Reddit Stories - I do not HAVE CHILDREN of my own, but I look AFTER my

Episode Date: November 13, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #parenting #childcare #family #relationships #personalSummary: I do not have children of my own, but I look after my friend's kids regularly. Recently, a situation arose where I had to make a tough decision regarding their discipline. It led to a conflict with their parents, and now I'm unsure if I handled it correctly.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, children, parenting, childcare, family, relationships, discipline, conflict, decision making, friends, kids, tough situation, handling challenges, communication, boundaries, support, guidanceBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. I do not have children of my own, but I look after my siblings' children for 20 hours every week without charge. When I eventually declined, she made me feel guilty and sought retaliation, prompting me to react strongly and make a phone call. CPS on her. I'm 29F, child free by choice. My sister Carleen is, 27F, has two boys ages 3.5 and 2. We live close to each other and I've been in their lives since the beginning. We are each other's only family. We come from a broken and dysfunctional family. I love the boys but they are a lot of work, especially on top of my own career and social work

and my personal reasons for not wanting kids of my own. I watch them, help out slash babysit probably 10 to 20 hours a week currently, and it's getting exhausting. The times I've been needed have slowly increased and over the last seven-ish months it's been like this. At first it was Carleen looking for a part-time job, going to mandated courses to get unemployment, occasional movie nights with friends, etc., which I was okay with. Now I spend most of my free time at their house. Lately the cause has been that her best friend's mom is dying and Carleen needs to be there. She's a single mom and I get that it's hard, but recently I feel like she's using me and I rarely see my fiancé as we both work shifts that

change all the time. Sometimes when she's asked me to watch them and I've had some other plans, Carlene sends me a voice message of the boys crying, missing me, guilt-tripping me, saying it's such a shame I care more about myself than them. Telling me she would ask someone else if she had anyone else to ask. Saying really mean things about me being selfish for wanting to enjoy date night when she has to choose between her kids and her best friend's dying mom. I could handle if that's all it was but now it's also affecting the next time we meet. When I get there, the house is a mess, there's nothing to eat and they happen to have a day for a shower slash bath, or Carleen casually mentions I need to put together a gym bag or something similar for them for the next day. These weird, extra things that are obviously revenge. The first time this happened I assumed she'd be grateful I helped where I could, but it wouldn't be an issue if I didn't have time to do everything. I was quickly proven wrong. Before she got home, she casually asked if I had done the extra things and when I hadn't, Not all anyway. She suddenly had to stay a little later. This happened a few times and I'm ashamed

to admit it took me too long to understand what was happening. I was just glad she was updating me on her estimated arrival time. She usually never did that. Another thing she does for revenge, I feel like, could be my exhausted interpretation, is not prepare meals for the kids, or even leave money. When I go to the store she promises to pay me back but, you guessed it, tries to guilt me into saying she doesn't have to pay. She's also not kept her word about some things she'd promised, saying she doesn't want to do things for me if I can't help her with the boys. The excuses and backtracking on stuff start immediately if I don't do exactly what she wants. The latest example, I asked to borrow a dress for a wedding because I didn't want to buy one and we had always

borrowed each other's clothes, and she agreed. For days before the wedding I couldn't show up as fast as she wanted on a short notice so she said I could forget about borrowing the dress. She'd forgotten she'd needed herself. I had to panic by one. Last month she promised to pick me up after leaving my car for some maintenance and she didn't show up. I was stranded. Took her two, five hours to answer her phone and get there.

She also had the audacity to huff and puff about how inconvenient it was she had to drive me. Sorry this is so long, but it's been mind-blowing writing this all down and seeing what I'm putting up with, I'm such a doormat. So yesterday I told her I couldn't come today when she called desperately meeting me to watch the boys for the evening, and when she started her tirade of me being selfish I kind of just snapped. I told her to shut up and listen. If she thought I was that horrible of a human and so selfish, she had two options. Either stop relying on me so much and letting her kids be exposed to my selfishness, or I'll really start being selfish and will not watch them

free of charge ever again, never do anything extra without being compensated. She hung up without saying anything. After I had stopped shaking, I hate confrontation as you can imagine, I started to really panic as I feel like I just lost my last remaining family member. My fiancé said it was long time coming and I should have stood up for myself ages ago, but he's biased as he loves me. I don't really have time for proper friends outside work colleagues so I don't know who else to ask if I made the biggest mistake of my life? What if I don't see my nephews again? What if I had just done it a bit longer and she'd eased a bit?

Ida for telling her to choose between my options? Comments where Op has replied, comment one. Your sister is extremely irresponsible and selfish to the core. Is she receiving child support from the father of her children? If so, she should budget for day care and babysitting. If not, she should pursue legal action. Having kids is a full-time responsibility and she needs to accept this fact. NTA.

Oop, I don't actually know that much about her finances. We don't really talk, I guess. I don't particularly like her as a person. My nephews are the only thing that keep me going back in addition to the weird obligation I feel for the little family I have left. Comment 2. NTA. Stop taking her calls. Stand up for yourself.

and if you think the boys are in a not great home, abuse, neglect, no food, call CPS. Oop, I'm a mandated reporter due to my profession and I've been trying to distance myself from the situation to assess if I need to make the report, but it's always so subtle and she knows what to avoid doing and saying due to growing up with CPS. Comment 3. Where is the kid's father? He should be involved. Oop, I don't actually know. She got irrationally angry I asked her. about him when she was pregnant and I left it at that. Comment 4. You know that not seeing your nephews again is never going to happen.

Your selfish sister has been taking advantage of you for too long, and to her, your standing up for yourself is just a temporary setback in her manipulations. The only way her behavior is going to change is when yours changes. You need to set some clear boundaries and follow them with solid expectations of how you expect her to treat you. For example, guilt tripping, calling, accusations, etc. are to end. If she tries any of these manipulative tactics, there will be clear consequences. And you need to follow through. If you tell her you can't babysit and she starts the guilt, you tell her something like no babysitting for a month because of her behavior. Altering your behavior is the only way you can change hers. Oh, and all those

times she needs to comfort her friend with the dying mother, you realize those are just BS. She wants free from kids' time and is just trying to play on your empathy. Your sister is a class A asshole. Boop, thank you. I feel so stupid, I only thought about the friend's mom thing being BS like last week. I asked see how she was doing and she took a second too long to remember what I was talking about. Comment 5. What has your sister done for you in the last year? It sounds like you are a doormat. None of what you said sounds unreasonable. You need to put boundaries now or it will get worse. I imagine you want to start a family with your fiancé at some point.

You cannot keep this up. NTA-oop. I'm not even wanting a family of my own. No pets nor kids. Regardless, I want to live for myself. She has allowed me to see the boys, that's mostly it. I couldn't imagine not being in their lives. Additional information from OOP.

Thanks for all the replies. There's been so many helpful ones already. I've tried to at least answer all questions. I just have to plan out the boundaries and then practice how to set them and maybe even write down answers for the rebuttals I know she'll have. For those worried about my fiancé, he's a quiet, steady rock for me, he's been somewhat enjoying his gaming time without me around so I hope he hasn't suffered too much. I'll focus on communicating with him better too.

We're getting married in summer of 26, so we'll have to focus update 1. A lot has happened. I'm trying to write concisely. 1. During the first 24 hours after me telling her that ultimatum I decided not to answer her calls or texts to let her cool down. She called 77 times, send over 100 texts and voice messages. They're mostly just her calling me a horrible person who abandons her family. 2. I outlined a few rules with my fiancé's help for the future if she comes to her senses and agrees terms. I wanted them to be ready even though it looked like she will never come around. I had conditions like I could watch them up to three times in two weeks, not more than four hours at a time. Meals needed

to be provided. No bath time or bedtime. I'm not spending any money. Three, I got messages from an unknown number, fiancé says it's an app or something, saying how horrible of a sister I am because now they have to watch their mom die alone without Carleen there to comfort them. Based on the suspicions I had earlier and the language similarities I think this was my sister pretending to be her friend. Four, I talked to my supervisor on Friday afternoon and asked for her opinion. I first asked if it was okay to talk about personal stuff and she was great about it. I don't work with children and CPS has never been a part of my work so I wanted to double check with someone more senior. We made a report together on Carleen. The supervisor said it's better to do so especially now that

it's escalated and she might retaliate against me by hurting the boys in some way as she's obviously not above that. Five, I'm probably going to give her next week to cool off before resuming contact, and depending on what the messages slash voice messages say then, I might contact her. If they are as abusive as now, I probably won't respond at all. It makes me unbelievably upset, but I hope the boys will also get a more stable environment without me as she's using them as pawns with me. Six, fiancé says hello and wants everyone to know he's here for me and wants to assure everyone I'm not really that bad of a doormat, just for Carleen for some reason. I'm looking into counseling through my work, it's too expensive out-of-pocket. Thanks for the messages and the shift

kicks I obviously needed. For some reason I've become blind to my sister's behavior and was only concerned whether I'd lose the boys from my life. Probably will update when slash if I resume contact with my sister if people want to know how it goes. Comments where Op has replied, comment one. NTA bid I suggest you and your fiancé have a discussion about whether or not you would take custody of the kids if it came to that. Your sister sounds like she may land herself in jail or decide to abandon her kids. It's better to be prepared for any possible outcomes, including CPS removing them from her care. Oh, wow, true. We definitely don't want kids, but if the option is foster care for them, we might have to take them in. We'll talk to my

fiancé as soon as he gets home from work. Comment two. Is there a reason the father of these children isn't helping to take care of them? I can't imagine expecting a family member to step in and handle a significant portion of the parenting of my own children. If she wasn't prepared to be a parent, she shouldn't have had two children. Boop, she got really angry at me when I asked about their dad slash s whenever she was pregnant and I just left it at that. She hasn't had a long-term boyfriend since high school as far as I know. I don't even know if the kids have a same dad, I kind of doubt it due to their differences in skin shade and features. Comment three stand your ground up and i hope you can get counseling through work if anything check with local

churches some have counseling and other services offered i hope things work out for you i understand if you have to go and see with her though comment four i hope you have been keeping all the nasty messages because you do need to make sure that you have evidence your sister is neurotic and abusive She bought those kids to this world and it's her fault. She is a single mother who is trying to shirk her duties on someone else, because she is lazy and wants to be a 21-year-old. Well, sorry, but she can't have that. She is responsible for those kids.

Not you. Additional information from Op, it's only Wednesday and I just blocked her. I don't understand when she sleeps, I've been getting messages slash calls every two to four hours since last. last week. I'm crying because it feels like I'm shutting my nephews out, but this is exhausting. My fiancé has been checking the messages twice a day making sure there's nothing important in between, I haven't read any of them. It's just her calling me names and cursing at this point, not even coherent sentences. Nothing on the CPS report yet. Update 2. Boring

update but my fiancé unblocked Carleen for a few hours to see if she was still messaging abusive stuff, she was. Nothing new there. CPS called and asked for more info, which I provided. They wanted to know specific dates and whether I had proof, and I sent them a lot of screenshots of messages with Carleen. I chose to make the report with my name on it as I felt like it added credibility. And it also kind of felt like a punishment for me to use my name especially after waiting so long to make the report, meaning my sister could now also know for sure it was me who made the report and I'd face the consequences for it. I've had one Zoom appointment with a psychologist through my work. It's been great so far and I already got homework on boundaries. Seems fast, but she said they're

trained to move quickly as we are usually provided five visits and there should be progress in that time. I haven't heard from Carleen or the kids other than the abusive messages. I'm ashamed to say I've driven by the house a couple of times just to see if everything looks normal and it does. I had a talk with my fiancée after a commenter suggested the kids might need to be removed from Carleen and if we were planning on fostering slash whatever if it came to that. We aren't. We don't want kids and have known that from the beginning. The day-to-day life as a family with kids sounds absolutely horrible to be honest, there's nothing that appeals to us. We don't even want pets. We would become resentful and probably would lose ourselves in the process if we went there.

I don't know how much there is to update after this, maybe if the contact resumes, but honestly I'm afraid to send her anything as she's just insulting me. I don't think she'd even really read what I wrote if I tried. Update 3. Today was my birthday. I'm 30, yay, and I just had an ordinary workday. When I got home my sister was waiting for me. Fiance wasn't home yet. Carleen congratulated me and actually seemed normal at first, but when I couldn't behave like I normally would, attentive, asking how I could help her, etc., she got irritated. She said she'd known I never loved the boys and was only jealous I didn't have kids. I tried to make them love me more and then I'd falsify reports to CPS and get custody. I actually kind of laughed it

was so ridiculous. I told her I don't even want kids and wouldn't take hers even if they were offered. Might have been a cruel thing to say, but I'm just so tired. She somehow got angrier and saying how horrible the boys will now feel knowing I'd abandon them and proving I didn't love them. I knew I couldn't win with her, so I just asked she why she was here and where the kids were. Carleen said their whereabouts were none of my business, fair enough, and she was here to tell me I'd never see them again. I'd accepted that as a possibility, or even probable, so I didn't really react which made her even angrier. She tried to grab me, but I'd stood about six feet away so she couldn't reach me and I just ran inside the building and closed the

door behind me, luckily it locks automatically. She followed so I shouted through the door that I would call the police if she didn't leave. She kicked the door and left without saying anything. I went to our apartment and sat on the floor. My hands were shaking so I couldn't write but I made a voice recording on my phone on everything in case I need to contact the police or a lawyer or something. After around 20 minutes just breathing the door lock rattled and I got really scared until I understood it was my fiancé getting home from work. I was still on the floor, so he obviously freaked out. I told him everything and he said we should make a police report

and also update the CPS people about Carleen's irregular behavior. I still feel weirded out reporting her because we endured much worse as kids and don't think anyone reported our parents, but my fiancé asked if I would make this report at work if it was someone else's family. I said it's not fair as I don't work with kids for this exact reason. But I guess I'd report it. It's getting late and I can't sleep, worrying about making the police report tomorrow and wondering what to tell the CPS. I guess I'll explain the whole thing and they decide what's relevant. Oh, CPS let us know on Monday, I think, that my sister is under investigation

and they gave me the contact info for their caseworker, so at least that report will be easy to make. Update 4. Sorry it took a while but I've been trying to keep busy, taking extra shifts at work, as I missed the boys. I haven't heard from them at all since my sister kicked at our door. CPS has been in contact a few times, but as we let them know we wouldn't be willing to take the boys unless absolutely necessary, not even for a short foster placement. They haven't been telling us as much about their situation. It feels like we don't know much anymore, but I guess we're outsiders now, so I get it. The family court date is set for next month and we're debating whether to ask if we can go, but I honestly think they wouldn't allow it now as we have nothing to do with the

solution. I don't know whether we would have been able to attend even if we agreed to foster them, usually the family courts here are quite closed. As far as the boys go, I've accepted I'll probably never see them again. I wish that if I can keep tabs on them I can reintroduce myself when they're 10 years or so older and have their own phones, etc. It's far away but I have to have something to look forward to. CPS is actively still investigating. Until they stopped telling us anything, it sounded quite sure that at least a short foster placement was needed. My sister failed to show up to mandatory meetings, wasn't available when they tried to reach out to her and at least once Carleen arrived at the house without the kids just as the CPS came by, and they realized the kids had been

home alone for the time Carleen was gone. They contacted me to ask if I knew where my sister was and for how long, but I had stopped talking to her at that point. Carleen said she just dropped off something the street over so she was gone for less than three minutes. I don't know if I believe that and the CPS didn't think so either. The reason we don't want, can't take the boys is mainly our health. I have a chronic illness and my fiancé is in a wheelchair. We live in a one-bedroom apartment and having the boys' beds and stuff would make it inaccessible for a wheelchair and that's just not okay. In addition, we just don't want kids at all. I don't think I'd be a great parent and can't expect my fiancé to parent either

as he didn't sign up for it either. I hope the boys are small enough so that they are easy to place, whether temporarily or permanently. It breaks my heart but at the same time I just can't do it. Thanks for the well wishes and ask me if you have any questions.