Reddit Stories - Father left me FOLLOWING my parents' SEPARATION due to my mother's INFIDELITY, stating

Episode Date: November 7, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #familyissues #divorce #infidelity #parentalabandonment #relationshipsSummary: After my parents' separation due to my mother's infidelity, my father left me, stating he couldn't bear to stay. Feeling abandoned and hurt, I struggled to come to terms with the sudden absence of one of my parents in my life.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, family, divorce, infidelity, abandonment, relationships, parentalissues, emotionaltrauma, coping, familydynamics, personalstruggles, healingprocess, emotionalpain, familysecrets, betrayal, trustissuesBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Father left me following my parents' separation due to my mother's infidelity, stating he saw no reason to maintain contact with me, hence I turned to my stepfather, who was originally the AP to walk me down the aisle. I, 26F asked my stepdad to walk me down the aisle instead of my biological father, and now my dad is furious with me. For context, my parents divorced when I was 16 because my mom had an affair, but that affair happened after years of turmoil and their marriage due to my dad's abusive behavior. Their relationship was extremely toxic and painful long before the infidelity came to light. When my mom's infidelity was exposed and their divorce

started, my dad essentially decided I wasn't worth staying in contact with. I remember him telling me, I don't see the point in staying in touch with you, since you have your mom's new boyfriend to be your father now. I was just 16 when he said that, and it devastated me. My dad basically walked out of my life right then and there. He moved out and from that moment, he pretty much abandoned me. After the divorce, I lived with my mom full time. My dad never bothered to arrange visitation or even call on my birthdays. It was basically radio silence, he had completely dropped out of my life. Meanwhile, the man my mom had the affair with eventually moved in with us and later became my stepdad. I'll be honest, I resented my mom and him, at first because of how their relationship started.

Finding out my mom had betrayed my dad was a huge shock to me as a teenager, and it made an already chaotic situation even harder. I was pretty angry at her for a while, even though I also understood that she had been miserable and afraid in her marriage to my dad. My feelings about it were really complicated at that time. Over the next couple of years, though, I started to realize how much better our life was without my dad in the house. And to my surprise, my mom's boyfriend, who became my stepdad a few years later, turned out to be a genuinely good man who treated both my mom and me well. He basically stepped up and took on the father figure role that my own dad had thrown away. He taught me how to drive, helped me with my college applications, and even came to my high school

events to cheer me on. Those were all things my biological father never bothered to do for me. In many ways, my stepdad has done more for me in the past decade than my dad ever did. Now, I'm not saying I totally forgot that my stepdad came into the picture through an affair. That fact used to bother me a lot, and it's something I had to make peace with over time. But ultimately, I judge him by how he treats us, and he has proven to be a caring husband to my mom and a supportive father figure to me. He and my mom got married a couple of years after the divorce, and they're still together and happy. By contrast, my dad ended up remarrying about a year after the divorce was finalized. I wasn't invited to my dad's engagement or wedding, I only found out he got married after the

fact through relatives. That hurt a lot at the time, even if I wasn't entirely surprised. By then, our relationship was basically dead anyway. His remarriage just confirmed that I wasn't a part of his new life. After he married his new wife, our minimal contact dropped to absolutely nothing. For years, I quite literally never heard from my father. No calls, no texts, nothing. Fast forward to now, I'm engaged to a wonderful man and planning my own wedding. Given everything I've explained, it was only natural to me that I would ask my stepdad to walk me down the aisle. He's been the one acting as my father for the past decade. In my heart, he feels like my real dad because he's the one who put in the actual effort to parent me.

I did not invite my biological father to the wedding. We have no real relationship, so I didn't see a reason to include him just for show. However, word of my engagement and my wedding plans reached my dad through extended family. I'm still in touch with my paternal grandparents and a couple of aunts. A few weeks ago I found out, via my aunt, that my father absolutely lost it when he learned my stepdad would be the one walking me down the aisle. Apparently he went on a rant about how I'm disrespecting him and choosing a homewrecker over my real father. He's been telling anyone who will listen that by letting my mom's affair partner take his place, I'm essentially condoning their infidelity and stabbing him in the back.

One of my aunts, one of my dad's sisters, actually called me up about this. She told me that even though she knows my dad wasn't perfect, I should still consider how much I'm hurting and humiliating him by excluding him and honoring the man who helped break up his marriage. In her opinion, asking my stepdad to take that role is a cruel slap in the face to my father. She said I'm disrespecting my dad and essentially choosing the other man over family, which is a very public betrayal. She suggested I should at least invite my dad and maybe have both him and my stepdad walk me together, or find some way to acknowledge my dad, instead of rubbing salt in the wound by excluding him. To be honest, hearing about my dad's tantrum and his accusations pissed me off.

In my mind, he forfeited any right to play the hurt father when he literally abandoned me and never even tried to be part of my life for the past decade. This is the same man who didn't bother to invite his only daughter to his own wedding, and who told me outright that he didn't cared to be my dad anymore. It's pretty rich that now he's painting himself as some kind of victim, all because I chose to honor the man who actually stuck around and raised me. The hypocrisy is unbelievable, he's over there moralizing about infidelity and loyalty, when he was an abusive husband and a deadbeat father. Despite all that, I'll admit that my aunt's call did make me feel a twinge of guilt. She's making me question whether I'm being

unnecessarily harsh. From my perspective, I think my feelings are are completely justified, but I guess from my dad's perspective, maybe this does look like a huge betrayal against him. A few other relatives, mostly on my dad's side, have also said things that imply they think I'm in the wrong for doing this. Now I'm honestly a bit torn and wondering if I'm doing the right thing by shutting my dad out and having my stepdad take on that role. So, Reddit, am I the asshole for asking my stepfather, who started off as my mom's a fair partner but has been my true father figure, to walk me down the aisle, instead of my biological father? Comment one, I'll be honest, when I first read the title of your post I thought it sounded

pretty harsh that you'd have your mom's affair partner take your dad's place. Cheating is awful, and I can understand why on the surface some people might side with your father here. But context matters. In your case, your father has only himself to blame for this outcome. He abused your mom for years and then literally abandoned you, his own child. He's not a victim of a homewrecker, he wrecked his own home. Off reply, I definitely don't condone cheating either, and I understand why some people might jump to my dad's defense because of that. Believe me, I had a hard time with how my mom's relationship started. It took me a while to work through those feelings. But you're right that context matters. My mom's affair didn't happen in a happy, loving marriage.

it happened after years of her being degraded and terrified of my dad. It's not an excuse, but it is part of the bigger picture. And you hit the nail on the head about my father wrecking his own home. I know for a fact my mom tried for years to make things work with him before it got to that point. Honestly, by the time she cheated, I think she was at a breaking point. None of that excuses anyone's choices. But I do think my dad conveniently ignores how his own behavior drove us all to that breaking point. Comment two, your father basically fired himself from the dad job when he abandoned

you as a teenager. He doesn't just get to waltz back in years later and demand the position of father of the bride. Where was he for all the important moments in your life? Nowhere. Meanwhile, your stepdad earned the honor of walking you down the aisle by actually being there for you through those years. I also find it really rich that your dad is talking about you disrespecting him. In my opinion, the only person who disrespected the family was your dad when he left his own 16-year-old child behind and never looked back. He's not entitled to your respect or a place in your wedding just because he contributed DNA. He made his choice long ago. You have every right to choose the father figure who actually acted like a father. Don't let the guilt-tripping relatives

get to you. They either don't know or refuse to acknowledge how badly your dad treated you. Stick to your guns. You're NTA at all. Op reply, my dad basically gave up any claim to the dad title a long time ago. It's not even like he's trying to genuinely reconcile with me now. He hasn't reached out to me at all directly, not even a quick congrats on the engagement. All he's done is vent to other people about how awful I am. So it's a little absurd that he thinks he can swoop in and demand to play proud father of the bride.

You asked where he was for the important moments. The answer is absent. He wasn't there for my high school graduation, or my college graduation, or literally anything else in my life since I was 16. He didn't even send a text on my birthdays. Meanwhile, my stepdad was front and center for all those milestones. So yeah, my stepdad absolutely earned this. Comment three, honestly, your dad has no one to blame but himself. Yes, cheating isn't great, but in this case your mother's affair didn't destroy a happy family.

Your dad's own abuse did that long before. It sounds like your household was already broken by the way he treated you and your mom. Him abandoning you just sealed the deal. That's on him. It's completely understandable that you choose the man who actually showed you love and support. Your father's feelings are not your responsibility, especially since he never cared about your feelings all those years. He's just throwing a tantrum because his ego is bruised.

Notice how he's making this all about how he feels humiliated and painting you as disloyal, instead of reflecting on how his own actions led here. Classic emotional manipulation. Don't let him or anyone in his camp guilt trip you. You're doing the right thing for yourself. Anyone who knows the full story would agree that you owe this man nothing. Enjoy your wedding and give your stepdad that honor with no regrets. Op reply, you're so right that my dad's abuse is what really destroyed our family.

I have a lot of bad memories from those years. For example, I remember as a kid witnessing him shove my mom into a wall during an argument and then later act like it was no big deal. There were countless incidents like that. Growing up with that kind of fear and instability, that's what broke our home, not my stepdad. Honestly, by the time my mom started seeing my stepdad, our family life. was already in pieces because of my father's behavior. And you're spot on about my dad's ego.

He's always had a victim complex and a need to make everything about himself. Now that he's feeling embarrassed, he's doubling down on the drama and painting me as the villain. Some of his relatives have bought into it, but I refuse to anymore. I'm done being manipulated by his guilt trips. I really appreciate the encouragement. Hearing an outside perspective say you owe him nothing. is reassuring. I do plan to enjoy my wedding without any of his toxicity hanging over me. Thank you again. Update 1. First, I want to thank everyone for the overwhelming support and

validation. The consensus was clearly NTA, which honestly gave me a lot of confidence to handle this situation. After reading through the comments, I decided I needed to firmly close the door on this drama with my dad. Even though I hadn't planned on contacting my father at all, I ended up writing him a very clear, civil message. I don't have him on social media or anything, so I got his email address from my grandparents. In the email, I basically told him I was aware of the things he'd been saying. I laid out the facts from my perspective, that he was the one who abandoned me and cut me out of his life, and that he has no one but himself to blame for not being treated like a father of the bride. I told him that his insults toward my stepdad were way out of line,

and that after everything he put mom and me through, he is zero moral high ground to stand on. I also made it clear that I would not tolerate any more interference or gossip from him regarding my wedding. Essentially, I said that if he can't behave like a decent, respectful human being, then he's not welcome in my life or at my wedding. I didn't really expect a reply, but he did respond, and it was pretty nasty. My dad sent back a pretty long email, but the gist of it was him doubling he called me ungrateful, accused me of choosing a pathetic replacement over my real dad, and said a lot of very hurtful things about my mom and stepdad, lots of name-calling, basically. He also said something along the lines of, fine, don't bother

ever calling me dad again. If you want to make that man your father, go ahead and fuck yourself. Which is almost darkly funny, because he's acting like I suddenly cut him off, when in reality he threw our relationship away years ago. It's pretty much the exact same thing he told me when I was 16, just with more profanity this time. Reading his response did sting a little, I'm only human, and he is my biological dad so it's hard not to feel hurt. But mostly it just made me angry and then oddly at peace with my decision.

It confirmed that he hasn't changed at all and that distancing myself is absolutely the right call. I shot back one short reply telling him, not to worry, I won't be calling him or contacting him and that he should take care of himself and have a nice life. And with that, I've officially cut my father off completely. I blocked his email and phone number. I told my grandparents and aunt that I won't discuss my dad anymore or hear any more messages from him. For me, this is the final line. On the brighter side, my mom and stepdad have been very supportive. My stepdad actually told me that he would totally understand if I wanted to

invite my bio-dad or even have both of them involved in the wedding, because he didn't want me feeling guilty. He's just that kind of gentle, selfless person. I assured him that he is the one I consider my dad and that I genuinely only want him to walk me down the aisle. We had a bit of a tearful moment together after I told him about everything that's happened. He gave me a big hug and said he's honored to do it and just wants me to be happy. So that's where things stand now. My wedding is still a few months away, but my father will not be there, which honestly is probably for the best, all things considered. I'm focusing on the positive, I have a great mom, a wonderful stepdad who's been a real father to me and an amazing fiancé. That's what matters. Thanks again to everyone

who helped me see things more clearly. Comment one, I'm not surprised by your dad's nasty response, to be honest. He showed his true colors yet again. It's basically a repeat. It's a repeat. It's a heat of what he did when you were 16. So as painful as it is, at least now you have confirmation that cutting him off is the right move. Good for you for standing up for yourself and setting that boundary. You gave him a chance, more than he really deserved, to hear how you felt, and he just threw it back in your face with insults. That's 100% on him. One thing I'd suggest, just to cover all bases, is to discreetly let your wedding venue or planners know about the situation, in case your dad or anyone sympathetic to him tries to make an unwanted appearance. I don't think he will,

he sounds too prideful to show up after saying he doesn't want to be in your life, but it never hurts to be cautious. Other than that, congrats on freeing yourself from his toxicity and moving forward. I'm sorry he hurt you again, but now you can focus on your wedding and your real family. Op reply, it really did feel like deja vu getting that response from him, like the final confirmation that this is who he is and will probably always be. My grandparents have been very understanding, yes. They haven't tried to pressure me at all. I think they mostly just feel bad about how everything turned out.

They gave me his contact but never pushed an agenda beyond that. As for my aunt, she's gone quiet since I made my stance clear. I suspect my grandparents might have told her to back off, or she realized arguing was pointless. Either way, no one on that. that side is bothering me about it now, which is a relief. Great point about alerting the venue. My fiancé and I have actually already talked about that. We plan to give a heads up to our coordinator and have a trusted friend keeping an eye out on the day, just in case. Like you said,

I highly doubt my dad would actually show up, especially after basically disowning me again, but it definitely doesn't hurt to be prepared. Comment two, reading about your stepdad literally brought a tear to my eye. He sounds like an amazing man and a true father to you in every way that counts. The fact that he was even willing to step aside for your sake just shows how selfless and caring he is. Not many people would handle that situation with such grace. You're very lucky to have him, and it sounds like he's very lucky to have you as a daughter, too. I'll reply, thank you for saying that. I feel incredibly lucky and grateful for my stepdad. To be honest, when he first came into our lives, given the circumstances, I never imagined

we'd end up this close. But over the years he really did prove himself to be a wonderful father figure. I do consider him my dad in every way that matters. Hearing him say he's honored to walk me down the Almentha world to me. I think we both got pretty emotional during that talk. Ha ha. I know my stepdad is probably going to cry more than me on the wedding day. a softy at heart. I'm definitely going to have a pack of tissues handy for both of us. I can't wait to

share that moment with him. After everything, I'm just so happy and relieved that he will be by my side on my big day. Thank you again for your kind wishes. I'm excited and looking forward to a really great day. Update 2. Final update, I'm back with one last update, and this time it's a happy My wedding was a little over a month ago, and it was absolutely wonderful. I'm officially a married woman now. The day went off without any issues or drama. As planned, my stepdad walked me down the aisle. The moment we started walking, I could already see he had tears in his eyes, and I definitely

did too. It was a very emotional and beautiful experience for both of us. During the reception, I gave a short speech to publicly thank him for everything he's done for me. I called him the dad I never expected to have but that I'm so grateful I did. He was really touched and actually gave me a thank you toast in return, saying that being my stepdad has been one of the best things to ever happen to him. Let's just say there wasn't a dry eye among our close family after that. Later, we also had our father-daughter dance, and he was just beaming with pride the whole time. It was honestly one of my favorite moments of the

entire wedding. As for my biological father, he did not show up, of course, and he hasn't contacted me further. To my knowledge, he didn't make any attempts to interfere or anything like that. I'm relieved that he kept his distance. A few of my paternal relatives did end up attending the wedding, including my grandparents, and there was no awkwardness. None of them mentioned my dad at all that day, it was a drama-free celebration, just as we hoped. I have absolutely no regrets about how I handled things. Cutting my dad off was the right decision. My wedding was filled with the people who truly love and support me, and it felt so right. I'm extremely thankful I chose to have my stepdad by my side. It was a perfect choice and a perfect day.

Thank you again to everyone here who gave me advice and encouragement. Your support meant more than you know, and it genuinely helped me through a really tough situation. I'm grateful that this community was here for me during all of it.