Reddit Stories - Former spouse PLEDGED our son an AUTOMOBILE for his BIRTHDAY but called off

Episode Date: August 3, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #parenting #familydrama #birthdaygift #disappointmentSummary: Former spouse pledged our son an automobile for his birthday but called off, causing disappointment and family drama.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, parenting, familydrama, birthdaygift, disappointment, former spouse, son, automobile, birthday, called off, drama, conflict, parentingfails, familyissues, regretBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Former spouse pledged our son an automobile for his birthday but called off at the 11th hour citing unforeseen costs. Subsequently, we discovered he utilized the funds for his stepchild's lavish getaway. Consequently, background first, because this mess has been building for months, and it all started back in January when my ex-husband Brian told our 16-year-old son Henry that he was going to buy him a car for his birthday in April. Henry was over the moon about it, talking about it constantly and researching different models and asking me if I thought his dad was serious about it. I told Henry that his father wouldn't make a

promise like that unless he meant it, and I actually believed that at the time. Despite our divorce, Brian had always been good about following through on his commitments to Henry, or at least he used to be before he married Kathy two years ago and suddenly had her 14-year-old daughter Molly to think about two. Brian and I got divorced four years ago after 12 years of marriage, and it wasn't messy. We just grew apart and wanted different things, but we agreed to co-parent Henry together. For the most part, it worked out fine with Henry spending weekends and holidays with Brian and living with me during the week. Brian makes good money and he's always been financially responsible, so when he told Henry

about the car, I figured he had already saved up the money or at least had a solid plan for it because that's just how Brian operates. Henry started his junior year of high school in September, and he's been working part-time at a grocery store since October, saving up money for gas and insurance and all the other expenses that come with having a car. He was so excited about turning 16 and finally having some independence. All his friends have cars or at least access to family cars, and Henry felt left out sometimes because I drive an older sedan that barely fits two people

comfortably and Brian's car is a two-seater sports car that he bought right after our divorce. So Henry couldn't even get rides from either of us when he needed to go places with friends. The car promise became this huge thing that Henry talked about every single day. He started looking at used car listings online and making spreadsheets comparing different models and their safety ratings and fuel efficiency, and I have to admit I was impressed by how thorough he was being about it. Brian would come pick Henry up for their weekend visits, and they would spend hours at car dealerships just looking around and test driving different vehicles.

Henry would come home afterward buzzing with excitement about this Honda Civic they saw or that Toyota Corolla that felt perfect to drive. In February, Brian told Henry that he was thinking about getting him a Honda Accord because it was reliable and safe and had good resale value. Henry practically jumped through the roof with joy, immediately starting to research everything about Honda Accords and watching YouTube videos about maintenance and reading forums about what to look for when buying used ones. I remember thinking it was sweet how invested Henry was getting in the whole process and how much he trusted his father to follow through on this massive

promise. Then in March, things started to get weird because Brian would make comments about how car prices were higher than he expected and how insurance for teenage drivers was really expensive. Henry started getting worried that maybe the car wasn't going to happen after all. I reassured Henry that his dad wouldn't have promised something this big unless he was sure he could deliver, and Brian confirmed to me over the phone that everything was still on track for Henry's birthday in April. He just needed to find the right car at the right price. Henry's birthday is April 15, and about two weeks before that, Brian called me and said he wanted to talk about the car situation. I immediately knew something was wrong because his voice sounded all tense and apologetic.

He started explaining that he had run into some unexpected expenses and wasn't going to be able to buy Henry the car right away, but maybe in a few months once his finances recovered. I felt my blood pressure spike because I knew Henry was going to be devastated. I asked Brian what kind of unexpected expenses he was talking about because this seemed to come out of nowhere. He got defensive and said it was complicated, but basically some home repairs had cost more than anticipated and he had to help Kathy with some financial issues she was dealing with. This didn't make sense to me because Brian had been planning this car purchase for months. and he's usually really good at budgeting for big expenses and anticipating problems before they happen.

Henry's birthday came and went, and Brian took him out to dinner and gave him a nice watch but no car. Henry tried to hide how disappointed he was, but I could see it in his face and the way he barely touched his birthday cake when he got home that night. Brian kept saying the car was just delayed, not canceled, and that Henry needed to be patient while he sorted out his financial situation. Henry said he understood, but I could tell he was starting to lose faith in his father's promises. For the next few weeks, Henry would ask me if I had heard anything from Brian about the car, and I would have to tell him no and watch his face fall a little bit more each time.

It was breaking my heart because Henry is such a good kid, and he had been so responsible about saving his own money and researching everything and getting his hopes up for something his father had promised him repeatedly. Then last month, Kathy posted pictures on Facebook from Molly's spring break trip to Florida with three of her friends. They were staying at some fancy resort and doing all kinds of expensive activities, and I felt sick to my stomach looking at those photos because the timing was way too convenient. I started doing some math in my head and realized that a week-long vacation for four teenage girls

at a beach resort would probably cost about the same as a decent-use car for Henry. I wondered if this was where Brian's unexpected expenses had really gone. I didn't say anything to Henry about the photos because I didn't want to make accusations without proof, but I started paying closer attention to Brian's social media and Kathy's social media. Sure enough, there were more posts about expensive dinners and shopping trips and a new laptop from Molly and renovations to their master bathroom. I was getting more and more angry because Henry was still asking about his car every few days, and Brian kept saying he was working on it.

Two weeks ago, Henry was hanging out with his friend Stanley, whose dad works at the same company as Brian. Stanley mentioned that his dad had said Brian was bragging about how much money he spent on Molly's spring break trip and how she had the time of her life and made so many memories. Henry came home that night and asked me directly if I thought his dad had spent his car money on Molly's vacation. I could see the hurt and anger in his eyes, and I knew I couldn't lie to him anymore. I told Henry that I didn't know for sure, but the timing seemed suspicious, and that he should

probably ask his father directly about it. Henry said he had been thinking the same thing but didn't want to believe his dad would lie to him like that. We talked for a long time that night about trust and disappointment and how sometimes adults make bad choices that hurt the people they love. Henry said he felt stupid for believing the car was really going to happen. Last weekend, when Brian came to pick Henry up for their usual visit, Henry confronted him about the vacation expenses and asked if that's where his car money went. Brian got all flustered in defensive and started saying that Molly needed that vacation because she had been having a hard time adjusting to the blended family situation,

and that Henry was being selfish for begrudging his step-sister a fun experience. Henry wasn't having any of it and told Brian that he had been promised a car months ago and that Brian had lied to him about the unexpected expenses and that he felt betrayed and abandoned. Brian tried to turn it around and make Henry feel guilty by saying that family situations are complicated and that sometimes priorities have to shift. And that Henry should be more understanding about the challenges of managing two households and supporting two Henry's shot back that he never asked to be part of a blended family and that Brian shouldn't have made promises he couldn't keep, and that if Molly was the priority,

then Brian should just say that instead of lying about money problems. The argument escalated from there with Brian saying Henry was being dramatic and immature, and Henry saying Brian was being a liar and a bad father. It ended with Henry refusing to go on the visit and coming back into the house and slamming his bedroom door. Brian sat in his car in my driveway for about 10 minutes and then drove away without trying to talk to Henry again. I didn't know whether to comfort Henry or give him space to process his feelings. Henry has been refusing to take Brian's phone calls or respond to his texts for the past week, and Brian has been calling me every single day asking me to talk to Henry

and convince him to forgive the car situation and give Brian another chance to explain his side of things. Brian keeps saying that Henry is being stubborn and that I need to help repair their relationship because it's not healthy for a father and son to be estranged over money issues. Yesterday, Brian showed up at my house unannounced while Henry was at work and demanded that I sit down and have a serious conversation about the situation. He said Henry was being manipulated by my negative attitude toward Brian's new family and that I was probably filling Henry's head with poison about Kathy and Molly. I told Brian that Henry was old enough to form his own opinions and that I had actually tried to stay neutral about the whole car situation until Henry

directly asked me what I thought. Brian started getting loud and accusatory and said that I was enjoying watching his relationship with Henry fall apart because I was still bitter about the divorce and wanted revenge against him and Kathy. I lost my temper and told him he was delusional. I lost my temper and told him he was delusional and that this whole mess was his own fault for making promises he couldn't keep and prioritizing his stepdaughter over his biological son. Brian said that wasn't fair and that both kids were important to him, but that Molly had been going through some emotional difficulties and needed extra support and attention right now. I asked Brian if he thought Henry wasn't going through emotional difficulties too, and if he had considered how his broken promise would affect

Henry's trust and self-esteem. Brian said that Henry was a boy and resilient and would get over it eventually, but that Molly was a girl and more fragile and needed immediate intervention. This made me absolutely furious because Henry has always been the type of kid who bottles up his emotions and doesn't ask for help even when he's struggling, and Brian should know that about his own son. I told Brian that he had made his choice when he decided to spend Henry's car money on Molly's vacation and that he needed to live with the consequences of that choice instead of expecting me to clean up his mess and repair his relationship with his son. Brian said I was being vindictive and that Henry needed both his parents to model forgiveness and

conflict resolution, and that I was failing Henry by not encouraging him to work things out with his father. The conversation got heated, and Brian accused me of turning Henry against him out of jealousy and spite. I accused Brian of being a selfish father who cared more about impressing his new wife than keeping promises to his son. We ended up yelling at each other in my living room until I told him to leave, and he stormed out saying that I would regret destroying Henry's relationship with his father over a stupid car. Brian also texted me later a message about how Henry is probably feeling confused and abandoned and how I have a responsibility as his mother to help him process these complicated family dynamics in a healthy way. He said that refusing to encourage reconciliation is damaging to Henry's emotional development.

Brian said that holding grudges is toxic and that I need to teach Henry that family relationships are more important than material possessions and that forgiveness is a sign of maturity and strength. I showed the text to Henry when he got home from work, and he read it and said that his dad still doesn't get it and that this isn't about the car anymore but about the lying and the broken trust and the fact that Brian clearly prioritizes his new family over Henry. Henry said he doesn't want me to try to fix things with Brian

because he needs time to figure out how he feels about having a father who makes promises he doesn't keep and who lies about the reasons why. Henry also said that he's been thinking about the pattern of Brian's behavior since he married Kathy and how Brian always seems to side with Kathy and Molly when there are conflicts or decisions to be made, and how Henry feels like he's become less important in Brian's life even though Brian claims to love both kids equally. Henry said that the car situation just made everything clear and that he's not ready to pretend everything is fine when it's not. I'm proud of Henry for being so thoughtful about his feelings, but I'm also worried about

the long-term impact of this estrangement on both Henry and Brian, and I don't know if I'm handling this situation correctly. Part of me thinks that maybe I should encourage Henry to at least talk to Brian and hear him out because they used to have such a good relationship, and it seems sad to let it deteriorate over this conflict. But another part of me thinks that Brian needs to face the consequences of his choices and that protecting Henry from further disappointment and broken promises is more important than maintaining peace in the family. Brian should be the one making the effort to rebuild trust instead of expecting Henry to just get over it and move on. Brian called. Brian called called me again tonight and said that he's been talking to Kathy about the situation and that they

both think I'm being unreasonable and that Henry is being manipulated by my anger toward their blended family situation. He said that I need to rise above my personal feelings and do what's best for Henry's relationship with his father. Brian said that Kathy is willing to have a family meeting to discuss everyone's feelings and work toward a resolution, but that it can't happen if I keep poisoning Henry against the idea of reconciliation. I told Brian that I'm not poisoning Henry against anything and that Henry is capable of making his own decisions about his relationship with his father. Maybe Brian should focus on understanding why Henry feels betrayed instead of trying to blame me for the consequences of his own actions. Brian said that I'm being defensive and that

we're all adults here who should be able to work together for Henry's benefit and that my refusal to help is selfish and immature. The phone call ended with Brian saying that he's going to keep trying to reach out to Henry directly and that he hopes I'll eventually realize that I'm hurting Henry more than I'm helping him by encouraging this estrangement. He said that family relationships require compromise and forgiveness from everyone involved. I told Brian that I agree family relationships require compromise, but that trust has to be earned back when it's been broken, and that Henry deserves an apology and an explanation, not just expectations that he should get over it and move on. After I hung up, I went to check on

Henry and found him doing homework at his desk. He looked up and asked if that was his dad calling again, and I said yes. Henry just nodded and went back to his homework like he wasn't surprised or particularly interested in what Brian had to say. Henry seems to be handling this whole situation better than I expected, but I know he's hurt even if he's not showing it, and I worry about it. Henry has been working extra hours at his job and saving up money to buy his own car, and he's determined to prove that he doesn't need Brian's help or promises. I admire his independence, but I also worry that he's building walls to protect himself from future disappointment and that this experience with his father is going to affect his

ability to trust people in future relationships. So am I the asshole for refusing to help my ex-husband repair his relationship with our son after he broke his promise about buying him a car and lied about the reasons why? Update 1. Something happened that made everything more complicated. And I don't know if it changes the situation or makes Brian look even worse, but I need to update because holy shit, I can't believe what I just found out. So Henry came home from school today, they go to the same school but different grades, and said that Molly had approached him at lunch and wanted to talk about the family situation,

and that she seemed really upset and guilty about the whole car money thing. Henry said that Molly told him she didn't know that Brian had promised him a car and that she never would have asked for the vacation if she had known it would take away something that was meant for Henry. Apparently, Molly has been feeling terrible ever since she found out about the broken car promise, and she's been trying to convince Brian and Kathy that they should find a way to get Henry his car even if it means she has to give up some other thing she wanted. Henry said that Molly seemed genuinely sorry and that she offered to get a job and help pay for his car, but that he told her it wasn't her fault and that she shouldn't feel responsible for

her parents' decisions. This conversation with Molly made Henry think more about the whole situation, and he started wondering if maybe Brian hadn't been completely honest with him about how the vacation got planned and paid for and whether Kathy had been pushing for Molly to get the vacation without knowing about Henry's car promise. So Henry decided to do some detective work, and he asked his friend Stanley to ask his dad for more details about what Brian had said at work about the vacation expenses. Stanley's dad told Stanley that Brian had been complaining at work about how expensive teenage girls are and how Kathy had been pressuring him to pay for Molly's spring break trip because all of Molly's friends were going and she would be left out if she couldn't afford

it. Apparently, Brian had said that Kathy made him feel guilty about not treating Molly the same way he treats Henry and that he felt like he had to prove he cared about Molly just as much as his biological son. When Henry told me this, I felt my anger toward Brian's shift into something even more intense because it sounds like Brian let Kathy manipulate him into breaking his promise to Henry in order to prove his commitment to his new family, and that's so much worse than just having unexpected expenses. It means Brian consciously chose to disappoint and lie to Henry in order to avoid conflict with Kathy, and that makes me absolutely furious. Henry said he wants to confront Brian about this and ask him directly if Kathy pressured him to spend the car money on Molly's

vacation and whether Brian was too weak to stand up for Henry when it mattered. I told Henry that he should be prepared for Brian to deny it or make excuses, but that he is every right to ask for the truth about what really happened with the money. So Henry called Brian tonight and asked him to meet for dinner tomorrow to talk about the car situation. Brian was so excited and relieved that Henry was ready to talk, and he kept thanking me over text for finally helping to facilitate a conversation between them. I didn't tell Brian that I had nothing to do with Henry's decision and that Henry has his own agenda for this meeting that Brian probably isn't going to like.

I'm nervous about what's going to happen at this dinner because Henry is determined to get the truth out of Brian and Brian is probably expecting Henry to be ready to forgive and move on. I have a feeling this conversation is going to be more confrontational than Brian is prepared for. I'll update again after the dinner happens because I have a feeling this whole situation is about to get a lot more complicated, and I want to document everything in case other people are dealing with similar blended family conflicts and broken promises. Update 2, Jesus Christ, I don't even know where to start with what happened at the dinner

last night, but I'm still processing everything and I need to get it all down while it's fresh in my memory because what Brian admitted to makes him look so much worse than I even imagined. Henry came home around 9.30 last night, and he was quiet and thoughtful but not as upset as I expected him to be. He sat down and told me everything that happened at the restaurant, and I honestly can't believe Brian thought any of his explanations were going to make Henry feel better about the situation. So apparently Henry started the conversation by telling Brian that he had been talking to Molly and learning more about how the vacation got planned, and that he wanted Brian to be completely honest about what happened with the car money and why the priorities changed. Brian immediately got

defensive and started saying that the situation was complicated and that Henry was too young to to understand all the factors that adults have to consider when making financial decisions. Henry didn't let Brian deflect, and he asked directly if Kathy had pressured Brian to pay for Molly's vacation and whether Brian had told Kathy about the car promised before deciding to spend that money on the trip. Brian got uncomfortable and tried to change the subject by talking about how important it is for blended families to make sure all the children feel equally valued and supported, but Henry kept pushing for a direct answer. Finally, Brian admitted that yes, Kathy had been upset about Molly potentially missing out on the vacation with her friends,

and that she had pointed out that Brian spends a lot of money on Henry throughout the year and that it wasn't fair for Molly to get less just because she wasn't Brian's biological daughter. Brian said that Kathy made him realize he had been unconsciously favoring Henry and that he needed to make an effort to show Molly that she was just as important to him. Henry asked Brian if he had told Kathy about the car promise before agreeing to pay for the vacation, and Brian got really quiet and finally admitted that he hadn't mentioned the car because he thought maybe he could figure out a way to afford both things, but that when it came down to it, the vacation had a deadline and the car could wait.

Henry said that Brian's answer made it clear that Brian had chosen to prioritize Kathy's feelings over Henry's trust and that Brian had lied about unexpected expenses to cover up the fact that he had consciously broken his promise. Brian tried to justify his decision by saying that Henry is his son no matter what and their relationship is secure, but that his relationship with Molly was still developing and needed more attention and investment to make sure she felt welcomed into the family. Brian said that he thought Henry would understand eventually, but that Molly might have been permanently damaged if she felt excluded or less important than Henry. Henry told Brian that this explanation made everything

worse because it meant Brian had calculated that Henry would forgive him but that Kathy and Molly wouldn't, and that Brian had decided Henry's feelings were less important than keeping peace with his new wife. Henry said that Brian had essentially admitted that he took Henry's love and forgiveness for granted while prioritizing the feelings of people he was still trying to impress. Brian started getting frustrated and said that Henry was twisting his words and that blended families require sacrifice and compromise from everyone, and that sometimes that means disappointing one person to help another person, and that Henry needed to be more mature about understanding these dynamics. Henry shot back that he never asked to be part of a blended family

and that Brian shouldn't have made promises he wasn't prepared to keep regardless of what Kathy wanted. Then Brian made the mistake of saying that Henry was being selfish and that a car is just a material possession while family relationships are permanent, and that Henry should be happy that his step-sister got to have a good experience instead of being jealous and resentful about money that wasn't even his to begin with. Henry lost his temper at that point and told Brian that the money wasn't the real issue and that Brian clearly didn't understand that he had destroyed Henry's ability to trust him by lying

and breaking promises and choosing Kathy's approval over Henry's feelings. Henry said that Brian had shown his true priorities and that Henry finally understood where he stood in Brian's new life, and that it wasn't high enough on the list to matter. Brian tried to backtrack and say that wasn't true and that Henry was the most important person in his life. But Henry said that Brian's actions spoke louder than his words and that Brian had proven he was willing to sacrifice Henry's trust and happiness to avoid conflict with Kathy. Henry said, that Brian should have been honest from the beginning about not being able to afford both the car and the vacation instead of lying and making excuses about unexpected expenses.

The conversation ended with Henry telling Brian that he needed time to think about what kind of relationship he wanted to have with a father who makes promises he doesn't keep and who lies to cover up his real priorities. Brian begged Henry not to give up on their relationship and promised he would find a way to buy the car as soon as possible. But Henry said that the car wasn't the point anymore and that Brian had missed his chance to do the right thing months ago. Henry came home and told me all of this and said that he felt relieved to finally know the truth even though it hurt to hear Brian admit that he had consciously chosen to disappoint Henry in order to please Kathy. Henry said that at least now he knows where he stands, and he can

make decisions about his relationship with Brian based on reality instead of false hope and broken promises. I'm proud of Henry for handling the conversation so maturely and for standing up for himself and demanding honesty from Brian. Brian has been calling and texting me nonstop since the dinner asking me to talk to Henry and convince him that their relationship can be salvaged and that Brian is willing to do whatever it takes to earn back Henry's trust. But honestly, after hearing what Brian admitted to about consciously choosing to break his promise, I'm even less inclined to help him repair the damage he caused.

Brian made his choice when he decided that avoiding conflict with Kathy was more important than keeping his word to Henry, and now he gets to live with the consequences of that choice. Henry gets to decide for himself whether Brian's apologies and promises are worth believing again.