Reddit Stories - Factory and Ledge filmed THEMSELVES LABELING me a fortune hunter and BROADCASTED it

Episode Date: February 5, 2026

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #fortunehunter #broadcast #factory #ledge #labeling  Summary: Factory and Ledge filmed themselves labeling me a fortune hunter and broadcasted it. This public accusation has impacted my reputation and relationships. I feel betrayed and misunderstood, as the context of their claims was misrepresented. I seek advice on how to address this situation and clear my name.  Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, fortunehunter, labeling, broadcast, reputation, betrayal, misunderstanding, context, advice, situation, clearname, publicaccusation, impact, relationships, selfdefense, socialmediaBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6816713/support.This episode includes AI-generated content.

All episodes, completely add free with an Apple podcast subscription. Cancel any time. One-time offer, $2.2. Episode with two stories, first part. I hope you enjoy this story. Factory and Ledge filmed themselves labeling me a fortune hunter and broadcasted it at my personal celebration for my newborn. This led to me reacting strongly and revealing how his father assisted them in securing employment. Schooling they didn't earn.

So I'm 27F, seven months pregnant and my mother-in-law and sister-in-law recently hosted a baby shower for me about a week ago. My mother-in-law Donna, 55F, and my sister-in-law Erica, 30F, don't like me for a couple of reasons. My husband Thomas, 30M, married me about a year ago and I quit my job after that because I wanted to be a stay-at-home wife. It wasn't that I didn't want to work, I'd just been working for a really long time and I needed a break. I'd been working ever since I was 16 and didn't stop until I had a ring on my finger and only when Thomas told me that he'd be okay with me staying at home. My dad passed away when I was 12 from a cardiac arrest and after that, it was just me and my mother. My mother was a waitress at the

local diner and money was tight so I had to start working part-time at 16 and then full-time once I was done with high school. I didn't even get to go to college but, thankfully, I worked in sales and I was decent at my job enough income for my mother and I to get by. It was through work that I met Thomas, we hit it off at a conference and the rest is history. Unfortunately, while my life story of rags to riches might seem fascinating to most people, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law do not agree and think that I am a gold digger. Thomas was a branch manager at his firm and worked in a much higher position than me when I first met him, but that was not what drew me to him.

I've never been able to explain to Donna and Erica that his bank balance had nothing to do with my love for him and I would have married him even if he was a pauper. I knew that they would never accept me, so I didn't even try to impress them or win them over and that just made me even more unpopular with them. In short, they didn't like me and I didn't try to make them so we just never got along. But after I announced my pregnancy, the two of them suddenly started showing an interest in my life and I guess that was because I was carrying Thomas's future child. because otherwise they would avoid talking to me as much as they could and would only be civil to me out of courtesy.

They started being very helpful and kind to me after the pregnancy announcement and Thomas believed that they were finally warming up to me but I could tell that something fishy was going on, it was just my sixth sense. I couldn't bring myself to fully trust them but after a couple of months, when they still hadn't said or done anything cruel to me, I started to believe that maybe they were actually trying to make amends for all the digs and insults in the past, implying that I was a gold digger and I was with Thomas just for his money. So I started trusting them and thought of them as my well-wishers, which they most certainly are not. A couple of weeks ago, they asked me if I was okay with them hosting a baby shower for me. I then, they had established enough trust with me so I green-lit it

and even provided them with a list of guests I wanted to be invited to my baby shower. My mother wanted to be involved in the planning but Donna and Erica told her that they got it and that she didn't need to worry about anything. I guess I should have known right then that there was something weird going on but I didn't suspect anything. I figured that they just wanted it to be a surprise for me, so they didn't want my mother to be involved. Weeks passed and I didn't hear anything about the baby shower until they sent me an invitation. I even checked in with all the guests that I had asked for, and all of them received it as well, so I believed that they were doing everything perfectly and I was actually

happy. Then, last week, finally on the day of the baby shower I accidentally read the time wrong and showed up an hour early at the venue. They wanted it to be an all-women event because they wanted to take the more traditional route. And I was okay with it, so my husband wasn't there and I had to take a cab to get to the venue because I didn't feel like driving. Once I got there, I realized that I was an hour early since I couldn't see any cars in the parking lot apart from Donnas. So I decided to give them a surprise and made sure that I headed towards the doors very quietly, so they wouldn't hear me coming and then I peeked in to check out what they were up to. I saw them casting a video on a screen that they'd set up and it was just the two of them having a go

at me in the video, saying the most horrible things about me and then laughing. I could tell that the video was from quite a while back because in the video, Erica had blonde hair and she only had that shade around the time of my wedding so I guessed that this video had probably been recorded at that time. I was horrified at the things that they were saying and I couldn't believe that they were playing this in the place where they were supposed to host my baby shower. One of the things that Erica said was that she knew for a fact

that I'd probably get pregnant within the first year of my marriage so that I could really tie her brother down and he'd never be able to escape ever. And even if he tried to, I would always have the child support and alimony to look forward to. And then the two of them laughed in the video and also in real life. I couldn't take it anymore, so I decided to enter the room and confront them about that video. They were pretty startled to see me and tried to stop sharing it on that screen, but they didn't know that it was already too late and had seen everything that they didn't want me to see. I asked them why they were playing that video and when they had even recorded it or why.

So Erica tried to explain to me that this was a roast video that they had recorded for my wedding but they didn't actually get to play it because Thomas threatened to cut ties with them if they pulled off something like that. And honestly, good thinking on his part, because I wouldn't have been able to tolerate this at my wedding. I know that roasts are meant to be funny, but it's only funny when people who you love are the ones roasting you. Not so much when you know that the people saying terrible things about you actually mean those things. And I knew for a fact that Erica and Donna meant every single word of what they were saying in that video. They tried to tell me that they had included the pregnancy joke, so they could play it at the baby shower and pass it off as a joke

since now Thomas couldn't have a say in this. And then they told me that the intention of the video was to show that this is what they used to think of me back when I first married Thomas, but now that I was really a part of the family, they had accepted me. And apparently, they even had a big speech planned after that video, where they were going to tell me how much they loved me and what I meant to them. They said that the intention of playing this video was to show how far we had come as a family. But I didn't buy it and I stormed out of the place, called Thomas, and demanded that he pick me up and take me back home. I explained everything to him on the phone and since he already knew what video I was talking

about, he got everything instantly and I didn't have to waste much time. After I was done with the phone call, Donna and Erica came running out of the venue after me, to convince me to stay and kept asking me to forgive them. They didn't consider how I would feel on watching this video, they were only thinking about how heartfelt this would seem, but now they realized that this was a stupid idea. They kept telling me that they didn't mean to hurt me, but that meant nothing to me because I had trusted them with my baby shower and they had completely shattered all the trust one had put in them by planning to play that video. I told them to back off, but they didn't listen to me and kept trying to get me

to stay. So I finally just snapped and told them that I wasn't interested in whatever they'd planned for me because now I knew what they really thought of me. And I didn't believe them, even for a second, when they said that they were going to make a speech about how much they loved me afterward. I also yelled at them that I wasn't just a baby carrier and I was my own person. So if it took a pregnancy to make them approve of me, then I didn't need that approval at all and we could go back to not having a relationship like before. Because I would prefer that, rather than being a part of their fake and pretentious little club. I told both of them that neither of them would have amounted to anything had it not been for my

father-in-law, who supported Donna even though she was pathetic. at her job and almost got fired, but her husband made his brother hire her as an accountant so she'd still have a job without having to work too hard. And he got Erica a spot at the best business school in the city, even though she didn't have the grades for it and he needed to use his connections to get her in. Neither of them knew about these things and only Thomas and his father were aware of it. But he's told me these family secrets a long time back to make me feel better after a particularly horrible dinner at his parents' house, where Donna and Erica wouldn't stop mocking me. Their faces fell when I brought that up and they looked even more upset

when I told them that they had absolutely nothing to be so proud and arrogant about. Because if they had to face the same kind of struggles in their lives as I had too, then they probably wouldn't be so smug. Living a life like mine would have broken both their flimsy little spirits and they had no right to question me, especially given their own incompetence. In the meantime, Thomas pulled up and I got into his car and then, we left the venue without any further discussion. They still tried to talk to me while I was leaving, but I rolled up my windows and we drove away. Thomas had heard the last part, where I was yelling at them and talking about whatever my father-in-law had done for them, and he told me that he didn't think it was a good idea for me to tell them about it. I didn't reply to that,

and he didn't bring it up later. Of course, the party and everything had to be cancelled at the very last moment because I wasn't even there. And nobody apart from my mom knew that. And nobody apart from my mom the real reason why until my husband told his relatives to explain why the event had to be called off, and most of them are on my side, which means that Erica and Donna don't have anybody. She thought that I did the right thing, including me bringing up how the two of them had so much help that I didn't. And they were judging me because they came from my place of privilege and could afford to pass judgments on someone that they knew absolutely nothing about. I didn't hear from either of them for a couple of days and Thomas and I didn't discuss it either.

He apologized to me on behalf of his family but that was about it. And we didn't talk about it anymore because it's not like this was his fault. However, a couple of days ago, I received a letter from my father-in-law, Raymond. We usually got along well and he didn't have the problems with me that his wife and daughter seemed to. But this time, he was furious because of the secrets that I'd revealed to Donna and Erica. He told me that it was absolutely not my place to tell him about something like this. which he had decided to keep from them for so long for the sake of their own self-esteem. And now I'd undone all the work that he had put in.

Both of them were totally miserable, just because I decided to make them feel bad about themselves and get back at them. I tried to defend myself by telling him what they've been planning to do, and I believe that what I said was completely justified because they'd been picking on me for years before I finally snapped. He told me that he could understand that I was upset, but it was still not my place to bring that up, and he was extremely disappointed in me. We haven't spoken since then, and when I try to talk to Thomas about it, he says that he has nothing to say,

but I think he is dodging the question because he feels the same way as his father. I'd offer telling my Mill and Sil that they'd be nothing without my father-in-law's help. Update 1. So I decided that I was not going to apologize to Donna and Erica because I really don't think I said anything out of line. They've been picking on me ever since they met me

and this time, I finally decided to know exactly what I thought of them. They can't always get away with everything that they say and do, just because Thomas and Raymond believe that this would make them feel bad about themselves. Over the years, there have been several instances where the two of them have ganged up against me and made me feel bad. But nobody's talking about that. So why is it such a big deal if I do the same thing to them that they've been doing to me for years?

I also told Thomas about how I felt because I sensed that he agreed with his father. Now I couldn't care less about what Raymond thinks, but I need my husband to be on my side. And so far he's always maintained the peace of the family by telling me to ignore whatever his mother and sister say, but I feel like he needs to realize that I'm his wife and he needs to stand up for me. So I told him that he cannot have this diplomatic approach to things between me and them anymore because that's unfair to all of us and he needs to pick aside. I was afraid that he would disagree with me or fight with me over this, but he agreed wholeheartedly and even apologize to me for being too scared to do the right thing. He confessed

that he was afraid that if he stood up for me and fought with his mom and sister, he would be ostracized from the family and they mean a lot to him despite their behavior. So he was afraid of standing up for me. But he did realize now that he had a duty towards me as well and couldn't just always expect me to suck it up and keep ignoring every little thing that they did just because I was stronger than them. It wasn't fair to me and he'd come to the conclusion that he was going to cut his family off now. I was touched because I know what family means to him, but I guess now it's about time that there are some real consequences to Donna and Erica's actions because I still haven't forgiven them for whatever I saw in that video. And they haven't apologized to me or

reached out to me after I left that day, which is fine by me because I don't want them to do that either. I don't think it will fix anything and it will probably just piss me off even more. Some of you in the comments said that I was overreacting because it was just meant to be a roast and they were going to make it up to me by giving a heartfelt speech afterwards. But that means nothing to me. I'm sure that there are a lot better ways to show your love to a heavily pregnant woman at her baby shower than a roast video, especially when you know that they meant everything that they said and they're not just kidding. So I don't think that I am overreacting.

This is the perfect reaction. I didn't even ask them to host it for me. ones who offered to take over, only to let me down in the end. I feel betrayed and hurt and that's not going to go anywhere. Update 2. So now that it's been a week since the baby shower incident and we haven't been talking to Thomas's family, I thought that things had finally cooled down a bit, but I guess Erica isn't okay with that. I hadn't blocked anybody because I honestly just forgot that we could do that. So I got a text from her early this morning, where she started off pretty well and apologized to me because they hadn't thought things through

while preparing for the baby shower. But then she said that she wanted an apology from me for both her and Donna because she believed that what I said was out of line. I could hardly believe the audacity to ask me for an apology after what I saw that day. And especially after the way they'd been treating me for the past couple of years. They never even gave me a chance and just assumed that I was a gold digger without bothering to even get to know me. At least the things that I said about them were true. Erica said in her text that it was not my place to say things like that about them. And even if they did come from a place of privilege, it was none of my business.

Which was just so ironic because they'd always made it a point to remind me where I came from and now these were the same people saying that it was none of my business where they came from. To them, my being poor was an actual problem and they just couldn't accept the fact that I didn't come from a financially wealthy background like they did. They felt free to criticize me for it all they wanted to, but now that they're getting a taste of their own bitter medicine, they don't like it. I treated that text as a joke because honestly, what was I even supposed to say to that? It was a ridiculously entitled and tone-deaf thing to say, which is what I expect of Erica, so I'm honestly not surprised. I know they wanted an apology and I probably should have

responded with something snarky or mean to put them in their place, but it just didn't even seem worth it. If I replied to them, that would just lead to more drama and that's the last thing that I needed, so I ignored it. Because Thomas was right, the only thing that I could do was ignore them and hope that they would go away. It's kind of sad because I actually believe that we were becoming friends over the course of my pregnancy, but evidently, I was mistaken. These two idiots are too stupid to actually be friends with anyone apart from like-minded idiots. I haven't told Thomas about this yet because he hasn't come home from work. But as soon as he does, I'm going to fill him in and see what he has to say about Erica sending me this text.

We haven't been discussing them at all ever since the last update, so I think it's been a couple of days now. And it sucks that I have to bring it up again because I know he's hurting. However, I have no choice and I know that we have to talk about this and come to a conclusion about what we can do about it. Because when the baby comes, I don't want us to be fighting over what we need to do about his family and whether they should be allowed to have a relationship with the baby or not. We have to discuss it and we have to talk about them now. Update 3. My last update was just a couple of hours ago and it feels funny to be back so soon. But this is important and I need to talk about this, so here I am.

Thomas and I talked about Erica and her text after dinner, once he was well rested and well fed. I asked him if he thinks they should be allowed to see the baby once we have him slash her. because at the rate things are going with his family, I don't think I want to stay in touch with them. I want to make no contact, at least until they actually come to their senses and apologize to me. We thought about it for a while and then told me that it was my call entirely, because I was the one that they'd been disrespecting all along. So now it was up to me if I wanted them around me and the baby or not. He said that while he personally would want to stay in touch with his family and try to work things out between us to clear the air eventually,

He knew that it was not his place to make that decision for me so whatever I say, goes. I thought that it was pretty sweet of him to leave it completely up to me and he did have a point too. Thomas also mentioned that I was the one who was pregnant, I was the one going through so much and so, it would be his duty to make sure that I'm well taken care of because right now, his new family is his priority. And so he left it up to me, what we should do about his family. I told him that I was going to take some time, think about it, and then let him know of It's too soon for me to come to a decision right now. Update 4. I guess I made my decision. I don't think I'm going to allow Thomas's crazy family

around me or my child anymore. I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, but now I know that they are incapable of change and I don't want my baby around them in any capacity. Thomas had a day off today and he was staying at home with me to spend some quality time, which was really lucky for me. Today, all three, Erica, Donna, and Raymond showed up at the house to have a discussion with me about my behavior. They claimed that they were here to discuss things, but it felt more like an ambush and I was really lucky to have Thomas there. Because he nipped it in the bud and told them all to go home since I wasn't willing to speak to them. Erica was the one who was the most angry about all of this and I could hear them all arguing on the

front steps. She was telling him that the only reason that they'd ever doubted me and my intentions was because they were looking out for him. Since I didn't come from a financially stable back they didn't want him to get stuck with a gold digger, which is why they'd been giving me such a hard time. I was furious and almost went to the porch to argue with them myself, but Thomas handled it pretty well and tore them a new one. He called them a lot of names that I don't want to repeat here, told them off, and even informed them that when the baby was here, they wouldn't be allowed to see any of us. Because they were disrespectful and were blatantly crossing all boundaries possible. After a couple of minutes, Raymond intervened and told Thomas that he was cutting him out of the

family until he came to his senses and divorced me because I was apparently leading him away from them. And then they left. Thomas seemed relieved when he came back to me and we spent the rest of the afternoon just talking and making fun of everybody behind their backs. So I'd say that this was a great day and I'm pretty content with how things turned out. That's the end of the first story. Let's begin the second one. I hope you enjoy this story. My spouse is not willing to honor the limits I set, and I am unable to keep trying. As a 34-year-old woman, establishing strong boundaries with my spouse, also 34 years old, could potentially lead to the conclusion of our relationship.

My marriage. What should I do? I've been married to a smart, cute, witty, wonderful man for five years, dated him for six years prior to that, and known him as a friend for five years before that. He has been a part of my life for so long it's hard to remember what my life was like before he was in it in some capacity. I love him dearly, and I love the life we've built together. He doesn't handle his frustration or anger or insecurities well. He has a lot of trust issues, despite the fact that I haven't done anything to merit distrust,

which he will acknowledge his trust issues stem from legitimate childhood trauma, and will frequently presume worst intentions. Sometimes he might see something small and his brain will draw conclusions like, Wife, hasn't put the dishes away, even though I never asked it and there are plenty of times I don't put dishes away, therefore she doesn't respect me or prioritize our relationship. Frequently in arguments, his feelings will take precedence over my own. I do my very best to listen to his feelings and acknowledge slash empathize with them, but in the heat of the moment very frequently my own feelings become things for him to react to

rather than listen to and thus the discussion about his feelings continue while mine never get addressed. We've been in couples counseling for years now. Originally it was more of a maintenance thing, but over the past year it has become critically necessary. My husband sunk into a really deep depression last spring, and last summer was honestly pretty hellish for both of us. He'd find fault in the smallest of slights, like she asked me a question via I am but there's red receipt, so clearly she didn't care about my answer and doesn't care about me when I actually had seen the answer and it didn't mark a red receipt because I only looked at it through my phone's notifications, and then stopped talking to me for multiple days on end except for practical

house questions via I.M. He'd send passive-aggressive and manipulative messages while I was out to get me to come home, though he doesn't intend for them to be manipulative. They definitely fit the definition by any reasonable standard. If things are very extreme, he may scream in my face or knock something over. In previous years, he has punched the wall before, or lightly, pushed me out of the way in an argument so he could get past me. I did a lot of supporting him emotionally, and often financially, when he would let me, if he stressed, I'll try to do some housework to take something off his plate, or offer to pick up food he likes, or will cuddle together and watch something he likes that I don't really care about. I'll hold him while he cries, I'll pick up the slack

and I don't hold resentment about it. That's what partners do, but in the last few months, I've been going through a depression of my own. I don't lash out, but sometimes I get really, really sad and desperately need support, and it feels like when he's able to offer support, it very frequently comes back to haunt me later, for example, me feeling sad,

him offering to pick up my favorite pizza and me taking him up on it, only for him to send me messages about how stressful and frustrating it is because the pizza wasn't ready in time and the other customers are being jerks, and by the time he gets home he's done and can't be near. Anyone for a while. Most recently I was having a really bad day, and he was there for me, held me while I cried, did some housework, talked me through some things, and that evening I was starting to feel a little stable, and out of nowhere he hit me

with some passive-aggressive comments and started talking about how his needs, which he had not communicated to me, hadn't been met all day and how I don't meet his needs in other ways and how I prioritize everyone else in my life but not him. and I was floored and devastated because I do prioritize him, probably more than I prioritize myself which I'm trying to change since that isn't healthy. I think about what he wants or needs or might think of something practically all the time, but also, it was one more example of how I can't truly lean on him, I can't trust that he'll be able to support me emotionally even when he says he can. Later that same night our basement flooded, and he found at first, all I heard was slamming

doors and yelling, so I went downstairs to check, and when I asked him, what was going on, he screamed at me, basically in my face, what the fuck do you think? Y'all, I'm bad at boundaries, I'm really, really bad at them, I'm always afraid people will be mad at me or leave me when I set them, and I have plenty of real examples to back up that fear, so it's not exactly unwarranted. Over the summer, during therapy, I set some explicit boundaries of things that were not okay in arguments, things like screaming, throwing things, passive aggressive comments, etc. I've tried, since setting those boundaries, to make it known when they were crossed saying, Ouch, or that wasn't an okay thing to say or I need to leave the

room until we can discuss this calmly. Every inch of enforced boundaries has been painful and really hard, but I'm trying, but the screaming, and especially right after the day of supporting me and then lashing out at me without warning after, was one thing too many. We're in a crisis right now, because, among other things, I've set a firm boundary around the screaming it can't ever happen again. It just can't. Some people in my life who have been in abusive relationships have pointed out to me that screaming in someone's face is abusive and violent even if it's not physical violence. But when I speak to my husband about it, he feels that setting this boundary is setting him,

and our relationship up to fail. Doesn't feel like he can guarantee he won't do it again, and that if this is truly a hard boundary for me, that we should end our relationship. He knows the way he's been treating me is not okay. He feels remorse for treating me that way. I know that I'm not perfect and I have work to do of my own, among other things, setting and enforcing boundaries, and untwisting myself from the pretzel shape I'd become to accommodate my husband's needs slash wants.

And in this list of problems, I haven't mentioned all of the good things. As with any posts like this there are amazing, positive things in our relationship too. We share values, politically and personally, we play video games together and travel together and have fun together and care deeply about each other. He can be so kind and lovely, he's passionate about doing good and helping other people. Is it reasonable for me to have this hard boundary? Obviously, with or without that particular boundary, we are really struggling right now and may or may not be able to make this work. I keep thinking if the boundary was you can never hit me again instead of you can never scream in my face again.

No one would think that was an unreasonable boundary. Even if the hitting happened rarely, as the screaming has, it seems to me that if someone can't guarantee they'll be able to manage their anger enough to not scream in someone's face, anger management therapy might be necessary. And I don't mean this flippantly, he apparently found out recently that he also has high blood pressure so this seems like a potential health issue as well. I brought this up as an option and got no response. I don't my marriage to end. I didn't say those vows lightly. The idea of breaking up this

relationship feels like I'm being torn apart, but I can't stay with things the way they are. I can't. And it feels like he's saying things are not going to change quickly. That he wants to change, but it's going to be a journey. I don't know what to do. Update me, 34F, setting firm boundaries with my husband, 34 meters, may mean the end of my marriage. What should I do? So, the first thing I want to do, before giving my update, is to thank all of you for chiming in. It can be really hard for me to be confident in my own perception of the world and of reality, and being able to get input from total strangers was enormously helpful.

My update, I stuck firm to the boundary I set. In addition, I told him that what I needed from him was, one, for him to go to anger management therapy or some other immediate intervention help. Two, for him to find a way to be a supportive partner to me when I'm having a hard time and have that not turn into being all about his own needs, and three, for him to not only tolerate but actively encourage me to set boundaries, at least in the short term. I told him that essentially my trust in his ability to respect my boundaries was broken and that rebuilding that trust would take a lot of work, including him supporting and encouraging boundaries even if he didn't like them or felt they were overcorrections, which he was saying

that this no screaming hard boundary was. After a lot of back and forth of him essentially telling me he didn't know what I wanted from him, despite me articulating the above several times, while alternatively and continually pushing back on many parts of what I was asking for and in the meantime, him continuing to occasionally get upset and send manipulative. Passive aggressive messages and not respect boundaries I was setting in the moment I told him that something drastic needed to change. I asked him for a separation, but told him I wanted to continue to work on our relationship and date through the separation. I felt that separating might be the only way he and I had a chance of saving our relationship, because living together was doing continual damage that was

going to be hard to recover from. He said he needed some time to think on it. A week later he came back to therapy with me and told me he no longer wanted to be married or in a relationship with me at all. That was devastating enough on its own. At first we were kind with each other even had a few nights of hanging out and commiserating over our shared grief. He asked for three months to get his finances in order before moving out, and I agreed, but then one night last weekend he picked a fight with me and again started sending manipulative, passive-aggressive messages. I thought he might have been drunk, so I messaged in the morning, but he doubled down and said even worse things. I stayed out as much as possible for the rest of the weekend, but Monday morning he was

stomping around the house getting ready for work, screaming at the cat, slamming doors, and I was hiding in bed and flinching at every noise. I ended up taking a sick day because I was such a mess. That day I messaged him and told him that he was behaving in an emotionally abusive way and that I didn't feel safe in the house with him, and that we needed to revisit our timeline for him moving out. I also told him that I had been terrified to tell him this that I was shaking even sending the message. He minimized his behavior, acted incredulous, and asked how soon? I told him end of April, he freaked out and said he needed until July, then he did a complete 180, said a friend would lend him the money and he'd be out by early April. He spent all week packing and visiting

apartments and now he's moving out this Sunday, which is a little bit of a relief, but is also such a strong rubber-banding move that I'm certain it's him attempting to take control of the situation and I'm sure his story to everyone else is that I don't care about his pain and I'm kicking him out early. Anyway, that pretty much brings us up to speed. I've been coming to terms, with the fact that I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship for years. Sometimes I feel horribly guilty like I didn't do enough to try and save things or like I'm making a big deal out of nothing and now I'm throwing my life away. I did have a really wonderfully validating one-on-one session with our couples therapist

who reassured me that my perception of the situation is accurate and I'm not the one who did this to us. Sometimes I'm just incredibly heartbroken and lonely. Sometimes I'm angry that he didn't care enough to try and work at it. but I think it's likely that ultimately, this ending is for the best, as awful as that feels. Again, I really want to thank everyone here who responded to my original post. Some of the advice and comments were really hard to read, but they were really important for me to read. It was so helpful knowing I had a bunch of internet strangers backing me up on some level. I think some of my exes minimizing has caused me to feel really unsure about how I'm perceiving the situation potentially even gaslighting,

though likely unintentional so having folks who could confirm that what was happening was not okay was vital. I'm lucky to have a good support system locally as well, so as awful as this all is, I might just get through it okay. Update number 2 Me, 34F, setting firm boundaries with my husband, 34M, may mean the end of my marriage. What should I do? Edit, thank you for the outpour of support in the comments, so amazing to read, I love y'all less than three. I wanted to give y'all another. update hopefully the last one, it's been about a year since my original post, 10 months since the first update. My ex did move out, thankfully, moving day was uneventful, and then he was gone, and as many commentators predicted when he was gone from the house it was a huge relief.

I didn't have to cringe at every little sound anymore, I could breathe again, I was really, really sad but my space was my own. And then I got laid off, no joke, hell of a one to two punch right there. The past two years have, on the whole, been incredibly painful, the year that my marriage fell apart, and then the year I had to spend recovering from that blow, I had to job hunt while mourning the death of my relationship, and as soon as I found a new job, I also found out my house needed hugely expensive repairs that, after all of this mess as well as having supported my ex not working for a year, I just didn't have the cash for, and figuring out how to be on my own for a while I had people. There to support me, but in the day to day,

hour to hour through this mess I was ultimately on my own, and that was hard, binging the marvelous misses, Maisel helped a bit. He also kept reaching out, for a while it was occasionally chatty, but as time went on and I came more to terms with how he treated me, and how frequently his messages had a tinge of emotional manipulation to them, I distanced myself. He messaged me once to ask if I regretted our entire relationship, on the whole, or if I thought he was a terrible person, on the whole, I didn't respond to that one at all. Then he'd reach out with things like, hey, the TV I took from our living room broke. Do you want it from me?

Like to sell or try and fix. I've been doing my best to keep my responses short and clear, in ways that don't invite follow-up. Lately he's been wanting to have a post-mortem conversation, to which I said that I wouldn't be ready to consider whether or not that it'd be a good idea until our legal ties were ended. He also just messaged to ask if he could be my roommate, because his rent is really high. I have no words. The good news and there's thankfully quite a lot of it. The new job I got is possibly the best job I've

ever had a step down in salary, but I'm super happy with the work in the people and the location, and I've been getting rave reviews from co-workers and management, enough that I think I can probably negotiate a decent raise in a few months. I had to get a new car as well, new to me, but purchased used. Since my ex got the car we shared in, the split, and I was nervous about negotiating and buying a car by myself, which I'd never done before, but I did it and managed to negotiate the dealer. About $1,000 down and I absolutely love the car. Also, I met someone new. This person reminds me of my ex in a lot of ways things like shared hobbies and creativity and sense of humor and charm but very different in some really important ways. He treats me really well.

He's thoughtful and kind and generous not just to me, but to everyone. In the conflicts we've had, very few, we are able to talk through them calmly no yelling, and he shows me how much he respects and cares about my perspective. And boundaries and autonomy, he's not broken and doesn't need me to fix him and I'm not broken either, thank God, maybe carrying a bit of extra baggage, but such as life, this relationship is still new, but it feels like a game changer for both of us, and I'm excited to see where it leads, and one more bit of good news I will officially be divorced on Friday. Yes. The day after Valentine's Day X-D, there are a few few more loose ends to wrap up after that, but not many. I wanted to provide this update in part

because I know it can be nice to see updates from folks, but also because I wanted to give a bit of hope to anyone who might be in a situation like mine. It can get better. It really, really can. I'm actually happy. It took time and hard work. And things aren't perfect I'm definitely going to need a lot of time to recover financially, and I'm still. Sometimes processing the weight of 11 years of emotional abuse, a plus for therapy, but I'm actually truly happy. Sometimes I wonder how much of the depression I'd been feeling before he left was the result of how much emotional weight I'd been carrying for so long as in mind without truly being aware of it. It's so easy to feel like that dark tunnel is all there ever will be when you're in the middle of it. But I'm out in the sunshine

now, and it feels amazing.