Reddit Stories - Mill STATED her INTENTION to visit for a month after my DELIVERY to

Episode Date: November 14, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #familydrama #pregnancy #communication #boundariesSummary: Mill stated her intention to visit for a month after my delivery to. The situation has caused tension in our family, with differing opinions on boundaries and expectations. Communication is key to resolving this conflict and ensuring everyone's needs are met.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, family, drama, pregnancy, communication, boundaries, conflict, resolution, needs, visit, intention, tension, opinions, expectations, familydynamics, relationshipsBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. Mill stated her intention to visit for a month after my delivery to assist with the newborn, but she unexpectedly brought along her sibling without prior consultation and invited friends over, then tried to stop me from feeding my own child. Hi everyone, I'm a 29-year-old woman and I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant with our first baby. My due date is in about two weeks. My husband, 32M, and I are excited and also nervous as first-time parents. We've been preparing the nursery, freezing some meals, and getting everything ready for

when our little one arrives. Out of the blue, I got a call from my mother-in-law, M.I.L., a few days ago. She was very excited on the phone. She said she's managed to get a month off work and, surprise, she already booked flights to come stay with us for a month right after the baby is born. In fact, she planned to arrive just three days after my due date. She didn't ask if this timing was okay or if we even wanted help. She just announced it like it's the greatest idea ever.

She called it her special baby moon vacation to meet her grandchild. I was caught completely off guard. I literally said, oh, you already booked tickets. She confirmed and said something like, of course, I want to be there to help with my grandbaby. I know you'll meet an extra pair of hands. She was talking a mile a minute about how she can't wait to have a whole month of baby cuddles. It was all framed as her doing us a favor by coming to help with the new baby. Here's the thing, I have serious doubts about how helpful this surprise visit will be.

My MIL has never been the hands-on type with babies. She hasn't changed a diaper since my husband was little, which was over 30 years ago. She openly admits she's not into the gross parts of baby care. When my husband was a baby, she had a nanny doing most of the hard work. So forgive me if I'm skeptical about her swooping in to be my postpartum helper. On top of that, whenever M.I.L. Has visited us in the past, we've been married four years, together six, she's always treated our home like a hotel.

She means well, but she expects to be treated like a guest, and not just a casual guest, like a VIP guest. I'm talking expecting cooked meals, fresh towels, her son, my husband, chauffearing her around to go shopping or sightseeing, and so on. She has a bit of a I'm on vacation mindset whenever she visits. For example, last time she was here, not related to a baby, just a normal visit, she literally handed me her laundry on day two and asked if I could wash and fold her clothes because you're doing laundry anyway, dear, and I have a few things that need a gentle cycle.

She wasn't being malicious, but it was pretty presumptuous. She also had my husband cooking her breakfasts. She's just that kind of houseguest, the kind that somehow creates more work for the hosts. So now imagine that, but this time I'll have a newborn and will be recovering from childbirth. The idea of hosting someone like that, even if she's family, three days postpartum is stressing me out beyond belief. I was kind of speechless on the phone. I think I mumbled something like, oh, wow, three days after.

That's soon. But she didn't pick up on my tone at all. She just kept saying how this is going to be great and she'll be such a big help, and how excited she is to spend time with a baby. I tried to hint gently that we might want a little time to ourselves first. I said, we might be really tired and trying to get the hang of things in those first days. Her response was exactly. That's why you need me there.

Don't worry. I'll take care of you. You just focus on the baby. But based on past experience, I have no confidence she will actually take care of me or any household stuff. She's more likely envisioning cuddling the baby 24-7 while I play hostess. For instance, she mentioned I can cook a few dinners for you, except she's not really much of a cook.

When she visits, she usually ends up ordering takeout or just waiting for us. to make something. I don't want to rely on her for cooking or chores, especially if she's not actually inclined to do them. I can easily picture her coming into our home expecting it to be a relaxing baby vacation for herself, while I'll be sleep deprived, recovering, and still feeling like I have to entertain her or keep the house presentable. Another layer to this, my husband doesn't see the problem. When I told him about his mom's plan, he basically shrugged and said, ah, that's nice of mom. She just wants to be involved and help out. It'll be fine. He's pretty close with his mom and I get that he's happy she's excited to meet her grandchild. But he's not

the one who will be bleeding, sore, and exhausted with his boobs out. I plan to breastfeed in the immediate days after birth. He'll also only get maybe a week off work, if that's so after a few days, he might not even be home much during her visit. I'll be the one alone with her all day. I tried explaining that having house guests so soon after giving birth is not ideal. I said I'm not comfortable with someone, even family, staying in our house that early because I'll be recovering and will be overwhelmed. He responded with something like, but it's my mom, not a stranger. She just wants to help, babe. She raised me, I think she knows a thing or two. He sort of made me feel like I'm overreacting and being ungrateful.

It's frustrating because he's normally a reasonable guy, but when it comes to his mom, he has a blind spot. He truly thinks she's going to come and be super grandma helper. Meanwhile, I'm picturing myself having to cook for her and clean up after her while also learning to care for a newborn and hardly getting any sleep. The stress is making me want to cry. Actually, I did cry after that conversation with him, damn pregnancy hormones. I haven't even had a chance to talk to my mill directly about any boundaries or logistics.

She kind of steamrolled us with the announcement, and my husband's reaction made it clear he's not going to push back. I feel like if I try to tell her maybe come a bit later or stay for a shorter time or get a hotel, I'll be painted as the bad guy who doesn't appreciate her. She's already bought plain tickets, apparently non-refundable. She made a point to mention that detail. So if I object now, I'm sure I'll be made to feel guilty for making her waste money. Right now I'm really torn. It's kind of common. Maybe she will surprise me and actually help. But my gut says she's treating this like a fun little vacation to play with the baby and have me do the grunt work. So Reddit, am I being unreasonable to be upset about this?

Would I be the asshole if I told my mill to postpone or cancel her month of baby moon at our house? I haven't confronted her or my husband beyond a few comments, but I'm really not okay with this situation as it stands. I could really use an outside perspective. Should I just suck it up and let her come because she's excited and means well? Or is it fair for me to want those first couple of weeks just for us? Or at least to have a say in visitors. Update 1.

First, thank you so much for all the feedback on my original post. It was validating to see that most people understood why I was upset. The consensus was that I wasn't overreacting, which gave me a bit more confidence to stand my ground, at least in theory. Anyway, onto the update, I had my baby. Our little boy arrived right on time, almost exactly on his due date. We were over the moon and exhausted. Unfortunately, my concerns about my mill's visit turned out to be completely justified. She showed up as planned three days after I gave birth, and she brought her sister, my husband's aunt, with her, without asking us. So instead of one house guest, I suddenly had two extra people

in my home while I was recovering from childbirth. When Mill and Aunt Linda arrived, I was about 72 hours postpartum. To paint a picture, I was wearing an adult diaper, sore and sleep deprived, and basically running on fumes. They came bursting and eager to see the baby. Mill immediately took the baby into her arms for cuddles. I was polite and let the excitement happen, but internally I was already anxious about how this would go. It became clear within the first day that Mill and her sister viewed this as a vacation rather than a mission to help me. For example, on their first morning here, Mill woke up expecting a big breakfast. She actually rummaged around in my kitchen looking for pans and made a comment about how

she thought I was going to cook something nice like last time. I was in no shape to cook anything, I could barely shuffle to the kitchen. I basically told her I wasn't up for cooking, and she and her sister ended up going out to a cafe for breakfast. That was just a preview of how things would be. They absolutely love holding and cuddling the baby and taking a million photos of him for social media, without really asking me, by the way. But when it comes to any actual work or helpfulness? Not so much. Here's a rundown of what's been happening. Baby care, neither Mill nor Aunt Linda offers to change diapers or deal with fussyness. If the baby starts crying and likely needs a diaper change, they hand them off to me immediately.

I even asked Mill once to please change them, the diapers and wipes were right there, and she refused, saying, oh no, I haven't changed a diaper in decades. I'd probably do it wrong. So that was that. Household chores, they haven't helped with any cleaning. Dishes piled up in the sink until I finally ran the dishwasher at 2 a.m. one night because we were out of clean bowls. As for laundry, they actually handed me their dirty clothes on day three and asked if I could throw them in with the baby's laundry I was doing. In my haze, I did it, then later kicked myself for washing houseguests' clothes when I could barely keep up with my own. hotel treatment mill expects fresh towels and linens every day she goes through a clean towel each

morning so i've been laundering towels constantly our linen closet is now empty because every spare towel is in use aunt linda at least reuses her towel for a couple of days but mill acts like we're a hotel with unlimited laundry service meals and food they mostly fended for themselves with takeout or going out, which is fine, but Mill still commented on our food. If we ordered pizza two nights in a row, she'd say, we really should be eating something healthier, like a nice home-cooked meal, without offering to cook anything herself. She also clucked at me for just snacking instead of eating full meals, saying I need to eat better since I'm breastfeeding, again, not actually helping by cooking or preparing

any food for me. Speaking of breastfeeding, Mill has been hovering and offering a lot of unwanted advice there too. Whenever I nurse my son, she seems to find something to critique. She'll peer over my shoulder and say things like, he doesn't look comfortable, maybe you should hold him differently, or he's still acting hungry, maybe he isn't getting enough. It's extremely aggravating, especially because I'm still learning and fragile and her comments just make me more self-conscious. I've started going to my bedroom and closing the door to breastfeed so she can't hover or comment. The worst part is that my heart is that my heart is that my husband hasn't witnessed the full extent of how they are behaving. He had to go back to

work a week after the baby was born, so during the day it's just me alone with Mill and her sister. When he comes home, Mill turns on the sweet act. She'll say things like, we had a great day. I gave the baby a nice bath and we got lots of cute photos. And I told me to go take a nap, didn't I, honey? For the record, she told me to nap exactly once, and I couldn't even sleep because the baby needed feeding shortly after. She might wash a single dish or fold one burp cloth in front of him to look helpful. My husband got the impression that things were going okay. He even said, see, isn't it nice to have mom here? I just bit my tongue because I was too exhausted to even begin explaining again. I have tried to tell him some of what's going on.

I mentioned that his mom and aunt haven't really been cleaning or cooking. He responded, well, did you ask them to? Maybe they don't know what you need done. But that's the whole point. I shouldn't have to manage our guests by assigning them chores. They came claiming they'd help, then they watched me do it all. By the second week of this, I was absolutely exhausted and emotionally afraid. I was still in pain, bleeding, and trying to take care of a newborn on basically no sleep.

On top of that, I felt like a maid and hostess to two oblivious houseguests. I started quietly breaking down at times, like I'd find myself crying while rocking the baby at 3am, just out of sheer frustration and fatigue. I knew something had to give. I told my husband that this situation wasn't sustainable and that I was at my limit. At first he didn't really get it, saying, they're just excited to be here. It's only for a short time. But I made it clear that if things didn't improve, we would have a serious problem.

I even said maybe they should leave earlier than planned because I really needed some peace. He seemed taken aback by that, but it did plant a seed that I was truly not okay. So yeah, that's how the first two weeks have been. I wish I had that blissful, restful postpartum period that some people talk about, but instead I'm dealing with what feels like a never-ending hosting gig. I haven't had the energy or nerve to directly confront my Mill yet, beyond small hints, but if this continues, I might explode. I'll update again soon, hopefully with a resolution, or at least an end date for this baby moon visit.

Right now I'm just taking it day by day. Update 2, another week went by, and unfortunately things managed to get even more out of hand. At around three weeks postpartum, my mill and Aunt Linda were still at our house, they had intended to stay about a month, but their departure date was looming. That's when a new issue arose. Without asking me, Aunt Linda invited a couple of her local friends over to our house to meet the baby. I found out the morning of, when Mill casually mentioned, oh, some friends are coming by around noon to see the baby. They live around here I was immediately uncomfortable. I was still a wreck, hadn't showered in days, living in pajamas, and the house was far from visitor-ready.

I tried to protest, I'm really not feeling up to company. But Mill brushed it off with, Don't worry, they won't mind. They just want a quick peek at the baby. I felt steamrolled, but at that point it was too late, they'd already been invited. So, Noon comes and these two friends, women in Mill's age group, arrive. Mill and Aunt Linda were all smiles, greeting them and showing off the baby. One of the friends practically grabbed my son out of my arms, cooing over him. I was startled but tried to be polite.

The lady sat down in our living room and soon enough someone said, could we get some coffee? The new mom must have the good stuff to stay awake, ha ha. I was in hostess mode again, despite my exhaustion. I ended up making a pot of coffee and putting out some cookies for them, since Mill was busy entertaining her guests and wasn't about to do it herself. So there I was, three weeks postpartum, playing coffee server to a bunch of chattering visitors I hadn't even wanted. They stayed for about three hours.

The whole time, they passed my newborn around like a show and tell item. I sat with them, trying to smile and engage, but I was internally miserable and physically aching. After a couple of hours, the baby got fussy and I knew he was hungry. I stood up and said, looks like he needs feeding, I'll take him now. I reached for my son, who was in friend B's arms at the moment. Mill actually stopped me from taking my baby. She laughed and said, oh, he's fine. Can't you see we're playing with him?

Relax, you're so tense. I must have looked shocked because I froze for a second, thinking, did she really just say that? My baby was whimpering, that mean I'm hungry, feed me women, I stated more firmly, no, it's feeding time. I need him. him back. Mill rolled her eyes and actually said, What, are you blind? He's not even crying. He's happy right now, let him socialize a bit. I felt a rush of anger like never before. In his calm a voice as I could muster, though I was shaking, I said, give me the baby. Now. The room went silent. Friend B immediately stood up and handed me my side. She looked a bit wide-eyed, probably realizing this was overstepping.

Mill was just silent, sort of scoffing under her breath. I walked out of the living room with my baby and went straight to my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I could hear the awkward tension I left in the living room, murmurs like, I think he's hungry, ha, ha. And Mill saying something I couldn't make out. I focused on feeding my baby and trying to calm down my racing heart. The guests left pretty soon after that, I didn't return to see them out, my Mill did.

After they were gone, Mill tried to act like nothing major happened. She came to my door, which I had cracked open by then, and said cheerily, wasn't that nice. They just loved meeting the baby. I looked at her and said, please, next time, ask me before inviting anyone over. That was not okay. She did not take that well. She immediately got defensive, they're my friends, and this is my son's house too. I didn't think it was a big deal.

I was too drained to argue further. I just shut the door and locked it because I honestly didn't want to even see her face at that moment. When my husband got home that evening, I unloaded everything on him. I was furious and on the verge of tears. I told him how his aunt invited strangers over without permission, how I had to play hostess, and how his mother actually tried to prevent me from feeding our child and even insulted me. I quoted the, Are You Blind? Comment, which made his jaw drop.

To his credit, my husband looked genuinely appalled. He said, they did what? That is absolutely not okay. This was the first time he seemed to fully grasp how out-of-line things had gotten. He apologized to me profusely and said he would handle it. That night, he pulled his mom aside for, for a private chat. I'm not sure everything that was said, but I did hear some muffled raised voices. Apparently, he told her that inviting people over without our consent was rude

and that she needed to respect me as the baby's mother. The next day, Mill was visibly sulky and quiet. She didn't apologize to me, but she mostly stayed out of my way. Aunt Linda tried to lighten the mood by saying things like, we just got over-excited, I guess. I didn't engage much. I was basically counting down the days until their departure, which was supposed to be only a few days away at that point. I hope that we could just get through those last days without further drama. Update 3, things finally reached a breaking point a few days after the uninvited guest's incident. I was about four weeks postpartum and completely worn down. The trigger for the explosion was breastfeeding. My baby was going through a fussy phase, common growth spurt, and Mill

decided that it must be because I wasn't feeding him enough. She started harping on me about how maybe my milk supply was low or not filling him up and suggested I give him formula. I tried to brush it off and told her the pediatrician said he's doing fine, but she wouldn't let it go. She kept making comments like, he's still hungry, you should top him off with a bottle, and it felt like a direct criticism of my abilities as a mom. After one particularly snide remark from her, I snapped. I shouted something. like, stop it. I know how to feed my baby. He's fine, please just leave it. It was the first time I had outright yelled at her. Mill got huffy and said she was just trying to help,

and I basically lost it. I started sobbing, saying, you're not helping at all, you're just making everything harder. I was shaking and emotionally done. I retreated to my bedroom with my baby and locked the door. I could hear Mill through the door making a snide comment about me being over-dramatic or something, but I didn't care anymore. I broke down completely, crying harder than I think I ever have. In that moment, I knew I needed backup. So I called my mom. As soon as she heard my voice, she knew something was very wrong. I was practically hysterical, telling her through sobs that I couldn't take it anymore with Mill in my house. My mom lives in another state, but she immediately said, I'm coming. Hang on, I'll be there as soon as

I can. I spent the rest of that evening hold up in the bedroom. My husband came home from work to find me red-eyed and devastated. I told him, as calmly as I could manage, that I was done. I said, I've called my mom to come help me. If your mom doesn't leave, then I will. I'll go with the baby and stay at my parents once mom gets here. I think that shocked him to his core. He apologized and said he had no idea it had gotten this awful. I mean, I had tried to tell him, but I guess seeing me in that state finally drove at home. That night he had a very serious talk with his mother. I wasn't part of that conversation, but I heard some raised voices from the living room. From what I gather, he told her that this visit was ending early, period.

By the next day, my mom arrived, she caught the earliest flight out. I cannot express the relief I felt when I saw her at my door. I basically fell into her arms sobbing with the baby in between us. After getting me somewhat calmed, my mom went straight into protector mode. She confronted my Mill in the living room, with me standing there beside her. My mom was firm. She told Mill that it was time for her to go home because I needed rest in a stress-free environment to take care of my newborn.

She said something like, this arrangement isn't working. Op, is exhausted and needs peace and support right now, not more stress. Mill did not take kindly to that. She got defensive and said, I'm just trying to help. I took time off and I have a return flight in two days.

It's not refundable, I can't just leave. She was getting teary-eyed, saying she couldn't believe she was being kicked out after all she'd done for us. My mom didn't back down at all. She basically replied, I'm sorry, but my daughter's well-being comes first. You'll have to change your ticket or not, but you cannot stay here any longer. My husband was there by then too, backing up my mom and me.

He told his mom gently but firmly that this visit wasn't working out and that she needed to respect our wishes to end it early. Mill ended up in tears, saying she felt unappreciated and hurt. Linda was rubbing her back, saying, let's just go, it's their loss. It was extremely tense and awkward, but the decision had been made, they would be leaving early. At that point, I mostly felt relief. I thanked my mom profusely for stepping in.

Mill and her sister retreated to the guest room to start packing, and probably call other family members to complain about us, who knows. I finally, finally felt like I could breathe. 4, final update, it's been a couple of weeks since the showdown, and I can finally breathe easy. Mill and Aunt Linda went home, and peace has been restored in our household. Getting to that point wasn't pretty, but we survived. After my mom intervened and my husband and I insisted that the visit end early, Mill did leave ahead of schedule. She was very upset, she accused us of being ungrateful and said she only wanted to help. My husband had to practically walk her through the airport gate.

He drove them to the airport, because she kept lamenting that she wasn't wanted. He told her plainly that we love her, but the way she handled this visit was not okay and that we need to set some new ground rules for the future. She mostly just cried and said, I was only doing what I thought was best. Once they were gone, the relief was enormous. I spent the next day literally just sleeping and cuddling my baby, with no one watching over my shoulder or making demands. My mom stayed with us for a week after and helped in all the ways I actually needed. She cooked meals, did laundry, cleaned up, and let me nap, all without

any drama or fanfare. I cannot overstate how healing that week was for me. It was the polar opposite of the mill visit. My husband, now that he's seen the full picture, has been super supportive. He apologized to me many times for not realizing how bad it had gotten and for not standing up for me sooner. We've had a lot of honest talks about boundaries, and we're on the same page now. Before any future visits, from Mill or anyone, really, we will be laying down some ground rules together. Some of the things we agreed on, postpartum visits. We won't have anyone, even family, stay with us for an extended period right after a birth unless both of us are completely comfortable with it. If we ever do have someone stay to help, it will be a short

visit and will clearly communicate what we need from them. No surprise guests, no more uninvited tag along or friends popping over without our permission. Any visit to our home needs to be agreed upon by us in advance, no more ambushes like this time. Alternative arrangements. We might encourage out-of-town family, including Mill, to stay at a nearby hotel next time, especially if the visit is long. That way, we aren't forced to host 24 to 7 and can have privacy and downtime. As for my mill, we're giving it a bit of space. She sent a text after she got home saying she was hurt that we cut her visit short

and that she only had the best intentions. I haven't responded yet. My husband did call her a few days later to smooth things over. He explained that we appreciated her wanting to help, but the way it all happened was overwhelming for us. I'm not sure she fully understands or agrees. She mostly said she was sorry I felt upset but also repeated that she did nothing wrong

in trying to be there for her grandbaby. So, that's still a bit unresolved. We'll see how it goes with time. For now, I'm just focusing on my baby and my own recovery. Our home is calm and happy again, which is all I wanted. Thank you to everyone here who offered advice and support throughout this ordeal.

Hearing from you all really helped me feel validated and gave me the confidence to take action. In the end, I'm so glad we stood our ground. I don't feel like the villain of this story at all, just a new mom who needed her space.