Reddit Stories - My man just DROPPED a bomb on me, SAYING he NEEDS two girls

Episode Date: January 12, 2026

#redditstories #askreddit #aita #relationshipadvice #polyamory #love #communication #boundaries  Summary: A woman shares her shock after her partner reveals a desire for two girlfriends. She grapples with feelings of betrayal and confusion, questioning the dynamics of their relationship. The post invites opinions on how to navigate this unexpected revelation and whether it signifies deeper issues in their bond.  Tags: redditstories, askreddit, reddit, aita, tifu, relationships, polyamorous, loveadvice, communication, boundaries, emotionalhealth, dating, trust, jealousy, selfworth, relationshipgoals, advice, personalstories, lifeadvice, supportBecome a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/reddit-stories--6816713/support.This episode includes AI-generated content.

I hope you enjoy this story. My man just dropped a bomb on me, saying he needs two girls to feel whole. Turns out he's been low-key seeing someone else for months, getting all touchy-feely with her. And he didn't even tell me. Today, because our son noticed a bracelet she gave him. New to Reddit and just created this to get some advice. I hope I am in the right community. Okay, so my husband, 43M, and I, 43.

have been married for 23 years. We have never dated or even kissed anyone else. Our story is long with ups and downs. I will try and make this short. But feel free to ask any cue as there's a lot of backstory. Okay, so as we have gotten older we have become more open-minded. For me in particular, just learning and breaking free of what society and religion have boxed as acceptable relationships. My husband has always felt like something was missing in his heart and mind, our whole marriage. There have been about five times in our relationship where he has met someone that helps a little bit of this whole. But as we were both clearly monogamous, I was very upset to the point of not being able to function, and we would take a break. And in the end we would always come back together.

Nothing physical was ever done, but the emotional cheating was heartbreaking for me. I now have more of an open mind, however. He said after doing some research and soul-searching that he feels like he needs more than one woman to be in a relationship with. But not in general, specifically a woman from five years ago who he had one of the connections with. She had cut it off because she wanted a physical relationship with him but he couldn't cross that line and because she was so upset her husband found out and they cut ties.

But now he wants to date her and stay married to me, he said eventually he wants us both to be in equal types of relationship with him. And okay, I can think about this and see if it's something I would be comfortable with. The problem is things started back up with them seriously about four months ago. About a month ago they started making out and kissing, and he just told me about this today. He wasn't even going to mention the kissing I had to ask him specifically. He said that he plans on having a full relationship with her, Seggs and all. His want is to be with me like we have been and have her as a girlfriend too.

I am not sure how I feel about that. Polly is already something I had been pondering for myself, so I am wondering if maybe I had someone else as well, we could keep what we have and both be happier for it. So I am thinking on it. But it's really hard for me not to feel hurt over him already having someone, dating someone, and them making out cuddling and kissing. All doing that without talking to me first. I am so furious and also sad.

To make matters worse, a year ago I fell really ill and had to have. have been on disability ever since. So I am having a really hard time trying to figure out what I want while trying to disregard if we aren't together anymore. How would I live and survive? He told me that he 100% will not stop seeing her and moving forward, but that he does want things to stay the same with us and I can decide if that is what I want and to let him know. Am I putting too much importance on the kiss and overreacting on what he's done already? I also asked him, would this be where we are all together, like knowing each other and around each other. But he said he doesn't see that working, that he wants his relationship with her totally separate and us not having anything to do with

each other, knowing each of us he doesn't think it would work well. I need advice, please. I don't really have anyone to talk to. And I know Polly needs a lot of honesty and openness, but I can't help but feel like he's already broken that. IDK. Any advice or thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thanks. Comments where OP has replied, comment one, I'm so sorry. This is heartbreaking, and as others have mentioned, it is cheating. It is painful, it is scary, it is infuriating. All your feelings, they are completely valid. It might be additionally disorienting because you haven't been with anyone else, I imagine, plus the disability. What does this whole thing also say about the woman who is with him? She either doesn't know the full,

context of your story with your husband, or she does not care. Either way, staying with him would keep you in a vulnerable and unfair position, and the lying will not stop there. You don't need to face this alone. Please reach for additional support and do not, for a moment, feel that you are the bad guy here. Your husband messed up big time. Boop. Yeah, I have never been with another person, haven't even kissed or held hands with anyone else. I do feel alone. This last year with my health and losing all the plans I've had for my life, I've been dealing with depression on and off. And when I'm depressed I curl up inside myself and draw away from my loved ones.

So I'm feeling like I have no one to turn to for support. Hence coming to the internet. LOL. I'm hopeful I can be brave enough to reach out to a loved one soon. Comment two. Unfortunately Polly is based on communication and being on the same page, etc., and I'm doing all that behind her back and only telling you BC you said something first shows he would have went further and not told you. He cheated on you, honey, I'm sorry, but it's only

Polly if you know about it, OOP. I told him this, that it's based on trust and communication. And he broke my trust and I'd give I can get over it or not. Because I am curious if Polly is something that I would like or not. I'm trying to be understanding of his needs and what would make him happy. He said he was for sure going to tell me within a few months, waiting for the right time, but he came home wearing a bracelet that our son saw and asked him where it was from and my spouse wouldn't answer so I got suspicious. And the fact that he has still been with me in every way and was going to not say anything to me for so long is very hurtful. He was going to keep seeing her and making out with her without telling me. He only told me now because of the bracelet thing.

Update 1. So, I have learned a lot of lot about how he feels about and with this other woman. And I have done some soul searching. This is what I ended up doing. He claimed he wanted us both, separate but equal partners. And I sat with that for a bit. Then after some talks I realized I only had one every important cue. If he had to chose now, who would it be? I gave him an example. I she came to him and said it was too hard on her to continue the open relationship and that she couldn't do it anymore. What would you do? Who would you stay with? And he wouldn't say the words, but he had the look on his face that said he would pick her. I told him that isn't a balanced relationship.

That it isn't Polly. That she holds all the power. That he will do whatever it is she wants because he has to be with her so he will do anything she wants, including leaving me. so then I told him it wasn't fair to me that his proposal would put me at the very bottom of importance below both of them. I told him that's not fair to me that I don't deserve to be someone second, someone's back burner.

And so I told him I couldn't stay with him. I packed a suitcase and stayed the night with my sister down the road. We met a couple times after that to go over logistics. I set a reasonable timeline for him to get stuff out of the house. I set the boundaries that I didn't want to see him and I didn't want any communication unless it was logistics like bills or rides for the kids. I haven't seen him since. It's been a very roller coaster time for me.

We were together for 25 years. I found one person that he actually told the woman's name to. My ex never told me or anyone he thought might tell me. So his brother told me, I found her on IG and FB two days ago. man that was really hard to see who my spouse was dating. Seeing her adult daughter do a post that talks about how good a person she is. And I wanted so bad to say that her mom is the type of person who dates married men. I'm not going to.

But I really, really want to message the girlfriend, thinking I might spend some time crafting it over the next week and send it. I have quite the journey ahead of me. To all those who saw through his BS and called it what it was, cheating, and who encouraged me to leave him, and who were upset on my behalf. Thank you. It was really eye-opening to have such a unanimous response to my post and helped give me the courage I needed. If anyone has any cue, feel free to ask. I just hope someday I can find someone who treats me as an equal, a partner who would chose me over others. Comment where OP has replied.

Comment that is such heartbreak. He sounds selfish, immature, and selfish. Did I already say that? I am sorry. He gave no thought to you at all. Should be a huge red flag for her, but Godspeed, lady. You take care of you, now, and when he comes crawling back to you, in six months to a year, remember, he showed you who he is. Oop, oh, I'll remember. L.O.L.

His brother actually told me if I ever consider getting back with his own brother, he will kidnap me and lock me up until I remember all the shit my ex put me through and tell him I won't do it. L.O.L. Also, you mentioned he gave no thought to me at all. The heartbreaking thing is my ex has been very clear he did think about me. He said he felt like he was between a rock and a hard place. That his girlfriend kept wanting more and more and if he didn't give it to her she would leave. So he weighed what it would do to me, he weighed that he would be breaking his strict moral code, and he weighed how he would feel if she left. And he chose her,

which to me is a hell of a lot worse than not thinking of me at all. Update 2. It has been over seven months since my first post and there were so many people who saw my post. I wanted to share an update with everyone. Reading back on my first post from the day after he told me he wanted to keep both his girlfriend and myself, I am both embarrassed and glad I can see how far I have truly come.

As I said in my first update, I ended things in mid-March. I have been doing a lot of learning and growing since then. I have learned a lot about covert narcissistic behaviors, I have learned about communication and relationships, about setting healthy boundaries. I can see so clearly what was unhealthy, and honestly toxic about our relationship and the cycle I was stuck in. I learned that how I thought and felt about things and our relationship are valid, and I don't have to accept his verbiage and his gaslighting as fact. In my original post I never called it

cheating. And that was because he never considered it was cheating since he, supposedly, didn't actually sleep with them. And in the past if I called it cheating, he would get upset, explain why it wasn't cheating and I would just believe he was right. I read a book about covert narcissists and there was a lot in there that was exactly my experiences. Sometimes it was an exact quote of things I have thought before. I have stopped allowing his thoughts and feelings to override my own and it feels so good. After the affair three years ago, with a different lady, we were far apart for long enough that I started to see what was wrong with how he treated me.

I learned who I was without him. And even though I believed his words and promises when he persuaded me to give him another chance, I never lost all of that progress I made. So because of that and the amazing support that I ended up having, I was able to finally break the cycle and be free. That's not to say it's been easy. But we officially filed for divorce almost two weeks ago as co-petitioners. My state is a no-fault divorce state and he didn't object to anything I presented.

So the paperwork aspect was relatively easy. The emotions were kind of all over the place. Sometimes I get angry thinking about his cheating partner girlfriend being welcomed by family and friends. While the majority of the fault is his, it's not like she had zero to do with it. I know I can't control how anyone decides to treat her. If they are immediately welcoming and bringing her into the fold, it makes me feel like I didn't matter to them. Didn't matter enough to be upset on my behalf. Like her actions in what hurt me greatly don't matter. The anger of the betrayal hits hard sometimes. About two months after me telling him I deserve better and to get out,

couple long conversations. I could tell he was miserable. He did say it was the worst thing he has ever experienced in his life. He feels ashamed of himself and his actions and said he will never forgive himself. He apologized many times, for different things he realized he was doing wrong when we were together. Having fully and forever lost me, he sees clearly just how much of his foundation I was. I say all of this not fully trusting it since his actions never matched his words and I wish I could have seen the manipulation years ago. I am really proud of myself for how I have dealt with this whole thing, and for how far I have come.

This time was so different from the others. I didn't have the phase of who am I without him or the morning of 25 years. I did those things with the affair three years ago. Breaking free of the love bombing, devaluing, and discard narcissistic cycle is very, very difficult. I wish I was strong enough to do it any of the other six times before, but at least it wasn't another six times down the road. But now I am free and strong and know my own value.

While I do not want to settle down with someone new for the rest of my life right now, I've been thinking about starting to date again. I think it would be fun and honestly help in my healing journey. Wish me luck. And don't worry, no red flags will be ignored. Thanks everyone. Next story, Daughter has a trust fund from her late father's settlement that will cover college. but my husband wants me to split it between all three kids so his daughter won't graduate with loans.

When I refused, he tried to guilt my kid into giving up her money. When my 42F daughter, 17F was 7, we lost her father to an avoidable accident. Due to that in the subsequent settlement, my daughter was able to have a trust fund of sorts that provided for college, grad school if she wanted, and even some leftover for whatever life might bring. It is money that, managed wisely, would enable her to have a head start in life. She knows about this and has never taken for granted given where the money came from. After all, we'd both rather have her father around than the money. That said, life moves on and I remarried six years after my former husband's passing to a lovely man who has two children

of his own, 17F, 13M. All of the children live with us primarily with his children seeing their mother on vacations as she lives across the country. This year, both our girls are graduating and should be headed to college. My daughter was admitted Ed to her dream school last year and is ecstatic about it. Her father is an alumnus and she has this old sweatshirt of his that she kept to remind her of him. She cried so much when she got in and both her stepfather and I were proud of her because she worked hard to get in. My stepdaughter will also be attending a wonderful school that has won the top-ranked schools for her interests. The problem now arises with the money to pay for SD's school. Because her parents cannot afford to pay the tuition in its entirety, SD will have to

take some loans. All told, she will graduate with about $40,000 in loans, which I think is still quite modest for the school she's attending and her earning prospects post-graduation. But my daughter will graduate debt-free and for my husband this is suddenly a problem. He wants us to split up my daughter's fund between all three kids because then they could all, probably, have college fully paid for. My daughter won't have much left over and will definitely need to borrow for grad school, which she has expressed interest in attending, but, according to my husband, that's okay because everyone will start off on an equal footing post-college. I think this is unfair to my daughter because, one, her father had to die for this money and two, this is like her inheritance

from him. My husband thinks that they are all siblings and she should be happy. to share the money with them if it means giving her siblings a head start in life. I absolutely do not want to put her in the position of being guilt into saying yes if she doesn't want to. I have expressed all of this to my husband and he thinks that I'm being selfish, that I'm teaching my daughter to be selfish, and I obviously don't consider my S.Ks the same as my daughter. Ida for wanting to protect my daughter's trust for her as it was intended? Edit. Since I've seen this a few times already, both kids do have college funds but some smaller because my husband and his ex got their finances together later in life. So there is some

money but with the caliber slash COA of the school that SD will be attending, she will still need some loans to cover costs. I haven't brought up going to a cheaper school because that will be a fresh set of problems given where my daughter will be matriculating. Comments where Op has replied, comment one. NTA. That settlement was for your deceased husband's children, not your future children and certainly not someone else's. NTA. No way. He needs to provide for his kids. You have, tragically, provided for your kid. This is her money. Why hasn't he been saving for his kids' education all along? He can co-sign on his kids' loans and pay them off. These are his kids and he and his ex-wife need to provide their educational expenses. Op, to be fair, he did save for his kids. He did save for his

but it won't fully cover. SD will need to take about $10,000 to $15,000 give or take per year, although it could be less if she managed to get paid work during summers, etc. We would also be happy to help her out here and there if needs be. Downvoted comment too. Info, this is a difficult situation to judge as written. My question for you is this, who has paid for your daughter's need since you and your husband married? Has he contributed at all to her food, clothing, shelter, school-related expenses, extracurriculars,

family trips, etc? Or were those expenses borne solely by you and or the fund? Because if your current husband has contributed to his stepdaughter's expenses, I can see how he might think, I've spent thousands supporting this young woman over the years. Money that could have come from her fund. Op, both my husband and I paid for things because we both have careers and didn't nickel and dime one another about who was buying what for whose kid. Some information from OOP on this trust, when the settlement was awarded, it was awarded to me.

I then split the money and put most of it in a trust for her since we weren't struggling because I work and made enough for our little family. Update, I'd forgotten about this account some time after I posted until I saw my original post. I logged in and found a lot of message requests demanding an update, some nicely and some not to nicely. I almost deleted the account, but I figured why not. So here we are. My daughter is now a junior at her father's alma mater and her dream school is planned. She's doing exceptionally well to her surprise, but not mine. I always knew she was capable. I'm happy that she's starting to understand what I've always known. She's told me that she plans to start studying for her L-SAT because she

wants to apply to law school senior year. I'm so immensely proud of the woman that she is becoming. I've never quite been able to get over that stab of grief that hits when I see her shining and know that her father will never be able to see her being an adult that we can be proud of. As for the money, it stayed hers. That part one never wavered on, but that was also the very thing that ended my marriage. Things fell apart even before the girls went to college. My ex-husband went to my daughter, against my explicit wishes, and tried to guilt her into sharing the money. She came to me upset and that was it for me. Going behind my back and trying to pressure my teenage daughter into doing something that I had stated would not be happening?

Unconscionable. We separated that fall, and the actual divorce was finalized this past summer. My stepdaughter is also a junior at the school she was excited about but we have not spoken since the separation. I don't know if she blames me and my daughter or is trying to distance herself from the whole thing, but it still hurts. My stepson still contacts me frequently, so that's something. I moved after the divorce was finalized, so now I'm in a new city with a new job and a new house. It's been an adjustment, but it feels good to start fresh in a completely new city for the first time in my adult life.

So that's it. I'm doing well, as is my kid, and we're moving on with life which is all you can do these days. I am grateful to the thousands of people who didn't make me feel like a monster because I stood firm on protecting what was my daughters. She and I are both grateful that we took that stance, especially now that we know that grad school is firmly in the future and the economy around that. This will obviously be my last update. So cheers. Be well.