Reddit Stories - Invested COUNTLESS years managing the rural property without COMPENSATION FOLLOWING my mother's passing,

Episode Date: November 16, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #ruralproperty #compensation #familydrama #inheritance #hardworkSummary: After investing COUNTLESS years managing the rural property without COMPENSATION FOLLOWING my mother's passing, tensions arose with family members over inheritance issues, leading to a complex and emotional situation that tested relationships and highlighted the importance of communication and understanding.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, ruralproperty, compensation, familydrama, inheritance, hardwork, relationships, communication, understanding, emotional, tensions, familyconflict, propertymanagement, personalstory, lifechallenges, generationalissuesBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Invested countless years managing the rural property without compensation following my mother's passing, as my sibling resided in the urban area. Nevertheless, my father intends to pass it down to him due to his offspring. And I'm more capable, so I got a new job and left, then Dad realized he couldn't afford to replace me. I, 34F, moved back home to our small family farm eight years ago after my mom passed away, in order to help my dad keep it running. My younger brother, 31M, lives two states away with his

wife and three kids. He works a city job and visits maybe twice a year, so he hasn't been involved in the farm at all. Over these eight years, I've basically been running the farm day today. It's a small operation that barely makes any profit. Most years we just about break even, which is enough to cover property taxes and keep the place going for my dad's sake. My dad still helps where he can. It gives him purpose after mom's death, but the majority of physical labor and management falls on me. I handle everything from tending the animals and crops, to maintaining the equipment, to doing all the bookkeeping and paperwork. And I do all this on top of working a part-time job in town to earn some actual income, since the farm itself doesn't

really pay me. Essentially, I've been working on the farm unpaid, living there and helping out because someone needed to. Here's the problem. My dad recently mentioned he's updating his will, and he plans to leave the farm to my brother. His reasoning is that my brother has a family to think about, because of his kids, and that I'm more capable of taking care of myself.

In other words, because I'm single with no kids, and my brother is married with children, dad thinks my brother needs the inheritance more than I do. I didn't want to blow up at my dad, but I did ask him if he was serious. I said something like, what about all the work I've done here? And he just got a bit defensive and said it's not about keeping score and that in a family you do things to help each other out.

He kind of downplayed my concerns, basically implying that I shouldn't be focused on who gets what, and that he trusts I'll be fine on my own because I'm capable. That really hurt. I have poured almost a decade of my life into this farm. I put my personal life on hold and moved here to support Dad and keep our family's land. going. My brother, meanwhile, has never so much as mowed a field or helped with harvest, not because he's a bad person, but because his life took him elsewhere. But now Dad is saying that the farm, which only still exists because I've been working it, will just go to my brother

who had no part in it, just because my brother has kids and I don't. It feels like a huge slap in the face. I don't care about money in the sense that this isn't some lucrative property. It's more about the principle and the future. If my brother inherits the farm, I suspect he'll just sell it off for cash, since he has no interest or ability to run it. That would mean everything I've worked for, keeping this farm alive, improving it, maintaining it, was all for nothing. And I'd also basically lose my home and job in one go, while my brother reaps the benefits of a sale.

I haven't had a real sit-down confrontation with Dad beyond that initial shocked conversation. He seemed to shut down the topic by saying family isn't about keeping score and making me feel like I'm selfish for even bringing it up. I do feel guilty because I don't want to be greedy or ungrateful. I know I moved back to help out of love and not with a guarantee of a reward. But at the same time, I feel incredibly unappreciated and taken for granted. It's like he doesn't see my contribution as worthy of anything, just because I'm the daughter and in his mind daughters just help out.

I'm really conflicted and hurt. I don't know how to approach my dad without a fight, and I haven't told my brother about any of this either. So, Reddit, am I the asshole for being upset that my dad intends to leave the family farm to my brother, even though I'm the one who has been working it for years? Am I just being entitled or does my frustration make sense? I could really use some perspective on this situation. Comment 1

NTA Your dad is absolutely taking advantage of you. He's basically treating you like free labor and then rewarding your brother who did nothing. That's completely unfair. You have every right to be upset and honestly, you should consider stopping working for free. Your father is showing blatant favoritism or maybe some outdated idea that the son should get the farm. You're not wrong here. I'll reply, it really does feel like I'm being taken for granted.

Comment two. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Have you actually sat down and talked to your dad about how this makes you feel? Maybe he doesn't realize how much this is hurting you or how much work you've put in because you haven't really sold your side of it. It might help to calmly explain to him what you told us here. Also, does your brother even want the farm? Perhaps he might be on your side if he knows the situation.

Either way, communication is key here. I'll reply, you're right, I haven't had a real heart-to-heart conversation with him yet. I kind of froze up when he mentioned the will change. I think I need to talk to him properly about it, as hard as that might be. I'm not sure if my brother knows or what he'd think. He's never shown interest in the farm. But yeah, I'll try to bring it up with Dad calmly and see if that helps. Comment 3.

Waity boo-hoo, you chose to move back and play farmer for eight years, that doesn't mean you get to whine about not being handed the land. It's your dad's property, not yours. He can leave it to whoever he wants, and it makes sense he'd give it to the kid who has a family to support. You sound entitled as hell expecting a reward for what you were supposed to do. If you don't like it, you can leave. But stop trying to guilt your poor father just because you regret wasting your own time. Op reply, I'm not expecting a reward for helping my family. I did it because I cared. But it's hard not to feel hurt in this situation. I get that

it's ultimately his decision, but I don't think it's wrong to feel unappreciated. I'm not trying to guilt him, I just want him to understand where I'm coming from. And leaving might honestly end up being what I have to do if nothing changes, as much as that sucks. Update 1. First of all, thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. It's been about three weeks, and I took the advice to sit down with my dad and talk things through. Unfortunately, that conversation didn't go as well as I had hoped. I tried to explain to my dad how I felt that I've dedicated years of my life to keeping the farm running, and that it hurt to hear he'd give it to my brother who hasn't been involved at all. He seemed really uncomfortable and defensive. He basically said I

shouldn't view family inheritance like payment for work and that I was wrong to make it about keeping score. His words were something along the lines of, this isn't about tallying up who did more. In a family you do things for each other because you care, not for some reward. He reiterated that my brother has a family to support and that I'm more independent. So in his mind this is about looking out for the family members who need the most help. I brought up that it felt unfair, and he said, life isn't always fair, and inheritance isn't a paycheck. That pretty much ended the discussion because I didn't know how to respond without it turning into an argument. I also asked if my brother even knows about it.

any of this yet. Dad told me he hasn't mentioned the will change to my brother at all. He acted like it's not a big deal and said it's just estate planning and I shouldn't worry so much about it. That was kind of shocking to me, because it feels like a very big deal. The whole talk left me feeling pretty disheartened. It's clear that my dad basically views all the work I do on the farm as just something someone naturally does for her family. He doesn't see it as labor that gives me any ownership or stake, it's just expected of me, realizing that was pretty painful. So at this point, nothing has really changed. Dad is sticking to his plan, and I'm still here doing the daily farming tasks, but I'm growing resentful. I haven't

confronted my brother about it yet, since he's still in the dark and lives far away. I'm honestly not sure where to go from here. This situation just feels really awful and unfair, but talking to dad didn't make a difference. I guess I'll have to figure out a next step, maybe involving my brother, but right now I'm at a loss. Comment one, this is just so wrong. Honestly, it sounds like your dad has some old school or sexist attitude, like the daughter is supposed to toil away out of duty and the son, who did nothing, gets the reward because he's the male with a family. You are NTA at all. You have every right to feel hurt. Off reply, it does feel that way. It does feel that unfortunately. I'm starting to suspect it is a lot of that old-fashioned mindset. It hurts to think

that's how he views it, but I appreciate you validating that it's not okay. Comment two, if your dad refuses to see reason, you might need to start looking out for yourself. It's not fair to you to keep working yourself to the bone for free if he's just going to hand everything to your brother. Maybe start by cutting back your farm duties or finding a paid job elsewhere, something that will secure your future. It sucks, but your dad is taking you for granted and you deserve better. Op reply, I've been thinking the same thing, to be honest. I love the farm, but I can't pour my whole life into something that won't even be mine in the end. The idea of leaving makes me feel guilty, but you're right that I have to consider my own future if you won't. Comment three,

you should definitely loop your brother into this conversation. There's a chance he doesn't even want the farm. If he's a reasonable guy, he might side with you or at least be honest with your dad that he has no interest in it. At the very least, talking to him could clarify whether he plans to keep it or sell it if it goes to him. Knowing that might give you more leverage or insight when you talk to your dad next. Off reply, that's a good point. I haven't talked to my brother yet mostly because it's awkward and I wasn't sure how to bring it up. But I do want to know what he thinks and what he'd do if Dad actually follows through. I'll try to have that conversation with him soon,

especially if I can't get through to Dad any other way. Update 2. A lot of commenters encouraged me to speak with my brother, so I did. My brother and his family came to visit Dad and me briefly, a short weekend trip, about two months after my original post. I took the opportunity to pull him aside and talk about what's been going on. I basically told him straight up that Dad was planning to leave the farm to him in the will. He looked surprised, it seemed like this was the

first he'd heard of it. I asked him, hypothetically, what he would even do if he inherited the farm. Would he want to keep it or manage it somehow? He was pretty honest. He said something like, I mean, I can't exactly move out here and start farming. My life is in the city. The kids have school, and I have my job. Essentially, he admitted he wouldn't be able to personally make use of the farm. Then he kind of shrugged and said he'd probably just sell it if it came to him. I won't lie, hearing him say that out loud pissed me off, even though I expected it. I told him that I've put almost a decade of work into the farm and I really don't want to see it sold off to some developer or stranger. I was hoping maybe he'd never thought about it from my side and might

reconsider. He got a bit awkward and said something like, yeah. I get that. This is. I don't know, it's complicated. I'd have to think about it. That was about the extent of our talk. He didn't outright offer to decline the inheritance or suggest giving me any share or anything. He mostly just seemed uncomfortable. I suspect he doesn't want to be the bad guy, but he also clearly sees the farm more as a burden or an asset to cash out, rather than something to keep in the family. After that conversation, I felt pretty low. It confirmed my worst fear. If dad goes through with this, the farm's basically going to be sold the minute it passes to my brother. I'm trying not to resent my brother, it's not his fault dad set this up, and he's just being practical about his own

situation. But it still felt like a blow, because it means all my work here truly would end up for nothing in the long run. So, that's where things stand. Dad still hasn't explicitly told my brother, hey, I'm leaving you the farm, so my brother is kind of waiting on that news from Dad, I guess. I haven't told Dad about the details of my talk with my brother yet either. We just had the visit, they left, and now I'm processing it all. I'm not sure how or when to bring this up with Dad, like, by the way, I talked to brother and he said he'd sell the farm. I the conversation is going to be rough. But at least now I have a clearer picture, if nothing changes, the farm's future is basically nil. It's a really discouraging realization,

and I'm trying to figure out what to do with that information. Comment 1. Now you have concrete proof that your brother would sell the farm. I think you need to tell your dad this immediately. If your dad's whole reasoning was about family and preserving things, he needs to understand that his plan means the farm won't stay in the family at all. If he still insists on leaving it to your brother after knowing it'll be sold, then he's being unbelievably stubborn and short-sighted. Lay it out for him, giving the farm to your brother equals the farm's gone. Maybe that will wake him up. Op reply, I agree that he needs to hear this, and soon. I'm working up the courage to have that conversation. It's not going to be easy telling him that his grand plan would actually

backfire completely. But you're right, he has to face that reality. I really hope that information will make him reconsider, because it's basically exactly what I was afraid of. Comment too. I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed in your brother's reaction too. I get that his life is elsewhere, but he didn't even entertain the idea of trying to keep the farm or acknowledge your years of work. He basically said, yeah, I'll sell it without missing a beat. A stand-up guy might have told your dad, give it to sis, she's the one who earned it. At the very least, he could have suggested some kind of split or plan that includes you. It comes off as pretty selfish that he'd just take the money. I know your dad is the main issue here, but I'd be feeling

hurt by my brother as well. Op reply, I was a little disappointed, too. I don't think he means to hurt me, in his mind, he's just being practical about what he'd do. But yeah, a small part of me hoped he would say something like, you've been doing all the work, maybe it should go to you, or that he'd at least reassure me he wouldn't screw me over. He really didn't. I'm not trying to villainize him, but it did sting that he didn't seem to appreciate what I've done either. Update 3, 4 months later. It's been a few more months, and I've started quietly preparing for the possibility that I might have to build a life away from the farm. After reading the advice here and seeing how things were going, I updated my resume and began looking around for other job

opportunities in the agricultural field. I haven't left yet or anything, but I've definitely been less involved in long-term planning for this farm. I think my dad has noticed. The other day, my dad actually confronted me. He asked why I seemed distracted and not as engaged with the upcoming season's plans. I decided to be honest. I told him that I was considering my options outside. the farm, since it's become clear to me that I don't really have a future here in the long run. I tried to say it as gently as possible, but I didn't hide the truth. I can't keep investing all my time and labor into a farm that I'm not going to inherit or have any ownership in. Well, that blew up. My dad got really upset and emotional. He basically accused me of

abandoning him. He said, So you're just going to leave me here all alone in my old age? After everything, you're walking away? He went on about how he thought I cared about our family and the land, and how my mom would be so disappointed if she knew I was willing to just up and leave. He framed it like I was betraying the family. I did my best to stay calm. I reminded him that I have been here for eight years out of love for the family, but that I also have to think about my own life. I told him directly that it's hard to justify staying when I know I'll end up with nothing, and when I know that if my brother gets the farm, he'll likely sell it off anyway. I did mention that last part, that my brother had told me pretty plainly he'd sell.

Dad just shook his head and said something like, You don't know that for sure. He might realize its value to the family when the time comes. It felt like he was in denial or just didn't want to hear it. The conversation was awful. We were both angry and hurt by the end of it. My dad basically thinks I'm being selfish and disloyal. From my perspective, he's the one who put me in an impossible position. I told him, I'm not trying to hurt you, Dad. But I have to have a life that's mine. I can't work myself into the ground here and then have it all taken away.

He just said, I never asked you to sacrifice anything. You chose to come back. If you want to go, then go. But he said it in this very bitter way. So yeah. Now we're kind of at an impasse. He knows I'm serious about possibly leaving, and he's upset. I feel guilty and upset too. I hate that it's come to this point. I wish he could see my side without feeling attacked or betrayed. It's like there's no good outcome here. If I stay, I'm essentially screwing myself over. If I leave, he feels like I'm screwing him over. It's a terrible

situation. At the moment, we're not really talking much beyond basic necessities to run the farm each day. I'm still doing my chores and he's doing his, but there's a lot of tension. I honestly don't know what's going to happen. I have a couple of job applications out now, so I guess we'll see if anything comes through. I haven't officially quit on him, but he knows I'm close to that point. And it's heartbreaking for both of us in different ways. Comment, this truly sounds like a no-win situation. I feel for your dad in a way, he's older, likely scared of being alone and watching the farm die, but he brought this on himself by not treating you fairly. You've been incredibly patient and giving. Choosing to pursue your own life isn't selfish, it's necessary.

You gave him many chances to do the right thing. If you get a good job opportunity, you should take it with no regrets. Hopefully your dad will eventually see that his actions had had consequences. In the meantime, you need to take care of you. Op reply, I appreciate that. It is a heartbreaking scenario all around. I do feel bad for my dad, and I know he's scared of the farm failing or being alone. But you're right, I gave him every opportunity to make this right, and he refused. I have to look out for myself now. If an outside job comes through, I will likely take it, as hard as it will be to leave. I also hope he'll understand someday, but I can't count on that.

Update 4, 8 months later. A lot has happened in the past few months. The big news is, I found a new job. About a month ago, I was offered a position managing operations for another farm about three hours away. It's a larger, commercial farm, and they were impressed by the experience I've gained running my family farm. The pay and benefits are actually solid, something I'm honestly

not used to, after working basically for free for so long. I decided to accept the job. I gave my dad a full two months notice that I would be moving on. I wanted to give him as much time as possible to prepare, since my departure is obviously a huge change. When I told him I was definitely leaving, he, well, he kind of flipped out. This was a different reaction than the earlier anger, this time he was panicking. He begged me to stay, said we could work something out. out. He even finally offered to revise his will again, this time he said he'd split the farm between my brother and me 50 to 50 if that would convince me not to go. I did not agree to that, for several reasons. I calmly explained to him that splitting the farm ownership isn't a real

solution. If I owned half and my brother owned half, my brother could still force a sale of the entire property or sell his share to someone else, like a developer, which would in effect ruin the farm, I asked my dad to think about how that scenario would play out, and I think that really made him pause. For the first time, I saw a dawn on him that his compromise idea wouldn't actually protect the farm. I think that's when it truly clicked for him that I'd been right about the risk all along. He went quiet and then said he needed to talk to my brother. From what I gathered, and from what he later told me, that phone call with my brother was a real eye-opener for my dad. He straight up asked my brother what his intentions would be if he

inherited even part of the farm. Apparently, my brother basically told him, yeah, dad, I'm going to sell it. I assumed you knew that. My brother wasn't cruel or anything. But he was frank that he has neither the time nor desire to maintain a farm and that the money from selling it would be more useful to his family. I'm not sure if my dad fully understood that until he heard it directly from my brother just now. Their conversation got pretty heated, at least from my dad's side. I wasn't on the call, but afterward my dad was visibly upset. I heard him ranting a bit, saying things like he couldn't believe we just give up our family's land for cash. I think he was directing that frustration at the situation and maybe at himself, because what did he

expect? He's now realizing that his plan would have led exactly to the outcome he didn't want. At this point, my dad is scrambling. He knows I'm leaving in a few weeks. The clock is ticking on my notice period. He started trying to hire help to replace all the work I do. And unsurprisingly, it's not easy. For one, skilled farm labor or a manager costs money, way more money than he ever had to pay me, since I was working for free except for room slash board. He actually said to me the other day, in a defeated way, I had no idea it would be this expensive to find someone to do what you do. Yeah. No kidding. I feel bad for him. I feel bad for him. I really do. He's an old man dealing with the possibility of losing both his kid, me moving

out, and the farm's viability at the same time. My contributions weren't just what family does, they had real economic value, and now he sees that clearly because he has to pay someone else. The farm's finances are already stretched thin, and hiring workers or a farm manager is going to eat into whatever slim margins we have. I don't know how long he'll be able to keep things going without me. As of now, I'm packing up my things and preparing to move out in a few weeks to start my new job. My dad and I are on slightly better terms than after that big blow-up in Update 3. I think he's too exhausted and worried to keep fighting with me, and he's sort of resigned to the fact that I'm leaving. He hasn't explicitly said it, but I think deep down he realizes

why this is happening and that he's largely responsible for it. There's a sad understanding between us now. To answer the question everyone's been asking from the start, no, at this point I don't think I'm the asshole in this situation. And I don't think my dad or brother set out to hurt me either, but their actions did hurt me, and now we're all dealing with the fallout. It's a crappy, complicated situation with no real winners. I'll be moving on and doing what's right for me. My dad will have to figure out how to manage or possibly consider selling the farm in the future if it becomes too much, that part is up to him now. I'm sad that this is how things ended. Thank you to everyone who followed along and offered advice. This was a rough ride,

but I'm hopeful that better things are ahead, at least for me.