Reddit Stories - My folks had the funds to cover my SISTER'S MARRIAGE CEREMONY but insisted

Episode Date: July 8, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #familydrama #financialpressure #weddingdrama #parentalpressure #siblingrivalrySummary: My folks had the funds to cover my SISTER'S MARRIAGE CEREMONY but insisted on me contributing, causing tension and resentment. I felt torn between family expectations and financial strain, leading to a difficult decision with long-lasting consequences.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, family, finance, wedding, parents, siblings, relationships, pressure, decisionmaking, conflict, resentment, expectations, contribution, tension, strain, consequences, difficultdecisionBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. My folks had the funds to cover my sister's marriage ceremony but insisted I secure loans for my life-saving heart operation, and then they displayed. Up asking me to help them because they have nowhere to go. This whole thing started three years ago when I was 26 and I got diagnosed with this rare heart condition called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Basically, my heart muscle was getting too thick and it was going to kill me if I didn't get surgery soon. The doctors were very clear that this wasn't something I could put off for months or

years. They said I had maybe six weeks to get the surgery done, or I could literally drop dead any day from cardiac arrest. I'm sitting there in the cardiologist's office trying not to panic while he's explaining how they need to cut out part of my heart muscle to save my life. The surgery was scheduled for October 15th and it was going to cost about $40,000, even with my insurance, because apparently this type of surgery isn't fully covered. I had to pay a huge deductible and co-pays and all this other stuff that I didn't understand, but I knew I didn't have that kind of money just sitting around. I mean, who does at 26 when you're working as a graphic designer making barely enough to cover rent and student loans and groceries? So I called my parents because what else

was I supposed to do? I told them about the diagnosis and the surgery and how much it was going to cost, and I asked if they could help me because this was literally life or death. My mom started crying on the phone and my dad got on and said, of course, they would help, they would figure something out. I felt this huge relief because I thought, okay, my parents love me and they're going to make sure I don't die from this thing. But then two days later my sister Jenna calls me, and she's all excited because she just got engaged to her boyfriend Barry, who I've met maybe three times.

He seems fine, but whatever. She starts going on about how they want to have the wedding in December in Hawaii because that's where they had their first vacation together and it's going to be so romantic. She's always dreamed of a beach wedding. I'm happy for her, I guess, but I'm also thinking about my heart surgery that's happening in like five weeks. Then Jenna says the wedding is going to cost about $60,000, and she's expecting mom and dad to pay for most of it because that's what they did for a lot. our older brother's wedding two years ago. She doesn't want anything less than what he got. I'm starting to feel this weird feeling in my stomach, but I tell myself that my parents have money saved up. They're both teachers, so they don't make a ton, but they've been working for

like 30 years and they own their house, and they always seem to have enough money for things. So the next week I go over to my parents' house for dinner like I usually do, and I bring up the surgery again because the hospital needs a deposit and they need to know. how the bill is going to get paid. My dad gets this look on his face and my mom won't make I contact with me. Finally, my dad says they need to talk to me about something, and I already know it's not going to be good. He starts explaining how Jenna's wedding is going to be expensive and they've already put down deposits for the venue and the caterer and the photographer, and they can't get the money back. The wedding is in Hawaii, so all the family members need flights and

hotel rooms, and my parents are paying for my grandparents and my aunt and uncle to go because they can't afford it themselves. Basically, they've committed to spending about $50,000 on this wedding that's happening two months after my surgery. I'm sitting there doing the math in my head, and I'm like, okay, so you have $50,000 for a wedding but you can't help me with $40,000 for surgery that will save my life. My dad says it's not that simple because they've already made commitments and people are counting on them, and Jenna has been planning this wedding for years, even though she literally just got engaged like two weeks ago. But apparently she's had a Pinterest board since she was 16 or whatever.

My mom finally speaks up and says maybe I can postpone the surgery until after the wedding, and then they can help me. I just stared at her because did she not hear the doctor say I could die any day? Postponing it for three months is basically a death sentence. I told her that, and she says, well, maybe the doctor was being dramatic. Heart problems run in families, and her dad lived with heart issues for years before he got treatment. But her dad died of a heart attack at 58, and I reminded her of that. She got all quiet, and then my dad says maybe I can get a loan or ask the hospital for a payment plan.

I'm getting really angry now because why should I have to go into debt to save my life when they're about to spend 50,000 on a party that lasts one day. So I said that to them, and Jenna, who apparently was listening from the kitchen, comes storming in and starts yelling at me about how I'm trying to ruin her wedding. I've always been jealous of her, and now I'm trying to manipulate mom and dad with my sob story about being sick. I just lost it and started yelling back that I'm not making up a heart condition and I'm not trying to ruin anything, but I might literally die if I don't get this surgery.

Jenna screams back that I'm being dramatic and lots of people have heart problems and live normal lives, and I don't need surgery right away. I'm just trying to steal attention from her wedding and make everything about me like I always do. My parents are just sitting there not saying anything while their daughters are screaming at each other about whether or not one of them is going to die. Finally, my dad tells us both to calm down, and he says they've made their decision. They're going to pay for the wedding because they already committed to it and they promised Jenna this wedding and they can't back out now. But they'll try to help me after the wedding if I can wait. I just walked out because I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I called my brother Aaron when I got home and told him what happened.

He said he would try to help, but he just bought a house and his wife is pregnant, so they don't have $40,000 either. But he could maybe give me $5,000. I appreciated it, but that wasn't going to be enough, and time was running out. So I ended up taking out loans and putting the rest on credit cards and basically destroying my financial future to pay for the surgery. I had it done on October 15th like planned, and it went well. The doctor said I should be fine now, but I'll need regular checkups for the rest of my life and I might need another surgery eventually. But for now I'm okay, and I'm alive, which is more than I can say if I had waited. until after Jenna's beach wedding.

My parents didn't even come to the hospital the day of my surgery because they were busy with wedding planning stuff. Jenna had some kind of crisis about the flowers or the music or something equally important, and they needed to drive three hours to meet with the wedding planner. My mom texted me good luck, and that was it. Aaron came and sat with me before the surgery, and my best friend Sarah was there too. That was enough, I guess, but it really hurt that. my parents couldn't be bothered to show up when I was having my chest cut open to save my life,

but they could drive three hours to talk about wedding flowers. The surgery recovery was rough, and I was out of work for six weeks. I couldn't pay my rent for two months, and I had to move back in with my roommate from college and sleep on her couch for a while. My credit cards were maxed out, and I was getting calls from debt collectors. My life was basically falling apart, but at least I was alive. Jenna's wedding happened in December, and it was apparently beautiful and perfect and everything she dreamed of. My parents posted about a million photos on Facebook about their daughter's special day and how proud they were and how magical it all was.

I didn't go because I was still recovering and also because I was bitter and angry, and I didn't want to pretend everything was fine. But here's where it gets really messed up, and I'm getting angry again just thinking about it. But I need to tell the whole story so you understand why I'm. I did what I did yesterday. About six months after the wedding, my dad calls me and says they need to talk. He sounds weird and stressed, and I'm thinking maybe they want to apologize and help me pay off some of the medical debt or something. But when I go over there, they tell me they're in serious financial trouble and they might lose the house. Turns out they didn't just spend 50,000 on the wedding, they spent almost 80,000 because Jenna kept wanting upgrades and changes and the

guest list kept growing. They paid for everyone's flights and hotels, and they also took out a loan against their house to pay for it all. Now they can't make the payments, and the bank is threatening to foreclose. My dad is asking me if I can help them, and I just started laughing because it was so ridiculous. He got mad and said this wasn't funny and they could lose everything. I said, well, maybe you should have thought about that before you chose a wedding over your daughter's life. My mom started crying and saying I was being cruel. But I wasn't being cruel, I was being honest. I told them exactly that, and I said they made their choice when they decided Jenna's party was more important than my surgery.

Now they have to live with the consequences, and I'm not going to bail them out when they left me to figure out how to save my own life by myself. My dad said that was different and they thought I would be fine, and they didn't know I would really need the surgery right away. I said the doctor told us I could die any day, and what part of that was unclear. He didn't have an answer for that. So they ended up losing their house about a year later, and they had to move into a small apartment. My dad had to get a second job driving for one of those food delivery apps, and my mom started cleaning houses on weekends. Jenna and Barry moved to another state for his job and basically disappeared from all the family drama they helped create. I felt bad for my parents sometimes because they're getting older and this has been really hard on them.

But I also felt like they made their bed and now they have to sleep in it. I was still paying off medical debt and living paycheck to paycheck, so it's not like I was in a position to help them even if I wanted to. Fast forward to yesterday, and my mom shows up at my apartment crying and begging me to help them because they're about to get evicted from their apartment and they have nowhere to go. She's saying they're sorry about the surgery thing and they made a mistake and they know I must hate them, but they're desperate and they need money and they need a place to stay. I'm standing there looking at my mom, who is 62 years old and crying on my doorstep. Part of me wants to help because she's my mom and I love her, but another part of me is remembering how alone I felt when I was facing heart surgery and how scared I was and how they weren't there for me when I needed the most. So I told her I can't help them, and I closed the door.

I could hear her crying in the hallway, and I felt terrible, but I also felt like this is what they deserve. I'm not responsible for fixing their mistakes when they weren't there to help me with my life or death situation. My brother Aaron called me later and said Mom called him crying. He thinks I should help them because there are parents and they're old and scared, and everyone makes mistakes, and I should be the bigger person. But I told him if he wants to help them so bad, he can let them move in with him and his pregnant wife and see how that goes. Aaron said that's not fair because the situation is different and he doesn't have room for them. I said, well, my situation was different too when I needed heart surgery and they chose Jenna's wedding instead, so I guess we all have to make tough choices. Then this morning Jenna calls me for the first time in like two years, and she's yelling at me about how could I turn away our parents when they need help.

I'm being selfish and vindictive, and I need to grow up and let go of the past. I told her if she's so concerned about mom and dad, she can send them money. Jenna says that's not her responsibility and they're not her problem. I said, well, they're not my problem either, and she hung up on me, but not before telling me I'm a terrible person and I'll regret this someday. I don't know. I'm just confused and angry and sad, and I feel guilty but I also feel justified. I can't tell if I'm being reasonable or if I'm being a terrible daughter. I need someone to tell me if I'm wrong here because everyone in my family has an opinion, but they all have their own reasons for wanting me to do one thing or another.

The thing is, I'm not rich. I'm still paying off medical debt, and I live in a studio apartment, and I work freelance so my income isn't steady. It's not like I have thousands of dollars just sitting around to give them. Even if I did, I'm not sure I want to because they had thousands of dollars sitting around when I needed surgery and they chose to spend it on Jenna's wedding instead. Maybe that makes me petty or vindictive like Jenna said, but I think it makes me human. I think I have a right to be angry, and I think they need to face the consequences of their choices just like I had to face the consequences of theirs when I almost died because they wouldn't help me. So am I wrong for refusing to help my parents after they chose my sister's wedding over my life-saving surgery?

First update, okay, so a lot has happened since I posted this, and I'm honestly overwhelmed by all the responses and support from everyone, so thank you for that. But also, some of you are really angry on my behalf, and while I appreciate it, I need to update you on what's been going on. So after I posted the first time, my phone wouldn't stop ringing because apparently my mom, called everyone in our extended family and told them I was refusing to help them and they were going to be homeless and it was all my fault. Suddenly I had aunts and uncles and cousins calling me, telling me I need to step up and help my parents because family sticks together and I'm being selfish. But here's the thing that really got to me and made me realize how messed up my family really is. My cousin Sylvia, who I've always been close with, called me and said she heard about the situation and she wanted to know my side of the story.

When I told her everything, she got really quiet, and then she said she had no idea that my parents didn't help with my surgery, and she thought they paid for it. I asked her what she meant, and she said that at Jenna's wedding, my parents were telling everyone how expensive my surgery was and how they had to help pay for it and how it was such a financial burden. But they were happy to do it because that's what parents do, and they were getting all this sympathy and praise for being such good parents who sacrificed for their sick daughter. So apparently, while I was going into dead and sleeping on my friend's couch, my parents were at Jenna's wedding telling everyone how they helped save my life and what wonderful parents they were.

They were taking credit for something they didn't do. I just felt sick when Sylvia told me this because it means they knew exactly how wrong they were, were still trying to look good to other people. I called Aaron and told him what Sylvia said, and he got quiet for a long time. Then he said he remembered mom mentioning something about helping with my surgery costs at the wedding, but he was dealing with his wife's morning sickness and planning for the baby, so he wasn't really paying attention. He just assumed they were telling the truth. So that's when I realized that not only did my parents choose Jenna's wedding over my surgery, but then they lied to our entire family about it and made themselves look like

heroes while I was struggling to survive financially and emotionally. That just made me even more angry and more sure that I made the right decision. But then yesterday my mom showed up at the coffee shop where I was meeting with a client, which was really embarrassing because I was trying to present some logo designs and suddenly there's this crying woman asking the barista if she knows me and pointing at my table. My client is looking confused, and I had to be a little bit of to excuse myself and go deal with my mom, who was sitting at a corner table looking terrible and begging me to just talk to her for five minutes. So I told my client I had a family emergency and we could reschedule, and then I took my mom outside. She started apologizing and saying

they made a terrible mistake and they were wrong about the surgery and she knows they hurt me and she's sorry. But they're desperate now and they need help, and she promises they'll pay me back as soon as they can get back on their feet. I asked her about what she told everyone at Jenna's wedding about helping with my surgery, and she got this look on her face like she was caught. She said she was embarrassed that they couldn't help me and she didn't want people to think they were bad parents, so she just let them assume they had helped, and it got out of hand. But that's not what Sylvia told me. She said they were actively telling people they helped pay for the surgery and taking credit for it. So I called her out on that,

and she started crying harder and said she was ashamed and she made mistakes and she just wants her family back together. Part of me felt bad for her because she looked so broken and scared, but another part of me was thinking about how she felt comfortable lying to our entire family about something so serious and how she let me look like the ungrateful daughter who couldn't handle her own problems while she was taking credit for saving my life. So I told her that I needed time to think, and she said they don't have time because they're getting evicted next week. I said that's not my emergency, and she got angry and said I'm just like my father, stubborn and unforgiving, and then she walked away. Later that night Jenna called me again,

and this time she wasn't yelling, she was crying. She said she talked to mom and she knows about the lies they told at the wedding, and she feels terrible. She wants to help our parents, but she and Barry are struggling too because he lost his job and they're living with his parents in Ohio, and they don't have any money to send. I almost felt bad for Jenna because she sounded genuinely upset, but then she said maybe if I help mom and dad now, she can pay me back later when they get back on their feet and Barry finds a new job. I realized she's still trying to get me to solve the problem while she does nothing.

So I told Jenna that she got her dream wedding and now she needs to figure out how to help the parents who went into debt to give it to her. It's not my responsibility to clean up the mess that her work. wedding created. She got quiet and then said she never asked them to spend that much money and they made their own choices. I said, yeah, they did make their own choices and they chose your wedding over my surgery, so now you get to deal with the consequences of being the chosen daughter, and I hung up on her. I know some of you are going to say I'm being too harsh, but I'm just so tired of everyone expecting me to be the one who fixes everything when I'm the one who got

screwed over in the first place. I'm still dealing with the financial and emotional fallout from their decision. My credit is still messed up from the medical debt and I'm still going to therapy to deal with the trauma of almost dying and feeling abandoned by my family. Now they want me to just forget all of that and rescue them from the consequences of their own choices, and I don't think that's fair. So I'm sticking with my decision to not help them. If that makes me wrong, then I guess I'll be wrong, but at least I'll be the person who didn't enable their terrible behavior. Maybe they'll learn something from having to face the consequences of their actions for once. Second update, this is probably going to be my last update because I'm tired of thinking about

this situation and I want to move on with my life. But I wanted to let everyone know what happened and thank you all for the support and validation because it really helped me feel less crazy about everything. So my parents did get evicted from their apartment and they're currently staying with my dad's brother, Uncle Paul, and his wife in their basement. According to Aaron, it's not going well because Uncle Paul's wife never liked my parents, and she's making it very clear that this is temporary and they need to figure something else out soon. Jenna called me one more time and she was really angry. She said it's my fault that our parents are basically homeless and living in a basement like refugees, and I'm a terrible person for letting this happen when I could

have prevented it. I told her that I didn't make them spend $80,000 on her wedding, and I didn't force them to take out a loan against their house. Their homelessness is not my fault. She said I'm heartless and I'm going to regret this when they die and I have to live with the guilt of not helping them when they needed me most. I said they didn't help me when I needed them most and I almost died, so they can figure out how to survive without me just like I had to figure out how to survive without them. Then she said something that really pissed me off. She said that my surgery wasn't as serious as I made it sound and people live with heart conditions all the time without surgery, and I was being dramatic about the whole thing. That's when I knew she still doesn't get it

and probably never will. So I told Jenna that she can keep telling herself that her wedding was more important than my life if it helps her sleep at night, but I know the truth and so does everyone else now. She can't rewrite history to make herself feel better about what happened. Then I blocked her number because I'm done having the same conversation over and over. Aaron has been trying to stay neutral, but he did tell me that he talked to our parents and they're both working multiple jobs now trying to save money for a deposit on a new apartment. They're hoping to have enough by next month, but it's going to be tight and they're both exhausted and stressed. He said they asked him to ask me one more time if I would consider helping them,

just with the deposit, not with ongoing support, just enough to get them into a place of their own. I told Aaron that I already gave them my answer and I'm not changing my mind. If he wants to help them, he's welcome too, but I'm done being asked. Aaron said he understands my position, but he still thinks I should consider forgiving them because holding on to anger is only hurting me. They're genuinely sorry and they've learned their lesson. I said some lessons are expensive and this is one of them, and maybe they should have thought about the cost before they made their choices. He didn't argue with me after that, but I could tell he thinks I'm being stubborn.

Maybe I am, but I think I'm being consistent, and I think I'm protecting myself from people who have already proven they'll abandon me when it matters most. The weirdest part about all of this is that I actually feel better now than I have in years because I finally stood up for myself and set boundaries with my family. I'm not carrying around all this resentment and confusion about whether I'm being unreasonable because now I know I'm not. I've been going to therapy regularly since all this started, and my therapist has helped me understand that what my parents did was a form of abandonment.

It's okay for me to protect myself from people who have hurt me, even if their family and even if they're sorry now. Some people have asked about my health, and I'm doing well. My heart is stable, and I go for checkups every six months. My cardiologist says everything looks good, and I should be able to live a normal life as long as I keep monitoring it and take care of myself. The medical debt is almost paid off finally, and my credit score is slowly improving. I'm in a much better place financially than I was right after the surgery, and I'm proud of myself for getting through all of that on my own, even though it was hard and scary. I've also been thinking about what would have happened if I had waited until after Jenna's wedding to have the surgery like my parents wanted.

The truth is, I probably would have died because my condition was progressing rapidly and the doctors were very clear that delaying the surgery was extremely dangerous and not an option. So when people tell me I should forgive my parents because they didn't know how serious it was, I remind them that the doctor explained very clearly that I could die any day. My parents chose to ignore that information because it was inconvenient for their other plans, and that's not something I'm ever going to be okay with. I know some people think I'm being too harsh, and maybe some of you reading this think I should help my parents because they're old and scared and family is supposed to stick together. But I think family is supposed to stick together when someone is facing life-threatening surgery too, and they didn't do that for me.

I'm not saying I'll never have a relationship with my parents again, but right now, I need space and I need them to understand that their actions had consequences. I'm not going to pretend everything is fine just to make them feel better about the choices they made. Jenna can keep living in Ohio with Barry and pretending that her wedding didn't cause all of this drama. My parents can keep working multiple jobs to pay for the financial mistakes they made. I'm going to keep living my life and taking care of myself because that's what I learned

to do when they weren't there to help me. I want to thank everyone who commented and messaged me with support because it really helped me feel less alone about this whole situation. It's nice to know that there are people out there who understand that sometimes you have to put yourself first, even when it's hard and even when other people don't like it. So that's my final update, and I'm moving on from this drama because I have a life to live. I've wasted enough time and energy on people who prove they don't prioritize my well-being when it really matters. I deserve better than that, and so does everyone else who's ever been abandoned by the people who were supposed to love them unconditionally.