Reddit Stories - Former spouse ABANDONED our CHILDREN for her ROMANTIC partner, falsely claimed to have

Episode Date: February 10, 2026

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #parenting #divorce #familydrama #relationshipadvice #emotionalabuse  Summary: A father shares his painful experience of his former spouse abandoning their children for a romantic partner. He reveals her false claims about the situation, highlighting the emotional turmoil and challenges faced by the children. The story raises questions about accountability and the impact of adult choices on family dynamics.  Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, parenting, divorce, familydrama, relationshipadvice, emotionalabuse, childabandonment, co-parenting, familyissues, personalstories, heartbreak, trustissues, lifeadvice, support, healing, resilienceBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6816713/support.This episode includes AI-generated content.

Episode with two stories, first part. I hope you enjoy this story. Former spouse abandoned our children for her romantic partner, falsely claimed to have financial difficulties while spending my child support funds with her boyfriend. I gained sole custody and took legal action, resulting in her facing significant consequences. I, 38M, have been divorced for a year. My ex-wife, 37F, and I have two kids aged 10 in six. I have partial custody of the kids and they spend half of the month with me, but I still do have to send child support to my ex-wife for the time that they spend with her. My income is a lot higher than her, so I have to pay alimony and child support both.

Our divorce was not a pleasant one and were not on good terms. I filed for divorce because we had been fighting a lot during the last few years of our marriage and she completely changed as a person. During our last fight, she screamed at me and said she wished she'd never married me at all, so after that, I left her and filed for divorce. She didn't even try to contact me and try to get me back after that, and it's now been a year since our divorce. Six months after our divorce, she started going out with another man and I found out about it from a common friend.

I was disappointed that she'd moved on so soon, but there was nothing I could do about it, so I just let it go and didn't bring it up with her at all. We only talked about the kids and that was it since there was nothing else we had to talk about. That's how it's been for the last six months and even though I was a little hurt that she'd moved on so quickly, I knew that she was a good mother to our kids so I didn't do anything that could hurt our family. However, recently, she did something that convinced me that she's a horrible human being and doesn't even deserve to be around our kids. 10 days ago, I was away on a business trip and would be back in three days. Now technically, she was supposed to drop off the kids at my place on the second day and then

I'd take over from there since it was my turn to have them but I told her about the trip and asked her if she'd be able to look after them for just those three extra days until I returned. She'd agreed to it and I even have screenshots of her saying yes. So I went on the business trip without any worries but on the second evening, I got a call for my son where he was asking me where I was because their mother had dropped me off at my place, but I wasn't even there. They'd been ringing the door for 15 minutes and nobody had come to the door so they were waiting outside. It was freezing back home at the time, so I told them to go to our neighbor's house for a while until I sorted this whole mess out because I believe that my ex-wife

had made a mistake. Unfortunately, my neighbors were also out of town and the street that I lived and was pretty much empty on that day. I've recently just moved into a new house and the area that I'm living in is still relatively new, so most of the houses haven't been moved into. Only the house opposite mine had been occupied by an old couple, but they weren't at home and the other houses on the streets were empty and unoccupied. I was panicking already when my son told me that the neighbors weren't at home, so I told him to wait for a couple of seconds while I called his mom.

Then I called my ex-wife and asked her to pick up the kids from my. my place and take them home because I didn't want them catching a cold from waiting in the snow. I expected her to apologize quickly for forgetting and then go right back, but to my shock and horror, she told me that the kids were my problem now since technically, it was my turn to have them. I didn't know what to say, so I started requesting her to go back and not to do this to me, not for my sake, but the kids. She disconnected the call so with shaky hands, I tried to text her and asked her if she could please just take the kids back home and she said that she was getting late for a date with her boyfriend and they wanted to celebrate eight months of them being together.

By then, already more than 20 minutes had passed since my call with my son and they'd been waiting in the cold for almost 35 minutes. With no other option, I had to call CPS and explain the situation to them. They were there at the location within minutes and then, they took the responsibility to drive my kids from my house to my parents' house, which is a little out of town. My kids are too young to have found their way there on their own, and they didn't know any bus routes or stuff, so they literally couldn't have gone there by themselves. My in-laws aren't alive and had passed away before my ex-wife and I even got married and any other relatives that I had in the city. They weren't going to take care of my kids until I returned so my parents' place was my safest bet.

I also reported my ex-wife for neglecting our kids and putting them in danger on purpose because by the time the cops had discovered them, they'd been sitting on the front steps of my door and were literally using my younger son's blanket to keep themselves warm. I felt like crap after they informed me of the state my kids were in but felt much better after they'd been dropped off at my parents' house. They'd also placed my ex-wife under arrest for negligence within hours of my report and I went to sleep that day feeling vindicated as hell, knowing that my kid. kids were safe and sound and my ex-wife would have held to pay once I came back.

I'd already contacted my lawyer right after I'd been informed that my children were all right and we were going to file for full custody as soon as I returned. That would mean an end to all the child support payments at least and I couldn't wait to teach her a lesson. She and I didn't speak for the next couple of days but I knew that she had been charged with just a misdemeanor. We didn't talk until I returned. Once I came back home for my trip, I went to see my kids first and we had a long chat about whatever had happened. I apologized for not being able to be there for them in person and said that this would never happen again because now, I was going to file for full custody and make sure that they were with me

always. My eldest one looked a little too relieved and happy when I said that for me to be comfortable with it because I'd always assumed that my ex-wife had been a good mom. She wasn't a lot of things but to my knowledge, she wasn't a bad mother since she always seemed to care for the kids when we were together, and even after our divorce, the kids didn't give me any reason to be concerned about how life was for them with their mother. However, after I asked why he was so happy about not having to live with his mom anymore, my son began to hesitate and said that his mom had forbidden him from talking to me about these things. I didn't like the sound of that so I pressed on and eventually, he told me that for so long, he and his brother had been having

a really hard time at their mom's place because she was very strict and stringent all of a sudden. She wouldn't allow them to have any candy or junk while they were there for half of the month and they were forced to eat the same food every day. The kind of food that my kids refer to as sick food, not because it's sick in a cool way but because it's what I feed them when they're sick and need to avoid anything that's too rich or heavy for their diet. So they'd be forced to eat tasteless porridge and some form of oats every single day for lunch and dinner. Only on the weekends, they'd get something different but even that would just be toast with some dip. Their mother claimed that this was all for their good health, but I don't understand how

a total lack of meat and vegetables in their diet for half of the month was going to make them healthier. I also failed to understand why exactly she'd forbidden them from having candy and junk food. I understand that it's not good for their health if they have it on a regular basis, but I think letting them have some once in a while isn't going to harm them whatsoever. In fact, that's probably even better for them because they're not. then at least they won't develop weird issues about food like that in the future. They also told me a couple of things like when they were at her place,

they were only allowed to go to school and come right back. They weren't allowed to have friends over or go to sleepover, so they had to save all of that for when they were living with me. My kids were also not allowed to buy anything that they wanted when she took them shopping, no toys, no books, no clothes, and not even something like chicken nuggets when they were in the supermarket. She only purchased things that she needed while they stood to a side and stayed quiet throughout because otherwise she'd yell at them.

Worst of all, she had forbidden them from talking to me about any of this so they hadn't told me anything about the way they were being treated at their mother's house for so long. I didn't understand what was going on so finally, I decided to talk to my ex-wife and find out why she had been doing this to our kids. When I called her to confront her, she started off by yelling at me for calling the cops on her and reporting her, but I ignored all of that and asked her about everything that our kids had complained about. None of it added up because I paid her enough in child support to be able to afford the things my kids wanted and yet they were complaining about never having enough,

not to eat, not to wear, and not even to play with. So I asked her what was going on and she told me that she was in between jobs right now and couldn't afford to spend everything on the kids. That still didn't make sense because I was paying her alimony, too, so she could maintain her standard of living. I have a decent income and the alimony combined with the child support is also a substantial amount which she can easily live off of without having to compromise our kid's standard of life. I argued with her for a while until she finally snapped and said that it wasn't any of my business what she did with her money and then disconnected the call. Now that rubbed me the wrong way because this wasn't her money at all. It was my money that I was sending her for my kids

and she was supposed to use the child support for our kids and not for herself. I could tell that she'd been lying so my lawyer and I decided that along with filing for full custody, we would also sue her for child abuse and neglect since that was clearly what was happening here. She already had a criminal case on her hands because of what she'd done to our kids by forcing them to stay out in the cold while I was away on the trip and now I'd be suing her as well. It's been one and a half weeks since then and a couple of days ago, she was served and that day itself she called me up and started shedding her fake crocodile tears. She hadn't contacted me in the middle at all and only when she realized that she was going to lose custody of her kids, did she call

me? I had a sneaking suspicion that she didn't call me because she wanted our kids but because she wanted the child support that came along with it. I told her on the phone the other day that she'd created the situation herself and I could no longer trust her with the kids so she started telling me that she was just trying to mess with me a little and that she was going to come back for the kids anyway, I didn't buy it and I told her that her tears weren't going to move me and so she said that she couldn't survive without them. The child support was necessary for her to survive because she was in between jobs and that confirmed what I already believe that she wanted custody of our kids for the child support and not because she actually loved them.

I was already disgusted by that and I was about to hang up when I heard her friend, an attorney, yelling at her about how she needed to forget about the money from the child support and talk to me about the lawsuit instead. Then my ex-wife switched to talking about that instead and said that I shouldn't be suing her for something so petty because she already had a lot on her plate. She was already being prosecuted for the incident that took place while I was away, and I was also fighting her for custody and now on top of all of that, I decided to add more to her troubles with a child protection lawsuit. She said that none of this was fair to her and claimed that I was doing this on purpose to hurt her because she'd moved on in life and I hadn't.

I literally laughed at how delusional that statement was and then disconnected the call because there was no point in trying to argue with her. I didn't speak to her after that and focused on work in taking care of my kids. I knew already that my kids weren't going to go back to living with their mother at any cost and I wasn't going to continue the child support payments either so I've looking for babysitters for when I'm away at work and they need to be looked after. As of now, my mom's living with me so she can take care of the kids until I come back from work. Yesterday, I received a call from my mom while I was at work, where she told me to hurry back home because my ex-wife was at the door and was refusing to leave without speaking to me.

I couldn't just come back home because I was in the middle of a workday and I had a meeting to attend so I told her to put her on the phone with me. I spoke to her and told her that if she continued this crazy psychotic behavior of hers, then I'd be forced to file for a restraining order against her as well and then the situation would get worse for her. She didn't answer that and went straight to cribbing about how I was ruining her life on purpose. She said that I needed to have some compassion at the very least and take back the lawsuit since it was becoming very difficult for her to mentally cope with everything at once. The charges against her and the custody case that was supposed to begin in a couple of days and then, on top of that, the lawsuit

which was also scheduled to take place this week. I've already informed my co-workers and boss that I'm going to have to take breaks regularly for the court cases that I'm a part of now and they're fine with it as long as my work doesn't suffer too much. But my ex-wife says that since she's between jobs, she can't afford to spend so much time and money on a lawyer as well as attending the meetings, but that wasn't my problem. I told her the same thing that she'd said to me back when I'd called her when she dropped our kids off at my place, that this is her problem now and not mine. I'll concede that I said

that purely out of spite, but I really think that it was mostly because of how she'd been treating me and the kids ever since the divorce and I couldn't just let it slide every single time. She had alimony payments coming in monthly along with the child support and in spite of that, she deprived my children of a good home environment and scared them into not telling me anything about it as well. I think I've been totally fair in suing her as well as trying to get full custody because she'd been selfish, dishonest, and a failure at being a mother. So my being rude to her should have been the least of her concerns, but she just started bawling on the call like a baby and said that I was being horrible to her. She claimed that it was bad enough

that she was going to lose custody of her kids, she didn't even think she stood a chance given the circumstances, but on top of that, I was going the extra mile to sue her as well and she said that it wasn't fair. I've been feeling really guilty about it even though I did tell her on the call that there was nothing that could be done now. I'd have for suing my ex-wife for neglecting our kids even though she was already facing charges and also had a custody case to deal with. Update 1, Hi, everyone.

Two days have passed since I posted here and I have come to the conclusion that there's no reason for me to feel guilty. Thanks to you guys and also my parents who convinced me that I was doing the right thing. I'm sure now that the funds that I've been sending her for the kids were not being used for them in the slightest and she was spending it all on herself.

She and I don't follow each other on social media and I'm not exactly in touch with our common friends on a regular basis because of my work but after I posted here and talked to my parents about this, I decided to discuss this with a couple of my friends as well. Because if there was any way to know what her real financial status was, it would be through them. My kids had told me a few hours after my post here that she would be at home most days but on the weekends,

she'd be out for hours and leave them with the neighbors. Even some nights, she would make some relative of hers babysit and she'd come back only in the morning. I think the longer I wait, the more my kids are going to open up and I'm sure she'd instructed them not to talk about any of this to me, which is why they've been so quiet about all of this and are trying to keep it to themselves even now. So I knew something fishy was going on and I finally decided to keep my morals and values aside for a while because now I absolutely had to do a little snooping. I had avoided doing that so far because I believe that after our divorce, she was entitled to her privacy and space away from me but that had been a huge mistake on my part because

had I not unfollowed her social media profiles, I'd been able to keep myself updated on what she was up to. I stalked her through a friend's account and found out that her social media was just full of photos of her partying at clubs, drinking, trips to the beach, and her romantic getaways with her boyfriend at expensive hotels. It looked nothing short of a social media influencers feed and I was shocked because from whatever she told me, I thought that she'd been struggling with money and all her bills. But it didn't show on her social media or in her lifestyle at all.

My friends told me that they didn't talk about this to me because they didn't think it was their place to say anything or make a comment and I don't blame them because I think I'd sort of distanced myself from all my old friends after the divorce. My ex-wife and I have been dating since college and all our common friends were from college, so whenever I'd hear from them, I'd be reminded of her which is why I pushed everyone away and that clearly didn't work out well for me but I'm getting back to them now. Anyway, now I know that the whole thing was a lie and she just wanted more and more money out of me. She was also willing to force feed our kids absolute crap and treat them badly just so she could

save money instead of spending it on them like a total miser. I don't feel even an ounce of guilt anymore because she totally deserves everything awful that's happening to her right now. She's a horrible human being and I'm no longer going to let myself feel bad for her anymore, not after what I found out just now. Update 2. Hi, folks. Thank you for all the comments on the post and also the updates. I'm very thankful for it. My ex-wife and I are currently in the middle of the lawsuit and we have our second hearing scheduled for the day after tomorrow. She gave up on the custody battle pretty quickly and said that she was willing to terminate her parental rights because she couldn't afford to pay her lawyer for all three cases. So now the kids are fully under my custody and I can finally breathe freely without worrying about what's going to happen. As for the lawsuit, it's pretty much going in my favor so far and I think it'll continue that way because her boyfriend made the massive mistake of contacting me today.

He thought I would sympathize with them if he told me their sob story, but all it did is. was piss me off even more because it just made me feel like my ex-wife had been putting her relationship of barely even a year above her own children and that was unacceptable to me. Thankfully, I had recorded the phone call because initially, I believed he was going to threaten me or something. Instead, he told me that he wanted me to stop the proceedings because my ex-wife had apparently been working really hard ever since she quit her job after the divorce. She's a freelancer so works hard to come by, but she's trying her best to support herself. her kids, and also him.

I asked him if partying every other day and spending crap loads of money on trips with her boyfriend was part of supporting herself and he had no answer for that but he insisted that it was all just for show and she was actually struggling with money. She'd also been paying for his tuition since he was a master's student and that was coming out of her savings. When I heard that, I hung up and blocked him because now everything was finally adding up, where all the money was going and why my children were being deprived of a good life even even though I'd been paying child support regularly, she's going to have to pay for this in court

and I'll make sure of it. Update 3. Hey, guys. Long time no C. Thank you for all the concern and for asking about me. I am doing a lot better now and so are the kids. They seem very happy here with me and hardly ever talk about their mother now. She lost the case, of course, and now she owes me a ton of money so she can no longer fool around with her boyfriend and her friends, which was weird anyway, because this is a woman in her late 30s with two kids so I don't even know what she was thinking, blowing all her money at clubs and on vacations. It was ridiculous, but I have nothing to do with her anymore now. Once again, thank you for all the love and support. That's the end of the first story. Let's begin the second one. I hope you enjoy this story.

I recently overheard my partner mentioning to a friend that her former partner was the most skilled lover she had ever experienced. This revelation came as a surprise to me, as I had not intended to eavesdrop. This. We had a group of our friends over and as the night went on we all kind of busted out into little groups. Some of us were in one room playing Texas Hold'am and a couple of others were watching a Lord of the Ring marathon. I thought she was watching the movies, but she and one of her close friends were actually sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and talking. Our group had run out of soda, so I got up to go to the kitchen to get drinks and a couple of snacks. As I'm rounding the corner, I hear my fiancé talking and before I completely come in the

room I hear her clearly say Jason is great, but he will never be the lover that Bill was she then followed it up with it's not really fair to Jason that Bill was just really gifted down there. At first I thought about just walking back into the card game and pretending like we didn't have any extra soda or food, but I decided to kind of make a noise and go in. Her friend caught eye of me rounding the corner and I could see her make a face to my fiancé letting her know I was there. Of course she has no idea I hurt her and she just stops talking to her and asks me how I'm doing and if I'm having fun. I was tempted to say something like I'm having as much fun as someone who is not gifted down there can, but I didn't. I just said yes and proceeded to get my

stuff and go back and finish the night. I just acted like nothing was wrong the rest of the night and went to bed. Needless to say it fucked me up. I mean fucked me up bad. I've never been jealous or what you would call insecure about myself until that moment. I couldn't sleep that night and I went through a myriad of emotions while laying there. At first I was angry. Then I was humiliated. Then I was depressed. Then I was angry again. Look I realized. that the male ego seems stupid to women and even guys who are totally self-assured. I would have agreed with most of this prior to that night, but once it has been damaged it is a bitch. I tried to hide any form of emotion about it or ever let her know, but as the days went on,

I just kept getting worse and worse. I was avoiding her at all costs. And while she was suspicious, she didn't really say anything. That is until she attempted to be intimate with me a few days later and I flat out rejected her. It wasn't by a conscious decision on my part, by the way. I had made the decision on my own to just try and get over it and move on. But in the moment instead of being sexually aroused, I felt deeply inadequate and ashamed. Nothing was happening no matter how much either of us tried. She asked me what was wrong and I just told her I must have been stressed from work,

but she would not believe that or let it go. So much to my humiliation there I laid. Naked in bed, unable to get an erection. I came clean and told her what I heard. Well, this did not go over well at all. At first she tried to tell me I did not hear her correctly. But I just repeated to her verbatim what she had told her friend. Well, once she couldn't deny it, she then tried to apologize and to her credit she tried to listen to my feelings on the matter.

Which once again I am sure was more of a big turn off for her because I was a wreck emotionally. She tried to tell me how much of a better person I was and how I satisfied her and she wanted. wanted nobody else. But all I could hear was Charlie Brown's teacher noise. It's been almost a month and I have zero desire to be with her sexually. None. I am getting frustrated about this as well, but no matter what I have tried, I just cannot get past this. It's not like she said we were both good lovers or anything like that. She clearly said he was far superior. And my guess is that being gifted down there means he was significantly larger than me as well. Well, I know I can do all kinds of things with my hands, tongue, and whatever else. But no matter what I do I can't grow in

size. Obviously she refuses to talk about that with me saying that no matter what she says it will only make things worse because even if she says something positive about me, I won't believe her. She's most likely right. Some backstory here. He dumped her. It was not a mutual breakup. He flat out dumped her and broke her heart. I know this because early on in our relationship she told me this. She said she wasn't ready to be serious about anybody because her previous ex left her and emotionally broke her. So this is not a case of me even being able to say, well, she's with me because she wants to be. If he hadn't dumped her, she would never have left him. Now I have no idea if after all of these years she would leave me for him if he would come back,

but I don't think she would. I just don't know what to do here. I can feel myself checking out of the relationship. I know this is petty as shit, but hearing the person you love tell someone else they prefer to have sex with someone else is just devastating to me. Her telling me all of my other good qualities has only made it worse because she is saying things that I think appeal to her and maybe other women but being told I am a good provider and will make a great husband makes me feel like shit. Like what would happen if I lost my good paying job or better yet what if I were to get injured and couldn't make anything more than state assistance. Could she be there to support and help me? Basically what I feel like right now is a really good friend who she just allowed to have

sex with. I know in my head that this is not correct, but in my heart that is what I feel. I'm sorry for the length here and I don't even know what I am asking here. I am totally lost and if this continues, I just think I am going to break our engagement. T.L.D.R. heard fiancé tell her friend that previous ex was superior in the sack. Relationship has gone to hell since and I need advice. Edit. Holy God. I posted last night and answered a couple of questions and then went to bed and got up today and went Christmas shopping hoping to make me forget my troubles and didn't even log in until just now. I have not even started to read the 7.7,000 comments on this post. I don't know what anyone has said yet, but thank you all for commenting either way. I am now going to begin the

massive undertaking of looking at the comments. Also thank you for the gold and silver-kind internet strangers. Edit 2. Dear God. I read all the way down to the bottom of the page thinking I had gotten through most of everything and then at the bottom it said load the 5.5 Kelvinmore post. I am stopping for the night. I was going to respond to people individually but there is just no way. I haven't even started reading the direct messages to me yet nor have I opened any of the 20 chat screens. There are issues I want out there because there are a couple of things that are being said that are not accurate. She was to use the Barney-Gumble phrase using sweet, sweet, sweet drunk talk. In other words, her and her friend were drunk while talking. Nope,

neither of us drink. We don't even have it in the house. But I am upset, she told her friend. Well, this is an odd thing. Before I posted this honestly, I wasn't that upset about this part. I was then and am still far more upset that this is how she feels. However, now reading a lot of the post I have become somewhat aggravated that she did share this with her friend. I would never say anything about her to anyone that would put her in a lesser light. That I am an insecure man-child who should just man up and learn to do better. While I'm certain the first part is true, being insecure and all. But the last part is just out of my control.

No matter what I do I will only ever be seven long. We have talked about this by the way when she was trying to build me up. She said that I was already great with everything but the one thing I can't control. Though I'm not going to do anything rash. It's already been a month so it's not like this happened last week. But yes, I have to decide what I am going to do here before long. It's not fair to either of us as I am just coasting through this and no longer committed. She is sorry that I heard it.

She said she is sorry she said it, but at the end of the day she would not be sorry if I didn't catch her saying it. It is what it is. But yes, I do believe she is regretting it because she has basically been a mess since I first told her. Me not wanting to be with her is bothering her a lot according to her. I don't know how much of that I believe, but right now I guess I don't know why she would lie. It really has wrecked hell on our Christmas spirit this year I know that. Edit 3 engineer for those who keep asking what I do for a living.

She is a paralegal. Edit 4. People have been asking about the relationship with the ex and how I know she was heartbroken. We met about nine months after they separated. I know that ultimately he wanted to be with someone else. Although she has claimed he never cheated. He just ended things so he could be with another woman. She approached me at a local workshop and we started dating.

On our fourth date, when things started to get physical, she broke down crying about the X. It was certainly weird to hold someone while they cried about someone else, but I did it. We sporadically dated for a couple more months in which time I never tried to cross any boundaries physically because it was obvious she wasn't over him, so while we just went out of dates, I tried to keep myself of the mind that we were just friends because I didn't want to commit either. After close to two months, she drags me from my car to her apartment and begins to tell me how much she has appreciated my patience with her and how she felt stupid about dragging me along for so long. Obviously that was our first night together. Within three months of that she is telling me that

she loves me. So yes, she was still hung up on her ex for fact when we got together. I had thought, hoped she was over him before this happened. Update. My fiancé about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous ex was the best lover she ever had. It all came to a head last night. She just came out and asked me if I did not love her anymore and all that I could tell her was that a very large part of me still did, but that what she said had really made it so that another part of me just didn't anymore. This started a larger conversation that I won't bore you with, but ultimately it came down to me saying that I would have heard that he was just better at something or more attentive to something or was able to do something that I would have

felt like I could have worked on it. I would have listened to anything she wanted, worked on any technique or anything else that she would have shared with me. But to know that I was never going to measure up simply because of a physical issue was not something I thought I could get over any time soon or if I ever could for that matter. I was even honest and said that if it was just on she had her some random guy who was just huge I might be able to get past that. But knowing that it was a guy who she was still madly in love with when I met her and only after time did she ever start to come around then it was just more than I could handle. She kept trying to tell me how much better I was at everything else and that I should not throw away a lifetime over one aspect.

I told her that that one aspect sadly was just a high for me. Not all things are equal and that honestly it is a mental failing on my part that it is, but whether it is genetics or a learned trait or whatever that yes, I needed to be my spouse's best and she has already made it clear that I can never be. I tried my best to be gentle. I tried to take all of the blame of stating that I knew that my attitude was probably not healthy but it was who I am. By the way, I'm typing this as though this were a clean conversation. It wasn't. There was lots of crying. This is not a happy ending or even a satisfying one.

I am beyond fucked up in the head over the entire situation. Everybody's Christmas is ruined. We had big family gatherings that we both were attending together and now we have to somehow break it to our families what has happened. This alone is causing me massive stress because my loved her and what in the hell am I going to say is the reason why we are not together. She didn't cheat and if I say that I felt like she was still hung up on her ex, she will obviously deny it and she will tell them the truth. It's fucked up no matter how this goes down. In the end I feel like a massive failure. I feel like a failure as a man because of not living up to comparison and I feel like a failure because I wasn't able to just man up and either get over

it. She has begged me to go to couples counseling and initially I said no because at the end of the day, what does it change? We can talk about every single thing and I can try and look at things from a different way and at the end of the day the woman who I wanted to marry just told one of our friends that no matter what I do I will never be as good as her ex. I just cannot see five years from now ever being okay with this. But because she legitimately seems heartbroken, I agreed to go. But that does not mean I will keep going. Today I moved out a lot of my stuff and am staying with a coworker for a few days until I can get a place for myself.

She has been with her sister all day. I feel like shit. Thank you to everyone who took the time to type out a response. I honestly have tried to read everything even if I didn't reply to very many. The bitch of all of this is that I still love her. There is so much of me right now that wants to pick up the phone and call her

and beg her to come back. Edit. Again I posted this and then went away for a while. I went with my friend to see Mortal Engines and then to dinner and then we've been talking for a long while so I started reading a while ago. It is going to take me forever to read and once again I don't think responding individually will ever happen because of the large number of posts and private messages. But thank all of you for reading and responding.

Edit 2 I guess I do want to share one thing I spoke with her about. When we were having our very long conversation I presented her with a scenario for her to compare. I know her well enough to know that comparing body parts or sexual prowess isn't going to impact her the same way it would me. So I put the scenario to her like this. I said, what if you walked in and overheard me talking with my friend Tim and you heard this? Jill is great, but she will never understand me and comfort me the way Tiffany did, but it's not Jill's fault.

Tiffany is just the smartest most compassionate person I've ever known and Jill just isn't as smart. Then if she would confront me about saying those things about her that my response to her would have been, I love you for all of your other qualities. Nobody makes a sandwich like you do, and I think long-term you want gauge me for my money at first she tried to say that this was a totally different issue, but once we talked more about it, she finally agreed it is because of the way we both approach and value sex. She ultimately admitted that this would really hurt her feelings, but she would not break up with me over it.

I then responded that even in my make-believe scenario, which by the way I would never say to anyone out loud about anyone I love, she could improve her love. level of education and learn to be more compassionate. Edit 3. If anyone even reads this, I want to add one last thing. People have been telling me what a whiny bitch I am because I can't get over someone else in the world having a bigger dick than me. Not going to lie and say I'm thrilled with it, but I'm not dumb enough to think I have a giant magic wand or anything.

I had grown up believing what I now know to be a lie that women don't care about size. Some don't, but obviously some do and my ex is one of those that obviously did. But even with that ultimately I might have been able to get over it if it was just said as a matter of fact. But hearing that no matter what I did, how much I loved her or any other thing that I was never going to be as good as what has bothered me since. Yes, size is obviously a big part of it. But if I hadn't heard that I would never be the lover, I think I might have been okay.

Well, not okay, but at least not relationship killing. Yes, I overvalue sex. I get that. Yes, it is very important to me and well frankly I want to be wanted as much as I want to want someone if that makes any sense. Yes, I know whoever I date in the future will most likely have had someone who was either bigger, better, or whatever. But I would really hope that they would not be still hung up on it a few years later. Final update. I with fiancé about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous ex was the best lover she ever had.

I wasn't going to post anymore, but I am still getting daily direct. messages wanting to know how things are going. I do appreciate the kind words and concerns. But just so anyone who cares can know, it is over. I went to counseling with her on three different occasions and honestly I tried to have an open mind about it. But at the end of the day the obstacle was just too much to overcome. I even gave her an opportunity to walk back her statement or amend it or well-do whatever she wanted to with it. But instead she doubled down in a way. I think by that time she was very frustrated as well. Neither of us are really happy about this.

It has been an absolute nightmare for me trying to avoid telling people, family why we are no longer together. Of course I tried the old it's none of your business to some of them, but that failed spectacularly and since I refused to tell they decided she cheated on me and started spreading that around. I've had to do a lot of damage control over that. I've decided to continue with therapy on a personal level because honestly this entire thing has really messed with my head and I have no self-esteem left at all.

I've only seen her once since we separated and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. She is now, justifiably so, in the angry stage. She is furious with me and has called me everything that you can imagine and then even made up some words. T-L-D-R, it's over. I tried going to counseling and things only got worse.