Reddit Stories - My future spouse MISTAKENLY REFERRED to me by the name of a COLLEAGUE

Episode Date: November 15, 2025

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationships #mistakenidentity #marriage #colleagueconfusion #communicationerrorSummary: My future spouse mistakenly referred to me by the name of a colleague. The mix-up led to confusion and hurt feelings, raising questions about communication and attention to detail in our relationship.Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, mistakenidentity, marriage, colleagueconfusion, communicationerror, confusion, hurtfeelings, attentiontodetail, relationshipissues, communicationbreakdown, nameconfusion, spouseerror, maritalproblems, mistakenname, identitymixupBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6237355/support.

I hope you enjoy this story. My future spouse mistakenly referred to me by the name of a colleague of the opposite gender just days before our marriage, prompting me to vanish on the day of the ceremony and abandon her at the altar. Of all our friends and family, my fiancé and I are supposed to get married in three days, but I'm having serious second thoughts. I, 30M, have been with my fiancé, 28F, for four years, engaged for one. Everything was on track for our big day. Until last night. We were home going over some last-minute seating arrangements when she accidentally called me by another guy's name, specifically, the name of one of her male co-workers.

Let's call him John. To say I was stunned is an understatement. I just froze and went, wait, what did you just call me? She immediately looked like she'd seen a ghost and tried to laugh it off, saying she was stressed and it was a slip of the tongue. But John is not a random name, he's a co-worker she's grown close to over the past few months. I've had a bad feeling about their friendship for a while. There have been little red flags, she texts him in the evenings about non-work stuff, she's mentioned inside jokes from the office that only involve him,

and I once saw his name pop up with a heart emoji next to it on her phone. Whenever I asked about him, she insisted they're just friends and that I'm reading into things. I tried to believe her, but that slip-up calling me John really set off alarm bells. I didn't blow up or anything. I just went quiet. She apologized repeatedly and said, I swear, it was nothing, just wetting stress. I nodded, but inside I felt sick. If it truly meant nothing, why did she even have his name on the tip of her tongue while talking to her future husband?

My gut tells me she's been emotionally cheating with this guy. Maybe it hasn't gotten physical, I don't have evidence of that, but something is definitely off. The way she talks about him, the way she lights up when she got a text from him. I noticed these things, even though I try to ignore them in the excitement of wedding planning. Now I'm sitting here three days before the wedding with a fiancé who might not really love me. I'm starting to think she's only marrying me for my money or the stability I provide, not out of true love. For context, I do pretty well financially, I have a solid career and I've been paying for a lot of our future plans. She's always been enthusiastic about the nice apartment, the car, the honeymoon I booked us, and the general comfortable life we're building.

I hate to even think this, but part of me wonders if that's the main reason she's eager to marry so quickly. Meanwhile, her heart might belong to this other guy. It's a horrible feeling. Our wedding is largely paid for and practically all set, venue, catering, everything. It's supposed to be a 150-person event that costs around $18,000 in total. At this point, canceling or postponing would be a nightmare logistically and financially. We'd lose deposits and piss off a lot of people. But how can I go through with it now? I haven't confronted her beyond that awkward moment.

She's acting extra sweet today, almost like she's trying to pretend nothing happened, but I can't get it out of my head. I haven't told anyone else about this yet. I feel embarrassed and heartbroken. This is supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life and instead I'm here questioning if my fiancé is in love with someone else. I'm also angry, angry that she put me in this position right before the wedding. If she truly has feelings for this co-worker, why not be honest before? we got this far. And if she doesn't, then what the hell is going on? At this point I'm considering calling off the wedding, but I don't know if I'm overreacting. Three days away. Invitations out, guests flying in from out of town, everything. If I pull the plug, it's going to be extremely

messy. I did glance at her phone late last night while she was showering, but of course she has it password protected now, something she only recently started doing, which in hindsight is suspicious too. I'm really stuck here. My heart is telling me this is a huge red flag that I'd be stupid to ignore. I love her so much, or at least I thought I did, but now I'm not even sure who she really is. Is it the woman who wants to be my partner for life, or someone who's settling for me while her heart is elsewhere? I'm also asking myself if I'm prepared to marry someone I don't fully trust. The answer right now is no. I haven't slept properly since last night. She's acting like everything is normal today, texting me about cake flavors and timeline details as if she

didn't just call me by another man's name. I haven't responded much. I told her I'm just swamp tying up loose ends at work before I take time off for the wedding. She seemed to buy that for now. I feel lost and honestly pretty heartbroken. Our wedding is in three days and I'm staring at my suit hanging in the closet, feeling like this whole thing might be a sham. I always thought we had a solid relationship, not perfect, but based on love and trust. Now I'm questioning everything. I could really use some outside perspective or advice because I don't know how to proceed. I'll be checking replies when I can. I just needed to vent and get some clarity. Thanks, Update 1. First off, thanks to everyone who commented on my original post.

I read as much as I could. The overwhelming advice was to not go through with the wedding given the circumstances, and that lined up with what my gut was screaming at me. A lot has happened in the last few days. I made my decision pretty quickly after posting. I was not going to marry her. Once that became clear in my head, I started planning how to bail out with minimal drama. I didn't confront my fiancé again about the co-worker. In fact, I basically avoided her for the last couple of days leading up to the wedding. We'd been staying in separate places beforehand. She was at her parents' house a lot to help them with some prep, and I was at our apartment.

That distance made it easier. I kept any conversations short and stuck to logistical stuff. If she sensed something was off, she didn't show it. She was probably too busy with last-minute details and getting pampered by her bridesmaids. The night before the wedding, there was a small rehearsal dinner for immediate family and bridal party. I did not show up. I simply didn't go. Instead, I spent that evening packing my essentials and personal stuff from our apartment.

I know that was a pretty cold move, but I just. I couldn't face her or everyone and put on a smile, knowing I planned to ghost her the next day. While I was packing, I turned off my phone to avoid the incoming barrage. Apparently people did try to reach me when I no-show the rehearsal. I found out later my brother, who was my best man, covered for me initially by saying I wasn't feeling well. He had no idea what I was actually doing. I hadn't told anyone my plan at that point. I feel bad for dragging him into a lie, but I panicked.

Early on the morning of the wedding, I quietly left town. I threw my suit, ring, and a suitcase in the car and drove two hours to my parents' house. I left the engagement ring box on the kitchen counter with a note saying, I'm sorry, I can't do this. It was short, not sweet. I didn't explain about the cheating in the note. I figured we'd talk later, or she could piece it. together. My main goal was to be gone before she even realized. In hindsight, maybe I should

have said more or at least texted her, but I was a mess and just wanted out. So yes, I literally ghosted my fiancé on our wedding day. It still feels surreal typing that. I was running on adrenaline and hurt. By the time I got to my parents' house, I had dozens of missed calls and frantic texts. I powered off the phone again and took a long nap out of pure emotional exhaustion. Now, the wedding itself. This is where things go from sad to borderline farcicle. Since I hadn't officially told anyone but bailed, everyone showed up to the venue as planned, except me. My side of the family eventually got wind that I wasn't coming. My parents knew I was at their house, obviously, and they quietly informed a few relatives.

But my fiancé and her family were at the wedding venue, in full wedding attire, expecting me to show. I cannot imagine the storm that was brewing there. According to what I later heard from a friend who was present, my fiancée arrived at the venue in her gown with her bridesmaids, greeting guests as if everything was fine. She apparently told people I was running late due to a family emergency. I cringed so hard hearing that. She was trying to save face or genuinely thought I might still show up late. I don't know. People waited around awkwardly.

One of my aunts told me that for the first half hour or so past the start time, it was just guests milling around sipping drinks, all confused and murmuring. My fiancé kept saying like, oh, he's on his way. He had to deal with something important. I can't imagine what was going through her head, whether she truly believed. I'd walk in eventually, or if she was in denial. After enough time passed with no groom in sight, things fell apart. Some guests started leaving once it became clear I wasn't coming. There was apparently a lot of commotion, her dad trying to calm people, bridesmaids crying,

my friends texting my brother asking what the hell was going on. Eventually, someone, I think her mother, made an announcement that due to unforeseen circumstances, the wedding will not be happening today. That's the polite way of saying the groom vanished. I can only imagine the humiliation and shock on her side of the family. I stayed hold up at my parents' place, avoiding all the chaos. I admit I felt like absolute garbage for doing it this way. This woman I loved, or thought I loved, was probably standing there in her beautiful dress,

in front of everyone, having to realize I wasn't coming. A part of me wanted to drive over and at least have a face-to-face confrontation, but I knew it would be a disaster with so many emotions and people around. And frankly, I wasn't ready to face her or anyone. Later that day, after what would have been the reception start time, I finally turned my phone on to address the fallout. I had an avalanche of messages. Angry, confused, concerned, a mix of everything. My fiancé, or ex-fiance, I guess, had texted and called a million times. Her messages ranged from where are you?

Please, I'm getting scared to how could you do this to me? And a lot of please answer, we can fix this. I didn't respond to her at that point. I also had texts from her parents. It was overwhelming, so I made a blanket statement text to a few key people saying, I'm safe. I couldn't go through with the wedding. I'll explain when I'm ready.

Then I turned the phone back off. I know, it's cowardly, but I just couldn't handle it right then. My parents were supportive once I explained some of what happened. I told them I believed she cheated with a co-worker, but I discovered something unforgivable. I kept it a bit vague initially. They were shocked but immediately said I could stay as long as I need and that they're proud of me for not trapping myself in a bad marriage. It helped to have them in my corner, even though I'm still digesting everything. I haven't spoken to my ex-fiancee directly yet, and honestly I'm not

sure what to say to her when I do. Part of me is furious at her for putting me in this position. If she hadn't betrayed me, none of this drama would have happened. But another part of me does feel guilty for the way I walked away, basically leaving her to face everyone alone. It was a nuclear option, no doubt. I'm not exactly proud of it, but at the same time I feel a strange sense of relief that it's done. She made her choices, and I made mine. So that's where things stand immediately after the non-wedding. I'm camped out at my parents' house. She's tried to reach me and got my parents on the house phone once, but I asked them not to let me talk to her yet. I just need a little more time before I can deal with the confrontation. Maybe that's

selfish or immature, but I'm emotionally spent. To everyone who urged me to put myself first and not go through with it, thank you. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I know in my heart it was the right decision. I'll update again when I've gathered my thoughts and have more to say, like about the financial side of this mess, which I haven't even touched yet, and the aftermath with her family. For now, I'm just going to catch my breath and maybe sleep for about 14 hours straight. Update 2. I'm back with more context and aftermath. It's been a few days since the non-wedding.

I've since had some actual conversations, with her, and with others, and there are a couple of things I realized I should clarify from my earlier posts. Emotions were running high, so I left out some details. First, about the $18,000 wedding cost, I saw a lot of comments about the money and asking if I could recoup anything. Truth is, most of that wasn't even my money. I probably should have mentioned this, but I was heartbroken and not thinking straight when I wrote the original post. The majority of the wedding expenses were paid by her parents as a gift to us, really, to their daughter. Early on in planning, I offered to pay a sizable chunk, but her parents were very very much. traditional and insisted on covering a lot of the big costs. They wired me a large sum a few

months ago specifically for the venue and catering, telling me it was their contribution slash present. So I used their money, plus some from my side for things like the DJ and the suit rentals, to pay vendors. My fiancé did not know her parents gave me that money. I suspect she thought I was paying for most of it, which might be one reason she thought I was a good catch financially. It's a bit of a tangled situation. Her parents wanted to surprise her by showing their support, and I didn't really advertise that fact to anyone. Now, all that money is basically up in smoke. Everything was pretty much non-refundable that close to the date. Venue, catering, photographer, all those balances were paid and are gone. And you know what? I honestly don't

care about the lost money. I know $18,000, actually closer to like $15,000 from her parents, $3,000 from me and my folks, is huge, but given the situation, money was the last thing on my mind when I noped out of the wedding. I wasn't about to stay in a possibly sham marriage just to avoid wasting cash. And since it wasn't mostly my cash, I guess it was easier to be cavalier about it. I haven't even checked with vendors about any possible partial refunds or anything. I figure that something her family might handle or will discuss later. Right now, it's low priority behind the emotional fallout. Speaking of fallout, I did eventually talk to my ex-fiancee. Not in person yet, but over the phone. A couple days after the wedding day

debacle, once I felt a bit more stable, I returned one of her dozens of calls. The conversation was intense, but strangely calm at times. She was obviously upset. She changed between crying and sounding angry slash confused. She asked me how I could humiliate her and her family like that, why I didn't at least warn her beforehand. I stayed pretty firm and said something like, you know why I know about you and John. She got quiet and tried to deny any infidelity. It's not what you think.

Nothing physical happened, etc. I told her it doesn't matter. An emotional affair or whatever you want to call what she had with him is a betrayal and I can't marry someone I don't trust. She kept saying she was sorry that it was just a stupid friendship that crossed a few lines because she was feeling stressed about the wedding. She claims I was working a lot and not as emotionally available in recent months, so she ended up confiding in this coworker. Maybe there's some truth in that. I was pulling long hours at work to save up and also prepare for taking honeymoon time off. But still, running to another man for emotional support and calling me by his name?

Unacceptable. She insisted she never intended to leave me or replace me, and that marrying me was still what she wanted. I replied, wanted me for what, my money? Is it sure as hell doesn't feel like love when you're whispering some other guy's name? That made her angry and she swore it wasn't about money at all. She said she loves me, but I shot back that if she really loved me, she wouldn't have disrespected me by basically having an emotional boyfriend on the side. The call ended with her begging me to meet in person to talk, and me saying I needed more time.

I also flat out told her, the wedding is off. For good. I'm not reconsidering that. She started sobbing again before we hung up. It was rough to hear. To be honest. Despite it all, I hate that it got to this point. Over the next day or so, she sent a few texts essentially apologizing and explaining herself.

In summary, she says nothing physical ever happened with John, and that she realizes she crossed boundaries by getting so emotionally invested in a work friend. She admitted that she was texting him behind my back and sharing feelings she should have been sharing with me. Apparently he had been having relationship issues of his own, I guess he has a girlfriend, and they bonded over mutual events. When it just got out of hand, she said calling me his name was a horrible mistake that jolted her into realizing she'd messed up.

In one text she wrote, I was going to confess everything to you after the honeymoon, I just didn't want to ruin the wedding and figured we could work through it. That honestly made me shake my head. Like, she thought I'd be cool finding out after the fact. Or maybe she just didn't want to lose the wedding and gifts, who knows? I haven't responded to most of those texts. I read them multiple times, though, trying to understand her mindset. From her perspective, she was lonely slash stressed and made a connection with someone else but still wanted our life together.

She keeps saying I'm the one she wants to marry, that I'm stable, loving, and we have history, whereas this coworker thing was a fleeting emotional fling that she regrets. It's like she's trying to downgrade what she did because it wasn't physical. But to me, the damage is done. Trust is broken. Now, on to her parents, because, oh boy, that's another aspect. As you can imagine, her mom and dad did not take kindly to me ghosting their daughter on the big day they paid for. Her dad tried calling me that evening, probably to chew me out or demand an explanation, but I didn't pick up.

Before wrapping up this update, I want to note, I'm still camping at my parents' house. I've taken off work for the week, thankfully my boss is understanding, I just told him the wedding was cancelled due to irreconcilable issues and he didn't pry. I haven't been back to the apartment my ex and I share, but I'll have to soon to sort out my stuff. She's been staying at her parents since the wedding fiasco, I believe, so at least I won't run into her if I swing by to grab more of my belongings. We'll have to figure out the living situation later.

The lease is in both our names and still has a few months on it. That's the boring stuff I haven't had energy to tackle yet. Emotionally, I'm... Okay, I guess. Numb but okay. I'm angry when I really think about the betrayal, but also somewhat relieved I dodged a bullet. I stand by my choice to call it off.

Even if she didn't sleep with this guy, the fact that she had it in her to too tie me emotionally up to the wedding is a sign that something was deeply wrong. I deserve someone who truly loves me and only me when we're about to get married, not someone whose mind is on another man. Update 3. I finally had a direct conversation with her parents and let them know exactly why I bailed. The outcome was pretty explosive, but not in the way I initially expected. A couple days after the non-wedding, Once I had calmed down a bit, I decided I owed her family an explanation. They had been nothing but nice to me throughout our relationship, and as I mentioned, they

contributed a lot financially. I figured they deserved to know that I didn't just abandon their daughter on a whim or due to cold feet, there was a concrete reason. Also, selfishly, I didn't want them hating me more than they probably already did. At that point I suspected my ex hadn't told them the full truth about why I left, if she was even admitting any fault at all. So I arranged to meet her parents in person. I drove down to their house, with my own mom accompanying me for support, and maybe as a witness in case things went south. When we arrived, her mom opened the door and I could see she'd been crying. Her dad was

visibly angry, arms crossed, that whole thing. It was awkward as hell. We sat down in their living room, and I just laid it out. I apologized for the pain and embarrassment caused, then I told them their daughter had been carrying on an emotional affair with a coworker, and that three days before the wedding I discovered enough to convince me I couldn't marry her. I described the name slip incident. I also mentioned other signs, the secret of texting, how I suspected she wasn't in it for the right reasons. I tried to be as matter of fact and calm as possible, this wasn't about trashing her, just explaining why I did what I did. To my surprise, her parents' reaction shifted from anger at me to anger at her pretty quickly. Her mom's face just fell, like pure disappointment.

Her dad's anger kind of redirected, he started asking specific questions. Which coworker? For how long? How do you know it wasn't just stress? I answered what I could. I admitted I didn't have proof of physical cheating, but it was enough. I even showed them one of the texts she had sent me afterward where she effectively admitted she caught feelings for the guy but said it meant nothing. So yeah, I basically dropped my ex-fiancee in the Greece, but I felt they needed the truth. I also told them that I suspected she thought of me as a financial safety net more than a true love, which is why she was still eager to marry me despite her feelings being elsewhere. That was my interpretation, anyway.

Her mother started sobbing at that, and her father. He lost it in a different way. He got quiet, which is scarier than yelling, honestly, and you could see the realization hitting that not only was his money wasted, but his daughter betrayed the commitment. He said something like, We gave her everything for this wedding, and this is how she repays everyone. There was definitely a strong vibe that he considered her behavior a personal betrayal,

to them, not just to me. At one point her dad apologized to me, which I did not expect. He said he was sorry that I went through this and that he understood why I made the choice to leave. Her mom said she was ashamed and that I didn't deserve what happened. It was honestly kind of heartbreaking. I felt a bit guilty seeing how devastated they were, they truly had been looking forward to this wedding. They also mentioned that many of their relatives who flew and had to go home confused and disappointed. I made it clear to them that I did not blame them at all, in fact I thanked them for being so generous and kind to me. I also, for good measure, said I intend to pay them back some of the money they gifted for the wedding when I'm able,

at least the portion that wasn't used or maybe whatever I can recover. They waived that off for now, but I meant it. They've always treated me like family, and I feel horrible about how it ended. Here's the kicker, while I was there, my ex-fiance herself showed up. Turns out she was staying at a friend's place that day but her mom had texted her that I was over. So she drove over, possibly thinking there was a chance to reconcile or at least talk face to face. She walked in and froze seeing me and my mom sitting with her folks. Her dad immediately lit into her, demanding to know if what I said was true. She started getting defensive, saying I was exaggerating and that it was just a friendship. That didn't fly. I rarely saw her dad raise

his voice in all the years I knew them. But he did now, he yelled something like, we spent all this money and you couldn't keep your damn focus on your fiancé. He was red in the face. It was an ugly, ugly scene. My ex got angry back at her parents, saying it wasn't their business and that I shouldn't have involved them. She said, this was between me. and him. But her dad wasn't having that. Between you two. You realize half the town knows you got left at the altar, and now we find out it's because you couldn't be loyal. At that point I stood up and said maybe we should leave so they can talk privately. My ex then turned to me and screamed, you had no right to tell them. This was humiliating enough. I responded, they had

every right to know why all this happened. I'm not going to lie for you. She was crying and yelled, you're no saint. You handled this like a coward. Honestly, I just shook my head and said, Maybe I did, but it doesn't change what you did first. My mom tugged my arm indicating we should go, and we did, leaving my ex-fiancee alone with her fuming parents. So that was, intense.

Not exactly how I envisioned closure, but it happened. Later that evening, her father called me. He told me that he and her mom had a talk with their daughter after we left. According to him, she finally broke down and admitted to an emotional affair, at least. She apparently tried to minimize it, saying again it was never physical, but who knows, but they were having none of it. Her dad sounded both angry and deeply sad. He said, I don't know where we went wrong with her.

I tried to console him, saying sometimes people make mistakes and lose their own. way, I wasn't trying to make them feel like bad parents. He then said something that shocked me, they told her they're done with her for now. Essentially, they're so furious and disappointed that they told her to not speak to them for a while. They even suggested she stay elsewhere indefinitely, I guess she was supposed to move back in with them for a bit after the wedding until we figured out our living situation. They're cutting her off financially as well, from what he implied. I don't know all the details of their arrangement,

but I do know they had helped her with money occasionally, like paying her car insurance, etc. He said, she has to learn that actions have consequences. I just listened, it wasn't really my place to comment, but inside I was like, wow, that's some heavy fallout. I won't lie, there was a grim sense of justice hearing that. My ex basically brought this on herself, and now even her parents are fed up.

It's sad, but this was the satisfying karma I think some of you predicted. She not only lost me, but she burned her relationship with her mom and dad, at least for now, and lost the huge investment they put into a wedding that never happened. Not to mention the hit to her reputation among friends slash family who inevitably now know why the wedding was cancelled, I didn't make a public announcement or anything, but word spreads, apparently her own cousin knows and has been gossiping. As for me, her dad actually said I'm welcome to call or visit them any time, and that they consider me family even if I'm not their son-in-law.

That was touching, I doubt I'll be hanging out regularly or anything, but I appreciated the sentiment. He also half-jokingly said, don't worry about the damn money, it's not your problem. She can explain to us one day why she wasted it. So I guess they're eating the cost and not holding me responsible. I still feel a bit bad about it, but at least they don't seem to hate me. At this point, the emotional affair is fully in the open and everyone relevant knows why the wedding blew up. My ex has gone relatively quiet, aside from that blow up at her parents' house, she hasn't tried to contact me again since.

I think she knows there's not much left to say. Maybe she's busy dealing with her parents or, who knows, may be turning to John for comfort now. I'm feeling more at peace now that the truth is out to all parties. It's like a weight off me, I don't have to hide the reason or protect her feelings. It's all on the table. It's unfortunate that it went down in such a dramatic way, but hey, better now than after vows and legal bindings, right?