Reddit Stories - Family members INSISTED that I CONTRIBUTE $3,000 towards my SIBLING'S wedding that cost

Episode Date: November 16, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #weddingdrama #familyconflict #financialpressure #siblingrivalry #moneyissuesSummary: Family members INSISTED that I CONTRIBUTE $3,000 towards my SIBLING'S wedding that cost. The situation caused tension and arguments within the family, leading to a difficult decision-making process and strained relationships.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, familydrama, weddingexpenses, siblingrelationships, financialstress, conflictresolution, familyvalues, moneymanagement, communicationissues, personalboundaries, emotionalstress, socialpressure, decisionmaking, relationshipchallenges, familyconflict, financialpressureBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Family members insisted that I contribute $3,000 towards my siblings' wedding that cost $40,000, whereas my other brothers and sisters were only required to pitch in $200 each. I declined the request and as a result, I was excluded from the event and faced public humiliation. My cousin's party. I, 28M, have a younger brother, Jack, 25M, who just got engaged. We are four siblings in total, an older sister, 30F, me, Jack, and our youngest brother, 22M. My parents are very family-oriented and involved in our lives, so I was not entirely surprised

when they wanted to talk about Jack's upcoming wedding. But I was surprised by what they asked of us. Recently, my parents sat us siblings down and announced that Jack and his fiancé are planning a big wedding next year, bigger than they can afford on their own. Instead of advising them to scale back, my parents said that all of us siblings should contribute money to help pay for it. They framed it as, family helps family, and Jack deserves the wedding of his dreams. It did not feel like a friendly suggestion, it came across as an expectation, especially aimed at me. They pointed out that I have a stable job now and no kids,

so I could do more financially. My older sister and youngest brother were told to contribute what they could, but I got the sense my parents were counting on me for the largest share. I was taken aback. It felt like they were volunteering plus telling us to pay for his wedding, and I honestly thought at first that I must have misheard. I responded, maybe a bit too bluntly, that if Jack cannot afford the wedding he wants, he should plan one he can afford. That comment did not go over well. My parents immediately accused me of being unsupportive and selfish. My dad said, your brother has always been there for you, now it is time to be there for him. My mom added that this is what family does on special occasions.

She even claimed that if I were in Jack's position, they would do the same for me, though I have serious doubts about that. Given the double standards in our family, they kept insisting, you make good money, you will figure it out. It is just a one-time thing for your brother. I tried to explain that I have my own financial responsibilities. I am still paying off student loans, have some credit card debt, and I cover all my living expenses, rent, utilities, etc., on my own. I am not exactly swimming in cash. Yes, I have a decent job, but that does not mean I have thousands of dollars lying around.

My parents just brushed this off, reiterating that I am in a better position than my other siblings. so I should be willing to make a sacrifice. For context, Jack is kind of the golden child in our family. He is 25 and still lives at home rent-free, with my parents covering many of his expenses. He has always gotten more financial help, for instance, when he needed a car, my parents bought him a nearly new one, whereas I bought my own used car with a loan. Meanwhile, I was expected to be financially independent right after college. I did not bring this up during the time. I did not bring this up during the argument, but it was on my mind as they were pressuring me. During the discussion, my older sister said she and her husband might be able to chip in a small amount, she mentioned

maybe $200. Our youngest brother, who is in college and basically broke, just kept his head down. It was clear neither of them could contribute much. The whole plan really felt like my parents expect me to cover the lion's share because I am the one with a full-time job and no kids. I ended up telling my parents as respectfully as I could that I am not going to pay for my brother's wedding. I said I love Jack and I am happy for him, but it is not my responsibility to finance his wedding. If he cannot afford his dream wedding, then he needs to adjust his expectations. I also made it clear I cannot put myself into debt or derail my own finances for they did not take my refusal well. My mom started crying, saying she was so disappointed

in me. My dad said I was selfish and not being a good brother. He even hit me with the after all we have done for you. Guilt trip, which felt unfair since I have been on my own financially for years. We ended the conversation at an impasse. My parents told me to think about it and implied that I am letting my brother and the family down. I left feeling frustrated and guilty. But this is not a medical emergency or any kind of necessity, it is a luxury. It is a luxury. In my view, you should not plan an expensive wedding and expect other people to pay for it. I have not heard from Jack directly yet, but I am sure he knows I refused, and I suspect he is not happy with me either. My friends I have talked to all agree this situation is crazy.

None of them have heard of siblings being told to pay for a wedding. My best friend actually laughed out loud because he thought I was joking when I told him about this. In fact, one of my buddies thought I was making the whole thing up at first, because it is so absurd. So, am I the asshole for refusing to help pay for my brother's dream wedding? Update 1. First, I want to say thanks for all the feedback on my initial post. Quick recap, I am the 28M who refused to fund my 25M brother's dream wedding when my parents insisted all siblings chip in. I have my own student loans and bills, so I said no. That, of course, caused a lot of conflict with my parents.

The overwhelming consensus was that I am NTA, not the asshole, which made me feel a lot more confident in my stance. It has been about a week since my original post, and a lot has happened. I found out new information that makes me even more firm in my decision. It turns out Jack and his fiancé are planning a wedding that will cost. about $40,000. Yes, you read that right, $40 grand for one day. And here is the kicker, both of them are still living at home with my parents, basically rent-free. I discovered the $40,000 figure when I was at my parents' house a few days after our initial blow-up.

Jack and his fiancé were talking excitedly with my mom about venues and vendors, and I overheard his fiancé mentioned something like, it will be around $40,000 total, but it is everything we want. My jaw nearly dropped. In our family, a $40,000 wedding is unheard of. My parents are not poor, but they are not rich either, and Jack certainly does not have that kind of money saved, especially since he pays no rent and still somehow does not have much put away. I quietly asked my mom if the wedding was really going to cost $40,000.

She just sighed and said, weddings are expensive. That is what they have their heart set on. I asked how they plan to pay for it. She said she and my dad would help as much as they could but cannot do it all, and that's why they expect us siblings to chip in. She also mentioned that Jack's fiancé's family is not able to contribute much financially, which is part of why they are looking to our side of the family to make this happen. I replied that even if we all chipped in, we are not magicians who can conjure up tens of thousands of dollars.

She did not give a clear answer on exactly how much she did not give a clear answer on exactly how much they want from each of us, just that every little bit helps. It was frustratingly vague, which made me suspect they have a number in mind for me that I would not like. What also frustrates me is that Jack and his fiancé have not been saving aggressively despite banking on this huge wedding. Since they live at home without paying rent, I would think they would have a decent chunk of savings by now. When I casually asked Jack how the savings were going, he just shrugged and said, We are putting aside what we can,

but things are so expensive these days. That irked me, because from my perspective, he has a prime opportunity to save given his minimal living expenses. Instead, he recently bought himself a brand new truck and gave his fiancé a very nice engagement ring. Those were their choices, of course, but it is hard not to see it as irresponsible to splurge on those while expecting others to fund your wedding.

I vented to my older sister Hannah about all this. She was equally shocked at the $40,000 figure. She told me that when our parents first floated the idea of siblings contributing, she only agreed to contribute a very small amount. She and her husband have a tight budget, two kids, and a mortgage, so they told my parents they could maybe give a couple hundred dollars at most. My sister actually apologized to me for even agreeing to give anything, because she feels that our parents took her token offer and ran with it to pressure me for more.

She also pointed out that when she got married a few years ago, she and her husband paid for their wedding mostly on their own. She never in a million years would have expected me or our younger brother to chip in for her wedding. My youngest brother also told me he felt intimidated and guilty during that meeting, so he mumbled something about maybe contributing, but realistically he cannot afford more than a token amount either. He later thanked me for standing firm in that meeting because he felt too afraid to openly say no at the time.

All of this has made it crystal clear that my parents' plan is to combine a bit of money for my siblings, a much larger chunk from me, and their own contributions to fund this extravagant wedding. They seem to view me as the primary funding source because I am the one with a decent job and no dependence. Honestly, that realization made me pretty upset. I feel taken for granted. I have not had another big sit-down with my parents since uncovering all this, but I did

reiterate my stance in a shorter conversation with my mom. When she repeated that every little bit helps, I told her flat out that my answer is still no. I said I am not going to put myself into debt or sacrifice my own financial goals for an over-the-top wedding. She gave me a pretty cold look and said she expected better from me. That hurt, but I did it. not budge. So that is where we are now. I have even more justification, in my mind, for

refusing to pay. A $40,000 wedding while living at home rent-free is, frankly, ridiculous. If anything, these new details make me feel even more confident that I am doing the right thing by sticking to know. I will update again when there are more developments, and I suspect there will be, given my family. Update 2. Another week later, the confrontation with Jack finally happened. It was ugly. My brother basically called me selfish and accused me of valuing money over family, and it escalated to the point where he told me he does not want me at his wedding if I will not contribute.

This blow-up happened a few days ago when I went to my parents for dinner, I still go over there occasionally, trying to keep the peace. Jack and his fiancée Lena were there too. From the moment I arrived, Jack was giving me the call. hold shoulder. After an awkward, tense dinner, our parents conveniently drifted into the backyard, probably to give us space to talk, or maybe to stay out of the line of fire. Lena went upstairs to take a phone call, so it was just me and Jack in the living room. I decided to break the silence with a neutral question about the wedding planning, and that was

all the opening he needed. He immediately snapped, why do you even care? You are not contributing, so you do not get to have a say or even ask about it. I told him calmly that I do care, he is my brother and I want him to have a great wedding, I just cannot afford to pay for it. He cut me off, saying it is not that I cannot, it is that I will not. According to him, I make good money and I am just choosing not to help. He flat out called me selfish and said I was letting the family down. That really angered me.

I told him he has no idea what my finances actually look like. Just because I earn a decent salary does not mean I have a spare $40,000 lying around. I have my own obligations. He scoffed and said everyone has bills, you are not special. Basically, he was implying that I was just making excuses. I responded that I was not making excuses, I was stating facts. This is not about willingness, Jack. I literally cannot give you what you are asking without putting myself in a huge hole, I told him.

He then started ranting about how families should be there for each other and I am failing at that. He said something like, even Hannah and, youngest brother, are pitching in a little, and they do not make as much as you. You are the only one who refuses to help. I answered that our sister and brother offered what they realistically could, which is a pretty small amount, and it is not like they are shelling out thousands of. either. They are doing what they can without hurting themselves. That is very different from expecting me to cough up a few grand, I said. Jack was having none of it. He doubled down, saying I just do not care about him. He actually said, I would help you if you needed it. If you ever get married, do not expect any of us to be there for you. He was almost yelling at this

point. Hearing him say he was ashamed of me was especially hurtful. Jack and I have never been at odds like this before, so it was jarring. At one point, he even went so far as to say I should have anticipated that I would need to help pay for his wedding, since I know he does not have a lot of money. That one really blew my mind. Nobody plans their personal budget around paying for a sibling's wedding, Jack. That is just not a thing, I told him, probably with a tone of disbelief. Around this time, Lena came back downstairs. She looked uncomfortable, I am sure she could hear that we were arguing.

She gently said something like, hey, maybe you guys should cool down, trying to de-escalate. I was ready to let it go, but Jack was still fuming. He basically told her, stay out of it, this is between me and my brother. Lena quickly backed off and left us to it. Finally, Jack said, you know what. What? If you are not going to be there for me now, then I do not want you at the wedding at all. He effectively disinvited me from the wedding right there. I was stunned for a second, but I quickly replied, if that is how you feel, fine. Have your wedding without me. With that,

I grabbed my keys and left. My hands were shaking on the drive home, I was so angry and upset. Later that night, I got a string of messages from I and dad saying the same thing. It was a lot. I needed some time to cool off after that blow up. I have not replied to my parents yet. I needed some time to cool off. As of right now, it seems like I am welcome at the wedding only if I write a check. That feels awful, but I am not going to give in to that kind of emotional blackmail. I am still holding my ground that I will not pay. I hope with some time, Jack and my parents will calm down and see how absurd this is. We will see.

I will update again if anything else happens. Update 3, this situation hit a new low recently when my parents confronted me about the wedding in front of our extended family. It happened at a birthday party for one of my cousins. I went to the party hoping to just celebrate and not discuss the wedding drawing. but my parents had other plans. They essentially tried to ambush me with a guilt trip in public. At the party, which was at my aunt's house, my mom found me and immediately, in a loud voice that others could overhear, said something like, we need to talk about how you are refusing

to help with Jack's wedding. I tried to get her to stop. I quietly said, Mom, not here. We can discuss this later. But she amped it up. She announced to the several relatives within earshot, Can you believe, my name, is the only sibling who will not give a dime for his brother's wedding. Everyone else is doing their part.

I was mortified. My face was burning and I could feel my hands trembling. All the other conversations in the room had stopped. Everyone was now listening to my family drama unfold. I saw a few heads turn. My aunt, the one hosting the party, was nearby and gently said something like, I am sure he has his reasons. Trying to defuse the situation, but my mom waved that off and continued. My dad joined her, saying, we are just asking for a little support for a family event.

Is that so much to ask? It was so uncomfortable having this aired in front of my cousins, aunts, uncles, basically everyone. Eventually, I found my voice and responded loudly enough for people to hear. I am not contributing because I have my own debts and financial goals, and I do not think it is my responsibility to pay for Jack's wedding. I tried to keep my tone measured, but I was definitely angry and embarrassed. My dad then, in his frustration, blurted out, we only asked him for $3,000. That is it.

His sister and brother already agreed to give $200 each. We are paying a lot too. He makes good money, why cannot he just do this for Jack? That was how I, and everyone around us, finally learned the exact amount they expected from me. $3,000. Hearing that number said out loud made a few relatives gasp. I think even my aunt was shocked at the imbalance, $200 from each of them versus $3,000. from me. It was actually kind of vindicating to have it out in the open, because now others could

see how unfair that was. I answered my dad, $3,000 is not a small ask. I do not have that kind of cash laying around, and I am not going into debt over this. If you guys want to fund Jack's wedding, that is your choice, but you cannot expect me to do it. I was visibly upset by this point. My mom was in tears, saying I cannot believe how selfish you are being. We are family, we all make sacrifices for each other. She said I was breaking her heart and she never imagined I would turn on my own brother. It was incredibly dramatic. After that, she walked off crying. My dad shook his head at me and mumbled about how he is so disappointed in what I have become. Then he followed my mom out of the room.

I was left standing there, humiliated, in front of a bunch of staring relatives. The upside, I guess. Is that having this blow-up publicly meant other family members finally heard my side of it? A few of them quietly came up to me afterward and expressed support. My older sister, who was at the party, squeezed my arm and said, I am sorry you had to deal with that. For what it is worth, I do not think you are wrong. My youngest brother muttered that he is on my side too, though he did not want to get into it with our parents in the moment.

Even my aunt, the host, later told me and, apparently, told my parents that what they did was inappropriate. She told them that a wedding is a luxury and it was not right to put me on the spot or demand such a large sum. I left the party early, utterly drained and embarrassed. I later texted my cousin to apologize for the scene at her birthday, she was kind and said I had nothing to apologize for, but I still felt bad that her celebration was marred by our drama. By this point, any doubt I had about standing my ground was gone. My parents' attempt to publicly shame me really showed how far they are willing to go. I wrote a message to both of them, saying I was disappointed in how they handled it and that I will not be discussing it

further. I made it clear, again, that I am not paying and that their attempt to bully me only solidified my position. Now that all of this is out in the open, I am preparing for one last face-to-face talk with my parents to put this issue to bed. I want to tell them firmly that I am done with the conversation and they need to accept my answer. I will update once more after I have had that final conversation. Final update, I had that final conversation with my parents, and it went pretty much how I expected. We sat down in their living room, and I could feel the tension immediately. I went over to their house a few days after the public blow up, determined to get everything off my chest. I calmly told them that my decision stands, I will not be contributing

money to Jack's wedding. Not now, not as the date approaches, not on the day of, not at all. I explained that I love my brother and wish him the best, but this is just not something I am willing or able to do. I also let them know how hurtful it was that they tried to ambush me at a family party. I said that was inappropriate and only made things worse. There was a lot of back and forth. My mom was crying, and my dad was red in the face, I responded that they were the ones putting money above our relationship by making this demand and by reacting this way when I said no. At one point, I delivered one of the key lines I had been holding in. If you two want to on Jack's expensive wedding, that is your choice. But I am not going into debt for someone

else's party, and that is final. That only made my dad angrier, he did not like me calling it a party, but it is how I feel. The conversation was emotional and went in circles for a while. My parents kept trying to guilt me. My dad even warned me, fine, but if you ever need help from us, do not expect it, and my mom threw her tears said, I guess we know now which one of our children really cares. Those remarks were harsh, but I stood my ground. I kept reinforcing that I have made my choice and they need to respect it. In the end, I told them this would be the last time I talk about it. I am done with this discussion. I hope you can come to accept that, because I am not changing my mind. I left their house feeling shaken and

sad, but also relieved that I had said my peace. The day after that confrontation, my sister Hannah came by my place to check on me. We talked for a long time. She said she was sorry that our parents and Jack were being so stubborn. She gave me a hug and told me she was proud of me for standing up for myself. Hannah thinks our parents will eventually cool off, but she is not sure when. I admitted to her that the whole thing has been really hard on me emotionally. She knows, she is pretty upset at our parents too, but she is trying to stay out of the direct line of fire. Still, hearing her say, I am proud of you meant a lot to me. It reminded me that not everyone in the family thinks I am an awful person for this. That was about a

week ago. Since then, my parents have barely spoken to me. We have had no calls or text. We have had no calls or texts that are not strictly necessary. Jack and his fiancé are also not speaking to me at all. I suspect I am effectively uninvited from the wedding, if I was not already. I have not officially been told I am uninvited yet, and honestly at this point, I do not really plan on attending. As for my immediate family, my sister is trying to stay neutral outwardly, to avoid my parents' ire, but privately she tells me I did the right thing.

My youngest brother outright defended me to our parents and got into a big argument with my dad the other day, telling him they are being ridiculous. He called me afterward to vent about how out of line they were, and to make sure I was holding up all right. It honestly helped to know he was in my corner and even willing to stand up to our dad like that. I told him I appreciate it, but I do not want him getting in trouble on my behalf. He is frustrated with them too, though.

So right now, my parents and Jack are essentially giving me the silent treatment. I will not lie, it hurts. This whole saga has been painful and exhausting. I am not a confrontational person by nature, so being at odds with my own family like this has really weighed on me. But despite all that, I feel a sense of relief now that I am not tangled up in constant negotiations or fights. I have drawn a clear boundary. I am focusing on my own life again, my work, my friends, and the siblings slash relatives who are still on good terms with me. I have been putting extra energy into paying down my student

loans, the same money my parents wanted me to divert to the wedding. It feels good to see that balance go down. I stand by the fact that I have done nothing wrong here, so I have no intention of apologizing for sticking to my boundaries. But I also truly hate that this has caused such a rift in our family. Maybe one day, after the dust settles, my parents and brother will forgive me or at least move past this. I do hope we can reconcile in the future. I know I did not do anything wrong by saying no, so I have no intention of apologizing, but I also do not want an endless rift between us. I am not sure how things like upcoming holidays will be if we are still not on speaking terms, but I will cross that bridge when I get to it. To everyone who read this

saga and offered support and perspective, thank you. I never expected my posts to gain so much attention, but the advice and encouragement I received really helped me through this. This was a far more dramatic ordeal than I ever imagined when I first asked if I was the asshole. In the end, I am confident that standing up for myself was the only real option I had. It is sad that it came to this, but I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that it is over. For I am just taking it day by day and hoping for the best.