Reddit Stories - I was in a RELATIONSHIP with my PARTNER for 8 MONTHS, and she

Episode Date: July 26, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #partnerissues #drama #confessiontime #relationshipadviceSummary: I was in a relationship with my partner for 8 months, and she...Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationshipproblems, partnerconflict, relationshipquestions, loveadvice, relationshiphelp, relationshipissues, datingdrama, relationshipadvice, partnerdilemma, relationshipstruggles, relationshipstory, relationshipexperience, relationshipadviceforum, relationshipproblemsadviceBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. I was in a relationship with my partner for eight months, and she never invited me over to her place until one day I managed to visit and uncovered a huge secret she had been keeping. Living situation that changed everything. I, 28M, have been dating Lucy 26F, for about eight months now, and in all that time, I have never once been inside her apartment. Not even to use the bathroom or grab something she forgot.

Let me give you some background because I know this sounds weird without context. We met through a mutual friend's birthday party last spring. Lucy works as a veterinary technician at a clinic about 20 minutes from downtown, and I'm a graphic designer who works mostly remote but goes into the office twice a week. We hit it off immediately, she's funny, smart, loves hiking, and we have this easy conversation flow that I've never really had with anyone else. For the first couple months, we mostly met at neutral locations. Coffee shops, restaurants, the park, museums, that kind of thing.

Which was normal, I mean, who brings someone to their place on the first few dates. But then we started getting more serious, spending weekends together, and that's when I noticed the pattern. Every single time we hang out, it's either at my place or somewhere public. My apartment is nothing special, but one-bedroom. about 15 minutes from downtown, pretty standard furniture, maybe a bit messy but not gross or anything. Lucy seems comfortable there. She's left clothes, keeps a toothbrush in my bathroom, even has her favorite coffee in my kitchen. She'll come over Friday after work and stay through Sunday evening sometimes. But when I suggest going to her place, there's always a

reason why we can't. The first few times, it seemed legitimate. Her roommate, her roommate was having people over. She was doing deep cleaning. Her building's water was getting shut off for maintenance. Normal stuff that happens when you live somewhere. But then it became a pattern. Every time I'd suggest watching a movie at her place instead of mine, or offer to pick her up for a date, she'd redirect. Let's just meet at the restaurant. Your TV is bigger anyway. My roommate's having a rough time right now, probably better to give her space. I started paying closer attention to her excuses, and they were getting more creative. Her building was having pest control, for the third time in two months. Her roommate was sick with something contagious. The neighbors upstairs were

doing construction that made it impossible to relax. Her roommate's boyfriend was going through a breakup and camping on their couch. The thing that really started bothering me wasn't just that I couldn't come over, it was how uncomfortable she got whenever I brought it up. She'd change the subject quickly, or get this kind of anxious look and start fidgeting with her hands. One time in July, I jokingly said something like I'm starting to think you're hiding a secret family over there and she went completely white. Like, I thought she was going to be sick. I tried to approach it from different angles. I offered to help her move if she was unhappy with her living situation. I suggested we could hang out at her place even if her roommate was around. I'm a pretty social guy,

I don't mind meeting new people. I even offered to bring dinner for all of them. Every suggestion was met with more reasons why it wouldn't work. Her apartment complex is in a decent part of town, maybe a little farther from the city center than mine but not bad. I've driven through the neighborhood a few times, not stalking, just happened to be in the area for work stuff, and it looks fine. Normal apartment buildings, nothing that would explain why she's so secretive about it.

The situation came to a head two weeks ago. We'd been talking about taking a weekend trip together, maybe going up to the mountains for some hiking and staying in a cabin. Lucy was excited about it, we were looking at places online together at my apartment. Then my laptop died. Just completely crashed in the middle of our planning session.

I suggested we continue looking on her computer at her place since we were both excited and didn't want to lose momentum. The look that crossed her face was like I'd suggested we rob a bank together. She immediately started backtracking. Actually, I'm getting tired. We can look tomorrow. My computer is really slow anyway. It wasn't even... Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast.

I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreeker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insert ad insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Spricker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay

for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Spreker's powerful tools

scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreaker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com. At late, maybe 8 to 30 on a Saturday evening. We've been having a great day together, cooking dinner, watching some Netflix, planning this trip we were both excited about.

The mood completely shifted. She started gathering her things like she was in a hurry to leave. I asked her directly, Lucy, is there a reason you don't want me to see your apartment? She got defensive immediately, said I was being paranoid and possessive, that she didn't understand why I was so obsessed with seeing her place when we spend plenty of time together. that it felt like I didn't trust her. But here's the thing, I do trust her. I don't think she's cheating or hiding some other relationship.

I'm not worried about finding evidence of other guys or anything like that. It's just that after eight months together, the secrecy itself has become this weird elephant in the room. Normal couples see each other's living spaces. They meet each other's roommates. They have the option to hang out at either person's place depending on what's convenient. I feel like there's this whole part of her life that I'm completely shut out of. She knows my neighbors, has met my friends who live in my building, knows which coffee shop I walk to in the mornings. I know nothing about her daily environment except that she apparently has a roommate with a very

dramatic social life. After our argument two weeks ago, things have been tense. We still see each other. but there's this underlying tension that wasn't there before. She seems nervous that I'm going to bring it up again, and I'm walking on eggshells trying not to seem like I'm pushing too hard while also feeling frustrated that this is even an issue. I'm starting to wonder if I'm being unreasonable.

Maybe some people are just more private about their living space. Maybe she had a bad experience with a previous boyfriend being judgmental about her apartment. But eight months seems like a long time to maintain this level of secrecy with someone you're supposedly serious about. Am I the asshole for being frustrated about this? Edit to add. A few people are asking about her lease or living situation details. She's mentioned that she and her roommates have been living together for a few years,

and that they get along well. She's never said anything about lease restrictions on guests or anything like that. Her building allows pets, she's mentioned wanting to get a cat someday, and seems pretty standard for rental apartments in our city. Comment 1. NTA. Eight months is definitely long enough to expect some level of transparency about basic living situations. The fact that she gets so anxious and defensive when you bring it up suggests there's something specific she's worried about you discovering.

That doesn't necessarily mean it's anything terrible, could be embarrassment about the condition of the place, financial issues, weird roommate dynamics, etc. But you're not wrong to want to understand why this is such a big deal to her. Ops reply, that's kind of what I was thinking. I've tried to make it clear that I'm not judging her for whatever the situation is, but the secrecy itself is becoming a problem. Like, if her apartment is messy or if she's struggling financially, I want to be supportive, not judgmental. But I can't be supportive if I don't know what's going on. Comment two. Have you tried having a serious conversation about this outside of moments when you're asking to come over? Like, sitting down when you're both relaxed and explaining that the secrecy is affecting your trust in the relationship.

She might not realize how much this is bothering you. Ops reply, we did try to talk about it after the argument two weeks ago, but she mostly just repeated that she doesn't understand why it matters to me so much. She said that since we spend so much time at my place and out together, she doesn't say, see why I need to see her apartment too. But to me, it feels like she's compartmentalizing our relationship in a way that doesn't feel normal for how serious we've gotten. Comment 3. Uda for pushing this so hard. Some people have anxiety about their living spaces, especially women who might worry about being judged. You admit you've driven through her neighborhood, which is borderline stalker behavior, and you keep bringing it up despite her clearly being

uncomfortable. Back off and let her bring you over when she's ready. Ops reply, I get where you're coming from, but I want to clarify the neighborhood thing. I had client meetings in that area for work, I wasn't specifically going there to check up on her. And I don't think wanting to see your girlfriend's apartment after eight months of dating is unreasonable or pushy. But I do hear what you're saying about respecting her comfort level. Update, first off, thanks to everyone who commented on. on my original post. Reading through different perspectives

helped me figure out how to approach this situation better. After sitting with everyone's feedback for a few days, I decided to have one more conversation with Lucy about the apartment thing. Not demanding to come over, but just trying to understand...

Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Sfreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere. from Apple Podcasts to Spotify.

But the real game changer for me was Spreeker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insert insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Sprinker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access,

adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Spreker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out Spreaker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com. And why it was such a sensitive topic for her.

I waited for a moment when we were both relaxed. We were at my place last Sunday morning, having coffee and reading stuff together. I told her that I wasn't trying to be controlling or pushy, but that the secrecy was starting to make me feel like there was something fundamentally off about our communication. I explained that I didn't care if her place was messy, small, weirdly decorated, or whatever, I just wanted to understand why it felt like such a big deal to her. She was quiet for a long time after I said that.

Then she kind of laughed, but not in a happy way. More like when you realize you've been worrying about something that sounds silly when you say it out loud. Turns out, Lucy has been embarrassed about her living situation. Really embarrassed. She's been living in what's technically listed as a one-bedroom apartment. But it's been converted into a three-person shared space. She and two roommates are essentially living in a studio configuration with thin divider walls that don't go all the way to the ceiling. When she moved in three years ago, it was supposed to be temporary, just until she saved up enough money to get her own place. But then vet tech salaries are lower than she expected, plus she had some

unexpected medical bills a couple years ago, nothing serious, but expensive, and she's been stuck there way longer than she planned. The apartment itself is clean and fine, but it's tiny. Like, uncomfortably tiny for three adults. Her room is barely big enough for a double bed and a small dresser. There's one bathroom for all three of them. The kitchen is basically a galley with barely enough counter space for one person to cook. She's been embarrassed to have anyone over, especially me, because she knows my apartment is spacious and nice. But here's the part that made me feel like an idiot for pushing so hard. She's also been worried about her roommate's schedules and privacy. One of her roommates works nights

at a hospital, so she's sleeping during normal evening hours when Lucy and I would want to hang out. The other roommate has some social anxiety issues and gets really uncomfortable with strangers in the small space. Lucy was worried that if I came over and saw the living situation, I'd think less of her. That I'd assume she was bad with money or unmotivated or something. She said she's been working extra shifts when possible and putting almost everything towards saving for a deposit on her own place, but rent prices in our city have gone up faster than she can save. When she finally told me all this, I felt terrible for making it into such a big issue. I told her that I don't care how big her apartment is, and that I'm actually impressed she's

been managing to save money while dealing with a difficult living situation. I also told her that I'd be happy to just meet her roommates briefly and then we could figure out ways to hang out there that work for everyone's schedules. She seemed relieved but still nervous about me actually coming over. We decided that I'd come by the following Saturday afternoon when her night shift roommate would be awake and her other roommate had plans to be out. So last Saturday, I finally got to see Lucy's place. And honestly, it was exactly what she described, but not nearly as awkward or uncomfortable as she built it up to be in her head. Yes, it's small. Yes, the room divisions are clearly makeshift.

But it's clean, she's made her space cozy with plants and photos, and her roommates were perfectly nice. Her night shift roommate, who I'll call Rumi, was actually really friendly. She's a nurse and had some funny stories about weird ER cases. We all chatted in a tiny living room area for about an hour before Rumi headed to work. The apartment is small, but it doesn't feel cramped when it's just two people there. Lucy and I ordered Thai food and watched Netflix on her laptop in her room. It was actually kind of nice, intimate in a way that's different from my larger apartment. We could hear some street noise and the neighbors, but nothing worse than you'd expect from an urban apartment building.

The whole experience made me realize that Lucy had been building this up in her head as much more shameful than it actually was. I think she's been comparing her situation to mine and feeling bad about it, when really she's just in a different stage of figuring out her adult life. I'm a few years older and I've been working in a higher-paying field for longer. We talked about it afterward, and she admitted that she's been feeling insecure about a lot of things related to money and independence. She's been worried that I see her as less successful or together than I am. Which is ridiculous, she works in animal health care, deals with emergencies and difficult

pet owners all day, and manages to maintain a positive attitude and save money while living in a challenging situation. I told her that I'd rather know about the challenges she's dealing with so I can be supportive, rather than being shut out and left to wonder what's going on. Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record,

host, and distribute your show everywhere, from Apple Podcasts to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreaker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insertion. That means you can automatically insert ads into your episodes, no editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting hobby into a full-time career. Spreaker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access,

adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast net. Sparker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out spreeker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com. We talked about ways I could be helpful without making her feel like I'm trying to solve all her problems, like maybe cooking dinner at my place and bringing leftovers over, or helping her look for

new apartments when she's ready. The roommate situation is still a factor in terms of planning when to hang out there, but now that I understand the constraints, it's much easier to work with. Rumi's schedule is predictable, and the other roommate, who I haven't met Zero or talked to yet, apparently said through my girlfriend that it is fine with me being there as long as we give her a heads up. Overall, I'm glad I persisted in trying to understand what was going on, but I also wish I'd been more patient about giving Lucy space to explain in her own time. She's been dealing with some legitimate stress about her living situation, and my pressure

to see her apartment was probably adding to that stress rather than helping. We're in a much better place now communication-wise. She seems more relaxed about the whole thing, and I feel like I understand her life better. I'm planning to spend more time over there going forward, working around her roommate's needs, and hopefully she'll feel more comfortable being open about other stuff that's bothering her instead of letting it build up. Update 2, I don't even know where to start with this one. This update is probably going to sound completely unbelievable, but I need to write this out to process what just happened. Remember how in my last update I mentioned that I hadn't met Lucy's second roommate yet.

Well, it turns out there's a reason for that that's bigger than social anxiety. Last Thursday, I went over to Lucy's place around 6 p.m. We'd planned to cook dinner together and watch a movie. Rumi was already at work, and Lucy had said her other roommate would be out of for the evening, so I figured it would be a good chance for us to have some alone time in her space. I got there and Lucy seemed more nervous than usual, but I figured maybe she was still adjusting to having me over there regularly. We started making stir fry together in the tiny kitchen, talking about our days, normal couple stuff. Then I heard a key in the door. Lucy immediately froze. Like, completely

stopped moving, with the wooden spoon halfway to her mouth for tasting the sauce. The door opened and then walked a little girl. Maybe eight or nine years old, with Lucy's eyes and curly brown hair, wearing a school backpack and carrying a art project that looked like it was made from paper plates. The three of us just stared at each other for what felt like forever but was probably only a few seconds. The little girl looked confused and a little worried, like she was trying to figure out if she was in trouble for something. Lucy's face went through about five different expressions before

she managed to say, Lily, this is. This is my friend. Lily, this is boyfriend. I'm standing there holding a spatula, trying to process what I'm seeing, and this kid, Lily, says, Hi. Are you having dinner? I'm hungry. Our neighbor made fish sticks, but I don't like fish sticks. Turns out, Lily is Lucy's daughter. Lucy is a single mom, and this whole time when she's been talking about her roommate, she's been talking about her eight-year-old daughter. The apartment set up suddenly made a lot more sense. The makeshift room divisions weren't for three adults,

they were set up so that Lily could have her own space and Lucy could have some privacy. The reason Lucy was always worried about noise and scheduling and having people over wasn't just about adult roommate dynamics. She was trying to maintain some kind of normal routine for her kid. After we all got through the initial shock, Lucy sent Lily to wash her hands and get started on homework. Then Lucy and I had to have a very awkward conversation in her tiny kitchen while trying to finish making dinner. She was crying and apologizing and trying to explain everything at once. Lily's father isn't in a picture, he left when she was pregnant and has never been involved. Lucy was 26 when she had her, and she's been raising her alone ever since.

She hasn't told any of the guys she's dated about Lily. Not because she's ashamed of her daughter, but because she's had bad experiences with men who seemed great until they found out she had a kid, and then suddenly became unavailable or started treating her differently. Lucy said she was planning to tell me eventually, but she wanted to be sure about our relationship first. She didn't want to introduce Lily to someone who might not stick around, and she didn't want to deal with another guy who would lose interest once he found out she came with baggage. I asked her about all the stories about the roommate having a boyfriend over, or being sick, or having social anxiety.

She said some of it was about Rumi, who is a real roommate and does help with child care sometimes. But a lot of it was about managing Lily's schedule and trying to maintain some boundaries between her dating life and her mom life. The roommate's boyfriend camping on the couch was actually Lucy's brother staying over to watch Lily when Lucy was working extra shifts. The construction noise was Lily having friends over for a birthday party. The contagious illness was when Lily had strep throat and Lucy couldn't leave her alone. I spent the rest of the evening having dinner with Lucy and Lily, helping with some math homework, which was actually kind of fun and trying to wrap my head around this massive piece of information that I'd been missing. Lily is a cool kid.

She's funny and chatty and clearly smart. She told me about her art project, something involving the solar system, and asked if I knew how to play any good phone games. She didn't seem phased by having a stranger at dinner, apparently Lucy occasionally has friends over, just not romantic partners. But I'll be honest, I'm struggling with how to feel about this. Not about Lily existing, but about the fact that Lucy kept this from me for me for for eight months. I understand her reasoning, and I don't think she was trying to manipulate me

or anything like that. But it feels like I've been dating someone I didn't really know. It also explains so much about Lucy's behavior that I've been interpreting differently. Why she was always available to hang out at my place but had complicated scheduling for her own place. Why she never stayed over on Sunday nights, Lily has school on Monday. Why she was sometimes distracted or tired in ways that didn't match up with what she told me about her day. Lucy and I talked more after Lily went to bed. She said she's been struggling with when and how to tell me, especially after things got more serious between us. She was worried that if she told me early on, I'd leave before getting to know her well enough to see past the single mom thing.

But she was also worried that waiting too long would make me feel deceived. She said she's been planning to tell me for the past few weeks, especially after I'd been so understanding about her living situation. But she didn't know how to bring it up, and she was scared about how I'd react. I ended up staying the night, sleeping on the couch, and had breakfast with both of them the next morning. Lily showed me her collection of rocks she's found around the neighborhood and explained why some of them are definitely magic. Lucy seemed hopeful that I wasn't freaking out or running away. But I did need some space to think. I told Lucy I needed a few days to process everything, and that we should talk again over the weekend. I'm still figuring out how I

feel about all of this. The practical questions alone are overwhelming. If Lucy and I continue dating seriously, what would that mean for my relationship with Lily? I've never dated someone with kids before. I don't know anything about being involved in a child's life. I don't know anything about being involved in a child's life, even peripherally. And then there's the trust issue. I get why Lucy felt like she had to keep this secret, but it's hard to know that someone you care about has been managing such a huge part of their life without you knowing about it.

I'm supposed to talk to Lucy tomorrow evening. Hi, I'm Darren Marler, host of the Weird Darkness podcast. I want to talk about the most important tool in my podcast belt. Spreaker is the all-in-one platform that makes it easy to record, host, and distribute your show everywhere from Apple Podcast. to Spotify. But the real game changer for me was Spreeker's monetization. Spreaker offers dynamic ad insert ads into your episodes. No editing required. And with Spreker's programmatic ads, they'll bring the ads to you, and you get paid for every download. This turned my podcasting

hobby into a full-time career. Sprinker also has a premium subscription model where your most dedicated listeners can pay for bonus content or early access, adding another revenue stream to what you're already doing. And the best part, Spreaker. Spreaker grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or running a full-blown podcast network, Spreker's powerful tools scale effortlessly as your show grows. So if you're ready to podcast like a pro and get paid while doing it, check out spreeker.com. That's S-P-R-E-A-K-E-R.com. I'm not sure what I'm going to say. Comment 1. W-T-F. A secret kid for eight months. Bro, that's not just privacy that's straight up lying about who she is.

I get being cautious but this is insane. What happens when you find out she's actually married to Lamo? Run. Ops reply, I mean, I don't think she's married or anything that dramatic, but yeah. It does feel like everything I thought I knew about her was wrong. Like how do you just not mention you're a mom for almost a year? Comment two, okay unpopular opinion. but I kind of get it.

Dating as a single mom is rough. Guys either run immediately or they stick around and end up being awful to your kid. Maybe eight months seems long but honestly when you're protecting your child you do whatever it takes. She probably wanted to make sure you weren't going to be a dick before involving her daughter. Ops reply, that's fair and I'm trying to see it from her side, but it still feels like she didn't trust me at all. Like what if I'm great with kids? What if I would have been understanding? She never gave me the chance to prove myself either way.

Comment three, wait, how did you not figure this out sooner? Kids are loud and needy and always interrupting things. No way she kept this up for eight months without major slip-ups. Either you're really oblivious or this story is fake. Ops reply, trust me I've been going through every interaction trying to figure out what I missed. She was really good at covering, always had explanations for weird texts or why she couldn't do certain things. I guess when you trust someone you don't question their excuses as much as you should. Final update, thanks to everyone who commented on my previous updates.

Reading different perspectives helped me think through this situation more clearly. I talked to Lucy last weekend like we'd planned. I'd spent the few days in between really thinking about what mattered to me and what I wanted for. from this relationship. First, I asked her to tell me more about her past experiences with dating as a single mom. She opened up about some really painful situations where guys she'd been seeing for a while completely changed their behavior once they found out about Lily. One guy she dated for about four months told her he wasn't ready for that kind of responsibility

and basically ghosted her. Another guy stayed in the relationship but started making comments about how hard it would be to do fun couple things with a kid around, and kept suggesting activities that would deliberately exclude Lily. The worst one was a guy who seemed initially okay with her having a daughter, but then started making weird comments about Lily's behavior and questioning Lucy's parenting decisions. He'd say things like maybe she wouldn't be so clingy if you didn't coddle her or suggest that Lily was manipulating Lucy for attention. That relationship ended when he told Lucy that Lily was too old to still want bedtime stories and that Lucy was raising her to be dependent.

Hearing about these experiences helped me understand why Lucy had been so protective of both Lily and herself. She wasn't just worried about rejection, she was worried about someone coming into their lives and making Lily feel unwanted or criticized. I told Lucy that I understood why she'd kept Lily's existence private, but that I wished she'd trusted me enough to tell me sooner. We talked about what it would look like to move forward, with the understanding that Lily's well-being comes first. Lucy was very clear that she wasn't looking for someone to be Lily's father figure right away, or maybe ever. She's been doing fine as a single parent, and she doesn't need someone to come in and take over or fix anything. But she also doesn't want to date someone

who sees Lily as an obstacle or inconvenience. We decided to take things slower and see how everyone feels about spending time together. No pressure, no big declarations about the future, just seeing if we all get along and if this feels natural. Over the past month, I've been spending more time at Lucy's place, and Lily has been part of that. She's gotten used to me being around, and I've been surprised by how much I enjoy hanging out with her. Last weekend, we all went to the Science Museum together. Lily is obsessed with dinosaurs right now, so she spent about an hour explaining different types of theropods to me

while Lucy laughed at my attempts to pronounce their names correctly. It felt surprisingly normal and fun. Lily is hilarious and smart, and she's made me think about things in ways I wouldn't have otherwise. Plus, seeing Lucy as a parent has shown me sides of of her personality that I find really attractive. She's patient and creative and handles stress in ways that make me respect her even more. Lucy has been more relaxed and open about other things too.

She's told me more about her work stress, her financial goals, her worries about Lily starting middle school in a few years. It feels like we're finally operating as full partners instead of me only getting access to the parts of her life that were easy to share. I'm not going to pretend this is all simple or that I have everything figured out. Dating someone with a kid is complicated, and there are conversations we still need to have about boundaries and expectations. But I'm glad Lucy finally trusted me enough to let me into this part of her world, and I'm

glad I stuck around long enough to understand what was really going on. Lily asked me last week if I was Lucy's boyfriend now, and I told her that was something her mom and I were still figuring out together. She said okay, but if you are, you should know that mom really likes the coffee you bring over, so you should keep doing that. Smart kid.