Reddit Stories - MOTHER's HEARTACHE_ When a Boy CHOOSES Me Over Her_

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #motherhoodstruggles #familyissues #heartache #familydrama #parentingwoesSummary: A mother's heartache unfolds as her son chooses his partner over her. This emotional dilemma delves into the complexities of family dynamics and personal choices.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, motherhoodstruggles, familyissues, heartache, familydrama, parentingwoesBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. The boy desires to devote the majority of his time with me rather than his mother, causing her to feel substituted. Therefore, when I approached her, she gathered her belongings and departed to find a place to stay. With her sister. I've been with my wife for what feels like forever at this point. We met in college during sophomore year, she was friends with my roommate's girlfriend. We started dating pretty quick, and married in our senior year. Looking back, we were probably too young, but I don't regret it.

We were broke as hell but happy. After graduation, things weren't exactly easy. I had gotten into law school, but we were pretty much surviving on ramen. My wife worked full-time for about three years to help keep us afloat while I was struggling through classes and trying not to drown in the workload. She worked at this marketing firm that she hated, but the pay was decent and she never complained. I remember feeling guilty watching her come home exhausted every day while I was just studying. She'd always say it was an investment in our future, but still.

During my last year of law school, my wife got pregnant. It wasn't exactly planned, but we weren't exactly careful either. We were happy about it, though, especially since I was almost done with school. Our son, I'll call him Zane, was born right around when I was wrapping up my degree. The timing was pretty stressful, I was trying to study for the bar while helping with a newborn. I probably wasn't as present as I should have been, but somehow we made it work. After graduation and passing the bar, barely, if I'm being honest, I managed to land a job at a firm in NYC. The pay was good.

I was making six figures right out of the gate, which felt insane after being broke students for so long. We moved from our shitty one bedroom to a decent apartment in a better neighborhood. With the new job, my wife asked if she could stay home with Zane. She really wanted to be there for him, and honestly, the child care costs in NYC are fucking ridiculous anyway. I told her I was fine with it and that I'd handle the finances. This arrangement worked well for us for a long time. I'm not going to pretend it was perfect, I was working crazy hours. Sometimes I'd leave before Zane woke up and get home after he was already asleep.

There were weeks where I barely saw him awake. It sucked not seeing my kid much, but the bills were paid, the house was always clean, and there was always food ready when I got home. My wife was amazing at keeping everything running. She'd send me pictures and videos throughout the day of what Zane was doing, and I'd try to FaceTime when I could. On weekends, I try to be present, but let's be real. I was often exhausted or catching up on work.

My wife and Zane grew super close because they spent all day together. They had their routines, their inside jokes, their special activities. They'd do this baking thing every Saturday where they'd make cookies or bread or whatever. I was happy they had that bond, but sometimes felt like I was missing out. I'd occasionally join their weekend activities, but I was always kind of the third wheel. Zane would automatically look to his mom when he needed something or wanted to show something cool he found. I don't want to make it sound like I was completely absent. I coached his football team one season, though I missed half the games because of work,

and I always made his birthday parties and school events a priority. But the day-to-day stuff. That was all my wife. Then COVID hit, and everything changed. Like overnight. My firm, like most places, switched to remote work. Suddenly, I was home all the time. I set up an office in the spare room, and for the first time in forever, I was actually around during the day.

At first, it was amazing for all of us. Zane, who was older by then, would bring his toys into my office and hang out while I worked. He'd sit on the floor with his Legos or play his games, and we could actually talk throughout the day. I found out all these things about him that I never knew. Like he was really into these fantasy books that I had no idea about. It was like I was finally getting to know this kid that I'd helped create but never really knew. My wife seemed happy about it too, she'd join us sometimes, and it felt like we were finally getting to be a real family unit. She seemed relieved to have another adult around during the day, and would often pop into chat or bring us snacks.

We'd have lunch together every day, which was a nice break. The first few months were kind of a honeymoon period. We were all adjusting to the new normal, and there was this sense of we're all in this together that made the whole lockdown thing bearable. Zane was doing school online, which was a nightmare, but we managed. My wife and I would tag team helping him with assignments while I was between meetings. As time went on, things settled into a routine. The firm kept a remote work option even after things started going back to normal, so I stayed home.

Why wouldn't I? I was getting to know my kid, saving time on commuting, and still getting my work done. Zane kept coming into my office to hang out, play on his switch, or even do his school work. He'd ask me questions about stuff, show me things he was working on, and we'd chat about random shit throughout the day. I started teaching him chess, which he picked up quickly. We'd play a game during my lunch break sometimes. He also got interested in some of my old college textbooks. Weird kid, and would ask me to explain things to him.

I'm not going to lie, it felt good having him look up to me and want to learn from me. I started noticing that my wife wasn't joining us as much. She'd be in another room watching TV or doing her own thing. I didn't think much of it at first, figured maybe she was enjoying some alone time. after years of being with Zane 24 to 7. Or maybe she was just giving us space to bond. Either way, I didn't see it as a problem. This went on for quite a while.

Zane and I getting closer, my wife seeming more distant. Looking back, there were probably signs that something was bothering her. She'd make comments like you two seem to be having fun in a tone that I couldn't quite read. Or she'd suggest activities that would pull Zane away from my office. office, only for him to come back an hour later. So a few nights back, after Zane went to bed, I asked her if everything was okay. I wasn't expecting what happened next. She completely blew up at me, which was shocking because she's never been the type to yell. Like, in over a decade of marriage, I can count on one hand the number of times I've heard her raise her voice. She started

accusing me of stealing Zane from her. She said it used to be the two. of them laughing and having fun together all day, but now all he wants to do is be near my office. She said I was trying to emotionally steal her son from her, and that I had swooped in after she'd done all the hard work of raising him. I was completely blindsided. I told her that Zane was my kid too, and that now we could all spend time together as a family. I tried to explain that I missed out on so much of his life already because of work, and I was just trying to make up for lost time. This just made her more upset. She said something about how I got to be the fun dad who plays games and teaches cool stuff,

while she spent years being the one who had to enforce rules and deal with tantrums and doctor appointments and all the hard parts of parenting. She kept saying her son which really pissed me off, and I reminded her again that he was my son too and I had just as much right to spend time with him. That's when she started crying, and then suddenly she was packing an overnight bag saying she needed space. She went to stay with her sister who lives about 30 minutes away. I was left standing there wondering what the fuck just happened and how a simple conversation went so wrong so fast. It's been several days since she left. Her texts have been really cold and basically amount to her asking me to go back to working at the office. She's saying things like I think it would be best for our family if things went back to how they were before.

I don't want to do that. I like working from home. I like being able to see my kid growing up. I don't think I should have to go back to missing his childhood just because my wife is feeling. Whatever she's feeling. Zane has been asking where mom is, and I've just been telling him that she's helping his aunt with some stuff and will be back soon. I don't want to worry him or make him feel like he's somehow the cause of all this. I talked to her sister about the situation, and she actually seemed to take my son.

She said she doesn't see anything wrong with what I'm doing and promised to try reasoning with my wife. She mentioned that my wife has been crying a lot and saying she feels replaced, which I don't understand. How am I replacing her? I'm just being a dad. I also mentioned this to a buddy of mine over beers, and he actually asked if it was possible Zane wasn't my kid and that's why my wife was freaking out seeing us bonding. He said maybe she was worried Zane would start looking or actually. acting like me and she'd be caught in a lie or something. I told him that was bullshit. First off, my wife has never given me any reason to doubt her, not even when we were dating. But also,

I'm a lawyer, and I've seen enough family drama to be cautious. We did a paternity test when he was born, which she was fine with, she understood my paranoia from working in family law, and he's definitely mine. We also have security cameras around the house because of a couple break-ins that happened in the neighborhood a while back. My wife always texts me when she's going out, and we share our locations on our phones. So I'm pretty sure there's no secret affair happening here. After talking to a few people, I'm starting to wonder if this is some kind of jealousy or maybe she's worried about her role now that I'm more involved. But that doesn't make sense either, because it's not like I'm trying to take over her job. I still expect her to do the things she's always done,

keep the house running, handle the appointments, make sure Zane has what he needs for school, etc. I'm just adding to the parenting, not replacing her. Plus, it's not like Zane is ignoring her completely. He still spends plenty of time with her and likes going places with her when they go out. He still asks her to make his favorite meals and help with certain homework assignments. It's just that now he also spends time with me, which seems normal and healthy to me. I tried calling her to talk about this more calmly, but she didn't pick up. She texted later saying she wasn't ready to talk yet.

Which is frustrating because we can't resolve anything if she won't even talk to me. I don't know what to do here. I feel like I'm being punished for finally being the involved dad that I should have been all along. Should I really go back to barely seeing my kid just because my wife is used to having him all to herself? That doesn't seem fair to me or to Zane. My mom thinks I should just do what my wife wants to keep the peace, but that feels like giving into emotional blackmail. My dad thinks my wife is being ridiculous and needs to get over herself. Am I an asshole for wanting to work from home and spend time with my kid?

What am I supposed to do? Update, a lot of you had some pretty harsh things to say about my wife, calling her controlling or saying she sounds like a narcissist or whatever. Others were saying I was the asshole for the paternity test thing or for not noticing sooner that something was wrong. I think the reality is somewhere in between all that. First, a lot has happened since I posted this. I went to talk to my wife the night I made the original post. I drove over to her sister's place to try and understand what was really going on.

Her sister let me in and then made herself scarce so we could talk privately. As soon as she saw me, my wife broke down crying and started apologizing for what she said. I wasn't expecting that at all. I thought she'd still be angry. Turns out she had been talking with her sister, who had been trying to explain to her that our son was just growing up and becoming more independent, and that this was a normal part of development that all parents have to deal with. Most of you who commented were right about what was going on. My wife has been a stay-at-home mom for almost 12 years now, and her whole identity has been wrapped up in being Zane's mom.

She was the one who kissed his scrapes, taught him to read, helped him make friends, all that stuff. Now that he's getting older and starting to do his own thing, she's feeling lost and doesn't know what her purpose is anymore. When I asked her what specifically triggered the big blow-up, she explained that there were a few things that happened all at once. Zane had told her he wanted to stop doing their weekly baking Saturdays together. Apparently, he wanted to start watching college football with me instead. I didn't even know this, he hadn't mentioned it to me yet. Also, his school is asking kids to think about extracurriculars for next year, and while my wife wanted him to take the cooking program the school offers,

Zane told her he wants to play football instead. I should mention that my office has a bunch of my old football stuff in it. I played in high school, wasn't that good honestly, just a backup, but I've got some trophies in my state championship ring that Zane likes to look at. My brother played too, and my dad, so it's kind of a family thing. I didn't realize Zane was paying that much attention to it, I mean, the stuff's just been sitting on a shelf forever. Basically, my wife felt like Zane was suddenly dropping all the interests and hobbies they shared and gravitating toward my interests instead. She felt like the connection between them was weakening, and it freaked her out. She cried through the whole conversation, and I tried to just listen and understand.

She admitted that she had been feeling this way for a while but didn't know how to bring it up without sounding petty or selfish. She said it started with little things, like how Zane used to tell her everything about his day at school, but now he saves certain stories to tell me. Or how he used to go to her with questions, but now he often comes to me instead. When I asked why she stayed away for three days, she said she hadn't planned to be gone that long. But after her sister pointed out how much of her identity was tied to being Zane's mom, she thought some separation might help her process things. She also admitted she was embarrassed about her outburst and wasn't sure how to face me after that. I told her that no matter how old he gets or how his interests change, he'll always need his mom.

That part of our job as parents is to support him as he grows and changes. Even if that means our role in his life changes too. I also pointed out that his interest in football might just be a phase, and even if it's not, it doesn't erase all the years of activities they've shared. She came home with me that night and had a big tearful reunion with Zane, apologizing for leaving so suddenly. He was confused but happy to have her back. He didn't seem to understand what the big deal was, which is probably for the best.

After he went to bed, we talked more about what to do going forward. I suggested family counseling, marriage counseling, or individual therapy, and she said she'd like to try individual therapy first before considering the others. She asked for help finding a therapist, so I'm working on that. Turns out our insurance covers mental health pretty well, who knew? I also suggested that maybe it was time for her to find something for herself, a job or hobby or something so that her entire identity isn't just being a mom. She said she doesn't actually like what she got her degree in, communications, so I told her she could go back to school if she wants and I'd cover it. She's thinking about culinary school and maybe starting a YouTube cooking channel, since she's always been amazing in the kitchen.

She's also planning to start working at her friend's bakery next month, just part-time. to see if she likes it. We're trying to set up more structured family time so the three of us do activities together regularly. We're thinking about starting a family game night and maybe taking weekend trips when we can. We're also going to try having designated mom time and dad time for Zane, so he can still do special things with each of us. And we're making sure to give him more independent time as well, since he's getting to

that age where he needs some space to figure things out on his own. The last couple nights have been pretty good, and it's nice to see my wife happier and back home. She's been researching culinary programs, and it's the most excited I've seen her about something for herself in a long time. Zane is happy to have her back and seems oblivious to all the drama, which is good. I know this update might seem anticlimactic after all the speculation and the comments about affairs or narcissism or whatever, but sometimes the explanation really is that simple. My wife was struggling with her changing role as a mom, and instead of talking about it, she let it build up until she exploded. We could probably both work on our communication. Oh, and some people were asking about the texting and location sharing thing, suggesting it was some kind of red flag for a controlling relationship.

We both do it voluntarily. We've both been mugged in NYC before, me once, her twice, so it's just a safety measure so we know where each chance. other is in case something happens. It's not a control thing. And about the paternity test, yeah, it was probably unnecessary. But when Zane was born, I was working at a family law clinic for school, and I was seeing so many cases of people finding out kids weren't theirs years later, or couples who secretly hated each other, etc. It made me paranoid, and my wife understood that and was fine with the test. Current me would definitely tell past me not to be so stupid, but it is what it is.

Some of you asked how old Zane is, he's almost 12 now. And yes, we know that's a weird age where kids start to pull away from their parents and become more independent. I think my wife intellectually understood that, but emotionally wasn't prepared for it. A few commenters suggested that my wife might be dealing with depression or going through parmenopause, and that's something we're going to look into with her doctor. She hasn't seemed depressed to me, but I'm not an expert, and it's worth checking out. I appreciate the advice from those of you who shared similar experiences.

It helps to know we're not the only ones who've gone through something like this. Parenting is weird and hard, and nobody gives you a manual. Anyway, that's the update. Thanks again for all the comments and advice. Even the ones calling me an asshole were kind of helpful in their own way. Edit, a few people asked in the comments if we had other kids, no, just Zane. We talked about having more when he was younger, but with my work schedule and the cost of living in NYC, we decided one was enough. Sometimes I wonder if things would be different if my wife had another kid to focus on, but that's not really helpful thinking at this point.

I should also clarify that it's not like I suddenly became super dad or anything. I still work a lot, and there are days when I'm stuck in meetings most of the time. But being able to have lunch with Zane or help him with homework between calls makes a huge difference. I feel like I'm actually getting to be part of his daily life now, not just a weekend parent. Thanks again for all the support, even from those who were critical. It's given me a lot to think about.