Reddit Stories - I became ENRAGED when my partner OVERLOOKED my special day, but SPLURGED on

Episode Date: November 15, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #angermanagement #specialday #communication #compromiseSummary: I became ENRAGED when my partner OVERLOOKED my special day, but SPLURGED on gifts for themselves. The lack of consideration and imbalance in priorities led to a heated argument, highlighting the importance of mutual respect and understanding in relationships.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, angermanagement, specialday, communication, compromise, partner, gifts, consideration, priorities, argument, mutualrespect, understanding, balance, respect, loveBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. I became enraged when my partner overlooked my special day, but splurged on a lavish present for his sibling within the same time frame until I uncovered his covert jobless status that had lasted for months and abruptly left. Into debt to throw me a surprise party. I, 25F, have been with my boyfriend Holden, 27M, for three years. We aren't married but we live in the same city and spend a lot of time together. Basically, we cannot live together yet cause of our jobs, but we plan to do something about

it in the future. Birthdays have always been a big deal to me. I always make sure to do something special for his birthdays, for example, last year I planned a weekend trip for him, and the year before I threw him a small party with his close friends. He knows that I care about celebrating birthdays, and I've never been subtle about that. My birthday was this past Monday. I turned 25 and honestly I was expecting at least something from Holden, a card, a cake, a nice dinner, even a simple happy birthday text if he was really busy. But the entire day went by and he didn't

do anything. No gift, no flowers, no dinner plans, not even a mention of my birthday. We did talk on the phone briefly that morning, but he just talked about some work stuff and didn't say a word about my birthday. I kept waiting for him to maybe show up in the evening or at least text me happy birthday, but he never did. In the end, I spent the evening at my apartment with takeout and a cupcake I bought for myself. I did get calls and messages from friends and family throughout the day, so it's not like everyone forgot, only my own boyfriend did. I was really hurt and confused, but I didn't say anything right away. I kept thinking maybe he had some surprise plan for later in the week, or maybe something else. On Wednesday, I went over to his place

and noticed a fancy wrapped gift on his kitchen counter. It had a big ribbon and everything, so obviously I was curious and thought it was for me. I asked Holden what it was, and he said it was a present for his sister's graduation party coming up this weekend. He even showed me what he got her. It was an expensive designer handbag that I know cost way more than anything he's ever bought me. That's when I finally broke down and confronted him. I was furious and hurt seeing him put so much thought and money into his sister's gift when he had completely forgotten my birthday just two days earlier. I asked him if he knew when my birthday was. He went silent for a few seconds and then said, oh, I'm so sorry, I totally blanked, I'd been swamped with

work. He sounded really apologetic, but I was extremely upset. I told him, it felt awful that he forgot my birthday like it was nothing, especially when I could see he was perfectly capable of remembering to buy thoughtful, expensive gifts for other people. He kept saying he was sorry and that he'd make it up to me. When he saw how upset I was looking at his sister's gift, he quickly said, I forgot your birthday, I feel awful, I'll get you something nice too. That honestly made me feel even worse, because it sounded like he only considered getting me a gift after I caught him with his sister's present. I kind of of blew up at that point. I asked him how he could forget my birthday but remember to buy

an extravagant gift for his sister just days later. I said, seriously? You didn't get me a card or even a five-dollar cupcake, but you dropped a fortune on a purse do you even realize how bad that looks? I was yelling by then, I was just so hurt. Holden got defensive and said he just had a lot on his mind and it wasn't intentional. He said something like, you know I've been stressed with work and I just messed up. I'm sorry. It's not like I don't care about you. He also said his mom had reminded him about his sister's graduation party and that's why he remembered to get the gift. I responded that it's not about the money or the gift. It's the fact that he didn't even remember my birthday until I brought it up and that he probably wouldn't have done anything for it if I hadn't

confronted him. I left his place pretty angry that Wednesday. Since then, we haven't really talked much. He sent me one text Thursday saying, I'm sorry, please let me make it up to you this weekend, but I haven't replied yet because I'm still so mad. The whole thing just doesn't sit right with me. How can he be capable of remembering to celebrate his sister and spending so much effort and money on her, but completely fail to do anything for his girlfriend of three years? My friends are split. Some say I have every right to be angry and that forgetting a partner's birthday is a big deal, while others say I might be overreacting because it was an honest mistake and he is now trying to make it up to me. I'm honestly starting to wonder if I'm blowing

this out of proportion. So, Reddit, Ida for being so furious that my boyfriend forgot my birthday, even though he remembered to get his sister an expensive gift in the same week? I feel like it shows where his priorities are, but maybe I'm too emotional about it right now. Comment 1. Forgetting your girlfriend's birthday is a pretty big deal, especially when he managed to remember his sister's party in the same week. You have every right to be upset. That's a really hurtful oversight on his part, and it does make it look like you're not a priority to him. Op reply, birthdays are super important to me, not even for the gifts, just the acknowledgement. I'm not a person who expects fancy things, but a simple happy birthday and a little effort would have

meant the world. It's not like he had to plan a whole huge event. I would have been happy with him just showing up with a cupcake or a handwritten note. The fact that he did absolutely nothing until I called him out. Yeah, it hurts a lot. It's hard not to take it personally. Comment too, I'm honestly shocked he forgot. Does he have a history of being forgetful or not caring about birthdays slash important dates? Or is this completely out of the blue for him to screw up like this? Because if he's normally a decent boyfriend, I'm wondering what the hell happened off reply, this is what's so confusing. He's never forgotten my birthday before. The last two birthdays I had while we were together, he definitely remembered. One year he took me out

to a nice dinner and gave me a really sweet gift, and the other year we just had a low-key celebration at home, but he at least got me a cake and a card. So this is completely out of the blue. He's usually pretty thoughtful about stuff like this, which is why I'm both hurt and frankly kind of shocked. He can be absent-minded about little things, like he'll misplace his keys, but forgetting something as big as my birthday is totally not normal for him. That's partly why I wonder if something else is going on in his life that I don't know about. Comment three, not defending him, but is it possible he's dealing with something serious, like mental health issues or work or financial problems that made him genuinely forget? It's so weird that he remembered his sister's gift but

forgot you. Also, he mentioned work stress. Could he be burning out or something? Sometimes people mess up stuff like dates when they're overwhelmed. Alternatively, I've seen cases where the guy was secretly planning a belated surprise or proposal or something, but then you found the gift for his sister, so that theory kind of goes out the window. Op reply, I've been racking my brain about whether there's something major bothering him. He has been more stressed than usual with work for the past couple of months. He's had a few rough weeks where he's been working late and seemed distracted. But he never mentioned anything extreme like fear of losing his job or a health issue or anything. If something that's serious was up, I feel like he would or should tell

me. As for finances, I didn't think there was an issue, he hasn't said anything, and he just spent a lot on that handbag for his sister, so he seems to have money for gifts. The idea of a surprise party or proposal. I really doubt it. I feel like I would have noticed some hint if he was planning a surprise. And after I confronted him, he just looked genuinely guilty and sorry, not secretive or excited like he had a trick up his sleeve. I could be wrong, but it didn't feel like there was a bigger plan. It felt like he truly just. Forgot. which in a way hurts more because it seems so careless. Comment four, I get that you're upset, but people do make mistakes.

If he's been great for three years and genuinely blanked out once, and is now trying to fix it, maybe cut him a little slack. Yelling is understandable given you're hurt, but it might not help the situation. Have you two actually sat down and talked calmly about how this made you feel? It might be better than silence. Op reply, you're probably right that yelling, isn't productive. I do regret losing my temper like that. To be honest, I usually don't shout at him or anything. This was really out of character for me, too. I was just so heard in the

moment that I kind of snapped. We haven't had a calm conversation about it yet because I've been avoiding him since the fight. I needed a bit of space to cool down. He did reach out with that one text apologizing and asking to make it up to me on the weekend. I haven't responded, because I wasn't ready and I wanted to gather my thoughts, and, well, I've been stubbornly waiting for a better explanation from him. But maybe I should at least talk to him face to face and explain why this hurt me so much. I do love him, and aside from this incident he has been a good boyfriend. I just wish he had shown the same consideration for me that he did for his sister. Update 1, hi again. So a lot has happened in the few days since my original post. First of all,

for all the comments and perspectives. I honestly didn't expect that many people to weigh in. Some of you suspected there might be more to the story, like a possible surprise or something, and I thought that sounded far-fetched. But it turns out you were absolutely right. Long story short, my boyfriend did not actually forget my birthday. In fact, he's been secretly planning a surprise party for me with all my friends and family. The celebration is supposed to happen next weekend. I only found out by accident. What happened was one of my friends texted me earlier today, Thursday, saying something along the lines of, hey, do you want me to bring anything specific to your birthday party on Saturday? I was like, what party? After a bit of

awkward back and forth, she realized I had no clue about it and spilled the beans. She felt really bad for accidentally ruining the surprise, but honestly I'm kind of glad I found out this way rather than continuing to think my boyfriend didn't care. Apparently, Holden has been planning this surprise party for weeks. He coordinated with my best friend and my sister to get a bunch of people together, and it sounds like it's going to be a pretty big bash. He chose to do it the weekend after my actual birthday because that's when my parents and a couple of my close friends could be in town to attend. I did notice my parents hadn't really done much on my actual birthday beyond a phone call, which was a little odd, but I didn't think too hard about it. Now it makes sense, they're flying

in this weekend for the party. He also apparently wanted me to think he'd forgotten as a way to maximize the surprise. Not going to lie, I think that part was a dumb move on his part, because, as you all saw, it just led to me being really hurt. But his heart was in the right place, I guess. I haven't told Holden that I discovered the surprise. I did text him back finally, just to ease the tension. I said something like, hey, I'm still upset, but I'd be open to doing something together on Saturday if you still want. He answered almost immediately saying yes, of course, I promise I'll make it up to you, let's do dinner then. So I think his plan is to somehow get me to this party under the pretense of a dinner. I'm going to play along as if I have no

idea. I figure I'll act surprised for the sake of everyone involved, and then later let him know privately that I knew and that I appreciate everything. I feel pretty awful about how I yelled at him and about the negative assumptions I made. Reading back my original post now, I cringed a bit knowing that he was actually trying to do something awesome for me. I even feel bad for that snarky comment I made about him remembering his sister's gift, because apparently the whole thing was part of his ruse to keep me off the scent. I'm still not 100% sure how that ties in, but I'll get to that in a second. He was basically bending over backwards to plan a big surprise, and I was here posting angrily on the internet about him. That said, I do wish he had gone about it differently.

Like, at least give me some tiny sign on my actual birthday. Letting your girlfriend feel forgotten and miserable for a whole week is not the best idea, no matter how amazing the eventual surprise is. But I'll save that discussion for after the party. I'm mostly just relieved right now that he didn't forget or stop caring. In fact, it seems like he went through a lot of effort to organize this. One question I have is about the expensive handbag gift for his sister. I haven't gotten the full story on that yet. It still strikes me as odd that he spent so much on S's birthday present while doing a surprise for me. Some of you wondered if that gift might actually be intended for me or something. Maybe he was just overcompensating with his sister because he felt guilty about

deceiving me? Or he's just being generous to her independently? I'll probably find out this weekend. Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that things are looking a lot better than I thought. I'm going to attend this surprise party and try to act genuinely surprised. I'm admittedly a terrible actress, but I'll try my best. I'm also planning to apologize to Holden for blowing up at him once the timing feels right, and to talk about how this whole miscommunication happened. I'll update again after the party to let you know how it goes. I'm honestly a mix of excited and a bit nervous now. Wish me luck in pulling off the eye had no idea.

Face. Comment one, oh wow, I'm really happy for you. I was one of the people's side-eyeing your boyfriend, but it turns out he was actually planning something super sweet. That said, leaving you feeling forgotten for days was not the smartest way to surprise you. I get the intention, but he definitely fumbled the execution. Make sure you talk to him after the party about how that made you feel. But overall, this is such a wholesome update.

Enjoy your surprise party, even if it's not a surprise anymore. Ha ha. Op reply, I'm honestly so relieved that he had good intentions. You're absolutely right that we need to talk about the approach he took. I appreciate the effort he put in, but I won't pretend that that the last few days of me feeling hurt and abandoned were okay. I think he just didn't think that part through. Knowing him, he probably assumed a few days of upset would be worth it once I got the big surprise. I will definitely, gently, let him know that next time, a little hint or

early birthday cupcake would have saved a lot of heartache. But yes, I'm mostly just happy and excited now. I really am lucky that he cares enough to go to all this trouble. I'll try to just enjoy the party and not overthink the rest until we chat later. Comment two, I have a strong hunch that the expensive gift for S might actually be for you. Think about it, he likely bought you that designer handbag is your birthday present, but when you saw it, he panicked and said it was for his sister to keep the surprise under wraps. Perhaps S is in on the plan and agreed to pretend it was her gift. It makes way more sense than him randomly splurging on his sister while forgetting you. Don't be surprised if that gift ends up

in your hands at the party. Op reply, you know what, that would make a lot of sense. I hadn't fully considered that angle, but now I am. When I first found out about the party, I was so focused on feeling guilty for doubting him that I didn't really revisit the whole handbag issue in depth. But you're right, it was really weird for him to drop that kind of cash on his sister out of nowhere. She might very well be part of the plan. S and I get along well, and I could see her happily helping him keep the surprise. If that purse turns out to be my birthday gift, I swear I'm going to both laugh and maybe cry a little out of sheer relief. I'll update after the party and let you know if you were right.

Update 2, hi everyone, I'm back with the second update, and oh boy, things have gotten intense, in a different way than before. We had the surprise party last night and it was. was absolutely amazing. I managed to act surprised well enough that Holden was grinning from ear to ear. He looked so proud of himself for pulling it off. Honestly, seeing how happy he was, and how much trouble he went through to gather everyone I love in one place, made me feel a huge wave of guilt forever doubting him. The party was everything I could have wanted, decorations, my favorite foods, a beautiful cake, all my close friends and family, some even traveled

hours to be there. I enjoyed myself a lot and also made sure to give my boyfriend a big kiss and whispered thank you for the surprise. He kind of chuckled and said, you really thought I'd forget your birthday? Never. I just smiled and played along like I hadn't spent three days furious at him. We'll talk about that later. Oh, and remember that expensive designer handbag? Yep, it ended up being my birthday gift. During the party, Holden presented it to me in front of everyone and I had to jokingly scold him for spending so much, but I was honestly stunned, it's gorgeous and I've never owned a purse that nice. He just laughed and said I deserve nice things.

I glanced over at his sister ass when I unwrapped it, and she had this odd forced smile. It struck me as a little strange, but in the moment I was overwhelmed with everything and didn't think too hard about it. After the big surprise and gift-giving in some party games, I noticed S acting a bit off. She's usually very bubbly with me, but last night she seemed anxious and kind of quiet

whenever Holden was nearby. Toward the end of the party, she asked me if I could talk with her privately for a minute. I stepped aside with her, and she basically said she needed to tell me something that was weighing on her. We found a semi-quiet corner, and she confessed that the whole expensive gift for her thing was indeed a cover, that handbag was always meant for me. I was like, yeah, I kind of figured that out by now, and I was like, yeah, I kind of figured that out by now, and she nodded, but then she blurted out that there's more to it.

She told me that Holden has been struggling a lot lately because he lost his job two months ago. To say I was shocked as an understatement. I was like, wait, what? I thought he was just stressed from working too much. She explained that he was too ashamed to tell me he got laid off from his job in early spring, so he's been pretending to still have it while quietly job hunting. I immediately flashed back to all those times he said he was working late or seemed distracted,

and suddenly it made sense. S went on to say that he didn't have much money saved, I had no idea, we've never really shared finances or discussed money in detail, and he was terrified of not being able to make my birthday special. He apparently enlisted S's help. She lent him money to buy me a nice gift, that handbag, and to help throw the party. S even paid the deposit for the venue and catering, and he's supposed to pay her back once he finds a new job. I just stood there, taking all this in. I felt an absolute heartbreak

that he went through all that for me, guilt that he had to bend over backwards because I'd been so upset, and honestly a bit of hurt that he couldn't confide in me about something as major as losing his job. S kept apologizing for ruining the surprise aspect of the gift and for telling me something Holden hadn't told me himself, but she said she felt I had the wrong. right to know what was really going on. She also admitted she felt a bit uncomfortable all night keeping this secret while watching me celebrating, not knowing the full story. I hugged her and told her I'm really grateful she told me. I assured her she didn't ruin anything. In fact, I'm thankful to know so I can handle things appropriately moving forward. So, that's where we are

now. I haven't confronted or spoken to Holden about the job loss yet. It was late by the time we got home from the party, and he was pretty exhausted, and maybe a bit tipsy. I didn't want to bring it up right away because I need to process how to approach it, and I also didn't want to let on that as told me before she has a chance to speak to him. I figure I'll give it a day and then have a serious sit-down talk with him about it. I have so many feelings right now. I feel terrible for being angry about the birthday in the first place, knowing now what he's been dealing with. This man literally went into debt and orchestrated an entire surprise just to make me happy at a time when he was likely feeling low and insecure about his career. It breaks my heart and

makes me want to tackle hug him and never let go. I'm also a little upset that he felt he couldn't talk to me about losing his job. I understand pride and embarrassment, but I love him and I would have wanted to support him through that. The fact he hid it for two months and lied about going to work every day, is something we'll need to address. Overall, I'm feeling extremely sympathetic toward him and so grateful to have such a loving partner, but I also want to gently let him know that I'm here for him and he doesn't have to hide stuff like this from me. I haven't decided exactly how I'll start that conversation, but it's one I know we need to have soon. I'll post a final update after I talked to Holden about all of this. I'm hoping for the best.

Honestly, I'm still kind of in awe of everything that's unfolded in the past week. What an emotional roller coaster. At the end of the day, I'm just really thankful for him and his sister and everyone who made the party happen. Now I just want to make sure he knows I care more about him and his well-being than I do about any birthday gift or party. Comment one, your boyfriend sounds like an absolute gem for going to such lengths to make you happy, especially while he was secretly going through a tough time. That being said, it's understandable why he hid the job loss.

Many people, especially guys, feel a lot of shame and pressure about that. When you talk to him, definitely let him know you're not angry, just concerned, and that you love him regardless of his employment status. He clearly adores you, he was willing to move mountains and borrow money to see you smile on your birthday. Approach the conversation with that same love and he'll probably be immensely relieved you're not upset about the job thing. Op reply, I agree, he really is a gem.

The more I think about it, the more I'm in awe of how much he did for me. And you're right, I think pride was a huge factor in him keeping the job loss a secret. I plan on being very gentle and loving when I bring it up. I want him to know that I'm not mad at all that he's out of work. I'm only upset that he felt he had to go through it alone. I'm going to reassure him that we're a team and will get through a ups and downs together. Honestly, I just want to hug him and tell him I'm so proud of him for everything he's done. I hope this talk will make him feel supported and not embarrassed.

Comment too, don't beat yourself up for being angry initially, you had no way of knowing the full situation. Yes, he had good intentions, but he also wasn't fully honest with you. It's okay to feel a little hurt that he didn't confide in you. You can be grateful and touched by what he did and still gently tell him that you wish he had told you the truth. The important thing is moving forward with open communication. It sounds like you both really care about each other, so I'm sure you'll work it out. Op reply, I have to remind myself that my reaction was based on what I knew at the time. Anyone in my shoes would have been upset thinking their partner forgot their birthday,

so I shouldn't feel too guilty for that. And I do intend to let him know, kindly, that I wish he'd felt safe telling me about losing his job. I want him to know I'm here for him no matter what, and that he doesn't need to hide those things from me. We've always talked about being honest and having each other's backs, so I want to reinforce that. But I'll definitely keep the focus on how much I appreciate him and not make him feel bad for trying to spare me worry. Comment 3 S sounds like the MVP of this whole saga, honestly. Not only did she lend him money and help organize everything, but she also had the courage to tell you the truth.

That's a really loving sister right there. You're lucky to have her in your corner too. Make sure to thank her, sounds like you did. And give that woman a hug from all of us. Op reply, oh my gosh, absolutely, S is amazing. I've already thanked her profusely, but I'll probably do something extra nice for a graduation party, and something else like take her out to lunch

or get her a thank you gift or something. she really stepped up for her brother and for me by extension i did give her a huge hug and told her how much i appreciate what she did and that she trusted me enough to be honest with me i'm definitely grateful to have a future sister-in-law crossed fingers emoji like her she's earned all the praise for sure final update i had the talk with holden and it went as well as i could have hoped I ended up gently telling him that I knew about his job situation. Turns out S had already given him a heads up that she told me, so he wasn't completely caught off guard. He looked pretty embarrassed at first, but I made sure to emphasize right

away that I wasn't angry, just concerned and wishing he hadn't felt like he had to hide it. That opened the floodgates for him, he admitted that he lost his job about two months ago and that it really crushed his confidence. He was worried I'd see him as a failure or be disappointed in him. He also said he didn't want to ruin my birthday or make me worry, so he tried to handle everything himself. I honestly almost started crying when he said all that. I told him there was no way I'd think he was a failure, in fact, I'm proud of him for working so hard to fix things and for still being so selfless despite what he was going through. I also gently scolded him, in a loving way, for underestimating me and not giving me the chance

to be there for him. I made it super clear that I don't care about the money or fancy stuff, I care about him. If I had known, I would have been totally fine scaling back any birthday plans or just spending quiet time together, and I'd have supported him 100%. He apologized for not telling me and for deceiving me about the whole working late stuff. He said he just hated the thought of me worrying about bills or him being unemployed, especially around my birthday. We had a really heartfelt conversation. There were a lot of hugs, and yes, a few tears on both sides. I told him how much I appreciated everything he did to make my birthday special, and that it was probably the most thoughtful thing anyone's ever done for me. I also told him that

moving forward, we have to be honest about these kinds of struggles, because we're partners. He agreed completely. I asked him to promise that next time, God forbid there is a next time, but life happens, he won't shoulder it all alone and shut me out. He promised, and said he felt a huge relief being able to talk about it with me. I could literally see the tension melting off him as we spoke. As for the practical stuff, I offered to help him financially in the interim until he finds a new job, or at least to pay back S immediately, but he was hesitant to accept. He said he has a couple of good job leads and he's hopeful something will pan out soon, and that he wants to handle his debts himself once he's back on his feet. I didn't push it, but I did tell him

the offer stands and that we're in this together. Even if I'm not paying his bills, I can support him in other ways, like practicing interview questions with him, or just being a sounding bored when he's feeling down. He smiled and agreed, and we even managed to joke a bit, I teased that maybe I should hide my next promotion or raise and see how he likes being left in the dark. He was like, please don't. One secret keeping idiot in this relationship is enough. followed by more hugs. In the end, I'm just really happy and relieved. Happy that I have such a caring, devoted boyfriend,

and relieved that we resolve this misunderstanding and the secret under it. It's been a crazy week of emotions, but I think we came out stronger on the other side. I let him know that no matter what happens with jobs or money or anything, I love him for who he is, a guy who tries so hard to make me smile even when he's struggling. So yeah, I got me.

my birthday surprise after all. Thank you to everyone here who followed along. It meant a lot to me. All's well that ends well. Comment one, what a roller coaster, but I'm so glad it had a happy ending. Honestly, this sounds like a no-assholes-here situation in the end. You both had completely understandable feelings and you handled it with love and communication. Your boyfriend clearly adores you, and you obviously care a ton about him. Wishing you both the best of best, you too deserve all the happiness, and a bit of calm after this wild birthday week. Op reply, thank you so much. Roller coaster is exactly how it felt, but I'm really happy with where we ended up. I agree, neither of us meant any harm, it was just a misunderstanding that

snowballed until we finally talked it out. Now that we have, I feel closer to him than ever. We're definitely looking forward to some calm, drama-free time now. Comment two. you guys are seriously relationship goals. It's so heartwarming to see two people who genuinely care and are willing to learn and grow together. Major kudos to both of you for navigating this. And good luck to Holden on the job hunt, I bet with you cheering him on, he'll land something great soon.

Aw, reply, aw, that's really sweet of you to say. I feel very lucky to have him, and I know he feels the same about me. We're not perfect, but we're trying our best to. communicate and be there for each other, that's what matters. I'll absolutely be cheering him on every step of the way. Thanks again for all your kind words and support throughout this crazy story.