Reddit Stories - I SECRETLY got married without INFORMING my RELATIVES after they insisted that I

Episode Date: November 22, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #marriageissues #familydrama #secretwedding #relationshipadvice #conflictresolutionSummary: I secretly got married without informing my relatives after they insisted that I. Now, I'm facing backlash and unsure how to handle the situation without causing more conflict within my family.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, marriageissues, familydrama, secretwedding, relationshipadvice, conflictresolution, familyconflict, communicationproblems, weddingdrama, familydispute, marriagestruggles, familyexpectations, secretmarriage, familysecrets, relationshipchallenges, familyrelationshipsBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. I secretly got married without informing my relatives after they insisted that I delay my wedding for 10 years, so that my brother without a job could sort out his life, and it would appear unfavorable if. The younger sister got married first. I, 26F, have been with my now husband James, 28M, for six years, engaged for the last two, and we finally got married last weekend. But there's a whole mess of family drama that led to this point. and I'm still trying to process everything. For context, I'm the younger of two siblings.

My brother Tom, 30M, has always been the golden child in our family. He was the star athlete in high school, got into an Ivy League college on a partial scholarship, and everyone always thought he'd be this huge success. The problem is, after graduating college eight years ago, he's been finding himself and exploring his options. He's had maybe six different jobs, none lasting more. than a year, moved back home three times, and keeps talking about his big plans that never seemed to materialize. He's always hyping up some grand venture, a startup idea, a career switch,

or a new degree, but so far nothing has stuck. So, here's where I'm at. I went to a state school, got my degree in accounting, landed a solid job at a good firm right after graduation, and I'd been slowly but steadily building my career. I met James during my senior year of college, when he was starting his master's. We hit it off right away. After two years of dating, we moved and together, and by the time we'd been together for four years, we were engaged. Everything was going smoothly,

and we were both excited about our future together until we started planning our wedding. That's when things took a weird turn. My parents called me into a meeting, and they dropped a bombshell. They sat me down and told me that I needed to postpone my wedding plans for at least eight to ten years because Tom, is still figuring life out. Apparently, he has something big coming, but when I asked what that was, they got really vague. It sounded like they weren't even sure themselves, something about him

maybe starting a business or going back to school for an MBA, but even they didn't have the details. What they were sure about was that it would look bad if the younger sister got married before the older brother, and they were worried it might affect his confidence or distract him from his journey. Honestly, at first, I thought they were joking. I laughed because it's sounded so ridiculous. But nope, they were dead serious. They said this was about respecting the natural order of things and that I needed to make sure Tom feel supported during this delicate time in his life. I pointed out that Tom is 30 years old, not some teenager trying to figure out what to do with his life. And I reminded them that James and I had been

planning our wedding for months. We'd already saved up money, started looking at venues, and were eyeing a date for next spring. But instead of understanding, my parents doubled down. They said, family comes first, and I needed to be patient for the sake of Tom's success. I tried to reason with them. I reminded them that James and I had been together for six years and that our wedding is about celebrating our relationship, not Tom's problems. But they didn't care. Instead, they accused me of being selfish and insensitive for not prioritizing Tom's needs. At one point, my mom even brought up how they helped pay for my college expenses as if that should somehow make me feel obligated to put my life on hold. Yes, they helped me with

college, and I'm thankful for that. But I've been financially independent since I graduated, and I've never asked them for anything since. James was absolutely furious when I told him about this conversation. He's always been supportive of my family, but this time he couldn't hold back. he said we shouldn't have to put our lives on hold just because Tom's always in a maybe someday mindset. After several heated discussions with my parents that led to absolutely no progress, James and I made a bold decision. We were going to have the wedding we wanted, but we weren't going to tell my family about it. So, we started planning everything in secret. It was a lot of work, but we did it. We chose a small, beautiful garden venue, invited only our closest friends and James's

family, who were completely supportive, and my best friend from college as my maid of honor. It turned out to be exactly what we needed. The day was intimate, meaningful, and drama-free. We wrote our own vows, had a lovely dinner afterward, and spent the evening celebrating with the people who truly care about us. For once, I didn't feel the weight of my family's expectations hanging over me. But, of course, the truth came out eventually. Someone tagged us in wedding photos on social media, and once that happened, all hell broke loose. My phone exploded with messages from my family. My parents were furious. My mom texted me a long rant about how I'd betrayed the family and humiliated them in front of everyone. She said I had ruined Tom's

chances, I still don't understand how me getting married affected that, and that I had shattered the family's trust. Of course, Tom played the victim like always. He claimed that my wedding set back all his progress and that I should have waited until he was more settled. Even some extended family members weighed in, telling me I should have respected my parents' wishes and that I was selfish for not considering my brother's feelings. It's been a lot to handle, and I honestly never expected it to blow up like this. At the end of the day, I'm still standing by the decision James and I made. Our wedding was for us. We're not responsible for Tom's issues or the way my parents have handled him.

But it's definitely been eye-opening. I always thought my family would understand, but this whole situation has shown me just how deep the dysfunction really goes. James' family, on the other hand, has been amazing. They told us we did the right thing and that we shouldn't let my family's toxicity overshadow our happiness.

My friends have also been incredibly supportive, reassuring me that my parents' request was ridiculous and I had every right to go ahead with my plans. But despite all this, I can't help feeling a weird mix of emotions. I'm over the moon about marrying James and starting this new chapter, but I'm also heartbroken about how this has affected my relationship with my family. I've tried to explain this to my parents, but they refuse to see it. They keep saying I'm overreacting and that they're just trying to support both of their

children equally. But that's not how it feels. It feels like I'm constantly being asked to put my life on hold so Tom can get his act together. And honestly, I'm tired of it. I don't know where we go from here. Part of me wants to cut them off completely and focus on building a happy, drama-free life with James. But another part of me still hopes they'll come around and realize how unfair they've been. I'm not holding my breath, though. For now, I'm just trying to focus on the positives. I married the love of my life. I have an amazing support system in James's family and my friends, and I'm finally standing up for

myself after years of being overshadowed by my brother. It's a bittersweet victory, but I'll take it. I keep thinking about how this might affect my relationship with my family long term, but at the same time, I can't imagine putting my life on hold for a decade just because my brother hasn't figured out his path yet. So, Reddit, am I being unreasonable here? Should I have waited like they asked? Or was it right to prioritize my own happiness for once? Update one, first, I just want to say thank you all so much for the overwhelming support and validation. Reading through your comments has been such a game changer for me. They helped me realize just how absurd and unfair my parents' request really was. I've been processing everything over the past few days, and it's

been a whirlwind of emotions. There's been relief, sadness, anger, guilt you name it. But But mostly, I feel a lot more confident in the decisions James and I have made. That being said, things have definitely escalated since my last post. Yesterday, my mom called me, and for the first time in my life, I completely stood my ground. The conversation started off tense. She asked me if I'd come to my senses yet and if I was ready to make things right with the family. Her tone was that classic mix of guilt tripping and trying to take the moral high ground.

I took a deep breath and calmly but firmly told her that while I love my family, my marriage to James isn't about Tom or anyone else. I said I wasn't going to apologize for living my life. I reminded her that James and I have been together for six years and that we deserve to celebrate our relationship without it being overshadowed by Tom's issues. That's when the water work started. My mom broke down crying and started talking about how I don't understand how hard all of this has been for Tom.

she said watching his baby sister succeed while he's still struggling to find his way has been really hard on him. Then she dropped a bombshell. Tom has been dealing with depression. Hearing that hit me hard. Depression is no joke and I've seen friends go through it, so I can empathize with how much he must be struggling. But at the same time, I told her that enabling him by trying to hold everyone else back isn't helping him. If anything, it's just reinforcing this idea that the world will stop and cater to his needs, which isn't realistic or healthy. I told her I'm open to supporting Tom in ways that are appropriate, but sacrificing my happiness and future isn't one of them. That's when she got really quiet. Then, out of

nowhere, she hung up on me. Not long after, I got a text from my dad. His message was short, but it cut deep. He called me heartless and said they raised me better than this. He accused me of being selfish and ungrateful and said I was choosing a man over my family. I can't lie that text hurt more than I expected it to. I've always tried to be a good daughter. I've never gone out of my way to cause problems in our family. So, to have my own father paint me as some kind of villain? That's a tough pill to swallow. James, on the other hand, was furious when he read the message. He's been urging me not to respond, saying it's just going to add fuel to the fire. He's probably right, but I'm still debating whether I should say something.

And then, just when I thought things couldn't get Messier, my aunt, my mom's sister, reached out to me privately. She's always been the more level-headed one in the family, and I felt like I could talk to her about things I can't always say to my parents. She told me she's been following the whole situation and wanted to give me some context about what's really going on. According to her, the big thing coming that my parents mentioned about Tom isn't about some business venture or a degree. It's about a proposal. Yep, apparently, Tom is planning to

propose to his girlfriend of three months, Riley. My parents are completely aware of his plan and have been hyping it up as the turning point in his life. They're convinced that getting married will magically give him the stability and motivation he needs to get his act together. But here's the kicker, Riley has no idea about this proposal. None. In fact, my aunt told me that that Riley has been confiding in her about some serious doubts she's been having about the relationship. Riley's apparently considering breaking up with Tom because she's worried about his lack of direction and his tendency to make big promises without actually following through. My aunt said she even tried to gently warn my parents that pushing Tom to propose

might not be the best idea. She told them Riley might not say yes, especially if she's already feeling this way. But as usual, my parents completely dismissed her concerns. They're convinced that a proposal will fix everything. I'm floored. First of all, I feel for Riley. She's only been with Tom for a few months and is already questioning whether the relationship is right for her. The idea that my parents are pressuring Tom to propose in some misguided attempt to stabilize his life is just wild to me. Marriage isn't a band-aid for personal issues, and I can't imagine how blindsided Riley will feel if Tom goes through with this. Secondly, it's clear that my parents fixation on Tom's success is warping their perspective. They're so desperate for him to succeed that

they're clinging to any shred of hope, no matter how unrealistic or harmful it might be. James and I have been talking about what to do next. He suggested we take a short break from my family to let things cool down, which honestly seems like a good idea. I've already muted their messages and stopped checking social media for a bit because the constant barrage of guilt-tripping and judgment is exhausting. My aunt thinks I should stay firm but try to keep the lines of communication open in case my parents eventually come around. I'm torn. On one hand, I don't want to cut them off completely, but on the other hand, I'm tired of being treated like my life is secondary to Tom's. One bright spot in all of this has been James's family. They've been

incredibly supportive, reassuring me that I'm not in the wrong and that it's okay to set boundaries. His mom even invited us over for dinner last night, and it was such a relief to be around people who genuinely care about our happiness without any strings attached. It reminded me that family doesn't have to mean blood relatives. It's about the people who love and support you unconditionally. As for Tom, I'm not sure what to do. Part of me wants to reach out to him and see if he's okay, especially after hearing about his depression. But another part of me wonders if that would just feed into the dynamic where I'm always the one making the effort while he gets a free pass. I don't want to enable his behavior, but I also don't want to abandon him if he genuinely

needs help. It's a delicate balance, and I'm still trying to figure out the right approach. For now, I'm focusing on James and our new life together. We're planning a small weekend getaway to decompress and celebrate our marriage without any drama. It feels like the right move, even if it's bittersweet. I'm hoping that with time, my family will realize that this isn't about choosing sides or being ungrateful. It's about me finally standing up for myself and prioritizing my own happiness. And honestly, it feels good to finally put myself first. Thank you again for all the support. Your words have meant more to me than I can express. I'll keep you guys updated as things unfold. Update 2. Things have taken a really unexpected turn. Riley Tom's girlfriend

reached out to me on Instagram the other day. She started off by congratulating me on my wedding, which was surprising but nice. Then she said she needed someone to talk to about Tom. I didn't know how to feel about it at first. I mean, Riley and I have only met a handful of times, and we're definitely not close. But she seemed genuinely upset. so I figured I'd hear her out. We set up a time to meet for coffee. When we finally sat down, Riley didn't hold back. She opened up almost immediately, and wow, she had a lot to say. First off, she confirmed what my aunt had already told me she's planning to break up with Tom. She said it's because she's deeply worried about his complete lack of direction in life.

He won't commit to a career, won't take responsibility for anything, and it's gotten to the point where she feels more like his caretaker than his partner. She said she's completely drained. What really stood out to me was how Tom doesn't even seem to realize there's a problem. Riley said every time she tries to have a serious conversation with him about their future, he just brushes her off. Either that, or he accuses her of not being supportive enough. Can you imagine?

She's been bending over backward to help him, and instead of being grateful, he turns it back on her. Riley's got her life together. She's a professional, she's successful, and she clearly knows what she's doing. But according to her, Tom doesn't seem to respect that at all. She told me about this time when she offered to help him update his resume and prepare for a job interview. Instead of appreciating her effort, he laughed it off and said he didn't need help because he was waiting for something better. Like, what?

Another time, she suggested he take a course to develop skills for a job. job he claimed he wanted. But again, he dismissed it, saying it was a waste of time and that he'd figure it out on his own. She said it's like he doesn't see her as a partner or even as someone who could support him just as someone who's there to cater to his every whim. What really broke my heart, though, was when Riley started talking about my parents. Apparently, they've been pressuring her non-stop. They've been telling her that she could help Tom reach his potential and promising to support them both while Tom gets his life together. My mom even told Riley that she'd be good for Tom because she's so stable and hardworking. Like, seriously, it's like they

see Riley as a tool to fix Tom, not as a person with her own feelings and boundaries. Riley said this constant pressure from my parents is one of the biggest reasons she's done with the relationship. She feels like they're more focused on keeping Tom afloat than on respecting her or acknowledging how she feels. And honestly, I can't blame her. That would wear anyone down. As Riley kept talking, I started realizing just how bad things really are. I knew my parents were enabling Tom, but I had no idea it went this deep. She told me they've been paying off his credit card bills and giving him an allowance for so-called networking events. But get this, those networking events are really just nights out drinking with his buddies. And it doesn't stop

there. Riley said my parents have even promised to help Tom start a business using their retirement savings. They're waiting for him to find the right opportunity, but we all know that's just code for Tom sitting around doing nothing while they keep funding his lifestyle. Hearing all of this made my stomach turn. I knew they were enabling him, but I didn't realize it was this extreme. I felt so sorry for Riley. It's so obvious that she's been doing everything she can to hold things together, but the weight of it all has been crushing her. She's such a kind, intelligent woman who honestly deserves so much more. She needs a partner who supports her, not a project she has to fix. The way my parents have placed this burden on her is just heartbreaking.

Before we parted ways, Riley thanked me for listening. She said it felt good to finally get everything off her chest, and I could tell she genuinely meant it. I told her I'm here for her if she ever needed to talk again, and I truly meant that. Whatever happens with her and Tom, she deserves support and kindness. After our conversation, I couldn't just sit with everything she told me I knew I had to bring it up with my parents. So, I decided to write them an email. I laid out everything Riley had shared with me, including how much pressure they've been putting on her and how it's been affecting her relationship with Tom. I tried to make it as clear as possible that their behavior wasn't helping anyone not Riley, not Tom, and definitely not themselves.

In the email, I told them I love them, and I love my brother, but the way they're enabling Tom is only holding him back. I pointed out how their actions are preventing him from growing up and taking responsibility for his own life. To try and be constructive, I suggested family therapy as a way to work through all of this together. I even attached some resources I found about enabling behaviors and healthy family dynamics. I wanted them to know I wasn't trying to attack or blame them, I just wanted us all to find a healthier way forward. So far, I haven't heard back from them. I'm not surprised they're probably upset or maybe just not ready to respond, but it still stings. I can't help but hope they'll at least read the

email and take some time to think about what I said. Even if they don't agree with me right away, maybe it'll plant a seed. James has been really supportive through all of this. He told me I did the right thing by reaching out, even though he knows how hard it was for me. He's also been encouraging me to set some firm boundaries if my parents don't change their behavior. And he's right, of course, but it doesn't make it any easier. I know my parents mean well they just love Tom so much that they're blinded by it. They want so badly for him to succeed that they can't see how much damage they're doing in the process. For now, I'm trying to focus on my own life.

James and I are finally planning that weekend getaway we've been talking about for ages, and I honestly can't wait. After everything that's happened, I really need some time to just relax and enjoy being newlyweds. These past few weeks have been so overwhelming, but I'm learning to prioritize what really matters, my happiness, my marriage, and my future. As for Tom, I hope he finds his way someday. But I've realized that I can't keep putting my life on hold for him.

It's not fair to me, and it's not helping him either. And when it comes to my parents, I'll give them time to process everything, but I'm no longer willing to bend over backward to make them happy. It's time for all of us to grow up and start taking responsibility for our own lives. I just want to say thank you again to everyone who's been so supportive through all of this. Your encouragement and kind words have meant more to me than I can even explain. They've helped me stay grounded and reminded me that I'm not alone in this. I'll keep you all updated if anything changes, but for now, I'm focusing on moving forward.

James and I deserve to build the life we've always dreamed of, and that's exactly what we're going to do. Update 3, Hey everyone, so much has happened in the last few days, and honestly, I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of it. First off, Riley and Tom are officially over. She broke up with him, and let's just say it didn't go smoothly. Tom completely lost it. Like, full meltdown mode. He showed up at our apartment at 2 a.m., drunk out of his mind, banging on the door and yelling like a lunatic.

It was terrifying. James opened the door, and Tom stumbled in, immediately launching into some wild rant about how I'm the one who ruined everything. He said if I'd just waited to get married, none of this would have happened. The level of delusion is honestly insane. James stayed super calm the whole time, thank God for him, and after trying to reason with Tom for what felt like forever, he called him an Uber and made sure he got home okay.

But the whole situation shook me up. I barely slept that night, just lying there thinking, how did it even get to this point? Then, the next day, my parents called a family meeting. They said it was time to clear the air and figure out how we're all moving forward. James and I agreed to go, but I was firm this wasn't going to be some debate about my marriage. I told them up front, we'd talk, but only if they respected our boundaries. They reluctantly agreed, so we went.

Tom didn't show up, big surprise, apparently too hung over to bother. So it was just me, James, and my parents. Things got intense fast. My mom broke down crying early on, saying she feels like she's losing both me and Tom. That hit hard. My dad tried to play it cool, but eventually, he admitted they'd been terrified that Tom would never get his act together. What really stuck with me, though, was when he said my success makes Tom's struggles look

worse. Like, really? That's such a messed up way to look at it. But it does explain a lot about how they've acted toward me. James and I let them talk without interrupting. But when it was my turn, I didn't hold back. I told them straight up that their constant enabling of Tom isn't helping anyone it's hurting him, and it's created this awful, toxic dynamic for the rest of us.

I pointed out how they've even put their own financial stability on the line to keep bailing him out. And then I laid it out clearly, I love them, and I love Tom, but I'm done letting their dysfunction run my life. The meeting ended, okay-ish, I guess. On the positive side, they finally admitted that asking me to postpone my wedding was wrong. They even apologized for how they handled everything and said they got wide James and I went ahead without them. That felt huge. But they're still clearly heard about being left out and not quite ready to fully accept our decision. The good news is they agreed to stop enabling Tom

though I'll believe it when I see it and they even suggested he start therapy. That feels like a step in the right direction, assuming they actually follow through. So yeah, that's where things stand. It's a lot to take in, but I'm hopeful. At least there's progress, even if it's baby steps. As for James and me, we're taking a step back from the family drama for now. We've decided to finally take the two-week honeymoon we delayed, and I think the space will be good for everyone. My parents have offered to host a small family celebration for our marriage when we get back, but I've told them that nothing is set in stone. James and I will decide after our trip whether or not it's worth it.

I've made it clear that if we do agree to the celebration, it'll be on our terms, not theirs. To anyone reading this who might be dealing with similar family issues, I want you to know you're not alone. I know how complex it must feel, but you should know that it's possible to love your family while still living your life on your own terms. You're not responsible for managing other people's emotions

or putting your dreams on hold for someone else's journey. Sometimes doing what's best for you means making hard choices, and that's okay. Thank you to everyone who's followed this saga and offered support and advice. Your encouragement has meant more to me than I can say. For now, I'm focusing on my marriage, my happiness, and my future. I'll post another update if there's anything major to share, but for now, this is where I'll leave things. Take care, everyone.