Reddit Stories - Left UNIVERSITY to ASSIST my HOUSEHOLD after father was laid off, now 8

Episode Date: July 2, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #family #financialstruggles #careerchange #support #hardshipSummary: Left UNIVERSITY to ASSIST my HOUSEHOLD after father was laid off, now 8. Transitioning from student to caregiver brought challenges but strengthened family bonds.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, familystruggles, careerchange, financialsupport, hardship, caregiving, studentlife, familybonding, personalgrowth, lifechanges, householdresponsibilities, fatherlayoff, supportsystem, adapting, challenges, resilienceBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Left University to assist my household after father was laid off, now eight years later I'm still providing while employed in a storage facility and my guardians are unwilling to allow. Me go back to school because they need my money. I'm 28M and I'm honestly losing my mind over this situation with my family and I don't know what to do anymore so I'm hoping you guys can help. So here's the background and I'll try to keep it as short as I can but there's a lot to unpack. I'm the oldest of three kids and my younger brother Ethan is 20 and my sister Ashley is 16. Growing up, money was always tight in our house but we got by and my parents always made education a priority, or at least that's what I thought until everything went to hell when I was 20.

I was in my third year of college studying computer science and doing really well, like I had a 3.7 GPA and I was actually enjoying what I was learning for the first time in my life. I had this plan to graduate and get into software development and I was already doing some freelance work on the side to help pay for my expenses. My parents were proud of me and always talked about how I was going to be the first one in the family to get a real degree and make something of myself. But then my dad got laid off from his job at the manufacturing plant where he'd worked for like 15 years and it wasn't just a temporary thing because the whole place shut down and moved operations overseas. At the same time, my mom's hours got cut at the grocery store where she worked because they were struggling too, and suddenly our family income dropped by like 70% almost overnight. I remember the day my parents sat me down in the living room and told me I needed to drop out

of college and get a full-time job to help support the family. My mom was crying and my dad looked like he aged 10 years in the span of a few weeks, and they kept saying how sorry they were but they didn't have any other choice. They said Ethan was still in high school and Ashley was just starting high school, and they needed me to step up and be the man of the house. I was devastated, but what could I do, you know? These are my parents and my siblings and they needed help, so I dropped out halfway through my junior year and got a job at a local warehouse making $15 an hour, which wasn't great, but it was steady income. I moved back home and started contributing most of my paycheck to household expenses while my dad looked for work and my mom tried to pick up. extra shifts wherever she could. It was supposed to be temporary, like maybe six months or a year

until my dad found something new, but one year turned into two years and then three years and somehow I just got stuck in this situation. My dad did eventually find work but it was part-time and paid way less than his old job, and my mom's hours never really went back to what they were before. So I kept working at the warehouse and kept living at home and kept putting my own life on hold. The thing is, during all this time, Ethan was doing really well in school and my parents were so proud of him and always talking about how he was going to go to college and get his degree. When he graduated high school two years ago, he got accepted to the same state university I had attended, and my parents were over the moon about it. They said they had learned from their mistakes with me and they were going to make sure Ethan got to finish his education no matter what. But here is where it gets complicated, because even though my dad was working again and things

were more stable, they still couldn't afford Ethan's tuition and living expenses on their own. So they came to me and asked if I could help pay for some of his college costs, and they made it sound like it would just be for the first year until they figured out financial aid and scholarships and stuff. I said yes because I love my brother and I wanted him to have the opportunities one didn't get to have, and also because my parents made it seem like it was just going to be temporary help. So I started sending $800 a month to help cover Ethan's dorm and meal plan, which was a huge chunk of my salary, but I figured it was worth it if it meant Ethan could get his degree. That was two years ago and I'm still sending that money every month, and now Ethan is a

junior just like I was when I had to drop out, and my parents are talking about how I need to keep helping until he graduates next year. But the thing that's really starting to get to me is that nobody ever talks about me going back to school or finishing my degree, like that's just not even a possibility anymore. Last month I brought it up to my parents and said I was thinking about maybe taking some night classes or online classes to finish my degree, and my mom just looked at me like I was being selfish and said we couldn't afford for me to reduce my work hours right now, especially with Ethan's expenses and Ashley starting to think about college too.

My dad nodded along and said maybe in a few years when things are more settled, but it felt like they were just trying to shut down the conversation. That's when it really hit me that I'm never going back to school, at least not with their support, and I'm going to be stuck in this warehouse job forever while my brother gets to live the college experience that I had to give up. And I started feeling really resentful about the whole situation, which makes me feel guilty because it's not Ethan's fault that our family went through financial problems. But then last week something happened that really set me off. I was at my parents' house for dinner and Ethan was there visiting from college, and he was talking about this internship he going to get next year at some tech company, and how excited he is because it's going to look great on his resume and help him get a good job after graduation. And my mom was just gushing about how proud she was and how smart Ethan is and how he's going to do so well in his career.

And I just snapped and said something like, well, it's nice that Ethan gets to have a career while I'm stuck working at a warehouse for the rest of my life, and my mom got really defensive and said I was being unfair and that I knew the family needed my help. And Ethan looked really uncomfortable and tried to change the subject, but I kept going and said it was pretty convenient how they found money for Ethan's college but couldn't find money for me to finish my degree. My dad got really angry and started yelling at me about how I was being ungrateful and selfish, and he said they had no choice back then and I should be proud that I stepped up for my family instead of whining about it now. And I yelled back that it's easy for him to say that when he's not the one who gave up his future, and that maybe if they had tried harder to find other solutions I wouldn't be in this situation. It turned into this huge fight where we were all yelling over each other,

and my mom was crying and saying I was breaking her heart, Ashley was on her phone watching some TikToks and Ethan was trying to get everyone to calm down but nobody was listening. But here's the thing that's really eating at me now. I've been thinking about this for a week and I'm seriously considering telling my parents that I'm not going to pay for Ethan's college anymore. I know it sounds harsh but I feel like I've already sacrificed enough for this family, and if they're not going to support me going back to school then why should I keep supporting Ethan's education? I ran the numbers and if I stopped sending that $800 a month to my parents

and the other $800 that I use for my brother, I could save up enough money to quit my job and go back to school full-time within two years. I could finish my degree and actually have a real career instead of being stuck in this dead-end warehouse job forever. And honestly, part of me thinks my parents need to figure out how to pay for Ethan's college themselves instead of relying on me to subsidize, it. I also keep going back and forth on whether I'm being fair or not. Like, maybe my parents really didn't have any other choice when I was 20, and maybe I should be grateful that I was able to help

my family through a tough time instead of feeling bitter about it. But then I think about how they never even considered any other options. Like maybe Ethan could have taken out student loans or gone to a cheaper school or worked part-time to help pay his own way. And the more I think about it, the more angry I get about the whole situation. Because it feels like my parents made this decision that I was going to be the one to sacrifice my future for the family, and now they just expect me to keep doing it forever without even acknowledging what I gave up.

Like they take it for granted that I'm going to keep working this job and keep living at home and keep sending money for Ethan's school, and my own dreams and goals don't even factor into their plans. I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't, and I'm worried that no matter what I choose I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life. Any advice would be really appreciated because I honestly don't know how to move forward from here. Update 1. Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post. I read every single response and it really helped me think through this situation more clearly.

A lot of you were pretty blunt about how my parents have been taking advantage of me, and while it was hard to hear it first, I think you're right that I needed to hear it. I spent the weekend really thinking about everything, and I made a decision that I'm going to stop paying for Ethan's tuition starting next semester. I know some of you said I should cut it off immediately, but Ethan is halfway through the fall semester right now and I don't want to leave him scrambling to figure out how to pay for the rest of this term. So I'm going to give my parents two months notice that the December payment will be my last one.

I decided to have the conversation with Ethan first before talking to my parents, because I wanted him to hear it for me directly and I also wanted to get a sense of how he really feels about this whole situation. So yesterday I drove up to his college and asked if he wanted to get dinner off campus so we could talk privately. I was really nervous about how he was going to react, but I tried to explain the situation as calmly as I could. I told him that I've been thinking a lot about my own future and that I want to go back

to school to finish my degree, and that in order to do that I need to stop sending money for his college expenses. I made it clear that this wasn't about anything he did wrong and that I'm proud of him for doing well in school, but that I can't keep putting my own life on hold indefinitely. Ethan was quiet for a long time after I finished talking, and I could tell he was trying to process everything. Then he said something that really surprised me. He said he's actually been feeling guilty about me paying for his college because he knows I had to drop out, and he's wondered if it was fair, but he didn't know how to bring it up without seeming ungrateful. He also said that he's been worried about me because whenever he comes home I seem really

unhappy and stressed out, and he's noticed that I never talk about my own plans or goals anymore, just work and family obligations. He said he didn't realize how much I was sacrificing financially to help pay for a school, and that he feels bad that our parents put me in this position. Then Ethan said something that really got to me. He said he's been thinking about getting a part-time job anyway, the internship is next year, because he wants to have some spending money and work experience, and that he could probably take out student loans to cover what I've been paying if he needs to. He said he'd rather do that than have me give up on finishing my degree, because he doesn't want to be the reason I'm stuck in a job I hate.

I have to admit I got pretty emotional during this conversation because I wasn't expecting Ethan to be so understanding and supportive. I think I had built it up in my head that he was just taking my help for granted, but it turns out he's been aware of the situation and feeling conflicted about it too. It made me realize that maybe I should have talked to him about this a long time ago instead of just assuming he didn't care. Ethan asked me what my parents said when I told them I wanted to go back to school, and when I explained how they basically dismissed the idea, he got pretty upset. He said that wasn't fair and that they should be supporting my goals too, not just expecting me to work forever to support everyone else.

He also said he thinks our parents have gotten too comfortable with me being the family safety net and that maybe it's time for them to figure out other solutions. We ended up talking for like three hours, and by the end of it Ethan said he completely supports my decision to stop paying his tuition and that he wants me to go back to school. He said he's going to talk to the Financial Aid Office this week about increasing his student loans, and he's also going to look for a part-time job on campus to help cover his expenses. I felt so much better after talking to Ethan, but I know the conversation with my parents is going to be a lot more difficult. I'm planning to go over to their house this weekend to tell

them about my decision, and I'm honestly dreading it because I know they're going to be furious. I've been trying to think about how to explain it in a way that doesn't turn into another screaming match, but I'm not sure that's possible given how they reacted last time I brought up going back to school. I'm hoping that if I present it as a done deal rather than something I'm asking permission for, maybe they'll be more likely to accept it, but we'll see. Edit. Some of you asked about my living situation and whether I'm planning to move out of my parents' house. I've been thinking about that too, and I think it might be necessary for my own sanity and independence. I've been looking at apartments in my area and I think I can afford a small one-bedroom

place if I'm not sending $800 a month to my parents anymore. It would be tight financially, but it might be worth it to have my own space and not feel like I'm constantly under my parents' expectations and guilt trips. I also wanted to address some comments about whether I should ask my parents to pay me back for all the money I've contributed over the years. Honestly, I don't think that's realistic and I don't want to make this situation even more contentious than it already is. I've calculated that between helping with household expenses and paying for Ethan's college, I've probably contributed around $80,000 over the past eight years, which is a lot of money, but I think I just have to accept that it's gone.

What I really want is just to move forward and start building my own life, rather than trying to relitigate the past. I know some of you think I'm being too easy on my parents, and maybe you're right, but I have to live with these people and I don't want to completely burn bridges if I can avoid it. Anyway, I'll update again after I talk to my parents this weekend. I'm really nervous about how it's going to go, but I feel a lot more confident about my decision after talking to Ethan and getting support from all of you. For the first time in years I actually feel hopeful about my future, which is something I didn't even realize I had lost until now. Update 2. Well, I had the conversation with my parents yesterday and it went about as badly as I expected it would, maybe even worse.

I'm still pretty shaken up by the whole thing and I'm not sure what to do next, but I wanted to update you all since so many of you have been following this situation and giving me advice. I went over to my parents' house around noon on Saturday, and they seemed happy to see me at first because we hadn't talked since our big fight last week. My mom made lunch and we were making small talk, and I was trying to work up the courage to bring up the college payment thing when my dad started talking about Ashley and how she's been doing well in a junior year of high school and starting to think about college applications. He said something about how they're hoping Ashley can get some scholarships because college

costs keep going up, but that they know I'll help out with her expenses too when the time comes, just like I've been doing for and that's when I realized they're not just expecting me to keep paying for Ethan's college. They're planning on me paying for Ashley's too, which would be another four years of sending money every month. I think that's what gave me the push I needed to finally say something, because the idea of being stuck in this cycle for another six or seven years was just too much to handle. So I took a deep breath and told them I needed to talk to them about something important. I started by saying that I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my own future and my goals, and that I've decided I want to go back to school to finish my degree.

My mom immediately got this worried look on her face and said something about how we've already talked about this and how it's not a good time financially, but I am. interrupted her and said I wasn't asking for their permission or their financial support. Then I told them that I've decided to stop paying for Ethan's college expenses after this semester so that I can save up money to quit my job and go back to school full-time. I tried to explain it calmly and rationally, about how I've been working at the warehouse for eight years and I'm not happy there, and how I need to invest in my own future while I'm still young enough to make a career change. My parents were both quiet for a minute, and then my dad

asked if I was serious, and when I said yes he just exploded. He started yelling about how I was being selfish and ungrateful, and how the family had been counting on me to help Ethan finish school. He said I was abandoning my responsibilities and that I was going to ruin Ethan's future just so I could chase some pipe dream about going back to college. My mom started crying and saying that she couldn't believe I would do this to Ethan when he's so close to graduating, and that she thought I cared more about my family than this. She kept saying that Ethan is depending on me and that I can't just pull the rug out from under him, and that if he has to drop out it will be my fault.

I tried to stay calm and explain that Ethan and I had already talked about this and that he supports my decision, and that he's going to look into student loans and getting a part-time job to cover the expenses. But my dad just got even angrier and said that Ethan is just being polite and that of course he's not going to tell me not to help him, but that doesn't mean he's really okay with it. Then my mom said something that really hurt. She said that she's disappointed in me because she thought I was the kind of person who puts family first,

and that she doesn't understand how I can be so cruel to my own brother. She said that when I was Ethan's age, they made sacrifices to help me, and now that it's my turn to make sacrifices I'm being selfish and only thinking about myself. That's when I lost my temper and started yelling back, because I couldn't believe she was saying they made sacrifices for me when they literally forced me to drop out of college to support the family. I said that the reason I never got to finish my degree is because they decided my education wasn't as important as everyone else's,

and that I've been making sacrifices for this family for eight years while nobody ever cared about what I wanted. My dad stood up and got in my face and said that I chose to help the family back then and nobody forced me to do anything, and that if I regret it now that's my own problem. He said that life is about making hard choices and being responsible for other people, and that I'm acting like a spoiled child who can't handle being an adult. I yelled back that I was 20 years old and they manipulated me into thinking I didn't have any other choice, and that if Ethan was in the same situation they would move heaven and earth to find another solution instead of making him drop out.

I said they've always treated me like I exist to solve their problems instead of being a person with my own, dreams and goals. The fight went on for probably another hour with all of us yelling over each other and saying increasingly hurtful things. My dad said that if I stop helping with Ethan's college then I shouldn't expect any help from them ever again and that I'll be on my own for everything. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I said that I'm done with this conversation and that my decision is final. I told them they have two months to figure out how to pay for Ethan's spring semester because I'm not sending any more money after December. Then I grabbed my jacket and left while they were still yelling at me. I've been replaying the conversation in my head

for the past 24 hours and I feel terrible about how it went, but I also feel angry because of some of the things they said. The part that really gets to me is when my mom said they made sacrifices for me when I was Ethan's age, because that's just not true. They didn't sacrifice anything for my education, they sacrificed my education for their financial stability. I keep wondering if I should have handled it differently or if there was a way to have that conversation without it turning into such a horrible fight. But I also think that no matter how I approached it, they were going to react badly because they've gotten so used to depending on my income to solve their problems. I haven't heard from either of my parents since I left their house yesterday, but Ethan texted

me last night saying that my mom called him crying and told him what happened. He said she's really upset and that she asked him to call me and try to change my mind about the college payments. But Ethan told her that he already knew about my decision and that he supports it, which apparently made her even more upset. Ethan said he feels bad about causing problems in the family, but that he still thinks I'm doing the right thing and he doesn't want me to change my mind just to keep the peace. He said he's already scheduled a meeting with financial aid for this week and he's confident he can figure out a way to pay for the rest of his college. without my help. I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow and I'm dreading it because I feel emotionally drained from this whole situation. I'm also starting to think that maybe I do need to move out of my parents' house, because I don't think I can handle living there while this

situation is ongoing. The tension is going to be unbearable and I think they're going to keep pressuring me to change my mind every single day. Some of you mentioned in your comments that my parents might come around eventually once they realize I'm serious about this decision, and I'm hoping that's true. But right now it feels like I've damaged our relationship permanently and I don't know how to fix it. I love my parents but I also feel like they've been taking advantage of me for years and I don't know how to balance those two feelings. Anyway, I just wanted to give you all an update on how the conversation went. Thank you again for all the support and advice. It really means a lot to have people who understand what I'm going through. I'll probably update again in a few weeks

once I see how things develop with my family and once I start making concrete plans for going back to school. Update 3. I honestly didn't expect to be updating again so soon, but something happened today that I need to get off my chest and I could really use some advice on how to handle it. So it's been about a week since my big fight with my parents, and things have been pretty tense around the house. We've been avoiding each other mostly, like my parents go to bed early when they know I'm going to be home from work, and they don't talk to me when we do run into each other in the kitchen or whatever. It's been really uncomfortable, but I figured they just needed time to cool off and accept my decision. But then today when I got home from work, my sister Ashley was waiting for me in the

living room, which was weird because she's usually in her room watching TikToks or hanging out with her friends after school. She looked really serious and upset, and she asked if we could talk privately. We went up to my room and she closed the door, and then she just started crying and asking me why I'm ruining everything for the family. She said that mom has been crying every day since our fight and that dad has been in a terrible mood in taking it out on everyone. She said the whole house feels different now and that she's scared about what's going to happen to Ethan's college and also what's going to happen when she's ready to go to college in two years. I tried to explain to Ashley the same things I told my parents, but she just kept crying and saying that she doesn't understand why I can't just keep helping Ethan until he graduates, since it's only one more year.

Then Ashley said something that really caught me off guard. She said that mom and dad have been talking about maybe having to sell the house if I stop contributing money to the family, because they're worried they won't be able to afford the mortgage payments and all of Ethan's college expenses without my help. She said they've been looking at smaller apartments and that mom is talking about getting a second job. I was shocked because this is the first time hearing about any of this, and I asked Ashley if she was sure that's what they said. She nodded and said she overheard them talking about it late one night when they thought she was asleep, and that they're really stressed about money but they don't want to tell me because they're still angry about our fight. This hit me like a punch in the gut because I had no idea that my parents were relying on my financial contributions so heavily that they might lose their house without them. I mean, I knew I was helping with expenses, but I thought it was just supplemental income, not something they were depending on to keep their

home. Ashley kept crying and begging me to reconsider my decision. She said that everyone in the family is depending on me and that I'm the only one who can fix this situation. I felt so guilty and confused after talking to Ashley that I didn't know what to think anymore. I mean, the logical part of my brain knows that it's not healthy for my parents to be so financially dependent on their adult child, and that they should have been planning for this situation instead of just assuming I would keep contributing forever. But the emotional part of me feels terrible about the possibility of my family losing their house and my siblings' futures being disrupted because of my decision. After Ashley left my room, I just sat there

for like an hour trying to figure out what to do. I started wondering if I've been selfish and if I should just suck it up and keep helping the family until Ethan graduates and Ashley gets through college too. I mean, what's a few more years compared to potentially destroying my family's stability? But then I thought about what my life would look like if I keep going down this path. I'd be almost 35 by the time Ashley finishes college, and by then I'd have been working at the warehouse for over a decade. The idea of trying to go back to school at that age feels impossible, and I'd probably never have the chance to build the career I actually want. I also started thinking about whether my parents are being completely honest about their financial

situation, or if they may be exaggerating to make me feel guilty about my decision. Like, they've never shown me their budget or their mortgage statements, so I don't actually know how much they need my contributions versus how much they just want them to make their lives easier. I decided I needed to talk to someone outside the family about this situation, so I called my friend Jeremy, who I've known since high school. I told him everything that's been happening and asked for his honest opinion about whether I'm being reasonable or if I should keep helping my family. Jeremy listened to the whole story and then he said something that really made me think. He said that it sounds like my parents have created a situation where they're

financially dependent on me, and now they're using guilt and emotional manipulation to try to keep me trapped in that situation. He said that healthy families don't rely on one child to subsidize their entire lifestyle, and that my parents should have been working toward financial independence instead of becoming more dependent on my income. He also pointed out that my parents never asked me if I wanted to keep living at home and contributing to household expenses indefinitely, they just assumed I would do it. And they never discussed with me their plans for Ethan's college or Ashley's college, they just expected me to pay for it without even consulting me about whether I could afford it or whether I had other goals for my money. Jeremy said that the fact

that my parents might have to sell their house isn't necessarily my problem to solve, especially if they've been living beyond their means by relying on my income. He said that lots of families have to downsize or make financial adjustments when their circumstances change, and that it's not fair for them to expect me to sacrifice my entire future to prevent them from having to make those adjustments. After talking to Jeremy I felt a little better about my decision, but I'm still really conflicted about the situation with Ashley and the possibility of my parents losing their house. I keep going back and forth between feeling like I'm doing the right thing by prioritizing my own future and feeling like I'm being selfish and abandoning my family when they need me most.

I think part of the problem is that I've been in this caretaker role for so long that I don't even know how to think about my own needs and goals without feeling guilty. Like, for the past eight years my identity has been built around being the responsible one who takes care of everyone else, and now that I'm trying to change that dynamic it feels scary and wrong even though I know intellectually that it's healthy. I don't know, I'm just really confused and emotionally exhausted by this whole situation. I thought I had made peace with my decision after talking to Ethan, but now with this new information about my parents potentially losing their house, I'm second-guessing everything again. Should I stick with my original plan to stop paying for Ethan's college so I can go back to school? Or should I keep helping my family for a few more years to make sure they don't lose their house and Ashley doesn't have to change schools? I feel like no matter what I choose, someone is going to get hurt and I'm going to feel terrible about it.

Any advice would be really appreciated because I honestly don't know what the right thing to do is anymore. This whole situation has gotten so much more complicated than I expected and I feel like I'm in way over my head.