Reddit Stories - I DIDN'T notify my family about my SURGERY BECAUSE they spent my entire

Episode Date: April 26, 2026

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #surgery #familydrama #selfcare #boundaries #mentalhealth  Summary: The poster shares their experience of undergoing surgery without informing their family due to past negative interactions. They felt it was necessary to prioritize their well-being and establish boundaries, despite potential backlash. This decision sparked a discussion on family dynamics and the importance of self-care in difficult situations.  Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, surgery, family, boundaries, selfcare, mentalhealth, personalstories, lifeadvice, health, relationships, emotionalwellbeing, support, decisionmaking, copingstrategies, familyissues, personalgrowthBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6816713/support.This episode includes AI-generated content.

I hope you enjoy this story. I didn't notify my family about my surgery because they spent my entire childhood punishing me for my illness and believing I feigned symptoms as a child for attention. Greetings. Everyone history, I come from an extremely low-income, uneducated, and prejudiced family, basically Midwestern rednecks. I was born with a disability that affects the way I walk. Growing up, my parents didn't believe that my inability to walk normally was a disability

they, mainly my father, my mom just kind of goes along with him, thought I was doing it for attention or to spite them or something, even as a toddler. Because of this, I was punished for walking the only way I am physically able to, which means I was basically punished constantly for about seven to eight years until a teacher had to sit down with my parents and strongly suggested they take me to see someone. At this point, the disability was identified, and the doctor suggested surgery which my family couldn't afford. So I spent a number of years in leg braces, physical therapy, etc., which didn't work, as it's a congenital disability. My parents and family, despite being told what was going on, still blamed me for my condition they believed

that I fake this disability long enough as a baby and toddler that I eventually made my body this way. They've always been resentful because of that, and used to constantly remind me how much money they had to shell out for my problem. Throughout my childhood, I was constantly teased about my condition by other kids. I was in leg braces when Forrest Gump came out, yelled at and punished by my parents, and criticized by extended family and other adults, even strangers at the grocery store. People even commented on it in my receiving line at my wedding two years ago. I spent years learning a fake normal walk for when I can't wear shoes, developing a thick skin, and learning to laugh at myself. I've been reminded of this condition by everyone I meet and everyone I know on a

constant basis for my entire life. At this point, it's such a strong part of who I am as a person and my resiliency, I don't even think of it as a disability, really. Just a part of who I am. The problem, at this point, I'm 30 years old. Over the past decade or so, I've had a lot of problems with my feet because of the unusual weight distribution pattern I place on them attempting to walk. Over the last year, though, I started noticing signs of nerve damage, numbness, tingling, and shooting pain which renders me barely able to walk at times, and my doctor strongly stressed revisiting an orthopedic surgeon. At my consult, the surgeon was shocked. He kept asking me questions with this incredulous look on his face, taking pictures with his phone, and commenting

on how surprised me was that I could walk as well as I can at this point. He said it's one of the most severe cases he's ever seen of this particular condition, as most are fixed in childhood via surgery. The imaging of my lower extremities showed tissue damage and nerve impingement, making surgery a necessity at this point. So I scheduled a surgery a couple months from now. I've had a lot of weird feelings about this since scheduling the surgery. The first pertains to how slash when I'm going to tell my family. For years I have completely avoided any talk of my condition, and generally ignore all of the comments made by everyone, still walking like a freak, huh? And the like. I know my parents still believe I did this to myself. Even though I've developed

a pretty thick skin to others, I still get emotional thinking about the abuse, shame, and humiliation I suffered at the hands of my parents and family all throughout my childhood because of this. I'm afraid that it's all going to boil back to the surface when I tell them, and start a fight. We already have a tepid relationship, and I don't want to make it worse. The other weird feeling I have pertains to the feeling that I'm fixing something. I know that at this point, it's either surgery or losing the use of my lower legs over the next few years. However, it feels like I'm losing a piece of me. I've spent 30 years telling myself that there's nothing wrong with me, finally fixing my condition feels like I'm agreeing with everyone, that there was something inherently wrong with me all along.

The surgeon said I would have to relearn how to walk, run, jump, etc. I'm excited to know what it feels like to walk on two good legs, but at the same time, I start to cry even thinking about changing this part of me forever. It's part of me. It's the way I was made. Fixing it makes it seem like I agree that I was made wrong. I don't know how to make peace with that feeling. Edit Holy Cannelly, I came home from school to see this, and oh my goodness.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I am truly reading all the comments, even if I can't respond to all of them. I want to thank you all so much. Your comments made me laugh, cry, and seriously think about a lot of things in my life related to my family. I wanted to address some points that I've seen come up a couple times, for better clarification. One, my family no longer thinks I'm faking. At this point, they believe that I faked my condition as a bit of baby and toddler, and that led to the condition I live with today. Kind of like a.

If you keep making that face it's going to stick that way mentality. There is absolutely no getting through to them about this, so I just ignore it. Two, I grew up in a poor, uneducated, generally abusive household with an abusive alcoholic father and an enabler for a mother. I've been in therapy off and on for almost a decade now, but really started to make progress a few years ago when I started seeing my current psychiatrist, so no worries on my current mental health. Although I still have a lot of problems related to my family history as well as other things that happened, I am in the best possible place now, and actively dealing with it. Three, the reason I still keep my family and my life is because of a few reasons.

One, of course, is the unconditional love I feel for them. As horrible as some of them have been, deep down I will always want to help them and hope that things will get better. I realize this is stupid of me, but I've been working at limiting my exposure to them for a number of years now, and it is a slow process. Another reason, which I know is also probably stupid, is for the sake of my other family members. I am very protective of my family, and in my teen years established something of a caretaker slash head of household role with them when my dad's alcoholism got really bad. I can't handle the thought of the stress and pain I would my mom and siblings if I were to cut them out of my life. I don't know if I could do that to

them. I do love them, as flawed as they are. For, after reading through most of the great comments you guys left, I think I'm going to simply get the surgery and not say anything. I live across the country from my family, and only see them one to two times a year for a week or so at a time. I probably won't be seeing them again until next Christmas. I could potentially get the surgery and mostly recover by then. If they notice, they notice. I realize by reading your comments that I don't owe them an explanation. If they push about it, I'll do what I normally do, and leave the situation before I get upset. It's not of their concern what I do with my body. Thank you all so very much for your kind words. They mean the world to me. Update, hi everyone.

I was so overwhelmed by the positive responses and well-wishes back when I posted about this that I thought I would update all of you on how things are going. So I had my surgery about a month ago, and it went well without any complications. I was an excruciating pain for the first couple days, but my husband was by my side 24 to 7 to help out. He had a week off from his work, so it worked out nicely, and I was able to wean myself off the narcotic pain killers they gave me after about five to six days. Since then, I've been on crutches, and still have about another three or so weeks of crutches to go, most likely.

I don't want to get crazy specific about what my disability or surgery was for privacy purposes, so unfortunately that's all I can really say about it. It's been tedious, but the great thing about recovering from an injury or surgery, I suppose, is learning a new level of patience and endurance. I'm really happy with my recovery so far and the results I'm seeing already. I can't wait until I am recovered and strong enough to try walking without the crutches or any other device and see what it's like. Leading up to the surgery and immediately after, I didn't tell anyone about it, not even my closest

friends. I was kind of afraid of how word might get around, if people would bring it up or something. It got really difficult, though, to keep the secret, as my husband and I had to be careful about what we said and who we said it to. It felt like we were sneaking around, like we had something to be ashamed of. Finally, I told a couple close friends, who were very supportive. I wasn't planning on telling my family, but I finally did. I felt like I was lying by a mission when my mom would call and ask how everything was, anything new, etc., and I would just try to act normal. I finally told her, plain and simple, yeah, so I had surgery about two and a half weeks ago. She was pretty shocked, and she seemed genuinely hurt that I hadn't told her, not in way.

she said, but in her tone. She asked my why I hadn't mentioned anything, and I said that it had always been a very tense subject in the family, and I didn't want to bring it up. I think, somehow, that that got through to her, she seemed genuinely regretful of the situation. She was speaking to me with shame in her voice. We didn't talk long, as I was studying, but later that night, I just kind of thought, to hell with it and made a post coming out to my friends and other family members and letting them know what I had had done. I wrote a narrative about what it was like growing up being different, the rude and hurtful things people would say,

the feelings of shame and isolation that I felt, and how those feelings were so strong that I was debating whether or not I should even tell anyone. It was a positive post, though, overall, as I tried to remind people that individuals with disabilities shouldn't be treated like an outcast or an exhibit. And honestly, I don't have time or room in my heart to feel angry or resentful, I am so hopeful for the future and looking forward to normal mobility.

Everyone was incredibly supportive about the post, and my parents called me a bunch of times in the days after. We played phone tag a bit, and when I finally talked to my mom a couple days ago, she said she wanted to start looking at flights to come out here and visit me and help out. I told her that wasn't necessary, that I was pretty used to the crutches now and the limited mobility I have, and she said she hopes I can reconsider in the next couple days, as it would make her feel a little bit better to be able to help me out, cook, shop, etc. Apparently me getting the surgery and intentionally not telling them. Coupled with the FB post that my mom saw, I didn't call them out or anything in it,

just talked in general about how difficult it was, made my parents feel horrendously guilty about the way I grew up and was treated. My mom wanted to try to make it up to me somewhat by flying out here and spending some time together. I appreciate the sentiment, and I'm glad that they're seeing the way they treated me, in a new light, but I do think I'm honestly too busy in the next couple weeks to host a guest. I told her we could revisit the discussion in a couple weeks. So, everything is pretty great right now. I made peace a long time ago with the fact that I will never be completely comfortable or close with my family, but it's nice to know that people can change or try to. I really appreciate the

effort my parents are putting in, even if it's not necessary. It's the thought that counts, I guess. I don't want to say I'm glad they feel bad, but I'm kind of glad they feel bad. It shows that they're human, maybe there's some hope there. Anyway, thank you all again so, so much for your kindness and support, your replies and massages meant everything to me, even if I didn't get around to responding to them. I read and appreciated every single one. Here's to good health and a good life, goodbye. Next story, husband's family upset his little brother for years, when I started.

up for him. My husband told me to stay out of family business, so I kicked him out and help his brother to escape. I'll try to be brief. I'm still fuming. My husband, M29, comes from a big family, for brothers, two sisters, raised by a single mother for the most part. The youngest of his siblings is Joseph M19. In the six years I've known Joseph he's always seemed awkward and a little too quiet and socially inept. I have always had a special fondness towards Joseph because he's such a sweet person and I was a little awkward growing up myself. Joseph has been struggling with some classes and I've been helping him. My husband took me on a special dinner night to thank me for this and it was there that he revealed why Joseph sometimes struggles.

Apparently, their dad who is now dead left their mom over accusations that Joseph was a product of infidelity. He was not, but their dad was super paranoid about infidelity and treated his wife like property. The father started abusing Joseph when Joseph was as young as two, beating him. He left shortly thereafter and passed away a few years after that. The abuse didn't stop there. My mill picked up where the father left off. The beatings and abuse is too graphic and unspeakable for me to detail it here. It's disgusting and inhumane. My husband said that all the siblings took part including himself. When I could no longer take listening to the details and the extent to which my husband

participated I asked him why and how he could do those things. He went into full-on-defense mode when he saw how furious I was and said they were told he was not their brother. Like that's a valid excuse? He said the family buried it and doesn't talk about it. That Joseph started defending himself at about 13 and the abuse stopped then. I asked him if anybody had apologized to Joseph. He said he doesn't need an apology, that he just needs to forget and in time he will.

Since that night three weeks ago I've been unable to be affectionate in any way towards my husband. It's like I went from totally in love, but totally repulsed by him. He's suddenly somebody I don't even know. I honestly don't know why Joseph has chosen to stay around all these animals and I'm disgusted with myself for marrying one. Last weekend we had a backyard cookout as we often do. Most of his siblings were here. Joseph knocked over a pitcher of iced tea. He's a little shaky and a little clumsy, but it was an accident obviously.

My mill went off and started berating him and called him an idiot and a few other names. She started to berate him about his hands and how they shake so much and told him to get control of it and stop shaking. I gave my husband a look, like, hey, jump in here. He didn't do anything. I lost it. I went completely crazy on her and told her that maybe if she hadn't beat him and other things. At this point my husband jumped in and told me to take it easy on his mom. I told her to leave and she told everybody to leave with her.

Joseph only stayed because I practically begged him to stay but she told him to leave too. I tried to talk to my husband about what happened and why I went off. He told me to mind my own business about his family business. I told him to leave at this point. He reluctantly left and has been calling and texting me nonstop to forgive him. Edit 1 colon finally heard back from a friend I had emailed. She's a counselor. She told me I acutely victimized Joseph by bringing up the abuse that Friday night.

She says I should have simply stood up for him for what happened that night. She says I should apologize to him for that and I will tonight. She also said it's probably going to be the first and only apology, Joseph ever gets that's even remotely related to all the abuse he suffered, so be ready for anything. I'm picking him up at his friend's house tonight. His mom kicked him out over what happened. Everything is happening so fast now. My parents have stepped up big time and offered to move him in.

My dad is going to teach him how to drive and help him get his DL. He's going to give him his old car that nobody drives. Now we just have to convince him to accept our help. Haven't read all your comments, but I will. Just things are happening fast I need to keep up. I know my kids will be fine. Right now I'm in full get-Joseph help mode. I have not read all your comments, but I will.

Thank you all. Oh, I almost forgot. I spoke to my husband on the phone finally. He thinks he's going to talk his way back. I asked him why his mom kicked out Joseph. He said he had no eye. idea what I was talking about. He didn't know. Joseph told me that my husband has been staying at his moms and he was there when Joseph was kicked out. I will file divorce. No chance I'm taking him

back. Edit 2. Some of you have asked about the details of he abuse. I left them out to spare you. Something inside you breaks when you hear the details of what they did to Joseph. I wanted people to read this and not have to visualize it. Horrible and tragic are not big enough words. Edit 3. Sorry I can't respond to every comment and thanks for some kind words. But just to add some clarity to some questions I keep seeing. No, he has no remorse, nor does he think an apology is needed. He also feels no therapy is needed for anybody, just time to heal. But at the same time he acknowledges that Joseph's shaking and struggle are a result of he abuse. I don't get this contradiction, but I will get therapy for myself as well and try to get

more answers. Also, yes, my dad is pretty awesome. I knew he would spring into action if I just talked to him. My mom is great too. I knew dad would get her to sign on as well. They like Joseph, and they had reservations about me marrying my husband, but that was for other seemingly petty reasons at the time. I swear on my life that I did not know my husband and his family had the secret. I only knew that they all seemed normal but Joseph was clearly damaged. He is very sweet-natured but you can tell he has endured some things. I always wanted to get close to him and try to understand him but I never would have guessed. Update, I filed for divorce after a few conversations with my husband. He blames Joseph for our divorce and became very threatening.

At one point he said he would turn walk away from me and our two kids if I didn't stop the divorce process. I called his bluff and told him good, go, we would be better off. In my state it takes six months to finalize divorce with children involved. I have sole custody and he never filed for joint custody which is good. Now on to Joseph. There's so much, but I'll try to be brief. He's in therapy and lives with my parents. He's sticking it out with school even though he has anxiety and depression. He's fighting really hard to heal. Sometimes he has setbacks and is just like a broken down little boy. He has a very strong will and spirit and sometimes I wonder how far he would have gone in life even now at 19 if the animals hadn't totally broken him. His siblings and moms

still try to contact him and guilt him for not staying with his mom to take care of her as she ages. They all agreed that Joseph's life would be to be the mother's caretaker as they all go on live their own as they wish. He actually feels guilty about not fulfilling that shockingly. He has a long way to go before he realizes that his life is his to do as he wishes. They don't have his phone number anymore, but they email him. My dad got him a new phone because his mom would call him and berate him and guilt him. It seemed like every conversation with her set him back two steps. She still knows how to crush him sadly. I wish she didn't have that power over him. I've never wished a death penalty on somebody like I do on her. He's dating a girl and I'm scared

she might hurt him, break his heart, but my dad is more encouraging of that and has to remind me to not overprotect him. Joseph has become very close with my mom. He drives her grocery shopping and enjoys doing that stuff with her. My dad taught him how to drive in like one week. He is about to go take his driving test for his DL. He's still on a learner's permit. There are a lot of positive things going on but progress is very slow and sometimes it's like watching a clock. It just seems like he's standing still in terms of anxiety and depression. I can't say too much about all that's going on but I can say that my parents have an attorney and are going through the adoption process. I wanted this to be a more upbeat and positive

update but honestly Joseph struggles a lot. Law enforcement is now involved because some of the physical abuse is more recent than I thought, just from his mom. He has a few scars and he has broken bones that never healed properly because he never got medical attention. Protection orders are likely to be granted. If they are, then according to the investigator's charges will almost be inevitable. That part of it I can't say much about but can say that Joseph is willing to go forward with that process for now under the guidance of his therapist. But we have been warned that he may choose to back off later. Though one cop said there is a point of no return for the DA even without Joseph's cooperation.