question it because I was just relieved to see her coming out of her shell, you know? But as time went on, I started noticing some stuff that made me uncomfortable. For starters, on Valentine's Day this year, he got me a beautiful bouquet of flowers, which was expected. But then he also got a single rose for my daughter. She still has it hanging upside down in her room to preserve it. At the time I thought it was sweet that he was including her in the holiday, but now it sits weird with me. Like, who gives Valentine's gifts to their girlfriend's daughter?

I mentioned it casually to my friend, and she said it was thoughtful, but her tone made me think she found it strange too. Then there's the morning routine. She gets up early every single morning to make him a latte before he goes to work. Like sets an alarm and everything just to make sure it's ready for him. She never did this kind of thing for her actual father, and she certainly doesn't do it for me. I mentioned it once like that so sweet of you to make coffee for him and she just shrugged and said he works hard and deserves it. Then at night when he gets home, she's waiting in the kitchen with a beer and a sandwich for him. It's like something out of a 1950s housewife handbook.

She literally waits by the window sometimes to see his car pull up. One time, she even ironed his shirts for him. I came home and found her in the laundry room with his work shirts all hanging up and she was carefully pressing each one. When I asked what she was doing, she said his shirts looked wrinkled and I know he likes to look professional. He has a freaking dry cleaning service for his work clothes. They don't need ironing. The thing that really pissed me off was when she bought him this expensive ergonomic computer chair with massaging rollers on it for his home office. I am a fucking masseuse.

That's literally my job. I can take care of this man's back problems just fine with my own two hands. I don't need to be replaced by some goddamn chair. I couldn't help but feel like she was trying to one-up me somehow. When I asked her about it, she just said, oh, but this way he can sit comfortably while he's working at home. I wanted to scream. Do you know how much those chairs cost? She spent nearly all of her savings from her part-time job on it.

Who does that for their mom's boyfriend? There have been other things too. Like how she always laughs extra hard at his jokes, even the dumb ones. Or how she's suddenly interested in classical music because he mentioned once that he likes Mozart. She downloaded a bunch of classical music playlists and now that's all she listens to. She never showed any interest in that kind of music before. Or the time she baked him a birthday cake from scratch even though I had already ordered his favorite cake from the bakery. She stayed up all night to make it and was so proud when she presented it to him.

I felt like such a jerk because, of course, he had to eat a piece of both cakes and tell us they were both amazing. The whole thing just felt like a competition I didn't sign up for. I finally sat her down and asked point-blank why she keeps doing all this stuff for him. She just said she likes him. I pushed for more details, and she started listing things off. He's nice, he's smart, he's funny, he's interesting to talk to, he listens when I talk, blah, blah, blah. But what really stuck out to me was when she said and I love the way he dresses. This is where I need to rewind a bit.

My boyfriend wears suits every day because of his job. Nice black suits with ties. When I first started dating him, my daughter would always refer to him as that sharp-dressed man. She'd ask stuff like, are you going to see that sharp-dressed man again? Or when do I get to meet your sharp-dressed man, mom? At the time, I thought it was just her way of showing approval. She's always said she wants to marry a man in a suit someday, so I figured she was just happy I found someone who fits that image. She even started watching all these old movies with men in suits, Carrie Grant films, James Bond, stuff like that.

She changed her phone wallpaper to a picture of Don Draper from Mad Men. It was weird, but I didn't think much of it. But now I'm starting to wonder if there's more to it. Like maybe she's developed some kind of crush on him? I've tried to brush it off because that feels gross to even think about, but the evidence is kind of piling up. We just bought a house together a few months back. It's a big step, and I'm fully invested in this relationship. I love this man, and I know he loves me.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm pretty sure he's planning to propose soon based on his browser history. Again, how can someone so smart be so bad at covering their tracks? The house is nice, not huge. but big enough for all of us. My daughter and son each have their own rooms, and there's a guest room for when my boyfriend's son stays over, he lives primarily with his mom but visits every other weekend. We've been slowly making it our own, painting and getting new furniture and all that stuff. My boyfriend and I are sharing the master bedroom, of course. I laughed it off, but it was starting to get annoying. Then there was the time she accidentally walked in on him in the

bathroom. He was just washing his hands, thank God, but she didn't apologize or seem embarrassed at all. Just stood there for a moment before saying, oh, sorry in a way that didn't sound sorry at all. When I brought it up later, she claimed the door wasn't fully closed and she didn't realize he was in there. But our bathroom door sticks a bit so you have to pull it hard to close it, there's no way it wasn't obvious someone was in there. Anyway, this all came to a head last night. We were watching. We were a movie in the living room, me, my boyfriend, and my daughter. My son was at a friend's house for some gaming thing. My daughter went to the kitchen to get drinks for everyone, and when she came back, she handed my boyfriend his beer and then, tried to sit in his lap. I say tried because my

boyfriend immediately pushed her off and told her in this really angry voice that what she did was completely inappropriate. They both looked completely shocked, him at what she did, and her at his reaction. Then he just stormed upstairs to our bedroom. I followed him up to talk about what happened. He was pissed. Like, more angry than I've ever seen him. He started saying that my daughter should start looking for somewhere else to stay, that this had been building for a while, and that he wasn't comfortable having her in the house anymore. He said there had been other incidents I hadn't noticed where she'd get too close to him or touch his arm or shoulder unnecessarily. I panicked and told him about the sharp-dressed man thing and suggested that maybe if he just wore

normal clothes outside of work, she wouldn't act so weird around him. I said maybe the suits were giving her the wrong idea or something. He told me I was being ridiculous and turned away from me. We went to bed without resolving anything. This morning, I tried to make him breakfast as a peace offering, but he just left. Said he was going to McDonald's instead. He texted me from the part of the party. parking lots saying we're going to have a serious talk when he gets home. I don't know what to think

or do. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want my daughter to be kicked out either. I know suggesting he changed his clothes was stupid, but I was desperate and it just came out. Am I the asshole here? Should I have noticed this weird behavior sooner? What do I even do now? Update, my phone has been buzzing nonstop with notifications. Thanks to everyone who commented, even the ones calling me a shit wife. I probably deserve that. A lot of you jumped to some pretty wild conclusions. No, my boyfriend isn't sleeping with my daughter. No, he hasn't been grooming her. And for those of you saying I'm in denial, well, you were partially right, but not in the way you think. Before I get into what happened, I want to address some of the comments. Yes, I realize now that

suggesting he changed how he dresses was a stupid thing to say. I was panicking and it just came out. And to the person who asked why I didn't confront my daughter sooner, I guess I was hoping it was just a phase or something. I don't know. I fucked up, okay? Anyway, so my boyfriend came home eventually and we had our serious talk. It turns out there was a whole lot I didn't know about.

An entire shit shows worth of stuff, actually. My boyfriend showed me several disturbing text messages my daughter had sent him over the few months. Nothing explicitly sexual or propositioning, but weird stuff like I miss you sent at 2 a.m., or are you awake? Followed by a bunch of messages about how she can't sleep and wishes she had someone to talk to. There were also messages like you look nice today and thanks for listening to me yesterday. No one understands me like you do. He showed me how he always responded appropriately, with stuff like you should try to get some sleep or I'm glad we could talk, but remember your mom is always there for you too. He never encouraged anything inappropriate, which was a relief to see.

But that wasn't even the worst part. Apparently my daughter had confided in him about a close friendship she had with her basketball coach right after her dad died. From what my boyfriend told me, this friendship was extremely inappropriate and likely involved some form of grooming or abuse. The coach was in his 30s and would text her at all hours, drive her home from practice, and give her special attention. She was 17 at the time, so technically still a minor. My boyfriend kept this secret because my daughter begged him not to tell me, and he didn't want to break her trust when she was already vulnerable. I was incredibly hurt hearing all this. I mean, I'm her mother. I should have been the one she came to with this. But at the same time,

I understand why she might have felt more comfortable talking to someone else, especially a male figure she trusted. And I get why my boyfriend didn't tell me, he was in an impossible position. Break her trust when she was finally opening up to someone, or keep something important from me. According to my boyfriend, my daughter has basically been treating him like a private therapist for months. He said he thought all the favors, the coffee, the beer, the chair, were just her way of showing gratitude for lending an ear. He didn't realize she might have developed inappropriate feelings until the lap incident. He said he should have seen the signs earlier, but he was trying so hard to be a supportive figure in her life that he missed the warning signals. As we talked

more, other things started to make sense. Like how she would always find ways to get him alone to talk. Offering to help him with yard work or asking him questions about his job when I wasn't around. He said he thought she was just interested in getting to know him better, but now he realizes she was creating opportunities for one-on-one time. He apologized for jumping straight to kicking her out and admitted he reacted from shock and discomfort. He said he doesn't actually want her to leave, but he does think we need to establish some firm boundaries

and maybe get her some professional help. I apologize too for the stupid comments about his suits. It was a comment made out of denial and panic, and I feel like an idiot for suggesting something so ridiculous. Of course his clothes aren't the problem. I was just grasping at straws because I didn't want to face the real issue. After talking with my boyfriend for what felt like ours, I sat my daughter down for an extremely uncomfortable but necessary conversation about boundaries.

She'd been hiding in her room since the incident, only coming out when she thought no one was around. As soon as I brought up the lap incident, she burst into tears and started apologizing over and over. She swore she didn't mean anything weird by it and that she just felt comfortable around him. I asked her directly if she had feelings for him, and she got defensive, saying you, no, that's gross, he's old but her face was bright red and she couldn't look me in the eye. I explained that regardless of her intentions, sitting on a grown man's lap at her age was inappropriate, especially when that man is her mother's boyfriend. I told her that some of her other behaviors had been making both of us uncomfortable too. She just kept crying and saying she was sorry. I didn't tell her that I know about the basketball coach because I don't want her to feel betrayed by my boyfriend.

I'm hoping a professional will be able to help her talk about it in a more controlled environment. Because yes, therapy is happening. I should have insisted on it right after her father died, but both my kids said they didn't want it, and I didn't want to force it on them. That was clearly a mistake. When I suggested therapy, she actually seemed relieved. She admitted she's been having trouble sleeping and thinking clearly since her dad died. She said talking to my boyfriend helped because he gets it in a way other people don't.

I told her I understand that connection, but that there are proper boundaries that need to be respected. She nodded and agreed to go to therapy. I did ask her about the suit thing, just out of curiosity. She got this dreamy look on her face and said Dad never dressed up. He was always in T-shirts and jeans. I just think men in suits look more. I don't know, together. Like they have their life figured out.

It was actually kind of sad to hear. I think she's been looking for someone to replace her dad, and my boyfriend's professional appearance gave her this false idea of security or something. But so help me God, if that motherfucking basketball coach ever shows his face in our hometown again and my daughter asks why I'm in jail, I guess I'll have to tell her then that I know all about what happened. For now, though, her healing is my priority. And yes, I did look him up to make sure he's not still coaching at her old school. He's not, thank God.

Apparently he moved to another state. Probably running from something, the sick bastard. My boyfriend and I have made up, and no one is getting kicked out of the house, but things are still pretty awkward. My daughter has basically quarantined herself in the basement. She only comes up for food when no one else is around. When she does see my boyfriend, she practically runs in the other direction. It's uncomfortable but probably necessary for now. My son remains completely oblivious to all of this drama.

He asked why everyone was being weird at dinner the other night and I just told him we had a disagreement. He shrugged and went back to his phone. Sometimes I envy teenage boys and their ability to ignore emotional tension. My boyfriend is trying to give my daughter space while still being supported. which is a tough balance to strike. He suggested that for now, he only have serious conversations with her when I'm present, to avoid any misunderstandings. I think that's smart. For now, we all just need some time and space to process everything. My boyfriend has already helped me find some good therapists in our area who specialize in grief and trauma. I've scheduled an appointment for next

week. I don't know how this is all going to play out, and it still feels like walking on eggshells around here, but at least everything is out in the open now. Well, almost everything. As for my relationship, we're taking things one day at a time. The ring shopping is probably on hold for a while, and that's okay. We need to make sure our blended family is on solid ground before taking that next step. Thanks for the reality check, I guess. I'll update again if anything major changes, but honestly I'm hoping for some boring normalcy for a while. Just regular family stuff like arguing over whose turn it is to do the dishes or what movie to watch on Friday night.

Edit, thank you for all the supportive comments. For those asking about my daughter's friends, yes, she has a few close friends from high school, but they all went to different colleges so they don't see each other as much anymore. She's taking online classes from the community college while working part-time at a coffee shop, so she's not meeting many new people. That's another issue we need to address, getting her more involved with people her own age. And no, I haven't confronted the basketball coach and don't plan to.

As much as I'd like to destroy him, my focus needs to be on my daughter's healing right now. Maybe someday when she's ready, we can talk about reporting him, but I'm not going to force that before she's ready to deal with it. And thank you to the person who suggested family game nights as a way to ease the tension. We actually tried that last night, just a simple card game, and it was still awkward but better than everyone avoiding each other. Baby steps, I guess.

I shared my deepest confession with my betrothed prior to our marriage, and he disappeared for several days. Then, on Thanksgiving, my family accused him of delaying our wedding until I had no choice but to confess. This happened a week ago and I have not heard from him since. I have tried texting him, calling him, went to his apartment, went to his sister's house. I can't find him and everybody is telling me that they haven't heard from him either. Everybody except his brother who obviously did not get the memo like everyone else did to lie to me. He actually told me that Greg, not his real name, doesn't want to see or speak to me. A brief rundown on how we got here.

We met three years ago at a church function, yes I know, Reddit hates religion but it is what it is. I have had a very rough life when it comes to men, so I really don't engage any of them in conversation other than just briefly if I can get by with it. However, I was listening to Greg speak to a group of people about a book that I had just read, so I stood there and listened to him. After he was done talking the group kind of hung around a little and I asked him questions about the book. He answered every single one and the more he talked the more I was attracted to him. Now this may not sound like much, but it was the first time I was actually attracted to a guy since high school. As I said rough experience, but suffice it to say after I left high school I got involved with a very bad crowd.

I turned to drugs and when my family finally had all they could take out of me when I was 19, they kicked me out. I don't blame them for this, by the way, because I stole from them to feed my drug addiction. They tried many times to help me, but when I stole a very large sum of money from them and spent it on heroin, they had. had enough. Living friend house to friend house couch surfing for about six weeks but still a junkie I got caught stealing from them as well. I was homeless for two weeks, honestly lived on a park bench for a couple of days. I decided to start stripping in everything that goes along with it. In other words, I was doing private parties, private dances, and yes, it quickly turned into just being paid for sex. I honestly don't even remember a lot of that time because whenever I wasn't

working I was either high or working to get high. I did this for a few years. On my 23rd birthday I overdosed, I had odd several times but not to the point of not breathing, and I stopped breathing. The paramedics honestly saved my life because they did CPR on me and brought me around. I was in the ICU for three days on a ventilator and I had several force. While I was in the ICU a preacher came by to see me, he was just a minister who goes and visits with families and patients. He came to me and he spoke to me about how life has a higher purpose. He said a whole lot more, but I won't bore you with it. Needless to say whether it was him.

Me being fed up with my life or God, I don't know, but it really moved me and when I got out of ICU, I asked them to help me get off of all of the drugs. It worked. I have been clean since the day I left and I have never had a single desire to go back to that. It wasn't easy at first, but every day got better. I got a job, I reconnected with my family and then I met Greg. I had never been in love, not even in high school. But after going on just a few dates, I was head over heels for him.

On our one-year anniversary he asked me to marry him but with the idea that it would be a year till the wedding. I happily agreed and it has been the best time of my life. I felt the warmth every single day of his love. But then my mom and dad and I were making wedding plans, they wanted to pay even the best time. though I told them not to. And one day while we were talking, what did Greg know about my past? They were meaning did he know about the drugs. My mom and dad don't fully know how far I sunk. The drugs were bad enough. My mom said that if Greg never asked, then I really should just keep it to myself. That I was a different person and what was in the past should just stay in the

past. My dad, however, said something that actually made sense at the time. I kind of regret listening to him now, though. He said that even though I had changed, who I was was still a part of who I am and hiding the past really is like lying. If Greg loved me then he wouldn't care about the past, but if he ever found out on his own or some other way, then he might not be so forgiving because he might consider it a lie. So last weekend I got all of the courage I could muster and decided to tell him everything. He knows things my parents don't know and now I feel very much betrayed. At first he thought I was joking, but when I assured him I was not, he kind of got quiet, and then he told me that he appreciated the honesty. He didn't know how he felt and that

he needed time to think. That has been a week now. I let him go Saturday through Saturday with only texting him a couple of times, just letting him know that I still loved him and making sure he was okay and if he had any questions to ask me. Well, he never responded, and it has been a week since I've heard from him. I don't know what to do. He has been my rock since we got together. Times I've been down he has picked me up, when I've been sad he has made me laugh. I truly hope I have not hurt him. I think that would be the worst thing of all.

I know my past life was disgusting, but it's been six years and since I've been completely out of that life. I was in another city, actually even in another state. So there is no way that past life can come back to see me here. I made no friendships or relationships during my life. that time so there is nobody going to seek me out. Can anyone please tell me what I can do or say that will with him? I really love him with all of my heart and will do anything to make this right. Edit, we are taking about a 30-minute, emotional, break. I asked for it and he said he needed it as well. We have been at my place all afternoon talking. I'm not going to lie, it has been rough.

I've cried more today than I've ever cried in my life, but we are talking and as of now we are still together just no longer engaged, at his request. By the way, all of the crying has not been sad cries. He has also been very open with his past and it touched me that he felt compelled to be this open when he didn't have to. I don't know if anyone really cares but I'll try and write a full update later tonight but thank you all so much for the words of encouragement. It has helped me far more than you will ever know. Update one, the title of the post was really inaccurate on my part because he did get in touch with me and we met for several hours on Sunday. So he didn't ghost me, he never intended to ghost me and his family did not lie for him. In fact, before we had

time to talk at church, his brother came to me and apologized for the way he handled my phone call. He said he clearly did not understand his brother's wish to be alone to think and on his own interpreted that to mean he didn't want to talk to me. The rest of his family had no idea there was any significant problem and did not know where he was because he went away for the week, told them to only contact him for any emergencies. Obviously they knew something was up but had no idea. So the ghosting part was a combination of miscommunication and, well, honestly, just anxiety and impatience on my part.

We both apologized over that and moved on. Anyway, we met at church for morning service and I got there first and went and sat in our usual spot and he got there just as the service was starting, but he came over and sat down beside me and we shared a quick smile as the service started. I was dying inside. After service was over people were shaking hands talking. This is when his brother came to me to apologize and while we were talking he slipped away

and talked to a few other people. I have a feeling this was planned, but whatever. He came back over and asked how I was and I almost lost it, but I held it together and said I was okay, but obviously I was tearing up as we were talking. He asked if I wanted to talk now or later and I just wanted to get it over with because if he was going to break up with me, I just wanted it to be done and over with so I could go home and start the grieving.

So I just said I'm ready. He said he really wanted to talk somewhere private and asked where I would prefer to go and all I could think of was my place so I didn't have to drive when it was all over with. He followed me home and he came inside and said that he really wanted this to be civil, not a good sign. By this time I was already a bundle of nerves so I just blurted out, Are you going to leave me? Obviously I'm crying as I say this. What he said next left me with a lot of hope because I really thought this was a done deal.

He said that a lot of what happens going forward would depend on what I said that day with him and how much I wanted to tolerate from him. That last part really confused me, but I just was so relieved that he didn't say yes that I basically collapsed into my chair and told him that I was ready to do whatever it took. He then said that if that was the case, then he would ask for two things from me and that was honesty and patience. He started off apologizing to me for not being a better man. Well, that was all I could take. When he said that the floodgates came open. Here was this wonderful man who I basically lied to and dropped probably what I can only imagine from a man's point of view being one of the worst things you could ever tell a future spouse

and he was apologizing to me. I had to hug him and tell him not to apologize to me. He held me as I cried for a few minutes, but then tried to gather myself to listen to him. He went on to say that he had a horrible week. He said he had to come face to face with a lot of his own insecurities, jealousies, and prejudices. He also said that he learned something about himself and he did not like what he learned. He said up until I told him my story that he did not realize that he was very possessive and had a jealous streak. He talked a lot about it, but I'll skip that because it was really personal and well this is already going to be the length of a book.

He then asked me if I was willing to put up with him having some very probing question and some very personal comments about them. Again I said I was going to do whatever it took. So he asked the following questions. 1. Did I use protection every time? 2. Did I have any interaction with anyone sexually in the city we live in now? 3. Did I have any idea how many people I had sex with? 4. Have I been tested for any sexually transmitted diseases? and if so, when was the last time and did I keep records of it?

5. Am I willing to be tested again and even again in the future? 6. Did I ever have sex with anyone without them being a customer? 7. What types of drugs did I take? 8. When was the last time I took drugs? 9. Do I feel any need or desire to take drugs or any other substance since this incident occurred? 10. How can I guarantee to him that I won't in the future turn back to drugs? 11. Does sex have any real meaning for me and do I enjoy it or is it just something I do now to be close to him? 12. How much money did I steal?

13. Did I pay back the money? 14. Have I ever stolen any money or anything else without it being for drugs? 15. How can I guarantee him that I won't steal from him in the future? This took several hours to answer because I had to often stop to compose myself but I answered every one of his questions. as honestly as I could. He often told me that I didn't have to answer them if I didn't want to and kept apologizing for asking, but he said that to go forward with anything he knew that he had to know or he just wouldn't be able to.

He then listed out his concerns and asked if I really wanted to work with him on them and he would understand if I didn't want to. I said I wouldn't be here if I didn't want this. So his concerns were as follows. A, he is afraid that if times get rough in the future for whatever reason I might steal from him or his family. Honestly, I was surprised by this as this was not something I thought would be an issue, but it was the first thing he talked about. Now, to be fair, his family owns a business. They are not rich, but they are not poor either, so I guess he's worried when he takes over I might

steal. B, in his words, he has an irrational fear that once a junkie always a junkie and he said he doesn't know how strong he is and it would kill him if we stayed together and I sunk back into that world. See his fear that sex would be an issue going forward. He said, that he has had horrible intrusive thoughts all week. The fact that I have been with so many people and done so many different things that nothing would ever be special and ultimately he was afraid he would become bitter because he would feel like we were just having sex for him and that knowing that I would just be participating would really make his desire to have sex with me dropped significantly. Again I listened to him and answered every concern, to what I could. He said he knew a lot of this

was nothing I could ever really guarantee, but he just had to talk about it. I told him that I understood and I had already suspected some of this would come up. As I said, we spent several hours going over this stuff. We had to take a couple of breaks so that way our emotions would not get the better of us. He really went through the range of emotions himself, but I knew I had to let him if I wanted this to work. He told me he was willing to stay and tried to make this work because he really loved me. Obviously my heart left at this and I cried again.

He would think with everything I have been through I would be tougher than this. but he said that he did not feel like we could go through with the wedding as scheduled and that in all honesty he would like to end our engagement and stay dating exclusive of course for a while he said in all honesty he felt like while he believes me and feels like he knows me he wants to take the time to look at this from a new perspective this is where the part about feeling like he didn't really know me come in i took off my ring to give it to him and for the first time he broke down and cried he told me to put it back on and that he just wants so post-posted the wedding, not end the engagement.

I told him we could do whatever he thought we had to do. He said we are just going to tell people we are going to postpone the date due to scheduling conflicts and we would let them know a new date. Then we had to decide what we were going to be telling family. He said from his side of the family that he is going to tell them that he was feeling pressured at work and that he got upset over a misunderstanding about time away. I told him that I would say whatever he wanted. He said it was best to not tell anyone else about my first. past except for our minister who we are going to start going to couples counseling with. We both agreed to this. As to my family, well, this is where the one problem we had that day came

up. He just assumed my family knew. I told him they only know about the drugs and stealing. He said that he thought my parents should know because they are paying for the wedding and it will cause some problems canceling events and stuff and he did not want them to think this was just because I used drugs years ago. It wasn't a deal breaker for him, he said, but it was something to something he felt was right but would abide by whatever I thought was best. I really do not want to tell my parents. What I did was bad enough, stealing and doing drugs, but if they knew I stripped and prostituted myself, I don't think I could ever look them in the eye again and they have been so wonderful to me since I've come back. So in conclusion this ended better than I ever dreamed possible. Yes, I know he has a diminished view of me, he really was upset that I waited so long to tell him, but I had to know that this was inevitable and he said once he gets over the initial shock he will try his best to never bring it up again. He truly is a wonderful man and I am so very lucky that God put him in my life. Edit Wow, there are a lot of serious misconceptions being sent to me via DM about my life.

Let me make this clear, I did not grow up in an abusive household. I was never sexually molested slash raped as a child or teenager. I had a loving family who I by my own actions broke their hearts. I am blessed beyond words that they have accepted me back and have been nothing but loving and supportive. Both of my parents are my heroes. My mom was just trying to protect me, she wasn't trying to be my accomplice. Secondly, to answer this here. If I wanted to stay with him, I had to let him ask me those questions.

He gave me every opportunity to shut it down and even several times while we were talking he asked if I wanted him to stop. He was hurting, by his own words from his own words from his own. insecurities. Answering the questions, even as uncomfortable as they were, bonded us in my opinion because he actually engaged in conversation with me and listened to everything I said. Besides, some of my answers are not nearly as dramatic as some of you have believed. Update 2. First off things have been great between us. I mean there have been issues, but nothing that I didn't expect nor anything that I can't handle. I still am happy that he is in my life. When last I left off, he had asked me to tell my parents because he was afraid that they

would think he was being overly critical of a previous drug habit. But he also told me that he wouldn't make that a deal breaker. He just thought it would be a good idea. While after thinking about it more, I just felt like I did not want to have to tell my parents that part of my life. I believed with all of my heart that they would have supported me, but I just did not want to go through all of the emotions of telling them. I explained it to him and he was fine with it. Said that that he respected my thoughts on it and would never say a word to them. I decided on my own to tell them that we were postponing the wedding. I told them that after we had talked that he wanted to stay together and that he just wanted more time to think about things. I thought that

this was best as I didn't want him to be there to have to explain anything because if something would have come up I did not want him to feel trapped. I told them, they were disappointed obviously, but they understood. He had given me money to give them to pay back their deposits, but they said that they did not want it and for us to keep the money. I thought that was the end of it. Was I ever wrong? He came over for Thanksgiving dinner. He had lunch with his family. I was invited but could not attend due to not getting off till late from work and then having to help my mom make dinner here. He got to my parents' house around four or so and we ate dinner at 5.30. My parents, both sets of grandparents and several cousins were there. Dinner went fine. We ate and everybody was

having a good time until my cousin who was several years younger than me, 12 asked when we were getting married. There was a long, it seemed forever, awkward silence and he just sat there looking at me for guidance. He spoke up and said probably next summer to which my mother's mother heard this and obviously nobody had told them that the date was off. While she proceeded to ask if she had the dates wrong in her calendar to which my mom quickly jumped in to just say that there were scheduling conflicts. Well, that should have been it but instead of accepting that my grandmother starts to ask what's scheduling conflicts, if it was the church or minister she was going to get this straightened out. This went on for a good half hour and I could just tell by

the look on his face he was sick of it. He never said a word, but he looked almost very upset. Finally my family starts to leave at about 8.30 or so and after everybody says their goodbyes, he and I go back to the living room and sit on the couch. I apologize profusely to him and he says he's fine, but I can tell he is not really fine, but he is starting to be less tense. My parents come back in from the front porch after telling their parents goodbye, and they sit down and my dad apologize to both of us saying that our family means well, but sometimes can be overbearing. The three of us laugh, but I notice my mom not laughing.

My mom proceeds to take a bad situation that was under control and actually ending and decides to dump buckets of gasoline on it. She said that she felt bad for her mom because she thought she was upset because my grandfather, my mom's dad, is having health issues and they were afraid that he wouldn't live to see my wedding. Here is where it goes to hell. She said it was silly to postpone things over a drug addiction that hasn't been a problem for several years. My boyfriend just sat there but I could physically both see and feel him tense up. I was holding his hand. My dad spoke up and he and my mom started arguing over it and by what they were saying to each other I could tell they had talked

about this after I told them, no surprise really, and I could tell. And I could say, and I could. could tell that even though my dad was trying to be polite and make my mom shut up that he pretty much felt the same way. I just could not take it anymore. I felt absolutely horrible for Greg. He not only had to sit there for my grandparents, he now was having to sit there for my parents and everybody is blaming him for all of this. It wasn't fair to him. I spoke up and told my parents that I had to talk to them and that they needed to stop arguing and stop blaming Greg for any of this. He squeezed my hand indicating to me that I should stop. I looked at him and he shook his head no.

I told him that no this was not fair to him and ultimately it wasn't fair to them either because they were blaming him for the wrong reasons. Obviously this got their attention. I went ahead and told them that after they had kicked me out of the house I had no home, no job, no education, no skills, no nothing. I only told them that I became an exotic dancer, I just could not bring myself to tell them more. But they are not dumb, my mom immediately gasped and started to cry.

My dad just sat there dumbfounded and tried to calm my mom down. My mom, after being basically hysterical for a few minutes, apologized to Greg. She said she had no idea and that he was a wonderful man for staying with me even knowing that. Not to sure how I feel about that statement, but I guess in the end she was coming from a good place, I think. But the main thing was that it did take the blame off of him. My dad welcomed him to the family by saying this was just a typical Thanksgiving, trying to be funny. I asked Greg if he would mind if I talked with my parents and I would see him on Friday. I walked him out and we kissed goodnight.

I told him how wonderful I though he was and he told me that I didn't need to tell them that he wasn't going to say anything. I said I knew he wouldn't, but it was just going to never get better with them unless they knew the truth. I went back in and spent the next several hours talking with my parents. Needless to say it was heartbreaking on several levels. My dad openly cried and I have never seen that. He blames himself for this. He said that he never should have kicked me out that he ruined my life. No matter what I said or did I could not console him.

My mom tried as well but nothing was working. We all went to bed and I was woke up by my mom panicking calling 911. My dad was having chest pain. The ambulance came and said he was having a heart attack and took him to a hospital that specializes in heart problems. My dad looked horrible and I was scared more than I ever have been. I called Greg and he came and picked my mom and me up and drove us to the hospital. They would not let us back to see him as they rushed him into surgery and the doctor came out telling us that the ambulance most likely saved his life by recognizing what was happening and that a surgeon was with him putting in stints and had basically already used. like a plunger or something to get rid of a blood clot they found.

We called our minister and he was there within a half an hour. My dad is scheduled to come home tomorrow. He looked great tonight and said he felt perfectly fine. Greg has been a rock for both me and my mom. When he left to go get us food, my mom actually told me that I need to make sure to keep him because the only man she knew that was any better was my dad. I am just grateful that my dad is going to be okay. Greg said tonight when he dropped me off at home that life is never dull with me.

We both laughed. I have to try and help my dad realize that what he did was tough love and that he can't blame himself for my poor choices. He didn't just kick me out after the first, second or even 23rd time. They tried for a couple of years to reach me, but I wasn't having it. I spoke with my minister about therapy for my dad and he said that he will speak to him as his minister and recommend another therapist if my dad is open to it. Hopefully this should put an end to any updates. I know that Greg is the love of my life and I am doing anything in my power to make sure he knows

how much he means to me and how I will never betray his trust in me. My partner brought me to an upscale eatery and knelt before me with a box containing a ring. After I accepted the proposal, he revealed the contents of the box, which turned out to be only a small trinket. notes saying you have been pranked. Me, 24F, and my boyfriend Andrew, 26M, have been together for five years. We met at this house party my roommate dragged me to during my sophomore year of college. I didn't even want to go, but she insisted that I needed to get out more and stop being such a hermit.

Anyway, Andrew was there with some of his friends, and he was the one making everyone laugh with his stories and jokes. We started talking when I went to get another drink, and we just clicked right away. Andrew has always been the funny guy in our friend group, always making jokes and pulling pranks on people. When we first started dating, his pranks were small and actually kind of cute. He'd send me on little scavenger hunts around campus that would lead to a small gift or a picnic he'd set up. Or he'd pretend to forget my birthday only to surprise me with something special later. I never really minded it because most of the time, his jokes were harmless and sometimes genuinely funny. I'm not super serious myself, and I'd prank him back occasionally too.

We moved and together after we'd been dating for about three years. It was a small two-bedroom apartment in a decent neighborhood. The second bedroom was supposed to be an office but ended up becoming a storage room for all our extra stuff. We've been saving to buy a house for the past year or so, and we even found one we both liked recently. Things were generally good between us, we had the usual arguments couples have. Mostly about him leaving his clothes on the floor or me using too much hot water during my showers, but nothing major. At least that's what I thought. As time went on, Andrew's prank started to become a bit more annoying. Like he'd hide my car keys when I was already running

late for work, or he'd tell me my mom had called with an emergency when she hadn't called at all. One time, he convinced me that our landlord was selling the building and we had to move out in two weeks. I spent days stressing and looking for a new place before he told me it was just a joke. I got pretty mad at him for that one, but he apologized and promised he wouldn't do something like that again. But he didn't really stop. He just found new ways to joke around. Sometimes he'd hide behind doors to scare me when I walked in, or he'd put salt in my coffee instead of sugar. One time he told me my car had been towed when it was just parked on the other side of the parking lot. I'd get annoyed sometimes, but I'd laugh it off because that's just who he is, you know?

Plus, he'd always act all heard if I got too upset about his pranks, saying things like I was just trying to make you laugh or you used to have a sense of humor. So eventually I just got used to it, I guess. But what happened a few days ago crossed every possible line, and I'm still trying to process it all. It started off as a totally normal day. I was asleep and Andrew woke me up at around 7 a.m., which was weird because he usually sleeps in on weekends. He was all excited and told me to get up because he was taking me to the spa. I was pretty confused because it wasn't my birthday or our anniversary or anything special, but I wasn't going to turn down a spa day.

So I got ready and we went to this really nice spa downtown, the one I've always wanted to go to but we could never afford. He paid for everything. I kept asking him what the occasion was, and he just kept saying, can I just treat my girlfriend sometimes? I was suspicious, but I figured maybe he got a bonus at work or something that he hadn't told me about yet. After the spa, he told me he had made reservations at this fancy restaurant on the waterfront, the one with the glass ceiling that I've always wanted to try.

At this point I was like, okay, something is definitely up. But he kept insisting it was just a nice day out. The restaurant was amazing, like way fancier than anywhere we'd been before. The waiter brought a champagne that Andrew had apparently pre-ordered. It was all so perfect, and I started getting this fluttery feeling in my stomach because, well, it seemed like maybe this was leading to something big. Over dinner, we talked about normal stuff at first. Then Andrew started talking about the house we had been looking at.

Nothing serious, just fantasizing about what furniture we'd get and how we'd down. He mentioned something about turning one of the rooms into a nursery someday, which made me blush because we'd never really talked about having kids before. Everything felt so perfect, and for the first time in a while, I felt like maybe we were actually taking steps toward building a future together. After we finished the main course, before dessert came, Andrew got this serious look on his face. He reached across the table and took my hand, looking straight into my eyes. Then he stood up and my heart literally stopped. I think I knew what was about to happen, even though we'd never seriously talked about marriage before. He got down on one knee right there in the middle of the restaurant.

People at other tables started noticing and getting quiet. Some even pulled out their phones to record. He pulled out a small black velvet box from his jacket pocket and started giving this speech about how I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and how he couldn't imagine his life without me. He talked about our first date, about how he knew from the moment he met me that I was special, and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I was crying at this point. I couldn't believe this was happening. He asked, will you marry me, my princess? And I said yes without even thinking about it. The whole restaurant erupted in applause. An older couple at the next table over were smiling and wiping away tears. The waiter brought over more champagne on the house.

house. And then everything came crashing down. He opened the box, and instead of a ring, there was a little folded piece of paper. He was grinning in this weird way that I didn't recognize, and I knew something was wrong. I unfolded the paper and written on it in his handwriting was you've been pranked. The look on his face as he started laughing will haunt me forever. He was hysterical, like this was the funniest thing he'd ever done. Baby, this was just a prank, he said, still laughing. I'm not ready at all to marry you yet. You should see your face right now. The restaurant went completely silent. I could feel everyone staring at us. The waiters didn't know what to do. The older couple who had been smiling a minute ago now looked horrified.

And I just sat there, humiliated, with tears streaming down my face. But now they weren't happy tears anymore. He tried to lean in and hug me, like this was all just a big joke we were both in on. That's when I slapped him. Hard. I've never hit anyone in my life, but I couldn't control myself. My hand just moved on its own. I grabbed my purse, stood up, and told him, we're over, you fucking scumbag. Then I walked out. I had to call an Uber because he had driven us there. The whole ride home I was sobbing so hard the driver asked if I needed to go to the hospital instead. I told him I was fine, just heartbroken. He was nice enough to wait until I got inside my building before driving away. When I got home, I packed a small bag with essentials. Then I called

my friend Lisa and asked if I could stay with her for a few days. She didn't even hesitate, just told me to come over right away. I didn't leave a note for Andrew. I didn't think he deserved one. He's been calling and texting nonstop ever since. At first the messages were like, babe, it was just a joke, don't overreact, and come on, you know I love you, I just wasn't ready to propose for real yet. But then they got more desperate. Please come home, I'm sorry, I didn't think you take it so seriously and I can't sleep without you here.

Please just talk to me. I haven't responded to any of his messages. I just keep replaying that moment in my head over and over. I really thought we had a future together. We've been saving for a house. We've talked about getting a dog. We were supposed to go on vacation next month to visit his family. Now I don't know what to do.

Part of me wants to never see him again, but we have an apartment together, shared bank accounts, and we were planning to buy a house. Our lives are so intertwined after five years. Lisa says I should block his number and move on with my life, but it's not that simple. I still have to figure out what to do about our apartment, our shared stuff, all of it. And a tiny part of me still loves him, despite everything. Ida for breaking up with him over what he calls just a prank.

Update, a lot of you are asking for an update, so here it is. First, I want to clear up some confusion from the comments. No, I didn't know about the prank beforehand. Some of you seem to think I might have been in on it, which is ridiculous. Why would I make up something like this? And yes, the spa and dinner were real. He actually paid for everything. Some of you suggested he might have been planning a real proposal but chickened out at the last minute and tried to play it off as a joke.

I thought about that too, but after what happened next, I'm pretty sure that wasn't the case. After I made that post, I stayed at leases for a couple of days. She was great, letting me cry on her shoulder and binge-watch trashy reality shows to take my mind off things. I turned my phone off for most of that time because I couldn't deal with Andrew's constant messages. When I finally turned it back on, I had 47 missed calls and over 100 text messages, not just from Andrew but also from some of our mutual friends asking what happened. Apparently, Andrew had been telling people that I overreacted to a harmless joke and walked out for no reason. That made me so angry that I decided I needed to talk to him face to face and set the record straight. So I went back to our apartment.

I didn't tell him I was coming, I just showed up. He was there, still in his pajamas even though it was afternoon, looking like he hadn't slept or showered in days. For a split second I felt sorry for him, but then I remembered what he did, and any sympathy I had just evaporated. I told him straight up that we were done. I said I couldn't be with someone who, after five years together, still wasn't ready for marriage and thought it was funny to make a joke about it in front of a restaurant full of people. That's when things got ugly. At first, he cried and begged me to reconsider.

He said he loved me more than anything and couldn't imagine life without me. He promised he'd never prank me again. Then, when he realized I wasn't budging, he got angry. I'd never seen him like that before. He started yelling about how I was a fucking asshole for leaving him like this after everything he has done for me. He went on this long rant about how he'd supported me when my dad died, how he'd always been there for me, how he'd spent all this money on the spa day and dinner, like that somehow made up for the humiliation. He was cussing me out so much that I honestly stopped listening at some point. The thing that stuck with me most was when he said, don't be so fucking petty and drop it.

You know we're happy together and you know you still want to. me. That's when I lost it. I called him every name I could think of and told him exactly what I thought of his pranks and his childish behavior. We were both yelling so loud that our neighbor knocked on the wall. That kind of snapped us out of it, and we managed to calm down enough to discuss practical matters. We agreed that we'd not renew our apartment lease, and in the meantime, he'd sleep in the guest room. I spent the rest of the day clearing out some space in the guest rooms so Andrew could move his stuff in there. Then I went online and started looking at apartments I might be able to afford on my own. Our lease isn't up for another four months, so

ideally we'd find someone to take it over, but that might be difficult given the current rental market. Andrew is still not accepting the breakup. Throughout the day, he kept trying to talk to me, saying things like, can't we be together again? And this was just a small mistake I made. At dinner, we ordered take-out and ate separately, me in the bedroom and him in the living room. He came and knocked on the door to ask if we could talk about this like adults. I told him we'd already talked, and there was nothing more to say. Oh, and get this, he apparently told his family about what happened, but I'm guessing he gave them a very different version of events. His mom called me that evening and went off on me for being selfish and not being able to handle a simple joke.

She said Andrew had been planning the spa day for weeks as a special treat for me, which might be true, but doesn't excuse what came after. The call ended with her calling me a slut before hanging up, which I thought was rich coming from a woman who cheated on her husband, Andrew's dad, and thought nobody knew about it. After that, I started getting messages from his siblings, his dad, and even his aunt, all basically saying the same things, that I was overreacting, that Andrew was devastated, that I should give him another chance. chance. His younger sister, who I used to be close with, sent me this long, guilt-trippy message about how Andrew had been crying non-stop and couldn't eat or sleep. His older brother, who I never really liked, was more direct, calling me a heartless bitch who was throwing away a good man over nothing. I tried blocking their numbers, but they keep finding new ways to contact me. His mom even emailed my work address. How she got that, I have no idea. It's exhausting having to

constantly defend my decision to people who weren't even there and don't know the full story. I don't think much else will happen in the next few days. I'm focusing on selling stuff I don't need anymore, finding a new place to live, and sorting out the apartment situation. Andrew and I are trying to be civil when we have to interact, but it's tense. He keeps looking at me with these sad puppy eyes that used to work on me but now just make me angry. I'm also dealing with the practical stuff of disentangling our lives. We didn't share all our finances, thankfully, but we do have a joint savings account that we were using for the house down payment. I'm going to talk to the bank tomorrow about how to split that. And then there's all the stuff we bought together. It's going to be a

nightmare figuring out who gets what. Thanks again for all the support. It really means a lot knowing there are people out there who don't think I'm overreacting. I'll update again if anything significant happens. Update 2, so much has happened since I last posted, I don't even know where to begin. I guess I'll start with the living arrangement, which didn't work out at all. The idea of Andrew sleeping in the guest room lasted about a few days before it became unbearable. We kept having these massive fights every evening. He'd start by trying to apologize, then get frustrated when I wouldn't accept it, and eventually start blaming me for ruining everything over a joke. The first night was actually okay. We stayed out of each other's way, and I thought maybe we could make it work

until we figured out the apartment situation. The second night, he knocked on my bedroom door around midnight, clearly drunk, and tried to get me to just talk to him. I refused to open the door, and he eventually went away. The third night was the worst. He came home from work in a mood, slamming doors and muttering under his breath. When I asked him what his problem was, he exploded, I was his problem, that I was being unreasonable, that I was throwing away five years over one little mistake. We had a huge argument that ended with him throwing a glass against the wall, not at me, but still terrifying, and me locking myself in the bedroom and calling Lisa in tears. After that, I knew I couldn't stay there anymore. It wasn't safe, and it definitely wasn't healthy.

Lisa offered to let me stay with her until I could find my own place, and I took her up on it. The next day, while Andrew was at work, I packed as much of my stuff as I could fit into my car, clothes, personal items, some kitchen stuff that was definitely mine, and left. I left him a note explaining where I was going and that I'd be in touch about the apartment. When he got home and found me gone, he went ballistic. He called me non-stop for hours. When I finally answered, he was alternating between crying and yelling, accusing me of abandoning him and stealing things from our apartment. I tried to explain that I only took what was mine, but he wasn't listening. He threatened to report my car as stolen, even though it's in my name only, and to throw the rest

of my stuff out on the street if I didn't come back immediately. I ended up calling his brother, the only somewhat reasonable member of his family, and asking him to go check on Andrew because I was worried he might do something stupid. His brother agreed, thankfully, and later texted me to say that Andrew was okay, just upset, and that he'd stay with him for a while. The whole apartment situation is still a mess. The worst thing that's happened since my last update was running into Andrew's mom at the mall. I was just minding my own business, shopping for some clothes, since I left a lot of mine behind,

when I heard someone shouting my name. I turned around and there she was, storming toward me with this look of absolute fury on her face. She started screaming at me right there in the middle of the mall. People were staring, and I have never felt so humiliated in my life. She was yelling things like, How could you do this to my son? And you're a terrible human being, she said I had ruined Andrew's life and that I would regret throwing away a good man.

I didn't even try to defend myself. I just turned and walked away, but I could still hear her yelling as I left. A security guard actually came up and asked if I needed help, which was both nice and mortifying. The messages from Andrew, his friends, and his family haven't stopped. They're getting nastier too. I've received texts saying things like, No one would give a flying fuck if you died.

You are a waste of space and you are such a self-centered slut, leaving your boyfriend over a small joke. I've even gotten a few threatening messages from numbers I don't recognize, saying things like they know where I work and they're watching me. I reported those to the police, but they didn't seem too concerned, saying there wasn't much they could do unless something actually happened. I try to ignore all the messages, but sometimes they really get to me, and I break down crying. Lisa has been great, holding me while I cry and reminding me that I did the right thing.

She even took my phone away for a whole weekend so I could have a break from all the toxicity. This whole situation has also shown me who my real friends are. Some people I thought were my friends have taken Andrew's side, saying I'm overreacting or that I should given him another chance. I've been looking for my own apartment, but it's tough finding something I can afford on just my salary. I might have to get a roommate, which isn't ideal, but it's better than staying with Lisa indefinitely or, God forbid, going back to Andrew. The whole thing still feels so surreal to me. If you had told me a month ago that I'd be single, living with a friend, and dealing with this kind of harassment, I would never have believed you. Andrew and I had been

together for so long that I just assumed we'd always be together. I had built my whole future around that assumption, and now I have to start from scratch. Cared for my sister's neglected infant as my own child for 25 years, and later her privileged daughter asked me to purchase her a new vehicle. When I declined, she damaged and defaced property. Destroyed my son's car. So I, 43F, have a complicated family situation that goes back many years. My sister, 47F, had a baby when she was 22 when I was 18. Let's call him Luke. Right from the beginning, my sister and her then-boyfriend, now husband, showed almost no interest in Luke. I'm not exaggerating, they basically acted like he didn't exist. They would go out partying, leave him with whoever was available, and not even check in.

There were times when I'd come home from school and find him in a soiled diaper that hadn't been changed for hours. After a few weeks of this, I couldn't take it anymore. I was young and terrified, but I stepped up because nobody else would. I ended up taking care of Luke most of the time. My grandmother, God bless her soul, watched him while I finished my last year of high school. In exchange, I would clean her house and cook for her on weekends. It wasn't ideal, but we made it work somehow. My parents weren't much help either.

They'd give me about $100 a month for Luke, which is nothing if you've ever had to take care of a baby. Formula alone ate through that in no time. Diapers, clothes, doctor visits, it all adds up so fast. Me and my grandmother were the only ones who actually gave a shit about him. I remember having to skip senior prom because I couldn't afford both the dress and Luke's formula that month. Not that I regret it, but just to give you an idea of what it was like. About a year after I graduated high school, things got even worse. My parents decided they'd had enough of having us around. I came home one day to find my stuff packed in garbage bags by the

front door. My sister straight up told me she wished she never gave birth to Luke. Who says that about their own kid? I can still remember his little face looking up at me, not understanding what was happening. So my grandmother and I went to a family law attorney, and my sister and her husband signed away their parental rights to me. Just like that, signed the papers like they were getting rid of an old couch or something. I got full custody of Luke when I was barely an adult myself. I moved in with my grandmother.

She watched Luke while I went to community college and worked part-time at this shitty retail job that barely paid minimum wage. The manager was always trying to get me to work. extra shifts, but I had to study and take care of Luke, so it was this constant battle. I was always exhausted. Sometimes I'd fall asleep studying at the kitchen table and wake up with drool on my textbooks. It was fucking hard, especially when my grandmother passed away when Luke was six. Those first few weeks without her, I didn't know how we'd survive.

She left most of her stuff to me and her will, which suddenly made my parents and sister interested in reconnecting with me and Luke. Yeah, right. They thought they could swoop in and get a piece of the inheritance. The house wasn't even that nice, just a small two-bedroom in an older neighborhood, but it was ours, and it meant we had a stable place to live. That little reunion didn't last long. I told them they could either act right or never see us again. My dad actually chose to make an effort and now we're pretty close. He helps out with the kids sometimes and calls regularly. My mom and I don't talk much, but at least she's decent to Luke when she sees him, which isn't often.

Around this time I met my now husband at the community college. He was taking night classes while working days. We hit it off right away, but I was super cautious about introducing him to Luke. I didn't want Luke getting attached to someone who might not stick around. We dated for a year before I finally let them meet. I remember being so nervous I could barely eat that day. Luckily, they bonded almost immediately. My husband is great with kids and treated Luke like he mattered from day one.

He would play those stupid video games with him for hours and never complained. He'd even read him bedtime stories using different voices for each character. Little things that mean everything to a kid. When Luke was eight, both me and my sister got pregnant around the same time. I found out first, and then about a month later heard through my dad that my sister was expecting two. And wouldn't you know it, my sister suddenly decided she wanted Luke back in her life. She started calling and asking to see him. At first I thought maybe having her pregnancy had made her realize what she'd thrown away, and maybe it would be good for Luke to have some relationship

with his birth mother. Boy, was I wrong? She started telling him that me and my husband wouldn't love him anymore once my actual son came along. She would say things like, they're going to have their real baby now, so they probably won't want you anymore, or when their real son is born, you'll see how different they treat him. Fucking cruel shit to say to a kid. We only found out about this when Luke broke down crying one day, asking us not to leave him. He was sobbing so hard he could barely get the words out. When he finally told us what my sister and her husband had been saying, I was seeing red.

Luke knows he's not my biological son, but he is absolutely my son in every way that matter. We've always been honest with him about where he came from, but in a way that made it clear he was wanted and loved. I cut contact with my sister and her husband again after that. We did family therapy and individual therapy for Luke. The therapist said some kids internalized rejection from birth parents and blame themselves, so we wanted to make sure Luke knew none of this was his fault. When I had my second child, actually my first pregnancy, weird to think about it that way, I made sure Luke knew our love for him hadn't changed one bit.

The first few months with a newborn and an eight-year-old were tough. I was recovering from a C-section, breastfeeding around the clock, and trying to make sure Luke didn't feel left out. My husband took some time off work to help, and my dad would come over sometimes to take Luke to the park or movies so he could have special time without the baby. Luke was actually great with his brother, so gentle and protective right from the start.

A couple years after that, my sister reached out again. She sent this long email saying she'd been wrong and wanted to make amends. I wasn't buying it at first, but she kept trying. After talking it over with my husband and Luke, we decided to go low contact with her. Just to be clear, low contact means seeing them at some family events and sometimes letting my niece, my sister's daughter, spend time with my kids. Nothing more. I never left Luke alone with her, and I always checked in with her. And I always checked in with him afterwards to make sure he was okay. Over the years, my husband and I have done pretty well for ourselves. He finished his degree and got a good job in his field, and I eventually got my nursing

license. We bought a bigger house in a nice neighborhood with good schools. We live comfortably while my sister and her husband struggle financially sometimes. They're always between jobs or having some crisis or another. Her husband will work for a few months, then quit because he doesn't like the atmosphere or some bullshit. They've moved like four times in the past 10 years because they keep getting evicted. My kids do extracurricular activities. Luke played baseball for years and now does debate club, and my younger son is big into football and computer programming. They get nice presents at Christmas and birthdays, and we take one big family trip every summer. Last year we went to the beach for two weeks and rented this house right on the water. My sister and her husband can't

afford much of that. Their daughter, my niece, doesn't get to do many activities or go on trips. I do feel bad for her. It's not her fault her parents are the way they are. When my niece was around nine, my sister started making comments about how I needed to pay for this or that for her. At first it was little things, like school supplies or new shoes. Then it escalated to wanting me to pay for dance classes, summer camp, a new phone. I told her that wasn't my job. I gave my niece nice gifts for her birthday and Christmas, and took her out shopping or to the movie sometimes, but nowhere near how I treat my own kids. Why would I? I remember one time my sister called asking me to pay for my niece's school pictures because she forgot it was

picture day and didn't have the money. I sent her $30 for the basic package, and then found out later she used it to buy cigarettes instead. My niece didn't even get her pictures. After that, I started buying things directly for my niece instead of giving money to my sister. There were a few years where things were relatively calm. We'd see them at family gatherings, exchange pleasantries, and go our separate ways. My niece would come over sometimes and hang out with my boys. They'd play video games or watch movies, and it seemed fine. No major drama, just the occasional tension when my sister would make snide comments about our house or car or whatever.

So now my second son is turning 17, and my husband and I were talking about getting him a cheap starter car. We did the same for Luke when he turned 17. Nothing fancy, just he used Honda with decent mileage and good safety ratings. Luke had to contribute some of his own money from his part-time job, and he's responsible for gas and helping with insurance. It's been a good lesson in responsibility for him. My niece is also turning 17 around the same time, and my sister apparently told her she was getting a car too. The problem is, my sister can't afford to buy her a car, so she asked me to do it. Just called me up out of the blue and said, so Emily's birthday is coming up and she's expecting a car like her cousins got. I was thinking you could handle that since you guys have

so much money. I was honestly stunned. I told her I wasn't going to buy her daughter a car. I didn't promise one, and it's not my responsibility. My sister got mad and started going on about how I think I'm better than her and how I've always been the favorite and how unfair it is that her daughter has to suffer because they're not as fancy as us. I told her maybe if she or her husband held down a job for more than six months at a time, they could afford things for their daughter. That was probably a low blow, but I was pissed. My sister got mad and didn't talk to me for a while, which was actually kind of nice TBH.

I thought maybe she dropped the whole car thing and was figuring out an alternative for my niece. Maybe a payment plan or helping her get a job to save up, you know, what normal parents do. But no. That would be too reasonable for my sister. Then came my son's 17th birthday, and we surprised him with a car. He was so excited, jumping up and down and hugging everyone. It was a nice moment. A couple days later, my niece called me screaming and crying, asking why I hate her and why I can't treat her the same as her brother, meaning Luke.

She said she'd been telling all her friends she was getting a car for her birthday, and now she was going to look like a liar and it was all my fault. I tried to stay calm. I explained that things are different. Luke is my son, she is my niece. I'm her aunt and nothing more. As an aunt, my job is birthday presents, Christmas presents, and showing up when it matters. That's it. Then I told her that her brother, meaning Luke, will always be more important to me than she'll ever be.

As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew they sounded harsh. But it's the truth. Luke is my son. I've raised him since he was a baby. I've been there for every fever, every nightmare, every heartbreak, every triumph. Of course he means more to me than my niece who I see a few times a year. That's just how it is. She started yelling at me again, saying I'm being unfair, and hung up.

Then my sister called to berate me about how I need to do more. She said I was playing favorites and it wasn't fair to Emily. I told her if she hadn't promised a car to her daughter or my money to my niece, none of this would have happened. I said maybe she should try being a parent instead of expecting everyone else to provide for her kid. It's been a couple days, and I'm getting calls and texts from some family members and some of my sister's friends calling me a bitch and other nice things. My aunt, my mom's sister, called and said I should be ashamed of myself for not helping family

in need. I wanted to ask where the fuck she was when I was 18 taking care of a baby that wasn't mine, but I just hung up instead. I do feel bad because my kids did grow up with more, and maybe I could have helped more. But a car? That's a huge expense, and my niece hasn't done anything to earn it. My boys both maintain good grades, do chores around the house, and have part-time jobs. They've shown responsibility. My niece barely passes her classes and has never worked a day in her life as far as I know. So Ida for what I said to my niece? Update 1. Holy shit, I wasn't expecting this post to blow up like it did. Thanks for all the awards and stuff, I guess. But more importantly, thanks for all the advice. I really appreciate

everything everyone had to say, even the people who think I'm the asshole. Some of you made good points about how I could have handled things better. First, I want to clear something up since a lot of people seem to be misunderstanding. I never let my sister hurt my kids like some of you think. The low contact was mainly for my niece's benefit. When birthdays or holidays were coming up, we would talk about when I would pick up my niece, how long I would keep her, and when I would drop her off. My sister has never kept my kids, never been to my house,

and never talked to them without me or my husband being there. Some people asked why I didn't cut contact completely after what happened when Luke was eight. Honestly, I probably should have. But my dad was trying to keep some semblance of family together, and I guess I felt guilty or whatever. Plus, Emily was just a baby then. It wasn't her fault. Her mom is the way she is. Another reason for keeping a civil relationship with my sister is because Emily and my second son, let's call him Justin, went to the same school. So my sister was at any school events they had. It would have been awkward as hell to completely ignore her at every band concert or football game, especially with

other parents around. So we did this weird dance of being polite in public and mostly avoiding each other otherwise. My kids and niece had a good relationship before this car situation. Justin and Emily were in the same grade and had some classes together over the years. They weren't best friends or anything, but they got along fine. Justin would help Emily with math sometimes because she struggles with it. Emily and Luke had a friendly relationship too, though there's a bigger age gap there so they weren't as close. I always made sure my kids were happy with how much my sister was in their lives, which was basically not at all except for some school events and occasional family gatherings. Luke especially, I always checked in with him after any interaction with my sister to make sure he.

he was okay. He's a good kid with a big heart, but he doesn't trust her, and I don't blame him. So, two days after Emily's angry call, I decided to meet up with her at a park near my house. I thought neutral territory might be better than having her come to my home. It was one of those unusually warm spring days, and I remember thinking how ridiculous it was to be having this conversation on such a beautiful day. When we met, Emily seemed normal but tired. She had dark circles under her eyes like she hadn't been sleeping well. I bought us both ice cream, probably not the best lunch, but whatever, and we sat at this picnic table away from everyone else. I told her I didn't mean to hurt her, but she needs to understand it's not my job to buy

her a car because I'm not her parent. I tried to be gentle, but I also wasn't going to sugar-coated. She said she understood but was jealous that Luke and Justin got everything they wanted. I had to correct her on a couple things. First, Luke isn't her brother but her cousin. I know biologically their siblings, but in terms of how they were raised, their cousins. Second, my boys don't get everything they want, they work for what they get.

They get good grades, do chores, and stay out of trouble, mostly. There was that time Justin tried to sneak out to a party, but that's another story. I asked her what the real reason was for her behavior, since she never had a problem before with the differences in our lifestyles. She was quiet for a long time, picking at the wrapper of her ice cream cone. Then she started crying, saying it wasn't fair that Luke and Justin get everything while she gets barely anything. That Luke lucked out by being adopted by my husband and me.

That she deserves what my sons have because she's family too, so I have to take care of her. I felt bad for her, I really did. It's not her fault her parents are shitty. but I also wasn't going to take on responsibility for her like I had for Luke. That was a different situation entirely, and I was a different person then, young and maybe a little naive about what I was getting myself into. I told her that yes, she's family, but not my child. I do love her, but she's not my responsibility.

Her parents are the ones who need to step up and provide for her. If they can't afford a car right now, maybe they could help her get a job so she can save up, or look into other transportation options. She just stared at the ground, not really responding. So I asked why she feels so strongly about this, why it suddenly becomes such a big issue when she's never complained before about the differences in our lives. After a while, she said that even though her parents take care of her basic needs,

she feels like she's just an obligation to them. She's jealous because she thinks we don't see our boys as an obligation. She said we're always together and always work through. problems and help each other. And even though I kept her in my life and took her out with my family sometimes, she was always jealous that she had to leave while Luke got to stay. Sometimes I wish you had taken me too, she said, which honestly broke my heart a little. But also, what was I supposed to do? Kidnap her as a baby? Her parents never neglected her the way they did Luke. They're not winning any parent of the year awards, but they feed her and

clothe her and keep a roof over her head. I explained that while I understand her feelings, I'm not going to treat her as my kid. I didn't raise her, but I do love her. It's her job to get her a car or help her get one. She got upset again, saying I clearly don't care about her, and she left. I sat there for a while, feeling like shit. After I got home, my husband and I talked about the whole situation for hours. We decided to call my sister. We decided to call my I told her that my family and I are going full no contact. We're done with the drama, done with the guilt trips, done with all of it. My sister asked how I was going to stay in touch with Emily.

I said Emily is almost an adult and can contact me if she wants. Then she asked if I was going to get Emily a car, and I said no. I told her it's her job because she's Emily's mother and needs to act like it. Emily needs her to be a mom. Then I hung up and blocked her number. I expected that to be the end of it, at least for a while. But the next day my mom called, saying I should at least give Emily some money for a car if I won't buy her one. I said no and hung up quickly to avoid a fight.

Then I called my dad and explained everything, and he agreed with me. He said he'd talk to my mom and try to make her understand. But I guess that didn't go well. Later that week, my dad asked if he could come. come over. When he showed up, he was really upset. Apparently, my mom gave a big chunk of money from their retirement fund to my sister. This caused a huge fight between my parents, and my dad ended up packing a suitcase and staying at a motel for a bit. I felt terrible. Here I am in my 40s, and I'm still causing problems between my parents. My dad insisted it wasn't my fault,

that my mom made her choice, but I still felt responsible somehow. I offered to let him stay with us, but he said he needed some space to think. So now I'm no contact with my sister and mom, and low contact with my niece for the time being. My husband thinks we should just cut ties with everyone except my dad, but I'm not ready to completely write off my niece yet. She's young and still figuring things out, and it's not her fault she was born into this mess of a family. Thanks again for all the advice everyone gave me. It's helped me feel less crazy about this whole situation. Update 2, a lot has happened since my last update, and not much of it good. About a week after my last post, I decided to talk to

Emily again. I felt bad about how things ended at the park, and I thought maybe we could find some middle ground. I texted her asking if she wanted to meet up, and she agreed, which surprised me. We met at my home this time while everyone else was out because I wanted us to talk privately. It was a rainy day, and I remember thinking the weather matched the mood, all gray and gloomy. When she arrived, she wouldn't look at me. She kept staring at the floor or her phone. I asked if I could give her a hug, and she nodded. The minute I hugged her, she started crying and apologized for how she acted.

I told her she didn't need to apologize, that I understood she was. disappointed and hurt. We sat in the living room with mugs of hot chocolate, and I asked her more about how her parents treat her. She said her dad treats her well and tries to spend time with her, but he's busy working two jobs. He drives for Uber in the evenings after his day job, so he's hardly ever home. My sister is home more but usually keeps to herself and doesn't like to be bugged. Emily said sometimes she'll go a whole day without really talking to either of them, even when they're all home. I asked if Emily feels neglected, and she said no,

but they don't have much family time because her parents argue a lot, especially about money. She said sometimes her mom makes her feel like an obligation, but she knows they love her. It's just that they're always stressed about bills and rent and stuff. I asked about the money my mom took from the retirement fund. Emily said she and my sister were going car shopping soon. I was surprised my sister told her.

about where the money came from, but I guess she doesn't see anything wrong with taking from my parents' retirement. I didn't say anything negative about it to Emily, though, that's between my sister and my parents. Then I brought up her calling Luke her brother and asked if she really feels that way about him. She admitted she sees him as a cousin and just thought playing the brother card would make me more likely to help her. She explained that even though they're biologically siblings, they've always been cousins to each other. I asked if she knew how I ended up adopting Luke, and she said yes. Her dad had told her the blunt truth while my sister had sugar-coded it. Just to be clear, Luke only sees her as a cousin too. To Luke, his only sibling is Justin.

They're super close, always have been. Luke's protective of Justin but also gives him shit like any older brother would. I felt like we were making progress, so I offered to pay for therapy for her. my husband agreed when I discussed it with him later, and she said she'd think about it. I also suggested we could do a fun day out together on Saturdays, no Justin or Luke. She got excited about that idea, so that weekend we had our first day out. We went to this restaurant she'd been wanting to try, one of those fancy places where they make the food right in front of you. It was expensive, but seeing her smile was worth it. Then we went to a bookstore because she loves reading, and I bought her some books she'd been wanting.

She seemed genuinely happy that day, and I thought maybe we had turned a corner. But then the following weekend, everything went to shit. Emily and I were supposed to have our second weekend out, but I had to cancel because Justin ended up in the hospital. During football practice, he started wheezing and took his inhaler but didn't wait long enough before continuing. He's had asthma since he was little but usually manages it well. This time, though, he got tackled hard, which knocked the wind out of him. him and caused a bad asthma attack. This happened on a Friday, and Justin stayed in the hospital until Sunday. It was scary as hell. There was a point where his oxygen levels dropped really

low and they were talking about putting him on a ventilator. Thankfully it didn't come to that, but I barely left his side the whole time. Emily and I were supposed to go out Saturday. That morning, I called to cancel, but before I could explain why, she started yelling that I never cared about her and hung up. I was shocked, but also dealing with my son in the hospital, so I didn't have the energy to chase after her. I tried calling back, but it went straight to voicemail. I texted that I was sorry but Justin was in the hospital, and we could have our day the next weekend. Never heard back from her. I gave up trying to reach her after a couple days because I was focused on getting Justin back on his feet. Then came the moment that changed everything.

Two days ago, my family and I finally went out for dinner, our first night out since Justin got home from the hospital. About halfway through the meal, our neighbors called saying they'd called the cops because someone was vandalizing one of our cars. When we got home, the police were there, and it was Justin's car. It had scratches all over it, dense where someone had taken something hard to the body, and spray paint saying fuck you and spoiled brat on the sides. Two windows were broken, and glass was everywhere. Justin was devastated. He just stood there looking at his car, not saying anything. We checked our security footage, thank God for those cameras my husband insisted on installing

last year, and could clearly see Emily and some girl I didn't recognize vandalizing the car. They were laughing and taking pictures of themselves doing it. The timestamp showed they spent almost 20 minutes destroying the car before our neighbor spotted them and called the police. My husband gave a copy of the video to the police, and Emily and her friend were arrested the next morning. I didn't push for the arrest. That was all the police once they saw the footage. The damage is estimated at over $5,000, which apparently makes it a felony in our state. My sister and mom showed up at our house that afternoon, screaming that I was ruining my niece's life and if I loved her I would drop the charges. I tried to explain that it's not up to me anymore,

the police are pressing charges based on the evidence. Plus, why should Emily get away with destroying someone else's property? What kind of lesson would that teach her? My husband is adamant that we don't try to get the charges dropped, and Justin and Luke agree with him. Justin worked hard to contribute to that car, and now it's ruined. Insurance will cover some of it, but probably not all, and our rates will go up because of this.

Not to mention the emotional impact. Justin doesn't feel safe now, knowing his cousin would do something like this. I talked to Luke about his feelings on all this. He's been quiet through most of the drama, but I wanted to check in with him since Emily is technically his half-sister. He said he's over everything and thinks it's best to cut contact with everyone, including Emily, because she's just like her mom. He said he's known for years that there's something not right with my sister, and he sees the same patterns in Emily now. So we're cutting contact with everyone. everyone except for my dad. He's been supportive through all of this and agrees that Emily needs

to face consequences for her actions. My mom is still defending my sister and Emily, saying we provoke this by not helping with the car in the first place. It's like being back at square one with my family, and I'm exhausted. I don't know what will happen with the charges against Emily. She's 17, so she'll probably be charged as a minor, but it's still serious. My sister is threatening to sue us for defamation or some bullshit, even though there's literal video evidence of what happened. Boyfriend became intoxicated at his pals gathering, awoke to the pals betrothed exploiting him while his buddy observed and recorded the incident. Now he believes he was unfaithful, but he was assaulted. I met my boyfriend in college when we had a class together. He was struggling cause of his

party lifestyle but me, being a studious introvert, was thriving. I still remember the first time he talked to me. He practically cornered me after class one day and asked if I could help him pass because he was on academic probation. I said no at first. Why would I waste my time helping some frat boy who couldn't be bothered to show up to class sober? But he was persistent. He kept asking, saying he'd pay me, buy me coffee, whatever I wanted. I finally agreed just to shut him up, honestly. Our first study session was a disaster. He was a disaster. He was a was late, hadn't read any of the material, and spent half the time texting his friends. I was ready to walk out and never look back. But then he looked at me and said, I'm sorry. I'm being in a hole.

Please don't give up on me yet. Something in his eyes just seemed genuine. I don't know. So I stayed. The next time we met, he was on time. Had actually read the assignment. Asked good Brought me coffee. Little by little, I saw there was more to him than just the party boy persona. He was actually smart when he applied himself. Funny in a way that wasn't at someone else's expense. And he listened. I hated his guts at first, but, for some reason, he made me fall in love with him.

It wasn't overnight or anything like those stupid romantic comedies. It was gradual. One day I just realized I was looking forward to our study scene. sessions more than anything else in my week. He asked me out after about two months of studying together. I said no. He didn't push it, just said okay and went back to discussing Chaucer or whatever we were studying that day. He asked again a week later. I said no again. This went on for like a month until I finally said yes, mostly because I was curious if he'd ever give up. Our first date was so awkward. He took me to this fancy restaurant and

was clearly trying too hard. I was uncomfortable in my dress and heels. The conversation was stiff. We both hated it. Then halfway through dinner, he just looked at me and said, this sucks, doesn't it? I laughed so hard I snorted water out my nose. We left, got burgers instead, and ate them in his car while listening to music. That was the night I realized I might actually like this guy. He was such an open book too. and waited patiently for me. I didn't let him kiss me till four months into dating. I know that sounds ridiculous to most people, but I had been hurt before and needed to be sure. When we finally kissed, it was in his dorm room after we'd been studying for finals. Nothing romantic, no buildup.

He asked if he could, I said yes, and that was it. But it was perfect in its own way. I didn't sleep with him till our one-year anniversary. Another thing that probably sounds crazy to most people. He was my first and I really wanted to be sure I was giving my virginity to someone who truly loved me. I don't regret waiting. He made it special, never rushed me, never made me feel bad about waiting. I didn't ask him too, but he slowly gave up partying and drinking for me. It wasn't like I gave him an ultimatum or anything. He just started declining invites to parties, saying he'd rather watch movies with me. Started drinking less, then barely at all.

When I asked him about it once, he just shrugged and said, that stuff's not fun anymore. You're fun. We both found a new friend group in college who we've maintained to this day. Mostly other couples or chill people who weren't into the whole party scene. We'd have game nights, movie marathons, cookouts, normal stuff without all the drama that comes with the party crowd. He gave up everything willingly, because he said he'd rather spend time at home with me.

I never asked him to change. In fact, sometimes I worried he was giving up too much of himself for me. But he always insisted he was happier this way. The one thing from his past that he didn't give up, though, was his childhood best friend who will call Max. Max always hated me. From the first time we met, he gave me this look like I was something he'd stepped in. I think he blames me that he sees my BF only a few times a month and that he isn't fun anymore. By fun, I mean getting blackout drunk and hitting on anything that moves.

Max is that guy who peaked in high school and never moved on. Still talks about the glory days of being prom king or whatever. Still thinks Dick jokes are the height of comedy. Still treats women like they're disposable. I tried to like him for my BF's sake, I really did. I smiled through his crude jokes, I made conversation when we were forced to be in the same room, I even defended him a few times when my BF complained about something he'd done. There was this one time a couple years back when we were all at dinner together with some other friends.

Max had too much to drink, as usual, and started making these comments about our relationship. Stuff like, man, remember when you used to be fun? And you're so whipped, dude, it's sad. my BF laughed it off, but I could tell he was uncomfortable. The worst was when Max looked my BF straight in the eye and said, You'll come to your senses eventually right in front of me and everyone else at the table. The whole table went quiet. I felt like I'd been slapped.

My BF quickly changed the subject, but the damage was done. I told him afterward I wasn't comfortable around Max anymore, so since then, he never let Max around me but they still hung out and I really didn't mind because I trusted him. They'd meet up for beers or to watch the game maybe once or twice a month. B.F. would always text me when he got there and when he was leaving, not because I asked him to, but just so I wouldn't worry. He'd always come home sober, or at most slightly buzzed, and would tell me about their night. I asked him once why he stayed friends with Max when they seemed to have so little in common anymore. He got this sad look on his face and said,

he's been there for me through some really dark times. I can't just abandon him because he's struggling. Apparently Max's parents went through a nasty divorce when they were kids, and my BF was the only one who stuck by him. I can respect loyalty, even if I think Max is a total douche. Over the years, Max has had this on again, off again relationship with this girl. Let's call her Hannah. Hannah seemed okay the few times I met her, though I always wondered what she saw in Max. She's pretty in that Instagram perfect way, smart from what I could tell, and had a good job in real estate or marketing or something like that. Whenever they'd break up, which was like every six months, Max would go on these benders and my BF would have to go talk him down. Then they'd get back

together and the cycle would repeat. Okay, so this is what happened recently. Max got engaged to Hannah, for the second time, I think, and invited both of us over to celebrate. It would have been just the four of us. Restrictions have been lifted in our area as long as contact and amount of people involved were kept to a minimum. I declined, which, in retrospect, was a big mistake. I had this project due for work and I was already stressed about meeting the deadline. Plus, the thought of spending an entire evening pretending to like Mack sounded like torture. I figured my BF could go, have a good time with his friend, and I could get some work done in peace.

B.F. offered to stay with me but I told him you didn't need to and I'd understand if he wanted to support Max even though I despise the guy. I literally said, go, have fun. One of us should. Again. This was a mistake in retrospect. If I'd gone with him, or if he'd stayed home, none of this would have happened. He promised he wouldn't drink much and would be home by midnight. I remember kissing him goodbye and thinking how handsome he looked, all dressed up and his nice button-down shirt. That was the last normal moment we had before everything went to shit. Around 11 p.m., I got a text saying he was too drunk to drive and would crash at Max's place. I was annoyed but figured it was better than him driving drunk. I sent back a quick okay, love you and went to bed. I didn't sleep well, I never do when he's not there. Our bed feels too

big, too empty. The next morning B.F. came home crying, we are living together. We are living together. have been for about three years now. He looked awful, still clearly hung over, eyes red and puffy, clothes rumpled like he'd slept in them. He could barely look at me. I knew something was wrong immediately. My BF isn't the crying type. In the entire time we've been together, I've seen him cry maybe three times, when his grandpa died, when we thought my cat might need to be put down, and during the last episode of the Walking Dead game where Lee dies. I guided him to the bathroom, ran a bath, and helped him undress. He was still crying, these silent tears that just kept coming. I bathed him like he was a child, gently washing his hair, wiping his face.

He let me put him to bed after, curling up in a ball under the covers. I sat with him until he fell asleep, running my fingers through his hair, terrified of what could have happened. When he woke up a few hours later, he told me everything. Apparently, he got really, really, drunk at the party. Like, way more than he normally would. He said Max kept pushing drinks on him, one more shot for the happy couple, until he could barely stand. Hannah was very flirty with him the whole night according to my BF. Touching his arm when she laughed at his jokes, sitting close to him on the couch, giving him these looks. He said he thought he was imagining it at first and tried to keep his distance without being obvious. At some point, he passed out on their couch.

He remembers Max helping him lie down, bringing him a pillow and blanket. He thought he was just going to sleep it off there for the night. That's the last clear memory he has. The next thing BF says he remembers was when he woke up, Hannel was giving him a BJ while he was naked. He couldn't figure out where he was at first, not on the couch anymore, but in their guest bedroom. He was confused, still drunk, and didn't immediately react. Then he realized Max was in the room too. just watching from a chair in the corner.

According to B.F., they're into the whole hot wife thing whatever that means. I had to Google it later and wish I hadn't. Apparently it's some kink where the guy gets off on watching his wife-slash-girlfriend with other men. Max was encouraging Hannah, telling her what to do, filming parts of it on his phone. B.F. says he was too drunk to resist properly. He tried to say no, tried to push Hannah away, but he was still so out of it he couldn't muster the strength. He said at some point he just gave up and let it happen because he didn't know what else to do. He was afraid they wouldn't let him leave if he kept fighting.

The next thing B.F. says he remembers was waking up again, hours later, naked next to Hanna with a bunch of used condoms around them. Max was gone by then. B.F. said he felt sick, gathered his clothes, and rushed out without waking Hannah. He threw up in their front yard, called an Uber, and came straight home. I just sat there in shock as he told me all this. This man I've been with for almost five years, who I thought was the love of my life, just told me he'd been with another woman and cheated on me. My heart is breaking right now, guys, and I really don't know what to do. He's been begging me for a second chance, even showing me he blocked Max and Hannah on everything. He promised never to contact them again.

He also swears to not drink when I'm not around. anymore and that he'd keep his phone unlocked and I can look through it whenever I wanted no questions asked. This all happened a few days ago and I've barely left the room. I've been calling in sick to work. My boss is probably getting annoyed but I just can't function right now. I tried to log in yesterday to check emails and ended up staring at the screen for an hour without doing anything. I just can't focus on my stupid job when my relationship is falling apart. Guys, I don't know where to go from here. I'm crying just typing this out, but I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Usually, when problems this big come up in my life, he's the one I turned to for help. But I can't

exactly ask him for advice on this, can I? I love him, but I don't know if I can trust him anymore. What should I do? Sorry for the long rant. I'm just lost right now. Update, sorry I haven't been replying to any of you, I just didn't think I was in the right headspace to actually hold a meaningful conversation. Rest assured I did read all of your replies. Even the really mean ones that called me all sorts of names for even considering staying with a cheater or for being naive or whatever. Those comments honestly just made me feel worse, but I get that people are just trying to protect me based on their own experiences. And to the people who sent me DMs asking for more details about what happened while he was assaulted, you're disgusting and I hope you step on Legos every day

for the rest of your lives. So where do I begin? Well, I think some of you would be delighted to know that he left me for not being supportive. Sucks to be me, I guess. I guess you guys were right, I am a sucky girlfriend. He's now off to be with his brand new supportive GF who understands him so much better than I ever could. Nah, just kidding, but some of you would have wanted that to happen, right? I know some of you were saying I should just dump him and move on, but relationships are more complicated than that. We've been together for five years. You don't just throw that away without trying to fix, so here's what really happened. After reading some of your comments, especially the ones questioning why Max and Hannah would do this and pointing out that my BF was clearly a victim here,

I started to see things from a different perspective. Some of you pointed out that this sounded less like cheating and more like assault or even rape. I never really thought of it as anything other than cheating initially, and it didn't help that when he came home to me that morning he claimed to have cheated on me and I guess my mind just started going to a dark place where logic goes out of the window. It's definitely not an excuse, but I really wasn't in the right mindset after he said he cheated. I was in shock, angry, hurt, confused, all these emotions hitting me at once. I couldn't think straight.

It was like my brain just latched onto the. the word cheating and couldn't process anything else. I guess it was after the realization that this man would never willingly hurt me as when all the anger and pain of being cheated on was washed away. We've been together for years, and he's never even looked at another woman. Anytime we're out and some girl tries to flirt with him, which happens more than I'd like, he's a good-looking guy, he always makes it clear he's taken. He even shows them pictures of us together on his phone sometimes. It's actually kind of adorable. I couldn't really bring myself to talk to him at first.

For like five days we were just existing in the same space, barely speaking. I'd be on my laptop in the bedroom while he'd be on the couch watching TV or playing video games. We'd pass each other in the hallway, and it was like passing a stranger. We slept in separate rooms. Eight at different times. It was awful. One night, I couldn't sleep, again, and went to get some water. He was on the couch blankly staring at whatever was on TV.

He looked. Empty. Not sad, not angry, just completely void of emotion. Like a shell of himself. It scared me more than his crying had. I sat beside him and told him I had no intentions of breaking up. Well, he came to life almost instantly and before I knew it, his arms were wrapped around me. He was shaking and I could tell he was crying.

I was too. It was like a damn breaking. All the emotions we'd been holding back just came pouring out. Remember when I said I felt my world was crumbling around me? Well, for the first time in what seemed like forever, I could feel it starting to fall back into place. I didn't realize how much a simple embrace can be so calming. Everything was starting to feel right again. Like we were facing this together instead of a part.

Then we talked. For the first time since it had to be. happened. He apologized again for cheating and when I told him I didn't think he cheated, he had a puzzled look on his face. I asked him if he gave consent and he said no. I tried to explain that what happened to him was assault, but I guess he still doesn't realize that he was actually taken advantage of. He said the first thing that came to mind after what happened was that he cheated and was so afraid of losing me. This man, after being raped, first thought of how much he betrayed me instead of how he was betrayed himself. I was floored. He said his first response had to be to win me back,

which is why he's been going the extra mile the last few days taking care of me from a distance. When it was my turn to speak, I told him how sorry I was for not being supportive. I jumped to conclusions without actually thinking about it clearly, which was pretty out of character for me. I'm usually the logical one who analyzes everything, but I guess when it comes to matters of the heart, logic takes a back seat. We both apologize for not talking sooner, for letting this fester between us. We agreed we need to be better about communication going forward, especially when things get hard. We can't just shut down and hope the problem goes away. A few more exchanges after that and the conversation shifted to Max and Hannah. I told him that I never wanted him anywhere near Max or her again,

and he agreed. I've always thought he was a bad influence, but I never thought he'd take it this so I never stopped him from seeing his ex-best friend. He showed me his phone which didn't have a lock anymore. He said he blocked both of them on everything but wanted to keep the open phone policy. He said it so I can be sure he isn't back in touch with Max. I appreciate the gesture, but I told him I trust him. It's Max and Hannah I don't trust. I urged him to file a police report, but he was against it.

He said that even if he was raped, he couldn't bring himself for him. to do it. I didn't really know the extent about it at first, but his family and Max's family had a very long history of friendship. Their moms were college best friends and their dads worked together. Not only were the two of them close, even their families were close. I thought they were just friends growing up, but it was more than that. They're practically family. Max's parents, even though they are divorced, are my BF's godparents, and vice versa. They spend holidays together, family vacations together. It's like this whole interconnected web that I never fully understood until now. I didn't know all this because every time I visit his family. The topic was never

brought up and I haven't really met any of Max's family except for his little sister who came by to play with BF's little brother when we visited his parents last Christmas. He said he didn't want to ruin decades of friendship between their families and would be content with just going NC with Max. I guess I understand his hesitation. Men already aren't taken seriously when it comes to stuff like this, and with all the family complications. It's just a mess. The police might not believe him. Max and Hannah could turn it around and say he initiated it.

It would be his word against theirs, and with no evidence beyond those condoms, which are long gone, it's unlikely anything would come of it legally anyway. He's getting tested later today and I hope that bitch didn't give my man anything. I'd imagine Hannah would be on BC given how many dudes she apparently sleeps with. Though that's just speculation on my part, and maybe a bit mean. But honestly, I don't care if I'm being mean about the woman who assaulted my boyfriend. B.F. and I came to the conclusion that Max most likely set the whole thing up to break us apart so he can have his best friend back. They used to be partners in crime after all, when it came to parties and picking up women. I remember my BF telling me stories from their freshman year that would make anyone blush.

Max has made comments before about how much better my BF was before me, how much fun they used to have together. I think he resented me for changing his friend, even though my BF changed on his own. Maybe Max thought if he could make my BF cheat, or make me think he cheated, we'd break up and he'd get his party buddy back. I've also noticed that a few people were bashing me for making him wait one year for sex. I'm sorry, I just have different views. I believe that sex is for people who love each other, so I wasn't willing to sleep with anyone I wasn't deeply in love with and didn't love me back. I don't judge people who sleep around.

My BF has a high body count, but I don't really hold it against him but back then, I just wanted to be sure I wasn't just a girl he bangs or a conquest, but someone who he actually loves and sees a future with. Considering his past, I was very skeptical for a while and I had my walls up the entire time, but he slowly tore them apart and I'm glad he did. That reluctant yes when he first asked me out was and still is one of the best decisions I've ever made. Max's plan had the opposite effect. It's rough now, but I can see this experience making our relationship even stronger. I love him more than ever believe it or not, and I'm sure he feels the same way. The last few days have taught us

both how shitty our lives would be without the other. I guess it made us value each other more. Not that either of us took the other for granted. We deleted all social media for now. Just to cleanse, you know? Neither of us wants to risk seeing anything from Max or Hannah, or having mutual friends asking questions we're not ready to answer. We're focusing on each other right now, not the outside world. I know he didn't cheat.

I know he won't break my heart. I know that he loves me. I know that I love him. It's hard right now, but knowing those facts makes me confident we can see this through. One Reddeter pointed out that we were soulmates and I like to think that we are. I can't see myself being with anyone but him. I heard my spouse's closest pal making repulsive remarks about a youth at our daughter's celebration, but my spouse got upset when I addressed him.

Myself, a woman of 42 years, and my spouse, 45M, have been married for almost 19 years now. We met at a friend's party back in college, started dating, and have been together since. We have five children, 17m, 16 F, 14m, 10m, 6m, who are generally good kids. Any fights or disagreements we have are usually over parenting decisions or how to handle situations with the kids, which is kind of what this started as, but has turned into something way more effed up. We have a pool in our backyard that we put in a few summers ago, cost a fortune but the kids love it and we figured it would add value to the house or whatever. Anyway, we had a large amount of people over this weekend to celebrate my daughter's sweet 16.

Of course most of the guests were teenage girls slash boys from her school, but family and some of our friends came too. It was supposed to be a fun day for her to feel special and celebrate with people she cares about. One of the guests was my husband's best friend, also 45M, and his girlfriend, 32F. We'll call him H for this post. They've known each other since high school, played on the same football team, and have that whole brother's before Ho's mentality that I generally just roll my eyes at. They've done all those stupid guide trips and stuff together over the years. H is divorced, has been for about seven years.

No kids of his own. I've never been too extremely fond of H or the age gap between him and his current girlfriend. It always gave me a weird vibe, especially since this is like his third girlfriend in the last six years and they all keep getting younger, which I've pointed out to my husband before but he just said H has a type and leave it alone. But our children consider and call him their uncle. He's been around for their entire lives. My daughter even made him a world's best uncle mug for Christmas when she was younger. I'm close enough to his girlfriend to consider her a friend though, so it's not like I completely hated the guy or anything. My daughter has been planning this party for months.

All her friends were having big sweet 16 parties, some families rented out actual venues which we couldn't afford, so she wanted one too. I tried to make it special without going completely broke. So we compromised and went all out decorating our house instead. The pool was all decorated with these floating lights and strings. and so was the inside and outside of the house. We got these custom banners made with her name and pictures of her growing up. We had rented some tables and chairs, set up a little DJ area for her friend who's really into music,

and basically transformed our backyard into a party space. I even ordered this really nice cake from a bakery across town that was honestly overpriced, but I wanted her day to be special. And per her request, she was the only one at the party in a red bathing suit so she would stand out. All her friends wore either blue or black. She wanted red to be her color for the day or whatever. I thought it was a cute idea, and it actually looked really nice in the photos. My husband thought it was stupid teenage girl stuff, but went along with it.

The day of the party started off great. My husband was grilling, the kids were swimming, music was playing, everyone seemed to be having a good time. I spent most of the morning running around making sure everything was perfect. and was finally able to relax a bit once everyone arrived. I got some nice picks for social media, and was feeling pretty proud of pulling it all off without any disasters. Then things went to shit. I was in the laundry room grabbing some extra towels

because a couple of the kids had gotten out of the pool and were dripping everywhere. The laundry room is right next to my husband's office, which is where we had told everyone to put their bags and stuff when they arrived. As I was getting the towels, I overheard H talking in the office. I initially thought he was talking to someone else in there, but I realized pretty quickly that he was on the phone since nobody was responding to him.

He was saying how she was hotter than the girls he'd known as a teen, and he kind of wished she 18. That any boy who after would be doing a service to God and she looked too good in a red bathing suit. And then he laughed and said something like I know, right? Red's always been my favorite color. There was more but only. honestly I think I blocked it out because I was so shocked and disgusted. I just stopped moving.

I wasn't immediately jumping to action. I was confused in trying to process what I was hearing. This is a man my children grew up with, who babysit them when they were younger, stayed many nights over at our house for game nights or BBQs or whatever, talking about my daughter in a way no grown man should ever talk about a child. Like it took me a minute to even believe what I was hearing. My first thought was maybe I misheard of. or he was talking about someone else. But he specifically mentioned the red bathing suit. My daughter was the only one in red.

Then I thought maybe it was some sick joke he was making to whoever was on the phone. Either way, it was completely fucked up. I don't really remember walking to the room. It was like I was on autopilot. I marched outside and dragged my husband away from the grill into the house to the office where H was. I probably looked crazy to the other guests,

and I saw my sister. in-law raise her eyebrows at me as I basically yanked my husband away mid-conversation. I didn't care. I'll admit, I yelled and told H. He wasn't allowed in my house or around any of our family again, especially our daughter, and to leave immediately, before telling my husband anything. I know that seems backwards, but I was so furious I couldn't even form sentences properly. I was seeing red. H. got red in the face and immediately started cussing at me and my husband for eavesdropping. Called me a fucking bitch and said we were invading his privacy in our own damn house.

I screamed at H to tell my husband what he was saying in my house about my daughter. H got even more mad before storming out and leaving in his girlfriend's car, without his girlfriend. He didn't say goodbye to anyone, just grabbed his stuff and left. The whole time my husband was standing there looking back and forth between us like he had no idea what was happening. He was getting irritated and demanded to know what happened, so I took a second to try to calm down before telling him what I'd heard. I was shaking I was so angry. When I told him, he just stood there with this blank expression.

Then he said we would deal with it later and just let our daughter have a great rest of the party. That we shouldn't make a scene and ruin her day. I agreed because I didn't want to ruin her day, and we rejoined the party, even though we got a few looks from people who had heard the yelling. My sister-in-law kept trying to get me to tell her what happened, but I just said it was a misunderstanding. I tried to put on a happy face, but I felt sick to my stomach and kept watching my daughter, wondering if H had ever done or said anything to her directly. H's girlfriend, let's call her S, came up to me towards the end of the party asking why H was spamming her phone telling her that I was a bitch, asshole, basically all the derogatory terms you can think of, even going as far to say I was a whore just like my slut daughter.

I was extremely appalled and dragged her over to my husband who gave me an exasperated look. He told me to let it die for just a bit and he will talk to H. after the party. I felt like I was going insane. How was he being so calm about this? The rest of the party went on without any more incidents, but I couldn't enjoy it. I kept thinking about what H had said and kept an eye on my daughter the whole time. She didn't seem to notice anything was wrong and was having fun with her friends. which was the only positive.

After everyone left and we cleaned up, I tried to talk to my husband about it again. He said he would handle it and would go talk to H the next day. I told him I wanted H completely out of our lives. My husband said I was overreacting and that he needed to hear H's side of the story first. We argued, but he insisted on talking to H himself. That was a few days ago.

My husband went to H's place and ended up staying the night there. When he finally came home, he told me I was overreacting, that H wasn't even talking about our daughter, that I shouldn't have acted the way I did and I was connecting dots that weren't supposed to be connected. I asked him who else H could possibly have been talking about at our daughter's party, where she was the only one in a red bathing suit. My husband said H claimed he was talking to a buddy about some girl they both knew from back in high school who used to wear a red bikini. That it was just a coincidence. I was upset and told him even if it wasn't our daughter he was talking about, which is complete bullshit, he's still talking about a 16-year-old in an inappropriate way. I asked him how he could defend this creep and why he would believe such an obvious lie.

And the thing is, even if it was about some girl from their high school days, which I absolutely do not believe, why the F would you be having that conversation at a teenager's birthday party? It's inappropriate no matter how you look at it. We argued for a long time. I brought up how H's girlfriends keep getting younger, how he said other weird things in the past that I had brushed off, how he seems to always want to hang around when my daughter and her friends are over. But my husband dismissed all of it.

Eventually he left again, saying he was going to drive to blow off steam. Now I'm in the bathroom shaking and crying as I type this. How am I supposed to just sit back and allow this creep near any of my children? I love my husband and I think he's just been blinded by his loyalty to his friend. I don't want to get a divorce, especially because I live across the country from my family, and I don't want to leave my husband. I love him, but he isn't taking me seriously in a serious situation. It feels like he's choosing his friend over his own daughter's safety and my peace of mind. I keep thinking, even if he wasn't talking about my daughter, he was still talking about someone

around the age of my daughter. It's wrong in so many ways. I would have still acted this way if it was about someone else at the party. And the fact that my husband can't see that is really concerning to me. I keep thinking this is a nightmare and I'm going to wake up, but no, it's reality. Every time I close my eyes, I keep hearing what H said and imagining all the times he's been around my kids in the past. I'm just overwhelmed and don't know what to do. Should I talk to my daughter about this? My husband has never taken my concerns seriously in the past, always dismissing them as me being emotional or dramatic, but this feels different. This feels like a hill I'm willing to die on. Please help me figure out what to do next.

I feel like I'm losing my mind. Edit one, hey guys, op here. Holy shit, I've been reading all your comments, even though I haven't had time to respond to many, and they've been really helpful in making me feel like I'm not crazy. Thanks for everyone who responded in the comments. I appreciate every single one of you and I've read just about every comment. My hearts go out to those who have gone through something like this in the past. It's scary how common these situations seem to be. My husband still isn't back from his drive.

It's been almost 24 hours now and he's only texted me once to say he's fine and thinking. I have a suspicion he might be out with H because I called H's girlfriend, S, to tell her everything. and she told me H left that morning and hasn't been home since. Either me or my son are going to swing by her apartment and she's going to stay over here for a few nights. I don't think she can stand to see H any more than I can. She's been angry at him ever since the text messages. She showed me some of the other things he said about me and it's just vile. To everyone asking why I didn't immediately tell my daughter, I was trying to figure out the right way to approach it.

Seeing your comments helped me realize I need to be direct but gentle. I'm going to talk to her today. I'm dreading it, though. What do you even say? Hey, honey, your uncle who you've known your whole life is a creep who was saying sexual things about you? It just sucks all around. I've told my eldest son. He acted the way my husband should have acted.

He's angry and ready to hop in the car and find both H. and my husband. I feel bad involving him, but I need him to know what happens so he can protect his siblings when I'm not around. I had to actually convince him not to do anything stupid that would get him in trouble. He's always been protective of his sister. My eldest son told me that H never did anything inappropriate to him directly, but he noticed some behavior which was always strange, but he blamed it on H just being weird or socially awkward. Like how H would sometimes make comments about girls at his school or ask if any of them were hot.

Or how he'd offer to drive my daughter and her friend's places a lot, which I always thought was him being helpful. I feel sick thinking about all the signs I might have missed. Also, to the people telling me I should have recorded H or confronted him differently, it happened really fast and I wasn't thinking clearly. I wish I had handled it differently too, but I was just so shocked and angry. So here are my plans moving forward. 1. H isn't going to be allowed near any of my kids.

Ever. This is a fine line if I decide to stay. with my husband and he tries to cross it. Then he will be the next one to go. By the way, my legal people, can I get a restraining orders? Is that how that works? Do I need proof beyond what I heard? Two, I'm going to tell my husband he isn't allowed home or allowed to talk to my kids. This is until I tell all of my children what happened, have talk with each of them separately. Three, me and S are going to go through my husband's stuff and whatever she can grab from her and H's apartment. We're looking for any CP or things that are suspicious.

I'm also worried about this third man, the one on the phone. Maybe S knows them. Also, not immediately the moment she gets here, we are going to wait until maybe tomorrow or even the next day. I know some of you will think I'm overreacting or jumping to conclusions about the CP, but better safe than sorry. I need to protect my kids. And honestly, after what I heard, I wouldn't put anything past. past H at this point. And if my husband is defending him so adamantly, I need to know there's

nothing else going on that I should be aware of. We'll update again when I know more. I have a lot to process and figure out. Honestly, I'm scared of what might come next, but all your comments have given me strength. Thank you. Edit 2. I think a lot of people are misunderstanding some things from my last edit, so let me clarify. First, I didn't automatically assess. I didn't automatically assume my husband was into CP, it had been suggested by S over the phone after she read some of the comments on Reddit. She wanted to check H's stuff and said we should check my husband's too, just in case. It's not that I think my husband is into that. It's more about making sure H hasn't sent him anything or that there's no other evidence of concerning behavior. Trust but verify,

I guess. Also, I don't know why my husband has been MIA for the past few nights. Maybe he's just waiting for me to calm down which has been his pattern and other disagreements. I haven't sent the stayaway message yet, which I might not do. But whenever we talk I'll be asking all these questions and more. For context, my husband and H. Med in high school and have been friends since. So there's a lot of history there. I'm quite used to my husband not backing me up, telling me I'm over-exaggerating or setting me aside has been often in our relationship. I guess this has really opened my eyes about the past. I used to just go along with it to keep the peace.

One time a few years back my husband's brother made some comments about my weight after I had our fourth child, and my husband just laughed it off as a joke when I got upset. Or when H made some sexist comment at a dinner party and I called him out, my husband told me later I was being too sensitive and should learn to take a joke. It's always been like that. I just never thought it would extend to something. this serious involving our children. I don't plan on divorcing him yet, even though I know I jumped the gun on it last night. If there is something that I find suspicious or will make me reconsider this,

it'll be thought about long and hard. I still love my husband. I know he loves all of our kids. I'm just waiting for him to admit what H did was wrong or to apologize for dismissing me. About my kids, I will be talking to my daughter very soon and all of y'all's advice has helped me so much on how to approach it. I think I'll say enough for her to understand without going into the graphic details. I don't want to traumatize her more than necessary. I'm just nervous about the whole conversation. A lot of you are asking for updates. I'll post if anything major happens, but right now it's just waiting for my husband to come home so we can have a real conversation about all this. S should be here in a couple hours. Thanks again for all the support. Update.

Okay, guys. Sorry it took a while to update. Things have been crazy around here. I think I've figured this out. A lot happened and I'm stressed typing this. I can't believe how supportive everyone has been, but also there have been some really nasty messages in my inbox that I'm just ignoring. So for those who did not see my comment earlier, it was buried in the thread. I'm not getting a divorce with my husband at this time. If anything sketchy or something I see that crosses a line that notion may. change, though. I did not immediately assume my husband was into CP. It's something I assumed H might be into given what I heard. While on a phone call with S, she said we should go through my husband's things too. I agreed, me and my husband have an open phone policy anyways. I'll admit I've never checked his phone since our second was born, so it's not like I was pushing boundaries by saying this. Anyway, S came over and we had a long talk. She's decided to leave H. and I'm helping her figure out how to get her stuff from their apartment. She told me H. has always been a bit off, but she never suspected anything like this.

She's been staying in our guest room for a couple days now. So today I had a very long talk with my second eldest son and my daughter. I told them what happened, though save a few details, like the text messages, and simply said that H had been saying inappropriate things. I told them that whatever happens going forward, it's not their fault, nor is it my daughter. daughters in any way. It's the pedophilic mind of someone we trusted. I asked them if he or anyone, had done anything to any of them, and if they had, that I wouldn't be angry at them, and would be proud they spoke up. These conversations are so hard to have. My daughter was upset but didn't seem

super shocked, which bothers me. She said he would sometimes get too close, put his arm around her shoulders, but nothing that ever made her alarm bells go off in her head. She mentioned, that sometimes he would offer to drive her places alone or invite her to come over and swim in his apartment complexes pool, but she always had other plans or I would say no. I reiterated to her that she was not to blame for what happened and it's all on H. We hugged and I held her as she cried for a bit. I felt like such a failure as a mother for not protecting her better. How did I miss these signs? My second eldest son was quiet, which he often is, but he told me that he never really liked H and thought he was weird.

Said something about how H would sometimes talk about girls in a way that made him uncomfortable. I asked him again if anything happened directly to him and he said no. We talked about more things to do with this type of stuff and I think it ended well, though I'm still worried about them both. My two youngest children simply know that H did bad stuff and we won't be seeing him for a long, long time. I didn't want to explain too much to them since they're still little. My 10-year-old asked if H was in jail, and I said no, but that he wasn't a good person to be around. My six-year-old just nodded and went back to his toys, hopefully too young to really understand. Then around

lunchtime my husband came home, I never did go through with telling him to stay away, and he was basically sobbing at my feet outside our front door. He told me he was so confused and angry about what happened, that he was convinced his best friend wasn't like that, that he had been drinking last night after he left and fell into a bit of self-hatred. He wasn't with H, though, but he had been texting with him that night. I asked him why he never stood up for me and my daughter, why he stayed the night with H after everything I told him. He said I was making a scene at our daughter's birthday party and didn't want to ruin the day for her, and he stayed the night because it was too late anyways by the time he stopped talking with H. I hate this apollo. I hate this

though, maybe it's the comments echoing in my ears, but it felt fake in that he was minimizing my pain and maximizing his. The way he was acting felt more like he was sorry for himself than sorry for not protecting our daughter. He kept saying how hard this was for him to lose a friend of 30 years, how he felt betrayed, how he didn't know what to think. Nothing about how I felt or how our daughter might feel. He went silent when he saw S at the house, though, I told him that she was staying a few nights. I didn't give him much of an explanation. Later when I started to make dinner, he came up behind me and hugged me. I pushed him back, told him that I didn't want any physical touch with him any time soon. He got angry, telling me that it was over now that he

apologized and promised to stand up for us in the future. I told him that he has to make up for what he did in the past first, that he needs to talk with our daughter. He went to go sulk somewhere and I haven't really seen much of him since. He did eventually talk to our daughter, but I have no idea what he said. She hasn't mentioned it and I don't want to pry if she's not ready to talk about it. I hope he apologized for not believing me immediately. We haven't gone through my husband's phone or computer yet. Honestly, I'm afraid of what we might find, but also kind of sure we won't find anything.

I think he's just blind when it comes to his friend, not involved in anything himself. At least I hope that's the case. H has been texting and calling my husband nonstop. I've told my husband he needs to block him, but I'm not sure if he has. I overheard him on the phone yesterday having what sounded like an argument, but he took it outside so I couldn't hear what was said. S and I did check out H's phone before she left him, she knew his password. There was some gross stuff in his search history but nothing illegal that we could find.

Lots of barely legal searches, though. which just confirms my suspicions about him. She's planning to file for a restraining order based on some threatening texts he sent her after she left. Hopefully that made enough sense as I'm rushing the last bit. Shout out to everyone who's been helping me. It's just a lot to do in a short time now that my husband is already back in the home. Also to the misogynists who keep telling me to take a step back in breath,

that my husband is being logical and I am being emotional. Scroll up three paragraphs to where he was blubbering on our doorstep. I'm not sure what comes next. I think I've done what I can for now to protect my kids. My husband and I are sleeping in separate rooms at the moment. We've barely spoken in the last couple days. I know we need to have a real conversation about all this and what it means for our relationship going forward, but it's hard to even look at him right.

Thanks for reading all this. Sorry for any typos or if things don't make sense, it's late and I'm exhausted. forward slash forward slash Siblings partner continues to make unkind remarks about newcomers to the country. When I eventually chose to confront her about it, my spouse's relatives believe I am the one at fault. Just to provide some context. Bit of background, I, 30F, moved to the UK nearly seven years ago from the U.S. I was able to get a U.K. passport from my father who immigrated to the U.S. where he met my mother.

She actually fled to the U.S. from South America because of political persecution. She doesn't like talking about it and I don't push. After university, I decided to live and travel throughout Asia and the Middle East for a few years teaching English and poor, and sometimes dangerous, areas before I finally made the decision to go back to my roots and move to Europe for good. The transition wasn't easy. I remember arriving at Heathrow with just two suitcases and a backpack, not knowing a single, person in the country apart from some distant relatives who lived way up north. I found a small flat in London that cost way too much, but it was all I could find on short notice. I spent the first few months just trying to get my bearings, figure out the tube system,

and understand why everyone kept asking if I wanted a cup a, turns out it's just tea, but I felt stupid having to ask. I worked a bunch of random jobs at first, barista at a coffee shop near Piccadilly, hostess at a restaurant in Covent Garden, even did some dog walking for rich people in Kensington. The pay was crap, but it helped me get by while I looked for something more permanent. Eventually I found a decent job that didn't mind my weird mix of experience. The people there were nice enough, though I never really connected with anyone on a personal level. I've always been proud of my mixed heritage and the fact that I've been fortunate enough to

experience different cultures. A lot of people back home would just assume I was white until I told them about my background, which was always an interesting conversation starter. Here in the UK, people are more likely to ask where I'm really from which gets annoying after the hundredth time, but whatever. Anyway, a while back I met the love of my life at a friend's birthday party. He was this tall, somewhat awkward British guy who kept making terrible puns all night. I thought he was just being friendly at first, but then he asked for my number at the end of the night. We went on a few dates and hid it off immediately. He was different from the other guys I dated.

We got married after dating for a couple years in a small ceremony. We decided to buy a house in the countryside and as we are getting things ready with the mortgage's family was kind enough to let us move into their home for the time being. This was a massive change for me, but I didn't care as I grew to be a part of his family, including his only brother, Matt, who I consider to be the brother I never had. His parents were incredibly welcoming from the start. His mom would always make sure to cook food she thought I'd like, though her attempt at tacos was hilariously bad. She used ketchup instead of salsa.

His dad would constantly ask me questions about America and my travels, sometimes the same questions multiple times because he'd forget he already asked, but I didn't mind. They made me feel like I belonged. My husband and I were there whenever Matt went through breakups and gave him dating advice whenever he was seeing someone new. There was this one girl who kept showing up at his workplace even after he broke things off. We had to help him figure out how to handle that situation without it escalating. Another time he dated this girl who seemed great until she started trying to convert him to her weird cult-like religion. We all laugh about it now, but it was pretty concerning at the time. We'd hang out almost every weekend watching movies or playing board games or whatever.

He's basically my best friend now too. I remember this one time we stayed up until 4 a.m. trying to beat this really hard level in some video game while my husband had fallen asleep on the couch hours before. Matt's the kind of guy who would drop everything to help you move or pick you up if your car broke down, no questions asked. Eventually he met Vicky at some work function. I think it was a Christmas party or maybe it was someone's leaving due. I can't remember exactly. But he was really excited about her and kept texting my husband asking for a advice on what to say to her. When we first met her we thought she was sweet, down to earth, and didn't take herself too seriously, which is what Matt needed. They seemed really happy together and I was genuinely happy for them. The first time we properly hung out with her was at this

pub quiz night. She knew a surprising amount about 80s music which helped our team win. She brought homemade brownies which were actually pretty good, even though she put nuts in them and I hate nuts, but I ate them anyway to be polite. She seemed to fit in with our little group perfectly. But over time she started to display questionable behavior traits that made me uncomfortable. I tried to ignore them at first because I didn't want to cause problems between my husband's family and me. It started with small things, like how she'd always make these little comments about how I didn't sound American or how I was pretty for a Latina. I'd just laugh it off because I wasn't sure if she was trying to be offensive or just didn't know any better. I remember this one time we were all

having drinks at this new cocktail bar that opened up near my in-law's place. They had these fancy drinks with weird names and when the waiter came over, Vicky loudly said I'll have anything that's not as foreign as her accent while pointing at me. Everyone kind of awkwardly laughed and I just smiled and ordered my drink, but it felt really off. Once at the dinner table, I said something about being Latina and she said, well, at least you're not a dirty Indian. Mind you, my husband, Matt, and I are all for some dark humor, but that comment almost knocked me off my chair. In fact, I don't think we all think she said what she said because it was so out of the blue. She was obviously trying to be funny, so we all laughed but it was obvious that it

made us uncomfortable. I should have said something then but I didn't want to cause a scene. I remember looking at my husband across the table and he had this uncomfortable expression on his face. My mother-in-law quickly changed the subject to something about the neighbor's new car, and we all just moved on. Later that night, I asked my husband if he thought the comment was weird, and he agreed but said maybe she just had a strange sense of humor and didn't mean anything by it. Another time, I took my husband to Turkey for his birthday and I sent a video to our family group chat of him's son tanning by our hotel's pool with the sound of the call. to prayer echoing from the Blue Mosque and I, Sophia. I thought it captured the essence of Istanbul perfectly. As a response, she texted,

that sound would freak me out clearly suggesting that it sounds like a suicide boomer. I can see how that would fly over people's heads, but I knew what she was talking about. It made me feel sick to my stomach that she'd make a joke like that about something so culturally significant. I get it, she has never been to the Middle East, so as someone who has lived there I took the time to educate her, on what the call to prayer is and how it's actually beautiful.

I sent her a voice note explaining the cultural and religious significance of the call to prayer and how millions of people find comfort and meaning in it. I even sent her a few links to articles about the history of it and the skilled Muesins who perform it. I tried to be patient and educational rather than confrontational. But she just replied with Lowelloch and changed the subject to something about a sale at some clothing store. She never actually seemed interested in learning about it.

other cultures or my experiences. Every time I'd try to share something about my travels or heritage, she'd either make some uncomfortable joke or just not engage at all. There was this other time when I brought some homemade impanadas to a family dinner. I'd spent hours making them from scratch using my grandmother's recipe. Vicky took one bite and loudly asked if I'd put dog meat in these like they do in your country. I was so shocked I didn't even know how to respond. My mother-in-law quickly jumped in and said they were delicious, but the damage was already done.

I just laughed it off at the time, but it really hurt. I kind of forgot about these incidents for a while. We'd see each other at family gatherings and stuff and things were fine, I guess. Not great, not terrible. Just kind of there. I'd be polite but not overly friendly. My husband suggested maybe I should try to connect with her one-on-one, but I never really really felt comfortable doing that after all those comments.

Then nothing happened for like a month or so. During that time, we were busy with the house purchase anyway. There were all these issues with the survey and then the sellers tried to back out at the last minute but then changed their minds again. The whole process was a nightmare and we had to extend our stay with my in-laws which was a bit awkward but they were super cool about it. My father-in-law even offered to help us with some of the renovation costs as a wedding present, which was incredibly generous. I got distracted with work stuff too. My boss assigned me this

massive project with an impossible deadline and I had to stay late at the office most nights just to keep up. My husband would bring me dinner sometimes which was sweet, but I was basically a zombie for a few weeks there. So I didn't have much energy to deal with Vicky or her comments during that time. However, it wasn't until yesterday when I've had enough of her closed-minded remarks that she clearly tries to pass off as light-hearted jokes. As I mentioned, the family has a group chat where we send memes and jokes to each other at times. My husband usually sends dad jokes that make everyone grown, my mother-in-law sends cute animal videos, and Matt mostly posts about sports stuff. As you can image, Vicky sometimes doesn't know how to read the room and sends inappropriate

memes to the family. One time she sent this meme about disabled people that was just straight-up mean, not even funny. Everyone just ignored it and kept posting other things. Another time she shared some political thing that she thought was hilarious but was actually pretty offensive to immigrants. My husband privately messaged Matt about it, but as far as I know, Matt never said anything to Vicky. Yesterday she sent a meme that was a picture of a huge group of immigrants on an inflatable raft in middle of the ocean with a caption that said, Where's Jaws when you need him? I was in the middle of making lunch when my phone buzzed with the notification. I opened it, not thinking much of it, and then just stood there in the

kitchen, completely stunned. I couldn't believe she would send something like that to a group that included me, someone whose parents were both immigrants, whose mother literally fled her country for safety. It felt like a direct slap in the face. My husband thought it was too much and so did his mom. I saw my mother-in-law had reacted with a shocked face emoji, which was something because she usually tries to be positive about everything. My husband was sitting across from me at the kitchen table and I could see him frowning at his phone. He looked up at me and said, that's really inappropriate. I, on the other hand, was like hell to the absolute and definite fuck no. My hands were actually shaking and I spilled some of my coffee on the counter. I was this close to going on the group chat and calling

her out for the bigot she was in front of everyone but my husband stopped me so I decided to spare the drama and DM her. I took a few deep breaths, took a screenshot of the meme, and sent her a private message. I told her that was a fucked up joke especially considering that she knows that both of my parents were immigrants wherein which my mom had to flee her own country. I tried to explain why joking about people drowning or being eaten by sharks when they're fleeing for their lives isn't funny, it's cruel and dehumanizing. She immediately started apologizing and saying that she didn't know which I found hard to believe. We've known each other for a year and we've discussed this before so either she's lying or stupid. I'm thinking both, honestly. She always

acts like she forgets these things when it's convenient for her. She sent a flurry of messages saying things like I'm so sorry. I didn't think and it was just a meme someone sent me. I didn't create it and I would never want to hurt you personally. Notice how she was more concerned about hurting me personally than about the fact that she was joking about actual human beings dying. That says a lot about her character if you ask me. She immediately deleted the meme off the chat along with the jiff of her giggling about it as a response to my mother-in-law reacting with a shocked face emoji. But the damage was already done.

Everyone had seen it. Everyone knew what kind of person she was now. I didn't respond to her messages right away. I needed time to cool down and process my feelings. My husband suggested we go for a walk to clear my head, which helped a bit. When we got back, I had more messages from her asking if I was okay and if we could talk about it. I still didn't respond because I wasn't ready. This morning she sent me a long paragraph about how she is upset that she upset me and that she loves me and that I'm like a sister to her.

The message was full of these emotional statements about how much she values our relationship and how she never meant to hurt me. She said she was educating herself and wanted to do better but didn't actually specify how or what she was doing to educate herself. I appreciate her apologizing and all, but it really gives me the ick to associate with anyone who thinks it's funny to joke about wishing death upon a certain type of people. It's not just a tasteless joke, it reveals something fundamental about how she views certain groups of people. It shows that deep down, she doesn't see immigrants as fully human, worthy of the same dignity and respect as everyone else. I haven't responded to her message yet. Part of me wants to give her the benefit of the doubt, but another part of me feels like this is a pattern and not just a one-time mistake.

She's shown this side of herself multiple times now, and each time she acts surprised when called out, as if she had no idea her words could be hurtful. My husband thinks I should at least acknowledge her apology, even if I don't fully accept it right away. He says ignoring her completely might make things even more awkward, especially since we're still living with his parents and have to see Matt and Vicky regularly. He suggests maybe telling her I need some time and space to process everything before we can move forward.

I talked to a friend from work about it, she's also an immigrant, and she was furious on my behalf. She said I shouldn't have to tolerate that kind of behavior from anyone, family connection or not. She thinks I should be direct with Vicky about how her jokes affect me and make it clear that I won't be around her if she continues with that kind of humor. So would I be the awe if I flat out call her a racist slash bigot the next time I see her and distance myself from her or should I just accept her apology and drop it? I don't want to cause problems in the family since we're literally living with my in-laws right now, but I also don't want to just let this slide like I've done with her other jokes. Edit. I just realized I forgot to mention that we're living with my in-laws while our house purchase is being finalized. I brought that up before without any context, so it got a lot of people confused.

Update, a lot of you were asking why I didn't call her out the first time she made a racist comment. I guess I was just trying to keep the peace and give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe that was my mistake. When you're the outsider in a family dynamic, it's hard to know when to speak up and when to let things go. I was still trying to find my place and didn't want to rock the boat too much. Some of you suggested I might be exaggerating or making too big a deal out of this, but I want to be clear that these comments weren't just slightly offensive, they were straight-up racist. I don't think there's any context where joking about sharks eating immigrants is funny,

especially when you know someone's family were immigrants themselves. And to the person who said it's just British humor, no, it's not. My husband is British and he was appalled by it. Anyway, a lot has happened since my original post. Last I left it, I said that Vicky sent a long paragraph with a dramatic apology saying, that I am like a sister to her, but after reading a few comments I realized a few points. First off, how can she consider me as a sister when she clearly doesn't know me and never even cared to know me? If I was really like a sister to her, she would have made an effort to understand

my background and experiences instead of making jokes at my expense. Secondly, Vicky is only apologizing because she got called out and not because she realized that the mean she sent was out of line. I could probably forgive her if this was an isolated incident. but it wasn't. As I mentioned, she made racist comments many times before but never got called out for it and now that she is she's all of a sudden apologetic? If no one have ever said anything, I guarantee she would still think those kind of jokes are okay. I took some time to think about how I wanted to handle this. I talked it over with my husband again and he was supportive of whatever decision I made. He said he would back me up either way, which I really appreciated.

I also called my mom for advice, without giving too many details because I didn't want to worry her, and she reminded me that I don't have to be friends with everyone, but I do have to find a way to coexist peacefully with people I don't like sometimes. I ignored her apology at first, but when Sunday came around and she and Matt were planning to come for our family dinner day she texted me again asking if we are okay and the only reply I could give her was, I accept your apology, put it that way. I wanted to be honest without being confrontational, but I also wanted her to know that things weren't just automatically back to normal because she said sorry. I'm not sure what reaction I expected from her, but I thought maybe she'd understand that she needed to give me some space and time.

Instead, she took my response as a personal attack. It didn't take long for her to cry to mad about it who then called his mother to bitch about how mean I was being and how they are scared to come to dinner for fear of what I might say or stir up a bad atmosphere. Can you believe that? She makes racist comments, she sends inappropriate memes, she barely apologizes, and somehow I'm the bad guy because I'm not falling over myself to forgive her instantly. I told my husband to explain to his mother that I am not one to cause a show especially in their house that they were so gracious to let us stay in while we were moving house. I have accepted Vicky's apology and will be civil meaning if she wants to speak to me I will listen

and answer but I will not go out of my way to speak to her. I think that's more than fair given the circumstances. My husband talked to his mom and she seemed to understand, or at least she said she did. She mentioned something about how these things happen in families and how we all say stupid things sometimes, which wasn't exactly the response I was hoping for, but at least she didn't pressure me to pretend everything was fine. The day of the family dinner arrived and I was anxious all morning. I kept thinking about what I would say if Vicky tried to talk to me or if Matt made some comment about the situation. My husband suggested we arrive a bit late to minimize the awkwardness,

so we decided to visit a friend first and show up just before dinner was served. Our friend had just gotten a new puppy and wanted us to meet it, so we spent about an hour playing with this adorable little terrier mix. It actually helped take my mind off the upcoming dinner, which was nice. We grabbed coffee afterwards and then headed back to my in-laws. When we came back, there was Matt and Vicky sitting on the couch. The moment I walked in Matt had this uncomfortable smirk on this face. The kind of smirk you make when someone you hate walks into the room and makes I contact with you and you have to be nice about it. It completely caught me off guard because I thought Matt and I were close.

Vicky gave me a high in the voice of a mouse and immediately started having a staring contest with the floor which was fine considering I made zero I contact with her throughout the whole evening. My father-in-law tried to break the tension by offering drinks and talking about some football match that had happened earlier, but the atmosphere was clearly strained. When we were at the table I was chatty and made it out to seem that I was unbothered. Meanwhile, Vicky was across the table acting all quiet and sad and making the situation awkward. She barely touched her food and kept giving these little sighs like she was the most dejected person in the world. Every time someone laughed at something, she'd forced this weak smile that screamed feel sorry. for me. I focused on having normal conversations with everyone else. I talked to my mother-in-law about the garden she was planning for the spring, discussed a new Netflix show with my father-in-law, and asked my husband about some work thing he'd mentioned earlier. I was polite but distant with

Matt, answering his questions but not initiating any conversation. I completely ignored Vicky unless she directly addressed me, which she only did once to ask me to pass the salt. Eventually, she texted Matt under the table saying that she wanted to leave once dinner was finished. I know this because Matt is terrible at being subtle and I could see him reading her message and then nodding at her. They made some excuse about having to get up early the next day for something or other, which was obviously a lie because Matt never gets up early for anything. Mill and Phil knew the reason why Vicky and Matt left so quickly and they became upset. They had a go at my husband about why I can't let it go and how I was the one that made Vicky

uncomfortable with the way I did not speak, let alone look at her once the entire time. My mother-in-law kept going on about how we're all family here and sometimes we need to forgive even when it's hard. She doesn't understand what it's like to be on the receiving end of those kinds of jokes. My husband tried to defend me, saying that I was being civil and hadn't done anything inappropriate. He reminded them that I was the one who was hurt by Vicki's comments and memes, not the other way around. But they seemed more concerned with making sure everyone was comfortable at their dinner table than with addressing the actual problem. The next day, my father-in-law pulled me aside while I was making coffee and told me that while he

understands I'm upset, I should try to move past it for Matt's sake. He said he doesn't think Vicky is a bad person, just a bit stupid sometimes and doesn't think before she speaks. I just nodded and said I'd think about it, but honestly, I'm getting tired of being the one who has to be the bigger person here. I always found her to be the type that constantly plays the victim, but now I feel like she's trying to rope the family into thinking that I am the odd just because I refuse to let a stupid joke that was a mistake to post slide and play nice for the sake of peace in the family. It's a classic case of Darvo, deny, attack, reverse victim, and offender. She's making herself out to be the victim when she was the one who made racist

comments in the first place. Now, I don't know what to do as everyone in the family is thinking that it is up to me to fix this even though I wasn't the one who stupidly posted a shitty joke on the family group chat. My husband is kind of caught in the middle. He agrees with me in private but doesn't want to cause more drama with his family, especially while we're still living under their roof. I might update again if anything significant happens, but right now I'm just trying to avoid being in the same room as Vicky while not making it too obvious to my in-laws.

It's exhausting having to manage everyone else's feelings while my own feelings are being dismissed as an overreaction. Edit. Some people have asked about math. and whether I've tried talking to him directly. I haven't yet because I'm afraid it would just turn into him defending Vicky and make things worse. But maybe that's the next step. I don't know.

Partner went to see her pal in a different region, and I spotted her conception examination in her purchase from the retailer, and found out they were spending the night together and laughing about how foolish and innocent. I am. So my girlfriend and I have been together for just under a year. We don't live together and both work. full-time and we are exclusive, as far as I'm aware. Things were going pretty great between us until recently. We have our issues like any other couple but nothing major that would cause either of us to do something drastic. She's always been pretty affectionate and seemed really into me. We'd text throughout the day

and see each other a few times a week, usually spending at least one weekend day together. About three Three months ago, I started noticing my girlfriend spending a lot of time on the phone with her friend Jesse. She always says that Jesse is just a good friend and that's it. However, she often spends any time she can on the phone with him, even when her and I are out together. Like we'll be at dinner and she'll excuse herself to take his call, or sometimes she'll be texting him while we're watching a movie. I've tried to not think too much about it because I don't want to be that controlling boyfriend who dictates who she can talk to.

One time we were at this Italian place I had been wanting to try for months. I finally got reservations and halfway through our appetizers. Her phone rings and she immediately gets up to take the call. She was gone for like 15 minutes and our entrees came while she was still outside talking to this guy. When she finally came back, she acted like it was totally normal to abandon me at dinner to talk to another dude. She said it was important but wouldn't say what it was about. Their conversations don't really lead me to think anything suspicious is going on from what I can hear. It's usually just normal friend stuff, talking about their days, some inside jokes I don't get,

and occasionally about his kids. Oh yeah, Jesse has two young boys that he's raising on his own after his ex left or something. I never got the full story. My girlfriend would sometimes mention how hard it must be for him to raise two kids alone, and how she admired him for stepping up. She'd get this weird look in her eyes when she talked about him, but I tried not to read into it too much. She told me they met through some mutual friends a few years ago and kept in touch online. According to her, they'd never been anything more than friends.

I asked once if they had ever hooked up and she got all defensive, saying not everyone wants to sleep with their friends and making me feel like I was being ridiculous for even asking. But then about a month and a half ago, my girlfriend tells me she's going to visit Jesse who lives two. States over. Just drops it on me like it's nothing. She says they've been friends for years and she wants to see him and meet his kids in person. I can't go because I have to work that week and honestly, I wasn't even invited. She just said, I'm going to visit Jesse next month and when I asked if I could come along, she said it wasn't a good time because of my work schedule. Of course I tell her that I'm not comfortable with her visiting a male friend out of state by herself. I mean, any reasonable person would feel the same way, right? But she keeps insisting that

Jesse is just a friend and there's nothing for me to worry about. She says she'll be staying at his place, but Jesse is a single father of two young boys so my girlfriend assures me nothing will happen. She even made a comment like, what do you think is going to happen with two little kids running around? We had a pretty big argument about it actually. I told her how it looked from my perspective. My girlfriend's suddenly wanting to go stay with some single guy I've never met who lives in another state. She accused me of not trusting her and said that if I was going to be this insecure, maybe we should rethink our relationship. That shut me up pretty quick because despite everything, I really do care about her and don't want to lose her. Despite me voicing my opinion

and concerns multiple times, my GF takes the trip anyway. She did agree to share her location with me to put my mind at ease, which I appreciated but still felt weird about the whole thing. The whole week she was gone, I was on edge. She'd text me occasionally with updates or pictures of them at the park or zoo with his kids, but the messages felt. I don't know, forced. Like she was trying too hard to show me that everything was innocent. I checked her location a few times, okay, maybe more than a few, and she was always at what I assumed was his house or at some family-friendly place nearby. So I had no real reason to suspect anything, but I still had this nagging feeling in my gut. She was gone for about a week and then came back like nothing

happened. She showed me some pictures of her and Jesse and his kids at some park and talked about how cute his kids were and stuff. Then we just kind of moved on with life. I tried to put it out of my mind because I didn't want to be that guy who can't trust his girlfriend. One thing that bothered me though, when I asked to see a picture of Jesse by himself, I was curious what this guy looked like, she scrolled through her photos for a minute and then said she didn't have any good ones of just him. All the photos conveniently had the kids in them too. I thought that was weird but didn't push it. But then something happened that sent me spiraling. About two weeks ago, my girlfriend asked me to go to our local target to pick up an online order she had placed. She tells me she ordered

shampoo and a few hygiene items, deodorant, lotion, etc., since she was running low. I was going to be near that target anyway for a haircut, so I agreed and said I'd pick it up on my way home. When I get to the customer service counter and give them her name, they bring out a bag with a pregnancy test in it. I'm standing there completely shocked and confused. I tell them that this wasn't what she told me she ordered. I checked the name and phone number attached to the bag and find it matches my girlfriend's number so it couldn't have been another girl with the same name. The guy at the counter checks the system again and brings out a second bag with the shampoo and stuff she had actually told me about. So let me clarify this part since it's important,

there were two separate orders under her name. One with the shampoo and hygiene items that she told me about, and another with just a pregnancy test that she never mentioned to me. The orders had been placed like 12 hours apart according to the receipts. I take both bags and leave without asking the target employee more questions because I'm too flustered and don't want to make a scene. I sat in my car for like 10 minutes just staring at this pregnancy test, trying to make sense of it all. Why would she hide this from me? Why send me to pick up her order knowing there was another order waiting there? Did she forget? Was she hoping to pick it up herself later? Here's the thing that really got me concerned, there was pretty much no way that I could have potentially impregnated her.

We always use protection. Always. I'm extremely careful about the kind of thing because neither of us is in a position to have kids right now. We've talked about having a family someday, but definitely not any time soon. And we both agreed early on that an accidental pregnancy would be a disaster for both our careers. When I got home, I gave her the bag with the shampoo and stuff and didn't mention the pregnancy test at first. I wanted to see if she would bring it up. She didn't. We just hung out normally for a few hours, watched some TV, and then later that night I finally asked her why there was a pregnancy test at Target in her name. She looked totally surprised. At first she says she has no idea and she did not order a pregnancy test. I asked her to show me her

Target app to prove it and she gets a bit defensive, saying that it was probably her sister since her sister sometimes uses her target account to order things. She claims that women sometimes use pregnancy tests to regulate their PMS or for other things other than to determine if they're pregnant. I don't know shit about how pregnancy tests work, but this sounded like bullshit to me. Why would her sister order a pregnancy test to my girlfriend's local target instead of the one by her own house. Her sister lives like 20 minutes away and has her own target much closer to her. And why wouldn't her sister just go by one in person instead of ordering it online for pickup? Also, her sister is married with a three-year-old and has told us multiple times they're done

having kids. It just didn't add up. When I pressed her on it, she got irritated and said I was being paranoid and accusatory. She said maybe it was a mistake or maybe Target mixed up the orders. But I saw both receipts with her name and number on them, so that didn't make sense either. But I didn't have any real proof that she was lying, so I just let it go for the moment. She assured me that she's not pregnant and that the test wasn't a sign of her cheating when she was on her trip to see Jessie. For a few days after that, things were tense between us. She seemed distant and was on her phone even more than usual. I noticed she started taking her phone with her to the bathroom, which she never used to do.

And when I'd come into the room, she'd quickly switch apps or put her phone away. Classic sketchy behavior, right? The other night we went out to dinner and she made it a point to prove that she isn't pregnant by ordering a few cocktails. Like she specifically said, see, I wouldn't be drinking alcohol if I was pregnant. And then proceeded to order multiple drinks. It felt forced, like she was performing for me rather than just enjoying our date night. I never saw what happened to the pregnancy test after that day. I don't know if she took it or threw it away or what.

It just disappeared. I looked for it in her bathroom trash, but didn't find anything. Maybe she disposed of it somewhere else, or maybe she never took it at all. I can't stop thinking about this. The timing is just too suspicious. She visits this guy, Jesse, who she talks to constantly. Then two weeks later, there's a pregnancy test she tried to hide from me. And now that I think about it, she's been acting a bit different since she got back from her trip.

She's not as affectionate as she used to be. We used to have sex pretty regularly, like two to three times a week. But since she got back from her trip, it's been maybe once a week and it feels like she's just going through the motions. She spends more time on her phone, and she's been going out with her girlfriends more often lately. Though I have no way to verify if she's actually meeting her friends or not. One night she said she was going out with her friend Ashley for drinks. I was bored and decided to drive by the bar they usually go to, I know, kind of stalkerish, but I was feeling really insecure. Her car wasn't in the parking lot.

When she got home later and I casually asked how Ashley was doing, she launched into this whole story about how Ashley was having issues with her boyfriend. Too much detail, you know? Like she was trying to convince me they had really been together. Then nothing really happened for a few days. We just went about our normal routines, but things felt tense between us. She'd get annoyed at little things I did that never bothered her before. I'd catch her staring off into space with a worried look on her face. When I'd ask what was wrong, she'd just say nothing or I'm just tired.

I thought about just asking her straight up if something happened with Jesse, but I was afraid of the answer. Am I wrong for accusing my girlfriend for cheating on me while she was away? Update 1, so I realized that although my GF and I have protected sex, the chances of me getting her pregnant is technically possible. However, I strongly believe that despite our intimacy, I couldn't have possibly impregnated my GF. Not to be disgusting and personal, but I never finish inside of her because I want to reduce our chances of having kids

until we're both ready. That's why when I saw the pregnancy test, I immediately thought she cheated on me. Some of you commented that I should just talk to her about it again, but many more said I should just check her phone or something to see if there's any evidence. I wasn't sure about doing that because it felt wrong to invade her privacy, but I was going crazy thinking about this whole situation. To the person who said I should just trust her and not jump to conclusions,

I tried that for weeks and it got me nowhere. And to those saying I should have confronted Jesse directly, I don't even have his contact info and I'm not sure that would have accomplished anything except maybe getting him to coordinate stories with my GF. So last night after reading all your comments, I went into a panic and freaked out. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, just kept thinking about everything over and over. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I drove over to her apartment while she was at work. She gave me a key a few months ago when I was feeding her cat while she was on a business trip,

and I found her iPad sitting on the coffee table. I know a lot of you are going to judge me for this, but I was desperate. I tried using her birthday as the password and to my amazement it worked. She's always been kind of careless with her passwords, using the same one for everything. I know what I did was wrong, but I had to know if she was cheating on me. I immediately went through her messages and found a whole thread with Jessie that she never told me about. There were messages that made it very clear they had sex multiple times while she was visiting him. Some of the messages were very explicit and I won't repeat them here, but trust me, there was no mistaking what happened between them. He sent messages like I can't stop thinking about that night

and the kids are asleep, wish you were here in bed with me right now. She sent stuff back that made me physically ill to read. It was obvious this wasn't the first time they've been involved either. There were references to them hooking up years ago, before she met me. There were also messages about the pregnancy scare. She texted him a few days after getting back from her trip saying she was late and freaking out. He told her to take a test and let him know. Then a couple days later she messaged saying false alarm, not pregnant, just stress. He responded with a relieved emoji and said,

Thank God, not ready for kid number three yet, LOL. I'm honestly so devastated by this and I've been such a nervous wreck since last night. I haven't eaten and I've barely slept. The worst part is seeing all these messages where they were laughing about me. She told him I was suspicious but too trusting to figure anything out. They literally joked about how I believed her story about nothing happening with his kids around. Apparently the kids were at their grandparents' house for two of the nights she was there. I feel like such an idiot.

All those times she was on the phone with him and I was in the same room, completely clueless. Now I'm waiting to confront her, but I honestly don't know how. I'm afraid she'll just turn it around on me and make me the bad guy for invading her privacy. Honestly, at this point, I don't even care. I just want to get this over with and move on with my life. Some of you said I should gather more evidence before confronting her, but I think what I saw is more than enough. Others suggested I should just ghost her completely, but that feels too childish for a relationship that's lasted almost a year. I want to at least look her in the eye when I end things.

She was my first real GF in a long time and now I feel like an afterthought. I put so much into this relationship. I rearranged my life to make time for her. I introduced her to my family. I was even thinking about asking her to move and together when our leases were up in a few months. And the whole time she was cheating on me with this guy. Edit, for those asking if she specifically mentioned using protection with Jesse, from what I could tell from their messages, they didn't.

There was some joke from him about pulling out Game Strong which made me want to vomit. So yeah, they were being completely reckless too, which just adds another layer to this whole mess. Update 2. So last night, I finally worked up the courage to tell my GF that I needed to talk to her. At first she kept saying she was busy and tried to reschedule for the weekend, but I insisted on seeing her in person so she finally said to go to her place around 8 p.m. I wanted to be calm and collected, not let my emotions get the better of me. I even wrote down some key points I wanted to make so I wouldn't get sidetracked if she tried to change the subject or turn things around on me. I go over to her place and she's acting all normal, like nothing's wrong.

Offers me a drink, asks about my day, the usual. I declined the drink because I wanted to keep a clear head. I sit down on her couch and she tries to cuddle up next to me like everything's fine. I moved away slightly and told her we needed to talk about something serious. I reiterated, however, since she got back from her trip, things have felt weird between us. She claims I'm the one who's making things weird by believing that she cheated on me. She continues to claim that the pregnancy test was not hers and that her friend Jesse was just a friend. and they just hung out, watched movies with his kids, and went to some local attractions.

She starts getting all defensive again, saying I'm being insecure and that if I can't trust her, then maybe we have bigger problems. She even had the nerve to say that my constant accusations were pushing her away and making her reconsider our relationship. I let her go on for a bit, denying everything, and then I finally said, I know you cheated because I saw the messages between you and Jessie. Her face just dropped. For a split second, there was this look of pure panic in her eyes. Then she got pissed. You came here without me knowing and went through my personal messages? That's so messed up and creepy to be honest, she says. We got into a slight argument as I told her that my suspicions were correct and she was trying to deflect the conversation.

I asked her to give me her phone and I'll show her all the messages I saw which were very clear and explicit. I know I could have just shown her screenshots I took of the iPad, but honestly I wanted to see if she deleted them or how she'd react. Of course she refuses and says we are not married. We don't live together. You don't own or control me. When I tried to get her to address the actual issue, that she cheated on me, she just kept focusing on how I violated her privacy. She refused to admit anything even when I mentioned specific messages I had read. At one of the one, She even tried to claim that I must have misunderstood the messages or taken them out of context. She said Jessie is just someone she's very comfortable with and they have an open communication

style that might seem inappropriate to outsiders. Can you believe that? She really thought I'd buy that explanation after seeing messages explicitly describing them having sex. While I agreed with her that going through her iPad was wrong, I decide to end things quickly and simply put her copy of her keys on her coffee table and tell her you cheated. Plain and simple. Goodbye and good luck.

I walk out and she makes no attempt to stop me. Later that night, she tries to text me and says that she's sorry for what she did. At first, she claimed that Jesse was an old boyfriend that she never told me about and that they dated years ago before she met me and that he moved away several years ago. She claims that the messages I saw were old conversations they had, but I quickly told her that was obviously not true. I could see the dates on the messages. Then she switched tactics and swears that she didn't mean to cheat and that Jesse must have gotten her drunk and it led to sex. She assures me that she is not pregnant with anyone's baby.

I don't even know what to believe anymore. I told her that's good because I don't want anything else tying me to you. I wished her good luck again and I haven't heard from her since. She tried calling me a few times this morning but I ignored her calls. She also sent a long text about how sorry she is and how it was a mistake and she wishes she could take it back. Classic stuff you say when you're only sorry you got caught. Personally, I'm relieved but I'm so upset and devastated by all this. I spoke with my friend Eric who told me that he had an ex that cheated on him too,

but she later tried to contact him years later when the dude she cheated on him with turned out to be a bum. He warned me that she might try to come back once she realizes what she's lost. I told him I'd never take her back, not after this, but he said people do stupid things when they're lonely or their ego is bruised. Thank you all for your input and support. It really means a lot to have people to talk to about this who understand what I'm going through. Siblings declines to encounter my recent partner and was behaving strangely regarding it. Later, I discovered she was fixated and deeply infatuated with him during their time in secondary school. even tried to break up his relationship.

Okay, so here's the situation. I, F23, have been dating my current BF, M28, for about four months and I am completely effing smitten. He is literally the sweetest, smartest, kindest, most caring guy I've ever met and I honestly feel so lucky to have found him. I know it hasn't been that long, but I've dated enough A-holes to know when something is different. Like my last X would constantly forget to do. text me back and then get mad when I'd ask where he was. Meanwhile, my current BF actually communicates like an adult and remembers the little things I tell him. We met at the start of this semester

at our university. He's a graduate student and was running this tutoring group I joined. I was really struggling with this one class that has a reputation for failing students and my advisor suggested the tutoring program. I almost didn't go because I hate asking for help, but I was desperate at that point and my GPA couldn't take the hit. The first session was kind of awkward with a bunch of students who didn't want to be there, but he made it actually bearable. We hit it off immediately during the group sessions and found that we had a ton in common, including the same hometown which was pretty cool considering our university is like three hours away from there. He likes the same weird indie bands I do and has the same dorky sense of humor. After talking more during a break,

we realized we even went to the same high school, although we never actually met before. He graduated the year before I started my freshman year, but he was in the same grade as my older sister. I thought that was kind of a fun coincidence and asked if he knew her. He said, yeah, they ran in the same circles, but they hadn't kept in touch since graduation which made sense because people drift apart. I didn't think much of it at the time. Anyway, after a couple weeks of tutoring, he asked me out for coffee and we just clicked. The coffee date turned into dinner because we couldn't stop talking. I ended up getting an A in the class I was struggling with, partly because he's a really good tutor, but also because I wanted to impress him, pathetic, I know. We spent the last four months growing

super close. He's introduced me to his roommates and a couple of his close friends from the grad program. I've introduced him to my roommate and we've done a few double dates with her and her boyfriend. Lately we've been talking about maybe bringing each other to our family holiday celebrations. We didn't get to do Thanksgiving together because he went home to see his parents and I went home to see mine. They live in different parts of the same state now, but we decided that for Christmas we'd try to spend at least part of it together and I was really excited about it. My family does this whole big thing on Christmas Eve with an elaborate dinner and then we open one present each, and then Christmas Day is more casual with a big brunch and the rest of the

presence. I was thinking he could come for Christmas Eve dinner and then maybe part of Christmas Day. I hadn't actually told my parents or sister I was seeing anyone serious yet because I wanted to make sure it was going somewhere first. My last relationship was a disaster and everyone got attached and then we broke up. It was a whole thing. My mom still asks about him sometimes, which is annoying. So I decided to call and let them know about BF and also to make sure it wasn't an issue if he came to our Christmas celebration this year. My mom was super excited for me when I told her all about BF and how we met and everything.

She kept asking a million questions about him and seemed genuinely happy, which was nice. She wanted to know what he was studying, if he was a good student, he has a 4.0 so yeah, what his family is like, normal, two parents still together, one younger brother, and if he treats me well, better than anyone I've dated before.

My dad was more chill about it, but said he sounded like a nice young man and he would be glad to meet him. Both my parents said it was totally fine if he came for Christmas dinner. I then called my sister to tell her the news. She's three years older than me and we've always had a decent relationship. We fought a lot as kids but got closer in high school and now we get along really well for the most part. She's always been pretty cool about my boyfriends in the past and I even joked that it would be

like a high school reunion for her since they kind of knew each other back then. She was initially excited when I mentioned a new boyfriend, but when I told her who it was her mood changed dramatically. She told me she would not be comfortable having a stranger at our family's Christmas and that she was sorry but he couldn't come. I was honestly shocked and asked her to explain because she is normally very outgoing and never had a problem with strangers before. This isn't the first BF one of us has brought home for the holidays. She's bringing her boyfriend of like seven months this year. I asked if she had not liked him in high school or something and her. that's why she didn't want him to come.

She said no and she barely even remembered him, which made her reaction even more confusing. I suggested maybe she would feel better meeting him before Christmas so it's not overwhelming on the actual holiday. She got really firm and told me that she didn't want to meet him before, during, or after Christmas and to drop it. Then she literally hung up on me. She texted me a little later that it was rude of me

to keep trying to force her to meet someone she doesn't want to and she hopes I won't bring it up again. This makes absolutely no sense to me as my sister is not usually like this at all. We've always gotten along pretty well and she's never acted this way about any of my boyfriends before. She was totally fine with my last boyfriend and even the one before that who was kind of a jerk sometimes. I tried calling her back, but she didn't answer. I sent her a text saying I was sorry for pushing but I didn't understand what was going on and I just wanted to talk about it. She read it but never responded.

Then nothing happened for like three days and I was just sitting there wondering what the hell was going on. I asked my mom about it, but she is just as confused as I am and said she would talk to her for me. Mom tried calling her a couple times, but my sister kept saying she was busy and would call back later. I've tried texting my sister a couple times since then just asking what's going on, but she either ignores me or gives really short answers that don't explain anything. Like literally just I don't want to talk about it or please drop it. I obviously won't bring my BF if it makes my sister uncomfortable. I'm not trying to ruin Christmas for everyone or anything.

I just wish she would give me an actual reason, especially since she basically said she never wants to meet him. Not just at Christmas. Like, what the fuck? I'm just so confused. Is she hiding something? Did they have some kind of history she's not telling me about? She says she barely remembers him,

but then acts like she hates him? The worst part is I had to tell my boyfriend that my sister doesn't want him at Christmas. And I couldn't even explain why. He was really understanding about it. But I could tell he was confused and probably a little hurt. He asked if maybe they had some bad interaction in high school he forgot about, but he said they were always friendly when they did interact.

He actually seemed worried that he had done something wrong without realizing it. He offered to spend Christmas Eve with his family, and then maybe we could meet up on Christmas Day or the day after, which was sweet. But that's not really the point. The point is my sister is acting weird and I don't know why and it's putting a strain on my relationship. What if she never wants to be around him? Am I just supposed to keep them separate forever? I really like this guy and I think it could be serious, but my sister is important to me too

and this whole situation is just so weird. I don't know what to do. My mom suggested maybe my sister will tell her something she won't tell me, but she hasn't had a chance to talk to her in person yet. My mom thinks maybe something happened in high school that my sister doesn't want to tell me about. This is kind of fucking up my holiday plans and making everyone uncomfortable. My boyfriend keeps asking if he did something wrong and I have to keep telling him no, but I don't actually know that for sure because my sister won't talk to me. I don't know if I should keep pushing or just accept it.

Am I the asshole for pushing this issue with my sister? Edit, thanks for all the comments. A lot of people are suggesting she had a crush on him or maybe they hooked up. I'm not sure if that's it, but it does make a kind of sense. I talked to my boyfriend last night and he also seemed really confused about the whole thing. I asked him to please be honest with me and to let me know if anything went on between them beyond just running in the same circles. He told me nothing happened and they had only ever hung out. groups. He said she was really more a friend of a friend and he had a long-term GF he was committed to

throughout high school so he didn't even hook up with her or anything like that. His GF at the time was someone from their friend group who he started dating freshman year and they broke up right before graduation. He said my sister was always on the periphery of their friend group but they were never close. She also never bullied him and, from his perspective, he never bullied her. He said they were always friendly slash civil and never so much as got in an argument. He seemed pretty genuine when he said he has no idea what her issue with him is. He even scrolled through his yearbook photos to see if that would jog his memory about any interactions with her, but nothing stood out. There's obviously more to this story from my sister's side, so I have to try to speak to her again. Probably in a few days when I go

home for the holidays. I'll update if I find out anything more. TBAH I'm kind of dreading going home now because this is hanging over everything. Update 1, I had quite a few PMs asking me to update here if anything happened, so here I am. First of all, thanks for all the comments and theories. Some of you are actually right on the money, as it turns out. I will preface that the situation isn't totally resolved, but people have been asking for more information so I wanted to let you all know what I now know. And no, for those asking, they didn't hook up at a party or anything like that. I got home on Wednesday for the holidays, and my sister was acting completely normal when I arrived, like nothing had happened. She helped me bring my bags in from the car, asked about the drive, normal sister stuff.

It was frustrating because I wanted to talk about the elephant in the room, but she was pretending everything was fine. We went to dinner that evening just the two of us, mom suggested this, thinking we needed sister time. She picked this Mexican place we used to go to in high school and everything was going fine, we talked about her job, my classes, stupid stuff our parents had done lately. But then I noticed she wasn't really asking about my life at school or my friends or anything that might lead to mentioning my boyfriend. She was clearly avoiding the topic. Finally, I just brought it up directly, and she immediately got upset with me.

Her whole demeanor changed and she told me to just leave it alone. I told her that I have very strong feelings for this man and if she has an issue with him I would like to know what it is so I can make an informed decision about my relationship. I wouldn't want to be with someone who would hurt my sister or was a bad person. She insisted he never hurt her, he didn't bully her, and she simply didn't want a strange man at her family's Christmas. This just pissed me off because it was such an obvious lie. I pointed out she is bringing her boyfriend of seven months so I've only met twice,

once at a family birthday thing and once when they passed through town and stopped for lunch. He's just as much a strange man to me as my boyfriend is to her. She said it's different because I already met her BF. I told her technically she's already met mine and I offered for them to re-meet before Christmas and she shut me down. I asked her if she was jealous that I was dating someone from her grade and she got really defensive and said that was ridiculous. The conversation really didn't go anywhere productive and we both left mad. She barely spoke to me on the drive home and went straight to her room when we got back to our parents' house.

I was lying in my old bedroom staring at the ceiling later that night, trying to figure out what to do. When I remembered my sister's childhood best friends still lived in town. They had been inseparable from like elementary school through high school. I still follow her on Instagram and we occasionally like each other's posts but haven't really talked. I figured if anyone would know what happened between my sister and my boyfriend, it would be her. I ended up messaging her to see if she knew anything about my boyfriend. I played it as casual as possible, like, hey, random question, did you know, boyfriend's name, in high school? I've been dating him for a few months and just found out he went to school with you guys.

She confirmed she knew who he was and then asked if my sister knew yet that I was dating him. A red flag went up and I said yes and she doesn't seem happy about it. She then asked to call me instead of texting. A lot of you in the comments were right. It turns out my sister was obsessed with my BF from seventh grade all the way until they graduated and went to college in different states. I was honestly shocked because my sister never mentioned him when I was in high school. She dated a few guys during that time and seemed to really like them.

So I had no idea she was pining for someone else the whole time. I asked if there was more to it than that because I can't believe my grown-ass sister would act this way over a little crush and her friend told me it wasn't a little crush, she was legit in love with him. She said my sister would talk about him constantly, write his name in her notebooks, plan out their wedding, the whole teenage girl experience.

She even went as far as finding out what colleges he was applying to so she could apply to the same ones, though she ended up going somewhere else. Since she said in love, I asked if my boyfriend knew or if anything had happened between them and she said as far as she knew he didn't know about her feelings

and they for sure had never hooked up, to my sister's extreme displeasure apparently. My sister had apparently tried multiple times to get his attention, but he was either oblivious or not interested. According to her friend, she pined for him for years and was devastated when he started dating one of their other friend's freshman year. It was this girl who sat next to him in biology and they got paired up for a project,

and my sister was crushed because she had been trying to get into the same classes as him but couldn't. She would show up to his work with other guys to try to make him jealous, He worked at the movie theater and the mall, only go to parties if she knew he was going, hooked up with his best friend to try and make him jealous, and once even tried to break up him and his girlfriend by spreading rumors that she had cheated on him at a party. The girlfriend confronted my sister about it and there was apparently a whole dramatic scene in the cafeteria. When my BF and his then GF did eventually break up senior year my sister thought it was her big moment, but he never even gave her a second glance. Her friend said my sister cried for days and it was part of the reason she decided to go to a different college than the one he was attending, which she had gotten into as a backup. She said she needed a fresh start. What's even crazier is that apparently she's held a small torch for him all these years still. Her friend says she thinks she would still want to be with him if he would have her and she's probably just jealous that he's interested in me when he never was interested in her.

She mentioned that my sister brought him up a few times over the years when they'd get to get to go. for drinks, wondering what happened to him. I am sort of relieved that it's not something horrible like I was imagining based on some of your comments. Some of the comments on my original post had me extra scared for what I was going to find, like that he'd bullied her or they'd had a secret relationship or something truly messed up. But now I'm also pissed off. She's really going to ice my boyfriend out of our family events over a high school crush that she never even told him about. This is so ridiculous.

I do feel for her, it sucks when you really like someone and they don't like you back, but I'm upset she wouldn't just tell me and made it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. We're adults now, not teenagers, and this shouldn't be such a dramatic thing. It was years ago. My sister's friend made me promise not to tell my sister that she told me all this. But I don't see how I can address the issue without letting her know that I know. I'm going to try to talk to her one more time and let her know I know about her. her crush and hopefully we can deal with this like adults. Thank you everyone for all of your

comments and support. Some of you were mean, but most of you were really helpful. I'll update again if anything changes. I'm still not sure if I should tell my boyfriend all this or if it would just make things more awkward. Update 2. Sorry I took so long to update. With the holidays I totally forgot about Reddit. When I finally logged in this morning I saw tons of messages and know notifications asking for an update. I guess a lot of people were invested in my ridiculous family drama. I'm surprised so many people cared about this. So here's what happened. My mom did end up bringing up the matter of my sister's crush when they went gift shopping a week before Christmas. I wasn't there, but my mom told me about it after. Apparently they were in the mall food court

having lunch between stores when my mom casually mentioned that she was excited to meet my boyfriend at Christmas. My sister got tense and my mom asked her directly what her problem was with him. My sister seemed ashamed and embarrassed when she realized we all knew about it. My mom didn't outright say I knew about the crush, but I guess my sister could tell from how my mom was talking that someone had spilled the beans. My sister tried to play it off and said it wasn't that big of a deal and tried to claim that wasn't why she didn't want my boyfriend to come. She tried to say again that she just didn't want a stranger at Christmas, but my mom called her out on it. My mom wasn't having it and pushed her to give a real reason or she would be inviting my boyfriend to all future family functions I attended and she didn't want to hear another word about it.

My mom can be pretty fierce when she wants to be and I guess my sister realized she wasn't going to win this one. She said my sister got upset but finally did admit she just felt weird that the guy she liked so much never noticed her but noticed her little sister and she just felt icky about the whole situation. It wasn't even about still having feelings for him, she insisted, but about the embarrassment of facing someone who she had made a fool of herself over as a teenager. She told my mom she didn't want to be around him as it would make her feel like that desperate, insecure teenager all over again and she was super embarrassed by her teenage self. She was mortified at the thought of him somehow finding out how obsessed she had been with him and thought it would be incredibly awkward for everyone.

My mom told her that was valid, but she doesn't get to dictate who I date and bring around based on a high school crush from years ago. She suggested my sister speak to me and try to come to an understanding. My mom called to tell me this after she got home and I kind of expected sister to call me that evening but she didn't. I was going to wait to speak with my BF until after I had this conversation with my sister, but I ended up hanging out with him that night and just told him everything I had learned. I was nervous about it, but I felt like he deserved to know why my sister was being so weird about

him coming to Christmas. I tried to be sensitive about it and not make my sister sound crazy, but I did tell him the broad strokes about her having had a big crush on him in high school and feeling awkward about seeing him now. He was surprised at first and then got this look of realization like something suddenly made sense to him. He said there had been a couple times in high school where he thought she was acting a little strange around him, but he never connected the dots. He actually apologized for anything he had done to play a part in the situation and I told him he had nothing to be sorry for from my understanding of the situation. He didn't even know she liked him.

I said I would understand if he no longer wanted to be with me if he was now uncomfortable with all this drama. He told me I was absolutely bats-it crazy for thinking he would leave me over something like this. He said he really likes me and my family drama is nothing compared to some of the stuff his family polls. I showed him both Reddit posts and we laughed over some of the crazy far-fetched comments, some of you are wild, and he reminded me to take Reddit opinions with a grain of salt next time I seek Internet counsel. Then nothing much happened for a couple days. I saw my sister around the house, but we were both kind of avoiding the topic. My parents were acting normal, but I could tell my mom was waiting for us to work it out.

It was this weird tension where everyone knew what was going on, but no one was talking about it. My sister did end up calling me the next day and asked to come over to talk. When she got to my parents' house, she looked really sheepish and immediately apologized for acting crazy and shutting down me bringing my boyfriend without talking to me about it first. She said she had been caught off guard when I told her who I was dating and she reacted badly. I thanked her for apologizing and asked her to explain her reasoning in her own words. She was reluctant at first but finally opened up. She basically told me the same thing she told my mom about being embarrassed and uncomfortable.

She said she had been so obsessed with him in high school and had done some embarrassing things to try to get his attention that she was mortified at the thought of seeing him again. She said she had eventually gotten over it and moved on in college, but hearing his name again brought back all those feelings of embarrassment. She was worried he might have known about her crush and would think she had something to do with us meeting, or that I was some weird way for her to get close to him by proxy. I asked if she still had feelings for my boyfriend and she actually laughed and said no, that ship, has long sailed and she really truly is happy in her current relationship. Her B.F. also knows everything about this situation as she confided in him. She just doesn't want to face my B.F. knowing how intense her feelings were and she feels there is no way he couldn't have noticed. She said her current boyfriend actually encouraged her to talk to me and work it out because it was silly to let a high school

crush ruin our holiday. I assured her my boyfriend said he has no bad memories of her and is interested in getting to know her as my sister with a clean slate. I told her he had no idea she had feelings for him back then and he's not the type to be weird about it now. I also promised her I would never tell him about any of the specific embarrassing things she did, and I haven't. My sister said she would try to move past her discomfort and was looking forward to seeing us both at Christmas, which was a huge relief. I asked if she wanted to maybe meet him for coffee before the big family gathering so it wouldn't be so awkward, but she said she'd rather just rip the band-aid off and get it over with. So with that my BF did end up coming to Christmas and it was great. My sister gave him a bit

of an awkward greeting and they didn't interact a ton but we all played games together and my parents loved him. My dad particularly got along with him and they spent like an hour talking about some boring history documentary they had both watched. My BF was super nice to my sister and acted completely normal, not weird at all. He said later he said later he didn't feel uncomfortable in the slightest. My sister relaxed as the evening went on and by dessert they were even having a normal conversation about a TV show they both watch. It was honestly so lovely and I feel like the awkwardness my sister is feeling will fade with time. She texted me after she and her BF left that we made a great couple and she was again sorry

for almost ruining my Christmas. She said seeing us together made her realize how ridiculous she had been and that it was obvious we were good for each other. I told her. told her I forgive her and love her always. We're planning to have dinner next week, just the four of us, me, my BF, my sister, and her BF, to try to make things more normal. Thank you all again for all of your comments, advice, suggestions, and support. I really do love Reddit sometimes. And for those asking, yes, my BF and I are still going strong. We're actually talking about moving in together when our current leases are up in a few months,

but don't tell my family yet. One dramatic conversation at a time is enough. Cared for my factory for a quarter of a year following her mishap, only for her to request a DNA test for my recently born child, questioning, why would I embrace another guy's offspring? Bast Road. You're so stupid you can't even see when a woman is making you raise her trash. Hey, everyone.

I need to get this off my chest because I can't stop crying whenever I think about what happened. I just had my first baby three days ago and my mill pulled some crazy crap that I'm still trying to process. My hormones are all over the place and I can't tell if I'm overreacting. My husband says I'm not but he's biased since it's his mom who caused all this. For background, my husband and I have been together for 4.5 years, married for two. We met through mutual friends at a backyard barbecue. I wasn't looking for anything serious at the time since I'd just gotten out of a three-year relationship. with my ex that ended badly. But my husband was so kind and patient that we clicked right away.

We were happy together from the start, but his mom Jenny has always been cold to me from day one. About six months into dating my husband, Jenny had a bad accident. She fell down the stairs at her house and broke her hip, her wrist, and had a concussion. She needed care for three months while she recovered. My husband couldn't take time off work because he had just started a new job and was still in his probationary period. His older brothers live out of state, one in Colorado and one in Florida, and they both have demanding jobs that they claimed made it impossible to come help for more than a weekend. His sister had her hands full with her own kids, she has four under ten, and his youngest sister was still in high school and honestly seemed terrified of her own mother. I had a more

flexible schedule back then because I was working remotely, so I offered to help. I spent almost every day for three months doing everything for this woman. I drove her to doctor appointments twice a week, helped her shower, cooked her meals, cleaned her house, picked up her prescriptions, helped her with physical therapy exercises, and even dealt with her bills and paperwork when she claimed her eyes were too blurry to read the fine print. I did all this because I loved my boyfriend, now husband, and wanted to help his family. I figured it would also be a good way to bond with his mom and show her I was serious about her son. Jenny never thanked me once. Not during, not after. She acted like I was her personal servant and would criticize everything I did. The food was too bland or too spicy. The house

wasn't clean enough. She'd call me at all hours expecting me to drop whatever I was doing to bring her something she needed. When she finally recovered, she went right back to treating me like I was dirt on her shoe. At my husband's birthday dinner that year, she didn't even acknowledge that I'd been the one taking care of her for months. She told everyone how family takes care of family and how grateful she was for her children's support. I tried to let it go for my husband's sake, but it always bothered me. Fast forward to now. I had a really difficult 22-hour labor that ended in an emergency C-section after the baby's heart rate dropped. The recovery has been rough, but our baby boy is perfect and healthy. He has my husband's eyes and my nose, and we've been in this happy little bubble

until today when Jenny came to visit us in the hospital. My Phil couldn't come because he was dealing with some work emergency that Jenny was very vague about. When Jenny arrived, she barely looked at me in the hospital bed. Didn't ask how I was feeling after major surgery or anything. She was dressed like she was going to church, all fancy with jewelry and makeup, which seemed weird for a hospital visit. She just demanded to see the baby right away. My husband brought our son over, and Jenny just stared at him with this weird look on her face. She didn't coo or smile or ask to hold him like a normal grandmother would. She looked almost disappointed, like she was hoping for something to be wrong. Then she turned to my husband and said we should

get a paternity test. Three days postpartum. With me still hooked up two and four and barely able to walked to the bathroom by myself. She said my ex from before I even met my husband had been posting online about having an affair with me and that he might be the baby's real father. This is complete BS. I haven't even talked to my ex in five years. He's just a jealous loser trying to stir up drama after seeing on Facebook that I had a baby. One of our mutual friends must have told him, and he decided to make up lies for attention. I didn't even know he was saying this stuff until Jenny brought it up. When my husband tried to hand her the baby, she backed away and said, why would I hold some other man's bastard? You're so stupid you can't even

see when a woman is making you raise her trash. I was in shock. My husband went red in the face. He told his mom she was being ridiculous and that she needed to apologize. Then he said something I never expected. He asked her how she'd feel if someone had demanded paternity tests for her kids, especially his youngest sister. Jenny turned white. She started sputtering about how dare he suggests such a thing, that she was a faithful wife with a perfect reputation. She's always prided herself on being this perfect Christian wife and mother, going to church every Sunday and judging everyone else for their sins. My husband actually laughed and said everyone knew about her affair with his dad's business partner years ago. Jenny started screaming so loud a nurse ran in.

you ungrateful little shit. After everything I've done for you. You're dead to me if you believe that horror over your own mother. My husband took the argument to the hallway to keep the baby from getting upset. I could hear them yelling but couldn't make out the words. My Phil called during this time and my husband told him what was happening. I could tell from my husband's side of the conversation that my Phil wasn't surprised, which seemed odd at the time. When my husband came back, he explained something I never knew.

When he was around 11, he accidentally overheard his mom and his dad's business partner having a huge fight in their garage. He'd been playing in the yard and went to get a drink, and they didn't know he was in the house. The man was yelling at Jenny saying she was taking his baby away from him and that he had rights. This was when Jenny was pregnant with her youngest daughter, who's seven years younger than my husband. Apparently after this, my husband, confused and scared, told his dad what he'd heard. My Phil demanded paternity tests for all five of his children. My husband never knew the results, just that his parents had the worst fight of their marriage and then never spoke of it again.

I had no idea about any of this family history. My husband said he'd forgotten about it until Jenny started accusing me of infidelity, and it all came flooding back. Jenny left the hospital in a rage. but she wasn't done with us. She kept sending nasty texts calling me a homewrecker and a liar. She said I'd never be part of their family and that she always knew I was trouble. Then when we got home from the hospital yesterday, she showed up at our door unannounced.

We live about 30 minutes from her house, so she had to make a special trip just to confront us. We didn't let her in because I was trying to breastfeed and recover from my C-section. She started pounding on the door and screaming, you think you're so special because you pushed out a baby? Millions of women do it every day. You've trapped my son with your slutty waves just like all the other trash she's dated. You'll never be part of this family no matter how hard you try. I completely lost it.

I was in pain, exhausted, hormonal, and now dealing with this insanity when I should be bonding with my newborn. I went to the door, didn't open it, and shouted back that I regretted every single minute I spent helping her after her accident, that she was the most ungrateful person I'd ever met, and that she wasn't welcome in our home until she apologized for disrespecting me and our baby. I told her we had security cameras and would call the police if she didn't leave immediately. She finally left, but not before she kicked our welcome mat off the porch and knocked over the flower pot my mom had sent as a baby gift. Later that night, my husband told me he felt hurt by my

comment about regretting helping his mother. He said he still feels guilty he couldn't help her more during that time because of his work. He was working 60-hour weeks at a new job he couldn't afford to lose, and he felt like he'd burdened me with his family problems so early in our relationship. I feel awful for unintentionally hurting him when I was just trying to stand up to his witch of a mother. I apologized and explained I didn't regret helping our family, just that his mother never appreciated it and now had the nerve to treat me like this after everything I'd done for her. So Ida for telling my mill I regret helping her after her accident after she demanded a paternity test for my newborn? Update 1, thanks for all the comments and support. I'm typing this

one-handed while nursing the baby at 3 a.m., so sorry for any typos. A lot of you are asking questions about my husband's role during his mom's recovery and thinking he let me do everything. That's not fair to him and I need to clear that up. During Jenny's recovery, my husband worked 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. Monday through Friday and often half days on Saturday. I would go to Jenny's house around 9 a.m. and stay until my husband could get there around 7.30 p.m. He would then take over and stay until she went to bed, and he spent most weekends there helping her too. He did what he could with his work schedule. His siblings barely helped at all. The two oldest lived out of state and visited maybe twice in three months. His sister was always too busy with her own family, and the year's

youngest was still in high school and honestly seemed afraid of her own mother. I didn't mean to make it sound like my husband just dumped his mom on me. He feels guilty enough without people piling on. Some of you are suggesting my husband should have stood up to his mom sooner and not let her treat me badly all these years. You're right, and we've had many conversations about it. He was raised to never question his mother and always keep the peace in the family. It's taken years of him seeing how differently my family treats.

each other with respect to realize how toxic his mom's behavior is. He's been working on setting boundaries, but it's a process. I apologize to my husband for my hurtful comment. He understood I was just furious at his mom and not him. We're trying to focus on the baby now and keep the drama away from our new family, but it's hard when my phone keeps blowing up with texts from his family members demanding explanations. For those asking about Jenny, she's been quiet for a couple days. My Phil called to check on us and the baby. He was super apologetic about Jenny's behavior and said he was dealing with her at home. Whatever that means.

He sounded tired and sad, not angry like I expected. He asked if we'd consider having a family meeting to sort this out once things calm down. We haven't decided yet because I'm still recovering from surgery and barely sleeping with a newborn. The last thing I need is a stressful confrontation with Jenny. My husband's youngest sister also called. She's really freaked out about the whole paternity question and wants to know exactly what my husband overheard as a kid. We're not sure how much to tell her since this could mess up her whole life

if it turns out my Phil isn't her biological dad. My husband feels guilty since he brought it up, but he was just offending me and our baby. He didn't intend to expose this family secret after all these years. I'll update again when there's more to share. Right now I'm just trying to heal and figure out breastfeeding, which is way harder than anyone told me it would be. My nipples feel like they've been through a cheese grater. But when my little boy looks up at me while eating, all the pain seems worth it.

Update 2, it's been a week since my last update. The baby is doing well but I got mastitis and had to go on antibiotics, which has been awful on top of recovering from a C-section. My mom came to stay with us for a few days to help out, which has been a lifesaver. Jenny called her interfering when she found out, as if her screaming at our door wasn't interfering. A bunch of you wanted more info about Jenny's affair and how she kept it secret for so long. My husband told me he was around 11 when he overheard the business partner yelling at Jenny. He said Jenny was crying and telling the man to keep his voice down. She said something like, we agreed this would never happen.

You were supposed to get the vasectomy. This wasn't part of the plan. My husband said he was confused and scared, so he hit until the man left. Later that night, he told his dad what he'd heard because he was worried about his mom being yelled at. The business partner died of a heart attack a few years ago, so there's no way to get his side now. Jenny always claimed my husband misunderstood the conversation and that nothing happened between them. But the timing matches up with when she was pregnant with her youngest daughter. After my husband told his dad what he'd heard, my Phil demanded.

the paternity tests for all the kids. My husband doesn't know what the results were because no one ever talked about it again. Jenny and my Phil stayed together, but my husband says their marriage was never the same after that. My Phil worked longer hours and they barely spoke to each other. They slept in separate bedrooms because my dad snores but everyone knew that wasn't the real reason. My husband's siblings are all ignoring our calls now. They don't want to get involved in the drama. My husband sent them all messages explaining what happened at the hospital, but they're acting like it's our fault for bringing up old family secrets. One of his brothers texted back just saying way to go, genius. Moms having a breakdown and dad's threatening

divorce again. Hope you're happy. His sister finally called yesterday, but only to yell at my husband for stirring up ancient history and ruining her kid's relationship with their grandmother. She said her oldest son has his school play next week and now Jenny might not come because she's too upset. My husband tried to explain that Jenny was the one who started all this by accusing me of cheating, but his sister didn't want to hear it. Meanwhile, Jenny is still on the warpath. My Phil says she's convinced I manipulated my husband into bringing up the affair to get back at her. She keeps saying, that little bitch planned this whole thing. She's trying to turn my family against me because she knows she'll never measure up.

My Phil seems torn between defending his wife and supporting us. He keeps asking if we can just put this all behind us for the sake of the family. Easy for him to say when he's not the one being called a cheater and having his baby's paternity questioned. He did tell my husband privately that he's never fully trusted Jenny since that incident years ago, but he stayed for the kids and because of his religious beliefs about marriage being forever. We're keeping our distance for now. My husband is feeling terrible for exposing the family secret, but I keep reminding him that Jenny started this whole mess by questioning our baby's paternity based on some stupid post from my ex. If she hadn't brought that up, none of this would be happening.

He shouldn't have to feel guilty for defending his wife and child. On a positive note, my mom has been amazing through all this. She's staying with us for another week to help out. She doesn't say anything negative about Jenny in front of my husband. but when he's not around she calls her that terrible woman and says she's proud of me for standing up for myself. Having her support means a lot right now. Update 3. It's been nine days since the hospital incident. My husband finally got fed up with all the back and forth and sent a detailed message to his entire family explaining exactly what he overheard as a child.

He was tired of being called a liar and having his siblings take Jenny's side without knowing the full story. He felt they all deserve to know the truth, especially his youngest sister who's now in her early 20s. His youngest sister called a sobbing. She had no idea about any of this and doesn't know what to believe. She's always felt different from her siblings. She has curly hair when everyone else has straight hair, and she's the only one with green eyes while everyone else is brown. She's living in an apartment that her parents pay for, and she's worried about what will happen if she pushes for answers. She asked my husband, do you think dad isn't really my dad?

Is that why mom always treated me differently? We offered to let her stay with us if she needs to get away from the drama, but she hasn't decided yet. She's finishing her degree and doesn't want to change schools in her final year. The other siblings have had mixed reactions. His oldest brother called him a family destroying asshole while his sister just sent a text saying, Thanks for ruining everything as usual. Only his middle brother seemed somewhat supportive, saying he always suspected something wasn't right with their parents' marriage. He said there were other times when he was in high school that he came home early and found the business partner there when their dad was out of town.

Nothing obvious was happening, but it always seemed suspicious to him. No one is speaking to Jenny right now, which is making her even more unhinged. She's been sending emails to everyone claiming I'm the mastermind behind all of this. She even contacted my mom on Facebook, telling her to control your daughter before she destroys any more families. My mom blocked her immediately and showed me the message. It was full of spelling errors and seemed almost incoherent, like she was drunk or not thinking clearly. My Phil admitted that he and Jenny have been talking about divorce on and off for years. Every time they get close to filing, Jenny threatens to tell everyone the truth about him, though he says there's nothing to tell.

He thinks she's just bluffing to keep him in the marriage, but he's been afraid to find out. He sounds beaten down and tired, like he's given up on ever being happy. We haven't heard directly from Jenny in a few days, which is a relief. The baby is doing great despite all the chaos. He's gaining weight and has the cutest little expressions. We're trying not to let the family drama overshadow these first weeks with our son, but it's hard when your phone is constantly blowing up with angry relatives. My mom went back home yesterday, which was hard.

I cried when she left. My husband has been amazing, though. He's taking two weeks of paternity leave and handling all the household stuff so I can focus on the baby and healing. I wish his family drama wasn't casting such a shadow over what should be a happy time. Update 4. It's been almost three weeks since everything started. After a lot of soul-searching, my husband's youngest sister decided to get a paternity test. She said not knowing was worse than any truth could be. The other siblings refused to get tested, saying their paternity was never in question. It was only the youngest who was born

during the suspected affair. The results came back faster than we expected and they confirmed what everyone was afraid of. My Phil is not her biological father. She was devastated even though she'd been preparing herself for this possibility. She decided to stay in her apartment rather than move in with us because she said she needs space to process everything. My husband feels awful about exposing this family secret, but I keep reminding him that none of this would have happened if Jenny hadn't accused me of cheating and demanded a paternity test for our baby. He was only defending me and our child. I found him sitting alone staring at nothing a few times, and when I ask what's wrong, he just says he feels like he's

destroyed his family. I tell him his mom did that long ago with her lies and manipulation. Jenny has gone completely off the rails. She's sending horrible messages to everyone, especially her youngest daughter. You've betrayed me just like everyone else. After everything I sacrificed for you, you were always ungrateful and difficult, just like your father. She even showed up at her daughter's workplace and caused such a scene they almost called the police. She was screaming about how ungrateful her children were and how they were all turning against her. Her daughter was humiliated and almost lost her job.

She's now staying with a friend because she's afraid Jenny will show up at her apartment next. We're still keeping Jenny blocked on everything. She tried to show up at our house again but left when we threatened to call the police. We're focusing on the baby and trying to support my husband's sister, who's going through an identity crisis on top of feeling betrayed by her mother. The baby had his first pediatrician appointment and he's doing great. He's gained almost a pound since birth and the doctor says he's perfectly healthy. My C-section scar is healing well too, though I'm still sore and tired all the time. My husband has been incredible through all of this, handling nighttime diaper changes and bringing

the baby to me for feeding so I don't have to get up as much. I don't know what I'd do without him. His oldest brother finally called to check on us, which was surprising. He admitted that he's dealt with Jenny's toxic behavior by keeping his That's why he moved so far away. He said he wasn't surprised about the paternity revelation and actually suspected it years ago but didn't want to rock the boat. He apologized for calling my husband names and said he was just shocked at first. It's a small olive branch, but it means a lot to my husband. Update 5. One week after the paternity test results, my Phil called to tell us he's

leaving Jenny. He's staying with a friend while looking for an apartment. He officially filed for divorce last week. He said this was the final straw after years of suspicion and unhappiness. I've wasted 40 years with a woman who never really loved me, he told my husband. I don't want to waste whatever time I have left. It was sad but also kind of inspiring to see him finally stand up for himself after all these years. Jenny is blaming us for everything, of course. She sent a long email, to my husband's work email,

since we blocked her personal one, saying we've ruined her 40-year marriage. She wrote, I hope you're satisfied now that you've destroyed this family. I no longer consider you my son. That woman has turned you against your own mother. She'll do the same with the rest of your family once she's done isolating you. Watch your back or you'll end up alone just like me. She went on to say horrible things about me, claiming I've been trying to separate my husband from his family from day one

and that I only helped her after her accident to worm my way in and gain their trust. She said I was probably cheating on my husband and that's why I was so defensive about the paternity test. She even suggested my husband should get tested for STDs because of my promiscuous lifestyle. Complete projection on her part. We blocked that email too, but not before my husband forwarded it to his sibling so they could see how unhinged their mother has become. His sister finally called to apologize for taking Jenny's side. She said she's been on the receiving end of similar emails and can't believe she ever defended her mother's behavior. My Phil has been visiting regularly to see the baby.

He's actually a great-grandfather despite all the chaos. He sits in the rocking chair holding the baby for hours, just staring at his little face and talking softly to him. He told my husband he regrets not standing up to Jenny sooner and letting her treat me badly all these years. My husband's youngest sister is still processing everything but maintaining her relationship with my fill. She told us, DNA doesn't make a father. He's the only dad I've ever known and the only one I want. They've been spending more time together, which seems to be helping them both heal. She asked him if he knew all along, and he admitted he had new but didn't want to treat her differently from his other children. She said that meant more to her than anything else. The other siblings are caught in the

middle. They're tired of Jenny's constant complaining about us, but also annoyed that we caused all this drama. They check in occasionally but mostly want to stay out of it. The middle brother called yesterday and said he's thinking about getting a paternity test too, just for peace of mind. He says he doesn't really care what the results are. He just wants to know the truth. His wife is pregnant with their first child, so I think all this family drama has him thinking about his own role as a father. My husband went back to work this week, which has been hard, but my best friend comes over a few hours a day to help out. Unlike Jenny, I actually appreciate the help and make sure to thank her profusely. Update 6. It's been three months since everything

exploded. The baby is growing so fast and has started smiling, which melts my heart every time. He looks more like my husband every day, which is both wonderful and a bit of a sad reminder of everything that's happened with my husband's family. The divorce between my Phil and Jenny is moving forward, and Jenny is pissed about the financial settlement. She was a stay-at-home mom for most of their marriage, but now her alimony is being reduced because of the proven infidelity. My Phil agreed to let her keep the house, but nothing else. She's staying with her brother, who's helping her with legal stuff. She keeps trying to contest the settlement, claiming she deserves half of everything regardless of the affair since she gave him the best years of her life.

Jenny has been trash-talking my fill to their other children non-stop. She calls them crying at all hours, saying things like, Your father is throwing me away like garbage after I gave him the best years of my life. He's punishing me for one mistake while he wasn't exactly a saint himself. When they ask what she means by that, she gets vague and says, there are things you don't know about your father. But she never provides any actual. examples of wrongdoing. My husband thinks she's bluffing and has nothing on his dad.

It's just another manipulation tactic to get the kids on her side. The other kids finally got fed up and told her to stop bad-mouthing their dad. This made Jenny explode. So you're all taking his side now? After everything I did for you? I gave birth to you. I changed your diapers. I cooked your meals. And this is how you repay me? She hasn't spoken to any of them in three weeks. Her youngest daughter tried to have a calm conversation with her about everything, hoping for some closure or at least an explanation about her biological father. Jenny slapped her across the face and said she was dead to her. Her daughter left in tears and hasn't tried to contact Jenny since. She's in therapy now, trying to process all of this

trauma. She found some old photos and realized the business partner had the same curly hair and green eyes she has. It was apparently obvious all along, but everyone ignored it. My Phil found a small apartment near my husband's youngest sister. They've gotten closer through all this, both agreeing that being a father is about more than biology. She's been helping him decorate his new place and they have dinner together a couple times a week. He seems happier than I've ever seen him, despite the drama. He told my husband he feels like he can finally breathe after decades of walking on eggshells around Jenny. We only regularly talk to my Phil and my husband's youngest sister now. We hear from the other siblings occasionally, but only when there's new drama to report.

The middle brother did get a paternity test, and it confirmed that my Phil is his biological father. He seemed relieved but also said it didn't really matter to him either way. To be fair, my husband never had a great relationship. with his older siblings even before all this happened. They're quite a bit older than him and were already out of the house for most of his childhood. Jenny has completely isolated herself from all her children and is depending entirely on her brother for support. Her friends from church have mostly taken her side and think she's the victim in all this,

but they only know whatever twisted version of events she's told them. The irony of her saying this after I spent three months taking care of her ungrateful ass isn't lost on me. She acts like her children owe her everything while she owes them nothing. She never once considered that her actions might have consequences or that treating people poorly might result in them not wanting to be around her. I still don't regret what I said to Jenny, but I do regret that it led to so much family upheaval. Then again, maybe this was all going to explode eventually. Sometimes I think we just happen to be the match that lit a fuse that was already there.

In some ways, maybe it's better that the truth is. is finally out after all these years of secrets and lies. Spouse left me shortly before I delivered our child to console his former partner who was ill. His mom assisted me in initiating the legal separation process, and later I found out they embraced while he was away. Was gone. Hi, Reddit, I'm in a very complicated situation right now and any sort of help or advice would be greatly appreciated. So my husband, Jeremy, 35M and I, 32F, have been together for five years, married for two. We met through work, so I didn't know much about his past, but eventually after dating for a while, we got to know

that both of us had only had one serious relationship after we graduated from college. My ex and I had been together for four years, three years of college and one year after that, but then we had broken up due to personal differences and we did not remain in touch. We had been broken up for almost five years when I met Jeremy. However, he was still in touch with his ex when we started dating and was actually pretty good friends with her. His ex, let's call her Valerie, was his high school sweetheart. They had been together since they were 16, right through college, and they had been broken up for five years when he met me. He told me that apparently they had to part ways because she wanted to move ahead in her career, and for that she would have to take up a job in

Australia, and he did not want a long-distance relationship. They tried to make it work for a few months, but after that they mutually agreed to part ways since that would be for the best. They were part of the same circle, so they continued to be in touch and stayed friends. I was fine with it until I met his group of friends for the first time after almost nine months of dating. All of them got together for dinner on New Year's Eve, and he decided to take me with him so he could introduce me to his group of friends. Valerie was there as well, which was a surprise for me since I hadn't been prepared to see her. Now I had only heard about her from Jeremy, and he only had nice things to say about her, so initially I was not insecure or anything. But then as soon as I started interacting with her,

I realized that her energy with me was way different from what I had expected. Jeremy had made her sound like she was really warm and relaxed, but I did not find her to be that way in the slightest. She made some really cutting remarks about me in front of all the people present there, and everyone just laughed it off because apparently that was her sense of humor, but I didn't like it one bit. I don't think anybody got it because she disguised the things she said as jokes, like how she remarked that it was surprising for her to see me in person because I looked different in pictures, and now that she had seen me, she was not sure if I was Jeremy's type since he mostly preferred tall blondes, and I was neither, but she was. And everybody laughed since they thought she was just joking. She also made some remarks about how I was her successor, so she felt like she owed it to me to give me some training on how to keep Jeremy happy. These were all still harmless remarks,

and I was willing to look past it because maybe she was not trying to target me, but maybe she actually did have a very weird sense of humor like everybody said. But then while we were drinking, she toasted the fact that Jeremy had finally moved on and how happy she was for him. I thought that was nice until she said that had it not been for her decision to move to Australia, I probably wouldn't even be here with them. Nobody laughed at that, thankfully, because it was kind of awkward, but she quickly started laughing at her own weird comment, and everyone was forced to chuckle so we could just move past

it. It was not lost on me that she was still kind of possessive about Jeremy, and once we got back home that day, I told him that I did not want her speaking to me again if he wanted to be with me. I told him that I was not comfortable with his friendship with her since she was clearly still not over him, and also she had been downright rude to me the entire time that we were together. I had put up with her respectfully once, I was not going to do that again. And I was very clear about my boundaries because even in my earlier relationships,

I have had to deal with things like this. Thankfully, Jeremy seemed to realize where I was coming from. He told me that he had also found her behavior very strange and had come to the conclusion that he would have to cut her out of his life because he did not want issues in our relationship because of Valerie. So that was that, and after that incident, I never heard him mention Valerie or speak to her again. He had told me that he had blocked her, so I was content with that explanation. I met his friends several times after that, and they also never brought up Valerie with me, probably because Jeremy had told them that I didn't like her, and things had been going

smoothly until last week. Now I've actually been pregnant, and last Sunday was my due date. It's Thursday today, and Jeremy left to attend to Valerie because she had some emergency and she needed him to be there by her side. So he left two days before my due date and came back last night. We had a massive argument about it too because I had assumed that he had blocked Valerie everywhere and hadn't kept in touch with her, and he told me that he had indeed done those things, but she had used a different number to contact him and she was pretty desperate. Apparently, she had been diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer, and she really needed somebody to be there for her.

I was furious at him because there was no way I could accept the fact that he was willing to leave me alone when I was so heavily pregnant. And honestly, Valerie had just been diagnosed, and I could understand that it was difficult for him to accept it. Somebody he used to be close to might not make it, but it's not like she was going to pass away the very next day. He could go after he had at least been there for me through the labor, watch his child being born, but the day that he received this news, he had to leave immediately.

I tried to tell him that it was ridiculous that he was even considering leaving me alone when I was in this condition, but he told me that he would be back before I went into labor and that due dates are not accurate, so I might still have time for another week or so. And he told me to just deal with it until he was back and then left for the airport that very day without even bothering to finish talking to me. He was well aware of the fact that I did not have my family here, my parents lived in Iowa, and I was completely relying on him. After he left for the airport, I tried to call him several times, but his phone had been switched

off. I was really upset and desperate, so I called my mother-in-law instead because she has always been nice to me. And as soon as I explained the situation to her through tears, she came right over and started trying to call as well, but of course his phone was switched off. She comforted me and was there for me throughout that day because I was really upset and just kept crying throughout, since the pregnancy hormones were also messing with my emotions. We couldn't reach Jeremy until the next day, and even then when we called him, he did not

answer and only sent us both a text message saying that he would be back soon enough and hopefully before the baby was born. He apologized for pulling this on me and said that he was going to accept whatever punishment I thought was beneficial for him when he came back, but for now he just had to be there for an old friend because she also did not have any family in Australia, and her parents couldn't fly out to see her since her dad was very sick as well. So she was really counting on him to be there for her, to at least process this, and he just had to be there. That explanation did nothing for me, and it only pissed me off even more that he thought it was more important to be there for an old friend because he thought that a cancer diagnosis was an emergency. Whereas he was ignoring somebody who he should have actually been there for, his wife.

and I don't think that a cancer diagnosis is any more of an emergency than a literal pregnancy, because what was he going to do about that, cure her instantly? No, right? So he should have just stayed here with me. My mother-in-law was thinking along the same lines, and when he sent me that message, she asked me very bluntly if I wanted to leave him, and I didn't think much, I just said yes. So she spoke to her lawyer and had him draw up divorce papers for me, along with an agreement to terminate parental rights for Jeremy. She told me that if he came back within the due date,

then I was free to make a decision about whether I wanted to file for divorce and get this over with, or would rather speak to him and then clear the air before doing anything. And if he was not able to make it, then it was very obvious what I had to do. She had raised Jeremy herself and had been a single parent, so I could understand why she was so bent on this. She even told me that she would make sure that Jeremy paid child support, unlike his father, who had never even bothered to meet Jeremy after he was born and had left his mother all by herself to raise him. She promised me that I would not go through the same thing as she did and was there for me throughout this week.

For the next couple of days, neither of us contacted Jeremy, and on Monday I went into labor. Then my mother-in-law tried to call him to at least let him know that I was giving birth, but even then he did not pick up, and she decided not to text him about it because there was no point. My parents had flown in the day before, so that was pretty lucky, and they were all there for me. But even then, I felt Jeremy's absence very strongly that day, and I made up my mind that no matter what happened when he came back, I would not be able to go back to seeing him the same way again. So I filled out the paperwork for the divorce and told the lawyer to file it on my behalf so I could get the proceeding started as soon as possible. I did that literally just three hours after I had given birth and was barely in any condition to even lift the pen. But one look at my daughter I wanted to be happy and be a good mother to her, I had to be good to myself first.

And I couldn't do that if I continued to stay with a man who had made it so clear to me that he cared more about his obligations to Valerie than to me. After I gave birth to our daughter, I didn't even call him, and my mother-in-law, my parents, and I were staying at home together. My parents are supposed to go back tomorrow, though, so after that it's just going to be me and my mother-in-law. I told all of them about my decision to leave him because he hadn't even tried to get back in touch with me, even though he had promised me that he would be back before the due date, and he just spent a week with Valerie anyway. Last night, he came back home pretty late. I opened the door to him, and he instantly hugged me, but I shook him off and I said I wanted nothing to do with him. Then, on hearing the doorbell ring and the door being open, my mother-in-law walked into the room with the papers and literally threw them in her son's face and said that she wanted him to leave that very instant.

She said that she didn't even care where he spent the night, but she just wanted him out of the house because right now I needed some peace and quiet because I had given birth a couple of days back and he wasn't even there for it. She also told him that I had already filled out the paperwork for the divorce, and she needed him to fill out the paperwork to terminate his parental rights over our daughter. He was shocked and couldn't even say anything for the first couple of the first couple of the divorce. minutes, and I decided to clear out the room as soon as possible because my mother-in-law was right, I was still pretty weak and I needed time to recover physically. So I went to another room because I really did not want to speak to Jeremy, and seeing him had made my resolve weak and significantly, I did not want this to get even more difficult for me. Then I heard the sound of yelling, and I realized that Jeremy had started fighting with his mother, but I decided not to intervene

and stayed out of it with my daughter. After a few minutes, I started to hear Jeremy calling out my name, demanding that I speak to him and at least let him have a look at his daughter because I owe that to him. That rubbed me the wrong way, and I went back outside to see him after I placed my daughter in the crib, and I told him that after what he had done, I owed him absolutely nothing. He had made a conscious choice to not be there for me, knowing that I was near my due date, and he had chosen not to be there for the birth of his child. He had left me all alone, and I was just lucky that my mother-in-law was there for me, so I owed him absolutely nothing. And I told him I didn't care, at the moment, our daughter was asleep, and I did not want to wake her up, so I wanted him to clear out, and we could discuss this later in the morning.

Eventually he left, but I could see that he had tears in his eyes while leaving. He even tried to talk to me one last time, but I backed away from him and I told him that I wanted him to leave. We were pretty tired, so we went to sleep, but this morning he showed up again, and I finally told him that it was over for me. it had been over the very second that he had left to be with Valerie, and there was no way that he could say anything to bring me back. My mother-in-law was in the same room, but I had told her that I wanted to have this discussion with him myself and clear it out once and for all.

He then literally started crying and begging, and my mother-in-law had to leave the house with the baby so that our daughter would not have to hear any of that since he was being pretty loud. He kept insisting that he had only gone because Valerie had been begging him too, and she had claimed that she was on her deathbed, and he had spent a week there because she had absolutely no family there and was really lonely. He had spent all of those days trying to comfort her and be there for her. It was all purely platonic, but I wasn't there, so who knows what was going on.

So I told him it didn't matter anymore, and I wanted him to leave. But then he said that even if I had decided to divorce him, he thought it was too huge of a punishment to actually take away his chance of being a father. So he wanted me to reconsider that, or else he would have to fight for custody. And even then, it would be very unlikely that he would even get custody of his daughter because, firstly, he had not even been there for the birth, so we could use that against him, and he was aware of that. And on top of that, she was literally just a newborn baby, so she needed me a lot more than she

needed her father. So he was begging me for one chance because, in spite of everything, he really just wanted a family. Eventually, he did leave, but he told me to think about it, and now I'm not so sure about what to do. This is a huge deal, and it involves people's lives, so I just want to be sure of what I'm doing before I go through with it. So Ida for divorcing my husband and telling him to terminate his parental rights over our daughter because he had skipped the birth of our child to be with his ex who had claimed to be on her deathbed? Update one, I have made up my mind,

and I'm going through with a divorce, but I'm still thinking about whether I want full custody or not. For days have passed since I made the post, and Jeremy has shown up at the house every single day to apologize to me and literally beg for forgiveness, and every single day I have found it harder to turn him away. But I know that I have to do it. Thankfully, my mother-in-law has been with me every step of the way and is helping me take care of the baby as well. My parents had to fly back home two days after I gave birth, and she has been kind enough to leave her own home and move in here with me on a more long-term basis because she knows that I'm going to need all the help that I can get. And I've told her that even if I decide not to give Jeremy full custody or even partial,

she's still going to have every right to come see her granddaughter any time she wishes to. I have even asked her what she thinks I should do about the whole custody thing, but she has left that up to me and told me that she knows that I'm going to make the right decision for both of us, just like I made the right decision with the divorce. But I'm still struggling to come to a decision. It's not getting any easier for me because Jeremy keeps showing up every day, and every time that he comes, I just feel like taking him back and forgiving him for everything. But I know I can't do that, especially not after what I have been through,

because Valerie has always been a sore spot for me, and he didn't even care about that when I was pregnant with his baby. To be honest, I don't even know if they have been in touch with each other or if there was nothing brewing between them in the past couple of months, because I just can't bring myself to trust anything that he says anymore. So far, his apologies have all been the same. He just keeps repeating whatever he said to me the first time that he came back home after his visit to Valerie. Nothing happened, it was all platonic, and he was just there to take care of her because she had claimed that she was on her deathbed, and as her friend, he just felt like he had to be there. Every single time, I have to say the same things back to him, it doesn't matter anymore because I have made up my mind, and I'm going to leave him. Now it's really sad, but that's just how it is.

Update too high, so a few days back I had posted an update saying that I had decided to go through with a divorce, but I still couldn't make up my mind about whether I wanted to file for full custody of my daughter or not. But I think now I know what to do. For almost five days in a row, Jeremy had shown up every single day without fail to apologize for his actions and tried to get me to take him back, but after that, he suddenly stopped showing up. I found it strange, but at least I was relieved because I thought that I wouldn't have to deal with him anymore, and I could think with a cool head. But I don't think that's going to be possible anymore because after he stopped showing up,

other people started texting me and telling me that what I was doing was incredibly wrong and immoral, and they had never expected me to act like this. Right afterwards, his friend started bombarding me with texts, and I'm not just talking about the group that he usually hangs out with, I'm talking about every single person who used to go to school or college with him. And I think he set up a template for them to send to me, like this is something that you petition or something, and he could just write emails and messages to the mayor and get them to cancel whatever is going on because he doesn't agree with it. Anyway, at first I was blocking

people left and right, but then they started making fake accounts to text me the same things over and over again, and there are only so many people you can block. Besides, it's not just that I'm dealing with all this emotional trauma and processing what is happening to me, I'm also still exhausted from giving birth and I'm trying to be there for my newborn daughter as well. So it's all really tiring, and this is the last thing that I needed. And if he really cared about me, he wouldn't be putting me through all of this at such a delicate stage of my life. It's very obvious that he doesn't care about anybody apart from himself, and so I don't think I have to worry about what I'm going to do about my daughter's custody anymore. I'm going to file for full custody, and that's it.

Of course, he still has the papers and can sign his rights away. In case he doesn't decide to do that, I've spoken to my lawyer, and this is happening. The messages that I have been receiving so far are not nice, and I know for a fact that he has written the template message and told his friends to send it to me. It really reflects what he believes more than anything else, and if this is what he believes about me, I don't think we need to be together at all.

The reason I'm so upset is because the messages had this line. We never expected you to be the kind of person who would use their child as a pawn to punish their partner and play mind games like this. Like, is he for real? Does he seriously think that I'm using our daughter to punish him for what he did? I don't think he understands how marriages or children work, because if he did, he never would have said this. And that in particular really hurt me and helped me make up my mind. When I showed those messages to my mother-in-law, she was also pretty pissed and said that she was going to contact him and tell him off, but I asked her not to because it was just not worth it.

If we tried to confront him about it, he would just deny having any part of it, even though it was very clear that all of his friends were sending me the same kind of messages, and he had to be the one behind it. If I'm being frank, I don't even understand why he felt the need to involve his friends in all of this, because it's not like I'm going to see and read their messages and instantly stop what I'm doing. Their opinions literally do not make a difference to me at all because they are not my friends. I have never been close to any of them, so they can think whatever they want about me, and I'm not. not going to care. I guess he just thought that if an overwhelming number of people started texting me about this, then I would just give in to the pressure or something. But then I'm afraid that he doesn't really know me at all, because I'm not the kind of person who's going to bend to pressure. I did not even change my mind when he himself was showing up every day and begging me for forgiveness,

because I knew that letting him back into my life was not going to be good for either of us and definitely not good for our daughter. I might have felt terrible about it, but I still went through with it because I don't bend easily, and after being with me for so long, I think he should have an idea what kind of a person I am, but it's very obvious that he doesn't. And it's becoming clearer and clearer to me every day that I am doing the right thing by choosing to leave him. So not just his friends, but even if every single person that he knows starts texting me about this, I'm still not going to change my mind. In fact, this thing that he has done has only helped me feel more strongly about what I'm doing, and I know that as long as the people that I love are

on my side, I don't have to worry about any of this. Update 3. Hey, so the legal proceedings for the divorce and the custody agreement are going to commence in a couple of days, and Jeremy has decided not to contest the divorce, but he is demanding at least partial custody of his daughter. We're going to see how that works out since I'm open to the idea because I'm not an inherently evil person, but I don't think I want to implement sharing custody until our daughter is at least a couple of years old. So that's what we are going to negotiate, and I'm very happy I've made this decision. for myself. Now that it's finally happening and it's hitting me how real all of this is,

I thought that I would be scared, but I have never felt more sure of anything in my life. I think some of this might also be because of a message that I received from Valerie yesterday, where she told me that she really didn't want to be a home wrecker, but she really needed somebody by her side. And since her parents wouldn't be there for her, Jeremy was the only other person that she could think of. She also told me that over the past couple of years, she had to tried to contact him several times, and he had always turned her down, saying that I would not approve of it. But she knew that her oldest friend in the world would always be there for her, especially if she's sick, which is why she had contacted him. And she was sorry it had stirred up

so much trouble in my marriage, but she thinks I should let him retain his individuality instead of being so controlling. So I was right about the fact that he hadn't blocked her at all, and they had actually stayed in touch, maybe not in the way that I thought, but they did at least speak to each other. The worst part was that she also told me that they had shared a moment when they were together, and they had ended up kissing for a couple of minutes, but after that, Jeremy had drawn away from her, saying that he couldn't do this, especially while his wife was with his child. She told me that he had not let the kiss last for more than a couple of minutes, and that's how loyal he was to me, as if that was supposed to do anything. It was ridiculous.

But yes, I was right about everything. So now getting the divorce, and custody on my terms should be a cakewalk, since I know these things. I have spoken to my lawyer, and we have also tweaked our petition to demand slightly more of everything because now I feel like I deserve it, since I've been cheated on clearly. Anyway, I'm feeling very confident about what I'm doing, and I know that things are going to work out. I'll keep you guys posted on whatever is going on. Thank you so much for tuning in here. Committed to the ideal man following a three-year relationship until his former high school sweetheart resurfaced. He abandoned me for her and called off our marriage,

but eventually returned. Back crawling. My fiancé and I had been together three years. He was my first boyfriend. We laughed, cried, worried, and were happy together. Our families had mixed really well. Our moms became close friends really fast. He was my best friend, my confident, my support, my comfort.

I looked at him and could see our future together. God, I'm even crying remembering one time we took a blanket, went outside, and looked up at the stars like in some book. I never thought something like this could happen to me. The man I loved could have never done anything like that to me. It all started about a two months ago. His ex, high school sweetheart together seven years, moved back to our country and wanted to catch up with Mark fake name. He told me they broke up because they were unable to sustain. LDR when she left to pursue postgraduate studies. They hadn't been in contact for about five years.

She sent him an email. He showed it to me and it was completely platonic. She was just curious about what he had become. He asked me if he could meet her and I said yes. I trusted him. So he went, but when he came back, he was a bit withdrawn. He is usually really chatty, but he was dismissive. When I asked him how it went, et cetera, I let it go. However, the following weeks he was often on his phone. He picked random fights with me and didn't look me in the eyes when we had sex, didn't whisper loving words either.

I'm really touchy slash clingy and in our three years together, he had never once recoiled or refused my embrace, but he started doing it. I usually hug him like a koala when he comes back home from work. I'm a bit childish. I know, but he only let me do it twice. It was such a sudden change. I asked him what was wrong, but he just said he wasn't feeling too good nowadays. On a Saturday, I went to visit his grandma as we usually knit together.

She taught me and I was gone the whole day. I feel really close to her because she adopted me easily and reminds me of my own who died when I was in high school. When I came back, I found him packing his stuff. My whole world fell apart. He was being so cowardly. He told me he was sorry for making me suffer like this, but sometimes life gives you a second chance and you have to recognize it for what it is.

That he loved me, but when he met his ex, he realized the feelings weren't the same. He said he regretted letting go of her, that he had found himself again. That it had been a difficult choice for him but he had to take this chance. His ex wanted him back. She had realized what she had lost and risked losing for good when he told her he was getting married.

He supposedly refused her at first, but as time passed, and they talked together as old feelings came back. He hoped I would forgive him one day and understand. I cried as he was talking. It sounds stupid, but it was as if it was a stranger in front of me. He said he would still pay rent and part of the bills until our lease was up and I can find another place. He makes a lot more than me and I wouldn't be able to afford living in our apartment on my own. I begged him not to make this mistake, that he was being fooled by an idealized memory of their past together, that he was having cold feet. But he was like a wall, he didn't even look at me. At about 10 p.m. there was a truck outside with one of his friends waiting for him.

He apparently came to help him move. I wasn't really close with that particular friend, but he did seem sorry for me. Mark hugged me goodbye and left. I hadn't cried that hard in years. I slept in our spare room not to feel the emptiness of our room with his things gone. I sunk to the deepest pathetic and tried to call him, but it went to voicemail. I had no idea where he went but assumed he was now living with his ex after three weeks of talking again. How ridiculous.

I'm really lucky to have supportive friends and family. My best friend even moved in for five days. My parents wanted me back home with them, but I wasn't ready to leave. Mark is a bit messy and I'm a manic so it felt weird having everything perfectly neat. I missed his messiness. It was as if he was the one making our house a home. He used to joke about me wanting the house to look like it was on sale or in a catalog. Not waking up to make breakfast, not seeing him read lying on the sofa while I studied felt weird.

Not buying his favorite snack or powder proteins when doing groceries felt weird. I felt really lost at first. It was like grieving. Usually when people break up their relationship was going south, but to me it came out of nowhere. I still loved him, I was still planning the wedding and working on my side to build our future together. It was all gone in a day. I wish I had been smarter and refused to meet as one that got away. His family was dumbfounded.

I still went to see his grandma, and she told me he was a fool that he would come back crawling to me. She was the first person who managed to make me laugh. His mom, my mom, and I started making calls to cancel all reservations. Luckily the store accepted to take back the dress. We didn't pay much for the location as we canceled early. Next was to inform the guests. He had been gone for about three weeks then. His family was furious with him, so they didn't contact him much.

The only contact I had with him was the sign check he made to cover the wedding cancel. However, about a week ago I received a letter from him. He apologized for leaving me like this, said he made the biggest mistake of his life, that he couldn't even believe what he had done, that he was writing me this letter because he didn't have the courage to face me. You are right, I was running after a perfect relationship that had never existed. I regret it so much. I thought I was in love with her, but in reality I was in love with what she represented.

My younger self with no responsibilities and only dreams. I had cold feet and got afraid of moving forward into this new segment of my life. I couldn't stop thinking about you when I was with her. She is not you. She doesn't know me or loves me like you. She doesn't smell like you. I missed hearing you sing randomly throughout the day. I missed having someone nagging me to pick up.

I missed planning Halloween parties for the kids with you. At the time I'm writing this life. we would have probably been decoration shopping had I not been a fool. Everyone told me but I was being a blind fool. I would do anything to go back in the past and slap some sense into myself. I would do anything for you to forgive me. I know we have already started canceling everything, but I'm ready to pay for everything myself. You can date someone else to even scores if you want as long as you come back to me.

I would write the whole letter but I'm on my iPad and it's tiring. I just gave the important parts. He kept on with apologies and begging me to forgive him. Now I told my family, left friends out for the moment, and his mom and grandma. Grandma had a very satisfying told you so moment. However, she is rooting me to forgive him. His mom was supposed to send a formal letter to guests to tell them the wedding was off, but now is waiting for my answer. I don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart, but what he did to me I don't know if I can get over it. He made me feel worthless. He threw me away as if I was no one to him after three years. He gave up on us for some ghost from his past when we were at our happiest.

If he can leave me when we are doing good, how will we sustain a marriage? Will he leave the moment things get hard? He hurt me so badly and expect me to forgive him. He wants us to meet on Sunday, but I'm not sure. I'm willing to. I need some perspective. What would you do in my situation? Update, I didn't plan on updating or at least not so soon, but I have another problem. I'm really thankful to everyone who answered and comforted me. You guys gave me the strength to look forward and not make a decision based on nostalgia. I felt really alone in my pain, but, thanks to you, I felt a little less lonely.

So Mark wanted to meet on Sunday, but I unblocked him from my phone and told him I didn't want to meet and to please not contact me anymore. He answered, please, baby, I need to talk to you. Can we meet another day? I know I fucked up really bad and hurt you deeply, but I'll do anything to make it up to you, anything you ask I'll do it. Needless to say, it just angered me more, how dare he used terms of endearment with me. I just blocked him again after that. I met his mom on Saturday and told her to proceed with the notification of cancellation. We had an emotional moment and she told me even though she would have really wanted us to stay one big family, she would have done the same in my place. She had hoped I would find the strength to forgive him but she understands.

And so the wedding is indeed still being cancelled. My poor brother, I told him personally, had already bought his plane tickets from Australia but got a refund. I rearranged all the furniture in the house and bought new bedding sets to make a new start and move to the spare room for good. It looks really different and I like it. Apparently, he told our friends because some brought it up to me, asking if we are getting back together, but said they didn't want to sighed. On Sunday evening I had a visitor. I never have people coming this late usually, it was around 9 p.m. When I went to look through the peephole I saw Mark with his ex. I seriously had a moment of panic. He must still have the key for the main entry

since he managed to get to my door without using the intercom. I don't know if it was a coward thing to do, but I just chose not to open. I know they knew I was there and I heard him asked me to please let him in, that he just wanted to talk through the door. Honestly, even though I feel better I don't think I'm emotionally stable enough to deal with him and especially him with his ex. They stayed about 15 minutes and then they left. I thought he would get the message but they came again yesterday around the same time.

And I didn't open again. They waited even longer. I know I'm not being an adult. So now I don't know what to do. I feel nervous in my own house because I dread the moment they'll come back. He knows my schedule and he came at the time where I usually come back from my Zumba class. However yesterday was a holiday so we didn't have class. I'm afraid he will come again and I don't think I can face him.

What should I do? I know I can't run away forever but I need more time. Is this worth calling the police over? I fear it would make the problem bigger than it is. and hurt our family relations. Our moms are really close. And really he is not dangerous, I think. He didn't contact me enough for it to be considered harassment anyway. Should I just be a big girl and open the next time he or they come? Or do I wait it out? Also why the hell is he bringing her? I'm curious, but I want to stand by my decision. Next story, girlfriend started hanging out with a 40-year-old

coworker behind my back. When I said I was uncomfortable, she called me insecure and left for his house anyway. Me, male, 21, and my girlfriend, 20, have been together since I was 16 and she 15, and we have been inseparable since then well. Until now, we work at the same company and have done so for about two years now. We even work in the same section. So lately she have been getting closer to our colleague, male, 40, and I have not seen a problem with this since he's 40? But recently they have wanted to hang out after work separately from me

and our other friends. Things they do is just go for a walk, run or hikes which normally take around 40 minutes to an hour which is normal, I guess. But now my girlfriend wants to have a movie night at his house, and they are going to watch the latest fast and furious movie. I asked to join but they need to be alone because they are going to talk about friend stuff. She said they were like best girlfriends. At first I thought, okay, that's fine, I guess, because again he's 40. But now after the fact I'm starting to worry that they are getting a little too close. Am I going crazy or is this something male and girlfriends do normally? I don't really have any experience in just that because I don't really have any girlfriends that I am that close with except my girlfriend.

So please I need some advice or just outside views on this. Edit, just from the first few comments I would like to add some details. First, she is acting just like normal to me loving, caring and overall like the girl I fell in love with. Second, this may seem a little bit arrogant, but if I may self-glaze a little, I am six for blonde, fit from going to the gym for five years, love cooking, traveling, and hanging with friends and family. He is five, eight bald, not really fat, but on the more out of shape side, and is kind of a gamer, I guess, and I mean computer games. So he only has a handful of friends, and the same at work. I do not say this to bully him or belittle him in any way. It's just straight facts.

Third, my girlfriend said that after meeting some of his friends at a local get-together here, she said it felt weird being so much younger than everyone at that specific table that she just kept it short when she said hi to them. Final, so if you put all this together, I can't see any reason to why I should have been suspicious earlier. Update 1, March 28, 2025. Thanks for all the comments and DM. There is no way I can answer all of them, so I will try to make an update now as I feel almost responsible to do it for the big response from the community.

She actually went through with it. Earlier today, we sat down to discuss just how I felt about this whole thing and that it is weird for her to go alone home to him as he is a fine G-40. I was very clear about my opinion about being excluded from this whole thing and that it is not all right for me to feel like I am third-wheeling my own relationship. Her answer. I did not take you for such an insecure man after five years together. Honestly, this kind of broke me. How is it okay for her to just set my feelings aside with a comment like that?

I must admit I am absolutely not the best with expressing my feelings in this kind of way and it feels very uncomfortable for me to open up like that to someone even if we have been together for years, and I can kind of see why when Rat was her response. After that one little comment it really sank in that she actually don't care about me anymore. The rest of the conversation went downhill from there on. I started to accuse her for cheating. She started throwing a fine G-fit about how dared I accuse her of things like that after five years together. How didn't I trust her? After about 20 minutes of this I was honestly broken down. So I just walked out, didn't say anything just walked. I was out for about 30 minutes just to try and clear my head from this whole conversation. When I came back she was waiting for me with just one question, do you think I have cheated on you? I said yes I really do. And then I think I did something stupid. I showed her my first post to get my point across even more that the things I'm feeling and thinking about is the all-around opinion in the comments.

She was stunned and silent for a bit and I think she actually kind of saw why I felt the way I did. Her response after that? I must go the 40-year-old is waiting to start the movie and I think we should have a small break from each other. She went she FNG went to him after our fight. What did it do? I went to my father at his work and actually cried in his arms for the first time in probably 15 years. And now I'm at home in bed and have talked to my landlord and she is very understanding and she said that I can take my name from the lease anytime I want. What now? I'm in my bed feeling totally empty, numb, sick, furious. And to be honest, I went kind of the hook when I came back from my dad. I threw some shit on the floor actually cut the networking cable in the wall a show.

she is maintaining a blog that she is very passionate about. I won't link it so don't even ask as I don't want to give that POS more activity on it. This update went probably just the way people expected it to do. So I hope people is happy my relationship is probably 100% over to spare me in the future. But please how can I come out on top on this? I have to see both on Monday when we get to work. I don't think I can handle this so please advice is more than welcome. I might do another update later on if I can mentally go through this again as per now I literally can't handle it.

I am mentally breaking down as I am writing this. Update 2. March 31st, 2025. Holy shit, Ada, thank you for the overwhelming response on my little situation if you can call it that. There is no way in hell that I will be able to answer even the minority of the comments and DMs, so I will do my best to update you guys as I really do think I almost owe it to you after the incredible response. Well, where should I begin? When I look back on my personal response on this, it was really childish for me to start breaking stuff and cutting wires like I was throwing a tantrum, which I probably was, I have set out to replace the stuff that was ours and the stuff that was mine doesn't really matter, and the internet wire will be fixed tomorrow.

This has shown a whole new side of me that I didn't knew existed, but honestly, can you really blame me to hard for this? This has been hands down the worst weekend in my life. And I was actually surprised that I didn't really saw end. any comment calling me out on my bullshit behavior. Now on to the rest of this, I left of when I was laying in bed and typing out what happened on Friday. The rest of that Friday I did just that I kept in bed for the rest of the night and could not sleep as I was just thinking about all our memories and that we will never create new ones. As well as I was think way too much about what they probably was doing in another bed. The Saturday I did a big mistake I started to drink, that lead me to go to a party and

honestly I should not have done that because I drunk called my now X and asked one last time if it really was over for us and indeed she said yes. And this is why you should not drink after something like this because unlucky for me one of her closer friends was at that party and one thing lead to another and we ended up in bed together and I did this only to make my ex mad. You can't imagine my regret on Sunday. I have never done anything like this before and will never do again. And I said as much to the friend and apologized profusely for using her for this and she said it was okay and she understood but you could see that it hurt her more than she said,

and I feel like the biggest asshole in the world and I can't even imagine how she feels and I really deserve all the shit my way from you guys for this. After all that I also felt as I cheated on my ex for doing this, I can't explain why I just did, probably because I had sex with someone else the day after we broke up a five-year relationship. The rest of the Sunday I was dwelling in what I just did

and absolutely despising that it is Monday tomorrow, and I am actually feeling sick to just go to work. Monday today comes and it started probably the worst way possible. My ex and our colleague comes to work in the same car, and when I tell you it felt like that burning coal in my stomach becomes absolutely all-developing black hole, I can't describe it better than that, but being a man I guess I just tried to ignore it. I must have not been so convincing because she came right over to me and said that it's not what it looks like. He actually had just picked her up at our house.

I have slept at my dad's house from Sunday to Monday. This did not make me feel any better whatsoever because how can I believe that? But I did also apologize for my behavior from Friday and that I had acted childish and immature. She said it's okay and that it was understandable why I did what I did. Then after that the rest of the day got even worse if you can believe that, somehow the word of our breakup had already spread like wildfire on work, and to my delight apparently it was almost like an open secret that my ex and our colleague had hooked up at least once before on a business party, and that was it for me today I called it.

And went to my boss told him I was sick and went home. A couple hours later I'm just sitting here trying to eat it's not going so good, and just thinking about how my colleagues at work could hold such a secret for me and I can't even imagine continue working here anymore, so I'm also sitting and looking for new work as we speak. And as it stands right now, I've taken my name of the house lease and will start to pack my stuff tomorrow to move out and move into my father in the meantime whilst I find a new place. As the last post I do really appreciate some advice and this time I will try to be more active when it comes to the comments and DMS. I am also tired of hearing you are young find someone new. My problem is I don't really want anyone other. So what do people think about my current situation? The definition of a shit show?

Edit, I have gotten a ton of messages that said I was unbelievably childish about all my decisions, and I know I was. Just calling me out being childish is one thing, but please leave some advice or something at least so I can at least take it as some sort of helpful criticism. forward slash forward slash Spouse had an affair with a colleague and pointed fingers at me for not being satisfying in the bedroom as I was still mourning the recent loss of my parents in a tragic vehicle crash. Wife Gigi and I have been together for the past four years. Our relationship has been pretty much perfect, or so I thought.

We share similar interests like playing video games and going camping whenever we get a chance. We both have good paying jobs and we both never want kids. Gigi is extremely independent, which is the primary reason why I fell in love with her in the first place. We dated for ten months before we moved and together. Gigi and I have talked to each other about our past, and she knows that I strongly dislike people who cheat. She expressed the same sentiment also and told me how her ex-boyfriend broke her heart when she found him cheating with one of his exes. I was glad that we were on the same page regarding this. I liked being loyal and available to my partner.

and Gigi was the same way in the beginning. However, after we got engaged, something changed in her. One day while we were drinking, she broached the subject of whether we could get one free pass in our relationship. At first I didn't understand what she was talking about, but then she went on to explain how a free pass is basically when you are allowed to sleep with a celebrity or someone whom you find extremely attractive, and your partner won't consider it as cheating. She asked me if I would ever consider having a free pass in our relationship. I laughed and shook my head as this thought had never even crossed my mind.

I told her a free pass is nothing but cheating, and if she ever wanted a free pass, then I would rather prefer that she left me. Hearing this, Gigi went quiet and we continued to drink. I didn't think much of this after that day, however, I think this was the first red flag in our relationship. Months later, Gigi approached me saying how she had a colleague who was extremely attractive and had been incessantly asking her out for quite some time, and one day during their office party. She had given in and kissed him just to shut him up. She told me that she had felt extremely guilty about it and wanted to tell me,

but her friends had dissuaded her from telling me the truth since they thought that I would not understand. My first thought was that what this guy did was basically coerze her, so I told her that she needed to immediately report him and that she could file an HR complaint against him because this is a really serious issue. However, Gigi tried to brush it off, saying that it wasn't a big deal, which made me a bit suspicious. I asked her why she did even tell me this if she thought it wasn't a big deal to begin with. Gigi told me how she thought she wanted me to spring into action and perhaps take matters into my own hands by confronting the guy, just like all her exes have done, and that she found it unattractive to see that I wanted her to go to HR instead.

She then grumbled that I didn't love her enough and how she would have confronted the woman if I had ever kissed the girl. someone else. At this point, I could not fathom why Gigi was twisting the situation like this. It felt like I was being manipulated into a scenario that made no sense. How could she expect me to react the same way as her exes? It was as if she couldn't handle the idea of me handling the situation in a rational and responsible manner. Her insistence on making it a test of my love for her left a bitter taste in my mouth. I told her firmly that if she didn't report this to HR, then I would assumed that she had kissed the guy out of her own free will and not because she was coerced to do so, which means it was cheating, and I could not marry someone like that. Hearing this, Gigi's expression shifted from frustration to disbelief.

She asked me if I was serious, and I nodded, reiterating that I couldn't handle cheating. We did argue for a bit where she kept saying how everyone would look at her differently if she complained against the guy and outed him, but I didn't care, and I reminded her that she should not care either if what she had told me was true. In the end, she reported to HR, and apparently it was a big deal, just as anyone would expect. They ended up firing the guy and assured Gigi that she did the right thing. I was glad that Gigi stood up for herself. However, a week later, I received a message from a stranger. He claimed that he was the guy who Gigi had kissed. In his message, he had written how Gigi had kissed him out of her own consent and that he never did anything wrong.

He alleged that Gigi apparently never wore the engagement ring in the office, so he had no idea that she was even engaged, nor did her friends ever bring it up, which is why he had thought it right to pursue her. He told me that he wanted nothing from me but to just inform me of the truth and apologize for kissing my girlfriend. Obviously, I never replied back to his message because this guy had been fired anyway, and at that time, I believed Gigi over him. Two months later, Gigi and I got married at our dream venue. It was a beautiful ceremony, and we took our vows in front of our parents and the rest of our families. The start of our marital life was pure bliss. Everything was going smoothly until I discovered something incriminating in her laptop. One day while she was out grocery shopping, my laptop was getting charged upstairs,

so I opened her laptop to check our flight detail since our trip was in safari, under frequently visited, I saw a Reddit account page that got me curious, and I clicked on it without thinking much. This is how I discovered that Gigi had this Reddit account, which she had never told me about, where she would exchange inappropriate pictures with a random stranger. I went through the pictures, and in all her pictures, she had cropped out her face, and he had done the same. Their messages were not lovie-dovey either and were purely sexual, but what struck me was how she had shamelessly discussed our sex life with this complete stranger. I was at a loss for words. When she came back, I confronted her, and she went pale as a sheet when she realized that I had found her account. I asked her to explain herself because I was so

disgusted by the pictures. She hesitated for a moment, her eyes darting nervously before finally meeting mine, and then slowly, hesitantly, she began to speak. She confessed to finding it exciting to send her pictures to a stranger and to engage in conversations with him that she knew were forbidden. She told me how it was basically like porn and that it meant nothing to her. She tried to justify, saying how she had never confessed any love for him and that sending pictures with her face cropped out wasn't a big deal because he would never find out who she actually is. I struggled to comprehend her reasoning, to understand what would make her behave this way. I asked her why would she even need to do this if it was because she wasn't satisfied

in our marriage. But Gigi shook her head vehemently, her eyes pleading for understanding as she tried to argue that it wasn't like that and that this was just a stupid thing that meant nothing to her. She kept saying that she loved me and pleaded with me to let this go as this is nothing more than an embarrassing incident and promised me that she would delete the Reddit account immediately. I wanted to scream, to lash out in fury and frustration, but instead, I remained silent as I tried to process this new information. There was nothing left to say, no words that could undo the damage that had been done. I have to admit, that after this, our sex life did suffer because I felt so betrayed and hurt.

I struggled to find the desire to be close to her, to let down my guard and allow myself to be vulnerable again. The thought of being intimate with her filled me with a sense of dread. Gigi sensed my hesitation, my reluctance to bridge the divide that had grown between us. She tried to reach out, to mend what was broken, but her efforts were not enough. Every time I looked at her, I could picture her messages with the guy in my head. and it really did not help. Just a week after this, I received even worse news. While I was at the office one morning,

my parents had met with a car accident and were critically injured. I could not believe it, and it was as if the ground had suddenly disappeared beneath my feet, leaving me suspended in a void of shock and despair. I raced to the hospital to check on my parents as fast as I could. I was informed by the doctors that they were on life support because their organs were failing. The doctors told me honestly that the chance of them surviving this was less than 50%.

I remember just sitting in the waiting room for hours on end, hoping that they would miraculously wake up. Gigi did come and sit by my side in silence, holding my hand. I kept praying fervently for a miracle, for some sign of improvement, but my parents' condition never improved. My mother was the first one to go, and she was quickly followed by my father. The only thing that reassured me was that even in their death, they could be together. I collapsed on the ground, just crying until my tears ran dry. My heart was shattered into a million irreparable pieces, and I did not know how to go on living after this.

The funeral was really difficult for me because I just didn't know how to maintain my composure in front of others. I have to admit that during this time, Gigi took care of everything. She allowed me to mourn over the loss of my parents while she made all the arrangements. In the aftermath of their funeral, I withdrew into myself, cocooned in a shell of numbness, unable to articulate the magnitude of my pain. I found myself trapped in a suffocating embrace of grief and depression. I did not have the energy to even complete simple tasks and would lie in bed the whole day morning my parents and my childhood.

My parents had been my rock, and losing them felt like I had lost a piece of myself too. I did meet up with my parents' lawyers, who told me that my parents had left behind everything that they owned to me, which was not surprising honestly, but what did surprise me was that the collective asset amounted to $2 million. I was shocked, but then it made me even sadder, realizing that my parents had worked hard their entire lives, yet they didn't live long enough to enjoy it. I never told Gigi or any of my family about my inheritance because I didn't even have the right state of mind at that time to think about the money.

However, I did decide to take a long leave of absence from my company, now that I didn't really have to worry about money, and since I had been a loyal employee for a long time, my boss graciously agreed to give me the break I needed to grieve my parents. However, just two weeks after my parents had passed away, Gigi approached me one evening and told me that she wanted to talk to me about something really important. We sat down in the living room where she started to tell me that she had enough of seeing me mope around and that I needed to get my ass up and go to therapy. Gigi told me that my behavior wasn't normal and that nobody mourns so much over the loss of their parents. She asked me to man up and stop crying. I was shocked by how cruel her words were, so I tried to reason with her how my grief was not a choice and that grieving for my dead parents for a month is perfectly normal for any human being. I reminded her how she had grieved for her childhood dog for months on end, and I had never questioned her,

so she had no right to behave with me this way. She was pissed and grumbled about how unattractive it was to watch me cry. There was more back and forth, but eventually she let it go, so I thought this would be the end of it. Recently, my cousin Joseph messaged me asking if I was doing well. Joseph and I have been pretty close growing up, so it wasn't unusual for him to check up on me. However, he then went on to ask if my wife and I were currently separated. I was confused by his question, and I replied back that my wife and I were so. still together. I didn't think much of his inquiry at the time, chalking it up to curiosity or maybe

even concern, but he then called me immediately. So I picked up his call. Joseph went on to tell me that he had just spotted my wife coming out of a hotel with a man and that the man and my wife had hugged each other tightly before walking away in opposite directions. He told me that the way they hugged each other was not like the way friends do, which is why he had questioned me as to whether me and Gigi were still together. I really reiterated again that she and I were very much together, and I assured him that when she came back home, I would ask her about it. However, my cousin, being the more paranoid one, dissuaded me from asking her. He told me that it was better for me to go through her phone and check if she was cheating on me because,

according to him, if she was already sleeping with this guy, there was a chance that she wouldn't even accept it. I hate to admit it, but his words did make sense since Gigi did kiss a co-worker and had even shared inappropriate pictures with a complete strange. so I thought it was better for me to investigate a bit before confronting her, and that is exactly what I did. I went through her laptop and her phone, but I found nothing. There were no inappropriate messages or calls to anyone. I was starting to doubt my cousin and thought maybe he had mistaken someone else for Gigi. However, that weekend, while me and Gigi were sitting on the sofa watching TV, I heard a phone vibrate. I looked around and noticed that neither my phone nor her phone had received any notification.

Gigi must have seen me looking around because she suddenly excused herself to go to the washroom. I racked my head in confusion as I was positively sure that I had heard a phone vibrate, and this is when it struck me that maybe Gigi had another phone. When she came out of the washroom, I noticed a phone-shaped bulge in the side pocket of her sweatpants, which pretty much proved my suspicion. The fact that my wife had bought another phone and had not even informed me was suspicious to begin with, but now that I knew she had received a message and rushed to the washroom, I had even more reasons to believe that she was, in fact, cheating on me.

However, like last time, I didn't want to just confront her. This time, I wanted to catch her in the act and confront the guy so I could find out his side of the story as well. I talked with my cousin, who immediately agreed with my plan. He told me about the hotel where she had met with this guy, so throughout the week, I waited around the hotel patiently to catch her in the act. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday passed, but she was not seen, so I assumed maybe she was meeting up with the guy at another hotel. On Thursday, things worked out in my favor.

I saw my wife entering the hotel during the afternoon, which was supposed to be her lunchtime, and immediately behind her was another guy who I felt like I had seen somewhere, but I just could not place him. I waited 15 minutes before entering after them. I informed the receptionist that I was waiting for a guest. for a guest. He offered to call the room, but I chuckled and told him that it was not needed. Forty minutes later, I saw them exiting the elevator together, their faces flushed with excitement and anticipation. My heart sank as I watched them, knowing what I was about to confront. Summoning every ounce of courage I had left, I approached them, my hands trembling with anger and

betrayal. My wife's eyes widened in shock as she saw me, and she stopped dead in her tracks. Before she could utter a word, I held up my hand, silencing her protest. I didn't need to hear her excuses, I had seen enough. Turning to the man beside her, I asked him if he knew who I was. He nodded and told me that he had seen me at the office Christmas party last year and that I was apparently her ex-husband since she had told him that we were currently separated. I stared at him blankly as he went on to tell me that he would have never gotten involved with her in any way if he knew that she was still married. I asked him if he worked with Gigi, and he nodded, telling me that they were co-workers.

Anger surged through me like wildfire as I realized that my wife had once again cheated on me with a co-worker. Without a word, I turned on my heels and walked away, leaving them standing there in stunned silence. As I drove home, the weight of what I had witnessed settled over me like a suffocating blanket. My marriage was over, shattered beyond repair by the betrayal of the woman I had loved and trusted above all other. When I reached home, I began to pack my bags immediately. I was so pissed and heartbroken with everything going on in my life. Gigi had apparently driven after me, so she walked into the house huffing and puffing. She found me packing my bags upstairs and immediately confronted me.

She told me that she had made a terrible mistake and begged me for forgiveness. She went on to say how lonely she had felt, and in her desperation, she had decided to lie to this coworker about us a separation since she didn't want to be known as the cheating wife around her office. She told me that she had wanted to come clean to me for a very long time but was afraid of my reaction. I yelled at her to get out of my face as I just could not bear to hear any more of her lies. I knew with certainty that had I not caught her red-handed that day, she would have continued to sleep with him. Gigi then changed her tactics and started telling me how I could not blame her entirely for everything and I needed to accept that this was my fault also.

I stopped packing and looked at her because I could not believe the audacity she had to even suggest such a thing. She went on to tell me how I hadn't slept with her for months on end after I found her messages on Reddit, and this had continued even after my parents passed away. I was so angry that I yelled at her that she had no right to blame me for her betrayal and that her actions were a choice she made regardless of the circumstances. I couldn't believe she was trying to shift the blame onto me as if my grief and pain was somehow responsible for her infidelity. But Gigi persisted, her words cutting through the air like a knife. She accused me of neglecting her and of failing to fulfill my duties as a husband. She told me that I had become too boring while grieving my parents' death and went on to

suggest that instead of walking out of the marriage, I should instead understand her perspective. She even went on to demand that we should think about opening up our marriage and that I was welcome to date other people if that was what I wanted. Hearing her words, I simply scoffed because I was so done with. this woman. I packed my bag, and before leaving, I informed her that I would be sending her the divorce papers. Currently, I'm staying with my cousin, and Gigi has called me a million times. Her messages range from apologizing to blaming me for ruining everything. She keeps saying that I should see things from her perspective and forgive her since she was just lonely. So here I am,

read it, wondering if I'm the a-hole here. Am I to be blamed for pushing my wife to cheat on me just because I was morning? Update 1, wow, when I posted this, I thought this post would not even track. But seeing 300 plus comments under my post has been mind-reeling. I didn't think my story was even that interesting, but watching you all fight in the comments has been entertaining. To all the people who are blaming me and saying I pushed my wife to cheat by not sleeping with her, well, I hope for your sake you never find yourself in a predicament like I did. I loved my wife and thought that she would never cheat on me, so when I'm saw her inappropriate messages with a random stranger, it did affect me emotionally and mentally.

I could not just forget everything and sleep with her as if everything was normal. Two weeks later, when my parents passed away, sleeping with my wife was the last thing on my mind. It's like some of you have never gone through grief because if you have, you will know that everyone reacts differently, and losing my parents has been so crushing throughout all this. If my wife can't stay loyal to me and would rather sleep with someone else, then this is This is no way my fault. Yes, I did feel a bit guilty initially, but after talking to my cousins and reading some of the comments, I am convinced that this is 100% on my wife. She decided to sleep around because that was what she wanted.

I have no regrets that I ended this marriage, and I have already talked to my divorce lawyer about everything, so we will be going forward with my decision. I have also had a conversation with my in-laws, Gigi's parents. They had no idea that she had cheated on me since she had conveniently left out that part and just told them that I had walked away because I was still sad about my parents. I informed them about everything that had happened, and they were just as furious with Gigi as I was. They have since assured me that they trusted me to make the right decision. Update 2. It's been five months since my last update.

Sorry I could not update earlier as I have been quite busy going through all the legal proceedings for my divorce. I'm here to finally share a happy update. Gigi and I are finally divorced. That selfish woman tried to come after my assets during the divorce proceedings, but thankfully my lawyer was able to prove that she cheated on me, which allowed me to safeguard my assets, including the $2 million inheritance from my parents.

Gigi, who had no idea previously that my parents had left me behind such a huge amount, tried to argue that she rightfully deserved half of it. However, the judge wasn't having it and refused her point blank. I have wasted no time in moving on with my life. Soon after I moved out, I met an amazing woman named Sarah on Bumble. She is a single mother who is absolutely amazing and has a lovely son named Jerry. Sarah lost her husband a year ago, so she understands the pain of loss and grief that I've been going through. We have connected on a deep level, bonding over our shared experiences and our mutual desire

to create a happy, loving home for our families. Sarah is extremely hardworking, and her resilience and strength inspire me every day. I also admire the way she single-handedly takes care of her son. Jerry is a wonderful boy, full of energy and curiosity, and it's been a joy getting to know him. I am lucky and extremely grateful that both of them have accepted me into their lives. Meanwhile, I have moved out of my cousin's place and found a nice condo for myself. I've also returned back to my job since I like working there, and I don't want to sit around the house doing nothing. It has taken me some time to get used to living alone, but I have to admit that I don't hate it.

Yes, it does get lonely sometimes, but I would rather be alone than be with a cheating partner. I've also been talking to a therapist so I can heal from my parents' death as well as my past with Gigi so I can work on building a better future. I do miss my parents every day, and I hope that they are proud of me for walking away from a toxic marriage. I know my mother especially would have been furious with Gigi for cheating on me. Also, several of you had messaged me after my first update urging me to get an STD test, which I did, and thankfully the results came back negative. It was a relief to have that peace of mind, knowing that I hadn't been exposed to any additional risks due to Gigi's infidelity. Since the divorce and even during our divorce, Gigi has made several attempts to

reach out to me, telling me how sorry she was. I have made it very clear to her that I have forgiven her for her past mistakes since there's no point in holding on to the grudge anymore. However, she has also tried to initiate meeting me after the divorce, and I immediately shut her down, telling her firmly that I have no interest in rekindling our relationship. I've told her that it's time for both of us to move on. I hope she understands that and stops bothering me. Update 3. It's been three months since my last update, and since a lot of you keep asking me for an update, I wanted to let you know that just recently, I took the next step in our relationship and asked Sarah to marry me. To my delight, she said yes, and we're now planning our future together as a family. I couldn't be more excited to embark on this new chapter of my life with Sarah and Jerry by my side. But this isn't the only update I have. Apparently, Gigi has been stalking me and Sarah.

on social media after our divorce, which I had no idea about because the very evening that Sarah posted our engagement pictures, Gigi tried to get in touch with me multiple times. I refused to pick up her call, so she then sent me several messages asking me if it was true and how Sarah was just a gold digger who didn't really love me. I blocked her because her messages pissed me off, and I didn't see any reason to stay in touch with her. However, this woman then ended up sending me a long email where she wrote about how I had tricked her all this while and that I was to be blamed completely for destroying our marriage. She wrote about

how she had loved me so much, but I had broken her heart by not trusting her enough. She blamed me for divorcing her without even trying to make things work out with her and begged me to not marry Sarah, who was apparently very wrong for me. She wrote how she could not believe that I was back on my feet and that Sarah was going to get a much happier version of me. According to her, I was the one who got away. I felt exhausted reading her email since this woman sounded crazy, reiterating the same thing over and over again. I have blocked her on Gmail, so hopefully she doesn't create another email address just to bother me. Looking back on everything that happened, I realize now that I wasn't the one who got away. I was the one who escaped.

I'm grateful that I could escape from a toxic relationship that was built on lies and betrayal, and now I'm finally free to live my life on my own terms with a partner who loves. and respects me for who I am. With Sarah, I have found a love that is genuine, unconditional, and built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect. Together, we're building a future filled with love, laughter, and endless possibilities, and for that, I am truly grateful. To anyone out there who may be going through something similar,

my advice is simple. Never settle for anything less than you deserve. Trust your instincts and never be afraid to walk away from a situation that no longer serves you. Life is too short to waste on people who don't appreciate you. My sibling had a newborn but didn't include me. When I eventually met my niece, my sibling yelled at me for not keeping in touch despite my efforts. Multiple times. I, 34, F, have two younger sisters who I'll call Sally, 31 F, and B. 28 F. I've always thought we were pretty close, especially since we all became adults and got past that sibling rivalry phase.

For some background, we got married a few years ago to this guy who's actually pretty decent compared to some of her previous boyfriends. They'd been struggling with fertility issues for what felt like forever, and after multiple failed attempts, they finally went through IVF. It was a long, emotional journey for them, and by extension, for all of us watching them go through it, but they finally conceived. When we called to tell us, me she was pregnant, I was absolutely over the moon for her. I remember crying happy tears because I know how desperately she wanted this baby and how hard the road had been. Looking back though, there's been a pattern I didn't fully piece together until now. Several times over the years

I felt like I was purposely excluded from family events. For example, when we graduated college, everyone else in the family got an invitation to the ceremony, my parents, Sally, aunts, uncles, but not me. When I casually mentioned it to Sally a few days before the event, I had just assumed my invitation got lost in the mail or something. She seemed surprised and said, oh, I thought you knew about it. I called me immediately, and she said she didn't think I'd want to go because I was always so busy with work, I'm not any busier than anyone else in the family. She said it like it was no big deal, but I was honestly hurt. Who wouldn't want to see their sister graduate? I ended up. I ended up up going anyway, but felt awkward about the whole thing since I clearly wasn't expected to be there.

Then when our grandfather passed away a couple years back, there was apparently this big family get-together at my aunt's house a few days after the funeral. I only found out about it when I saw the photos on Facebook, everyone was there except me. Again, when I asked why nobody told me, the excuse was they didn't think I'd want to attend, which is complete bullshit because who wouldn't want to be with family after losing a grandparent. My grandfather and I were really close. He taught me how to fish when I was little and used to take me camping every summer. I was devastated when he died and finding out I was excluded from a gathering to honor him just added to the pain. I tried not to make a big deal out of these incidents because I don't like

confrontation, and I've always been the peacekeeper and the family. I just swallowed my hurt feelings and chalked it up to miscommunication or whatever. My partner has told me multiple times that I let my family walk all over me, but I always defended them. Family is family, right? Fast forward to B's pregnancy. When she planned her baby shower, she scheduled it on literally the only weekend I couldn't attend because of this work conference I'd committed to months before. She knew about this conflict because I'd mentioned it several times in our family group chat

when I was stressing about preparing my presentation. Still, that's when she decided to have it. When I asked her about the date, she said it was the only time that worked for most people. I suggested the weekend before or after, but she said the venue wasn't available. It was at my parents' house, so I'm not sure what venue availability had to do with anything. I felt like shit about missing it, but what could I do? Cancel a work commitment I'd had for months? My sister knows I'm not the type to flake on professional obligations.

Even though I was upset about missing the shower, I still went all out with gifts. I dropped off this really nice hamper at my parents' house with all the baby stuff I'd been collecting. I even included this beautiful hand-knitted blanket my aunt, who passed away last year from cancer, had made for my son when I was pregnant with him six years ago. It was really special to me and hard to part with, but I wanted me to have it for her baby because I thought it would be nice to keep it in the family. Throughout her pregnancy, B was pretty specific about her wishes for privacy after the birth. She mentioned multiple times to everyone that when the baby came, only our parents and her husband's

parents would visit at the hospital. Then they wanted a full 24 hours at home with just them and their dog to get the dog used to the baby before having any visitors. I thought these boundaries seemed totally reasonable. Having a baby is a huge life event, and she deserves space to adjust. I told her I completely understood and was fine with waiting to meet my niece or nephew. The pregnancy wasn't smooth sailing. B had high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, and some other complications I don't fully understand.

Her doctor eventually decided she needed an early C-section. The day before it was scheduled, I texted her that even though I was working, my schedule was pretty light that week and I could be available if she needed anything, child care for the dog, food delivery, whatever. I was so excited to meet my new niece or nephew, they had kept the gender a surprise, but I was also nervous for be given all the complications. So on the day of the birth, I'm at work trying to focus but constantly checking my phone for updates. Around 1 p.m. I get a Facebook video call from B. I quickly ducked into an empty conference room to take it. She and my dad are on the screen and they introduce me to my beautiful new nephew. I was so. I was

I was so happy in that moment, smiling ear to ear, getting all teary-eyed. The baby was all wrapped up in a hospital blanket with just his tiny face visible, and he was absolutely perfect. I was asking questions about his weight and if the delivery went okay when he handed the phone to my mom because a nurse came in to check something. That's when my mom casually mentions that Sally is there too. My joy instantly evaporated. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.

I could actually feel my face fall, and this sick feeling spreading through my chest. I asked my mom why I wasn't invited to the hospital too if Sally was there. My mom just said, well, you were working, so we didn't think you'd be able to come. I told her that was for me to decide, not them. If they had just asked, I could have easily gotten permission from my manager to leave for a few hours for something this important. I've been at my job for eight years and have tons of goodwill built up. they would absolutely understand something like meeting my newborn nephew.

Instead, they all got to share this beautiful family moment together, holding the baby and celebrating, while I was the only one excluded. Again, I was so upset I just hung up on my mom mid-sentence. I immediately removed myself from the family group chat too. I couldn't stand seeing their happy hospital photos knowing I was deliberately left out. I was in tears at my desk, which was humiliating because, I'm not the type to get emotional at work. My coworker noticed and asked if I was okay, so I went to talk to my manager about what happened.

She was actually really supportive and said she absolutely would have let me leave work to meet my nephew, and she thought it was pretty shitty of my family to do that to me. I sat in my car during lunch break just crying and trying to process everything. It wasn't just about missing the birth, it was this realization that there's been this pattern of exclusion going on for years, and I've been making excuses for it the whole time. It made me question whether my family actually wants me around at all. After I calmed down a bit, I messaged my mom telling her how hurt I was by being left out again. Her response, I'm sorry you feel that way.

Not I'm sorry we excluded you or I'm sorry we made an assumption without asking you. Just that non-apology bullshit that puts it all on me like I'm being oversensitive. My manager looked at the text when I showed her and said that's textbook gaslighting and that my feelings are completely valid. I didn't hear anything from Sally or Be All Day. My dad sent one message asking why I left the family chat, but when I explained he just went silent. I went home feeling like absolute garbage and cried on my partner's shoulder. He's never been my family's biggest fan but has always been supportive of my relationship with them. Even he was shocked by this level of exclusion. I don't know. Maybe I am being dramatic.

I've always been the one who keeps the peace in the family. The one who organizes birthday gifts and remembers anniversaries and plans holiday get-togethers. I'm tired of being treated like an afterthought when I put so much effort into these relationships. Was I overreacting by hanging up? Ida. Update. So after Thursday, the day of the birth, I didn't hear a peep from any of my family until Sunday. My phone was completely silent,

no calls, no texts, nothing. I figured they were either giving me space or, more likely, waiting for me to crawl back and apologize for making a fuss. Well, I wasn't going to do that this time. On Sunday afternoon, I was stupidly scrolling through Facebook, probably shouldn't have been, but I was curious and saw that my brother-in-law had posted a whole album of hospital photos. Turns out all of his family was at the hospital that day two, his parents, his sister, his grandma, even his cousin who lives like two hours away. So literally the only people not invited were me, my partner, and my son. Seeing those photos felt like being kicked when I was already down.

I messaged my mother after seeing this and flat out asked what I had done to deserve being excluded from everything. I wasn't even angry at this point, just deeply hurt and confused. Her response was that I've done absolutely nothing wrong, not to my sister or anyone. She tried claiming that Sally just showed up at the hospital on her own without an invitation, which is complete bullshit. Sally is the type who needs explicit permission for everything. She wouldn't have just turned up unannounced at a hospital. She would have asked first or been invited.

My mom said they assumed I couldn't get time. off work because I'm always so dedicated to your job. I explained that how I manage my work schedule is up to me. If they'd asked and I declined, that would be different, but they never even gave me the option. They decided for me, just like they always do. Then my mom went on about how exhausted B is and how we should all be focusing on her right now, not on petty disagreements. As if my feelings are just some trivial drama I cooked up for attention. She also threw in some guilt trip about how disappointing it is that I'm making BEA's special time all about you. That's when I decided I've had enough. I've told my mother I'm going low contact for a while. This isn't the first time I've

been excluded, it's just the first time I'm standing up for myself about it. I'm deeply hurt by their actions and I need some time to figure out what kind of relationship I want with my family going forward. So that's where things stand for now. I'm focusing on my little family, my son and partner and my in-laws, who I saw over the weekend and were actually supportive about the whole thing. My mother-in-law offered to come over and watch my son so my partner and I could have a date night to decompress from all this stress, which was really sweet. I'm also thinking about starting therapy again. I stopped going last year because things were going pretty well, but maybe I need some professional guidance on setting boundaries with family. This pattern has

gone on for too long, and I don't want to keep feeling like the family outcast. Again, thank you to everyone who took the time to read and comment. It really meant a lot during this shitty time. It helps to know I'm not just being oversensitive like my family seems to think. Update 2, a lot of you asked for another update, so here goes. Sorry it took a while, I've been trying to sort through my feelings and figure out what to do. B finally contacted me last night out of the blue. It had been almost two weeks of complete silence from her, then suddenly my phone

lights up with her name. I almost didn't answer, but figured we needed to talk eventually. The conversation started off awkwardly. She asked how I was doing in this overly casual way, like nothing had happened. When I didn't respond with the same fake cheerfulness, she immediately got defensive. She claimed she never told me that no one was allowed at the hospital and that the plan was always for all her in-laws to go. She said she'd also already had a conversation with Sally about her going to, She said I must have misheard her or misunderstood. I gently reminded her that my partner had been sitting in the same room that day when she specifically said no one at the hospital other than parents, so it seemed unlikely we'd both misheard. I told her the first thing my partner said when I told him Sally was at the hospital was, but she said no one other than yours or her husband's parents.

Then she shifted gears completely and said she'd been upset that I hadn't reached out to her after the FaceTime call to check on her and the baby. She said she'd refused to chase me when I was the one who hung up and left the family chat. I explained that I had no idea what had been going on with her, whether she'd been discharged or anything, and that as a new mom I figured she wanted space with her baby, which seemed reasonable to me. I certainly didn't expect her to chase after me when she had a newborn to care for. She then told me they've had to go back to the hospital daily since discharged

because the baby's been having some health issues with jaundice and feeding. I told her I was genuinely sorry to hear. that and hoped the little one would get better soon. I mean, regardless of our issues, I don't want my nephew to be sick. There was this awkward pause, and then she asked when I was planning to see the baby. I said I didn't know and that it would depend on getting an invitation given what happened last time. She said the invitation was open but that she's feeling really sore and bruised from the C-section, understandable, and doesn't know how she'll feel day to day, so I need to set aside some time and check with them first if we wanted to visit. The conversation went around

in circles for a while. She kept making these passive-aggressive comments about me making everything about myself and how she expected more support for me as her sister. I kept trying to explain that I was trying to be supportive but felt hurt by being excluded. We weren't really getting anywhere productive. I left it at that since it was past 10 p.m. and I needed to sleep. I hadn't even had dinner yet because the call went on so long. I talked with my partner afterward, and he thinks we should go completely no contact with them. He says life's too short to keep trying with people who clearly don't value me. He's pretty pissed about how they've treated me, but said he'll support whatever decision I make. I'm still not sure what to do. I've been a doormat for too long,

always making excuses for their behavior and putting their feelings above my own. Update three, I messaged B and told her that when she was feeling up to it, to let me know a day and we would come visit. I figured I'd be the bigger person and make the first move. She left me on Reed and never responded. Whatever, I'm just letting her get on with things. She's a new mom with a potentially sick baby. I get that she has other priorities right now. My mom's been constantly sending messages and trying to FaceTime me. Most of them are about random stuff like recipes she tried or things my nephew is doing, completely ignoring the elephant in the room. I've barely been responding to her messages. Haven't heard anything from Sally or my dad in the last couple weeks. This evening my mom

face-timed me again. I wouldn't have answered, but my son was next to me and got all excited when he saw his grandmother pop up on my phone, so I had to pick up. She tried to act all normal and nice like nothing happened, chatting about the weather and asking my son about school. I was pretty blunt with her, giving short answers and not engaging in the usual small talk. I could tell she was annoyed that I was still being off with her. She made some comment about how I've always been one to hold grudges, which is rich coming from her. After the call, I messaged her, probably shouldn't have, but I did, and told her that until I got a proper face-to-face apology. This is how things were going to be between us. I said I wasn't asking for much, just an acknowledgement that they

hurt me and a genuine apology. She messaged back saying she's apologized loads. She sent that I'm sorry you feel that way non-apology and one message that did include the word sorry buried in a bunch of other crap, and nothing face to face. I reminded her that she tried to gaslight me the first time and only attempted to apologize once over text. She facetined me again and said she had not tried to gaslight me, that she was sorry that I felt that way, and, I shit you not, you just let your feelings get the better of you. I told her again that no, that's not an apology and that my feelings are valid. I'm not letting my feelings get the better of me, I'm having a normal human reaction to being repeatedly excluded and then dismissed. She then said she was sorry,

turned on the waterworks, told me she couldn't do this anymore, and hung up. My mom has always used tears as a way to shut down conversations when they're not going her way. It worked when I was younger because I hated seeing her cry, but I'm too old for that manipulation now. So, yeah, that's where things stand now. It's fucking exhausting. Other than all this drama, I've actually been okay. Just focusing on my son, my partner, and my work. I've been trying to be more present with my son. I've kind of come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to have that close-knit relationship with my family that I always wanted. But that's okay.

I have my partner, my son, and my in-laws. They're the ones who need to be the important people in my life now. I've started therapy again too. Had my first session yesterday. It was mostly just catching my therapist up on everything that's happened since I stopped going last year, but it felt good to talk to someone objective. She suggested setting clear boundaries with my family rather than cutting them off completely, which makes sense.

I doubt there will be another update, but thank you. to everyone for taking the time to read and comment. It's really helped me feel less crazy about the whole situation. Okay. I honestly didn't think there'd be another update, but here goes. This just happened today and I'm still feeling unsure about everything and pretty upset. Over the last few weeks, a lot has happened. My mom and dad both apologized properly, like actual, real apologies where they acknowledged what they did wrong and how it hurt me. We're working on rebuilding our relationship. Whether you agree with that decision or not, it's what I've chosen to do.

There's still my parents and I want my son to have grandparents in his life. For the record, my dad admitted that my mom was the one who told Sally she could come to the hospital. Apparently she didn't think it would be that big of a deal since I was at work. He said he should have spoken up, but didn't want to cause drama at such a happy time. At least he owned up to it, which I had. I appreciate. Sally also came to see me last weekend and we talked through the whole situation like adults. She brought coffee and actually listened to my perspective. She admitted she didn't consider how it would look to me when she got to go to the hospital and I didn't. She said she

just assumed I'd been invited too, but couldn't make it because of work. We both apologize to each other for the misunderstandings and hurt feelings and things have been okay since. Not back to normal, but better than before. While Sally was visiting, she suggested I be the bigger person and reach out to be again. She said B's been struggling with postpartum stuff and is overwhelmed with the baby's health issues. Apparently he's still having problems. After thinking about it for a few days, I messaged B and told her I would be taking my son to see our parents today and that she was welcome to come by if she wanted to see us. I figured a short visit with other people around might be easier than a one-on-one meeting. My son, partner, and I got to my parents' house this morning

around 10 a.m. My dad made his famous pancakes and my son was showing my mom his new video game. We had to leave by 1130 since we had other commitments today. My son has a birthday party to go to this afternoon. We were having a nice time, and I was starting to think Bea wasn't going to show up after all. But about 45 minutes after we arrived, he showed up with her baby, now five. five weeks old. She looked exhausted, with dark circles under her eyes. She barely said hello before sitting down and starting to fiddle with the baby's blanket. My mom asked me to let me hold the baby, but be refused and said we needed to talk first, which was fine. I wasn't going to push her on it. I tried making conversation, commented on how cute the baby was, he really is adorable,

asked how they were all doing at home with the dog and everything, and even gave her a gift that my partner and I had picked up recently. B. gave me one word answers while my mom filled in all the details about the baby's feeding schedule and doctor's appointments. It was awkward as hell. At one point, Bih handed the baby to my mom and left the room without saying anything. She was gone for about 10 minutes. My mom asked me to go check on her, but I refused because she'd barely acknowledged any of us since arriving. When she came back, she still barely spoke. She just took the baby back from my mom and sat there staring at him. As we were getting ready to leave,

B suddenly said she was sorry for being quiet, but that she was feeling awkward after five weeks of not talking. She said I'd upset her by not contacting her to check on her and the baby. I explained that I knew she had a lot going on, being a new mom, exclusively breastfeeding, not getting much sleep, and recovering from surgery, and I hadn't wanted to bother her. That's when she lost it. She started shouting at me, calling me ridiculous and saying, that's not what sisters do. Sisters are there for each other. And that I'd hurt her feelings. She continued yelling, while holding her baby, which made me really uncomfortable, that she never said I couldn't go to the hospital, that I'd misconstrued what she said, and that she didn't know how this would

ever be fixed. My partner, mom, and dad tried to defuse the situation by saying they could see both sides and that even though we were frustrated with each other, she needed to calm down and just talk. B then started shouting at my parents, saying she was sick of them taking my side. At that point, I couldn't even speak. I was so shocked by her outburst. My son was in the room and picking up on all the anger from B

and asking to leave. My son hates conflict and gets really anxious when adults argue. I told everyone we were going. I wasn't going to have my child witness this. kind of behavior. My parents followed us outside, my mom asked me to go back inside, but I couldn't. The last thing I wanted was to get into an accident because I was upset. He came to the door with the baby and said she didn't want me to leave like this. I told her tough shit. I'd tried to be civil, and all she'd done was shout at me. My partner tried to get me to turn around and go back,

saying we should clear the air once and for all, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was so upset I just wanted to go home and process everything. My mom called when we got home to check if I was okay. I broke down and said no. I told her I'd tried, but all B. had done was yell at me and tried to make me out to be a liar. She'd taken zero accountability for what she'd said to me and my partner all those weeks ago. My parents actually commended me for staying so calm while B. was shouting. I explained that I refused to be a parent who loses it in front of their kid,

and in order to stay calm, I needed to leave. My mom suggested that maybe B is dealing with postpartum depression or anxiety, which might explain, but not excuse, her behavior. She said B's been having a really rough time with the baby's health issues and lack of sleep. I understand that, but it doesn't give her the right to scream at me in front of my child. My mom and partner both think I should contact B again once I've calmed down, but I honestly don't know what to even say at this point. I feel like I've tried everything.

I've reached out, I've explained my feelings, I've brought a gift, I've tried to be understanding of her situation. Nothing seems to work. So that's where things stand right now. I'm torn between wanting to fix things with my sister for the sake of our children growing up together and feeling like I've already done everything I can. I don't want my son to grow up without knowing his cousin, but I also don't want to subject him to that kind of toxic environment. I've got another therapy session tomorrow, so I'll talk it through there. Fours slash forward slash.

Spouse desired his mother to come live with us for a couple of years without consulting me, and when I declined, she began sending messages about family privileges, followed by a phone call. Whitewashed. Hello everyone. My husband and I have been married for almost two years and our son is 10 months old. We live in Canada. I grew up here while my husband immigrated when he was a student. My parents lived nearby which has been invaluable during my pregnancy and since.

My mom comes over regularly to help us out. My husband and her are on good terms too so it's been going well. His parents live in another country. We have visited them once since we got married, that was seven months ago. The time prior to that was our wedding itself which took place there. My husband had been talking about my mill visiting soon for a long visit which I was happy with. We recently moved into our new house. I've done a good job decorating it. We have a large guest room and I was looking forward to hosting her especially since it would make my husband happy.

A couple of days ago he was complaining about how detailed her visa application was. I told him I was surprised it was so thorough. He told me that it's because while regular visa forms allow a stay of six months max, this one allows two years. I asked why would she need a stay of more than six months? He said that she had been thinking of winding up her medical practice and basically retiring, and this would then allow her to stay for a longer visit if we all decide that it works. I was stunned. I told him he should just do the regular app because his mom won't be staying for anywhere close to six months. I had it in my mind that she'd be staying for like a month. That's how long we stayed for when we went there.

He said that's his mom. She tells him how alone she feels. She can't go to my bills because he lives with roommates, and we can't just put a timer on her visit here. He said she's been looking forward to helping us out with our son. I told him we don't need help we manage fine on our own and with my mom's help. I wanted to host his mom as a guest not as a part of our household. He complained that how was it fair that my parents could visit whenever they were

wanted while his can't. I was hurt by that because my parents have helped us out a lot and I asked him if he wants us to limit how often my mom comes to visit. He said no, that's not what he meant, that he likes her but it wasn't fair to his parents. My reply was that when my mom comes, she goes at the end of the day. That wouldn't be the case with his. I ended it by saying he should look into the easier regular form because she can't be thinking of staying for that long. He chose to sleep on the couch that night and has been cold with me since. I hate that. We've never been cold to each other like this.

I talked to my mom too. She said that having his mom live with us for long stretches would definitely affect me. That this is worth fighting for. I haven't seen him working on the application since. Last night he went out when his mom called. When he came back I asked him how she took it. He told me he had told her he's looking into what application best suits her. He asked me if I'd changed my mind.

I said no. He just shook his head and started watching TV. Ida. Comments where Op has replied, commenter one. NTA. Was he planning to move his mother in your home for two years going on forever without even having a conversation about it? Boop. He said that he was doing the two-year application just so we were.

have options once she's here, and said it'll be a collective decision. I told him there's no need, I have my decision already, I will not be okay with anything more than a couple of months, even that's pushing it in my mind, let alone more than six months. That's actually where I thought I may have been the awe he was talking about options and I kind of just shut him down. Commenter two. NTA it sounds like they planned on her fully just moving in with you. It's likely that after she was there and established, that she simply would not leave. This is definitely a hill to die on. You will end up with her living with you indefinitely if you don't put a time limit on it. One month is quite reasonable. Tell your husband that if she would like to live closer to you guys, you can

help her find affordable housing and then she could be equally as involved as your parents are. It would mess up your family dynamics as well as your marriage and I doubt that your parenting styles will be the same. Her moving in for more than a month will be. She moving in for more than a month will be the death of your marriage. Oop, a lot of comments have said that we can help her get an apartment. I don't think that's a good idea. There's going to be a language barrier. She won't be able to drive.

There's a lot of reasons that won't work. I am very sure that if we go down that route she will end up being a guest in our house very soon after. Update 1, March 11, 2025. Thank you for the feedback in the original post. Yesterday when he came back from work I tried to start the conversation. again. He had been giving me the cold shoulder since all this started. I told him I'm his wife of two years and the mother of his child. This isn't how we're going to communicate.

We started talking after that. I held my ground that his mom staying with us for so long wasn't tenable. If she wanted to visit Canada for longer than a couple of months, she would have to live in her own apartment, learn how to drive, or use public transport. She's used to being driven by a hired driver in Pakistan, and a whole bunch of other changes that she'd need to get used to. That I don't see myself changing my mind on this so he needs to be honest with her and himself and not go down the wheel keep our options open route. He said that he knows her living with us for an extended stay would require some changes on our part, but he was asking me to do this as a favor to him, that I claim to love him and yet can't do him this favor for his mom. I actually started sobbing

when he said this. It was so hurtful that he was using this as a litmus test. for our love. I said her being around for years would ruin our parenthood with our first child, that I want us to raise our child the way we see fit, not his mom. Also, all the intimate moments we have, our sex life, everything would suffer. My parents are Pakistani too, I know this will happen. He again asked me to just not shut the door completely, that he'll tell his mom the stay can only be for a month or so, and I can let him know if I think the change wasn't too much. And we landed on a compromise that for now they'll do the regular visa app that only allows a max stay of six months. If I changed my mind, he'll do the Super Visa. He then had a long call with his mom, which his older

sister also joined. It actually lasted an hour and a half. He was in the backyard for the call and came back in to grab a chair it was that long. Also, from what I could see he was mostly listening for that convo. When he came back in, he told me to just not answer any calls or messages from his mom or sister. Meanwhile, I've received like four missed calls and 20 messages from the mostly Islamic quotes about the rights of parents. I've told them that I can't talk right now since I'm busy with my son right now. I asked him how it went, he said as well as he expected. But he's not giving me the cold shoulder anymore. I do feel guilty because like I said, I was actually looking forward to host her for a month. And I think this whole thing may have caused

irreparable damage not just to my relationship with my Mill and Sill, but my husband's relationship with his mom and sister. I've told my Mill I'll call her back in a couple of hours, once my husband's back. I'm dreading that conversation, but I know what my boundaries are. Thank you for the feedback, it helped. Edit, also, one thing that I had to clarify a few times last post. A lot of people were like this is what happens when you marry outside your culture. My husband and I are both of Pakistani descent. Just that I was born here, while he immigrated here as a student. But he's been here for like a decade now too. Comments where Op has replied, commenter one, she is not your son's parent and has zero rights to him. Oop, I think those Islamic quotes were about

their rights as parents to my husbands, and by extension mine, hospitality and care. Which I mean I get it, but I don't know if this is how those principles were supposed to be applied. Definitely not going to get into a religious debate with her. Comment her too, good for you op. Do not go on that call with your mill by yourself. Your husband must be on that call and he better not cave to what she wants. O. I was just going to stick with the one-monthish plan in the call.

Why do you think I shouldn't talk to her alone? Just asking because I was considering getting this all done with before he comes home. Commenter two, I agree to stick with the one-month plan, but it doesn't sound like she's happy with you. I think it's best to have your husband on the call so, A, he knows everything she says to you B, so it doesn't seem like you're the bad guy refusing to let her stay indefinitely and that your husband is also on board with it and see, so he can do the work of holding the line with his mother and show that he is able to stick up for you. Maybe it'll be fine, but I can just picture Mills saying nasty things to you and then telling your husband she didn't

say them and that you're overreacting. It's his side of the family and it should be his job to mediate. Boop, yeah, I think I'm going to wait and do this with him. Thank you for the advice. Update 2, March 12, 2025. This is just for those people who had given me a lot of great advice on holding the line and had asked for an update to my phone call with my mill. I spoke to my mill since her missed calls and text messages were asking me to call her. I figured I should be the one to call, not my husband, but I put my phone on speaker so that my husband who was lying on the couch could also hear it. She said that my husband had told her he thought it'd be best if she restricts her trip to one month since it was her first time in Canada and because we were really busy with my son. She said

that ever since my husband had gone to Canada as an 18-year-old, he'd always wanted her to visit for a long duration and now all of a sudden he was asking her to restrict it when she wanted to help with her grandson and said she knew I must be the reason why. I said it was a joint decision because of the circumstances but she wouldn't hear of it. She said if her visiting for more than a month was so outrageous to us, then that's fine she'll limit her stay, but I should know that in Pakistan in-in-laws live in the same house with the married couple, like my sill does. And that she had thought I was in touch with my Islamic and Pakistani roots when I was getting married because that's what my husband had told her, but she was disappointed at how whitewashed I was.

At this point my husband asked me to give him the phone, but not before I told her that I was totally comfortable with how in tune with my heritage I was, and that apparently so was her son, told her my husband had just come and handed him the phone. My husband went in the yard to talk, but I was so angry I decided to eavesdrop. He was talking to both my mill and Phil. He told them that he hadn't fled to Canada in the middle of the night as a student. They both had seen him off at the airport. And that when he had introduced me, hadn't kept the fact that I was born and raised in Canada a secret either, that they can't expect to treat us like a couple in Pakistan. Then he listened a whole lot for like half an hour, I gave him a chair again, and kept telling

them that it's different now. They ended the call with him saying that we were both really looking forward to her visit, that we'll make sure it's a great 30 or so days, with us and her grandson. He apologized to me on behalf of his mom, and asked me to please let her lecture go and still be on board with the one-month plan. I'm looking forward to it much less than I was, but I said fine. Thanks a lot again for the advice. Along with my mother, I was able to get good advice from here too, and I think I've managed to resolve this issue. I know myself I know my mill staying over for years wasn't something I could deal with and knowing a lot of people agreed was really helpful. Update 3, April 3, 2025. After I had updated here last time, I was fully committed to graciously hosting my mill for 31 days.

and not a day more. Since then we had one unpleasant exchange on eat a few days ago. I had posted about it on the subreddit regarding mill issues. This is what I had posted. My mill is going to be visiting near the end of April for a month. For context, we live in Canada, I was born here, my husband immigrated a decade ago, we got married two years ago, and our son is 10 months old. My in-laws live in Pakistan, my parents moved to Canada from Pakistan a year before I was born. My mill had initially planned on staying longer, but I had put my foot down and told my husband I couldn't deal with someone living with us for longer than a month, so she's had to cut short her plan and didn't take that wheel. I had actually posted about this somewhere else previously, and had been to take a look at this subreddit. I had made my peace with the one-month stay and was fully planning on being cordial during it. Yesterday, we had celebrated Eid at my parents' house. It was our first Ede with our son, and we were also happy about it, getting to dress him in his cute little traditional Kurdishawar. I sent her some pictures of the event because she always

asks us to send her pictures. Her reply was not what I expected. She started lamenting how far we were from them, and said that this is the problem with marrying someone not from Pakistan, that the parents suffer as a result, how unfair it is that my parents get her son and grandson to themselves. My heart literally shrank reading it. I knew she missed us, but to hear her say she essentially regrets our marriage was so hurtful. I just left her on Reed. I showed it to my husband, he sincerely apologized and thanked me for not responding to her. I have to host her for a month. How am I supposed to do that now? I would have normally asked my mom for advice on this stuff since she's more well acquainted with dealing with someone from Pakistan, but I actually feel she'll lose it at my mill when

she visits if I share this with her. I just wanted some advice, and partly wanted to vent. I'm trying to compartmentalize this because we're still celebrating Eid today with some friends, and I don't want this to bring me down. Any advice would be appreciated. Today's update today, my husband told me that her visa application had been rejected. They're applying for the notes regarding the decision, but according to him it's futile, that it was always a 50-to-50 shot, that the most common reason for rejections is having insufficient ties back home which makes them think the applicant won't go back, that he had thought having my fill remained that would have fixed that, but apparently not. I'm NGL it's like a huge weight has been lifted off me. I'm trying to act

disappointed, but I was dreading her visit. He said she was inconsolable when he spoke to her earlier, that she had asked him to look into us moving to Pakistan, I love Pakistan, but never going to happen. When he shut that down, she gave him his uncle's number who lives in the UAE for job leads so we could move to the UAE, again, I'm sure it's a great place but no, so that we could be a two-hour flight away from them and have our family grow in an Islamic environment. He told her it's going to be difficult but agreed to talk to him. I was a bit angry about this. I told him there's no way we're moving to the UAE. He said, of course, we're not. We've built a life here. He has a great career here, but he didn't want to completely shut down his. his mom. I personally disagree with that. I think she deserves the truth, but whatever. I'm going to talk to her to commiserate tomorrow. It's too late in Pakistan now, because again, while I was no longer looking forward to hosting her, I was fully committed to doing so.

Unfortunately, this does mean that most of our family vacations will have to be in Pakistan now since they can't visit us here. We already need to go there in December because they're planning to have his brother's wedding done then. Thank you to everyone who gave me. advice here. It sucks that we have all this bad blood now for no reason, like I'm sure she hates me now, and while I've tried very hard to forget what she said about my upbringing and heritage, I can't, and I see her in a whole new light now. I'm going to be comforting to my husband about this, but maybe it was for the best. Comments where Op has replied, Commenter 1, this must be so difficult for you. As you said your mill has bred bad animosity

unnecessarily, but I think a possible band-aid could be a two to three-week vacation once per year or so to Pakistan so she can meet her grandson. You could possibly sink your visit with a minor Islamic holiday so she can experience a holiday with him physically there. Just a compromise update me, whoop. Yeah, that's going to be the plan now. A couple of weeks vacation in Pakistan is great, but I'm just concerned my husband would want all our vacations to be there now. Like I want us to have vacations, just our family, somewhere else too. But that's for later, at least this problem is sorted, I'm so relieved. Comment or two, instead of every vacation being in Pakistan, consider planning some holidays to meet eels and some other location to which they can travel.

Oop, that's such a great idea. I'll bring it up for sure when the time comes. Thank you. Oop clarifies on her family's passports and citizenships. Oop, my son, and I are only Canadians, my husband is a dual citizen. And I'm going to have my son's documents with me at all times and the Canadian consulate's number saved. I hate thinking about it, but I'm not taking any risks when it comes to him. Update 4, April 4, 2025. Our phone call went well for like the first two minutes when I expressed how sorry I was that she wouldn't be able to come, and the visa officer should have been more considerate. It went downhill soon after. She said that this probably means she'll never be able to visit Canada, and a few weeks a year isn't enough, that my parents have gotten to be close to us for two years, now it should be their right, and asked if my husband called his uncle about a job in the UAE, since he wasn't answering her texts.

I said I don't know but it won't work anyway. We live in Canada. We've started a family here. We have a support system here. My husband has a great career here, but we will definitely have as many vacations together as possible so she could spend time with my son. She then went on about how my sill, her daughter, has been living with her in-laws since she got married, how bad her mill is, how lucky I was to have such loving in-laws who just want to be close to us, and I should be more grateful. I told her I'm grateful for my son, my husband, and for everything we have, told her I needed to go and ended the call before I said anything more to her while she's still down in the dumps about the visa. I texted my husband this immediately before she gets to him. He's probably not going to be happy since he wanted us to let her be comforted by the UAE idea, but it can't anymore. She needs to be told that we're never moving. I'm only going to call her on important occasions now like Ede and to send pictures if my husband asks, but that's it. A sincere thank you to the visa officer. who made the decision.

Sorry for the repeated updates. NGL this may have been meant to be a rant too. She's just so rude now all the time, it's so unreasonable. Also, based on a comment that my son may automatically be a Pakistani citizen after all, I called the Pakistani consulate and when I explained the situation the lady there said my son is technically a Pakistani citizen. Then I asked about myself because it hit me, that my situation when I was born would have been similar to my sons, She said I was a citizen too.

I'm going to be looking into how this could affect our visit before we attend my Bill's wedding in December in Pakistan. Thanks again, I won't be posting anymore. This issue is done as far as I'm concerned. Desired to relocate to improve our connection, but when I informed my partner, he scolded me extensively until I was on the verge of tears, then his former spouse who had always been mean to me revealed

he did the same to her. Hello all. I, 31F, have been living with, my boyfriend, 42M, for a little over six years. From the very start everything moved so fast and I jumped into a new life before thinking. There is so much to say about the six-year history we have, mixed with good but a lot of bad. He is divorced with two kids. The kids were 10 and 8 when we started dating, now they are 16 going on 17 and 14 going

on 15. I have no kids and never married, but I do have the best Lil Pooch who is now 13 years old. We have been good the last six to eight weeks so this may come to a surprise. No, there were no recent big fights. We have been going about life in this routine. I wake up, go to work, come straight home, walk our dogs. We just adopted a new pup seven months ago, cook dinner, clean up, shower and then bedtime. I do this every day. My boyfriend doesn't have a conventional job so he can go weeks or months without working. I have a stable nine to six job MF. So he's usually home while I'm at work. Today is the first time he is going to work since the year started. After six years with him, it has never been easy to talk about hard topics or my feelings. I always felt dismissed.

To keep the peace I always felt I had to play the part he expected I can admit I am a bit of a people's pleaser and I do love very hard. I always gave him the benefit of the doubt and hoped for things to get better. At this point, I have isolated myself from my friends and family and I don't even recognize myself anymore. I want to be a wife and mother more than anything, but I am afraid the way we are going is not leading there. I feel like my boyfriend is okay with just being boyfriend and girlfriend. I have given everything I can, helping with the kids, doing all the cooking and cleaning, and prioritizing him by giving him all of my free time. He gets sensitive when I try to make plans that don't involve him and usually it leads to big

fights until he guilts me to the point that I just gave up on a social life. As I get closer to my 40s I am freaking out. Time is of the essence and I don't want to wake up in my 40s with regret. There is so much to say about the dynamic but long story short, I feel like that you the only way things will change is if there is a big change. We are both equally comfortable in this routine. I know I am not living life the way I truly want. I have tried to bring up ways to change the dynamic, but it usually leads to him telling me things that sound nice, but it never happens. He's all talk and no action. When I try to act on the things we talk about, it leads to huge

blow-up fights. I do love him so much, but I just can't live life like this. My same. My sister is moving so there is an opportunity to take over her lease. My plan is to leave before he gets home from work, and to write a letter explaining myself. I don't want to break up, but I need him to start taking me and this relationship serious. I want us to be intentional and actually do the things we talk about. I wish I could talk to him instead of doing things this way, but I am afraid of a big fight happening. So, Ida for secretly moving out while he's at work? Update 1, March 22nd 2025. I am overwhelmed with how much responses the original post got. I was mixed with emotions after reading it all. I ultimately needed time to process before writing it on Reddit.

So I took most of the advice and I decided to wait for him to get home to talk instead of leaving a letter and leaving while he was at work. Before I get into the update, I want to address a lot of people's concerns on there being a possible DV situation and toxic relationship. You are all right. I decided to pack up my car with all of my important items. I cleaned the house, cooked, showered, wrote out all my thoughts on what I wanted to say, because I tend to lose track of my thoughts when I'm in high tense conflicts. I wanted to make sure he understood why I felt the need to move out after six years. He got home around 8.30 to 9 p.m. and I asked if he could join me on the couch to talk.

He immediately starting to get anxious asking to hurry up and get to the point. I started to read the letter and I couldn't help but cry as I read, when I got to the part one have decided it is best for me to move out, but if you want to work on our relationship, I am open to it, he snapped. He snatched the letter out of my hand and ripped it up, he spat in my face and called me trash. At this point I was trying to get my dogs and leave the house. He grabbed me by my hair and started hitting me.

I tried my best to defend myself. I was screaming for help hoping the neighbors would hear me, but no one came to my rescue. I eventually lost the strength to fight back and just laid there on the floor hoping he would get tired and stop kicking and punching me. My dogs were hysterical, my youngest dog tried to bite him and protect me, but all it did was get him more upset. I used my body to shield my dog from getting hit. By the time he stopped and I looked at the time it was midnight. He had locked himself in the room and I could hear him crying and screaming for me to please forgive him.

I didn't have the strength for anything. I sat in my blood and tears, numb and dead inside. I still can't believe what happened and I am so disappointed in myself for letting the relationship last as long as it did. There were times he showed aggression, but he always found a way to convince me it will never happen again. When I thought he finally went to sleep, around 3 a.m., I took my dogs and left. I went to my sister's apartment about 40 minutes away.

Luckily, she was staying at her boyfriend's house so I was alone. I still have not found the strength to tell anyone what happened. I called out of work and stood inside the apartment while my wounds healed. It been about two weeks and I am now seeking professional help and am planning on taking myself to the doctors to get checked out. I know I need to tell someone what happened, but I am feeling so embarrassed. Thank you all for the kind words and for the ones who advise to talk to him fuck you. I hope anyone dealing with similar relationship can learn from me follow or gut and don't let outside opinions out your gut. Edit, I have videos and pictures of the injuries. I know I have to go to the police,

but honestly I'm in this psychological warfare. He has two kids and I feel like I'm responsible if their dad goes to jail. This is something I know I need to overcome and that's why I'm taking the necessary steps to mentally prepare myself by seeking professional help. If anyone has any recommendations on how to go about this, I would really appreciate it. This all feels like a nightmare that I just want to be over. I haven't told any loved ones yet because it will just make everything more real. Update 2, March 23, 2025. Hi everyone, please keep reading. Something insane happened last night. I just wanted to start by saying, I am so grateful for all of the support during this. After reading everyone's comments, and yes, I may not respond to every comment,

but I do take time to read everything coming in, because Reddit and you all here are the only people I have about this and it's helping me put everything that has happened in perspective. I have been doing more and more research on DV, before this relationship I have luckily never experienced a toxic relationship. All of my past relationship have always ended amethibly with love and respect. I never had to deal with any boyfriend screaming at me, intense jealousy, etc., so it was very hard for me to even notice what I was in. My ex was very good at talking, we always used to joke that he should have become a lawyer because of how convincing he knows he can be. I am in a place where I am facing everything head on now, instead of hiding in my sister's apartment, hiding from the world. I can admit,

I am a survivor. What happened was not my fault, and I want to apologize for how I came across blaming the Redditors for bad advice. The emotions I am feeling now is rage. I was trying to find someone to blame for what happened to me. And the only person to blame is the fucking psychopath loser X of mine. I decided I am going to the police today. I was feeling bad for him which I found out is called Stockholm Syndrome his kids are 14 and 16 and I was worried that I would be the reason they wouldn't have a father around. Taking everyone's concerns for the kids into consideration, I knew it was my responsibility to protect them from this happening to them. I called the kid's mother last night to tell her everything that happened. Just to give as much context before going

into the update, the mother and I's relationships started out bad. She did not like me or respect me. She did not agree with the big age gap and always made it a point to say I was the young bimbo trying to take the father's money, even though I have always worked and paid for everything I have. I have never asked for him to ever financially take care of me. Over the six years we have become more friendly. She eventually stopped bad-mouthing me to her kids and everyone else in the family. but I always felt the need to prove myself to all of his family and friends. So, I called the mother to let her know what happened and that I was planning on going to the police. I even sent her pictures and videos of my black eyes, cuts and bruises and bald spot from hair being pulled out.

What happened next, literally changed everything for me. I went from being sad and depressed to no feeling nothing but anger. I am shaking while I write this because I'm still in shock. She responded with, well, I knew this would eventually happen, because it happened to her. She went on to tell me the reason they got divorced was because he was beating her in front of her kids, and after ten years of marriage she finally got a lawyer and divorced him. She had multiple restraining orders that he did not follow. He got arrested two to three times, but never convicted of anything because she dropped charges

not wanting her kids to be without a father. I am furious. She was undocumented and her marriage was going to help her because, become a citizen. She ultimately got her citizenship from the process of VAWA through marriage to an abusive legal permanent. I am in so much anger because no one told me or warned me. I feel this could have been avoided if someone would have tried to warn me. So now, no more nice guy. Fuck. This guys is going to jail. I will be making sure he never does this anyone again. I will keep you guys updated on the charges, etc.

Thank you all for the support once again. Update 3, March 23, 2025. When I made the original post, I had no idea it would lead to DV. I hope by me sharing it could help someone who is in a similar situation. I would like to think this a community of kindness and open-minded to each one's struggles. I know I struggle with putting into words how I feel and what's going on, especially in difficult conflicts. I might not choosing the right words or expressing myself correctly, but I am human, having a human experience. I'm doing my best. What's funny, is now I find myself explaining myself to people

who are committed to misunderstanding me. Thank you to everyone who was kind and supportive. It is because of you guys, I found the strength to go to the police. I was going through so many emotions after finding out last night. My ex's wife had been through the same thing. She never once warned me. I'm not trying to blame anyone for the situation, the only person to blame is the loser ex of mine. His ex-wife was undocumented and she stood married for 10 years while getting abused to stay in the country with her kids. She ended up going through VAWA through marriage to an abusive legal permanent. I wish she would have tried to warn me somehow, but I don't blame her. I'm just feeling so many emotions after this situation. Now I'm dealing with anger. So to

include, it's probably best for my mental health to stay off Reddit and focus on reality. I have gone to the police, I will be seeing a therapist slash psychiatrist tomorrow and putting in all the work to heal myself inside and out. I hope my story can shed light on the complexity of DV. And once again, thank you to all who was kind and supportive less than three edit. This was a response to a comment that I thought would give more context on the ex-wife. I'm trying my best to not be emotional in my responses. and it's way too much writing to do if I sat here trying to explain everything that happened in the last six years but his ex was horrible to me when we first started dating. And I struggled with understanding why.

I used to hear them arguing for hours on a daily basis when things started to get serious and I moved and I tried to reach out to her woman to woman so we could have a formal meeting since I would be living in a house her kids would be at, part time. She declined all of my outreach. In the first year, I used to take the kids shopping to get her mother's day game. gift, Christmas gifts, and even a birthday gift. I was trying so hard to get accepted by his family, including ex-wife. I wanted there to be a peaceful, loving relationship with all of us. I hate conflict tried to avoid it at all costs. She would bad mouth me call me young Bimbo who's trying to take all of the father's money, when I never asked him for financial support. I always worked and had my own things going for myself. So to find out what she went through slash I was shocked.

There were even times she tried to get back with him and he would show me the messages. After a few years she saw I was sticking around and slowly stopped all the hate and we began to be more friendly. She had so many opportunities to share what happened and why they got divorced, but she didn't. There were no signs the only signs were just weird inconsistent stories. Looking back I can see I was naive and I should have never involved myself in this weird family dynamic. Next story, B.F. told another girl at a party that I was just his roommate and said he was single, then flirted with her right in front of me. When I confronted him, he cried and said he just wanted to feel wanted for once. I 21F and my boyfriend 23M. Our first year anniversary is in two weeks. We went out last night to a birthday party of our mutual friends. He got pretty tipsy but not wasted. I didn't drink since I was driving us home. At some point in the night I went to go get water and when I came back, there was a crush of people in the room so I was standing directly behind him, trying to get through. He was talking to some girl and I heard her ask, so is that girl you came in with your girlfriend?

And he distinctly said after some hesitation, no, she's just my roommate, ha-ha. I got really pissed off but didn't say anything, just came up to stand next to him. I didn't want to make a scene at my friend's birthday party, but he was going to get an earful when we left. He didn't even notice me for a few seconds and said something like, You're so pretty, to the other girl. She noticed me glaring at him and left. I was so pissed off at him that I just decided to walk away and talk to my friends the rest of the night. Probably a mistake of not addressing it right there at the time,

but I wanted to avoid a big scene if I could. I tried to enjoy myself. My friend, the host of the party, came up to me and asked me if my boyfriend and I had broken up and she didn't know, because she had heard him telling somebody that he was single. After that, I just decided to go home. I was really mad. He could find a ride or crash at our friend's place. She said it would be okay because tons of people were crashing in the living room already.

I went home without saying a word to him. This morning I woke up to all of these texts and calls from him really pissed that I ditched him at the party without a ride or without warning. He demanded to know in an accusing voice where I had disappeared off two. as if I was the one up to some shady shit. I'm just angry and confused because this is coming out of nowhere for me. We have a great relationship and have never had a fight. He tells me all the time that he's so happy we're together and that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him

and that he wants to be with me forever. And now pretending I'm not his girlfriend? Claiming he's single? Flirting with other girls right in front of me? He has never done anything like that before and hasn't even looked at other girls. I don't drink, so is this just dumb drunken behavior that I should excuse? Should I give him a chance to explain himself or just end things now? I'm so pissed off and feel so disrespected.

I can't even think of what reason he could give that would somehow make what he did okay in my eyes. But I'm willing to listen to anyone's perspective or other angles on the situation. Update 1, I texted him, you made it clear last night that you are single. I don't wait around for ex-boyfriends to give them rides home. Don't bother coming back here as suggested. He immediately tried to call me and I didn't pick up. Then he texted, WTF, are you talking about? How could he not know?

My friend, the host, even just texted me and told him she'd given him an earful all morning when he woke up for being such a dickbag to me. He denied everything and said he has no idea what she's talking about. They got into a fight about it because he stuck to his guns and claims he never said any of that stuff. I have a feeling he's going to pretend he doesn't remember or blacked out as a way to get out of this. He said he's getting a ride back to my place now. I'm considering not answering the door, but what if he really doesn't remember? I kind of don't care, though. Skeptical he's coming here now, what do I do?

Update 2, he's almost here. My friend told me to talk to him just to hear the complete load of shit he's going to unleash on you. Dump him, girl, I would and she's known him for longer than she's known me. I'm not going to answer the door. Thanks, all. Update 3. I know most of you will be disappointed to hear this, but I decided to give him another chance, just kidding. I only kid because I'm still bawling my eyes out.

I did decide to answer the door and hear what he had to say, if only to try to understand. understand his reasons behind it, not as a way to forgive him, but to fully understand why. At first he denied it and said that none of it ever happened, and that my friend was lying to me because she was jealous of us and had always wanted him. She has a boyfriend of three years. He said he had no idea what she was talking about or why I was so mad at him. I just said, I heard you say it, too, he said, say what? But then he just saw the look on my face and crumbled. He said that prior to us dating, he had never gotten attention from girls before and it went to his head when it happened last night. He said that he'd always felt in disbelief because he believed I was out of his league and it was pure fluke that I'd ever been interested in him.

Apparently girls never approached him before we were dating, ever, so when it happened at the party he didn't know how to react. He said he enjoyed the attention for once in his life and just went with it. According to him he wasn't planning on doing anything but just impulsively said whatever. to keep the attention coming. He swears up and down that he just enjoyed the ego boost that came from girls being interested in him, but he would never ever cheat on me. In his mind he thought it was harmless because he knew he would never let it go further than feeding his ego, and that if he'd known that I would hear, he never would have done it and risked hurting me. At this point I started to cry, because to me it was such a stupid reason to throw away what we had. I know some

of you will say that I should forgive him, got a lot of PMs and comments, saying it was just a dumb mistake and I say dumb shit I don't mean when I'm drunk too, but I just can't. He broke my trust in him and, honestly, he hurt my pride. I want a guy who can handle when some other girl shows interest in him with maturity and respect. A guy who loves me so much that he would never dream of leading a girl on for attention because I feel like my attention should be enough. Someone who's proud to point at me and say sorry, I'm taken and she's a great girl with no regrets. I told him that I thought it was a really stupid reason to damage our relationship, being insecure

and an attention whore, and I guess it must have sunk in that I was planning to leave him. He broke down crying too and begged me to please try to forgive him because it was a stupid drunken mistake. It was so hard to stay strong, but I was very angry with him. I cried so hard because he started telling me he loved me more than anyone and he was just stupid, drunk, and inexperienced and he wished he could take it all back because it wasn't worth losing me. I said I was glad he realized his mistake, but if he really loved me more than anyone, then he really needed a better way to show it than pretending I don't exist to other

pretty girls. He got hysterical and just started saying, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't lose you. Please forgive me. I told him that I thought his actions last night were honestly pathetic and disgusting and they changed my view of him. I told him it was sad that he would throw himself after a girl lied just to get a few minutes of attention and that I didn't think it was a good excuse to say that never happened to me before, so I didn't know how to handle or I was just innocently enjoying the attention. What would happen next time? How could I trust him to act appropriately and control himself? He said that he'd learn from this and he'd do better next time, but honestly, I just couldn't get over it. He made me feel worthless as his girlfriend and something he had to

hide to get the attention of other women because my attention wasn't adequate. I know that isn't necessarily true, but that's just how he made me feel. I also told him he lowered himself in my eyes and I didn't respect him anymore. So I told him to get out and not talk to me anymore. I'm leaving a box of his stuff on the porch so he can get it without talking to me. Then I laid my couch and cried with my dog until I felt sick. It shouldn't feel this shitty because I'm still really mad at him. But we had an amazing year together and it sucks that something so small and stupid could cause him to jeopardize that. I don't want to be with a guy who values our relationship so little.

I feel better today. It sucks not being in a relationship anymore, but I feel like I deserve better. He's been blowing up my phone saying he's been at home crying and he loves me so much. I'm just waiting for him to pick up his stuff so I can block his number. My best friend also just broke up with his girlfriend of two years. So we're planning a road trip together to take our mind off thing. I wasn't able to go before because I didn't want to make my boyfriend uncomfortable, go figure. But this weekend I'm going to go hang out with my bestie and swim at the beach and forget things.

Thanks for the support, Reddit. You helped me stay clear-headed. I have a lot of hate and bitterness in my heart right now, but I'm hoping that will pass. My partner was responsible for $50,000 in financial assistance for three undisclosed offspring he did not inform me of, so I ended our commitment. And within a month, he wedded a stranger. Just met. Okay, so first thing I want to say is that I love my fiancé. He's a great guy.

Whip smart, kind, funny. A year and a half ago I would never imagined I'd be at this point. We've been dating for five years, ever since we met. He works at a call center and I'm a postal worker. We make a moderate income, and the wedding is tentatively in April. Small, courthouse wedding with a tasteful reception afterwards, I apologize in advance for the legal gobbly goop. He hasn't really kept me in the loop, and I'm a male carrier, not a lawyer. I don't have a head for this. One year into our relationship he got a notice for paternity from the state

he used to live in, for a three-year-old boy. So clearly this happened way before I met him. He thought it was ridiculous, but took the ordered DNA test. Turns out, He is the father. Insert Mori audience cat calling here. The mother was apparently mentally unwell, and it turned out the boy was in custody of the grandparents. They offered to adopt the boy if my fiancé gave up all his paternal rights. He jumped at the offer, they pulled some strings.

I've heard it's supposed to be hard, but we literally flew down to his old state on the date they told him to. Signed some papers in front of a judge, and that was that, I was personally. ambivalent about the thing. It seemed like he just gave up all rights to his son without a care. But in the end, it's his business, not mine. I told myself I would be supportive stepmother if the boy ever came to him for help slash answers when he was older. There was some messy legal business about arrears child support, because the mother apparently was on welfare for years, and the state wants repayment from fiancé.

I don't know much about it, because he refuses to share. Only that it's around 20K for three years. Damn. A couple years go by, I take fiancé to the DMV to renew his license because its way expired and he won't do it. Lo and behold, it's suspended. Why? Past due child support judgment for another child. A 12-year-old girl.

$30,000. Fiancee is literally sick. And I mean he thinks. threw up all night. Worse, in order to get his license suspended he had to contact child support department in his old state and give them all his current contact info, where he works, where he lives. Soon enough, a notice comes through HR. He's going to be garnished 25% of his after tax pay because of the child support judgment. Reddit, he just shut down after that, stonewalls any conversation regarding the issue at all. I took up more of the bills,

but now we're both struggling. We have had to move and to a smaller, crappier apartment using my credit alone because this has a big fat judgment on it. He had to refinance his almost paid off car because he couldn't afford the high payments. There's some kind of hearing coming up. I don't know what it's about because he flatly refuses to tell me. I think maybe it's to adjust the payments based on his current income, which has grown due a promotion. Either way, he hasn't bought plain tickets. Or rather, hasn't asked me for the money because he can't afford them. I think he's not going. It'll be an automatic judgment against him. Here's the thing, he could request a DNA test for the girl. He hasn't, though he's told me he's certain

he's not the father. He could hire an attorney, I've offered to front the cost, but he has a thousand excuses. He'd have to get one in his other state. They'd gouge him because he wasn't there. He doesn't have the time. Excuse, excuse. excuse. The hearing is in three weeks. I don't know what's going on and he's so passive about it that I'm worried. So, I opened up an official looking notice he received a few months back, but never bothered to open. There's a third child. This one is a brother of the girl. Maybe the hearing is actually about him? God damn it. I just don't know. He has actually left the house for a long walk when I questioned him a few weeks back. I am not a nagging person. Asking him to deal with his bullshit is

uncomfortable for me, too. If I have to confront him with an ultimatum, we've reached the point of no return. But I'm almost there. So here's the deal. I love my fiancé. He's 50K, for the first boy and girl, in debt that will haunt him for the foreseeable future. He won't do anything about it, just sticks his head in the sand and hopes it goes away. Maybe he's depressed. He acts normal, as if none of this is happening. There might be more on the way, with the third child. If I stay with him, I'll never be able to buy a house. I will have to make all major purchases on my credit alone. We can never combine income. He has abandoned three children. I don't know the full stories of the relationship between him and the mothers, other than it was painful and full of

One is his biological child for sure. The other two are a question, but they may as well be in the eyes of the state. He doesn't care about them, other than the bi-weekly garnishment on his paycheck. As far as I understand, he's never asked about them once. I had a pregnancy scare last month. Well, actually I found out I had been pregnant via miscarriage. No condolences needed, please, I didn't tell him. It's done.

But the first thought in my head after I realized, ah, what came out was my child would have been fourth in line for any support if things went south. Who says he wouldn't abandon me, too? We do plan on having children eventually. My heart loves this guy. My head says I'll be throwing away my financial future if I stick with him. What does Reddit say? Update one. The basic gist was my fiancé had stuck his head in the sand and was ignoring child support notices and hearings to the tune of 50K, for children conceived way before our relationship started. After the second surprise child, he had completely shut me out on the subject. I opened up some of his forgotten mail and saw there was a notice for a third child. To recap, baby one, three-year-old boy, he was able to give up

his paternal rights in favor of the mother's grandparents because the mother had mental health issues. 20K child support and arrears. Baby 2, 12-year-old girl. 30K ongoing child support. I don't know the story behind this one, and he isn't talking. Baby 3, brother of 12-year-old girl. The birthday was on the paperwork, but he took that letter with him. Thank you for all of the comments, PMs, and valuable feedback from my other post. The ones that told me I, too, was sticking my head in the sand really put it in place with me, as did the ones who gave professional insight that it was simply not possible for him to have been completely blindsided with all three children. So I was in a mood when he got home tonight. I showed my fiancé, who I'm now calling

Johnny Appleseed. Thanks to a previous commenter, the letter I opened about the third child. Luckily, he didn't get all huffy about me opening his mail because I was not in the mood. Johnny's face just fell and he said it was impossible for him to be the father of the third child. He didn't know about it, not having opened his child support mail over the last few months, that the mother of the 12-year-old had one child support judgment against him for the girl, and now was clearly looking for more. I told him I thought that was BS and I wanted the truth now, that I've been looking through his old state's law and the courts can't have ruled him the father of the 12-year-old without evidence.

He pulled his usual stonewall stuff, said he, didn't matter, because there was a judgment against him he was screwed for life. He actually started to cry. I kept on him. Finally he told me the truth. He and the baby mama were in love since they were teenagers, but it was an on and off relationship. She was drama. She got pregnant and he was there for her, but right before the baby was born she told him he wasn't the father. He was stubborn and proud, and still signed the birth certificate. But he left her soon after at her request and didn't have any contact. Why didn't he get a DNA test? It was expensive and his heart was broken. By the end of this, he was crying. I started crying too,

and I told him I can't marry him right now with all this going on. Oh,m. did he go instantly from sorrowful to pissed? He kept asking me how I could do this, that I knew about the child's support going in, that he'd always been honest with me. Um, no, he, he's. He said, he's, he'd always been honest with me. Um, no, he'd said nothing, or insinuated she'd put his name on the birth certificate, not the same as honesty. That he knew baby mama was trying yet again to ruin his life. The judgment was already in, there was nothing he could do because the courts always ruled in favor of the mother.

There was no point in trying. This was all her fault for trying to ruin his life, and by taking her side over him I was letting her. Read it, I'd like to say I threw in some good zingers. The fact is, when things get heated, my brain stalls out. I said some things about how he was handling the situation, keeping me locked out of what was going on with the upcoming hearing. That if this kept blowing this off, he could go to jail,

but my delivery sounded kind of lame even to me. It's never like how I practice in my head or can type out here, you know? Then he started asking me if this was about a male co-worker I had once given a ride home, like three months ago. if I had an affair with him. WTF? No. I took off the ring, his grandmothers, and told him to take it. That he needed to move out tonight, stay with someone else, and give me some space. The wedding was off, and I needed a few days to consider the rest of the relationship. He kept asking me why, like he couldn't believe I was breaking off the wedding because of a little old thing like 50K in debt,

three surprise children, and a complete shutdown of the subject. Then he called me shallow, that money means more to me than love. It went on, but I'm already sick of reliving this. He does swear there is no possibility of any more surprised children. Period. He packed a duffel full of clothes and left, having convinced himself that I was either cheating on him or shallow and money hungry. So I spent the evening rereading comments, I've done the right thing, right? And browsing for rent sites. The lease is in my name only because of the judgments on his credit report. This is what I've become, lying to landlords because of my deadbeat fiancé. He probably has some sort of resident rights anyway. May. At least he's out of the apartment for now. I texted him a

long message an hour ago, Johnny, before we join our lives together, I need to know you can handle your responsibilities like an adult. Go to the hearing. I will help you with a lawyer, with a plane ticket. Whatever. If you treat me like a partner, maybe we can rebuild our relationship. I love you. He hasn't answered. I hope he listens to reason once he cools down.

He has so many good qualities. I had to share the very worst in my post to you all. He would be an excellent father if he wanted visitation, and I am willing to put in the work to sort this out and move forward with these kids if he is. He's convinced himself he's screwed for life, and I think it's paralyzed him. It's a terrifying place to be. I know. Basically everyone wanted me to kick him to the curb, but I'm hoping this break is enough of a come-to-Jesus moment for him to prove he's not a deadbeat.

Basically, if he wants to fight for this relationship, he has to go to the hearing and handle his business. Get on a payment plan, and keep on it. Then relationship counseling. Lots and lots of relationship counseling. Then, we'll see. I still may break up permanently, but at least he'll have sorted out a thing or two. Maybe I'm just holding on to hope. So that's it.

I really wish I had thought of something awesome to say during the argument, but life isn't a movie. Ball's in his court. Let's see if he man's up or not. Anyone been through anything like this before? I did blindside him a little because I, Two, had been way too passive in letting this slide. How do I help him help himself? Edit, he hasn't answered the text with the offer to help.

I've called the landlord and requested a new lock for the door. He's not on the lease, and it's probably not legal, but as someone pointed out, and I agree, he's adverse to going to court. Responses have been passionate. I don't think I was clear. We're essentially done, I returned his grandmother's ring, told him. him to give me space. If he accepts help and steps up to his obligations to his children with no back, only then will I consider taking him back. Not for immediate marriage, JFC, I'm not insane.

Not to get pregnant, as some lovely commentator suggested. But considering it's morning and he still hasn't answered the text, it probably doesn't matter. That's where O.P. has replied Pretty Dirt Murder. He would be an excellent father if he wanted visitation what? He would be a doctor if he if he graduated medical school. He would be a millionaire if he won the powerball. If he had wings, he'd be a bird. What he is, is a total failure as a father, times three. He participated in the creation of three little ones,

abandoned them emotionally and financially, and now complains that they are a burden. Three children growing up fatherless, which will color their lives forever, because of him. This is the depth of compassion and empathy that he is capable of. This is how he treats the truly powerless and dependent. Even though he has every legal and moral obligation to support them, because there's nothing in it for him. His maybe they're not mine excuse is a total load, because if he had an iota of humanity in him, he'd care enough to find out.

Goop. What? He would be a doctor if he graduated medical school. He would be a millionaire if he won the power ball. If he had wings, he'd be a bird. Okay, this did make me laugh. You have a point. Mega train, I'm not a lawyer.

Not attending a hearing is absolutely the worst thing he can do. The judgment will go against him, the 50k he owes becomes 70K or more, and it becomes much more difficult to reverse after the fact. But not impossible. I say that not to give him an excuse to miss the upcoming hearing, but to give him hope that he might be able to have the earlier judgment reversed. He needs an experienced family lawyer in that state to handle the current hearing, and to come up with a plan regarding the existing judgments. So I'm not overselling it. He may or may not be able to realistically contest the prior judgments, depending on state law regarding paternity and statutes of limitations.

Only an attorney in that state can assess his chances. Will this be cheap? Maybe not, but certainly less than letting the existing judgment stand, while adding even more. With regard to relationship advice, I think you're doing the right thing. Either he'll step up and get this taken care of, maybe even get mistakes of the past fixed, or you probably don't want to be with him anyway. Boop. I don't know how bad this is. If he takes my offer for help and steps up, I still may not take him back.

The fact of it is, I don't know how bad the situation is, really. He may have warrants out for his arrest. But for my peace of mind, I have a chance of mind, I have to have. to extend the offer to help with at least the hearing. You can't stop someone from destroying their life if they're hell-bent on it, and I don't intend to be dragged down with him. But offering to get a lawyer or a single plane ticket? It's not too much. Update two, I don't even know where to start. After I called off the wedding and returned his grandmother's engagement ring, he packed a duffle full of his clothes and left. It's been about a month, and I haven't heard a peep from him. I changed the

locks on the apartment, but he hasn't been back for his stuff anyway. He blocked me on Facebook and when I gave in and tried to give him a call a week later, he changed his phone number two. I heard he was staying at his best bro's house, courtesy of Bro's girlfriend. Trust me, I went through all the stages of grief, denial, anger, acceptance, etc., and I finally accepted he wasn't coming back. I thought maybe he'd gone back to his home state to be with one of the baby mamas, but his car was parked in the parking lot at his work. I may have. Drove passed once or twice, the hearing was scheduled for early this week. Finally, tonight, I plucked up my courage and went to the best bro's house to confront him. The least he could do is get his crap out of my apartment, right?

I grabbed up his many, many unopened child support notices, and a picture of boy number one he left on his dresser. It's the only picture of the three kids that he has, and he left it behind. Best Bro answered the door, and what followed was just about the most awkward conversation ever. I can't remember the conversation verbatim but I asked where ex-fiancee was, and Best Bro said he wasn't there. He was being all evasive, so I asked if he went to the hearing or not. Best Bro looked confused. What hearing? I told him the child support hearing for his three kids.

Best Bro looked super confused, like I was crazy. Then he asked if I was seeing anyone else, other than ex-fiance. Of course I wasn't. I gave Best Bro a very abbreviated version, kicked ex-fiance out BC. He was ignoring his child's support from his baby mamas. He had a hearing earlier this week. I was getting loud because I'd been bottling this up and Best Bro's girlfriend came out to see what was going on. She's the one who told me, her exact words, Your man lost his damn mind.

The weekend after I kicked him out, he went to. out to a bar with Best Bro for some good old girl bashing. He met up with some 22-year-old bartender and hooked up. Read it, he married her last weekend. Drove up to Reno, where a couple hours from the Nevada border, and did the whole Chapel of Love thing. Best Bro and his girlfriend were the witnesses. They hadn't really supported his decision, but he had them convinced I was a cheating whore, and he was so heartbroken. Plus, Best Bro's girlfriend implied later that he'd overstayed his welcome by crashing at their house for most of a month. I was shocked and pissed and wanted to cry because I sort of got the vibe that Best Bros.

still didn't believe I wasn't cheating. So I grabbed the court documents from my car and gave them to him to pass along to my ex. I doubt they'll open them up, but the fact they're from his old state county's child support division should be good evidence. I don't know why I should care about their opinion. Neither one of them called me during this. I thought I was their friend, too. But they believed him.

Now I'm back home, surrounded by his crap, and trying to sort out my feelings. I feel like. I've just watched someone blow through all the bridges out warning signs and drive off a cliff. I told my ex I'd help him get a lawyer for the hearing, help him with the plane ticket. Instead of taking care of his business, he went and married some chick he'd known for. Like two and a half weeks at most? I think. I'm not in the mood to drag out a calendar. Let's be generous and call it three weeks. I should feel bad for the girl, his new wife what the fuck, for what she's just gotten into,

but she must either be a real piece of work herself or just an idiot. Who marries someone they've known for that short of time? And I know someone out there is thinking, you are an idiot. He had to have known her for longer. He was cheating before this. Well, I'm certain he wasn't. He's a home buddy by nature. There was never any missing time in our relationship, and Best Bro was pretty clear they'd met at the bar that night, so basically, instead of going to his child support hearing,

he was moving in with his new wifie, and probably doing what newly married people do. I hope they're happy together. Ah ha ha. Of course I don't. He might have a contempt of court worn out for him for skipping the hearing, so I doubt he'll sue me if I toss it all, but I do want to cover my butt. I know I need to ask a question, so here it is.

What in the world was he thinking? Out of all the options he had to him, he picked the very worst. What was she thinking? I love, loved, the man, but even I can admit he's not classically good-looking. He had nothing to offer but a low-paying job, and being practically homeless. And finally, what is wrong with me, that I feel terribly good-looking? he's found some new way to fuck up his life. I organized a celebration for my father's birthday,

but he ended up consuming alcohol excessively and confessed to the guests that his most significant regret was bringing me into the world. Consequently, I contacted the security personnel and requested his expulsion from the event. The restaurant. My parents broke up when I was just six years old. They got married young,

but after the honeymoon phase ended, they started to fight a lot. Both of them were working overtime to pay bills that were piling up while also paying for their student loans. The year that they were supposed to get a divorce, my mom found out that she was pregnant. For reasons beyond my understanding, they decided to give their marriage one last try. This was a big mistake because my earliest memories of my childhood are of my parents yelling at each other as loudly as possible. Every morning would start this way. My mother would go off on my dad for not cleaning up after himself.

and not helping around the house, while my dad would counter with complaints about my mom's cooking abilities and how she was a good-for-nothing woman. He would have an issue if she made pancakes, toast, or waffles because no matter what she did, he just wasn't in the mood for it. He would always compare her with his mother and say how he wished he had never married her. She would count her by saying that she should have married a richer man and that she regretted having a child with him. This was pretty much every day. Sometimes I would just try to lock out the noise in the background, playing with my food, but it did leave a lasting impression on me as it sort of made me realize that both of them kind of blamed me for why they could not

leave each other. My dad would purposefully come back home late at night so he would not have to spend any time with me or my mom. If my mom complained about feeling overworked, he would snort and tell her how his job was more important than hers. If I ever wanted to play with him, he would be okay and nice to me for 30 minutes, but beyond that, he would start to get irritated and scold me for being so needy. I was just a child at that time, but I remember him saying that to me so much that even now as an adult, I'm afraid of coming off as needy with other people. Slowly, our home life became even worse as time went on. My mom would spend her evenings drinking, while my dad would come home drunk from the bar and stomp off to the couch just to pass

out. Both of them started missing work since sometimes they would not even wake up on time to get me ready for school. The weekends were much worse, as I spent so many evenings hungry because both of my parents were too intoxicated or hung over to cook or even order takeout. It was a never-ending cycle of chaos and neglect. I understand now that what my parents did could put them in jail, but at that time, I had no other adult around to protect me. My teachers would sometimes talk to me and later call my parents to have a conversation, but since there was no evidence of physical abuse on me, no one really cared enough to call CPS. As I grew older, I became the unofficial mediator between my parents every time they would fight. Mind you, I was still a child,

but I thought keeping the peace at home was somehow my responsibility. I knew what my parents disliked about each other. For example, my mom hated that my dad never picked up his socks or towel after himself, so I started doing that every day, thinking this would result in fewer fights. I knew my dad hated my mother watching loud TV on the couch, so before my dad came back home every night, I would urge my mom to lower the volume. It was difficult for me as a child to try to calm my parents' tempers or distract them from their conflicts, but regardless of what I did, they would end up having an argument one way or another. It was a heavy burden for me to carry as a child, and I often found myself feeling overwhelmed and helpless. I wished for a peaceful home where I could feel safe and loved. but instead, I lived in a constant state of tension and anxiety.

On several occasions, I have even witnessed my parents get into a physical fight, and then my mother would lock herself in the bathroom for hours to save herself. One night, their fight got even worse. My mother threw a glass bottle at my dad straight to his face, and he started bleeding from his nose. My mother yelled at me to call 911, and some of the things had been blocked out, but I do remember the police questioning me about the fight.

CPS was finally called, and my parents got a verbal warning that next time this would happen, I would be taken away. They pretended to care in front of the officers, but I doubt whether they genuinely did. They did talk to me later after everyone left and promised me that they would work to become better people. However, that promise didn't last long. Despite their efforts to salvage their marriage, it was clear that my parents were not compatible. They had different priorities, values, and communication style. that clashed at every turn. I could see the toll it took on both of them as well as on me. Thankfully, when I was 13, they finally decided to end their marriage for good. It was a relief in some

ways, knowing that the constant turmoil would finally come to an end, but it also marked the beginning of a new chapter filled with its own challenges and adjustments. I had to split my time between my parents' separate homes. My mother got child support from my dad and looked for a job to support herself and me. In the beginning, it was really difficult for her to find one, but my uncle, her cousin, helped her get a desk job as a secretary where she worked for several years under a kind and patient boss who paid her quite well. I met her boss and his family several times during work parties, and I'm still really grateful that he had decided to hire my mom as it genuinely saved our lives and helped pay for everything around the house. My dad, on the other hand,

spiraled into drinking more and more like there was no tomorrow. This is why I dreaded my visits with my dad because he would either be passed out or he would bring a strange woman into the house to hook up with. It was extremely uncomfortable, and I hated it. However, I didn't have much choice as I was afraid of revealing this to my mom since this would start another one of their huge fights, and I was just tired of it all.

Throughout the years, my dad has had different long-term girlfriends. He dated the first one for a year. the next one for six months, and the third one for three years straight before cheating on her. I have noticed a pattern in his dating history as they are single mothers with one or two children. My dad dates these women and gets extremely close with their children. He posts their pictures all over social media and even celebrates birthdays with them. Meanwhile, my mother would have to remind him about important days in my life like my birthday or prom days, as he would sometimes forget all about it.

He would also always force me to mingle with his girlfriend's children, urging me how they are going to be my future brothers and sisters. As you can imagine, I absolutely hated this habit of his. I mean, I understand that my dad was single and was free to date whoever he wanted, but he would always pretend to be this responsible parent in front of other children while neglecting his one and only child. I remember when my school organized the father-daughter dance. I had an inkling that my dad would find an excuse to not attend, and as expected, he did. My mother tried to talk some sense into him, but he kept insisting that one of his girlfriend's kitchens needed some repairs. I was a bit heartbroken, but everything worked out because one of my uncles, mom's cousin,

took me to the dance, and I had a wonderful time. As I started growing up and my dad kept dating, he would ignore me more and more. He stopped letting me come to his place, telling my mom. mother how he would be out all night drinking or partying, and my mother rightfully didn't argue. Things became even worse when one fine afternoon, my dad called me out of nowhere to ask if I was free for dinner that night. I excitedly agreed, thinking maybe he was finally missing me and wanted to spend some one-on-one time with me. Now imagine my surprise when he came to pick me up in an expensive car, hunking loudly outside our house. I ran out to see him sitting next to a blonde woman,

and there was an older guy sitting at the back. Later during dinner, my dad introduced me to his latest girlfriend, Gina, and her son Robin. Robin was five years older than me and looked less than enthusiastic to meet me. Gina did smile at me but kept our conversations to a minimum throughout the dinner. My dad kept raving about how great his relationship with Gina and Robin was going and how proud he was of Robin for playing such good football and apparently carrying his whole team to the season at one point. Robin even gave a toast to my dad saying that he had never seen his mother happier with any other man. Clearly, my dad and Gina were in love, all blushing and were all over each other.

Hence, I was not surprised when a few months later, my dad told me that he was getting married to her. He invited me and my mom as guests, and we were happy to be there until I noticed that Robin was my dad's groomsman. My dad and he were laughing side by side, chatting like two best friends. I felt this weird sense of jealousy and anger, and I guess my mother must have noticed my expression because she gave me a hug. Throughout the wedding, I watched my dad celebrate with his new family. Acting like this was his very first marriage. He never even once called me for a family picture. The only time he came over to me was to ask my mother and me if we were enjoying ourselves.

I felt so invisible, like I didn't belong in his life anymore. As the evening wore on, I became more and more quiet, trying to process the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside of me. I couldn't understand how my dad could be so happy and carefree while I felt like my world was crumbling around me. Robin seemed to effortlessly fit into my dad's life, slipping into the role of his son. When it was time for my mother and I to take leave, my dad didn't even hug me goodbye. I think that was the last time I saw my dad laughing and dancing with his new family. After that, I didn't bother to contact him much. This is how I realized that unless I texted or called him, he didn't really miss me.

Several months passed, and although he would continue to send child support, he never once bothered to check in. When it was time for me to go to college, I made sure to choose the university that would be furthest from the city, even though my mother didn't want me to go so far. I wanted to run away from that miserable place and all the bad memories. I did hear from my mother how my dad had turned his life around completely and had a much better job now and had stopped drinking. It wasn't until months after I had already started college that I received a call from my dad. He told me how surprised he was that I was such a big girl now.

I snorted because I wasn't really surprised that he had never noticed anything about me. He continued to ask me about mundane things here and there, trying to make conversation, and then launched into a speech about how Robin had secured a good job which was incidentally in the same city as my university. He mentioned that he would be coming over with Gina to visit Robin and thought it would be a wonderful idea to meet me as well. I told him that it was fine, but he kept insisting, and eventually I agreed. I probably should not have, but as much as I hated to admit it, I missed my dad. Regardless of his relationship with my mother, I wanted both my parents to love me and treat me like the child I deserve to be. be seen as, and I hoped that my dad would eventually grow to see that. The evening we were supposed

to meet at a cafe near my university, I was all dressed up and excited. However, hours passed, and I sat alone in the cafe sipping my coffee and looking at the door, but my dad never showed up. I kept calling him, but there was no answer. I told my mother, so she called him as well, worried that maybe something had happened to him. Three hours later, my dad called me back to inform me that he was caught up with watching a football game with Robin and lost track of time, which is why he could not make it to see me tonight. It felt like a punch to my stomach hearing him so casually saying this, as if I had not just spent the evening excited to finally meet him after so many months. In the background, I could hear Gina and Robin chatting excitedly, so he was

clearly still with them. I told him how I had sat alone in the cafe for hours, and he replied that I should have left after the first hour when he didn't show up and tried to give his usual lame apologies. I was so pissed that I just disconnected the call and blocked him. He must have called my mother, but she supported my decision, telling him how he had clearly failed at being a father to me. I cried a lot that night, but the next morning I felt both guilty and sad about what had happened. I guess my mother's anger and words must have gotten through to my dad because when I opened my mail app, I was surprised to see a long email from him apologizing to me and begging me to unblock him. He wrote how he never thought his actions could affect me so much and promised

that he would do better. I didn't unblock him because I knew I could not keep doing this to my mental health. For months after that, my dad would continue to send me emails where he would sometimes wish me on my birthday or an important festival. However, I would never reply back. Meanwhile, my mother would regularly come up to my university and meet me whenever we both had a break, and I learned to be satisfied with spending time with the only parent who genuinely loved me. During my third year of college, I woke up to several missed calls from a hospital and my mom's side of the family. When I called my relatives back, I learned that my mother had met with an accident and was in critical condition. My heart just dropped, and I packed my bags to leave for

my hometown overnight. Thankfully, my roommate agreed to drive me there, so I was a little bit of we reached much faster than I had anticipated. I remember collapsing and seeing my mother in the hospital bed with tubes attached to her everywhere. I remember the doctors trying to talk to me, but I could not process anything. My mother had apparently slipped into a coma, and there wasn't much that could be done. Three days later, she passed away, and the doctors told me that she didn't suffer much. I don't remember much about those days because they are all so blurry. I do remember seeing my dad and just collapsing into his arms while crying. At that moment, I didn't care about my anger for him and was just grateful that I had someone's shoulders to cry on. Surprisingly,

my dad took charge and made sure my mother had a wonderful funeral. Robin and Gina tried their best to be there for me the best that they could. Mom's relatives would regularly show up with cooked meals, ensuring that I was eating every day. I would just lie in bed, unable to move or eat or sleep. I don't know how I survived those days, but looking back, somehow I did. When it came to reading my mother's will, she had made sure that everything she owned, like the house and her car, which were all paid for, would all be going to me. Her savings account fund was enough for me to finish college without worrying about taking any loans. My dad also agreed to pay for any additional costs if needed, so I had nothing

to worry about. I didn't want to sell the house at that time, so I agreed to be. I agreed to give it out for rent to a nice couple, and it became a source of income for me. I decided to keep the car for myself as it helped me get to and from my part-time job. Eventually, I went back to my university as I was missing out on a lot of classes. My dad would regularly call and message me to ensure that I was doing okay. It was so hard for me to go on living without my mother, and suddenly everything around me felt hollow. My classmates helped me get back on track with my assignments, and my university professors were quite understanding for the most part. During this time, I did get to know Gina and Robin much better as they would come with my dad to visit me during the weekends.

For the first time, I started to feel like my dad was treating me like his family as he would take me out for football games and dinner. In the beginning, I never really noticed anything negative about Gina. But as time passed on and I started to spend more time around her and my dad, I noticed how she could be a teeny bit judgmental and dramatic. She would argue with my dad like a teen and get angry if he didn't do something exactly like she wanted. For example, if we were coming back from a game and she wanted pizza while we all wanted burgers, she would sit in the driveway pouting and refuse to come inside the house until my dad would agree to order pizza. If my dad refused or complained about how much money she was spending on nails and hair,

which was thousands of dollars, by the way, she would threaten to divorce him. She would also comment on other girls' dressing choices, casually saying derogatory terms. It really bothered me because, as a young woman myself, I didn't want to judge or put down any other women for their outfits. Then she would turn around and tell me how she was the popular girl in her high school and how girls these days couldn't compare to her peak self. It was so cringy that I would have to bite my tongue to not reply with anything rude and would just simply nod.

When Robin got a girlfriend, Gina got a girlfriend, Gina got even nastier. If I was ever invited to any family dinner where Robin was also bringing his girlfriend, Gina would constantly ask rude and uncomfortable questions to the poor girl, like how many men she has slept with and if she is using a condom because, according to Gina, women are out to baby trap her son. Robin would just be uncomfortable throughout this, and if he ever confronted his mother later about this cringy behavior, she would burst into tears and complain to my dad how she only meant well and she's only looking out for her baby son, but he doesn't care.

This is pretty much how I knew that Gina was someone I needed to avoid as much as possible without my dad finding out. Whenever he would come to visit me, I would ask him if he and I could spend some time alone, and at first he would agree, but Gina would constantly call him and disturb our time. Later I found out that she was tracking his phone through Find My Phone and would call to check up to see if he was really with me or with some other woman. A year passed, and when my mom's death anniversary arrived, I was a wreck. My dad and I had decided to spend the whole day together so we could visit her grave and then later go out for lunch. I was quite clear to him that it was a very vulnerable day, and I did not want to spend time with anyone else.

However, despite my wish, he showed up with Gina, who looked like she was out on a fun road trip. She was constantly munching on chips or playing music. At one point, when I was silently crying because I was missing my mom while going through her photos on my phone, Gina asked me why I was still crying for my mother when it had already been a year since she had passed away. She emphasized the word year as if it was just ridiculous of me to still miss my own mother. This really pissed me off, but I did not want to say anything, hoping that my dad would stand up for me. Sadly, he didn't react at all. Next, when we arrived at my mother's grave with the flowers I had bought, Gina refused to come outside and told my dad and me that we needed to come back as soon as possible since she could not handle

the heat. I remember thinking what was even the point of her coming if all she was going to do was complain? She wasn't even going to pay any respects to my mom and then not even allow us to peacefully pay our respects. We were just five minutes late when she started to call my dad's phone, signaling that we needed to wrap up things quickly. I gave up and walked back to the car silently. When it was time for lunch, Gina decided on Chinese food because it was her favorite, although neither my dad nor our fans. Nonetheless, my dad gave in as usual. Overall, the day was unfolding completely opposite to what I had anticipated. I found myself eating very little at the Chinese buffet, and Gina must have noticed. She asked if something was wrong, but I shook my head,

preferring to be left alone with my thoughts. However, Gina then began to criticize me, saying how I was bringing down the vibe of the whole day. She even remarked that if she ever passed away, she would never want her son Robin to be this depressed and gloomy around others. At this moment, I just could not hold back my anger any longer and went off on a rant about how she had no business telling me how I should handle my grief when I was the one who had lost her mother. I didn't stop there. I told her that if she truly believed I was ruining the vibe, then she should have stayed home, as all I wanted was to spend time mourning my mother and talking to my dad. My dad and Gina looked taken aback by my outburst, and I felt embarrassed about

everything, so I stormed out of the restaurant to clear my head. Later, my dad emerged with a solemn expression and told me that while he understood my perspective, I should be more considered of his wife, who had sacrificed her whole day to be there with me. I questioned why he had even brought her along when I had specifically asked to spend the day with just him. My dad replied that Gina thought I was becoming too dependent, and as an adult daughter, I shouldn't spend so much time alone with him. I almost had tears rolling down my cheek hearing those words, as it reminded me of my childhood when my dad would get angry if I needed more of his attention and would scold me for being needy. I don't know if I was actually being needy or clingy that day, but I just knew that I missed my mom

even more, as she would have never made me feel bad for crying. The car ride home was quiet, and Gina refused to talk to me even though I tried to apologize. Dad told me several days after that incident about how Gina was still pissed at me for my behavior. He asked me if I could come over to his place and apologize to her properly over dinner since this was all basically my fault. He said he and Gina had been fighting continuously as I embarrassed her publicly. Anger surged within me at this suggestion, and I firmly refused. I insisted that Gina's reactions were immature, maintaining that I had already extended my apologies during the car ride home. I told him that if she persisted in such theatrics, I wanted no part in it anymore.

Despite my dad's efforts to sway me, I remained resolute in my decision. Ever since that day, my relationship with Gina never improved. I don't know what she told Robin, but he also refused to talk to me after that. Dad was the only one who would sometimes come over to visit me. On several occasions, like during my college graduation or when I got my first job, he would beseech me again and again to apologize to Gina, saying how we could all go back to a normal family, but I have never listened. Over the years, Gina and I have continued to not meet unless it's absolutely necessary, and we both ignore each other as much as possible if we are in the same room.

The pain of losing my mother still hurts, but I am a big girl now, so I know how to handle my emotions better. I did eventually sell my mother's place after I graduated and bought a small condo for myself in the city where I currently work. I have continued to be in touch with my mother's relatives as much as I can. I'm also dating my boyfriend, Harry, and we are really happy with each other. My dad has met him on several occasions, and they both bond over golf and football. Everything in my life had been going smoothly until this recent incident. My dad was about to turn 50, and because this was such a huge milestone, I wanted to throw a birthday party for him. weeks before his birthday, I asked him if he was okay with it, and he was more than happy,

telling me how he wanted to bring Gina and Robin along and how he was hoping that this birthday party could help repair the relationship between all of us. I doubted it, but I didn't want to argue with him again, so I told him that since so many years had passed, I was open to it if Gina was okay with it too. I organized and paid for everything for my dad's party at an expensive restaurant, so all my dad and his family had to do was just show up in their best attire. That evening, me and Harry were the first ones to reach the venue, while my dad, Gina, and Robin reached an hour later. I did call my dad several times, but he did not pick up, so I already knew that something was up.

As my dad walked in, I immediately noticed that he had been drinking as he could not walk straight without Robin's help. My dad gave me a huge smile and hugged me. Gina didn't even acknowledge me and went straight up to hug my boyfriend, who looked at her uncomfortably. Robin gave me a head nod and helped my dad sit down at the table. I questioned them as to what had happened, and Robin told me that my dad had decided to pregame before coming as he wanted to start his birthday pretty early. I shook my head because I had grown up watching my dad get drunk every night and knew how embarrassing he could be. Gina laughed seeing my expression and said loudly that I should just learn to chill and that my dad was just having fun. My eyes narrowed upon hearing her words because this was quite an expensive restaurant.

and if my dad started to behave embarrassingly as he usually does when he gets drunk, then we could all be banned from this place for life. When the waiter came over with our main courses, my dad seemed completely out of it and could not even hold his fork straight. Harry and I just tried to focus on our food while Gina and Robin kept laughing and pointing at my dad. When wine was served, my dad kept drinking, which was getting him even more drunk, even though I kept telling him to stop. Suddenly, my dad got up from the chair and left.

told us that he wanted to make a toast. Begrudgingly, I picked up my glass as he started to say how grateful he was to be turning 50 with his wonderful family and how lucky he felt to have Gina and Robin in his life. My heart sank as he continued to say that the best decision in his life was divorcing his previous wife, my mother, as that woman drove him crazy, Gina giggled hearing this while I looked at him furiously. He continued to say that meeting Gina and marrying her saved his life because before his life was empty. All this while, Gina and Robin kept smiling and cheering him on as if this was

something acceptable to even say in front of me. As if this wasn't enough, my dad then turned his attention to me, his words slurring together as he continued to say that his biggest mistake in life was marrying my mother as he got stuck with her for all those years when she got pregnant with me. He then laughed and joked loudly if I could leave him tonight to celebrate his birthday with his real family as he wanted his next chapter in life to have no room for past mistakes. Hearing this, Robin and Gina started laughing loudly as if it was the funniest joke. I took a deep breath and knew that I could not handle this any longer. With a heavy heart and trembling hands, I called for the waiter and asked them to call for security guards.

The waiter did not even hesitate as my dad's loud words could be heard around the room, and within minutes, two security guards appeared at our table, their presence causing a stir among the other diners. Sorry, sir, but we're going to have to ask you to leave, one of the guards said firmly, gesturing towards the exit. My dad's face turned red with embarrassment as he realized what was happening. He sputtered in protest, asking me to stop them, but I stood my ground. Gina started screaming that I was embarrassing my dad in front of everyone and that he was just having some fun on his birthday. I didn't care, and neither did the security guards, so reluctantly, my dad was escorted out along with Robin and Gina, who kept screaming at me furiously.

Later, I was overcome with emotions and apologized to all the diners as well as the staff. After dinner, I left them with a hefty tip. Also, since that dinner, I have been bombarded with text messages from Gina and Robin calling me every name in the book and saying how I ruined the vibe and that I should have just left if I didn't want to feel embarrassed by my dad's behavior. My dad has tried to contact me several times, but I have refused to pick up. Hence, I am on Reddit to ask if Ida for kicking my dad out after those hurtful things to my face? Update 1. Wow, how has this post blown up in just a matter of a few hours? Okay, I get it, guys.

I was right in kicking my dad out. I did not expect hundreds of commentators to support me, although I do appreciate that all of you support my decision. I still don't want any of you to write extra mean things about my dad. Regardless of how shitty he is, he is still my dad, and I just came to Reddit to understand if my actions were right or wrong, and I can see that I have got my answer for now. Update 2, it's been several weeks since my last update, and for those wondering, my dad has not contacted me any further. Gina and Robin have also stopped sending me messages. It was only today that I found out that my post had gone viral. and Robin might have recognized my story, so he sent my post link to my dad.

I guess my dad might have gone through the comments and seeing just how many people think he and Gina were a holes. I don't know how our relationship will evolve in the future, but as for now, I'm not ready to forgive him. Update 3, Hi guys, it's been almost seven months since my last update. I can't believe that my life has improved so much since then. First of all, I joined therapy where I could unload years and years of my childhood trauma. I understand now why people feel lighter after going to therapy. Because I decided to cut off my dad and his family permanently with no explanations, I am doing really well in my life, and I am lucky that I have a wonderful boyfriend like Harry

who understands and takes care of me. I hope this can be my last update here as I have already moved on in my life. forward slash forward slash partner disregarded a traffic signal and I sustained a head injury in the front seat, but he declined to acknowledge fault and requested that I refrain from lodging an insurance report. Greetings, everyone. My 26F, sister Kayla, 24F, and I are very close. My boyfriend Tim, 25M, and I have been dating for almost three years.

In March 2023, Tim and I were high together and then my sister called me. We spoke on speakerphone. She was talking about her job at the plasma donation center and she was venting about how disappointed she was that this is what her degree, biology, amounted to, earning $18 an hour. Tim overheard this and interpreted that she was making a dig slash throwing shade at him, a pharmaceutical tech. I tried telling him over and over that we weren't talking about him, that she's allowed to be disappointed in her job. He dropped it, though it wasn't the most harmonious resolution. That August, Tim and I as well as my brother and sister were all attending a local concert.

We weren't all going together. Tim and I had seats together as did my siblings, but since we were all headed to the same place, I suggested we could get together beforehand for lunch so he could properly meet my siblings. Tim seemed hesitant, but he agreed. So the four of us meet for lunch and it was rough. Tim, who is normally very extroverted and personable with strangers like the Uber driver and cashier, was completely silent during the lunch. My siblings, who are introverted like me, tried their best to make small talk, but it was extremely awkward at best. We all went to the concert together and we came back together.

Afterwards, Tim said my brother is cool, but he was on yellow light with my sister. I asked why, and he said that she said shady comments during the lunch like which one of y'all have the ticket. And where will you be sitting during the concert? I immediately shut down. Later on, we got in a heated discussion in which I basically accused him of bringing his feelings from the March phone call into how he approached the lunch, mentally and literally. He denied this and basically said his feelings are his own and I essentially can't tell him how to feel about Kayla if he felt her behavior was untoward. So we dropped it, and I guess left it at yellow light. Then in December 2023, my sister and I were playing a game and she won.

I was happy for her, she never wins, so I texted Tim about it, and his first response was, did you let her win? I said no, don't do her like that. He then said I wouldn't defend him like I defend her. And that led to a huge spat over text in which it was revealed that he lied in August when I asked him if he still felt away about the phone call. He said that he didn't tell me because he wanted to observe my siblings and I and see for himself how they would interact with him slash each other. I told him that that wasn't his place, it was mine to set up or call off the lunch and I should have had that information before I set it up. Eventually, and I forget how, we resolved the talk and essentially agreed that at some point, no timeline was given, he was going to chat with Kayla and sort it out.

So that brings us to now. Yesterday Tim said he'd like to speak with Kayla. I'm just a little concerned, though, that it will once again go left. My sister is a black woman, and in the last year she was fired from her job, not the plasma center, for essentially not being nice or a team player or whatever BS they gave her. The truth is, and this is something I'm not debating on, people, especially in professional settings, have a tendency to assume the worst of black women. And so the situation with Tim and her job has made her very self-conscious about herself, what she says and her facial expressions. When I spoke to Kayla yesterday to gauge her feelings on the potential meeting,

she expressed this essentially. She doesn't understand what she did wrong to Tim, but she said it could be an intention versus impact thing. She said she's concerned about meeting with him because one wrong expression could have him thinking negatively of her. I told her that if she is who I think she is, and he is who I think he is, it'll be fine. Kayla called me back in tears, saying that by me saying I think I think I was implying that what Tim and her previous employer were saying could be valid,

and I shouldn't be doing that as one of her closest friends. I apologized, and that's where the entire situation is now. Now I'm concerned that their potential sit down won't be great for her or him. Tim has been quick while venting to me to call Lady coworkers he's irritated with BS, and that's something I'd like to call him out on. I say that to say that on some level he does have biases. I'd like him to check his biases, but it's sensitive. I haven't told Tim that Kayla lost her job, or why.

I haven't told him how she feels generally about being misconstrued, because I feel like if I tell him he will think I'm trying to shrink his feelings. And to be clear, I don't want to shrink his feelings. I'm unsure of what to do. It just seems like a precarious situation, and it seems like every time I try to fix it, it gets worse. I don't feel it should be this stressful reconciling them. and I don't even need them to be friends.

But it's been stressful for me. In the lead up to their conversation, what should I convey to each person, if anything? Update, well, I want to thank everyone who contributed their thoughts to my initial thread. Tough words, but I needed to read them, lots of wisdom that I recognized as such at the time but did not fully accept. I told Tim about my concerns with my sister. It did not go well, we ended up arguing for at least eight hours.

This culminated in him finally speaking over phone with my sister, and I was present. Suffice to say, that conversation and the hour-long follow-up the next day, also did not go well. I mean, my sister explained she meant nothing wrong, apologized, and heard all of the words Salady had to say. But she came away with the marked impression of if you like it, I love it with my boyfriend, and she asked me not to call her for any more resolution talks with him. She felt he was condescending in tone, long-winded, and using a lot of therapy speak while ultimately saying nothing, undermined his own apologies with more confusing sentiments, somehow talked around what offended him, and thus seemed to want her to figure out the problem and the solution. I, having heard everything he said, agreed to her request.

If you'd like more details on that I can share in the comments. Even if that was a stressful-ass situation two years in the making, apologies were made by both parties, as a well as for me to each of them. Eventually, and there were a lot more heated discussions. Tim and I got back on the same page as well. A few weeks ago, I was a passenger in the car with Tim. He had the stop sign and proceeded onto the main road, and then we got teaboned on my side, I got the worst of it, a mild concussion and a few scrapes. Following this, Tim could not wrap his head around the fact that he was at fault. He wouldn't even say it, and he was shocked as the police charged him with failure to yield and his insurance found him 100% liable. In his mind, the other driver was speeding and she should have yielded to him.

She was uninsured, which didn't help that mental process. As he was liable, I was entitled to file a medical claim with his insurance. Tim asked me not to do this, ultimately out of consideration of his insurance premiums, and he offered to pay my expenses out of pocket. This stressed me out for a couple of weeks, I couldn't pinpoint why. but ultimately I realized it was unfair of Tim to ask that of me, especially when he was responsible. It's not that I don't trust that he wouldn't pay, but it's not personal. When things like this happen, we go to insurance.

If your rates go up, they go up. That's the deal we make when we go behind the wheel. I expressed my feelings to Tim, even ultimately agreeing with his out-of-pocket my health care is handling the bulk of expenses anyway. Tim first apologized. Then we didn't speak again until the next afternoon, where Tim tried to flip it on me. He said he was being accountable, he's contesting the charge in court, I wasn't being collaborative in this process and I wasn't being considered of all of his stresses. I ended that conversation, as I felt it wasn't productive.

Then, I followed up and said, sure, he was being financially responsible, it's more so the emotional responsibility I'm seeking. I haven't got anything more than I'm sorry the accident happened. Tim didn't respond to that, he just said my feelings are valid, he understands, and thanks for sharing. After that, our texts became a lot colder and more distant. We live 90 minutes apart, so we primarily communicate through text. Essentially Tim either gave me the silent treatment or decided I was one of the stresses. Having my very reasonable feelings be flipped on me was genuinely one of the most jarring things ever. Here I was arguing for an hour about my feelings, and then he'll say he'll

never tell me how to feel. This is also the same guy who always urges me to be vulnerable with him. It was another week of reflection for me. Tim sucks. True, I already knew that. But he really sucks. He can never be held accountable. He is always the victim. And I just had to tell myself over and over that this was not what I wanted my life to be and I deserve better. Not even just romantically. I just deserve peace. I need that. After a week of silent low contact, Tim said he wanted to talk. I thought he was going to break up with me, and I was well and ready for it. Then he got on the phone and actually he just wanted to argue about my feeling some more, this time for two hours. I realized afterwards that I was arguing to convince him, and he was arguing to avoid a

accountability. He told me at the end of that convoy that every relationship has conflict, but I realized that this isn't healthy. I gave him one more chance slash week to say the words I wanted to hear. They never came, so I broke up with him. And then we argued about my feelings a little more. He was extremely frustrated, and in some ways, I'm frustrated for him. I think he just doesn't get it, or doesn't want to. So that's it. That was my first relationship. first love. And for somebody who already had low self-esteem, this is probably going to be a doozy to reflect on. Shout out to the commenter who suggested therapy. I hear you. I feel sad about it. I'll look back fondly on some moments. But I have so many journal entries and

Reddit posts like these and conversations with my sister that will not allow me to romanticize this relationship. I recognize that even if there were good moments, maybe even mostly good moments, the bad moments were terrible and just not worth it. So many red flags to recall. I just didn't want to believe that he was who he was. I wish I'd put my foot down earlier. One of my lessons is to trust my instincts and act on them, and my intuition is better than I give myself credit for. I spent a lot of time during this relationship wondering if I was crazy. And finally, I'm thankful to be alive. I could be dead in the grave right now and Tim would be telling my family incessantly while she was speeding. I'm here, I'm alive, I just have a few

healing scrapes and headaches that are getting less intense every day. I get to move forward and meet new people, have new experiences, learn new lessons. I'm living. Next story, wife accused me of cheating because I woke up in the middle of the night while camping and found myself touching my female friend and she kissing my neck. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I am having sex with my wife. I don't remember the foreplay, I don't remember getting hard, I don't remember getting on top of her, but I wake up and I'm mid-thrust inside her. She tells me that I am the one that initiates it and that I get super sensual with my touching, but I have no memory of it ever happening until I wake up and I'm inside her. Cut to this weekend, I'm on a camping

trip with some friends, two guys and a girl. My wife does not like camping so she did not go. The girl is a platonic friend, I can't stress that enough, I have zero attraction to her. We all shared a tent because that's what you do when you camp, and the sleeping arrangement was friend one, friend two, me, and Taylor will call her. I have camped with them all on numerous occasions in the same sleeping arrangement and nothing has ever happened before. We all had been drinking around the campfire and eventually went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night with my sleeping bag unzipped, her hand on my crotch, and mine on her ass as she was kissing my neck. I was instantly awake and recoiled, got out of the tent and sat by the fire for the rest of the night. The two guys were

passed out drunk, they had more than Taylor and I so they had no idea what had happened. Taylor came out and tried to talk to me. I was terrified and in shock. She told me that I had been rubbing up on her and making her feel good, and then she turned around and tried to reciprocate. I asked her why and she said she thought that's what I wanted. I didn't sleep that night and went home the next day and told my wife what happened. She blew up, accused me of cheating on her and that she was leaving me. I've tried calling her the past few days and she won't answer. She is staying with her sister.

We haven't spoken since Saturday. She won't give me the time to explain what happened. What do I do? Edit for clarity that we had been drinking, I was by no moment. means drunk. This isn't a I blacked out and then came to while I was on top of her kind of thing. It was not a means to cheat on my wife with Taylor. I do not find Taylor attractive at all. At all. We have camped together 20 plus times and this has never happened before. I honestly had no idea what was happening until I woke up. Update, hey, guys. Before I get into the update,

there are some things I want to say. For those of you who accused me of cheating on my wife deliberately and attempting to rape Taylor, you guys are just dicks. I did not grope Taylor on purpose and I did not know that it would happen. I was not aware of what was going on and I had no control over what I was doing at that point in time. I would never grope or touch anyone without their consent. I don't think you understand how terrifying it is to wake up with someone who isn't your wife grabbing your crotch and having no idea what is going on.

Couple that fear and confusion with the immense guilt I had because I was the one who apparently initiated it. It made me want to fucking die. So thanks for that, people, I really appreciate it. To those who actually had helpful advice and actually tried to put themselves in my shoes. Thank you very much. Here's the update, I spoke with my doctor and he says it sounds like I do have sexomnia, but he is not too familiar with it. As far as he knows there's no real cure and there isn't really a treatment for it.

but he said he was going to refer me to a psychiatrist slash psychologist and they would help me. He told me they might try me on some antidepressants to attempt to curb it from happening again. I found a blog about sexomnia and that actually really helped me better understand what I have and how to deal with it. The guy does a really good job of explaining the guilt and all the emotions I felt after all of this happened. I managed to talk to my wife and things are good now. She wasn't contacting me because she needed time to herself and space to sort it all out in her head. She didn't want to say anything else that she would regret later and she felt bad for her initial reaction.

She knows me, she trusts me, and we have a great relationship. This is the first hiccup I can ever remember us having in the nine plus years we have been together. After I told her what happened she went to the darkest possible timeline and thought the worst. I can't blame her for her initial reaction because one of the biggest deal-breakers for either of us is infidelity. She came home the night I posted the original thread and I apologized up and down about putting myself in that spot to begin with, but she actually put me at ease and said she didn't blame me for it because she too never thought that my sleep sexing would be an issue. She read up on sexomnia while at her sisters and realized I wasn't trying to cheat on her. I was not in control of my body at the time.

I stopped the moment I became lucid, and I immediately let her know what happened. The biggest problem from this whole thing was the fact that we never took my sexomnia as something. something that was serious. When it would happen, we just assumed it was because of a sexy dream I was having and thought of the whole thing as something quirky that I did every once in a while, not an actual sleep disorder that could have serious risks associated with it. So for those who said I was a known sleep fucker well no, it wasn't known, we just thought it was something weird I did every once in a while. Tell me I'm making excuses all you want, tell me I'm a piece of shit for putting people at risk, tell me that I'm deflecting blame,

I really don't care. It's like having diabetes without knowing it and then getting sick when you eat a candy bar. Yeah, hindsight shows that there was an issue when you were peeing all the time, you were losing weight and you were constantly tired, but if you aren't aware of diabetes you don't actively think you have diabetes. My wife and I were both ignorant of the entire condition. The idea that I could do it to someone other than my wife had never crossed either of our minds because it happened so rarely and we didn't know it was anything legitimate.

If either one of us believed that it was an actual risk I would not have been in a tent with anyone. Now we obviously know better. Live and learn. One of the biggest reasons I got shit in the last thread was because I had the audacity to sleep in a tent with a woman. My wife knew of the sleeping arrangements and was completely fine with it. Like I said in the last thread, we had camped that way many times and it had never been an issue before this past weekend. However, there was a separate incident on a night. another camping trip that I was not previously aware of.

It turns out that I had apparently started caressing one of my buddies on an earlier camping trip and he didn't tell me. He told me that when I did it he elbowed me in the gut and I then rolled over and went to sleep. I had no idea that it happened and he never mentioned it before because he thought I was just trying to fuck with him. So it seems like my sex somnia doesn't discriminate. For those who said I was stupid for sleeping next to a woman, that is not the case. I was stupid for sleeping next to anyone who is not my wife. I will never put myself in that situation again. As for Taylor, I got a conversation going with her on Facebook.

In it, I apologized for the incident and I went into some detail about why what happened, happened. She said that she was already aware of the fact that I do stuff in my sleep because my wife had made jokes about it in the past. While I did apologize, I still told her that the way she handled it was inappropriate. and that I will not be camping with her or associating with her any longer. I asked her if she had feelings for me and she said that she didn't think so, but she got lost in the moment. She took responsibility for her actions and admitted what she did was wrong. She was very understanding of the whole thing was very remorseful, and agreed it was best to stay away. As far as friend breakups go, it was very mutual and mature.

We both owned up to our mistakes and we are no longer associating with each other. It's for the best. My wife eventually read the conversation and it reinforced my version of the story in the series of events that I described to her, so that made her happy and reinforced that I wasn't lying. It sucks because she was one of our best friends, but anyone who is willing to cheat with me does not need to be in our lives. Some might say that that's not fair to her and that if I hadn't attempted to sleep sexier, then everything would be fine. I disagree. She was willing to go through with it when I was willing to go through with it. She obviously was feeling something I was not and I don't need to associate with that.

If I have learned anything from this incident, it's that I can't be surprised if a bomb goes off while I'm holding a flame to a fuse. Removing myself from her life is the best course of action for all parties involved. Taylor isn't my wife so she is not my priority. So all in all, things are all right. I am trying to move forward, as is my wife. Things are looking up. We haven't scheduled couples counseling or anything yet, but I have suggested it and am a willing participant if my wife wants to consider it down the road. She seems to already be pretty forgiving, so I think that we're good.

I am seeing the psychiatrist slash psychologist next week. So for those who actually helped and gave me constructive advice instead of attacking me, thank you. Father wished to relocate to my abode following his nuptials, however, upon expressing my need for contemplation, they departed without a informing me, and upon my inquiry, his wife she was rude, so I packed their stuff and changed the locks. I, 22F, am the legal owner of the house that I grew up in. My mother left it to me, I inherited this house from her when she passed away last year at the age of 47 from a stroke. It was sudden, but I've made my peace with it now. My parents got divorced when I was seven years old and had joint custody of me, so I'd spend

half the month with my dad and the other half with my mother. I have to say I was a lot closer to my mother because she'd just get me, and my dad, 50M, was always a little too busy for me. I felt like I never had his full attention because it was either work or women for him. I don't think he ever treated me as a priority, but I was okay with it as long as I had mom. Couple of years back, right after I turned 18 and started college, my dad decided to move to Houston for work, so we started seeing less of each other and we'd only meet around the holidays. Two years ago, he brought along his girlfriend at the time, Julia, 38F, with him to celebrate Christmas with us. She also brought her two daughters, 18F and 16F, from her previous relationship with her high school

boyfriend. They'd never been married but had broken up about seven years prior to when she started seeing my dad. That was quite a surprise for us because my father had never brought any girlfriends with him to family dinners, but we gave Julia and her kids the warmest welcome we possibly could and did our best to make her feel comfortable around us. It was an evening well spent, and I'd say that all of us got along really well at the time. Even after that, whenever I talked to my dad on the phone, Julia would also say hi and be really sweet to me. Her kids were kind of shy and introverted so they mostly kept to themselves, but overall we had a good relationship. After my mother passed away, I found out that she left the house to me.

Thankfully, for some reason, my mother had divided all her assets in the wool around my 18th birthday because she always liked to think ahead, even in morbid situations like these. Anyway, since I had just graduated, I decided to move in and find a job that wouldn't require me to move out anytime soon. I wanted to spend the next couple of years in my childhood home just because it was my place of comfort. My father wasn't too pleased with my mom's decision, and he made sure that I knew about it. After he found out about the will, he and Julia had been very sweet and supportive around the time of the funeral, but my dad had been a little morose when he realized he wasn't getting the house back.

This house was the one that my parents had purchased together back when they first got married, but my mother took over during the divorce. It was a fair deal because he got out of paying alimony even though my mother had given up her career to stay home and raise me so that my dad could focus on his job. I believe that my mother taking the house in the settlement and letting my dad go without alimony was completely fair. She worked her way up afterwards with a little help from her parents and even made sure that I never felt sidelined or unimportant. She did both jobs well, and I didn't think it was fair for my dad to be annoyed that he didn't get the house back. He didn't talk about it much, but I could sense from his behavior that he wasn't pleased.

I didn't care at the time because I was still grieving my mother, and my dad being annoyed at her wool was the least of my worries. She'd left all her wedding jewelry to him and all the gifts he'd given her as well, so that should have been enough for him. He went back to Houston with Julia a few weeks after the funeral, and since then I've been living on my own here. However, about six months ago, my dad told me that he was now engaged to Julia and he wanted to get married where his home was, so he was coming back here for the weeks leading up to the wedding. Because staying in a hotel when there was a house with enough spare rooms just didn't make sense, and their daughters were homeschooled so they wouldn't have a problem with schools either, I agreed to let them all move into my house and stay with me before the wedding. I had a couple of reasons.

I was sick of living on my own, and I did get along well with Julia, so I didn't think there was anything wrong with letting them live with me. My dad had also promised to split all the bills with me while they were living here, which meant that I didn't have to worry about overspending on that either. And so they moved in here with me about a month ago and have been staying here since then. It was nice having them here, and I felt a lot less lonely than I used to earlier when I was living by myself. I believed that I could get used to this. I was even dreading the day they would all leave and go back to their normal lives

because that would mean I'd have to resume my normal life by myself as well. But then two weeks ago, three days before the wedding, my dad sat me. down and asked me if I'd be willing to let them all move back here permanently. I didn't see that coming at all, but he explained that he'd come back here to make me feel a little more comfortable with the idea of being part of a family and living with them since he didn't like the idea of me living all alone in this house. He planned to ease me into it, and now that he thought I was getting along well, he wanted to know if I'd be willing to turn this into a permanent thing. I wanted to say yes immediately, but then his behavior when

he learned that he wasn't getting the house back kind of threw me off. As much as I would have loved to make it a permanent arrangement, I didn't think it was such a good idea so soon, and I didn't want to make the mistake of acting on my emotions. I knew that this was the only logical solution to my overwhelming feelings of loneliness, but that didn't mean I absolutely had to let them all move in here with me. It had just been a month that they'd been living here, so as much as I wanted to say yes, I ended up telling him that I needed some time to think. It was a gut feeling, but I just knew for some reason that it would be in my best interest to give this some time and not make a rash decision. I kept my personal feelings aside and told him that I'd inform him about my decision after the wedding. He looked annoyed but didn't push it. Ten days ago, they finally got married and we had a total blast at their wedding. They were supposed to stay here for

a couple more days after the wedding and then move back, so I was preparing to let them know about my decision, which was a yes, but before I could get to that, all of them took off on their honeymoon without even telling me about it. Two days after their wedding, I woke up to find myself completely on my own and they'd all left, but a lot of their belongings were still at my house. So I decided to make some calls, but nobody responded for quite a while and I continued to panic about it. I'd planned on telling them about my decision that day itself, but I couldn't even reach them for hours. Finally, around noon, Julia got to back to me and informed me very casually that they'd all left for their honeymoon and wouldn't be back for a week.

I was stunned because I'd obviously expected them to at least tell me about their plans before just taking off, if not include me. I was offended that they didn't ask me, but I didn't want to be petty, so I started off by asking her why had nobody told me about any of this, and she gave me a lame excuse saying that they'd forgotten to inform me but told me not to worry because they'd be back soon. I tried to explain to her that that wasn't the point at all and my problem was that they just left without a word or even a goodbye, and that was rude of them. I said that I wanted to speak to my dad, but that's when her tone changed and she said that my dad was busy and didn't have the time to speak to me. I still tried to keep my cool and told her to let me know whenever he had time

so I could get in touch with him directly. I said it politely, but she turned on me, and all of a sudden she'd gone from this sweet person to a really snarky and mean stepmom. She told me that my dad was going to be busy for the next couple of days and asked me not to bother them. Even though it wasn't necessary at all because I hadn't brought it up, she went on to tell me that there was no need for me to act so hysterically just because I'd been left behind and felt the need to remind me that I wasn't a child anymore. My dad had a new family now, so I needed to make my peace with it, and by the time they came back home, she wanted me to get over myself and get the house clean

for them. Now I don't know who she thought she was talking to, but she sure as hell wasn't going to be talking to me like that. She hung up right after saying that, and my anger was literally through the roof. I decided not to call my dad after that and thank the universe for not letting me agree to a suggestion before I'd seen this side of his new wife. There was no way in hell that they were living with me anymore, so I personally packed all their belongings up as haphazardly and badly as I could, stuffed them in a couple of cardboard boxes, and left them in the yard for them to find whenever they chose to come back. I didn't care what became of those things because they didn't belong to me and neither did they belong inside a house that was mine. After that, it was life as

usual for me, and I tried not to think about the betrayal that I'd felt because of what my dad had done for no real reason. Yesterday they finally came back from their honeymoon, and luckily I was at work when they found all their stuff in the yard. I'd also changed the last. I'd also changed the locks on the door in the meantime so they couldn't get in either, and my dad was extremely pissed off when he contacted me about it. He told me that I was being a brat and overreacting because to them, deserting me at home without notice is not something worth getting mad over and they did nothing wrong. I just told him to take their boxes and leave, and if I saw them on my property when I came back home, I'd call the police. He cursed at me and then hung up,

but I had to get back to work and couldn't waste my time worrying about that. When I got home after work, I noticed that they'd taken their things and left, and I thought that this was the end of it, but the most annoying bit was yet to come. Around midnight, my dad called me up and told me that Julia had something to say to me. She told me that she was sorry about the way she spoke to me and that she took it all back. She'd love to have a second shot at making amends with me, and she didn't want to be on bad terms with me over something so petty. I told her to shut the hell up and leave me alone because I didn't need her fake apologies. I'm not a fool, and I could tell why she suddenly wanted to play happy family now that I wasn't going to let them live with me anymore. If she had any regrets, she wouldn't have waited for so long to realize that she'd messed up and would have apologized right after the phone call that day or even during her vacation for that matter.

I'm sure my dad isn't sorry either, but when he realized that I wasn't going to forgive them, he decided to go all sentimental on me and told me that I was being heartless by not allowing them to live with me. He said that he was willing to split all the bills with me if I let him move back in, but he wanted to live in this house since it reminds him of my mother, so it would be really selfish of me to kick them out like this without thinking of what the repercussions of that might be because he'd only come back to feel closer to my mother apparently. He even said that Julia had just been in a bad mood that day and didn't mean anything she said, and even her kids missed me, so they wanted me to allow them to come back and let them have a fresh start here. But I wasn't having any of it.

I'd always known that my dad had his eye on this house ever since the divorce, and now that I'd seen this side of Julia, I didn't want to risk anything. So I told him that they could go back home because I wasn't changing my mind, and then out of nowhere my dad started bawling his eyes out on the phone and accused me of being the most selfish daughter ever because I couldn't even let him live in the house he'd spent the happiest days of his life in over a silly little disagreement that I'd had. with Julia and because they hadn't taken me with them on their honeymoon, which wasn't even the whole reason. He said that I was being petty and mean and that my mother would hate this ugly side of mine. Ida for not letting my dad and his new family move back in with me after his new wife was rude to me and they didn't ask me to accompany them on their honeymoon vacation. Update 1, so the comments on my original post were definitely a reality check. I don't think some of you all needed to be that rude about it, but I get the point everyone was trying to be. to make. For the most part, I stuck to my decision and didn't let my dad move back in because,

very frankly, he just doesn't deserve it. He's been nothing but awful to me so far, and I don't need any more of that in my life. Life was nice while it lasted because both he and Julia were very sweet to me initially, but once I told my dad that I still needed time to think, their real color started to show. They probably ran out of patience and thought that they could intimidate me into letting them live with me, but unfortunately, I'm not that weak. I'd rather be lonely than end up spending my time with the wrong people. I shouldn't have let them come here at all because his reaction when he learned that the house's ownership had been transferred to me and not him should have been enough for me to realize how materialistic and selfish people can be

when it comes down to it. As for Julia, I'm glad that she chose to pick a nonsensical fight with me and ended up messing things up for herself on a grand scale because had she not said that, we would have all been a happy family now. Or I guess we could have been, but that will never happen because I'm not falling for their fake behavior again. I was lonely, I miss my mom, and all my grandparents had passed on already, so I needed a family to be my support system. But these people are definitely not up for that job, and I'm relieved I realized that before it was too late. It's been a couple of days since they left, but my dad's been calling me regularly and keeps texting me because I'm not answering his calls.

He thinks that I should at least give them one last chance at fixing things, but they don't deserve it. They blew their one chance, and if I give them another one, I'm sure they'll blow it too, and that will backfire on me more than anyone else, so it doesn't make sense to take that risk. I feel bad that I'm treating my dad like this, but there's not much I can do in such a situation. You reap what you sow, and in his case, he never bothered to put in much of an effort with me, so he doesn't get to complain when he realizes that I'm not going to make life decisions based around him and his feelings, but he never did that for me. Update two so apparently my dad's not just insistent, but he's pretty desperate to move in. Guess why? Because he didn't take a break from his job like he'd claimed to. He'd been fired a couple of months ago before his wedding and had been living off of his savings so far, which was plenty.

But now, after an extravagant wedding and a lavish honeymoon, he'd finally told him. told Julia that they couldn't afford to go back once again and try their luck in Houston because he wouldn't be able to afford rent there. Julia had quit her job to be a stay-at-home mom after she met my dad, so she couldn't help. So now they needed to find a place here, and my dad had just assumed that I'd let them live with me. Julia had no idea about any of this until he told her the truth, which is why she even bothered to apologize. So I was right about her not having any real regrets about her behavior, she's as fake as it gets, but that's the kind of wife my dad deserves anyway. He contacted me today and requested me to let them move in just for a couple of days

until he's able to find a proper job that pays well enough for him to be able to afford to move out, but I told him that I was going to do no such thing. They'd been nasty to me, and I didn't need that kind of negativity around me. He's a grown man, he should have known that if he didn't have a job, then he shouldn't have had such an expensive wedding followed by an equally fancy honeymoon. I understand the need to show that you're wealthy, but that's only for people who can actually afford it and not for men with a stay-at-home wife and two teenage stepdaughters. He was well aware of his responsibilities, but he chose to ignore them, and that is not my fault, and I refused to feel guilty for putting myself above him. They can sort things out for themselves because none of this is my problem anymore. I texted him back and told him the same things that I said here but tried to be a little more polite than I was here because I didn't want to come off as someone who,

was mocking him or whatever, but he chose to take it as a mockery of what he was going through and told me that I'd have to suffer for what I was doing to him. I don't know what to say to that, so I didn't respond to him because no matter what I say at this point, he's going to find a way to turn it around on me and blame me for it, so it's better to just not say anything and let him wallow in his misery. It's hardly my problem now. Update 3. My dad decided to leave the city today, but why would he ever leave without letting me know what a huge letdown I am as a daughter. He could have left silently, but he is who he is, and so is his wife, so they chose to make a whole thing of it. I last spoke to him about three weeks ago, but I didn't check up on him after that,

and neither did he bother to reach out to me. But today, he and Julia both sent me texts saying that they were delighted to inform me that Julia's ex-boyfriend had decided to sponsor their trip back home and was even going to let them all back because he'd suddenly realized that he needed to see his daughters too. Julia had full custody of her daughters, and her ex did pay child support, but he was always a little too busy to make time for his kids. He'd waited long enough for Julia and my dad to sort their situation out on their own, but when he realized that they were useless, he offered to clean up their mess himself, which is great for his daughters, I guess. At least some dads do step up, even if it's too late. They didn't tell me all of this,

but I know this could have been the only possible explanation because they did post a picture of their daughters a couple of hours ago, captioning it with lucky charms and a four-leaf clover sticker. So I'm smart enough to know what the real story behind Julia's ex's sudden epiphany might be and why he's funding their trip back home. I don't understand why exactly he'd sponsor all their flight tickets, but I think Julia's manipulation and stubbornness might have had something to do with that. I know for sure she does have that streak, I've seen it firsthand in the past. I don't know exactly what went down, but I'm just relieved that they're leaving and this is the last I'll have to see of them. I've also realized how easy I had it after I went through some stories that people shared here about their crazy families.

Rest assured, my dad is a little too worried about his reputation to even try and harm me in any way whatsoever because he knows I'm not going to hesitate in calling the cops on him even if he does. I have enough training to know how to defend myself, so there's no need for me to worry, and now that they're leaving, There's even less of a reason for me to even think about them at all. So yay for me, I guess. I still do feel a little lonely sometimes, but instead of hoping about it, I now go to my friends instead because I think that's a better route to take when it comes to things like these.

I'd completely shut everyone out after my mom passed away, and I hadn't even realized how alone I'd become until I read the comments here. It's going to take a while, but I'm going to try and make the best of my life now because I do have a stable job. I make a decent income, and I have my own house, which is not something a lot of people my age have, and I'm really grateful to my mom for it. I have great friends who care about me, and honestly, what more does a person need? And if I get into trouble again, I'll just come back here, and I'm sure the wonderful people

of Reddit are going to bail me out once again. Partner insisted on a paternity examination for our recent edition even though the infant bears a striking resemblance to him. Following confirmation of paternity, he was eager to commemorate the news, while I found it difficult to contain my emotions. Crying Some details changed to maintain anonymity. I'm a new mom to a baby boy who is absolutely my pride and joy. Though it's been a heart adjusting to taking care of a baby, the past few months have been great.

Tiring but great. I've been trying to be the best mom I can be while also maintaining some semblance of sanity. I have a BF of three years who is the first person relationship-wise I have ever truly loved. Before him, I had a few situationships and one semi-serious relationship in college, but nothing came close to what I feel for him. Or felt, I guess. He's always been supportive and kind, and I honestly thought we were doing great as new parents but also as partners. When we found out I was pregnant, it wasn't exactly planned. I was on birth control but got a stomach bug and, well, apparently that can make the pill less effective.

You can look it up, I was scared to tell him at first, worried about how he'd react. But he seemed excited after the initial shock wore off. He came to all the appointments, helped set up the nursery, and was there for the birth. He even cried when he first held our son, which made me cry too, though to be fair, everything made me cry at that point. Hormones are a bitch. He's been a good dad so far, changing diapers and doing night feeds when I'm too exhausted to move. The normal new parent stuff. He's the one who figured out that bouncing on an exercise ball was the only thing that would get the baby to stop crying at 3 a.m.

And he makes sure I eat actual food instead of just surviving on granola bars and cold coffee, which I appreciate. Friday night changed everything, though. He came home from work while I was putting away the dishes. One of the rare moments the baby was actually napping, and he just asked me for a paternity test. It was completely out of the blue. I think we should get a paternity test, he said, and I thought I misheard him at first. I actually laughed, thinking it was some weird joke. I'm a different race from him, but our child, apart from the skin tone, is literally his mirror image from pictures I had seen of him when he was a baby.

Same eyes, same nose, same chin dimple. Same little cowlick at the back of the head that makes his hair stick up in the morning. His mom even pointed it out when she first saw the baby. He looks just like you did, she had said, showing the old baby pictures on her phone. It's uncanny. I was stunned when he asked and his reasons were that he had to be sure he was the father. He had to have that certainty. All I remember as he was speaking is just immediately feeling pain in my chest.

like someone had punched me right in the heart. I couldn't even form words at first. Are you serious right now? I finally managed to say. He nodded, his face completely serious. I just need to be sure. It's important to me. The man I love doesn't trust me.

He would actually believe that I would fuck someone else, cheat on him, and then try to pass off another man's baby as his. I have never ever given him reason to think I would cheat on him. I don't even have close male friends because in the past he's made comments about boundaries and relationships that made me uncomfortable. Like when my former coworker texted me happy birthday and he jokingly asked if I was having an affair. I brushed it off at the time, thinking he was just being silly, but now I wonder if there was more to it. I have tried to be transparent and communicated and it wasn't enough. I literally share my location with him on my phone.

phone. Not because he asked, but because it made sense for safety reasons when I was pregnant and commuting to work late. But still, I have nothing to hide. He can look at my phone anytime he wants. I don't have locks on anything. Why? I asked him, once I could speak again. Why would you think I would cheat on you? Have I ever given you any reason not to trust me? He shrugged, looking uncomfortable. It's not about you specifically. It's just something every man should do to be sure. He told me he would give me time to think about this, that he wouldn't go behind my back and do this test,

but for our relationship to move forward, he needs to be 100% sure. He repeated this because he, in his words, needed me to realize how serious he was. Then he just walked away like he hadn't just accused me of the most horrible thing. I spent the whole night crying silently in the bathroom while he slept peacefully in our bed. The next day he acted like everything was normal, playing with the baby and asking if I want to takeout for dinner. I just nodded and went through

the motions, trying to process what had happened. I tried to talk to him about it again that night after we put the baby down. I don't understand where this is coming from, I said. We've been together for three years. I've never given you any reason not to trust me. It's not about trust, he insisted. It's about certainty. It's different for men than it is for women. You know 100% that the baby is yours because it came out of you. I don't have that same guarantee. I asked him if he'd been talking to someone who put this idea in his head, or if something specific had happened to make him doubt me. He denied it, said it was just something he'd been thinking about. Do you realize what you're accusing me of? I asked him, you're saying you think I'm a

might have cheated on you, gotten pregnant with someone else's baby, and then lied to you about it for months. That's what you're saying. I'm not accusing you of anything, he said, getting defensive. I'm just saying I want to be 100% sure. It's a reasonable request. Is it, though? Is it reasonable to suddenly question the paternity of your child who looks exactly like you, when your partner has never given you any reason to doubt them?

It doesn't feel reasonable to me. It feels like a slap in the face. After thinking for a couple of days, I've decided I'm going to allow him this paternity test because I have nothing to hide. I never cheated and would have never cheated on him. I don't even have the energy to cheat with a newborn, like when would I even have time? Between feeding the baby every two hours and trying to shower once a week, I barely have time to brush my teeth some days. I actually looked online at different types of paternity tests. There are the ones you can buy at the drugstore, but I read those aren't always accurate.

Then there are the official ones done at a lab, which apparently hold up in court. I'm going to insist on the official one because if we're doing this, we're doing it right. Once it's proven that he's the father, I'm ending it, leaving the same day and I am going to try my best to be a cooperative co-parent with him. I can't be with someone who fundamentally doesn't trust me. Who could actually think I would do something so awful? The thought of continuing this relationship just makes me feel sick to my stomach. In the meantime, I'm coming up with my exit plan, a place to live, and a lawyer to work out a custody arrangement and child support. I've started putting some money aside from my maternity leave payments

and looking at apartments in my price range. I was already saving for the baby's future, but now I'm diverting some of that to a get-out fund. I've also started documenting everything. I don't think he would try to take the baby from me or anything, but better safe than sorry. I can't even tell my family or my friends right now because they would go nuclear and my first priority is our child. My brother would probably want to punch him, and my mom would never speak to him again. My mom was cheated on by my dad when I was little, so this would especially trigger her. And my best friend, who never really liked him to begin with, would just say I told you so. I'm not ready for any of that right now. I hope the test was worth it to him because he's going

to lose me in the process. I'm trying not to be dramatic about this, but I just can't see a way forward. The trust is broken. Even if I wanted to forgive him, how could I ever be sure he wouldn't accuse me of something else down the line? The worst part is, he doesn't even seem to realize how serious this is. He just keeps going about his day like normal, playing with the baby, watching TV, suggesting we order pizza. Meanwhile, I feel like my world is crumbling around me. I'm trying to hold it together for the baby's sake, but it's hard. I'm not asking for advice or reassurance or to explain his side. I just, I'm just realizing this part of my life is now over. What a way to start the new year, huh? Anyway, has anyone been through something similar? Update 1, we did the paternity test my BF wanted.

It's been a couple of weeks since I posted and I have just been navigating things after. I'm going to call my BF, Mason, going to use fake name going forward, to keep things clear. This is going to be long, I'm sorry. Also, why post on Reddit? I don't know, guys, I don't know. Maybe because I can't really talk to people in my real life about this without them hating him forever. Or maybe because I needed validation from strangers that I wasn't overreacting. or maybe just because I needed to vent somewhere anonymous.

Take your pick. To clarify a few things many commenters brought up. 1. We're different races but to my knowledge, his family plus extended is more than okay with it. His mother actually set us up. I went to a dinner party and he and I were the only single people who had been invited and we hit it off. She admitted to trying to set us up. So no, I don't think this is some weird racist thing like some of you suggested.

His family has always been welcoming to me. His mom calls me every other day to check on the baby and me. His sister invited me to her wedding as a bridesmaid before we even got engaged, not yet. So I really don't think this is about race. 2. We have had no issues with cheating or any situations where things could be sketchy during the years we have been together. We also haven't broken up or taken any breaks. Our relationship has been pretty solid aside from normal arguments about household chores and what to watch on Netflix.

We did go through a rough patch during my first trimester because I was so sick all the time and probably not the most pleasant person to be around. But we worked through it and I thought we were stronger for it. Three, our son is his mirror image. My BF confided to his cousin about the paternity test a couple of days after he asked. me and the cousin told his wife and it spread like wildfire, especially in their family group chats. I wasn't included in this group chat, but his sister told me apologizing for the family drama. His mom put an end to the speculation though by doing a half and half pick of him and our son, but also by adding some additional individual picks of both of them. She posted the pictures in the family group chat and said, look at the old picks I found of Mason.

After people commented, she said, actually the one on the right is my grandchild. child, or this one isn't Mason. Literally the family members just thought that it was the same person in all of the picks and that some of the photos were taken in darker lightning. That is how much our son looks like him which I find funny but also a little annoying, like I carried you for nine months, all for you to be a copy of your dad. Where are my jeans in this mix? I didn't see the group chat, but the topic died down when his mom did that. I should add that his mom called me privately to apologize for the family gossip and to tell me how disappointed she was in her son. She said, I raised him better than this, which made

me cry because at least someone understood how hurtful this was. Anyway, we talked. When I had made the first post, I was so angry and planned to leave, but the anger was quickly replaced by hurt once I calmed down. I realized if I blindsided him like that, I would be doing the exact same thing that he did to me, when he asked for a paternity test. Plus we have a child together now, so everything is more complicated. I had to think about what was best for our son, not just what would make me feel better in the moment. I planned to ask him to talk, but I also didn't want him to think I was trying to get out of the test. So beforehand, I booked an appointment at two different paternity test locations. I asked him to talk when he came home and I made sure our child was at my mom's.

I told her I had a doctor's appointment, which wasn't entirely a lie since we were going to medical facilities, just not for me. I told him. I told her, I had a doctor's appointment, which wasn't entirely a lie since we were going to medical facilities, just not for me. I told him that whatever happened with this talk, the paternity tests had been booked and would go forward. I basically asked him his reasoning and, when he started having doubts about paternity. Was it a previous relationship? Did cheating happen? He said it was about a week before he asked me that he started having doubts. He said that he was on his lunch break one day just reading articles and he clicked on an old article about a man who found out his three kids weren't as after like 20 years. This led him into a rabbit hole of podcasters and YouTube videos

that encouraged men to ask for paternity tests. While he thought those podcasters were idiots, he said that paternity was an exception. He said his reasoning was that some women have done this before and he wanted to be sure. He said, you know, it's yours because the baby comes out of you, but how do I know? The test gives me that assurance. I asked him if he actually thought I had cheated, or if this was just some general male anxiety thing. He hesitated, which told me everything I needed to know. He finally said he didn't think I had cheated, but he couldn't be 100% sure,

and that uncertainty was eating at him. I was hurt by that, but I decided to explain how I felt. I said that for him, it was a rational request while for me, it was basically him saying that he didn't trust me. It was him saying that he believed I would cheat on him, get pregnant, have him emotionally, financially, and physically support me during the pregnancy, and birth and basically lie to him while he raised another man's child. I told him that I understand that women had done this before, but the fact that he thought I would

do this to him is what bothered me. I told him the truth, that when I was angry, I had planned to leave and that I even went looking into a lawyer, a co-parenting plan, and a new place to live. He was stunned, that I would leave for something so small. I found that he found that. I found that to be a weird, that he believed issuing an ultimatum about a paternity test and basically accusing your partner of cheating was something small. Small? I said, you think accusing me of cheating and lying to you about our child's paternity is small? What would be a big issue then? What would actually matter to you? He backtracked, saying he didn't mean it that way, that he just didn't expect such an extreme reaction. Which made me even angrier. Was I supposed to just

smile and say, sure, honey, whatever you want while he questioned my fidelity? I told him I was really hurt by what he said, that I was still hurt, but that if he needs this peace of mind, that we would do it. He asked what about our relationship and I told him, I don't know if I can get past this, I said honestly. I don't know if I can be with someone who thinks so little of me. He promised he would make it up to me. Said we could go to couples counseling, that he would do whatever it took to regain my trust. We did the test two days later, got the results back after three days. He opened both of them and to the surprise of no one, he's the dad. He was visibly relieved when he read the tests and I don't know why that hurt more. His relief just confirmed for

me that he genuinely thought there was a possibility the baby wasn't his. He wanted to celebrate, suggested we go out to dinner or order in something nice. As if this was a happy occasion. I couldn't believe it. I just went to the bedroom and cried. He followed me, confused about why I was still upset. We should be happy, he said. Now we know for sure. You know for sure, I corrected him. I always knew. I never had any doubt. It's been about two weeks from the results and I'm still really hurt. God, I sound so pathetic. I feel pathetic. I thought the result. I thought the results would maybe relieve some of that, but it didn't. It's like a switch clicked when he asked for the test and I can't find a way to click it off.

I'm pretty sure postpartum is playing a part in this because all I do is cry and I wasn't like this before. I've been trying to be a good mom despite all this. The baby is my priority. I get up with him at night, I feed him, I change him, I do all the things I'm supposed to do. But I feel like I'm going through the motions. Like I'm outside my body watching myself take care of this tiny human while my heart is breaking. I have also moved into the spare room, something he was against, but I felt bad because apart from when our sun is awake, I'm sad all the time. I can't sleep next to him anymore.

Every time he reaches for me in his sleep, I tense up. Every time he tries to touch me, I feel repulsed. I am looking for a therapist. I don't know how people find therapists they like so. quickly. And he wants to do couples therapy and he's looking for one. He already has a few appointments booked just to try them out. I appreciate that he's making an effort, I really do. But I don't know if it's enough. We had a big argument last night because he wanted to have sex and I just, couldn't. I don't feel any desire for him right now and when he tried to touch me, I flinched. He got upset and said I was punishing him for something reasonable. I said I wasn't trying to punish him, I just didn't feel comfortable being intimate right now. He stormed off.

This morning he apologized, said he was being insensitive and should give me time. But then he asked how much time I needed, as if there's a set timeline for getting over something like this. As if I could say, oh, give me exactly 17 more days and then I'll be fine. He wants to move on, marriage, more kids in the future and go back to where we are and thinks that our relationship is now stronger. While I'm just thinking, our relationship right now is weaker than a person on stilts. I don't know if I would say we are together. The physical affection is gone. I'm not in the right mindset and I don't want him to touch me. We rarely talk about anything but the baby. It's awkward, and I'm trying to find a way back to where we were and I can't see how. I don't know what to do.

Edit, I really appreciate the kind messages. I know some people are worried but I have a contingency plan in place. I have a lawyer. I have gotten a child care slash custody plan worked up during these two weeks. I've told my family who are mostly close by. I have a rental property I own and can go to. Our finances are separate so I'm good there. I know myself and I know I'm not in the right headspace right now. I'm staying in the spare room. There is no affection. Therapy, individual or couples, will hopefully help me and will hopefully reaffirm that I had the right idea in the beginning. It's not as easy to move when there's a child. So I'm making sure that I'm mentally well, our child is good, and then I'll make a decision.

Thank you though for all your kindness and perspectives. I really appreciate it. Update 2. I know it's been a while since my last update. A lot has happened and I've been trying to process everything. Also my old account got locked somehow and I couldn't remember the password because I made it when I was half asleep and emotional. So here's a new throw away. Sorry for the confusion. I left. Things have gone downhill and under advisement. I can't really discuss it until things have been settled in court. My lawyer has advised me to keep details minimal for now. But I want to give

some kind of update because so many of you were supportive and kind. We tried, I really did try. We went to a few more couples therapy sessions, and I started seeing a therapist on my own as well. The individual therapy was actually really helpful. She helped me realize that my feelings were valid and that I wasn't overreacting like Mason kept saying I was. In couples therapy, things seemed to be improving slightly. Mason was saying all the right things, acknowledging how much he hurt me, promising to rebuild trust. But outside of therapy, it was a different story. He would get frustrated with me for still being hung up on this and tell me I needed to get over it already.

When I tried to explain that trust isn't something you can just decide to have again, he would get defensive and say I was holding a grudge. The breaking point came when I found out he had been telling his family and friends that I was suffering from postpartum depression and that's why I was acting irrational about the paternity test. He was painting me as unstable in himself as the long-suffering, patient-partnered dealing with my mental issues. When I confronted him about this, he denied it at first, then admitted it but said he was just trying to explain our situation without making himself look bad. As if my mental health should be sacrificed to protect his reputation. Mason didn't take it well when I finally told him I wanted to separate.

He first begged me to stay, then got angry and said I was being unreasonable and hormonal. When that didn't work, he started telling people I was mentally unstable and shouldn't be alone with the baby. That was the last straw. There was an incident I can't really describe here, but it made it clear I needed to get out immediately. It wasn't physical, but it scared me enough that I knew I couldn't stay. I packed what I could, took the baby, and left. He's been blowing up my phone ever since, alternating between apologies and threats.

I've changed my phone number since then, and I'm only communicating with him through my lawyer or a co-parenting app that records everything. His mother has been surprisingly supportive of me, which I didn't expect. She's come to visit the baby a few times and has told me she's disappointed in her son's behavior. She's even offered to testify on my behalf if needed, though I hope it doesn't come to that. We're in the middle of custody proceedings now. It's exhausting and heartbreaking, especially since I really did love him once. I never thought we would end up here.

I still have moments where I wonder if I could have done something different. if there was some way to save our relationship. Thank you again for your different perspectives, hoping to have everything settled eventually. Maybe I'll update again when things are finalized, but for now I need to focus on my son and rebuilding our lives. Sibling attempted to disrupt my wedding by revealing a sudden pregnancy, so I decided to invite her former partner to uncover that she was maintaining a connection

with him even after tying the knot. Thus, the trio. Days back, I, 28 female, got married to my boyfriend of five years, Jason, 28 male. My brady youngest sister Allison, 26, was also attending, and she had planned on stealing my thunder, but unfortunately for her, I was two steps ahead of her the entire time. About a week ago, the baker who was responsible for our wedding cake told me that my sister had contacted her and said that she wanted her to bring in another cake for the day of the wedding and said that she wanted it to be a pregnancy announcement cake.

Allison had told her that apparently I was the one who had asked for this, but had told her to contact the baker. She had even offered to pay twice the amount that I was paying her for the cake to bring it in and keep this a secret from me because apparently my sister wanted to surprise me. Thankfully, she knew better than to trust someone else, and this was someone with ethics and morals, so she decided to speak to me about it first. As soon as she told me all of this, I put two and two together, and I figured that Allison was probably going to pull some stupid attention seeking stunt at my wedding.

And I was right about it as well. So I decided to stay ahead of her. I could have easily uninvited her, but I was really annoyed that she was trying to screw up the one day that was supposed to be about me. It seemed like she just couldn't tolerate my happiness, and it really made me very upset because even though I did not like her either, I would never do idiotic things like this for attention. Anyway, I decided to get back at her, and that's what has literally divided the family right now, and my parents are really pissed at me for what I did. Allow me to explain what happened. So on the day of the wedding, everything went smoothly during the ceremony, and it was after that that the cake was supposed to be cut.

But as soon as Jason and I were about to cut our cake, Allison said that she had an announcement to make and had our baker bring in another cake. Everyone else was shocked apart from Jason and me because I had already told him that this was going to happen, and I had planned ahead for it. Her cake was a pregnancy announcement. It had congratulations on the new baby written on it in icing, and as soon as people saw that, they started going berserk and trying to congratulate her and her husband. My parents were the worst, they literally started sobbing and completely forgot about me. At least some of my relatives had the good sense to stand by my side and not gather around her. because, after all, it was my wedding, and this was extremely inappropriate. After everyone was done congratulating her, she had the most smug look on her face when she said

that we should probably get back to our wedding. I decided to call out the one person that I knew could screw all of this up for her. To be honest, I didn't even care that this was happening at my wedding. It just made things more memorable for everyone, especially my sister. So after she said that we should probably get back to our wedding, I smiled at her, and I told her that I was really happy for her, and that was a bit surprising for her, but then I also faked confusion and asked her to hold up because someone important was missing and the celebration was incomplete without that special someone. And that was the cue for my special guest to walk into the room just like we had planned. I know you guys have been waiting to find out who exactly this person is. So it just so happened

to be Allison's ex-boyfriend, whom she dated right before her husband. So her husband Eric, 28M, and she used to work together when they started dating. Before that, Allison had been with Jared, 26 male, her ex-boyfriend from college. They had been living together but had been having a lot of relationship problems because Jared was ready to get married and Allison was not. From what I know, there was definitely an overlap because my mother told me that Allison started dating Eric three years ago, and they have been married for one year now. But I have a couple of mutual friends with Jared, and they told me that him and Allison had not even broken up until almost two and a half years back. I had calculated the timings of the two relationships last year at their wedding, and I had come to the conclusion that there was no way that there hadn't been any overlap. She had been two timing Jared and Eric for at least six months.

Even Jared knew about it, and he must have figured it out by the time that she got married, but he had the good sense not to speak about it, and he was too kind to ruin her relationship. with Eric on purpose back then. I also did not speak about it for the past one year or even before that, since I didn't think that it was worth it. So nobody realized that Allison had kind of been cheating on Eric in the beginning of their relationship. However, I didn't think there was any need for me to hide this from people anymore since she was going out of her way to create drama and seek attention even on the day of my wedding.

This is why after Baker had contacted me to tell me about what Allison was planning, I let her go ahead with her plan and decided to contact Jared behind her back because I thought it was time that Eric found out the truth. And there were also a couple of other reasons for me to go through with this thing which I didn't even know about until I spoke to Jared. When I called him last week, I was skeptical about whether he would want to be part of this or not because this was just drama between Allison and me. He really didn't need to get involved. But as soon as I told him that Allison was pregnant and was planning on announcing it at my wedding, he seemed to be really shocked because apparently she had kept in touch with him all these years. It wasn't like she had expressed her love for him or anything,

but every couple of weeks she would ask him how he was doing and what he was up to. And correct me if I'm wrong, but if you have broken up with your ex and are married to somebody else, there's no need for you to keep in touch with your ex, especially when you didn't even break up with that guy until you were sure about the other one. So she seemed to be doing very nicely, and Jared thought that she was kind of leading him on. He also noticed that for the past couple of weeks she had not contacted him, and it was probably because of the pregnancy. He felt betrayed because of the other she had made him feel like she still cared about him even though she was married to someone else and had given him hope. So when I told him my plan, it took a bit of convincing, but he eventually agreed to come by.

And when he walked into the room on the day of my wedding, Allison's smile was wiped right off her face. Everyone else who knew Jared was also stopped smiling, and everything got really tense and awkward. Jared did not wait around for long and did not even beat around the bush. He walked right up to Allison and congratulated her on the pregnancy, and then he told Eric that it was quite sweet of him to allow her to still keep in touch with him even though they had broken up ages ago, and she had even been too timing the two of them. Obviously, Eric had no idea about any of this, so he was very taken aback. so he didn't even know what to say.

Once that was done, Jared thanked me and Jason for inviting him and then walked back out. After that, there was a few minutes of silence and then complete chaos. Eric started yelling at Allison about what he had just found out, and then the two of them stormed out. And then my parents started screaming at me for pulling off something as underhanded and insane as this just to get back at my sister for something so petty and small. But I wasn't interested in that, so I told them that if they didn't like what I had done, then they could leave as well, and they did, along with a couple of other guests who did not seem to approve of what I had done. The people who remained were a handful of relatives and

most of my friends. Thankfully, not a lot of people had left, and we were still able to carry on with the wedding as planned. It was only that my parents were not attending anymore, and honestly, at the time, I was fine with it. After all of that was done, nobody brought up Allison anymore. Before leaving, they just congratulated me on the wedding and left. When we came back home after that, Jason and I were pretty sure that we had done the right thing, and truth be told, we still are. However, the day after our wedding, my parents gave me an ultimatum while visiting. They came by in the morning, and I was pretty surprised to see them because the last time that we had seen each other, I had told them that they were free not to attend my wedding, and they had left.

But after that, they barged into my house and told me that because of me, my sister's marriage was in trouble. Apparently, Eric, like any other sane human being, was very upset with Allison because she had kept in touch with Jared in spite of being married to him for almost a year now. He was also very upset about the fact that there had been an overlap because that meant that she had technically been cheating on him in the beginning of the relationship, and he had never even known about it. He felt like a fool, and I couldn't blame him for that. Allison had played him for a fool, and all I had done was expose her. I don't think I have done anything wrong. If anyone had ruined their marriage, it was Allison herself. I don't understand why my parents were blaming me for it, and I started fighting with them

because I thought it was very unfair. But they told me that they were not here to argue with me, they were just here to tell me that if I did not apologize to Allison and Eric and tell them that everything that Jerry had said that day was something that I had put him up to as a prank, then they would never speak to me. I thought it was really stupid idea because even if I said that it was all a prank, I don't think Eric is blind, and I'm pretty sure that he would be able to figure out that we were just trying to cover up for what had happened. And more importantly, I really didn't want to do any of that. This was not a prank that had backfired, this was the truth, and I think it was important for it to come out eventually.

I told my parents that I was not apologizing for anything, and if they didn't, like that, they could go take a hike. And they started screaming in my face, calling me selfish and petty because what Allison had done was nothing in comparison to what I had done. They said that I had gone completely overboard and I had lost my mind because this reflected badly not just on Allison but the entire family, and I didn't even seem to care about that. Eventually they left. We blocked each other, my mother and I, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about what they said. Maybe I did go kind of overboard, but it was Allison who started it, and her initial intention had been to make my wedding day about her, and I had given her exactly what she wanted. So I still don't understand how I'm the villain here.

Anyway, I'd offer ruining my sister's marriage. Hashtag update one hey everyone. First of all, thank you so much for all the replies. It means a lot to me and my husband that so many people are on our side. I will also answer a couple of questions that people had for us. So a lot of people wanted to know how exactly I had a lot of mutual friends with Jared. So basically, Jared and Jason went to the same high school, but since he was a junior, he was not friends with Jason himself. He just so happened to be a part of the football team, and a lot of Jason's friends were on the team, which is how they knew Jared.

And I'm friends with a lot of Jason's friends who were friends with Jared, and that's how I knew about their relationship. and the overlap and everything. However, Jared and I were never particularly close, and this is the only time that we've spoken to each other much while planning out this entire thing. So unfortunately, I don't have an answer as to why exactly Jared had not cut her out of his life after their breakup, even after he had figured out that she had been cheating on him with Eric. We are not close enough to have had discussions like that, and I think that's very personal. I know that he is still in love with her, and I feel bad for him, but I'm not. not a shrink. I'm not going to get into it if I don't need to. I had a plan, he agreed to it,

and that was all that we needed to talk about. Beyond this, I don't know anything about his feelings for Allison or why he did what he did. As for Allison, of course, I wouldn't know what was going on in her head when she was trying to keep in touch with Jared even after she had broken up with him and was in a committed relationship with Eric. So unfortunately, I have no answers for that. Anyway, it has been a week since my wedding, and now I'm really over this entire thing. I don't really care if Eric and Allison get divorced or they choose to stay together. It just doesn't matter to me. It matters to my parents a lot, and I get that.

We have already blocked each other, so we are not going to speak to each other anymore. I felt kind of bad about it, but I should have guessed that this is what it would come to eventually because I had always known that my sister is pretty much the golden child for them. It's sad, but it is what it is. I can't help it. Throughout my childhood, I have tried a lot to win my parents over, but my sister was the younger one, so she was just special to them. I won't lie, I used to be very jealous of her, but as we grew up, the jealousy turned into resentment, and I just started avoiding her. The only reason she was even invited to my wedding was because my parents insisted and because she had invited me to hers.

And as for what I had said about her being an attention seeker, that part is true. She really can't stand me getting attention from everyone and always wants to make everything about herself. That was part of the reason that I had started avoiding her initially. And now, obviously, we are going to remain no contact with each other. I have not heard from anybody from the family yet apart from the people that I know are on my side. Everyone else has either blocked me or doesn't want anything to do with me, and I'm fine with that. If me taking a stand for myself pisses people off so much, then they should probably not be in my life. I have also not kept in touch with Jared. I just thanked him through a text after everything was done on the day of my wedding, and he replied to it saying that he was happy that he got the closure he needed.

So I don't know if Allison has reached out to him yet or not either. If she does, I'm pretty sure that he will tell me about it, but for now, everything is pretty suspiciously silent. In a way, though, it's good for me and Jason because we are getting to enjoy our life as newlyweds, and within a couple of days, we will be leaving for our honeymoon. I just hope and pray that whatever drama my parents or Allison have to cause, they do it before our honeymoon, because once we are gone, I won't be entertaining this nonsense anymore. In fact, even if they try to reach out to me before that, I know what to do. I'm just going to put them in their place and end this once and for all because I think all of them have shown. me exactly where I stand with them, and it's time I do the same for them as well. Hashtag update 2 I was right about Jared. He did reach out to me as soon as Allison texted him.

It was only yesterday that I posted an update here, and a couple of hours after that, Jared texted me and told me that Allison had called him up and asked him to meet her. Apparently, she wanted to speak to him in person, and so he had gone to meet her in a cafe, but he got the shock of his life when he realized that both Allison and Eric were there. It was kind of an ambush, and as soon as he got there, he was about to leave, but Eric stopped him in his way and started screaming at him. He told him to stay away, as if it was Jared's fault. Jared brought up that point and said that he had no problem staying away from Allison. He had, in fact, actually wanted that for himself after their breakup because he needed time to heal and move on from her, but it was she who kept trying to come back into his life and kept in touch with him.

So if he wanted somebody to scream at, he should probably scream at Allison instead of blaming him. Eric refused to believe any of that and said that Allison had told him that it was he who kept reaching out to her, and she would just respond to him to be polite. But Jared was prepared with the receipts, so he just whipped out his phone and showed Eric the screenshots that he had of his conversations with Allison, and of course, all of them just proved that she was the one who kept reaching out to him. After that, Eric had nothing to say, so Jared took the opportunity to leave, and I'm pretty sure that after this, there is no way out of this for the two of them apart from getting a divorce. When Jared told me about all of this, he explained to me that he had gone to meet Allison this one final time because he actually did love her, but because of what she had done, he was never speaking to her again.

And I think it's good for him. He needs to move on because Allison is simply not worth it. I also think that Eric needs to leave her as well because she's definitely messed up in the head. I can't imagine doing stuff like this to not one but two guys, one of whom you are about to have a baby with. It's just disgusting, and I'm sure that my parents will find a way to justify this as well and try to blame me for all of this. They haven't contacted me yet, but after what just happened, I'm pretty sure that they will, and I'm really just waiting for that because I have a lot of things to say to them as well. hashtag update 3 so today three days after my last update my family finally came to visit me i had told you guys that my parents had blocked me and so had alison so instead of unblocking me and contacting me through texts or calls

they decided to pay me a visit so they could piss me off in person nevertheless i still invited them in so we could have a talk and end this weird and strange relationship that we had my parents started off by telling me that throughout my life, they had treated both of us equally, but I had always been jealous of my sister for no real reason. I mean, they had it completely backwards. They had never treated me equally, but I didn't end up angry. I just let them speak because I wanted to see where they were going with it. Then they told me that on the day of my wedding, my sister had just wanted to share my happiness, and that is why she had thought about announcing her pregnancy on the same day, because she genuinely thought that I would be happy for her. But it was clear that I had

known about her plan from the beginning and I was not on board with it, which is why I had organized that little situation with Jared. It was more than obvious that I wanted to embarrass and humiliate Allison, and my parents really couldn't figure out why because, obviously, they didn't think that Allison had done anything wrong. They even told me that if I really didn't agree with what Allison was planning on doing, then I should have spoken to her after I found out about her plans to announce the pregnancy from the baker and confronted her about it and prevented the situation instead of trying to get revenge on her for something so petty and insignificant. Then they finally told me that because of what I had done, inviting Jared to the wedding,

leading to a confrontation between the two of them, Eric was now filing for divorce. Allison had apparently tried really hard to fight for her marriage, but Eric had made up his mind. And this couldn't be coming at a worse time because she was pregnant and now she had no idea what to do. So they had come to me and were demanding that I not only apologize to Allison, I also cover all the expenses of the divorce proceedings and her medical expenses for the next couple of months, and even after that if the need arises. Naturally, the entire idea of that was so absurd that I burst out laughing because I couldn't believe that my parents thought I was actually going to go through with that. They seemed shocked by the fact that I was laughing, and Allison told me that she was serious. She said that she had the money to cover all of this on her own. But because of what I had done, this should be a fitting punishment for me since I had been the one responsible for ruining a happy marriage.

So I stopped laughing and told her that I had not ruined anyone's perfect marriage because if her marriage actually had been perfect, she would not have been reaching out to her ex every now and then, even if it was just to check up on him. She wouldn't even have cared about him and wouldn't have had any ties with him. So if she really wanted somebody to blame, she should probably look in the mirror instead of trying to pin this on me. Then I told her that I will not be paying for anything at all because if we were really talking about things that have been ruined, she had ruined my wedding, or at least attempted to do that. And if I hadn't found out about it earlier, would have been completely blindsided, and the entire wedding would have been about her pregnancy. She was just mad that I had outsmarted her and exposed all her lies to her husband. My parents tried to come to her defense, but I told them that throughout my life, they only thought that they had treated us equally, but everyone who knew us knew the truth.

They had always been biased towards Allison, and even now, they were encouraging her to be entitled in Bratty, even though she had literally ruined her own marriage. If I'm being honest, my parents were partly responsible for her downfall because if they hadn't spoiled her rotten since she was a child, she might have turned out to be a better person. My parents started fighting with me after that, but I told them that I was not interested in dragging this argument out any further. We had wasted enough time during that discussion itself, and now that they had said what they had to say, I had said what I wanted to, and there was nothing more that we had to talk about. They still kept trying to talk to me, but I just was not interested, so I told Jason to deal with them and went back into my room so I could get some rest because it was exhausting talking to my family. Jason had stayed away from this discussion because he's a bit short-tempered, and I'm pretty sure that my family and their audacity would have triggered him a lot sooner, and he would have snapped. So it was better for him to stay out of this for his own sake because I didn't want him getting worked up over something like this. Anyway, after a while, Jason was able to get them to leave by threatening them with the cops, and then it was just the two of us.

I'm glad that we were able to get this over with before the honeymoon because now we can fully enjoy it without constantly working. about what my parents and Allison are getting up to. Hash update for Hey, so Jason and I left for our honeymoon three days ago, and we are really happy right now. After my parents and Allison left that day, they left no stone unturned to try and get me to feel bad for them, specifically Allison. They got a lot of relatives who were on their side to text me

and tell me that what I was doing was incredibly messed up and that I had no right to screw up somebody's life like this, especially when they were about to have a baby. I honestly don't understand why all of them are blaming me because, as far as I'm concerned, I'm just a messenger. So I spoke to Jared about it, and the two of us decided that it was about time that everyone found out the truth. So he just posted the screenshots of his chats with Allison, and that was all that was needed since it just proved that she was the one who had wanted to keep in touch with him. After he made that post, people started getting even more mad at me,

especially Allison and my parents. They thought that. that I was going out of my way to ruin her reputation and claimed that this was character assassination at its finest. They even threatened to file a lawsuit for defamation against me and Jared, but I really don't think that that is going to work because this is the truth, and it's not like we are spreading lies about them. More importantly, if they file a defamation lawsuit against me, I'll just sue them for harassment. It's tit for tat here, right? And anyway, I think Allison should worry more about the upcoming divorce proceedings and the custody battle because if I was in her place, I would not be wasting my time in trying to pick fights with other people.

Thankfully, the people in my family who had been on my side all along have told me that they are not going to be keeping in touch with my parents or Allison anymore because it's very obvious that they are the problem here. They have been nothing but horrible to me all along, and I'm glad that people are finally getting to see what kind of people they really are. Initially, I had been feeling kind of bad because the family had been divided because of what I had done, but now I think that this is necessary. Anyway, right now, Jason and I are just going to focus on enjoying our honeymoon because this time is never going to come back to us. And unlike my parents and Allison, we have no intention of letting them spoil our lives, and so we are going to make the most of the time that we have here. They won't be able to bother us if we don't let them.

Mill despised me right from the start, when I eventually landed a superior position and opted to put our residents on the market, she retrieved my son from school without authorization and vanished. Four hours. I, 32F, have been married to Sam, 34M, for almost eight years now. We met when I was working as a receptionist at a gym where he used to work out whenever he was home. He works on oil rigs, which means he's gone for weeks at a time, sometimes long. depending on the contract. Right now it's mostly just me and our son Tommy, six, at home by ourselves. The job pays well but the schedule can be brutal. Three weeks on, one week off is the standard rotation, though sometimes he extends for better pay. We've made it work though, or at least we did until everything went to shit. When COVID hit the salon, I changed jobs, where I'd been working for almost four years shut down and never reopened. My boss just sent us all at text one day saying she couldn't afford to keep the place going and that was it. Being suddenly

jobless was really effing hard, especially with a young kid to take care of. We had some savings but not enough to feel secure long term. I started looking for work right away but so was everyone else who got laid off. My Mill Diana, 59, never liked me from the beginning. She thought Sam could do better than some hair washer. She never said it directly to my face until I lost my job. Then the gloves came off. She started showing up at our house making these little comments like, When are you planning to contribute to this family? Or Tommy needs a mother who sets a good example by working hard.

She'd say this shit with this fake concerned look on her face that made me want to scream. The thing that really pissed me off is how she acted like I was just sitting around doing nothing. I was applying for jobs every day, taking care of Tommy full time since his preschool closed, and keeping the house running while Sam was away. But in her eyes, if I wasn't bringing in a paycheck, I was worthless. Diana lives only 15 minutes from us and treats our house like it's her second home. We made the mistake of giving her a spare key for emergencies years ago when Tommy was a baby and I had a health scare. Now she uses it whenever she wants.

She'll just walk in unannounced and start inspecting the place like she's the damn health department. I've started hiding in the bedroom when I see. her car pull up because I can't handle another lecture about how I fold towels the wrong way or how my cooking isn't nutritious enough for Tommy. After months of searching, I finally found a remote customer service job for an online retailer. Not great pay, but at least it was something. The hours were flexible which meant I could still take care of Tommy while working. I thought Diana would be pleased that I was working again, but she just found new things to criticize. She started telling family members that I was playing pretend at working and just lounging around all day in my pajamas.

She even told Sam's cousins at a family barbecue that I married her son for a steady paycheck and that I was lazy. I overheard her saying this and just walked away because I didn't want to cause a scene, which I now regret. The worst part? When Sam's home, Diana acts completely different, bringing cookies, offering to babysit, and acting like we're best friends. The second he leaves for work, her true colors come out again. I've tried talking to Sam about it, but he just says that's just how mom is or she means well or some bullshit like that. He doesn't see what I deal with when he's not around. I've tried everything with Diana.

I've tried being extra nice. I've tried ignoring her comments. I've tried confronting her directly. Nothing works. The woman just has it in for me and I don't know why. Things reached a breaking point at Tommy's birthday party a couple weeks ago. We had a small dinosaur-themed party in our backyard with about a dozen kids and some family members. I spent days preparing everything, baking a volcano cake, setting up dinosaur games, and creating a fossil dig in our sandbox.

Tommy was so excited and I wanted everything to be perfect for him. Sam couldn't get time off for the party. His supervisor is a real hard ass about schedule changes, so I I was handling everything myself. Diana showed up early, which should have been my first warning sign. She immediately started critiquing my decorations and suggesting improvements that would have taken hours to implement. I politely declined her help and asked her to just enjoy being a grandmother today. She seemed offended by that, but I was too busy greeting arriving guests to worry about

her feelings. During the party, my friend Lisa pulled me aside looking uncomfortable. She told me she had overheard Diana. telling another parent that I was using Sam as an ATM and that my work from home job was just a cover so she doesn't look completely useless. Diana was telling people I spent all day watching TV while claiming to work. She was saying this shit to people she'd never even met before. Lisa said she felt I needed to know since Diana was essentially telling these parents not to let their kids come over to our house because I was an irresponsible mother. I was devastated but didn't want to ruin Tommy's special day.

I kept my composure through the party, but that night I cried for hours. How could she say such awful things about me to strangers at my son's birthday? What hurt even more was realizing this might be why Tommy wasn't getting many playdate invitations. Was Diana poisoning other parents against me? The thought made me sick to my stomach. When I tried to talk to Sam about it during our weekly video call, he said I was probably misunderstanding or that his mom was just old-fashioned about work from home jobs. He actually defended her. He suggested I was being too sensitive and that I should try to

see things from his mom's perspective. I hung up on him and we didn't talk for two days after that. Sam's offshore for another month and I don't know how to handle Diana in the meantime. She's supposed to come for dinner tomorrow and I'm dreading it. I thought about canceling but that would just give her more ammunition to use against me. I thought about talking to Sam's sister about it, but she, and Diana are really close and I'm worried she'd just take her mom's side. I can't keep living like this, but I don't know what to do. I've tried so hard to make this work for Tommy's sake. He loves his grandmother and I don't want to come between them,

but I'm at my breaking point with her constant criticism and undermining. Am I being too sensitive? Update, wow, wasn't expecting this to blow up. Thanks for all the responses and advice. I've tried to read through as many comments as possible. A lot of you were saying I need to stand up to Diana and that Sam needs to grow a spine and defend me to his mother. You're right on both counts. We've been to marriage counseling before, about three years ago when Sam's work schedule started causing problems.

It helped with communication for a while but we haven't been back since. No, Diana wasn't always this bad. She ramped up the criticism after I lost my job. And yes, Sam is a good dad when he's home. He just has a massive blind spot when it comes to his mother. After what happened at Tommy's birthday, I decided things needed to change. I couldn't keep living like this with Diana treating me like garbage while Sam does nothing. I had that dinner with her the day after posting, and it went about as well as expected.

She spent the whole time making little digs about the house being messy, it wasn't, and asking if I'd heard back about any real jobs yet. I bit my tongue for Tommy's sake, but it took everything in me. not to tell her to get out. For months I'd been feeling stuck in my customer service role with no chance for advancement. The company was one of those places where they dangle promotions in front of you but never actually gave them out. Diana's constant criticism about my fake job only made me more determined to find something better. I spent evenings after Tommy went to bed applying for positions that would use my skills and offer growth opportunities.

Then something happened that I wasn't expecting at all. I was offered a position as an office manager at a tech company. I'd applied on a whim, thinking I didn't have a chance with my spotty work history, but apparently my customer service background and some administrative experience from the salon were exactly what they were looking for. The pay is way better, it comes with good benefits, and best of all, the company was located about 90 minutes from our current home. When I realized this would put considerable distance between us and Diana, it felt like a sign. Since Sam was away on a three-month contract, he extended his usual time to make extra money, I knew I would need to handle this transition myself. The commute would be impossible from our current house. Three hours of driving

every day would mean barely seeing Tommy. So after thinking about it for a while, I decided to sell our house and move closer to my new workplace. I know some of you are thinking this was impulsive, but I'd been feeling trapped in this situation with Diana for years. The opportunity to start fresh somewhere else felt like a lifeline. Plus, the housing market in our area has been hot, so I figured we could make a decent profit on the sale. I accepted the job offer and began preparing for the move. I listed our house with a realtor but kept it quiet from Diana. I honestly didn't want her negative comments affecting my decision or somehow sabotaging the sale.

When she visited, I made sure the realtor's sign was temporarily removed from the yard. This went smoothly for about a month. I had already found a rental closer to my new job and paid the deposit. I started packing up stuff we didn't use often when Tommy was at school. I told him we might be moving soon. Then one Saturday, Diana showed up unannounced as usual. This time, she caught me packing boxes in the living room. She immediately demanded to know what was happening.

When I explained that I'd gotten a new job and was selling the house to move closer, she fucking lost it. She started screaming that I had no right to make such a huge decision while Sam was away. She insisted I needed Sam's permission to sell his house and accused me of trying to keep Tommy away from his family. I tried explaining that the house was actually in my name since we bought it when Sam's credit was bad from a previous divorce. I also told her this move would be better for all of us. A better job for me, better schools for Tommy, and a nicer neighborhood. But Diana wouldn't listen to anything I said.

She said things like, you've always been jealous of my relationship with Tommy and Sam will never forgive you for this. She even had the nerve to say, I always knew you'd try to take my grandson away from me eventually. As if my entire life plan revolves around spiting her. She stormed out, slamming the door so hard a picture fell off the wall and broke. Within minutes, my phone was blowing up with angry texts from her, Sam's sister, and even a couple cousins I barely talked to. all of them accusing me of being selfish and destroying her son's family. Diana had obviously called everyone immediately to paint me as the villain. When I finally got to talk to Sam that night, I told him everything.

I expected him to be supportive, but instead he seemed conflicted. He said while he understood my reasons for taking the job, he wished I had discussed selling the house with him before making a decision. He also suggested I should have told Diana earlier to keep the peace. I reminded him that we had talked about moving someday to be in a better school district before Tommy hits middle school. I just sped up the timeline when this job came along. I also pointed out that he's never around to deal with his mother's constant criticism and interference, so he doesn't get to dictate how I handle her.

This left me questioning myself. Was I wrong to make this move without more family discussion? I told Sam I was going forward with this move with or without his support. It's the first time I've ever put my foot down like that with him. Usually I'm the one who compromises to keep everyone happy, but I'm done with that. This job is a good opportunity for me, and getting some distance from Diana feels necessary for my mental health at this point. Update 2, well, shit has officially hit the fan with Diana. Things have gone from bad to worse, and I'm starting to worry about what she might do next.

First, thank you all for the supportive comments. To those asking why I didn't just change the locks, I did, but only after what I'm about to tell you happened. And to those saying I should have communicated better with Sam, you're probably right, but in my defense. It's hard to have serious conversations about life changes when your partner is only available for brief calls with spotty reception. The realtor planned an open house last weekend, and I was feeling hopeful. The market in our area is pretty hot right now, and our home was priced competitively. Tommy was at a friend's house for the day, so I could focus on making everything perfect for potential buyers. I spent all morning cleaning and staging the house.

I even bought fresh flowers and baked cookies to make the place smell nice. The realtor, Jen, arrived early to set up her materials and seemed pleased with how everything looked. Everything was going well for the first hour, several interested couples walking through, asking good questions, seeming genuinely interested in the property. Then Diana showed up with Sam's sister and father in tow. I hadn't invited them and was shocked to see them march through the front door like they own the place. Diana immediately started telling buyers things like, This house has terrible plumbing issues we've been fixing for years and the neighbors are extremely loud. You'll regret buying here.

She pointed out tiny flaws in the paint and claimed there was hidden water damage in the basement. All complete fucking lies. When I tried to intervene, she told everyone I was abandoning my husband while he works offshore and uprooting my son from the only home he's ever known. She even claimed that Sam was completely against the move and would be fighting for custody when he returned. He's never even hinted at anything like that, and we've had our issues but nothing that extreme. She told one couple that Tommy was devastated about moving away from his school and friends, which isn't true at all. Tommy is actually excited about the idea of living closer to a big park and possibly getting a bigger

room. Diana was just making shit up to scare people away. I was mortified. Some potential buyers looked uncomfortable and quickly made excuses to leave. My realtor was stunned and didn't know how to handle the situation. She tried to redirect conversations and counter Diana's claims, but the damage was already done. I finally managed to pull Diana and her family outside to the driveway, where I firmly told them to leave. Diana's face turned red as she shouted, you're destroying this family. Sam will never forgive you for this. Her drama was so loud that neighbors came outside to see what was happening. It was humiliating. Sam's sister, who had been quiet until then, suddenly said, maybe you should wait until Sam gets back before

making such a big change. This hurt because she had always been kind to me before, and now she was taking Diana's side. Sam's dad just stood there looking uncomfortable but didn't say anything to stop Diana's behavior. After they finally left, I had to explain to the realtor what happened. She suggested we end the open house early since the atmosphere had been completely ruined. I felt so defeated. Jen was understanding but said we might need to adjust our strategy going forward. She suggested we only do showings by appointment when Diana wouldn't know about them. That evening, I called Sam and told him what his family had done. I was crying and upset, expecting him to be outraged on my behalf.

Instead, he seemed distant and said, well, mom is just worried about Tommy growing up far from family. I couldn't believe he wasn't more upset about what they'd done. It feels like I'm fighting this battle completely alone. I pushed back, asking if he thought it was acceptable for his mother to sabotage our house sale and lied to potential buyers. He hemmed and hawed, saying that wasn't right but still making excuses about her being emotional about the situation. I don't give a fuck how emotional she is, that doesn't give her

the right to interfere in our lives like this. I'm so angry at Sam right now. He's more worried about keeping the peace with his mom than supporting his wife. I changed our locks yesterday, no more surprise visits from Diana. I also told the realtor to only schedule showings when I'd be home to prevent a repeat performance from my in-laws. A few of you suggested I talked to a lawyer just to know my rights. I haven't done that yet, but I'm thinking about it now that Diana mentioned custody. I know Sam would never try to take Tommy from me, but I also never thought he'd let his mother walk all over me like this. The house is still on the market, but interest has definitely cooled after Diana's performance. One realtor who had clients interested in our house called

Jen to ask if there were disclosure issues with the property that weren't in the listing. Diana's lies are actively hurting our chances of selling. Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if this marriage is even worth saving at this point. I love Sam, and we've built a life together, but his inability to stand up to his mother and support me is making me question everything. I'm not going to make any rash decisions, though. The new job starts in two weeks, and I'm focusing on that for now. If nothing else, the salary increase will help me put money aside in case I need it later. Update 3, you guys, I can't believe what Diana did yesterday.

I'm still shaking thinking about it. I thought the open house sabotage was bad, but this is on a whole different level. I started my new job last week and it's going well so far. The people seem nice and the work isn't as overwhelming as I feared it might be. I've been commuting for now, yes, it's a long drive, while we figure out the housing situation. The house still hasn't sold. but we've had a few interested parties. Yesterday I was wrapping up a video meeting with my new team

when I got a call from Tommy's school. The secretary told me that Diana had picked up Tommy early, claiming there was a family emergency. The school had called to check if everything was okay since I hadn't notified them Tommy would be leaving early. I never gave Diana permission to take Tommy from school. I immediately tried calling her, but she didn't answer. I called Sam's sister, his father.

even some extended family members. Nobody knew where Diana had taken Tommy. Or they were lying to cover for her, which is equally fucked up. I was in full panic mode. I told my boss I had a family emergency and left work immediately. I drove way too fast getting back to our town, my mind racing with horrible possibilities. Diana had been acting so unstable lately. I drove to Diana's house, but nobody was there. I checked the local parks, the mall, even Sam's father's house. No sign of them. After two terrifying hours, I was seriously considering calling the police. The only reason I hesitated was knowing how traumatic that could be for Tommy. I tried calling Sam but couldn't reach him. He was probably on shift with no access to his phone. I left him a frantic voicemail explaining what was

happening. Then, just as I was pulling back into our driveway to get Diana's address for the police, I saw her car parked on the street. Diana casually walked through my front door with Tommy, who was happily eating ice cream. When I asked where they'd been, Diana smiled and said, I took him shopping for new school clothes. I figured since you're moving him away from us, I should spend quality time with my grandson while I still can. Like this was a normal thing to do. Like taking a child from school without his mother's permission and disappearing for hours was perfectly acceptable. I didn't want to upset Tommy, so I calmly asked him to go to his room to try on his new clothes. Once he was out of earshot, I confronted Diana.

You never take my child from school without my permission. Do you understand how worried I was? I had no idea where he was for hours. Diana just rolled her eyes and said, don't be so dramatic. He's my grandson. I have rights too. She started going on about grandparents' rights and how I couldn't keep Tommy from her just because I was having a tantrum about our relationship. That's when I lost it.

I told her she had absolutely no rights to take Tommy anywhere without my explicit permission. I informed her that I would be calling the school to remove her from the approved pickup list, and if she ever did anything like this again, I would call the police and report it as a kidnapping. She looked shocked, like she couldn't believe I would overreact this way. She started crying and saying I was being cruel, trying to keep Tommy away from his loving grandmother. When that didn't work, she switched to anger, saying Sam would never allow me to cut her off from Tommy. I stood firm and told her to leave my house immediately. For once, she didn't argue and left quickly. I think she realized she'd crossed a major line and was trying to retreat before I actually did

call the police. When I finally got through to Sam later that night and told him what happened, he initially tried to downplay it. I'm sure Mom just wanted to spend time with Tommy, he said. I lost it at that point, yelling that his mother had essentially kidnapped our son from school and disappeared for hours without telling me. After hearing how upset I was, Sam finally seemed to understand the seriousness of the situation. That was completely inappropriate, he agreed. Mom had no right to take Tommy without telling you. He promised to talk to his mother about boundaries when he returns home next month. While I'm glad Sam finally sees the problem, I'm still furious that it took something this extreme for him to take my side. I'm also worried about what Diana might do next.

She clearly doesn't respect my authority as Tommy's mother or my boundaries as a person. I immediately called Tommy's school and removed Diana from the approved pickup list. I explained the situation, and they were very understanding and apologetic about releasing Tommy to her. Apparently, Diana had been listed as an emergency contact since Tommy started kindergarten, and the substitute secretary didn't notice that she wasn't on the regular pickup list. I've also contacted the realtor about speeding up the sale process. I just want to get out of here as soon as possible, even if it means accepting a lower offer. I don't feel safe with Diana living so close anymore. What if she tries something like

this again. Some of you suggested family counseling with Sam when he returns. I think that's probably our only chance at saving this marriage at this point. I know Sam loves me and Tommy, but his inability to set boundaries with his mother has created a situation that's becoming dangerous. If he can't see that, I don't know how we move forward together. In the meantime, I'm documenting everything Diana does. A few commenters suggested keeping records in case things escalate further. And that seems like good advice. I've started a journal with dates, times, and descriptions of all her boundary violations. Tommy doesn't know about any of the drama, thankfully.

I've been careful to keep arguments away from him, and he still loves his grandmother. I don't want to damage their relationship, but I also need to protect him, and myself, from Diana's increasingly erratic behavior. I'll update again when there are new developments. Thanks for all the support and advice. Final update. Wasn't planning on updating again, but a lot has happened in the past three months, and I wanted to share how things have turned out. Some of you have been messaging me asking for updates, so here goes.

First off, I want to address some comments from my last update. Yes, I probably should have called the police when Diana took Tommy from school. At the time, I was worried about traumatizing him or creating even more family drama, but in retrospect, it would have established. a clear record of her behavior. We've moved. The house finally sold for less than we hoped, but I just wanted it done. Tommy and I are now settled in an apartment about 15 minutes from my new job. The area has decent schools, parks nearby, and the neighbors seem okay. Tommy's already made friends with some kids in our building. The apartment is smaller than our house was, which has been an adjustment. We're on the second floor, which means no yard.

but there's a community playground that partially makes up for it. Sam returned from his offshore job last month, and things were tense at first. He stayed in a hotel for a few days while we figured things out. I think the reality of coming home to find his house sold and his family relocated hit him harder than he expected. He was upset that I'd gone ahead with such major changes without him being physically present, even though he knew it was happening. After seeing how happy Tommy is in our new place, he's mostly come around. around to supporting our decision. We had a long talk about Diana and boundaries. I told him straight up

that I was considering divorce if things didn't change, and I think that finally got through to him. He admitted that he's always known his mother can be difficult but didn't realize how bad things had gotten. He's even talking about finding work closer to home when his current contract ends, which would be a huge change for our family dynamic. As for Diana, we've established some firm boundaries. After the school incident, I insisted on family counseling with Sam and me. The therapist helped us develop clear rules about Diana's involvement in our lives. Sam finally understood how his mother's behavior was affecting me and our marriage. Diana is now only allowed to visit when Sam is home, and she must call before coming over, no more surprise visits.

She's not on the approved list at Tommy's new school, and all family outings must be agreed upon by both Sam and me in advance. Sam was the one who communicated these boundaries to her, which I think made a difference. She couldn't dismiss it as just me being difficult when it came from her son. She wasn't happy about these changes at first. There were tears, accusations, and a few weeks where she didn't speak to any of us. She tried calling Sam constantly, leaving messages about how heartbroken she was and how cruel I was being. She even showed up at our apartment unannounced once, but we didn't let her in.

and Sam firmly reminded her of the new boundaries. Eventually, she realized if she wanted to be part of Tommy's life, she needed to respect our boundaries. I think what finally got through to her was when Sam told her that her behavior was pushing him away too, not just me and Tommy. To those who suggested divorce right away, I get where you were coming from, but relationships are complicated. Sam fucked up by not standing up to his mother sooner,

but he's making an effort now. I'm giving him a chance to prove this change is permanent. For now, though, things are better.