Reddit Stories - I DILIGENTLY set aside funds for several months to PURCHASE an ENGAGEMENT ring

Episode Date: November 11, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #finance #budgeting #engagementring #savingsSummary: I diligently set aside funds for several months to purchase an engagement ring, showing commitment and responsibility in preparing for a significant life event.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, finance, budgeting, engagementring, savings, commitment, responsibility, lifeevent, preparation, financialplanning, personalbudget, wedding, marriage, love, commitmentring, financialresponsibilityBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. I diligently set aside funds for several months to purchase an engagement ring for my partner, but upon attempting to access the funds for the ring, I discovered that my mother had depleted all of our savings. Joint account to pay for my brother's rehab without even asking me. So I'm going to keep this short because I'm still kind of processing everything, but I need advice on how to handle this situation. I work construction and make decent money but nothing crazy.

Been with my girlfriend Rita for six years now and she's incredible. When I got laid off last year and went through a rough patch with depression, she never once made me feel like a burden. Picked up extra shifts at her job, helped with rent, the whole thing. Never complained. I know she's the one. I've been saving every spare dollar for eight months to get her a proper engagement ring. Not some massive rock or anything, but something nice that she deserves.

Found this perfect sapphire ring at a local jeweler, it's her birthstone and she mentioned once how much prettier colored stones are than diamonds. The guy's holding it for me and everything. The money sitting in this old joint account I have with my mom from when I was younger. Never bothered closing it since we both just used it like our own separate savings. She's got her teacher pension money in there, I've got my ring fund. Never been an issue before. Well, I'm planning to propose in a few days. Already asked her mom for permission, Rita's father is no longer with us, got the whole thing planned out.

Nothing fancy, just going to take her to this spot by the lake where we had our first date. Simple and meaningful. But here's where I need advice. My brother Clark has been struggling with addiction for years. He died with pills in high school after a sports injury, graduated to harder stuff by college. He's been to rehab twice already and both times he was clean for maybe six months before relapsing. My mom keeps bailing him out, paying for lawyers when he gets arrested, covering his rent when he can't hold a job. Classic enabler stuff, but she won't hear it.

Last week she mentioned he was ready to get serious about recovery again and wanted to go to some expensive private facility. I just nodded along because honestly I'm tired of having the same conversation about Clark. But now I'm wondering if I should move my money out of that joint account just to be safe. Am I being paranoid? She knows how important this ring is to me. I've been talking about proposing for months. But part of me is worried she might do something impulsive if Clark really pushes her about needing help. What would you guys do? Edit, some people are asking about the account set up. When I turned 18, mom suggested we keep the joint account because it made things easier when I was in college and she was helping with expenses. After

I graduated and got the construction job, we just kept using it like a shared savings account. She puts her extra pension money in there, I put my savings. We both just take out what we need when we need it. It's worked fine for years because we trust each other and both keep metal track of what's ours. Maybe that sounds stupid now but it never caused problems before. Edit 2. A lot of you are saying I should move the money immediately. You're probably right. I guess I just don't want to believe my own mother would steal for me, especially when she knows what this money is for. But better safe than sorry, right? Update 1, posted three days later. Holy shit. Just holy fucking shit. Went to the

the bank today to withdraw the money for Rita's ring. You probably already guessed where this is going. The account is empty. Completely cleaned out. Not just my ring money, her money too. Everything. Called my mom immediately and she just casually mentions that she had to use the money for Clark's rehab program. Like it was no big deal. Like she was borrowing 20 bucks for groceries, I drove straight to her house and we had it out on her front porch. She actually had the nerve to tell me that an engagement is just one day but Clark's sobriety could be forever. Said I should be grateful to help save my brother's life. Grateful.

Like I had any choice in the matter. This isn't even Clark's first rodeo. Kids been a disaster since high school. Started when he hurt his shoulder playing baseball senior year and got hooked on the pain meds. Doctor kept prescribing them even after the injury healed because Clark claimed he was still in pain. By the time we figured out he was doctor shopping, he was already stealing mom's prescription bottles. College was a nightmare. Mom insisted on paying his tuition even though he was obviously using.

Failed out sophomore year but not before racking up thousands in credit card debt buying drugs. That's when mom paid for his first rehab stint. someplace in Arizona that cost more than most people's cars. They had yoga and art therapy and all this expensive holistic stuff that Mom was convinced would work. He was clean for maybe four months before I caught him high at Christmas dinner. Mom made excuses then too. Said he was adjusting and needed time. Made us all pretend nothing was wrong while Clark sat there nodding off during dinner.

The second time he relapsed, it was worse. Got arrested for breaking into a pharmacy with some other addicts. Mom hired him a lawyer, got the charges reduced to misdemeanor theft, paid his fines. Then paid for another rehab program, even more expensive because this one had horses and meditation or whatever. Clark lasted six months that time before getting caught selling his Suboxone to buy heroin. And now this. Third times the charm, right? except this program costs $18,000.

$18,000, that's more than I make in half a year busting my ass in construction. And apparently it was so urgent that mom couldn't even bother asking before stealing our money. The worst part is how she looked at me when I was yelling. Like I was being selfish. Like wanting to marry the woman I love with a ring I saved for is somehow less important than enabling Clark's addiction for the third time. She kept saying things like family comes first and you'll understand when you have children. I asked her what she thought Rita was going to be, chop liver. Rita's going to be my wife, my family.

But apparently that doesn't count because we're not blood-related. Clark called while I was driving home. Said the nerve to tell me he's really committed this time and that I should support mom's decision. Said the program was going to be different because it's longer and more intensive. Same shit he said twice before. I hung up on him. I don't even know what to tell Rita, she doesn't know, but now I have to tell her. The jeweler is expecting me tomorrow.

How do I explain that my own mother sabotaged our engagement? That the ring she's going to love is gone because my junkie brother needed another expensive timeout from his problems. I'm so angry I can barely think straight. I keep thinking about all those months of saving. bringing my lunch to work instead of buying it, skipping drinks with the guys after work, working overtime whenever it was available. Also I could buy Rita something special,

something that would show her how much she means to me. And now it's gone. Just like that. Because my mom decided Clark's latest crisis was more important than my happiness. What the hell do I do now? Edit, people keep asking about legal options. The account was joint so technically she had every right to withdraw the money. Doesn't make it less of a betrayal but I can't call the cops or anything.

Edit 2. Some of you are suggesting I ask Rita's family for help or take out a loan. I appreciate the suggestions but I can't start our engagement by going into debt or asking her parents for money. That's not how I want to begin our marriage. Update 2, posted five days later had to tell Rita everything. Couldn't keep lying about why I was postponing the proposal. I let her down last night after she got home from work. She could tell something was wrong because I'd been weird and distant since the bank incident. Kept asking if I was okay, if something happened at work, if we needed to talk about anything.

I finally told her everything. I felt like such a failure explaining how my family screwed us over. Rita just sat there listening, not saying much, which honestly was. honestly made it worse. I kept rambling, trying to explain how I had everything planned and now it's all ruined. I told her about the spot by the lake I'd picked out, how I'd already talked to her dad, how excited I was to see her face when she saw the sapphire ring. The more I talked, the more pathetic I felt. Here I am, a grown man, and I can't even propose to my girlfriend because my mommy stole my allowance. When I finally shut up, she was quiet for a long

time. Just sitting there processing everything I'd dumped on her. Then she asked if I was okay. Not about the money or the ring, if I was okay. I started crying a little because nobody else had bothered asking me that. She said she was disappointed but not at me. Said she was angry at my mom for putting me in this position. But then she got this look and said something that surprised me. She said she'd rather know who my family really is now than find out after we're married. We talked until like two in the morning about everything. About Clark's history, about how mom always prioritizes his problems over everyone else's life. Rita shared some stuff about her own family that I didn't know. Apparently her uncle went through something similar

with addiction and it tore their family apart for years. Her aunt ended up divorcing him because she couldn't handle the constant drama and financial stress. Rita said she's seen what addiction does to families and she's grateful that I recognize the pattern instead of making excuses for it, said it shows her that I won't let Clark's problems control our relationship the way mom has let them control hers. The crazy thing is I think this whole mess actually brought us closer. She sees how much the proposal meant to me and how devastated I am that it got ruined. But she also sees that I'm still committed to marrying her even without the fancy ring and romantic plan. She's been weird about money since it happened, though.

Keeps asking if I need help with rent or groceries. Offered to lend me money for the ring, which just made me feel worse. I know she means well, but it makes me feel even worse about the whole situation. She shouldn't have to worry about supporting me because my mom stole my money. Still haven't heard from Clark except for that one phone call. Mom texted yesterday asking if I'm done being dramatic yet. Said Clark is making great progress and I should be proud of him instead of being selfish. Deleted it without responding.

Rita saw the text before I deleted it and got really angry. Said no mother should call their child selfish for being upset about theft. Said if my mom can't see how wrong this was, then maybe cutting contact isn't such a bad idea. The jeweler called today too. asked if I still wanted to put the ring on layaway or if I wanted to look at something less expensive. Had to explain that the money situation changed completely. He was actually pretty cool about it, said he'd hold the sapphire ring for another month

in case things work out. Also mentioned he had some other options in different price ranges if I was interested. I just feel stuck. Can't afford the ring I wanted to give her, can't trust my own mother, and now Rita is trying to pretend she's not disappointed when I know she has to be. This isn't how any of this was supposed to go. The worst part is knowing that Mom doesn't even feel bad about what she did. She genuinely thinks she was right to take our money. That Clark's addiction is more important than my relationship. I don't know how to rebuild from this. Rita deserves better than this

drama. She deserves the proposal I planned, the ring I picked out, the romantic moment by the lake. Instead she gets my family's baggage and a broken promise. Update 3, posted one week later. Rita completely blindsided me yesterday and I'm still processing it. She came over after work with this weird energy, excited but also nervous. Fidgeting with her purse and asking random questions about my day. Asked if I had any plans for the evening, if I was hungry, if I wanted to watch a movie. I thought maybe she was going to bring up the whole engagement thing

again, which I've been dreading because I still don't have any solutions. Instead, she sits me down on the couch and pulls out this small black velvet box. Opens it up and there's a ring inside. Not expensive looking, silver band with a small stone that might be glass for all I know. Instead, she's looking at me with this huge smile and says, I found our engagement ring. I'm just staring at this thing, completely confused. She explains that she went to this antique shop during her lunch break, said she was just browsing but kept thinking about our conversation and how frustrated I've been about the whole situation.

She was looking at old jewelry when she saw this ring in a case marked $25. The shop owner told her it was from the 1940s, probably a wartime engagement ring when people couldn't afford expensive stones. The setting is sterling silver and the stone is actually a real garnet, just small. She said she doesn't care about having some expensive stone that came from a jewelry store chain. Said this ring has a story and character and it's ours now. Then she hands me the box and says, will you propose to me with this? I don't know what came over me, but I just started laughing.

Not because it was funny but because here's this woman who's been more patient with my family drama than anyone has a right to be, and she's solving our problem in the most readaway possible. She's always been like this, practical and creative and finding solutions where other people see problems. So I took the ring and got down on one knee right there in my living room. Asked if she'd marry me with this weird little antique ring that costs less than dinner at most restaurants. She said yes before I even finished the question. The ring fits her perfectly. Like, exactly perfect, which she says is a sign that it was meant to be ours.

She's been staring at it constantly since yesterday, taking pictures to send to her showing it off to everyone at work today. Her co-workers think the whole story is romantic. How we overcame this obstacle together and found our own solution. Rita keeps saying how much she loves that it's unique and has history instead of being something thousands of other people have. I called the jeweler this morning to tell him he could sell the sapphire ring to someone else. He actually seemed happy for us when I explained. what happened. Said sometimes the best stories don't involve the most expensive rings. Also said he appreciated me calling instead of just disappearing, apparently a lot of people

just stopped showing up when their plans change. The crazy thing is how perfect this whole thing feels now. Rita's ring suits are so much better than the sapphire would have. She's not a flashy jewelry person anyway, she wears the same simple silver earrings every day and has never owned anything expensive. This antique ring fits her style completely. We're planning to go to the lake spot this weekend anyway, just to have our own private at the place where I originally wanted to propose. Rita says she wants to see where I was planning to do it so we can always remember that spot is special, haven't told my mom about the engagement yet. Honestly not sure if I'm going to. She's been texting about Clark's progress and rehab like nothing happened. Apparently

he's really committed this time and doing well in group therapy. Same shit, different program. Today she sent me a picture of him from Family Day at the facility looking healthy and happy. I showed Rita the picture and she just rolled her eyes. Said it's easy to look good when someone else is paying $18,000 for you to live in a spa for a few months. She's not wrong. Clark always looks great in rehab photos. It's the after pictures that tell the real story.

Rita thinks I should wait until after the wedding to decide about contact with Mom. Says I shouldn't make permanent decisions while I'm still angry. She's probably right but I'm not feeling very forgiving right now. Every time I look at Rita's ring, I remember that mom thought Clark's third chance was more important than my first proposal. For now I'm just trying to enjoy being engaged to the most incredible woman I've ever met. Even if it didn't happen the way I planned, it happened the way it was supposed to. Edit, a lot of people are asking for pictures of the ring. Rita doesn't want me posting photos online, but she said I can describe it.

It's a round garnet stone, maybe four millimeters, in a simple four-pronged setting. The band has some etched details that are worn down from age. It looks like something someone's grandmother would have worn, which I guess it probably was. Edit 2. Some people are criticizing me for cutting mom out permanently over money. It's not about the money. It's about the complete lack of respect for my relationship and my life. If she could do this once, she'll do it again the next time Clark needs something. I can't build a marriage with someone who thinks my wife and I don't matter. Update 4, posted two weeks later. We're officially engaged and it's been incredible,

but the family situation has gotten more complicated. Rita's been wearing her antique ring everywhere and telling everyone who'll listen about how I proposed. Her parents love the ring too and keep saying how much personality it is compared to traditional engagement rings. Her mom actually got emotional when Rita told her the story. Said it reminded her of how she and Rita's dad got engaged during college when they were broke. They used a ring from a pawn shop that cost $15 and were married for $30,000. years before he passed.

Rita never told me that story before. But here's the thing that's been eating at me. Rita suggested we start planning the wedding, and when she mentioned guest lists, it hit me that my mom expects to be invited. She found out through one of my friend's mom who can't keep their mom shut. She's been texting about Clark's progress

and asking when she can meet Rita's parents to start coordinating things. Yesterday she sent me a long message about how excited she is to help plan the wedding. Wants to throw Rita a bridal shower, wants to go dress shopping with her, wants to coordinate with Rita's mom about catering and flowers. Acting like she's going to be this involved mother-in-law

who helps with everything. So I finally told her we got engaged. Her response was to get excited about wedding planning and ask if we've set a date yet. She started talking about guest lists and how many people were inviting from her side of the family. Mentioned that Clark should be out of rehab in time to be in the wedding party. Said she's already thinking about what dress to wear and hoping Rita will want her input on venue selection.

That's when I realized I need to make a decision about this whole situation. Rita and I talked about it before. She said whatever I decide, she'll support, but she wanted me to be sure I was making the choice for the right reasons and not just out of anger. Rita pointed out that if we invite mom, she's going to act like nothing happened. She'll play the proud mother of the groom, take credit for raising such a good man, and probably use the wedding as an opportunity to talk about Clark's recovery progress. She'll make it about her and Clark instead of about us. But Rita also said that if I regret not having mom there later, I can't undo that decision.

Said weddings are complicated and family relationships are messy and there's no perfect answer. So I called my mom yesterday and told her she's not welcome at the wedding. Told her that stealing our money showed me exactly how much she values my relationship and my happiness and I can't have someone at my wedding who would sabotage my engagement. She completely lost it. Started screaming about how ungrateful I am, how Clark needed help and I was being selfish. Said I'm punishing her for trying to save my brother's life. Then she started crying and saying she just wanted both her sons to be happy.

and healthy. But here's what really got to me. She said, you got engaged anyway, didn't you? So what's the big deal? Like the fact that Rita and I figured out a solution somehow makes her theft okay. She said I'm being cruel and that missing her son's wedding will break her heart. Said family should forgive each other and that holding grudges is toxic. Started guilting me about how hard it's been dealing with Clark's addiction and how she needs support, not judgment. I told her that she made her choice when she took my money without asking. That she chose Clark over me, his addiction over my relationship. Said if she wants to be part of my life, she needs to acknowledge what she did was wrong and actually apologize instead of making

excuses. She got quiet for a minute and I thought maybe she was going to apologize. Instead she said, I did what any mother would do to save her child. I hung up after that. Rita hugged me and said I made the right choice, said anyone who could steal from their own child and then act like the victim doesn't deserve to be part of our celebration. Clark finally called today. First time I've heard from him since this whole thing started except for that one call right after the theft. He's been in the program for more than six weeks now and claims he had no idea mom used a lot of my money. He thought it was mostly her savings and a little bit of mine for which I got minded him for that. He apologized and said he's

working through the steps and making amends as part of his recovery. Said he wants to pay me back when he gets out and gets a job. Also said he understands why I'm cutting contact with mom and doesn't blame me. I told him the money isn't really the point anymore. It's about trust and priorities and how mom handled the whole situation. He got quiet and said he understood why I was cutting contact. Then he asked if he could still come to the wedding when he gets clean. Honestly, I don't know. Clark's addiction isn't his fault, but the lying and stealing and drama that follows him around affects everyone. Rita says we should wait and see how his recovery goes this time, but that he'd have to earn back our trust first. No automatic invitations just because we're related.

Clark said he understands and doesn't expect anything from me and that he's trying to focus on his own recovery instead of expecting other people to fix his relationships for him, which honestly sounds more mature than anything he's said in years. For now, we're focusing on wedding planning and enjoying being engaged. Rita's already started a notebook full of ideas and venue options. She wants something small and simple, maybe 50 people total. Garden ceremony, simple reception, nothing fancy or expensive. The weird thing is how happy we both are despite everything. Rita keeps saying that her antique ring is perfect because it represents how we don't need

expensive things or other people's approval to build something beautiful together. Edit People keep asking about Clark and whether I think he's really clean this time. Honestly, I hope he is. He's my brother and I want him to get better. I've been through this twice before and I'm not getting my hopes up. Recovery is a long process and staying clean in a controlled environment is different from staying clean in the real world.