Reddit Stories - GUARDIANS had me care for all my YOUNGER SIBLINGS akin to their father

Episode Date: August 3, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #siblings #family #guardians #responsibility #parentingSummary: GUARDIANS had me care for all my YOUNGER SIBLINGS akin to their father, shaping my sense of responsibility and parenting skills from a young age. The experience taught me valuable life lessons and fostered a strong bond with my siblings.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, siblings, family, guardians, responsibility, parenting, lifelessons, bond, caregiving, childhood, experience, life, lessons, values, upbringing, siblingsbond, familydynamicsBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Guardians have me care for all my younger siblings akin to their father from the age of 12, but upon marrying and establishing my own household, my guardians began to behave differently towards me. Like I abandoned them and refused to help during my kidney failure. Hello, everyone. I, 40M, come from a big family. I'm the second oldest of nine kids. My older sister, Jane, is just a young.

a year older than me. There is a six-year gap between me and the next sibling, then my mom had a kid every two to three years. Since Jane and I were the oldest we always helped with the little kids and the chores around the house. In fact, it was common for my parents and other adults to refer to us as Jane and Op and the kids. It's like Jane and I were not considered children, it's more like we were two other adults living in the house. We were homeschooled, so we were home-schooled, So we were home all the time. Part of my job is that I would wake up, make breakfast for the kids, then get them started with their school or activities before I started my own schoolwork.

Jane would sleep in because she was more of a night owl, and it was her job to help at night with the baby, because there was always a baby, Jane and I did most of the chores around the house. We took turns either cleaning the kitchen or doing the laundry, of which there was a lot. I did all the guy's stuff, like mowing the yard and taking out the trash. As I got older, I would delegate some of these chores to my younger brothers, but it was still my responsibility to make sure it got done. Once I was old enough to drive, I would run errands and take the kids everywhere. I can't tell you how many times I would take the kids to things like play dates or doctor's appointments.

I would often tuck the kids in bed and tell them stories. To me these things were all just normal, but looking back on it I was more like a second dad to the kids than a brother. Jane and I did have a lot of freedom as teenagers to go out with our friends, if the chores were done. We didn't have cell phones back then, if we wanted to go out we would just tell our parents we were going and they didn't care, as long as we were back by the next morning. I moved out when I was 20, but I still spent a lot of time at my parents, and one of my younger siblings was almost always at my house. One brother, JJ, pretty much lived with me since he was 14 because he and our mom didn't get along. When JJ was 17 he got in a wreck and he called me instead of calling dad because I was just the one who handled those kinds of things. During all of this time my parents always talked about how important it was for Jane and I to help with the kids because they were so busy with their ministry.

I can't count how many times I had to drop what I was doing to take care of something because mom or dad were counseling someone. Sorry, I feel like I'm rambling. I hope I have painted an accurate picture of my childhood. Let's move on. I had not really dated much, but when I was 25 I met and started dating Anne. We fell in love fast and got married less than a year later. My younger siblings love Anne. She is a great cook and hostess, our house became the hangout spot. My younger siblings started calling her mama, Anne, something they still do to this day. We have now been married 15 years and have two kids of our own. My mom and Jane did not like Anne. Jane and get along okay now, but Ann and my mom do not have a good relationship. I never understood why, but I think I have finally figured

out it's because they see it as and having taken me away. As Anne and I focused on our relationship and started a family, I spent less and less time doing things for my parents. My dad liked and at first, but over the past few years their relationship has soured. Throughout the years my dad has made comments to me about keeping up my responsibilities. One time he called me about one of the younger kids, who had gotten in a fight with my mom, and said you better get your brother and change his attitude. It's not okay how he treated your mom and you are going to make him apologize. A few years ago and then I set some boundaries with my parents, telling them we were not going to raise,

or discipline their kids. Our home is always open to my siblings, but we no longer let my parents try and use us to straighten them up. My parents have not taken this well. About a year ago and injured her foot and couldn't walk for a while. Just as she was getting better, I was diagnosed with kidney disease, which then turned into kidney failure. I've had several surgeries, with another one coming in a few weeks. It's been a rough year. During this time, my parents have not only refused to help, they have actively made things harder for us. Things like promising to help with our kids but then canceling at the last minute, usually because something ministry-related came up. Recently my sister-in-law, who lives in another state,

had a baby, and my mom has been staying with her and helping for the past six weeks. My sis has said that mom is a godsend and is so wonderful. My dad has gone to help every weekend. This hurts me, because my mom wouldn't give us a single night to help with our youngest when he was born. Anyway, I'm sorry this post has turned out longer than I thought it would. I needed to get some of this off my chest. This weekend I was talking to another sister and telling her how I don't understand why mom and dad don't treat me like they do the rest of the kids, even Jane. It's like I'm not one of their children. And it just kind of hit me that they resent me for getting married and starting my.

own family and leaving them to raise their own kids. Part of me is relieved to finally realize why they treat me like they do, and part of me is sad. I'm kind of scared about this upcoming surgery, and I really wish I had a parent I could talk to about it. But I don't feel like I have parents, just some people that I co-parented my siblings with. Update 1, I spoke with my wife, Ann, about it last night. I said something along the lines of I've realized that my parents resent me for starting my own family and not helping them as much, and that is why they treat me so differently. And I think you've been trying to gently tell me this for years, but I was too dense to get it. We were sitting in the bed at the time, and she leaned over and patted me on the

head and said, You are so pretty, I laughed for like ten minutes, it was a great emotional release. A lot of you said she sounds wonderful, and she really is. I just can't express how much I love her. About Jane, my older sister, Jane did get married and start a family, about two years after I did. Jane and I had a falling out and didn't speak for several years, but we are okay now, just not very close. Our falling out was more about religion than anything. She is very religious like my parents, while I am not. I am religious and we attend church, but it's not our whole life like it is for my parents and Jane. Younger siblings, the youngest is 22, so they are all adults now.

The second to youngest passed away several years ago, so there are eight of us now. I am very close with all of my younger siblings. They still come hang out at my house all the time, and they are all great aunts and uncles to my kids. All of them, including Jane, are upset with how my parents treated me this past year. Help with my kids, while I am disappointed in my parents for not helping, I do not need their help. And then I have close friends, plus we both have siblings that help. And's parents live far away, but they help when they can. We really are okay and feel very blessed and loved with all help we have received. Therapy, part of my kidney treatment plan includes

access to a therapist, and I love her. She has been great in helping me learn to live with an illness. I'm not sure if she is the right person to speak with about my parents, but I will ask her and see if she can refer someone if not. I will wait until after my surgery to bring this up, as I need to just focus on that right now. Setting boundaries, when I say my parents won't help, it's not that they say they won't help, it's that they offer to help and then either bail at the last minute or they change the plan so much that it causes an NIA lot of stress. A few months ago and was sick and my mother offered to pick our kids up from school. It's a long story, but She kept changing things and making it very complicated and my youngest ended up being left alone for a little while and he got scared.

After that, I had a harsh talk with my parents and told them how disappointed I was in them and how I needed to focus on my health and they were making things worse. I told them they are not allowed to take my kids anywhere, and they are not allowed to just drop by at my house, and in fact they were not even allowed to offer to help, because my mom doesn't take no for an answer and will nag until she wears me down. My parents were mad about this, but all seven of my siblings took my side and rallied about me, and so my parents have respected that so far. Going no contact, a lot of people recommended going no contact. I don't want that. I still love my parents, even though they have not been great parents. My kids love them too, and I don't want to take that away. They are good grandparents, when they show up.

I don't think my parents are awful people. I think they had this vision of how they wanted to have this big family and this big ministry, and I think they just didn't realize the responsibilities they put on Jane and I. I have spoken to them in the past and expressed how it was messed up that they put so much on us as kids and they have apologized. Putting my parents on blast at their church, several people recommended going to their church and telling people how they have treated me. You don't understand this church, they would praise my parents for putting God and the ministry above everything else. These super religious people are crazy. I guess that's it for now.

My surgery is in less than two weeks, so I'm going to focus on that. I'm going to put this thing with my parents on the back burner and later I will decide what, if anything, I'm going to do. Thanks again to everyone for your comments, it has really helped me work through some feelings. Update 2, thanks to everyone who has reached out and wished me a speedy recovery. My surgery was last week and it is going better than expected. All the surgeries and treatments in the past year felt like it was just keeping me alive, but with this surgery, kidney transplant, I feel like I'm working towards getting my normal life back.

It's been hard and painful, but I was expecting it to be worse so I can't complain at all. And is always telling me that she doesn't get enough credit for being funny, so the fact that so many of you laughed when she told me I was pretty has made her happy. She said I like these Reddit people. This whole post started because I was having a conversation with one of my sisters. I'll call her Six, since I can't keep making up names. Plus, she is following this thread and will hate that I am calling her that. Six had had a fight with our parents and I was sharing with her that and I had recently set

strong boundaries with them and encouraged her to do the same. So she did, and they did not take it well. This led to several conversations with different siblings, and both five and nine also decided to set some boundaries. This has also led to other siblings deciding to confront our parents about how they have treated me this past year while I've been sick. Jane, the oldest, called me the day before my surgery to check on me, and we ended up talking about our childhood. We have not been close for a number of years, however I feel like we bonded on this call. It was interesting talking to her as an adult and reliving some things. She has been in therapy for a few years, and she said sometimes she will be talking,

and her therapist will stop her and say, Jane, you just casually rolled through some messed up stuff. We need to stop and unpack this. For a long time I have blamed her for the way she treated me when we were younger, but now I'm beginning to understand that she was also just a kid trying to cope. I have a lot more grace for her now. We have been texting a lot the past few weeks. My parents did come visit after the surgery, but we didn't talk about any family drama. My siblings have said they are not taking these new boundaries well at all.

I hope that one day they wake up and realize that all eight of their children are disappointed in them and they work to be better people, but I'm not holding my breath. It seems they are placing all the blame like they normally do, this is just an attack by the devil. And then I decided that moving forward we are going to continue low contact with strong boundaries. With such a large family going no contact would be hard and create a lot of awkward situations where we would still have to see them. We have also talked to our kids and they have both expressed they want to have a relationship with their grandparents. While I do not expect my parents to change, I do believe they will respect our boundaries. My attitude towards them has also changed, I no longer feel like I. I owe them anything. We will continue a relationship with them because it is what's best for

my family, not because they deserve it. Lastly, I received a recommendation for a family therapist and I have an appointment scheduled for next month. Update 3, I have tried a bunch of times to write an update, but I end up either not being able to find the words or I ramble for 10 pages, mostly about my health. I'm just going to push through and I hope this makes sense. Shortly after my first post I had a kidney transplant. May of 2023, recovering has been the main focus of my life but is not the point of this update, so I'll try to keep this part brief. Things were great just after the transplant and I recovered much quicker than anticipated.

Then I got a stupid virus that caused some minor setbacks. That ending up leading to a bigger setback and my body began to reject the new kidney. It was not a fun time and I spent the holidays last year, 24, in and out of the hospital undergoing various treatments. While the treatments were tough they did their job, my body is now showing no signs of rejection and the virus is under control. Maintaining my health and new kidney will be a lifelong journey, but right now everything is stable and I'm feeling better than I have since before I started getting sick in 2023. I had talked about how my older sister, Jane, and I didn't speak for years and when we finally did we kept our distance. She had reached out after I made my first post and I was starting to work through some things and we talked about how we were raised. We had both recently learned the term perennification and we talked about that.

We trauma bonded, another term I had recently learned, and started talking more. Her family ended up coming in town late in 2023 and stayed for a few weeks, and we really got a chance to talk and connect. I had judged her harshly for things she had done during our childhood, but came to realize she was just a kid who was under a lot of pressure forced to raise a bunch of kids and she was desperate to have some control in her life, and that just happened to be me. There was lots of tears and apologizes on both sides,

because I was not always kind to her either. We have become closer than we ever have been and talk a couple of times a month. My family is going to visit her family this summer, Our kids are excited as they have become close as well. I'm not sure how to tackle this next part about my parents. My first post was prompted because some drama with my parents and several siblings had come to a head, including how my parents had not been helpful while I was dealing my kidney issues. We all banded together and set strong boundaries with our parents, which they did not take well at first.

Someone said it sounds like you and your siblings are bullying your parents into being better people, and that might be the best way to describe what happened. Just before my surgery, I had a very blunt conversation with my parents. I had prepared for it and written out key points I wanted to say. I was not angry when we spoke and just clearly laid out several examples of how they had not only failed to help but had made things harder for my family while I was sick. I basically told them I did not need or want their help because I could not trust them. Something about that and my siblings all coming together seemed to make something

and click with my dad. He didn't say much at the time, but he also didn't defend himself or try to shift the blame. Over the next few months they would text about once a week to check in. If we were feeling up to it, I would invite them to stop by and they did. A few times they offered to drop off a meal and we accepted. The few times I was not feeling up to it, they did not push. This was all part of the boundaries I had set and they respected it. A lot of things started changing over. over that year. Honestly, I think someone showed that my post, my siblings all knew about it, and I think everyone in the comments calling them out had an effect. So thanks to everyone for that. They quit their church, which was a shocker to all of us. Mom called several siblings and

asked for specific examples of how she had let them down, and actually listened and didn't defend or deflect. The last of the younger siblings moved out on their own and that really changed the dynamic of their relationship. I can't say exactly when or why it happened, but over the course of 2023 things changed, seemingly for the better. My parents started doing more things with my kids and actually showing up for events. I saw they were making an effort and had a talk with them, telling them that if they really wanted to connect that they would have to find things my kids liked and figure out a way to participate. I told them they can't just plan something they want to do and expect my kids to tag along.

My dad found a hobby that my oldest was interested in and they have gone down a whole rabbit hole with that. My mom and youngest discovered a restaurant they really like and they go there together. It's not perfect but they are building a relationship that seems healthy. My wife and I are still cautious but optimistic. As for my relationship with them, I have just kind of disconnected emotionally.

As a teenager I read Ender's game and I related to in the way the adults were always setting him up so that he knew he would never have backup. He had to win on his own or die trying. I felt like that most of my life. No backup, no support from any adult, just me, and later my wife, I've built my own support system with my peers, and that's good enough. I'm glad my kids are finally getting decent grandparents, but I'll never have a serious conversation with my parents about what's going on with me. On hard days I'm have my wife and a few close friends, and I feel incredibly lucky as that's more than a lot of people. While I'm going to stop there before I really start to just ramble, thanks to

everyone who has reached out to offer support in kind words.